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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Lexicon of Knowledge

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*waters lips in anticipation*

Also,I feel that the sporkers are us when initially reading the story and the Management is us when we're writing the sporking. It's kinda meta actually
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Southern Corn wrote:
Also,I feel that the sporkers are us when initially reading the story and the Management is us when we're writing the sporking. It's kinda meta actually

Yeah, pretty much.

On a slightly different but still related note, while I haven't yet been able to re-read the thread (been busy) and a new sporking from me is still somewhat far off, I've decided to not do that creepy child molester Gant fic I've been making jokes about for over two years. I have a reason for ruling it out - it's in the author's note for the fic, actually - but AO3 is down right now so I'll go back and edit it into this post/share it with the class if someone else responds when it goes back online.
Just a heads up. :yogi:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Lexicon of Knowledge

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I feel it should be a double feature with the Lana/Ema fic from earlier.

Make it even creepier! :hotti:
Heyo,Mayo! I'm Southern Corn,but you can call me SC. My friends are great,and my enemies irate.

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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AO3's back up! Wow, that was fast. Then again it'd already been down for three hours by the time I made that post...

Lessons author's note wrote:
I wrote the story to feel less alone, because Phoenix is a character I looked up to and sought strength in...I realized that yes, this story is completely self-indulgent. I wrote it to work through some things, and I used someone else's characters to do it. Maybe in the end it has fuckall to do with canon, but it was inspired by the characters in canon and their abilities to fight for justice, overcome adversity, and most of all, their deep and abiding bonds. Re-interpreting it is not a disrespect to the canon, like I feared, but a way of being true to myself. And I think that's one of the core values of Ace Attorney.

I don't really think I can spork it after an introduction like that - especially since, as I recall, it's actually very well-written. Its core problem is that it has absolutely no place in the Ace Attorney universe, since as dark as the games sometimes get it's never anything even remotely like this... but given the author's rationale here, I think I can forgive the fic of that.
Which leaves me with no actual reason to spork it outside of tormenting the sporkers, but there's plenty of other fics to do that with. I'll pick a different fic for my eventual comeback.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

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Wow... That authors note was a little too serious for my mood right now. Anyway, I respect your opinion on not sporking it.
(Goes back in hiding)
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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This guy has to be a troll... ignoring the grammar and lack of punctuation, there's also the fact that Maya gets replaced by Trucy when the trial begins. Did Phoenix sleep for 8 years?! And did the court wait for him?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12275933/1 ... out-Escape
Image
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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'alright I'll ttake ur case-whoops I'm disbarred brb '
After eight freaking years
'yeah I got u off huzza '
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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If nobody else is taking it, I think I'll be sporking Turnabout Professor/Escape/Whatever it's called.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

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Southern Corn wrote:
'alright I'll ttake ur case-whoops I'm disbarred brb '
After eight freaking years
'yeah I got u off huzza '

I shed a tear, that was the best wrighting I have ever seen.
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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yw :acro:
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Hey guys, this is my first sporking. Feel free to bash on me, I'm kinda unsure of this one.
But anyway, I present:
Pheonix Wright Ace War
One Sahwit: :sahwit:
This fic is intentionally a trollfic, so that explains the nature of this fic. It doesn't make it any better, though.
Author: IAmAWrighter
Original fic: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12277095/1/Phoenix-Wright-Ace-War

And here come our sporkers!
:nick: Phoenix Wright!
yawn....

:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth!
Management, what is the meaning of this?

:ka-whip: Franziska von Karma!
You foolish fools better have a reason for wasting my time! (whipcrack)

:maya: And Maya Fey!
Come on guys, wake up!

(We begin in the sporking theater, where our sporkers await the film to start)

Phoenix: Yawn....can someone tell me why we're here in the middle of the night?

Edgeworth: I have been informed that the management ran into issues regarding this theater, so they had to reschedule the sporking.

Phoenix: Couldn't they just have us do this tommo-(whipcrack) yeouch!

Franziska: Keep your foolish thoughts to yourself!

Speakers: Are you guys done yet? Dosen't matter, we're starting.

Quote:
Phoenix Wright: Ace War, by Wrighter


Phoenix: Very funny, author.

Edgeworth: The spelling is in order, at the very least. (Crosses arms)

Franziska: I doubt that will last.

Quote:
Phoenix Wright was resting at home
"Hey Maya when's the next murder happening" said Phoenix
"I don't know why are you asking"
"Because we need money"


Franziska: Does this author have a phobia of periods?!

Edgeworth: Wright, please tell me that you work harder than this.

Phoenix: Of course I do! (Okay, how did he know?)

Maya: Yeah, yeah.

Quote:
Maya picked up the phone
"Hey Gummy whens the next murder happening?"
"Now" said the phone


Edgeworth: Even though Gumshoe is a detective, he can't tell when a murder case will happen.

Maya: Yes he can! He just has future vision!

Phoenix: Maya, that's probably not the ca-(whipcrack) yeouch!

Franziska: What a foolish idea. There is no such thing as future vision, and that's that! (whips Phoenix again)

Phoenix: (Oww... my poor arm...)

Quote:
And then the house blew up! They barely got out alive... They climbed out of the dirty rubble and coughed three times before looking up to the shining sun and saw a shadow over them


Phoenix: What action!

Edgeworth: If a person was to attempt murder, blowing up the victim's house would be the least expedient way to do it.

Maya: ...So the house is the murder victim?

Quote:
"ha ha ha" laughed the dark fat little kid with fat cheeks and fat stomach and fat hands


All: ...

Franziska: (screen whip) The foolish fool who wrote this foolish fan fiction should be foolishly ashamed! Does this author not understand what they wrote?!

Edgeworth: It is most likely a mistake, but it certainly doesn't make it less offensive to some.

Quote:
he is the fat little child that is Barry Lawn


Franziska: Barry....Lawn?

Maya: Oh, I know! He's the one who wrote Larry's children's story!

Edgeworth: We don't need to remember that fanfiction.

Phoenix: Agreed.

Quote:
Barry jumped into the sky and flew away, because troll fic logic.


(Faint rumbling can be heard in the distance.)

Speakers: Oh no. Quick! Get the bricklayers!But sir, the fourth wall is due for a remake today....That doesn't matter! Fix it, quick!

All: ...

Edgeworth: It seems that even the author admits that this fanfiction is wasting our time.

Maya: Keep going, author! Maybe the management'll run out of money fixing the fourth wall so they can't torture us anymore!

Speakers: You wish. Sir, the situation is dire! I don't care, just fix it and leave me alone!

Quote:
"What why is he declaring war on us" said Maya


Maya: Good question.

Phoenix: Wasn't Barrylawn trying to murder us?

Edgeworth: It's both. It's simply because the author doesn't see the contradiction between the two sentences.

Franziska: (screen whip, looks confused)

Maya: Hey, no electric shock?

Phoenix: Maybe it's because the management needed more power to fix the fourth wall?

Franziska: (whips screen again, gets shocked) OW!

Speakers: Haha. Got you.

Franziska: (mutters angrily under her breath)

Quote:
"Hes a troll Maya, they are the dirt of the world, so they are doing it for rights, rights they do not deserve" said Phoenix stepping on the dirt so Barry knows his place (it's a metaphor)


Edgeworth: That is not a metaphor, author.

Franziska: (goes into a whipping frenzy) OWWWWWW!

Speakers: Any attempt to damage the sporking theater's screen will be punished, you should know this already.

Phoenix: (Ow. That looks pai- (whipcrack) Yeouch!

Franziska: I might not be able to whip the screen, but I can still whip you, Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix: What did I do?!

Quote:
===AT THE BARRY LAIR===
(A/N I am SO sorry for that stupid Barrylawn reference)


(The rumbling in the background is still faint, but growing louder)

Speakers: I asked you to fix a simple wall and you failed?! No, sir, it's just that as soon as we fixed the wall it started falling apart again.... That is not a excuse! Fix this immediately or you're fired! Yes, sir....

All: ...

Maya: ....So, since when did Barrylawn get a secret lair?

Edgeworth: It's best not to question it, Ms. Fey.

Quote:
Barry was sitting on his golden throne with wings drinking wine in the air


Phoenix: What? Wings can drink wine?

Maya: Maybe it's a person named Wings?

Edgeworth: I believe the fic is trying to say that Barrylawn was sitting on a golden throne with wings, drinking wine in the air.

Franziska: This is precisely why commas are necessary! (whipcrack)

Maya: Since when did chairs have wings and fly?

Phoenix: They can in the Barrylawn!verse!

(cricket noises)

Maya: That's just sad.

Quote:
"digertz" said Lawn and Dr Digertz came
"What u want pal" said Dr Digertz


Phoenix: Who's Dr. Digertz?

Maya: Maybe he's Detective Gumshoe. I mean, he's the only one who really says "pal" on a regular basis, right?

Speakers: DrDigertz is a fanfic writer. Sir, the fourth wall is collapsing, fast! Fix it or you're all fired! (Gulp) Yes, sir....

Maya: We're not going to spork his fanfics, right?

Speakers: Maybe. Maybe not.

Quote:
"we are going to war, summon... our weapon."
"OK pal" said Dr Digertz


Phoenix: If I was going to "summon" a weapon and use it for war, I wouldn't say it out loud, even if it was my sidekick.

Maya: Hey! I'm a human being too!

Phoenix: ...

Quote:
Digertz went to his lab and opened the bed, and inside it was Kek Owens the demon they will use to destroy Phoenix Wright


Maya: A demon? Nick, run!

Phoenix: Who puts a demon in a bed? And why would anyone name one?

Edgeworth: Based on how this fanfiction is going, I would presume that Kek Owens is another fanfiction writer.

Franziska: We're halfway into the fic and this foolish fool of a author hasn't used a single period! (whipcrack)

Maya: Come on, Nick, Mr. Edgeworth, we have to run!

Speakers: The management would like to remind Maya Fey that running from the sporking theater at anytime is forbidden.

Maya: But Kek Owens is gonna destroy us!

Edgeworth: We don't have to run, on the basis that demons don't exist.

Quote:
Phoenix got back into his blue bed
"Wow, I can't believe that just happened"
He turned around and went to sleep


Phoenix: But I thought my house was destroyed.....

Maya: I knew it! This universe has the ability to fix things automatically! (whipcrack) Ow!

Franziska: What a foolish idea.

Edgeworth: Wright, don't tell me you didn't even call the police after your house was blown to smithereens.

Phoenix: That's not me up there! That's fic!me!

Quote:
In his dream, he dreamt about Edgeworth (A/N I am a PhoeniXEdgeworth! XDXDXD) He dreamt about Edgeworth as a knight coming to him, which was when he woke up and saw Edgeworth really was coming to him


Edgeworth: ...

Maya: PhoeniXEdgeworth?

Franziska: (screen whip) Only a foolish fool of a author would write something as foolishly foolish as this! (whips screen several more times, gets shocked) OWW!

Phoenix: No, author, no. You are not going to-

(The rumbling in the background continues to get louder)

Speakers: Mayday, Mayday! Everyone, man your stations, immediately!

All: ...

Quote:
"Edgeworth what are you doing in my home" said Phoenix "And why are you wearing armor"
"Because were going to war" said Edgeworth


Phoenix and Maya: start laughing

Franziska: Starts muttering to herself (I am a von karma, I will keep calm...)

Edgeworth: Nngh! (My truth bar...)

Quote:
"Wait what" that fat dirty boy was serious?!


Phoenix: Nobody say anything.

Everyone else: Agreed.

Quote:
"You are a man Phoenix, you have to go" Edgeworth threw a spear and a shield and a helmet at Phoenix and he put them on
They both went to the battle field and made their battlecries


Franziska: I am perfectly capable of fighting myself, you foolish author! (whipcrack)

Phoenix: Ow! Why me?!

Maya: Because you're a man, Nick!

Edgeworth: Wars don't start like that, author.

Quote:
"Barry Lawn and other people of the dirty region" shouted Edgeworth "We will not go quietly, where are your men"
"we don't have men pal" said Digertz "but we DO have a WOMAN"


Franziska: (whipcrack) Miles Edgeworth! The von karma line does not shout such foolishly foolish words!

Edgeworth: No, author, no. (puts head in hands)

Speakers: The management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that he is to look at the screen at all times or suffer the consequences.

Edgeworth: Nngh.

Quote:
Then Kek Owens appeared in the middle of the field
They all charged, but she blew all their heads off


Edgeworth: And everyone died. The end.

Quote:
The only exception was Phoenix, he was hiding behind a rock scared of the witch. But when she turned, he got his chance and hit her in the back with the spear


Maya: Yay, author! You finally used a period in this fanfic!

Phoenix: A witch? I thought she was a demon.

Franziska: Another testament to this author's foolish ignorance. (whipcrack)

Quote:
He charged into the castle and arrested Barry Lawn
"Ha ha, no more writing for you" said Phoenix
He threw him in jail and prepared himself for the trial


Phoenix: I'm pretty sure that only the police are allowed to arrest and throw people in jail.

Maya: Yeah, and how did you know there would be a trial, Nick?

Edgeworth: Because there are trials for war crimes, Ms. Fey.

Quote:
Eventually the trial happened


Franziska: Obviously. (whipcrack)

Quote:
"Court is in session" said Judge
"I am ready" said Prosecutor Phoenix
"Wright what your supposed to be defense"


Maya: Nick! Did you forget what my sister taught you? To always believe in your client?

Phoenix: No, I didn't! But... this does sound kind of like that one fanfic in which DL-6 never happened and I became a prosecutor.....

(The rumbling in the background is now highly audible)

Speakers: Aargh! Everybody run! None of you are running! Fix this wall immediately! But sir... I don't want to hear it! Fix it NOW!

All: ...

(The management comes back)

Speakers: Phoenix Wright, you do not want to make us mad.

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: ...I fear for your safety, Wright.

Franziska: Thank you for pointing out something completely obvious to all of us. Here, have this whip. (whipcrack)

Edgeworth: Nghoooooh!

Quote:
"No, none would defend this worthless life" said Phoenix "Barry Lawn, I charge you with being a troll fic author and killing people, do you deny these charges"
"no" said Barry "WAIT I MEAN-
"So as you can see Your Honor" said Phoenix and he turned a bit before pointing "Barry is the killer"


Edgeworth: This is not a war crimes trial, author. And all trials must have a defense attorney!

Maya: Nick, you're cruel.

Phoenix: Well, he IS a badfic writer, but I would still defend him.

Quote:
"NOOO U CANT PROVE I KILLED THE VICTIM IN TURNABOUT ESCAPE"


Phoenix: But you just said you did.

Quote:
"But you just said you did" said Phoenix


Maya: Echo! (whipcrack) Ow!

Franziska: Let's move on.

Quote:
"NOOOOO" screamed Barry "I-IM JUST STUPID" he was forced to admit


Edgeworth: At the very least, the caps lock abuse isn't as bad as the last one.

Franziska: That is not a excuse, Miles Edgeworth! (whipcrack)

Edgeworth: Nghoooooh!

Quote:
But the court arrested him anyway and he was carried away kicking screaming and crying


Maya: That's real mature.

Phoenix: (Says the person who begs me to buy her a burger every day.)

Quote:
"Thank you for saving us from that little scrub Phoenix" said everyone
"Your all welcome" said Phoenix


Edgeworth: Then he saved everybody by illegal means by prosecuting a case with no defense attorney.

Quote:
The end


All: Yay!

(The lights turn back on as all of our sporkers except Franziska yawn)

Phoenix: What time is it anyway?

Edgeworth: I would say around 1:30 in the morning.

Franziska: Management! You have wasted my time and you WILL pay! (whipcrack)

Speakers: Go ahead and try.

Franziska: Grr.....

Maya: Nick, I'm hungry, buy me a burger.

Phoenix: Sigh.....

(And so, our sporkers leave the theater, ready for another day)

Speakers: Have you fixed that wall yet? Not yet.... Then hurry up! NOW! Yes, sir...

(I'm glad I don't have to help with that.)

Speakers: Narrator, you are still under our command. We will make you help repair the fourth wall if you say another word.

(I'll be good.)

Yay! You made it to the end! Have a Dahalia :fire:
On second thought...... never mind.
Tell me how I did.....Please? :karma:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Lexicon of Knowledge

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Good grief,they added an addendum in the fix saying that they aren't a troll. This is crazy,man.


ALSO DONT YOU DARE HURT BARRYLAWN


Oh yeah,the sporting itself was good. It had a few giggly moments.
Heyo,Mayo! I'm Southern Corn,but you can call me SC. My friends are great,and my enemies irate.

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Ahahaha yeah.
Could you tell me if everybody was in character? I'm working on another one and I want it to be as good as possible.
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Lexicon of Knowledge

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Yeah,they all were. Nothing too crazy or unbelievable.
Heyo,Mayo! I'm Southern Corn,but you can call me SC. My friends are great,and my enemies irate.

Every single Ace Attorney case,ranked with detailed explanations. Includes cases from DGS and AA6, so read at your own risk. Also comes with a wonderful hint box. Now complete!

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Whew. Thanks. I'm doing another one and it's going to star Feenie.
Wish me luck.
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Lexicon of Knowledge

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Good luck.

And by Feenie,do you mean 3-1...? Uh oh.
Heyo,Mayo! I'm Southern Corn,but you can call me SC. My friends are great,and my enemies irate.

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

The man for your trials!

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Considering what defines Feenie's character as different from Phoenix... I think I know which fic is coming up.
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It’s been a while, and there’s been four new chapters of Steven Universe: Human of Bad, the story which is, surprisingly, AA-related. Which means, of course, it’s time for the next part of this sporking. Oho boy, here we go.

steven universe: human of bad

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:

And now, presenting our sporkers!

Pearl!
Image“Oh dear, this again.”

Garnet!

Image“...”

Amethyst!
Image“Ugh, we’re doing this again?”

Steven Universe!

Image“Maybe his writing’s gotten better over time?”

Phoenix Wright!

:phoenix: “I sincerely doubt that.”

And lastly,
:maya: Maya Fey!
“Three more chapters of this? Man, and this was almost a good day.”

[The sporking theater illuminates, revealing that everyone is already there, positioned in their seats.]

Amethyst: I can’t believe we have to do this again.

Pearl: Well, maybe this is the last time?

Management: There’s no such thing. I will say, though, I do appreciate you guys getting situated so fast.

Phoenix: It’s only so we can get this over with quicker. (Totally not because I want to stay on the Management’s good side since I destroyed the last theater.)

Management: Well, good luck with that, because you’ve got two more chapters on your plate today.

Maya: Oh, crud. Well, it’s a good thing I did a little more research on the show, then.

Spoiler:
Quote:
steven bootyverse: human of badd
chapter ==3


Steven: Bootyverse?!

Phoenix: There is no way that’s a typo. He did that on purpose.

Pearl: But why?

Garnet: He probably thinks it’s funny. It’s not.

Quote:
peral and garnit and amathest had jus called the police to see if they can find the mr phoenix wright guy cause he tryed to shoot steven


Phoenix: Oh right, that did happen in this story, didn’t it? I’d kinda tried to block it out of my mind.

Amethyst: Why call the cops? We’d probably just hunt you down ourselves.

Phoenix: ...Keeping in mind this is all fictional, of course…

Quote:
"ok" said police chierf "wats he look like"
"he wears cloths and has hair" sayed steven


Maya: Wow. What an amazingly specific description. It’s almost like it doesn’t fit absolutely everyone in this room.

Pearl: Well, technically, we don’t have clothes or hair, in the human sense. Our physical appearances are merely hard light projections formed by our gems-

Amethyst: Pearl, I don’t think they care.

Quote:
"oh u mean phoenix wirght?" said police chief who was actualy DAMON GANT


Phoenix: Oh jeez, this guy?

Steven: Who’s that?

Phoenix: He used to be the Chief of Police back in Los Angeles. That ended after he was convicted of murder, though.

Maya: And you’re the one who caught him!

Phoenix: [Sheepishly] W-Well, it wasn’t all me…

Amethyst: Wait, so how’d he not only end up in Beach City, but also become Chief of Police there?

Phoenix: Maybe it’ll be explained? Not that it’s likely to make sense.

Quote:
"yo wat a fuck u know him?" say pearl


Pearl: I still don’t understand why I am being portrayed with such a filthy mouth.

Maya: Don’t worry, it’s not just you. Everyone swears like a sailor in jakkid’s stories.

Phoenix: Except in phoenix wright ace christian, for some reason.

Quote:
"ya" say damongant "HE FRAME ME FOR MURDER"


Phoenix: ...Okay, yeah, no, that didn’t happen.

Quote:
but gamon dant was lies, he really watned to get reveng on phoenix cause he killd him in damon gant escaps from PRISOOOOOOOOON


Phoenix: Okay, yeah, no, that didn’t happen. I should know, I was a sporker on that story.

Management: You just haven’t been to chapter 8 yet. Which, by the way, was guest-written by our very own jakkid166!

Phoenix: You- WHAT?

Maya: Wow, jakkid really gets around.

Quote:
"dam what a dicknug" said amethirst
"yes" say damongant "we gotta catch him or else ill be really sad"


Maya: Oh no, he’ll be really sad! How horrible!

Quote:
"ok but how" say garnet
wit evidence said gant, he grabb his barbie backpack and say "lets go invesigate"


Steven: He has a barbie backpack?

Phoenix: Well, he was kind of a strange man. Evil, but strange as well. A little creepy. I’d believe it.

Quote:
~ MEANWHILE ~
nick wright was in hi lab base plotting his plan
"ok so now i gone finally figure out what my plan is" said he


Phoenix: Well, that’s one way I haven’t seen my name said.

Amethyst: He seriously hasn’t even figured out his plan yet?

Quote:
waite what you mean you havent figure it out yet?
"yeah i stil need to think it up" say phoenix
oh ok


Pearl: Wait, who’s talking here?

Garnet: It seems the author is talking to Phoenix.

Phoenix: That… goes against so many rules of writing, I think my head is starting to spin.

Quote:
"ok so i think i need what to do is to go home so i gotta fidn a way to get bakc home so i can enact my REAL plan, whic is so i can get to hell so i can hepl edgeghost break out of there cause satan trappd him there after i breaked out of hell"


Phoenix: Wait, what the hell? When did I end up in hell?

Maya: Yeah, I don’t remember any of this.

Management: Non-sporked fanfic, sorry! You guys might end up with it at some point.

Pearl: Just how many of these are there…?

Phoenix: Also, another point here. Wasn’t I supposed to be the bad guy in this? My plan seems more genuinely good than evil.

Steven: Well, you did try to shoot me.

Maya: Maybe it’s one of those “complex motives and means” sort of things.

Phoenix: I doubt this guy has the writing capabilities to do something like that.

Quote:
phoenix wernt onto his compurer and typed into google "how to get to japanifornia"


Phoenix: Hahaha, overused localization joke.

Quote:
"ok" said phoenic "it says here i gott build a teleporter that wil take me back to home, but i need 2 get sumthing that will power it"
so he type in2 google "source of big power"
"ok it say here that i need to get a rare mysticality gem artifact that will pwower my portal to home"


Maya: Wow, Google’s really gotten good over the past few years.

Quote:
"wait a secon i was aLREADY looking for that in tha first place"
so he ran out he door to start lookin for the arti fact


Phoenix: Wait, why was I looking for it if I didn’t know I needed it?

Pearl: Not only does this author lack grammar, he seems to lack basic logic as well.

Amethyst: You’re only getting that now?

Quote:
~ MEANWHILE ~
"ok" say damongant and they wer at homeworld warpe "so dis is a place where u saw phoenix wright?"
"yes" say pearl "this is where he face"


Phoenix: Right, that’s where me face. Me face every day. Sure, why the hell not.

Quote:
"ok" say gant "yes i see his fignerprints on the warpz, it look like he was tryin to GET them to work so he could use them to be teleportin"


Pearl: But humans can’t use the warps! I thought we established that!


Maya: What, do you think the author actually takes any criticism?

Quote:
"bt WHERE could he want to go" say stevem
"hm" said gant "idk"
"man ur fucking useless" said pearl


Phoenix: Wow, that’s mean. Even if it’s Gant, you couldn’t expect him to be a psychic or something.

Pearl: It’s not my fault I’ve been written this way!

Quote:
~ MEANWHILE ~

edgeworth was in hell gettin tortured by satin


Maya: Hey, satin’s actually a really nice fabric.

Quote:
"hahaha u sukc at prosecuting" said satan
"nOOOOO stop making fuN OF MEEEE" said edworth
"but its fun" say stan


Phoenix: ...I think we have vastly different definitions on what constitutes “torture”.

Quote:
"im a good at prosecutin though ig ots lots of guilty verdicts cause im a smart person with a smart brain"
"yeah well if ur so smart then why are u dead"


Maya: I dunno, if Einstein’s so smart then why is he dead?

Quote:
~ MEANWILE~
"ok" say big nick he was wenting through the swampforest place again and he wa holding a compass
"this compas says the treasure is in dis place somewhere" he looked aroudn "i dont see it"


Phoenix: Oh, so he finally decided to put the “Big Nick” name into effect, huh?

Garnet: Oh, joy.

Steven: Why is he talking to himself?

Maya: Exposition.

Quote:
SUDENLY gant and tha GEMS APEPARD FRO THE BUSGHES

"WHAT" sayed wright "HOW DID U FIND ME"


Phoenix: Because Gant is Sherlock Holmes, apparently.

Quote:
"elementary my dear wrighto" said gant


Phoenix: ...Yeah.

Maya: You did that on purpose, didn’t you?

Phoenix: What? I had no idea he was going to say that…

Quote:
"my names not wrighto now its BIG NICK"


Phoenix: Can we please stop using that name?

Quote:
"i dont give a fukc, i know wat ur looking for and i put a fake one here for your COMPASS TO TRACK"


Maya: So, in this short span of time, he managed to not only find out what you were looking for, but also make a fake one that’s convincing enough to fool your compass.

Steven: Wow, this guy’s good.

Quote:
"BULL SHITE" said bull write "prove it"
"wat you are looking for is called the MILORB OF BOTE"


Phoenix: Fact checking time! Is that an actual thing?

Pearl: No, I don’t think so.

Garnet: Never heard of it.

Maya: Why not look it up on the all-powerful Google?

Management: Sorry, we don’t have Wi-fi in here.

Quote:
"what tha fuck is that" said write "no im looking for tha gem of ultimate power"


Maya: Alright, now is that a thing?

Garnet: That’s another no.

Pearl: This author really isn’t very well-researched, is he?

Quote:
"HAHAHA" said gatn "i just got u to say what youre looking for"
"wait what"
"o shit" said garnete "hes lookin for the gem of ultimate power? but that has all the big power in the wordl, wat could he possible want ti for?"


Pearl: Well, I could imagine there would be many uses for such a thing, if it existed.

Maya: I know, right? Not only does that thing have power, it has big power. I don’t know what the difference is, but it sounds cool.

Quote:
"to TAKE OVER THE WORLD" sayed gant


Pearl: Yes, I suppose that’s one application for it.

Quote:
"wait what" said wright "no i jus want it so i can sav my friedn-" BUT THE GREMS ATTACK HIM


Maya: Wow, rude. You interrupted him.

Pearl: ...Grems?

Steven: [Singing] We are the Crystal Grems… We’ll always save the day…

Quote:
garnet tryed to punch wrighte but he dodge and pulld out his gun and pointde it at all of them

"AHAHA the shoe is on the other HAND NOW" said wrighte


Amethyst: Pff, you can’t intimidate us that easily!

Phoenix: Shoe… on the other hand? What’s with this guy screwing up common sayings like that?

Maya: Are you telling me you don’t wear your shoes on your hands?

Quote:
"no said gant" said gant


Phoenix: Uh.

Maya: Gant, are you okay?

Amethyst: Jakkid, are you okay?

Quote:
and he grabbed a rock and throwed it at wright and it hit him in the nose
"OW" said wrighte and he accidental fired the gun and the bulet bouncd off a tree and hit him in the foot


Phoenix: What the hell kind of angle did I fire that gun from?! And how did the bullet ricochet off wood?

Quote:
"AAAARGN" said wright "ARE U FUKKING HIDDING ME THAT HAPPENED AGAIN? I HATE GUNS GODAMIT" and he was jumpin arond holding his foot


Maya: You suck at using guns, Phoenix.

Phoenix: That would probably be because I’ve never used a gun before.

Quote:
"ok wright ur under arest" said gant and wright got arested
"shit" said wright who was in jail "i gotta escapey"


Phoenix: Okay, so I was arrested for what I assume to be attempted murder. And already, I’m thinking of escaping. Let me guess, I’m going to succeed?

Management: There are three more chapters of this in total. We’ll let you decide for yourself.

Pearl: Has anyone noticed that this story’s focus seems to have shifted completely from Steven to Phoenix?

Quote:
"BUT HOW"
TO BE CONTINUES


Amethyst: Well, that’s one chapter down.

Management: And on to the next one!

Quote:
stephen universe human of bad
chapter 4: phoenix wright escaps from PRISOOOOOOOOOON


Phoenix: ...Are you kidding me?

Quote:
phoenix wrighte was really sad cause he was throwed in jail for committing his crimes and now he cant save edgworth
"god damn a shit" say wright "hey POLICEMAN" and he bang the door


Phoenix: What’s with all these references to Damon Gant Escaps From Prison?!

Amethyst: It’s like they’ve got some weird fanfiction cult or something.

Quote:
"wat is it" said policeguy
"can u let me out so i can save my friend edgworth"
"no"


Pearl: That policeman would be very bad at his job if he did that.

Quote:
"shit" and write sat bac down thinking to himsefl how toe escape
BUT TEN there was a knokc on the door
"who is it" sai wright
the door open and stadning there was non other than ME, DETECTIV JAKKID166

Amethyst: Not as bad as this guy!

Steven: Detective Jakkid166?!

Phoenix: Detective. Jakkid166. What the hell?! Is he seriously writing himself into his story?!

Maya: And he’s not even trying to make it subtle! It’s just his internet username with “Detective” in front of it!

Quote:
o shit detective jakkid166 the best dective in the world! ill leav u and the criminal alone" said policeguy and he left


Maya: Oh, and on top of that, he’s a Mary Sue. Great.

Pearl: It seems this policeman really is bad at his job.

Quote:
"ty" siad me and i went into wrights sell
"wat do you want u assholer" said wright "also wtf how ar u here in beech sity"
"wright jus cause im von karmas cousin dont make me an asshole" said jakkid


Phoenix: von Karma and Jakkid are cousins?!

Maya: Which von Karma, though?

Phoenix: I’m going to assume Franziska, since she’s probably closer to his age.

Quote:
"BUT U TRYED TO CONVICT ME FOR VON KARMAS DETH"
"thats cause you actualy killed him"
"THATS IRRELEVENT"


Garnet: Seems very relevant to me.

Phoenix: Oh, “him”, I guess it’s Manfre- Wait, when did I kill him?

Management: Different fanfic, sorry.

Phoenix: If you’re going to make us spork these, why not make us do it in order? It would be way less confusing!

Maya: Anyone confused by the fact that Jakkid is cousins with a 65-year-old man?

Quote:
"aniway, u proved yorself to be a good person anda good lawyer who aren't afraid of anythin g, and i applad you in ur effort to save ur friend from tha depths of hell"


Steven: Um, didn’t he try to kill me earlier?

Amethyst: In the meantime, he can also save himself from the depths of not being able to write.

Quote:
"so wat r u saying BR0"
"i will get u out of prison on on condition"
"wats dat"
"yuo let me help you in ur adventure"


Phoenix: Of course the self-insert has to join us. Watch, I bet he’ll be the one to save the day, too.

Quote:
"ya ok but wat can u do"
"i can be spy, and giv informatine to you abot gants traps"
"oh ok"


Maya: Detective Jakkid over here seems pretty corrupt.

Phoenix: I guess saving Edgeworth is a decent cause, though.

Quote:
"cool now lets ASCAPE" and i took a galaxy note 7 out of my pokcet and thrw it at the wall and it exploded and we jump out da hole


Maya: A Galaxy Note 7? November called, it wants its joke back.

Quote:
poleceguy came back to the cell "oh cool ty detectiv jakkid166 for the new window"


Pearl: This policeman is really, really bad at his job.

Phoenix: It’s probably Mike Meekins, all things considered.

Quote:
me and wirght ran all the waye to his secret lab base


Maya: Ran? Didn’t Nick have to use the portal things to get there?

Steven: Maybe you’re both secretly half-gems?

Phoenix: I wouldn’t put it past this author. At all.

Quote:
"ok were here" say wright
"wtf dis is ur base its just a normal house" said me
"im on a budget ok"


Phoenix: What I want to know is how I managed to hire people to build a house in the middle of a “swampforest”. Seems like a place like that would have really unstable ground.

Amethyst: As if the author would think of something like that.

Quote:
we wetn inside and he showd me his labtop
"ok so wat i need is dis gem of ultimat power, itll alow me to use the warp pad 2 teleport home"


Pearl: But haven’t you been using the warp pad this whole time?

Phoenix: Er… Maybe my own world is far off enough that I would need the extra power to use it to get there?

Quote:
"ok so wher is it"
"WELL DAT IS A GOODQUESTION WHICHthe answer to it is i dontknow"


Phoenix: Well, I can see I’m doing a great job so far.

Amethyst: Why not just Google it? That seems to work for everything in this story.

Quote:
"well dat means we gotta to find it" said me "u do researc ill go find policechief damongant"
~ ME AN WHILE ~
da mong ant was still invesigating with them crystal gems when i ranned up to them


Phoenix: Da Mong Ant?

Maya: That’s his rapper name! He’s Da Ant that’s Mong. I don’t know what “Mong” means, though.

Garnet: That’s because it’s not a word.

Quote:
hello chief of police damon gant" said me
"ohi detectiv jakkid166 have u came to help us fidn mr wrights base?"


Steven: Man, he figured that out really fast.

Phoenix: Suspiciously fast.

Quote:
"yes but i hav news, phoenix wirght has ESCAPD FROM PRISOOOOOOOOOOOOON"
"WAT" said admon gant "oh dats fine i have traps to catch him"


Phoenix: Traps? What kind of traps?

Maya: Well, that’s simple. A mousetrap, but it uses a contradiction for bait instead of cheese!

Phoenix: Hardy-har-har.

Quote:
"orly" said i and i pulld out a notebok "pls tell me what traps u got and where they are adn how to deactivate them"
"ok" said gnat


Pearl: ...Well, he fell for that rather easily.

Amethyst: Yeah, and he was all super-specific with his wording and stuff, too. This Gant guy’s kinda dumb.

Quote:
~ LATER ~
i went bakc to wrights house to fukc him up


Maya: Oh man, has jakkid switched sides again?!

Quote:
"ok wright i got da list of traps that gant put downe"
"ok good, well i was lookin on ma radar adn i found a fuckin the godamn GEM OF ULTIMAT POWER"


Phoenix: Well, that was easy. Where’d I get a Gem-of-Ultimate-Power-detecting radar?

Maya: The Deus Ex Machina pit, obviously!

Quote:
"oh kool where is it"
"damon gant has it" sayd wrighte


Phoenix: Oh, crap.

Pearl: Wait, how did he find it? Even Mr. Wright, with his radar, took a while to find it, but meanwhile, Gant finds it before him with no equipment whatsoever.

Steven: What’s he even gonna do with it?

Quote:
"yo u see when i got arested by him i secretli put a gem radar in he pocket, turns out he swallowd the gem"


Steven: ...And also, why would he do that? That sounds kinda painful.

Phoenix: Either that’s one small gem, or Gant is really good at shoving things down his throat.

All: …

Maya: You’ve been playing too much Phoenix Drive, Nick.

Phoenix: What?! It’s only been the two times so far!

Management: Speaking of, part three is going to be your next sporking. Just so you know.

Maya & Phoenix: NOOOOOOOO!

Pearl: (...What are they talking about?)

Garnet & Amethyst: *Shrugs*

Quote:
"wtf y would he do dat"
"well maybe 2 reasons, ether to keep me frum gettin it, or to BECOME A POWERFUL"


Phoenix: I think the answer is “all of the above”.

Quote:
"wat kind of power"
"TAKIN G OVER THA WORLD POWER"


Maya: Oh no, not that kind of power! Whatever will we do?!

Pearl: Any object that powerful should either be destroyed or very securely contained. In the wrong hands, it could cause a disaster!

Garnet: Looks like it’s already in the wrong hands.

Quote:
"O shIT" said me "we gotta STop HIM QUICK"
"YEA" sai wright and we both ran outta da house to find damon gant
TO BE A CONTINUE


Phoenix: Oh yeah, me and jakkid are gonna stop a guy with power sufficient for taking over the whole world. That’s a smart idea. Who wants to bet both me and jakkid get killed doing this?

Maya: What’s it matter? You’ll both just become ghosts anyway.

Phoenix: Oh, right.


[The lights turn back on.]

Phoenix: Oh, that’s the end of that?

Management: For now. There’s two more chapters left until the end.

Maya: Well, that’s not too bad…

Management: Don’t forget, though. You’re not doing that until after you finish Phoenix Drive part three.

Phoenix: Damn it.

Maya: No, no, no! Please, give us more Steven Universe Human of Bad! Anything but more Phoenix Drive!

Pearl: What are you two talking about?! What is “Phoenix Drive”?

Phoenix: It’s really best you don’t know. Let’s just get out of here, quick.

[The sporkers leave the theater.]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Lexicon of Knowledge

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 1478

There's a new chapter from ballistic dolphin?!


After reading....


I really liked it.


Oh and this sporting was great too. Da Mong Ant was my favourite new character
Heyo,Mayo! I'm Southern Corn,but you can call me SC. My friends are great,and my enemies irate.

Every single Ace Attorney case,ranked with detailed explanations. Includes cases from DGS and AA6, so read at your own risk. Also comes with a wonderful hint box. Now complete!

Want to see more of my beautiful posts? Then click here! Includes classics like Mad Libs,the Memory Game,and Story Crafter,where I post all my works.

You're still here? Have a cookie for your persistence! :cookie:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 160

I'm kind of surprised Jakkid166 didn't go for the whole Gant is a rapist thing.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Can't go to hell. Out of vacation days.

Gender: Male

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:19 pm

Posts: 35

Southern Corn (SC) wrote:
There's a new chapter from ballistic dolphin?!


After reading....


I really liked it.

Yeah, there's a whole wiki page that explains what happened with that.

http://jakkid.wikia.com/wiki/Jakkid/Bal ... laboration

...Never mind the fact that Jakkid apparently has a wiki.

Last edited by DrOcsid on Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Lexicon of Knowledge

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 1478

...someone has too much time on their hands to make a wiki on these.
Heyo,Mayo! I'm Southern Corn,but you can call me SC. My friends are great,and my enemies irate.

Every single Ace Attorney case,ranked with detailed explanations. Includes cases from DGS and AA6, so read at your own risk. Also comes with a wonderful hint box. Now complete!

Want to see more of my beautiful posts? Then click here! Includes classics like Mad Libs,the Memory Game,and Story Crafter,where I post all my works.

You're still here? Have a cookie for your persistence! :cookie:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

You're too slow!

Gender: Male

Location: Watching an Investigation from the bushes

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:42 am

Posts: 106

:acro: My spork-meter has been met.
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:48 pm

Posts: 4

Goddamit, I just lost all the progress to the feenie- spork I was writing, *sighs*
Well, time to start all over again.
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