"Come on, Nick. You promised," Maya said. Phoenix sighed.
"What did I promise this time?" he asked.
"You don't remember?!" Maya asked, shocked. If Pearl was there, she probably would have hit him. There was a silence as Phoenix tried to recall. Maya gleefully told him after giving him a second or so. "You promised to take me to the fair, remember?"
Phoenix blinked, still confused. Then, he remembered.
"Oh, yeah. Weren't we going to do that with Pearls?" Phoenix asked.
"Yeah, but I want to go now," Maya replied.
"You do realize this costs money, don't you?" Phoenix asked. "And it's not like I have lots of cash-" Maya pulled him out the door.
"Well, since you're already outside, let's go!"
Phoenix decided not to press the issue any further as he got onto the bus with Maya. They sat next to each other. Maya was quiet for only a few seconds.
"You know I've never been to a fair before, right?" Maya asked excitedly.
"Yeah. I know," Phoenix replied.
"I can't wait to check out the rides," Maya said. "And the food!" Phoenix chuckled.
"I bet you can't," he said.
"Why are you laughing, Nick?" Maya asked.
"It's nothing," Phoenix said between laughs. "We'll be there soon."

"Come on, Maya. You've already been on all the rides," Phoenix said to Maya, who was dragging him along.
"Yeah, but I haven't been in this building," Maya said excitedly as she pulled him into a wooden hut.
"Hello," a feminine voice greeted when they walked in. "Are you here for the hamburger eating contest? Hey, wait...You're Mister Wright!"
"M-Maggey Byrde?! What are you doing here?!" Phoenix asked.
"I am serving hamburgers. If you want to enter the contest, it'll cost ten dollars."
"Pay up, Nick," Maya said before running to the nearest table.
"But I only have ten dollars!" Phoenix said.
"That'll be twenty dollars," Maggey said.
"T-twenty?! I thought you said it was ten!"
"Yes, sir, but since you're paying, you're officially her partner, so-"
"W-WHAT?!" Phoenix stammered. Maggey held out her hand expectantly. Phoenix sighed and gave her his last twenty dollar bill. Then, he trudged over to Maya's table.
"The contest will begin in five minutes," Maggey announced.

"Hey, Nick, look! There are lots of familiar faces here," Maya said excitedly. "There's Gumshoe, Edgeworth..."
"What?! I could imagine Gumshoe being here, but Edgeworth?" Phoenix asked.
"Wright," Edgeworth said, noticing Phoenix and apparently overhearing what he said. "Would you believe me if I told you Gumshoe drugged me and carried my unconscious body here?"
"Um...No," Phoenix said. "But I don't believe you're here because you want to be, so I guess I'll just have to pretend I believe you."
"This is going to be fun, pal!" Gumshoe said excitedly. "I can't wait to win the prize!"
"Indeed," Edworth said, clearly not feeling the same way. "So, what brings you here, Wright?"
"What? Or who?" Phoenix asked. Maya glared at him.
"Ah, I see," Edgeworth said with a smirk. "Good luck."
"Yeah. Good luck to you, too," Phoenix said as Edgeworth and Gumshoe turned back around. Then, he heard some commotion.
"I'm sorry, sir, but it is recommended you have a partner," Maggey said.
"Ha! I only need one thing," a familiar voice said. "My cup of Joe." Godot took a sip of coffee and proceeded to sit down at an unoccupied table. Then, Maya gasped.
"Look, Nick," Maya whispered and pointed. Phoenix looked the direction Maya was pointing and gaped, only to get whipped.
"Ow!" Phoenix yelled.
"It's not nice to stare, Phoenix Wright," Franziska Von Karma said evilly. Manfred, who was sitting next to her, snapped his fingers.
"Begin the contest," he said before snapping for emphasis. "Now!"
"That doesn't work here, sir," a poor, wimpy looking man said.
"Would you prefer the taser?" Manfred asked.
Phoenix shivered and turned to look anywhere else. He caught a glimpse of Edgeworth's troubled face before seeing Lana and Ema Skye. Lana smiled warmly at him, and Phoenix smiled back. Then, he was jolted out of it by a conversation.
"Who is your partner, sir?" Maggey asked.
"I don't have a partner," Jake Marshall's voice replied. "We Texas desparados travel alone. My only companion is my steed, Billy, and he don't do so well with hamburgers."
Is his steed a horse or a car? Seriously!
"I thought your cactus's name was Billy," Ema interjected.
"Oh, Billy...I buried him this mornin'" Jake replied.
"I'm sorry..." Ema said sadly after a pause.
"He ain't had time to grow yet." Phoenix smiled while Jake sat down.
"Nick," Maya said. "I don't get it."
"I'll explain later," Phoenix said, trying not to laugh at Ema's shocked face.
Then the bell rang.

Phoenix looked around at all the competitors. Maya was gobbling down her burgers and so was Gumshoe. Edgeworth was watching with a huge scowl across his face. It was enough to make Phoenix crack up.
"Come on, Nick! We're losing," Maya said with a mouthful of food and accidentally spitting some burger onto Phoenix, who sighed and wiped it off his face. Then, he turned back around. Lana was slowly and graciously eating her burger while Ema was sticking various needles and probes into hers and scribbling in her notebook. Phoenix smiled. Then, he heard a whip crack, which snapped his attention to the Von Karmas.
"Put less ketchup on the burger, you foolish fool," Franziska screamed as she whipped the poor man in front of her.
"More mustard," Manfred said before snapping and screaming, "NOW!"
"B-but sir, there's no more..." a stuttering man began just before Manfred tasered him.
"MORE MUSTARD!"
Phoenix shivered and looked at Jake, who was putting burgers in his hat and lasoing the burgers on his plate before eating them. Then, Phoenix saw Godot and heard some of what he was saying.
"Come on, Joe. Help me win," he said, dipping a burger into his coffee. Phoenix snickered since he knew that would come back to haunt the coffee addict.
"We have hit the half-way point!" Maggey Byrde announced. Phoenix knew with Maya on his team, he couldn't lose. He smiled as he turned back to his plate so he could try to eat a burger...

Phoenix looked at the clock. The round would be over soon, and Maya was still cramming in as many burgers as she could. Gumshoe was also picking up the pace. Edgeworth was still scowling. Phoenix looked around the room.
"ROUND ONE IS OVER!" Maggey Byrde screamed. Just seconds before, the Von Karmas had ten burgers on their plates with the perfect amount of toppings with huge smiles on their faces.
"We are ready to begin," they said in unison. Poor Maggey got whipped and tasered when she said the round was over. Meanwhile, at the Skye table, Lana had probably managed three burgers, and Ema finally finished her probing the burger on her plate.
"I got the percentage of sodium in these burgers," Ema said. "It's-" And that's when Maggey interrupted with her announcement.
"I either eat the last bite of my hamburger and go on in the competition, or I can have my last sip of coffee," Godot said. He looked at the coffee. Then at the burger. Finally, he drank the last sip of coffee and spat it out. "This tastes like hamburger!" he screamed, outraged that someone had defiled his perfect cup of coffee. And that's when Maggey announced the round was over.
"Ordinarily, I would clear this whole valley of cattle and eat them all," Jake said, "But these cows probably had a terrible farmer. They don't even taste good. I still ate more'n Billy could've, though. That don't say a lot, but we desperadoes need something positive to look at in everythin'. Otherwise, we-" Maggey interrupted with her announcement.
Since Maggey was recovering, somebody else took the megaphone.
"We will now tally up the hamburgers. You had to have eaten at least fifteen to move on," he said.
"Jake Marshall: 10 burgers
Godot: 14 burgers
Skyes: 3 burgers
Von Karmas: 0 burgers
Edgeworth/Gumshoe: 25 burgers
Phoenix/Maya: 25 burgers.
That means we have a tie!" the man exclaimed. "Therefore, we need to move on to THE TIE BREAKER!"
Phoenix had a bad feeling about a tie breaker...

"Okay, for the tie breaker, we have here 100 hamburgers. Whichever team can eat all of the hamburgers in front of them first wins! On your mark...Get set...GO!" Maggey shouted. She recovered nicely from being whipped and tasered at the same time. Maya and Gumshoe promptly crammed as many burgers in their mouths as they possibly could. Phoenix stared at the burger in front of him. Edgeworth stared as well. At the same time, buoth of them picked up their burgers and took a bite. Edgeworth immediately spat his out.
"Ugh. Who made these grease balls?" he asked. "This is the worst burger I have ever had."
Not bad, Phoenix thought as he took another bite. Edgeworth sighed and eventually downed the greasy burger.
"I can't eat any more of these," Phoenix said. "They're too...greasy."
"Indeed. I personally don't know how anyone can stand these things," Edgeworth said. Then, Phoenix looked at Maya and Gumshoe, who had already downed 98 hamburgers each. Their hands were shaking as they each reached for the burger in front of them.
"Are you sure you want to meet the chef?" Maggey asked Edgeworth and Phoenix. They both looked at her. "Because he's coming out right now." Phoenix and Edgeworth stared at the counter to see who was coming. Then, out burst Armstrong.
"Ooh la la! Did you enjoy my burgers?" he asked. Both Maya and Gumshoe stared at him for a moment.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" Gumshoe yelled.
"Yeah, me too," Maya said hurriedly as she and Gumshoe ran to the nearest available bathroom.
"How could you say that? It's too much for a woman like me to bear. Non!" Armstrong said before running off crying. Several hours later Maya came out of the bathroom and went over to Phoenix as Edgeworth and Gumshoe were going away.
"I should never have joined that hamburger eating contest, Nick. We could have spent that money on better things," Maya said.
"It looks like you've learned your lesson," Phoenix said.
"Yes, I have, Nick. I'm never joining an eating contest again."
"come on and join the steak eating contest!" Maggey announced. "It will start in five minutes." Maya eagerly sat at a table.
"Pay up, Nick," she ordered.
"Nooooo!" Phoenix screamed over dramatically as Maggey put out her hand to accept his money.

The End

"Come on, Nick! Wake up!" Maya yelled.
"Ugh," Phoenix said. "Why?"
"Don't you remember? We signed up to run that marathon today," Maya replied excitedly.
"W-Whaaaaaat?! When did I do that?!"
"There was talk about a marathon, so I signed us up. You know how important it is that we spirit mediums stay fit," Maya responded.
I don't remember physical fitness being part of the criteria for spirit mediums!
"But then...Why do I have to go?" Phoenix asked. He regretted asking when Pearl smacked him.
"How dare you, Mr. Nick! You have to give Mystic Maya what she wants. After all, she is your...special someone," Pearl said. Phoenix sighed and got up.
"You can't wear your suit, Nick. It's too hot out," Maya said.
"But it's the only thing in my wardrobe," Phoenix said, staring into the closet full of blue suits.
"Alright. Your loss," Maya said. "We're going to be late!" She dragged Phoenix out the door while Pearl followed them...

Phoenix was behind the starting line and was looking around.
"Yo, Nick," Larry Butz said as he walked up to Phoenix.
"L-Larry?! What are you doing here?" Phoenix said.
"I figured this would be a good way to meet some chicks," Larry said.
Of course. Did I really think he would be here for any other reason?
"By the way, you look cute, Maya," Larry flirted.
"Thanks, Larry," Maya said. That's when Pearl hit Phoenix.
"Ow! What did I do?!" Phoenix asked.
"You should compliment Mystic Maya more often, Mr. Nick," Pearl replied.
"S-sorry," Phoenix said. "Maya..."
"Yes, Nick?"
"You...Have a great personality?" Pearl hit him so hard he fell over.
"Well, see ya," Larry said as he jogged away.
"Hey, pal. Are you okay?" Gumshoe asked as he effortlessly picked Phoenix up and placed him on the ground.
"I'm fine, Detective Gumshoe," Phoenix responded. "Wait...What are you doing here?"
"Us police officers have to stay in shape, pal," Gumshoe said.
"Is Edgeworth here?" Phoenix inquired.
"Why? Are you in love with him or something, pal?" Gumshoe answered with a huge smile on his face.
"N-no, I just-" Phoenix was interrupted by Pearl hitting him yet again.
"How could you, Mr. Nick?!" she asked. There was a long, awkward silence that followed.
"I was just kidding, pal," Gumshoe said. "Now that I think of it, that would be just plain old gross, pal. Anyway, he isn't here. Mr. Edgeworth is in Germany by now."
"Oh, okay," Phoenix said. "Thanks, Gumshoe."
"SIR!" shouted a voice through a megaphone. "I'M READY FOR YOUR NEXT ORDER!" Officer Meekins was right by Gumshoe, yelling in his ear.
"Go away, pal," Gumshoe said. "Or at least back up."
"NO CAN DO, SIR!" Meekins shouted through the megaphone. "That nice lady with the whip told me to stay by you at all times."
"N-nice lady with the whip? You don't mean..." Gumshoe began. That's when Franziska Von Karma showed up.
"Franziska Von Karma?! I thought you were in Germany with Mr. Edgeworth." Franziska whipped Gumshoe.
"Why would you foolishly think that, you foolish fool?"
"Because you grew up in Germany, sir. OW!" Gumshoe screamed as Franziska whipped him again.
"Why are you running a marathon in the first place?" Phoenix asked. He screamed as he got whipped.
"Because a Von Karma has to be perfect in every way, Phoenix Wright," she replied. "Now come, Scruffy and Megaphone." Gumshoe and Meekins both followed Franziska, and Phoenix heard the whip crack on someone when they left.
"Places," said a man who is only in this story to announce the start and end of the marathon. "On your mark...Get set...GO!" he fired the pistol and the competitors all took off running.

Phoenix was huffing and puffing, sure he was in last place. Maya easily jogged next to him.
"Come on, Nick," Maya said. "You only ran a couple yards."
"How *gasp* long is this *pant* thing anyway *wheeze*?" Phoenix asked.
"Oh, a hundred miles or so," Maya said.
"A-A HUNDRED MILES?! That's it. I give up," Phoenix said as he slowed down.
"M-Mr. Nick, you can't give up!" Pearl yelled. Phoenix braced himself for another hit, but it never came. "I mean, you would do anything for Maya, even walk over hot coals, right?"
"W-well, that's different," Phoenix said.
"How, Nick?" Maya asked.
"Because Officer Meekins wouldn't be singing the Star Spangled Banner over his megaphone if I was doing something else!" Phoenix yelled over Meekins's butchering of the National Anthem (of America). When Phoenix looked forward, he saw Gumshoe trying in vain to block out the sound by covering his ears.
"Tired, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska Von Karma asked as she jogged up next to him.
"W-well, as a matter of fact..." Phoenix began, but was interrupted by his own screaming as Franziska whipped him.
"I did not lose to you in court so many times for you to be a sissy!" Franziska yelled, whipping at Phoenix's feet, which forced him to move faster as a result. Maya stood to the side and laughed as Phoenix passed her and Pearl.
This isn't funny! Phoenix thought as he ran towards Officer Meekins's wailing.

"I did it! I ran one mile!" Phoenix shouted excitedly between gasps.
"Great," Maya said. "Only 24 more."
"T-twenty four?! And then the race will be over?" Phoenix asked.
"No. Only 24 more miles until the rest stop where we can rest and get some food," Maya replied.
Same old Maya. Always has to bring up the food.
"Tired, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska Von Karma asked from behind him. "Because my whip has been itching to make contact with a foolish fool such as yourself."
"No, I'm not tired," Phoenix said as he turned around.
"Where are you going, Nick?" Maya asked.
"I'm getting out of this marathon," Phoenix replied.
"Go ahead and quit, Phoenix Wright. But just so you know...I whip every quitter I see 1,000 times," Franziska said as she stepped out of Phoenix's way. Phoenix stopped dead in his tracks.
"And how could you think about quitting on Mystic Maya?" Pearl asked angrily.
"Your choice, Phoenix Wright. A hundred miles or 1,000 cracks of the whip on that foolish face of yours," Franziska added. Phoenix stood still for as long as he thought he could get away with before finally turning back around and running back the right way.
"I knew it, Phoenix Wright," Franziska said. "You are not a foolishly foolish quitter, just a foolish fool." Phoenix sighed with relief as Franziska ran past him.

24 miles of Maya and Pearl dragging Phoenix along later...
Phoenix let himself fall onto the hard wood floor of the rest area and realized how much he missed the scent of fresh food being made, the ability to just lie down and relax...
"Nick, what are you doing?" Maya asked. Phoenix looked up at her, confused at first. Then, he realized he was kissing the floor. He immediately spat, trying to get the dust from the floor out of his mouth. Maya laughed at his plight before saying, "You know what'll get that taste out of your mouth, Nick? Some fresh, juicy burgers." Phoenix's stomach growled loudly when Maya mentioned the burgers.
"Okay, buy you, Pearls, and I some burgers," Phoenix said, giving Maya some money.
"What will you be doing, Nick?" Maya asked.
"I'll be lying here and trying not to die!" Phoenix replied. Maya and Pearl walked away to get hamburgers.
"Hey, pal," Detective Gumshoe said as he walked over to Phoenix. "How's it going?"
"D-Detective Gumshoe?! I thought you would be out running by now," Phoenix said.
"Well, there's supposed to be a huge storm happening soon, so all of us running the marathon are supposed to stay here until it passes," Gumshoe replied. Phoenix looked around. He saw Meekins, but someone was missing.
"Gumshoe? Where's Franziska Von Karma?"
"Why? Do you love her or something, pal?" Gumshoe responded.
"Seriously, that's starting to get old," Phoenix said.
"She skipped this rest stop, pal. She thinks that she'll win the race if she gets a good enough head start. Before she left, she said something about having to be perfect," Gumshoe explained. Phoenix forced himself up at that point.
"She could be in danger!" Phoenix exclaimed urgently.
"Should we go after her, pal?" Gumshoe inquired. Phoenix thought for a second.
"...No, she's probably okay," Phoenix said as he plopped back down on the hard wood floor.

Meanwhile for Franziska...

Franziska was running, but then she heard someone behind her. She stopped and looked around. Figuring she was hearing things, she started to run again, this time more cautiously. Franziska then heard someone running behind her. She stopped and pulled out her whip.
Out of the shadows, someone shouted, "It's raeping time!" Franziska turned around and whipped Gant until he fell over, unconscious, before continuing running.

Phoenix, Maya, Pearl, and Gumshoe all left and ran after Franziska Von Karma. Here are some of the things that happened along the way.
"Hey, Wright," Edgeworth said as the group caught up to him.
"Edgeworth?! I thought you were in Germany!" Phoenix yelled.
"I made Gumshoe lie so you wouldn't stalk me like you always do," Edgeworth said calmly.
"And you're wearing shorts!" Phoenix yelled with the same surprise as before.
"Yes, Wright. I'm wearing shorts so I can run more easily. You should consider getting yourself a pair," Edgeworth said.
"I feel drawn to you...Ow!" Phoenix screamed as Pearl hit him and glared at him.
"Don't feel bad, pal. I don't know anyone who hasn't been drawn to Edgeworth," gumshoe said with a silly smile on his face. There was a long silence that followed. Then, Gumshoe felt himself get whipped. "Ow!" he screamed.
"Foolish fool. I've never been drawn to Miles Edgeworth," Franziska said.
"Aren't you miles ahead of us?" Gumshoe asked only to get whipped for asking a ridiculous question.
"I am not here. I am a figment of your imagination," Franziska replied as she whipped Gumshoe some more before vanishing.
"That was weird, pal," Gumshoe said as he looked around to see that everyone else had moved on. "Wait for me!"

Larry Butz was running back to meet some chicks when he was blinded by the flash from a camera. He ran right into a tree and fell.
"Oi," he said.
"Hey, there, city boy," a lady with a fake Southern accent said. Larry looked up to see Lotta Hart.
"Hi," Larry said. "You are the prettiest woman here. Wanna go out with me?"
"Sure," Lotta replied. Larry then looked shocked and troubled. "What?"
"Nothing I just...Forget about going out with me," Larry replied as he ran away.

"NNNNOOOOoooooo!" Maya screamed as she jumped in front of Phoenix, who stopped short so he wouldn't trample her.
"What was that all about, Maya?" Phoenix asked.
"Oh, I'm just preparing for when Franziska whips you a million times when we catch up to her," Maya said. Phoenix sighed.
"You've been watching too many cartoons and movies, Maya," he said as he helped her up.

"Hey, Pearl. See this? It's a real gun," Gumshoe said. "Why don't you play with this for a while?"
"Gumshoe!" Phoenix yelled.
"Don't worry. It's only a water gun," Gumshoe whispered in Phoenix's ear. Pearl pointed the water gun at one of Gumshoe's legs and fired. Gumshoe fell to the ground and clutched his leg in pain. He groaned.
"A little over the top there, Gumshoe?" Phoenix asked.
"I gave her the wrong gun, pal!" Gumshoe yelled through the pain. Phoenix looked horrified as he bent over to try to wrap Gumshoe's leg or something. Then, Gumshoe picked Phoenix up and got up at the same time.
"I was kidding pal. You should have seen your face," he said as he laughed. Phoenix looked shocked.
"Do you really think I'm that irresponsible, pal?" Gumshoe asked.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," Phoenix said. Gumshoe whimpered as Pearl laughed and started squirting a few more things.

Phoenix, Maya, Pearl, and Gumshoe all finally crossed the finish line to see Franziska waiting patiently for them.
"A Von Karma is perfect in every way," Franziska said. "I finished this marathon in exactly 1,000 minutes."
"1,000 minutes? That's um..." Maya said.
"T-ten minutes per mile!" Phoenix shouted. "Or would be if the race wasn't actually 99.9 miles long."
"Oh, good. You can do simple math. Now I shall do some of my own," Franziska said ominously.
"What would that be?" Maya asked.
"How many whips does it take to divide a foolish fool into 100 pieces," Franiziska replied as she readied her whip.
"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!" Maya screamed as she jumped in front of Phoenix. Unfortunately, she jumped too soon and landed harmlessly on the ground as Franziska whipped Phoenix until he fainted.

Several hours later...
Phoenix woke up, dazed and confused.
"Turns out a whip's not strong enough. You owe me a new one, and I shall make your life miserable until you get me a bullwhip," Franziska said.
"How will you do that without a whip?" Phoenix asked.
"You are in the Hotti clinic," Franziska replied. Phoenix screamed and ran. Maya walked into the room, seeing Franziska, but not Phoenix.
"Where's Nick?" she asked.
"How should I know, you foolish fool?" Franziska asked as she walked away, leaving Maya to stand in the room alone and confused.

"And America's Got Talent is having auditions here in an hour, but everyone is lined up to audition now. Some have even stayed overnight last night! Who will win the million dollars? And why am I even broadcasting the news when nobody's listening? Stay tuned to find out," said a non-memorable newscaster who will never show up in this story ever again.

Meanwhile, in line...
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Phoenix grumbled as he stood in the line for auditions.
"Oh, come on, Nick. We either do this or take the Super Mega Ultra training course for spirit mediums!" Maya said excitedly.
"...Okay, I guess I can believe I let you talk me into this," Phoenix revised.
"Mr. Nick?" Pearl asked.
"Yes, Pearls?" Phoenix responded.
"What are you going to do as a talent?" Pearl inquired. Phoenix smiled.
"Break the fourth wall," Phoenix replied as a joke. Both Pearl and Maya looked confused. Phoenix sighed. "Never mind. But my talent is seriously a surprise."
The line started moving forward and Phoenix started walking, relieved to finally move. After standing in line all night the night before, he wanted to either move or sleep. Since he couldn't sleep with Maya and Pearl (especially Pearl) around, the line moving forward was welcoming.

"Ugh, that was awful," Simon from American Idol said harshly.
"Well, I disagree," Paula said considerately to the singer. "You have a marvelous sound."
"You were in tune," said a female judge who nobody knows. "However, you have the fakest southern accent I ever heard, and your performance was mediocre as a whole. Unfortunately, on this show, there are lots of singers, and you have to be better than mediocre to move on." Lotta Hart walked out of the audition building, feeling disheartened because the judges had not let her continue in the competition. Phoenix stared after her and gulped. Then, he realized it was time for him to audition. He sighed and straightened his tie.
"Good luck, Nick," Maya whispered as Phoenix was walking through the door. He looked at the three judges. Two of them he had seen on TV, but the other one...
"Whenever you're ready, please begin," the judge he didn't recognize said.
"HOLD IT!" Phoenix screamed, extending his index finger at the judge. "I don't even know who you are!"
"Will you know everyone in the audience tonight? I doubt it. Why should you know all your judges if you won't know everyone who will be watching anyway?" the female judge asked.
"Just tell him your name so we can get this over with," Simon ordered.
There was a brief pause.
"Very well," she said. "My name is Lida_Rose. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Lida....Rose?" Phoenix asked.
"No, Lida underscore Rose. With an underscore!" Lida said. "So, if you..."
"Lida_Rose...Never heard of you," Phoenix interrupted. "What do you-?"
"I'd love to chit-chat later, Ni-Feen-...Mr. Wright, but after hearing thousands of people singing and watching hundreds of people dance, I really just want to get out of here as soon as possible," Lida interrupted. "So, show us your talent."
"Okay," Phoenix said reluctantly as he took a big breath.

To Be Continued...

Just as Phoenix was about to do his talent, Lida heard some music in the distance.
"What the-? Is someone playing a lute?" she asked.
"Engarde!" someone screamed as he burst into the room, wearing chain mail and carrying a broad sword. He charged at Lida, who got up and side-stepped out of the way.
"Whoever you are, I'll warn you that I learned how to fence...Sort of."
"Yeah? Well, I play Dungeons and Dragons regularly, so I win!"
"...Er...Okay."
The guy swung again, and Lida skillfully retreated. Come on, what can I use? She grabbed the table and started using it as a shield.
"Ha! You are no match for a half-elf bard such as myself!" Elias Bloodmoon exclaimed. "Have at you!"
"I am concerned on a number of levels..." Simon mumbled.
"If you won't come here, then I'll put you to sleep with the power of my lute," Elias threatened. Lida charged at him.

One action-packed scene later resulting in the two combatants sweating bullets...

"Who are you?" Lida asked between gulps of air.
"I'm Elias Bloodmoon. *pant* I love your fanfictions and want *pant* your autograph. First, *pant* I have three things to say.
1: I'm not here to audition. I just want your autograph. *gasp*
2: I would never say anything like this. Come on! I have talents! Like...uh...Okay, I'm not sure, *pant* but I would audition!
3: This is cruel and unusual punishment for a joke! IT WAS A JOKE!!! *pant*
Oh, my. Is that a...Sweater vest?!" Elias Bloodmoon responded, letting out an uncharacteristic squeal of delight.
"Um...Yeah. Why?" Lida asked.
"I LOVE sweater vests!" Elias Bloodmoon replied excitedly. "Can I have it?"
"Um...I kind of need it..."
"It's okay. I'll be dreaming about it all night anyway," Elias said. "Hey, um...Are you hydrophobic?"
"No...Why?"
"My boat pilot in COC is hydrophobic. It's awesome!"
"Er...COC?"
"Call of Cthulhu. I also love my acrobat girl who is a thief. They're both great characters."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Lida_Rose said as she handed Elias Bloodmoon a piece of paper with an autograph on it and shooed him away. Elias Bloodmoon grudgingly left the auditions.
"Sorry for the interruption. Please, continue," Lida said.
"Okay. I can say, "objection" 100 times in ten seconds. Ready? Time me," Phoenix instructed before shouting "Objection!" 100 times. The judges were in stunned silence when he was done. Phoenix thought that was a terrible omen.
"What?" he asked. Nobody replied.

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted forcefully.
"What is it this time, Wright?" Edgeworth asked calmly.
"I love you, Miles Edgeworth!" Phoenix shouted.
"What?!" was Edgeworth's shocked response as he made his silly face and flinched.
"Can't you tell from my hair that I'm gay?"
"Wait, Wright. This is absolutely ridiculous, and you're making a fool out of yourself..." Edgeworth began. "Not to mention... I love you, too."
"R-Really?!" Phoenix asked hopefully.
"Yes, Wright. My suit is magenta. How much more homosexual could I get?" Edgeworth asked.
Hot pink would have been less subtle...Phoenix thought as he and Edgeworth started making out.
"Order! Order!" The judge shouted. "There will be no physical contact of any kind in this courtroom!"
"Sorry, Your Honor," Phoenix and Edgeworth said in unison.
"So, where were we?" Phoenix asked. The judge sighed.

"That was...Unusual," Lida started.
"You're getting a big fat 'No' from me," Simon said.
"But he's my favorite character!" Lida blurted. "And I thought for a really long time about his talent. Meanie!"
"What are you rambling about?" Phoenix asked.
"I-I meant...Why, Simon?"
"Because he doesn't have what it takes to win."
"You really think so? I don't know...You never know who will win this thing. It might be someone we don't expect. Like him. Anyway, what's your vote, Paula?"
"That was very surprising," Paula said. "I'm shocked. In fact, we were all shocked. Why do you want to win? What is your goal?"
"Well," Phoenix began sheepishly. "It would be nice to have a little money, but...My goal is to show that anyone can have a talent, and a talent could be something that even surprised yourself. Just to get people to experiment and to not be afraid to try things would be..."
"Objection!" Lida shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Phoenix. "Yeah, right! I'll bet you only auditioned because Maya made you!"
"...HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"
"Well, that's not really a great reason..." Paula started.
"My goal was to make Maya happy," Phoenix stated matter-of-factly. "Even if auditioning for a show I hardly ever see and don't know much about is what it takes."
"That's beautiful..." Paula said. "Okay, you're moving on." Phoenix stood for a moment with a gigantic, animated smile on his face. He ran out of the room, obviously excited.
"Who's next?" Lida asked as if she didn't know.
"A Ms. Maya Fey," Paula answered.

"On top of Spaghetti
All covered in cheeeeese
I lost my poor meatball
When somebody..."
The sound of three buzzers sounding at the same time interrupted Maya's horribly out-of-tune singing.
"Um...I guess I'll start," Lida volunteered. "You are a...decent singer, but this show has hundreds of singers audition every year. Only the best get through. Unfortunately, I don't think you are the best."
"BOOO!" a few members of the audience screamed.
"I completely disagree," Simon said. "Your singing was absolutely atrocious! How anyone could listen to that is beyond me."
"I agree with Lida," Paula added hastily just before the audience "boo"ed them again.
"No."
"No."
"Definitely not," Simon finished.
"It's okay," Maya said. "I'll just try again next year."
"I love your positive attitude," Lida said before Maya walked off stage.
"Pearl Fey is next," Paula mentioned.
"If she's related to that girl, we're in trouble," Simon concluded.

Meanwhile, outside...

"So, you just got done with the audition. How do you feel about being rejected?" a random interviewer asked Maya.
"I'm not bothered by it. Besides, when Nick wins, he'll spend most of that money on me," Maya replied.

"Pearl, you just saw Maya come back after failing. How do you feel?" a different interviewer asked.
"To be honest, I'm not sure what to do now. She took the song I wanted to sing..." Pearl replied, blushing. "B-but, I think I'll give the piano a try. I saw one in Mr. Nick's office..."

Pearl had no clue what she was doing. She never learned how to read music, so she banged random keys that sounded good in her ear. At first, she started with slow, pretty chords, and then she started banging quickly, unintentionally playing eighth and sixteenth notes with her right hand while playing pretty chords with her left. When she wore herself out, she stopped and saw all three judges gaping at her.
"I'll start this time," Simon said. "You're playing was absolutely incredible. It blew me away." The audience cheered.
"Was that something you made up?" Lida asked.
"Yes ma'am. I can't read music..."
"That was spectacular. If you keep making up songs like that, you'll win for sure," Lida said.
"Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful," Paula stated. "You get a yes from me."
"Yes," Lida echoed.
"Pearl," Simon began. "You got three yeses." The audience cheered as Pearl walked of the stage.
"Miles Edgeworth is next," Lida stated.

"I'm proud of Pearl, you know? She's like the younger sister I never had, and I cannot help but be proud that I helped raise a girl so great," Maya said.
"That's great, but that's not what we asked you."
Maya apologized.

"Pearl Fey, how do you feel about moving on in the competition?"
"I am happy, Ms. Random Person. Very happy!"

"That was amazing!" Lida shouted at Edgeworth who just finished his talent. "Who knew you could do such awesome things with your lips?"
"I did!" Phoenix shouted. Everyone stared at him. "What?"
"Awkward..." Lida said. Everyone stared at her. "What?"

"My name is Miles Edgeworth, prosecutor," Edgeworth said stiffly.
"And what's your talent, Mr. Edgeworth?" Paula asked.
"I...well...I play the trumpet," Edgeworth replied uncomfortably.
"Aww, I never pictured Edgy playing the trumpet," Lida commented. Everyone stared at her. "Um...Anyway, carry on."
"Indeed," Edgeworth said before putting a trumpet to his lips, and cranking out Maynard Ferguson's "Birdland." reaching the even the highest notes with ease. He played the highest part, sounding almost like two trumpets at times. When he was done, the whole audience and all three judges gave him a standing ovation.
"Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful," both Lida and Paula said in unison.
"...I'm just...I'm speechless. Anyone who could play like that has what it takes to win this competition," Simon said, uncharacteristically nice.
"Yes," both Paula and Lida said in unison.
"Miles...You got three yeses." The audience cheered as Edgeworth walked off the stage.

"You won't believe how long I spent practicing that. I'm glad I'm moving on," Edgeworth said.
"I'll bet. Now, what prompted you to start on the trumpet?"
"Well, I...I wanted to vent my anger at Wright somehow, so I tried various things...And eventually I found I could play the trumpet really well, so that's what I did."

"I'm next, pal. I don't know how I'll compete with Mr. Edgeworth. To be honest, it makes me a little nervous..." Gumshoe said to another random interviewer.

"You are my sunshine.
My only sunshine.
You make me ha-ppy
When skies are gray," Gumshoe sang, looking at Maggey Byrde the whole time. He got so involved, he didn't even notice when the buzzers all went off.
"Gumshoe. Hello? DICK GUMSHOE!!!" Lida screamed.
"Wha-?! Oh, sorry, pal. I got all carried away! Ho ho ho!" Gumshoe chuckled.
"Um...Okay. Mr. Gumshoe...As much as it pains me to say this, singing is not your true calling. I mean, that voice just doesn't match anything," Lida said.
"I agree," Paula said over the booing audience.
"The only singing I've ever heard that was as terrible as yours was Maya Fey's. Right, so what we all say is..." Simon said.
"No!" all three judges screamed in unison. Gumshoe whimpered, but walked off the stage.
"Who's next?"
"Franziska Von Karma."

"I kind of expected I wouldn't move on, but they didn't have to be so blunt about it, pal," Gumshoe said to the interviewer, looking dejected.

"I am not nervous because I am not a foolish fool like Scruffy. The whole world will get to see that a Von Karma is perfect in every way."
"But what if you don't move on?"
"I said...A VON KARMA IS PERFECT IN EVERY WAY!" Franziska shouted while whipping the interviewer into submission.

"I'm sorry, Franziska, but you just aren't that good," Lida said before getting whipped. "Ow! Meanie."
"I'll have to agree with Lida," Simon said, getting whipped almost before he finished.
"I'm afraid I'll-" Paula began. Franziska glared at her, wielding her whip. "I'll have to..."
"Just say no and get it over with!" Lida shouted, getting whipped for interrupting.
"I'm afraid I can't let an abusive person like you move on! OW!"
"Get off the stage," Simon said, only to get whipped in reply. Then, Franziska whipped all three judges until Lida was the only one that was conscious.
"Well, they did warn us the talent would be a knock out!" She joked, laughing as Franziska kept whipping her.
"I don't understand," Franziska said. "How are you still standing?"
"Because of my awesomeness? Ow!"

1,000 more whippings later...

"How are you still conscious?"
"Hey, Franziska, can I ask you a favor?" Lida asked.
"What?"
"Call the hospital for me. Oh, and tell everyone outside the rest of the auditions are postponed," Lida replied.
"...Okay, but why can't you do it?"
"Because I'll faint in two seconds," Lida responded just before fainting.

"I am Franziska Von Karma, and I will win this talent show because a Von Karma is perfect in every way," Franziska said. Lida yawned.
"Whatever. Just show us what you got," she said. Franziska twitched, torn between whipping her and possibly getting disqualified or standing there and not being able to vent. Finally, she decided to let Lida live.
"There are more things I can do with the whip than just whipping foolishly foolish fools. First, I shall move all these wine glasses from this table to that table with only my whip. Then, I shall entertain all of you with a perfect dance. Ready?"
The judges all nodded.
"Then I shall begin." As Franziska said she would, she moved every single wine glass from the table to the left of her to the table to the right of her with only her whip and without dropping any of them. Everyone clapped when she finished, then "Whip it" began playing in the background as she danced, whipping the ground every time the singer said, "Whip it!" She got a standing ovation when she was done.
"Franziska Von Karma," Lida began. "I must say that was amazing. I have no objections to you moving on as long as you don't whip anyone." The audience cheered.
"That is among the most original acts I have ever seen," Paula said. "There is no way I could say no to you moving on.
"Right. Franziska," Simon began. "You have a lot of potential. I can't wait to see how you'll change for the competition."
All three judges said, "Congratulations! You're moving on," in unison, and Franziska walked away.

"I'm next," Apollo said. "I can't wait to see if I can move on with Phoenix Wright."

"I am Apollo Justice, and I will be-"
"Wait, Apollo? Well, in that case, no!" Lida said.
"What?! Why not?" Apollo asked.
"Because nobody likes you," Lida shot back. The audience cheered.
Both Simon and Paula said nothing for a minute. Then, they both said, "We agree with Lida." Apollo cried.

"OBJEEEECTIOOOOON!!!!!" Apollo shouted at the top of his lungs, breaking all the wine glasses in the process.
"NNNNNNNOOOOO WAAAAAAAAY!!!" All three judges shouted back. Apollo walked away, looking dejected.

"Thank you, thank you," Trucy said. "Now for my magic panties!" Everyone stared as she pulled a bunny, a pen, a 10 dollar bill, a tube of toothpaste, spaghetti..." All three buzzers sounded as she tried to pull a bull out of her magic panties.
"Magic panties?!" Lida asked, practically shouting. "I mean, seriously? How you managed to even fit a bull in there in the first place is beyond me."
"I thought it was entertaining, but I don't think it was appropriate," Paula said.
"I liked it," Simon said.
"No."
"No."
"Yes!" Lida and Paula glared at Simon. "I mean...No."

"I'm...Too sexy for my shirt.
Too sexy for my shirt,
So sexy it hurts..." Godot sang.
"And I'm a model, you know what I mean..." He finished the song and dance number. Simon sighed.
"Sadly, you're the best singer on this show so far," Simon said.
"I'll say yes," Lida said.
"Yes," Paula echoed.
"Sickos!" Simon shouted. "But it's a yes from me, too."
Godot walked away, feeling proud of himself.
"Hey, wait. Wasn't he supposed to be in prison?" Lida asked.
"Who cares?"

"How many people do we have that are moving on so far?" Paula asked.
"Let's see..." Lida recounted. "There was Edgeworth, Phoenix, Pearl, Godot, and Franziska...Five."
"Only five? This will be the shortest season in history," Simon said.
"Maybe more people will audition..." Lida said.
"Please. Who else would...?" The doors slammed open, and in came Oldbag!
"Ican'tbelievenobodytoldmetherewereauditionsforthetalentshowbecauseIwasthebestsingerinmyhighschoolandwhywouldn'tanyonetellmeaboutthis?
"Sorry, Wendy. No Oldbags allowed...Unless you have talent," Lida said.
"Ihavetalent.Ihaveplentyoftalentdon'tmakefunofmeoryou'llbesorry.Myex-husbandiswellawareofthatbecauseoncewewere..."
"Could you just get on with your talent?"
"Sure,ifyou'resurethat'swhatyouwantbecauseIhatepeplewhodon'tknowwhattheywant,itdrivesmeabsolutelycrazy.Mymotherdidn'tknowwhatshewanted...
"The talent?"
"WHIPPERSNAPPER!"
"Ms. Olbag," Simon said. "You really should do something, or we'll have to ask you to leave."
"Whatever you say, Simey-poo."
"Simey-poo? What a ridiculous name!" Simon shouted to the blushing old woman with the sparkle in her eye that made her look like a bug.
"My white knight
Not a Lancelot, Nor an
Angel with wings.
Just someone to love me,
Who is not ashamed of a few nice things..." Olbag started singing. There was not a single note out of tune and the judges all looked at each other. Simon and Lida had to admit she was good, much to their dismay. There was no way they could say no to any singer that amazing, no matter how much they hated them.
"...That was incredible," Lida commented. "I think all of us would agree that you should move on." Paula nodded her head immediately, and Simon hesitated before slowly nodding his head, too. "Congratulations. You move on. I wonder who's next..."

"No," Simon said to Manfred Von Karma, who epically failed to get in with his out of tune opera singing. Manfred threw his taser at Simon, but Lida jumped in the way and got zapped. She didn't react, even when she fell onto the table face-first. She got up, brushed herself off, and said, "That's how I get a buzz."
Manfred, defeated, stalked off the stage.

"What's your talent?" Simon asked Larry.
"I'm an artist," was Larry's reply as he colored on a piece of paper. A few minutes later, he said, "Ta-da!" and held his work up for everyone to see.
"Not bad," Lida said. "Let's give him a chance. Maybe when he has better materials than crayons, it will look better." The other judges eventually agreed.

"We are a band, ja?" Klavier asked. He and Daryan and all the other members of the band were all plugged in and ready to go.
"Okay, and what will you be playing?" Lida asked.
"Crazy Train!" the band replied in unison. And so they played. It sounded just as good as the original, since there were only slight variations. They got a standing ovation, and the three judges agreed the band should go on in the competition.

"We're all very excited, I reckon, to see what happens next. But first, let's see all the people who didn't get in that were never shown on the show! Startin' with me, Lotta Hart," Lotta said. "I auditioned with my fav'rite country song...The theme from "Reba!" 'I'm a Survivor.'"

"Who I am is
Who I wanna be-ee-ee!
...Lalala. Dunno the words.
Who loves her...la...An' never quits..."

Three buzzers sounded.
"Lotta, I'd love to see you go on. Unfortunately, you forgot the words," Lida said.
"Only a little," Lotta retorted.
"More like a lot," Simon remarked.
"I agree with Lida. We cannot let someone who forgets the words move on. I'm sorry," Paula said.
"Not only were you out of tune and forgetting the words, but your accent was the fakest, most atrocious thing I have ever heard." Lotta grimaced and walked off the stage.

"And what is your talent?"
"Me and my sister will be tossing Snackoos back and forth to the tune of "Sabre Dance," Ema replied. "Scientifically speaking."

"Sabre Dance" played on the background as Ema threw Snackoos at Lana, who caught them in her mouth. Then, the buzzers sounded, and Ema threw the last Snackoo at the people standing in line, coincidentally hitting Apollo Justice square on the forehead.
"Ow!" he screamed.
"You hurt one of the other auditioners. I'm sorry, but that disqualifies both you and your sister."

"I-I'mmm a free bird," Jake Marshall sang, pulling out his guitar and imitating the solo. It was going great...Until the electric guitar got unplugged and nobody could hear the rest. By the time Jake plugged it back in, he lost his place, so he tried to improvise. It sounded like a plane crashing. The judges all agreed he shouldn't move on.

"My talent is well...hee, hee..." Viola Cadeverini said. "Is telling scary stories. So, let us begin, hee, hee..."

"...And then the killer sawed off the man's body parts so DNA testing would be nearly impossible, hee, hee..."
All the buzzers sounded.
"Not only was that a lame story, but you didn't even tell it well. I mean, laughing about someone being dismembered is sick," Simon said, and all the judges agreed.

"And so, there's what y'all missed," Lotta said. "An' we'll get to the finals...After a word from our sponsor."

"This show sucks!" the sponsor screamed.

"Thank you, sponsor. Now, without further ado...The finals...Next time on PW's Got Talent!" Lotta said excitedly, unaware of the torch-carrying mob some distance away.

"We have breaking news! It seems PW's Got Talent has been rigged. Let's go to a random person who is at the scene," a random person on TV said.
"Well, it appears that all the musical instruments have been broken. We were just informed that someone has OD ed on some legal substance. Here he is now! Godot! What happened?"
"Someone put sugar in my coffee," Godot replied from a hospital bed. "And now I'm a total wreck."
"Thank you, Godot. ...This just in. Franziska Von Karma has been disqualified from the competition. Here's the footage from earlier that day."

"I'm going to say, "Objection" 100 times in 10 seconds. Time me," Phoenix said.
"Go," Franziska Von Karma said. Phoenix started saying it. When he was done, Franziska started whipping him. "You got it in exactly 10 seconds and one millisecond!" Franziska shouted, whipping Phoenix until he was unconscious.

"MY LIFE IS OVER!" Larry shouted.
"What's wrong?" Edgeworth asked.
"MY PAPER! MY CRAYONS! They're DESTROYED!" Larry shouted. "I can't go on anymore..."


"As you can see, things don't bode well for tonight. There is only one person who can receive the award now. We'll show you live footage for the 'Win Because Nobody Else Can Perform' award with the 1 million dollars to go with it."

"I guess since nobody else is here, I win. Give me the trophy, Simey-poo," Oldbag said, blushing and everything.
No. I can't let it end like this. There has to be something we overlooked. Someone who could still do something to beat her... Lida thought desperately.
"And so the award goes to..."
"Objection!" Lida shouted, pointing her index finger at Oldbag. "She cannot receive the award!"
"And why not?"
"Because there is one thing you overlooked. One person who sent us a taped audition because he was out of town that day. You know him. You love him. And you don't even know his name. Let me introduce you to...The judge!" Lida shouted. Everyone stared at her, shocked, except Wendy, who shouted, "WHIPPERSNAPPER!"

Wendy hissed at the judge, and started singing, pouring her heart and soul into every word of "More Than A Feeling" by Boston. Unfortunately, that song left much to be desired because there was no guitar or anything. Then, the judge performed, pulling out his gavels (one in each hand) and using the various broken instruments as his drums. The audience cheered as he played super quick and wild rhythms.

"And the award goes to..." the announcer said. "The judge!" Everyone cheered as confetti rained down on the stage.
"WHIPPERSNAPPERS!" Wendy shouted once again before running away.

"Ican'tbelieveIdidn'twin.Nobodyelsecoulddoanything,andbesides,mysingingwaswaybetterthanhisdrumplaying.Whatweretheythinking?
Ofcourse,Ishouldhaveexpectedthis.Everyonehatesme,includingmymother.Iaskforapony,shegivesmeacarinstead.Whataselfishandcruelthingtodo.
TheworstpartisthatI'llneverseeSimey-pooagain.Nowgetawayfromme. WHIPPERSNAPPERS!"

"Something isn't right about this. I'll summarize what happened," Lida said. "Someone put sugar in Godot's coffee, and that caused him to go on a sugar-high. He was bouncing off the walls and destroyed everything in his wake. The question is: who put sugar in Godot's coffee?"

"I did it, Ms. Lida," Pearl said. "Godot told me to be an angel and bring him his coffee. I was just doing what he told me to, and I put sugar and creme in there to make it taste good. I didn't know he would react like that..."

Lida jumped in front of Simon as the taser went flying at him. Lida got zapped and fell flat on her face onto the table. She got up, brushed herself off, and said, "They did say his talent would be shocking."

"Okay. We got a tape from prison," Lida said. "Hm...Looks like it's Gant's..." She put in the tape. Gant did his stare of doom at a wine glass. After a minute, it shattered into a million pieces.
"...I'm not sure..." Lida said.
"He's getting a no from me," Simon remarked. "I mean...Is it really suitable to put someone who could do that on a talent show? What if that cup was a person?"
"I agree," Paula said.
"...I guess it's a big fat no, then..." Lida said.

What am I doing? Ema Skye thought as she stumbled around in her high heels. Dressing up like this was extraneous. Why did I do it anyway? She tripped and fell, screaming on her way down. Don't panic. All you have to do is put disinfectant on the wounds and put adhesive bandages over them, scientifically speaking...
"Fraulien detective," a familiar voice greeted, and Ema became aware that a hand was right in front of her. She grabbed it, and the man helped her up. She looked into his blue eyes, her breath catching in her throat.
"Klavier," she said dreamily. Then, she scowled. "What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to be waiting for me at the restaurant?"
"Yes, but when you didn't show up, I went looking for you, Fraulien," Klavier said. "I was concerned."
"Well, scientifically speaking..." Ema started. Klavier laughed.
"Not everything is scientific," he said.
"But..."
"Shh," Klavier interrupted. "Let's just go to the restaurant, Fraulien detective. People are waiting for us."
"But I must look like a train wreck! I mean..."
"You don't get it, do you, Fraulien detective? You will always look beautiful to me," Klavier said. Ema was so shocked by this that she didn't argue as Klavier escorted her to the restaurant...

"May I take your coat?" Maggey Byrde asked.
"Er...Of course," Ema replied nervously, giving Maggey her dirty coat.
"There's no need to be nervous, ja?" Klavier asked.
"O-of course! N-no need at all." Except, of course, for the fact that this is my very first date, and the statistics show that I will find a way to screw this up...
"Don't worry about a thing, Fraulien detective," Klavier said. "We ought to go sit down, ja?"
"Y-yeah. There's um..." Ema began, but lost her train of thought when she saw Detective Gumshoe casually sitting with a man who looked like it was absolute torture for him to be there. Is Gumshoe...? Nah, he couldn't be, could he?
"Excuse me for one second," Ema said to Klavier. "I need to find something out using the scientific method." Klavier flashed her a dazzling smile and said, "I'll find us a table then, ja?" As Klavier walked away, Ema curiously approached Gumshoe's table.
"Hey, pal. It seems we have company. Ho, ho, ho," Gumshoe said when he spotted Ema.
"Indeed," the man next to him agreed, clearly not as amused as Gumshoe.
"Hi," Ema greeted. "Are you two dating?" Smooth, Ema. Real smooth.
"What?!" the man next to Gumshoe shouted, his eyes growing huge.
"Wait, you're...You're Mr. Edgeworth!" Ema exclaimed.
"Yes, I am," Edgeworth said.
"So sorry. I didn't recognize you with the mustache!" Ema responded, putting one hand over her mouth.
"Apparently," Edgeworth began. "But Detective Gumshoe and I are not dating. I am his and his fiancee's ride home."
"The only way I could thank him for being so generous was to invite him to eat here on Maggey's bill," Gumshoe said. "Since I can't afford anything..."
"And what brings you here, Ema?" Edgeworth asked, obviously avoiding the subject.
"I have a date," Ema said proudly. She heard laughing at a nearby table. When she turned around, she saw Phoenix, Maya, and Iris all sitting together.
"So then, Franziska whipped me until I fainted," Phoenix said. Iris laughed, and Maya pretended to laugh.
"Hello, Mr. Wright. It's very nice to see you wearing a suit again."
"Oh...Hi, Ema," Phoenix said. "Iris, Maya, this is Ema Skye."
"I am pleased to meet you," Ema responded, shaking Iris and Maya's hands. "But I'm afraid I have to go. My date's waiting." Ema walked away, barely managing to get to Klavier's table without tripping on the way. Once she was getting close, Klavier got up and pulled out a chair for her.
"Er...Thanks, Klavier," Ema said, sitting down.
"You're very welcome, Fraulien..."
"Please, just call me Ema," she interrupted.
"Ema," Klavier said dreamily.
"Are you ready to order?" Maggey asked, completely ruining the moment.
"Um...Yeah, I'll have..." Ema began. "The 2% Calcium, 10% Vitamin D..."
"Just get the lady a lovely bowl of pasta," Klavier interrupted. "Actually, get us a huge plate to split, Fraulien waitress."
"Of course, sir. And to drink?" Maggey asked.
"I'll have the frozen H2O molecules in the..." Ema began. You dope. Why are you saying the scientific version of everything?
Because I'm nervous, and that's what I do when I'm like that.
"Just get us both some ice water, ja?" Klavier replied.
"Okay. I'll have it ready in a jiffy," Maggey said, and walked away.
"I'm sorry, Klavier. I didn't mean to..."
"You're so cute when you're like that," Klavier interrupted.
"L-like what?" Ema asked, bewildered.
"When you're not afraid of being yourself."
This is extremely corny, Ema thought as she stared into his eyes.
"And you're handsome when you're not being tackled by fan girls." Klavier laughed, and Ema couldn't help but to join him.
Wait. Why are we laughing?

"So, uh...so," Ema began. "Er...What do you do in your free time?"
"I practice, ja? Practice makes perfect," Klavier replied. "And what do you do, Fraulien de-Ema?"
"I either prove or disprove the most complicated scientific theories I can find," Ema said. I hope he doesn't think I'm weird for saying that...
"Sounds...Interesting," Klavier said. I knew it. He thinks it's strange. Change the subject.
"The chemical composition of everything is very interesting, right down to this ice water. I mean, in order to purify water, you add fluoride and some other chemicals..."
"Ema, I find this fascinating, but...I'm more interested in how you are," Klavier interrupted.
"Oh, me? Well...I'm...a bit apprehensive. This is my very first date, and statistics show that I'll probably mess up somehow..." Ema blurted. Wait...I just said all of that aloud, didn't I? What is wrong with me?
"You can do no wrong from these eyes, ja?" Klavier said. Ema became aware that his face was moving closer to hers. Her face was moving closer to his. Suddenly, without warning, Ema's leg betrayed her by kicking Klavier right in the crotch. His face fell onto the table. Ema stood up, horrified of what she just did.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" she blurted hurriedly before running in the direction of the ladies' room. Naturally, in her inexperience with high heels, she didn't make it very far before tripping over a chair and falling in a way where she was both on top of and under a tablecloth. Everything that was once on the table fell with an ominous crashing sound. She knew she broke lots of glass items, and she was thankful she was under the tablecloth, therefore able to stay hidden until everyone forgot about it.
She would have liked nothing more than to do that...Too bad things never work out that way.

Ema peeked out from under the table cloth to try to assess what was going on. She saw eyes staring down at her, and Klavier's hand offering to help her up. Ema retreated farther under the table cloth, only to go too far and bump into the table. The thudding of the table hitting the ground sent shivers down Ema's spine. But that wasn't the worst part. The table falling over seemed to release some people from their trance, and suddenly some fan girls were screaming.
"It's Klavier, and he's dateless!" Ema got out from under the table cloth in order to avoid being trampled. She saw a crowd of women around Klavier, who cast Ema a pleading glance.
Don't worry, Klavier. I'll help you out of this, Ema thought. Scientifically.
"Hey, look! It's Klavier's brother, Kristoph!" Ema shouted.
"Who cares about Kristoph?" a random fan girl asked as the crowd kept swarming Klavier. It seemed more and more girls were joining the mass of people, trying to get autographs, among other things.
Time for plan B, Ema thought.
"Hey, look! It's Phoenix making out with Edgeworth!" Ema shouted forcefully. Phoenix's jaw dropped to the floor. Edgeworth's eyes grew twice their normal size. And they both stared in horror as the fan girls all tried seeing out the window, foaming out the mouths.
"The girls won't follow us into the boy's bathroom. Let's go," Ema said, grabbing Klavier by the hand and running, practically dragging him along. Unfortunately for them, Klavier also had fan boys, and they were all in the bathroom.
"Um...Look! It's Mia Fey taking her top off!" Ema shouted.
"Oh, that is just indecent. Let's go stop her," one of the fan boys said and they all ran out of the bathroom.
"Yeah...I'm sure they would stop her," Ema said sarcastically. "Now to exit out the window without breaking it!" She pulled out a test tube of some strange, bubbling liquid and started pouring its contents on the window. The glass melted away wherever she applied it.
"Ugh..." Klavier moaned.
"Are you alright?" Ema asked.
"Yeah. Popular men like me are always okay, ja?" Klavier lied. "You first, Fraulien Ema."
Ema expertly leaped out the window, giving the impression she's exited restaurants in such a way before. Then, she helped Klavier out the window.
"Thanks, Ema," Klavier said. "But why didn't you tell them the truth? That we were going out."
"Um...Well, I kind of figured you would ditch me after the whole kicking you in the penis thing, which I am sorry for, by the way! I didn't mean to..." Ema said.
"It's okay, Ema. Just give me a few days to recover," Klavier interrupted.
"Okay. I'm sorry. I think there might be a way to salvage this date," Ema announced.
"How?" Klavier asked, amused.
"You'll see," Ema replied, grabbing Klavier and dragging him once again.

"Yes, I think it's about the right time," Ema said excitedly.
"That's great, Fraulien. Does that mean I can open my eyes now?" Klavier asked.
"Not yet. Just 2.5 more seconds, okay?" Ema replied.
"Um...I guess there's no point in arguing, ja?"
"Okay, now open your eyes!" Klavier opened his eyes and saw a lake that was shimmering all colors of the rainbow.
"Do you like it?"
"Ja."
"You see, the prism up there captures the light from the sun during the day, and the moon during the night. And at exactly the right time, the light hits perfectly, creating all the colors of the color spectrum and making this extraordinary scene. Isn't it beautiful?"
"So, this is scientific and scenic at the same time," Klavier said.
"Exactly. So, um..."
"Ema, I'm going to kiss you. Would you please not kick me this time?" Klavier asked. Ema's breath caught in her throat.
"Scientifically speaking...Yes," Ema replied. Klaver's face moved closer to hers. Ema's face moved closer to his. Then, Ema became aware her arm was moving toward her purse and pulling out the pepper spray.

"What crazy thing are we doing this time, Maya?" Phoenix asked as Maya dragged him along.
"We're playing Paint-Laser-Ball-Tag to win a tournament I saw on TV," Maya replied. Phoenix sighed. That did not sound fun or easy.
"What's the prize?" he inquired grudgingly.
"Free burgers for one whole year from this place! Isn't it incredible?" Maya responded dreamily. "But we can't win if we're not there on time, so hurry up!"
That would save us around $60,000... Phoenix thought as he walked slightly quicker.
"Are you sure you want to wear your suit, Nick? It'll get covered in paint."
"It's the only thing in my closet!" That fits, anyway...
"Your loss, then," Maya said. "I made sure Pearly stayed in Kurain and everything so she wouldn't be hurt."
"How did you convince her to do that?" Phoenix asked, shocked.
"I explained it was something "special someones" do when they need some alone time." Phoenix made a face. "What, Nick?"
"Nothing." Except for the fact that you enforced the ridiculous notion that we're in love when we're not...Wait. Does she love me? Nah. That can't happen, Phoenix thought.
Why is he giving me such a weird look? I didn't mean anything by it. It was the only way to get Pearly to leave us alone, Maya thought as they very non-romantically walked into the huge arcade.

"Wow, Nick! Look at this line. Looks like everybody wants to join the tournament," Maya said.
"Hey, pal," Gumshoe said excitedly. "Guess what? Edgeworth is going to be my partner! Not only that, he's paying for us to play. He' "s such a nice man."
"Indeed," Edgeworth said, clearly bored. "Wright, I'm only here because Gumshoe begged me to take him."
"Yeah, I figured as much. Same goes for me. Well-except you know-with Maya instead of Gumshoe," he added hastily. Then, he heard some commotion from the desk.
"Sir, a cup of coffee doesn't count as a partner," a familiar voice said.
"That voice...Will?" Phoenix asked.
"What kind of place is this?" Godot asked as he chugged his coffee. "Not allowing a man and his cup of Joe to enjoy themselves. You know, I think you would like to try this."
"I'm sorry, but I don't drink coffee," Will replied.
"You...Don't...Drink...COFFEE?!" Godot shouted, infuriated as he threw his Godot blend #275 at Will, who didn't have any time to get out of the way.
Oh, geez... Phoenix thought, remembering how Godot used to do that to him.
"...I'm afraid I'll have to disqualify you..." Will said. "What's a poor, underpaid actor supposed to do in this situation?'
"I'll pay for two people. That ought to be enough to make up for it. Right, Trite?" Godot asked Phoenix. How did he even know I was here?
"Um...Yes?"
"Okay," Will said, letting Godot beyond the counter. Phoenix gulped as the VonKarmas walked up next.
Poor Will... he thought.

"You two are together? That means you'd pay...$21.50" Will said to the VonKarmas.
"What is this foolishly foolish fool so foolishly saying? Twenty-one fifty isn't a perfect amount to spend on a perfect game!"
"We'll pay you exactly $20," Manfred said.
"I'm sorry, sir. I can't accept that..."
"Let us pass," Manfred interrupted, snapping his finger for emphasis. "NOW!"
"I can't," Will said pathetically. The following scene was horribly graphic, so I can't get into any details. Let's just say Will was transported to the hospital in an ambulance truck...Everyone was disappointed the tournament had to be on hold for a while...

"Ooh, la la. Who else wants to participate in ze competition?" Armstrong asked.
This is who they found to replace Will? Surely they could do better than that, Phoenix thought. Why must the writer of this fanfiction torture me this way? Phoenix got pinched by Maya.
"Ow!" he screamed.
"Quit breaking the fourth wall, Nick. Now pay up so we can enter the contest," Maya whispered in Phoenix's ear.
"Oh, right...How much?"
"For you, sir...I'm afraid you can't enter ze competition. Non," Armstrong said.
"Whaaaaaaat?! Why?" Phoenix asked.
"Since zat trial, I have been fired. I have never been hurt so much before. Non!"
"Um...I'm sorry? But...I mean, it's not a huge loss..."
"How could you say zat? Nooooon!" Armstrong screamed, crying as he ran away. The competition was postponed again until they got someone else to work the counter...

"Can you believe how long it took to finally get our equipment, Nick?" Maya asked.
"No," Phoenix replied, trying to put the camouflage shirt and pants over his suit. What's the point of even wearing this?
"Anyway, looks like we'll be starting off in the forest area. Are you ready yet?"
"Almost," Phoenix responded, putting on the over-sized laser tag belt and picking up his paintball gun. He sighed.
"Come on, Nick. Let's go," Maya said, dragging Phoenix to the forest area of the enormous arena. "This is wear we start. Now, aim at someone. Go for an easy target. Like Gumshoe!"
Should I be scared that she can strategize like that? Phoenix thought as he readied his paintball gun at Gumshoe's big head.
"Begin!" someone announced through the megaphone. Phoenix pulled the trigger...

"Ow! Hey, pal!" Gumshoe screamed after getting hit in the back of the head with a paintball. "Why would you do that?'
"Yeah, Nick. How could you?" Maya asked angrily.
"Y-you told me to," Phoenix replied.
"Well, if she told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it, pal?!" Gumshoe huffed.
"Well...I did try to cross a burning bridge for her..."
"Uh...That's true, pal," Gumshoe said, deflated. Until, of course, he got hit by two more paintballs, one square in the chest and the other in the center of his forehead. He fell over.
"Hahaha!" Franziska laughed evilly. "It was all worth it to see that foolishly foolish fool fall so foolishly."
"I agree, those shots were worthy of the VonKarma name," Manfred said before snapping his fingers for emphasis. "Perfect!"
"Watch it, Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey. You're next," Franziska warned. "After, of course, we annihilate the team by getting Miles Edgeworth." The VonKarmas left, arm in arm.
"Ow..." Gumshoe grumbled.
"I think you should wait in the building, Gumshoe. Let's hope Edgeworth can handle himself..." Phoenix said.
"Trite!" Godot yelled. "I've been waiting for this moment for years, and now I can finally hit you with a paintball and a laser at the same time with no consequences. You'll feel as bitter as my Godot blend #108."
"You can't do that, Godot," Maya piped up.
"And why not?"
"Because..." Maya said, but then Godot didn't see her. He saw Mia. "I love you, Diego."
"No!" Godot screamed, dropping his paintball shooter and laser tag gun.
"Nick...What's wrong with him?" Maya asked.
"I don't know. Let's keep moving," Phoenix responded. "We don't have to do anything to him." Phoenix and Maya then started walking further into the forest area.

Deep in the forest area, Phoenix and Maya stood back-to-back, seeing if anyone was around. The trees were hard to see through, which made them the perfect place to hide. Phoenix grabbed Maya, and looked. He saw Edgeworth, crouched into a tree, aiming right at her belt with his laser gun.
"Edgeworth!" Phoenix shouted, hurriedly. "I love you!"
"What?!" Edgeworth asked, shocked just before falling out of the tree. Phoenix laughed at his friend's peril. He walked over to the lying down Edgeworth.
"Are you okay?" he asked between laughs.
"Wright, Gumshoe has been kicked out of the competition for getting hit too many times. I have to do my best to make up for it," Edgeworth replied. "And you laugh at me and make jokes." Phoenix put his hand behind his head, embarrassed.
"Edgeworth," Maya said. "I'm sorry. Why don't you join us? That way, we can knock out the rest of the competition so it will be just us against you. No matter which of us wins, we'll split the prize. What do you say?"
"Indeed, pairing up is probably my best option at this point."
"Wait! I never agreed to this!" Phoenix interjected. Both Maya and Edgeworth glared at him. "Okay, I agree." Edgeworth smirked and Maya smiled.
"Then let's go. We'll take on the VonKarmas first!" Maya decided enthusiastically, dragging both Phoenix and Edgeworth toward the clearing.
"Wright...Were you...serious?" Edgeworth asked uncomfortably.
"Um...No," Phoenix replied. "Wait! ...No."
"...Good," Edgeworth said after a pause. Phoenix saw the slightest hint of sadness on Edgeworth's face.

"Noooo!" the VonKarmas screamed in unison as they got blasted with painbtballs and lasers.
"Looks like the VonKarma team has been defeated!" a random announcer said.
"How could we lose to such MORONS?!" Franziska asked, obviously extremely angry since she didn't use any form of the word, "fool" for the whole question.
"Grr...I need to taser something," Manfred said, grabbing Franziska by the arm and saying something about target practice for her whip in an effort to comfort her. Meanwhile, Phoenix, Maya, and Edgeworth were all laughing at the VonKarmas' demise.
"Who knew ambushing people with paintballs and lasers could be so fun?" Phoenix asked between laughs. Maya suddenly stopped laughing and got a serious look on her face, a side of her that Phoenix has only seen when Maya played various video games usually featuring the Steel Samurai.
"Good work, team," she said. "But this isn't over yet. Now we must move to the harsh desert area in order to take out the next team."
"What next team?" Phoenix asked.
"We have taken down our biggest threat. Now we must focus on the weaker teams. Larry's team is in the desert, and neither he nor his date are good at aiming. As long as we split up and attack them from three different sides, we can beat them easily," Maya replied. "Unless either of you has a problem with that."
"Um...Let me think..." Phoenix said. "...Nope! No problems here!"
"I'm perfectly fine with that," Edgeworth stated. Maya's face lit up.
"Great! Let's go!"
Should I be concerned that she likes plotting the demise of another team? Phoenix thought as he followed Edgeworth and Maya to the desert area.

Phoenix, Maya, and Edgeworth surrounded their prey, armed with their trusty paintball guns and laser shooters. Larry Butz was casually strolling through the desert area with some blond lady none of them knew. Maya nodded her head and all three of them shot at once, hitting the blond lady on both sides of her head and on the center of the forehead with paintballs, and then directly in laser belt with a laser. She fell over, screaming, "Why did you bring me to this thing, you dumbass?! I hate you!"
"No, not my Lemon Pie! Whyyyy?!" Larry screeched over dramatically while making his angry face that made his teeth look ten times sharper than they really were. Then, he saw Phoenix and Edgeworth each aiming their paintball guns at him.
"Nick! Edgey! How could you? I'm your friend, aren't I?" Streams of tears were pouring out of his enormous eyes. Both Phoenix and Edgeworth faltered, not sure what to do next. Then, Larry fell forward, green paint smeared on the back of his head. As he fell, Phoenix and Edgeworth saw Maya, holding her paintball gun. It was clear she was the one who finished the job.
"Come on. Let's go!" Maya said enthusiastically. Neither Phoenix or Edgeworth moved. "What?"
"Maya..." Phoenix started choking up. "He...Was our friend..."
"I know, Nick, but you'll have to get over it. Both of you," Maya stated. "That's just the cost of winning. The end justifies the means."
"Besides, he wasn't that great of a friend, Wright. Let's go," Edgeworth said, grabbing Phoenix and dragging him along.
"I believe there are only two teams left. One in the mountains, and one in an open field. I say we go to the mountains first. It's the best place strategically."
The three of them walked over two the mountains...

The Skye sisters were casually walking along, Ema telling Lana all about the various scientific theories she read about that day and Lana pretending to listen. Just then, there was a rustle in the bushes, but they didn't notice because they were on the mountain. They heard screaming and yelling, and then...Nothing.
"Strange," Ema said, momentarily forgetting about the theory she was just explaining. "Do you get this ominous feeling in the pit of your stomach, scientifically speaking?"
"Yes," Lana replied. Then, she heard a clicking sound, like a trigger being pulled. "Look out!" she screamed, tackling Ema out of the way and getting shot with a couple paintballs on her way down. She was on top of Ema, protecting her.
"Lana? What's going on?" Ema asked, terrified as she tried to get her older sister off her. Then, she got hit on the top of the head with one of Maya's signature green paintballs. The sisters both screamed, and Lana got off Ema, allowing them both to run away. Maya laughed as they left, but then turned around and glared at Phoenix.
"A little reinforcement would have been nice," she said angrily.
"S-sorry," Phoenix stuttered. "It's just...I remembered them. That case...When you were away. The little one with the pink sunglasses is called, "Ema." She was my temporary assistant while you were gone...I just couldn't bring myself to shoot at her..."
"It's okay, Nick! Just never do that again," Maya said. "Now, our next targets are in the plains." The group made their way down the mountain and to the plains area, but nothing would prepare them for what would happen next.

The group of three ducked under a hill, trying not to be seen by the other team. Little did they realize they were too late. They were hatching a plan to annihilate them already. The fact that the group willingly walked in their mist was just the icing on the cake.
"Okay, guys. There is probably a reason this team lasted so long," Maya whispered. "Be careful."
"Feenie?" Iris asked. Phoenix whipped around to see her and Pearl arm-in-arm.
"I-Iris..." Phoenix stuttered, stunned.
"What are you doing here with Pearly?" Maya asked. "This place is dangerous!"
"Sorry, Master Mystic Maya. I wanted to come visit you and Mr. Nick. Then I remembered you told me you had "special someone" stuff to take care of. Iris decided to take me here and wait. What are you two doing here? This isn't romantic!" Phoenix blushed scarlet. Maya's jaw dropped.
"I'm hit!" Iris screamed, playfully. It was true. Edgeworth hit her in the belt with a laser. Iris grabbed her belt and fell to the ground as if she was performing a play or something.
"N-No! Not Ms. Iris!" Pearl shouted. She pulled out her laser shooter, aiming it at Maya, who aimed hers at Pearl. They both shot at the same time. The lasers hit the belts at the same time. both were officially eliminated from the tournament.
"Mr. Nick! How could you?" Pearl asked, smacking Phoenix right behind the knee. He buckled.
"Ow! What did I do?"
"You let Master Mystic Maya get taken out of the tournament! How could you?" Pearl inquired furiously.
"Well...I..." Phoenix replied, not sure how to answer.
"I'll handle this, Wright," Edgeworth said. "Pearl, Wright wasn't thinking straight."
"Why not?"
"Because he was so taken with how beautiful she looked, he couldn't do anything. Not even think," Edgeworth replied readily.
"Really? Mr. Nick, is that the truth?" Pearl asked.
"Yes, it is," Phoenix lied. "Edgeworth knows me."
"Okay, then I forgive you," Pearl said. "Let's go back to the rest area, you guys." Maya, Iris, and Pearl all left.
"Edgeworth...Thank you," Phoenix stated.
"It was nothing, Wright," Edgeworth responded. Because that's how I feel about her. He pointed his paintball gun at Phoenix. "Now it's time to decide who the victor is."
"Edgeworth, I..."
"You don't understand, Wright. I don't need this. Gumshoe does. He eats nothing but instant noodles, and can never afford to go out. I think this would be great for him," Edgeworth interrupted.
"Part of this competition is being willing to lose," Phoenix said. "...Go ahead, Edgeworth. You'll never get a cleaner shot."
"Wright..."
"Trite!" Godot interrupted, his paintball gun touching the back of Phoenix's head. "I've been waiting for this moment." Edgeworth creeped out of Phoenix's field of vision.
"Godot! I thought you stopped after..." Phoenix said.
"Wrong, Trite! I merely waited until Maya was away from you. I have only one sip of my perfect cup of coffee left, Trite! I think I'll drink it once I have disposed of you." Phoenix heard a trigger being pulled, and fell forward, hearing the splat of paint. He quickly felt the back of his head, but there was nothing except his spikes with enough hair products in them to sink a ship. He rolled over and looked up. One side of Godot's face was covered in red paint.
"Get up, Wright," Edgeworth said. "I have an idea on how we could both win."
"E-Edgeworth," Phoenix stuttered. "You didn't have to..."
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I will get you, Trite! Mark my words!" Godot shouted before going back to the rest area.
"I did, Wright. So we could do this properly," Edgeworth said, ignoring Godot's screams.
"Right..." Phoenix knew what Edgeworth was getting at. He pointed his paintball gun at Edgeworth, who had his trained on Phoenix.
"One," Edgeworth said.
"Two," Phoenix responded.
"Three!" they both shouted in unison, pulling their triggers. They were both covered in paint at the exact same time. Much to their dismay, since they both won, they each only got one free burger each.

"Miles Edgeworth has commented on your status," the e-mail read. "Wright...I don't know anyone who hasn't been tortured at least once in their lives."
I wonder what Edgeworth's status is... Phoenix thought as he started typing.
"Whatcha doin', Nick?" Maya asked, peeking over his shoulder.
"Username: Phoenix Wright
Status: Being tortured again," the screen read.
"Nice, Nick. What is that anyway?"
"Well, Maya, this is facebook," Phoenix replied.
"What's facebook?"
"It's...Let me sign you up. It'll be so much easier than trying to explain. What do you want your username to be?"
"Hm...How about ULTRA MEGA HAMBURGER SAMURAI!?" Maya shouted.
"Um...Why?"
"Because it's cheesy to just put your name down, Nick."
"But that's what I did," Phoenix said.
"That's because you're no fun. And neither is Edgeworth, it seems," Maya said.
"Okay...Hamburger Samurai it is..."
"Yay! Thanks, Nick. Let me type my password. I don't want you to be able to use my account." Phoenix sighed and got out of the chair, allowing Maya to type her password.

"So, Nick, here's my status!" Maya exclaimed happily.
"Um...Eating hamburgers?" Phoenix asked.
"Yes, and I hope you make my status come true," Maya replied. Phoenix sighed.
"Anyway...Um...Oh, look, somebody commented on your status...Already. That's strange," Phoenix said.
"Laurice Shagginator said: 'Hey, baby. You can have a burger of mine any time,'" the computer read.
"W-what does that even mean?" Maya asked as Phoenix started typing.
"Is that you, Larry?" he typed.
"Dude, how did you know?"
"Because when something smells, it's usually the Butz," Phoenix typed furiously.
"Nick? Is that you? Duuuude, you're the Hamburger Samurai?!" Phoenix blushed from embarrassment and was glad Larry couldn't see him.
"No, Maya is. I'm just...temporarily using her account."
"Whatever you say, Nick. I won't judge you. If you think you're a girl, then that's not my problem." Phoenix turned bright red and furiously stormed off, away from the computer.

Maya screamed. Nick jumped ten feet into the air before running to the office, where Maya was sitting on the computer.
"What is it? What's wrong?!" Nick asked, shocked.
"I just took this quiz on which Steel Samurai character I'm most like, and it says I'm the Pink Princess!" Maya replied excitedly.
"But...Aren't the Pink Princes and the Steel Samurai two entirely different shows?"
"Come on, Nick. Nobody likes people who have to bring up pesky little details," Maya responded teasingly. Whatever, Maya. Whatever...
"So...uh...Can I use the computer, now?"
"In a minute, Nick. I'm busy talking with GummieMagpieLover. Something about the way he talks is just so familiar," Maya said. Phoenix took a peek.
"I wish I could have burgers more often, pal, but with my salary so low..." the computer read.
"Wait...Detective Gumshoe is GummieMagpieLover? Haha! What a ridiculous username," Phoenix said.
"There's also this Perfect_Karma lady who's status is: 'Whipping foolish fools for foolishly being foolish.'" Phoenix cringed.
"That sounds like Franziska VonKarma," Phoenix said.
"Yeah, I thought so, too. Isn't it weird how many friends of ours use Facebook?"
I wouldn't call Franziska a friend, but...It still is quite ironic...
"Just...Let me know when you're done, okay?" Phoenix asked.
"Fine," Maya answered. "See you in a few hours, Nick!"

"JSIJAISJIODJKLDNJKCNJAKnciuhuihdijgfhugfbiugdhksjhkjajdkqjhkjasjhqkjhaiojLJKLjkjAKLJSSAIDJSAIODSAIDHA"
the computer read.
"Nick! Help!" Maya screamed. "The computer's not working!"
"Have you tried restarting it?" Phoenix asked.
"No," Maya said, "But look at all the things I mistakenly typed! It's so embarrassing."
"Youmustbegreatinthesack!" the computer read on Laurice Shagginator's page.
"Maya!" Phoenix said, his face pale. "Why is this message from my account?"
"Well, after the computer started giving me problems, I thought it might have been something wrong with my account, so I..."
"You switched to my account! What else did you 'mistakenly' type?"
"Well...Here's Edgeworth's page..."
"we shouldgo Out sometime," the computer read.
"W-whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!" Phoenix asked, shocked.
"And here's Perfect_Karma's page..."
"Whips. Kinky. ilike," the computer screen read.
Phoenix was silent, his face getting paler and paler.
"And here's GummyMagpieLover's page..."
"Please, no more," Phoenix groaned.
"i wanna**** youso Hard, maggie'd be jelus."
"...Noooooooooooooooooo!" Phoenix screamed. "Why did you submit these?"
"I didn't mean to, Nick. It just happened. I swear," Maya said.
"Somebody commented on your status:
Edgey-pooLover said: 'WHIPPERSNAPPER! You should be grateful for all the things life gives you, you selfish child!'" the computer read.
"...Oldbag is on Facebook? Noooooo! That's the worst thing that's happened so far!" Phoenix squeaked. "Quick! Turn off the computer!"
"What's the magic word, Nick?"
"PLEASE!" Phoenix screamed so loud Maya's ears were still ringing as she restarted the computer.

"we shouldgo Out sometime," the computer screen read. The message was from Phoenix, of course. Edgeworth's face paled.
He must be joking. Wright and his...shenanigans. Edgeworth thought. There's no way he's serious.
"Duuuuuuude," Laurice Shagginator commented. "I think he's serious."
"Shut up, Laurice. He wouldn't make all those typos if he was serious," the computer read. Edgeworth smirked and hit, "Submit."
"C'mon, Edgey. There's no need for that attitude," the computer screen read almost a second later.
Did he...know I'd say that? This is bizarre, Edgeworth thought.
"Besides, Nick's a great guy. Give him a chance. And, by the way, your status is ridiculous, and I don't use that word often."
"Status: Objecting," the computer read.
"But its the truth," Edgewoth typed back. "Unlike yours."
"Laurice Shagginator
Status: Making another masterpiece," the computer read.
In his pants, Edgeworth thought.
"I'm going to ask Wright about it in person," Edgeworth typed.
"Good for you, man. Enjoy your date." Edgeworth growled, but then the computer read: "Guess who?" by: Edgey-pooLover. Edgeworth's jaw dropped to the floor.
Not Oldbag. Please, please...
"Somebody commented on your status:
'I'll bet you're objecting very classily, Edgey-poo!" Edgeworth gagged at the message, picturing Wendy Oldbag's face as he read it. He shivered involuntarily and shut off the computer.
I'd better go see Wright, he thought as he headed out the door.

"Youmustbegreatinthesack," the computer screen read.
"Alright! I can't deny Nick speaks the truth. It's a little creepy that he'd know it, but still," Larry said upon seeing the message.
"we shouldgo Out sometime," the computer screen read on Edgeworth's page. Larry laughed so hard he cried.
"I can't believe Nick wrote that. Duuude, I gotta mess around with this a little. I wonder what Edgey would say if I did this!"
"Duuuuude, I think he's serious," Larry typed. He hit the "submit" button. "Maybe I should freak him out by sending something right after this. What would Edgey do? He'd get really angry, so..." Larry said to himself.
"C'mon, Edgey. There's no need for that attitude." Larry hit the submit button. Then, he read what Edgeworth typed.
"Shut up, Laurice. He wouldn't make all those typos if he was serious."
"I guessed right!" Larry proclaimed excitedly.
"Besides, Nick's a great guy. Give him a chance. By the way, your status is ridiculous, and I don't use that word often," Larry typed.
"I mean, 'Objecting?' Surely Edgey could do better than that," Larry said to no one in particular.
"But it's the truth. Unlike yours," the computer screen read. "I'm going to ask Wright about it in person." Larry laughed again.
"Good for you, man. Enjoy your date," he typed as he snickered.
"Man! Nick and Edgey...That would be one weird conversation...One I can't miss!" Larry shouted, running out the door and heading towards Wright and Co. Law Offices.

Kids today and their computers, Oldbag thought as she hooked hers up. We'll just see what this "Facebook" thing is...Hm...Username...
"Edgey-pooLover," Oldbag typed.
Password...
"Miles 25," she typed.
"Status: Dying without Edgey-Poo." What do they think I'll say?
Now, let's see what whippersnappers are using this thing today. There's that screaming, spiky-haired hooligan, Phoenix Wright.
"Status: Being tortured again."
What an ungrateful whippersnapper! I'll show him! Wendy thought as she typed: "WHIPPERSNAPPER! You should be grateful for all the things life gives you, you selfish child." I mean, when I was his age, I had to go to work sixteen hours a day and I had to walk uphill both ways with newspapers for shoes! Oh, look, it's Edgey-poo's page.
"Status: Objecting," the computer screen read. Oldbag swooned. Sounds just like something my Edgey-poo would say... She started fantasizing about her and Edgeworth going out on a romantic date...Edgeworth kneeling in front of her and pulling out a sparkly engagement ring with a huge, real diamond in the center. He looks into her eyes and says, "Wendy, I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I've been afraid you would reject me. I know I act disgusted whenever you're around, but that's just because I don't know how to confess my love to you. I love you so much, so I wondering...Will you marry me?"
"Yes, Edgey-poo! Yes!" Oldbag screamed excitedly, not knowing that she did that aloud. Edgeworth picks her up in his sexy arms and they walk out of the restaurant, everyone there cheering as they leave. Oldbag sighed, swooning once again. Her Edgey-poo leans toward her, lips puckered. Oldbag leans back to him, her eyes sparkling with delight. Then, Oldbag kissed the computer screen. She blushed, embarrassed that she did that for the tenth time that day.
"I'll bet you're objecting very classily, Edgey-poo," Oldbag typed hitting the "submit" button. Then, she actually read his page. She got really angry. Who was Phoenix to try to take her Edgey-poo away?
Don't worry, sweet Edgey-poo! I'll save you, Oldbag thought, running towards Wright and Co. Law Offices.

It was just an ordinary day for Franziska VonKarma. She whipped several foolish fools and defeated another random attorney in court. Yet she still felt a sort of emptiness. What was the point now that her perfect win record has been shattered and Miles Edgeworth managed to defeat her in court? Well, technically her foolishly foolish brother had only gotten a suspension, but still. Then, someone knocked on the door. It was a futuristic UPS guy who told her to sign for her package. Once she had perfectly signed her name, the man brought in the perfect, shiny, aquamarine laptop.
It was about time, for Franziska had whipped clean through her last computer. She opened up the laptop with her gloved hands, lest she ruin the perfection of the object with fingerprint smudges and typed in her password in exactly ten seconds. Franziska had been told that she should join Facebook before, and her perfect memory never deceived her. It had been Miles Edgeworth himself who suggested the ridiculous idea. It sounded utterly foolish to join Facebook to Franziska, but she figured it was a way to waste time until her next court case in which she would crush her opponent yet again.
The computer wanted her to type in her username, a password, her e-mail address, and...It seemed there was some status thing she could fill in at will.
"Username: Perfect_Karma," Franziska typed at a perfect pace. She typed a random password that she would naturally remember perfectly for all time and her e-mail address. But what would be her status? Franziska thought about what she had done earlier that day and typed in her status as: "Whipping foolish fools for foolishly being foolish." Speaking of foolish fools, she wanted target practice. And who better than Phoenix Wright and that scruffy detective? She signed off, gently closed the computer after perfectly placing the keyboard cover and walked towards Wright and Co. Law Offices, ready to vent all of her anger on Phoenix Wright, the moron who always beat her through sheer, dumb luck.

"Hey, Gumshoe! I finally pooled all of my money together after saving for months, and, well, here," Maggey said, handing Gumshoe a huge box which she could barely lift.
"Oh, boy, pal! ...But my birthday's not for another six months..."
"This isn't for your birthday. It's for our one-month anniversary! Couples do that kind of thing all the time," Maggey stated with as much authority as she could. Gumshoe beamed as he opened the box that held his new computer.
"Whoooooop! Thanks, pal-er-my Magpie! I always wanted one of these!" Gumshoe screamed excitedly before bear hugging Maggey.
"It was....nothing...Gummy..." Maggey groaned as Gumshoe squeezed her like a tube of toothpaste. Gumshoe gently set her back down and started typing. Eventually, he got around to exploring the internet and stumbling across Facebook.
Username: GummyMagpieLover," Gumshoe typed.
"Is that okay, Maggey?" he asked. Maggey nodded and Gumshoe grinned from ear-to-ear.
"Status: Having the best time of my life, pal!" the screen read. Gumshoe hit the "submit" button.
"Ooh! There's a Hamburger Samurai!" Gumshoe clicked on Maya's page.
"Status: Eating hamburgers." Gumshoe laughed and typed, "I wish I could have burgers more often, pal, but with my salary so low..."
Then, he got an e-mail. Apparently, someone commented on his page. He looked at it, and it read, "i wanna **** youso Hard, maggie'd be jelous." Gumshoe gaped. Maggey stared.
"I knew it!" she blurted. "I knew my bad luck would rub off on the computer! This is all my fault..."
"No! That can't be, pal! Don't worry, I'll get this figured out. The one who typed that was none other than...Phoenix Wright?!" Gumshoe interrupted, shocked. "Er-I mean-Stay here, pal. I'll find out what's happening. I promise." He left without another word and headed for Wright and Co. Offices to get it all sorted out.

Edgeworth was the first to arrive in the confines of Wright and Co. He had his arms crossed as usual, using his fingers to pat his arms. He was hoping Wright would have something to say. Phoenix stared at Edgeworth, aghast. His gaping mouth never closing.
"Where are your manners, Wright?" Edgeworth asked. "Aren't you even going to say hello to an old friend?" Phoenix just stared. Maya had excused herself from the room to do some "Master of the Kurain Channeling Technique and other feminine" things, so the two were in the room. Alone. With Charley, the tree that looked as if it has been neglected recently.
"Very well, Wright. You can guess why I am here, so I guess I'll cut to the chase," Edgeworth said. He looked extremely tense, but he managed to keep a certain pleasantness in his voice. "You said we should go out sometime. I was wondering if...If you were serious. That's all."
"Um...Edgeworth, let me expla-" Phoenix began, only to get interrupted by a sneeze from Charley. "Do...Do plants...sneeze?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Wright," Edgeworth responded, pushing past Phoenix and moving the plant to reveal Larry. "When something smells, it's usually the Butz."
"L-Larry?! What are you doing here?!" Phoenix inquired, shocked.
"Um...Hey, dudes. I was definitely not spying on you or anything. I was just...Enjoying the very natural smell of Charley here." Phoenix face-palmed. Edgeworth's brow twitched dangerously.
"Listen, Larry," he began ominously. "Get out of here before I convince Wright to sue you for breaking and entering."
"Aw, come on, Edgey. You wouldn't do that to your friend, would ya?" Larry asked, shrugging off Edgeworth's threat. Edgeworth took in a breath to say something, but then...
"There you are, Edgey-poo!" Oldbag yelled excitedly, tackling Edgeworth, who shot Phoenix a pleading look before hitting the ground. "I can't believe I finally have my dreamboat here. All alone!"
"Alright! Edgey's finally getting some action," Larry commented enthusiastically.
"Um...Ms. Oldbag, there are two other people here..." Phoenix interjected.
"WHIPPERSNAPPER!" Oldbag shouted, not letting Edgeworth escape her clutches. He tried to lift her off of him, but she tangled herself around him, and now they were nose-to-nose.
I hope Edgeworth will be okay... Phoenix thought.

"Ow!" Oldbag screamed after getting whipped, letting go of Edgeworth.
"Foolish fool," Franziska said, now in the doorway of Wright and Co.
"WHIPPERSNAPPER!" Oldbag screeched, getting up and pulling out her ray gun, only to get whipped several more times until she passed out.
"F-Franziska VonKarma? What are you doing here?" Phoenix asked, getting whipped in response.
"What do you think I'm here for, Phoenix Wright?" she replied.
"Um...You got my message, didn't you?" Phoenix inquired, distraught. He got whipped again.
"...What message, Phoenix Wright?"
"Erm..." Franziska shoved past him and hijacked his musty, old, shabby, imperfect computer and logged in. "Whips. Kinky. ilike.
"...MORON!" she screamed, whipping Phoenix's computer in half before attempting to do the same to him. Then, Gumshoe came charging in.
"Okay, pal! You got some explaining to do!" he shouted. Then, he saw Franziska, and cringed. "Er...Did I come at a bad time, pal?" He got several whips as a response.
"Stop it, Franziska," Edgeworth ordered, grabbing her whip. "And let Wright explain."
"...Very well. Let's hear the foolish explanation of a foolishly foolish fool who always foolishly participates in Tom Foolery."
"Thanks," Phoenix said, getting back up. "Look, I didn't mean for anything to happen. Maya was using the computer, but it glitched up on her, so she switched to my account and accidentally sent everyone here except Oldbag a message. I'm sorry..."
"Why didn't you say so in the first place, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska asked, interrupting him.
"Um...I didn't really get much of a chance..." Phoenix replied.
"Indeed. Well, I feel foolish," Edgeworth commented. Franziska whipped Gumshoe.
"Ow! Hey, pal! What did I do?" Gumshoe inquired.
"You stole my word, Miles Edgeworth! You will pay for that," Franziska threatened before walking out of the office. Edgeworth "tsk"ed after her.
"Try as she might, she will never succeed..." Edgeworth said. "I should be going, Wright. It's been..." he shuddered. "Pleasant." He left, Larry chasing after him.
"I'm sorry, pal. Maggey was really upset, and I felt I had to get an explanation, you know?" Gumshoe asked.
"It's okay, Gumshoe. Just tell her it was all just a mistake," Phoenix answered. Gumshoe nodded and left.
"Well, it seems everything got cleared up, Nick," Maya said excitedly, emerging from the stair case.
"How long were you-?!"
"Why's Oldbag here?" Maya interrupted. Phoenix looked down and saw Oldbag's unconscious body.
"Son of a biscuit!" he shouted.

Phoenix slumped on the couch, as usual. Maya was at Kurain, undergoing intense spiritual training. Iris had returned to Hazakurian Temple after Phoenix told her he needed some time to think. And now he was the only one in Wright and Co...Except the plotted plant named Charlie. He smiled tenderly at the plant. Then, the phone rang, and Phoenix pounced on it, glad to have a distraction. But he changed his mind as soon as he heard the voice of the person who called.
"Yo, Nick!" Larry said. "How's it going?"
"Hi, Larry," Phoenix mumbled.
"You seem depressed, man! I have the perfect idea to solve this."
"None of your ideas are perfect," Phoenix snapped.
"Ouch, Nick. Ouch. Anyway, what do you look for in a woman?" Larry asked. Phoenix sighed. This was about the hundredth time he asked that question that week.
"If I tell you, will you stop calling?" Phoenix replied.
"No, dude! But I'll stop asking that particular question."
"Right..." Phoenix said. "I like my women sweet, gentle, and delicate, but that I can still relate to. She should be able to tell me anything, and I should be able to do the same with her. We should feel free to be honest with each other and..."
"What kind of hair?" Larry interrupted.
"I don't care about the hair, Larry," Phoenix responded. "As long as it's unique enough that I can pick her out from the crowd. Why?"
"Nick, how would you feel about a blind date?" There was a long, awkward silence after Larry asked that. On one hand, this was Larry. On the other hand, Phoenix desperately needed to leave for a while. Maybe it wasn't the worst idea ever...
"...Well...I guess it would give me an excuse to get out of the office..." Phoenix finally answered.
"Great, Nick! I know the perfect woman for you!" Larry hung up. Phoenix didn't yet realize what a huge mistake he had just made.

Phoenix ran to the Blue Palm, a restaurant that got it's name because of the blue palm tree logo. Blue palm trees were scattered about carefully, as if someone planned exactly where they should be before the restaurant was even built. The red carpet and green walls contrasted each other, and the roof looked like the night sky. Stars speckled the ceiling. It was breathtaking to Phoenix.
This place is probably really expensive... he thought, glancing at his watch. He was five minutes early.
"May I escort you to your seat, Mr. Wright?" the bellboy asked. Phoenix recognized his tan skin and black hair.
"Ah...Sure," Phoenix replied, glancing around anxiously. There wasn't anyone sitting alone, and Phoenix sighed. Relax, Phoenix. They're not supposed to be here for another five minutes... He took his seat.
"May I offer you something to drink?" the bellboy asked.
"Um...Yeah. I'll have a water," Phoenix replied hoarsely.
"Feel free to peruse the menu while you wait," the bellboy said, flashing Phoenix a brilliant smile before walking away.
Since Phoenix had no one to talk to, it gave him time to remember.
"Dude!" Larry said clearly in his memory. "I got you all set! All you got to do is go to the Blue Palm at 7." Phoenix imagined Larry giving him a thumbs-up. He heard the door open, and immediately sprung to life, but it wasn't his date. The woman walked right past him and to a table that already had three people sitting there. The man got up and kissed her. Phoenix was a little disgusted by this, and sat back down. Where was she?

Each minute felt like an eternity as Phoenix stared at his watch. He was sure he would bore holes into it after much longer. The bellboy asked him for his order for the second time. And Phoenix, again, told him to wait a while. He was still waiting for his date. Finally, quarter after 7, the door opened. Phoenix jumped up, expecting to see a cute woman. Possibly someone he knew. But it wasn't anyone of the sort. Miles Edgeworth strode through the door, and looked around, furtively. Where was his date?
"E-Edgeworth?! What are you doing here?!" Phoenix asked, surprised.
"Hello, Wright. It's been a while," Edgeworth calmly answered. "I'm here because I was told that I was the perfect man for my date, who should have been here fifteen minutes ago."
"Why were you so late, then?" Phoenix inquired.
"Just..." Edgeworth responded. "because..." He remembered how, as a teenager, he was going to go out on his first date.
"Now, listen, Miles Edgeworth," young Franziska ordered. "You're going out. So, let me explain. Showing up early makes you look desperate and like you have no life. Showing up on time means you're a perfectionist. Therefore, you must show up exactly fifteen minutes late, since that is the perfect time."
"Why?" Edgeworth asked.
"It makes you seem not too desperate, that you have a life, and that you cared enough to show up when you didn't need to, foolish fool. Now, let's practice till perfection!" Franziska responded. Edgeworth shuddered at the memory of that bloody afternoon.
"Because I have a life, Wright," he concluded.
"Okay...So, quite the coincidence that we have dates that haven't shown up yet, huh?" Phoenix inquired.
"Indeed," Edgeworth responded.
"Um...Edgeworth? Do you think we're...?" Phoenix asked, pointing between the two of them. "I mean..."
"Don't be ridiculous, Wright," Edgeworth interrupted.
"But...Larry did call us, and set this whole thing up. How do we know he didn't...er...?"
"Set us up?" Edgeworth cut across. "Because I didn't get a call from him. I got a call from your lovely assistant."
"So they're in cahoots!" Phoenix concluded. "For some reason..." Edgeworth scowled.
"Wright...I don't know what scares me more: that you leapt to that conclusion so quickly or that it actually makes sense," Edgeworth said. Phoenix's stomach growled.
"Well, Wright...As long as we're here...Sit down and get something to eat. We can discuss our revenge over dinner." Phoenix sat down, too hungry to think about anything else except what was on the menu.

"I got it," Edgeworth said, causing Phoenix to nearly choke on his ten dollar burger. They had been silently eating up till that point. Phoenix coughed up what was in his mouth before asking, "What's your idea?"
"Iris would do anything for you, right?" Edgeworth answered intensely.
"Erm...Yes. I'd like to think so," Phoenix stated.
"Then here is what we do: we convince Iris to go out with Larry. One time is enough, though she can choose to go on more dates. Once he thinks he has her, we'll fake Iris's murder." Phoenix turned blue in the face, nearly choking yet again. Edgeworth calmly got up and gave him the Heimlich Maneuver before continuing, "And Larry will be the main suspect. I'll prosecute the case, and you'll be his defense. But you're going to fail to find anything wrong with anything any of the witnesses say. Then, as soon as the judge is about to hand down his verdict, Iris will object. The case will be closed. Larry will be found 'Not Guilty.' Afterward, Iris will break up with him."
"Um...Edgeworth, isn't that taking it a little too far?" Phoenix inquired after several seconds of hesitation. Edgeworth smirked.
"That's the point, Wright." Phoenix gaped. "Now enjoy the rest of your burger."

"So...Uh...What's been going on?" Phoenix asked. Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "I-I mean, besides this." Edgeworth sighed.
"Wright...Why?" Edgeworth responded.
"Um...Because we're going to be here for quite a while and...um...I don't feel I really know what's been going on in your life recently. I haven't gone against you in any trials in the past few months, and I'm curious," Phoenix said awkwardly before stuffing his face with more of his burger.
"Hm...That is true. Okay, Wright. Let us engage in small talk. I have been prosecuting more cases. Few get 'not guilty' verdicts, but I have no regrets over the ones that do. Any talk about me forging evidence has died down," Edgeworth explained.
"That's good," Phoenix stated encouragingly.
"Indeed. Now there's a new rumor going around," Edgeworth said.
"Really?" Phoenix inquired.
"Yes. That I'm gay," Edgeworth answered.
"Oh..." Usually I'd laugh at something like that...
"So...uh...How are things on your end?" Edgeworth asked.
"Great! Yeah. I've been having the time of my life!" Phoenix replied.
"...There's no need to lie, Wright. I may not have your magatama, but you are a terrible enough liar that I don't need it." Edgeworth smirked.
Looks like I'll have to tell him the truth... Phoenix thought, chugging down his water.

"I've just..." Phoenix began answering, slowly. "I needed some time to sort things out. Iris is back in my life, but...I mean, I blush whenever I see her, but...Things have changed since college." Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "I mean...I...I don't know how I feel right now. About Maya, I mean...I think I might...You know...Love her." Edgeworth sighed.
"Wright...Are you sure?" he asked.
"I think...I think I am. I love both of them. So, what do I do?" Phoenix answered.
"To be honest, Wright...I figured this might happen. After that trial, I knew you would come to terms with these...Feelings," Edgeworth said.
"W-whaaaat?!" Phoenix inquired, shocked.
"You're not exactly subtle, Wright. You blush every time you see Iris, but you attempted to cross a burning bridge for Maya. Did you really think nobody would notice that?" Edgeworth replied.
"Er..."
"You love two people. Congratulations. Now, Wright, you have to ask yourself: in what way do you love each of them?" Phoenix looked confused. Edgeworth sighed. "You probably aren't in love with both of them, Wright. In all likelihood, you love one like family, and are in love with the other one. Once you figure out which one it is for each of them, you'll figure out how to proceed from there. You're a relatively intelligent man."
I can't believe it! Edgeworth called me smart! Phoenix thought.
"Don't let that go to your head, Wright," Edgeworth warned. "Hm...It seems we have been here a long time." Phoenix looked at his watch. It was 9:30.
"Woah! It's past my bed time!" Phoenix said. Edgeworth smirked.
"Let's go, Wright. I've already paid," Edgeworth explained.
"Er...Thanks, Edgeworth," Phoenix said awkwardly as he got up. "I guess I'd better get to the nearest bus stop."
"That won't be necessary, Wright. I'll drive you back to Wright and Co." He saw Phoenix's shocked face. "Unless you have a problem with that."
"Er...No. Thanks, again, Edgeworth." Edgeworth bowed characteristically.
"You're welcome, Wright. After you." Phoenix started leaving. What's with Edgeworth? he thought. And why is he so nice all of a sudden? He walked out of the restaurant, Edgeworth behind him.

"Um...Edgeworth...Er..." Phoenix began, "Um...Nice car?"
"Indeed. It is nice. I have nice things," Edgeworth said. "Since I make boatloads of money. Being a prosecutor and all."
"Erm...Yeah...So, uh..."
"Wright, if you want to begin a conversation, you'll have to do better than that," Edgeworth said. "Any new cases?"
"Um...No, but...If we do your evil...I mean, your plan, then..." Phoenix spluttered.
"...Wright, if you don't want to do it, then..." Edgeworth said.
"No, no! I want to do it. Revenge. Haha," Phoenix interrupted. "But isn't your plan taking it too far? Maybe we should get an explanation first." Edgeworth sighed.
"Wright, Lotta Hart was at the restaurant. The "prank" will be all over the news. Do you really want them to get off Scot-free for it?"
"Um...No," Phoenix answered.
"Then I suggest you either come up with another plan or quit complaining."
The rest of the ride to Wright and Co. was silent as Phoenix and Edgeworth were absorbed in their thoughts.

Phoenix ejected himself from Edgeworth's car.
"Thanks for tonight, Edgeworth," Phoenix said. He turned to leave.
"Wait, Wright," Edgeworth responded, getting out of the car and walking over to Phoenix. "I...Well...I had a good time tonight, Wright, and I was thinking...Well...Perhaps we shouldn't get our revenge."
"W-whaaat?!" Phoenix asked, shocked.
"While I...Don't approve of his deceit and...Really, anything about him, I...Must admit...Wright...When was the last time we actually talked to each other outside the courtroom?"
"Um..."
"Exactly," Edgeworth said. "Larry and Maya trying to get us to go out romantically was wrong, but...We should go out as friends more often, Wright."
"Edgeworth..."
"I digress. Tonight was nice. We should hang out and catch up with what's been going on in each others' lives more often," Edgeworth said. Phoenix gaped.
"E-Edgeworth..."
"If you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll sue you, Wright," Edgeworth threatened. Phoenix smiled.
"Thanks, Edgeworth." Then, Edgeworth's car started, but he was still outside. Phoenix and Edgeworth looked and watched in horror as someone stole Edgeworth's car. Phoenix looked at Edgeworth, trying to gauge his reaction. He was paler than usual and trembling. So angry, he wouldn't speak or scream.
"Come on, Wright. I guess I'm stuck going to your office while we wait for the police," Edgeworth said with difficulty before turning around and walking away.

"Wright! This is all your fault!" Edgeworth shouted in Wright and Co.
"How? I didn't do anything," Phoenix responded.
"Um...Indeed, you didn't, but can't you see I need a scapegoat right now?!" Edgeworth asked angrily.
"Um...Okay? I'm sorry?" Phoenix responded.
"Apology accepted, Wright. Just never do that again," Edgeworth warned.
Never do what? Is Edgeworth going crazy? Edgeworth pulled out his cell phone and started dialing the number for the police department, which he had memorized by then. "Hello. Yes, my car was stolen...Mmm-hmm...Okay. Thank you, Gumshoe." He hung up the phone.
"The police won't be here for a while, Wright. What is there to do is this... Charming little...Place?" Edgeworth asked, trying extremely hard not to insult the place he was now stuck in.
"There's law books," Phoenix replied, saying the first thing he could think of that might interest Edgeworth, who looked at the bookshelf in interest.
"...I already read all of those, Wright," Edgeworth said.
Of course. He would.
"Um...There's...Watching TV," Phoenix suggested. Edgeworth shot him a warning look.
"...What do you have for board games?" Edgeworth inquired after a pause.
"Um...All we have are Steel Samurai Monopoly, Steel Samurai: The Board Game, Steel Samurai Adventures, and Steel Samurai cards which we could duel with," Phoenix answered lamely.
"...Let's duel, Wright," Edgworth said after seriously considering all options.
"Really?!"
"Well, it certainly would be interesting," Edgeworth responded.
"Um...I guess I can't really say 'no...'" Phoenix walked over to the back room and removed an enormous tin box of cards.

"Looks like I get to go first, Wright," Edgeworth said, smirking. He beat Phoenix at the preliminary "Rock, Paper, Scissors" match that determined who went first.
"I play Steel Samurai," he announced, putting down the card.
"No! You have that already?! But that's the best card..." Phoenix complained.
"Not yet, Wright. He gets 500 more attack points for every card he defeats," Edgeworth responded. "Better have a good card, or you're pretty much toast."
I can't believe how much he enjoys this... Phoenix thought, staring at his hand. All he had was a bunch of traps, most of which would be useful if he had anyone to protect his own..."Samurai Points." There was another version where you go by "Samurai Levels" and the first to 100 won, but both Phoenix and Edgeworth decided this way was less complex.
"I play...'Magistrate's Evil Hand,'" Phoenix responded. "Not only do I steal 500 of your Samurai Points, but I also weaken the Steel Samurai, bringing his attack points down to a measly 200. Plus, when I play the Evil Magistrate, he would get 1000 more attack points."
"But you don't have him yet, do you?" Edgeworth asked.
"N-no..." Phoenix replied. "In fact, it's your turn again." Edgeworth raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, Wright. Prepare to meet your maker," Edgeworth warned.
"Yeah...Whatever, Edgeworth. I'll beat you like I always do," Phoenix retorted. "In court."
Edgeworth scowled and picked up a card...

"I play the Brave Sword card. This allows me to give my Steel Samurai 800 attack points," Edgeworth said.
"E-eight hundred?" Phoenix asked.
"Yes, Wright. Read the card if you don't believe me. Now, I attack your Samurai Points directly. Now you're down to 4000. In addition, my Steel Samurai gets an additional 500 points for the successful attack. Your move, Wright," Edgeworth replied.
"Then, I play these two cards face down and summon the Evil Magistrate!" Phoenix exclaimed. "He now has 2000 attack points, more than enough to take down your Steel Samurai!" Edgeworth didn't look worried.
"Attack, then," he said calmly. Phoenix was sure he was just putting on the poker face in order to scare him.
"I shall!" Phoenix shouted, immediately regretting it.
"I play, 'Yangu Samurai's Shield,'" Edgeworth said. "This protects the Steel Samurai from being destroyed, as well as my life points. In addition, it brings the Yangu Samurai back from the graveyard and onto the field."
"Objection!" Phoenix shouted forcefully. "First of all, you can't play trap cards from your hand-"
"Come on, Wright. We're not in a courtroom. Put that accusing finger down. And this one is a rare exception. It can be played directly from my hand whenever it's needed, provided, of course, that I-"
"Secondly, you never played the Yangu Samurai card," Phoenix pushed. Edgeworth didn't even flinch or lose his composure.
"I was getting to that, Wright. Provided I sacrifice the Yangu Samurai as soon as I play it, I can play this card at will. If you don't believe me, read the card," Edgeworth argued. Phoenix growled.
Did I just...growl? Over a card game?
"Wright...I can't believe you just did that," Edgeworth said, smirking. "It's merely a child's card game."
"Yeah. I know," Phoenix responded pitifully. "Anyway, it's your turn."

"Okay, Wright. I'm going to end this duel immediately," Edgeworth said, hearing the police siren. An officer would be there any second. There was no more time to waste.
"I activate Yangu Samurai's special ability," he continued. "Five swords. It gives my Steel Samurai to use five of my sword power-ups at once. The Storm sword, which increases his attack points by 400, the Steel Katana, which brings up his attack by 700, the Sword Of Truth, Sword of Justice, and Sword of light, which, all combined, change the Steel Samurai into his ultimate form, giving him 5000 attack points, excluding the power-ups. Now, do the math, and...He now has 6900 attack points."
"6-6900?! How?!" Phoenix asked, amazed.
"The Steel Samurai didn't have to drop his Brave Sword that gave him his 800. Add that to 700, you get 1500. Add that to 400, and you get 1900. Put in the 5000 attack points he already has, and you get..."
"A lot of trouble," Phoenix concluded.
"And now...Steel Samurai, destroy the Evil Magistrate!" Edgeworth commanded. "That would mean...You lose 4, 400 life points."
"Nooooooo!" Phoenix screamed over dramatically.
"Please, Wright. It's just a card game," Edgeworth said.
"I will beat you next time, Edgeworth! You'll see!" Phoenix shouted determinedly.
"I'd like to see you try, Wright. Now, shouldn't you get the door for the police officer outside?" Edgeworth asked.

Phoenix opened the front door after trudging to it and hanging his head in defeat. He was greeted immediately.
"Hey, Nick," a familiar voice said. Phoenix adjusted his eyes.
"L-LARRY?!" he screamed, shocked.
"Woah, Nick! No need to shout! This is only my job until my artistic career takes off," Larry replied, rubbing his ears. "So, what seems to be the problem?"
You! Phoenix thought. "Edgeworth's car got stolen."
"Oh, that's terrible, Nick. Looks like he'll have to file a report," Larry responded. "Good thing I'm here to help him, huh?" He tried getting inside the offices, but Phoenix was still standing in his way.
"Larry...I don't think it's a good idea for you to come in. Edgeworth's..." Phoenix warned, but Larry disregarded him. "Come on, Nick. Edgey wouldn't do anything to me," Larry interrupted, pushing past Phoenix and into the offices.
Bad idea, Larry...

Larry walked through the doors of Wright and Co., where Edgeworth was waiting. He broke his composure as soon as Larry walked in. How could he become a police officer? Of all people.
"Yo, Edgey. I'm here to help you file a police report," Larry said obliviously.
"Larry..." Edgeworth began in a menacing tone, "Get out of here."
"Come on, Edgey. I can't leave a friend hanging out to dry, can I?" Larry asked.
"Leave or I cannot be held responsible for what I do to you..." Edgeworth replied.
"Dude. Did I come at a bad time?"
"ANY time is a bad time with you, Larry!" Edgeworth roared, rising up and picking Larry up by his shirt collar. "What were you thinking?!"
"About what?" Larry inquired.
"..." Edgeworth dropped Larry. "You're right. Naturally, you wouldn't have a single clue what you did wrong." He quickly regained his composure. "I apologize for forgetting how stupid of a person I was dealing with."
"Hey, no problem, Edgey," Larry said.
"Now, tell me...Where did you come up with the idiotic notion that Wright and I wanted to go out with each other?" Edgeworth asked dangerously.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Edgey," Larry replied, but he was clearly lying.
"Don't give me that," Edgeworth said, barely able to stop himself from shouting. "Someone arranged a blind date between Wright and I."
"Really? How'd that go?" Larry inquired. Edgeworth's jaw clenched. Everything did go well up until his car was stolen, but he couldn't tell that to Larry. Not in a million years.
"It was horrible," Edgeworth responded through gritted teeth. "And you set us up."
"Me? You don't have any proof it was me!" Larry insisted.
"As a matter of fact, I do," Edgeworth replied. "Wright's cellphone. We call the most recent number on there, and we'll get you. Do you want to change your answer, or do you want us to play back your messages as well." The fury in his eyes would normally be enough to force anyone to break. Larry looked worried for a second, but then he put on his familiar smile.
"So what if I did, dude? It's not like anything bad came of it. It was just a practical joke," Larry said.
"Why are you here, again?" Edgeworth asked.
"Because your car was stolen, Edgey," Larry replied. "...Oh."
"That's right. That's what happened thanks to our date!" Edgeworth yelled. "So, what do you say, now, Larry?"
"Hey! Um...I wasn't the one who stole your car. I also got help from someone..."
"Wright's assistant, Maya, perhaps?" Edgeworth interrupted.
"How did you know?!" Larry blurted out.
"Because I'm psychic. Now, why did you do it? What would you gain from us going out?"
"...Nothing, Edgey. Nothing at all," Larry replied.
"Hm...Somehow, I doubt that. Some laughs...Or maybe...This was a practical joke, according to you. But why now? Why today?" Edgeworth asked.
"Wow, Edgey...You don't even know what day it is?" Larry answered. He got confused looks from both Edgeworth and Phoenix. "It's April Fools' Day."
"So, that means my car being stolen...That was a prank as well?" Edgeworth inquired.
"Nope. Sorry, Edgey."

Edgeworth glared at Larry as if he was trying to bore holes in his head. Larry's head remained whole, but he fidgeted under the glare. Edgeworth, without moving a single other muscle, grabbed Larry by his shirt collar and pulled him so close, they were practically nose-to-nose.
"Give me my car back," Edgeworth ordered angrily.
"Edgey, dude, I didn't steal your car," Larry protested uncomfortably.
"Give me my car back," Edgeworth repeated even more intensely than the last time. "Or you'll buy me a new one. Same model. Same color. And that cost me $50,000, but it will cost more for you. The dealer was a good friend of mine." Larry began to sweat, an extremely worried look on his face. "I don't care how you find it, just do it." He dropped Larry, who fell on his behind with a small yelp. Then, Larry got up and brushed himself off, as if this sort of thing happened all the time.
"Hey, don't worry, Edgey. I know a guy who's good friends with a detective, man. We'll get your car back," Larry said, giving Edgeworth a thumbs-up sign. He backed away until he was out of Edgeworth's sight. Then, he ran over to Phoenix.
"Nick! Call that detective. What's his name? Dumbboot!" Larry commanded.
"It's Gumshoe," Phoenix corrected.
"Yeah. Whatever, man. I'm in serious trouble here!"

"Whatcha doin', Nick?" Maya asked, trying to peek over Phoenix's shoulder.
"I'm sending an e-mail to everyone I know," Phoenix replied. "What is your best Independence Day memory?" He hit the "send" button.
"My best memory? It was...Back when Mia and I were little. Mom took us to the city for a while. We got ice cream and watched the fireworks. It was so pretty," Maya recalled. "What about you, Nick?"
"Me? It was back when Dahlia...When Iris and I were dating. We went to a lake and saw all the fireworks go off. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Phoenix replied. He put his hand behind his head and blushed.

Ema Skye looked at her inbox. One was from a certain mr.wright@earhlink.net. She read the e-mail: "What is your best Independence Day memory?" Ema sighed.
"It was a year after that case...Damon Gant was arrested, and Lana was back to her normal self. I made my own fireworks! Some of them didn't work, and others exploded too soon, but still..." she typed, hitting the "send" button when she was done. Then, a burst of inspiration. She could recreate that. Ema rushed to visit Lana, and hopefully forge a new memory.

Edgeworth looked at the e-mail from mrwright@earthlink.net. It was a ridiculous question...Or was it?
"It was...Before Dad died. You, Larry, and I were at my house, in the lawn. We saw fireworks from miles away. Do you remember that, Wright?" Edgeworth typed with difficulty. Someone knocked on the door and let themselves into his office.
"Mr. Edgeworth, Sir," Gumshoe's familiar voice said. "It's late. You'll miss all the fireworks."
"My work is far more important than any lights in the sky, Detective," Edgeworth responded. "...You may leave if you wish, though."
"R-really? Thank you, Sir." Gumshoe left the office, and Edgeworth became inspired. It was time to visit a certain other prosecutor.

"Where's the response from Iris?" Maya asked.
"She...Doesn't have a computer..." Phoenix replied hesitantly.
"Oh, that's too bad, Nick. I really wanted to know what her best memory was," Maya said. She sighed. Was she...Jealous? When Phoenix thought about it, she did seem a little upset when the best memory he had was when he was dating Iris. He turned to Maya, and felt like he had to do something. He gently grabbed her hand.
"Come on, Maya," he ordered, pulling her somewhere into the darkness...

"Maggey. Look. An e-mail," Gumshoe said. He clicked on it and read.
"My best memory was back when I was first starting as a detective. Mr. Edgeworth and I worked a few cases together, and he was going to work right through Independence Day like he would any other day. I couldn't let him do that, so I dragged him outside and we saw the fireworks. Er...Couldn't really see 'em over the buildings, but still…” Gumshoe typed as a reply. He sent it to Phoenix’s e-mail address.
“Wow. That’s your best memory, Detective Gumshoe?” Maggey asked.
“Yeah, pal. It made me feel good to let Mr. Edgeworth celebrate with me,” Gumshoe replied.
“…Let’s go, Dick,” Maggey ordered, dragging Gumshoe out of the chair and heading for the door.
“Woah! Where are we going, pal?”
“To let you see the fireworks,” Maggey replied.

“Miles Edgeworth? What are you doing here?” Franziska asked. The magenta clad prosecutor entered her office and bowed respectfully when she questioned him.
“Franziska…I have something to ask you,” Edgeworth replied. Franziska raised her whip.
“What is it, Miles Edgeworth?” she inquired.
“…What is your best Independence Day memory?” Edgeworth responded. Franziska glared at him. It was a foolishly foolish question.
“My best memory, Miles Edgeworth, was when I first became a prosecutor. I had a perfect case, and put a foolishly foolish fool behind bars that day. Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?”
“Ah. I see.” Edgewoth bowed. “Would you do me the honor of joining me?”
“Ha! I have a perfect case to prepare. I have no time for foolish holidays,” Franziska answered. Edgeworth shuddered a little, recalling when there was a time he would have paraphrased the same thing.
“Please come with me, Franziska. As a personal favor,” Edgeworth said.
“Are you…Begging me to come, Miles Edgeworth?” Franziska questioned.
“…Indeed, I am.”
“Then I shall join you. But only because you’re my brother.” Edgeworth was relieved, but he didn’t show it as he opened the door for Franziska.

“Ema?” Lana inquired to the girl in front of her.
“Um…Hello, Lana. I came here to celebrate with you,” Ema responded.
“But…I’m Chief Prosecutor, still. I have cases to overlook,” Lana said hesitantly. Ema had expected she’d say that.
“Scientifically speaking, you can leave that work for tomorrow,” Ema pointed out. Lana wanted to say she couldn’t, but she saw her sister’s eager face, and couldn’t refuse.
“Okay, then. Let’s go, Ema,” Lana demanded, locking arms with Ema and leaving the building.

Kids today and their computers, Oldbag thought as she looked at the e-mail from the spiky haired whippersnapper. She swooned as she recalled with perfect clarity the best Independence Day she had experienced. She was staring out the window, daydreaming of Edgeworth. Then, she saw a firework light up the sky, a heart over Edgeworth’s office. It had to have been from him. She had a crazy idea, and ran from her house as fast as her feet could carry her.

“Howdy, y’all. This is a great Fourth of July here at Gourd Lake,” Lotta said into a camera.
“Look, Maya,” Phoenix requested. Maya looked around. Edgeworth, Franziska, Ema, Lana, Maggey, Gumshoe, and Oldbag were all there, staring at the fireworks. They were so beautiful.
“Nick, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Maya said excitedly. Without thinking, she hugged Phoenix, who hugged her back.
“This is a great place for romance,” Lotta continued, pointing the video camera at Phoenix and Maya.

“Why did you bring me here, Miles Edgeworth?” Franziska asked, looking up to the sky. “These are all imperfect!”
“Maybe the fireworks’ imperfection is what makes it so beautiful,” Edgeworth replied.
“Perhaps,” Franziska said, crossing her arms. Edgeworth smiled.

“Wow. I haven’t seen anything this beautiful in years. Ho ho ho,” Gumshoe commented. He grabbed Maggey’s hand and they turned to each other, stars in their eyes. Maggey looked down and saw a quarter. She picked it up and smiled.

Ema explained the science of everything that was going on, and Lana smiled. Just like old times.

It was a wonder that all those people were staring at the same fireworks, but they were all thinking about different things.

“What is your best Independence Day memory?”

“It was earlier this year…” Phoenix began.

“Franziska realized not everything needs to be perfect,” Edgeworth replied.

“My brother finally shared some of his wisdom with me. He treated me like I was family,” Franziska said.
“If you tell anyone I said that, you will feel the fury of my whip.”

“I got to spend time with Maggey,” Gumshoe responded.

“I finally had some good luck!” Maggey shouted.

“I got to see the glee in my sister’s eyes,” Lana answered.

“Lana and I got to celebrate together like in the old days,” Ema replied.

“Edgey-poo looked happy, and I know it was because he saw me,” Oldbag responded.

“I got to see Master Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick on TV,” Pearl said.

“I was able to spend time with my half-sister, Pearl,” Iris answered.

“I got a job thanks to the report on Gourd Lake’s Independence Day celebration,” Lotta replied.

“Maya and I celebrated without any consequences. I got to see her smile genuinely,” Phoenix concluded.

“Nick and I shared something special,” Maya said. “And it is something neither of us will soon forget.”

Lida_Rose walked away. Her work was done.

"Whatcha thinking about, Nick?" Maya asked to the lost-in-thought Phoenix, who had ignored her the other five times that past minute. He was staring at something he got in the mail.
"I got an invitation...To my high school reunion," Phoenix replied. "I don't know whether I should go. I mean, Larry was my only friend in those days...Everyone else was a little mean." He turned away from the invitation and looked Maya in the eye. "Besides, I'd much rather stay here and..."
"Clean the toilet?" Maya interrupted. "...I never got to go to high school myself, Nick. I was too busy focusing on being a spirit medium after Mom left...And then Mia went away as well..." She looked down sadly.
"What?! But...But you certainly seem as smart as, no, smarter than most high school students," Phoenix interjected. Maya smiled.
"I was home schooled," she said. "But it's really different in an actual high school, isn't it? You should go to that reunion, Nick."
"B-but, everyone else there besides Larry will have a wife or something. I'll look like I'm some kind of loser if I don't-" Phoenix began.
"I'll pretend to be your girlfriend or fiance or whatever. I always wondered what high school reunions were like," Maya interrupted excitedly. Phoenix smiled.
"Well, if you're sure...We'd better get going." He grabbed Maya and they walked to the bus stop.
"Nick, shouldn't you get a car? You know...At least pretend you can drive?" Maya inquired as they sat down.
"First, I don't have enough money to buy a car. Secondly, I don't have a license," Phoenix answered.
"I know Nick, but still..." Maya said. "And I probably should have changed into something fancier. I mean, what am I thinking? These clothes are a little plain for this sort of event, aren't they?"
"Relax, Maya. You look beautiful," Phoenix responded. "Haha! It's my reunion, and you're the one who's nervous." He didn't know why that was so funny, but he didn't stop laughing until the bus stopped at the high school.

Phoenix and Maya walked into Crest Falls High, over to the familiar cafeteria.
"It's amazing how little has changed since we went here," Phoenix said. "The lunch I spilled is still here." He gave it a disgusted look.
"Hey, is that...Phoenix Wright? Squeee!" a woman shouted. Phoenix was instantly tackled by three cute, blond women. Cute, blond, desperate women.
"Marry me!"
"No, marry me!"
"You know I always loved you," the three girls said. Phoenix gently pushed them off.
"I have a girlfriend," he said. The three women looked at him blankly.
"So?" one of them asked, and the three of them began moving in again. Phoenix backed away...Right into a big, burly man.
"Sorry," he said, turning around.
"Well, if it isn't Phoenix Wright," the man responded. Phoenix looked at the man, and immediately had absolute hatred in his eyes.
"Hello, Brody Armstrong," he greeted with loathing. Maya's eyes darted between the two.
"You knew each other?" she asked casually.
"Yeah, we did," Brody replied. "I used to mop the floor of the boys' room with his spiky hair. Those were good times."
"For you," Phoenix shot back. Brody shrugged.
"It wasn't my fault you never paid protection money," he said. Phoenix's face grew a nasty shade of red.
"I could never afford it," Phoenix responded through gritted teeth.
"But your friend could, couldn't he?" Brody taunted. Phoenix grew even redder. "I remember, I would be using you to mop the floor, but your friend, Larry, was it? He would just stand there and watch as you tried to fight back, floundering around like a fish out of water. And he never once tried to help you for fear that he would be beaten up, too."
"That's enough," Phoenix answered angrily.
"And then there was one time I decided to let him join in. I told him to beat the crap out of you or else our contract would be broken."
"I said that's enough!" Phoenix shouted.
"And he did it. He beat the crap out of you. And you never even tried to fight back like the wuss you were."
"Enough!" Phoenix yelled. He punched at Brody, who grabbed his hand and threw him aside like he was nothing. He walked towards him, but Maya got in the way.
"Leave Nick alone," she ordered. Brody stopped.
"Hey, you're a pretty face," he said. "Hm...Very well. I'll leave "Nick" alone if you go outside with me." Maya looked at Phoenix, who was getting back up. She cast him an apologetic glance before walking out of the high school with Brody.

"S-so...Uh...Why did you take me out here? So there would be no witnesses?" Maya asked. Brody laughed.
"No," he answered. "I just wanted to talk to you. You're incredibly sexy, you know that?" Maya blushed. "So, I was thinking...Would you like to model for me?"
"Whaaaaaat?! I-I mean...Me? A model?" Maya asked, dumbfounded.
"Of course. I run my own modeling agency, and you would be perfect for it." He leaned closer towards her, and Maya felt her hair stand on end. He put his enormous fist under Maya's head and pulled it up so Maya was making eye contact with him. "Absolutely perfect." Maya backed away. "What's wrong?"
"Um...I...I think you got the wrong girl," Maya answered as she continued to back away.
"Nonsense. You're gorgeous." He took one step forward and pulled Maya into a hug. "Absolutely gorgeous." He pinched Maya's butt.
"Let go of her!" someone shouted. Maya recognized that voice instantly. It was Nick.
"Want a rematch?" Brody asked, smiling a toothy grin. Phoenix stiffened.
"Just let her go," Phoenix replied.
"Fine," Brody said. He let go of Maya, who walked toward Phoenix...Only to be grabbed by Brody again. "After this." He pulled her into a kiss. Maya was too shocked to do anything. It was so unexpected and yet...She could feel herself relaxing. She liked it! She was vaguely aware of Phoenix screaming out in fury.
There was a sob from somewhere in the distance and the kiss stopped too soon in Maya's opinion.
"I thought we went over this, Brody," a woman said. Even in the darkness, she was clearly attractive, a vibe only Iris and Dahlia gave off in Phoenix's opinion. "And now you're doing it again!" She stomped her foot and walked away.
"Baby, come back. It wasn't what it looked like," Brody explained, bounding after the woman.
"Yes, it was exactly what it looked like, Brody. You were making out with some poor, unsuspecting girl. And I know why, too," she said, her voice shaking.
"You do?" Brody asked skeptically.
"Yes, I do. It's obvious you don't care about this marriage, and you certainly don't care about me," the woman snapped.
"Baby, that's not true at all-"
"I'm getting my things. This is the last straw," the woman said. A tear trickled down her cheek. "I'll see you in court." She looked down and walked away. Brody stood still for a while and Maya felt her head hurt. She felt dizzy.
"N-Nick," she stuttered. Phoenix turned to her and saw her shaking. He was going to try to comfort her, but he didn't get the chance. Brody turned maliciously toward the two. His eyes seemed to glow red.
"You made my wife run away. I'LL KILL YOU!" he shouted, running straight towards Maya. Phoenix jumped in the way and gulped as Brody approached.
"Get out of here, Maya. I'll try to stop him, or at least stall him. Just go," he whispered. Maya nodded and began running toward the high school, but she collapsed along the way.
Maya...Please be safe, Phoenix thought as Brody rammed into him. He fell only to get back up. This put fuel on the fire and Brody showed no mercy. Phoenix could feel himself getting hit everywhere and everything passed by in a blur. He saw a fist coming towards his face, then nothing at all. Then, he saw the image of Maya on the ground not far away.
No! Maya! He then felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He became aware he was being pulled up by his hair. Suddenly, he was on the ground again, blood coming out of his mouth. But he didn't see Maya at all.
"Ugh...Maya..." he mumbled, feeling himself get hit again. Everything went black.

Brody raised his fist. There was no way he'd let that asshole, Phoenix Wright, get away with destroying his life.
"Stop!" someone shouted, and Brody obeyed, stopping short.
"Who are you?" he asked, turning toward the familiar voice and leaving Phoenix alone for a few moments.
"You can't tell me you don't recognize your own mother, Brody," she replied. Brody was freaked out by this. He put his head down.
"You can't be Mom...She died years ago..." he tried to reason.
"So, what? Since I died, you can't take responsibility for your own actions, is that it?" the lady asked. Brody looked up.
"H-huh?!"
"I've been watching you, Son," she responded. "You are a major disappointment to me. I thought you wanted to change the world for the better, not pick on those weaker than you." Brody didn't know what to say to this. His mother, in Maya's body, grabbed his shoulder. "I know he reminds you of your father, but he isn't him. Not at all. Are you really willing to kill him for no reason?" Brody glared at his mom and clenched his fists. "Brody...Look at that man. Look at what you've done to him. And all because he got in your way." She glared back at her son. "Leave him alone. He has done nothing wrong."
"But...Lucy..." Brody choked out.
"Has left you because of your actions. Not his. And it still isn't too late. You can still stop her from moving away." Brody sobbed. "Don't cry, Son. Not until the end." She hugged Brody. After a few seconds like that, she pushed him back and looked him in the eye.
"Look, Brody, I don't have much time left. But know this: you are strong and smart. You are capable of doing great things. You always have been. Now is the time to choose. Do you want to be a good guy and repair your relationship? Or do you want to be a bad guy and kill this man who has never wronged you in any way?" Brody looked down. "You don't have to answer right away. I'll know soon enough what you'll choose. But you also need to know that I love you. Always have and always will." She gave him one last hug. Then, she walked away.
"Mom?" he asked in a dreamlike state. He looked around, but he didn't see her anywhere. It was as if she died all over again. Brody cried.

~*~

"Maya!" Phoenix screamed, waking up. He sat bold upright, but found it hurt to move. Everything was white and plain. He looked around as people in white coats conversed with each other. One seemed to notice him.
"Hello. I am Dr. Petrelli," he said. "Do you know where you are?" Phoenix didn't have to look around to know.
"A hospital..." he responded with a groan.
"Very good. Now, do you know why you are here?" Dr. Petrelli asked.
"Ugh...It might have something to do with all the pain..." Phoenix replied. "Pain...He came at me and...Maya!" The scream startled the doctor. "I have to see Maya!"
"You have to rest," Dr. Petrelli said. "You took quite a beating..."
"But...Maya..." Dr. Petrelli shook his head.
"I'll get her for you. Just be patient," he said. He walked away. Phoenix realized that it had hurt to talk. He was sore everywhere. What happened? He couldn't remember...
"Nick!" Maya called. Phoenix inclined his head to see her. "You look terrible, Nick." Phoenix smiled slightly, an action he regretted as the pain came hard. He winced.
"W-what happened, Maya?" he asked. Maya smiled.
"You saved me, Nick. Oh, and I had this note in my outfit..." Maya answered. "'Let's see...Please forgive my son, Brody. His dad killed me and then committed suicide, and he never got over seeing that. He can't get revenge, so he takes it out on anyone who looks like his father...Too bad that person happened to be you, Phoenix Wright.'
Sincerely,
Melissa Armstrong.' Do you know her, Nick?"
"N-no..."
"So, what do we do now, Nick?" Maya inquired.
"Well, I was thinking...We could do the usual. Watch Steel Samurai reruns," Phoenix replied. Maya's eyes lit up.
"Well, if we're going to do that, we have to watch episode 38 again, Nick..." she said. As Maya continued talking about episode 38 of the Steel Samurai, Phoenix grinned. While it hurt to do so, he couldn't help but feel everything was going to be just fine.

"Hey, Nick, I was thinking..." Maya began.
"A dangerous past time," Phoenix said.
"I know, but...Hey! That wasn't very nice, Nick," Maya responded as Phoenix laughed. "Anyway, you know those crazy adventures we keep going on?"
"Yeah," Phoenix answered.
"We should make a movie out of them!" Maya shouted excitedly. "I have all the security tapes and everything!"
"Um...What about the stuff that didn't show up on a camera?" Phoenix asked. Maya gasped.
"You're right, Nick. Hold on," she replied, typing on the computer.
"What are you doing?" Phoenix inquired.
"Well, you never know what's online. Perhaps someone on here has tapes or something...Or I could recreate everything on here or...Something. I just have a feeling we'll find something here," Maya answered. Phoenix sighed.
"Let me know when you're done, okay? I have some e-mail to check."

A few hours later...
"Nick, come here!" Maya shouted urgently.
"What is it?" Phoenix asked. "Are you finally done using the computer?"
"No, but look. It's really creepy," Maya responded.
"A Series of PW Events," Phoenix read aloud.
"Click on the spoiler tag, Nick," Maya ordered. Phoenix obeyed and gasped.
"S-she chronicled the marathon! And the hamburger eating contest. And our little facebook experience. Oh, dear."
"That isn't even the worst part, Nick. Look."
"P-people are responding to it?!" Phoenix asked, shocked.
"Yes, Nick. Look at how many people there are," Maya responded.
"Hold it! A-all these people know about this and don't do anything about it?!"
"We have got to find out who this person is, Nick. I'll call Gumshoe," Maya said. Phoenix stopped her.
"No, Maya. Knowing Gumshoe, he'd just get a kick out of this. No. We have to get Edgeworth. He will prosecute this person and put her behind bars."
"Um...Nick? How do you know this person's a she?" Maya inquired.
"Lida Rose, Maya. That username is quite obviously for a girl." He smiled. "I'll call Edgeworth and we'll get this all sorted out."

At the prosecution's office, Edgeworth had just finished his work for the day and was busy studying his cases, when Edgeworth's theme blared loudly from his cell phone.
"Wright? What is it?" he asked.
"Edgeworth, you have got to see this. Get over here now," Phoenix said urgently before hanging up. Edgeworth sighed. If Phoenix thought for one second that Edgeworth wanted to see another episode of The Steel Samurai, he was wrong. But he had nothing else better to do, so he went to Wright and Co.
"What is it, Wright?" he asked.
"Look!" Phoenix answered, pointing at the computer screen. Edgeworth's brow furrowed.
"This person knows of our blind date?!" he inquired.
"Y-yes, and..."
"All these things between you and me...They could damage my career! We've got to find out who this Lida_Rose person is!"
"I know. Lida Rose needs to be..."
"No, Wright. It's Lida underscore Rose. With an underscore," Edgeworth corrected. "Hm...I'll send her a PM. Just give me a moment to write it." And with that, Edgeworth commandeered the computer.

"W-what?!" Edgeworth asked grumpily. "Somebody actually wants to be involved in all this madness?!"
"Looks like your PM didn't do anything, Edgeworth," Phoenix said. "What now?"
"We'll find her, Nick! It can't be too hard," Maya insisted.
"Hahahahaha!" someone laughed. "You can't find me. You don't even know who I am. Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
"L-Lida Rose..." Phoenix said.
"No, it's Lida underscore Rose! With an underscore!" Lida shouted.
"We'll find you, Lida_Rose," Edgeworth warned.
"Yeah, right. There is no way for anyone to find me," Lida responded. Then, there was knock on her door.
"LIDA ROSE, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" Officer Meekins screamed into his megaphone.
"IT'S LIDA UNDERSCORE ROSE! WITH AN UNDERSCORE!" Lida shouted back before realizing what was happening.
"THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!" Meekins warned.
"Look, I can't go out yet. I have to finish typing this story," Lida responded.
"YOU HEARD HER, MEN! GO IN AND GET HER!"
Great, Lida thought. How did these guys find me anyway? Her door was banged down.
"Freeze!" A few officers shouted in unison.
"No, you freeze. I'm still typing," Lida said. Suddenly, none of the policemen could move. "I hope you understand. I don't want to disappoint any of my fans. Especially GDM, IlovephoenixwrightXD, and eliasbloodmoon." Suddenly, Lida was grabbed from behind, and began typing with her feet. "No! Please..." It was amazing how she still managed to have good grammar as she was dragged away from the co

"Phoenix punched himself in the face," Lida typed. Just when she finished, Phoenix's left hand balled into a fist and it went up and punched him in the face. He rubbed his cheek.
"Ow! What was that for?" he asked.
"I believe I proved my point," Lida replied. "Unless you'd like another demonstration."
"Um...No, that's okay," Phoenix said as the bailiff came up to take the computer. Lida tried to make him freeze so she would have the chance to explain what was happening to all of her confused fans, but it didn't work. The bailiff began prying the computer out of her hands, and Lida only hoped she wouldn't cut off mid-sen

The Day Before The Trial
Detention Center

Lida was sitting in the plain room, staring at the glass window. Before her was Phoenix Wright in his blue suit and attorney's badge.
"Thanks for coming," Lida said. "I know you probably didn't want to..."
"What's this about?" Phoenix asked. He seemed very agitated, and Lida was sure she knew what he would do.
"I would like you to be my lawyer," she replied, looking Phoenix directly in the eye. He shook his head.
"I can't defend you. I know you're guilty, so..."
"Then lose the trial on purpose!" Lida interrupted. "I don't care. I just need to be called to the stand once to clear my name, okay? I can't do that if I'm defending myself." She looked down. "Just give me a chance."
"Well...Okay. I'll defend you," Phoenix said. "Why don't you start by telling me the truth about this?" Lida laughed.
"I can't do that Nick...Er...Mr. Wright," she responded. "You'll have to wait till the trial to know. It will be a big surprise." She smiled. "Now, don't you have another case to work on?" It was clear to her that Phoenix was slightly frustrated by this, but he left without a word. She then decided the case Phoenix and Edgeworth were working on at the time would make a good fan fic, but she didn't have a computer with her, so she couldn't type one up. She sighed as the guard brought her back to her cell. This would be one boring day.

Trial Day
Courtroom

The spectators had filed in and talked among themselves as everyone waited for the judge, who didn't take long to enter. He banged his gavel, and the court became silent...Except for one person who shouted, "Objection!" Everyone turned to Lida, who blushed.
"Just practicing..." The judge cleared his throat.
"We are here for the trial of Lida Rose..."
"Objection!" Lida shouted, extending her finger to the judge. "It's Lida underscore Rose. With an underscore!"
"Er...Okay. We are here today for the trial of Lida underscore Rose with an underscore."
"Objection!" Lida shouted again.
"What is it this time?" the judge asked.
"It's just Lida_Rose," Lida responded.
"Fine. We are here today for the trial of Just Lida_Rose." Lida smacked her forehead. Oh, well. Close enough. "Is the prosecution ready?"
"Of course the prosecution is ready, Your Honor," Edgeworth answered.
"The defense is also ready," Phoenix said.
"The prosecution calls Detective Dick Gumshoe to the stand." As Gumshoe took the stand and began testifying, Lida zoned out.
"We arrested Ms. Lida_Rose because blah blah blah..." Gumshoe's voice explained.
"Objection! Blah blah!" Phoenix's voice shouted.
"Objection! Impossible blah blah blah," Edgeworth's voice responded.
"Overruled. Um...Blah," the judge said.
"Lida_Rose was blah blah blah blah."
"Hold it! BLAH! Blah blah blah blah blah!" Lida soon didn't hear anything that was going on as she lost interest. Until...
"Thanks, Detective. You may step down. The prosecution calls Officer Mike Meekins to the stand," Edgeworth said. And Lida zoned out again. Were they winning or losing? It didn't matter until Lida would be called to the stand. After a while, the judge declared a recess, but Lida didn't want to leave. Phoenix wound up having to drag her into the lobby where she sat down and waited for the trial to start again. It was pretty pathetic, but she could see the accusation in Phoenix's eyes, and she didn't want to put up with trying to talk to him.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was really only fifteen minutes, the court proceedings continued. Finally, Lida was called to the stand.
"I am Lida_Rose and I'm a full-time mom," Lida said, not wanting to waste time. She waited a minute, looking at all those eyes. They all thought she was guilty and she knew it, but she was determined not to lose her nerve. Lida did much better with big crowds anyway. She took a deep breath.
"I am no stalker," she explained simply. "My writings are all just things I make up off the top of my head and nothing more. The fact that they happened to describe certain events is a coincidence." She could tell no one bought it.
"Objection!" Phoenix shouted, extending his finger at her. "There is no way you could describe all these things so perfectly and have them just be coincidences!" Lida smiled.
"You're right. I've been wanting to tell the truth for a long time, so I might as well just spit it out." She looked around, making sure everyone was paying attention. "You are all nothing more than pixels. It's because I write these stories that they happen, not the other way around." The crowd gasped.
"Do you have proof to back this up?" Edgeworth asked.
"Yes. All the proof you need is on my laptop," Lida replied. The bailiff left and brought back Lida's laptop, where she typed Part 2.5 of her short. "See?" she asked. The camera zoomed in on all of their shocked faces. "But you guys can never know this truth, so I must disappear and make you all forget about this ever happening."
Well, if I'm going to forget this anyway... Phoenix thought. He tackled Edgeworth and kissed him passionately as Lida disappeared.

Shortly After
In Wright And Co. Law Offices.

"Ugh. What is that foul taste in my mouth, Wright?" Edgeworth asked. Phoenix looked at him blankly. Odd. I have the taste of jolly ranchers in my mouth, Phoenix thought.
"Why do you always assume I know the answer?" Phoenix responded.
"Hey, Nick!" Maya shouted. "I got an idea!"
"Yes, Maya?" Phoenix asked.
"DANCE PARTY!" Maya shouted, grabbing the uncomfortable-looking Edgeworth and swinging around with him. Phoenix shook his head and smiled. Oh, that Maya.

Meanwhile, Lida continued writing her fan fictions, protected by the fourth wall. Now, no bunch of pixels can ever find her as she forces them to go on all kinds of crazy adventures.

"Come on, Maya. You've already been on all the rides," Phoenix said to Maya, who was dragging him along.
"Yeah, but I haven't been in this building," Maya said excitedly as she pulled him into a wooden hut.
"Hello," a feminine voice greeted when they walked in. "Are you here for the hamburger eating contest? Hey, wait...You're Mister Wright!"
"M-Maggey Byrde?! What are you doing here?!" Phoenix asked.
"I am serving hamburgers. If you want to enter the contest, it'll cost ten dollars."
"Pay up, Nick," Maya said before running to the nearest table.
"But I only have ten dollars!" Phoenix said.
"That'll be twenty dollars," Maggey said.
"T-twenty?! I thought you said it was ten!"
"Yes, sir, but since you're paying, you're officially her partner, so-"
"W-WHAT?!" Phoenix stammered. Maggey held out her hand expectantly. Phoenix sighed and gave her his last twenty dollar bill. Then, he trudged over to Maya's table.
"The contest will begin in five minutes," Maggey announced.

"Hey, Nick, look! There are lots of familiar faces here," Maya said excitedly. "There's Gumshoe, Edgeworth..."
"What?! I could imagine Gumshoe being here, but Edgeworth?" Phoenix asked.
"Wright," Edgeworth said, noticing Phoenix and apparently overhearing what he said. "Would you believe me if I told you Gumshoe drugged me and carried my unconscious body here?"
"Um...No," Phoenix said. "But I don't believe you're here because you want to be, so I guess I'll just have to pretend I believe you."
"This is going to be fun, pal!" Gumshoe said excitedly. "I can't wait to win the prize!"
"Indeed," Edworth said, clearly not feeling the same way. "So, what brings you here, Wright?"
"What? Or who?" Phoenix asked. Maya glared at him.
"Ah, I see," Edgeworth said with a smirk. "Good luck."
"Yeah. Good luck to you, too," Phoenix said as Edgeworth and Gumshoe turned back around. Then, he heard some commotion.
"I'm sorry, sir, but it is recommended you have a partner," Maggey said.
"Ha! I only need one thing," a familiar voice said. "My cup of Joe." Godot took a sip of coffee and proceeded to sit down at an unoccupied table. Then, Maya gasped.
"Look, Nick," Maya whispered and pointed. Phoenix looked the direction Maya was pointing and gaped, only to get whipped.
"Ow!" Phoenix yelled.
"It's not nice to stare, Phoenix Wright," Franziska Von Karma said evilly. Manfred, who was sitting next to her, snapped his fingers.
"Begin the contest," he said before snapping for emphasis. "Now!"
"That doesn't work here, sir," a poor, wimpy looking man said.
"Would you prefer the taser?" Manfred asked.
Phoenix shivered and turned to look anywhere else. He caught a glimpse of Edgeworth's troubled face before seeing Lana and Ema Skye. Lana smiled warmly at him, and Phoenix smiled back. Then, he was jolted out of it by a conversation.
"Who is your partner, sir?" Maggey asked.
"I don't have a partner," Jake Marshall's voice replied. "We Texas desparados travel alone. My only companion is my steed, Billy, and he don't do so well with hamburgers."
Is his steed a horse or a car? Seriously!
"I thought your cactus's name was Billy," Ema interjected.
"Oh, Billy...I buried him this mornin'" Jake replied.
"I'm sorry..." Ema said sadly after a pause.
"He ain't had time to grow yet." Phoenix smiled while Jake sat down.
"Nick," Maya said. "I don't get it."
"I'll explain later," Phoenix said, trying not to laugh at Ema's shocked face.
Then the bell rang.

Phoenix looked around at all the competitors. Maya was gobbling down her burgers and so was Gumshoe. Edgeworth was watching with a huge scowl across his face. It was enough to make Phoenix crack up.
"Come on, Nick! We're losing," Maya said with a mouthful of food and accidentally spitting some burger onto Phoenix, who sighed and wiped it off his face. Then, he turned back around. Lana was slowly and graciously eating her burger while Ema was sticking various needles and probes into hers and scribbling in her notebook. Phoenix smiled. Then, he heard a whip crack, which snapped his attention to the Von Karmas.
"Put less ketchup on the burger, you foolish fool," Franziska screamed as she whipped the poor man in front of her.
"More mustard," Manfred said before snapping and screaming, "NOW!"
"B-but sir, there's no more..." a stuttering man began just before Manfred tasered him.
"MORE MUSTARD!"
Phoenix shivered and looked at Jake, who was putting burgers in his hat and lasoing the burgers on his plate before eating them. Then, Phoenix saw Godot and heard some of what he was saying.
"Come on, Joe. Help me win," he said, dipping a burger into his coffee. Phoenix snickered since he knew that would come back to haunt the coffee addict.
"We have hit the half-way point!" Maggey Byrde announced. Phoenix knew with Maya on his team, he couldn't lose. He smiled as he turned back to his plate so he could try to eat a burger...

Phoenix looked at the clock. The round would be over soon, and Maya was still cramming in as many burgers as she could. Gumshoe was also picking up the pace. Edgeworth was still scowling. Phoenix looked around the room.
"ROUND ONE IS OVER!" Maggey Byrde screamed. Just seconds before, the Von Karmas had ten burgers on their plates with the perfect amount of toppings with huge smiles on their faces.
"We are ready to begin," they said in unison. Poor Maggey got whipped and tasered when she said the round was over. Meanwhile, at the Skye table, Lana had probably managed three burgers, and Ema finally finished her probing the burger on her plate.
"I got the percentage of sodium in these burgers," Ema said. "It's-" And that's when Maggey interrupted with her announcement.
"I either eat the last bite of my hamburger and go on in the competition, or I can have my last sip of coffee," Godot said. He looked at the coffee. Then at the burger. Finally, he drank the last sip of coffee and spat it out. "This tastes like hamburger!" he screamed, outraged that someone had defiled his perfect cup of coffee. And that's when Maggey announced the round was over.
"Ordinarily, I would clear this whole valley of cattle and eat them all," Jake said, "But these cows probably had a terrible farmer. They don't even taste good. I still ate more'n Billy could've, though. That don't say a lot, but we desperadoes need something positive to look at in everythin'. Otherwise, we-" Maggey interrupted with her announcement.
Since Maggey was recovering, somebody else took the megaphone.
"We will now tally up the hamburgers. You had to have eaten at least fifteen to move on," he said.
"Jake Marshall: 10 burgers
Godot: 14 burgers
Skyes: 3 burgers
Von Karmas: 0 burgers
Edgeworth/Gumshoe: 25 burgers
Phoenix/Maya: 25 burgers.
That means we have a tie!" the man exclaimed. "Therefore, we need to move on to THE TIE BREAKER!"
Phoenix had a bad feeling about a tie breaker...

"Okay, for the tie breaker, we have here 100 hamburgers. Whichever team can eat all of the hamburgers in front of them first wins! On your mark...Get set...GO!" Maggey shouted. She recovered nicely from being whipped and tasered at the same time. Maya and Gumshoe promptly crammed as many burgers in their mouths as they possibly could. Phoenix stared at the burger in front of him. Edgeworth stared as well. At the same time, buoth of them picked up their burgers and took a bite. Edgeworth immediately spat his out.
"Ugh. Who made these grease balls?" he asked. "This is the worst burger I have ever had."
Not bad, Phoenix thought as he took another bite. Edgeworth sighed and eventually downed the greasy burger.
"I can't eat any more of these," Phoenix said. "They're too...greasy."
"Indeed. I personally don't know how anyone can stand these things," Edgeworth said. Then, Phoenix looked at Maya and Gumshoe, who had already downed 98 hamburgers each. Their hands were shaking as they each reached for the burger in front of them.
"Are you sure you want to meet the chef?" Maggey asked Edgeworth and Phoenix. They both looked at her. "Because he's coming out right now." Phoenix and Edgeworth stared at the counter to see who was coming. Then, out burst Armstrong.
"Ooh la la! Did you enjoy my burgers?" he asked. Both Maya and Gumshoe stared at him for a moment.
"I have to go to the bathroom!" Gumshoe yelled.
"Yeah, me too," Maya said hurriedly as she and Gumshoe ran to the nearest available bathroom.
"How could you say that? It's too much for a woman like me to bear. Non!" Armstrong said before running off crying. Several hours later Maya came out of the bathroom and went over to Phoenix as Edgeworth and Gumshoe were going away.
"I should never have joined that hamburger eating contest, Nick. We could have spent that money on better things," Maya said.
"It looks like you've learned your lesson," Phoenix said.
"Yes, I have, Nick. I'm never joining an eating contest again."
"come on and join the steak eating contest!" Maggey announced. "It will start in five minutes." Maya eagerly sat at a table.
"Pay up, Nick," she ordered.
"Nooooo!" Phoenix screamed over dramatically as Maggey put out her hand to accept his money.

The End

"Come on, Nick! Wake up!" Maya yelled.
"Ugh," Phoenix said. "Why?"
"Don't you remember? We signed up to run that marathon today," Maya replied excitedly.
"W-Whaaaaaat?! When did I do that?!"
"There was talk about a marathon, so I signed us up. You know how important it is that we spirit mediums stay fit," Maya responded.
I don't remember physical fitness being part of the criteria for spirit mediums!
"But then...Why do I have to go?" Phoenix asked. He regretted asking when Pearl smacked him.
"How dare you, Mr. Nick! You have to give Mystic Maya what she wants. After all, she is your...special someone," Pearl said. Phoenix sighed and got up.
"You can't wear your suit, Nick. It's too hot out," Maya said.
"But it's the only thing in my wardrobe," Phoenix said, staring into the closet full of blue suits.
"Alright. Your loss," Maya said. "We're going to be late!" She dragged Phoenix out the door while Pearl followed them...

Phoenix was behind the starting line and looked around.
"Yo, Nick," Larry Butz said as he walked up to Phoenix.
"L-Larry?! What are you doing here?" Phoenix said.
"I figured this would be a good way to meet some chicks," Larry said.
Of course. Did I really think he would be here for any other reason?
"By the way, you look cute, Maya," Larry flirted.
"Thanks, Larry," Maya said. That's when Pearl hit Phoenix.
"Ow! What did I do?!" Phoenix asked.
"You should compliment Mystic Maya more often, Mr. Nick," Pearl replied.
"S-sorry," Phoenix said. "Maya..."
"Yes, Nick?"
"You...Have a great personality?" Pearl hit him so hard he fell over.
"Well, see ya," Larry said as he jogged away.
"Hey, pal. Are you okay?" Gumshoe asked as he effortlessly picked Phoenix up and placed him on the ground.
"I'm fine, Detective Gumshoe," Phoenix responded. "Wait...What are you doing here?"
"Us police officers have to stay in shape, pal," Gumshoe said.
"Is Edgeworth here?" Phoenix inquired.
"Why? Are you in love with him or something, pal?" Gumshoe answered with a huge smile on his face.
"N-no, I just-" Phoenix was interrupted by Pearl hitting him yet again.
"How could you, Mr. Nick?!" she asked. There was a long, awkward silence that followed.
"I was just kidding, pal," Gumshoe said. "Now that I think of it, that would be just plain old gross, pal. Anyway, he isn't here. Mr. Edgeworth is in Germany by now."
"Oh, okay," Phoenix said. "Thanks, Gumshoe."
"SIR!" shouted a voice through a megaphone. "I'M READY FOR YOUR NEXT ORDER!" Officer Meekins was right by Gumshoe, yelling in his ear.
"Go away, pal," Gumshoe said. "Or at least back up."
"NO CAN DO, SIR!" Meekins shouted through the megaphone. "That nice lady with the whip told me to stay by you at all times."
"N-nice lady with the whip? You don't mean..." Gumshoe began. That's when Franziska Von Karma showed up.
"Franziska Von Karma?! I thought you were in Germany with Mr. Edgeworth." Franziska whipped Gumshoe.
"Why would you foolishly think that, you foolish fool?"
"Because you grew up in Germany, sir. OW!" Gumshoe screamed as Franziska whipped him again.
"Why are you running a marathon in the first place?" Phoenix asked. He screamed as he got whipped.
"Because a Von Karma has to be perfect in every way, Phoenix Wright," she replied. "Now come, Scruffy and Magaphone." Gumshoe and Meekins both followed Franziska, and Phoenix heard the whip crack on someone when they left.
"Places," said a man who is only in this story to announce the start and end of the marathon. "On your mark...Get set...GO!" he fired the pistol and the competitors all took off running.

Phoenix was huffing and puffing, sure he was in last place. Maya easily jogged next to him.
"Come on, Nick," Maya said. "You only ran a couple yards."
"How *gasp* long is this *pant* thing anyway *wheeze*?" Phoenix asked.
"Oh, a hundred miles or so," Maya said.
"A-A HUNDRED MILES?! That's it. I give up," Phoenix said as he slowed down.
"M-Mr. Nick, you can't give up!" Pearl yelled. Phoenix braced himself for another hit, but it never came. "I mean, you would do anything for Maya, even walk over hot coals, right?"
"W-well, that's different," Phoenix said.
"How, Nick?" Maya asked.
"Because Officer Meekins wouldn't be singing the Star Spangled Banner over his megaphone if I was doing something else!" Phoenix yelled over Meekins's butchering of the National Anthem (of America). When Phoenix looked forward, he saw Gumshoe trying in vain to block out the sound by covering his ears.
"Tired, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska Von Karma asked as she jogged up next to him.
"W-well, as a matter of fact..." Phoenix began, but was interrupted by his own screaming as Franziska whipped him.
"I did not lose to you in court so many times for you to be a sissy!" Franziska yelled, whipping at Phoenix's feet, which forced him to move faster as a result. Maya stood to the side and laughed as Phoenix passed her and Pearl.
This isn't funny! Phoenix thought as he ran towards Officer Meekins's wailing.

"I did it! I ran one mile!" Phoenix shouted excitedly between gasps.
"Great," Maya said. "Only 24 more."
"T-twenty four?! And then the race will be over?" Phoenix asked.
"No. Only 24 more miles until the rest stop where we can rest and get some food," Maya replied.
Same old Maya. Always has to bring up the food.
"Tired, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska Von Karma asked from behind him. "Because my whip has been itching to make contact with a foolish fool such as yourself."
"No, I'm not tired," Phoenix said as he turned around.
"Where are you going, Nick?" Maya asked.
"I'm getting out of this marathon," Phoenix replied.
"Go ahead and quit, Phoenix Wright. But just so you know...I whip every quitter I see 1,000 times," Franziska said as she stepped out of Phoenix's way. Phoenix stopped dead in his tracks.
"And how could you think about quitting on Mystic Maya?" Pearl asked angrily.
"Your choice, Phoenix Wright. A hundred miles or 1,000 cracks of the whip on that foolish face of yours," Franziska added. Phoenix stood still for as long as he thought he could get away with before finally turning back around and running back the right way.
"I knew it, Phoenix Wright," Franziska said. "You are not a foolishly foolish quitter, just a foolish fool." Phoenix sighed with relief as Franziska ran past him.

24 miles of Maya and Pearl dragging Phoenix along later...
Phoenix let himself fall onto the hard wood floor of the rest area and realized how much he missed the scent of fresh food being made, the ability to just lie down and relax...
"Nick, what are you doing?" Maya asked. Phoenix looked up at her, confused at first. Then, he realized he was kissing the floor. He immediately spat, trying to get the dust from the floor out of his mouth. Maya laughed at his plight before saying, "You know what'll get that taste out of your mouth, Nick? Some fresh, juicy burgers." Phoenix's stomach growled loudly when Maya mentioned the burgers.
"Okay, buy you, Pearls, and I some burgers," Phoenix said, giving Maya some money.
"What will you be doing, Nick?" Maya asked.
"I'll be lying here and trying not to die!" Phoenix replied. Maya and Pearl walked away to get hamburgers.
"Hey, pal," Detective Gumshoe said as he walked over to Phoenix. "How's it going?"
"D-Detective Gumshoe?! I thought you would be out running by now," Phoenix said.
"Well, there's supposed to be a huge storm happening soon, so all of us running the marathon are supposed to stay here until it passes," Gumshoe replied. Phoenix looked around. He saw Meekins, but someone was missing.
"Gumshoe? Where's Franziska Von Karma?"
"Why? Do you love her or something, pal?" Gumshoe responded.
"Seriously, that's starting to get old," Phoenix said.
"She skipped this rest stop, pal. She thinks that she'll win the race if she gets a good enough head start. Before she left, she said something about having to be perfect," Gumshoe explained. Phoenix forced himself up at that point.
"She could be in danger!" Phoenix exclaimed urgently.
"Should we go after her, pal?" Gumshoe inquired. Phoenix thought for a second.
"...No, she's probably okay," Phoenix said as he plopped back down on the hard wood floor.

Meanwhile for Franziska...

Franziska was running, but then she heard someone behind her. She stopped and looked around. Figuring she was hearing things, she started to run again, this time more cautiously. Franziska then heard someone running behind her. She stopped and pulled out her whip.
Out of the shadows, someone shouted, "It's raeping time!" Franziska turned around and whipped Gant until he fell over, unconscious, before continuing running. ((Yes, I had to throw in a Gant raep joke. XD))