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The Black, Dark Room that we Die in.Topic%20Title
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Anything from the shop? Cornetto.

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Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:51 am

Posts: 451

Hrgm... I'm not new to fanfiction (for full details, see my fanfiction.net account), but I am new to posting fanfics on CR. So, I'm writing this from scratch on the Wii Browser.
First line of dialog is a reference (actually, whole thing may be one...)
Name : The Black, Dark room that we die in
Rating : Just under T, mebbe?
Genre: Tragedy
Summary: Can't think of one- oh wait: The emotional, thought driven story of how her last moments change her... maybe?...
So, let's get on with it, shall we?
Spoiler: Hankies?
"Oh, I'm afraid, we are all going to miss you, Miss Fey..." said the man as he inserted the key into the door, "...but it is time for you to move on."

Maya, thrown in a heap on the floor with tears in her eyes leapt up at the door and began to pound on it with both fists. "No! This... isn't... how... it... ends!" she cried, banging on the door with every exclaimation, tears still streaming from her face.

She had been thrown into Enguarde's wine cellar, but the doors and windows were securely boarded up. She was starving, cold, and doomed to die.

This doom was precipitated by the fact that she was in a room that was rich in wine. Wine contains a micro-organism, as she had been told, and just like humans, micro-organisms require oxygen as well.

So she was doomed to die, and all she could do was place the rest of her fate in the luck that she didn't seem to be having then. But what was luck? Fate? Destiny? Destiny was a poor man's word for chance, a collective term for hope and a positive coincidence.

So she was doomed to die, but she had the sanctity of her mind, the freedom of her imagination, and above all, the euphoria of her memories. Her memories... Haaaah... She sighed. The time when Phoenix got that glint in his eye when he found something that had been staring at him for minutes, or those times when he looked for a second opinion, and she was only too happy to provide. And those times when Phoenix wasn't too bright, throwing out theories and evidence that seemed to get him nowhere, and she would just stare on, laughing inside. And those times when Phoenix would face anything to save her. She couldn't deny it - no matter what he would say, she was smitten, even if he had a daughter. Adopted, but still- a daughter - that she would embrace too.

So she was doomed to die, and could feel the air getting thinner already. And she was hanging on to that sweet memory of the time that Phoenix took her and Pearl out on a boat. She ended up drenched by the actions of one Pearl Fey.
Oh, Pearl. She, too, would do anything for her. She was 16 now, but remained as innocent as ever.
Pearl would do anything as long as it made Maya happy, or made her job easier, or got her closer to Phoenix.

So she was doomed to die. But death, she could consider, was another part of life. A final truth in the lie of life. Her sister was experienced in that respect.
Mia... Yes, she remembered once that Mia told her of a story: while she was a baby, she broke Ami Fey's urn, but Mia had made it all better by repairing it. In fact, she had only just realised- Mia's career choice was all a sacrifice to let Maya be the new Master.

So she was doomed to die, and she realised, that without asking, there were people who sacrificed things for her. Phoenix had sacrificed his friendship, his trust, and his job. Pearl would sacrifice anything for her, and Mia had already sacrificed all she could protecting her from her past and making her life better.

So she realised, she'd never asked for any of this.
So she realised, half of it she never could ask for.
And then she realised, these sacrifices had all been in vain.

She was going to die, so she decided to make it as painless as she could. She lay upon the cold, hard ground and closed her eyes, beginning to breathe her last breaths, as she drifted off to sleep, beginning to lose conciousness...

Image

Why must you insist on killing my mother over and over again? ~Irving Onegin
Re: The Black, Dark Room that we Die in.Topic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

Gender: Male

Location: Scotland

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2008 4:30 pm

Posts: 14363

THOMASNATOR wrote:
Hrgm... I'm not new to fanfiction (for full details, see my fanfiction.net account), but I am new to posting fanfics on CR. So, I'm writing this from scratch on the Wii Browser.
First line of dialog is a reference (actually, whole thing may be one...)
Name : The Black, Dark room that we die in
Rating : Just under T, mebbe?
Genre: Tragedy
Summary: Can't think of one- oh wait: The emotional, thought driven story of how her last moments change her... maybe?...
So, let's get on with it, shall we?
Spoiler: Hankies?
"Oh, I'm afraid, we are all going to miss you, Miss Fey..." said the man as he inserted the key into the door, "...but it is time for you to move on."

Maya, thrown in a heap on the floor with tears in her eyes leapt up at the door and began to pound on it with both fists. "No! This... isn't... how... it... ends!" she cried, banging on the door with every exclaimation, tears still streaming from her face.

She had been thrown into Enguarde's wine cellar, but the doors and windows were securely boarded up. She was starving, cold, and doomed to die.

This doom was precipitated by the fact that she was in a room that was rich in wine. Wine contains a micro-organism, as she had been told, and just like humans, micro-organisms require oxygen as well.

So she was doomed to die, and all she could do was place the rest of her fate in the luck that she didn't seem to be having then. But what was luck? Fate? Destiny? Destiny was a poor man's word for chance, a collective term for hope and a positive coincidence.

So she was doomed to die, but she had the sanctity of her mind, the freedom of her imagination, and above all, the euphoria of her memories. Her memories... Haaaah... She sighed. The time when Phoenix got that glint in his eye when he found something that had been staring at him for minutes, or those times when he looked for a second opinion, and she was only too happy to provide. And those times when Phoenix wasn't too bright, throwing out theories and evidence that seemed to get him nowhere, and she would just stare on, laughing inside. And those times when Phoenix would face anything to save her. She couldn't deny it - no matter what he would say, she was smitten, even if he had a daughter. Adopted, but still- a daughter - that she would embrace too.

So she was doomed to die, and could feel the air getting thinner already. And she was hanging on to that sweet memory of the time that Phoenix took her and Pearl out on a boat. She ended up drenched by the actions of one Pearl Fey.
Oh, Pearl. She, too, would do anything for her. She was 16 now, but remained as innocent as ever.
Pearl would do anything as long as it made Maya happy, or made her job easier, or got her closer to Phoenix.

So she was doomed to die. But death, she could consider, was another part of life. A final truth in the lie of life. Her sister was experienced in that respect.
Mia... Yes, she remembered once that Mia told her of a story: while she was a baby, she broke Ami Fey's urn, but Mia had made it all better by repairing it. In fact, she had only just realised- Mia's career choice was all a sacrifice to let Maya be the new Master.

So she was doomed to die, and she realised, that without asking, there were people who sacrificed things for her. Phoenix had sacrificed his friendship, his trust, and his job. Pearl would sacrifice anything for her, and Mia had already sacrificed all she could protecting her from her past and making her life better.

So she realised, she'd never asked for any of this.
So she realised, half of it she never could ask for.
And then she realised, these sacrifices had all been in vain.

She was going to die, so she decided to make it as painless as she could. She lay upon the cold, hard ground and closed her eyes, beginning to breathe her last breaths, as she drifted off to sleep, beginning to lose conciousness...



Firstly: TWO?! Two threads of this?
Secondly: Is this like an alternate ending to 2-4? Pearls is 16 so I don't see how...
Thirdly: Well written I think.
Made by Chesu+Zombee
Image

You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: The Black, Dark Room that we Die in.Topic%20Title
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Anything from the shop? Cornetto.

Gender: Male

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:51 am

Posts: 451

Herr Blondie wrote:
THOMASNATOR wrote:
Hrgm... I'm not new to fanfiction (for full details, see my fanfiction.net account), but I am new to posting fanfics on CR. So, I'm writing this from scratch on the Wii Browser.
First line of dialog is a reference (actually, whole thing may be one...)
Name : The Black, Dark room that we die in
Rating : Just under T, mebbe?
Genre: Tragedy
Summary: Can't think of one- oh wait: The emotional, thought driven story of how her last moments change her... maybe?...
So, let's get on with it, shall we?
Spoiler: Hankies?
"Oh, I'm afraid, we are all going to miss you, Miss Fey..." said the man as he inserted the key into the door, "...but it is time for you to move on."

Maya, thrown in a heap on the floor with tears in her eyes leapt up at the door and began to pound on it with both fists. "No! This... isn't... how... it... ends!" she cried, banging on the door with every exclaimation, tears still streaming from her face.

She had been thrown into Enguarde's wine cellar, but the doors and windows were securely boarded up. She was starving, cold, and doomed to die.

This doom was precipitated by the fact that she was in a room that was rich in wine. Wine contains a micro-organism, as she had been told, and just like humans, micro-organisms require oxygen as well.

So she was doomed to die, and all she could do was place the rest of her fate in the luck that she didn't seem to be having then. But what was luck? Fate? Destiny? Destiny was a poor man's word for chance, a collective term for hope and a positive coincidence.

So she was doomed to die, but she had the sanctity of her mind, the freedom of her imagination, and above all, the euphoria of her memories. Her memories... Haaaah... She sighed. The time when Phoenix got that glint in his eye when he found something that had been staring at him for minutes, or those times when he looked for a second opinion, and she was only too happy to provide. And those times when Phoenix wasn't too bright, throwing out theories and evidence that seemed to get him nowhere, and she would just stare on, laughing inside. And those times when Phoenix would face anything to save her. She couldn't deny it - no matter what he would say, she was smitten, even if he had a daughter. Adopted, but still- a daughter - that she would embrace too.

So she was doomed to die, and could feel the air getting thinner already. And she was hanging on to that sweet memory of the time that Phoenix took her and Pearl out on a boat. She ended up drenched by the actions of one Pearl Fey.
Oh, Pearl. She, too, would do anything for her. She was 16 now, but remained as innocent as ever.
Pearl would do anything as long as it made Maya happy, or made her job easier, or got her closer to Phoenix.

So she was doomed to die. But death, she could consider, was another part of life. A final truth in the lie of life. Her sister was experienced in that respect.
Mia... Yes, she remembered once that Mia told her of a story: while she was a baby, she broke Ami Fey's urn, but Mia had made it all better by repairing it. In fact, she had only just realised- Mia's career choice was all a sacrifice to let Maya be the new Master.

So she was doomed to die, and she realised, that without asking, there were people who sacrificed things for her. Phoenix had sacrificed his friendship, his trust, and his job. Pearl would sacrifice anything for her, and Mia had already sacrificed all she could protecting her from her past and making her life better.

So she realised, she'd never asked for any of this.
So she realised, half of it she never could ask for.
And then she realised, these sacrifices had all been in vain.

She was going to die, so she decided to make it as painless as she could. She lay upon the cold, hard ground and closed her eyes, beginning to breathe her last breaths, as she drifted off to sleep, beginning to lose conciousness...



Firstly: TWO?! Two threads of this?
Secondly: Is this like an alternate ending to 2-4? Pearls is 16 so I don't see how...
Thirdly: Well written I think.


Ah... soz. Other one can be locked. I double clicked 'submit' :meekins:.
Image

Why must you insist on killing my mother over and over again? ~Irving Onegin
Re: The Black, Dark Room that we Die in.Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

Gender: Male

Location: Ithaca, NY

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:34 pm

Posts: 1916

On the Wii browser???? How long did that take????

Oh, and you posted the same fic twice. You might want to think about deleting one of them. (or contacting a mod to help you.)
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Re: The Black, Dark Room that we Die in.Topic%20Title
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"I'm on my way! Finally!"

Gender: Female

Location: Noun: You're mom's bed. XD *shot*

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:25 pm

Posts: 88

I'll be honest, when I saw the title, I didn't know if it was going to be angsty or comedic.

I even thought it was all of your fics, and you called the thread "The Black, Dark Room That You Die In." You know, for kicks. It would be a good idea, though.

Oh, and the story was well-written. :3
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