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The Wright Kinds of Fanfiction.Topic%20Title
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Muuuuffiiiiiiiiiins...

Gender: Male

Location: I'm not giving my location to a machine!

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:07 am

Posts: 150

Yeah, I write fanfics. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Haven't done this in years, tried again recently. Pretty fun. You can expect more in the future but for now, check out this cool little oneshot I made.

Spoiler: "Him"
It seems whenever I walk the streets of the city, I can’t turn my head without seeing him. Whether on a nearby television, radio, or a newspaper article, I can never seem to escape his so-called “success”. Why he’s so famed and loved, I’ll never know. He gives us a bad name. No… he gives “me” a bad name.

My colleagues continue to endlessly bring him up, never noticing my subtle, yet noticeable hints of disinterest. When they ask my opinion on him, I give a simple response.

“Very skilled, yet slightly overrated.”

They just smile and nod. Oh, if only they knew. If only they knew what a disgrace I thought he truly was. I carefully plan out everything from the beginning, even before I decide to take the job. He just says whatever he pleases and gets recognized as a hero, while my efforts are forgotten.

It’s sickening.

Months later, I took a rather… complex case. The defendant was a member of a rather notorious mob. There was no doubt in the word he didn’t do it. …That is until, he hired me. The case was closed in under an hour and the press was there to greet me when I was finished. This was what I was waiting for. I was finally known. I finally had what I deserved.

The next morning, I checked the front page, where I knew I’d be. I expected to hear of my glorious victory in full detail and what do I see greeting me…?

Him.

“ACE ATTORNEY UNCOVERS TRUTH BEHIND ASSASINATION OF TV STAR”

I could no longer control my hatred. I finally gave in and ripped the dreaded reminder to pieces. I let my hands sink into my face as I cursed under my breath.

“Why…? Why that… that complete… imbecile!?”

He had once again blinded the world of my success. With a guilty verdict no less. A true professional would never know the taste of defeat. I had been doing it before he even considered the profession. I had never felt defeat in years and he becomes loved for it!?

That was where my patience finally grew thin. I started to believe that no matter how hard I tried, he would always top me.

He thought he was better then me. I knew it.

I soon shrugged it off. He could never be better then me. I refused to let it happen.

I let him have his glory. I let him keep up his heroic image. I let him continue his pathetic attempts.

“ACE ATTORNEY TOPPLES ACE DETECTIVE”

“ACE ATTORNEY REVEALS FALSE ATTORNEY. GUILTY VERDICT CHANGED”

“ACE ATTORNEY PERFORMS MIRACLE. SENDS EXCECUTED KILLER BACK TO GRAVE”

I was slowly becoming more and more renowned. Each day, I was pleased to see my face instead of his. I ceased to hear of him. I was at peace. I finally had what he had. Admiration. Admiration I actually deserved, unlike him.

“COOLEST DEFENSE IN THE WEST PULLS GENIUS PERFORMANCE”

“COOLEST DEFENSE IN THE WEST BAMBOOZLES PROSECUTON”

“COOLEST DEFENSE IN THE WEST REMAINS UNDEFEATED”

This is what I was waiting for. My paranoia had died out. It was my time now. Just as I thought, he had finally died out… or so I thought.

“You lose. Thanks for the work. Now get out”

“E…excuse me? But I…”

“Don’t make me repeat myself. I appreciate the work, but it’s over. Now leave.”

I could hardly move. How…? How could he…? I was the best and he turned me down over a mere game. I had already made the preparations. I was more then ready to prove his innocence and he turns me away like that. I was trembling with anger as I returned home. The fool… does he realize I was his best chance? This was going to be the case that would finally make me perfect to the eyes of the world. I would finally have the fame I deserved. The requests for my services would never stop. I would be invincible… and just like that, my dreams were shattered over a foolish little game.

As I tried to calm myself I received a call. I was asked to deliver my gathered evidence and information to the courthouse which was to be transferred to the defendant’s new attorney. Out of curiosity, while not exactly polite, I asked who he had chosen. I had to know. I needed to find out who thought could have possibly been better then me.

…Him.

“…Hello? Sir? Are you-“ *CLICK*
…He had planned this. I knew it. From the very start, he knew this would happen. He still thought he was better then me, and he wouldn’t stop until I knew it. I was trembling with rage.

“Wright… Wright… WrrrIIIIIGHT! WRIGHT! WRIGHT! WRIIIIIIIGHHHHTTTT!”

In fury, I slammed my fist against a nearby mirror, sending shards if glass across the floor. The searing pain of my bloodied hand was ignored by my fury. I was too enraged to care.

An hour or so later, I tried to calm myself, but it was impossible. He would always best me. He would always be loved in the eyes of the world, while I was forever forced to work myself to the bone, only to be quickly shoved aside in favor of him. …I refused to let it happen. I stared down at my weapon. The powerful tool I was to use in the trial. …It all came together perfectly then. I knew exactly what I had to do.

I did as I was supposed to. I dropped off all the necessary evidence at the courthouse… and afterwards, I paid a special visit to the district prosecutor’s office.

The next day, it was all over the news in no time.

“PROSECUTING PRODIGY UNMASKS FORGIN’ ATTORNEY”

I let out a good, long laugh at the news. Finally… at long last the world saw him as I always had. My work had paid off. I was finally victorious. I now had the ultimate victory. His glory, his fame undone… thanks to me. Now I was the better one. There was no need for him anymore.

There was only room for two things in the courts. The law… and myself. And that is how it was always meant to be.


A little oneshot I made about how a certain antagonist went CRAZAY. Tell me what you think. Criticsm appreciated!
Image


...D'aaaaawww...


Erol Brisbane in The Contempt of Court, a fangame by Cardy. Play Turnabout Scapegoat now or SUFFER BRISBANE'S WRATH!
Re: The Wright Kinds of Fanfiction.Topic%20Title
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Of course it has Mushu

Gender: Female

Location: Germany

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 4:28 pm

Posts: 34

Spoiler: Wheee Review
:: Lol you know what? ::
After the first few sentences I first assumed it might be Edgeworth POV, until eventually it clicked. Man, was I wrong xD


:: Plot/Style ::
You handle the 1st person perspective well, although without any hints in the beginning it might be a bit confusing. However, just BECAUSE it is not quite clear who is talking at first, your readers will likely go on, just to get more hints and eventually have the answer thrown in their face without the actual answer ever being revealed with a statement of the name.
Wheee suspense =)

The idea with the scar is actually… thrilling seeing that it is directly connected with Phoenix in your version. That gives the moment where you have to point it out yet another subtleness to it.

Either way, your fanfic seems to thrive more on basic jealousy than on revenge and leaves one question unanswered still. How did they meet?
It’s obvious that Phoenix has been on Kristoph’s radar for quite a while in this version, but eventually he would have had to approach him too. I kinda missed that this didn’t come up at all, but maybe you wanted to avoid throwing too many hints.

As for the Spoiler mark, definitely needed yes. Although, the way you have this thing written, I doubt that ANY of the people who have not yet played AJ would understand this fic. They would have no clue what you were talking about until eventually they would hit the certain point in-game. At least so I assume.
Anyway, I think it would be appreciated if you would say what game the spoiler warning is directed for since you give no hints whatsoever about who or what this oneshot is about.


:: Grammar/Spelling ::
This fic is all around well written. There is just one tiny word that I stumbled upon several times. The word “then”.
Then is used in context of time, in context of comparison however, it should be “than”.
Here is what I caught, you might want to fix it up ^^

“He thought he was better then me. I knew it.”
“He could never be better then me.”
“I was more then ready to prove his innocence”
“who thought could have possibly been better then me.”
“He still thought he was better then me”


:: Any last words? ::

Lol the guilty verdict xD

"Just when I thought my opinion of the legal system couldn't get any lower, along came Stan." - Guybrush Threepwood
"OBJECTION!" - "Objection what?" - "Objection HIM!"
Re: The Wright Kinds of Fanfiction.Topic%20Title
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Not a zombie

Gender: Female

Location: Canada

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 8:06 pm

Posts: 118

Really good. I like it a lot. Though like levy120, I thought it was Edgeworth's POV at first. D;
ImageImageImage
Re: The Wright Kinds of Fanfiction.Topic%20Title
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Muuuuffiiiiiiiiiins...

Gender: Male

Location: I'm not giving my location to a machine!

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 12:07 am

Posts: 150

Alright, sorry for not posting anything new. My computer got a virus and writing fanfics on a phone isn't too easy. Anyway, thanks for the critique. It helps me improve and I love hearing what you have to say. Here, have a peek at a future fanfiction.

Nearly Perfect - A month before 5-4, Manfred is prosecuting a trial and Bratworth and Little Franziska are alone at Von Karma manor. While Miles is studying law, a loud sneeze pierces his concentration. Upon further investigation, Miles discovers... Franziska has a fever. Bratworth tries to help, but Fran is just too perfect to admit weakness. Hillarity ensues.
Re: The Wright Kinds of Fanfiction.Topic%20Title
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Fantina's perfect little Franny!

Gender: Female

Location: UK

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:33 pm

Posts: 3474

TheWrightWay wrote:
Alright, sorry for not posting anything new. My computer got a virus and writing fanfics on a phone isn't too easy. Anyway, thanks for the critique. It helps me improve and I love hearing what you have to say. Here, have a peek at a future fanfiction.

Nearly Perfect - A month before 5-4, Manfred is prosecuting a trial and Bratworth and Little Franziska are alone at Von Karma manor. While Miles is studying law, a loud sneeze pierces his concentration. Upon further investigation, Miles discovers... Franziska has a fever. Bratworth tries to help, but Fran is just too perfect to admit weakness. Hillarity ensues.

Good fic your style is good. Yeah I know, writing fics on the phone is a little weird at first. I wrote some on my blackberry before it got stolen. Luckilly I managed to get them on the computer on time.
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