Phoenix: Maya! Move your buckets of candy. These are cup holders, not for buckets!
Maya: Then you hold one! I can’t hold two and Kay already has her own!
Phoenix: (It’s all leftover candy anyway. Just toss it…)
Maya: No way, José! Besides, it’s free, so your wallet doesn’t get to complain!
Phoenix: (It’s not my wallet that complains, you know.)
Title: Quote:
pheonix wright: aced love man
Maya: *mouthful* Oh, Nick, it’s one of your fics!
Phoenix: I wouldn’t put it as “my” fic because I didn’t and wouldn’t write it.
Franziska: Ugh… Just what is wrong with these idiots who fail to write in proper English!? You can’t call it a title if it’s not highlighted as one!
Speakers:
Well, it’s what’s written at the top of the page, so it’s still safe to assume…Franziska: It’s NOT a title, and that’s final! *crack*
Phoenix: …Thanks, Ms. von Karma. I really needed more pain.
Franziska: There’s more where that came from if you’re that desperate, Phoenix Wright.
Phoenix: No, I’m good.
Description: Quote:
a god summons characters from other dimensions so phoenix can fall in love
Maya: Wait, so he ISN’T a pimp yet?
Phoenix: Where did that come from!?
Maya: I mean, I thought by “aced” that he would already be an, ahem, “ace” at it.
Phoenix: Even if that was the case, it still wouldn’t make sense.
Kay: Or maybe it’s the other meaning of “ace”?
Phoenix: …Nor does that.
Franziska: Ha! How fitting, Phoenix Wright. I knew you were always doomed to be unfit to wed.
Phoenix: For the record, Ms. von Karma, the “ace” in “Ace Attorney” means I’m a specialist, not an asexual.
Kay: Speaking of “ace attorney”, I wonder what that means for Mr. Edgeworth…
Maya: *snicker* Good point. He really is that clueless when it comes to romance.
Franziska: That’s only expected. A stiff-lip like him wouldn’t know how to avoid upsetting the people he meets.
Phoenix: (Poor Edgeworth… he’s not even here to defend himself, and I’m sure not going to.)
Chapter 1: Quote:
pheonix wright: ace loved man
Franziska: …Isn’t this just the same as the title, aside from a single transmutation of a letter!?
Speakers:
It’s still different.Franziska: It’s one letter of difference, and “Phoenix Wright” still isn’t spelled correctly!
Speakers:
Come now, Franziska von Karma. The English language is so diverse that a single letter transmutation between words makes for a completely different scenario.Franziska: That doesn’t work here! Either this or the title must have a typo!
Speakers:
But you can’t prove they’re meant to be the same.Franziska: …Urk…
Kay: Okay, so now he’s either a master of being loved or that he’s clueless that he’s being loved.
Maya: Well, we can cross off the latter because that’s actually in-character!
Phoenix: Nice try, Maya, but I’ve actually been in a relationship before.
Maya: Yeah, but it didn’t turn out very well.
Phoenix: …
Maya: Um… sorry, that was a low blow.
Phoenix: Don’t worry about it. It’s all in the past.
Quote:
so 1 dya maya was chaneling mia for phoenix and mia and phoenix were mkaing out then the god of universes showed up and he was like "hey u makng wit dead guy"
All: …
Franziska: *yanking on whip, muttering* …No, I will resist. As a von Karma, I will not let my composure be swayed…
Phoenix: (Wow, she’s actually trembling…)
Maya: So, uh… what exactly is this “god of universes”?
Kay: Apparently, he knows Mr. Wright is a hopeless lover.
Phoenix: He must be incredibly bored to take interest to me…
Maya: Or maybe he’s just as desperate for love that he’s turned to you.
Kay: Or into him…
Phoenix: …I-I don’t like where this conversation is going. Could we please change it?
Quote:
"i hook up u with rela girlfriwend/boyfriend" then a portal opened up and broly appeared "phoenix-sama, defend me!" mia screamed as she grabbed his crotch.
Phoenix: …This “god of universes” is definitely bored to want me tortured.
Maya: Yeow, that actually looks painful… not that I’d know, but still…
Kay: Wow, random crossover much? Even Broly’s here.
Maya: Guess he got tired of hunting for Goku and wanted to chase someone new.
Phoenix: Unfortunately, I’m nowhere near that sort of power level, so I think fic-me is just about dead.
Kay: But maybe he’s not here to kill fic-you?
Phoenix: (…Then, there’s only one other choice…)
Quote:
and then broly killed maya/mia and phoenix was sad.
Maya: What!? Oh, come on! It’s barely been a few sentences in, and I’m already out!?
Phoenix: Apparently, fic-me was just as disappointed.
Maya: He should be more than disappointed! Fight back, you wimp! Avenge fic-me!
Phoenix: I may not be him, but even I can’t figure out how.
Maya: Of course you’re not him, and that’s why he has a fighting chance!
Phoenix: …What’s that supposed to mean?
Kay: Plot armor.
Phoenix: Figures…
Quote:
phoenix called pearl when all of a sudden a whip broke phoen.
Phoenix: Ow…
Kay: Whoa! Clean in two!
Maya: Hmph, that’ll teach him to ask Pearly to channel someone he can make out with.
Phoenix: Fic-me may not be very respectable, but even he didn’t deserve that…
Franziska: Really?
Phoenix: …… Then again…
Quote:
"Phoenix, you foolish foolhearted sex monster" said FRANZISKSA VON KARMA and they got in bed and everything was fixed.
Franziska: Argh!
Phoenix: So this is what that “God of Universes” meant…?
Franziska: It’s “Franziska”! And nothing can be “fixed” by getting into bed with that foolish fraud with a fetish for the dead!
Maya: Aw… if only there was a word in English that meant “dead” and started with an f-sound…
Franziska: Of course there is… It’s called “Phoenix Wright”.
Phoenix: Even fic-me isn’t dead yet. How can you say that?
Franziska: He will be once I’m through with him!
Phoenix: Um… unfortunately, there’s an obstruction between you and him… Augh! Owowowow…!
Franziska: Of course I know that! And you’re the closest thing to him! *crackity-crack*
Phoenix: Ah! Ow! E-enough already!
Speakers:
…I could watch this all day.Maya, Kay: *munching & spectating*
Phoenix: O-objection! Someone stop her!
Franziska: Hmph. That was a mere ten lashes and you’re already caving.
Phoenix: (Ten lashes is ten too much! *whine*…)
Chapter 2: Quote:
pheeonxi wright: acer lover man
Kay: Huh? Chapter 2 already? That was fast.
Maya: At this rate, we’ll be done in no time! Isn’t that great, Nick?
Phoenix: Ugh… (My arm became numb…)
Franziska: Tch… this foolish author only knows how to make a further fool of themself.
Kay: At least this time, the chapter title used the right letter for the “lover man” bit.
Franziska: And sacrificed everything else. What is the point of repeating the same phrase over again?
Maya: Emphasis on a running gag?
Franziska: By the time I’m through with it, it won’t have anywhere to run.
All: …
Speakers:
That one just rolled off and died somewhere.Franziska: I dare you to do better!
Speakers:
What is there to say? It’s a running gag, so like time, it’ll keep on running for the ages…Maya: Wow, that was poetic.
Franziska: … *crack*
Phoenix: Urgh… (That wasn’t even my fault.)
Quote:
AN: SCION 141 STOP TROLL ME OR ILL STOP WRIGHTING
Kay: Ha! Of course, the obligatory “don’t troll me, I’m busy trolling others” complaint!
Maya: I wonder about that “Wrighting” pun. Does the author mean they’ll stop writing or doing whatever the heck they’re doing with Nick? Or is it both?
Franziska: Whatever the case, I doubt the author would quit either.
Phoenix: Or maybe it’s actually a plea for help from this “Scion” to stop this “troll” that the author identifies as themself.
Kay: Oh, that’s a good point! But what about the “ill stop wrighting” part?
Maya: Hmm, “ill stop”… like a stop at the doctor’s?
Phoenix: So in other words… if Scion 141 doesn’t stop this troll, I’ll be sent to the hospital?
All: …
Maya: Wow, it actually became something coherent and sensible.
Kay: Not bad, Mr. Wright. Well played.
Quote:
so pheonx got out of bed and was liek "oh hey didnt a god send a weird thing"
Phoenix: Er… no?
Maya: What do you mean, Nick? A “God of Universes” did bring you something.
Kay: Yeah, Franziska von Karma!
Franziska: And the death of Maya Fey.
Maya: Oh… yeah.
Phoenix: See, Maya, this is why we should all just say “no”. It was all just a dream…
Quote:
and thn al of suden, BROLY shows up is like "HEY SWEETIEKINS, I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU SOME SWEET LOVING! FABULOUS!" broly forcd pheenie on the bed.
Phoenix: AAAAHH!! (I knew this was gonna happen…)
Quote:
phenix then thrw papes at broly killing broly to death.
Phoenix: (Whew.)
Maya: Well, that was anticlimactic.
Kay: Those are some amazing papers! Were they enchanted?
Franziska: …What “papers”? It clearly says “papes”.
Kay: Papes? Wait, you mean it’s an actual word?
Franziska: A pape is an informal name for a painted bunting.
Maya: …Which is?
Franziska: It’s a bunting, a species of finch.
Kay: So… Mr. Ficwright just threw a bunch of birds at Broly and that killed him.
Phoenix: …Well, I have to admit I’m just a bit impressed.
Quote:
phen ix then walked on the stret nwhne all of sudn, HOLY SHT it was batman. batman said "hi there baby" and phenix was all leik "OMG" and phenix died the end
Phoenix: …
Kay: Wow… that was even more anticlimactic.
Maya: When we thought it wouldn’t get any more so…
Franziska: This is why you should never hold any expectations for trollfics.
Phoenix: At least it’s over…
Speakers:
Oh, but you would be wrong.All: What? Still!?
Chapter 3: Quote:
phoenix WRONG ace lvuveered man
Phoenix: …Okay, then.
Maya: At least your first name is spelled correctly this time.
Phoenix: I guess it’d be deserving of that stupid pun…
Kay: But what the heck is “lvuveered”? That can’t be a word, right?
Franziska: Of course not! There is no such word in English that starts with two nasal consonants! It’s impractical and difficult to pronounce!
Maya: If I were to take a guess… I’d go with “live a-feared”.
Kay: Hm… That makes some sense.
Phoenix: No, it makes no sense. How is fic-me supposed to “live a-feared” when he’s no longer living?
Maya: Maybe he was channeled back alive? Fic-Pearly was still around.
Franziska: Considering that my whip snapped him apart and he was still put back together again, what’s keeping him from staying dead?
Kay: Well, he is known as “Phoenix Wright”…
Phoenix: No, stop. Don’t bring my namesake into this, please…
Quote:
pheunx woke up in teh murning. mia was in his bed with all her clothes on. pheenie was disappoint.
All but Franziska: Huh?
Franziska: As I thought, everything would be set right again as dictated by the author.
Maya: Ah-hah… so the proclaimed “God of Universes” is actually a self-insert.
Kay: I figured so, but it seemed so obvious that I had second thoughts.
Phoenix: So, it’s become that every chapter is just fic-me waking from one dream, only to end up in another?
Kay: Yeah, it’s so lame… why couldn’t we have a brilliant firebird show up from nowhere?
Franziska: Because this author has a poor sense of imagination.
Maya: I personally would have gone with “Fic-Nick has time-traveling powers!”
Phoenix: Why not some power to break this loop of endless dreams…?
Maya, Kay: Then the fic will end.
Phoenix: Isn’t that a good thing?
Quote:
phenix left his luver and went to the courthouse. they were holding btman trial for the murder of peneix wright.
All: …
Maya: I KNEW it! Fic-Nick does have time-traveling powers!
Kay: Or maybe he has duplicating powers?
Franziska: Perish the thought! The last thing we’d need now is more Phoenix Wright clones onscreen!
Phoenix: Whatever those powers are, at least fic-me doesn’t have to worry about anyone dying permanently.
Maya: In that case, will fic-me make a return?
Phoenix: Probably not, since fic-Mia was brought back, but there’s no mention of fic-you…
Maya: …This author stinks and has no imagination.
Quote:
wright saw edgeypookittenmittens his other luver.
Phoenix: Ugh! I knew something like this was coming, but that name is just tasteless!
Kay: But “kitten mittens” sounds adorable.
Maya: It’s weird hearing anyone other than Oldbag calling him that, though.
Kay: …Has that old lady called Mr. Edgeworth anything other than “Edgey-poo”?
Maya: Not that I know, but it sounds like something she’d call him anyway.
Franziska: Hmm… it’s unfortunate Miles isn’t here to see this. I’m sure he would have gotten a kick from it.
Phoenix: (A kickback, is more like it.)
Speakers:
Well, if you insist, we could bring him over now…Franziska: …Well?
Speakers:
But nah, I’m too lazy to call him up.Kay: Aw, come on!
Phoenix: (You don’t even have any buttons to push! How much lazier can you get?)
Quote:
JUDGE was like "YO MUTHERFUCKERS, LET'S GET THIS STARTED."
Phoenix: …Looks like at least someone is still excited.
Maya: When is that old fuddy-duddy ever not?
Franziska: When Phoenix Wright fails at one of his transparent bluffs.
Maya: Oh, right.
Phoenix: (Same goes for when the prosecution fails their transparent bluffs…)
Quote:
edgeykitens(my lover) was like "YO, I CALL BEL TO THE STAND" Bel was a mentally retarded penguin pokemon.
Maya: Hey! Penguin Pokémon are not retarded! They’re cute!
Kay: Yeah. Doesn’t it look kinda like a gangster version of Prinplup?
Maya: Heh, that’s the best part.
Phoenix: Never mind that a penguin is testifying on the stand, huh?
Maya, Kay: Penguin Pokémon.
Phoenix: It’s still a penguin, and Pokémon don’t usually speak English.
Quote:
bel was like " It was about 11:00 AM when I saw the murder.
Batman had pulled out a gun and shot Phoenix twice. That is all, thank you."
Kay: Objection! Batman wouldn’t kill anyone! Don’t you know he has a “no kill” rule!?
Speakers:
He didn’t used to…Kay: Those days are over. He’s a changed man.
Speakers:
But what about the All-Star issues?Kay: Real fans don’t talk about them.
Maya: Wow, Kay, I didn’t know you were a comic book fan.
Kay: Heh, I spread my interests around sometimes. It sure comes in handy in this place!
Maya: Maybe one of these days we should get a Kay signal to call you…
Kay: Like on a headlight? Awesome!
Speakers:
No. We are not wasting our precious revenue on that. Besides, you pop in whenever you want!Kay: Except your tight security doesn’t even let me hang out on the rooftops anymore…
Speakers:
You aren’t supposed to be there anyway. The helipad is for private use only.All: !?
Phoenix: (Just how much are they earning from this gig!?)
Quote:
now phenix crossexaimned him. HOLD OBJECTIONS!
Maya: “Hold objections”?
Franziska: …Well, if the defense has no objections, I suppose we can proceed right to the verdict-
Phoenix: Objection!
Franziska: W-what? I was making a joke! Why are you getting so serious all of a sudden!?
Phoenix: Well, not exactly serious, but there is a contradiction in the testimony…
Franziska: …And that would be?
Phoenix: The previous chapter never mentioned a shot. How did he know the defendant had a gun?
All: …
Speakers:
Are you seriously using the fic, fraught with discontinuity, as your evidence?Phoenix: Where else should I get the evidence from? Real life? I don’t think fics work like that, Management.
Franziska: If you’re going to complain about that, then how about the obvious one where you were supposed to have been murdered!?
Kay: Duplication powers.
Franziska: …You can’t be serious.
Maya: Didn’t he have a different name, actually?
Phoenix: All these “Phoenixes” have different names. I suppose it’s to differentiate them all.
Maya: Hmm, I guess so, but I sure wish they had different names that were easier to say.
Quote:
batman couldnt have killed me becauz i am here! bel's pants fell off as he flew into a fit of tage. "NOOOOOOO! My plan is foiled!"
Maya: He had a plan?
Kay: So he was the real murderer all along! That’s how he knew there was a gun!
Maya: Too bad for him, another Nick showed up to catch him! This is why Pokémon should never have guns.
Franziska: For the last time, there was no murder! And don’t tell me “duplication powers”!
Phoenix: How about alternate universes, then?
Franziska: What?
Phoenix: Thanks to the shenanigans of this supposed “God of Universes”, characters from alternate universes are showing up like it’s nothing. It’s not surprising a few of my alternates showed as well.
Franziska: …Is that really your reasoning for this utter mess?
Phoenix: It actually makes sense in context.
Franziska: It’s foolish foolery that wouldn’t fool even fools more foolish than you!
Phoenix: Then, would you like to provide an explanation?
Franziska: …It’s simple. All the machinations that have transpired are within a sequence of dreams.
Phoenix: Aw, come on. I came up with that firs- gah!
Franziska: Then, stick with it, for the sake of reason!
Quote:
pgenxxxi said " the pabatmaperson who commited the crime! is you! jsutice alibis dreams hopes! pay for crime! TAKE THAT!"
Maya: Wow, the name of this AU-Nick keeps changing until it’s pretty much unrecognizable.
Kay: Must be a new guy.
Maya: Must be.
Phoenix: So, who’s the “pabatma” person?
Maya: Um… maybe another AU-Nick?
Phoenix: …W-wait, wait. Are you saying all my AUs are involved in some sort of infighting?
Kay: Oh, wow! It actually makes sense, if you think about it.
Phoenix: How?
Kay: Only the best of the phony Phoenixes could claim the title of “Ace Love Man”, and so they’re all fighting for the one true Wright!
Maya: *claps* Impressive, Kay.
Kay: Thanks, Maya!
Franziska: …I think I feel a migraine coming on.
Phoenix: (Whatever keeps that whip at bay…) Ow! What!?
Franziska: No smirking at the sick!
Phoenix: …Yes, ma’am.
Quote:
bel had died when all of a sudden... Don Flamenco has arrived!
Kay: The Spanish guy from Punch Out! Heh, figures he’d show up to this strange love-fest.
Maya: “Done chasing his Carmen, who would never return his love, he set off on his own to find a new lover who would respect him for him and a new opponent in the ring!”
Kay: Now that’s some storytelling! *claps*
Maya: Thank you, thank you…
Phoenix: (Knowing where this fic is going, my bet’s going to fic-me…)
Quote:
Don Flamenco got pheunx stripped of all his clothes when... EDGEYPOO had shot donnie in the face! Edgeypoo was liek "STAY OFF MY MAN, BITCH!"
Kay: Oh, ouch…
Maya: That’s totally unfair! Where did he get a gun?
Phoenix: The murder weapon?
Franziska: …I suppose it does make some level of sense for the prosecution to have confiscated it.
Maya: But you never bring a gun to a boxing match!
Phoenix: Would you have preferred that fic-Edgeworth pounce on him, fists flailing?
Maya, Kay: Uh, yeah!
Phoenix: (I should have known…)
Kay: That’d be amazing! Mr. Edgeworth has a nice right hook, you know.
Maya: Really? Did he ever punch someone?
Kay: Well… Gummy. Poor guy.
Maya: …Somehow, I’m not surprised.
Quote:
and then mia showed up adn was like "PEHENEIEX how could u!" and then they made out and a rainbow showed up and bel died and the judge fell off a cliff when all of a sudden...
Phoenix: Whoa, whoa, whoa… Where the heck was the judge all this time!?
Franziska: That explains why he hadn’t called for order in the court.
Kay: Poor ol’ Judge. He probably couldn’t take the nonsense anymore.
Maya: Not to be morbid, but maybe that was why he fell off a cliff…
Phoenix: …I would rather think he fell off because he was playing too close to one.
Franziska: For shame, Phoenix Wright! What kind of an image do you have of that old fogey!?
Phoenix: (Says you, Ms. von Hypocrite.)
Quote:
Dahlia had been channeled by Akip, the legendary spirit medium who is apart of the Mander spirit clan!
Maya: Akip? Mander? Wow, a new spirit channeling clan!
Kay: Somehow, I’m getting Pokémon vibes from those names… is it just me?
Maya: …Way to take the wind out of my sails.
Kay: Sorry. After whatever happened to Bel, I couldn’t help but expect more Pokémon.
Phoenix: (…Better yet, why is it always Dahlia who has to show up and ruin it… even more?)
Quote:
dollie-sama was like "yo feenies... i want you INSIDE ME" and then dahlia shot mia and pheenix was arrest. and then rainbows happened.
Phoenix: …Well, I guess our AU theory actually works.
Maya: Except they still got the wrong Phoenix.
Kay: They all look the same anyway.
Franziska: Well, if the rainbows give any indication, that’s the end of all… that.
Phoenix: Thank goodness for rainbows.
Maya: That reminds me, Nick! Your bucket has the Skittles!
Phoenix: Oh, you want some?
Maya: Thanks! You can have some too.
Phoenix: Ah, thanks, Maya… but maybe later. (After my limbs stop hurting…)