“Aaall right! I’m all pumped up for this trial! C’mon Nick! Let’s go and prove Mr. Nott Gill Tee innocent!”
Phoenix: Nott Gill Tee? Really? Really? I mean, I know some people are named interesting things were we come from, but that? Really?
Maya: 4th wall, Nick!Speakers: That’s fine
Phoenix: It’s just… couldn’t they have come up with something better? Like Notta Killer?
Maya: Wow, Nick, that’s pretty terrible!
Gumshoe: I don’t know, pal, I kind of like it.
“Maya, could you keep it down, please? Please excuse my assistant, Mr. Tee, she sometimes gets a little…hyper.”
“Hey! That’s rude! *glare*”
“That’s quite all right, Mr. Wright. It is nice to see such enthusiasm nowadays. People are so rarely excited these days…oh the flame of youth…”
Gumshoe: Is this all going to be talking?Speakers: Pretty much
Gumshoe: Aww. I was hoping for some action scenes…Speakers: Oh don’t worry, there will be action.
Phoenix: Be careful what you wish for, Detective.
“Ah, Detective Gumshoe! Uhh, please excuse me for a second, Mr. Tee… Detective! Did you get that decisive piece of evidence I asked for yesterday?”
“Huh? What…Oh you mean that piece of evidence, pal?”
“ *sigh* Yes, Gumshoe. That piece.”
“Oh. Oh ho ho ho……uhh, which piece was that again, pal?”
Gumshoe: Hey, I’m not that stupid! If you asked me for something, and I had it, I’d know what it was!
Maya: Shh, Nick.
Phoenix: It’s just, I mean, he is kind of forgetful...
Gumshoe: You didn’t have to say it, pal...
“Detective, I swear to God”-
Gumshoe: You don’t have to say it like that, either…
Phoenix: It’s fic me, Detective.
Maya: Yeah, normally he just thinks it!
Phoenix: No I don’t!
Gumshoe: The look you’re giving me on-screen reminds me of Mr. Edgeworth, actually.
“Ho ho, I was just playing with you, pal, I got it right here. Here you go.”
“Thanks, Detective. Hopefully Edgeworth won’t completely pulverize me today…”
Gumshoe: I had the evidence! I knew what you were talking about! Even the me up there knew!
Phoenix: I didn’t say anything.
Maya: You kind of did, Nick!
Phoenix: I didn’t… Boy, though, it sure is nice of you to help me against Edgeworth.
Gumshoe: Urk! I’d never, I mean...
“Urk! Listen pal…speaking of Mr. Edgeworth, could you not tell him that I helped you out? He would have a fit if he found out…”
“Your secret’s safe with me, Detective.”
“Thanks, pal. You’re a true friend. And since you are such a good friend to me, Mr. Wright, you are in for a treat!”
Gumshoe: Why am I helping you like this? When you’re up against Mr. Edgeworth, it just feels… wrong.
Phoenix: You have helped me against him before.
Gumshoe: But… but that was different! I wouldn’t go against him like this - he’d cut my pay! I’d have to live off of a single cup of ramen for a week!
Phoenix: True. Also, I’m wondering what the ‘treat’ is.
Maya: I bet it’s candy!
“Lookee here. Do you see this, pal? This here is a real, genuine taser that I made all by myself! Pretty cool, huh? It’s not very efficient now, but…I’ll soon fix that right up!”
Gumshoe: Wow, I made a taser! From scratch! That’s really impressive! Good job, fic me!
Phoenix: I… I suppose.
“That’s very…impressive, Gumshoe…”
“Oooh, can I have a look?”
“Uhh, Maya? Remember the last time we saw one of those? I’d rather not relive that experience…”
“oh, stuff it, Nick!”
Phoenix: Wow, Maya. Language.
Maya: Hey, I’d never say that! I didn’t like getting zapped by a taser any more than you did! I’d never just play with one!
Gumshoe: You were zapped by a taser?!
Phoenix: Yes. We both were.
Maya: von Karma zapped in the police records room and took all our evidence.
Gumshoe: Y-you mean…
Phoenix: Manfred von Karma.
Gumshoe: Oh. That makes more sense… I’m sorry that happened to you, pal.Speakers: Interestingly, in the anime, only you get tased Ms. Fey!
Maya: Even more reason why I wouldn’t play with that thing!
Phoenix: Actually, otherwise the characterization is pretty spot on...
“ *shrug* Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you get shoc”-
Phoenix: … Seriously, Maya?
Maya: I didn’t do it!
“Maya! What the hell was that for?!”
“Hehehe, Mr. Wright looked pretty comical right now…”
“I’m sorry Nick, my hand slipped! See, just like that!”
Maya: Wait, who was talking? Nick did the first ones, and I think that Gumshoe said Nick looked ‘comical’...
Gumshoe: I’d never laugh at someone in such a situation!
Maya: So who did the “Ack?!”
Phoenix: I have no idea.
“MAYA! WATCH WHERE YOU POINT THAT THING”-
“AAARGH! NOT THE HAIR!”
“I'm so sorry!”
Phoenix: She did it AGAIN?!
Maya: So, um, what was that you said about characterization?
Gumshoe: This is actually assault and I could arrest you for it.
Gumshoe: Well, I mean, Fic me and Fic you…
Phoenix: But that’s not going to happen, is it.
“That’s it! No burgers for a week, Maya. And that’s final! And Gumshoe, get this thing away from Maya right now or I swear to God I’ll tell Edgeworth to cut your salary in half!”
Maya: Didn’t we recently have a sporking where we established that you do not control my burger rights?
Phoenix: That was the one with the skeletons, wasn’t it? I hear that my name was dragged through the mud and that one may or may not be hunting me down… hooray.
Gumshoe: S… skeletons?!
Maya: It’s okay, they weren’t bad skeletons!
Phoenix: I wouldn’t know. And you are right, I don’t control your burger privileges. I also have no power over Edgeworth or your salary, Gumshoe, don’t worry.
Gumshoe: I wasn’t, pal...
“U-urk! Y-yes sir! Boy Mr. Wright sure is scary when he gets mad…”
“Defendant, Mr. Wright, you may enter the courtroom.”
“Yes thank you, bailiff.”
“It’s go time, Nick! Let’s get this show on the road!”
Gumshoe: I wonder why you’re so mean in this scene, though?
Maya: Maybe Nott Gill Tee is not as not-guilty as he seems?
Phoenix: Maya, no.
Gumshoe: Well if you needed special evidence from me, then maybe…
Phoenix: Let’s just move on.
“Court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Nott Gill Tee. Are the defense and prosecution ready?”
"The defense is ready, Your Honor!”
"The prosecution has been ready for a while, Your Honor.”
“Did you say something just now, Wright?”
Gumshoe: Wow, saying that out loud? In court? That’s really brave of you, Mr. Wright!
Phoenix: And stupid. I need every bit of good will I can get and outright insulting the prosecution, good friend or no, is not how to do that.
Maya: Getting seconds, want anything else, Gumshoe?
Gumshoe: Sure, a little bit of everything, please?
Phoenix: “Hey, why didn’t you ask me?!”
“Very well. The prosecution may now present its opening statement.”
“Thank you, Your Honor. Today the prosecution shall provide proof as to the guilt of Mr. Nott Gill Tee for the murder of Mr. Vick Tim on the morning of……”
“Ouch! Something burned me just now!... Huh? The magatama?”
“Nick, pay attention!”
Phoenix: Why am I talking out loud about this?
“I already know what he’s going to say! Maya, the magatama…why is it bright pink in color?”
Phoenix: I have a bad feeling...
Maya: *stuffs face with food*
Gumshoe: *stuffs face with food*
“Huh?...I’m not so sure, Nick…”
“Ah, leave it. I’ve gotta focus now!”
Phoenix: Yes, ignore the fact that my magical charm has turned a funny color in the middle of court.
Gumshoe: Magical charm?
Phoenix: Ask Edgeworth about it later.
“……alleged affair with the victim. Hence the motive, Your Honor, was jealousy on the part of the defendant!”
“Wha…Objection! This is just speculation!”
“Hmph. Unlike you Wright, I do not rely on mere bluffs to find the truth. The prosecution submits this phot..uuuuugh.”
“Huh? Something wrong, Mr. Edgeworth?”
Phoenix: … whats happening here?
“N-No, Your Honor, I apologize. As I was saying, I submit this photograph of the victim and the defendant’s wife as evidence.”
“I see, I see…hmm, this does not bode well for your client, Mr. Wright…Uh, Mr. Wright, are you quite alright? Why are you picking on your tie like that?”
“I-I-I’m sorry, Your Honor, but isn’t it a little h-hot in here?”
“It’s the middle of January, Mr. Wright.”
“I can ask the bailiff to adjust the temperature if you want.”
“Thank you, Your Honor.”
Maya: It’s getting hot in here ~ So take off all your…
Phoenix: Maya, no. Speakers: There’s a hilarious fic where…
“Nick, what’s wrong with you?! You’re sweating bullets! Even more than usual!
“Hmph, what’s the matter, Wright? I would have thought you’d have stopped being such an amateur to have a case of the n-nnnnnnnnngh..n-nerves…”
“Wait. Wait a minute Nick, you said the magatama was pink?”
“Y-Yes. What’s wrong?”
“I think I remember something Aunt Morgan had told me…After the magatama was charged…only you and Mr. Edgeworth had used it…right?”
Gumshoe: Used it for what?
Phoenix: It lets me know when someone is lying.
Maya: It’s a little more than that, but why did I only just remember this now?
Gumshoe: Hey, that’s not too far fetched, pal! Sometimes I don’t remember things that I should for a while!
Phoenix: Didn’t you say before that...
Gumshoe: I mean things that aren’t that important!
“Right. And? What of it?”
“If I’m thinking what I think I'm thinking…then both of you are in big deep trouble.”
“Maya, could you please stop with the riddles and speak out your mind, already?!”
“ORDER! Mr. Wright! Will you please pay attention before I hold you in contempt of court!”
“Eeep! S-Sorry, Your Honor! Maya, I’ll talk to you about this after the trial, okay?”
“I'm not sure if that’s a good idea, Nick…”
Phoenix: Me neither.
“Alright. Mr. Edgeworth, you may call your witness.”
“T-Than… *ahem* Thank you, Your Honor. The prosecution calls Mr. Whit Ness to the stand!”
“Witness, state your name and occupation.”
“Oi, you jus’ said it.”
“? Your name and profession please, witness.”
“You ju’s said ma name again, ‘omie. Man what kinda dummass are you?”
Phoenix: Did they have to do this gag?
Maya: Oh come on, at least it’s not Witt Less! Hahaha!
Gumshoe: Good one!
Phoenix: But, I mean…
Maya: Hey, at least they were aware of it!
“State. Your name. For the cooooo-aaaargh!”
“Oh, holy SHIT!”
“Mr. Wright, mind your language! Mr. Edgeworth, what is the matter with you?! You’re all red, your face is sweaty, your limbs are shaking…”
“I’m fine. Your Honor. I just drank too many cups of tea last night.”
“ *BANG* *BANG* Oh Godd-d-d-d!!”
“Order! Could you please refrain from banging your head on the desk like that, Mr. Wright!”
“Oh…God! The-the defense requests a brief recess, Your Honor!”
“The…nnnnngh..gah! The prosecution agrees with Mr. Wright!”
Phoenix: I feel like that’s the best thing to do at this point...
“Hmm, unfortunately this trial was postponed well beyond the three-day limit. I cannot allow any breaks in between. But if this is a medical emergency, I can have the medical examiner take a look…”
Gumshoe: Well, I mean, a medical examiner can treat people who aren’t dead, you know…
Phoenix: That’s not what I meant! Clearly we are both in… distress…
Maya: You don’t look very distressed!
Phoenix: And we’re both disrupting the courtroom! He should just let us take the recess and… deal with it… somehow.
“That will not be necessary, Your H-h-hurrr…Honor.”
“What is with these lawyers?”
“Something is definitely wrong here…”
“Mommy, do all lawyers have diarrhea?”
“Shh, honey. Don’t stare at them.”
Phoenix: … I almost wish it was diarrhea.
Maya: Is this more or less embarrassing than diarrhea?
Phoenix: I’d say equivalent, but at least diarrhea would give me an excuse to run to the bathroom and do…
Maya: Do what?
“Ahem. W-Witness! Your testimony. NOW.”
“Yeah all righ’ all righ’ don’ scare me like that! I was roamin’ round the park you know, when I saw, far way, two people sittin’ on one of ‘em park benches.”
“Hold it! And these two people…could you see their faces?”
“Oh yeah, clearly.”
“Ahd who were they?”
“The victim and a lady…I think she’s the defendant’s wife? I ain’t so sure…”
“An’ while I was lookin’ at ‘em, the dude just started runnin’ his hands all over the little lady…”
“Hold it! And you were watching all that?!”
“Chyeah, well, call me a pervert, but I ju’s couldn’t move, ya know? I’d gotta bad feelin’ in ma gut ‘bout all o’ this…and so I stayed there, watchin’ real hard.”
“Yeah. Really hard.”
Maya: Really hard, guys.
Phoenix: Maya, don’t.
“Ah Wriiiight!...I-I mean, right, Your Honor. I was establishing the importance of the witness’s statement.”
“I see. Continue, witness.”
“……Wait a second! Object-AH!”
“What is it, Mr. Wright?”
“The…t-t-the witness called the woman as ‘little’! But if you look at her, you can plainly see that the defendant’s wife is very tall!”
“Wha…she was little, I tell ya!”
“That means…there’s no way he could have seen the same person! I propose that the woman the witness saw was someone else entirely!”
“O-Objection! Look where the witness was standing! From this…this position…uh, t-the witness could easily have seen the defendant’s wife as shorter than himself! He was standing right here on top of…on top of the hill!”
Gumshoe:You’re actually doing pretty well, pal… despite everything.
Maya: Nick’s actually doing better than usual!
Phoenix: What do you mean by that?!
Maya: … I mean, just that you’re actually finding good contradictions.
“Right there?...Yes…right there, right there…oh…oh Edgeworth…”
“Wright…guh Wright…you’re so tight…I-I-I mean, you’re so right…so…right…”
“Mr. Wright, Mr. Edgeworth, what is the meaning of this?! I’ll have you both removed out of my courtroom, I warn you!”
Phoenix: Is this going to be censored soon?
Maya: Nah, you’re just talking dirty.
Gumshoe: … really dirty. Wow, pal.
“Take me…oh please take me, Edgeworth…”
“Nnnnnnngh, too much…this is too much…”
“Wha…what’s going on here…?”
“I believe I may have an explanation, Your Honor. This is…the flame of youth at work.”
Phoenix: Who was that?
Gumshoe: I think it was your defendant, pal.
Maya: Defending you.
Phoenix: Hmm. It’d sure be nice to have dialog tags.
Maya: But aren’t those really ugly and terrible?
Phoenix: Yes but at least then we’d know who was saying what!
“Gaaah Edgeworth…I’m coming!
“M-Me too, aaaaah!”
Phoenix: … in court. Again, in court.
“Coming? Coming where? Ms. Fey, where are they going?!”
“Don’t ask, Your Honor…just don’t ask.”
Gumshoe: I feel like even the judge would know what that meant.
Maya: I’m remarkably calm about this, actually.
Gumshoe: Maybe fic-you… um… ‘Ships’ them?
Phoenix: … That would be a nightmare.
Maya: And Pearly might object!
“AAAAAAAAH EDGEWOOORHH… *gasp*”
“Order! ORDER! Bailiff, get a medic for Mr. Wright immediately!”
“OHHHHH WRI-I-IGHTT! *moaaaaaaan*”
“And another for Mr. Edgeworth! Hurry!”
Phoenix: Sound effects probably shouldn’t be in the quotes, should they?
Maya: I don’t know, Nick, but it sure looks strange… Oh hey, another part!
“-utely embarrassed. Absolutely.”
Phoenix: You should be!
Maya: I think that was you, Nick.
Phoenix: I couldn’t tell!
“I said, I'm sorry Nick, but how was I supposed to know the magatama would react like that?”
“You could have warned me! You knew what the pink color meant!”
Maya: Hey, just because I knew doesn’t mean I KNEW knew. And it wasn’t like I willfully denied you information! I told you when I remembered!
Gumshoe: Yeah! Sometimes people forget these things.
“Well yes…B-But look at the bright side! You got one more day to prepare for the trial!”
“…uh well…maybe not so bright…”
“And look at the medic’s report! ‘Shock due to intense orgasm. Drink plenty of fluids.’ What the hell?!”
Phoenix: You’d think that after an intense orgasm I’d be less snippy. And… yay! An extra day!
“Eeyuck. Too much information, Nick.”
“ *groan* How am I supposed to face him after this?”
“Ack! E-Edgeworth! You scared me!”
“Ah…I couldn’t help but overhear…did you say that this…incident…was caused due to the magatama?”
“Uh yeah…it was glowing pink when i-it happened. Right now, it’s green again.”
“Aunt Morgan told me that since the magatama is an ancient relic, it still resides partway within the ancient world. We’d have to be extremely careful while using it, as if it comes in contact with too much techno stuff from our world, its power may get disrupted…”
“Modern technology, huh? Wait, you don’t mean…”
“The only explanation I can think of is that it may have stopped working when Gumshoe tasered you.”
“What do you mean, Gumshoe? You tasered me!”
Phoenix: Damn it, Maya…
Maya: Hey, not my fault! I’d never do that!
Gumshoe: I hope you wouldn’t blame it on me, either…
“Hey, it’s all the same, Nick!”
Gumshoe: Not really!
“Umm..Ms Fey. Could you leave us for a moment? There’s something I need to discuss with Wright.”
“ *giggle* Sure, Mr. Edgeworth!”
Maya: Yep, Fic-me totally ships this.
“….So. How..how are you?”
“ *cough* Better,thank God. You?”
“Wright..would you like to join me for a cup of coffee? O-Or tea…whichever you like…um.”
“What? Y-You mean, like a…”
“Uhh..okay. Yeah…yeah, I’d like that. …..Wow, you should definitely smile like that more, Edgeworth…you look really cute.”
“W-well. Shall we?”
“Ah, wait, I just spotted Gumshoe…I’ll be right back, okay?”
Phoenix: Well that was…
Gumshoe: Uh oh, what is going to happen to fic-me?
Phoenix: Possibly a salary cut.
“Mr. Edgeworth, I'm really, really sorry about what happened.”
Phoenix: No you’re not.
Maya: I would be! Totally!
“Heh. I want to thank you, Maya.”
“Thank…me? For what?”
“For finally giving me the courage to deal with my feelings…my feelings about Wright. I was always hesitant to approach him..for fear of rejection. But now you have given me the perfect opportunity to express myself. So…I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
Maya: Aww, that’s so nice! He thanked me!
Phoenix: For embarrassing him in court. Wow.
Gumshoe: Hey you were embarrassed too, pal.
Maya: He’s used to it!
Phoenix: H-hey! Objection - I do not embarrass myself in court!
“Hehehe, you don’t need to thank me, Mr. Edgeworth! And boy, you are much better at expressing gratitude now!”
“Well, I learned from the best, after all.”
“Awww, you flatter me.”
“Hmm? Did you hear that, Maya?”
“Huh? Hear what?”
“Hey. C’mon Edgeworth, let’s go. Maya, make sure to lock the office up tight, okay? Here’s some money for that cab…and you may buy yourself some burgers too, if you like.”
“Hooooray! Wait, where are you both…oh. Have fun! Wait…Nick…why is your hair all blown away like that?”
“She’s right, Wright. Also your clothes look..and smell..kind of burned.”
"I think that’s just your imagination, Miles. Now, how about that coffee?”
Phoenix: Did I just… Zap myself?
Gumshoe: I think you did
Phoenix: I feel like I should at least ask Edgeworth first… Otherwise isn’t it kind of… bad? Like, non-consensual bad?