Court Records

Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Page 60 of 62

Author:  Southern Corn [ Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Wait,you're a Jakkid 'ripoff'?

Author:  DrOcsid [ Wed Feb 01, 2017 5:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

It’s done. Finally, I am free of this wretched hell. You’ve been waiting a while, and I’ve finally delivered it. Here it is, the moment you’ve been waiting for, and by far the worst part of the entire game...

Phoenix Drive: Part 3

(Links to Part 1 and Part 2)

Rating: :dahlia:
You already know why.

And now, our poor, poor sporkers.

:phoenix: Phoenix Wright.
“No! Not this again!”

:maya: Maya Fey.
“Even the narrator seems a bit less enthusiastic today…”

And lastly,
:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth.
“No! I thought I was free of this!”

God have mercy on their souls.

[The sporkers enter the sporking theater. An even more intense feeling of dread than usual dawns upon them.]

Phoenix: Damn it, damn it, damn it. So the management wasn’t lying when they said this would be our next sporking.

Edgeworth: I had hoped I wouldn’t have to attend the third part…

Maya: Well, if we have to suffer, might as well take you down with us!

Management: Don’t worry your little heads too much, you three. You’ll be relieved to hear that this is the last time you’ll have to see this game.

Phoenix: Oh, thank god.

[Suddenly, rows of iron bars rise up from the floor to block the doors.]

Maya: H-Hey, what’s that all about?!

Management: Just… an extra precaution. Before you three begin, I would like to issue a formal apology beforehand for what you’re about to see.

Edgeworth: The management is apologizing? That’s new.

Maya: How much worse could it be than the last two times we did this?

Management: Just take your seats. And remember that we are not responsible for this game’s existence.

Phoenix: But you are responsible for making us play it, aren’t you?

Management: Just get the damn sporking started already.

Spoiler: WARNING: Almost NSFW pictures, but censored

Phoenix: Man, I’d almost forgotten how to play this game. Which is probably linked to me trying to forget the entire game while we were gone.

Maya: You forgot how to click the screen?

Phoenix: I don’t use computers much, okay?

Edgeworth: I had almost forgotten about the abhorrent grammar...

Phoenix: Hello.Wright & Co. Law Offices.

Maya: So close! If only it wasn’t for the missing space, that would be an error-less bit of dialogue!

Phoenix: So close, but yet so far. So, then, who’s calling me?

???: …..

???: Mr.Wright?

Phoenix: Yes...are you client?

Maya: Oh, it’s just Question Mark Question Mark Question Mark. That guy’s pretty boring.

Phoenix: I’m trying to think here… Who calls me “Mr. Wright”? The Judge?

???: Did you forget my voice?...OhNo… Are you really a public prosecutor?

Edgeworth: When, exactly, did Phoenix become a prosecutor?

Phoenix: Whoever’s calling me is very mistaken.

Phoenix: I am lawyer. Edgeworth? What business is it suddenly?

Edgeworth: ...Ah. So I finally make my appearance. What a joy.

Phoenix: Why would you suddenly think I’m a prosecutor? I even said it here, “I am lawyer”.

Maya: “I am lawyer! Lawyer want evidence!”

Edgeworth: Umm...Ah….Yes…

Edgeworth: Please hear a request. Therefore I called you unwillingly.

Maya: Oh, man, Edgeworth’s being held against his will and he’s being forced to call you for… some reason!

Phoenix: Edgeworth...Indeed. Did you become a suspect again!?

Edgeworth: Don’t joke. Do I defend you this time ?

Phoenix: Well, I guess we’ve established that this takes place after Edgeworth’s trial, I guess. Can’t imagine what good that will do us.

Edgeworth: Why am I offering to defend Wright? I’m a prosecutor. There was that one time, but that was only due to the fact that he had fallen off a bridge.

Phoenix: Urgh, don’t remind me…

Phoenix: No thank the way, What consultation is it?

Edgeworth: Please come to a studio at 16:00.

Edgeworth: Do not...hear a reason. Please.

Phoenix: A studio, you say? Just any studio?

Edgeworth: Do not... hear a reason? I assume I’m telling you to not ask me why you should go there.

Maya: Well, that just makes things really suspicious. Especially considering what game this is.

Phoenix: Studio...Global Studios? Is it a place filming a Steel Samurai?

Edgeworth: Yes...Steel Samurai...Umm…

Edgeworth: Conversation is an end… See you.

Phoenix: Hey, me.

Phoenix: So I’ve got to go down to Global Studios again? Yeah, cause my last visit was so pleasant.

Maya: You mean with the guy getting murdered?

Phoenix: I was thinking more because of Oldbag. And Sal Manella. And to a lesser extent, Cody Hackins.

Edgeworth: At least Cody had the excuse of being a child. Unlike Oldbag.


Edgeworth: ...Oh dear.

Maya: P-Pearly?!

Phoenix: Oh, no. This game is NO place for her. Who knows what the hell could happen to her in this sex-crazed world?!

Edgeworth: I don’t think there is cause for alarm, I really doubt even the creator of this game would go… that far.

Phoenix: Yes,Hami.

Phoenix: But,it was not a request of work.

Pearl: Please be not discouraged. Maybe request comes tomorrow…

Phoenix: Ah, right, the endless struggle of waiting by the phone for a defense request. I know it well.

Phoenix: I pray to God. Woo...very free recently…

Phoenix: I kinda doubt the “free” thing, considering how I got myself convicted of murder last time.

Maya: Maybe the judge let you off on probation?

Edgeworth: He still would not have his attorney’s badge.

Pearl: By the way,Nick. Do you know what kind of day today is ?

Phoenix: Umm...The day when an office goes bankrupt.

Phoenix: Man, this guy is really hitting close to home.

Edgeworth: Are clients really that sparse, Wright?

Pearl: No-No ! Today is the day that DVD of a Pink Princess releases !

Pearl: Let’s go to buy it ! Nick !

Phoenix: Sorry,Hami… There is not money this month.

Phoenix: Well, I’d like to be able to buy Pearl some DVDs, but as game-me said, there is not money this month. Not in any small part due to buying lots of burgers...

Maya: Don’t worry, Nick. Your money went to a good cause.

Phoenix: Wait….

Phoenix: I can’t buy DVD...but do not watch a genuine Pink Princess instead ?

Phoenix: Let’s observe a studio. Hami,Okey?

Phoenix: That’s… actually not a bad idea.

Maya: Still, though, it would be nice to know why you’re going there in the first place.

Edgeworth: The fact that game-me refused to say why you were going there makes me quite suspicious of the whole affair.

Pearl: G-G-Genuine...Pink Princess !?

Pearl: Be deeply moved ! I want to meet by all means !!

Phoenix: (Oh snap…)

Maya: Yarr! Pearl be deeply moved!

Phoenix: Oh snap.

Edgeworth: Well, that’s just lazy. You two are just quoting the game at this point.

Maya: Hey, I’ll have you know the pirate accent added a lot to the dialogue!

Phoenix: (But the contents of a Pink Princess are Will Powers…)

Phoenix: Will Powers is INSIDE the Pink Princess?

Maya: Don’t tell me this is a vore game, too.

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous, he means that Will Powers is the one in the costume.

Phoenix: Okey,Hami. Let’s depart.

Pearl: Yah !!

Phoenix: Are you so glad ?

Pearl: Yah !! Even if an office goes bankrupt, I already do not care it !

Phoenix: Wow. Thanks, Pearl.


Phoenix: Hey, look, there’s Will.

Edgeworth: That was fast.

Maya: Jeez! What’s with the siren noises?! Is he a robot?

Phoenix: Whaooo!!! Monster !?

Maya: Pff, Nick, really? You think the Pink Princess is a monster?

Phoenix: Well, he did pop up really fast.

Pearl: Whao! Pink Princess!!!

Phoenix: B-be shocked…

Maya: Yeah, Pearl! Be shocked like me, Fraid...nix Wright!

Phoenix: You look like you were about to have a stroke trying to finish that sentence.

Phoenix: (What… ? The actor of Princess should have been Will Powers…)

Phoenix: (However, mood are different in some way…)

Phoenix: Wait, it’s *not* Will Powers? Who is it, then?

Maya: Who else has used that costume in the past?

Edgeworth: N-No… Don’t tell me…

Princess: Do not stare.Indecent boy!

Princess: I give a service!!! Fuck me ! Fuck meeee !!

Phoenix: GAH!

Maya: Wow. That was up front. I suddenly hope that really isn’t Will Powers, though.

Edgeworth: I honestly hope it is, given the alternative…

Phoenix: (O...Oh-Noo… Actor is Wendy Oldbag….!)

Edgeworth: ...Gnk. I knew it.

Maya: Yeah, I’ll take Will back, please.

Phoenix: Meeting her is arguably worse than having to view the sex scenes…

Princess: Hey,Leave-Leave ! You are outsiders ! Okay!?

Maya: Oh, gladly. Hey, Management, can we leave-leave this place-place?

Phoenix: No-No.

Maya: ...Heeeey, did you guys do that on purpose?

Phoenix: I was invited to Edgeworth and came to here.

Princess: Edgeworth ? He does not yet come to here.

Princess: From the evening of today, there is important scene…

Edgeworth: Hm? I’m scheduled to act in the Pink Princess series?

Phoenix: Apparently. Don’t consider yourself too lucky, though, considering who you’re acting with.

Edgeworth: Agh, right. Don’t remind me.

Princess: Ahh...promising….Compete of me and Edgew...FuFuFu.

Phoenix: Does he help here ?

Princess: Umm...Secret.Secret. FuFuFu.

Phoenix: FuFuFu?

Maya: I think that’s supposed to be some kind of laugh. Like, “Heh Heh Heh”.

Edgeworth: That just makes me even more worried.

Phoenix: (I do not understand it well… !)

Phoenix: This entire game in a nutshell.

Pearl: Miss Pink Princess ! Is it new clothes ?

Pearl: Nice clothes ! jiggy ! kicks-ass !!

Maya: Wh- Pearl! Where’d she learn that kind of language?!

Phoenix: Not only that, what year did she travel back to in order to learn the word “jiggy”?

Princess: Thank you. You are very pretty, too.

Princess: Look here ! Look my bust !! I do not lose to Marilyn Monroe either !!

Phoenix: What.

Edgeworth: I doubt that’s an issue, considering she’s been dead for over half a century.

Maya: Well, she and Oldbag were probably born around the same time, if you think about it.

Princess: I will become Hollywood actress in the near future !!

Phoenix: Hold out...By the way. Is this a new project?

Princess: Yes.Will Powers got sick suddenly…

Princess: Thus I act unwillingly.

Phoenix: So, Will Powers got sick, and for that reason, they got Wendy Oldbag of all people to act in his place?

Edgeworth: What a ridiculously stupid idea. Who knows what sort of ways she could ruin the production?

Princess: Therefore I said to a supervisor…

Princess: The times of Eroticism !!!

Edgeworth: ...Yes, I suppose that’s one way…

Phoenix: E-eroticism… ? This is a program for children…

Princess: Is there an objection !? This studio is in Business is dull !! Okey!?

Maya: So, let me get this straight. Oldbag tried to turn the Pink Princess show into porn?

Phoenix: Of all the stupid things I could imagine her doing, that’s not one of them.

Princess: *Typical oldbag rant*

Princess: Is there an objection !? Fuck !! I stab you with this rapier !!

Phoenix: Gyaoooouu !!

Phoenix: Oh. Ow.

Maya: And then Nick died, and the game ended! The end!

Edgeworth: Could anyone read anything she said before she stabbed Wright?

Pearl: Is it the new weapon ? Very very cool !!

Phoenix: Noo...S...Suit was torn…

Princess: This work is an X rating. Child cannot look.

Phoenix: X rating?! So it IS porn!

Maya: We need to get Pearl out of here, quick!

Princess: I give a terrible performance in this work….FuFuFu.

Edgeworth: Oh, I don’t doubt it.

Phoenix: Le...Let’s return. Hami.We are nuisances somehow or other…

Princess: Stop it !!

Phoenix: W-Why !? We are outsider…

Princess: This work is top-secret. Therefore, I cannot let you leave as it is.

Phoenix: We can’t leave?!

Maya: Edgeworth! You did this to us!

Edgeworth: Hey! Don’t blame me for this!

Princess: Please participate in a rehearsal…

Princess: Participate as an actor !

Phoenix: Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no. Don’t tell me this is gonna be a sex scene with Oldbag.

Maya: Nick, consider the fact that there’s only one other alternative to that here.

Phoenix: ...Oh. Okay, I’ll take Oldbag, thanks. Let’s get this started already.

Phoenix: No-Noooooooo-----!!?

Pearl: Nick...What is an actor ?

Phoenix: I-In front of a child, please do not say a strange thing...hahaha.

Maya: I’m sure Pearly knows what an actor is.

Phoenix: Forget saying such “strange thing” in front of a child, Pearl shouldn’t be here at all!

Princess: Hey,Boy.I know anything.

Princess: In your house, there is a girl of psychicer…

Princess: May I announce naughty relations with her here !?

Phoenix: What? Is Oldbag trying to blackmail me?!

Phoenix: Ohh my Goooooooddd----- !!

Princess: Fu Fu Fu Fuh…. !!

Pearl: What... ? Is it a talk of Maya ?

Phoenix: N-No,Hami.haha...Gulp...pp…

Princess: Fu Fu Fu Fuh…. !!

Edgeworth: This is incredibly inappropriate talk for a child to be around.

Maya: This game had better get her out of here fast.

Phoenix: ...Understan. However, this girl lets a hou..

Princess: She has you participate in a rehearsal together !!

All: …

Phoenix: Hold on, what? What did I just read?

Edgeworth: Dear lord.

Maya: Heh… don’t worry guys, it’s just a translation error, right?

Phoenix: No-No ! Impossible !! You’re carrying your joke too far !!

Phoenix: I agree with myself!

Princess: I do not say a joke.

Edgeworth: Oldbag, you horrible woman!

Phoenix: Come on, guys, let’s not jump to any conclusions JUST yet…

Phoenix: No ! No doubt!! Hey,Hami ! please give advice !

Pearl: I help you ! I love Pink Princess !!

Princess: OKey,pretty girl. Please wear this clothes.

Phoenix: N-NO!

Edgeworth: Is this… really going where I think it is?!

Pearl: Whao ! Clothes of Pink Princess !? I wanted to try to wear it once !

Princess: And your clothes are…

Princess: Nothing !! Complete nudity !! OK !? Hurry up !!!

Phoenix: WHAT? Oh my god! You have to be joking!

Maya: Are- are you kidding me?! They’re really doing this? What the hell is wrong with the person who made this game?!

Edgeworth: I… I have no words for this. Management, what do you have to say for yourselves?!

Management: Don’t look at us. We didn’t make the game. We are very sorry.

Phoenix: Noo...forgive it…

Edgeworth: Don’t tell me Wright is actually thinking of going along with this!


Maya: NICK! Do you remember what I said a couple sporkings ago about you defending me when I murder the management?!

Phoenix: Er, yeah… I’m guessing you’re gonna need that soon, then?

Edgeworth: ...Come on, you two, let’s not let this get the better of us. It does look like Pearl has aged significantly, somehow.

Maya: That doesn’t make it okay!

Pearl: N-Nick...I’m very shameful feeling…

Princess: Match well.

Maya: Oh, poor Pearl…

Phoenix: Poor us. At least Pearl doesn’t have to see this.

Phoenix: Ha...Hami… !? Did you grow up to there… ?

Maya: Magically making her older doesn’t mean she isn’t still a kid mentally!

Edgeworth: Congratulations, Wright. You’re about to become a sex offender. How do you think it will hold up in court when you tell the Judge “But Your Honor, she was 18 when I had sex with her!”

Phoenix: Can you please not talk about anything beyond what we’re already seeing? I think I’m gonna be sick.

Princess: Woman is stared at by a man and becomes beautiful.

Princess: I take a nap...Please rehearse it.

Princess: Make desperate efforts, and, for the future of this studio, do its best !!

Phoenix: Y-Yes sir…. !!

Edgeworth: Damn it, Wright, you still have the ability to stop this! Why would you continue on?! Just leave while she’s taking her nap!

Phoenix: Game-me has repeatedly demonstrated that he’s a sex-crazed maniac.

Pearl: M-mysterious...A body suddenly grew up when I wore this clothes… !

Phoenix: Ohh...It’s medium power… ?

Maya: Oh, sure. Any time something weird happens, it’s just “medium power”. Makes perfect sense.

Princess: Hey,Rehearse it ! There is little time !!

Phoenix: Umm...H-Hami… Patience isn’t possible…

Edgeworth: No, no, I’m sure we can all do with more delaying of the inevitable.

Phoenix: H-Hey,Hami…

Pearl: Y-Yes….Nick… ?

Phoenix: Read the scenario !!

Phoenix: P-Princess. Will you caress my penis…?

Maya: N-No! Pearly, don’t do it!

Phoenix: I don’t wanna play this anymore.

Management: Too bad. You have to keep going.

Phoenix: My lewd meat...Please lick it with a mouth of Princess.

Maya: Lewd meat?

Phoenix: If nothing else, the bad translation brings a few mildly amusing phrases… but it’s kinda being overshadowed by the fact that that’s Pearl on the screen right there.

Pearl: Ca...cannot help… I draw out cum with my mouth… !

Phoenix: T-Thank you…. !

Phoenix: (No...unbearable… !)

Edgeworth: Unbearable indeed!

Phoenix: Yeah, for once I agree with game-me. But I don’t think he means it in the same way.


Phoenix: AGH!

Maya: NO!

Edgeworth: NGOOOOOGH!

Phoenix: Damn it, this game is going to give me an aneurysm! Okay, guys, let’s just get through this as fast as we can!

Phoenix: Ha...Hami…. ! Ohh...Ohh… !!

Pearl: AH,NNnn…. ! Very tasty… Ve..ry...cock...Nnn… !

Maya: I… I can’t laugh at anything here! I can’t make any jokes! This is just too hard to look at!

Phoenix: Yeah, I get what you mean… This must be even worse for you, with her being your cousin and all.

Edgeworth: I am so, very sorry that the two of you have to witness this.

Phoenix: (S-Strong absorption… ! A,and…)

Phoenix: (huff-n-puff… ! There is her cunt before my eyes… !)

Phoenix: Hahaha, look, readers! It’s a weird sentence! Laugh at it!

Management: Breaking the fourth wall-

Phoenix: Oh, screw you!

Maya: Nick, you seem pretty agitated…

(Most filler dialogue will be skipped over as it’s mostly unsporkable variations on stuff like “AAAnRRGH COCK MILK DICK SEMEN”)

Pearl: Ha,HAHHhhnn… ! co..cock.. I want COCK… !!

Edgeworth: She has the mind of an eight-year-old! How could she possibly want… well, you know!


Phoenix: Of all the things I expected to see in this theater… I can say, completely, unequovically, that an image of Pearl, magically aged up to an adult and covered in a completely disgusting amount of semen, is not one of them.


Pearl: Ahh...Haa… ! This...this…. Very comfortable…. !

Phoenix: T-This cunt is different from Mia and Maya…. !

Edgeworth: That would be expected, considering you are effectively committing statutory rape at the moment.

Phoenix: I get off… ! May I cum in your cunt… !?

Pearl: C..Cunt… ? Cum in my cunt… ! cock milk…. !!

Maya: Don’t tell me he’s going to…

Phoenix: Im...preg… Agh, I can’t say it!

Phoenix: Y-Yes...I cum… ! In your cunt… !!

Phoenix: I ejaculate my cum in large quantities…! Ughh...Okey !?

Pearl: Ah,Ahh,Ahh… ! don’t understand it… ! understan…! but… !!

Phoenix: See?! You see?! There’s the problem! Pearl doesn’t even understand what’s happening here! This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen in this theater!

Maya: ...Yeah, what he said.

Pearl: May be...Okey…. ! Okey… !!

Pearl: Hahhh….! Pink Princess punishes bad men…. !!

Hami: I punish it----- !!

Phoenix: AHhh,babe…!! Yes,ohhh,Yes… !! I’ve shot my waaaddd….!!

Phoenix: *whimper*

Maya: I can’t do this anymore...

Edgeworth: *reluctantly pats Wright on the back* Don’t worry, I think it’s finally over.

Princess: Perform along a scenario !!

Phoenix: Ah...Yes...but Contents of this script are improper.

Maya: No crap.

Phoenix: Anal Sex...SM...etc… All is maniac excessively…

Phoenix: Wait, what? There’s that stuff too?! God, am I glad the scene’s already over. It… won’t start up again, will it?

Management: I’ll spoil you for once. It doesn’t. That was the final sex scene.

Maya: Oh, thank god!

Edgeworth: It’s been quite a while since I last felt so relieved…

Princess: Naturally ! I let a supervisor write this scenario for Miles with me !

Princess: I and Miles Edgeworth...

Princess: Love of eternity !!!

Edgeworth: NGOOOOGH!

Phoenix: ...Yeah, that relief didn’t last long, did it?

Phoenix: ( me…)

Princess: A recent young does not know true love…

Princess: Go to home. My private performance is to this.

Phoenix: Finally. Hey, since game-me is going home, can the rest of us go home as well?

Management: Nope. Not yet.

Phoenix: Damn it.

Princess: Beloved Edgeworth and...Fu Fu Fu.

Princess: As for him, it is not escaped by my hand...Fu Fu Fu.

Phoenix: (E-Edgeworth… !)

Phoenix: (be feel sorry… I wait in a court...Forever)

Phoenix: How poetic.

[Edgeworth is noticeably red-faced.]

Pearl: H-Hey...Nick…

Phoenix: W-What...Hami.

Pearl: I’m… Ahh….

Pearl: I intend to become a Pink Princess if I become an adult !!

Phoenix: You know what, that’s fine with me, as long as it’s not the sort that we just went through. I sure hope Oldbag’s idea doesn’t work out.

Phoenix: What ?

Pearl: I defeat a lot of bad men as a Pink Princess !! Yah !

Princess: It is excellent intention. I was impressed very much !

Princess: Chin up ! As for the future of our country, it is up to you !!

Phoenix: And now everyone’s just acting like game-me didn’t just do something very, very wrong.

Maya: I’m fine with that, honestly.

Pearl: Yah !!

Princess: There is a Pink princess in your heart anytime.

Pearl: Yah !!

Princess: Fu Fu Fu Fu… !

Pearl: Fu Fu Fu Fu… !

Phoenix: Oh, no, Oldbag, please don’t teach Pearl your ways…

They go back home.


Phoenix: Ah,Yes...I see….

Phoenix: I see…..What ?

Phoenix: ……

Phoenix: Whaaaaaaaaat !!?

Phoenix: Really !? No-No ! be puzzled !!

Phoenix: Was it already decided !? No…. !?

Phoenix: ….J-Jesus….

Phoenix: Uh, what’s going on now?

Maya: Beats me. Sounds like you’re worried about… something on the phone.


Phoenix: Oh, you’re back.

Maya: Don’t tell me we’re in for another…

Edgeworth: No, no, remember, the Management said that last scene was, well, the last one. We should be fine. Let’s just sit back and get through the rest of this.

Phoenix: Gulp…

Maya: Nick ? Did you get astomach out of order?

Phoenix: No...It’s more serious….

Phoenix: A hero of a sequel was not me !? Next story : [Gyakuten Saiban4] !?

Maya: That’s what you were worried about? The fact that you’re not the main character in the fourth game?

Phoenix: Well, there goes the fourth wall.

Maya: Really !? be doubtful !!

Maya: I do my best as the leading role in place of you !

Phoenix: ...Yeah, I think you’re a bit mistaken there, Maya…

Phoenix: Y-Yes...Hold out….

Maya: Hey,Nick. Let’s insist aloud if dissatisfied.

Phoenix: It’s a just argument. Three,two,one!


Maya: Hold it !!

Phoenix: What!? Maya!!

Phoenix: What !? Maya !!

Phoenix: …

Maya: Wow, Nick. Either you’re a psychic, or game-you is closer to real-you than you might think.

Edgeworth: Oh, come on, this joke has been used so many times…

Maya: At first eat Miso Ramen and let’s make an objection ! Nick.

Maya: The home of Miso Ramen is Hokka ido in Japan !

Phoenix: I did not know it. Is the food delicious ?

Maya: A crab and a lobster and a salmon and a potato are very delicious !

Phoenix: Huh? Are those regular ingredients in Miso Ramen?

Maya: I imagine any of those could be used, but probably not all at once…

Phoenix: Oh Nice ! I may let an office move to there in the near future…

Maya: There is a many pretty girls, too.

Phoenix: Let’s go for sightseeing immediately !!

Maya: Hey,Ni----ck. You are naughty.

Edgeworth: How childish.

Phoenix: ...Yeah, Maya, I wouldn’t be so sure about game-me being so close to real-me.

Phoenix: No...I am not originally such a human being!!

Maya: Way of speaking is wrong. Three,Two,One….!!

Phoenix: Objection !!

Phoenix: OBJEC- Oh, yeah. There we go, I think it’s over.

Management: Not yet! It’s time for some credits scenes!

[The three sporkers let out a collective groan.]


Phoenix: Oh great, this again.

Maya: Here in yet another episode of Light Speed Court! Invented by the government because our current one was apparently way too slow!

Phoenix: Hey,Larry!! I completely proved your alibi !!!

Butz: Hey,Hey,Nick. I’m hearer today. Nick !

Karma: Accept defeat soon ! Phoenix Wright !!

Phoenix: Huh? Didn’t that trial end already? You know, with me being the guilty party?

Maya: Retrial, I guess? Either that or Larry just got into trouble again.

Edgeworth: I’d find the latter to be more likely.

Butz: Because I’m busy, may I already return ?

Phoenix: Hey,Judge!! Dai Inge message of a victim says it in this way…!

Maya: Dai Inge? Who’s that?

Phoenix: I dunno, but apparently he left a message for the victim. Or from the victim. I don’t know, I can barely read any of this!

Edgeworth: I think he means “dying message”.

Phoenix: [ When something smells it’s usually the Butz ] !! Okey !?

Butz: N-N-N-Nick---!! No,No,Noo!! It is certainly wrong!! Nick-----!!!

Phoenix: What?! That was the dying message?!

Maya: So… Larry was the murderer, then?

Edgeworth: Either that, or Wright forged evidence like Mia told him to in the first part.

Phoenix: Hey, you weren’t here for that!


Edgeworth: You mean a method other than such ones as “forging evidence” and “indicting yourself as the murderer”?

Phoenix: Also, how is Mia alive here?

Mia: At first obtain the evidence that can prove innocence of the accused…

Mia: And the most important thing is that you become an excellent lawyer.

Phoenix: Well, that’s pretty standard stuff. Have the evidence, and be an excellent lawyer. I think I’ve got those both down already.

Edgeworth: Don’t flatter yourself, Wright.

Mia: But...Prohibited from onanism in a court. Learn it. Nick.

Maya: Oh, right. I had to look up what “onanism” meant after that first part. I’d… rather not share the definition, though.

Phoenix: ...Right, like I said. Typical lawyer advice.


Phoenix: Great, Pearl’s back.

Edgeworth: Don’t worry, you’re not there to do distasteful things to her.

Phoenix: Can we PLEASE stop talking about that?

Pearl: I’m sorry...Phone Call…

Pearl: Yes.Wright & Co. Law Offices.

Phoenix: I’m not sure I’d want Pearl answering the phone in my place…

Maya: Who’s calling, anyway?

Edgeworth: Help Meeeee!! Nick !! Noooooooo !

Princess: My darling !! Fuck Meeeee !!!

Edgeworth: Help Meeee….. !!!

Edgeworth: Nnnngh! Why must they do this to me?!

Maya: …*Clearly desperately trying to hold in laughter*

Phoenix: Poor, poor Edgeworth. At least that’s only game-you that’s being… romantically assaulted by an old woman.

Edgeworth: Don’t you dare call that romance!

Pearl: A...a nuisance phone call. Sorry.

Maya: Looks like Pearly’s not gonna be any help to Edgeworth…

Phoenix: How could I have helped him over the phone, anyway?


Maya: Oh, about “Gyakuten Saiban 4”? Now that I think about it, this game must be pretty old if that hadn’t even came out yet when it was made.

Phoenix: Also, I’m surprised the management isn’t yelling at us for breaking the fourth wall.

Management: We can’t help it if the game breaks the fourth wall. In cases like that, your sporking kinda has to acknowledge it. Not much we can do.

Maya: By the way...Thank you for playing. Did you enjoy all ?

Maya: See you next court. One love !!

Phoenix: Next court !? Can I appear in the next court !?

Edgeworth: Yes. Just not as the main character.

Maya: And to answer game-me, we most definitely did not enjoy that. Not remotely.

Maya: God only knows.

Phoenix: O...Objection….

Phoenix: Hey, now, it didn’t end up going that badly, game-me. Even if I wasn’t the one in the title.

Maya: Hey, is that it? Is the game over?

Edgeworth: Please say it is.

[The lights turn back on, and the metal bars over the doors retract.]

Phoenix: *Gets up and stretches* Oh, thank god. That was a long one.

Edgeworth: What a ridiculously stupid excuse of a fangame. I never want to experience that again.

Maya: Yeah, you and me both. I’d suggest we go get lunch or something, but I’m still feeling a bit sick from that Pearl scene…

Phoenix: I think I’m gonna go home and pour bleach into my eyes or something. Anything to let me forget what I saw here.

Edgeworth: There isn’t a sequel to this… is there?

Management: Oh, no. Don’t expect any more sex games any time soon.

Phoenix: That’s a huge relief. Could we also, maybe, not expect any sporkings at all any time soon?

Management: Nice try, but no. You’ve still got the rest of Steven Universe: Human of Bad on your plate.

Maya: You know what? After what we saw here today, I say keep bringing on the Steven Universe.

Phoenix: Yeah. Too bad Edgeworth probably won’t be here for part three.

Edgeworth: “Too bad”?

Management: Well, anyway, sporking’s over. Now get out of here, we need to destroy the computer we had this game installed on.

[The sporkers leave the sporking theater.]

Author:  Southern Corn [ Wed Feb 01, 2017 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Ugh. Scarred for life thanks to that. Why,people,why?AND WHY PEARL OF ALL PEOPLE?!MIGHT AS WELL HAVE CHOSEN CODY OR TRUCY!

*sniff* truth be told,I didn't even finish the whole thing. It was just too goddamn much. I'm glad I wasn't the writer for this.

Seriously,this alone is nightmare fuel.

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Wed Feb 01, 2017 9:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

...Somehow, that was worse than I had thought it was going to be.

However, I did like your sporking of it, DrOscid, especially when you pointed out that aging up Pearl didn't make it any less horrible.

Author:  allamanda29 [ Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

ugh, that Pearl scene reminds me when I accidentally found a fic about 36-year-old Edgeworth having sex with 16-year-old Pearl

Author:  Southern Corn [ Thu Feb 02, 2017 3:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

That's a thing,huh? Which one was that? I'm definitely intrigued.

Author:  Alicewright [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

No, I am not a Jakkid ripoff. :tigre:

Author:  Southern Corn [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 6:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Oh. Sorry about that. I just got confused because you thought that they were referring to you as one.

Noticed that the main page hadn't been updated in almost four months. A pity,because there have been some darn good sporkings in those four months.

Author:  Alicewright [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Ahaha that's all right.
Maybe I should change my tagline to be "ace jakkid sporker ripoff"
Tha'd be pretty funny.

Author:  luck [ Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Southern Corn (SC) wrote:
Oh. Sorry about that. I just got confused because you thought that they were referring to you as one.

Noticed that the main page hadn't been updated in almost four months. A pity,because there have been some darn good sporkings in those four months.

Back in my day (aka 2015) the first post hadn't been updated in four years.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

The link to Blackmail sadly doesn't work. The original,that is.

I enjoyed it though. It was like Cowboy Up,with ten times more WTFery. I also may have found something else by the author that's good sporking material,and I may be sporking it in the days to come.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Wed Feb 08, 2017 8:22 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Aaand it's here! Hey,I'm back,and this time I'm sporking....

Apollo and Ema:The Baby Chronicles
by KasaiStormDog

No,you didn't misread the title. It's fo real.

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Considering this is by the same person who wrote Blackmail,it's just kinda meh. The title alone deserves one Sahwit,and the other is for mild OoCness,grammar mistakes and the fact that Apollo and Ema-well,you'll see. It's a bit disturbing,to say the least.

The Sporkers:

:apollo: -"Well,I'm back here once more. But it shouldn't be so bad at least. Right?"
:yummy: -"I don't like this place at all. Especially with what I've had to put up with. Blackmail, Damon Gant's Swimmingly Good Journal, A Story of Morals, and now Cowboy Up."
:lana: -"Blackmail? Wasn't that the fic where Prosecutor Gavin made you his sex slave just so that the author would justify shipping you and Mr. Justice? And what's this about 'Cowboy Up'?"
:edgeworth: -"I have no idea what you're talking about,but already I feel nauseated."
:hobohodo: -"A pity you weren't there. It was quite the spectacle,really."
:trucy: -"Cheer up,everyone! It shouldn't be so bad as Cowboy Up,at least!"

Our Sporkers meet up in the theatre,where Apollo,Ema and Lana have settled down while the rest are chatting at the snack bar.

Edgeworth:...So in 'Blackmail',Prosecutor Gavin threatens Ema with a report on her sister to be her sex slave....and she ACCEPTS?!

Phoenix: Yeah. It's pretty stupid. Though Cowboy Up was worse in terms of law AND sexism,but that's another story altogether. Anyway,you can open your ears now,Trucy! *he nudges her gently*

Trucy:Okay,Daddy! (I wonder what they were talking about...) So,what type of popcorn do you guys want?

Phoenix:Small. I'm more of a grape juice guy myself.

Edgeworth:I'll just have the bag. For...reasons.

Trucy:Okay,so I'm the only one having large,I guess. So let's go see how Polly and the rest are doing!

They go to the seats.

Trucy:Hey guys,whatcha been doing?

Apollo:Me and Ema have been explaining to her sister about the travesty that was Cowboy Up. Her reaction was-

Ema:She hated it more than we all did combined. She hates it as we all did combined,doubled it,squared it,and added-

Lana:Suffice to say I didn't like it. Hopefully we won't be seeing more of that this time.

Phoenix:Oh yeah,that reminds me. What're we seeing today,Management?

Speakers:Yawn,I don't feel like it today. You tell them,narrator.

Really,sir? Oh boy!

Apollo:(Weren't you previously condemning him for that?)

So this fic is,er,well,it's so good! It's based on two of you right over here,undergoing a pregnancy test and-

Edgeworth:I'm already scared as to which two of us it's going to be. *looks nervously at Phoenix*

Phoenix:*strengthens grip on grape juice bottle* Yeah,me too. *glances at Trucy briefly* (Please don't let it be them...)

Well,um,let's get this baby started! Heh heh,get it? It's because-

Apollo:Can we please cut the crap,narrator? Just roll the fic.

Aw,but I was enjoying this role so much!

Trucy:Yeah,Polly,don't be rude to him! He's just doing what he's always wanted to do.

Phoenix:And don't swear in front of my daughter. It may or may not affect your pay check.

Lana:Don't forget your basic etiquette,Mr.Justice. It's not very nice to say such things to the poor man.

Edgeworth:I must say that I am too disappointed in your behaviour,Mr.Justice.

Ema:*throws snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo:(Ow! I only told him to cut the crap,and now everyone hates me. Great.)

Aw,it's okay,Pollywaggins. I'll start the fic now.

Apollo:...Pollywaggins? *looks around* Hey everyone,I can see that you're laughing at me!

Trucy:Sorry,couldn't help it. *giggle*

Ema:Looks like the narrator's a fan. *snicker*

Phoenix:(The real deal here is what the shipping here is going to be....)

Edgeworth:(Please don't be Me x Wright...)

Apollo and Ema:The Baby Chronicles

By KasaiStormDog (formerly known as WaffleS)

Edgeworth and Phoenix:*deep sigh of relief*

Apollo and Ema:NOOOO!

Lana:Formerly known as WaffleS? Wait,that's the person who wrote Blackmail!

Ema,Apollo and Phoenix:WHHAAAT?!

Edgeworth:*penalty* Nngh! (The fic hasn't even started and already I've been penalised!)

Phoenix:Wait,Management,are you sure this is suitable for Trucy?


Huh? Oh,yes! Absolutely! No bad words and not too much violence.

Phoenix:'Not too much'? So there will be some violence. Hm.

Trucy:Daddy,you need to stop being so overprotective! I'm a big girl now. I can deal with this.

Apollo:Why,oh why,did it have to be from the same person who did Blackmail?

Ema:*throws snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo:(Ow! I've just been snackoo'd.)

Chapter 1
Finding about the pregnancy

Phoenix:Cutting straight to the chase,are we?

Ema:*blushes angrily while glaring at Apollo*

Apollo:Hey! It's not my fault that this exists.

Lana:So far,the titles have been rather direct. I hope their writing here is not as blunt.

She held the test up to the light. She couldn't believe it, the little pink cross.

"It can't be…" She whimpered.

Edgeworth:...It really is just that fast. No buildup or suspense,just straight to it.

Apollo:Well,at least we can skip all of that now.

She pushed the test into her bag and rushed back to work.

She made sure Klavier wasn't around when she called her sister.

"Lana, I need you to take me to the doctors." She whimpered.

"Why honey, are you sick or something?"

Trucy:Aw,she even calls you honey! How sweet.

Phoenix:"Made sure Klavier wasn't around"...? So does that mean it takes place in the same universe as Blackmail?

Ema:Actually,no,not necessarily. If it did,wouldn't the Fop be in jail?

Apollo:And since it's shipping me and Ema,I think if it did take place in the same universe,it would take place after Prosecutor Gavin would have been arrested.

Lana:Well,at least that's one positive.

"Huh?...uh…a little yeah…it's important too." She was distracted now.

"Well ok, wanna call Apollo and let him know honey?"

"N-no!" She blurted out. "P-please don't make him worry about me."

Edgeworth:Already I see a few grammatical errors. The lack of commas is especially infuriating.

Apollo:If you're pregnant and I'm the father,shouldn't you inform me?

Ema:I guess fic me isn't very levelheaded.

Trucy:So wait,are you and Polly married here?

Ema:That would make sense. If we weren't married,I would be freaking out way more.

"He loves you though, he's bound to worry."

"Please, promise me Lana and I need an appointment after work tonight."

"Alright, I'll pick you up from the scene." She put the phone down.

She was distracted throughout the afternoon.

Phoenix:Who? Lana or Ema?

Apollo:It would make more sense to be Ema,but it would also be somewhat reasonable for her sister to worry about her after that phone call.

Edgeworth:This is why you have to specify names,author!

"Hey baby." A shadow overcast her.

"Apollo!" She jumped up and hugged him. She gave him a brief cheeky kiss while Klavier wasn't looking.

"Something wrong baby? You look a little pale Em." Apollo smiled softly.

"Nnrk! Uh…yeah, yeah I'm fine." She nodded.

Apollo:Oh,right. I forgot that I call you Em in these fanfics.

Trucy:Isn't Detective Skye's first name already short enough?

Lana:I recall that also being brought up in the Blackmail sporking.

Edgeworth:I do find it ironic that you're calling her 'baby' as well.

Phoenix:While Klavier wasn't looking,huh? I guess that puts this in a separate universe,different from Blackmail's at least.

Ema:Glad to know that's confirmed,at least.

"Herr Forehead! No evidence sharing!"

"Grr, sorry honey." Ema let him go. "I'm going to be a little late tonight; I'm going to go with Lana for a coffee. If that's ok of course…"

"Why are you asking?" Apollo smiled. "Of course, you don't need to ask. Remember?"

"Alright." She smiled. "Sorry."

Ema:What,now I'm dependant on him to the point I have to ask him permission to even talk with my own sister? *throws snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo:Ow! That's not me on the screen,I swear!

Edgeworth:Actually,I have a question. Why-

Speakers:Ask the narrator.

Edgeworth:Hmm? Anyway,why isn't Prosecutor Gavin here with us today?

Oh? Yes,Mr.Edgeworth,it was because he had a lack of presence in the fic and didn't do so much.

Edgeworth:Then why am I here?!

Mr.Edgeworth,you're different. You're our wonderful little Spork Bitch-

Edgeworth:Stop calling me that!

Phoenix:(Poor Edgeworth. Always doomed to be the Management's favourite.)

"Anyway, I've gotta go. I'm picking Trucy up from school."

"You need to tell Wright you're a lawyer not an errand boy." She giggled.

"Well it gives me something to do." Apollo shrugged.

"I guess."

Trucy:You see,Polly? That's the kind of attitude you need to adapt! You need to work with a better attitude to get better results!

Apollo:I would if most of my cases were actually cases A LAWYER WOULD HANDLE!

Trucy:Silly Polly! We're an Anything Agency,not a law office. Remember?

Edgeworth:Why is the author forgetting to use their commas?

"Oh and tell Gavin I'm not even the lawyer in this case." He yelled out so Klavier heard him. "I love you."

"Love you too." She kissed him before kneeling down and carrying on taking footprint moulds.


Lana:Footprint moulds? So you're saying that you're doing all this at a crime scene?

Phoenix:A workplace romance,huh? Scandalous!

Edgeworth:Mr.Justice,you seemed rather happy that you weren't taking the case. Why is that?

Apollo:Probably because the prosecutor is Prosecutor Gavin.

Edgeworth:So you'd rather take Wright's daughter from school than take on a case? I shall have to talk to Wright about this afterwards.

Ema:Plus,you're yelling this thing out just to make the Fop jealous? How superficial.

Apollo:(Already everyone's got a negative impression of me. Great.)

Phoenix:(Thanks to Apollo's attitudes,Edgeworth now has a negative impression of my agency. Great.)

"So what's the matter?" Lana asked as she drove her sister to their doctor.

"Nothing, just a bit of stomach ache." Ema lied. "Just want to see what's happening, it's probably nothing."

Lana:Now you're even lying to your own sister? How could you,Ema?

Ema:Sis,that...that's not me!

Apollo:(She tenses up rather easily when her sister says something like that to her,I notice.)

"If you say so. So how are things with you and Apollo?"

"He's so lovely to me, he treats me like a princess all the time now I live with him." Ema blushed.

"Told you he was the one." She smiled.

Trucy:Wait,so you're the one who got them together?

Lana:Well,this is certainly interesting. The wording,especially.

Edgeworth:I noticed that too,Ms.Skye. The way it's worded unnerves me. (It's almost as if they aren't married...)

"You're in the wrong job Lana. Forget chief prosecutor of the district you can open a new business – 'Lana's matchmaking service'." Ema giggled. In a brief few moments she forgot about that test.

Edgeworth:Chief Prosecutor? *penalty* Nggooh!

Phoenix:Oh,right. Lana's the chief prosecutor in these fics. Forgot to tell you that.

Lana:Though I don't think my talents exactly lie in matchmaking,I'd think it'd be even harder for me to be the Chief Prosecutor again.

"Good afternoon Ema." Her family doctor smiled warmly. "I haven't seen you in a while. I hear you got a man!"

"Yeah…" Ema smiled.

"So what can I do for you?"

"I need you to promise what I say won't leave this room, not even to my sister."

Apollo:You are really going out of your way to hide this,aren't you? From your sister as well as me,your husband here.

Edgeworth:(That is,if you are her husband here.)

Phoenix:Whatcha thinking about,Edgeworth?

Edgeworth:Hmm? Oh,nothing.

Lana:So it's a boy now? What do you think you'll name it?

Ema:I'd probably name it after...Mr.Marshall. He's done a lot to me.

Phoenix:Who? Jake or Neil?


"We doctors aren't allowed to discuss our patients with anyone." She assured. "So can I help?"

"I need you to confirm something for me…" She reached into her bag. "I need you to check if this is right?"

"Is this what I think it is?" The doctor took it.

"A pregnancy test."


Ema sat quietly for a couple of minutes before her doctor returned.

"The pregnancy test isn't lying, you are indeed pregnant."


Phoenix:Apollo! *points at Trucy*

Apollo:(Phew,that was close.)

Trucy:I wonder how she's going to react?

Ema started to cry. To the outside world it was hard to tell if it was from joy or sadness but on the inside she was truly happy. She wanted a baby, she loved Apollo and she knew he was the one for her.

…Only has was she going to tell him?...

Edgeworth:"Has was"? Really?

Apollo:I swear,if she doesn't tell me by the end of this chapter...

Ema:This almost sounds like the plot for a soap opera.

It had to be special. This was their first child after all. Besides, Apollo's a special guy.

"How far gone…am I?" She sniffled.

"4 weeks honey." The doctor smiled handing her a tissue.

"Thanks." She wiped her eyes, grateful she hadn't worn any make up.

"This man of yours? Will he want a baby?"

"Oh yeah. I don't doubt that." Ema smiled. "Alright, thanks doc I'll leave you to your patients."


Edgeworth:*mumbles* Still haven't referred to him as husband yet...

Trucy:Huh? Did you say something,Mr.Edgeworth?

Edgeworth:Hmm? Oh,er,nothing. I was just commenting on the lack of a second comma in that last line.

Phoenix:(I think I know what Edgeworth's thinking....and I'm with him,really.)

"Everything ok then honey?" Lana asked as she drove Ema back to Apollo's.

"Yeah, just a bit of stomach ache, she said it will go on its own."

"Good, for a moment I thought it was a serious issue you had." Lana sighed.

Lana:Still lying to me,Ema? I would be just happy to hear that.

Ema:Come on,Sis! You know I'd never do that!

Edgeworth:That first line doesn't have a single comma in it. I don't think the author realises their importance.

"Stop worrying about me." Ema smiled.

"Apollo!" Ema ran into his arms.

"Hey baby." He kissed her before looking to Lana.

"Hello Apollo." Lana smiled. "I've got to be off, by the way – I want to invite you two to dinner on Friday evening. The kids are going to Jake's parents so we've got the house to ourselves."

Lana:'Jake's parents'?

Edgeworth:NNGOH! *penalty*'re-

Lana:Married to Jake Marshall? Looks like it.

Apollo:(This just keeps getting better and better...)

"I'd love too." Apollo smiled.

"Same here." Ema let go of him and turned back to her sister.

"Cool, seven o'clock and Jake's cooking so don't be late!"


Edgeworth:That's the wrong 'to',author.

Apollo:'Let go of him and turned back to her sister' sounds really wrong. I guess that's due to what the kink meme has done to me.

Trucy:The what?

Apollo:Oh,er,erm...ask your father later,okay?

Ema:Another line break? Already?

When she found out she was pregnant it was a Monday. Now it was Friday and she still hadn't found a way to tell Apollo. She tried to get him alone at work – she'd managed it once. She sat on her lover's lap and kissed his neck. As she was about to move up to his ear to whisper her news to him, Trucy burst in. She leapt off his lap after Trucy started whining.

"God! Get a room!" She whined.

Trucy:The author's at least got me spot on. No making out on the sofa,Polly!

Apollo:Hey! I didn't even-

Lana:How come you can't just tell him to talk to you in private and then tell him?

Ema:This really is playing out like a soap opera.

Edgeworth:(Lover,not husband. Not husband.)

Knowing she couldn't tell him at the office she tried to tell him in the privacy of their bedroom in their own home. It was too difficult, it didn't feel right and she had no idea how to break it to him.


Ema:And yet another line break?

Phoenix:Honestly,I'm getting quite bored so far. Just waiting for Ema to tell the big news is tiring me.

She'd got out of the shower and Apollo had jumped in after her. The bathroom was an en-suite so it made her conscious when she talked to herself as she knew Apollo could hear her (she'd been caught a few times before). She stood in front of the floor length mirror and undid her towel then fastened it back around her waist. She stared at her stomach and unconsciously began to touch it.

"Something amazing is going to happen inside me…" She whispered quietly. She heard the shower being switched off and continued to stare at the naked top half of her body in the reflection.


Everyone else:AAAH!

Edgeworth:*penalty* NGGHOOOH! (Only half of my bar left...)

Phoenix:Trucy! *covers her eyes* Why didn't you say anything about the nudity,narrator?!

Oops,I'm sorry. I'll just summarise the rest. And...

[Apolo and Ema tell each other how much they love the other and make out in the shower. Then there's yet another line break.]


"Hey Em, hey Apollo!" Lana welcomed them in. "Come in and take a seat in the living room." She kicked a teddy away from the couch and offered them the seats.

It was the dinner that would make her say she was pregnant...

Lana:So I'm also calling you Em now?

Trucy:Hey Polly,is that teddy bear yours?

Apollo:Um,er,no,it's Ema's.

Ema:Yeah,it actually is mine.

Trucy:Really? Ha!

Ema:*whispers to Apollo* I saved you there on purpose. To pay me back,you are going to get me a bag of snackoos afterwards.

Apollo:*sigh* Fine. (Why must I always suffer?)

Phoenix:At dinner,huh? That's going to be awkward.

"Would you like a drink?" She offered the two bottles of wine to Apollo.

"White please." Apollo smiled. He took the glass from Lana's hands. "Thanks." He took a sip.

"Ema?" She offered her a glass of red wine.

Ema:And here comes the backpedal...

I can't drink alcohol if I'm carrying a baby… she gulped.

"No thanks." Ema declined as politely as she could.

"Come on Ema, you're not driving." Apollo smiled.

"…Uh…" She took a deep breath. "Lana can I just talk to Apollo outside for a moment, I need some air." She took Apollo's hand and led him out into the cool night air.

Edgeworth:The first part isn't even in quotes! And how do you gulp while saying something?

Phoenix:Ssh,we're almost there.

"Something wrong?" Apollo asked as he took her hands.

"I can't drink that wine."

"Why?" Apollo asked soothingly, realising she appeared upset.

"I wanted to tell you when we were alone but…I didn't go for coffee with Lana on Monday…I went to the doctor's."

"Why are you sick?" Apollo asked alarmed.

"…I'm pregnant…" She whimpered before crying again.

Apollo:FINALLY! Emphasis on the first syllable,because I feel fine again!

Ema:Also,I don't drink on a regular basis.

Trucy:But didn't you-

Ema:I don't know what you're talking about.

"We're having a baby!" Apollo exploded with joy then held his crying girlfriend in his arms.

Edgeworth:NGHOHOHOHGGHGOGOOOOOOOOH! *half bar penalty* (The's all gone...) A-and thus.....the t-truth w-

Ema:Mr.Edgeworth! What's happened?


Sir! One of the Sporkers has fainted! What should I do?

Speakers:Hm? Electrocute the bastard! Can't have our Spork Bitch faint right at the end!

Yes sir!

*Edgeworth gets electrocuted again*

Edgeworth:HNNNNNGJGGHGHGGODDAMMIT! Agh...where am I?

Trucy:Mr.Edgeworth! It's alright! It's almost over-

Edgeworth:No,it isn't alright! Don't you see?! Didn't you hear them say,'Held his crying girlfriend'? MR.JUSTICE AND MS.SKYE ARE NOT MARRIED!




Phoenix:I had a feeling,but this outright confirms it.

Lana:What kind of twisted psychopath would write this?!

Apollo:The same person as Blackmail,who else?

Edgeworth:Just...carry on. It'll be faster.

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not! We're having a baby Ema!" She smiled, wiped her eyes and clung to him.

Apollo:A baby Ema?

Ema:I think they meant to say 'A baby,Ema!'

Edgeworth:This is why commas are so important!

"I love you and I know you'll be a great daddy."

"I know you'll make an amazing mom too."

Phoenix:They'll sure be a pair of unmarried parents!

The lights come on.

Trucy:Huh? It's over?

Speakers:The first chapter,at least. We'll be having you back for the rest of the story. At least,what's left of it before the author abandoned it.

Apollo:Whoa! Where were you,Management?

Speakers:I was taking a nap.

Apollo:Oh,so that's why you were so silent this time!

Speakers:Yup. I hate interruptions. Anyway,y'all can leave now.

Edgeworth:I don't feel too well...

Phoenix:Come on,Trucy. We have to get Uncle Edgeworth back home.

Trucy:Okay,daddy! Come on,Uncle Edgeworth,one leg at a time...

Apollo:Well,wasn't that just a happy ending to this chapter? Anyway-

Ema:*nudge* Remember,you've still got to pay for my snackoos.

Apollo:Oh,that. Fine. (Why is it always me?)

Lana:I still don't think eating all that will be good for you,Ema. You need to take a diet.

Ema:Come on,sis! We've had this talk before...

And so our sporkers leave in groups of three,after witnessing The Baby Chronicles. Thank you,and good night!

That's it! Thanks for reading! As always,constructive criticism is appreciated.

From here on out,I'll be sporking this fic two chapters per part to save time since not too much happens afterwards. See you then!

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Wed Feb 08, 2017 1:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!


I found the sporking's emphasis on Apollo and Ema's marital status strange and sort of out of character. I could see how somebody might get offended by this if they knew someone who had a child while single or were born to unmarried parents.

However, I'm impressed how well you managed all the different sporkers. I don't think I could write a spork with that many sporkers.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Wed Feb 08, 2017 3:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I guess,but it's usually seen by people as sort of taboo to do that stuff,which is why I put a bit of emphasis on it. I can see how people would get offended by that though,and I'll try not to do that sorta crap again.

And thanks! I did try to even out the number of lines for each Sporker and I feel that it worked out quite nice.

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Wed Feb 08, 2017 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'm just trying to make sure we don't start any huge arguments here. I want this to be a fun place for everyone.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Wed Feb 08, 2017 3:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Sure. Unfortunately,I can't exactly remove it here since it would ruin the pacing a bit and all,but this is probably the last time I'll refer to this point.

Author:  luck [ Wed Feb 08, 2017 9:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

More than offensive, I found it just weird to focus on that, especially with the fic full of ridiculous stuff to mock like the doctor checking the pregnancy test instead of Ema to confirm the pregnancy and somehow knowing how long she's been from that, and Lana pulling out two different wines in a family reunion as if they were in a restaurant.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Thu Feb 09, 2017 7:53 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I've in mind for the next part,which may or may not come tonight.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Thu Feb 09, 2017 5:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Today we'll be continuing the Baby Chronicles! Let's get right to it!

The Sporkers-

:apollo: -"Back to this again already? That's not even a week!"
:yummy: -"I'm not sure whether this is better or worse than dealing with the fop,honestly."
:lana: -"Is he honestly that bad? Maybe I should report him to the Chief Prosecutor."
:edgeworth: -"We've had this talk,Detective Skye. As long as he hasn't done anything wrong to you,there's no reason to request a new prosecutor to be partnered up to."
:hobohodo: -"All joking aside,I really have been bored by this fic so far. Maybe something interesting this chapter?"
:trucy: -"Why's everyone so down? Cheer up,it'll be just fine!"

As usual,we open up at the Sporking Theatre,where for once,all the Sporkers are in the seats.

Trucy:That's because the snack bar is closed!

Apollo:Yeah,what gives,narrator?

Oh,we had a pizza party there yesterday. It was quite-

Speakers:Narrator! Be quiet!

*everyone jumps mildly due to the heavily irritated tone of the management*


Speakers:Anyway,I got a transcript of the Sporking the other day since I was half asleep throughout. I have to say,I'm disappointed in you all.


Lana:Did we not spork the tale properly?

Speakers:No. You all kept saying some crap about the protagonists not being married and didn't pay any attention to the actual problems. It was so apparent that we actually sporked the sporking yesterday. But that's a different tale. Anyway,lay off all this talk about whether they're married and whatnot and pay closer attention to what's actually happening.

Edgeworth:Fine,we shall try.

Phoenix:No more stuff about all that,okay,gang?

Apollo:Don't call us gang.

Trucy:I actually like the sound of it. We're a gang~

Speakers:So,to punish you,we've not only closed down the snack bar-

Ema:Eh,I can live with that. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Phoenix:Me too. *drinks some 'grape juice'*

Speakers:But we're making you Spork TWO chapters today.



Lana:That's not very nice.

Speakers:Too bad. Deal with it. Anyway,roll it now.

Chapter 2

Weeks 5 & 6-Morning Sickness!

Apollo:Wait,we're skipping right to week 5?

Ema:Better them than us. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Trucy:Who's them?

Ema:Fic!me and fic!Apollo.

Lana:Last time,I believe you told Mr.Justice about your baby. He reacted nicely to it,but you still haven't told me yet.

Edgeworth:That also bothers me-

"How come you didn't tell Lana?" Apollo asked as he joined Ema on their bed.

"Well…I want it to be our little secret." Ema smiled. "Thanks for buying me out of the wine thing."

Edgeworth:....That's not a viable excuse,author!

Ema:Yeah,I'd totally trust Lana over Apollo.

Apollo: ... (Well,that hurt my feelings.)

Phoenix:Speaking of the wine thing,she brought more than one wine to the family reunion,didn't she? That was weird.

Trucy:Daddy,why are you of all people bringing this up? You've got at least three different brands of-

Phoenix:Sssh! Don't tell them,Trucy. It's our little secret,remember?

Apollo:(Why do I doubt that she was going to say grape juice?)

Phoenix:(I can't let them know I have old orchard juices. That's so old fashioned! What will they think of me when they find out?)

"No problem." Apollo helped her to remove her shirt and pull her pyjama top over her head. "I'm going to treat you like a queen now." He kissed her neck gently. "…You do realise you'll have to tell them eventually though, right?"

Phoenix:Hey,narrator! Trucy's still here!

Oops,sorry. I'll fast forward past this bit.

"Do you think it will be a boy or a girl Apollo?"

Apollo:Didn't they confirm it to be a man last time?

Speakers:No,they were speaking about you that time. They said,'I heard you got a man!' Of course,you weren't focussing on that-

Edgeworth:We already apologised for that!

Phoenix:*ahem*Anyway,do you think it'll be a boy or a girl? Place your bets!

Apollo:What do you think,Mr.Wright?

Phoenix:...I'll write it down on this chit of paper. I'll check it afterwards. *takes a chit of paper,writes boy on one side and girl on the other*

Apollo:Oh. I'm betting it'll be a boy.



Edgeworth:Probably a girl,I'd think.

Trucy:I don't think it'll be just one baby.

Phoenix:What do you mean,Trucy?

Trucy:Just a hunch? I don't think we have the full picture yet.

Edgeworth:Moving on from this foolish game...

"I'm happy either way." He nuzzled her neck before letting her lay down.

The prospect of parenthood was one Apollo had never even considered before meeting Ema, not even other relationships he had been in for a long period of time.


Ema:The first line break of this chapter already?

Edgeworth:The large amount of small scenes is bothering me.

Trucy:Wait,you've been in other relationships before,Polly?

Apollo:*blush* I-it...

Trucy:Aw,come on,Polly! Tell us!

Apollo:Um.can we move on,narrator?


Apollo:Agh! (I forgot that the narrator likes me...)

"Ema! There's a letter here for you." She emerged from the bedroom, dressed in her pink pyjamas and joined him at the breakfast bar. She took the neat handwritten letter from her boyfriend's hands.

Phoenix:What's this,now?


I bought a scanner from a friend of mine at the hospital. I thought you might like to take a look at the new life growing inside of you, even though at this early stage there probably isn't much to see. I've also made arrangements for you to go for a twelve week scan.

I will give you those details when you arrive at the surgery. Could you come to the surgery at: 10 a.m. on Friday the 2nd.

Thanks, Dr Smith

Phoenix:Dr.Smith? How much more generic of a name can you get?


Trucy:Either way,I'm excited to see if I'm right!

"Apollo, what day is it?"

"Friday, why?" He asked as he offered her a slice of his toast.

"Do we both have the day off?"

"You do, I don't. Why baby?" Apollo leaned against her arm so he could read the letter.

Lana:'Why baby'? How philosophical of you,Mr.Justice.

Apollo:I think they meant to write 'Why,Baby?'

Edgeworth:I see that the author's lack of usage of commas hasn't changed in the slightest. And why does Detective Skye have Friday off? I don't believe she's told anyone in the Force about her pregnancy,and detectives have to work even on Fridays.

Apollo:And why is she asking me? If we're together,we should at least have a basic knowledge of each other's schedules for the week.

"It's from my doctor, she has a scanner at the surgery and she wants to use it on me so I can see my new baby growing inside me." Ema smiled as Apollo wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her towards him gently.

"Would you like me to come? I'm not doing much today." Apollo offered.

"No baby, just promise you'll come to my twelve week scan." She kissed his forehead. "What time is it?"



Ema:I swear,if only the fic could end in a few of these short scenes,I'd be a happy woman.

Trucy:Just so you know,Polly,I wouldn't allow you to leave until you finished your work. I could go see Ema for you though and-

Apollo:Trucy,remember that this isn't real.

Trucy:I know! This is a hypothetical scenario and all.

"Good morning Ema." The doctor smiled as Ema pushed open the door. "Please come in."

"Thanks doctor." Ema closed the door.

"Take a seat on the bed over there." The doctor wheeled her chair over to the side of the bed Ema had taken a seat on.

"What are we going to be able to see?" Ema asked.

Lana:And here's the big moment.

Phoenix:I wonder who's going to be right now.*looks at Trucy,who seems very anxious*

"Hm…well it's week five, so it's going to be a baby, not just cells. Only it's going to be very, very tiny maybe only a millimetre or two long. Its heart will be beating though." The doctor assured. "And this lovely machine here can enlarge the image of the baby inside of you, so we can take a look." She smiled.

Edgeworth:*adjusts glasses*

Apollo:*sweats nervously*

"This gel's quite cold Ema." The doctor warned before emptying some of the gel onto her stomach. Ema yelped at the coldness on her stomach. "It's ok, let's take a look shall we?"

Trucy:Oh boy oh boy oh boy!


"There we go." Sure enough there was a tiny little life inside of her.

"Aww, it's so tiny!" Ema cooed.

"Indeed it is. Cute, huh?"

"Yeah…" Ema sighed happily.

Trucy:Aw. So much for that.

Ema:...oh. That's not that cute,scientifically.

Apollo:Wait,so we don't get to know its gender?

Lana:I suppose not.

Edgeworth:Why were you all so excited about that? To get your money?

Phoenix:I guess that we may have been a bit too presumptuous.

"I always wanted to do this job when I was training at the hospital." The doctor smiled.


"So what's happening with the baby right now?" Ema asked.

"Well, as you can see the baby is already starting to form, the heart is starting to form into chambers and beginning to beat. Plus, its nervous system starts to develop and perhaps its bone and muscle." The doctor moved the scanner from Ema's stomach.

"Thanks doctor." Ema smiled.

"Did you tell your partner?" The doctor asked as she wiped the gel from Ema's stomach.

Trucy:That gel looks yucky.

"Yeah, a few days after you confirmed I was pregnant." She sat back up and rolled her shirt back down.

"How did he take it?"

"He exploded with happiness." Ema giggled. "It was kind of weird."

Apollo:Yeah,it was. Not even a little anger? From what I've seen,it doesn't look like we'll have enough to support both ourselves and the baby. Financially,we're screwed.

"Good, I'm glad." The doctor leaned back in the chair. "So, have you experienced any changes? Nausea or fatigue?"

"No, not really…I'm a bit bloated I guess."

"Well, I contacted the hospital and this is for you." She offered the paper to Ema.


Ema:What,we're skipping to the next scene without seeing what's on that paper?

Edgeworth:I suppose they're saving it for later.

"How'd it go?" Apollo asked as he came home that evening.

"Great! There wasn't much to see though." She kissed his cheek.

"There had to be something."

"Well yeah, a little tiny baby which is starting to develop to look like a baby with a tiny little heart." Ema was blushing.

Lana:I don't understand why you think it's so cute when you can barely even see it.

Phoenix:It's not something you'll understand till you become a parent,Lana.

Edgeworth:Wright,you can't exactly speak on the matter. Your daughter is adopted.

Phoenix:Maybe so,but for me it's a bit different. Trucy was heartbroken at the sudden loss of her father and kept looking down and hiding her sad,tearful eyes. It was up to me to slowly open up her shell and look at me with those wonderful eyes that she still has to this day. She's now happy again. Even if I never got to see her as a dot,I still experienced the satisfaction of it. Even when she's sad she's adorable. But it's up to us,the parents,to make her happy and cute.

Trucy:Aw,daddy! That's so sweet!

Ema:I have to admit,you made me tear up a bit. *sniff* MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Lana:Wise words,Mr.Wright. You truly have matured since we last met.

Edgeworth:Yes,despite his...unfortunate looks,Wright has long since matured from that Rookie lawyer he was ten years ago.

Apollo:(I can't believe it. Did we just have an emotional moment in this place?)

[Ema and Apollo discuss what to get for both her and the baby,and what they'll have for dinner. The scene then ends.

Ema:We barley even got to *sniff* spork that scene,and it's over?! MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH SNIFF MUNCH MUFF SNICH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH

Lana:Ema! Are you alright?

Ema:*cough* *cough* Yeah. That's what I get for simultaneously sniffling and munching,I guess.

The following week marked week six. It was the early hours of the morning and Ema was awake. She felt a little sick. She glanced down at Apollo asleep beside her before crawling out of the bed and into the bathroom.

Introducing, the morning sickness!

Apollo:Oh yeah,that's what this chapter was called. And it's finally here,about...I'm estimating half way into it.

"Em?" Apollo had been woken by the light shining through from the bathroom.

Edgeworth:How does-

Phoenix:Let's not question the arrangement of this house. I'm sure this works somehow,okay?

"Em! Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah…" She murmured. Apollo wasn't convinced. He crawled out form under the sheet and knelt down beside her in the bathroom.

Edgeworth:It's from,not form.

Ema:At least the typos are only occasional.

"Morning sickness?" Apollo smiled as he rubbed her back.

"Yeah." She shuddered before standing up. "Isn't it a bit early?"

"No, I don't think so." Apollo took a glass from the medicine cabinet and filled it with water. "Drink up."

Lana:The way they worded that sounds like you randomly took a glass and filled it with water. That's rather dangerous,Mr.Justice.

Apollo:That's not me!

After a couple more hours sleep

Edgeworth:Use either 'couple more hours' sleep' or 'couple more hours of sleep'. Not that.

Apollo was moving around the house. He was in the kitchen making Ema breakfast – pancakes with lashings of whipped cream and bananas. He poured her a glass of orange juice and placed it on the tray as well.

"Morning baby." Apollo placed the tray on the table at the side of his bed before nudging her gently.

"…Mornin'…" She yawned.

"You hungry? I made you breakfast." She stretched her limbs before sitting up.

"My favourite!" She giggled. "I wish I could have a cup of coffee though…"

Ema:I tried not commenting on this,but why does the author portray me as this really giggly,excitable, and emotional person?

Apollo:Yeah,you're far more moodier in reality.

Ema:Hey! *throws snackoo*


Trucy:Daddy never lets me have coffee either.

Phoenix:That's because milk is better for the bones,sweetheart. Plus,coffee can keep you awake all night and can cause a lot of third degree burns.

Speakers:Ah,need to stop drinking so much,then. Thanks for the reminder.

Apollo:How do you know that last part,Mr.Wright?

Phoenix:Long story.

"I know, I know…" He whispered. "How about I quit with you too? No more coffee or alcohol."

"Really?" She looked at the plate of food before looking at him. "Thanks, hey do you want some?"

"No thanks baby. Just stay here and enjoy your breakfast." He kissed her cheek. "I'm gonna grab a shower."

As soon as she finished her breakfast she made her way across to her digital scales.

"Something the matter?" Apollo asked as she stared at the digits on the screen.

Edgeworth:Did she gain weight?

Ema:Scientifically,I shouldn't be surprised. This should've been the first thing I saw coming when the report was given.

"I've gained five pounds…" She whispered.

"Well you are pregnant." Apollo reminded.

"I know but I'm six weeks gone! I'm gonna look like a whale by the time I give birth!" She whined.

Lana:Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many of those snacks. They probably added to your weight.

Ema:Sis! I told you. My metabolism is on point! I don't get affected by this-

Trucy:Guys,can we go on now?

"It doesn't matter, I'd rather the baby was protected inside you." He kissed her neck and she giggled – leaning back into his arms. "You do realise I'm dripping wet, right?"

"So." She giggled. "I'm going to get changed, are we going shopping today?"


"Can we have a look at some baby stuff too? I know I'm only six weeks but…"

"Of course baby. Let's make sure you're comfy first."

Apollo:Baby stuff? Oh yeah,we also need a nursery,huh.

Phoenix:Good point.Otherwise you might crush the poor thing in your sleep.

Lana:And this is why I told you to lay off the snacks-

Ema:*looking down angrily with a hand over her forehead* I. Don't. NEED THIS!



Apollo:Whoa,Ema! Repeat after me. I'm-



Speakers:Ladies,ladies. Save the arguments for back home. We're almost done-




Trucy:So,um....let's move on?

She could feel those five pounds she'd gained too, her jeans were getting tighter. Perhaps she should ask Apollo to take her shopping for more comfortable clothing.


Edgeworth:Er...I thought you said earlier that we were-

The lights come on.


Speakers:Congrats! You're finally done. ...with the first half.

Ema:NOO! *throws snackoos at speaker*

Speakers:Detective Skye will refrain from throwing snacks at the speakers. They will also refrain from cutting us off next time.

Edgeworth:...That's what I thought.

Ema:I'm going to the restroom.

Lana:....I'll stay here.

Edgeworth:I'll read this book I brought with me,I suppose. *pulls out a law book, it then opens it to reveal a Steel Samurai manga*

Phoenix:And me,Trucy and Apollo will take a look at the snack bar again.

Apollo:Hey! Why-

We'll be right back in a second.

*Space for your advertisement. For more details contact 1-800-NOTAREALNUMBER*

And we're back!

Apollo:I told you the snack bar would be closed!

Phoenix:But it doesn't hurt to check.

Trucy:Yeah,Polly! You always need to check. That's what we magicians do,after all! Especially those of Troupe Gramarye!

Apollo:I'm not a magician,much less a member of Troupe Gramarye!

Edgeworth:*closes book hastily* So you're back. Seen the second Skye sister?

Lana:I'm a bit worried.

Speakers:Don't be. She'll be here in 3,2,1...

Suddenly,Ema Skye magically appears in her seat.


Apollo:Why do you have dirt on your hands,Ema?

Speakers:I had a feeling you'd try to break out.

Ema:Grr! Fine,I'll watch this dumb crap! But only one more chapter,okay?!

Edgeworth:That's all that's left anyway.

Speakers:So,roll the footage!

Chapter 3
Week 8:Cravings and a baby bump


Lana:Once again,the title is rather blunt.

"Apollo. Can you pick me up from work?" Ema groaned.

"Sure baby, why? What's happened?"

"I ate a Snackoo and I keep being sick!" She cried out.

Apollo:*snicker* Ow! (She snackoo'd me.)

Edgeworth:That wording is abhorrent. 'Keep being sick'? And this is just because of one snackoo.

Lana:Like I said. *shrug*

Ema:Grrr! They're embellishing!

"Aright then, sit tight. I'll be there in ten minutes." Apollo assured.

Apollo: :objection:
That's not how you spell alright!

Edgeworth:Yes,we know. Please sit down,Mr.Justice.

Phoenix:You nearly made me jump,Apollo. Don't do that again.

Apollo:(Darn! I was just trying to be cool.)

Trucy:I thought you were pretty cool,Apollo.

Apollo:Thank you,Trucy!


It was week eight now. Apollo had bought her loads of new clothing and special cushions and pillows to keep her relaxed at work and home.

Trucy:Man,I wish we had so many pillows at home.

Apollo:Don't you?

Trucy:Daddy says we have to use the money for more important stuff.

Edgeworth:I'd think that getting some rest at night would be somewhat important.

Phoenix:Darn it,Trucy. (Why does she tell all this to them?)

"Look can I take the rest of the day off I feel so ill!" She complained at the chief. "And I keep being sick!"

Edgeworth:The lack of punctuation in that first line infuriates me. And 'complained at' is also grammatically incorrect. In this case,anyway.

Apollo:(How come he gets to do it without people getting annoyed at him?)

Trucy:Because he's way cooler,Polly!

Apollo:Whoa! (How did she do that?)

Trucy:Your face gives it all away,silly!

Lana:If you came to me with that excuse,Ema,I'd honestly burst out laughing.

Ema:I would,too.

Phoenix:It is a pretty dumb line in terms of wording.

"You didn't look to good this morning when you came in." The chief mused. "Of course."

"Thanks, Apollo's coming to pick me up."

"Alright." The friendly chief smiled.


Ema:This chief seems way better than him,at least. *shudder*

Lana:Much better.

Apollo:Who're you talking about?

Phoenix:Don't ask questions you'll regret.

Edgeworth:It's not worth it,Mr.Justice.

Apollo:(I don't get it.)

"I don't know what happened! I had a strange urge to want to eat sweet things. So I ate a Snackoo and ten minutes later I was sick!" She cried.

"Alright, alright. Maybe we should get you something else sweet to eat…" Apollo soothed.

Trucy:Wait,so Ema ate a snackoo-which is sweet-and she became sick afterwards. And Polly's idea is to...get her more sweets?

Ema:Thank goodness you aren't a doctor,Apollo.

Apollo:Come on! Stop acting like that's me...

"Thanks." She smiled as she watched him rooting through the fridge and cupboards.

"We have yoghurt and chocolate."

"Can I have a glass of milk too?" Ema suddenly wanted milk.


Edgeworth:...I thought it was spelt yogurt?

Phoenix:No,it's yoghurt.

Apollo:No,I'm with Mr.Edgeworth.

Trucy:I'm with daddy. He's always right.

Ema:It's obviously yogurt.

Lana:Ema,I'm disappointed in you. It's yoghurt.

I think it's-

Speakers:I think it's beyond time we move on!

*the Sporkers immediately shut up,embarrassed by their sudden tangent. And I think it's yog-*

He was trying to be as involved as he could in the pregnancy. He wanted to make sure his girlfriend was as comfortable as possible and he was always happy to do stuff for her. He still wanted to be more involved – sure, he was going to her scan with her next month but he still wanted to be more involved.

Trucy:Whoa! I wasn't expecting to see paragraphs again.

Lana:Actually,me neither. There's been a lot of talking going on here.

"I don't think there's much more you can do…" Ema whispered as she undid the lid on the yog(h)urt pot. "I mean…you've been the best for me. You drop everything to help me when I'm not feeling good or I'm in pain and you sit with me at night and talk. It's not like you've left me to fend for myself." Apollo leaned against the arm of the couch, Ema shifted so she was sat between Apollo's legs, leaning back against him.

Trucy:Ew! To quote fic me,get a room,you two!

Apollo:We did. You're the one intruding.

"I know but you're the one with the baby inside of you." He wrapped his arms around her stomach. "You're the one putting up with all these changes and the sickness and everything. I'm still me, nothing amazing is happening to me…"

"Sure it is." She dipped the spoon into her desert. "You're looking after me and you have feelings for the baby so that means you're developing daddy instincts." She licked the spoon clean and waited to feel the sickness in her stomach.

Ema:No I'm waiting to feel the sickness? So I knew it would make me feel sick!

Trucy:That's really weird of you. What's even weirder though,is imagining Polly as a Daddy.

Phoenix:Ha! It ain't as easy as it looks,kid. Take it from me.

Apollo:I don't think I'd be ready for such responsibility myself.

"Everything ok?" Apollo asked.

"Yummy! Yeah that's better." She loved it when he wrapped her hands around her stomach, she felt like there was a bond between her baby and him already.

"I think your cravings have started. Sugar huh?"


Speakers:What,nothing to say?


Speakers:No more of that's yog(h)urt nonsense,by the way.


[Apollo and Ena talk about stuff and the scene ends.

She was staring at herself in the mirror the following morning. Apollo had told Phoenix he was working from home because Ema was sick and Ema had begged her chief for the day off.

Trucy:Hate to break it to you,Polly,but you can't exactly work from home in this job.

Phoenix:With people asking for our talents,you can't just laze around at home because your girlfriend's sick. Heck,ask someone else to look after her! Like Lana.

Apollo:Only Lana still doesn't know.

Trucy:She really should have by now though.

Lana:And doesn't this police chief know?

Ema:I don't think I've told them yet directly.

Edgeworth:If you would have done so already,you could have been granted leave at least.

"Something the matter?" He asked as he was getting changed.

"I have a bump. See." Sure enough she was starting to look pregnant. "I don't think I'm going to hide it from some people."

"Maybe people that have had kiddies before, like your sister."

"I want her to be one of the first to know…if that's ok?" Ema asked, rubbing her stomach. "I feel ready to tell her."

Apollo:I don't see what's changed,but sure,why not.

Ema:The best part is that I'm technically correct. She will be one of the first to know. But only by technicality,scientifically speaking.

Phoenix:Quite sad,really. *chugs grape juice from his bottle*

"Yeah." Apollo smiled and nodded.

"Maybe we should go to dinner with her later? She's still on maternity…"

"How old is Madeline then?"

"She's eight months now." Ema smiled. Madeline was her sister's youngest child. "I'll ask her to bring baby Maddy actually..."

Phoenix:*spits his grape juice in surprise* What?! What?! What?!

Ema:Huh? What the hell..?

Lana:*puts face in hands* Oh,no...

Edgeworth:NGHOOH! *penalty* (Two thirds of the bar...all gone in one clean strike...)

Apollo:Well,this is certainly unexpected. Mainly because it wasn't mentioned till now for whatever reason.

Trucy:Madeline? Why that name?

Lana:Who knows? Perhaps the author randomly chose a name from a website. Either way,I doubt there's much of a reason behind it.

Edgeworth:...Can we just please move on?

Ema:I agree.

"Why? Want to fit some practice in?" Apollo teased.

"Hey!" She pushed him back on the bed. "Meanie."

"Ow! Ok I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Phoenix: You two are acting like children now? And what type of insult is 'Meanie'?

Ema:I'd guess that's how parents fight? Though I don't think anyone here knows much on that.

Everyone else:No.

When Apollo was making breakfast Ema kept asking for milk and yog(h)urts again.

"Cravings." Apollo smiled.

"Leave me alone!" She whined. "I really want coffee!"

Lana:Fic you is acting more spoilt than real you.

Ema:What does that mean?

Lana:Think about it yourself.

"You can't baby!" Ema made her way to her cellphone.

Ema:Oh yeah? Maybe I can baby?

Edgeworth:What did the comma ever do to you,author? What did it do to you to deserve such hatred from you?

"I'm going to call Lana."



Ema:That's all for this scene,apparently.

"Hey!" Lana hugged her sister and Apollo, baby Madeline was in her stroller giggling.

"Hello." Apollo knelt down by the stroller and tickled the baby's tummy. The baby giggled and smiled – it lifted Ema's spirits too.


Ema and Lana:Adorable! *sigh*

Phoenix:I do have to say,it reminds me of you,Trucy.

Edgeworth:Madeline here is eight months old,while you adopted Trucy at eight years old. I'd think there's quite a difference.

Phoenix:Like I said,you wouldn't get it if you aren't a parent. Of course,I'd doubt you would be a good one.

Edgeworth:Ngh! *penalty* Wright,be careful about what you say...

"So, shall we grab a table?" Lana asked.

"Sure." Ema took Apollo's hand and lead him to the counter to get a table.

"A glass of water, a cola and a vodka and cola please." Apollo ordered.

Edgeworth:That last line...first of all,it's redundant to say a cola twice. Just say two colas. And second,why the vodka? It's just a simple meeting,and Madeline is there.

Phoenix:What,you don't know? There're a lot of restaurants that serve drinks. Maybe it's for Lana or Apollo.

Edgeworth:NGGGHGGHGOOOOOHHHH!*penalty* It's...all...over now...

Phoenix:Oh no,not again...

Lana:Mr.Edgeworth is still oh so sensitive,I see.

Management! We're losing him!

Speakers:Not this again. Our Spork Bitch needs to be more resistive. Anyway,three times should do it.


*the first shock unfortunately doesn't work*

Edgeworth:The truUUUUTHHHHHHHHNGGH! *collapses on his seat*

*neither does the second. But the third..*

Edgeworth:Aggh! I'm alive! I'm aliAGGGGHH! *collapses again*

Oops,I accidentally did one too many. Excuse me for a second.

We apologise sincerely for the inconvenience caused.

Edgeworth:Aggh! I still feel the current coursing through my veins...

Phoenix:At least you're awake now. Let's continue.

"Water Em?" Lana tilted her head.

Trucy:Water them? Water who?

Apollo:I think Em is referring to Ema. The author just forgot to put a comma,nothing else.

"Yeah, I need something easy on my tummy."

"Really? Are you still not well?" Lana asked, glancing down at the slight bump in her sister's stomach.

"No I have some news." Ema smiled. "I…" She was smiling but crying. "A-Apollo, tell her, please."

"We're going to have a baby!" Apollo declared.

Ema:*claps hands* FINALLY! It only took damn long enough.

Lana:I can't wait to see my reaction when you tell me how long you've been hiding this.

"Congratulations!" It took a few moments for the words to register but Lana exploded with joy. "How far gone are you baby?"

Edgeworth:Lack of comma....ugh...

Phoenix:There,there,buddy. We get the idea by now. *sips from his bottle*

"Eight weeks, I didn't want to say until I started showing…" Ema lowered her head but smiled brightly when she saw Apollo's hand resting on her stomach.

"You're showing already? Wow!" Lana smiled. "Mind you, I didn't show until pretty late with baby Madeline and with Neil."

Phoenix:*spits in surprise* Another one?

Lana:And he's called Neil. How nice. At least there's a good reason behind that. Though I'm still angry that they decided to reveal this so late without warning.

"So are you mad for me not telling?" Ema whispered.

"Come here Em." Lana stood up and

Lana:Gave her a stern talking to?

wrapped her arms around her baby sister.


It took Ema back to all the times in her past when she needed sisterly love like this. Her sister gave the best hugs.

"I'm going to be an auntie! Oh this is so exciting!" Lana clapped.

Ema:I have to say,sis,you're taking this even better than I expected.


"You're the first person we've told." Ema smiled. "So please don't tell anyone else."

Edgeworth:Except Mr.Justice,and your family doctor. But I suppose she said 'we' so she gets off on a loophole.

"I won't honey, you have my word as a fellow mom."

Edgeworth:Use. Your. Commas.

Throughout the dinner Ema asked Lana questions that had been bugging her.

"So have you had any cravings?" Lana asked curiously.

"Sugar. I want sugar all the time." Ema replied. "Frozen yog(h)urt, yog(h)urts, chocolates – anything sweet."

"Wow, lucky. My cravings were gross." Lana giggled.

Trucy:Those are the questions that are bugging you?

Apollo:I suppose the matter is rather subjective.

"Did you go off foods too?" Ema asked.

"How so?" Lana asked.

"Did some foods you love make you ill?"

"Sure, I couldn't drink milk or eat red meat when I was pregnant. That's why I eat a lot of fish and chicken now." Lana looked to her baby and Apollo feeding her the baby food. "Why do you ask?"

"I ate a Snackoo and it made me sick…" She sulked.


"Don't worry about it honey." Lana assured. "Apollo you can take her out the chair if you want…"



Edgeworth:Agh! What was that?

Phoenix:We decided to complete your sentences for you.

Lana:Yes,you're getting a tad predictable,Mr.Edgeworth.

"How can I get more involved with Ema's pregnancy too?" Apollo asked as the baby giggled excitedly and wriggled in his arms.

"Well, what do you do now?"

"He does everything!" Ema declared.

Apollo:Poor me.

Trucy:Poor Apollo.

"Hm…did you think about prenatal classes Em?" Lana asked.

Phoenix:Is that supposed to say 'parental'?

Edgeworth:No,prenatal classes do exist.

Apollo:Good on you,author.

"No…I'm not even sure what they are."

"Well, it's where couples or single moms go. They teach you how to bond and how to be comfy and how a man can help. They can even help you with the birth." Lana smiled. "Me and Jake went to some when I was pregnant with Neil, he felt more included after."

Phoenix:Pregnant with Neil? That sounds wrong,almost.

"There you go, we can go to some of those." Ema smiled. "I still think you do more than enough."

"Apollo, you're going to make a good dad – I can tell because Ema's smiling so much and even baby Madeline seems relaxed around you." Lana smiled. "So when's the first scan?"

"I've already seen the baby when I went back to the doc's but Apollo and me are going to the twelve week scan next month." Ema was excited now.

So, Ema's got a bump and urges for sugar. That night when she lay with Apollo she knew they both felt like they were bonding with her baby already.

Trucy:Somehow I doubt we're going to find out the gender this chapter.

The lights come back on.

Trucy:I guess so.

Phoenix:Oh well. I guess we'll only find out who's right next time! Keep your votes in mind,y'all.

Speakers:Actually,write it down on a chit of paper and leave it here. Just like Mr.Wright.

Phoenix:*gulp* I guess so.

*everyone keeps their bets on the table and start to leave*

Trucy:Whew,that was really long!

Phoenix:You said it,Trucy.

Edgeworth:Actually,Wright,I have something important to ask of you.


Edgeworth:Are you sure it isn't spelt yogurt?

Phoenix:Come on,Edgeworth,we went over this!

Trucy:And we'll show it to you if we must. Come on with us,Uncle Edgeworth!

Apollo:Off they go. I still think it's yogurt.

Ema:I think it's-hey,where's my snackoo bag? And where's Lana?

*Lana comes with the bag,munching hungrily*

Lana:MUNCH You know,this stuff ain't so bad. MUNCH

Ema:Sis! *laughs* That's mine!

Lana:Haha! Not anymore,Ema!

Apollo:Hey,hey,stop it now.

Ema:You heard him,Lana! He's going to buy more snackoos for us?


Lana:Oh really? How nice. I'll have the same flavour as this,Mr.Justice.

Apollo:Huh? What? Wait-

Ema:I'll have two bags myself.

Apollo:What? Where? Who? Huh?

Lana:Hey,no fair! I also want two bags!

Apollo:(....In times like this,I've only got one thing to say.)

Ema:Well,Apollo? Speak up.



Lana:Objection overruled.


Ema:Yeah,you promised. Now get us some!

Apollo:(Oh,dammit.) Fine then. *sigh*

And thus our Sporkers leave the theatre,talking in groups. See you next time!

Speakers:*slurps coffee* Time to binge watch some anime. Heh heh.

Thanks for reading! As always,constructive criticism is welcomed!

This took really long to write. Phew. Glad that's over,huh.

Author:  Kojak Jojokes [ Sat Feb 18, 2017 2:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Suddenly, it is I, back from the dead! (Although I really just made like two posts and never sporked)

I said I'd spork Apollo Justice: Trinity of Truth. And I am! Except for the fact that I lost my sporking! So I'm rewriting it! Anyways, I hope you guys are ready for the sporking debut of Hugh O'Conner!

Author:  Southern Corn [ Sat Feb 18, 2017 5:08 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'll be happy to see that.

And don't worry about me. Baby Chronicles Part 3 coming in the next few days.

Author:  HermioneEmerson [ Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I found this piece of "fantastic literature" while searching for good AU fanfictions like der Ausländer.

Phoenix Angelique: Ace Attorney Alternate Story

This fanfictions is so good, it made Dahila cry. Please take good care of this fanfiction. I am counting on you, management.

Love, Hermione E.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Thu Mar 02, 2017 10:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

It looks great! Absolutely hilarious. Phoenix x Cindy?!

Only problem is we may have to cut off the last part due to the no NSFW material here. Still a bit confused about that.

Author:  Nerdowl [ Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

@SC: I dunno why but the Yogurt or Yoghurt stuff amused me. You're probably already aware of this but they're technically both right: Yogurt is the American-English spelling, Yoghurt is the British-English Spelling.

Author:  Southern Corn [ Wed Mar 15, 2017 6:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Ayup,I do. Glad you liked it. I'll probably get back to the next part on April though. Work is currently being overloaded and I wish to prioritise that for now.

Author:  ArrowLawn [ Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Was gonna start sporking something, but I'll link instead. It's easier.
First, IAmAWrighter's still alive... and his fics are still absolutely insane.

Has the ace collaboration between Jakkid, Barrylawn and Icantyping been linked yet?
Well, it has been now. ... ate-collab

Couple of crazy ones here, too. ... Caca-Milis ... Tir-na-nOg

Author:  DarkAgea [ Mon Mar 20, 2017 11:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Hello, everybody!

I just joined here a week ago, but I used to read the sporkings before that (I found my way here through TV Tropes). All the sporkings here are simply amazing, and some have made me laugh to the point of tears (I'm looking at you, Phoenix Drive and Breathing is a Necessity). I think I've even got a better grasp on the AA characters due to this, and I'm seriously happy I got to read all of this.

About the current sporking (The Baby Chronicles):

Southern Corn, how are you managing so many different characters? It must be tough with six sporkers and all.
My favourite parts in the sporking are: the discussion about the child being a boy or a girl and Phoenix writing both on a chit, then the Management declares that everybody can write on chits and place it in the Theatre.
Second, when Apollo asked about the chief and everybody is like 'you don't wanna know'.
Third, the discussion on yog(h)urt and Edgeworth's constant penalties. I don't think I've ever seen him get these many penalties.

If there's one problem I have however, it's the lack of spaces between commas and the colons in the sporking. For example, "Lana:Actually,me neither." looks weird to me because of the lack of spaces. "Lana: Actually, me neither." - looks better.

Has anybody written a sporking with Gregory and Miles in it? I remember somebody saying something about this, but has it been written? I think it could be pretty fun to see both of them, along with some others, sporking. Or a sporking with AAI Franziska/Miles and Phoenix?

Also, have any of you read 'miles edgeworth the search for the ass' by barrylawn? It's worthy of sporking just from the title. ... or-the-ass

Again, thanks for the awesome reads!

(Apologies for the length; I have a tendency to type a lot, even if I find it difficult to talk face-to-face.)

Author:  Southern Corn [ Mon Mar 20, 2017 12:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Thanks! I really do have to get back to that someday. Managing the Sporkers actually comes out naturally to me. I just make stuff up as I go along. Nothing special

And honestly, you're right, but that stuff really doesn't bother me. I may later go back and fix that someday though.

Also I'm calling dibs on that fic. That's too good to pass up.

Author:  DarkAgea [ Mon Mar 20, 2017 12:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Making stuff up as you go along sounds just like you. But it's still a talent to manage so many at one time without one of them going OOC.

I can't get past quarter of the fic before I start laughing. Since you're calling dibs, please bring Kay if possible. I want to see her reaction to 'I'll be the great thief's ass.' And Edgeworth goes without saying. Probably Franzy and Nick? Or Nick and Maya?

Author:  Southern Corn [ Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Who knows,maybe all of them!

And yes,I'm planning to do multiple Sporkers on a bigger level in the next coming chapters. Stay tuned,it'll come out in April.

Author:  Skittlemask [ Sun Mar 26, 2017 1:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!


Why is it that I always decide to visit on the day that monstrosity gets updated? Will we ever escape the rainbow?

Author:  Southern Corn [ Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

That thing is still going? Wow.

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Sun Mar 26, 2017 1:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I have to go read Rubia's sporking of Chapter 3 again to prepare.

Author:  DarkAgea [ Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Taste the Rainbow was the first sporking I read here. The memories of Francheska...
Good luck with the fourth chapter!

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Thu Mar 30, 2017 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Just to be clear, I'm not sporking the fourth chapter.

Author:  DarkAgea [ Fri Mar 31, 2017 6:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

You're not? ... Apologies.
Though, if I may ask, why not?

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'm already working on something else. Progress is slow...

Author:  Southern Corn [ Fri Mar 31, 2017 1:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Oh yeah,just for clarification,I'm planning to get out the next part of the Baby Chronicles this week. Just have to reread again to clear my doubts on some stuff.

Author:  DarkAgea [ Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

cuteyounggirlplus: Oh... I hope progress speeds up then.

SC: I'm waiting to read it! I'm going into the next chapter with no idea of what's going to show up.

Is there anybody willing to take on the Taste the Rainbow sporking?

Author:  Skittlemask [ Fri Mar 31, 2017 8:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

DarkAgea wrote:
Is there anybody willing to take on the Taste the Rainbow sporking?

I actually started it about an hour ago, since I miss sporking. I only have the intro done though, and progress will probably be a little slow since I don't go on my computer all that much anymore.

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