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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

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DrOcsid wrote:
Yeah, super-popular stuff like FNAF has way worse fandoms than Ace Attorney. The AA community is pretty tame as far as fandoms go, honestly.

must explain why everybody wishes the series to be dead and that eshiro an yamazaki are ruining it and there's o hope for the fuutre.
tame.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Sounds to me like you're hearing this from a rather vocal minority, Hero. I haven't heard that in a while honestly. In fact, I've been seeing more love for Yamazaki games recently.

At least we're aren't filled to the brim with as many....children as we were about a decade back *coughcoughdanganronpacoughcough*
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

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Socot wrote:
Sounds to me like you're hearing this from a rather vocal minority, Hero. I haven't heard that in a while honestly. In fact, I've been seeing more love for Yamazaki games recently.

At least we're aren't filled to the brim with as many....children as we were about a decade back *coughcoughdanganronpacoughcough*

if only you knew which side of the fandom i had to witness day after day after day.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Can't go to hell. Out of vacation days.

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HeroMan66475 wrote:
DrOcsid wrote:
Yeah, super-popular stuff like FNAF has way worse fandoms than Ace Attorney. The AA community is pretty tame as far as fandoms go, honestly.

must explain why everybody wishes the series to be dead and that eshiro an yamazaki are ruining it and there's o hope for the fuutre.
tame.


If by "everybody" you mean "a very small amount of people" then sure.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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HeroMan66475 wrote:
Socot wrote:
Sounds to me like you're hearing this from a rather vocal minority, Hero. I haven't heard that in a while honestly. In fact, I've been seeing more love for Yamazaki games recently.

At least we're aren't filled to the brim with as many....children as we were about a decade back *coughcoughdanganronpacoughcough*

if only you knew which side of the fandom i had to witness day after day after day.

Which side is it?
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Endlessly boring people about Franziska

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Hey, anybody know where the undone sporking list went?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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TurtleCat wrote:
Hey, anybody know where the undone sporking list went?

AFAIK it hasn't even been updated in over a year now. Interest has been slowly waning down lately sadly.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Endlessly boring people about Franziska

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I figured, but it is still going along and I wanted to try another sporking. Why not, right? What was the last page it was on - about a year ago, you said?

Edit:
And I don't know, theres nlots of good fic out there, and I'm pretty sure we're sporking out of love... right?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Apologize to the funyarinpa!

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Ah, I updated the list last, over a year ago. Here's the link. But yeah, it's kinda old.

Also, this thread kinda devolved from "Let's spork bad fanfiction" to "Let's spork fanfiction that would be fun for the characters to react to," hahaha.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Well, it was always allowed to spork one-sahwit rated fics (my very first spork was of a pretty decent fic because I just saw lots of ways to have fun with it). Plus, while the awfully bad fics are very sporkable, I think they work best as highlights inbetween other sporks (of fics with a friendlier rating). Too much of them in direct order gets old and the awfulness loses its effect.
So I'd say go ahead and spork whatever you want, just rate it accordingly.
(And now that I'm back to read this forum again, I'd happily read your spork and comment on it. :))
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Hello everyone! It's been a while since the last sporking, eh? So I've returned with one, also posted on the beta forums! Introducing...

Québécois
by Pearl the Barrister


Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:

This one honestly isn't too bad. It's actually pretty funny in some parts, and it has a strange kind of charm to it. One sahwit is simply for the mild OOCness in the fic as well as the out of nowhere OC. The other is for the fact that Franziska invites every AA character to the wedding (which is in Miami for whatever reason). Even the animals, killers and victims. Geez. But it's still a fun fic overall, and I think it'll be something good to spork and have more fun with.

Anyway, introducing....the sporkers!

:phoenix: - "I hoped that this break would be permanent. Apparently not."
:edgeworth: - "If only, Wright. You're too optimistic considering what we go through in this accursed theatre."
:maya: - "Well, there's only 2 Sahwits this time, so it's not like it's gonna be that bad, right?"
:pearl: - "Eh? Mystic Maya, what's a 'Sa-Whits'?"
:franny: - "How foolish it is that I must undergo this once more."
:kay: - "Geez, I've actually been properly invited to this place for once?"

Well, let's get started now!

Spoiler:
[After a long break, we finally return to the sporking theatre, where our sporkers have seated themselves.]

Edgeworth: Does anyone know today's topic? Personally, I have zero idea what it could be.

Maya: Other than the rating? Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth, but I've got zilch.

Phoenix: Zip.

Kay: ...Nada?

Pearl: Um...what is this place, Mr. Nick? Is this where we watch Kid's Masterpiece Theatre?

Phoenix: Oh yeah, this is your first time here as a child, I thi-

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! Why have you brought along this child with you?! whip crack

Phoenix: Ow ow ow! Don't blame me, it was the management! They asked her to come!

Speakers: Geez, passing on the blame so early? I don't blame you, though. And by the way, please don't break the fourth wall like that, Mr. Wright.

Kay: Aggh! They're here!

Franziska: Management! What is this tomfoolery?!

Speakers: Calm down. There's a very good reason why we brought along little Pearl. You'll see when we start the fic.

Kay: Okay, that's nice and all, but what about me?!

Edgeworth: Come to think of it, this might be the first time you've properly shown up here since Once Upon a Turnabout.

Speakers: Oh, that? Well, we just wanted to invite you here to show you that there is no escape this time around.

Kay: Eh? Wassat mean?

Speakers: Simply put, this theatre is escape-proof. So don't go trying to leave halfway through, 'kay?

Kay: Oh yeah?! We'll see about that! Hyah!

Edgeworth: Kay! Wait! (Where is she going to?)

Franziska: How foolish of her. Why did you not at least try to restrain her?

Phoenix: Yeah. (It's almost like they're encouraging her.)

Pearl: D-don't worry! I see her coming back!

Maya: Huh?

Edgeworth: What?!

Kay: ...

Speakers: What did we tell you?

[Kay sits herself down, not making eye contact with any of the others.]

Maya: It...really is impossible, huh?

Kay: ...

Speakers: Well, there's no time to waste. Let's get right into this, shall we?

Quote:
Québécois

Chapter 1: Miami Bound


Phoenix: Qu-what?

Edgeworth: Québécois refers to an inhabitant of Quebec, or the variation of French spoken over there.

Pearl: Um...is this Kay-Beck located in My-Ami, Mr. Eh-ji-werth?

Franziska: Don't be foolish, of course it is not. The author is simply not well versed in their geography.

Maya: What a weird title.

Quote:
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ace Attorney/Gyakuten Saiban. I do not own any publicly recognizable characters. I only own Quick-Air, because it doesn't exist.


Kay: Quick-Air? Is that some kind of airline?

Edgeworth: Not iFly?

Phoenix: By the author's logic, they might as well own us since we technically don't-

Speakers: Ahem.

Phoenix: ! Never mind.

Franziska: Who has written this travesty, anyway?

Maya: We don't know if it's a travesty ye- whip OWWW!

Pearl: Mystic Maya! Are you alright?!

Maya: Y-yes. I-I'm fine, Pearly. Really.

Quote:
Québécois

By Pearl the Barrister


Phoenix: What.

Pearl: E-eh?

Maya: P-Pearly?!

Franziska: Ah, so it was you who wrote it then. Very well, I suppose it's understandable for a child your age to not be well versed in writing.

Pearl: B-but I didn't! I really didn't write this!

Edgeworth: Obviously not. It just was written by someone with a similar name. (Who is a barrister as well.)

Kay: Why'd they write the title twice anyway?

Quote:
Miles Edgeworth sighed. He felt like hitting his head on the cheap plastic tray in front of him. Edgeworth was sitting in a cheap discount first class seat 8E in a cheap discount airliner owned by a cheap discount airline.


Maya: I'm noticing a pattern here.

Edgeworth: How. How did this happen?

Phoenix: Why is the first class so cheap? What kinda plane is this?

Quote:
Now, he could have been flying in World Traveler class on Pan Am (an airline that had been defunct for over 30 years or so) if he wanted. But, he couldn't, thanks to Franziska's GRAND idea.


Kay: How does that work?

Franziska: whip crack Miles Edgeworth! You know that defunct means no longer in service, correct? Then it is IMPOSSIBLE to travel on the airline, you fool!

Edgeworth: Ngghooooh!

Quote:
Edgeworth and Franziska were getting married in Miami in three days. That was the easy part.


Edgeworth: The easy part?!

Franziska: What?! whip crack

Pearl: gasp You two are....special someones..?

Maya: Oh no. Pearly, Pearly! Don't go there!

Phoenix: (Poor Edgeworth. So this is why they made me bring Pearl here today.)

Kay: Miami? Why there?

Franziska: This foolish fool of an author does not realise that I am a von Karma! If I will be married, it will only be to a man who is at the same level of perfection as me! And it will only be in Germany, the land of perfection!

Phoenix: (I'm sensing a little bias on that last par-) whip OWWW!

Franziska: Don't think I can't tell what you are thinking, Phoenix Wright!

Quote:
But then, Franziska had decided to invite EVERYONE they knew- even the dead ones and the ones in prison (that had been a slight problem). She had even offered to pay for everyone to get there.


Everyone: ...

Edgeworth: facepalm

Maya: Wow. Just...wow.

Pearl: Is this feat even possible?

Kay: So they've got killers as well as rotting corpses on that plane? Nice to know.

Phoenix: This is wildly generous for Franziska. Thoughts?

Franziska: ...I refuse to comment on such a foolish thing.

Quote:
He had nearly fainted when he heard that. Franziska was not known for her generosity, but rather for her whip.


Edgeworth: They aren't even trying to justify this!

Quote:
And so, he had had to find the cheapest airline possible for 125 people and 5 animals.


Kay: And now animals as well?! What a plane.

Maya: Um...wow. Though I'd think Franziska knew more than 12- whip YEOOWW!

Franziska: Of course I do! This author is simply generalising based on the people I have met in this foolish country!

Quote:
The cheapest airline was called Quick-Air and sold first class tickets for 20 round-trip from LAX to Miami and back. He had done the math and figured out that with 20 tickets for 20, and 105 tickets for 10, along with other costs, they would be paying 2,041.30 for transportation alone, not including the actual wedding (about 10k). Edgeworth looked sadly at his pocketbook stuffed with too many receipts and not enough money.


Edgeworth: Why am I going with this?

Pearl: Oh, wow! You really would do anything for her, wouldn't you, Mr. Eh-ji-werth?

Edgeworth: What?!

Maya: At least we know what Quick-Air is now.

Phoenix: And what an airliner it is.

Kay: Based on how cheap they sound, the author can own them for all I care.

Quote:
But he had other things to worry about. Like the fact that someone was kicking the back of his chair.

Aggravated, he turned around and saw Maya kicking the plastic tray. A hamburger was stuck in one of the thick plastic bolts. "STUPID TRAY! YOU ATE MY BURGER!"


Maya: What?! That's totally rude of you, tray!

Kay: How does that even work?

Quote:
Edgeworth sighed again. "Maya, will you please stop KICKING THE BACK OF MY SEAT!"

Maya, who was trying unsuccessfully to use her teeth to get the burger unstuck from the tray, looked up innocently. "OK, Mr. Edgeworth."


Maya: Okay, fic-me could've totally pulled it out by now.

Quote:
Sighing for at least the 100th time in that hour, Edgeworth settled back into his seat, in what had to be the only row with extra seats in the whole plane.

"Attention, passengers," rang out a voice, "we will be stopping in Las Vegas shortly for about ten or fifteen minutes or so."


Phoenix: This Quick-Air is sounding more and more professional by the minute.

Quote:
After that it was quiet for about six or seven seconds. Then, suddenly, a cry came from about a two rows in front of Edgeworth.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" screamed Prosecutor Godot to a flight attendant. "YOU PUT MILK into my coffee!"


Edgeworth: While that is indeed in character for Mr. Godot, I highly doubt he would be considered a Prosecutor anymore.

Franziska: They really are just putting murderers in the plane?!

Quote:
The flight attendant ignored him and walked off. Edgeworth sighed again.


Phoenix: Extremely professional.

Quote:
IN THIRD CLASS:

Meanwhile, in seat 45Z, Franziska von Karma, soon to be Franziska Edgeworth, sighed. If the conditions were bad in first class, they were certainly worse than abysmal in the very back of third class.


Kay: Why's the Whip Lady in third class?

Maya: She is the bride, after all. She should be next to Mr. Edgeworth!

Pearl: Yes, special someones should never be separated like that!

Franziska: Grrr! I would never change my perfect name of von Karma for such a fool as Miles Edgeworth!

Quote:
The seats were at least 2 times smaller than the tiny ones in first class, and they had tried to fit seven seats into one row on a narrow-body airliner. Meaning that they had no aisles except for one tiny one at the end. Franziska figured it would take them 30 minutes just to get off the plane.


Phoenix: It's almost as though inviting everyone you knew in America was a bad idea.

Franziska: I know that, Phoenix Wright! whip crack

Phoenix: YEOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!

Maya: Geez, Nick, you scream like a girl more than I do.

Phoenix: (Agh! That totally strikes my manly bars...)

Quote:
And to make matters even worse for her, Franziska was wedged in the sixth seat in the row, right next to Plum Kitaki (in seat 45AA) and Marvin Grossberg (in seat 45Y). This basically meant she couldn't move for six hours.


Edgeworth: I do not believe Franziska knows either of those people.

Phoenix: Heck, even I don't recognise the one to the left of her.

Kay: This sounds really terrible.

Quote:
But she could whip people. She had whipped Plum 42 times, Grossberg 81 times, Adrian Andrews (in seat 44Y) 10 times, and Matt Engarde (in seat 44Z) 30 times.


Pearl: gasp That nasty man is here too?!

Phoenix: Adrian as well. (Though I somehow can't believe Franziska whipping her.)

Quote:
She channeled her anger into her whip one more time and whipped Grossberg for the 82nd time.

"Oh my stars! The days of my youth flash before my eyes, the scent of fresh lemon..." Grossberg dozed back off to sleep after being startled awake.


Kay: So counting this, she's whipped everyone 164 times.

Franziska: I do not blame myself for doing so.

Maya: Like they say, no kill like overkill.

Quote:
Finally, the plane landed in Las Vegas. Of course, they couldn't actually get out, but it calmed Franziska's nausea for a few minutes or so. At 3:00 PM they took off again, bound for Miami.


Phoenix: It'd make more sense to land in Quebec considering the title.

Edgeworth: No, that would conflict with the route we're taking. We wouldn't suddenly stop in Canada for no reason. That would take more time than even going to Miami.

Phoenix: ...Oh. (Darn it, Edgeworth!)

Quote:
IN FIRST CLASS:

Edgeworth, who had dozed off, was startled awake by something very large and very heavy falling onto him.


Kay: What, we're switching perspectives now?

Pearl: What is this large and heavy thing?

Quote:
What will happen? This is only the first chapter of what will probably be six-twelve or so, all the way from the plane flight to Edgey/Franzy wedding to AJ and so on. Please R and R!


Pearl: AJ? R and R?

Edgeworth: R and R, I presume, stands for 'Rate and Review'. I have no idea what AJ stands for though.

Phoenix: ...Oh. A chapter end?

Maya: What a cliffhanger though!

Kay: Wait, twelve chapters? That's a lot. Will we be able to do all that?

Speakers: The author only actually wrote 5 chapters, so we'll be sporking those. Anyway, next chapter!

Quote:
Québécois
Chapter 2: Flying Along


Phoenix: Things are going flyingly well, I guess.

Edgeworth: You're thinking of swimmingly, Wright.

Quote:
Disclaimer: Unless I magically was able to gain control over AA in the past few hours, which I didn't, I don't own AA.


Franziska: That is a relief.

Quote:
Location: Seat 8E

"AAUGH!" he screamed. A black-and-green striped suitcase had fallen out of the half-broken overhead basket (yes, I said BASKET!).


Pearl: Why is there a basket, Mr. Nick?

Phoenix: I think that may be this airline's cheap version of a luggage compartment, Pearls.

Edgeworth: More importantly, I am surprised that that suitcase did not kill me instantaneously.

Quote:
Then he noticed everyone was looking at him. "Uh, sorry..." he murmured.

Hoping to find something to ease the intense pain, he pressed the "call flight attendant" button. It didn't work. Finally he figured out it was broken.


Kay: Yeesh, you should at least get a first aid kit or something, Mr. Edgeworth. I think there might be blood coming out of your noggin.

Quote:
"Ugh..." he groaned.

After sitting in pain for a few minutes, he stood up and headed back towards one of the latrines. Unfortunately, just as he was standing up, someone pulled on their overhead basket to take something out, and it broke, falling onto Edgeworth's head.

Edgeworth screamed again.


Maya: Okay, no way he's still alive at this point.

Franziska: At the very least, Miles Edgeworth should have suffered more than a little headache.

Phoenix: Something like a cerebral hemorrhage.

Quote:
"Oops," came a familiar voice. "Sorry."

Edgeworth turned around to face Phoenix Wright, who was sheepishly holding the handle of the broken basket.

"Don't worry about it," he said gruffly, turning around and heading towards the lavatories.


Edgeworth: Most likely to find some bandages or perhaps a doctor.

Maya: Say Nick, is there anyone here we know who's a doctor?

Phoenix: Well, since the author apparently is a necromancer, I wouldn't be surprised if Dr. Grey were here. Oh, and I think I see Eldoon. He used to be a doctor too, I hear. And if he counts, I guess Dr. Hot- whip AAAAUGH!

Franziska: Do not say that name in front of me, Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix: whimper Sorry...

Quote:
"Mr. Edgeworth does seem grumpy today, doesn't he, Nick?" Maya inquired of Phoenix as they picked up their luggage that had once resided in the broken basket.

"I wouldn't blame him," replied Phoenix.


Maya: Yeah, really.

Quote:
Location: Seat 45Z

Franziska von Karma whipped Dee Vasquez (in seat 45Q) for at least the tenth time in that hour. "FOOLISH FOOL!! DO NOT SOIL MY LUGGAGE WITH YOUR TOBACCO!!"


Kay: Which brings the total to at least 174.

Maya: Ms. Vasquez never really seemed to be the type to litter, though.

Quote:
Franziska had gone whip mad in the past few minutes. Anyone who as much as blinked felt her wrath.

"Oh, my hemorrhoids..." complained Marvin Grossberg, who had been whipped over 300 times that day.


Kay: Oh, um...that's a lot, then. I can't even keep count of this anymore.

Maya: You did a good job though!

Quote:
"Fool!" screamed Franziska, whipping him.

Adrian Andrews (seat 44Y) turned around in her seat. "Franziska, don't you think you're going a little overboard?"

"Nonsense!" she barked. "Foolish fools don't know how to act and must be whipped!"


Edgeworth: Quite hypocritical coming from the woman who invited them here.

Franziska: I cannot argue with that. My fictional self is not perfect, it seems.

Quote:
Adrian sighed.

Location: Seat 7E

Phoenix Wright leaned back in his uncomfortably stiff chair. "Aah, this is the life," he thought sarcastically.


Pearl: Now we're back to Mr. Nick?

Phoenix: Just be thankful you're in first class, fic-me.

Quote:
He reached forward to grab some flashy magazine in the pocket of the seat in front of him.

Sitting back in the (cardboard) chair, he looked around him. Maya was gorging herself on plasticine-looking mini-burgers,


Maya: Wow, author. My standards aren't that low. I wouldn't eat something that looks more like a child's art project- no, not to you, Pearly- than a proper meat sandwich.

Phoenix: (A proper meat sandwich which you get with my money.)

Quote:
Edgeworth was reading something (unaware that his half-broken overhead basket was dangerously close to falling on his head),


Kay: Okay, this is going to be the third time now. Do you really think he wouldn't notice?

Edgeworth: I would at the least wear a helmet of some sort to protect myself. And definitely report it to the crew, though judging by the apathetic nature of the staff I doubt it.

Quote:
and Moe the clown had been knocked out by Regina's tiger for telling too many abysmal jokes.


Maya: Wa-What?

Pearl: Eek! A tiger!

Franziska: I cannot say that this was truly undeserved, however.

Phoenix: (True.)

Quote:
Phoenix was in an uncomfortable position, although he didn't know it. Vera Misham (in seat 7F) and Neil Marshall (in seat 7D) were shooting each other murderous glances, and Phoenix was sitting between both of them.


Maya: Wait, where am I in all of this?

Kay: Huh? Yeah, you're right. The author said that you were directly behind Mr. Edgeworth, but that'd be seat 8E in that case since he's in seat 7E.

Phoenix: Which is where I'm sitting.

Franziska: So? It is merely a continuity error. There are far worse points to pick at.

Phoenix: murmur That's pretty bias-

Franziska: What did you say?

Phoenix: Nothing!

Quote:
It was about 7:56 PM when the dinner cart came around. "Hello," said the flight attendant cheerfully. "What would you like? "

"I'll have one chili, please," replied Phoenix, "and a ham sandwich."

"I'll have the same," Vera muttered under gritted teeth.

"Same here," replied Neil, under equally gritted teeth.


Phoenix: That reminds me. Does anyone know who that Vera girl is?

Pearl: N-no.

Edgeworth: Never seen her.

Franziska: Neither have I.

Speakers: Don't worry, you will soon.

Phoenix: ?

Quote:
"BURGERS WITH MUSTARD FOR ME!" screamed Maya from a row-and-a-half behind.


Kay: Wait, now you're a row and a half behind them?

Maya: This seating plan is making less and less sense.

Quote:
Moe was still knocked out.


Everyone: ...

Quote:
"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'll have the Jell-O," said Edgeworth.


Phoenix: Not something I thought I'd ever hear from your mouth, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Judging by the general cheapness of this plane, I doubt the cuisine is all that great anyway.

Quote:
"OK, that'll be a nervous pudding, Noah's boy on bread with a hot one, give it legs and make it walk," said the flight attendant.


Kay: Huh? Say what?

Phoenix: Why are we suddenly in the '50s?

Pearl: Huh? What is she saying?

Maya: It's diner talk, Pearly. It's not something kids your age would get.

Quote:
Everyone stared at her.

"What about my burger?" asked Maya, who seemed to know diner talk.

"OK, add a wimpy and slap some Mississippi mud on it."


Phoenix: And of course Maya knows this stuff better than anyone.

Quote:
The food was served and paid for (with record low prices) in due time.

Everyone except Maya took one glance at the food and dumped it into a bag. Only Maya could actually EAT it.


Maya: Oh, come on! My standards are not that low! pouts

Edgeworth: As I expected, the food is terrible.

Franziska: That food looks absolutely putrid.

Kay: Even the Jell-O looks worse for wear! How do you screw up Jell-O?!

Quote:
What will happen next? I think the next chapter will probably be THE last chapter before the wedding. And no, Vera/Neil is not an implied pairing. And the "nervous pudding" talk was diner talk, which was why no one could understand her but Maya. Anyways, please R and R!


Phoenix: Odd cliffhanger again, but I'm glad that we're finally getting to the meat of the thing.

Edgeworth: It's frightening that they had to reassure the readers that Vera/Neil was not an implied pairing.

Maya: And thanks for giving away the already obvious explanation about the diner talk, author.

Speakers: Anyway, onto the next chapter!

Kay: What, already? Not even any breaks?

Speakers: Nah, the snack bar's still closed after all.

Kay: Um, but I really have to go to the restroom-

Speakers: Already secured.

Kay: Whaaa?! At least give me the chance to check it out! This isn't fair!

Speakers: Eh, why not? We'll wait and see if you succeed. Sure. A ten minute break should be enough.

[The lights come back on.]

Kay: What, really? Sure! Bye guys!

Edgeworth: Wait, Kay! (...She already ran off to the restroom.)

Phoenix: Well, I guess the only thing to do now is wait.

Pearl: What? Escaping?! Is that even possible?

Maya: Yeah, Pearly! She'll be outta here before ya know it!

Franziska: Hmph. What a foolish endeavour.

Phoenix: Hey, Edgeworth. What's that magazine you're reading?

Edgeworth: Hmm? Oh, it's just news. As a prosecutor, I must keep up with the times after all.

Phoenix: Oh, okay.

Edgeworth: (Hmm. I did not expect the Evil Magistrate to survive that fatal blow. Already this new issue is playing with my expectations. I wonder if they are going to address that pivotal plot point from Issue No. 34? With the way it was presented, I doubt it was a red herring anyh- Hm?) What was that noise?

Phoenix: Wait. Don't tell me-

[Out of nowhere, a siren starts to play.]

Speakers: Wh-what!? This means that- Hey, you! What's going o- SHE'S ESCAPED?!

Pearl: Huh?!

Maya: She actually did it! Whoooop!

Phoenix: Don't tell me she actually managed to escape through the restrooms.

Edgeworth: But how could she do that so quickly? We were only waiting for about two minutes before this siren started playing.

Franziska: How foolish. If the Management cannot deliver on their word to make this theatre secure, then perhaps we should simply leave if it takes us so little time to do so.

Speakers: But how?! The restrooms were secure, I made sure of th- THE FRONT DOOR?!

Phoenix: ...Somehow the answer was even lamer than I expected.

Maya: Okay, wow. That's the first thing they SHOULD have made sure to have secured.

Speakers: HOW THE &%?# did you leave that *$!+{>¥ door unlocked?! YOU #^#$<*~**}^<#%#^}*<>\$?!-

Maya: Eek, what rude language! Don't listen to this, Pearly!

Pearl: Okay!

Edgeworth: Really though, I think we should leave no-

Speakers: OH &₹₩% NO YOU WON'T! CLOSE THE DOORS TO THE PROJECTOR ROOM!

SLAM


Phoenix: Did I hear a slam?

Edgeworth: sigh I suppose we are trapped here for good now.

Speakers: Enough distractions! Commence the next chapter!

Quote:
Québécois
Chapter 3: Preparations and Exclamations


Phoenix: We'll certainly be exclaiming, alright.

Quote:
DISCLAIMER: See chapters 1-2.


Maya: What, did the author get too lazy to properly write the disclaimer this time? Laaame.

Quote:
Location: Seat 45Z

Franziska von Karma sat upright in her straight-backed seat. This was probably the most ANNOYING thing she had ever had to do. Ever. In her life.


Franziska: Hmph. You only have yourself to blame.

Quote:
The plane had been delayed by having to land in Kansas City, Jackson, and Tallahassee, meaning that it was now well past midnight when they were finally about to land in Miami.

"Attention, the seat-belt sign has been turned on. Please return to your seats and 'buckle up.' We will be landing in Miami shortly."


Edgeworth: Were those stops really necessary?

Phoenix: Knowing this airline's cheapness, probably.

Quote:
Suddenly overcome with a surge of anger, Franziska channeled it into her whip and cracked it at the small piece of wood stuck in the ceiling where a basket had once been. It fell out and fell right into her luggage, splitting the zipper.

"AAUIGH!" she yelled, waking up everyone within a good fifteen or so rows.


Franziska: How foolish! whip crack If I felt the urge to whip, I would whip any one of the fools nearby!

Quote:
Location: Seat 12D

Pearl Fey was startled awake by a loud scream. "What was that?"


Phoenix: Wait, Pearls is in 12D. If we're to believe that the scream is Franziska's, then it must have somehow gone through third class all the way to wherever Pearls is, which I'd estimate to be first class.

Pearl: Wow, the Prosecutor Lady must have screamed really loudly.

Franziska: I-I do not! This is just another misrepresentation of my character! Pay it no heed!

Quote:
Location: Cockpit

The pilot veered the nose of the plane down and prepared to land the plane.

Some time later... Location: The Viance Hotel, Miami, Florida


Edgeworth: Thank goodness. The cheapness of the airline was beginning to grate on me.

Maya: How do you know the hotel isn't just as cheap?

Quote:
At about 4.00 AM, everyone finally arrived at a hotel where the wedding would be held (Edgeworth was glad they didn't have to pay for everyone to actually STAY at the hotel). Most everyone was staying there, except for a few people who were staying at a motel down the street.


Edgeworth: Thank goodness I didn't have to.

Quote:
The Bellboy volunteered to carry April May's (immense amount of) luggage, and there was a small amount of other hotel staff who helped with luggage, but other than that, everyone had to either carry their luggage up 12 flights of stairs (The International Cardboard Box Convention was in town, and they booked up most of the first 11 floors. The 13th floor was the penthouse, so there was only one block of seats on the 12th floor available) or try to get on the way-too-small service elevator or record slowest elevator known in the universe. Mike Meekins actually tried to fit in the kitchen's dumbwaiter, with amusing results.


Phoenix: International...Cardboard Box Convention?

Maya: Yep, this hotel sounds just about as cheap as Quick-Air.

Edgeworth: sigh This joke was barely funny the first time. Why reuse it?

Quote:
Of course, by the time all 130 guests arrived and settled in to their rooms, it was about 5:40 and almost time for wedding preparations to begin.


Pearl: It only took them about 2 hours?

Phoenix: Well, it technically doesn't say whether it's AM or PM, so it's likely to be the latter.

Quote:
Some time later... Location: The Viance Ballroom, Miami, FL

Nervously, Miles Edgeworth glanced around the large ballroom. All around the room, (expensive) preparations for the Edgeworth/von Karma wedding were taking place. They had decided that they would hold the wedding at the same place in the hotel, as it would cut down tremendously on costs (the prices had already exceeded 12,000 for the wedding alone). So, the caterers were setting up in the back while the seats were set up in the front.


Maya: Huh. In contrast to the rest of the hotel, the ballroom doesn't look so bad.

Edgeworth: I'm getting rather mixed messages from the author here.

Franziska: This trashy place is the wedding hall?!

Phoenix: (Franziska doesn't look so happy about this.)

Quote:
"Excuse me, Mr. Edgeworth?" someone asked from behind him.

Turning around, Edgeworth saw Arlene Selztier, the wedding budget consultant Franziska had hired (for 16 per hour).


Maya: Oh, an original character all of a sudden?

Phoenix: '16 per hour'? 16 what?

Edgeworth: I'd wager dollars, considering this is Miami.

Franziska: What a price that is.

Quote:
"Yes, Ms. Selztier?"

"Um, there's a problem with the catering. You ordered a lot of chicken, right?"

"Ye-es..."

"Well, they mixed your order with another, and instead you got..."

She moved out of the way to reveal several steaming woks filled with octopus.


Pearl: 'Wok'?

Edgeworth: A cooking vessel originating from China. More importantly, HOW do you confuse chicken with octopus?

Quote:
"WHAT. IS. THAT," Edgeworth sputtered.

"They thought you ordered seven woks of octopus."

Edgeworth was THIS close to hitting someone on the head.


Phoenix: Acknowledging the stupidity of the situation doesn't make it any less stupid, author.

Quote:
Location: Room 12AA Suite

Franziska von Karma was getting dressed for her wedding. She was wearing a long white dress with a short green veil.

"THIS IS MADNESS!!" she screamed. And for once, she was right.


Franziska: 'FOR ONCE'!? whips the screen several times

Speakers: The management would like to remind Ms. von Karma not to whip the screen. We may not be able to electrocute you in the new theatre, but we can do much worse if you don't comply.

Franziska: ...

Quote:
Several people were running around the suite, trying to find "just what you need," or something like that.

Angel Starr returned with a cake of pungent puce-colored soap and the "Moss Special," April May insisted that a bar of "Hot Stuf Deoderizer" was key to a successful wedding ceremony, Ini Miney kept trying to convince Franziska that a green dough cap similar to her own was 'better than a plain old veil', and Manfred von Karma (accompanied by a federal agent) ran around bossing everyone and screaming, "THIS WEDDING MUST BE PERFECTLY PERFECT!!"


Phoenix: I wouldn't say Ms. Starr's lunches were that bad. Also, it's spelt 'Stuff'.

Pearl: Um, I think Ini Miney wore a white doh-cap.

Maya: It was really more of a beret.

Edgeworth: Are we not even going to mention Prosecutor von Karma and the federal ag-

Franziska: No. It isn't worth it. Let us move on.

Quote:
It was going to be a very long day.


Edgeworth: At this rate, definitely.

Quote:
Do I hear wedding bells ringing? I expect that that was the last chapter before THE WEDDING! Feel free to put whatever you think should happen in Ch. 4 in your reviews!!


Phoenix: At least these chapters are pretty short.

Maya: Yeah! And there's only two more left!

Speakers: Alright then. Let the next chapter be- Huh? Someone's at the front door? Who is it? ...Why, is that so? Bring them in, then!

Franziska: What was that?!

Speakers: Oh, you guys. You're lucky today. An extra sporker will be joining you now. Say hello!

Pearl: Oh! Who could it be?

Edgeworth: Wait...are the doors opening?

???: Oh, hey! What's this?

Everyone: ?!

Phoenix: That voice..

Edgeworth: That could only mean one thing.

Franziska: ...! What?!

Maya: Oh my god! It's-

[Who is the mystery extra sporker guest? Why is everyone so surprised? Will this theatre actually have a functioning snack bar? Find out all of these in the next episode!]


Sorry for cutting it short there. I felt that the spork was at an ideal length so I'll be posting the second part...hmm, about next week. See you all then! Please do give (constructive) criticism though, it really helps more than you could imagine. Bye guys!

(Credit goes to DarkAgea for proofreading and giving general criticism about the characters and such.)
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore


Last edited by Southern Corn on Sat Oct 28, 2017 5:02 am, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Location: Germany

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Fri Jul 08, 2011 1:42 pm

Posts: 224

Some observations while reading through:

- Pearl has actually been in the sporking theater before. In the old one, before it got erased. Because it got erased though, it's easily justifiable that the characters don't remember it. I guess we could think of it as a different timeline. (I am not sure if she has sporked in this thread before. I'd have to recheck all the pages, and am too lazy to do that, so I'm just gonna assuzme that if she did, somebody else will mention it.)

- Dang, your management is polite. Saying "please" and all, and even "asking" sporkers to come. Those sporkers better appreciate it.

- I'm a bit confused on how Pearl gets "Kyu-beck" out of hearing Edgeworth say "Quebec". Wouldn't she get something more like "Kay-beck" out of it? Or does Edgeworth really pronounce it weirdly?

- Minor nitpick: Please use asterisks to mark sound effects. If you just put them in cursive, it looks like the character is just saying them with emphasis. Although it is pretty funny to imagine Franziska angrily shouting "Whip crack, Miles Edgeworth!". ;)

- That mental image of a plane full of ordinary wedding guests, corpses and escaped murderers is also hilarious. :D

-
Quote:
Franziska: Grrr! I would never change my perfect name of von Karma for such a fool as Miles Edgeworth, whom I see no more than a little brother.

This sounds a tad expository. I would prefer the characters to talk more naturally in this thread, which is part of a message board dedicated to Ace Attorney, a video game franchise. See what I mean? ;)

-
Quote:
Kay: Huh? Yeah, you're right. The author said that you were directly behind Mr. Edgeworth, but that'd be seat 8E in that case since he's in seat 7E.

Not quite. The fic put Edgeworth in seat 8E. Although I'm not sure the fic knows what it's doing with the seats either way. (And I also wonder how one would manage to sit a row "and a half" behind anyone. Did Maya climb onto the chair in front of her? Or cut through it?)

- I love the little bit where Kay escapes through the front door. ^^ Nicely written!

- I also love Phoenix' snarky comments where you used them. Poor guy must be SO done with this.

- I like the cliffhanger at the end. I wonder who it is.

_______________________________________________________________________

--> All in all, a fairly nice spork! I found its length very pleasant. At times, the charracters seemed a bit off to me, but not too badly so. I'm looking forward to the next part!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3916

Thanks corn- I mean, for the criticism!

Spoiler: Never forget Dr. Ocsid
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
- Pearl has actually been in the sporking theater before. In the old one, before it got erased. Because it got erased though, it's easily justifiable that the characters don't remember it. I guess we could think of it as a different timeline. (I am not sure if she has sporked in this thread before. I'd have to recheck all the pages, and am too lazy to do that, so I'm just gonna assuzme that if she did, somebody else will mention it.)

Yeah, I thought it was pretty unlikely that she wasn't used as a child before. In all the sports I've read, I think I've only seen her here as a teenager so I was unsure about this part. Thank you for the clarification.

Quote:
- Dang, your management is polite. Saying "please" and all, and even "asking" sporkers to come. Those sporkers better appreciate it.

You think so? I actually thought they were much more casual than the others. Huh.

Quote:
- I'm a bit confused on how Pearl gets "Kyu-beck" out of hearing Edgeworth say "Quebec". Wouldn't she get something more like "Kay-beck" out of it? Or does Edgeworth really pronounce it weirdly?

My bad. Apparently I've forgotten how Quebec is pronounced.

Quote:
- Minor nitpick: Please use asterisks to mark sound effects. If you just put them in cursive, it looks like the character is just saying them with emphasis. Although it is pretty funny to imagine Franziska angrily shouting "Whip crack, Miles Edgeworth!". ;)

Will do in the next part. Thanks.

Quote:
Franziska: Grrr! I would never change my perfect name of von Karma for such a fool as Miles Edgeworth, whom I see no more than a little brother.

Wow, this is really bad. I don't know how this escaped me. I'll try not to do this again.

Quote:
Kay: Huh? Yeah, you're right. The author said that you were directly behind Mr. Edgeworth, but that'd be seat 8E in that case since he's in seat 7E.

Not quite. The fic put Edgeworth in seat 8E. Although I'm not sure the fic knows what it's doing with the seats either way. (And I also wonder how one would manage to sit a row "and a half" behind anyone. Did Maya climb onto the chair in front of her? Or cut through it?)[/quote]
Another line to fix, then. Thanks for noting.

And I don't think the possibility of Maya jumping on the seat in front of her to shout her orders for dinner.

Quote:
- I love the little bit where Kay escapes through the front door. ^^ Nicely written!

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. I purposefully tried not to make it clash with the sporking this time, too.

Quote:
- I also love Phoenix' snarky comments where you used them. Poor guy must be SO done with this.


Is he really? ;)

Quote:
- I like the cliffhanger at the end. I wonder who it is.


Any guesses?

Quote:
--> All in all, a fairly nice spork! I found its length very pleasant. At times, the characters seemed a bit off to me, but not too badly so. I'm looking forward to the next part!


Thank you! The next part will be slightly shorter due to the lesser amount of chapters left but I'm glad you look forward to it! It's currently in the editing stage and it should be out pretty soon.

"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Posts: 3916

And welcome back, everyone! This is part 2 of Québécois! If you don't know what this is all about, then read part one first. Everything necessary like the rating and sporkers is given right there for your little eyes to devour. Anyway, moving on, let's continue the spork!





(Also on the beta forums but you know the drill)







Spoiler:
[We start off where we left in the sporking theatre with the fourth chapter of the fic about to begin.]

Speakers: Alright then. Let the next chapter be- Huh? Someone's at the front door? Who is it? ...Why, is that so? Bring them in, then!

Franziska: What was that?!

Speakers: Oh, you guys. You're lucky today. An extra sporker will be joining you now. Say hello!

Pearl: Oh! Who could it be?

Edgeworth: Wait...are the doors opening?

???: Oh, hey! What's this?

Everyone: ?!

Phoenix: That voice...

Edgeworth: That could only mean one thing.

Franziska: ...! What?!

Maya: Oh my god! It's-

???: Yep, it's the one and only! Hey Nick! Hey Edgey! Ooh look, you've got Maya and Franny with you too!

Phoenix: L-L-LARRRRYYYYYYYYYY?!

Larry: What, why the surprise, Nick? Friends do meet a lot, right?

Edgeworth: What...what are you even doing here?

Larry: Huh? Wait a second...this isn't a café.

Edgeworth: A café? (Could that be a front devised by the Management?)

Speakers: Oops, that's right. Yeah, this is actually a theatre to watch...erm... romance movies. Yeah.

Larry: Wait, really?!

Maya: Oh no, they're manipulating him, Nick!

Phoenix: Not that bad a strategy, to be honest.

Speakers: Yep, that's right! And we're right in the middle of one! Wanna join?

Larry: Well, obviously! Jeez, I can't believe you guys didn't tell me about this! This is awesome!

Franziska: What a fool.

Speakers: Alright, let's get to the heart of the matter. The wedding scene.

Larry: We're already at the climax?! No foreplay or anything!?

Pearl: Four-play?

Franziska: Larry Butz! *raises whip* There is a child here!

Maya: Don't listen to him, Pearly. He's a bit out of it.

Phoenix: (I still can't believe this is happening.)

Quote:
Québécois

Chapter 4: C B F A G F D C wedding march music


Pearl: Um...what does that word mean?

Phoenix: Heck if I know. It's just gibberish to me.

Maya: Maybe it's some sort of secret code!

Phoenix: I sincerely doubt it, Maya.

Larry: Whoa, is this a military wedding or something?

Edgeworth: Military?

Larry: Yeah, 'cause it's a wedding ma- *whip whip whip whip whip* YEOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOW!

Franziska: That was the most idiotic assumption you could have possibly made, Larry Butz! It is obviously referring to the bridal march!

Larry: Yikes! I think I'm bleeding, Nick! Franny's really mad today!

Phoenix: (I wonder why that could be.)

Quote:
DISCLAIMER: I don't own PW:AA

Nor JFA

And I certainly don't own T&T

Capcom, not me, owns Polly

And GK is not mine.

Ergo, none of the characters are, either.

Just to make this clear: I DO NOT OWN ACE ATTORNEY.


Larry: Eh? What do all those things stand for?

Phoenix: You don't recognise those terms?

Larry: Never heard of any of 'em.

Phoenix: What the-? (Don't tell me...is Larry too oblivious to even the fourth wall?!)

Franziska: Well, in any case, that was a foolishly convoluted way of saying something rather simplistic.

Maya: Maybe the author was feeling bored when they were writing this!

Edgeworth: That doesn't bode well for the story if that's the case.

Quote:
Now for the story...

A rather mournful wedding march was played on flute and baritone as the guests chatted animatedly in their seats.

Miles Edgeworth stood up close to the altar, fidgeting nervously with his cravat.


Pearl: Oh wow, it looks so pretty! I've never actually been to a wedding before!

Phoenix: (Pearl is absolutely jumping with joy at this.)

Larry: Wait, whaaaaat?! Edgey, you old dog! I didn't know you were getting married!

Edgeworth: Please stop calling me that, Larry. And no, I'm not getting married. This is entirely fictional.

Larry: Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. There's no need to be so bashful, Edgey!

Quote:
"Ugh..." he moaned. Dozens of 'what if's' flew through his head.

What if Franziska decides to run off with the Bellboy?

What if a comet hits the hotel?


Phoenix: Alright, apparently fic-Edgeworth is a paranoiac. Why not?

Edgeworth: *groan*

Larry: Whoa, you're getting married to Franny? I really envy you, Edgey.

Edgeworth: *louder groan*

Maya: Seriously, what are the chances of that happening?

Quote:
What if someone has a heart attack in the middle of the wedding?

"Calm down, Edgeworth," said Phoenix, "you look like you're going to faint."


Phoenix: Well, that's actually plausible. And it's nice to see my fic-self being helpful.

Maya: Yeah, all I've done in this fic is cause confusion about the seating continuity and have low standards for food.

Pearl: You shouldn't be so scared, Mr. Eh-ji-werth! Everything will go okay!

Edgeworth: Nngh.

Quote:
At the word 'faint', Edgeworth turned pale.

There were 3 bridesmaids (Maya, Pearl, and Franziska's sister Adelaide), who were sitting in the corner, wearing rather ugly brown dresses.


Phoenix: Pretty odd choices for bridesmaids.

Edgeworth: Adelaide? A little late of them to introduce their own original character, I think.

Maya: Well, their second. The caterer Arlene was another. Still, this is coming out of nowhere.

Franziska: ... *whip crack*

Phoenix: (Uh oh. She looks mad.)

Pearl: Why are the dresses ugly? That's really mean to say!

Larry: Yeah, I think they look pretty hot- *whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip whip* AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

Franziska: Learn to keep your mouth shut, Larry Butz! Or I shall close it for you!

Larry: *whimper*

Quote:
"Is it just me," Maya commented aloud, "or does Mr. Edgeworth seem rather nervous?"

"Mr. Eh-ji-werth..." Pearl sounded out, still somewhat unsure just what was going on (yet she was CERTAIN it had something to do with 'special someones').


Maya: Alright, neither me nor Pearly are that slow! This is slander!

Pearl: Yes! Even a little child like me knows what a wedding is!

Quote:
"But of course," replied Adelaide haughtily. "He is SO paranoid."

Maya rolled her eyes.

Suddenly, the doors burst open. It was Franziska, Manfred, and the FBI agent!


Phoenix: Why the federal agent again?

Edgeworth: That's what strikes you the most strange?

Phoenix: ...Fair enough.

Franziska: This entire fic is a travesty! It's slander against the von Karma name itself! *whip*

Larry: Owwwwwww! Why me, Franny?!

Franziska: Need you even ask?

Maya: Look at my fic-self being all sassy over there with her eye rolling.

Quote:
Loud gasps came from all around the room. It was clear that some people (coughcoughAdelaidecoughcough) had not expected Franziska to actually show up.

Gracefully, Franziska marched up to the altar.


Phoenix: (Franziska looks like she's about to explode.) Maya-

Maya: Got it. Um...*ahem* What do you think, Pearly?

Pearl: Huh? Um...I think it's very nice and graceful and beautiful. And...well...maybe-

Edgeworth: Can we just move on?

Quote:
With an over-the-top clearing of the throat, the priest began. A few minutes later, the crux of the matter came. "Miles Edgeworth, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, for better or for worse...(etc)...?"


Maya: Over-the-top clearing of the throat? Nick, the priest is Mr. Grossberg!

Phoenix: I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case, to be honest.

Edgeworth: I find it appalling that the author was too lazy to even properly write the marriage vows.

Quote:
After a few seconds' pause (garnering an eye-roll from Adelaide), Edgeworth replied confidently, "I do."


Maya: Hey! Don't steal my sass, Adelaide!

Larry: Whoop whoop! Congrats, Edgey!

Edgeworth: Larry, please...just shut up. I've already got a migraine as is.

Quote:
"And do you, Franziska A. von Karma, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband...(etc)...?"


Franziska: 'A'? Is that supposed to be my initial?

Larry: Adelaide, righ- *whip x 16* OWWOWOWOWOWITBURNSITBURNSSOOMUCH!

Franziska: I have never heard of an 'Adelaide' in my life!

Larry: Urgghh...

Maya: Geez, poor Larry. Is he even awake?

Phoenix: I think he is...slightly. (Franziska is absolutely enraged. Not that I blame her.)

Quote:
"I do," she replied, with a ringing finality in her voice.

"I now pronounce..."

The last part of the sentence was drowned out by (VERY) loud clapping as Franziska and Miles kissed.


Pearl: Yay! Hooray! Congrats to the both of you! I hope you have a happy life together!

Edgeworth: ...

Franziska: ...

Phoenix: (Franziska doesn't whip children....right?)

Larry: A-amen...to tha- *WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP WHIP* Ooooo... *slump*

Maya: Huh? Is he dead?!

Franziska: Merely unconscious. Thankfully this should keep him sleeping for a while.

Phoenix: (Thank goodness Larry got in the way of that. At least Pearls is alright.)

Edgeworth: Is that even allowed, Management?

Speakers: Huh? Oh, yeah. We'll wake him up when the next chapter starts though.

Maya: That was easier than I expected.

Quote:
I hope the wedding was up-to-par (I thought it may have been slightly cliche). There's more to come, and yes, they will be forced to eat octopus at the reception, but it won't be as long as I planned on it being. I expect it to be only 1-2 more chapters after this. Please R and R!


Phoenix: Oh yeah, there's only one more left.

Pearl: I thought the wedding was beautiful!

Franziska: Just end this already!

Quote:
By the way, the priest isn't Grossberg.


Maya: Awww. So much for that.

Edgeworth: At this point, I'm more surprised that he wasn't the priest.

Phoenix: It was a plausible theory, given the nature of this fic.

Speakers: Well, since the next chapter is starting, you should probably wake him up.

Maya: Oh, I see what you did there, Management. Letting him rest right at the end, eh?

Franziska: And why should I do that?

Speakers: Otherwise we'll have to put on a Larry/Franziska fic we found on the Kink Meme to wake him up.

Franziska: ...! LARRY BUTZ! *whip x 20*

Larry: YEOWOWOWOW! I'm awake, mom! I'm awake! ...Huh? Oh, I'm here.

Edgeworth: *sigh* Just start it already.

Speakers: Geez, fine. Spoilsport.

Quote:
Québécois

Chapter 5: Reception of the Reception


Edgeworth: Purposefully repetitive, eh?

Phoenix: I kinda like that title though.

Quote:
the hopefully much awaited part 5....

enjoy!

read and review, people, please!


Maya: Were people awaiting this that much? Coolios.

Phoenix: Oh, so it's read and review, not rate and review.

Larry: Huh...alright.

Edgeworth: (I have a feeling Larry is still somewhat disoriented from being whipped unconscious earlier.)

Quote:
DISCLAIMER: Same as last, but extended to include other 'franchises' thereof.

Plus, I changed my mind about the octopi. Sort of.


Maya: *pouts* Well, so much for that! I was actually looking forward to it!

Quote:
Franziska von Karma--no, Franziska Edgeworth-- was pissed. P. I. S. S. E. D.

She had been floating along in a wave of ecstasy- until she had reached the back of the huge hotel ballroom twenty minutes later...


Maya: Can't exactly blame her.

Phoenix: Though she isn't the only one pissed off here.

Edgeworth: What's that look for, Wright?

Franziska: Stop calling me 'Franziska Edgeworth'! *whip*

Larry: Ooow.

Phoenix: (Larry is barely even reacting anymore.)

Quote:
"FOOLISH--FOOLISH--FOOL--WHAT--IS--THIS!?!?" she screamed at one of the caterers when she saw what they had set up as the main dish. If she had had her whip (Edgeworth had made her leave it in the hotel room), the caterer would have been cowering on the floor in fear.


Franziska: *wags finger* I would never leave my home without my whip. It is useful for teaching fools not to open their mouths.

Phoenix: (Too useful, in fact.)

Quote:
Not that he wasn't already. "Well, Ms. von-er, Mrs. Edgeworth--the main office kind of sent octopus instead of chicken--

"GET! IT! FIXED!!!!" she screamed. Instinctively, Franziska raised her hand as if to whip him and whipped the air with a non-extant whip.


Edgeworth: They forgot to close the first quote.

Phoenix: Huh? Oh, yeah. To be honest, the grammar hasn't been that bad so far.

Edgeworth: No, but it's compensated by its ludicrous story.

Quote:
He ran out of the room faster than even Franziska could catch up.

She was hyperventilating with fury until Edgeworth caught up to her. "Don't worry, Franziska, we'll straighten it out..." Franziska instantly calmed.


Pearl: Wow! You calmed her down faster than anybody else could! This truly is love!

Edgeworth: ...

Franziska: ...

Maya: Um, Pearly? Could you be a little quieter? I don't think they want to hear you.

Pearl: O-okay.

Quote:
The other guests had not noticed Franziska's hissy fit, as they were used to watching her blow her top several times a day. They were chatting amongst themselves, patiently and politely bored.


Larry: M-man...that's just...crazy, Franny. You should...be calmer.

Franziska: It is hard to be calm when I am surrounded by fools like you all the time! *whip crack*

Phoenix: 'Politely bored'? How's that work?

Quote:
"What IS taking them?" huffed Adelaide Wexler impatiently. She was even harder to please than her sister, but luckily she had not inherited her father's temper (but her sister had).


Edgeworth: 'Wexler'? She is married too, I assume?

Franziska: Miles!

Edgeworth: In this fic, I mean.

Quote:
"I suppose they might've been late..." considered Adrian Andrews. Some of her businesslike manner from the days of JFA was showing thru. Adrian did not like tardiness. Especially in businesses. She had prided herself on her extreme punctuality-


Phoenix: Why did the author break the fourth wall again?

Edgeworth: And it is also spelt 'through'.

Maya: Did the author forget to proofread this properly or what?

Speakers: We actually hire a proofreader for the transcripts of these sporkings. Gotta make sure there aren't any mistakes.

Phoenix: What, really?

Speakers: But never mind that. Back to the fic.

Quote:
But no, that was all behind her. She pulled Matt along behind her and strolled over to where Franziska and Edgeworth stood.

"Congratulations, Franziska!" she chirped.


Edgeworth: Why is he not accompanied by a guard?

Phoenix: Even Detective Gumshoe could act as one.

Maya: Where is he in all of this, anyway? He wouldn't miss this for the world!

Quote:
"Much thanks, Adrian," said Franziska distractedly. She was staring over at the catering table, where they were replacing all but one of the woks with bowls of Chicken McNuggets and salami--all they could get on such short notice.


Pearl: Sah-lah-mi?

Phoenix: It's a typed of cured sausage, Pearl.

Maya: Why Chicken McNuggets though?

Edgeworth: Most likely for the sake of 'humour'.

Quote:
Adrian sighed. Leave it to Franzy to be distracted at her own wedding. She dragged Matt across the room again ("Ow!") to go mingle with some of the other guests.


Franziska: I hope that assassin is among those guests.

Phoenix: Yeah. He should be on the lookout for Engarde if he's out of prison anyway.

Larry: ...I...like salami...actually. It's...pretty good.

Phoenix: (A little too late on that, Larry.)

Quote:
Finally, after a 30-minute delay, the McNuggets and sides (including the octopi) were prepared, and the 100+ guests hungrily dug in.

After nibbling on a few McNuggets and a slice of salami anxiously, Franziska walked around the room greeting the guests, Edgeworth on her arm.


Phoenix: I can't believe we're actually watching this.

Franziska: Neither can I. How foolish.

Quote:
"Why, I'm honoured that you chose to grace our presence today, Ms. May...of course, Ms. Holland...hello, Adrian...many regards, Ms. Hale..."


Pearl: Huh? Who are these people?

Phoenix: Well, there's Adrian and Ms. May. But I dunno who Holland and Hale are.

Larry: I once...dated a Holland. She was...pretty nice until she left me to go...to Venice.

Franziska: Nobody cares.

Phoenix: (Classic Larry.)

Quote:
Franziska was--what a funny word--happy. Her wedding had not been perfect--there had been a few delays and flaws--but she had achieved what she had come here for: to get married to Miles.

And so she was happy.


Pearl: Oh, how beautiful!

Franziska: Of course I wouldn't be happy with this! I would never accept a wedding which wasn't perfect! And-

Edgeworth: We know, Franziska. But we're almost done.

Quote:
At least until she saw Larry parading around the room wearing the salami that she had ordered.

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"


Larry: Hahaha...classic me. Right...Nick?

Phoenix: Yeah. (Some things never really change.)

Franziska: ...I don't know what else I was expecting.

[The author apologies for not updating in a long time and promises to get a few more chapters in.]

Quote:
PS- There will be a couple more chapters.


Phoenix: No, there won't. I think.

Edgeworth: At least that's the Management's claim. Either way, we're almost at the end.

Quote:
PPS- Eternal thank-yous to all of you who posted various glowing reviews of this fic!


Maya: Was this fic that popular?

Speakers: It got a lot of positive reviews upon release.

Franziska: ?!

Edgeworth: No matter. We're finished, are we not?

Speakers: Yep.

[The lights come on.]

Phoenix: Well, I'm glad it's over. That was pretty long.

Larry: Ugh...that was super painful too.

Pearl: Oh, don't worry! I'll help you, Mr. Laurice!

Larry: Thanks...kiddo. Pretty nice...of you.

Edgeworth: Well, time to leave.

Franziska : Agreed.

Maya: Well, everyone else is leaving. Let's go, Nick!

Phoenix: Yeah. Why not?

Maya: So, how'd you like the fic?

Phoenix: Well...it was crazy and admittedly stupid. But...it was better than a lot of the stuff we have to sit through. It was charming in some places, even.

Maya: Huh. I thought the same thing, even. I think everyone else hated it because they were featured more in it.

Phoenix: Well, we can talk later. Let's go home now, okay?

Pearl: Yay! Thank you for bringing me here, Mr. Nick!

[And so our tale comes to an end. Thank you for watching this episode of the Sporking Theatre and good night!]


Well, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this. It was fun to work on. Constructive criticism is appreciated as always. Have a good day, everyone. I've got a long nap to take now.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore


Last edited by Southern Corn on Sat Nov 25, 2017 6:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Gender: Male

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Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:41 pm

Posts: 6

Hi there!
I was considering sporking this monstrosity, which was mentioned in this thread a while back: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1168494?view_adult=true

Since it's VERY NSFW I'm assuming it'll need to be censored. I was just checking for tips on exactly to what degree I need to censor it to post it here, as well as any other etiquette I should be aware of for sporking.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3916

AO3 wrote:
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings


What a mistake that was.

Anyway, I suggest that for these types of fics, you host it elsewhere. Mainly because most of the terribleness comes from the NSFW parts, and without it there wouldn't be much material to spork. You could do little summaries in between like Blacmail too, but that might actually make the sporking super short.

Just my two cents. This thing is an absolute monstrosity.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3916

And hello, everybody! Today I'm back with a double sporking of these two fics! This is going to be...

The Klema Duology

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:

Normally, I'd go into detail about the fics and why they deserve this rating but...honestly, it's best to let them speak for themselves. It really is. You'll see.

Now, introducing the sporkers!

:apollo: - "It's times like this when I wish I was back in Khura'in."
:trucy: - "Aw, but we've missed you, Polly!"
:klavier: - "Indeed, Herr Forehead. We've hardly met in the last few months, ja?"
:yummy: - "MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH"

Anyway, let's start the show!

Spoiler:
[Back at the new Theatre, our cast has arrived and is currently chatting up a storm.]

Trucy: Hey! We're not that talkative, Mr. Narrator!

Apollo: Trucy, could you please stop talking to the Narrator?

Trucy: Why not?

Klavier: It comes off as rather sad, ja?

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: (Ema's been just crunching on her Snackoos ever since we've got here. I wonder...) Ema, do you know what we're sp- *ka-tonk* Ow! (I guess she does. Why's she so upset about it though?)

Klavier: This new theatre is über cool. Ja, Herr Management?

Speakers: How did you know?

Klavier: Why wouldn't you be here? This theatre needs you.

Speakers: Fair enough. Anyway, today's a new day, and with it comes a new sporking.

Trucy: What is it?

Speakers: Well, actually...we're having two fics today! We've dubbed it...the Klema Duology!

Klavier: ...Schiße. Not this again.

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: Oh. (That explains her behaviour, at least.)

Trucy: Two fics today? That's cool!

Speakers: Isn't it? Think of it like a double header, but with sporks instead of sports.

Trucy: Wow! That's barely a change of letter!

Apollo: (I think that was supposed to be some kind of reference, but I have no idea what to.)

Speakers: Anyway, we should probably start. Well, if someone would stop munching on their snacks.

Ema: ...Fine.

Speakers: Good. Then let's get the ball rolling!

Quote:
Suicidal Nightmare


Apollo: Isn't that what this theatre is?

Trucy: Wow, Apollo! That's pretty poetic.

Klavier: Ja, it's not something I would have expected of you.

Apollo: Eh heh heh...

Ema: It's a fitting title if this is from my perspective anyhow.

Quote:
Disclaimer: Nein, I do not own Klavier and or Ema.

Note: This is a one-shot. Just for keeping my imagination flowing. When it's Ema's POV I will do -~-~-~-~-~-~ and when it's Klavier's POV xOxOxOx.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Klavier: I would hope the author doesn't own us, ja, Fräulein Detective?

Ema: It's Forensic Investigator now, fop.

Klavier: Oh, yes, I nearly forgot. Congratulations on your promotion, Fräulein Forensic Investigator!

Apollo: (And already he's onto the next nickname.) What's the need for two different line breaks anyway?

Trucy: Silly Polly, it's to properly distinguish between the two! We don't want any unnecessary confusion, do we?

Quote:
xOxOxOx

Nothing. Absolutely nothing left. Nobody's here, no one, everybody hates me. I should just go die. The woman I love hates me. I've got nothing to live for anymore. A sobbing Prosecutor Gavin thought.


Klavier: What?!

Ema: Kind of an odd thing for a world famous rock star to say, fop.

Trucy: Exactly! He's loved by the female masses.

Apollo: Why is the last sentence separated from the one before it? They should be conjoined with a comma.

Quote:
Everybody hates me, I set a guilty man death penalty, we found out the truth after he died.


Ema: If he's guilty, then what did the fop do wrong?

Klavier: I believe they meant to say that I sent someone not guilty to the guillotines, ja?

Apollo: Why is this all one sentence?!

Quote:
My mother and father used to tell us, Kristoph was born lucky, and I was lucky to be born. They didn't notice me. They always spoiled their little Kristoph, and ignored me.


Trucy: That's kind of a harsh thing to tell your child, isn't it?

Apollo: Well, this is a piece of backstory that came out of nowhere.

Klavier: How do these people come up with these? There's hardly any proof to-

Ema: You're overthinking this, fop. Do you really think that fanfic writers really care that much about what was stated in-game?

Speakers: The sporkers will refrain from breaking the fourth wall. Seriously, we just rebuilt it the other day. We don't want it all crumbling down on us again.

Trucy: Poor Management. It must suck having to fix all of that.

Quote:
Klavier stepped into the elevator and set it to roof. The elevator door opened and showed the flat roof of the Prosecutor's Office. He stepped out of the elevator, taking muffling loud breaths. He looked down the street, fast cars were driving by.


Apollo: He's actually going to do it?!

Klavier: Why?!

Ema: And how is no one else seeing this?!

Quote:
-~-~-~-~-

"Damn It!" Ema swore as she forgot to take the paper's to Klavier. "Seeing that damn fop again makes me throw up."


Trucy: Oh, now we're in Ema's perspective.

Apollo: 'It' isn't supposed to be capitalised. And there shouldn't be an apostrophe in 'papers'.

Ema: I can already see where this is going and I'm not liking any bit of it.

Quote:
"Any problem, Detective Skye?" A slightly richer Gumshoe asked. Gumshoe had been given a pay rise, now he's being paid fairly.


Ema: Well, I'm glad to see he's being treated better at least. I always wondered what happened to him.

Klavier: He doesn't look that much richer since the last time I saw him.

Quote:
"Ah. Yes, I need to give these papers to Prosecutor Gavin." She said, glaring at the paper envelope she was holding.

"Ho, ho, ho! Just that? I'd be glad to bring them to Prosecutor Gavin."


Ema: Thank goodness for that.

Apollo: And there goes Ema out of the picture.

Klavier: I would much prefer if that were the case, Herr Forehead.

Quote:
"Nah. I have to get used to that fop anyway."


Ema: No, fic-me! You're making a gigantic mistake!

Trucy: Familiarity breeds friendship, as the saying goes.

Apollo: Trucy, the saying is 'Familiarity breeds contempt'.

Trucy: Huh? But Daddy always told me it was friendship.

Apollo: (That explains a lot.)

Quote:
"'Fop'?"

"Eh.. I call him a glimmerous fop."

"Okay, then. Goodbye, Detective Skye." A gumshoe wearing a suitable suit and neat hair said.


Ema: I guess we don't work together a lot in this fic if he doesn't know even that.

Klavier: 'A gumshoe'? Not Herr Detective Gumshoe?

Apollo: That's just a typo, I think.

Quote:
"Oh, and Mr. Gumshoe? Have you seen him?"

"Ahh… He went to the elevator, you should fingerprint the buttons and see where he pressed."


Trucy: Is she talking to him or not? I can't tell here.

Apollo: I think she is, but there should be a dialogue tag to make that clearer. Also, is fingerprinting the buttons like that even allowed in normal circumstances? Prosecutor Gavin should be in his office, most likely.

Ema: If it prevents needless hassle, then I'm fine with it.

Quote:
"Thanks. Good Idea."

She headed to the elevator, she dusted for Klavier's prints, and she found a print on the button "roof" and pressed it.


Klavier: Mein Gott, Fräulein Forensic Investigator! You actually went and did it?

Trucy: If it were me, I'd use my Magic Panties to teleport to wherever he was.

Apollo: ...Yeah, actually, I prefer this in comparison.

Quote:
She stepped out of the elevator door, and found the most horrific scene ever.


Ema: The fop being an emo? Yeah, pretty horrific.

Apollo: So are we going to switch perspectives again?

Quote:
xOxOxOx

This is it. My chance to be free from this horrible life.

He was about to jump when a strong arm had pulled his arm. A warm soft arm.


Apollo: Why aren't Prosecutor Gavin's thoughts in quotes or followed by 'he thought'?

Trucy: It sounds more like the narrator's speaking when it's in third person.

Ema: I wouldn't blame them, whoever they were.

Quote:
"You should've let me die! I've got nothing worth living for! Everybody hates me!" A teary-eyed Prosecutor shouted.

"No! Lots of people care, Prosecutor Gavin! Lots of people care for you!"

"Nobody does, name one."


Klavier: Good grief, fic-me is an idiot.

Ema: And you aren't?

Apollo: I don't know why the author thought Prosecutor Gavin wouldn't have any fans.

Quote:
"I do."

"No you don't." He said, then ran to the elevator and immediately closed the door.


Trucy: Is he simply going back down?

Apollo: How did no one see him?!

Ema: And why am I of all people the only one to stop him?!

Quote:
-~-~-~-~-~-

She saw Klavier Gavin standing on the edge of the roof, ready to jump. She pulled his soft muscled arms.


Klavier: Why are we flashing back again?

Apollo: Are we?

Trucy: Yeah, Polly! Prosecutor Gavin is on the roof ready to jump again!

Ema: I hope they don't actually repeat this.

[They do, word for word except from Ema's perspective, only changing a line or two in the process.]

Trucy: Huh?

Ema: ...MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Apollo: Seriously? What was even the point of that?

Quote:
"No! Prosecutor Gavin!" She ran down the stairs hoping to get down the 24 flight of stairs before him. On the tenth floor he saw the elevator door open and empty, she went in and pressed Ground level.


Apollo: Why did Ema suddenly become a male for a second?

Klavier: I think that was a typo, Herr Forehead. Regardless, it was amusing seeing the actors actually switch on screen like that. Nice touch.

Speakers: Hehe, thanks.

Quote:
"Please! I can't let him go!"

She reached the ground level, he wasn't their, he asked the guard if he saw him.


Trucy: Did Ema change into a guy again?

Ema: Why can't the author use pronouns properly?

Apollo: That's also the wrong form of 'there'.

Quote:
"Umm… He went to the building that is going to be demolished today."


Everyone: YOU DIDN'T STOP HIM?!

Quote:
"WHAT! Thanks for your help, I gotta go!"

Ema ran toward the building, she used the same procedure on the elevator, the pressed button was, Underground Basement Parking. She silently swore and headed down.


Apollo: Seriously, how did no one see him go in there?!

Trucy: Shouldn't the construction crew be here? And isn't the building to be demolished supposed to be closed off?

Ema: 'The pressed button was'? Who talks like that?

Klavier: The overusage of commas here is irritating.

Quote:
She went left, right, left, straight, left, forward, then started taking random directions. He found Prosecutor Gavin.


Apollo: Of course she did. Or well, 'he'- *ka-tonk*

Ema: Why this 'he' business again?!

Klavier: I was willing to believe the first two were mistakes, but doing the same thing thrice without noticing it is a stretch, ja?

Quote:
xOxOxOx

I don't deserve to live.

He ran toward the going to be demolished building and hoped to be killed. He went down the most possible downwards he could go.

Perfect. I should go take random directions and hide.

And so he did. Isolated. He waited for death.


Trucy: Wow, Prosecutor Gavin also chose randomly? What luck.

Klavier: What idiocy.

Quote:
-~-~-~-~-xOxOxOx


Ema: Huh? Whose perspective is this from?

Trucy: Both of them?

Klavier: It's very confusing that this wasn't stated earlier at the start then.

Apollo: 'We don't want any unnecessary confusion, do we?', huh, Trucy?

Trucy: Um...that's...you know.

Quote:
"What are you doing here!?"

"Trying to save you, Fop!"

"I don't deserve life! Get out of here before the demolition starts!"


Ema: If he's being this idiotic, then I agree. Kill fic-fop.

Quote:
*Crash*

The demolition had already started, a piece of the ceiling landed on Ema, making her unconscious, Klavier could hardly breath.


Trucy: So the construction crew was already there?

Ema: So he really did avoid them.

Apollo: Also, it's 'breathe' with an e.

Quote:
"Fräulein? Mein Gott! Fräulein!" He carried the bleeding brunette on his back. The elevator couldn't work now, they were trapped.


Apollo: WHY WEREN'T THEY DISABLED BEFORE THE DEMOLITION?!

Trucy: Ow! My ears!

Klavier: Indoor voice, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Oops. Sorry...

Quote:
But then, he remembered something.

From a case a few years ago, this building was a crucial clue. There was a secret passage from The Underground Basement Parking, leading outside, it was a flower design on the wall, it was a secret door.


Apollo: What's this case about?

Klavier: Most likely something that was made up for the convenience of the plot, ja?

Ema: It sounds like a case I was involved in a long time back, but this flower door thing is definitely alien to me.

Quote:
He searched for the hidden door and came upon it. He opened the door and then-

*Crash*

Another piece of the ceiling falls on Ema, this time her breathing has diminished. He heart had stopped. Klavier's heart missed a beat.


Trucy: Poor Ema.

Ema: How am I not dead yet?

Apollo: 'He heart'? And it's had, not has!

Quote:
He went as quickly as he could, the trail went into an alleyway.

He felt no breath, nor a pulse. He had only two choices. And he's not going to let her die. He could either take her to the hospital, or, do CPR, the hospital was 19 miles away. He had no choice.


Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Klavier: Not even checking for a heartbeat?

Apollo: I think he did a few paragraphs back.

Quote:
1…2…3… *THUD* 1…2…3… *THUD* Him breathing into her mouth was slight, but it had successfully done the trick.


Trucy: What were those thud noises sup-

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Quote:
He felt a pulse this time, and there was a faint trace of breathing, fragile, but still. She was bleeding everywhere. He had to take her somewhere. Incidentally, this alleyway was only two blocks from his house, he could make it. He put his jacket on Ema and ran as fast as he could.


Apollo: Two blocks away? They really are just making stuff up as they go along!

Trucy: His jacket? But isn't Ema wearing a lab coat? When did it come off?

Ema: If I don't die due to those injuries, I'm definitely going to die due to overheating with all those clothes.

Quote:
He arrived at his bachelor mansion and put Ema into his bed. He sobbed quietly while waiting for the brunette to regain consciousness.


Trucy: Wow, Prosecutor Gavin's loaded.

Klavier: With all the money I make due to my double life, why wouldn't I be? Though this is a gross overexaggeration.

Quote:
-~-~-~-

The last thing she remembered was the face of the fop. Sobbing quietly. She had woken up in a new room. She slipped out of the bed and stood up, then realizing she had stepped on something. The Fop.


Apollo: What?

Trucy: Um...let's continue watching!

Quote:
He was sleeping on the floor in a futon. Looking worried.


Klavier: How can I be on both simultaneously?

Quote:
"I love you, Klavier Gavin." She said silently.

"I love you too, Ema Skye." Klavier said laughing, but in a serious face. And stood up.


Apollo: That last part should be one sentence.

Trucy: How do you laugh with a serious face?

Ema: Same way you say something silently.

Quote:
"What the, you were awa-" She didn't get to finish that sentence.

Klavier had pulled he face and drawn it closer to his, their lips touched, it was a sensation. Blue sparks around them were visible.


Trucy: Blue sparks? Is that how kissing works?

Ema: Well, that was a good time to turn into a man, at least.

Apollo: Are pronouns really that hard for the author?

Quote:
But, this didn't last long. Something had hit the man's heart. A knife to be precise.


Klavier: What?!

Apollo: Hit is an understatement. Also, there should be a comma after knife.

Klavier: Don't detract from the matter at hand, Herr Forehead!

Ema: Yeah, who stabbed the fop?

Quote:
I node was attached. She read the note.


Trucy: I...node?

Apollo: Is the author typing this on a phone?

Klavier: Never mind that! What does the note say?

Quote:
Auf Wiedersehen, bruder.

(Translation: Goodbye, brother.)


Klavier: ...

Apollo: (What the-?!) Um...

Trucy: Is that-

Ema: ...Let's just move on for everyone's sake.

Quote:
Ema teared slowly, as the blood poured, she couldn't do anything. The knife hit the heart perfectly.


Trucy: Is she going to be killed next?!

Apollo: I hope not.

Quote:
-~-~-~-~-

Klavier Gavin's funeral. Lot's of people are here. Mostly fans, some family members, some co-workers, some, friends.


Trucy: Oh, I guess not.

Klavier: Thank goodness that got over quickly.

Apollo: 'Some, friends'? Really?

Quote:
Ema had teared to an extent where she couldn't anymore. People tried to comfort her. But none succeeded.

*Ring! Ring!*

"Huh?" She saw where she was. She was in her bed. It was a dream all along.


Apollo: What?! Are you kidding me?!

Klavier: 'Suicidal Nightmare' indeed.

Trucy: At least that kind of explains the previous flaws. Ema was just dreaming them up. Mystery solved!

Apollo: No it isn't! This is a copout!

Ema: Be thankful, Apollo. We got off easy.

Quote:
She hurried to do everything. And went to the Prosecutor's Office. She went to the roof and saw Klavier.

She silently walked over and called his name loud. Before he could see who it was, she kissed him.


Ema: That's sexual assault. I could be arrested for that.

Apollo: What was Prosecutor Gavin doing on the rooftop this time?

Trucy: Hopefully not trying to kill himself.

Quote:
xOxOxOx

What a beautiful day.

"Klavier!" Someone had shouted.

He turned around, but before he could see who it was, he was kissed. He broke apart thinking it was some fangirl. But when he saw who it was.


Apollo: They repeated the same thing but from the other perspective?

Klavier: Again?

Quote:
"F-fräulein Skye?" He said then stopped. She had kissed him again. Longer, more forceful this time, but the soft enchanting touch of her lips were still the same.

The End.


Trucy: Yuck.

Ema: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP

Apollo: (Yikes! I've never seen Ema eating with so much...vehemence before.)

Klavier: At least it's over, ja?

[The lights come on.]

Ema: Well, that was fast. Goodbye, everyone. I'll see you-

Speakers: Nuh uh. Today's a double header, remember?

Trucy: But with sporks instead of sports, right?

Speakers: Right. This is just an intermission.

Ema: Grrrrr!

Apollo: Ema, there's no point in trying to leave. Let's just get some snacks and come back here or something.

Trucy: But the snack bar isn't even filled up! There's just some old prunes, some ice cubes, and a granola bar three years past the expiration date!

Speakers: Look, that's all was left in the fridge, alright?

Klavier: Ach. Has the theatre really reached such a low? Unbelievable.

Speakers: Shut up. Just for that, I'm starting up the next part now.

Apollo: What? Wait, you can't-

[The lights turn off and the sporkers begrudgingly return to their seats as the next part begins.]

Quote:
Sacrafice


Everyone: ...

Apollo: Well, we're already off to a fantastic start.

Trucy: Apollo...I'm scared.

Klavier: This is quite foreboding indeed.

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Quote:
"Will you just leave me alone!" The prosecutors looked over at Prosecutor Gavin's office at the shouting. Ema ran out of the door. "Here I am trying to review a case with you and you just try to flirt with me!"


Trucy: 'The prosecutors'? 'At the shouting'?

Apollo: And I thought the last one was written badly.

Ema: Admittedly, despite all the crap I give the fop, he knows when to be serious. He would never be up to his usual shenanigans when reviewing a case with me.

Klavier: Tch. What a backhanded compliment.

Quote:
"Fräulein Skye," Klavier said. "I'm not trying to flirt with you today."

"Like you weren't yesterday," Ema said. Klavier looked down. "I thought so." Ema shook her head and ran off. Klavier went back into his office.


Apollo: What, were they reviewing cases daily?

Ema: You'd be surprised how many cases we have back at the precinct.

Klavier: Also, if this is taking place when I think it is, I should be calling her 'Fräulein Detective'.

Quote:
"Every time," he said. He heard a knock on the door. "Come in." He was shocked to see who was at the door. "Ah" He rushed to straighten out his desk.


Apollo: Just 'ah'? What does that even mean?

Trucy: I think since he rushed after hearing the voice, it must mean surprise. But it could use a punctuation mark or two.

Ema: 'Straighten out his desk'? You mean the papers on it?

Klavier: Maybe my desk is feeling a little lazy today and decided to lean a little, ja?

Quote:
"Klavier," the man said. "I wish you'd stop doing that every time I see you." Klavier laughed awkwardly.


Ema: What, when they just run into each other he just runs back into his office to 'straighten out' his desk?

Apollo: Who is that guy, anyway?

Trucy: Um...it's probably the Chief Prosecutor. So Uncle Edgeworth!

Quote:
"Right," he said. "Force of habit. Can I get you anything Mr. Edgeworth."

"I was wondering if I could help you out," Edgeworth said smiling. "Your argument with Ema wasn't very quite." Klavier huffed.


Trucy: Yay! I was right!

Ema: Wow! It's crazy actually seeing him smile!

Apollo: And it's 'quiet'- *ka-tonk* Ow!

Ema: Shut up, you! Stop trying to be him! You'll never be half the man he is!

Apollo: (I'm sensing a lot of fangirling coming from her.)

Quote:
"It wasn't my fault," he muttered. "She's over sensitive."

"I'm sure Ema would say the same thing," Edgeworth said. Klavier nodded. "Dare I suggest you try doing things her way for once."


Apollo: It's one wo-

Ema: Stop pointing out irrelevant typographical errors!

Trucy: It's getting a little annoying, Polly.

Klavier: Agreed. We know the author cannot spell, but reiterating the same thing will not produce anything of value, ja?

Apollo: Fine! (Geez, can't a guy point out errors anymore?)

Quote:
"Like that would that would ever work," Klavier moaned. "I mean she hates me."

"She certainly doesn't love you," Edgeworth said. Klavier looked down. "Hey you said it first. Besides she doesn't hate you."


Ema: This isn't how Mr. Edgeworth talks!

Trucy: It's also getting really weird trying to figure out who's speaking here.

Apollo: Spacing is important, author!

Quote:
"She only listens to you," Klavier said. "You're the one she likes, not me."

"Here I thought you always got the lady," Edgeworth said. "You and your band."

"Hey we broke up remember," Klavier objected.


Ema: Who? Me and the fop?

Klavier: I think they're referring to the Gavinners. Our breakup inspired mass usage of tissues nationwide.

Apollo: (Why does he always have to be so dramatic?)

Quote:
"So the news tidbit I heard about you getting back together at New Years was false."

"That's different," Klavier muttered. "It's just for charity."


Apollo: Huh? When was this?

Klavier: The only time we got together after that was at Themis Legal Academy. I think the author is getting rather confused.

Speakers: Actually, both of these fics were written way back. 2009 and early 2013 respectively. That could explain it.

Quote:
"Still you're more popular than me," Edgeworth said. "I mean I may be chief but you still have fans wanting you."


Klavier: There's no need to look at me with such disdain, Fräulein Forensic Investigator.

Ema: CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH

Apollo: (Those poor Snackoos don't stand a chance.)

Quote:
"Yeah. It doesn't matter if she doesn't love me," Klavier said looking down. Edgeworth lifted an eyebrow. "Besides I just can't pick up one of those girls just cause I want to date." Klavier looked at his boss. "Right?"

"My advise," Edgeworth said. "If you want Miss Ema then meet her in the middle." He left.


Trucy: Wait, I just realised. Did we just listen to Uncle Edgeworth give Prosecutor Gavin dating advice for an entire scene?

Ema: ...We did?

Apollo: Huh. Honestly, I didn't even realise. What the heck, author?!

Klavier: Herr Edgeworth is anything but a matchmaker, honestly.

Quote:
"He makes it sound so easy," Klavier sighed. He picked up her phone. "We never did get to talk about the case." He texted Ema to meet him up later. He sighed not looking forward to tonight.

"Hello," Klavier said. Ema was not amused.


Apollo: Next scene already?

Ema: That came out of nowhere.

Quote:
"Let's just get this over with Fop," she said. She was eating her snackoos.

"I don't mean to offend you but isn't the point of going to a restaurant to eat at a restaurant."

"Whatever but this is not-"


Klavier: Why are we discussing the case at a restaurant?

Trucy: I think someone would be able to overhear this.

Apollo: Is this allowed, Ema?

Ema: Need I even answer?

Quote:
"I know this is purely business." Ema was surprised at his tone but nodded.

"And how many would it be today?" the waitress asked.

"Just two," Klavier said. Ema huffed. What was with him? Was what she said hurt him that much? The waitress nodded as she led them to a table. Ema sat herself down wondering what was on Klavier's mind.


Ema: Ooooooh! I see now.

Apollo: What?

Ema: Fic-fop's going for the sympathy points here in order to make me forgive him or whatever.

Klavier: Tch. The classic dog with its tail between its legs act.

Trucy: Yeah, I use this a lot when my Daddy gets mad at me.

Apollo: It works?

Trucy: Yeah, a lot of the time!

Apollo: (...I really shouldn't be so surprised.)

Quote:
"You ok fop," Ema asked. Klavier looked up.

"Yeah Fräu-Detective Skye," Klavier said. "So what happened in the case?"

"Well Prosecutor Gavin," Ema started. She explained the case thoroughly as Klavier listened while he ate. "Should be simple enough to prove."


Klavier: 'Fräu-Detective Skye'? Did I use Fräu with a hyphen or simply cut myself off?

Quote:
"Yeah," Klavier said. "It sure will be. You shouldn't have a hard time up on stand."

"I guess," Ema said. "Through science and forensics." She smirked. "I hope you can handle it fop."

"You too detective," he smiled.


Apollo: 'You too'? What does that even mean?

Ema: I mean, obviously I can handle the science. Whatever, it's not like it's that big a dea-

Quote:
"Ok FOP!" Ema said as Klavier got up. He looked at her. "What is going on."

"I-I," Klavier stuttered. "Ema listen I-I really care about you."


Everyone: ?!

Klavier: What the-?! Herr Management, did we skip forward?

Speakers: Hm? No, this is the next thing that comes after this.

Apollo: How does this dialogue follow what was said?

Trucy: Maybe Ema suddenly snapped?

Ema: Still an odd moment to do it.

[Unnecessary drama ensues and Ema rushes out of the restaurant while Klavier tries not to cry.]

Apollo: That's nice to hear.

Quote:
'Tears,' he thought. 'I must really love her.' He went back to the prosecutor's office. He saw the chief talking to his younger sister before he saw Klavier.


Ema: Why did the fop need to reaffirm that with his tears?

Trucy: Who's this younger sister anyway? I never heard about her!

Apollo: Probably an OC.

Ema: Nope, I've met her before. She's real as science.

Apollo: Huh. I didn't expect that.

Quote:
"I take it dinner didn't go well," Edgeworth said as he saw Klavier.

"No," Klavier said. Edgeworth's phone went off.

"What?" he said. "But Klavier's right here and-" Klavier looked up. Edgeworth put his hand over his phone. "Lana called. Ema never came home."


Ema: Weird. That's the one place you'd think I'd go to after this mess.

Quote:
"Probably running off somewhere," Klavier said. "It won't take long before she goes back home."


Apollo: It's running off to som-

*ka-tonk*

Apollo: Ow! (I guess Ema didn't take too favourably to that.)

[Piano boy runs up the stairs and looks into a window to see his reflection.]

Everyone: ...

Apollo: Wow. Even the Management's getting pissed.

Klavier: ...So it's come to this, has it? I'm surprised it took so long, actually.

Speakers: We've been wanting to do that for a while.

Trucy: Wait, why did he look into the window anyway?

Quote:
"Stop toying with my feelings!"

"You don't really feel that way."


"If that's the way she sees me, I'll just change it."

"Hey what do you think you're doing in hea-" Franziska said opening the door, Edgeworth behind her.

"!"


Trucy: I still don't get it.

Ema: Who really knows? The ways of fic-fop are beyond our comprehension.

Klavier: But that actually makes him sound cool, Fräulein Forensic Investigator.

Ema: Hmm, true.

Quote:
Meanwhile Ema was walking around the park before she sat on a swing.

"Maybe I over reacted a bit," Ema said. "But he doesn't care about me." She heard footsteps behind her. "Go away fop."


Apollo: A park?

Ema: I don't know why I chose that of all places, especially so late.

Trucy: What's with the dramatic shot of Prosecutor Gavin? We can't even see him clearly.

Klavier: He almost looks...intimidating.

Quote:
"No Fräulein," he said.

"How did you even find me?' Ema huffed.

"You left you're footprint analyzer at my office once," Klavier said. "Your sister was worried about you. Frankly so was I."


Ema: He actually knows how to use that?

Klavier: I'm not sure if that would have been particularly useful considering it never rained. Also, fic-me seemingly doesn't want the Fräuleins anymore.

Quote:
"I guess I better go back then," She said standing up. "Well thanks for-" She stared at Klavier.

"Something on my face?" he asked.


Apollo: Jeez, this is getting scary now.

Trucy: Did Prosecutor Gavin get a haircut or something?

Ema: Nah, seems unlikely. And idiotic.

Quote:
"Yo-Your-" She stuttered. Klavier took Ema's hand and held up to his neck. "What did you do to your hair." Klavier gave a sad smile as Ema stared at his now short hair.

"I cut it," he said.


Apollo: What.

Ema: ...Well, I take that back. Not the part about being idiotic, though.

Trucy: So that explains the angle!

Quote:
"Just because of what I said?" Ema asked. Klavier nodded as he took Ema's face closer to him. Ema didn't stop the kiss this time. She smiled and kissed back. When they broke off the kiss Ema smiled. "You really didn't have to do that you know. The hair I mean."


Ema: The hair? Why would I give a flying flipping fu-...Look, why would this hair nonsense interest me?

Klavier: It is finely crafted, Fräulein Forensic Investigator. It costs quite a lot to get it to be that way in the mornings.

Quote:
"It was the only I could think to show you how serious I am about you, Ema," Klavier said. Ema began to cry.


[Everyone sans Klavier looks at the screen incredulously while trying not to laugh.]

Klavier: I don't know why you're all making those faces. My hair is worth quite a lot, ja?

Apollo: Nein. Pfffthahahaha!

Trucy: Even the actors can't believe what they're saying!

Ema: The hair, of all things?!

Klavier: ...

Quote:
"I-I" Ema stuttered. "You made a difference today, Klavier." She hugged him as he held onto her tight.


Apollo: *is still in tears*

Ema: Pffft...scientifically speaking, that difference is negligible.

Klavier: *sigh*

[The lights come back on.]

Trucy: What an ending that was! Right, Apollo?

Apollo: It sure was.

Ema: Agreed.

Klavier: ...

Ema: What's wrong, fop?

Klavier: ...Fine, I admit it. That was a hilariously inept attempt at an ending.

Apollo: ...That's all?

Ema: Geez, and here I thought we'd slighted you. Let's get out of here.

Trucy: Let's! My next magic show's starting in two hours and you're all invited!

[And so, as our sporkers leave the theatres, our time comes to an end. Let us meet again...next time! ...Sir? Yes, sir? Oh, the next one? ...Really? Alright, yes sir. ...You want to discuss the details with me, sir? Yes, I'll be coming now, sir! Now where's that blasted butto-]

*BLEEP*


Hope you enjoyed. Constructive criticism is appreciated. Good night. I hope you guys are having a merry thanksgiving or whatever you call it.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

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Last edited by Southern Corn on Sun Nov 26, 2017 4:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Southern Corn wrote:
AO3 wrote:
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings


What a mistake that was.

Anyway, I suggest that for these types of fics, you host it elsewhere. Mainly because most of the terribleness comes from the NSFW parts, and without it there wouldn't be much material to spork. You could do little summaries in between like Blacmail too, but that might actually make the sporking super short.

Just my two cents. This thing is an absolute monstrosity.


Alright, sounds like a plan. Any suggestions about where to host it? I'm not sure exactly what fanfiction.net's policy on this sort of erm... story is and I'd like to post it somewhere where I won't have to deal with the hassle of it getting removed.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Preferably some place where the BBCode remains so everything looks normal. The last sporking hosted elsewhere I believe was Stiff, and Airey hosted that on her own blog (which had an NSFW warning iirc), so maybe your own place if you have that? Or if you don't, you could create your own :P

Though ff.net definitely allows these kinds of stories there, I doubt they'll allow MSTing of others' works there.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Spoiler:
My mother and father used to tell us, Kristoph was born lucky, and I was lucky to be born.


I was actually expecting someone to reference the very, very obvious ripping off of Avatar: The Last Airbender here, since it's as subtle as a brick to the face and extremely groan-worthy if you're familiar with that series.

Pretty good! I had some chuckles and the two stories tied together well thematically.

Quote:
so maybe your own place if you have that?


I do but... it's a personal blog and I really don't want to put something this dirty on it. I haven't used it in a while, but there are still people who read it who would not appreciate that.

What's a good place where I can set up a new BBCode blog that won't link to any of my other accounts?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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TEG wrote:
Spoiler:
My mother and father used to tell us, Kristoph was born lucky, and I was lucky to be born.


I was actually expecting someone to reference the very, very obvious ripping off of Avatar: The Last Airbender here, since it's as subtle as a brick to the face and extremely groan-worthy if you're familiar with that series.

Pretty good! I had some chuckles and the two stories tied together well thematically.


Was it? I've never seen the show before so that one might have slipped past me XD

Glad you liked the sporking, and thanks!

Quote:
Quote:
so maybe your own place if you have that?


I do but... it's a personal blog and I really don't want to put something this dirty on it. I haven't used it in a while, but there are still people who read it who would not appreciate that.

What's a good place where I can set up a new BBCode blog that won't link to any of my other accounts?


WordPress has a few plugins for BBCode if that counts. Unless you already have an account there. Maybe blogspot, then?
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The thing with wordpress is that it is both a service and a product. The service is hosting your blog. The product is the software used to run the blog. They may both be free, but only the later gives you full customization capabilities. Plugins like these are literally chunks of code that you add onto the software. No way that they are going to let you run code of your choosing on the free hosting.
Currently working on a redesign of cr.net itself! Come talk to me about it on Discord!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Okay! So I hosted the sporking a free WordPress blog. It's not an ideal setup, since customization is limited, but it should do the job at least for now.

I had no idea if either Apollo or Athena have met Godot before in the sporking theater, so I had them introduced here. I know sporkings tend to play somewhat loose with continuity so it shouldn't be a big deal.

And so, without further ado:

"Tried" (aka: The final resistance- by WoodenHacker)
Warning: NSFW, or anywhere, really

:sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: - Some people might argue that this deserves a Dahlia. The only reasons I didn't give it one are: 1)It's fairly short, 2) There's quite a bit of unintentional comedy, and 3) The spelling and grammar stay in "mostly readable" territory throughout. The writing is pretty poor, but it's the offensive premise that really kills it. The story can best be described as "a lighthearted romp about female on male rape, with a side of incest". So yeah. It takes the subject matter just seriously enough while still treating it as a joke to be incredibly uncomfortable. You've been warned.

Tonight's sporkers:

:athena: Hey! No fair! I did my time! I served my nickel! Let me oooouuuttt!
:apollo: How do you think I feel? Do you have any idea how many times they've dragged me here?
:phoenix: What are we in for today, I wonder?
:godot: Well well well. What do we have here?

The sporking: https://tegsporking.wordpress.com/
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I really like the unfitting subtitle for the blog:

Quote:
Peaceful Thoughts for Happy Folks


Anyway, nice sporking! Some extra notes:

Spoiler:
Quote:
Godot: Why hello Trite. Been a while, hasn’t it?

Phoenix: *sigh* You know, I’d kind of hoped that you were done with that nickname.


Just an additional note, Godot doesn't actually call Phoenix 'Trite' after the final trial in 3-5. But if you want to go ahead with it, fine by me. It lead to a few funny lines like Trite Jr anyhow. :maya:

Quote:
Apollo: Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

Athena: *whispers* Um… Boss? Aren’t Trucy and Apollo…?

Phoenix: …Yes.

Godot: What? I feel like I’m out of the loop here. Fill me in.

Athena: *whispers in Godot’s ear*

Godot: *spits out his coffee mid sip* Oh. That’s low even for the typical writers of this bilge.


Wait, how does Athena know about this? The only people who do know are Thalassa and Phoenix himself. As far as sporking continuity goes, Apollo and Trucy being siblings just appears to be some strange running thing between fanfics to the sporkers.

Quote:
Athena: I… I really hope so. This is actually much worse than when I was a stripper.

Godot: Wait. You were a stripper?

Athena: In a FIC!!!


Which fic was this again?

Quote:
Phoenix: Wait! First it was “long” and “huge” and now it’s “tiny”? That’s a glaring contradiction!



Apollo: Can we please not?


I like the awkward pause there. Nice touch.

Quote:
Godot: *drains his coffee cup* Well, no other way to say it: that was a steaming pile of shit. But at least it was fairly short.


While I agree with Godot, I recommend you try not to make the sporkers swear too much. This one was alright since it's at the end of the sporking, but it's definitely something you should be careful about.

So yeah. Overall, a very good first sporking! I laughed out loud a couple of times and the reactions were definitely on point. The characters were very well written (especially Godot, which I have Tim commend you on!) and I enjoyed the interactions between the lawyer trio and Godot. The errors you pointed out were definitely huge and I liked the running gag of "tried". There were a few typographical errors, but they didn't really detract from the quality to me. Keep up the good work! :will:

Oh, by the way, are you putting this sporking (or at least, the link to it) on the Beta forums? The subforum for sporks is currently a bit deserted at the moment. :sadshoe:

"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Southern Corn wrote:

Spoiler:
Quote:
Quote:
Godot: Why hello Trite. Been a while, hasn’t it?

Phoenix: *sigh* You know, I’d kind of hoped that you were done with that nickname.


Just an additional note, Godot doesn't actually call Phoenix 'Trite' after the final trial in 3-5. But if you want to go ahead with it, fine by me. It lead to a few funny lines like Trite Jr anyhow. :maya:


Yeah, it's one of those things where I wanted to do a gag with it, so I just went ahead and did it. It's semi-justified when Phoenix says he hoped Godot was done with it. Clearly Godot liked the nickname so much he started using it again.

Quote:
Quote:
Apollo: Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no.

Athena: *whispers* Um… Boss? Aren’t Trucy and Apollo…?

Phoenix: …Yes.

Godot: What? I feel like I’m out of the loop here. Fill me in.

Athena: *whispers in Godot’s ear*

Godot: *spits out his coffee mid sip* Oh. That’s low even for the typical writers of this bilge.


Wait, how does Athena know about this? The only people who do know are Thalassa and Phoenix himself. As far as sporking continuity goes, Apollo and Trucy being siblings just appears to be some strange running thing between fanfics to the sporkers.


Heh. I may have goofed here. I could've sworn that at one point in one of the games, Phoenix says something about it to Athena while Apollo and Trucy aren't in the room, but I may be completely misremembering it. It is the sort of thing you can justify by saying it happened offscreen, anyway.

Quote:
Quote:
Athena: I… I really hope so. This is actually much worse than when I was a stripper.

Godot: Wait. You were a stripper?

Athena: In a FIC!!!


Which fic was this again?


This two parter: http://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?p=1325726#p1325726, http://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?p=1336053#p1336053
Also referenced earlier when Athena says the Athena/Phoenix pairing is giving her a terrible feeling of deja vu.

Quote:
Quote:
Godot: *drains his coffee cup* Well, no other way to say it: that was a steaming pile of shit. But at least it was fairly short.


While I agree with Godot, I recommend you try not to make the sporkers swear too much. This one was alright since it's at the end of the sporking, but it's definitely something you should be careful about.


Definitely not something I plan to do frequently. This one was just bad enough, and it was in character enough for Godot, that I thought it warranted it.

Quote:
So yeah. Overall, a very good first sporking! I laughed out loud a couple of times and the reactions were definitely on point. The characters were very well written (especially Godot, which I have Tim commend you on!) and I enjoyed the interactions between the lawyer trio and Godot. The errors you pointed out were definitely huge and I liked the running gag of "tried". There were a few typographical errors, but they didn't really detract from the quality to me. Keep up the good work! :will:


Glad you enjoyed it! Godot was definitely a character I had to put some thought into writing. I had to go over several of his lines and think about if they were too abrasive, not abrasive enough, or sounded too much like Edgeworth.


Quote:
Oh, by the way, are you putting this sporking (or at least, the link to it) on the Beta forums? The subforum for sporks is currently a bit deserted at the moment. :sadshoe:

Sure. Just give me the link and I'll put it up.

Last edited by TEG on Sun Nov 26, 2017 7:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Here you go. You'll just have to sign in with the same username and password as here and then post it. Keep in mind that the Beta is still, well, a beta, so the smilies won't show up like normal. I suggest putting the character names as a temporary replacement.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Gender: Male

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:41 pm

Posts: 6

Alright, it's up now. The only thing I couldn't figure out was how to add that red bar between the intro and the rest of the sporking. How do you do that?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3916

TEG wrote:
Alright, it's up now. The only thing I couldn't figure out was how to add that red bar between the intro and the rest of the sporking. How do you do that?

That's the tag labelled
Code:
[hr][/hr]

Normally here it looks like this:


But on the beta you need to select it like this:
Code:
[hr]


Then the red line will show.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Chogiwa

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2017 2:11 pm

Posts: 6

I'm not sure if some of you remember this, but I remember someone on did one for a fan fiction where Klavier has a new phone and he goes pranking everyone with it and when he pranking Franzy she ends up giving him a pregnancy test.

Does anyone remember the name of the fan fiction?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3916

Here you go.
"Ya got your passport?"
"Right here, doofus. Why?"
"Just wanted to make sure ya had it with ya. Ya know what they say about hotel rooms in Europe."
"No, I don't. What do they say?"
"Uh...don't leave your passport in them."
-Gabriel Knight 3

Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
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