Court Records

Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
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Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Whoa, whip-trippy lady. It's like she heard about what I have in store for my next sp... er, ahem.

Not bad for your first sporking. You picked your arsenal of jokes well; I appreciate the dry humor our two most favorite sporkers toss out (though the bit with Phoenix being whip-bait did come off as a little stale). I think you may need a little work on your characterization; it becomes overdone after a bit. While Phoenix and Edgeworth are fine for the most part, Gumshoe acts pretty juvenile, even for him, and Franziska is too easily provoked - especially that she's temporarily in charge of the Management this round. I'd expect a little less whip and a little more wit... but it was very amusing how her whips were flying through the speakers. This theater has some amazing physics-defying technology.

Glad to have you aboard, fellow sporker. I await your future contributions. *salute*

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Wed Feb 18, 2015 11:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I love Management Franziska. Management Franziska is the best.
That was really good! I hope you'll be posting here a lot from now on! :3

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Feb 18, 2015 5:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Well, if we're breaking all bounds here... wait 'til we get to Management Kay/Maya. Now I just need the right fic for it. Perhaps I could search Pixiv again for something?

Author:  Aquabreeze [ Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Glad everyone liked it! :edgey:

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Not bad for your first sporking. You picked your arsenal of jokes well; I appreciate the dry humor our two most favorite sporkers toss out (though the bit with Phoenix being whip-bait did come off as a little stale). I think you may need a little work on your characterization; it becomes overdone after a bit. While Phoenix and Edgeworth are fine for the most part, Gumshoe acts pretty juvenile, even for him, and Franziska is too easily provoked - especially that she's temporarily in charge of the Management this round. I'd expect a little less whip and a little more wit... but it was very amusing how her whips were flying through the speakers. This theater has some amazing physics-defying technology.

I definitely get what you're saying about Gumshoe- I think I may need to play the trilogy again when I get the chance (or maybe just watch some playthroughs) so I can get a better handle on his character (unless he shows up in Dual Destinies? Which would be amazing.) And I agree, Phoenix getting the brunt of Franziska's whips is a little overdone. But seriously, I really appreciate the constructive criticism. It's really helpful!

Author:  wizkid99 [ Tue Feb 24, 2015 2:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Nice sporking there! I ended up bursting out laughing when Franziska whipped Gumshoe through the speakers. I usually end up giggling to myself the entire time when reading sporkings now but back then, I had never laughed for so long. This kind of insanely is one of the reasons why I followed this thread for long! I look forward to your next sporking! :will:

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Sun Mar 01, 2015 11:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Todaaaaaaaaaaay~ we are going to be looking at a relatively sane, normal fic. I think...
Anyway, the fic's called Vergiss mich nicht by Devilinthebox and it gets a :badger: (Anyone who's looked through the old thread will know what's up by now, and everyone else will find out shortly!)

Today's sporkers are...
Apollo Justice
:think-think-think: "What kind of rating is that?"
Ema Skye
:yummy: "What is that... what is that smell?"
Klavier Gavin
:klavier-pull: "It smells like... bleach? Nein, that's not even close to right."

[We open up in the sporking theatre, which does not actually smell of bleach; most likely, Klavier Gavin's nose stopped being able to smell anything but that at some point due to the repeated bleaching of his hair.]

Klavier: Hey! My hair color's natural!

Speakers: And your skin tone, is zat natural too, monsieur~?

Ema: ...what's up with the horrible French accent?

Apollo: I guess that explains why it smells like flowers in here. Kind of.

Speakers: Bien sûr! I 'ear zat it is 'orribly stressful for la sporkers, so I sprinkled a little of my aromatherapy oil!

All: ....

Ema: I don't think aromatherapy is very grounded in- mmph.

Apollo: We can talk about that later.

Klavier: *muttering sulkily* My skin's natural, too, I swear...

[The lights dim.]

You were always so far away
I know the way so don't you run away
Like you used to do

Apollo: Oh, song lyrics. That's always a great way to start a fic.

Klavier: No need to be so sarcastic, Herr Forehead. It is, in fact, actually a great way to start a fic.

Ema: You write fanfiction?

Klavier: ...I meant hypothetically. *nervous laughter*

9 octobre 2026

On se plaint souvent des lâches incapables de lever les yeux pour affirmer ou désapprouver, on se lamente également, des faibles qui baissent la tête ou des orgueilleux qui soulèvent un sourcil et détournent le regard.

All: .....................

Apollo: I-It's in French...?

Klavier: But the title was in German...

Ema: Does anyone here actually know French?

Apollo, Klavier: No...

Speakers: Mais oui, zat is what I am for~!! I will provide la traduction for vous...

The Management's Translation wrote:
October 9, 2026

We often complain cowards unable to look up to confirm or disapprove, it also laments, weak that lower the head or the proud who raise an eyebrow and look away.

All: ....................

Ema: Is that Google translate?

Speakers: Mais non! You insult me, mademoiselle!

On dit que croiser les bras, les ranger dans son dos ou les poser le long du corps est irrespectueux, méprisable ou simplement étrange, mais on n'ose jamais parler de ceux qui se contentent d'ignorer. On peut enrager de devoir parler à un front, à une joue, mais n'est-ce pas pire de s'adresser à un dos tourné ? Comme lui, par exemple.

The Management's Translation wrote:
It is said that cross your arms, put them in his back or lay along the body's disrespectful, despicable or simply strange, but we dare not speak of those who are content to ignore. It may enrage to have to speak to a front, a play, but is not it worse to go to a back turned? Like him, for example.

Apollo: Do we get another translator to turn this mess into something understandable?

Klavier: Well, it's talking about how... putting your arms in someone's back is disrespectful.

Ema: Putting your arms in someone's back would probably kill them.

Klavier: See? Disrespectful.

Il avait beau crier, geindre ou pleurer ça ne changerait rien, il ne se retournerait pas. Il était déjà trop loin pour l'entendre, trop loin depuis longtemps déjà, et une simple distance métrique n'en était pas la cause, C'était presque le contraire. Plus il était loin, plus il était absent, mieux il semblait le comprendre, l'accepter, il avait même parfois eu l'impression que, bien qu'il soit trop loin pour le lui dire, il l'aimait.

The Management's Translation wrote:
He might scream, whine or cry would not change anything, he would not return. It was too far away to hear, too far for a long time, and a simple distance metric was not the cause, it was almost the opposite. Plus it was far more he was away, the better he seemed to understand, accept, he sometimes felt that, although it is too far away to tell her he loved her.

Apollo: Looks like someone's throwing a fit because some guy left.

Ema: Oh, another slash fic?

Apollo: That's my guess.

Klavier: Who is this fic about, then?

Speakers: Let's see... la characters tagged are two 'andsome young men, "Klavier Gavin" and "Kristoph Gavin"!

Apollo: Um.

Ema: I take back what I said about the slash fic. *munches Snackoos*

Klavier: ...wait, no! I'm straight in this fic! Look, the last line there!

Apollo: "It is too far away to tell her he loved her"... great, so who is she?

Ema: I guess we'll be finding out.

Il avait l'impression que la cause de leur mésentente n'était que la distance, qu'ils se parleraient plus tard, lorsqu'il reviendrait enfin. Qu'ils feraient comme avant, comme avant, parce que c'est toujours mieux avant, tellement mieux, et il se détestait de penser ça, cette sale manie d'idéaliser le passé, de le polir comme un diamant alors que rien n'était différent, le passé, c'est lui qui avait tout changé non ? Aucune raison de l'aimer plus que ce présent ingrat.

The Management's Translation wrote:
He felt that the cause of their disagreement was that distance, they would talk later, when he finally return. They would like before, as before, because it is always better before, so much better, and he hated to think of that, this bad habit of idealizing the past, like a diamond polish when nothing n 'was different, the past, it was he who had changed everything right? No reason to love him more than this ungrateful now.

Ema: I'm confused. Who's narrating?

Klavier: Uh... me?

Apollo: Then you must be talking about Mr. Gavin.

Klavier: ...fantastisch.

Ce fut le regard torve et les bras posés le long du corps qu'il le vit partir.

Loin, loin, loin, encore une fois. Exactement comme ce jour là.

The Management's Translation wrote:
This was the grim look and arms resting along the body he saw from.

Far, far away, again. Just like that day.

Ema: Actually, if it's the fop's older brother it's talking about... whose body is that? Are they even alive?

Apollo: I have no idea.

Klavier: Wait... that would mean I'm next, ja?

Apollo: It was nice knowing you, Prosecutor Gavin.

Ema: You'll be missed. Sort of.

Klavier: .........


Il essaya de sourire mais ce fut vain: qu'il soit devant la glace ou en face de ses parents, il n'y parvenait pas, et ses essais étaient aussi ridicules que pitoyables. Il avait bien pensé à se concentrer sur autre chose, n'importe quoi, mais même ses partitions semblaient illisibles, incompréhensibles. Il ne pensait plus qu'a ça: à ces piles de bouquins entassées dans le couloir, la montagne de paperasses qui attendait d'être classée et surtout, l'immense, monstrueuse valise qui se pavanait devant l'entrée.

The Management's Translation wrote:
~ 2016

He tried to smile but it was in vain that it is in the mirror or in front of his parents, he did not succeed, and essays were as ridiculous as pitiful. He had thought to focus on something else, anything, but even his scores seemed illegible, incomprehensible. He no longer thought has it: these books stacks piled in the hallway, the paperwork mountain waiting to be classified and above all, the huge, monstrous suitcase strutted in front of the entrance.

Ema: Okay, now what's going on?

Klavier: It's 2016 all of a sudden, so I'm about 14.

Apollo: And getting bad grades in school?

Klavier: Herr Forehead, do you really think I could have made it to Themis Academy and even studied abroad in order to debut at age 17 if my grades were bad?

Ema, Apollo: (Show-off.)

Il rangea la guitare pour la énième fois, le cœur serré, et se planta, résolu à parler cette fois, devant la porte voisine. Il passa les doigts sur cette dernière, n'osant frapper, la caressant, espérant qu'il l'entendrait comme par magie. Il avait toujours rêvé que la télépathie fonctionne entre eux, elle marchait, aimait-on raconter, entre les jumeaux. Alors pourquoi pas eux, ils se ressemblaient tant, personne ne verrait la différence ! Non ?

« Also glaubst du, daß alles bereit ist? Sehr gut, schneller wirst du gehen...»

(Alors tu penses que tout est prêt ? Tant mieux, plus vite tu partiras...)

The Management's Translation wrote:
He put the guitar for the umpteenth time with a heavy heart, and stood, determined to talk this time, before the next door. He ran his fingers over it, not daring to strike, caressing her, hoping he would hear like magic. He had always dreamed that telepathy works between them, she walked like we tell, between the twins. So why not them, they looked so nobody would see the difference! I Do Not?

"Also the glaubst, dass alles ist bereit? Sehr gut, schneller wirst du gehen ... "

(So you think everything is ready? Good, the faster you will go ...)

Ema: What is going on with that entire first paragraph?

Apollo: I don't know. Is it saying that Prosecutor Gavin has a twin?

Ema: I hope not, I can barely stand one, let alone two.

Klavier: Oh, look, German. Since you asked, it says...

Ema: You actually speak German?

Klavier: Ja?

Ema: ...because Mr. Edgeworth said you-

Klavier: Shhhhh, fräulien. We don't need to talk about that.

Apollo: So... I'll just assume that the phrase in parenthesis is the translation...

Une voix calme répondit à l'autre, un peu plus empressée semblait-il. Il devina aisément à qui elles appartenaient : Mutti était toujours impatiente. Et lui.. eh bien il était toujours calme, posé, et impassible. Il ne montrait jamais ce qu'il pensait, il semblait juste .. intouchable. Exactement comme une entité éthérée, un idéal, une idée qu'il ne pouvait toucher du doigt.
La porte s'ouvrit toute grande si soudainement qu'il n'eut même pas le réflexe de se cacher. D'ailleurs pourquoi aurait-il eu réflexe de se dissimuler ? Stupide, dans une famille, on ne cache pas n'est-ce pas ?

« Was machst du hier? Ich hatte dir gesagt, in deinem Zimmer zu warten ! »
(Qu'est-ce que tu fais là ? Je t'avais dit d'attendre dans ta chambre !)

The Management's Translation wrote:
Calmly replied the other, a little more eager it seemed. He easily guessed who they belonged to: Mutti was always impatient. And him .. well it was always calm, composed and unemotional. He never showed what he thought, he just seemed .. untouchable. Just like an ethereal entity, an ideal, an idea that he could tap.
The door opened wide so suddenly that he did not even have the reflex to hide. Besides, why would he have to hide reflex? Stupid, in a family, we do not hide is not it?

"Was machst of yesterday? Hatte ich dir gesagt, in deinem Zimmer zu warten! »
(What are you doing here? I told you to wait in your room!)

Apollo: What's up with the gratuitous German, anyway? Where's Athena when you need her...

Klavier: I don't know, Herr Forehead. We didn't exactly speak German at home.

Ema: Who is it describing as "calm, composed and unemotional"? It can't be the fop.

Apollo: Maybe Mr. Gavin's the narrator.

Klavier: In 2016, he'd be about 23.

Ema: And apparently just now moving out of his parent's house.

Klavier: Let's go back to assuming I'm the narrator, ja?

Il n'osa pas répondre, lorsque qu'elle s'énervait, il valait toujours mieux rester calme, voilà au moins une chose qu'il avait appris avec le temps. Il savait pertinemment qu'il ne pourrait pas se justifier, il n'y avait qu'une seule personne ici qui avait le pouvoir de l'adoucir, et cette personne là, il la fixait désespérément, comme on supplierait une divinité de nous venir en aide.

« Mutti, läßt er bleiben, ich bin fast fertig. Ich werde mit ihm sprechen »
(Maman, laisse-le rester, j'ai presque fini. Je vais lui parler)

The Management's Translation wrote:
He dared not answer when she got angry, it was always better to stay calm, that's one thing he had learned with time. He knew he could not be justified, there was only one person here who had the power to soften it, and that person there, staring desperately, as a deity to come beg us help.

"Mutti, läßt st bleiben, ich bin fertig fast. Werde ich mit ihm sprechen "
(Mom, let him stay, I'm almost done. I'll talk to him)

Ema: Who's talking?

Apollo: What's going on?

Klavier: Something tells me we're not confused just because of the translation...

Speakers: Excusez-vous, monsieur, but la traduction is excellent!

Ema: I think all the aromatherapies are going to his head...

La seule voix de son frère le faisait frissonner. Il lui en voulait, il en était sûr. Parce qu'écouter aux portes, c'est interdit, d'autant plus qu'il détestait ça, qu'il le lui avait défendu tant de fois, et qu'il n'aimait pas que l'on s'immisce dans sa vie privée, il le répétait assez souvent. Même les parents respectaient cette exigence, mais lui il n'y parvenait pas, il fallait absolument qu'il colle son frère, plus fort que la glue encore.

« Entschuldigung »


The Management's Translation wrote:
The only voice of his brother made him shiver. He wanted him, he was sure. Because listening at doors, it is forbidden, especially as he hated it, he had defended him so many times, and he did not like that it interferes in its privacy, he repeated often enough. Even parents met this requirement, but could not get it there, it was essential that it sticks his brother, stronger than glue again.



Klavier: ........

Ema: Can I un-take back what I said about the slash fic?

Klavier: No.

Apollo: I thought you had a girlfriend in this fic.

Klavier: Sure, ten years in the future. *does the hair thing*

Ema: *mutters* More like never.

Klavier: I heard that, fräulein.

Se contenta-t-il de dire. Il n'osait pas le regarder dans les yeux et ses mains croisées sur ses genoux tremblaient. Il ressentait, en plus d'une honte immense, une sorte de rage intérieure qu'il ne parvenait pas à contenir. Il voulait lui dire de rester, de ne pas partir, mais il savait pertinemment deux choses: tout d'abord, cela ne le retiendrait pas et ensuite, c'était égoïste. Et il devait le laisser s'en aller parce qu'il en avait le droit, et il ne lui arriverait rien pas vrai ? Ils se reverraient souvent, il lui écrirait, il lui téléphonerait.
Alors pourquoi avait-il l'impression de le perdre pour toujours ?
Il leva lentement les yeux, son regard se posa sur ses ongles parfaitement manucurés avant de se planter dans le sien. Son regard qui l'intimidait tant avait pris une teinte particulière, ressemblant à une mélancolie refoulée, à une tristesse passagère, comme une petite averse de printemps.

The Management's Translation wrote:
Contented he said. He did not dare look into his eyes and his hands crossed on his knees trembled. He felt, in addition to a huge shame, a kind of inner rage he could not contain. He wanted to tell him to stay, not to leave, but he well knew two things: first, it will not keep him and then it was selfish. And he had to let him go because he had the right, and he did not happen to him anything real? They often meet again, he would write to him, he would call her.
So why did it feel to lose it forever?
He slowly looked up, his eyes fell on her perfectly manicured nails before planting in his. His gaze intimidated both took a particular shade, like a repressed melancholy, to a passing sadness, as a small shower of spring.

Apollo: Actually, I guess you do have a girlfriend. With perfectly manicured nails.

Ema: Or maybe he has a sister instead of a brother in this fic.

Klavier: How many people are in this scene?

Apollo: What, you think Mr. Gavin's staring you down while you hold hands with your girlfriend?

Ema: He does that?

Apollo: How am I supposed to know? *cough*

« Das ist nicht schlimm. Sei nicht traurig, Klavi. »

(Ce n'est pas grave. Ne sois pas triste, Klavi.)

Un silence étrange tomba entre les deux frères. Comme si Kristoph avait dit quelque chose de gênant auquel il ne savait pas comment répondre.
Il était confus, il lui semblait presque avoir soudainement perdu l'usage de la parole, les mots refusaient en bloc de sortir de sa bouche, de se former dans son esprit.
Un sale pressentiment lui interdisait de sourire.

« Ich werde dich nicht vergessen »

(Je ne t'oublierai pas.)

The Management's Translation wrote:
That's not bad. Do not be sad, Piano. »

(Ce n'est pas grave. Ne sois pas triste, Piano.)

Un silence étrange tomba entre les deux frères. Comme si Kristoph avait dit quelque chose de gênant auquel il ne pas savait comment répondre.
Il était confus, il lui semblait presque avoir perdu soudainement l'usage de la parole, les mots en bloc de sortir refusaient de sa bouche de se former dans son esprit.
Un sourire de interdisait sale pressentiment lui.

"I will not forget you"

(Je ne pas t'oublierai.)

Ema: *starts snickering at "Piano"*

Apollo: I think the Management broke Google translate.

Speakers: I am offended, monsieur!

The Management's New Translation wrote:
"Das ist nicht schlimm. Sei nicht traurig, Klavi. »

(This is not serious. Do not be sad, Klavi.)

A strange silence fell between the two brothers. As if Kristoph had said something embarrassing to which he did not know how to respond.
He was confused, he seemed almost to have suddenly lost the ability to speak, the words refused block out of his mouth, to form in his mind.
A dirty feeling forbade him to smile.

"Ich werde dich nicht vergessen"

(I will not forget you.)

Apollo: That's better.

Klavier: Why do these fanfics have to make every interaction between Kristoph and I so weird?!

Ema: I don't know. Why do you have to throw a huge diva fit every time you don't like something?

Klavier: ...I do not.

Il cligna des yeux mais ne fit rien d'autre. Il pensait que c'était faux, tout au fond de lui, c'était comme si un petite créature mesquine l'habitait et lui soufflait que son frère était un menteur, qu'il ne l'aimait pas et d'autres choses pires encore. Il ne savait pas pourquoi, il ne voulait pas le savoir.

Si, le jour de son départ aux Etats Unis, Kristoph est parti en lui tournant le dos, c'est de sa faute. Uniquement de sa faute.

The Management's Translation wrote:
He blinked but did nothing else. He thought it was wrong, at the bottom of it, it was like a petty little creature inhabited and whispered that his brother was a liar, that he did not love her and others worse again. He did not know why he did not know.

If on the day of his departure to the United States, Kristoph left, turning his back, it's his fault. Only his fault.

Apollo: "That he did not love her"...?

Klavier: Kristoph trying to steal my unnamed girlfriend?

Ema: Maybe you're the genderbent one here. "Her" is clearly referring to you. ...I think.

Apollo: It's hard to tell with this translation.

Speaker: If all zat you are going to do is whine about it, maybe I will simply not translate la next section!

Ema: Whatever. *munches Snackoos*

9 octobre 2026

Et il en était encore à se demander qu'est-ce qu'il avait mal fait.
L'adorer et s'en méfier en même tant, l'admirer et le craindre, l'idéaliser et le fuir. Récemment, il rien fait comme il fallait. Il n'avait pas été un frère, juste une espèce de substitut idiot, incapable de se faire respecter.
Pas étonnant qu'il..

All: ...

Ema: Okay, so he was serious.

Apollo: How are we supposed to commentate if we don't know what it's saying?

Klavier: I hear that French and English share about 60% of words. Maybe we can guess, ja?

Apollo: Let's see... something about memes?

Ema: And it says "bref" at the end. Maybe that's supposed to be "briefs"... is it talking about underwear?

Klavier: ...on second thought, let's just apologize to the Management.

Speakers: Apologie accepté, 'andsome!

C'était inévitable, se répétait-il, adossé contre le mur, il allait devoir lui parler. Une angoisse irrépressible le rongeait alors qu'il savait bien comment ça allait se passer. Il lui demanderait pourquoi, espérant encore une réponse, et lui, il se contenterait de son silence, lui imposerait cette énigme insupportable et il ne comprendrait pas mieux, parce qu'il n'en était pas capable.
Repenser au procès le dégoûtait, il avait été pitoyable. Même lui, à la barre, il avait paru plus digne, plus crédible, et pourtant...
Il fallait qu'il remercie Apollo.
Et ensuite il irait lui parler.

Dès qu'il aurait un peu de courage.

The Management's Translation wrote:
It was inevitable, he repeated, leaning against the wall, he would have to talk to him. An irrepressible anguish gnawed so he knew how it would happen. He would ask her why, still hoping for an answer, and he, would he accept his silence, this would impose unbearable riddle and he would not understand better, because he was not able to.
Rethinking the trial disgusted him, he was pitiful. Even he, at the bar, he seemed more dignified, more credible, and yet ...
He had to thank Apollo.
And then he would go talk to him.

Once he had a little courage.

Ema: The amazing saga of Kristoph Gavin's multiple genders continues.

Apollo: I guess you really didn't have a girlfriend in this fic.

Klavier: that case, let's hope that all the references to love were brotherly only, ja?

Ema: I guess there isn't anything to say that it isn't. Explicitly, anyway.

Klavier: I'll take it.

[The lights come back on.]

Apollo: *gets up, stretches* So what was the point of sporking something in a language none of us know, anyway?

Speakers: Because I am ze Management for the day, and I wanted to share la belle langue zat is la français!

Ema: And the wonky miracle of programming that is Google translate.

Klavier: At least it wasn't complete nonsense... sometimes.

Apollo: Can we just leave before he comes up with another fic to butcher?

Klavier, Ema: Good idea.

[Another sporking comes to an end, with the perils of the "Detect language" function made clear to all. Will we be seeing another foreign language fic in the future? Probably not. Because where, indeed, is Athena when you need her? Or Edgeworth, Edgeworth works too.]

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Mon Mar 02, 2015 1:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Wow, have I missed that Badger rating. Airey, do you know some French/German? I can tell the fic was tossed straight into Google Translate, but thankfully, it's not nearly as bad as whenever I toss some East Asian language in there. And just to be sure, was there supposed to be some gender confusion due to bad translation or was it a part of the fic itself?

Other than that, nice sporking once again! Somehow, it's come to the point that if either Ema or Klavier are here, the other must be around... as well as Apollo. They play off each other so well, don't they? Of course, seeing la beautiful chef as Management comes as a very delightful surprise. I could picture every single expression on his lovely visage in perfect clarity.

By the way, I've decided. I think I'll tackle the Back to the Future one next. I've been trying to work around with my previously queued fic, but it may still need a little more work before I'm ready to publish it. In the meantime, I've come up with a brilliant idea for an experimental sporking. Please look forward to it!

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Mon Mar 02, 2015 3:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I only have the most basic of basic knowlege of German, but I actually know French well enough that I could have translated the fic on my own. But I figured the fic would be funnier with a horrible translation.
For instance, the girlfriend jokes wouldn't work with a competent translation because the pronoun "lui" is gender nuetral - "il l'aimait" could be translated as both "he loved her" or "he loved him" and you just have to figure it out by context. (It's "he loved him," incidentally.)
And I've been wanting to do a sporking with Jean Armstrong for a while anyway. :sillytrucy:

Author:  wizkid99 [ Mon Mar 02, 2015 4:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

...I had no idea what was going on. :eh?:

The fact that I didn't understand a word of what was happening usually means my attention levels are pretty low.Though, the fact that I've been watching Anime like Attack on Titan and been involved in this fandom may play a part. Otherwise, good sporking as usual.

Moving on, I found another fic that I read some time ago. It's a fic where Phoenix has to hide Maya from his landlord because Phoenix didn't sign extended stay forms.

Here it is:

Author:  Darth Wiader [ Mon Mar 02, 2015 9:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I've found some rather strange fics: ... d-Edgy-Fic ... Laughabout

Author:  luck [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 6:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

This thread has made me laugh really hard. Really really hard.

Now I want to post a sporking myself but I need an editor because English is not my first languague and I really don't want to mess up. So...anyone's up for it?

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Yay, we have another new sporker! If anyone has any questions about their sporking, feel free to consult with me or Airey. We kinda run this thread these days.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 8:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Edit: Haha how do I edit things.
AS I WAS TRYING TO POST(?) Here's a list of fics for any new sporkers! :redd:

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Double posting? Lol, what?
I'll try to go back and edit this post according to what gets sporked/reccomended.

Note: I started on page five. There may have been a few things linked before that, but I figured starting where I joined the thread was as good a place as any. I also quoted the original posts they were linked in just for original-searcher-credit's sake. Sporked fics will be crossed out. If I missed any, let me know and I'll fix it~

SenorJustice-dono, who has not posted in the thread in a while wrote:
I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact
that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase
. Here's the link if you want to read it:

Rubia gave up on this one but has already done the first two chapters.
Gnobo, who has not posted in the thread in a while wrote:
I actually have an Apollo/Ema fanfic sporking I'm working on. And this fanfic happens to be written by the same author as Blackmail.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
On a different note, if we're starting to allow more and more NSFW fanfics, apparently. I'll just throw this out: Manfred and Miles. Thoughts?

sumguy28 wrote:
Oh, and has this been sporked yet? Just by that description alone, it feels like a crime if it hasn't been sporked.

Saresa wrote:
I found this one fic on It's no way as horrifying or creepy as the ones we've had recently... alright, it *is* creepy, but not in the same way.

It's basically a copy-paste of the first 2 canon cases, with a Mary-Sue shoved in to steal Nick's heart and save everyone with her "amazing detective skills". It was a real pain to read. If no one is interested, I would like to spork this one, though I have no idea on where to start from with a format like that.
Thane was working on the sporking for that but hasn't posted in the thread in a while and only did the first chapter.
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
I went oneshot-searching.
I found this. Also, the this and this. And this one that isn't a oneshot.
Who wants what?

Edit: Tenth page wup wup!

Second Edit: I also found this, which I actually thought was pretty cute aside from the blatant punctuation errors.
Third Edit: I thought xreaders were supposed to be in second person?
Fourth Edit: These are a lot easier to find than I thought...

Pessimistic_Fool wrote: when the warning says "very stupid", you know you're in for a treat. ;) Good material for a fun spork. Make sure to take your time to appreciate the Huge Text Block of Doom (tm). ... utor-Style: Haven't read it, but the description sounds promising. (Probably best for a funny/silly spork)

FlashFilms wrote:
Hi! I just got start reading a bunch of Sporks and am wondering if this could make a good filler: Short yet not bad but it make me want to get brain bleach as some one who doesn't ship much. You'll see as you read (If you dislike the pairing to begin with).

Just wondering so maybe I can start on writing my first Spork.
Although that fic was reccomended against...
cesar26100 wrote:
Has anyone checked out this yet?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
The kink meme is a glorious place and thank you cesar26100 for opening my eyes to it. That said, there is a surprising amount of mpreg and tentacles in this fandom. Didn't see that one coming...

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
The fics are pretty well-written but some of them are just... well, why don't you take a look at "engrish" yourself?

(Bonus link to "Matt x mirror".)

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Anyway, here's the link to that crossover I mentioned. I notice gratuitous amounts of OOC and a time set "1000 years" after LoK, which at most would be represented by the late 1800s - early 1900s by our history. Also, the author has no concept of how bending is supposed to work.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
*cracks knuckles* Yes ma'am!
I'm just gonna dump all most of my C-R-appropriate(ish) bookmarked badfics here, then. (There's also a post I made on page 10 that lists all the fics that have been linked to lately.) (And I'm not reposting links to the kink meme things I've already linked to, like "Matt x mirror".)
Spoiler: Links and synopses
Quercus Alba and cross-dressing. Not badly written (kind of silly and pretty funny, to be honest) but mindscarring nonetheless.

A little bit smutty but mostly pretty dumb. Again, not that bad. Wrightworth, although at this point that's like shooting fish in a barrel, no?

Phoenix is a mouse. Either that or he's the size of a mouse. I'm not sure which. Anyway, there's a sex scene(?) near the end but it's short and can be cut out.

I'm not sure how to describe this one. But this author writes really good fanfiction. You know, in the sporking theatre sense of the word.

Crossover with the Lion King. Starring Edgeworth as Simba, Phoenix as Nala, von Karma as Scar, and Gregory as Mufasa.

Crossover with Beauty and the Beast (yes, Disney version). Starring Phoenix as Belle, Mia as... Belle's dad (I know he had a name but I forget. I wanna say Laurice), Edgeworth as the Beast, Gumshoe as Cogsworth, and Franziska as Lumiere. She whips people with fire. Because she's a candle.

Okay. Again. I'm not sure how to describe this one. I bookmarked it as "SPITS" for a reason. (As in that was my reaction. And not in an entirely negative way.)

Like half of it would have to be cut out, but hey, Edgeworth in a dress because reasons. Also, a handy reference pic.

"In a deep, dark room in the lowest levels of Hell, von Karma, Gant, Matt, Dahlia and Kristoph play a game of poker and agrue about who was more awesome/evil."

Edgeworth and Phoenix pass notes in court. It's exactly as immature as it sounds.

Prompt: Apollo and Klavier... roleplaying as Phoenix and Edgeworth, in bed. Fill: not actually as smutty as the requester wanted it to be. Could probably get away with posting it here with minimal cutting.

Edgeworth flirts with Phoenix. It's hilarious.

In which Phoenix is a Disney princess, and it's much better than the aforementioned Beauty and the Beast crossover. It also comes with a picture.

I think this is a crossover with the Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire? Or however it was spelled... anyway, AA cast as gangstas. It's special all right.

Phoenix and Edgeworth play Guitar Hero. Klavier shows up and starts hitting on Phoenix? He keeps calling him "mein strudel".

Intentionally bad fanfiction. IDK.

Phoenix writes a (bad) smutty Wrightworth fanfic and Edgeworth edits it. The sporking will be incredibly meta. (...I'm pretty interested in doing this one myself.)

Mpreg, Edgeworth gives birth (or rather, goes into labor since the fic is unfinished) to Gourdy's child. Oh and Phoenix already had a child by Gourdy. You don't wanna know.

This one pairs Morgan Fey and Wendy Oldbag.

Edgeworth being an over-the-top action hero. Not bad, really, but it'd make for a pretty funny sporking, I think.

Richard Wellington gets uncomfortably sexual with a banana. It was inevitable, really.

Drunk Edgeworth uses really, really bad pickups lines on Phoenix.

Drunk Edgeworth uses really, really bad pickups lines on Phoenix. Featuring anagrams.

It's incredibly short, but it's Judge/Canadian Judge and that's incredible. For a very different reason.

Phoenix and Edgeworth yell inappropriate things at each other in court. Remember what I said about Wrightworth fics being punching bags?

You'd have to cut a fair bit of this out but still has potential here. Edgeworth and Phoenix and Phoenix's two triplet brothers.

My kingdom for a Wrightworth fic that's not stupid...

Larry writes a Wrightworth fanfic. In the eyes of the kink meme, this makes sense.

Edgeworth/Kristoph. Thoroughly OOC.

Remember "engrish"? Well, there's more where that came from.

Grossberg lays an egg. ...I won't say any more.

Phoenix and Edgeworth angrily strip in court at two separate points during Farewell, my Turnabout. (It's actually two completely different fics, I think.) The first one features a sex scene but if you cut it out it loses literally nothing.

Edgeworth: "A dream?! Is this an 'it was all a dream' ending?! I'M SO GLAD IT WAS THAT KIND OF ENDING-!"

Wendy Oldbag gives sex advice. It goes... actually a lot better than you'd think but that doesn't mean the fic is any good.

And that's all. For now.

Hmm... seems I'm severely lacking in fics that feature Dual Destinies characters... :think-pw:

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Second edit: Richard Wellington strangles Edgeworth to death. Because why not.

Matt Engarde stabs Edgeworth to death in front of Phoenix. At least Shelly de Killer shows up at the end!

(Why are there so many fics where Edgeworth dies? ...the other ones were tagged rape and/or were super long, though.)

And, uh, I know you said no rape but this is just so completely, utterly bad. Not particularly disturbing (just run-of-the-mill disturbing) but wow is it ever OOC. And stupid. And OOC. And short. And did I mention it was OOC?



DEFENSE ATTORNEY PHOENIX WRIGHT aw dangit it's another incredibly OOC rape fic, also why did the author hit enter after every single line?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
As of the time of this post, HermannVonKarma and I are working on a sporking of this.
TheJettSet27 wrote:
I would enjoy sporking a fanfiction sometime. In fact, I have a couple lined up. The first one is actually written well, it's just the shipped characters and the use of the magatama I find most interesting: ... SUCCESSFUL
This is one I would bring Adrian or Luke in, considering they're the couple in here.

This one is an absolute gem! ... aterslides

And finally (making this more than a couple) another Kristoph one. He is found not guilty and allowed to roam free. This has bonus points in my book for the mention of him wearing one glove because all I could see in my head was him in a Michael Jackson outfit. ... Chronicles

wizkid99 wrote:
Instead of a sporking, I wanted find something you guys to have this fanfic I found while browsing through Ace Attorney fan fiction.
This was written by the same guy who wrote "An Office Affair"
I'll look forward to anyone's next sporking.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Psst, Rubia: I finally found you an Investigations fic. It's a little bit on the long side and honestly not that bad (...actually, I thoroughly enjoyed it) but it is very silly. Here.
Rubia seems to be working on this.
wizkid99 wrote:
I found this other fic that was written for the kink meme. I thought you people should check it out.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:


(Or, you know, anyone really, but you were definitely the first person I thought of.)

wizkid99 wrote:
Someone has to spork this:
Not really much to say about this one. Just read it. :damon:

wizkid99 wrote:
Anyway,I found this fic that ship Franziska and Blackquill.I thought you should check it out:

I also found this fic featuring Drunk Gumshoe:
wizkid99 wrote:
Here's a short crackfic where Edgeworth signs up for art class:

wizkid99 wrote:
Anyway, I currently reading a fic where Kristoph Gavin and Daryan Crescend escape from prison....And that's all I'm going to tell you for now because I'm not done yet, and for spoilers. The fic is thirty-seven chapter's long. As of this post, I'm on chapter twenty-three. And I don't know how to feel about this fic whether it's too good to not be sporked or if it's sporkable material. I want to let my fellow sporker's read it to judge for themselves.The fic itself is a slight AU where Kristoph adopted Apollo six years before AJ:AA and a slight Klavipollo is in there to. The fluff doesn't kick in until later.

Here it is:

wizkid99 wrote:
Here's a fic where Winston Payne goes back in time to erase Wright from existence.

sumguy28 wrote:

This one seems like it should be a parody, but it's listed under Tragedy, so why not. ...Actually it is a tragedy: the tragic death of proper grammar.

wizkid99 wrote:
In other news, I found this crack fic where Maya is a teacher. I remember reading this fic last year but got bored of it. It's pretty ridiculous. \

Darth Wiader wrote:

wizkid99 wrote:
Moving on, I found another fic that I read some time ago. It's a fic where Phoenix has to hide Maya from his landlord because Phoenix didn't sign extended stay forms.

Here it is:

Veruni wrote:
I would really love to see a sporking of this masterpiece:

Next to Phoenix's Turnabout, the last two chapters of which are tragically lost forever, that's my favorite trollfic of all time.

luck wrote:
I've found a fic that can only be described with three words and one of them is not to pronounce in front of kids.

Seriously, what's that?

Author:  luck [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 9:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Actually, it's already written. I just need someone to check it over.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 9:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

luck wrote:
Actually, it's already written. I just need someone to check it over.

Oh, I can do that. ...although if I don't get it/get it done in the next five hours, find someone else.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Hey, luck, which one did you take? Normally, we would first announce the fic before we publish the sporking, just in case someone else had the same idea.

Author:  luck [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
luck wrote:
Actually, it's already written. I just need someone to check it over.

Oh, I can do that. ...although if I don't get it/get it done in the next five hours, find someone else.

I've PMed you the thing. Thanks for your help. I'm probably going to go to sleep soon (It's eleven in the night where I live) so I'll probably won't be able to publish it soon enough. Therefore, there's no hurry.

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Hey, luck, which one did you take? Normally, we would first announce the fic before we publish the sporking, just in case someone else had the same idea.

It's called MagicSpirit05 and I don't think it's been ever suggested here. I came across it a while ago and thought it'd make a funny sporking.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

luck wrote:
AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
luck wrote:
Actually, it's already written. I just need someone to check it over.

Oh, I can do that. ...although if I don't get it/get it done in the next five hours, find someone else.

I've PMed you the thing. Thanks for your help. I'm probably going to go to sleep soon (It's eleven in the night where I live) so I'll probably won't be able to publish it soon enough. Therefore, there's no hurry.

I'm looking it over now!

Author:  luck [ Tue Mar 10, 2015 5:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

After A LOT of help from Airey, the sporking is finally finished.

Today's fic is MagicSpiritdu05 by FreezeThunder.

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: Two Sahwits. Actually, I find this fic pretty funny, but the premise is weird and kind of disturbing when you stop to think about it. Also, the writing could be better and it gets smutty at times.

And today's sporkers are...

:think-think-think: Apollo Justice !
"I have a bad feeling about this."

:athena: Athena Cykes!
"Don't worry, Apollo! We'll make it through!"

:trucy: Trucy Wright!
"Yeah! Everything will be fine as long as Mr. Hat is with us!"

:nick-sweat: Phoenix Wright!
"Why is Trucy here for a 'smutty' fic?"

:yummy: Ema Skye!
"*munches Snackoos*"


:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth!
"I'd ask 'why is it always me?' but I already know the answer.

[We open up in our sporking theatre, where Ema Skye and Miles Edgeworth are already seated. The remaining sporkers are pushed in by Lang's goons.]

Kay: It seems everybody is finally here!

Phoenix: Kay? You weren't on the sporker list.

Kay: So?

Apollo: You'd think the management would have enough with six sporkers.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice that questioning the Management's decisions is strictly forbidden.

All: !?

Phoenix: Is the old management back?

Speakers: An interesting deduction, indeed. But wrong, I'm afraid.

Phoenix: You!? But then... whose voice was...?

Speakers: Zvarri. The truth has once again been elegantly revealed to me. You're, in fact, completely clueless. Will you be able to unfold the truth before the fic starts?

Athena: Easy! There's two people up there.

Speakers: Phwwh! Ahahahahahhahaha! That look on your face just now! Hahahahahaha! Thinking that you're right! Hahahaha!

Edgeworth: ! That woman!

Speakers: Any story you want to share, Little Worthy? This is quite entertaining.

Trucy: Just how many people are there?

Speakers: Mais zis madmoiselle is all alone. Enough. You have one minute to figure it out or you'll face the consequences.

Apollo: Wait. Consequences!?

Ema: It couldn't be worse than this theatre.

Edgeworth: Yes. It can.

Phoenix: Was that Manfred von Karma? But he's supposed to be...

Speakers: Aren't you going to even attempt a bluff? You disappoint me, Wright.

All: !?

Kay: Mr. Edgeworth? But he's right here!

Edgeworth: Why is my voice's color pink?

Speakers: It's not pink. It's magenta.

Phoenix: Does this means you've been faking all the voices?

Speakers: Finally, Justice triumphs! Ha ha ha ha!

Apollo: Why are you even doing this?

Speakers: You can't make a blend without crushing the beans. That's one of my rules.

Athena: What's that even supposed to mean?

Speakers: I always mean what I say and say what I mean.

Phoenix: Just ignore him or we'll be stuck here forever.

Apollo: Do any of you know anything about today's fic?

Kay: I only know that it's rated M and stars Trucy and Pearl.

Phoenix: We're outta here.

[Phoenix drags Trucy out of the theater, but Lang's goons quickly push them in again.]

Phoenix: I'm not going to survive this one.

Speakers: Phoenix, it's in the worst of times when lawyers have to force their biggest smile.

Phoenix: You've just crossed the line.

Edgeworth: As if the Management ever cared about the line.

Trucy: Look! The fic is starting!

[The lights dim and the fic starts]

The thunder roared into the night, with the lighting gleaming alongside it.

Kay: A wild purple prose appeared!

Athena: Maybe they're trying to set up the mood for a murder mystery?

Phoenix: I could live with that, knowing the alternatives.

It played an marvelous tune for 2 lovers tonight. As they opened the door, wrapped around each other like vines.

Edgeworth: And that's why you should abandon all hope before entering this place.

Phoenix: We get it, Edgeworth.

Apollo Justice and Athena Cykes, colliding and gleaming just like the thunder and lighting.

Apollo, Athena: *stare, blush, look away*

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice and Athena Cykes that they're to look at the screen at all times.

Athena: But this is so awkward...

Ema: *munching Snackoos* What are you so embarassed about? The purple prose makes it really hard to tell what you're even doing. Is gleaming a metaphor for something or are they actually shining?

Trucy: Then they should call a doctor.

Kay: They're already playing doctor.

Edgeworth: Kay! There are underaged girls here.

Kay: Yeah. And I'm one of them!

Athena moved her arms up and down his slim body, those tracks sessions with sure paid off for her.

Speakers: I didn't know you have a slim body, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: ...

Trucy: I'm not sure what it's trying to say. I think there's a missing word or something.

Ema: I think what the author is trying to say is that she's been exercising with him so he'll grow muscle and she'll enjoy their... interactions more.

Kay: That's actually kind of disturbing.

Apollo felt her hair, her long orange silk-like hair, he untied her blue bow and threw it on the floor continuing making out with the psychologist. Apollo pushed Athena onto the bed, and then began to...

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice and Athena Cykes that they're to look at the screen at all times. Again.

Phoenix: You should do as he says if you don't want to end up in a punishment sporking.

Edgeworth: I'd agree with you if it wasn't for the fact that the Management is a bunch of sadists who don't need a reason to torture us.

Phoenix: You mean the current Management or the old one?

Edgeworth: Both.

Speakers: So you think you've already seen our worst and we can't come up with something more horrible? Well, then... hee... hee... hee...

Athena: I... want to get out of here.

Edgeworth: You're two non blood-related adults having consensual and apparently standard sexual intercourse. Don't complain.

"Athena should push Polly onto the bed" Trucy said

"Does it really matter?" Pearl asked

All: !

Kay: Are Trucy and Pearl... watching Apollo and Athena making out?

Ema: And commenting on it.

Edgeworth: Why don't I live up to my own words?

"Pearly! In every relationship there's a dominate and submissive, Athena is 110% dominate!" Trucy huffed, placing her hands on her hips.

Edgeworth: Dominant, author. You mean 'dominant'.

Speakers: Hey! I'm not 110% dominant! Yeah, only like 85% or so. Take that back right now! The defense rests, Your Honor.

Phoenix: What are you doing?

Speakers: If they're not going to spork, I'll have to do it for them.

Ema: You know, there wasn't really a reason for Trucy to huff over something like that.

Kay: Yeah. That was harsh.

Trucy: T-That's not me up there.

"...yeah, you're right" Pearl apologized and tapped on the laptop's keyboard.

Ema: So they weren't only commenting on it, they were writing a review.

Phoenix: This gets more disturbing by the second.

Edgeworth: I'm not surprised.

If your asking what are these do talking about, it's simple.

Phoenix: Let's hope so.

Edgeworth: Simple and disturbing are not mutually exclusive.

Ever since Athena came into the Wright Anything Agency, she and Apollo have had a connection with each other, almost like best friends or more. And Pearl and Trucy have decided to take it upon themselves to try to get them together...with no avail.

Ema: What were they expecting? Meddling only works in movies and fanf... oh.

So what's the next logical thing do? Write fanfiction about them!

Edgeworth: Nngh! That reasoning alone took away half of my truth bar.

Phoenix: I guess this explains everything. Although it's still disturbing.

Trucy: So then Apollo and Athena's part was a fic within a fic?

Ema: And the spork could be considered a fic, so it's actually a three layers of fic.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Ema Skye that meta-commentary is strictly forbidden.

Phoenix: But something is off here. If they're writing about people who are real in their universe, it's not fanfiction.

Trucy: Then it's some kind of biography?

Ema: No. Biographies are real stories about real people, and what they're writing never happened.

Trucy: So what are fictional stories about real people called?

Edgeworth: Character defamation.

Ema: *munches Snackoos* Maybe they're aware that they're fictional characters. We are, after all.

Speakers: That extreme violation of the fourth wall shall not be tolerated. Kay Faraday, remove Ema Skye from the theatre.

Edgeworth: Wait. It was that easy!?


Speakers: Kay Faraday!


Trucy: She's not here.

Speakers: You're not the boss of me!

Phoenix: That was pretty pathetic.

Trucy and Pearl share an account named MagicSpiritdu05, where they have written their stories about the 2 lawyers, ranging from simple drabbles,to oneshots, to long one-shots, and even lemons.

Ema: What's this about lemons?

Phoenix: I don't know. All I can think of is Marvin Grossberg.

Edgeworth: Now those were two things I didn't need to relate, Wright.

Phoenix: You know what it means? I didn't know you were familiar with fanfiction slang.

Edgeworth: My areas of expertise are wide, Wright.

These two got really into this couple, which they have dubbed "Justicykes". Right now, they were adding a chapter to their multific called "Mixing Colors", with Pearl writing the chapter and Trucy being the beta reader, they kept swapping roles every time they wrote chapter or a story.

Trucy: But 'Mixing Colors' could be anything. If it's about Apollo and Athena, it should be, like... 'Orange' or something.

Ema: And it would still be too ambiguous.

Edgeworth: That's what tags and descriptions are for.

All else: ...

Edgeworth: My areas of expertise are wide.

Athena laid Apollo onto to the bed and began to go deeper.

Phoenix: And we're back to the fic within the fic.

Ema: 'Began to go deeper'? Into what?

Edgeworth: Do you really want an answer to that question?

Trucy: No, no, it's like in Inception. They just need to go deeper in general.

Apollo: ...that was lame.

Phoenix: And this thing has enough layers already.

Their tongues intertwined with one another, allowing to open up the gate to each other's saliva.

Phoenix: Who describes a kiss like this!?

Edgeworth: Someone trying to win the award for the most absurdly convoluted description of the year. Which apparently is what Trucy and Pearl are going for.

Ema: But really, 'the gate to each other's saliva'? What are they thinking?

Trucy: I told you, t-that's not me!

She tasted like oranges, just ripely picked on a farm. He tasted like coffee, and felt that hot sensation of the...

"I don't know if that'll work" Trucy said

"Why not?" Pearl asked

"I just can't picture Polly tasting like coffee"

Ema: What does she know about how Apollo tastes?

Phoenix: We're going to drop this line of conversation right now and never bring it up again.

"Well, what should he taste like?"

"Like...ooooh, chocolate from all the snackoos Ema throws at him"

Ema: Most of the time, they don't end up in his mouth.

Trucy: Oh! You could try that some day! Like the seals at the aquarium!

Ema: If it's for scientific purposes, count me in.

Apollo: ...count me out.

"Okay then" Pearl then retyped her sentence.

He tasted like chocolate, almost like hot chocolate on a cold winter day, served with marshmallows.

Ema: That's... a pretty weird taste for a human tongue.

Edgeworth: How can the fact that it's served with marshmallows affect the chocolate's flavor in any way?

"Now I'm hungry" Trucy interruppted again

Speakers: I'm hungry, too. Nick, buy me a burger.

Phoenix: Maya, one of the few good things about the sporking theatre is that there's plenty of free food, so my wallet doesn't have to suffer in order to feed you and... this guy just dragged me into his stupid game, didn't he?

Speakers: Caw caw caw! Behold the demon lord of the Management!

All: ...

"Me too, what do you have for snacks?" Pearl asked

"Well let's see..." Trucy then took out her "magic panties" and began digging inside them with Pearl watching in awe.

Trucy: Hey! What are those quotation marks around 'magic panties'!? They're real magic panties!

Phoenix: At least your audience is watching in awe.

Ever since the Big Berry case a few years ago, Pearl has been ever so interested in magic. And when she met Trucy, she was blown away by her tricks, by far her favorite was Mr. Hat and knife throwing act.

Trucy: *pulls out Mr. Hat* Of course! Who doesn't like Mr. Hat!?

Phoenix: I'm more worried about the knife throwing part.

"Okay we have...potato chips, a watermelon, some cookies, and yogurt" Trucy said pulling them out respectively.

"I want chips"

"Okay, try not to get them on my keyboard though" Trucy said handing her friend the bag as Pearl kept typing away.

Ema: Was there a point to this scene?

Edgeworth: It's better than watching Wright's employees get intimate.

They began to lick each other down each others necks and cheeks, almost like wild animals.

Edgeworth: Why can't I keep my mouth shut?

Phoenix: Almost like wild animals?

Ema: They seem more like domestic animals to me.

Trucy: ?

Ema: I mean dogs. They're licking each other's cheeks.

Next they began to strip each other clothes, Apollo flipped Athena over and started...

"*Mucnh* Athena is dominate *Munch* *Munch*" Trucy said chewing on the chips, Pearl glared at her for a second before fixing the sentence again.

Edgeworth: Dominant, author. Dominate is a verb. You can't use it to describe people. And the munch noises are unnecesary if you're already telling us that she's chewing the chips.

Trucy: She didn't need to glare at fic-me...

Ema: Apparently writing smut about their friends is serious business for these two.

Athena, who was still ON TOP, began to unbutton Apollo' red and black suit vest. Apollo was eating away at her neck, almost making it difficult for Athena, but she has faced bigger challenges before.

Ema: With that description, it sounds like he's literally eating her neck.

Phoenix: No wonder it's making it difficult for her. She must be bleeding a lot.

Speakers: Unbuttoning that vest of yours would be piece of cake for me! Athena, if you say things like that, people will keep writing fics like these.

Apollo: Fine, fine, we'll spork, but stop doing that. It's creepy.

Edgeworth: For the record, people will keep writing fics like these no matter what you do.

Athena: ...

Ema: I don't think she's going to spork a lot.

Phoenix: Well, it's the first time she has to see herself... like this.

Edgeworth: In the end, all of us will be plunged in despair.

Apollo: How optimistic of you to think there's an end.

She finally succeeded in striped the boy down to nothing but his boxers, with him hard.

Phoenix: *covers Trucy's eyes*

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that all sporkers are to look at the screen at all times.

Phoenix: You have to draw the line somewhere!

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Phoenix Wright that we don't intend to draw any lines.

Now Apollo then began to flip the girl over...

Trucy: Didn't he flip her over before?

Ema: Nah, they changed it. But Pearl must have a strange obsession with Apollo flipping Athena over, to write the exact same sentence twice.

Phoenix: What is she? A pancake?

Athena: ...

Apollo: C'mon Athena, it could be worse.

Speakers: I hope you're not having impure thoughts, Justice-dono.

Apollo: I'm just glad she's not underaged this time.

Speakers: Barely.

Phoenix: Moving on.

"Athena is..." Trucy stopped when Pearl glared at her again. She knew the drill by now.

Edgeworth: Dominant, author.

Phoenix: She didn't even get to say it this time.

Edgeworth: My apologies. I'm used by now.

Ema: If she knew the drill, she wouldn't have committed the exact same error.

Athena, STILL ON TOP, began her turn to suck at Apollo neck.

Athena: What's with all the emphasis in 'STILL ON TOP'!? What kind of sex maniac do these people think I am?

Apollo: At least you're not a dummy who doesn't do anything.

Trucy: Maybe fic-fic-you is actually a dummy.

Phoenix: Trucy, don't make this worse than it already is.

Ema: Nah, he's alive. He ate away her neck before, remember?

Phoenix: Yeah, she's the one who should be dead by now.

He removed her yellow and white suit till she was in her bra and underwear.

Athena: Stop staring at the screen! You bunch of pervs!

Edgeworth: As if we have a choice.

Larry: Someone called me?

Phoenix: Larry! Where did you come from?

Kay: I smuggled him in, obviously.

Edgeworth: If you can smuggle people in and out, why don't you get us all out of here!?

Kay: Because I can only smuggle people in.

Trucy: Well, the more the merrier.

Athena: I'm naked on the screen!

Apollo: We know... why are you glaring at me?

But he didn't stop there, Apollo began to unhook the bra revealing Athena's big breasts.

Athena: *turns red, hides behind her seat*

Speakers: You know, I don't think you beat my Sis. I don't think you beat Marvin Grossberg.

Phoenix: I don't think Maya would say something like that.

Speakers: Someone had to say it.

For the final act, they start thrust each others bodies at each other, creating moaning sounds from both of them. They started going faster, and faster, and even more faster. They were both at the breaking point, and in a few swift movements...

Phoenix: *covers Trucy's eyes*

Speakers: Phoenix Wright! Don't make us repeat ourselves! *whip-crack*

Phoenix: HOW!?

Larry: Are these guys making love?

Edgeworth: I think so, but with that description is hard to tell.

Ema: It's not very erotic, scientifically speaking.

Apollo: Ema!

Ema: What? That's why people read these things, isn't it? I mean, not the fic fic, but the fic within the fic.

Edgeworth: Well, it's been written by two presumably virgin teenagers.

Phoenix: Really, Edgeworth? Presumably?

Edgeworth: Need I remind you of the golden rule of the sporking theatre, Wright?

Phoenix: ...things always can and always will get worse.

"Trucy! Pearly! We're back!" Athena yelled coming through the front door, with Apollo right behind her

Trucy: Oh! The real you!

Apollo: That's not me up there!

Phoenix: He still hasn't done anything wrong.

Apollo: Better safe than sorry.

Kay: I bet they end up making out just like in the fic.

Phoenix: I bet against.

Larry: I'm with Nick.

Kay: What about you, Athena?

Athena: *still hiding under her seat*

Trucy: I don't think Athena's okay. Can't you do something, Management?

Speakers: *yawn* I'm pretty sleepy right now so... just lock the door when you leave.

Phoenix: Did he really leave?

Apollo: Who knows.

"We're back from Eldoons, we got you both a bowl!" Apollo also yelled coming in.

Apollo: A bowl of noodles isn't exactly carryout food.

Ema: Yeah. Were you carrying it in your hands all the time?

Trucy: Now it'll be all cold.

"Pfffftt! Oh fridge, there here!" Trucy panicked

Trucy: W-what am I saying here?

Edgeworth: 'Fridge' is clearly a euphemism, and 'there' should actually be 'they're'.

Trucy: Oh. And what about the 'Pffffft!'?

Apollo: It doesn't sound like a sound someone'd make in panic.

Edgeworth: Unless they were drinking something and they spat it out.

Ema: But she wasn't drinking anything.

Edgeworth: Nnngh! The fic... is defeating me.

"What now?!" Pearl asked a bit frantic

"Uh...just..just save it, we'll work on it later" Trucy said. Pearl hit the save button on Trucy's laptop, and was greeted by the slowest saving bar ever.

Apollo: Woah. A slow save bar. Talk about first world problems.

Ema: I'd call it sick girls problems. Really, what you're doing is not normal.

Trucy: That's not me!!

"Your laptop is so slow! It'll never save!" Pearl said

"I know, I hope to get a new one for Christmas. Daddy has a lot of old junk" Trucy said

Phoenix: Well, I'm not buying you a laptop so you can write smut about your friends.

Trucy: But Daddy! I always keep things T-rated.

Phoenix: You told me you need it for school.

Trucy: Y-yeah. I always keep my homework T-rated. That's what I meant.

"Hey, where are they?" Athena asked outside in the main entrance

"Probably in their rooms, let's check Trucy's room" Apollo suggested.

Phoenix: Their rooms? Why is Pearls living in my house?

Apollo: And why do we assume they're in Trucy's room if nobody answered us?

Now they were in serious trouble, their work wasn't saved fully yet, and the lawyers were literally steps away from Trucy's room

"Gah! Just close the laptop!" Trucy said, she pushed Pearl back and closed the laptop just before Athena and Apollo entered the room.

Ema: Why are they reacting to this as if their lives were on the line?

Apollo: They'll be on the line if I figure out what they're doing.

Trucy: That's mean, Polly.

"Hey Polly, Thena" Trucy greeted nervously

"Hello" Pearl aslo greeted with a nervous smile

"Hey, we got Eldoons for you both"

"Oh um...that's okay. We...we have chips" Trucy replied nervously

"Yep, yummy yummy chips of potato, uh heh heh heh" Pearl agreed. Now normally if this were any two people they would just leave, but these two could sense their lies like second nature.

Trucy: That's really rude of us, after they've gone through all the effort of bringing a bowl of noodles.

Ema: You don't need special abilities to notice that they're obviously hiding something, anyway.

"...What are you doing anyway?" Apollo asked

" things" Trucy answered

"Y-yeah, things about girls"

"Those thingy things"

"The thingiest"

...this was not working for them

Edgeworth: Thank you for stating the obvious, narrator.

Larry: We're going to go back to the smut eventually, right?

Kay: Yeah.

Phoenix: No.

Ema: Maybe.

Speakers: Spoiler a~~~~~~~~~lert.Hugs in this fic are over.

Larry: Then so am I.

Edgeworth: Why is he allowed to leave?

Speakers: Don't worry, Edgey-poo! I'll never abandon you!

Edgeworth: Nnngh! Just how many nightmares do you intend to make us relive?

Phoenix: Weren't you sleeping?

Speakers: As the Drifting Virtuoso I am, I can switch from asleep to awake at will. Not like you third-rate sporkers.

All: ...

"...okay, c'mon Athena let's watch TV in the living room" Apollo said walking away, with Athena soon following him.

Kay: And now they're going to watch TV alone? They're so going to make out.

Ema: Why does Apollo keep ordering her around? Wasn't she '110% dominate'?

Apollo: Maybe that was just Trucy's imagination.

Trucy: *sad* That's not me.

"Are sure they're okay?" Athena asked

"Athena, when you have her for a sister, you just don't question what she does anymore" Trucy then slammed her door closed, and the two friends sighed in relief.

Apollo: What's with fanfiction writer and making Trucy my sister!?

Phoenix: ...truly, a mystery we may never be able to solve.

Apollo: But it doesn't add anything to the story! It's there just for the sake of being there!

Edgeworth: Don't question the fic, Justice.

Kay: Just as you don't question Trucy's business.

Trucy: Hey!

"That was close" Pearl sighed

"Yeah, let's just finish the chapter and call it a day" Trucy suggested with Pearl nodding in agreement. Pearl opened the laptop back up, hit a few butttons on the laptop still had a black screen.

"Hmm, that's weird" Pearl said, confused by the laptop being unresponsive.

Kay: Oops. Trouble.

Apollo: No great loss.

"What?" Trucy asked. Pearl didn't listen at first, still trying her best to get the laptop to work. She then chose to try the power button, she hit that, and the screen still remained black. And that's when it hit her.

Edgeworth: She only now realizes what has happened?

"Oh no!"

"What? What?! What's wrong?"

"...your battery's dead, I don't think it saved"


Apollo: Serves them right.

All else: ...

Apollo: What? You all were thinking it and you know it.

Ema: I don't think their fic was over 100 words. It's not worth that scream.

Edgeworth: And the quality left to be desired.

Phoenix: Why don't they keep the laptop plugged in if they're at home?

"Are you SURE we shouldn't check on them?" Athena asked, hearing Trucy wail, interruptting them from the Steel Samurai DVDs

"Nah, I'm sure their fine" Apollo said

Apollo: Athena, if you want to check on them, just do it. You don't need my permission.

Trucy: You could show a little bit of concern.

Phoenix: At least he's in character.

[The lights come back on]

Athena: *runs out of the theatre*

Apollo: Do you think she'll recover?

Edgeworth: Probably. She'll just lose all hope, like the rest of us.

Phoenix: Anyway, they didn't make out. I won the bet. Where's Kay?

Ema: Not here.

Phoenix: Why am I not surprised?

Ema: Because it's not surprising.

Phoenix: Well, let's just leave. I need to check out Trucy's browser history.

Trucy: Daddy!

Phoenix: I won't be able to sleep if I don't, Trucy.

[And so, another sporking ends. Will the sporkers have to face more fics or have the management had enough? Pwwht. Sorry, I couldn't say that without laughing.]

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Tue Mar 10, 2015 11:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

...Never have I been so confused. That's it. I am now going to question my life in the Sporking Theater up to now.

In the meantime, could you give a list of the characters the "Management" plays as? There are too many at once to account for, and some of them sound too vague to be clearly identified.

Also, out of curiosity, I'd like to ask if Nick and Edgey are their trilogy-based selves or their DD versions. I feel like over the course of the sporkings, there's a very clear schism that's appeared between the two versions. It's much more prominent with Edgeworth, but I can pick up a few differences with Phoenix too.

But anyway, what's up with that fic and was it supposed to be funny? It was textbook cringe-inducing; had every aspect that would make me cringe at it.

Author:  luck [ Wed Mar 11, 2015 2:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

In order of appearance:
-Luke Atmey
-Calisto Yew
-Jean Armstrong
-Manfred von Karma
-Viola Cadaverini
-Damian Tenma
-Athena and Apollo again
-Maya again
-Cammy Meele
-Uncle Ray
And I think that's all of them. A lot, certainly. In my defense, the colors looked a lot better in the previews(Why is the background color different!?).

Nick and Edgey are their DD versions. Especially Nick. I didn't really consider Edgeworth's situation in the timeline.

I can't say I'm not pleased that I found something that makes cringe a veteran sporker.

But anyway, apart form the utter confusion, was the sporking funny or...?

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Wed Mar 11, 2015 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I tried reading it, but only got until the red colored writing being identified as "magenta", while there was an actual magenta writing given to another character. That color thing is a pet peeve of mine, so it annoyed me, to be honest. Especially since, if I understood correctly, the one misidentifying the color was Edgeworth, who really should be able to correctly identify a color. Or at least tell the difference between red and magenta.
I will attempt to read the full spork and give you feedback on it, though. I just don't know if I can do it today.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Mar 11, 2015 4:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

luck wrote:
In order of appearance:
-Luke Atmey
-Calisto Yew
-Jean Armstrong
-Manfred von Karma
-Viola Cadaverini
-Damian Tenma
-Athena and Apollo again
-Maya again
-Cammy Meele
-Uncle Ray
And I think that's all of them. A lot, certainly. In my defense, the colors looked a lot better in the previews(Why is the background color different!?).

Nick and Edgey are their DD versions. Especially Nick. I didn't really consider Edgeworth's situation in the timeline.

I can't say I'm not pleased that I found something that makes cringe a veteran sporker.

But anyway, apart form the utter confusion, was the sporking funny or...?

Thanks! And after the confusion subsided, I can say it's pretty darn funny. I felt there were a couple moments of missed opportunities for jokes, but I understand that picking out every single point can become a hassle. It's a nice job for your first sporking. We await future works from you.

By the way, since you asked Airey to help you edit it, how much did she change, if at all? I feel like her sporking style is starting to meld into every one of these sporkings some way or another, albeit just a little.

@Pessimistic Yay, am I to take this post as confirmation that you've finally caught up? Good to see you back in here.

Incidentally, guys, my next sporking is just about done... and it'll reveal a few more things about the state of this theater. It's as if this theater's continuity has a plot! Hahahah...

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Wed Mar 11, 2015 5:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

@rubia: Not quite yet, but I'm getting there, sorry.
I also started writing again, but if I do finish this one and post it, it will be deliberately out of order with the other sporks, so you guys' changes won't have much influence on my spork and my changes won't have much influence on yours. I think this is the best approach considering the situation.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Wed Mar 11, 2015 10:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
By the way, since you asked Airey to help you edit it, how much did she change, if at all? I feel like her sporking style is starting to meld into every one of these sporkings some way or another, albeit just a little.

I just fixed some grammar and awkward phrasing here and there, I reccomded the Inception joke and maybe one more...? Other than that, everything is completely Luck's work.

Maybe I'm just infecting you all.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Mar 25, 2015 2:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I think we've had a long enough break. Time to get things rolling again.

I also think I'm getting better with introducing random characters. Go, me!

Featured fic: Back to the Future

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit:
The first time I read through it, I wasn't sure what I was reading. Then, I gave it a second run. All in all, as a parody work, it does its job well. I just wish not all of it was so pointlessly contrived. It really could have turned into something much more than the disappointing clincher of the epilogue.


[It's been a while since the teleporter has seen use, but today, it's once again brimming with energy and is giving off an ominous hum. To the three sporkers who have arrived, it only brings deep suspe... excitement.]

:nick-sweat: ...Given a suspicious intro like that, how can we not comment on it?

:edgeworth: It's simple, Wright... you just don't.

:payne: Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth... I hope you have good reason to ask me to come along... sir.

Phoenix: W-what the? Even Prosecutor Payne is here!?

Edgeworth: ...? What are you talking about, Mr. Payne? I never said anything of the sort.

Payne: Is that so? But my work colleagues had alerted me that the Chief Prosecutor had requested to meet me here... Um, wait. Th-this isn't another one of their pranks, is it?

Edgeworth: ...Regardless, I was not informed of anyone else who be joining us today. I simply assumed Wright would be here.

Phoenix: Please don't just "assume" I'd be here.

Edgeworth: Actually, I'm more concerned by the fact that it was his "work colleagues" who deceived him into joining us.

Phoenix: Huh? What's wrong with that?

Edgeworth: Don't you get it? It means some select members at the Prosecutor's Office are suspect of being involved with this theater's Management.

Phoenix: Oh. Yeah, that's not good, is it?

Edgeworth: Although it could simply be a "prank" as Payne has put it, the fact that they knew I would appear here can not be overlooked...

Payne: A-actually, sir, I'm not sure if they knew you would be here... It's possible they would have said the same even if you weren't here.

Edgeworth: That is plausible, but it brings up the question of why they would pick this particular location. I would never appear here unless it's through one of these forced invitations...

Phoenix: ...Hey, didn't we establish before that the Management could have been broadcasting us to the public?

Payne: W-what!? I've never heard of this!

Edgeworth: Hmph, are you saying it's like some sort of reality TV show? Why would my subordinates would waste their time watching me undergo public humiliation that even borders on madness?

Phoenix: ...Weeell...

Edgeworth: No, wait, don't answer that. I don't wish to know.

Phoenix: (Yeah, that's probably for the best...)

Speakers: *fzzt* This is a public service announcement from the Management.

All: ...!

Phoenix: Th-the original Management?

Edgeworth: Where in the world have you been and what were you thinking by leaving us alone with those eccentric characters!?

Phoenix: (As expected, he went straight to the point...)

Speakers: We apologize for our unexpected leave of absence for these past several weeks.

Edgeworth: L... "leave of absence"? You vanish for several weeks and left this theater in a state of disrepair by letting former criminals inside to play your roles!

Phoenix: Yeah, what the heck!? The timing couldn't have been more perfect!

Speakers: Our sincerest apologies, but we assert that it was simply an ill-timed leave. As we were not present at the site, we could not have anticipated that the theater would remain open under an alternate management.

Edgeworth: You have got to be...!

Phoenix: Ugh... and we have no means of proving otherwise...

Payne: ...Er, excuse me, Management, but what is the meaning of this announcement?

Speakers: Ah, finally, a decent question. We are here to announce that though we have just returned to this theater, on the occasion, we will still be inviting some eccentric characters to play our roles!

Edgeworth: Y-you even admit that you invited them in!?

Phoenix: ...You know, it would have been less painful if you had kept denying it instead.

Speakers: Now, it's time for the featured film to begin! Gentlemen, please make your way inside to the corresponding show room.

[With a renewed feeling of suffering planted back in their hearts, the sporkers proceed without making any more complaints.]

Back to the Future

Phoenix: References to a classic 80s film aside, this is probably one of the most cliche titles for a fic that probably involves time travel.

Edgeworth: Thanks in part to said mediocre film.

Phoenix: What? Oh come on, Edgeworth. Sure, it's not the greatest film ever, but it's still a classic to this day.

Edgeworth: Yes, and to this day, I can't face a single officer who isn't waiting to make a tasteless joke based on a certain meme every time I hear of some freeway patrol stunt!

Phoenix: ...Just what sorts of cases show up on your desk anyway?

Edgeworth: Too many, Wright. Too many.

The last person to leave the courtroom was a balding man in a yellow suit.

"Not guilty," Prosecutor Payne mumbled to himself. "I spent three months working on that case. Three months! I know for a fact that Phoenix Wright took the case, five minutes before the trial. And what's the verdict? Not guilty."

Phoenix: That probably means those three months could have used some better supervision.

Payne: Argh... why is it that every time I show up here, I end up as the butt of everyone's jokes?

Phoenix: ...That probably means those three months could have used some better supervision.

Payne: Why are you recycling the same line for a completely different question!?

Payne shook his head. He could never win against Phoenix Wright. Ever. In all 25 trials where Payne (or his brother) had gone up against the spiky-haired lawyer, the verdict was always not guilty.

"I hate you, Phoenix Wright!" Payne said, smashing the table in front of him.

Phoenix: Wait, what!? Twenty five!?

Edgeworth: It's a little too early to be caught up in the fic, Wright.

Phoenix: Uh, yeah... but a number like that just catches me by surprise.

Payne: ...It's such a ridiculous number that it can't possibly be true. My win ratio has largely remained unchanged.

Phoenix: (...Yeah, beating down rookies must sure be a challenge for you.)

Edgeworth: According to my current reports, it hasn't changed due to a lack of participation in recent years.

Payne: ...I-it's only for these past several months, sir. I assure you I will return diligently to my work before the end of this year.

Edgeworth: I would hope so, Mr. Payne. Your salary depends on it.

Payne: *gulp*

Phoenix: (...I stand corrected, and I'm pleased.)

Prosecutor Payne sighed, and wished he was back in the good old days, when he was a feared prosecutor. They even called him "The Rookie Killer"! But his rising star came plummeting to Earth, under the heels of truly great lawyers, like Mia Fey and Miles Edgeworth. Now Payne was a laughingstock. No one bothered to remember his name. Almost like he was a useless tutorial character!

Phoenix: By the way, Mr. Payne, why did they call you the "Rookie Killer"?

Payne: I was a terrifying combatant in the courts, of course. No matter who faced off against me, they would suffer defeat by my hands.

Phoenix: But why "Rookie Killer"? Did you personally have a vendetta against rookies?

Payne: Of course not! They're the ones with a vendetta against me! Well, it can't be helped. Once they face me, their hopes of entering the legal world are all but crushed...

Phoenix: (And once they pass you, they move on to becoming greater than you'll ever be. Yep, sounds like tutorial material to me.)

Payne ran his hand over his balding scalp, then started to pack some files into his suitcase. His hand lingered over the Court Record.

This isn't my copy... Payne thought. It must be Phoenix's.

Edgeworth: ...Wright, you do usually remember to clean up after yourself when you leave the courtroom, don't you?

Phoenix: What? O-of course I do! I-I mean, what lawyer doesn't!? Hahahaha...

Edgeworth: What's with that forced laugh?

Phoenix: Besides, why would I leave my copy of the Court Record on the prosecution's desk? If I was going to take it with me, it wouldn't make sense that I'd put it down somewhere I usually don't go.

Edgeworth: ...Objection.

Phoenix: Uh... for what?

Edgeworth: If you always do remember to clean up after yourself, why would you specifically say "if", as to suggest a hypothetical scenario?

Phoenix: ...Er.

Edgeworth: Honestly, Wright, if you're going to lie your way out of embarrassing situations, at least make it more believable.

Phoenix: Urf...

Edgeworth: You're lucky we aren't in court right now. I would have supplied you with an appropriate penalty.

Speakers: Very well, allow us.

Phoenix: Wait, what!?


Phoenix: Aaaargh... (I thought we dropped that charade long ago. Why is it back!?)

Payne's attention was drawn to the profile section. Underneath his picture were the words "Winston Payne. Generally bad at getting his point across. Has he ever won a case? Given his advanced age, he should think about retirement."

Payne began swearing loudly. "I'm not old, you idiot! You'll pay for this, Wright! I'll get my revenge someday!"

Phoenix: As if "generally bad at getting his points across" was actually left in the official records.

Edgeworth: It is. I see similar descriptions in my copy.

Payne: ...Urk.

Phoenix: You don't say? How long has it been there?

Edgeworth: Who knows? All I can say is whoever had done it deserves a salary raise.

Payne: D-don't you mean a cut, sir?

Edgeworth: I mean what I say, Mr. Payne.

Payne: ...

Someday later, Prosecutor Payne won a time machine in a raffle. It was the second-place prize. The first-place prize was a car, and it went to Phoenix Wright.

"Beaten by him, again?!" Payne cried. "I can't believe it!"

Payne: W-what!?

Edgeworth: Why is a time machine a raffle prize!?

Phoenix: And what am I supposed to do with a car!?

Edgeworth: ...It's a car. You go to places with it.

Phoenix: I know that! But isn't it trendy to go green these days, though?

Edgeworth: Well, if you enjoy wasting time aboard overcrowded public transport that much, I won't hold it against you.

Phoenix: No, that's not what I meant...

Payne: ...When will I ever get a break? *sigh*

Payne grabbed his book-shaped time machine and went home. He stewed in his misery for twenty minutes, then he had dinner, then he stewed in his misery some more.

There must be some way to stop Phoenix Wright. There must be SOME WAY to make sure he never beats me again. Some way...some way...GOT IT!

Phoenix: Huh, it was shaped like a book?

Edgeworth: I suppose that explains how it became a raffle prize. It could have been mistaken for a book.

Phoenix: Then how would anyone know that it's a time machine?

Edgeworth: It'd be written on the cover.

Phoenix: ...I don't think anyone could be fooled into thinking it's a time machine in that case.

Edgeworth: True, but it would make a classic science fiction novella.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth to refrain from hotlinking.

Edgeworth: It's for educational purposes!

Speakers: When have we ever been about education, though?

Phoenix: They've got you there.

Edgeworth: ...

"Carol?" Payne called.

"Yes, Darling?" his lovely wife called back.

"I need a newspaper, a samurai costume, and a copy of the Court Record," Payne said. "I'm going to defeat Phoenix Wright."

Phoenix: Uh, what?

Payne: A s-samurai costume?

Edgeworth: Oh, let me guess... he's somehow figured out that the book he won was a time machine and plans to use it to alter history.

Phoenix: ...Again, how would he have figured that out?

Edgeworth: The less you question it, the less risk you put yourself in, Wright. You know the deal.

Phoenix: Right...

Speakers: We interrupt this program to bring you a special announcement.

Phoenix: What now...?

Speakers: Phoenix Wright, you are hereby temporarily forfeited from this sporking session.

All: W-what!?

Payne: W-what is the meaning of this!?

Phoenix: Are you serious!? You mean I'm free to go!?

Edgeworth: I highly doubt it...

Speakers: Key word: temporarily. When we decide it is best for you to return, we will bring you back.

Phoenix: Whoa, wait a minute! Am I being detained somewhere for some reason? I-I didn't violate any rules, though!

Speakers: Certainly not. This is merely an experiment.

Phoenix: What.

Speakers: In a few seconds, you will be transported elsewhere. Please relax and enjoy your trip.

Phoenix: Wait a sec! I don't get what-

[And *zap* goes the teleporter. In his place, however, someone else who looks both familiar and unfamiliar takes his place. He certainly looks like Phoenix, but his hair isn't nearly as spiky...]

???: ...Um, excuse me. Where exactly is this?

Edgeworth: You... Are you Wright?

Wright: Oh, you know me? Hey, now that I look at you, you remind me of a friend of mine...

Edgeworth: (W-what's with this young man? He shares Wright's last name, it seems...)

Speakers: We will now resume our sporking session.

Edgeworth: Hold it! What are you people scheming this time!? Who exactly is this man!?

Speakers: Ask him yourself. We're moving.

Wright: Whoa, are we watching a film on such a large screen!? I've never seen something like this before!

Edgeworth: ...Excuse me, Mr. Wright, but may I ask what year it is?

Wright: Huh? Why would you ask that?

Edgeworth: Please, just answer me.

Wright: Okay... It's 1894. Why?

Edgeworth: ...! (Th-this man can't be serious, can he!?)

Payne: E-excuse me, Mr. Edgeworth, but what is he talking about? It's clearly already 2026!

Wright: W-what!? But that's... in the 21st century! How did I end up in the future!?

Edgeworth: That... will be difficult to explain. For now, I suggest not to question it.

Wright: ...But it's the duty of any lawyer to question suspicious testimony...

Edgeworth: (...Like ancestor, like descendant, I suppose.)

1912. Great Britain. Onboard the Titanic.

Payne: W-wait, don't tell me... the "me" in the fic actually traveled through time and somehow landed aboard the Titanic? Th-then why would I need a samurai costume!?

Wright: ...Now that I look at you, you do seem a bit familiar. Are you by any chance related to a certain "Prosecutor Payne"?

Payne: Y-yes, that's me. Why?

Wright: ...Um, no reason.

Edgeworth: (He's understandably shocked to find himself in the future... but what's this about a Prosecutor Payne from back then? Perhaps I should look into his family history...)

Winston Payne landed on top of a mechanical device.

"Ow! Stupid time machine!" he said. He stood up and rubbed his sore backside. The device lay in pieces on the floor under him.

"What is this thing, anyway? An iceberg detector? Hm." Payne put it back into its place. "Hopefully, no one will notice it's not working."

Wright: Um... sorry to interrupt, but what the heck is an "iceberg detector"?

Edgeworth: I assume the writer of this story is referring to a ship's navigational radar.

Wright: Oh, okay... but why would the one in this story be lying out on the ship's deck completely unsupervised?

Edgeworth: Yes, that would clearly be illogical on several accounts. You see, we regularly have to endure through ill-written fiction like this one.

Wright: ...Whoa, the future sounds bleak.

Payne: For once, I can agree with you, Mr. Wright...

Payne headed off the large boat, and he began step one of this evil plan: read the newspaper.

The top news article was about the arrest of Apollo Wright, Phoenix Wright's ancestor! Wright was accused of murder, and it was expected that the great Sherlock Holmes would testify as a detective.

Wright: W-whaaaat!? Is that supposed to be me!?

Edgeworth: That reminds me. What might your first name be, Mr. Wright?

Wright: Edward... and it's fine, you don't have to be so formal with me, sir. In fact, you look much older than I am...

Edgeworth: Ugh! I-I assure you I'm not as old as I may appear!

Wright: Really? How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Edgeworth: Um, 34.

Wright: Yep, you're definitely a lot older than me. I'm only 20 myself.

Edgeworth: (N-no wonder he looks so much younger than Wright!)

Wright: So, uh, who is this "Phoenix Wright" guy? Is he just someone from the film, or...?

Edgeworth: ...To put it bluntly, he's your descendant from our time.

Wright: Wha... Whaaaaaat!? But I'm only 20! It's too early for me to think about starting a family!

Edgeworth: (No one said anything about starting a family, though.)

"If I interfere with the trial, Wright will be found guilty," Payne said. "Which means he'll go to jail. He won't give birth to George Wright, who won't give birth to Marty Wright, who won't give birth to Phoenix Wright! My greatest enemy will be forever defeated!"

Wright: ...Mr. Payne?

Payne: Yes?

Wright: That person in the film is supposed to play as you, right? Why is he scheming something like this?

Payne: ...I have no idea, really.

Wright: Okay, I guess I'll take that as another "flaw" to add to the count.

Edgeworth: You'd better be prepared to endure through many more to come.

Wright: Oh, um... Yes, sir!

Edgeworth: Y-you don't have to salute me like that! Really!

Step two of Payne's plan was to disguise himself as a samurai. That way, no one would recognize him as a lawyer from the future. Besides, Simon Blackquill said that samurai outfits were comfortable.

Wright: Huh? I don't get this at all. Am I missing something?

Edgeworth: Well, you did miss a bit of the beginning, but so far, nothing really makes sense anyway, so it doesn't matter.

Wright: ...I'm starting to understand why you look so exhausted to be here.

Payne: Why in the world would dressing up like a samurai be a good idea... especially if I'm somewhere nearby Great Britain!?

Step three was the easiest part of the plan. All he had to do was step in as a prosecutor and win the trial.

Wright: Is it just me... or is this the only part that I actually understand?

Edgeworth, Payne: It's not just you.

...Payne lost in twenty minutes.

"DARN!" he shouted. He grabbed his time machine and went back to try again.

And again.

And again.

It took over forty tries, but Payne finally got the "guilty" verdict he was looking for! Doing a happy dance, Payne returned to the time machine.

All: ...

Wright: Wow, this "Winston Payne" guy isn't very good, is he?

Edgeworth: I've seen much better prosecutors, that's for sure.

Payne: ...

Wright: So... is this accurate?

Payne: Of

Now for the final, and most evil part of my plan, Payne thought, smiling viciously. I give this Court Record to my younger self, thereby ensuring that I win every trial I prosecute! It will be brilliant!

Payne: What!? H-how in any way possible is that a good idea!? The Court Record is always being updated for each individual case!

Edgeworth: Payne, I suggest you take a rest. You're starting to sound like a broken recorder.

Payne: Urf... my apologies, sir.

Wright: ...Even this prosecutor calls you "sir", huh?

Edgeworth: Well, I am Chief Prosecutor of this district.

Wright: Whoa, the Chief Prosecutor!? B-but I'm just a rookie defense attorney at the moment... Th-the difference between status is too much, sir!

Edgeworth: ...Please stop saluting me. While I'm here, I'm merely a member of the audience like you.

Alternate 1986

Wright: Huh? 1986?

Edgeworth: Well, the Payne in the story did mention that he'd return to his "younger self" and deliver the Court Record.

Wright: But how would he get there...?

Edgeworth: He has a time machine, apparently.

Wright: ...Do you people in 2026 already have time machines, or...?

Edgeworth: Not exactly. The one used in this theater is entirely a mystery of its own...

Prosecutor Payne gave a happy sigh as he leaned back in the jacuzzi. "This is the life!"

All: ...

Wright: Uh... well, he does look younger, I guess. But isn't this a little too... intrusive?

Edgeworth: Edward, was it? I can only say that you should be grateful you haven't been with us for long. We've seen much worse before...

Wright: ...I see.

"You bet it is," April May said. She ran her fingers through his thick, luscious hair. "I'm so glad I quit my job with Bluecorp to work as your personal secretary. You're so much sexier than Redd White."

Edgeworth: Urgh!?

Payne: Eeyagh!

Wright: ...?

"No one is as sexy as you," Mia Fey said. She stroked Payne's bulging biceps. All that finger-pointing in court had developed his muscles quite a bit, and he sometimes did work as a male model when he tired of legal work.

Payne: W-what's going on here!?

Edgeworth: Forget how these ladies are acting unlike themselves... What are they doing in 1986!?

Wright: Um... I'm guessing this is why it's called "Alternate 1986", huh?

Edgeworth: That's no excuse! These women should still be children at that time!

"Super sexy," Maya Fey agreed.

All: ...

Edgeworth: Now that's taking things too far.

Payne: Why did we jump into this and what does it have to do with anything...?

Wright: Er... from what I can gather, it seems the film version of you is reaping in the fruits of his success as a prosecutor?

Payne: Even then, this is too shameless! I'll have you know that I've been happily married for more than 30 years!

Winston smiled. Jacuzzi time with the gorgeous April May and the equally-gorgeous Fey sisters was his favorite way to relax after a long day at the office.

The door to the room flew open, before any inappropriate behavior occurred. "Chief Prosecutor!" a deep voice said.

Edgeworth: Chief Prosecutor...?

Wright: *whisper* (Whew. Mr. Edgeworth sure looks angry...)

Payne: *whisper* (He's the kind of man who takes his job very seriously. If he sees someone in such a position lounge around without anything better to do, it's only natural he'd be upset.)

Wright: ... *nod*

Payne sighed. "What do you want now, Edgeworth?"

Young Miles Edgeworth was a good lawyer, if a bit uptight. "I need to ask you something about the Court Record!" he said.

Payne gasped.

Edgeworth: And now I'm a part of this "alternate 1986". Wonderful.

Wright: ...Mr. Edgeworth, do you always dress like that?

Edgeworth: What do you mean?

Wright: Well, there's the jabot around your neck...

Edgeworth: It's simply a "cravat", thank you.

Five Minutes Later

"It was given to me by an old man," Payne said. "He looked like me, only older and not as attractive. Said he was a relative of mine. Told me to keep it safe."

Payne undid the locks on his high-security safe. Inside was the fabled Court Record.

Payne: ...I don't mean to repeat myself, but that Court Record-

Edgeworth: Then, please don't. Let's just keep going and pretend what we just saw never happened.

Payne: Yes, sir.

"It tells me the verdict of every trial in advance," Payne said. "That's how I always know which cases to accept. That's how I became Chief Prosecutor and a member of the Supreme Court, in under three years."

"That's impossible!" Edgeworth said.

Edgeworth: Hmm... at the very least, I'm still in character here.

Wright: Does this "Court Record" he holds really have all that much power?

Edgeworth: It's true information can become powerful... but even with the Court Record, it's impossible to determine exactly how events will transpire... especially that this is supposed to be an alternate timeline.

Wright: ...Well said, Mr. Edgeworth. You really remind me of a friend of mine.

Edgeworth: Um... Thank you. (Was that meant to be a complement?)

"It's the truth," Payne said. "Do you want to see it?"

"I...yes," Edgeworth said. In all honesty, he had come to the office to ask Payne about a completely different Court Record, but this was too good an opportunity to pass up. Edgeworth flipped through the book, which had detailed case summaries. He recognized a few of the trials that he had worked on.

When Edgeworth put the Court Record down, he found himself staring down the muzzle of a gun.

Wright: Whoa!

Edgeworth: *glare*

Payne: *sigh*

"The other Payne told me one more thing," Payne announced. "He said someday, a crazy, wild-eyed scientist or an attorney might show up, asking about that case. And if it happens…just kill him."

Payne cocked his gun and prepared to fire.

"What case?" Edgeworth asked.

Wright: I have to give this Mr. Edgeworth some credit. He sure can keep his composure at gunpoint!

Edgeworth: ...It's probably because he's already heard enough of this nonsense that he'd rather accept this result.

Wright: That's... rather grim.

"Gee, I dunno," Payne said. "I guess there was an important trial in there or something? He really should have gone into more detail."

"Indeed," Edgeworth said.

"Anyway, killing you now," Payne said. He pulled the trigger.

Payne: ...May I just object to one more thing?

Edgeworth: Of course.

Payne: I may have acted like a bigot at times in my younger years, but I would never talk or act like this.

Edgeworth: ...Is that all?

Payne: Yes, sir, that is all.

Reacting quickly, Edgeworth pulled a book from a nearby table and tried to use it as a shield. Little did he know that it was the book-shaped time machine! Also, the time machine was activated by bullets. When Payne's bullet hit the time machine, it sent Edgeworth and the Court Record back to an unknown point in time.

Edgeworth: ...

Wright: ...Well, that was convenient.

Payne: ...Um, yes. I have nothing to add.

1912. Great Britain.

It took Edgeworth a few hours to determine when and where he was. April, 1912. By coincidence, it was the same date as the first case listed in the Court Record.

Probably not a coincidence... Edgeworth thought. The Court Record said that Prosecutor W. Payne had convicted an A Wright. Edgeworth readjusted his coat and made his way to the nearest courtroom.

Edgeworth: ...And thus this pathetic excuse for a story comes to an end.

Speakers: Not quite. There's still a bit more before the epilogue.

Edgeworth: As far as I am concerned, it is over.

Speakers: Suit yourself. You still won't be able to leave right away.

As soon as he entered the building, he shouted, "OBJECTION!", purely from force of habit.

Prosecutor Payne looked at him with shock. "No! NOOOO! The Time Police are here to capture me!"

"What?" Edgeworth asked.

Wright: Ditto.

Payne turned and fled from the courtroom. The trial ended up being delayed and rescheduled for a different date, due to the lack of a prosecutor. In the new trial, Wright was found innocent, and the original timeline was restored.

Mostly restored.

Edgeworth: Let this tedious tale end already.

Speakers: *whistling "Don't Worry, Be Happy"*

Edgeworth: ...

Speakers: Alright, I think this is a good cut-off point.

Edgeworth: What are you...?

Speakers: Worry not, Mr. Edgeworth, your beloved Phoenix Wright will be returned to you shortly.

Wright: B-beloved?

Edgeworth: It's not what you think! Trust me!

Speakers: But we're taking that young man with us.

Wright: Huh? You mean I get to leave? But how do I get back?

Speakers: Wait a few seconds.

Wright: What? Wait! I still have to ask Mr. Edgeworth-


Phoenix: Ugh... is this where I think it is?

Edgeworth: ...Such a shame.

Phoenix: Huh?

Edgeworth: It was pleasant meeting your ancestor for the first time, Wright.

Phoenix: W-what are you talking about? Are you doing okay, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I'm doing just fine. And so should you, for skipping out on most of this session!

Phoenix: Why are you getting angry at me!? I wasn't better off! I was trapped in some 19th century replica of London!

Edgeworth: Anywhere is better than here, Wright.

Phoenix: ...Oh, was the fic that bad?

Edgeworth: Hmph. It wasn't the worst thing we've seen, at least.

Speakers: Now, let us return to the fic.

Phoenix: IT'S NOT OVER!?

"Carol, I'm back!" Payne called to his wife.

"Did your plan to defeat Phoenix Wright work?" she asked.

"No. The Time Police caught up to me," Payne sighed. He put down his briefcase and headed into the kitchen. "I was able to keep one thing from the other timeline, though."

Carol gasped in surprise as Payne entered the room. " that real?"

Phoenix: Okay, what's going on, and is that supposed to be an innuendo for something?

Edgeworth: Long story short, fic-Payne went back in time to 1912 and interfered in a trial where your ancestor was being held on trial. He then returned to 1986 to pass on a copy of his Court Record to his younger self. Then, a younger version of me asked about it by chance, and he fired a bullet at him. Somehow, that activated the time machine and fic-me was sent back to 1912 to correct the timeline.

Phoenix: ...You know what, forget I asked. You've been through too much, I can tell.

Payne: S-same with me, you know! This fanfic paints me as a terrible villain!

Phoenix: Right... (Oh, yeah. I forgot he was still here too.)

"You bet it is!" Payne said. He flipped his long, luscious hair. "I'm not bald anymore!"

The End

Payne: *gasp*

Phoenix, Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Er... nice wig.

Payne: I-it's clearly not a wig! This is the one moment that I can finally appreciate after all that! Leave me be!

Phoenix: (Yeesh, bald people really are sensitive about their hair, aren't they?)

Edgeworth: Good riddance. We can finally leave-

Speakers: We said there was an epilogue.

Edgeworth: Grrrk...!


"It appears I scared away the other Payne," Edgeworth said, sipping his tea. "And if the Court Record is to be believed, he no longer becomes a formidable legal powerhouse. But how do I get back to 1986?"

Edgeworth: Better yet, return to 2013 so you would actually fit in the proper timeline!

Phoenix: (I have a feeling this would be an appropriate place to joke about how he's talking to himself, but I think I'll let it slide for now.)

Edgeworth had no idea how to get out of 1912. He had accidentally dropped the book-shaped time machine, while traveling to the past. In his defense, he had been startled by the unexpected experience of travelling through time.

While Edgeworth pondered his fate, a flying train appeared in the air above the street. It landed right in front of Edgeworth, and the doors opened to reveal Detective Gumshoe.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: ...Wow. hi-tech. Even we don't have flying trains yet.

Payne: ...Why is Detective Gumshoe even here?

Phoenix: (Geez, is Edgeworth so exhausted that Payne is taking his lines now?)

"Prosecutor Edgeworth!" Gumshoe said. "We have to go back to the future, Pal!"

"It's about time!" Edgeworth said. "I've been waiting here for over twelve minutes!"

Gumshoe scratched the back of his new. "Sorry, Pal. I had trouble following the time machine instructions."

Phoenix: Wow. All that nonsense leading up to a cringe-worthy title drop.

Edgeworth: ...Now can we leave?

[The lights return.]

Edgeworth: Finally!

Speakers: Ah, we have missed this exhilaration from watching you sporkers squirm.

Phoenix: If you missed it that much, why did you leave at all...?

Edgeworth: Forget that, Wright. Let's just get going. All this talk of time travel has left me with a migraine...

Phoenix: As you said, it's better not to question it.

Payne: ...That one moment at the end was short, but it was sweet.

Phoenix: (...Glad to see someone's still leaving content.)

[Thus, did the sporkers take their leave, and Phoenix mentions something about treating Edgeworth to some drinks later to help relieve his aches. Meanwhile, back at the lobby, the teleporter is still humming quietly to itself. In another flash of light, two other characters have appeared.]

Wright: What the!? How did I get back here?

???: Hmm... so this is the fabled "Sporking Theater" that your supposed descendant spoke of.

Wright: Huh? Mr. Holmes, you're familiar with this place?

Holmes: Not particularly. However, given that we have suddenly appeared in a new location without our knowing, the impossibility of time travel has now grown to a real definite possibility.

Wright: I... see. (My descendant met with Mr. Holmes while I was away?)

Holmes: In any case, it may be troubling for us to stay here. We still have much work to attend to.

Wright: Of course. Um, excuse me, Management!

Speakers: Oh, I see our tests have been a complete success.

Wright: (...Tests?) If you don't mind, we'd like to return to our own time.

Holmes: ...Though it certainly does pique my interest to find out how much the world has changed in this past century.

Wright: Mr. Holmes, we really should get back. We can't leave those cases unsolved.

Holmes: That goes without saying... Mr. Wright.

Speakers: Very well. Let us begin.

[And in another flash, those two historic figures vanish from this time to return to their own. What will lie in store for the future of this theater? Or its past? Whatever it will be, it will be guaranteed to be fun.]

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Wed Mar 25, 2015 10:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Omg! Ryunosuke! Holmes!! :D

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Mar 25, 2015 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I finally got around to working on this sporking after finishing translations of Turnabout Combination, but I didn't get into the mood to finish it until I revisited the first case and decided to go for another round of messing with Payne. Excuse the delay.

I wasn't sure how to characterize Ryu since all we know of him is that he acts like a younger Nick. Since he comes from a different time, I tried to make him sound more polite why I was at it. (Feenie is a rude little brat, ain't he?) It was easier for Holmes, since he's basically a sillier younger more bishie version of his original character. Feel free to throw them in at your heart's content.

Spoiler: Regarding Ryu's English name
I picked it from Edward W. Barton-Wright, founder of the English martial art bartitsu, which was spelled as "baritsu" in Sir Doyle's tales of Holmes. It's my personal headcanon that It was actually this one lawyer kid who taught him a few tricks. It's also how I determined the year to choose.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 1:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Please excuse the double post, but I felt this was important to bring up. Since the backup forums seem to have been removed for some reason, a lot of our classic sporkings have vanished. If the credited authors could reupload them here or somewhere, we'd all appreciate it.

Otherwise, it means we'll have to redo those sporkings, so they'll be up for grabs. Honestly, I'm not against re-sporkings because there are always other jokes to be pulled from these oldies. Let's be creative, guys!

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 1:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Wait, does this mean we lost Phoenix's Turnabout??
...actually, I think I might have copies of those sporkings somewhere... is the original sporker still around?

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

None of the links on the first post are accessible (aside from the fanart). I haven't seen any activity from most of those guys either, so who knows if they still stop by? At least, I've heard from a follower of mine on tumblr that nevertalk may have been on a certain tumblr blog these days. For anonymity's sake, I won't say which one. Should I send him a PM and see if he responds?

Author:  luck [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 8:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Contacting all original sporkers one by one would be a pretty difficult task and we don't know for sure if they still keep the material, but I think it's worth a try.

However, if someone just happens to have all the sporkings saved for collecting purposes or something, that'd be a way easier and probably more successful solution.

And about redoing the sporkings, well, TheJettSett27 did accidentally Taste the Rainbow already, but we don' t have the links to the fics, so it's going to be hard. There's the chance that they don't even exist anymore either.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 9:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

If we were reuploading sporkings we had saved, would we put them here?

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I have my own sporkings saved because I kept the text files, but they'd be out of order and it would be hard to understand the references to other sporks I made. Plus I think that if we repost all the old sporks in this thread, it will become completely chaotic. Those were a lot of sporkings.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I found the copy of Phoenix's Turnabout I have saved, but Neni told me not to repost and to just share the dropbox link to anyone else who wanted the spork. So I guess we could all do that sort of thing? Upload the sporkings on other places and just link back here?
(Also, here is the link - can someone verify that it works? I'm on a school computer right now, so I can't do that myself, and the link is rather old.)

Author:  luck [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:32 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Well, if we somehow manage to get them all and post them in chronological order under spoilers tags, I think it could work.
But first, we should make an index of everything we have or something like that.

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

The problem is, we don't have the chronological order. The list we kept was never arranged like that.
Should we just find a way to mark old sporks and repost them entirely as spoilers?

@Airey: The link works, thank you!

Author:  luck [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

You made yourself a list in chronological order in the first page of this thread.
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:

Previous sporks in chronological order:

Taste the Rainbow, part 1 (Neni): ... &p=8841221
Taste the Rainbow, part 2 (Neni): ... &p=8841532
Franziska and Miles (Neni): ... &p=8841874
Phoenix Wright: Puppet Balls (Triplemathics): ... &p=8842462

Phoenix Wright and the Horrible Day In Court (triplemathics): ... &p=8842618
Phoenix's Turnabout: By Witch of Truth (Neni): ... &p=8843397
Phoenix Wright and the Ultimat Case of Doom (Regiwi): ... &p=8843544

The Edgeworth and Franziska Story (Inigo Montoya): ... &p=8843683
A Bad Parody (General Tommy): ... &p=8844134
Phoenix Wright: Chaotic Attorney (Triplemathics): ... &p=8844229
Phenix Wright vs Godot (Fi101): ... &p=8844286
Dick Gumsho Turnaboot Adventure (Regiwi): ... &p=8844335

Raep Time (Dark Coffee Drinker): ... &p=8844357
Pretty Pretty Prosecutor (Dark Coffee Drinker): ... &p=8844832
Hard Candy (Dark Coffee Drinker): ... &p=8845270
Turnabou Reteling (Eldariub): ... &p=8845718
Ace Attorneys, the Reel Definition of the Law (Eldariub): ... &p=8845993

A Fistful of Justice (Triplemathics): ... &p=8846466
ImPerfect Wish (Inigo Montoya): ... &p=8846611
The Greatest Mystery (Regiwi): ... &p=8846618
A Day at Edgeworth's (Pessimistic_Fool): ... &p=8850979
Thirty Ps and the Dark Decoy (Neni): ... &p=8851035
--- (Regiwi): ... &p=8851650

The Ace Attorneys Day to Larrys House and Maya Too (Indochine Ramera): ... &p=8852026
Phoenix Wright: Daring Love Confessions (aka the spork that went wrong and makes me feel bad in hindsight - pessimistic_fool): ... &p=8852162
Phenix vs Godot 2: Enemies Become Friends (Eldariub): ... &p=8853005

Truth and Dare (Triplemathics): ... &p=8875235
Complete Turnabout (fix spork - Neni): ... &p=8906733
Battle of the Cyborgs (HAHAHA): ... &p=8909404
Hospial Havoc (Regiwi): ... &p=8910271
The Fight Over Phoenix (nevertalk): ... &p=8911424
Phoenix Wright: The Endless turnabout, part 1 (nevertalk): ... &p=8914930

Ace Attorney Randomness (FranziskaVonKarmaWhippedYou): ... &p=8914990
Sleepless (Pessimistic_Fool): ... &p=8915409
Phoenix Wright: The Endless turnabout, part 2 (nevertalk): ... &p=8915490

some R18 fic (Chloe): ... &p=8915529
The Coma (FranziskaVonKarmaWhippedYou): ... &p=8915640
(^This spork was not counted as part of the "official" continuity. See Neni's comment immediately after the spork.)
The Bet (nevertalk): ... &p=8918334
Ace Attorney: The Wrong Man, the Wrong Job (nevertalk): ... &p=8920729

Shinas Discovery (drthingums): ... &p=8921036
Apollo Likes Pranks (drthingums): ... &p=8923966
Another Aging Objection (Chloe) - ... &p=8925539
Some fic from the kink meme (Wudgeous): ... &p=8926411
Manfred in Crackland (Eldariub): ... &p=8929987
Pretty Pretty Prosecutor, part 2 (Eldariub): ... &p=8950968
JAck and Fraceska (Revriley): ... &p=8954952

Hobo Edgeworth and the elevator man: ... worth2.png
Hobo Edgeworth on the stairs: ... worth1.png
Phoenix's Turnabout scene 1: ... boutp1.png
2: ... boutp2.png
3: ... boutp3.png
Pimp judge: ... -Udgey.png
Francheska Di Karma: ... 1298101385
Singing Edgeworth: ... 1298181708
Explosive cat-eared attorney: ... 1298423530
Zombie outbreak crossover: ... ipoter.png
My law skills are userless in space: ... ofDoom.png
Edgeworth's nightmare (based on Truth and Dare): ... htmare.png
Angry sporking Edgeworth: ... gement.png
Sporking Phoenix: "...Maya. Grape juice.": ... eJuice.png
Edgeworth's gaze shifted down...: ... azegif.gif
Maya dropping her donut: ... nutgif.gif
Sporking Franziska breaks free: ... Escape.png
Spider-worth: ... -worth.png
Footprint spray: ... dyBadd.png
The Sporking Theater (posted by Eldariub):

Jeez, they really are a lot. I doubt we can recover them all.

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 11:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I didn't even remember doing that. O.o
Must have been late, I guess.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Mar 26, 2015 4:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Forget it, then. I think the best option for now is to hope the admins can get the old forums back. Only if we can't recover most of them should we re-spork them.

Also, just as a heads-up, anyone who wants to upload images, don't use imageshack. Ever since they forced members to update to premium by barring future uploads, they've started to suck.

Now that I revisited those old pics, the one for Spider-worth just reminded me of this one manga I found on pixiv... Anyone interested?

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