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Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

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I finally got my writing mojo back! :gant-jazz:
And for the past few days I have worked on a chapter of a fanfiction that I haven't named yet, but I have heard that the best the best writers name there stories towards the end of writing them. I want anyone who's interested to read and critique this fanfic before I ever decide to post it on my fanfiction account.

Title: (Untitled for now)
Author: Emiko Gale
Rating: K, but I'm not sure if the rating will change to T or not.
Genre: Romance/Friendship
Status: First chapter completed but editable if needed
Pairing: Trucy/Apollo/Pearl and Phoenix/Maya (Side pairing)
Summary: Two months after the Vera Misham case Apollo and Trucy try to come in terms with the fact that they might have liked each other before they knew they were half sibblings. Apollo thinks his life is fine but can't shake this feeling in the back of his mind of wanting a love interest or girlfriend in his life. When Maya and Pearl stay at Phoenix and Trucy's apartment for winter break Apollo also becomes attracted to Pearl who is now blossoming into a young, beautiful woman at the age of 16. And for the mini love story within the love story, Phoenix and Maya's feelings for each other heat up.

Authors note: If the following pairings offend you then don't read, of course if you just want to read out of curiousity, that's fine. And...I sort of ship Apollo and Trucy regardless of knowing that the two of them are half sibblings. (Bite me!) But I also got to love Apollo/Pearl but there isn't much Apollo/Pearl stuff on the interwebs. To me Apollo may just be the prince Pearly would look for, and before anyone lectures me about age gaps, I believe that age is just a number when it comes to love, and Apollo doesn't seem like the type of man to take advantage of a teenager. Also in my headcanon, Pearl and Trucy are BFFs. And yes, I added Phoenix/Maya because I luff them. Ok, without futher ado:

Spoiler: Chapter 1 of this untitled fanfic
Apollo's POV

It's been over two months since the Vera Misham case. During that time all seemed well, I'm still close with Trucy even though learning that she's my long lost half sister was a huge shocker, it was kind of a disappointment since she seemed, somewhat attracted to me. But getting back on topic, I still visit Mr. Wright and Trucy almost every day, I have been showered with compassion by Thalassa, or should I say my long lost biological mother, and sometimes I visit Vera since I part of me doesn't want her to be lonely in that apartment. There were some crazy days where I would even hang out with that glamorous fop, Klavier and sometimes we would bump into Ema who I now consider a friend regardless of her gloominess.

Life couldn't possibly get more blessed right, being surrounded by friendly faces and life for the most part is easy going. Well it would be nice for a love interest or girlfriend in this crazy dramedy show I have for a life but romance isn't the most important part of life, I should get a tight grip on reality.

***

Normal POV

Today was a special day, or more like a special reunion, and since it was currently winter break for the students, it was a perfect time for this reunion to take place. Phoenix and Trucy planned this for awhile, the two that were going to stay at their apartment during the winter break were old but still close friends of theirs, but they also wanted to invite Apollo since Apollo was practically part of the family.

Phoenix and Trucy were cleaning up the usually messy apartment they live in, while taking a break they would call Apollo.

"I've never seen you so eager about cleaning before daddy," said the young magician.

Phoenix grinned, "Well the reason why I'm so enthusiastic about cleaning is because I don't want Maya and Pearls to think were slobs, and those two are very special to me."

Trucy giggled slightly, not just because of Phoenix mentioning Maya but also because it was bliss that Phoenix had motivation to make the apartment look nice for a change. "But once Maya and Pearl go home this place will be messy again," Trucy replied.

Phoenix pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, "I'll invite Apollo now."

Trucy quickly dashed towards Phoenix, wanting to listen to Apollo talk on the phone.

Back at Apollo's apartment Apollo was drying off his wet hair that got washed in the shower and styling it in the mirror of the tiny bathroom. It seemed like a regular day for him, then his phone rang. Placing a towel on his shoulders he grabbed his cell phone off his bedside desk to answer it. "Hello?"

"Good morning Apollo," greeted Phoenix.

Apollo was a bit surprised to get a call from Phoenix this early in the morning. "Oh, good morning Mr. Wright, what's up? Does Trucy have anything special planned today?" That was the first idea that came to Apollo's head.

Phoenix giggled, "Actually, we both have something special planned today, and we want to invite you to it, do you think you can visit our apartment at noon?"

Apollo thought about this a little, "I'm not sure Mr. Wright, things are pretty busy since it's that wonderful time of the year again, I was kind of thinking of walking around and maybe do some more Christmas shopping."

Phoenix turned his head towards Trucy, and Trucy quickly grabbed Phoenix's phone with ninja like speed. "Please come Apollo, I want you to meet my bestest friend ever," Trucy practically begged like a small child trying to egg on an adult with cute charm.

"Bestest friend ever," Apollo thought. But Apollo grinned a little, he felt like he couldn't reject Trucy's demand. "Alright Trucy, I promise I'll be there."

***
Apollo wore casual clothes today, a jumper and khaki pants on a day with grey clouds and light snowfall. As he stood in front of the door of Phoenix's and Trucy's apartment and rang the door bell, he hummed to himself a Christmas song, wondering what special event was going to happen. The door opened to reveal a cheerful Phoenix and Trucy, it was like opening a door to a magical fairytale land full of a happy light.

"Welcome Apollo, nice to have you here, as always," Phoenix greeting in a polite tone, almost too polite.

"Mr. Wright is still as strange as ever," Apollo thought.

Trucy proceeded the warm welcome by grabbing Apollo's arm and dragging him into the apartment. "Come on Apollo, we have snacks."

For some reason Apollo wanted to tease Trucy for her childlike adorableness but that thought was cancelled out by the thought of free food. Trucy took her older brother toward the living room table that was covered in packages that seemed to hold sandwiches. He kind of smelled a faint scent of hamburger meat and melted cheese.

But before anybody could start eating Apollo heard the sound of the door of Trucy's bedroom open. A young girl with brown hair that reached a few inches under her shoulders and she had hair loops on top of her head held up by hair beads. She wore a pink acolyte uniform. Apollo's eyes widened slightly at the sight of the girl. "She's cute," He thought, "But she's dressed a little weird."

"Trucy," the acolyte spoke, smiling sweetly, "Would this boy happen to be, Polly?"

Apollo smirked a little, he turned his head away so she wouldn't notice, and he stroked his hair a little, feeling awkward. "Actually my name is Apollo, I told Trucy to stop calling me Polly a long time ago. And I'm not a boy, I'm 22 years old."

The girl's hair loops fluttered a little, like two bunny ears. "I know, but Polly sounds a lot more, cuter."

"And that name reminds me of that case where Nick and I had to cross examine a parrot," said an unknown voice.

In the narrow hallway a woman with a top knot and a purple yukata was standing by the doorway of Phoenix's bedroom, she smiled at Apollo.

"Apollo, that woman over there is one of my closest friends, Maya Fey, master of Kurain village. And the young lady who prefers to call you by the name of a parrot is Pearl Fey, Maya's younger cousin, but I prefer to call her Pearls, since she is just too adorable to be called Pearl."

Apollo was dumbstruck, so many thoughts passed through his mind. But one thought stopped all the other thoughts in his mind."Wait..."

"What was that woman doing in Mr. Wright's bedroom?!?!"


Spoiler: Author's note, read after finishing the first chapter
Ok, before somebody jumps up and tells me that I just made Pearl a Mary Sue because Apollo becomes instantly attracted to her I have to say that I want Pearl to be like this because in my headcanon I imagine older Pearl being very attractive and kind of popular among guys, and it's just attraction, not love at first sight. Besides, I don't believe in Mary Sues, just poorly written characters. And if I make Pearly attractive she wouldn't be the first Ace Attorney character that is. Edgeworth attracts a lot of females (Could you blame them?) And Mia attracts a lot of males. But anyways, please let me know if there's anything you think I could improve on for this story. I am kind of thinking of making a suspenseful moment that has to do with characters being on the brink of death rather than romance, but that seems difficult.
Edit: This chapter was originally going to be longer but it was already pushing over a thousand words, but I never wrote a chapter that long before so this is an accomplishment.



Last edited by Emiko Nabile Gale on Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title
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I don't really get this Pearl/Apollo pairing, but from a literary standpoint, it's not a bad start. One critique I have, though, is that you shouldn't change perspectives so much. Pick a first person or third person narration and stick with it. Seriously, I'm sporking a story right now that changes perspectives all the time, and it's just a mess. :meekins:

If you're going for a prologue feel (like most Phoenix Wright cases), it's okay to start out in the third person and transition into a first person narration for the main story. However, the other way around feels very out of place. Otherwise, not too shabby, and I hope you come up with a title soon. :butzthumbs:
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Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

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Little_Thief wrote:
I don't really get this Pearl/Apollo pairing, but from a literary standpoint, it's not a bad start. One critique I have, though, is that you shouldn't change perspectives so much. Pick a first person or third person narration and stick with it. Seriously, I'm sporking a story right now that changes perspectives all the time, and it's just a mess. :meekins:

If you're going for a prologue feel (like most Phoenix Wright cases), it's okay to start out in the third person and transition into a first person narration for the main story. However, the other way around feels very out of place. Otherwise, not too shabby, and I hope you come up with a title soon. :butzthumbs:


Hmmm, alright, since I still got the file on microsoft word I try to keep it in first person. However, this fanfiction isn't meant to have a murder case because the thought of me making my own case seems overwelming, I'd have to ask about the who, the why, and the what. I'm already overwelmed by asking the million dollar question of how and why Apollo and Pearl will become truely infactuated with eachother and how to make it passable, and how does Apollo and Trucy's relationship effect it?
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Emiko Gale wrote:
However, this fanfiction isn't meant to have a murder case because the thought of me making my own case seems overwelming, I'd have to ask about the who, the why, and the what. I'm already overwelmed by asking the million dollar question of how and why Apollo and Pearl will become truely infactuated with eachother and how to make it passable, and how does Apollo and Trucy's relationship effect it?


I think you misunderstood me. I didn't say the fanfic should be a murder case, it clearly isn't. I said if you want to start off in third person for the prologue and then shift into first person for the rest of the story like most Phoenix Wright cases do, that's fine.

Although I will say that if you're having trouble making the Pearl/Apollo relationship plausible, you might want to rethink writing about it. Again, I'm not criticizing your pairing choices, you're free to write about any pairing you want. But if you can't think of a way to get them to fall for each other, how are you going to make the audience believe it? :yuusaku:
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Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

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Little_Thief wrote:
Emiko Gale wrote:
However, this fanfiction isn't meant to have a murder case because the thought of me making my own case seems overwelming, I'd have to ask about the who, the why, and the what. I'm already overwelmed by asking the million dollar question of how and why Apollo and Pearl will become truely infactuated with eachother and how to make it passable, and how does Apollo and Trucy's relationship effect it?


I think you misunderstood me. I didn't say the fanfic should be a murder case, it clearly isn't. I said if you want to start off in third person for the prologue and then shift into first person for the rest of the story like most Phoenix Wright cases do, that's fine.

Although I will say that if you're having trouble making the Pearl/Apollo relationship plausible, you might want to rethink writing about it. Again, I'm not criticizing your pairing choices, you're free to write about any pairing you want. But if you can't think of a way to get them to fall for each other, how are you going to make the audience believe it? :yuusaku:


My bad! D:
And yes, making Apollo/Pearl and making A love triangle with Apollo Pearl and Trucy is difficult...I'm on chapter 2 and I feel like I'm all over the place. v_v;
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

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Chapter 2 of this still untitled fanfic.

Authors note: After trials and tribulations and real life stuff getting in the way, I finally finished chapter 2. But I honestly feel like there is something about this chapter I could fix but I can't wrap my fingers around it. :gipsy: I also think I should probably change the summary for this fanfic but I'm not really sure. Anyways please enjoy, this chapter is longer than the first so I hope you guys like lengthy chapters. I also hope to get my ideas for oneshots fleshed out so I could post them on this forum.

Spoiler: chapter 2
After Phoenix snapped the shocked Apollo back to life everyone sat in the living room and snacked on hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches and watched episodes of The Steal Samurai. Phoenix and Maya told stories about the good old days they had together and the cases they would solve together. Apollo finally had answers to why Phoenix kept on getting samurai dvds in the mail and where the magatama came from. Apollo was often thinking that Phoenix and Trucy were strange enough, and Maya and Pearl just added to the strangeness.

"Burgers and grilled cheese, what a strange meal, not to mention unhealthy," said Apollo.

Phoenix smiled, "I'm more of a grilled cheese sandwich guy, I get tired of these burgers after eating them too often."

Maya was sitting next to Phoenix on a love seat, she smirked after hearing Phoenix's last comment, "Aww Nick! Grilled cheese isn't nearly as tasty as burgers, it's just cheese and bread. Besides, burgers can't be completely unhealthy if you can get practically all parts of the food pyramid in a burger."

Phoenix grabbed hold of Maya and held her close to his chest, Apollo stared at Phoenix's seemingly romantic action. Pearl and Trucy also stared at those two, with sparkles in their eyes.

"That may be true Maya, but you barely ever put vegetables on a burger, only sometimes I can convince you to put pickled relish or lettuce on a burger, maybe next time I could buy you vegetarian burgers," Phoenix said in a somewhat flirty tone.

Maya blushed slightly, she rested her head against Phoenix's chest. "Alright Nick."

Apollo's eyes widened, he was slightly mesmerized by what he just witnessed. "Did Mr. Wright, just, egg her on" he thought.

But as Apollo stared at the scene that seemed straight out of a romantic movie, Pearl went into fan girl mode. "Ahhh! Mr. Nick and mystic Maya's relationship is so beautiful!"

After hearing Pearl's fan girl squeal Apollo's eyes shot at Pearl. Her eyes were sparkling as if some sparkle fairy tossed pixie dust into them, and Trucy was smiling and joining in Pearl's happiness.

Apollo finally broke the ice that was holding the joyous moment that everyone was in. "Um, why is Pearl so, happy?"

Maya opened her eyes and escaped herself from Phoenix's arms. "Oh Apollo, you were watching us? How embarrassing," even though Maya was embarrassed she was still as chipper as everyone else around here, well except Apollo who felt like he was trapped in a romantic episode of a sitcom.

"Um," Apollo lost his train of thought so he stroke his forehead with his index finger, "No, don't be, I probably should've expected something like this to happen since you gave Mr. Wright that magatama."

"You're right Pearl! The relationship between my daddy and Maya is amazing! A magatama is a much better gift to give than a promise ring, and the best part is that magatama could be used for magic tricks."

Apollo covered his face with his hand, "ugh!"

Pearl giggled at Trucy's ambition and Apollo's reaction and then an idea hit her. "Polly, would you, possibly, want a magatama," she asked shyly.

Apollo was surprised, he wondered if Pearl was trying to copy Maya's endearment to Phoenix by giving him a magatama, this seemed kind of sudden.

"Um," Apollo blinked from nervousness.

Pearl moved closer to Apollo, her young beauty was somewhat enchanting to him. "It could help you on future cases like it helped Mr. Nick."

That was a great idea, but Apollo was still nervous. "...I'm not sure, the thought of using spiritual power to see locks on people's hearts makes me feel, uneasy."

Trucy banged on the living room table in protest, just her adoptive father did in the good old days. "But Apollo, you have a magic bracelet that makes your vision more sharp! Besides, if my best friend decides to give you something nice I say take it!"

Apollo nearly fell over in shock, and he felt a bit guilty. "I,--It's not like I didn't think it was a nice gesture--"

"--It's ok," Pearl said calmly.

Apollo felt at ease now. "A lot of people don't want to believe in spiritual power at first anyway," Pearl said in a somewhat sad tone.

Trucy sat back down, "Alright then, let's not be hasty, we can talk about this another time. Hey Apollo, can you take Pearl and I to see a movie?"

Apollo was confused, "Trucy, we just saw a marathon of The Steel Samurai, do you really want to see a movie?"
Trucy walked over and placed her arm around Apollo, "Oh Polly, I want to build memories with you and Pearly," Trucy placed her other arm around Pearl's shoulder.

Trucy held her brother and best friend close to her, "besides, with us gone Daddy and Maya can be alone."

After Trucy said that, Phoenix and Maya smiled in unison like an old married couple, and Pearl blushed.

"Remember Mr. Nick, you and Mystic Maya aren't getting any younger," said Pearl trying to egg the two adults on.

***

Apollo, Trucy, and Pearl walked to a movie theater that was almost as fancy as the Gatewater hotel but didn't completely make a poor person's wallet cry in pain. The walk was certainly interesting since Apollo was walking with two cute teenage girls who looked as if they were ready for Halloween, as they walked some people stared, mostly boys.

They made their decision to watch a romance, drama, and suspense movie even though Trucy and Pearl won majority vote and Apollo decided to give the movie a try just for the heck of it. They were about to buy snacks until they heard the voices of obsessed fan girls.

"Oh my gosh! It's the vocalist from the Gavinners!"

"He's even hotter up close!"

"His hair is so beautiful!"

"Oh no. Not again,"Apollo thought, he started to break out in a nervous sweat.

"What's going on?" Asked Pearl.

Before they knew it, the glamorous prosecutor/rock star approached the three of them. He gave the same smirk he usually gives to Apollo and at the same time he was eyeballing Trucy and Pearl.

"Mr. Gavin!" Trucy was very happy to run into Klavier Gavin in a movie theater of all places.

"Herr Forehead, I must say I'm impressed, you get to see a movie with two fine ladies." He walked closer to Pearl, which made her confused, "But I have never seen this Fräulein before."

Trucy blushed a little, "She's my best friend, we just live far apart from each other."

Apollo placed his finger on his forehead, analyzing how Klavier was using his charm on Pearl. Once again he was a bit envious on how good Klavier was at picking up girls, but at the same time he was a bit nervous with this glamorous fop trying to flirt with Pearl.

"Um, Prosecutor Gavin, you probably shouldn't flirt with Pearl, she's like a second daughter to Mr. Wright, you know," said Apollo.

Klavier seemed to have ignored every word Apollo said as he was still staring at Pearl with his dreamy gaze.

"Poor excuse," Apollo thought.

Klavier grabbed Pearl's hand and kissed it, which shocked Trucy and caused Apollo to break out into a nervous sweat again.

"Pearl, a lovely name for a lovely Fräulein, I am Klavier Gavin of the Gavinners."

Pearl blushed a little, she never thought she would ever thought she would meet a rock star in real life, and this rock star was like a prince she would dream of.


Spoiler: author's note, read after the chapter
Yeah, I know I probably shouldn't of ended the chapter off there. But this chapter was pushing 1,300 words, and I guess this kind of makes you wonder what will happen next. So feedback is appreciated especially since I feel like I could've written this chapter better and I feel like I may have screwed up somewhere.

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Quote:
Spoiler: author's note, read after the chapter
Yeah, I know I probably shouldn't of ended the chapter off there. But this chapter was pushing 1,300 words, and I guess this kind of makes you wonder what will happen next. So feedback is appreciated especially since I feel like I could've written this chapter better and I feel like I may have screwed up somewhere.


Question: Why is that a problem? Sometimes, longer chapters help the story flow more. If you feel that there's more to add, then add more.

On another note, I'm not sure what purpose Klavier serves in this story. If he's meant to enact a love triangle (quadrangle?), then it would've been helpful to mention that in the summery.

Otherwise, it's not bad. I especially like the dinner scene, which shows how Phoenix and Maya's relationship had evolved and that Pearl is still the incurable romantic she always was.
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Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

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Little_Thief wrote:
Quote:
Spoiler: author's note, read after the chapter
Yeah, I know I probably shouldn't of ended the chapter off there. But this chapter was pushing 1,300 words, and I guess this kind of makes you wonder what will happen next. So feedback is appreciated especially since I feel like I could've written this chapter better and I feel like I may have screwed up somewhere.


Question: Why is that a problem? Sometimes, longer chapters help the story flow more. If you feel that there's more to add, then add more.

On another note, I'm not sure what purpose Klavier serves in this story. If he's meant to enact a love triangle (quadrangle?), then it would've been helpful to mention that in the summery.

Otherwise, it's not bad. I especially like the dinner scene, which shows how Phoenix and Maya's relationship had evolved and that Pearl is still the incurable romantic she always was.


:udgy: I'm not sure, I thought if I made the chapter too long it would seem like overkill. And I meant to put Klavier there for comic relief, but I guess he was not funny. He see's that Apollo has two dates to a movie, he's impressed and decides to tease him since that's his specialty. Oh and thank you, I thought the Phoenix/Maya scene was too cheesy and I may have strayed to far from Phoenix and Maya's characters.
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

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Time for a oneshot! And this is a very long oneshot that took me weeks to make. I should be working on my current fanfic but I have real life responsibilities and drama attracking me, and this idea randomly came to me and I had to get it down on paper. But I'm a bit nervous, this is my first time writing anything with homosexual romance and incest. I hope it's not too bad. This was originally going to be a v-day gift for my fellow Phoenix/Edgeworth shippers, but my laziness kind of prevented that. And as usual if the following pairings offend you please don't bother to read.

Title: Talk is Cheap (An AU Phoenix Wright Fanfic. Possibly some OOC.)
Author: Emiko Gale
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Drama
Pairing(s): Phoenix/Edgeworth and Dahlia/Iris

Summary: Phoenix and Edgeworth have been friends since elementary school and have been together through thick and thin. Their feelings for eachother that they usually hide only heat up because of an upcoming school dance. (I know the summary sucks but I don't want to make things too predictable.)

Spoiler: Talk is Cheap
Class is now over at Maroon High School, and the students either walked home, waited for their parents to pick them up, or rode the bus. But even though home was the desired destination for these students, the front of the school was still filled with high school kids. Two fifteen year old boys sat on a wooden bench away from the after school chaos, their names are Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth. Phoenix had jet black spiked hair and wore a royal blue t-shirt and shorts. Miles on the other hand had lovely groomed silvery hair, and was dressed refined. He was the only boy in school who wore a cravat. The two have been friends since they were in the second grade and always sat together after school waiting for their parents to pick them up, they enjoyed this time of the day.

"Wright, are you sure you'll be ok at the dance, you're a bit, socially awkward," said a nervous, concerned Edgeworth.

Phoenix felt like Edgeworth was being awkward, he hasn't really said much for the past 20 minutes since they got to their usual spot, it made Phoenix a little upset. "I'm surprised you're even coming to the dance in the first place Edgeworth, you don't like school dances."

Phoenix's suspicion made Edgeworth nervous, he grabbed a water bottle out of his book bag and drank some of the water, swallowing hard.

"I, just want to keep a watchful eye out for you," Edgeworth whispered.

Phoenix smiled, which shocked Edgeworth. "It will be fun Edgeworth, it's not like the ceiling will fall on top of us during the dance, But still, I'm really lucky to have a friend like you--"

"--Feenie," cried a gentle voice.

Edgeworth felt his heart drop a little after hearing that voice. A beautiful fourteen year old girl with ebony black hair appeared from behind a tree.

"Hey Iris, what's up?" Phoenix asked politely.

Iris blushed, "I wanted to talk to you about the school dance on Friday."

Edgeworth drank some more water to help him keep his composure, he wanted to groan right now. He didn't consider Iris a bad person but he could never shake this negative feeling he had around her, especially when she was around Phoenix.

Phoenix was completely oblivious to Edgeworth's current facial reactions. "What do you want to ask?"

Iris placed her hands behind her back and crossed her feet. "I was wondering if you could--"

"Iris!" Cried a cold voice.

A girl with ruby red hair appeared from behind the same tree Iris was hiding behind, she was Iris's twin sister Dahlia.

"Dahlie," Iris said, shocked.

Dahlia had a blank expression on her face, but she was glaring a little as well.

"Our step mother has came to pick us up," Dahlia said bluntly.

Iris felt sad as if something precious to her broke, she hesitated for a moment.

Dahlia's stare turned darker, "Iris!"

"...Ok," Iris muttered, and so they left, leaving the two boys behind.

Edgeworth's mind was at peace now, so much that he smirked a little. Phoenix, on the other hand, was a bit sad that Iris left abruptly.

"Lovely ladies, aren't they?" Edgeworth said, slightly sarcastic.

Phoenix giggled, "Yeah, they are."

"Iris," Edgeworth paused a little, this was painful for him to say, "seems to be infatuated with you--"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Cried a very loud and dramatic voice.

Someone crashed into Phoenix and Edgeworth from behind, and both of them fell to the ground. Phoenix and Edgeworth turned to see who attacked them, but they weren't very surprised when they found out the person who attacked them was their "special" friend, Larry Butz. Larry had a shocked expression on his face and he was broken down in a nervous sweat.

Phoenix covered his face with his hand due to slight annoyance, and for some reason he was covering his left knee with his other hand. Edgeworth stared at Larry's petrified state, then he crossed his arms and tapped his finger, which was a non-verbal way to ask Larry for an explanation.

"NICK! You can't go to the dance with my sweet Iris because I was gonna ask her to the dance !" Larry yelled.
Phoenix blinked, "Larry, I didn't ask iris to go to the dance with me, and she didn't ask me."

Just then, an idea rose to Edgeworth's mind, a pleased smile formed on his lips. "But, if you wish to ask Miss Hawthorne to the dance, by all means, do so."

Larry was very surprised, "R-Really?!"

Phoenix smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Yes Larry, I give you a fighting chance."

Larry, now filled with confidence gave his signature thumbs up. "OK! I'm going to head to her place and recite a scene from Romeo and Juliet!"

And with that, he charged off.

Phoenix giggled for a moment, but then he groaned slightly due to pain.

"Wright! Your knee is bleeding!" cried Edgeworth.

Phoenix looked at his hand and saw a bit of ruby blood on his hand, and on his left knee little by little blood was escaping an open wound.

Edgeworth grabbed his handkerchief and used the remains of his bottled water to wet it, then he pressed it against Phoenix's wound.

Phoenix blushed slightly, "Thanks Edgeworth."
Edgeworth looked up and stared into Phoenix's eyes, which caused both boys to have chills. Phoenix's eyes sparkled at the sight of Edgeworth's worried eyes. This was one of the few moments where they were so close. They tried to keep their distance due to the fear of being judged. But nobody was around as far as they knew, the moment was all their's.

Phoenix decided to break the silence by saying something sentimental. "You know Edgeworth, Iris is a nice girl and all, and I know I'm missing out opportunities to ask one of the most beautiful girls to the dance, but I'd rather spend time at the dance with you, I just hope I don't catch a cold on the day of the dance."

Edgeworth blushed, "If you can't come it would be quite lonely."

Edgeworth reached out his hand for Phoenix, Phoenix smiled and took Edgeworth's hand.

"If I'm not there I'm sure your fan girls will keep you company," said Phoenix.

***


On the night of the dance, disco lights floated around the room, music blared, and romance was in the atmosphere. Phoenix and Edgeworth entered the school building in fancy tuxedos, but when they got to the entrance of the gym they both felt nervous and uneasy.

Edgeworth forced himself to calm down, for Phoenix's sake.

"Shall we go in?" Edgeworth asked.

Phoenix nodded, and as they opened the door there were flashing lights and dancing students. They wanted to bust a few moves and express themselves on the dance floor but the truth is they were not experts on dancing and they didn't want to make fools out of themselves. Instead the two boys sat in the chairs that were away from the dancing. They couldn't have a usual relaxing talk because the music was too load, but to ease the boredom Edgeworth decided to politely get fruit punch for Phoenix and him.

As Phoenix waited for his best friend to return, a boy sat next to him. Phoenix was busy daydreaming but snapped back to reality when he realized the boy sitting next to him was Larry, who looked like he was in despair and pitifully drank punch out of a plastic cup.

"Larry, what happened?" Phoenix asked in concern for his hopeless friend.

Larry gulped down the rest of his punch like a man trying to wash away his worries with alcohol. "It's Iris, she didn't accept me or reject me, and to top it all off, she isn't here."

"Feenie, Larry."

It turns out Iris really was at the dance, but why she is seen now is unknown. She was wearing a purple dress.

"Iris! You're here!" Larry got all excited and tried to offer the chair next to him for her.

Phoenix on the other hand, didn't know what to say.

Iris stood her ground, she looked like she was about to break from nervousness.

"Larry, I'm sorry for rejecting you but there's something I really want to ask Feenie," Iris spoke clearly.

Larry went into despair again, he fell back in his chair. "Why Nick? Just Why?"

Phoenix twiddled his thumbs, he couldn't keep good eye contact with Iris at the moment.

Iris cleared her throat and then tried to ask the golden question. "Feenie can I--?"

Iris stopped after she noticed Edgeworth returned, with two cups of punch. Phoenix turned his head to stare at his closest friend. One stare and he already knew the answer to Iris's unfinished question.

Phoenix's lowered his head in sorrow. "I'm sorry Iris, I can't dance with you."

Part of Iris's universe broke after that, she felt like she was going to break down and cry but then she felt her sister grab her arm.

Dahlia glared at Phoenix. "I've heard enough," she barked, "Stay away from my sister you idiot!"

With that, the Hawthorne sisters walked out of the gym. Dahlia took her sister into a place in the hallway where they can be hidden. She pinned Iris against the wall.

"I knew he would break you," Dahlia said darkly.

Tears formed from Iris's eyes, and she sobbed softly.

Dahlia stroked Iris's hair. "You don't need to worry though, because I accept the love you have for me.

Iris's eyes widened upon hearing that.

Dahlia used her cute charm on her own sister. "Your heart will be forever connected to mine, because you do love me, don't you Iris."

It was true, Iris was in love with Phoenix but she also had romantic feelings for her twin sister, but she never thought Dahlia would accept her feelings.

"Y-Yes, I love you, my dear sister!" Iris uttered.

Iris slowly moved closer, she wasn't completely confident about kissing her sister yet. Dahlia took the initiative and pressed her lips against her sister's. An act that began to rebuild the broken parts of Iris's universe.

***


Meanwhile back in the gym, a slow dance song played after Dahlia and Iris left. Phoenix felt bad for the heartbroken Iris but at the same time he couldn't ignore the floating lights, romantic music, and couples dancing. Phoenix got off his seat and turned to Edgeworth. "Would you please, follow me, Edgeworth?"

Edgeworth had a handsome smile on his face. "Of course, my dear friend."

Edgeworth gently grabbed Phoenix's hand and the two of them walked into the center of the dance floor, where a majority of the students seemed too busy dancing together to notice Phoenix and Edgeworth's questionable hand holding.

Phoenix and Edgeworth were face to face, feeling nervous and hearts pounding. Phoenix couldn't contain his feelings anymore, his eyes sparkled as he stared at Edgeworth's nervous face.

"Edgeworth, I want to thank you for always being there for me when school life was tough, and I want to tell you that I have fallen for you."

Edgeworth's heart did a back flip. "Phoenix!" This was one of the few times when Edgeworth called Phoenix by his first name.

"I love you Miles Edgeworth!" Phoenix screamed from his heart.

Edgeworth quickly grabbed the back of Phoenix's neck with his fingers. "Wright please, talk is cheap."

Edgeworth locked lips with Phoenix, his kiss caused tears to flow from Phoenix's eyes. The students began to take notice, all of them with shocked reactions. Phoenix and Edgeworth broke their kiss and pressed their heads together.

"Wright and Edgeworth are gay for each other!" A student cried in an immature tone.

The music stopped, and some students started laughing.

"Wright is gay, was there ever any doubt?"

"Oh no! Miles is too hot to be gay!"

The insults and laughter continued. Phoenix and Edgeworth had the urge to punch some students out but decided to keep their composure. They had no regrets. Edgeworth grabbed Phoenix's hand and glared at some of the students.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A familiar ear piercing scream cried out and sent a majority of students into shock.

Phoenix clenched Edgeworth's hand. The scream was like something out of a horror movie, and it came from outside the gym. But everyone knew that scream came from Larry Butz which caused most of the students to leave the gym to see what happened. Phoenix and Edgeworth stayed behind. Now the students decided to poke fun at Larry.

"Did someone rape Butz?"

"Don't flatter him! Butz isn't worth raping!"

When the students got out of the gym they were shocked to see a white faced Larry and the Hawthorne twins, as a lesbian couple.

Iris had her arms around Dahlia. Seeing all the high school students staring at her and Dahlia made her nervous. Dahlia rested her head against Iris's chest, she gave an evil smile to the high school students.

Back at the gym, the atmosphere was once again calm. Phoenix and Edgeworth smiled at each other. Regardless of what happened tonight they couldn't forget that they finally confessed to each other.

Phoenix's grin widened, he hugged Edgeworth and rubbed his cheek against Edgeworth's cheek like a kitten, which made Edgeworth blush.

"Phoenix." Edgeworth said in a pleased tone.

Phoenix stopped and held Edgeworth's hand. "Let's go to my place."

***


It was a long walk home, but Phoenix and Edgeworth were walking hand and hand so it didn't matter. And it was a beautiful night. Why waste such a beautiful night at a dance with snobby students? When they got home they noticed Phoenix's 8 year old next door neighbor Maya Fey sitting in a lawn chair in front of her house.

Her eyes sparkled and she was smiles as she dashed toward the fence to greet Phoenix and Edgeworth. But when she noticed Phoenix and Edgeworth were holding hands she got confused.

"Phoenix, Edgeworth...Why are you two holding hands?" The innocent girl asked.

Edgeworth's heart started pounding and Phoenix broke out into a nervous sweat.

Phoenix cradled the back of his head with his free hand, trying to keep his cool. "Well, um, you see Maya--"

18 year old Mia Fey came out of the house after finding out Phoenix and Edgeworth were home. "Phoenix, Edgeworth. You two are home early--," she then noticed Phoenix and Edgeworth were holding hands, "oh my--!"

Mia stood next to her kid sister as she stared at the embarrassed teenage boy couple, she blushed slightly as if she could feel the aura of their love. "I guess you two boys had fun at that dance," Mia uttered.

Edgeworth smirked and stared at the night sky. "The dance was adequate, but I'd rather spend the night alone with my--," Edgeworth paused, "...Special someone."

Phoenix placed his arm around Edgeworth. "Were going to head over to my place now."

And the two male love birds walked off.

"Please come over tomorrow because we're gonna grill some juicy burgers," cried Maya.

Seeing Phoenix and Edgeworth together surprisingly brought joy to Maya's heart. but she was still confused.

Maya looked up to her older sister. "Sis, I didn't know two boys could become, lovers."

Mia patted her little sister on the head. "I'll talk to you about that later Maya."

As Phoenix and Edgeworth got to the door of Phoenix's house they stopped for a moment.

Edgeworth felt a bit uneasy, "Phoenix, I wonder how your parents will react..." Edgeworth pressed one of his hands against his face in worry.

Phoenix kissed Edgeworth on the cheek. "It will be fine Miles. Whenever something went wrong, it never changed my feelings for you."


Spoiler: Author's note, read after reading the fanfic.
Hahaha! Iris got rejected! xD *ahem* Anyway, I'm really sorry if anyone got offended by the rape joke in this fanfic. I do not support them or find them funny (Ok, I admit, I'm not perfect. I thought one particaular rape joke was funny) but when I was writing this fanfiction I imagined Phoenix and Edgeworth being in a school full of arrogant students. (Like I was -_-) Please give me some feedback, and if this fanfic isn't too terrible I'll post it on my abandoned fanfiction.net account. I may make a sequel to this that will involve more P/E goodness and Lana/Mia, and maybe even Maya/Ema but I'm not so sure.

Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title
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Mrs. Jeon Jungkook ♥

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Emiko Gale wrote:
Edgeworth locked lips with Phoenix, his kiss caused tears to flow from Phoenix's eyes. The students began to take notice, all of them with shocked reactions. Phoenix and Edgeworth broke their kiss and pressed their heads together.


... Is it weird that I was crying like a big baby?

The beginning was quite fun, just with all the ups and downs
But suddenly, we’re tired, from a waste of meaningless emotions

시작은 뭐 즐거웠었네 오르락내리락 그 자체로 어느새 서로 지쳐버렸네 의미 없는 감정소모에

Trivia 轉 : Seesaw
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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Mary Faraday wrote:
Emiko Gale wrote:
Edgeworth locked lips with Phoenix, his kiss caused tears to flow from Phoenix's eyes. The students began to take notice, all of them with shocked reactions. Phoenix and Edgeworth broke their kiss and pressed their heads together.


... Is it weird that I was crying like a big baby?


Daaaawwww! =>.<= Nah, it's not weird. Sometimes when I see fictional gay or lesbian couples have a big moment I start tearing up.


Btw, thank you so much for reading. :D
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9056334/1/P ... ouble-Dash For anyone who is interested in reading the prologue chapter of this new Ace Attorney Mario crossover I made.

Title: Phoenix and Maya: Double Dash
Author: Emiko Gale
Rating: K+ (rating may change later)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Status: In progress
Pairing: Phoenix/Maya, Luigi/Daisy, Mario/Peach
Summary: AU. 4 months after case 3-5, Phoenix and Maya decide to take a driver's test. But Maya accidently grabs a magic crystal that teleports Phoenix and Maya to Isle Delfino right before the Isle Delfino Double Dash Cup, where they will learn to become kart racers.
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I've felt worse.

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Well, no obvious grammatical errors so far. It flows decently, although weren't there eight pairs of racers in Double Dash? And wasn't the beach on Isle Delfino called Sirena Beach? Eh... who cares.
Overall, it's still a decent read. If you think you can pull off another chapter without falling asleep, go right ahead.
Image
"It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up. Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough." -Stanford Pines, Gravity Falls
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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sumguy28 wrote:
Well, no obvious grammatical errors so far. It flows decently, although weren't there eight pairs of racers in Double Dash? And wasn't the beach on Isle Delfino called Sirena Beach? Eh... who cares.
Overall, it's still a decent read. If you think you can pull off another chapter without falling asleep, go right ahead.


I thought baby Mario and baby Luigi with there adult conterparts would cause a paradox...then again I forgot about Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time ._.
And I got rid of any other racing characters that would be weirdly placed.
Check Isle Delfino on Super Mario Wiki and see there are 4 Mario Kart racetracks.

Thank you so much for reviewing. :)
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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Second chapter of Phoenix and Maya: Double Dash finally up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9056334/2/P ... ouble-Dash
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Emiko Gale wrote:
Second chapter of Phoenix and Maya: Double Dash finally up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9056334/2/P ... ouble-Dash


A pleasant little filler chapter. Although I'm a little confused why Mia would be so accepting of Nick taking Maya out to a hazardous kart racing tournament. I interpret Mia in the games as a protective big sister. I guess she trusts him that much with her little sis.

Also, I know you kind of have quite a bit of work on your plate, but is that Clarence Wright Fan Fic still somewhere on the backburner?
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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Gnobo wrote:
Emiko Gale wrote:
Second chapter of Phoenix and Maya: Double Dash finally up.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9056334/2/P ... ouble-Dash


A pleasant little filler chapter. Although I'm a little confused why Mia would be so accepting of Nick taking Maya out to a hazardous kart racing tournament. I interpret Mia in the games as a protective big sister. I guess she trusts him that much with her little sis.

Also, I know you kind of have quite a bit of work on your plate, but is that Clarence Wright Fan Fic still somewhere on the backburner?


Lol! Jeez, never thought of that. Thanks for reading. ^-^

*sigh* Sort of...right now I'm a bit discouraged and I have a few One Piece fanfics in mind. The idea I have for Renny is just a mere drabble, and I want Renny to have something more than that, so to speak. v_v;

If only there was another fanfic author in the P/M club.
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Emiko Gale wrote:
If only there was another fanfic author in the P/M club.


Even though he doesn't post that often I think nevertalk makes really good P/M fanfics ("Turnabout Catalyst" and "Can't Sleep on a Night Like This" to give some examples of his work).

He's also the Moderator of the fantastic Ask Ace Attorney tumblr blog which I highly recommend you read. He even gave an in-depth analysis on Phoenix and Maya's relationship.

(BTW, nevertalk if you're reading this, could you give us your input on Nick and Maya having a son in the future?)

Oh, and there's also icer, who is actually the one responsible for me being a P/M fan in the first place.
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Ace Sidekick!

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Gnobo wrote:
Emiko Gale wrote:
If only there was another fanfic author in the P/M club.


Even though he doesn't post that often I think nevertalk makes really good P/M fanfics ("Turnabout Catalyst" and "Can't Sleep on a Night Like This" to give some examples of his work).

He's also the Moderator of the fantastic Ask Ace Attorney tumblr blog which I highly recommend you read. He even gave an in-depth analysis on Phoenix and Maya's relationship.

(BTW, nevertalk if you're reading this, could you give us your input on Nick and Maya having a son in the future?)

Oh, and there's also icer, who is actually the one responsible for me being a P/M fan in the first place.


I have read "Can't Sleep on a Night Like This" and it was awesome. And Icer made you a P/M fan?
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He sure did! Phoenix and Iris was actually my OTP before I joined the club. Then I read icer's P/M Evidence List which made me realize how much more development Phoenix and Maya had with each other than Phoenix did with Iris.
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Ace Sidekick!

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Gnobo wrote:
He sure did! Phoenix and Iris was actually my OTP before I joined the club. Then I read icer's P/M Evidence List which made me realize how much more development Phoenix and Maya had with each other than Phoenix did with Iris.


Wow!...I'd give my two cents on P/I...but everytime I do someone gets mad at me.
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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Ok, finally got the first part of the prologue published. x_x

Title: Clarence Wright: Ace Attorney
Author: Emiko Gale. Co written with Gnobo.
Rating: T
Genre: Crime and Humor (But there is some romance, friendship, family, and drama.)
Status: In progress
Pairing: Phoenix/Maya, Gumshoe/Maggey, Klavier/Franziska, Apollo/Pearl, and possibly Ron/Dessie
Summary: Clarence Wright, the son of Phoenix Wright and Maya Fey, has dedicated himself to carrying his father's legacy as a defense attorney. He has also trained himself to use the spiritual powers of his mother, the Master of the Kurain Channeling Technique. Can he prove to the world that he is a truly worthy successor to the legendary Phoenix Wright? AU-ish, and multiple pairings.

Prologue Part 1
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Forgot to update.

Title: Fool! I like you!
Author: Emiko Gale
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/Drama
Status: Complete
Pairing: Klavier/Franziska, one-sided Klavier/Ema and other implied pairings.
Summary: AU! Despite being a hot blooded Von Karma, Franziska has a soft spot for the foolish Klavier Gavin and she cannot stand his advancements toward Detective Ema Skye. Klavier/Franziska with onesided Klavier/Ema and a bunch of other implied pairings. (If the idea of Klavier/Franziska romantic pairing offends you please leave.)

Ok, now for the fanfic.
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Foolish foolhardy fools...

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Just read Talk is Cheap, the unnamed P/M fanfic, and Fool! I Love You! and just wanted to say that they made my day. :phoenix:

Just some stuff I want to say, anyway:

Talk is Cheap: The first Phoenix/Edgey fanfic I've read (sorry, I'm new to this!), and it's really good! Can you make Chapter 3 when you have time? Pleeeeeeeeaseeeeee! :yuusaku:
The unnamed one: Great; you should make a sequel! I loved the Phoenix/Maya, it went really well, and Apollo/Pearls, a unique pairing but nonetheless sweet. :pearl: :odoroki: :maya:
Fool! I Love You: This one is my favourite. I think I've converted to shipping Klavier/Franziska but I'll always like Klavier/Ema. And I also love the jealousy over Ema with the Gavin brothers. :franny: :kyouya: :franny: I think this needs another chapter so, so bad! :garyuu:
Klavier and Franziska seem like such a good couple now! And they're both German, so they have a lot more in common than, let's say, Phoenix. :edgy:

Have an awesome day! :shoe:
Please don't hate meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Ace Sidekick!

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Wow, thank you so much! :D Those kind words totally made my day.

Well let's see...Talk is Cheap and Fool I like You! are going to stay oneshots for now...I do plan on making more Klavier/Franziaka fanfics but I got my hands full with other fanfics...Like Clarence Wright. (Link in my sig.)

As for the untitled fanfic...I think that was just a warm since it has been forever since I have written any fanfiction...But tell you what, I still have it saved just in case I want to pick it up and write more.

I'm not good at making promises and I don't want to bite off more than I can chew.

But still, thank you so much! <3 And have an awesome day.
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Foolish foolhardy fools...

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Emiko Gale wrote:
Wow, thank you so much! :D Those kind words totally made my day.

Well let's see...Talk is Cheap and Fool I like You! are going to stay oneshots for now...I do plan on making more Klavier/Franziaka fanfics but I got my hands full with other fanfics...Like Clarence Wright. (Link in my sig.)

As for the untitled fanfic...I think that was just a warm since it has been forever since I have written any fanfiction...But tell you what, I still have it saved just in case I want to pick it up and write more.

I'm not good at making promises and I don't want to bite off more than I can chew.

But still, thank you so much! <3 And have an awesome day.


It's OK! I can't wait for other Klavier/Franziska fanfics and the rest of Clarence Wright! (I just read it a minute ago :edgy: )
Please don't hate meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Re: Emiko Gale's fanfics (please critique)Topic%20Title

Ace Sidekick!

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The second chapter of Clarence Wright is finally posted.
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