Two guys and one girl are missing from class, and suddenly one guy bursts in, naked, grinning like an idiot.
The supply teacher asks him where he's been.
"I was doing press-ups on Strawberry Hill." He says, smiling. The supply tells him to go and put on clothes from the P.E. department. Then, after he leaves, another naked guy runs in, smiling
"I was doing press-ups on strawberry hill!" He says, before the supply has a chance to ask. Then he goes to find clothes.
Finally, the girl walks in naked, looking a bit sad for herself.
"I was..." She starts, but is cut off by the supply teacher.
"Doing press-ups on strawberry hill, yeah I know." says the teacher, then tells her to get clothes

Later, she lines the three of them up.
"Okay I want your three names. You first."
"Ethan Jones"says boy1
"Kent Smith" says boy2
"Strawberry, miss. Strawberry Hill" said the girl

A man is doing a survey for some reason. He goes to an apartment complex, and knocks on the first door. When the guy answers it, the man says, "Hi, I'm doing a survey. What's your name?" The guy replies "Sam." Then the man asks, "What's your favorite thing to do?" and the guy answers "Watch bubbles in the bath."

The man goes to the next door, and when the next guy answers it he says, "Hi, I'm doing a survey. What's your name?" The guy replied "Bill." Then the man asks, "What's your favorite thing to do?" and the guy answers "Watch bubbles in the bath."

The man gets this strange response from everyone in the apartment complex. Once he's done asking them, he goes to the place next door. He knocks, and a cute girl answers. The man says, "Hi, I'm doing a survey. What's your name?" The girl replies, "Bubbles!"

coconut!

Okay, a teacher asks a student to learn the first letter of the alphabet (he's dumb, right? so he goes home and asks his mum. she's on the phone, and when she asks him she yells 'shut up!' so the kid walks off and finds his dad watching darts. he asks him the same question. Then, he yells '180!' (the dad) because he just scored that score. so he goes to ask his older brother, who is watching batman. He asks him the same question, the TV goes 'Danananannanananananana BATMAN' so the kid walks off and finally asks his baby bro, who is playing with his toy trucks. his bro says 'My little broom broom car!'

It's the next day, and the teacher asks him 'what is the first letter of the alphabet?'
'Shut up!' replies the boy.
'Young man, how many detentions do you want?'
'180!!'
'Who is going to get you out of this trouble, young man?'
'DANANNANANANANANANAN BATMAN'
'HOW ARE YOU GETTING OUTTA THIS TROUBLE, MISTER?'
'my little brum brum car!'

Tigger Please

LuLu

Push the red button.

There was a wallet on the Finish Line.

A plane was about to crash in the pacific ocean, so the pilot dumped the cargo to try to make the plane lighter but the plane was still going down. Then, the pilot got on the intercom and asked for volunteers to jump, but no one volunteered. So the pilot got on the intercom again and said, "lets do this alphabetically" he then said "african americans", a black boy stood up and his father made him sit back down. The pilot said "blacks", the boy stood up again but his father pushed him back down. The pilot said "colored people", the boy stood up once again and his father pushed him back into his seat again. The boy finally asked his father "why aren't we standing up"? The father said "son, today we're niggers."

Ho! Ho! Ho!

"Yep. Every night she crawls to me and says, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

An Ashke-Nazi

A man dropped a one cent coin and two Jews grabbed it at the same time

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

An attractive woman from New York was driving out west when her car broke down in the middle of nowhere. As far as she could tell, she was stranded. Luckily, a Native American soon rode into sight on horseback and offered her a ride into town. She accepted the offer, seating herself behind him. The trip was uneventful except that every now and then, he would let out a loud whoop that echoed among the hills. When they got to town, she dismounted and he let out one last "Yaahoo!" before riding into the sunset. One of the locals asked her, "Lady, what did you do to get that Indian so excited?" Baffled, she replied, "Nothing; he offered me a ride on his horse so I got on behind him and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." The local took a deep breath. "Lady...Indians ride bareback."

The couch can support a family.

A black kid puts a white flower in his hair and goes to his mother and says.
"Mom look I'm white now"
The kids mother smacks him and says.
"Go to your father and tell him what you told me!"
The boy goes to his father and says.
"Dad look I'm white now"
His father hits him and says.
"Go to your grandmother and tell her what you told me!"
The boy goes to his grandmother and says.
"Grandma look I'm white now"
His grandmother hits him with a walking stick and says.
"Go to your mother!"
The boy goes back to his mother and she says.
"So what have you learned!?"
To which he replied.
"I've been whiite for five minutes and I already hate you niggers!"

Shoot the lawyer twice.

A good start!

Not enough sand.

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can’t take it with you."

After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer’s wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash.

"Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort. While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn't seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a "burnout" in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him.

Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. "Pete, it's Joe. From high school. It's sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself."

"I am," whispered Pete. "I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don't tell mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money."

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"

The other partner replied, "What are you worried about? We're both here."

Nah, you'd never get over it.

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes