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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Like, what?

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A guy was crossing the border into the US from Mexico on a bicycle, carrying a sack behind his back. When the police asked what he was carrying, he replied, "Sand." Suspicious, the police detained him for an entire night and brought his sack into the lab for a full analysis. After a full night's testing, they found nothing but pure sand in the sack, and so they had no choice but to let the guy cross. A week later, the same guy was seen at the border, riding a bicycle, carrying yet another sack. When he told the police that it was sand, they pulled him over and examined the sand for an entire night. When they found nothing but pure sand, they let him go reluctantly. This went on every week for three years, until one day the guy didn't show up anymore. One day, one of the police officers was at a bar and saw the guy. He walked over to talk to him and said:

:meekins: You know, all these years, I KNOW you've been smuggling something. SOMETHING, but I don't know what, and it's been bothering me every night. Just between you and me, what is it you've been smuggling? I swear I won't tell anyone.

:eh?: The guy replied: "Bicycles."

Spoiler: Blonde Joke
Q: How did the neuron die in a blonde's head?
A: Of boredom.


I hope that wasn't too offensive :sadshoe:
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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@Sister White: That bicycle one is hilarious! :moe-laugh:

Spoiler: Flying Fool!
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."

The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."


Spoiler: Snail's Car
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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My son is bored. Care to play with him?

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Late one night at a Motel 6, Frank left his room to get himself a Coke. Standing in front of the vending machine, a blonde could be seen. He wasn't in any hurry and she struck him as rather pretty, so he decided to wait behind her. When she did not leave upon obtaining a soda for herself but rather bought another one, he frowned slightly. She must have a boyfriend here. Oh well. When she bought a third soda, he wasn't sure what to think. Curiosity kept him silent as he waited to see just how many she would buy. When he could count nine cans beside her, he couldn't take the suspense anymore. She was about to make another purchase when he tapped her on the shoulder. "Are you done yet?" he asked, brow furrowed with annoyance. "Can't you see?" she returned, every bit as indignant as he was annoyed, "I'm still winning!"
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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DO WANT!! DO WANT VERY MUCH!!!

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Sorry. I has blonde joke.

Spoiler: Blonde Joke
A man was driving down a road, when a blonde hit his car.
He pulled her over, and told her to stand in a circle he drew on the ground. he turned his back and started to kick the blonde's car. He heard laughing from behind him. He turned around, and the blonde was giggling. This time, he snapped one of her wing mirrors off. All he could hear was laughing from behind him. This time, he smashed her windscreen. She was laughing even harder.
He turned to her. "What is so funny? I've just smashed up your car!"
She replied: "While you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!!!"

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Doesn't know how to ride a bike D:

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I have a lame element joke~

Gold walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few minutes, he starts trouble with the other customers. Annoyed, Silver walks in and shouts, "Au! Get out of the bar!"
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Mmm, bacon.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Yo Dawg!

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this ones kind of long. Its a funny joke about black and white people. not really offensive. Also this joke was originally written by a black guy, so read it as if one is telling it.
Spoiler:
About you white folks.
When you're normal, you white.
When you're hot, you red
when you're born, you pink
when you're scared, you yellow
when you're sick, you green
when you're cold, you blue

Now us black folks
When we're normal, we're black
When we're hot, we're black
when we're born, we're black
when we're scared, we're black
when we're sick, we're black
when we're cold, we're black

Now who are you calling colored people, hm?

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

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Saori wrote:
I have a lame element joke~

Gold walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few minutes, he starts trouble with the other customers. Annoyed, Silver walks in and shouts, "Au! Get out of the bar!"


Aha, I think this has just become one of my favorite jokes because I'm a nerd :B
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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キラキラ ♥

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Gay Joke Warning!!

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.
One has a smoking problem, one is an alcholic and one is gay but wants to change.
The docter puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.
Two days later the alcholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.
The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at it.
The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fnck'd"
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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~There's Some Sorrow In Every Life~

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Spoiler: blonde joke
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull out the pin and throw it back!

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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An Newbie

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a somewhat bad blonde joke.

how do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
Spoiler:
when there's a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

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Saori wrote:
I have a lame element joke~

Gold walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few minutes, he starts trouble with the other customers. Annoyed, Silver walks in and shouts, "Au! Get out of the bar!"

I can't believe how much I was cracking up at that one. My old Chemistry teachers would be proud. :edgy:

On the subject of smart jokes...
Spoiler: What is "Pi"?
Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.
Engineer: Pi is about 22/7.
Physicist: Pi is 3.14159 plus or minus 0.000005
Computer Programmer: Pi is 3.141592653589 in double precision.
Nutritionist: You one track math-minded fellows, Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Like, what?

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Here's my list of nerdy/science jokes, courtesy of some guy in my class :redd:

Spoiler: long
1. What did one atom tell another?
- I think I lost an electron
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.

2. A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! My flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".

3. Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

4. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

5. Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
- Because it was polar.

6. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
- A one molar solution.

7. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
- Because it's in the ground state.

8. What do you do with a dead chemist?
- Barium

9. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
- They're cheaper than day rates.

10. What happens when electrons lose their energy?
- They get Bohr'd.

11. What did one titration tell the other?
- Let's meet at the endpoint.

12. Why are chemists great for solving problems?
- They have all the solutions.

13. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
- Because it's basic stuff.

14. What is a cation afraid of?
- A dogion.

15. Why did the ice cube get divorced?
- His wife said he wasn't hot.

16. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
- They bonded well from the minute they met.

17. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
- Methylated spirits.

18. If H20 is water what is H204?
-Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .

19. A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guests joules. A tall,strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one.The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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My son is bored. Care to play with him?

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Spoiler: Slightly crude
Word reached an overweight man that there was a highly effective men's weight loss program offering three week-long regimens. One would take away 10 pounds, another would make take away 30 pounds, and the last would take away 50 pounds. Curious, he decided to try the first one. On Day 1, he heard a knock at the door. There stood a pretty woman wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign that said, "Hi! I'm Natalie. If you can catch me, you can have me." Understanding instantly, he gave chase. Eventually he caught up with her and they had sex. After a week of this, he was pleased to see he had in fact lost 10 pounds. Getting a little more ambitious, he opted for the second regimen. This time a positively gorgeous woman showed up at his door, once again wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign. It took some doing, but he caught up with her and the sex that followed convinced him that it was well worth the run. Again he was pleased to see the plan had worked. He was now 30 pounds lighter. By this time, he was absolutely nuts about the program. He would take it to the max. When he opted for it, the representative on the phone warned him, "Are you sure? A lot of men can't take the 50-pound routine." That only intensified his interest. He had to know who they could possibly bring him to top the performance he'd gotten out of that last bombshell. When he heard the expected knock, he excitedly opened the door to reveal a very muscular man wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign. Baffled, he took a closer look at the sign. There he read: "Hi! I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine!"

Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Gregory Wright wrote:
Spoiler: Slightly crude
Word reached an overweight man that there was a highly effective men's weight loss program offering three week-long regimens. One would take away 10 pounds, another would make take away 30 pounds, and the last would take away 50 pounds. Curious, he decided to try the first one. On Day 1, he heard a knock at the door. There stood a pretty woman wearing nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign that said, "Hi! I'm Natalie. If you can catch me, you can have me." Understanding instantly, he gave chase. Eventually he caught up with her and they had sex. After a week of this, he was pleased to see he had in fact lost 10 pounds. Getting a little more ambitious, he opted for the second regimen. This time a positively gorgeous woman showed up at his door, once again wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign. It took some doing, but he caught up with her and the sex that followed convinced him that it was well worth the run. Again he was pleased to see the plan had worked. He was now 30 pounds lighter. By this time, he was absolutely nuts about the program. He would take it to the max. When he opted for it, the representative on the phone warned him, "Are you sure? A lot of men can't take the 50-pound routine." That only intensified his interest. He had to know who they could possibly bring him to top the performance he'd gotten out of that last bombshell. When he heard the expected knock, he excitedly opened the door to reveal a very muscular man wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign. Baffled, he took a closer look at the sign. There he read: "Hi! I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine!"


Holy cow that was funny! XD

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Ask about my avatar for a chilling story

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This is my favorite joke I've ever heard ever.
Spoiler: It's really effing long
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
Buddhist monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on
the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what
the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not
a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes
home.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even
fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise
that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us
how many blades of grass there are and the exact number
of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
grasshopper, you will become a true monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later,
he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you
have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass
and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Welcome. You are now a monk. We shall
now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head
monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, "Master, give me the key."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind
the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man
demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the
key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of
sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst, and
gold.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last
door." The man is ready. He unlocks the jade door, turns
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the
source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a
monk.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Ac#e to the rescue!!! Avvy be Leeling.

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JoeP wrote:
This is my favorite joke I've ever heard ever.
Spoiler: It's really effing long
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
Buddhist monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on
the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what
the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not
a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes
home.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even
fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise
that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us
how many blades of grass there are and the exact number
of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
grasshopper, you will become a true monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later,
he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you
have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass
and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Welcome. You are now a monk. We shall
now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head
monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, "Master, give me the key."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind
the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man
demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the
key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of
sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst, and
gold.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last
door." The man is ready. He unlocks the jade door, turns
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the
source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a
monk.

AW CRAP THAT WAS MEAN!!!!! DX
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Thanks to the combined awesomeness of Ceres and the Vickinator, I shall TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

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JoeP wrote:
This is my favorite joke I've ever heard ever.
Spoiler: It's really effing long
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
Buddhist monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on
the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what
the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not
a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes
home.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even
fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise
that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us
how many blades of grass there are and the exact number
of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
grasshopper, you will become a true monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later,
he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you
have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass
and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Welcome. You are now a monk. We shall
now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head
monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, "Master, give me the key."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind
the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man
demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the
key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of
sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst, and
gold.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last
door." The man is ready. He unlocks the jade door, turns
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the
source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a
monk.


Ahaha, that's totally awesome xD
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Feed Godot, click on the image. xD;;
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Super Tuff Pink Puff

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JoeP wrote:
This is my favorite joke I've ever heard ever.
Spoiler: It's really effing long
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
Buddhist monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on
the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what
the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not
a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes
home.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even
fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise
that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us
how many blades of grass there are and the exact number
of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
grasshopper, you will become a true monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later,
he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you
have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass
and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Welcome. You are now a monk. We shall
now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head
monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, "Master, give me the key."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind
the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man
demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the
key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of
sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst, and
gold.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last
door." The man is ready. He unlocks the jade door, turns
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the
source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a
monk.

:moe-laugh: :moe-laugh: :moe-laugh:
That had to be one of the best long jokes I ever read.

Spoiler: $20
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted that read, "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than 20 dollars I wouldn't be eating here."


Spoiler: Studying Twinkies
In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure

A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess"

Radiation

A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the Twinkie's rich, characteristic aroma of artificial butter. After one minute, this aroma began to resemble the acrid smell of burning rubber. The experiment was aborted after 2 minutes 10 seconds when thick, foul smoke began billowing from the top of the oven. A second Twinkie was subjected to the same experiment; this Twinkie leaked molten white filling. When cooled, this now epoxylike filling bonded the Twinkie to its plate, defying gravity: it was removed only upon application of a butter knife. Extreme Force

A Twinkie was dropped from a ninth-floor window, a fall of approximately 120 feet. It landed right side up, then bounced onto its back. The expected "splatter" effect was not observed. Indeed, the only discernible damage to the Twinkie was a narrow fissure on its underside; otherwise, the Twinkie remained structurally intact.

Extreme Cold

A Twinkie was placed in a conventional freezer for 24 hours. Upon removal, the Twinkie was not found to be frozen solid, but its physical properties had noticeably "slowed". The filling was found to be the approximate consistency of acrylic paint, while exhibiting the mercurylike property of not adhering to practically any surface. It was noticed the Twinkie had generously absorbed the freezer odors.

Extreme Heat

A Twinkie was exposed to a gas flame for 2 minutes. While the Twinkie smoked and blackened and the filling in one of its "cream holes" boiled, the Twinkie did not catch fire. It did, however produce the same "burning rubber" aroma noticed in the irradiation experiment.

Immersion

A Twinkie was dropped into a large bucket filled with water, the Twinkie floated momentarily, then began to list and sink. Viscous yellow tendrils ran off its lower half, possibly consisting of a water-soluble artificial coloring. After 2 hours, the Twinkie bloated substantially. Its coloring was now a very pale tan - in contrast to the yellow, urine-like water that surrounded it. The Twinkie bobbed when touched, and had a gelatinous texture. After 72 hours, the Twinkie had increased roughly 200 percent of its original size. The water had turned opaque, and a small, fan-shaped spray of filling had leaked from one of the "cream holes". Unfortunately, efforts to remove the Twinkie for further analysis were abandoned when, under light pressure the Twinkie disintegrated into an amorphous cloud of debris. A distinctly sour odor was noted.

Summary of Results

The Twinkie's survival of a 120-foot drop, along with some of the unusual phenomena associated with the "creamy filling" and artificial coloring, should give pause to those observers who would unequivocally categorize the Twinkie as "food". Further clinical inquiry is required before any definite conclusions can be drawn.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Breaking hiatus.

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I just want to see what kind of response i get.

"If you choke a smurf...what color does it turn?"
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

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Location: In ur thread...LURKIN'

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Megaman.EXE wrote:
I just want to see what kind of response i get.

"If you choke a smurf...what color does it turn?"


Invisible!
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Feed Godot, click on the image. xD;;
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The master of Judging 64

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Megaman.EXE wrote:
I just want to see what kind of response i get.

"If you choke a smurf...what color does it turn?"


DUN HAM DOT COM

<_<
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Like, what?

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JoeP wrote:
This is my favorite joke I've ever heard ever.
Spoiler: It's really effing long
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a
Buddhist monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on
the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I
could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even
fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a
strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what
the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not
a monk."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes
home.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the
same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even
fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise
that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks
reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to
become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us
how many blades of grass there are and the exact number
of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers,
grasshopper, you will become a true monk."

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later,
he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He
says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you
have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass
and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."

The monks reply, "Welcome. You are now a monk. We shall
now show you the way to the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head
monk says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, "Master, give me the key."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind
the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man
demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the
key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of
sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through
doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst, and
gold.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last
door." The man is ready. He unlocks the jade door, turns
the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the
source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is, because you're not a
monk.


That's hardly a joke! So...cruel!!! :larry:
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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I give love a bad name.

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Judgemaster64 wrote:
Megaman.EXE wrote:
I just want to see what kind of response i get.

"If you choke a smurf...what color does it turn?"


DUN HAM DOT COM

<_<


AHAHA JEFF DUNHAM FTW!
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

The Modern Odysseus

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Spoiler: Laaaaame chemistry jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender gives him one, and the neutron asks, "How much?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

Two atoms bump into each other. One exclaims, "Don't move! I think I just lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" The first atom replies, "I'm positive!"


Spoiler: A LAWYER joke, kinda funny
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


Oh, and XFD at that monk joke.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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And that's all.

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Neon Lemmy Koopa wrote:
this ones kind of long. Its a funny joke about black and white people. not really offensive. Also this joke was originally written by a black guy, so read it as if one is telling it.
Spoiler:
About you white folks.
When you're normal, you white.
When you're hot, you red
when you're born, you pink
when you're scared, you yellow
when you're sick, you green
when you're cold, you blue

Now us black folks
When we're normal, we're black
When we're hot, we're black
when we're born, we're black
when we're scared, we're black
when we're sick, we're black
when we're cold, we're black

Now who are you calling colored people, hm?


:D.

Spoiler: Generic Blonde Joke
A blonde girl goes up to someone and asks "What does IDK mean?" and the person replies. "I don't know." The blonde girl replies "OMG! WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?!?!?!"

Quote:
I never liked him at all, and because I write on The Internet, my opinions are important and you should all believe what I believe.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

Dag, yo.

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Posts: 4

Three blondes are out hunting when they come across a set of tracks. They get close, and then they move right on them, sitting down to get a better look. They puzzle over them, but they just can't decide what kind of tracks they are.
:adrian:Well, I think they're bear tracks.
:regina: Bear tracks?
:kyouya: You're kidding, right?
:adrian: Come on, they're obviously bear tracks!
:regina:No. Look, they're totally wolf tracks.
:kyouya: Yeah, they- what???
:regina: No duh, they're wolf tracks! A wolf went through here.
:kyouya: I'm surrounded by morons.
:adrian: I still think they're bear tracks.
:kyouya: Alright, idiots. Quit fooling around. They're clearly deer tracks.
:adrian: What?
:regina: You're crazy!
:adrian: Bear tracks!
:regina: Wolf tracks!
:kyouya: Deer tracks! Dummies!
And they were still arguing when the train hit them.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Super Ace Attorney

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Location: USA

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:33 pm

Posts: 968

dangwarrior wrote:
Three blondes are out hunting when they come across a set of tracks. They get close, and then they move right on them, sitting down to get a better look. They puzzle over them, but they just can't decide what kind of tracks they are.
:adrian:Well, I think they're bear tracks.
:regina: Bear tracks?
:kyouya: You're kidding, right?
:adrian: Come on, they're obviously bear tracks!
:regina:No. Look, they're totally wolf tracks.
:kyouya: Yeah, they- what???
:regina: No duh, they're wolf tracks! A wolf went through here.
:kyouya: I'm surrounded by morons.
:adrian: I still think they're bear tracks.
:kyouya: Alright, idiots. Quit fooling around. They're clearly deer tracks.
:adrian: What?
:regina: You're crazy!
:adrian: Bear tracks!
:regina: Wolf tracks!
:kyouya: Deer tracks! Dummies!
And they were still arguing when the train hit them.


That's actually good.
Jesus is Lord.

Death Note is awesome.

"No, this is a reasonable discussion about pillow humping." -Tinker
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Lives in a box mansion

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Location: Making a blanket fort under the defense bench

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I think it's funny because Klavier died.

Two blondes are sitting on a porch at night and talking.

:kyouya: What's closer: the moon, or Florida?
:garyuu: Well that should be obvious. I mean, we can see the moon...
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime.

But I tried to make it at home...

There's more to it than that.
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Super Tuff Pink Puff

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Here's quick short one that just I heard:

Why do you call an owl you dry off with after a bath?
Spoiler: Answer
A towel!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Like, what?

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Location: Canada

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Posts: 362

Pay attention!
Your management course
Management Lessons


Lesson One

A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow & asked him, "Can I also sit like you & do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson? To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Management Lesson? Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson?
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Here endeth your management course.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The master of Judging 64

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I think I might have seen that one
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Not too sure about this bunny...

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These are good jokes! I can't think of any... :payne:
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Ask about my avatar for a chilling story

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I've got a good blonde joke.
:damon: Hey, could you tell me if my blinkers are working?

:kyouya: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no....
ImageTHERE IS NO KNOWLEDGE THAT IS NOT POWERImage
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Doesn't know how to ride a bike D:

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Haha, a lot of these jokes made me smile c:
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Super Ace Attorney

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Location: USA

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:33 pm

Posts: 968

RazeTora wrote:
I think it's funny because Klavier died.

Two blondes are sitting on a porch at night and talking.

:kyouya: What's closer: the moon, or Florida?
:garyuu: Well that should be obvious. I mean, we can see the moon...


Klavier died?
Jesus is Lord.

Death Note is awesome.

"No, this is a reasonable discussion about pillow humping." -Tinker
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Super Tuff Pink Puff

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Spoiler: Curse Word
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders one beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders one quarter of a beer.The next one orders one eighth of a beer, and so on. The bartender says "Fuck you guys" and pours two drinks.


EDIT: Misclicked :sadshoe:
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Superninfreak wrote:
RazeTora wrote:
I think it's funny because Klavier died.

Two blondes are sitting on a porch at night and talking.

:kyouya: What's closer: the moon, or Florida?
:garyuu: Well that should be obvious. I mean, we can see the moon...


Klavier died?


In the one about the tracks.
They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime.

But I tried to make it at home...

There's more to it than that.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

Gender: Female

Location: In ur thread...LURKIN'

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 2:42 am

Posts: 131

How many amoeba's does it take to change a lightbulb?
One ... no, two! No, four! No, eight ...

and I refuse to tell any lawyer jokes because they're pretty mean xD;
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Feed Godot, click on the image. xD;;
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Yo Dawg!

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Location: Houston, Texas

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:57 am

Posts: 1221

Heres one
Spoiler:
One day I was browsing the internet. I saw a page with these exact words on it. So I began to read what it said. After a while I began to realize that it didn't really say anything. Thats when I started to feel stupid. But then I thought, "what if I share this text with everyone I know?" They would read it and feel the same way I did: stupid! So I copied it and shared it on all the forums and social sites I was on. And now here you are reading it. You must feel really stupid!"

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