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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

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Femme Fatale wrote:
Yo mamma's so stupid she threw a rock at the ground and MISSED.

only one I know.


This made me chuckle. :D
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I have some more
Spoiler: Some Yo momma Jokes
Yo momma's so dumb she tripped over a cordless phone
Yo momma's so dumb she sat on the TV and watched the couch
Yo momma's so dumb she thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday
Yo momma's so fat when she wore high heels she struck oil
Yo momma's so ugly she scares blind people
Yo momma's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper


Spoiler: And some dumb blonde jokes
If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blond

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
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Spoiler: SOME BRAWL JOKES.
-Why does Ike never run out of eggs?
-Because he fights for his hens.

-Why would Ike be a great security guard?
-Because he fights for his fence.

-What did Ike say to his music teacher?
-"You'll get no symphony from me!"

-What did Ike say to his English teacher?
-"You'll get no similes from me!"

-"Sonic's the name! WEED'S MY GAME!"

-If Ike did drugs, he'd fight for his meds.

-What did Ike say to R.O.B. after battle?
-Repair yourself

-What did Peach say when a robot stole her purse?
-"Help! I've been R.O.B.ed!!!"

-Why can't Pokemon Trainer use Lucario?
-He doesn't have enough Pokeballs.

-Tripping makes my IvySAUR.

-What did Pit say when Meta Knight tried to defriend him on Facebook?
-"You can't delete me!"

-Bowser can eat all the characters but he spits out the Pits

-Why does Marth speak Japanese?
-He's a weaboo

-What did Falco say while waiting in the elevator?
-"Personally, I prefer the Stairs!"

-How does Ike connect to the Internet?
-With his Aethernet cord.

These are from Smashboards. :gant:

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Lol @ the last blonde joke, SD.

Quote:
-"Personally, I prefer the Stairs!"


Words can not describe the happiness I feel right now. :D
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Meh...
"Prostitutes are horrible!"
Response:
"Prostitues are Whore-ible!"
Oh my god...that was such a bad pun...*facepen*
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k
A grandpa and his grandson are on a boat the grandson see's his grandfather smoking a cigar and asks "can i have a smoke"
He replies "can u touch you dick to ur ass" to boy replies "no" "thn no you can't have a smoke"
The next day he see's his grandfather drinking a beer and the boy says "can i have a sip" his grandfather replies "can u touch ur dick to ur ass"
the boy again replies "no" "then no u can't have a drink"
the next day the boy has cookies his grandfather askes "can i have a cookie" the boy replies "can you touch ur dick to ur ass" he replies "well as a matter afact i can" the boy replies "then go f*ck your self
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elske55 wrote:
k
A grandpa and his grandson are on a boat the grandson see's his grandfather smoking a cigar and asks "can i have a smoke"
He replies "can u touch you dick to ur ass" to boy replies "no" "thn no you can't have a smoke"
The next day he see's his grandfather drinking a beer and the boy says "can i have a sip" his grandfather replies "can u touch ur dick to ur ass"
the boy again replies "no" "then no u can't have a drink"
the next day the boy has cookies his grandfather askes "can i have a cookie" the boy replies "can you touch ur dick to ur ass" he replies "well as a matter afact i can" the boy replies "then go f*ck your self

Someone has already said this joke on this thread.... :gregory:
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Lawyer Jokes....

God and Satan were constantly fighting over the line that separated Heavan and Hell. Every time God would move it to it's proper place, Satan would move it right back to where it was. One day God got tired of it.
"I'm going to sue you," he said to Satan.
"Oh yeah," the devil asked. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

What's the difference between a lawyer and a flounder?
One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder and one's a fish.
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Spoiler: Yo Momma...
Is so stupid AND fat, the only 3 letters she knows are 'K' 'F' and 'C'
Is so fat, she went to KFC and asked for the bucket on the roof!
Is so stupid, she went to the superbowl and bought a spoon!
Is so stupid, when the weather forecast said 'chilly', she ran out with a bowl!
Is so fat, she got into the drive-in movie for free-she dressed up as a car!

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Till the landslide brought me down...

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@Scarred_owl: xD
• °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•* • °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•*• °♦ ♥ ♦°
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Must not.....You're mom goes to collage.

*is pelted with rocks*

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
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The bus has a passenger limit: 160 persons OR yo momma.
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Spoiler: Yo momma's
so fat when she backs up she goes beep, beep, beep
so fat she sweats grease
so dumb it took her 3 hours to watch 60 minutes
so dumb she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
so ugly she made an onion cry
so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince
so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
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Spoiler: Yo Mama
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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~yay, I started yo momma~

Spoiler: Moar Yo Momma jokes, lol.
Yo Momma so old, When god said, 'Let there be light!' she was the one flickin' on the switch!
Yo Momma so old, she sat infront of jesus in 1st grade!
Yo Momma so poor she watches televison on an Etch-a-sketch
Yo Momma so poor, Beggars give her money on the street.
Yo momma so old, when she was at school, there was NO history class!
Yo momma so old, she got told to act her own age...and DIED
Yo momma so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton!
Yo Momma so fat, when she sings, it's over!
Yo momma so stupid, she asked, 'whats the number for 911?


Thats me for Yo momma. I'm all out :edgy:
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Last edited by Romeo on Thu Oct 15, 2009 7:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Scarred_owl wrote:
Yo momma so old, she got told to act his own age...and DIED

Uhmmm....
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These 'Yo Mama' jokes are hilarious! :edgy:

They make me glad I hate my mother! :butzthumbs:
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Bad Player wrote:
Scarred_owl wrote:
Yo momma so old, she got told to act his own age...and DIED

Uhmmm....


Lol, i put his instead of her...is that it, or did you not get it?
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Scarred_owl wrote:
Bad Player wrote:
Scarred_owl wrote:
Yo momma so old, she got told to act his own age...and DIED

Uhmmm....


Lol, i put his instead of her...is that it, or did you not get it?

No, I got it. It's the his/her thing.
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I've got some more cheesy jokes.

Wow last time I heard that joke I fell off my dinosuar.

What do you get when you cross a brown chicken with a brown cow?

Brown-Chicken-Brown-Cow!

(It's supposed to sound like Bow-Cicka-Wow-Wow.)
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Why Sentence Structure Is So Important…

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people: Mary or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both decent workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said, "Mary, I've never done this before, but I either have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she said. "I feel like shit this morning.
Imagesee how it withers before my flower of justiceImage

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Spoiler: 101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties

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I had a cactus and then it died and I thought "Damn I'm less nurturing than a desert"
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So two baby seals walk into a club...
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Surefire way to start a conversation: "What's you favorite color"

Surefire way to end a conversation: "What's your favorite color person"

I used to eat at this restaurant in my neighborhood but not anymore because I saw a sign in the bathroom that said "All employees must wash their hands, especially you Carl"

When your lost and you have a map people will most likely help, but the same can not be said if you have a globe

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that is 100,000 pieces and when finished it says "GO OUTSIDE"
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Greeny wrote:
So two baby seals walk into a club...


They sit down, have a couple drinks- I go up to them and ask them "Why the long face", then they tell me they are seals not horses, I walk away awkwardly.

At least that is more original.
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Prepare for horrible puns.

So I was walking down the street and I saw this guy. I ran up to him and asked what his name was for he looked awfully familiar. He said his name was Luke. I looked at him right in the eyes and said...."You Luke funny."

I know a guy by the last name of DeLite. When I first met him I said "I'm DeLited to meet you."

These jokes are so punny.
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Spoiler: OH GOD, MORE BRAWL JOKES.
-What does Otacon say when he runs out of cake?
-Cake? Cake?!? CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!!!!

-What does Captain Falcon wear when it's cold?
-His FALCON PAWNCH-O

-Marth, Meta Knight and Olimar walk into a bar.

Marth takes the seat at the end of the bar, Meta Knight sits next to him and Olimar (using a stepladder) climbs onto the stool in front of the bartender, several seats away from the other two.

Olimar orders cranberry juice and watches Marth and Meta Knight's actions from the corner of his eye.

Marth orders an apple juice on the rocks and Meta Knight has water. The two quietly sip their drinks, neither speaking nor glancing at each other for even a second.

Into the bar walk Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, followed by Ganondorf. The two primates are seated at the opposite end of the bar as Marth and Meta Knight. Ganon sits at a booth at the far end of the room.

Not to Olimar's surprise, Donkey Kong orders a banana daiquiri for himself and his longtime pal. They have a long, innocuous conversation about past adventures and do not notice Mario and Princess Peach enter the tavern.

Peach stops at the entrance, pausing to take in the checkered tiles of the floor and the dim lighting. They make their way to a table for two and Mario seats the princess before sitting down himself.

By this time Marth and Metaknight have each ordered another drink, an apple juice and a water respectively. They begin to converse about swords and the like. Olimar notices that Meta Knight seems slightly uncomfortable in his speech, stammering or stuttering every once in a while.

Presently, the door opens and show Zero Suit Samus entering. Needless to say, a few heads turned, but only for a moment as she peered around the room.

Soon after, Snake enters the bar and seats himself across the room from Samus. Olimar can see that he has his eye on her, but Snake merely watches her from afar. Samus, too, is aware of Snake's presence.

At this time Ganon moves across the room and sits at the table across from Snake, as though to have a word with him. Olimar could not make out their words but was able to understand that Ganon was giving Snake advice. Perhaps on dating?

There was no time to ponder such questions, as Link had just grabbed a smash ball. ...Or, rather, he entered the bar. Spying Ganon's disturbing glare, he decided it was best to dine elsewhere for the time being. He turned and left, followed by Mario and Peach, who had just finished their meal of Mushroom Scallopini.

Olimar heard Marth and Meta Knight's conversation turn to the matters of rising gas prices and the aether crisis. However, his eavesdropping was interrupted as Fox slammed the door open upon entry. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong ceased their conversation briefly as they gave a suitable stare for the rude interruption, but Fox walked coolly and seated himself at the bar between the Kongs and Olimar.

Fox ordered a tall glass of orange juice, but after a few moments of uncomfortable silence between himself and the Kongs, he decided to move across the room to a table adjacent to that of Zero Suit Samus, who abruptly stood up and left the tavern.

Olimar noted a disappointed look on Snake's face. Ganon looked over his shoulder to where Samus had been a moment ago and muttered a few words under his breath. Snake simply buried his face in his hands.

Suddenly, Marth fell off of his bar stool and collapsed on the floor. Meta Knight called an ambulance and Marth was soon rushed to the hospital.

"What was wrong with him?" Olimar asked the bartender, who was polishing a glass with an aged dish rag, "all he had was apple juice."

To which the bartender replied: "Hands off my bread!"

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Ice-Ice wrote:
So I was walking down the street and I saw this guy. I ran up to him and asked what his name was for he looked awfully familiar. He said his name was Luke. I looked at him right in the eyes and said...."You Luke funny."

I know a guy by the last name of DeLite. When I first met him I said "I'm DeLited to meet you."

These jokes are so punny.

...Punjustifiable.
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Spoiler: Yo' Momma, again
Yo mamma so fat she fell in love and broke it
Yo mamma so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles came out
Yo mamma so fat she broke a branch off the family tree
Yo mamma so dumb she got hit by a parked car
Yo mamma so dumb she thought Tiger Woods was a forest
Yo mamma so fat she tripped on 22nd Street and ended up on 44th
Yo mamma so fat her picture fell off the wall

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Yo mama's so dumb she thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia

A good way to add insult to injury is writing "Your a dick and you deserve this" on someones cast
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Komikero

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A corny one.

Q: "What do you call a bird that likes to spit?"
A: "Haaaaaaaawwk."

But I like it anyways. XD
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The cape is self-fluttering

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LightningfistCal wrote:
A corny one.

Q: "What do you call a bird that likes to spit?"
A: "Haaaaaaaawwk."

But I like it anyways. XD


LOL

That's a great one!
"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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...NAILED IT
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Look! A doot!

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Yo mama so fat when she went to get surgery, they lifted up one of her fat rolls and a sandwich fell out.

Edite: Oh dear another pun.

I was talking to this creep at my school named Matt. I really didn't like the way I was looking at me so I slammed my fist into the tabled and screeched "What the MATTer with you?!"
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Yaragorm wrote:
elske55 wrote:
k
A grandpa and his grandson are on a boat the grandson see's his grandfather smoking a cigar and asks "can i have a smoke"
He replies "can u touch you dick to ur ass" to boy replies "no" "thn no you can't have a smoke"
The next day he see's his grandfather drinking a beer and the boy says "can i have a sip" his grandfather replies "can u touch ur dick to ur ass"
the boy again replies "no" "then no u can't have a drink"
the next day the boy has cookies his grandfather askes "can i have a cookie" the boy replies "can you touch ur dick to ur ass" he replies "well as a matter afact i can" the boy replies "then go f*ck your self

Someone has already said this joke on this thread.... :gregory:


oops srry must have missed it my bad
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What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

~~~~

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

A lawyer can remove his wingtips at night.

~~~~

What do you call a lawyer with half a brain?

"Your honor".

What about with no brain?

"Senator".

~~~~

Yo momma dumb, she thinks crunch berries grow on trees!

~~~~
Spoiler: PG-13
What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

The rooster clucks defiance.
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Till the landslide brought me down...

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What's the difference between Manfred and a sour prune?
One's bigger the other one's smaller

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
• °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•* • °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•*• °♦ ♥ ♦°
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Yo momma so fat, even Naruto can't believe it!

Yo momma so fat, she eats her cereal out of the Rose Bowl!

Yo momma so fat, she stopped the Juggernaut!
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ALL GLORY TO... SOMETHING

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Starbvck wrote:
Yo momma so dumb, she thinks crunch berries grow on trees!

And then proceeded to sue the cereal company.

The only reason some space shuttles explode after launch is because Chuck Norris threw them too hard.
There are no nuclear weapons; only beacons that tell Chuck Norris where to punch the ground.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King. He got it.
There's one type of person in this world: Those who are stronger than Chuck Norris and those who aren't.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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Billy Mays can sell Kryptonite to Superman

Billy Mays can sell the Holocaust to a Jew

Billy Mays could sell Billy Mays to Billy Mays

Billy Mays could sell your mom.

Billy Mays could sell your soul

Billy Mays could sell fail to Chuck Norris

Billy Mays could sell a vegetarian some veal.
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Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!
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