Gender: None specified
Rank: Ace Attorney
Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:44 pm
Great, let's see how this thread gets ruined by me again. Seems to be a patten with me. Ruining everything for others.
Anyways, today was the same horrible and gray day that I've become accustomed to. I woke up in the morning forcing myself to get up and go to school. I was yelled at by my father as usual, telling me that I'm lazy and nowhere near as good as his students. That they're all better than me. I went to the same fucking building with the same horrible parasitic leeches. I was treated coldly by the woman who used to be my girlfriend as usual. I tell her good luck for her choir auditions, and she snaps at me. I try to offer support when she obviously needs it, but am only rebuffed yet again. We talk about summer plans. She doesn't care about the fact that I've been abandoned and will be spending the entire vacation from school alone. She doesn't show any signs of emotion when I mention this. She doesn't care about me and neither does anyone else.
I have real conversations with no one, because I don't have friends. I eat lunch alone now in the library, because none of the people I sit with normally at lunch even bother to talk with me. I continue on to my AP US History class, only to once again feel miserable after being treated coldly by her. I go to my orchestra class and see another girl that I'm somewhat interested in, but know deep down that she feels nothing for me just like all the other bitches in this school. And then I finish my school day, go home to a household full of yelling and screaming from my brother and mother. I'm yelled at by my mother when I talk about me wanting to go to colleges outside where I'm currently living. She says that I make things, "too complicated," when I only want to escape these fucking horrible surroundings that are severely hindering my ability to be mentally healthy.
I'm typing this up now on my computer screen because I have nothing better to do. There's no one in my contacts who'd bother talking with me. I'm trying so hard not to cry my eyes out, but I've come to realized by now that tears or no tears, things stay exactly the same.
I'm going to go jogging after I finish this to just escape from this fucking house, but have to come back an hour later because I require dinner. Then I'm going to do whatever useless homework I have to finish for those goddam classes and halfheartedly study for ACT exams that I know I'll only do mediocre on. I'll attempt to learn some more Japanese, perhaps the only thing anymore that I somewhat enjoy. And then it'll just be me going to bed thinking about my worthless day and my worthless life, realizing that nothing matters and that I don't matter to anyone. The cycle will repeat tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day.
It's just the same tedium every single fucking day, with the same fucking people, and me having the same miserable time. Nothing is new. And as far as I'm concerned, there's no meaning in my life right now. I'm only alive because I don't even care enough to kill myself and honestly because I'm too much of a coward to do anything. So who the fuck cares what happens to me. I'm just going through the motions as a lifeless corpse. I don't expect anything to change anytime soon.