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Damn Shao-Mae that sounds awful :(
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On the bright side, my boss asked me if I wanted to do overtime for the Canadian national holiday. So more money money for future appartment or a travel to Europe/Asia or this hang-glidder session I've been dreaming for years now.
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School finished today, and I feel lonely as hell.

My biggest problem right now though, is taking the ACT test tomorrow. Yes, even though I'm done with school, I have to take a long ass test. I go into the building at 8 in the morning, and don't come out until 1. God fucking dammit.

These tests are a total scam that do not accurately measure a person's academic ability. They're a bunch of lame useless questions run by a money-grubbing gray suit corporation. It costs $90 to take this one. NINETY FUCKING DOLLARS.

But you know what? They can charge whatever the hell they want because the SAT and ACT companies know that students need these scores to get into college.

It's a goddamn fucked up bitch slapped together fucking mess of a system. And I have to be part of it and take it like a bitch like everyone else.
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Ugh. I feel for you, Professor. I don't have any memory of the ACT, but I didn't care for the SAT. I had to go to some school around an hour away to take the blasted thing. It says something that there are tutors whose line of work is dedicated specifically to helping individuals pass the tests. Maybe things will change in the future, but for the time being, there are some things we just have to grin and bear. It's part of a much bigger problem, though. Determining a student's competence is difficult. No sure-fire method has been found.
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General Luigi wrote:
Ugh. I feel for you, Professor. I don't have any memory of the ACT, but I didn't care for the SAT. I had to go to some school around an hour away to take the blasted thing. It says something that there are tutors whose line of work is dedicated specifically to helping individuals pass the tests. Maybe things will change in the future, but for the time being, there are some things we just have to grin and bear. It's part of a much bigger problem, though. Determining a student's competence is difficult. No sure-fire method has been found.


I scored an 1800 on the SAT, which isn't a bad score, but my father keeps hounding me in saying that I should have gotten over a 2000. The highest score is 2400. They're not holding the ACT at my school, so I have to get driven to a nearby district.

God, even after school, I'm stressed out as hell. Just more bullshit every day.
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Sounds kind of like the way my own dad was back when I was in high school. From my perspective, nothing I did ever appeared to satisfy him. He didn't exactly explode at me or anything when I screwed up, but I felt as though he was always looking over my shoulder, just waiting for a chance to criticize me. Back then, his most common question was "Have you done your homework?" As a joke, I started greeting him with "Hi, Dad, have you done your homework?" every time he got home each day. It got a little better in college, but he could still call me to check on me, and he still got to see my grades at the end of the term. My grades were rarely anything impressive, so I always dreaded getting the diligence lecture from him. In hindsight, I think I reacted more harshly to his actions than I probably should have, but I had no way of understanding his perspective back then. I can tell he did it out of love and concern for me now, but I didn't pick up on that at the time, so I felt as though he was just judging me instead.
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Since I don't know how to study, I wasn't overly good or bad. Generally got the German equivalent of Bs and Cs. My mom had a form given to the school that always told them to bring my bigger things like tests home and check them. It wasn't too bad except for Math... also similar subjects like physics. I dunno, I don't know how to study. Read something? Why, I already know this stuff. I listen with half an ear in class and get it. If someone were to look at the few times I took notes, it was a mess of tiny words here and there with arrows pointing to each other. I don't think I ever got really yelled at for bad or mediocre grades. My mother was just disappointed or frustrated, cause she knew I could do better. I just lacked the incentive to try harder.

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CatMuto wrote:
Since I don't know how to study, I wasn't overly good or bad. Generally got the German equivalent of Bs and Cs. My mom had a form given to the school that always told them to bring my bigger things like tests home and check them. It wasn't too bad except for Math... also similar subjects like physics. I dunno, I don't know how to study. Read something? Why, I already know this stuff. I listen with half an ear in class and get it. If someone were to look at the few times I took notes, it was a mess of tiny words here and there with arrows pointing to each other. I don't think I ever got really yelled at for bad or mediocre grades. My mother was just disappointed or frustrated, cause she knew I could do better. I just lacked the incentive to try harder.

C-A


In primary school I used to be proud of my good grades and when I went to an "international" high school (I think it's the international term) I lost all my confidence because everyone was nagging me about know way more than I did (asian and europeans were the worst). Plus this education reform quicked in and forced the student to learn through experience rather than knowing thing by heart so for me it was a real disaster very quick. My parents where always ok with my grades even when I didn't pass like that exam I got 23%. I guess the pressure came from myself pretty much, I didn't wanted to let down my parents, and kinda destroyed a bit of myself during that time. Now I don't give that much importance to my grades (being an art student)and when I see someone freak out about it's grades I can't help but feel a bit sad for him (in the case that his notes aren't a disaster all the time).

Can someone can tell me what is ACT and SAT? Are they like governmental exam? Or ranking exam in order to pass to the next level? (I live in a unique system in the world so things are a bit confusing for me).
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I'm drawing a blank on the ACT, but the SAT is a standardized test whose score is taken into account when a college is deciding whether or not to accept you. As the Professor has brought up, the approach has some holes in it.
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General Luigi wrote:
I'm drawing a blank on the ACT, but the SAT is a standardized test whose score is taken into account when a college is deciding whether or not to accept you. As the Professor has brought up, the approach has some holes in it.


This is the ACT.
http://www.actstudent.org/

Colleges will accept either the SAT or the ACT. There are a few that don't even consider the scores, but they're pretty rare.
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Ok so I guess my equivalent of this would be the government exams. Everybody in the province have this exam at the same time and are evaluated the same way. Since here it's the last report card that count and the last entry you have in this government exam I guess it could be seen the same way (ours has enormous flaws too, the most important being the english exam being unfair depending of the region you are living in).

And ACT are a private thing?

(Random note: I find it funny that they put emphasis on how good your pay will be, when here when you get to uni they go on and on about how it make us more cultivated and more critical thinker, the pay being secondary.)
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Shao-Mae wrote:
Ok so I guess my equivalent of this would be the government exams. Everybody in the province have this exam at the same time and are evaluated the same way. Since here it's the last report card that count and the last entry you have in this government exam I guess it could be seen the same way (ours has enormous flaws too, the most important being the english exam being unfair depending of the region you are living in).

And ACT are a private thing?

(Random note: I find it funny that they put emphasis on how good your pay will be, when here when you get to uni they go on and on about how it make us more cultivated and more critical thinker, the pay being secondary.)


No one technically HAS TO take the SAT or the ACT, but you'll have a hell of a hard time getting into college without them. So they are practically mandatory. You can take them as many times as you want if you're not happy with the score. In other words. More $ for these companies.
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I guess this is the result of two speed (public-private) system. I can see how the american system is more broken than I thought (I always though people were exagerrating or joking on me, like that thing about every school sing the O Canada each morning, Quebec being the exception for historical reasons).
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I cannot for one day be not bothered..... But you know what fuck it I hope I don't get bothered when I get the job that I have to be interviewed this Monday. Because being bothered can cause me to be distracted. I can be very easily distracted. And what is worse companies don't let you listen to music, because they think it will make you not listening when clearly you can just lower the music to where you can hear BOTH the customer and the music playing. Hell when I used to work at Wal-Mart I was easily able to get away with listening to music because one, I had my hood up the whole time, and in the night time they blend so well with the darkness of the hood. But when it comes to the staff aka the higher-ups I gotta hide them and pause the music. Because I think they don't know that some of their workers needs something to keep them focus on the task at hand. Hell I think ANY work place, the people they hire needs something to keep them focus. Music is the only thing to keep me focus and to keep me calm. Because I can get pretty mad, stressed, unmotivated, and distracted easily.
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I've never liked spending hours studying any subject besides Chemistry and Biology, honestly. Math doesn't require a solid theorical approach, you just have to practice and practice and memorize formulas until everything is automatic and stuck in your head.
Many people know how to solve a quadratic equation, few people know why the quadratic formula is what it is. Maybe that's what bothers me in Math... much practice and little understanding.
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I know it's early in the morning, but I really need you to wake up right now. All of this anxiety will be the death of me and I really need you to talk to me. I guess I'm going to be like this for a few hours since you're still asleep...
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Now that the ACT over, the loneliness that I'm facing has come back at full force.

I hear all these people talking about the great things that they're going to do this summer, and it puts me into such a miserable mood. Everyone is talking about how they're seeing family and friends. How they're going places and doing great things.

I don't have any friends to spend time with, and I'll be stuck here for the entire break. The only things I'll be doing is jogging every other day, daily self Japanese lessons, and practicing for my orchestra solo for the winter concert. That's all just routine and not my ideal choice of spending three months.
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They may not be your ideal choices, but at least it's better than not being able to do anything at all~ ^__^ I hear jogging is a good stress reliever, especially when listening to music.

If anything, we're pretty much in the same boat because I won't be doing much either besides working on art commissions and taking care of the house and my pit bulls.
Hopefully I will be going to NY on my birthday. If all goes well.
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SHSL Despair wrote:
They may not be your ideal choices, but at least it's better than not being able to do anything at all~ ^__^ I hear jogging is a good stress reliever, especially when listening to music.

If anything, we're pretty much in the same boat because I won't be doing much either besides working on art commissions and taking care of the house and my pit bulls.
Hopefully I will be going to NY on my birthday. If all goes well.


You have a boyfriend and I'm assuming some friends, though. That's a hell of a lot better than where I'm at because I have none. I was supposed to spend time with my girlfriend, but that's obviously not happening.

And frankly, I might as well not be doing anything. These are the same things I did when I was in school. It's no different.

Besides, I only do jogging for exercise. It doesn't relieve my stress or anything because I'm coming back to the same house that I hate.
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My boyfriend and I live in different states, so I don't see him much. I go over a month without seeing him most of the time. As for friends, I don't have any really tbh. Ask anyone, I'm home 24/7. I hate being outside actually. I don't have to deal with panic attacks when I'm home so I'd rather be home.

Mmph, still better than nothing y'know. ^__^

I won't butt into your personal life and/or business so I'll be respectful and won't ask.
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SHSL Despair wrote:
My boyfriend and I live in different states, so I don't see him much. I go over a month without seeing him most of the time. As for friends, I don't have any really tbh. Ask anyone, I'm home 24/7. I hate being outside actually. I don't have to deal with panic attacks when I'm home so I'd rather be home.

Mmph, still better than nothing y'know. ^__^

I won't butt into your personal life and/or business so I'll be respectful and won't ask.


There's nothing I won't tell you. I don't care. There's not even much else to say. It's everything I've told people here.

And at least you have a boyfriend that you're truly in love with. You're also someone that actually likes being at home all day, when I don't.

To me it is nothing. Honestly. 11 fucking weeks of this, and then 36 more fucking weeks of school. I'm going insane from all of this.
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As Daniel says, "Trials of Life". Sometimes we just have to deal with the way things are for now. My mum was diagnosed with cancer around the same time my aunt had a brain tumor. I was very depressed around that time that I resorted to self mutilation again as a coping mechanism. (Regret it).
But now my aunt is okay and my mum is cancer free.
Things get better. I know that's a terrible cliche and not good advice. :sadshoe:
I'm not trying to start a fight. You can ignore me if you like. I'm just saying I know how you feel regardless if I have a boyfriend or not.
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SHSL Despair wrote:
As Daniel says, "Trials of Life". Sometimes we just have to deal with the way things are for now. My mum was diagnosed with cancer around the same time my aunt had a brain tumor. I was very depressed around that time that I resorted to self mutilation again as a coping mechanism. (Regret it).
But now my aunt is okay and my mum is cancer free.
Things get better. I know that's a terrible cliche and not good advice. :sadshoe:
I'm not trying to start a fight. You can ignore me if you like. I'm just saying I know how you feel regardless if I have a boyfriend or not.


The difference between you and me is that you have meaning to live and you have people in your life.

I don't have anyone for me here. There are a few people that I talk to online, but that's it. They aren't part of the things I go through every day and they aren't there to support me in my life.

And things don't always get better. They do for some, and they don't for others. It's all just pure fucking chance. And my chances aren't good at all right now. And on the extremely rare occasion where something seemingly good actually happens to me, it leaves as quickly as it came.
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You have something to live for too. Everyone has some sort of purpose in the world. A lot of people just haven't found it yet. But their time will come and so would yours. I would say "think positive", but that's easier said than done.

What are things you used to do to cope with the way you're feeling?
Gaming? Drawing? Writing?
You should try to mimic what you used to do, if you haven't already.
Then again you still have some members here to talk to when you're feeling the way you are.
Sometimes people just need someone to listen rather than give advice.
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SHSL Despair wrote:
You have something to live for too. Everyone has some sort of purpose in the world. A lot of people just haven't found it yet. But their time will come and so would yours. I would say "think positive", but that's easier said than done.

What are things you used to do to cope with the way you're feeling?
Gaming? Drawing? Writing?
You should try to mimic what you used to do, if you haven't already.
Then again you still have some members here to talk to when you're feeling the way you are.
Sometimes people just need someone to listen rather than give advice.


The problem is that I no longer enjoy doing those things as much as I used too. Video games, movies, anime, even music. It all just feels like a chore and ends up being monotonous.

After she left me, I lost my will to do anything. Even now, I can't function properly. I'm a lonely person suffering from a broken heart. And I have to face all of that by myself every day.
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I honestly don't know that feeling so I'm not going to say "I know how you feel". I'm really sorry that you're young going through something you shouldn't be going through. That's rather heartbreaking to hear really.
I really don't know what to say. :sadshoe:
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SHSL Despair wrote:
I honestly don't know that feeling so I'm not going to say "I know how you feel". I'm really sorry that you're young going through something you shouldn't be going through. That's rather heartbreaking to hear really.
I really don't know what to say. :sadshoe:


That's alright. I'm used to hearing that by now. I don't even know what to say to myself for the most part either.

It can't be normal for people to be this depressed or this lonely at my age. Because at least through everything, the majority of people have friends to support them. They're able to do things that take their mind off of things. People are normally happy when school's finished. But I'm the only one who's miserable that it's the summer.

Right now, I'm just staring at the screen of my computer randomly clicking links and not doing much of anything. It's not that I want to be this way. It's just that I can't bring myself to do anything else, because it'll just leave me the same way I am now.
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That's a sad visual. :sadshoe: I'm sorry, Tophat. All I can say is that I hope everything works out for you in the end~
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SHSL Despair wrote:
That's a sad visual. :sadshoe: I'm sorry, Tophat. All I can say is that I hope everything works out for you in the end~


At least you bothered talking to me. That's more than the majority of people I see every day have ever done.

There's a lot of things that I hope for too. Doesn't mean I see them happening. The only thing I can do now is live with this pain every day.
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A former high school teacher of mine that I'm friends with on Facebook shared this about an hour ago. I immediately thought of you, Professor.

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I've read some of your Tumblr posts, so I know you're still pressing forward despite all the crap you've been through. It's not the exact same as your situation, but I do still think about that friend of mine from high school that I had been in love with during that time. It took me until senior year to finally tell her how I felt. If she had ever felt the same way, those feelings had left her by that point. To this day, I still wonder if we would have ended up dating if I had confessed to her back in my sophomore year. I wonder how that hypothetical relationship would have gone (considering the way I was back then, I suspect it would have been brief and unstable). I still wonder if maybe we'll end up together sometime in the future now that the two of us are more mature--I doubt it, though.

Admittedly, these things probably aren't of much (if any) value to you right now. You're still hurting, and it will probably be a while before that changes. I doubt you've seen it yet, considering that the pain's still there, but I am seeing signs that you are recovering. The signs are subtle, but I'm seeing them. I know of nothing that can get rid of the pain immediately and permanently, but these kinds of wounds do heal. The scar will still be there years from now, but the wound itself will heal. Just try to keep an open mind and don't lose hope. And hey, you've still got this lady in your life, right?
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I'm already living with the fact that she's left me. I've accepted it. And I've accepted that she's never coming back. That doesn't make me feel any better. It just puts me into a deeper depression every day. My entire childhood was destroyed the day my father left seven years ago. I'm not "whole" and I haven't rebuilt my life. I have to face this abandonment and loneliness every moment of every day. I want to believe that there will be a day where these things are behind me. But as of now, they aren't. Nothing can change as long as I'm living where I am now.

I don't see any signs of me getting better. I'm still the same broken, miserable, and wreck of a person I was the day she left me. Hardly a day goes by where I don't cry my eyes out over everything.

You've read about all those things that have happened to me. Do you honestly think that these wounds have healed? They haven't. The hurt is still there. The mental trauma is still there. It's 11 weeks of this lonely summer, and it's another year of this lonely and horrible school.
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I didn't say I thought they had healed. I just said I'm seeing signs that they're in the process of healing. As for your parents' divorce, that's something with an ongoing effect. It's not an appropriate comparison. A breakup is just a return to the status quo with some more emotional baggage (understatement of the year here). A divorce is usually a permanent departure from the status quo, since you went from having two parents to having one direct parent, one indirect parent, and any of a number of nominal parents. The effects of the latter are constantly present, but the effects of the former, while present right now, are only temporary. Recovering from this kind of thing is a slow process, and given how you had been suffering in the past, I can easily understand why you might not be able to tell the difference.
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*reads the entire talk*

.......

Spoiler: Enough said
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The Dragovian King and Captain Of The Ragnarok Ship and Owner of The Ragnarok Ranch.
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Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title

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Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:44 pm

Posts: 1410

Quote:
*reads the entire talk*


Just fucking stop, please. I don't need shit like this right now. If you don't want to get involved, fine. Just don't treat this like it's some kind of joke. I'm about to break down from everything. Shit like this doesn't help me.

General Luigi wrote:
I didn't say I thought they had healed. I just said I'm seeing signs that they're in the process of healing. As for your parents' divorce, that's something with an ongoing effect. It's not an appropriate comparison. A breakup is just a return to the status quo with some more emotional baggage (understatement of the year here). A divorce is usually a permanent departure from the status quo, since you went from having two parents to having one direct parent, one indirect parent, and any of a number of nominal parents. The effects of the latter are constantly present, but the effects of the former, while present right now, are only temporary. Recovering from this kind of thing is a slow process, and given how you had been suffering in the past, I can easily understand why you might not be able to tell the difference.


Before I had her, my life was miserable too. And now that she's gone, it's a hundred times worse. So the effects of her leaving deeply affect me, and as long as I'm here, will always do so. I told you, I can't get better in this environment.

Then tell me how you think I've gotten better when I feel exactly the same as I did the day she left?

You want to know what else is hurting me? The fact that the only friend I ever had left me six months ago. Her name was Mirri-chan, and she was the only person I ever could connect to. She was exactly the same as me in every sense of the word in terms of my interests. We stayed in contact for a year. But eventually she grew tired of hearing my problems and stopped emailing. In hindsight, it was my fault. I shouldn't have complained. I should have just not said anything, and she still would be talking to me.

She worked on GK2. Her name is in the translation credits. Just seeing that is making me tear up. We talked about that game for hours over Skype and email. Now I cannot congratulate her because she refuses to talk to me. Every email and PM I've sent has gone unanswered. I've written tons of lengthy apologies, but not one response. Another user even PMed her for me, and it was only with the response that it was a "personal matter."

Abandonment and loneliness is something that I've faced my whole life. People are never true to their words and are total fakes. No one has ever kept their promises with me. I only end up getting thrown away every time, no matter how good of a person I try to be.
Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title
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In Justice We Trust

Gender: Male

Location: Southern California

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Joined: Wed Dec 12, 2007 6:31 pm

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I'll grant that most of your posts are still negative and focused on the stuff you're going through. The fact that you're able to post about other things is the big hint for me that you're recovering. As I said, given your situation, I can understand not noticing the difference yourself. It's also a slow process, as I also mentioned.

I can't bring Mirri-chan or your ex back to you, but I have yet to abandon you, so I disagree with your claim that you get thrown away every time. My Skype's right there on my user profile if you ever want to chat through media other than this one. I won't turn a contact request from you away (admittedly, I don't use Skype that often, though I'm trying to change that).
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Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:44 pm

Posts: 1410

General Luigi wrote:
I'll grant that most of your posts are still negative and focused on the stuff you're going through. The fact that you're able to post about other things is the big hint for me that you're recovering. As I said, given your situation, I can understand not noticing the difference yourself. It's also a slow process, as I also mentioned.

I can't bring Mirri-chan or your ex back to you, but I have yet to abandon you, so I disagree with your claim that you get thrown away every time. My Skype's right there on my user profile if you ever want to chat through media other than this one. I won't turn a contact request from you away (admittedly, I don't use Skype that often, though I'm trying to change that).


I only post about other things for the sake of other people not getting sick of me. If I was always like this, no one would talk to me. It doesn't change how I feel.

No, you haven't abandoned me yet because you don't know me fully. I've sent you a Skype request. After talking with me for awhile, it's only a matter of time before you get sick of me like everyone else.
Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title
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Dine at DuBois'!

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Location: A land of ignorance and fear.

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Quote:
People are never true to their words and are total fakes. No one has ever kept their promises with me. I only end up getting thrown away every time, no matter how good of a person I try to be.


Harsh massively generalised statements....like the General says, you've had plenty of support and help from here and I'd like to think most of us aren't fake in our intentions to help you and wish you well.
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title
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Go beyond! PLUS...ULTRA!

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Location: ★Toronto★

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:28 am

Posts: 1696

It takes a lot for someone to annoy me and it doesn't happen often. It may have seemed like I didn't care the first few times talking to you, but I had my own issues at the time. Hence the harshness. Which I'm very sorry for.
I'm a very caring person, which is why I actually talked to you today instead of belittling your issues.
You can always PM me if you ever wanted to talk. I don't mind.
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Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2012 7:44 pm

Posts: 1410

I needed to get out of the house. So I went jogging. I ran for a long, long time. It was dark by the time I got home. But as I was running, I saw something. This.

Spoiler:
Image


Perhaps it might not be much to any of you, but it is to me. With the amount of horrible things that are happening to me, I needed to see something beautiful for once. I wanted to see something that showed me that the world isn't an ugly place and that there is some kind of meaning out there. And this was one of those things for me.

Today wasn't a complete waste.

Good night.
Re: The New Vent Station (please read the rules before postiTopic%20Title
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Go beyond! PLUS...ULTRA!

Gender: Female

Location: ★Toronto★

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:28 am

Posts: 1696

I'm glad to hear that, Tophat~ ^__^



As for my vent...
Don't make my art feel inferior to yours just because you do digital work and I hand draw. Hitting Ctrl+Z when making a mistake is far easier than balling up a paper and starting from scratch. Drawing is not my hobby, it's my way of living.
Ugh.... I hate cocky artists...
TNSFW Tumblr.Buy My Art/Request Commissions
Instagram & Twitter: @miilkywei ☆ PSN: Saebyeog ☆ FC: 3883-9579-4899
Currently Playing/Re-watching: Pokemon Ultra Moon/Boku No Hero Academia
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