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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Captain Ascot and the Survey Corps!

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Spanish teacher, explaining gramar:

"My mother is not a cooker."
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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requiesca nella giustizia

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Teach is in a bad mood
class is completely quiet
im stirring up trouble
so finnaly i turn to him and say "Mr.Hill, why are you wearing a yellow shirt"
and Mr.Hill says and i quote "EAT A D**K!"
and im like "¬_¬"
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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:)

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One of my teachers at college is an absolute legend.
Spoiler:
She told us about her time as a paramedic in Africa. how she had to give these glucose sachets to a diabetic woman to stop her getting into comas when she was having sex.
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I'm bad at puzzle solving..

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Teacher: *jumps onto a table*
Girl at table: :udgy:
Teacher: *jumps off* I can do that! But you can't. *proceeds to wipe table with his sleeve*
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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My childhood right here

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My teacher climbed on her desk, talking about Hitler. Some kids were talking while she was doing this, so she jumps off, screaming at them in German. They flipped shit and ran out of the room.
AND NO WORK WAS EVER DONE.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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In Justice We Trust

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Not really "said" so much as "wrote", but... One day, one of the art teachers was standing with his back a bit too close to the kiln. His jacket caught on fire (don't worry, he was unscathed, though the same could not be said of his jacket). Later, the remnants of that jacket were mounted on the wall of his classroom. Under it was a sign with "BEWARE OF THE KILN" written on it in big letters.

"OW! ...I mean... ¡AY!" --Spanish teacher after stubbing his toe.

One of the students on our debate team complained about how other teams tend to be rather cold towards our team. The coach explained the reason thusly: "There's a football team called the Patriots, and everybody hates them 'cause they always win. There's a baseball team called the Yankees, and everybody hates them 'cause they always win. There's a debate team called [name of our school], and everybody hates them 'cause they always win."

"2004 was a fluke!" --Math teacher, originally from New York. As someone born in the Boston area, I found that remark especially satisfying.
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I'll always love you, Max.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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My US history teacher was complaining about how incredibly liberal and inaccurate this one question was on our state test involving something about Native Americans (I forgot exactly what it was about).

He said, "The Native Americans were not a bunch of nature-loving, happy-go-lucky people that were sitting on stumps with birds flying up and perching on their shoulders, whistling happy Disney tunes, and little forest creatures cuddling up against them, until the evil Europeans came in and took over, twiddling their mustaches."

Now that I look back on it, that sounds an awful lot like Acro.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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^Me all the time^

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Once, my friend was reading a magazine and he was making fun of a picture. At some point he said, "And I think I'm sooo sexy". My teacher only heard the last part so she yelled, "I don't want to hear about how sexy you are!"
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Heh heh.

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Back in middle school; admittedly, these are actions rather than quotes...:

History teacher - (when greeted, 'What's up?') "*points to the ceiling* Ah, my students have no sense of direction."

PE teacher - (upon seeing a rat in the locker room) "EEK! *jumps on top of lockers*" ... No, really. Said lockers were roughly five feet tall, as they were the same height as me...

Science teacher - ... Long story short, he confiscated an OT rated yaoi manga from my friend and never returned it...


Back in high school:

French teacher, talking about an optional field trip - "I'm going to ask around the staff to see who can come, too. Yay! You get to stab your teachers!" (Before anyone gets worried... she was joking about fencing xD )

Orchestra teacher (1) - "You know, it's funny: this song [that we're about to play] is about sex."

History teacher - "No, I am NOT in love with Harrison Ford." Meanwhile, numerous posters with Harrison Ford in them can be seen around the room...

English teacher (1) - *typing a sample roughdraft for us on the projector* "once upon a time i saw a big bootie. it was so huge and i was like 'daaaaaaaaaaamn'"

English teacher (2) - "Ladies and gentlemen, if you're going to be late to class because you went to Starbucks, bring back some for the teacher."

Orchestra teacher (2) - (instead of saying 'Bless you') "Hey, you sneezed!"

Chemistry teacher - (when asked what his first name is, with a perfectly straight face) "Mister."

Pre-Cal teacher - "Who's up for a four-way?" ... chess.
So I finally grew a brain and remembered to give myself a signature... Whoopee.
Snackoos IRL. They are delicious and are covered in real chocolate. #so-grateful-I'm-Filipino

Excuse me if I contradict myself. I do that.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

The dwarf geeky panda!

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High School history teacher:
You know the smurfs are the only perfect communist society. They have no monetary system , their leader is the eldest, the favorite smurf is the builder smurf (who obviously sleep with smurfette) and the most hated is the smurf with the glasses, the intellectual.

Childhood destroyed...
Please don't hit me...
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★ I wanna Yabba Dabba Die ★

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My English teacher in 8th grade:
"You little niglets!" and many other things of the sort.

A lot of the students (excluding myself) have been tormenting her. Tilting paint cans in the closet so it would spill on her when she opened the door, hiding the projector wire, even spitting in her coffee.
She snapped that day.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Seriously? She snapped after your class basically mobbed her, cause those are not just pranks, and she yelled that? How boring, I would've gone on a rant in front of your class. There would have been F-Bombs exploding all over the place. Seriously, what the fuck was your class doing? 8th Grade? That means you guys were 14-15 years old. The hell? Your class was stupid and students could've been expelled for that crap.

Most of my teachers never said anything funny, I suppose. Most of my memories of teachers are my math/physics teacher who yelled at us and insulted us, but when I complained to the principal, she kept worming herself out of it. That bitch did insult, I absolutely remember her telling one classmate who stumbled a bit over a large word that she was 'too dumb to read'.

Although my biology teacher displayed Helium once.
Inhaled some of it and talked. Nothing funny, just a funny occassion.
A few other students also swallowed Helium for the funny voice effect.

C-A
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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★ I wanna Yabba Dabba Die ★

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CatMuto wrote:
Seriously? She snapped after your class basically mobbed her, cause those are not just pranks, and she yelled that? How boring, I would've gone on a rant in front of your class. There would have been F-Bombs exploding all over the place. Seriously, what the fuck was your class doing? 8th Grade? That means you guys were 14-15 years old. The hell? Your class was stupid and students could've been expelled for that crap.

C-A


It was sad to see. I never included myself in the "torment", but I made sure I steered her away from everything they did.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

Ms. Johnson's Glorious Spork

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My ELA teachers have some good ones. 7th grade was a funny year for all of us.

:chinami: THAT HAT IS NOT OLD FASHIONED!

...It makes sense in context. Somehow.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

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FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
:kyouya: Me

:phoenix: Don Crist, Defense Attorney

:edgeworth: Judge Walter Bradley.


:phoenix: Your Honor, my client has 5 documented personalities.

:kyouya: Points for style, but you've got it backwards. The shrink she once slept with says she has 5 personalities.

:phoenix: He's still a Doctor. She has multiple personalities.

:edgeworth: Should we swear them all in seperately?


What Judge Bradley said at the end made this whole conversation AA worthy. If i make a AA trial with AAO, I will use this.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

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FdrlPrsctrTails wrote:
This is kind of long, but it's the closest I've ever come to an AA moment in Court. It's from my days in the Manhattan D.A.'s office.

:kyouya: Me.

:godot: Assistant District Attorney Dan Dieter.

:lana: Witness, Jennifer Blanchard.

:chinami: Charlotte Swan, Defense Attorney.

:adrian: Judge Amanda Anderlee.


:chinami: Do you remember where your husband was the night of the crime?

:lana: Of course I remember. Charles and I had dinner together and then finished working the Sunday crossword puzzle. I think we went to bed around 11:00.

:chinami: And you're sure you're thinking of the night of the 12th? Not the 11th perhaps, or the 13th?

:lana: Yes, because it was a Monday. That's when we typically work the crossword.

:chinami: Good. That's nice. Did your husband ever leave the apartment? Let's say to walk the dog?

:lana: We don't have a dog.

:chinami: To go to the cornerstore to get some ice cream?

:lana: He was home all night.

:chinami: Nothing further.

:godot: *whisper* She's lying. Get her Tails.

:kyouya: *whisper* You got it.

:kyouya: Did you know your husband was having an affair?

:lana: No.

:kyouya: How did it make you feel when you found out?

:lana: I'm human. It hurt. He certainly isn't the first husband to cheat.

:kyouya: *I started to get rough* This wasn't a one night stand, Mrs. Blanchard. This was a four year affair.

:lana: Is there really a difference?

:kyouya: He had a baby with her, Mrs. Blanchard......... What did you have for dinner the night of the 12th?

:lana: .............Prime Rib.

:kyouya: Did you and your husband have wine with dinner that night?

:lana: ............................

:kyouya: Mrs. Blanchard?

:lana: Yes. Cabernet.

((Here's the fun part))

:lana: I'm sorry......

:godot: For what?

:lana: I can't do this. My husband is......

:kyouya: / :godot: Is what?

:lana: *pointing to her husband at the Defense talbe* YOU TRIED TO KILL YOUR OWN SON!!

:chinami: Objection!

:lana: He was not home with me that evening.

:kyouya: What?

:lana: I lied about everything.

:chinami: Chambers, Your Honor.

((9 minute conference.))

:chinami: Redirect, Your Honor?

:adrian: It's your funeral, Mrs. Swan.

:chinami: That was quite a performance, Mrs. Blanchard.

:kyouya: Objection.

:adrian: ....Overruled.

:lana: It was the truth.

:chinami: Of course it was, you wouldn't lie under oath.

:lana: I tried.

:chinami: Your conscience, I know. Tell me, Mrs. Blanchard, do you happen to know a Martha Harlow?

:lana: .............

:chinami: If you didn't hear the question..

:lana: She was one of Charles's students.

:chinami: And?

:lana: He had an affair with her.

:kyouya: Objection, where is this going?

:adrian: Overruled.

:chinami: An affair? I see. How about Denise Lowell? Do you know her?

:lana: She's a member of our Country Club.

:chinami: And?

:lana: Charles had an affair with her too.

:chinami: You caught the two of them in your bed, isn't that right?

:godot: Objection!

:adrian: Overruled.

:chinami: I didn't hear an answer.

:lana: Yes.

:chinami: And Cheryl Bennet, Lynn Siegel, Lauren Phelps and Madeleine Broome! He had affairs with all of them, too, didn't he?

:kyouya: OBJECTION! Relevance? *from this point, Dan and I both stood*

:adrian: Overruled, please answer.

:lana: Yes.

:chinami: And those are just the ones you know about. God only knows how many others there are. Let me ask you something, Mrs. Blanchard, doesn't that make you angry?

:lana: ...............

:chinami: Mrs. Blanchard!?!

:lana: Yes.

:chinami: Angry enough to want to get back at him?

:lana: Yes.

:chinami: Angry enough to do anything?

:lana: Yes!

:chinami: Even lie? To have him sent to prison?

:kyouya: Objection!

:adrian: Overruled. Answer the question.

:lana: Yes.

:chinami: Now truthfully, Mrs. Blanchard, were you home with your husband the night of the murder?

:lana: .................Yes.

:kyouya: CHAMBERS!

:adrian: *sighs with disgust* Sorry, Counselors, but this freak show is over. I'm declaring a mistrial.

It seemed right out of a AA. At least I didn't lose.


When I read this, I visualized a "Chambers!" shout bubble.
This is really AA like.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

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Komachi wrote:
When I was in the high school, once our headmaster was having a general students speech.

Head master: You have to work hard, everyone, and you well get revenge in the future!

Students: *burst into laugh*

(I believe he wanted to say something like "reward", but...XD)


Hmmm... seems like the work of Aristotle Means. However, you still get a gold star! *does Means' creepy smile*
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

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Pengy737 wrote:
Although I wasn't there, his speech was quoted for weeks afterward.

:odoroki: THERE WAS NO SLAVERY! NO SLAVERY! NO! SLAVERY!

I hope it was half as awesome as the image I have in my mind of it.


Now imagine that teacher with white hair and a mohawk... and then you have Prof. Aristotle Means.
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title

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Allan's Aokage wrote:
Tails, are you expecting a 12-0 record by the time this trial is over?


Someone's quite the :karma: here...
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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You know, a Mario game!

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"I don't hate you, just your guts!"

"If the fundraiser goes well we may be able to reach *puts pinkie to lip* ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

"Any student who fails to do their homework will be forced to watch Twilight"
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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dimentiorules wrote:
"If the fundraiser goes well we may be able to reach *puts pinkie to lip* ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

"Any student who fails to do their homework will be forced to watch Twilight"


I like the top one!
The lower one seems a little extreme as punishment... (still couldn't get me to really study)

C-A
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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Sorry for necro-posting but I practically go to school for the lulz so of course I have some stuff to add here.

-This was more of a "What the fuck" moment but the once math teacher entered the classroom and,noticing some people seemed tired or were sleeping,decided it would be a good idea to ask about the parts of the human penis before saying anything else,just to shock us.

-Half of the things my chess teacher says, 90% of which are puns in Spanish so I really can't translate them.

-My English/French teacher,who just doesn't take the class seriously and tends to mock other teachers shamelessly.
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Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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My social studies teach was awsome.

One time in class everyone wanted to know the test results and the teacher said "there's this thing I have it's called a life."
"They won't find the generators Robin and they can't see me they can't see the truth Robin even when it's right in front of them."-Slade
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This is incredibly childish... A teacher I had about a decade ago was going to show the class a video tape. He had trouble with the cord to the VCR-player and went "Cord von Cordenberg!", addressing said cord as a very mild sign of annoyance (despite being 14 back then I found this funnier than what he said next). A few minutes later he flanderized himself by saing "C**k von C**kenberg" (the two words doesn't even sound the least bit alike in my mother tongue), denying it a few days later when we brought it up. Later he started singing that he was a "stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid old man" (had nothing to do with the cord-business) and wrote something about a bearded bike rack. He was... a very odd person, to say the least.
Gimme a "P"! Gimme an "I"! Give me a "P" and an "E"! What's that spell?! Pipe!
Re: Funny things your teacher has said?Topic%20Title
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"Eggs?"

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I have this one Asian friend, and we've been friends ever since this fateful day...

He was a good kid. He just always liked to prop up his head on his hand. So one day, while he was doing said propping, our teacher yelled at him (he was in the front row, btw) and said "WAKE UP, YOU FOOL!" which caused him to jump and say "But I wasn't asleep!"... She just rolled her eyes and went back to teaching us how to divide with cosines or something.
Later, she slammed her hand on his desk and literally screamed "WAAAKE UUUUUP!!" and then followed it by a "FOOOOOL!"

Long story short... she got really embarrassed and gave a huge speech on how she promised she wasn't racist when she realized that his eyes weren't closed and that he was just Asian - and we forever called her Miss Von K2. :franny:
:shoe:
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