*Usually, a prologue shouldn't have an actual timestamp (the only time it was actually utilized was in the first case of AAI, but even then, it was sorta pointless.
*"Commited a murderer" on him is redundant. "Murdered him" would sufffice just fine.
*The lobby scene is way too short...The lobby scene should always give a general idea of what actually happened (aka, the prosecution's case, or maybe just the reason behind the charges. Even the first AA case followed this).
In the first cases - not always, actually - remember first AA and AJ (Just a few facts of the crime itself.). But it was lacking information, I admit.
*Phoenix seems a bit out of character, honestly. It feels like he just naturally reverted back to his normal lawyer behavior, which isn't really what should've happened. If anything, if you want to have him in a lawyer persona, then you could maybe just have the entire game as a sort of transition from his "hobo persona" to his lawyer-self.
*Also, the dialogue feels a bit stiff at times and the transition between certain statements feels a bit stiff. "(I didn't visit this courtroom a few months.) -> (But now I feel like reborn. Great to be back in the fight.)" I feel like it would make more sense for him to reference the fact that he didn't have his badge for several years. EDIT: Oh, wait, it takes place between JFA and T&T...? Then... where's Maya? For that matter, Phoenix should at least reference the events of "Farewell, My Turnabout"
Sometimes it's hard to see a transition between "hobo"
persona. I guess I wasn't paying much attention to it.
*From what I'm seeing, english isn't your native language - I suggest getting a proof-reader.
How did you know?
*There should be some conversation between the judge and Phoenix at the beginning, even Payne. The script jumps way too fast to the opening statement.
My script is very rough. I won't deny it. My target at the time was to get a direction in which I should go and to establish my skills in writing. Well, as I see, not so good, but we have to start somewhere.
*Eh... I don't know, Judge never really stuck to me like the type of guy who would say something like "I can't stand those types of crimes". If anything, he's a bit lacking in intelligence, but at least he's objective on these kinds of things.
*Again, some interaction between Phoenix and Gumshoe would also be nice. Remember, the AA series is more about characters and their personalities most of the time than the actual crime. The characters are what make the story (the crime) you're trying to tell. If they feel empty, then the reader has no actual intention to get into the plot. If they can't get into the plot, then where's the motivation to try and solve the crime?
I think he said something like that, I just don't remember where. It kinda stuck in my head. And I'll try more interaction.
The introduction is way too short. You need to grab the player from the very beginning and pique their interest.
I have a mental image of the intro. As I see it, it's long but with almost no lines. (Maybe, there will be narrator, like AJ case 2.). Just remember Wright's very first case - many pictures and just a few lines.
I'm glad that you show the interest. I understand your thoughts and I'll listen to you. Now, I know two of my main problems. 1) Lack of proof-readers and writers. 2) Weak characterization. I will start from it.