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Presenting wrong evidence, and other funny quotes (SPOILERS)Topic%20Title
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machinimator

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Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:24 pm

Posts: 606

I don't think I've seen a thread for this yet, so;

Just lately I've been using the game's new Chapter-Select feature to go back to particular parts of the trials, and presenting wrong evidence and wrong answers on all the prompts, just to see what humorous dialog I've missed.

Be warned that while I'm generally avoiding extreme-reveals, like the part where Athena turns out to be a cyborg android with missiles hidden in her wrist, some of the game's major puzzle-points during court are likely to be spoiled.

Came across a few gems so far - this isn't really JUST bad-evidence dialogue, but also funny moments from during the trials. I've abbreviated character names to two letters to save my tender typing fingers:

At: By using this just right, the body could've been moved without the mat!
J: Really? I would love to hear how that would be possible.
At: Yeah, I'd love to hear how, too!
J: That would be your job, in case you've forgotten…
At: Oh, right!

At: Maybe it's not the victim's blood. Did the police check to see from whom the blood on the pottery came from?
Bl: Shame on you, Cykes-dono. Have a little more respect for the constabulary. *whistles Fulbright's attention*
(Fulbright takes the stand, and shrinks in shame)
Bl: …Fool Bright.

J: Hmm…I have a question I was hoping the defense and prosecution might help answer. Is it just me or does the witness's testimony make no sense at all.
At: No, it's not just you, Your Honor. All I got from listening to that was a headache.
J: Well, I'm relieved it's not just me. …And the prosecution?
Bl: Your Baldness, summon an ambulance this instant. The witness is stark, raving mad.
J: Hmm…Yes, I think that would be for the best. Now, let's pretend that never happened and move on to my verdict.

At: Well, this is against my better judgment, but I'd like to conduct a short therapy session.
J: Your better judgment? I'm a judge, and it's far beyond mine, yet I find it hard to say no. Prosecutor Blackquill, I trust you have no objections? …Um, Prosecutor Blackquill?
(Blackquill is not there)
Bailiff: The prosecutor said, "Rubbish! We will be out on a stroll!" then left with Detective Fulbright.

At: The speech was given from a hidden location. It explains why the witness didn't see anyone!
Bl: Fine. Let us entertain your notion. How would it affect this trial?
At: Why does everything have to be about the trial! There's more to life than winning!
J: If the defense is not interested in the trial, she can go practice law in the hall.

At: They ran out of time, so the speech was given later!
Bl: Stop right there. Everyone in that room heard the speech that preceded the mock trial.
At: But it was given later. They couldn't have heard it before it was given. The only explanation is everyone there only thought they'd heard the speech!
J: Ms. Cykes…I don't only think I'll give you a penalty. I believe I actually will.

At: Prof Means was trying to interrupt the mock trial. That must be the answer!
J: Hmm…Then let me ask this. Why would the professor want to interrupt the mock trial?
At: I object, your honor! I object to how you always ask people questions like that! You should try thinking for yourself once in a while!
J: Oh! I just had a thought! It involves a penalty for a certain smart-alecky defense attorney.

At: Apollo, tie me up into a new pose! …Wait, you're not into this kind of thing, are you?
Ap: What? No! Besides, it was your idea!

At: Tie both of my hands in an "Objection!" pose!
Ap: You sure? What about the spiky hair on the back of the head?
At: Ooh, I know! The boss is right there! Go pull some out and you can glue it on!
Ap: Okay, I'm on it!
Ph: OBJECTION!
Ph: Ouch! Ouch!!! What do you think you're doing, Apollo!!!
Ap: S-Sorry, Athena. I…I couldn't do it!
At: Tsk, don't be such a wimp!

At: How about tying my hands behind my back?
Ap: You sure? What about the spiky hair on the back of the head?
At: I don't have this massively long hair for nothing! Just use some superglue to bond it into place!
Bq: SILENCE! Fool! You shall ruin your hair.

At: Let's examine the spear for prints! That'll settle this whole mess!
J: Hmm? And just what do you hope to prove? And whose prints are you hoping to find?
At: Prof. Mea--
J: Well, of course you'd find Prof. Means' prints! It is his spear, after all.
At: Okay, then the vic--
Pr: The victim's prints would be there, too. I had her do repair work on it a number of times.
At: …Your Honor. A penalty, please.
J: Hmm…Well, at least your sense of justice is still intact.
I'm gone for so long, and the colors got all psychedelic! Woohoo!
Re: Presenting the wrong evidence, and other funny quotesTopic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 6038

Sol's best line in the game: "Oh no!! Tin can telephones are nonoperational in the vacuums of space!!"
Simon following up with his threat to sever his telephones was just beautiful.

Also, the judge's response to Sol parachuting to the ceiling: "Bailiff! Prepare the cherry picker! We must begin the rescue mission at once!"

...Dang, I was beside myself by the end of case 3, but case 4 HAS to take the cake.
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Re: Presenting wrong evidence, and other funny quotes (SPOILTopic%20Title
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1000% Knight

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Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:06 pm

Posts: 6915

I put "SPOILERS" in the thread title. Now funny quotes can be posted without any regard to spoilers :shoe:
Re: Presenting wrong evidence, and other funny quotes (SPOILTopic%20Title
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Wriggling piece of plywood

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Location: Sweden

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 12:22 pm

Posts: 7246

Apollo, case 5-4: [standard "I'm about to present the wrong evidence"-talking]
Simon: OBJECTION! I object to you on personal grounds.
Eh, ouch....?

And I loved it in case 5-3 if you claim the reason Robin was obsessed with Juniper's costume was because (s)he likes to dress in girls clothing and (s)he goes: "Yeah, that's right! I'm gonna show you how real men crossdress!!". You go, Robin.
(......Ack! I've run out of snide comments!)
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