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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
If nobody else wants to, I would. But I'm still working on my own spork (it should be done soon), so it would have to wait a bit if we were to do it. Which fic are you planning to spork?


Well, thats the thing, we'd have to figure one out first. Skype would probably help with that :godot:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Speaking of new fics, has anyone tried this one? Oh dear. I can't bring myself to go behind the first few paragraphs... because ROFL.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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@rubia: That's also still fresh, so it wasn't done yet. But it only has two chapters so far, so it's probably not finished yet.

@builderkid: If nobody else takes your offer, I'll write you a pm once my spork is done. I'm sure we can find a nice fic to co-spork.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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builderkid107 wrote:
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
If nobody else wants to, I would. But I'm still working on my own spork (it should be done soon), so it would have to wait a bit if we were to do it. Which fic are you planning to spork?


Well, thats the thing, we'd have to figure one out first. Skype would probably help with that :godot:

I'm not a regular when it comes to fanfiction, but I'd gladly join a sporking any time. If you need me for anything, send me a pm. Finding a bad fic to spork is simple enough. Just one look at the description of those stories on Fanfiction.net is enough.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I think I'll try sporking something significantly shorter and slightly more coherent - I mean, did anyone understand anything of that...weird horse unicorn trial? I still don't understand who that bloody 'guard' was, or why he was allowed to have a say in judicial matters.

Anyway, I'll give 'Nightmare' a shot, which was kindly recommended by Rubia Silve Ryu.

Rating: :sawit: :sawit:

It's sort of difficult to rate due to the nature of the fic. It's meant to be about different characters' nightmares, and one would assume that could include OOC, but the awkward grammar (and 'pacing', I guess it could be called) is enough to warrant two Sawhits.

Let's meet our sporkers!

Phoenix Wright
:think-pw: When my college teachers said I'd be going places, I doubt this was what they had in mind...

Franziska Von Karma

:whip: When I find you I'll make you wish you'd never been born!

And to nobody's surprise...

Miles Edgeworth

:edgeworth: What is it that you people want? Is it money? Just name your price!

We once again find ourselves in the infamous Sporking Theater, where two of our heroes are waiting for the last victim to join them in this twisted little game.

Phoenix: So...we only faced off in two trials, right?

Franziska: You do not have to make small talk, Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix: Just trying to lighten up the mood 's all...

Franziska: The fact that you cannot remember the number of times I have nearly crushed you in court is an insult to the Von Karma name and a testament to your foolishness!

Phoenix: So much for 'operation lighten the mood'...

All of a sudden the doors open, and a very displeased-looking Edgeworth is being escorted in by the guards, who then promptly leave, locking the doors behind them.

Phoenix: Well I can't say I'm surprised...

Edgeworth: *Sigh* Me neither, it's a wonder they even let me leave at all. At least they had the decency to tell me that it's a short one this time, although they didn't let me look at the script.

Franziska: They're no doubt expecting us to be surprised by the content, then.

Edgeworth: Indeed, that's what I was thinking too, but I don't think their plan is going to work. I have a feeling we've pretty much grown immune to being shocked.

Phoenix: Well I don't know about that I mean...

*Wuh-PSSH!*

Phoenix: Gah!

Franziska: Don't you jinx this, Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix: (I never thought I'd live to see the day Franziska started believing in superstition...)

Edgeworth: Let's just get this over with...

Speakers: Your wish is our command!

Franziska: Then I wish you'd let us go and then turn yourselves in!

Speakers: ...

The lights are turned off as the movie starts playing.

*Wuh-PSSH!* Franziska: I SAID I WISH YOU WOULD LET US GO!

Edgeworth: Franziska, they were just baiting you. Honestly you should have...

*Wuh-PSSH!*

Edgeworth: NGHOOOOOOH!

Franziska: Don't you talk down to me right now, Miles Edgeworth!

Quote:
Nightmare


Edgeworth: What an oddly appropriate title, though I can't help but fear what it might imply.

Phoenix: The description says 'A story about every character's worst dreams'...Let me guess, I'll go first.

Franziska: What an uncharacteristically egotistical remark, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Egotistical? I'm the main character of...

Speakers: The management would like to remind the sporkers that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited!

Phoenix:...I'm the main character of the courtroom?

*Wuh-PSSH!*

Phoenix: Gah!

Franziska: How did I ever lose to a foolish fool like you in this foolishly foolish country?!

Quote:
Phoenix Wright had just finished a trial. Afterwords, he had some paperwork to finish up, so while the Fey cousins headed back to the apartment, he went to the office. One hour of typing, writing, signing, and filing later, he closed up the office, locked the door, and started towards his home.


Franziska: Afterwards! *Whips screen*

Edgeworth: Wright, do you only spend one hour doing paperwork every day?

Phoenix: Noooo, of course not! (I do it in like 15 minutes...heaven forbid Maya actually does what I pay her to do...)

Franziska: What do they mean by 'started towards his home'?! Phoenix Wright doesn't own a car!

Edgeworth: I think he missed the keyword 'walking'.

Phoenix: Or maybe I just started flying? Who knows, I did that in another fic, after all...

Quote:
It was a long walk, but he had somehow forgotten his wallet, so he couldn't take a taxi. About halfway through his journey, he realized he was across the street from the Prosecutor's Office. Figuring he may as well pay Edgeworth, Franziska, and possibly Gumshoe a visit, he crossed the street and entered the building.


Edgeworth: I appreciate the thought, Wright, but some of us are probably still busy doing paperwork.

Phoenix: And didn't I just finish a trial of unknown outcome and importance? I probably just met you in court!

Edgeworth: Wright, there are many other prosecutors working in this district.

Phoenix: Could have fooled me...

Quote:
Ignoring the weird stares, he casually made his way to the elevator, pressing the button for the twelfth floor. The door opened with a ding, and he exited the elevator and walked down the long hallway. Franziska's office was first, so he ducked his head inside there.


Phoenix: Why am I walking casually while everyone is giving me weird looks? Do I have something on my face? Is something wrong with my hair?

Edgeworth: I don't think you want people to answer that last question.

Franziska: What do they mean 'ducked his head inside there'?! Is my office somehow underground?!

Phoenix: And why would I just suddenly feel the urge to visit Franziska? I mean she...*Wuh-PSSH!* Gah!

Franziska: I happen to be perfectly charming when I need to, Phoenix Wright!

Quote:
Phoenix was immediately met with a cold stare, and he smiled sheepishly. "Hey, Franziska... I was just walking back to my apartment, so I figured I'd stop with for a visit..."

"You foolish fool! How dare you foolishly disturb me with your tomfoolery!"


Edgeworth: Well at least you're both in character.

Franziska: That sounds nothing like me!

*Silence*

*Screen whip*

Franziska: Continue!

Quote:
A crack was heard, and Phoenix thumped to the ground. The pain was sheer agony! Franziska had never been able to hit that hard. A memory suddenly assaulted Phoenix's brain, and he remembered the death-whip he had given her money to buy. Bracing himself for the taser that was certain to electrify him, he shut his eyes and waited for the inevitable. After about a minute of this, with no electricity running through his body, Phoenix thought he smelled something odd.


Phoenix: 'The pain was sheer agony'? 'A memory assaulted Phoenix's brain'? I think fic!me is a tad too dramatic...

*Screen whip*

Franziska: Why did Phoenix Wright give me money to buy a 'death-whip'?! There's nothing wrong with this one and I certainly don't need any donations to buy new fool-punishing equipment!

Phoenix: Not that I'd ever give money to such a cause...

Edgeworth: So is it a 'death-whip' or a taser? It seems like the author couldn't make up his mind. Also, why would Franziska suddenly tase him for saying hi?

Phoenix: Don't tase me b...

Edgeworth. No.

Quote:
Getting out of his fetal position, he was immediately met with something he had never seen before, and certainly never expected to. Franziska was breathing fire! The room was filled with smoke, the bookshelf was on fire, sparks were flying, and there was Franziska, right in the middle of it, with flames coming out of her mouth!


All:...

Edgeworth: You really don't like it when people interrupt you, do you?

Franziska: *Sleeve grab* This is a dream within a highly confusing piece of fanfiction. That imposter is not me.

Phoenix: I'd like to point out that I have in fact expected someone to start breathing fire in my general direction one of these days. It's one of the few things prosecutors HAVEN'T tried yet.

Quote:
Phoenix scrambled to exit the room without being fried, and just escaped a searing attack of flames. He ran to Edgeworth to warn him the dangers, and furiously knocked on the door. A voice inside spoke, clearing saying, "Come in."

If Phoenix had been in a sound state of mind, he might have noticed that the voice sounded seductive.


All:...

Franziska: Miles Edgeworth, is there something you want to tell me?

Edgeworth: *Trying to keep his composure* A-As you said earlier, Franziska, this is a nightmare in a piece of fanfiction. That man seductive man is not me.

Phoenix: At least my heart is in the right place...

Franziska: By the sound of things there'll soon be plenty of other things in the 'right place'.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: *Looking at Franziska in total disbelief*

Franziska: *Whipping the ground* So now I'm not allowed to make a joke? I'll have you know my sense of humor is flawless!

Quote:
Opening the door, Phoenix was met with something else he never expected to see. Edgeworth was lying on the couch, not wearing his usual work clothes. But that's not where the strangeness stopped. Edgeworth was in his underwear!

On closer inspection, he was wearing light pink boxers that appeared to be made of silk. Not only that, but a light pink rose was in his mouth. The lights randomly went out, and were replaced with a magenta light illuminating the dark room. "I've been expecting you, Phoenix.", he purred. Scared out of his mind, he started backing out of the room, only for the door to be missing.


Edgeworth: O-Objection! I would never do something like that, I would never wear something so distasteful and I would still be doing paperwork, unlike some people!

Phoenix: But, Edgeworth, you wear pink all the time...

Edgeworth: Wright, if we weren't trapped in this miserable little...

Phoenix: He-hey take it easy! I was just messing around! Besides, I know you'd never call me by my first name!

Edgeworth: THAT'S what you find wrong with this sentence?!

Quote:
"Uhhh... Edgeworth, what are you doing...?", Phoenix asked cautiously.

"Sshhh, don't talk." Edgeworth responded while pinning against the wall.

Frantic, Phoenix did the only thing he could. He escaped. By jumping out of the window.


Phoenix: Conveniently forgetting to tell a half-naked Edgeworth about the fire-breathing Franziska...And wasn't I just on the 12:th floor?

Quote:
Bracing himself for when he hit the sidewalk, Phoenix was met with yet another surprise. Instead of hard concrete, he fell into a lake of coffee. Boiling coffee. Screaming, he attempted to swim out of the lake. Seeing something in the distance, he swam towards it. When reaching it, the mysterious object turned out be a boat. And inside the boat was none other than the coffee-loving Prosecutor, Godot.


Phoenix: Wait, are you telling me I jumped from the 12:th floor thinking I'd hit solid concrete? I'd take my chances with Flirtworth and Dragonizka any day!

Franziska: Would you care to repeat our names one more time?

Phoenix: Heeh...no?

*Wuh-PSSH*

Phoenix: Gah!

Edgeworth: I'm genuinely impressed you managed to swim anywhere considering you were being boiled in hot coffee, Wright.

Phoenix: Well I only got a cold from jumping into Eagle River...

Edgeworth:...Touché.

Quote:
Phoenix hoisted himself inside the small rowboat. "Godot, please, you have to help me. Can you row me to the edge of this coffee-lake?"

Godot leaned over the edge and took a swig of the lake.

"Hmmmm, this is missing something. Ah! It's the 147th distinct taste of bitterness... Oh, did you say something, Trite?"

"Can you please take me to the edge of this lake?"

"Sure thing, Trite."


Phoenix: Did...did Mr. Armando just ignore me being boiled like a lobster in the middle of a coffee lake?

Edgeworth: Wouldn't I have noticed him creating an ever-boiling lake of coffee right outside my office?

Franziska: This. Doesn't. Make. Sense! Who actually writes this?! *Whipping frenzy*

Quote:
This was the first bit of normality Phoenix had since entering the Prosecutor's office. Well, it was about as normal as you can get while riding in a boat over a lake made of boiling, bitter coffee. After a few minutes, Godot pulled up to the sidewalk.

"See you round, Trite."

"Um, yeah, thanks Godot.", Phoenix said as he climbed out of the boat. He waved as he saw Godot jump out the boat, do a triple-front-flip, and land in the coffee with his mouth wide open.


Phoenix: Ho-How is that normal!? At least Edgeworth hitting on me is physically plausible!

Edgeworth: Thin ice, Wright, very thin ice.

Franziska: As much as it hurts to admit it, he's right, little brother. Between being attacked by a fire-breathing me, an ever-boiling lake of coffee and someone hitting on you, which alternative is the more believable?

Edgeworth: *Mutters something in defeat*

Quote:
'Thank God I'm back at my apartment", Phoenix thought with some happiness. When he arrived at his door, he twisted the handle and opened it.


Franziska: Wait, did the boat ride lead right into your apartment? How. Is. That. Possible?!

Edgeworth: How is that less believable than me wearing...almost nothing?

Phoenix: I guess we all just moved to Venice or something...

Quote:
He was immediately ambushed with hundreds, maybe even thousands of Steel Samurai merchandise. Now trapped at the bottom of a samurai mountain, he yelled to Maya and Pearls for help.

"Maya, Pearls! Help me!", he screamed. Frantically, he tried to move some of samurai avalanche. But it was no use, no matter how he tried, he couldn't escape. Just when Phoenix was about to give up hope, a hand reached in through the mountain. He grabbed it as quickly as he could, and was suddenly being hoisted out of his cave.


Franziska: This is an incoherent, inexcusable mess! *Wuh-PSSH* Why is Phoenix Wright suddenly in a cave?!

Phoenix: (And here I was thinking she had finally calmed down...or at least accepted the twisted reality of this theater.)

Quote:
Phoenix arrived at the top of the mountain, and inhaled the fresh air. But his breathing stopped when he saw who helped him out of his prison.

Dahlia.


Phoenix: If the author wanted to write about my nightmares, they could probably just have used this part of the story.

Franziska: Explain yourself, Phoenix Wright! *reaching for her whip intimidatingly

Phoenix: No.

Franziska: ...*Crosses her arms*

Quote:
She grabbed his arms and handcuffed them before Phoenix could even react. He yelled at her, asking what in the world she was going to do to him, but she never responded as she led him down a dark hallway. They made many turns, and Dahlia eventually stopped at a room and gestured for him to enter. When Phoenix refused to, she kicked him hard in the stomach, and he grudgingly stepped inside the dark room.

Dahlia removed his handcuffs but quickly tied his limbs to a wall. He was awkwardly spread out, but his evil ex didn't seem to care.

"Goodbye, Feenie."


Phoenix: I was...awkwardly spread out? Did that kick somehow dismember me?!

Edgeworth: I think the author is trying to say that you were lying in a strange, vulnerable position.

Franziska: Either that or she managed to spread out your insides over the wall with one kick. Very impressive.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: *Same stare of disbelief as before*

Franziska: Why is it that everytime I try to make a joke people stare at me as if I have gone mad?!

Quote:
She left the room, leaving Phoenix spread out across a wall scared out of his mind. After about a minute, the door opened again.

'Sister Bikini? What is she doing here?', he thought curiously.

But then he realized she was wearing a bikini.

"You know, my bikinis look fabulous on me, especially in the winter."

Bikini pulled off her hood, revealing long, luscious blonde hair. She strutted up to Phoenix, and as she leaned in to kiss him, he screamed so loud everyone in the world could hear it.


Phoenix: I'm glad that after all the physical and mental pain I've gone through in this fic, I'm able to still wonder curiously why Bikini came to see me as I lie in an unknown room on the top of a mountain with my hands cuffed.

Franziska: It would also appear that your alternate self is more upset about being kissed by Sister Bikini than being boiled alive in a lake full of coffee or even kissed by my little brother.

Edgeworth: Franziska, when did you start making jokes? I would have thought you would try and destroy the screen like you always do.

Franziska: I have decided to conserve my anger and let it grow until the time I finally get my hands on the ones responsible for this. Don't you worry, Miles Edgeworth, I haven't changed.

Phoenix: Hallelujah, you're still the same. And here I was hoping you'd have mellowed out a little.

*Wuh-PSSH*

Phoenix: Gah!

Franziska: I'm not the one who has to mellow out, it's everybody else who has to start acting less foolishly!

Quote:
Phoenix bolted upright in his bed. Sweating, he checked the clock. 2:17 AM. Trying to relax as he sunk his head back into his pillow, the nightmare continued to run through his head. Once he shut his eyes once more, it began to rain. 'That better not be coffee rain...', Phoenix thought as he drifted back to sleep.


Edgeworth: Wright, that joke, if you could call it that, was terrible. It was even worse than one of Franziska's.

*Wuh-PSSH*

Edgeworth: NGHOOOOH!

Phoenix: I'm glad I was able to forget that dream in a matter of moments and go back to sleep. Hopefully this means I'll be able to forget about this fic once we're out of here, too.

The lights are turned on again

Phoenix: Oh, is it already over? Well that was quick...And not nearly as mentally scaring as one would expect.

Edgeworth: Speak for yourself, you didn't have to see yourself in that...that...position!

Phoenix: No, you're right, I just had to see myself being subjected to plenty of other things.

The doors suddenly open, allowing our heroes to walk out

Franziska: *Running towards the exit* Where are you?! Face me if you dare, you foolishly foolish fools!

Phoenix & Edgeworth:...

Phoenix: So...what now?

Edgeworth: I'm pretty sure I have some paperwork to take care of. And you?

Phoenix: Uh, yeah...same here...(if by paperwork you mean being forced to take two spirit mediums out for lunch). Should we do something about Franziska?

Edgeworth: Let her run around for a little while longer. She'll sleep well tonight...

...

Hm...I think the first part of the sporking was a lot better than the second. Granted, there was a lot more fun material to work with in the beginning of the fic. Still, that doesn't excuse my jokes being bad/non-existent in the second half. Oh well.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
@rubia: That's also still fresh, so it wasn't done yet. But it only has two chapters so far, so it's probably not finished yet.

@builderkid: If nobody else takes your offer, I'll write you a pm once my spork is done. I'm sure we can find a nice fic to co-spork.


Sweet, that'd be great!
:jazzedgy:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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No, it's a nice spork, I like it. Just a few thoughts:

1)You didn't quote the author's name. Please try to always remember to do this for future sporkings. Even sporked fics deserve to be credited.

2)Did Franziska make a dirty joke there? O.O

3)What does Edgeworth mean when he says at least Phoenix didn't see himself in "that position"?

4)Why do you spell "12th" as "12:th"?


I like how Franziska tries to make jokes like all the others and nobody will laugh about them. ^^
The fic itself isn't really that bad, it's just a dream scenario. I'm curious what we'll see in its future chapters and their respective sporks. :D
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Well done, Thane. Actually, I found the spork a bit shaky in the introduction (it's easy to flanderize Franziska, so watch that you don't overdo it), but once you hit the fanfic, it was smooth sailing. I selected that particular fic for several reasons, but mostly for the insanity of the dream. It could have taken a more serious route with a title like that, but the first few paragraphs sealed it as a crack fic. As Pessimistic_Fool said, it's not a bad fic, but it'd be very suitable material to work with for a sporking.

@Pessimistic_Fool I think Edgeworth meant "that position" he was in for that one scene. Though, "awkwardly spread out" doesn't sound much better.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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But all the sporkers are watching the same fic, so Phoenix would have seen it?

Anyway...


TODAY'S SPORK: DECK THE THEATER WITH... UM, SWEET CORN AND CHESTNUTS OR SOMETHING!

It's A Christmas Carol! The season is too warm, the snacks are plenty, fic-Mia is out of character, the inconsistancies within the theater are finally adressed, and if Edgeworth didn't hate Christmas before, he sure will hate it after the events in this fic.

Ranking: :sawit: Still, one sahwit. Or let's say one and a half.
This fic is actually well written if you disregard a few points. I liked the little twists the author did with it.
However, the transition from the original story to the Ace Attorney setting caused some plot points to appear, so I thought it was still sporkable. Last but not least because of Mia's performance and the ongoing uncomfortableness I felt while reading this fic.


And our lovely sporkers today are:
-Phoenix Wright
Phoenix: Okay, everyone who didn't see this coming, raise your hand.

-Miles Edgeworth
Edgeworth: I should have my own opening sequence by now.

-Maya Fey
Maya: I hope they refilled the snack bar!

-and Dick Gumshoe
Gumshoe: Ooh, do I hear snack bar? Count me in!


[We open to an empty sporking theater. Faint sounds can be heard from the neighboring theater room.
Suddenly, the doors burst open and two unhappy looking sporkers get shoved inside.]

Phoenix: Oof! Hey! I'm cooperating, I'm cooperating!

[Behind them, two piles of various snacks walk in on their own. The door locks snap into place as they progress to their seats.]

Gumshoe: I can't believe we got it all for free! Those guys in the management must really like you.

Maya: Yeah, it's strange for them to just give it away like that. But hey, I'm not complaining.

Edgeworth: *eyeing the giant snack pile Gumshoe is carrying* Isn't that a bit much, Detective?

Gumshoe: Aw, don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth. I'll share with you.

Edgeworth: That wasn't exactly my point...

Maya: Anyway, sit down, the fic is starting!
Quote:
An Ace Attorney Christmas Carol
Author: theAceAttorneyRises

Phoenix: *starts reading* An Ace A...-what? Christmas? It's not even fall yet. Have you checked the temperatures lately?

Edgeworth: *sigh* It seems that my prediction has come true.

Phoenix: Your prediction?

Edgeworth: Yes, from when we were reviewing the werewolf fic. Do you remember?
Quote:
Maya: You didn't even mention the misplaced "it" up there. Even I noticed it.
Edgeworth: If I commented on everything that is wrong with this fic, we'd be sitting here until Christmas.

Phoenix: Oh, I completely forgot about that.

Maya: So then...?

Edgeworth: Yes, as we did comment on every minor detail in the second part, the management happily decided that it is now, indeed, Christmas.

Speakers: Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Spoiler: More spork under the cut
Quote:
Miles Edgeworth never liked the holiday season, he saw it as nothing more than a excuse for people to be lazy and skip work. However, on Christmas Eve he's faced with some very spirited visitors who are determined to show him the reason for the season. Written for the Wright and Co. Law Offices Facebook page.

Phoenix: We had a Facebook page at some point?

Edgeworth: So I take it that I'll be your Scrooge for this evening? *is not amused*

Gumshoe: Don't take it too personally, sir. Everybody knows they always cast the most popular character for the main role.

Phoenix: I think the role suits you. Last time I checked, you weren't much of a Christmas person.

Maya: Psst. Hey, Nick. I think the last time you checked was that case.

Phoenix: Oh, ahem, right. Sorry about that. *whispers in Maya's direction* Seriously, it's been that long?
Quote:
The cold, brisk winds blew through the air of LA. It was Christmas Eve and the people of this fair city were travelling about town making preparations for the big day tomorrow. Whether they celebrated Christmas, Kwanzaa Hanukkah or the Winter Solstice, everybody loved the holiday season.

Maya: *munch, munch* What's Kwanzaa Hanukkah?

Phoenix: Must be what people celebrate in Japanifornia.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that grave violation of the fourth wall is not permitted. You should know this by now.
Quote:
Outside the Prosecutor's Office a group of Christmas carolers gleefully sang "Joy to The World"

Edgeworth: It's an office building. People work in it. Who did they expect to stand outside and listen to them? The random police officer entering and leaving the building to run errands?

Gumshoe: *pondering* Yeah, I guess you wouldn't really hear a peep inside your office, huh? It's too far up. *continues to snack on his popcorn*

Phoenix: Maybe they were "outside" in the hallway. Blocking it up, probably. So you'd have to pay them to let you escape.
Quote:
as they brought joy and cheer to everyone who heard their song. Well, almost everyone… Miles Edgeworth wasn't a bad man, far from it; he was a man with a heart for truth and justice. The only problem was that Edgeworth was a bit of a workaholic and simply spent an unhealthy amount of time working.

Gumshoe: Yup, that's Mr. Edgeworth for you.

Phoenix: Working, and commenting on other people's work.

Edgeworth: ...or lack thereof.

Phoenix: See what I mean?

Gumshoe: I, uh, is it... no, don't tell! I'll remember what it means, just give me a second...

Maya: We're always working hard. Just this morning, we dusted off all the old books in Nick's office and sorted them by color. *takes a hand full of peanuts and downs them with cola*

Edgeworth: Very impressive.
Quote:
Edgeworth walked out from the parking lot and approached the entrance of the Prosecutor's Office,

Edgeworth: There is a connecting door in the parking lot.

Phoenix: You know, I think I figured it out! The author thinks that "the Prosecutor's Office" is really just one office, and that's why the carolers are standing outside of it, in the hallway. The hallway that also connects the one office to the parking lot.

Maya: That would be one giant office. *slurp* They'd probably need a helicopter to change a light bulb.

Edgeworth: Not only that, but where would all the other prosecutors work? In cubicles?

Maya: It could be like a giant sleepover party. Everyone piled up in a nest of blankets with flashlights and snacks. *munch munch*

Phoenix: Sure, and every night they could take turns reading each other bedtime stories... out of case files.
Quote:
and much to his annoyance he saw the carolers standing in front of the office singing songs of joy and cheer. Edgeworth rolled his eyes and approached the carolers.
"Merry Christmas, sir! How are you today?" One caroler asked.
"Do you have a permit?" Edgeworth asked, giving the carolers a glare colder than the air that filled L.A.

Edgeworth: Of course they don't. There's no such thing as a permit to sing Christmas carols. And as for a permit to block the hallway with their carolling, I can't think of a single person who would give them per- wait, no, I can think of a single person. *sighs*

Phoenix: In fact, he would probably invite us over to join them.

Gumshoe: Hey, that's a great idea! We should all meet up at the precinct and give it a try next Christmas season. What do you say?

Maya: *munch, munch* Sounds fun. Just think how great the acoustics will be if the hallway's ceiling is as high as in the single Prosecutor's Office!

Phoenix: You're making enough noise as it is.
Quote:
"No sir, we don't sir. We're just walking around the city trying to spread the joy of the holidays, sir." The head caroler replied timidly as he held his hat in his hands.
"Ah, so you're disturbing the peace?" Edgeworth pressed.
"We're just caroling sir…"
"What you're doing is illegal, so stop before I have you arrested.

Edgeworth: All jokes aside though, the author clearly intended these people to be standing outside the building. Unless they use a megaphone or vuvuzelas to add to the "great acoustics", there is nothing disruptive or illegal about what they're doing.

Maya: Maybe they're just really, really, reeeeeaaallllyyyy bad singers.
Quote:
Am I understood?" Edgeworth interrupted crossing his arms.

Maya: How can he interrupt when he's the only one talking?

Phoenix: He travelled back in time to his last syllable so he could dramatically interrupt himself?
Quote:
"Y-yes, sir." The caroler said as he gripped his hat in his hands and left with the other carolers, their Christmas cheer crushed by the Demon Prosecutor.
"Christmas… Bah, I don't see why everyone makes such a big fuss about it…" Edgeworth adjusted the cravat he wore on his neck

Edgeworth: Where else would I wear it? In my pocket?

Gumshoe: It does kinda look like a handkerchief...

Edgeworth: Not you too!

Maya: Huh? What do you mean, "too"? *slurrrp*

Edgeworth: Don't ask.
Quote:
and proceeded to walk inside the large building that stood before him. "It's nothing more than an excuse for selfish people to receive gifts, and for lazy people to avoid work."

Gumshoe: Oh, so that's what you meant with "commenting on other people's work or lack thereof"!

Phoenix: Uh, sure.
Quote:
As Edgeworth walked through the doors he took note of all of the tacky decorations that had been set up in the main area of the Prosecutor's Office. There was a large Christmas tree planted in the center of the office that irked Edgeworth the moment it was brought in,

Edgeworth: If it's already planted, how can it be brought in?

Maya: *talking with her mouth full of popcorn* But see? The office does have a high ceiling. They even plant trees in there. *swallows and grabs some more* Maybe they could plant a few more and have a small forest. Then they could keep their own reindeer in it. *munch, munch*

Phoenix: Slow down on the snacking already! You'll choke on something. And I don't think it would be cold enough for reindeer.

Maya: Maybe if they turned off the heaters?
Quote:
the glared at the piney abomination that he knew would be nothing more than another needless distraction to hinder these people from working. What's worse is that he'd have to help take it down when this horrid holiday passed.

Phoenix: Why would he? They clearly didn't need his help bringing it in. It should be easier to get rid off, because it doesn't have to be in one piece, and will probably have lost some of its needles until then. Even if they did need the extra help, we all know who would end up doing it.
Quote:
"At least I only have to put up with you for one more day…" Edgeworth muttered to the tree as he walked past it and into his office.
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Edgeworth sir!" A voice greeted as Edgeworth opened the door to his office. Detective Gumshoe stood next to Edgeworth's desk wearing a wide grin on his face.

Gumshoe: Hey, look! I'm in this story, too! *grins happily*

Phoenix: I'm pretty sure we'll all be, with how many characters there are in the original Christmas Carol.

Edgeworth: The question is, which roles will you play?

Maya: Ooh, ooh! Maybe I'll get to channel some Ghost of Christmas Past!

Phoenix: Seems legit. Hm, then I'll be... what, the Ghost of Christmas Present, maybe?

Edgeworth: Regarding your love for exposition, it's a possibility.

Gumshoe: And I'll be...

Edgeworth: ...Bob Cratchit, obviously.

Gumshoe: Wow, that's exactly what I was about to say! Y-you're a genius, sir!

Phoenix: (I think everyone in this theater is a genius by that definition.)
Quote:
"What do you need, Detective?" Edgeworth asked as he walked over to his desk and sat in it, clearly avoiding any needless small talk.

Phoenix: How do you "sit in" your desk?

Maya: Maybe his desk has a really big drawer?

Edgeworth: That would certainly be a safe way to avoid needless small talk. Or any human interaction whatsoever.

Phoenix: Ehh, I would still talk to you. I've seen stranger things than a grown man sitting in his desk's drawer. Although I would probably still make a few comments about it, for the rest of your life.
Quote:
"Well sir, I was wondering if I could have the day off tomorrow. Y'know, so I Maggey and I can spend our first Christmas together." Gumshoe asked as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Maya: "I, Maggey and I", a romantic split-personality crime Christmas comedy for the whole family, coming to theaters soon. *grabs some more popcorn*
Quote:
"No." Edgeworth responded dryly, focusing on his paperwork.
"No?" Gumshoe asked trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.
"Tomorrow's another working day, Detective, Christmas or not." Edgeworth replied, not even looking at Gumshoe.
"A-alright, sir… Can I at least have a Christmas bonus?"

Phoenix: As the present defence attorney, I feel the need to point out that bringing up these requests one day before the event is a decidedly bad move. These things have to be discussed in advance.

Maya: Yeah, I mean, crime doesn't stop for the holidays. Where are they going to find a substitute on short notice?
Quote:
"A bonus of any kind must be earned, Detective. You need to start doing better detective work before I even so much as consider giving you a raise." Edgeworth scolded.
"Y-yes sir…" The poor detective lowered his head as he sulked his way out of Edgeworth's office.

Phoenix: So far, everyone is in character.
Quote:
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Edgeworth sir…"
Edgeworth half-heartedly waved his hand in response to the detective's words as the dirt poor detective closed the door to the office. "Merry Christmas," Edgeworth muttered to himself "Hmph."

Maya: That's not how you say "humbug". Nick! He's cheating his way out of an endearing catch phrase!

Phoenix: Nothing I can do about it. Who still uses that word, anyway?

Maya: But it's not A Christmas Carol without it! Make them make him say it!

Phoenix: I think you spent a bit too much time around Franziska last time.
Quote:
As Edgeworth finished his paperwork and began to file it away, there was a knock on his door. Edgeworth looked over to the door as he placed his files into his filing cabinet. He took a deep sigh and walked over to the door to open it.

Phoenix: Whatever happened to "come in"? Next you'll need a doorman to do it for you.
Quote:
As he reached his hand out to the door's handle to open the door for his guest the door thrust itself open, Maya Fey ran into the office clad in her usual spirit medium robes with the added accessory of a scarf. In her hands she carried a Christmas wreath.

Maya: Aw, I'm playing a minor character? I guess I won't get to channel any Christmas ghosts after all.
Quote:
"Merry Christmas, Mr. Edgeworth!" Maya greeted cheerfully as she searched frantically around the office for a place to hang the wreath.
"Maya, you can't just barge into his office!" Phoenix sighed as he stood by the door to Edgeworth's office.

Phoenix: "Maya, you can't just barge into his office. So I'll stand back and watch while not making any attempt to stop you."

Edgeworth: Everyone still in character, I see.
Quote:
"What do you two need?" Edgeworth replied plainly.
"Yesh, Merry Christmas to you too Scrooge." Maya responded as she placed the wreath on the wall.
"What?" Edgeworth questioned, cocking an eyebrow.
"Y'know, Scrooge! The guy from the Christmas Carol," Maya ginned while Edgeworth stayed staring at her in confusion, "Grumpy guy, hated Christmas…" Edgeworth remained silent, "You've seriously never read or seen the Christmas Carol?"

Phoenix: So now we have A Christmas Carol within A Christmas Carol?

Maya: Christmas Carol-ception.

Gumshoe: It's like watching a school play and watching the movie at the same time. ...Should we have brought more snacks?

Edgeworth: I think between the two of you, one lifetime supply of popcorn and chocolate bars will do.

Maya: How is this a lifetime supply? More like a one-occasion all-you-can-grab buffet. *munch, munch*
Quote:
"Heard of it, never bothered to read the books or see the adaptations. I'm not too fond of Christmas stories." Edgeworth deadpanned as he removed the wreath from the wall.
"Seriously!?" Maya questioned in shock,

Phoenix: Yes, seriously? "Questioned"?

Edgeworth: This is what happens when an author tries too hard to avoid the words "said" and "asked".
Quote:
"Not even the Muppet's version o-or the Mickey Mouse version!?"
"No." Edgeworth replied.
The young spirit medium grinned as she swiped the wreath from the grumpy prosecutor's hand and placed it on his head.

Edgeworth: *smiles slyly* "Welcome to Norway".

Maya: Huh? ...I don't get it.

Edgeworth: They have a tradition of wearing a wreath with candles on their head... or so I've heard.
Quote:
Edgeworth spluttered in shock as he found himself wearing the wreath around his neck.

Phoenix: What, did his head just shrink? The wreath was on his head, and now it's around his neck?

Edgeworth: My fic self seems to be just as surprised as you are.
Quote:
"Well now we know what we're doing tomorrow, then!" Maya cheerfully exclaimed.
"Tomorrow?" Edgeworth grumbled as he attempted to remove the wreath from around his neck.
"That's why we came here in the first place. We wanted to know if you would like to celebrate Christmas with us." Phoenix said as he placed his hand into his pocket.

Edgeworth: Your hand placement aside, this is not overly in character for you. As impulsive as you may be, at least you know better than to jump on me with your last-minute Christmas plans.
Quote:
"Thank you, Wright," Edgeworth said as he continued to struggle with the wreath, "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer."
This response wasn't much of a surprise to Phoenix, he knew Edgeworth practically lived in his office and would only leave it if he had to leave for business.

Phoenix: Or food. He always tags along when there's food involved, for some reason.

Edgeworth: Mostly because your face is worth it.

Maya: It is! *munch, munch*

Gumshoe: It really is.

Phoenix: What's so funny about my face?

Maya: It's the way it reflects all the world's misery when somebody hands you the bill.

Gumshoe: Yeah, I mean you know it's bad when you make me want to treat you.
Quote:
He knew that Edgeworth would more than likely spend Christmas here in his office trying to find something to do, even if he wasn't needed.
"Alright, well never the less have a Merry Christmas, Edgeworth." Phoenix said as he and Maya left the room.
"Tell the Ghost of Christmas Past that I said hi!" Maya added teasingly as she shut the door.

Maya: No way, tell that sucker I want my role back!

Phoenix: You're getting really worked up over this, aren't you?

Maya: Of course I am! How can they have a spirit medium in the story and not have her channel any spirits? It's just wrong! Wrong, I'm telling you! *munch, munch*
Quote:
Edgeworth had finally managed to pop his head out of the wreath that Maya had trapped him in. He rubbed his neck and mumbled "Christmas, bah!"
The hours passed through the day and everyone had left the office to go home and spent Christmas Eve with their loved ones; everyone except Miles Edgeworth of course who remained behind for whatever reason. The clouds in the sky had already been replaced by bright sparkling stars. Despite this, Edgeworth stayed at the office and scrambled about; trying to find something to do as he was certain that in their rush to leave the office and go home his coworkers more than likely forgot to do something.

Edgeworth: So the whole idea of the Prosecutor's office being one single office was actually what the author had in mind? Or am I just breaking into other people's offices and rummaging through their files?
Quote:
Edgeworth walked through the dark and desolate halls of the Prosecutor's Office, the halls held an oddly gloomy feeling that emanated through the pictures that decorated the walls of the hall. The pictures held the images of the various people who had won the esteemed "King of the Prosecutors" award.

Maya: The what now?

Phoenix: I'll explain it to you later.
Quote:
Edgeworth stopped right in front of the picture of his former mentor, Manfred von Karma. Three years ago, on this very night, Miles Edgeworth found himself facing charges for the murder of defense attorney Robert Hammond.

Edgeworth: Putting this story in December 2019. Or in other words, about eight months after...

Phoenix: We know.

Maya: I don't know. What do we know?

Phoenix: What happened earlier that year.

Gumshoe: Earlier that year?

Phoenix: Well, if you don't remember, you sure as hell won't hear it from me.
Quote:
The man who had framed Edgeworth for this heinous act was none other than the man whose image Edgeworth stood before. Edgeworth shook these memories out of his head

Phoenix: Much like Munch and Crunch over here.

Gumshoe: Hey! No need to get all snappy with us, pal!

Maya: Yeah, Nick! What's with the attitude?

Phoenix: I... *sighs* I'm sorry, Maya. It's a sensitive topic for me.
Quote:
and noticed something different about Von Karma's picture, in place of the usual stern expression Von Karma held, the image portrayed Von Karma screaming much like he had when he his plan was foiled by a certain defense attorney.

Edgeworth: Heh. Speaking of Munch...

Maya: What did I do now?

Edgeworth: Not you, the painter.

Gumshow: You mean that Harry Butz guy?

Edgeworth: *pauses for a moment, then shrugs it off* Never mind. It doesn't have the same effect if I have to explain it.

Phoenix: If it makes you feel better, I understood the joke.

Maya: That was a joke?
Quote:
Edgeworth recoiled in shock at seeing the frightful painting that lie before him.

Edgeworth: It's "lay". "The painting that lay before him". (Even then, it should be hanging.)

Maya: The painting is a lie.

Gumshoe: At least it's not "still alive", eh, pal?

Phoenix: Have you two been hanging out together?
Quote:
Edgeworth rubbed his eyes, certain that they had been playing tricks on him. Edgeworth looked back up at the picture and saw that it had returned to normal.

Phoenix: So wait, is he supposed to be Jacob Marley? Or the Ghost of Christmas Past? Or both?

Edgeworth: I sincerely hope it's only an optical illusion to add drama.
Quote:
"You've been up too long Miles," Edgeworth mumbled to himself "Perhaps it's time to head home and get some shut eye…"
"Too tired to work?" A strong voice echoed from behind Edgeworth "How absolutely pathetic."

Edgeworth: Uuugggghhhhh!

Phoenix: Um, you going to be okay?

Maya: *throws her empty popcorn container at the screen* Bad fic! Way to ruin someone's Christmas mood!

Phoenix: It's September!

Gumshoe: Don't let it get to you, Mr. Edgeworth! Uh... I know! Have some cookies! Cookies cheer everyone up, right?

Phoenix: (How come I never get cookies when a fic mistreats me?)
Quote:
Edgeworth swung around to look behind him, searching for the source of the voice that had spoken.

Phoenix: But it's obviously the picture! He was already looking at it.
Quote:
He knew that voice but he was certain that it could not possibly be who he thought it was. "I know what you're thinking, Miles.
'It can't possibly be who I think it is' Correct? Well my dearest Miles Edgeworth, your ears do not deceive you." Edgeworth felt a cold sweat trickle down his face as this voice spoke. "Turn around, Miles." The voice demanded.

Edgeworth: If "the voice" dares to speak my name like that one more time...

Maya: No no no, don't get mad! It's just a fic, it's not real. *gently pats his arm*

Phoenix: Maya's right. A-and if he is Jacob Marley, he probably won't be around for very long, right?

Edgeworth: Grrr... his face I can take, but his voice... and like this...
Quote:
Edgeworth turned back around slowly and cautiously just as the voice had instructed him to. He wasn't sure why he was doing what the voice instructed him to do.

Edgeworth: *grinding his teeth* Understatement of the year!
Quote:
Was it out of fear? Or was it the fact that throughout his childhood he had learned to fear and obey this voice?
As Edgeworth turned around he found himself staring the portrait of Manfred von Karma.

Maya: What, like projecting it? With his eyes? Onto the wall?

Phoenix: I'm not sure if this is a good time for jokes, Maya.

Maya: No, it's the best time. For jokes and for cookies... more cookies! Come on, grab one, Nick. You too, Mr. Edgeworth. Eat up, eat up!

Phoenix: (I don't know what is up with this girl.)
Quote:
The portrait had once again changed; its eyes were dead and lacked pupils, its skin color was a ghastly grey, and the once regal appearance of his clothes were now tattered and worn. The portrait had begun to rattle as the image shown in the picture began to rip itself out of the portrait, releasing a horrible scream into the air.

Maya: "CHAAAAANGE! YOU GOT CHAAAAAAANGE?"

Phoenix: *jumps* Gah!! What's with the sudden noise?

Kay: *leaning over his seat from behind* She's taking the steam out of the fic in a rule-approved way.

Phoenix: Oh, that- *jumps* -YIKES! W-where did you come from?!

Edgeworth: *still struggling to restrain himself* Kay...?

Kay: *strikes pose* Don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth! I'll save you from this evil fic. I will steal the seriousness right out of it!

Phoenix: (Looks like she got started by stealing Maya's idea.)
Quote:
Edgeworth's eyes widened in shock, his entire body was frozen in fear as the ghastly figure approached him. Edgeworth was a man of logic and reason but he could not possibly comprehend what was happening at the moment.

Maya: Um... a joke... we need a joke. Quick!

Kay: It's hard to see the basis for one from back here. Let me look closer. *climbs over the seats and stands in front of Edgeworth, blocking his view* Ah, yes. Much better.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Kay Faraday that any distraction unrelated to the fanfic in question is strictly prohibited.

Kay: Yes, really much better. *stretches a bit*

Speakers: *sigh*
Quote:
"V-von Karma…" Edgeworth muttered as he stood before the spirit of his dead mentor.
"You've disappointed me, Miles." Von Karma spoke as he circled Edgeworth "You've grown soft."

Kay: *pointing at the screen* And you've grown immaterial. That's like softer than soft. Even cotton candy is harder than you.

Maya: That's right! And at least twice as tasteful, too.
Quote:
"I've grown stronger… I'm not your tool anymore." Edgeworth stammered.

Kay: You tell him, Mr. Edgeworth!
Quote:
"Are you so certain? You may have twisted the meaning of the word prosecutor into something utterly repulsive, but I still have quite the hold on you." Von Karma said as his hand phased through Edgeworth's chest and he wrapped his ghoulish fingers around his heart.

Maya: Wow. That's pretty gross. *thoughtlessly takes another bite out of her chocolate bar*

Gumshoe: Eugh... I'll have nightmares of this tonight.

Edgeworth: Do I even want to know what is happening on-screen?

Phoenix: No, I don't think so.
Quote:
"Why? H-how? How are you…" Edgeworth was for once, at a loss for words. "Are you here to kill me?"
"I would love to… But I can't." Von Karma stated as his hand harmlessly phased through Edgeworth's heart.

Kay: "I can't, so let me demonstrate how completely un-can-able I am by doing this pointless thing to drive up the fic's rating."

Phoenix: Well, better that than having him have a pointless flash scene, I guess.

Maya: Ew! Nick! Don't make this scene even worse than it already is.

Phoenix: (I only wanted to help...)
Quote:
Von Karma took his arm out of Edgeworth's body and turned away, "The powers at be decided to make a message out of me…"
"A message?" Edgeworth questioned.

Kay: Whatever happened to e-cards? Wait, let me fix this. *takes out Little Thief and puts glitter effects, wriggling cat ears and a fake moustache in the air in front of the von Karma ghost* There. Hm, too bad I can't make it look pink... at least I think it's safe to watch again. *steps aside* What do you think, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I... it looks ridiculous.

Kay: Ah! Forgot the Christmas frame! *adds a pixelated frame of candy canes and Christmas lights*

Edgeworth: I can't possibly take this seriously. ...Thank you very much.

Kay: You're welcome.
Quote:
"A warning." Von Karma answered. "You will be visited by three more spirits, Edgeworth…Warm your soul, Edgeworth.

Maya: Looks like you fixed the naming issue as well. What else can you do with that thing?

Kay: Lots of things. I would let you try it, but you'd probably get in trouble for breaking the rules.
Quote:
Or it will be eternally warmed for you…"
"But I've changed; I'm not like you anymore!" Edgeworth shouted.
"Not entirely." Von Karma replied before fading back into his portrait leaving Edgeworth alone in the dark halls of the office.

Maya: Aw, looks like the spam filter got him.

Kay: Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. *turns off Little Thief and grabs some of Maya's snacks*
Quote:
Edgeworth quickly jolted into his office and shut the door behind him, locking it in a hurry. He ran his hand through his hair, attempting to comprehend what had just happened. Surely his eyes were playing tricks on him, that couldn't have been Manfred von Karma that he encountered out in the hallway. That man was dead; he was tried for his crimes and executed.

Maya: Not too mention that his role indicates he's rotting in hell.
Quote:
Edgeworth's thoughts were interrupted as a gentle breeze came in through his window.

Phoenix: Uhm... the window window? Can that even be opened at all?

Gumshoe: I don't remember ever seeing any knobs or handles to open it with.

Edgeworth: "It" is in fact an aligned number of windows with little to no frame, as they form part of the building's wall, so no, as far as I'm aware, they can not be opened.

Kay: I think those big type windows usually open from the bottom up, like a cat flap. So maybe you could open it, if you hadn't put that shelf in front of it.

Edgeworth: Either way, it's no use speculating about it now.
Quote:
Edgeworth cocked an eyebrow and recalled that he had not left any windows open when he left his office.
Despite his recollection, his window was wide open as the wind blew the cold winter air inside the room.

Phoenix: Come to think of it, wouldn't it be a bit dangerous to have such a large window open at that height? I mean, just trying to reach out and close it... you'd just have to lose your balance for one split second, and... *gulp*

Kay: Rooftops are the same. High buildings in general are too dangerous.

Speakers: Oh, is that so?

Kay: Not that it'd keep me out, so don't get your hopes up.
Quote:
"Blasted air," Edgeworth muttered to himself as he shivered "Can't you leave me in peace?"
Edgeworth walked over to his window and slammed it shut. Once the window had been shut, Edgeworth walked over to the couch he had on the side of his office for when he just wanted to relax and enjoy a nice cup of tea. Maybe that's just what he needed, a nice cup of tea to soothe his nerves. Edgeworth had already prepared a pot for when he decided to take a break during work, so the esteemed prosecutor leaned forward towards the table in front of him and reached for his pot of tea so that he may poor himself a cup.

Edgeworth: The correct word is "pour". The "table" is a desk. The tea would be cold if it had been standing there in the cold air from the window. Which, as mentioned before, I could not have closed, because there would be a bookshelf in front of it. Unless someone pushed it out the window, perhaps in an attempt to crush the Christmas carolers beneath it.

Maya: Well, that'd explain the open window.
Quote:
"You wouldn't mind if I had a cup too, would you?" A soft pleasant voice sounded from next to Edgeworth.

Maya: Ah! That voice!

Phoenix: (Yes, it sounds strangely familiar...)
Quote:
"Of course not, it would be my…." Edgeworth eyes widened at the realization as his cup overflowed and began to spill tea on the table. He cautiously turned his head to lay his eyes on his unexpected visitor. A woman clad in a magnificent white robe sat next to him with a purple magatama tied around her neck. Edgeworth dropped his cup of tea in shock and rose from his seat. He looked down at the woman who sat before him and squinted, attempting to make out the woman's face in the dark.

Phoenix: Do you often drink tea in the dark, or only when there are signs that someone broke into your office? Also, how would you be able to tell the colors of her clothes and magatama if it's so dark you can't even see her face?

Kay: Maybe she's wearing a glow-in-the-dark wizard robe. Or bath robe. ...Christmas robe?
Quote:
"Maya?" He questioned. Edgeworth's look of fear quickly turned into a look of frustration, "I swear if this is another prank by you and Wright, I will have you arrested and thrown in jail to serve TWO life sentences!"

Edgeworth: Another unfounded threat in response to a mild annoyance. Why does this Scrooge version of myself have these anger issues? And why does he think he can have people baselessly arrested whenever he feels like it?

Phoenix: And why is he not disturbed by his logic that Maya apparently broke into his office to undress, switch into a glowing white robe, all in front of the open window, and then lurk in the dark for him to come back?
Quote:
"Oh? So my sister's starting to look like me?" The woman said as she stood up and walked towards Edgeworth.

Phoenix: I think she was a lot closer when she was sitting next to him, even after he stood up. Talk about a pointless detour.
Quote:
The darkness seemed to clear as she stepped forward; before him stood Mia Fey, Phoenix Wright's mentor and the older sister of Maya Fey.
"Mia Fey… B-but you're…" Edgeworth stammered.
"Dead? Yeah." Mia interrupted.

Maya: It didn't have to be so blunt.

Phoenix: At least she gets to play a good part. Look, she's the Ghost of Christmas Past. That's probably the nicest ghost in the story.

Maya: True. I'll see how the rest of her scenes are written, then I'll decide if I'll forgive the author or not.
Quote:
"But tonight's not about me, Edgeworth. It's about you."
"Pardon?"
"Let me show you." Mia explained as the window opened and cold air rushed into the room with almost hurricane level winds, nearly knocking Edgeworth off of his feet.

Phoenix: See, I told you it would be dangerous. Remind me how he managed to close that window before?

Kay: Yes, and how was the teapot and everything else on the desk/table not whirled across the room while it was open?
Quote:
"Are you insane!? Shut that window before-!" Edgeworth was swiftly interrupted by Mia grabbing Edgeworth by his arm and tossing him out of the window.

Phoenix: Whoa, that escalated quickly!

Maya: "Probably the nicest ghost in the story"?!

Gumshoe: Maybe it's just... staying true to the original?

Edgeworth: This is most certainly not taken from the original book.

Kay: If this is the nice ghost, I wonder what the other two will be like.
Quote:
Edgeworth screamed as he shut his eyes, plummeting towards the ground with the fierce winds blasting against his face. "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh… " Edgeworth repeated as he opened an eye just to see how close to the ground he was, "God?" His noticed that his face was just inches away from slamming into the ground but he had stopped falling right before his face could slam into the cold pavement. Edgeworth looked up and was meet

Edgeworth: "Met".
Quote:
with the fact that Mia was floating above the ground holding his leg, preventing him from becoming a splattered mess on the pavement.

Kay: Oh, looks like she remembered that she's supposed to be the nice one.

Phoenix: I wouldn't count dangling a man by his leg in a degrading pose as being nice.
Quote:
"C'mon Edgeworth, quit messing around! We don't have all night!" Mia chuckled.

Kay: Okay, you're right. She's being a bully.

Edgeworth: And thus out of character. Clearly they should have given the role to Maya.
Quote:
"Impossible… How are you-?" Edgeworth questioned in shock.
"No time to explain. Like I said, we don't have all night!" Mia said as she soared through the air holding Edgeworth's leg.

Kay: Man, is he going to have a headache when he gets to stand upright again.
Quote:
She speedily flew past the L.A towers that pierced into the night sky with the biting winter air becoming harsher and harsher until it reached the point where it finally started to snow.
"It doesn't usually snow here. Pretty strange, right Edgeworth?" Mia commented as she flew.

Maya: Yes, it snows! We even walked through it in two different ga- I mean, during two different investigations.
Quote:
"…I've seen stranger." Edgeworth deadpanned as he dangled by his leg.
"Hey, look at that!" Mia exclaimed as she pointed to the ground.
Edgeworth cocked an eyebrow and looked to the ground to see a kid sliding on the snow at an alarmingly fast rate on a sled. "If that child's not careful he'll wind up hurting himself."
"Let's take a closer look, shall we?" Mia then dove from the air to reach ground level as they trailed the kid on the sled.

Phoenix: You know, somehow I get the impression that Mia just had too much coffee that night.

Maya: That doesn't excuse the bad writing. What, was the coffee radioactive and turned her into a supervillain?

Kay: That would explain the glowy robe.
Quote:
Edgeworth felt his stomach turn inside out at the sudden drop. If they didn't slow down soon he was certain that he'd lose any and all stomach contents.
This was all he could focus on

Maya: On losing his stomach contents?
Quote:
until he realized something, it was daytime. "That's odd…" He muttered to himself.

Phoenix: Wasn't he supposed to be afraid just a second ago? How did he get so calm all of a sudden?
Quote:
"Heads up." Mia said.
"What?" Edgeworth replied before he looked up to see exactly what Mia meant. They were following the kid still and were about to crash into a tree.

Edgeworth: How nice of her to call his attention to this fact.

Kay: Yeah, she really doesn't get any better, does she? It's like she's trying to come up with new ways to torture your character.
Quote:
Edgeworth flinched as he and Mia harmlessly phased through the tree. Mia descended to the ground and let go of Edgeworth's leg, dropping him into the snow.

Kay: Like, seriously, why does she hate you so much?

Edgeworth: I have absolutely no idea. Maya?

Maya: Don't ask me. I don't even know that person. She's got to be the stunt double or something.
Quote:
Edgeworth then looked up from the ground and scrambled to get up, "How did we-? How did you-?" Edgeworth stammered struggling to comprehend what had just happened. Mia merely raised a finger to her lips to silence him and pointed his attention to the kid who had just crashed into the tree. Edgeworth walked over to the tree and attempted to check the kid's pulse but his fingers phased through the child.

Kay: Pfft, overdramatize much?

Maya: Yeah, try asking someone if they're okay first before you go check if they're dead. Otherwise you'll get your salary cut. *winks*

Gumshoe: Hey! Don't even joke about that, pal!

Phoenix: (I'll give her a pass. He's been so quiet, I forgot he was still there.)
Quote:
Edgeworth turned his head towards Mia for answers but she remained silent. Edgeworth opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of feet trudging their way through the snow.
"Yeeeesh Edgey, you alright?" A child's voice sounded from the distance. The footsteps drew closer as two children clad in winter clothes ran up to the child who lay in the snow.
"I-Is he dead, Larry?" One child clad in a blue winter coat with a beanie over his head, asked.

Maya: You too, Nick? Why does nobody just ask him if he's alright?

Phoenix: Maybe he's unconscious?

Maya: Well, you won't find out until you check!
Quote:
The other kid, one dressed in an orange winter coat with a Santa hat covering his head, looked over at the kid in blue.
"Where do you think we should bury the body, Nick?" He replied.
"I'm fine." A muffled voice rang out from the child who was buried with snow.

Kay: Thank god he didn't wait for them to ask, or they'd probably have buried him alive and asked questions later.
Quote:
The child got up from the ground and shook the snow off of his body. Edgeworth's eyes widened at the realization. It was him, that small child who crashed into the tree while riding a sled was a nine year old, Miles Edgeworth!

Phoenix: What a shocking twist! Because when they called him by his name, I totally didn't make the connection.

Edgeworth: It's one thing to expect your readers not to notice this, but to expect me to be that oblivious to my own name is a bit of a stretch. Not to mention that I would certainly remember hitting a tree at high speed. This should not come as a surprise to my adult self.
Quote:
"Remind me to never listen to another one of your ideas, Larry."
"That's… That's me! December 25, 2001! How are we here!?" The older Miles Edgeworth questioned in shock.

Maya: There, see? Now he remembers.
Quote:
"Miles Edgeworth, allow me to properly introduce myself. My name is Mia Fey

Phoenix, Edgeworth and Maya: We know.
Quote:
but tonight you can call me the Ghost of Christmas Past."

Phoenix, Edgeworth and Maya: We know.
Quote:
Mia bowed.
"…Maya says hi…" Edgeworth deadpanned as he turned his attention back towards the scene before him.
"C'mon, Edgey! You gotta admit that it was fun!" The younger Larry Butz replied to the younger Edgeworth's remark.
The nine year old Edgeworth attempted to glare at Larry but found a smile cracking on his face,

Phoenix: Gah! That's not a good combination. That's not a good combination at all!

Maya: Nick! He's staring into my soul! And I think he wants to do something horrible with it!

Edgeworth: (Note to self: Practice this face to leave a stronger impression.)
Quote:
"Well… it was rather enjoyable." He admitted.
"It was fun. There was nothing quite like it; the cold winter air blasting across your face as you sped through the snow with no direct control over where you were going, there was a fascinating sense of danger that I had never experienced before or ever again…

Kay: Yes, because - sing it with me, Maya - Lightning-speed sleds with no breaks and no steering...

Maya: ...possibly breaking my bones in the clearing...

Kay: ...dunking my head in the snow till it stings...

Both: ...those are a few of my favorite things!
Quote:
Well, until tonight that is." The 27 year old Edgeworth commented casting a glance at Mia.
"Miles!" A voice rang out from the distance, "It's time to come inside, son!"

Edgeworth: *groans* Oh no. No no no no no. Don't go there, author. Just... no.

Gumshoe: *looking worried* This fic really has it in for you, huh, Mr. Edgeworth?

Kay: Should I do something? (...What should I do? Mess with it? Not mess with it?)

Phoenix: (I have a bad feeling about this...)
Quote:
Mia glanced over at Edgeworth and noticed that his eyes had widened.
"Yes, father!" The young Miles answered. "Bye guys." He said before he ran off towards the direction that the voice came from. Edgeworth watched his younger self run excitedly through the snow and into his house. The door slammed shut as the younger Phoenix and Larry picked up the sled and ran up the hill to continue their fun in the snow.

Phoenix: Yes, could we stay with camera 1 and watch me and Larry breaking our necks for a while? No? Well, it was worth a try.
Quote:
Edgeworth absent mindedly walked to the front door of his childhood home; it wasn't anything fancy or luxurious like the home Edgeworth currently owned.

Phoenix: No, I think it was fancy enough. Of course you can always compare fancy apples and fancy oranges, but...

Edgeworth: Your allegories are as bad as your jokes.
Quote:
Instead it was a quiet, quaint, and cozy little home that brought back many memories for the prosecutor. Mia walked up to the door in front of Edgeworth and knocked.

Kay: Why would she have to knock? She already demonstrated that you can both move through solid objects. Um, in other news, should I keep my hand on Little Thief? I'm not sure what I should do this time, but...

Edgeworth: I'm... not sure about that myself.
Quote:
Edgeworth opened his mouth to question just how Mia was physically able to interact with an object but before he could speak the door to his old home creaked open. Edgeworth's mouth was left agape as he was face to face with his father, Gregory Edgeworth.

Phoenix: (Here we go... let's cross our fingers that he's better written than Mia!)

Maya: *watches Edgeworth out of the corner of her eye*

Gumshoe: *does the same*

Kay: *also watches, with Little Thief at the ready*

Edgeworth: Agh! W-while I appreciate your concern, could you people please have a little more confidence in me? I'm not going to fall to pieces over the sight of my father's face!

Maya: ...Chocolate?

Edgeworth: ...Dark, please.

[She hands him a chocolate bar and he quietly takes a bite.]
Quote:
Their eyes met for what felt like an eternity, Edgeworth's composure began to break as his eyes began to water. The prosecutor reached his hand out to feel his father's face but harsh reality began to set in as his hand phased through the defense attorney. With a deep breathe Edgeworth slowly closed his fist and used it to wipe the tears from his eyes.

Kay: *glaring at the screen* This is just cruel.

Maya: With how this fic treats him, you could almost think the management is trying to teach the real Mr. Edgeworth a lesson.

Phoenix: I keep hearing time and time again how he's their favorite character. Why would they give him the old Scrooge treatment?

Kay: You really don't know anything about fangirls, do you, Mr. Wright?
Quote:
"Who is it, father?" The voice of the young Miles rang from inside.
"No one, son." Gregory responded with a warm smile as he closed the door.

Kay: Well, that was pointless. Did she just want to play a prank on them?

Maya: Maybe that was the preview, and if you want to see more, you have to insert a coin.

Edgeworth: Something tells me we're not going to be that lucky.
Quote:
Edgeworth stood in front of the door, staring at it thoughtfully with his eyes expressing great sorrow. Mia placed her hand on Edgeworth's shoulder and greeted him with a comforting smile.

Kay: I'm just waiting for your cue, you know.

Edgeworth: It's alright, Kay. I'm fine!
Quote:
She guided him through the door as they phased through the wooden barrier. Inside the cozy home was an even cozier living room. A large Christmas tree was the center of attention in the room as there were many presents kept under the tree.
"That's quite the Christmas tree, Miles." Mia commented.

Phoenix: Okay, now she's just trying to collect out-of-character trophies. Making no sense - check. Acting like a jerk - check. Wasting time with pointless distractions - check. Inappropriate use of first name - check. What next?

Kay: You forgot "faking friendliness immediately after being a jerk". All that's left is for her to start cussing in broken English.
Quote:
Edgeworth simply ignored the spirit's comment

Kay: Wise choice.
Quote:
and walked towards the fireplace that gave the room a sense of warmth adorned with a comfortable glow. Mia walked over to the fireplace and stood before it alongside Edgeworth. It wasn't the beautiful, dancing flames that caught their attention; it was the stockings that hung over the fireplace. Mia's eye observed the three stockings; one was labeled "DAD" and held a picture of Gregory Edgeworth wearing a Santa costume and smiling for the camera; the other was labeled "ME" and held a picture of Edgeworth as an infant, smiling happily as he played with a toy car,

Maya: Why take such an outdated picture? Is the plot twist that he got turned into a vampire somewhere along the line and can't be photographed?

Phoenix: Why do the stockings need pictures anyway? For the Christmal special camera to pan over?
Quote:
"You were adorable." Mia commented as she continued to look at the image of baby Edgeworth. Edgeworth didn't even acknowledge her comment; as he was too busy staring intently as the third and final stocking. Mia then turned her attention to the final stocking as well, her heart shattered at the sight of what she saw. Before them both lay a stocking labeled "MOM" that held the image of a beautiful woman with a loving and tender smile holding a newborn baby.

Edgeworth: I can see an interesting assumption coming up in 3, 2, 1...
Quote:
"This was our first Christmas without her;" Edgeworth finally spoke "She was always very ill and her body just… Shut down."

Edgeworth: ...and we have a winner. *sighs resentfully*

Maya: Looks like your mother got the Tiny Tim part, for some reason. But then what are they gonna do with the real scenes later?
Quote:
"I miss her too, Miles." Gregory's voice sounded from behind them. Edgeworth turned around to his father place a comforting hand on the shoulder of the nine year old Miles, who had been staring sadly at the stockings. "But she wouldn't want us to be so sad during her favorite time of the year.

Kay: Oh look, characterization. Don't we all feel so much closer to Tiny Tina now?

Phoenix: "Tiny Tina"?

Kay: Hey, I'm a noble thief, not a fanfic editor.

Maya: What about your editing device earlier?

Kay: It's not for editing! It's a simulator.

Gumshoe: Yeah, it was only simulating being an editing device. Right, Kay? *chuckles*
Quote:
Your mother always said that Christmas was about leaving all your problems behind, just for one day, and sharing joy with your family."

Phoenix: (Should I make a joke about "the contradiction in this statement", or should I keep it to myself?)

Edgeworth: I know what you're thinking, Wright. Allow me to question your own family dynamics in response.

Phoenix: Stop reading my mind, Edgeworth!
Quote:
The small child's eyes began to glisten with tears at his father's words. Gregory knelt down on one knee and wrapped his son in a hug. "It's ok, Miles. It's ok;" Gregory's eyes began to swell with tears as well "I'm still here… We're still family. And I promise you that will never change."

Phoenix: Oooohh, this is awkward.

Maya: Bad move, author! Really bad move!

Edgeworth: ...

Gumshoe: S-say something, Mr. Edgeworth! Are you really okay with this?

Kay: Of course he's not! He's just lost for words. Right, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: No, I'm just feeling oddly untouched by this scene. I'm silently debating with myself if it's due to the sheer crudity of this fic, or if I am slowly losing my ability to empathize from watching it.
Quote:
"Take me back." The older Edgeworth demanded as he turned away from the scene, "Now."
"Edgeworth…" Mia spoke, trying to comfort the grieving prosecutor.

Maya: Make out already! ...On second thought, don't.
Quote:
"Why are you showing me this!?" Edgeworth shouted "To make me remember the happy Christmas memories I had? Well guess what! Just three days later my father was taken from this world! Taken from me! Christmas didn't stop that, if anything it just served as a cruel irony…"
"Would like to return to the Prosecutor's Office?" Mia asked.
"Yes," Edgeworth answered "I would appreciate that."

Edgeworth: I think we all would appreciate it.
Quote:
Just as Edgeworth answered, the entire scene around them had begun to turn into snow and spin around them as if they were caught in the middle of some winter tornado. Soon enough the snow began to settle and morph into the Prosecutor's Office. Edgeworth and Mia found themselves inside the halls of the Prosecutor's Office. The lights in the entire building were off

Phoenix: Then how can they tell where they are?
Quote:
save for a small source of light stemming from behind a door.

Edgeworth: So apparently, not only are all of the lights in the hallway out of order, but the doors have also been replaced by paper screens.

Kay: Or maybe someone just slammed this one door so badly that it left a hole in the wall around it?
Quote:
"Ah, there's my office.

Phoenix: "I recognize it by the way the light shines behind the door."

Maya: No no, he doesn't have to. There's only one office, remember?
Quote:
Thank you, Miss Fey. Tonight certainly has been interesting, now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work." Edgeworth said as he reached his hand out to grab the door knob to his office. Just before he could do so an 18 year old boy wearing a red winter coat walked through Edgeworth and opened the door.

Phoenix: Why was there a teenager lurking in the dark? Did the Ghost of Christmas Present arrive early?

Kay: From the way this is written, I think it's Mr. Edgeworth himself.

Edgeworth: I'm almost certain it is.
Quote:
Edgeworth cast an annoyed glance at Mia, realizing that he had just been tricked. Never the less he decided to follow the boy into the office. The boy was carrying some files and dropped them off at a desk where a small candle served as the source of light for the entire room.

Phoenix: Then how could they see the light through the doo- oh, whatever. That is a fire hazard there, by the way.

Gumshoe: This sight feels familiar. I didn't know you enjoyed reading by the candlelight too, Mr. Edgeworth.

Kay: Doesn't that ruin your eyes, though?

Gumshoe: I don't know about that... I always fall asleep after a few lines.

Edgeworth: *raises an eybrow* Are you telling me you fall asleep over your work, Detective?

Phoenix: Don't answer that.
Quote:
The shadowy figure that sat at the desk reached out and grabbed the files.

Phoenix: Oh, so he works for a shadowy figure now. Of course.
Quote:
The boy stood by the desk waiting for a sign of gratitude from the figure but was ignored.
"Sir…" The boy spoke.
"Yes, Miles?" The figure responded.

Edgeworth: Uuuurrrgh! And here I thought we were done with him.

Kay: Do you want me to put him in a funny costume? Or set his head on fire?

Edgeworth: As tempting as it may be, I'd rather save your offer for later. There's no telling what else might await us.
Quote:
"You're not going to the Christmas party being thrown by the chief prosecutor, sir?"
"Why would I?"

Maya: So it's that scene. Hm. Does this mean we'll get to see Scroogeworth's girlfriend?
Quote:
"It might be fun, sir…" The boy answered.
"It would be a waste of time and time is something a prosecutor cannot waste, Miles."
"Y-yes Mr. Von Karma." The boy stammered.
"It was my first time back in America after living in Germany with the von Karmas ever since the DL-6 incident." Edgeworth took a deep breathe

Edgeworth: Yes, let's fly over the ocean to join a Christmas party. Or... not join a Christmas party. Which makes even more sense, of course. And how did he immediately find a spare office to do his paperwork in? Are they suggesting that it was his all along, and just lay vacant for nine years?
Quote:
"And I didn't want to waste my time cramped up in the office." Mia merely listened to Edgeworth speak as they both followed the boy out of the office to the entrance of the building.
The boy looked behind himself at the building's entrance. "And so," Mia spoke as the boy looked forward and began to run "You didn't. You ran, you ran all the way to the Gatewater Hotel where they held the Christmas Party for the prosecutor's.

Edgeworth: The prosecutor's... what? The prosecutor's secretary? The prosecutor's goldfish?

Maya: The prosecutor's confused.

Edgeworth: And why have it at the Gatewater Hotel?

Kay: Well, I can understand them not using The One Office while Shadow McCreepface is in there.
Quote:
But why there, Edgeworth?" The boy huffed and puffed as he ran through the streets as fast as he could until he reached the Gatewater. "Why the Christmas Party for the prosecutors?"

Phoenix: It's not like he has a whole lot of other options. I can't see our Edgeworth crashing a party, much less this fic's version of him.
Quote:
"Sooner or later they were going to be my peers and I had wished to get to know them." Edgeworth explained as he and Mia walked inside the Gatewater. The main hall of the Gatewater was nowhere near as lavish as it was now, in place of the decadent gold that lined the walls of the modern day Gatewater, simple brick and stone was in its place. Despite this, the hall was still filled with people from the Prosecutor's Office all gathered together to celebrate Christmas. The decorations weren't too extravagant; they had merely placed a banner that wished everyone a Merry Christmas on the ceiling.

Maya: I don't think people will see your banner if you put it on the ceiling like a poster. Try hanging it somewhere.

Kay: Or at least put it on a wall.

Phoenix: I also don't get why they had to make it so plain. They could at least have painted some candles or snowflakes on it. Or hang up some Christmas lights.
Quote:
A smile crept over the boy's face as his eyes searched the crowd.
"So you came here to meet your future peers?" Mia questioned.
"Yes" Edgeworth responded.
"I seriously doubt that." Mia replied with a sly smile on her face as she watched the boy rush past the crowd towards the punch bowl

Phoenix: ...to drink himself unconscious and erase the previous scene from his memory?
Quote:
where a woman stood filling her cup with the beverage.

Maya: Yay, I knew he'd get a girlfriend!

Edgeworth: Why does this revelation make you so happy? Besides, we have yet to see who this mysterious woman is.
Quote:
"Detective Skye" The boy spoke.

Phoenix: Hm. Could have been worse.
Quote:
"Well… I guess you could say that I had an ulterior motive…" Edgeworth mumbled.
"The Demon Prosecutor has a heart after all." Mia chuckled.

Edgeworth: And the Ghost of Christmas Past Defence Attorney has no tact.

Kay: She doesn't even have it right. You weren't a prosecutor yet at that time.
Quote:
"Leave me alone, I was only 18 at the time… Hormones and all that what not…" Edgeworth replied.
"Yes?" The woman replied with a smile on her face.
"We met earlier today. M-my name is…" The boy stammered.
"MILES EDGEWORTH!" A small German child's voice shouted as a riding crop struck the boy in the back causing him to yelp in pain.

Maya: Looks like Franziska is jealous.
Quote:
The 18 year old Edgeworth looked turned around and saw the 11 year old girl with silver hair giving him a disapproving glare.
"Franziska!? What are you-!?" The boy was interrupted by another strike from the riding crop causing him to let out a pained grunt.
"The more important question, little brother is what you are doing here, Miles Edgeworth!" Franziska scolded.

Edgeworth: As you can tell from her inability to punctuate, Franziska is also out of character.

Phoenix: I'd say she's out of character just from being there in the first place.
Quote:
"I saw you foolishly leave the Prosecutor's Office despite Papa saying that coming here was a waste of time.

Phoenix: Wait, she was lurking in the dark, too? This fic is full of creeps!

Maya: Lurking and eavesdropping. I bet she was the one who shut off all the lamps in the hallway, too.
Quote:
And no real prosecutor wastes their time!"
Franziska once again struck the younger Edgeworth with her weapon; causing him to trip and fall on top off Lana, resulting in her spilling her drink on both of them.

Maya: Oh look, we have entered slapstick hour! We need some comedic sound effects.

Kay: Sorry, Little Thief can only create visual simulations. Having a sound modifyer would be fun, though. What do you think, Gummy? Should we give it a try later?

Gumshoe: Sure. I'll see if I can get some spare parts somewhere.
Quote:
The younger Edgeworth's eyes widened in shock as he realized what had just happened; he quickly helped Lana to her feet.
"I-I am so sorry!" He stammered.
"It's alright, accidents happen." Lana replied with a chuckle.
"Tell you what, uh, let me go get some napkins and we'll get you cleaned up." The young Miles said as he stepped forward to leave. However, the cruel mistress known as misfortune struck again as Miles slipped on the spilled drink and fell on the table, flipping it over and causing the punch bowl to go flying.

Kay: You just know that somewhere in that room, there is someone making a Youtube video out of this right now. I know I would.

Phoenix: And somewhere else, Franziska is watching this scene and demanding that everyone stop foolishly fooling around.
Quote:
"And the winner of this year's 'King of the Prosecutors' award goes to… Winston Payne! The Rookie Killer!"

Edgeworth: The award ceremony takes place in February. Not Christmas.
Quote:
The chief prosecutor announced over a microphone as a meek, frail man clad in a green suit stepped forward to obtain his prize. Just as he reached out accept the award, the punch bowl came flying down and landed on his glorious hair.

Phoenix: Poor guy is making a face as if he just got "punched" in the face.

Everybody else: ...

Gumshoe: Was that supposed to be a joke, pal?

Phoenix: (I guess I need a better "punch" line.)
Quote:
"Papa deserved that award anyways. I can't believe these foolhardy fools didn't allow him to receive it for a 6th year in a row!" Franziska commented, breaking the awkward silence as Miles' face turned redder than the coat he wore.

Phoenix: I spy a contradiction in this testimony.

Maya: Oh good, we're back to the courtroom routine. What is it, Nick?

Phoenix: It said earlier in the fic that Edgeworth had only just returned to the country after living with the von Karmas in Germany for the previous nine years. If that is true, the trophy could not have been awarded to you-know-who during the past five years!

Gumshoe: Ah! You're right!

Edgeworth: That is not "a contradiction in this testimony" - it's a contradiction in this chapter, at best. It could simply be baseless boasting on Franziska's part.

Phoenix: (Gee, aren't we nitpicky today.)
Quote:
"MILES EDGEWORTH." A loud, commanding voice rang out from the entrance of the hall. The crowd parted like the Red Sea as Manfred von Karma walked over to the punch drenched Miles.

Kay: Again? He just keeps sneaking his way back into the fic!

Speakers: Yes, much like how you keep sneaking your way back into our sporking theater.

Kay: That's not the point.

Maya: What is he doing there anyway? Didn't he say that going to the party would be a waste of time?

Phoenix: I guess he just couldn't resist the chance to get more screen time.
Quote:
"There he is, Papa! The foolishly foolish fool is foolishly shaming the von Karma name!" Franziska said point to Miles.
"Edgeworth… It's time we had a talk…" Manfred sneered as he reached out to grab Edgeworth by the arm.

Edgeworth: Kay?

Kay: Working on it right now, Mr. Edgeworth.

[She enters some information into Little Thief, but the fic progresses before she can project anything.]
Quote:
"Take me back." The 27 year old Edgeworth pleaded to Mia. "I don't want to relive this! …Please…"
Mia looked over to Edgeworth and nodded as the scene around them stopped in time and began to form into a flurry of wind and snow. They both found themselves in back in Edgeworth's office, just how they left it.

Kay: Huh. Seems like the author spared you for once. Maybe this is really a variation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, where the author is the Grinch, and he learns compassion by seeing you react to the horrible scenes he writes you into?

Maya: Shouldn't he write in rhymes, then?

Edgeworth: E-either way, it seems that we almost reached the end of this spirit's reign. (And the sooner the better...)
Quote:
"Why!? Why show me these painful memories!?" Edgeworth interrogated as Mia stood there remaining silent. "WHY!?"
"To show you that you didn't always hate Christmas.,

Phoenix: Yes, because he looked so happy in those flashbacks.
Quote:
to show you that you allow your past to haunt even this joyous holiday." Mia answered.

Edgeworth: And here, ladies and gentlemen, we have a spiritual variation of "why are you hitting yourself". How charming.

Maya: Whoever wrote this fic really doesn't understand sis. They made her look like a complete jerk!

Phoenix: Maybe the Grinch doesn't like lawyers.

Maya: But you were written okay. You only showed up for a minute or so, but you were still okay.

Kay: Hey, the fic isn't over yet. They have plenty of time to have him return and ruin his character.
Quote:
"Bah!" Edgeworth grunted "Just leave me alone… What does it matter to you anyway?"
"Edgeworth…"
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" The prosecutor shouted at the spirit that stood before him.

Kay: Whoa, what's with the capslock?

Phoenix: She kind of had it coming.
Quote:
Just as he shouted a strong wind began to pull him towards the window. "W-what's going on!?" He questioned as the wind's strength increase until the point where it sucked him out of the window completely and he was left tumbling through the air. "MISS FEY! HELP!" Edgeworth shouted as he fell. He watched in horror as he reached closer to the ground.

Maya: Don't mess with a Fey, yo. Not even the badly written stunt double ones.
Quote:
"NO!" Edgeworth shouted as he woke up from the nightmare drenched in a cold sweat. He looked around his surroundings in confusion until he realized that he was in his bed. "It was all just a bad dream!" He chuckled in relief. Edgeworth then rolled out of bed and walked into his kitchen. "Some tea will help soothe the post-nightmare jitters." Edgeworth stated as he poured himself a cup of tea.

Phoenix: What, he just happened to have that sitting there?

Edgeworth: This fic version of myself really seems to like his cold tea.
Quote:
Once the tea cup was filled, Edgeworth brought the cup to his mouth so that he may enjoy a sip. However; just as he was about to enjoy his tea, the sound of an organ boomed throughout his home startling Edgeworth and causing him to spill his hot tea onto himself.

Kay: It was so startling that it even reheated the tea in his cup.

Phoenix: Why does this ghost come with an organ? If anything, you would expect something more seasonal, like a bell, or perhaps a recorder.

Gumshoe: You mean like a cassette recorder? So he could tape his organ playing?

Kay: How do you know it's a "he"?

Gumshoe: Well, 'cause he's the Ghost of Christmas Present, of course. Do you think I never heard that story before? He's a big guy, that one.

Maya: *thinks* That's right... but if you're already playing Cratchit, then who is the Ghost of Christmas Present?

Kay: Judging from his entrance, the Phantom of the Opera.
Quote:
The organ began playing an interesting melody that Edgeworth swore he recognized, he had heard it somewhere before. Did Edgeworth leave his TV on as they reran the episode of the Steel Samurai where the Evil Magistrate used an enchanted organ to hypnotize the people of Neo Olde Tokyo?

Maya: Ooh, from the episode 10 outtakes. That was a good one!

Phoenix: That actually happened?

Maya: What do you mean, "that actually happened"? You mean you're not even done watching the first season yet? It's been ages since I sent you that ta-... I mean... what was I going to say?
Quote:
The organ began playing an interesting melody that Edgeworth swore he recognized, he had heard it somewhere before. Did Edgeworth leave his TV on as they reran the episode of the Steel Samurai where the Evil Magistrate used an enchanted organ to hypnotize the people of Neo Olde Tokyo?

Maya: Ooh, from the episode 10 outtakes! *pauses*

Edgeworth: Is anyone having a déjà vu besides me?

Phoenix: Yes, actually...

Maya: I could swear I talked about this before. I even remember Nick asking me if it really happened.

Phoenix: Yeah, and you said... uh... what was it?

Maya: I... I don't remember. It's like it was there, but then it was not.

Kay: That's odd. Do you think I glitched something when I broke in?

Edgeworth: I don't think it has anything to do with you, Kay.
Quote:
Or perhaps he left the radio on and they were playing songs from "The Phantom of the Opera".

Kay: Hey, that was my joke!
Quote:
Either way, Edgeworth journeyed to his living room

Phoenix: I've heard of spacious interior, but I don't think walking from one room to the other should take so long you'd call it a journey.

Maya: I can just see him packing his little suitcase and carrying it around with him. He'd probably pack a book and a snack for the trip through the hallway.

Kay: And a toothbrush if he has to get from first floor to second floor.
Quote:
to discover the source of this organ. As he drew closer to the source of the sound, Edgeworth began to realize just where he had heard the music before. It was the song that always blared from the office of the Chief of Police.

Phoenix: Oh, that makes sense. In a way. He did look rather big to me.

Edgeworth: I suppose he does look the part to some extent.

Maya: Huh? Who?

Phoenix: (I guess I'll just have to tell her the whole story at some point.)
Quote:
Edgeworth walked in the living room where a giant organ lay in the center of the room with a large man clad in a Santa costume playing it.

Edgeworth: Ah, yes. I believe we are back to the better written characters now.
Quote:
The man had his back to Edgeworth but could still sense his presence as he entered the room. The man stopped playing his organ and spoke…
"Ah, you're finally awake… Worthy…"

[Kay and Maya almost choke on their last remaining snacks]

Kay: Pfffff! "Worthy"? And I thought my nicknaming skills were bad.

Edgeworth: I'd consider you both on par in that respect.

Maya: Hey, you know that guy too, right, Nick? What's your embarrassing nickname?

Phoenix: Uh... i-it wasn't as bad as that, you know? It was actually really boring. Heh, I don't even remember it.

Maya: ...Soooo, Mr. Edgewo-

Phoenix: -He doesn't remember it either!
Quote:
The man said as he turned around and revealed himself the Edgeworth. Before the prosecutor, sat the former Chief of Police… Damon Gant.

Maya: Damon Gant is The Edgeworth. Coming to sporking theaters this Christmas season!

Phoenix: It's still September.

Kay: Don't be so serious, Mr. Wright! That's Mr. Edgeworth's role.

Edgeworth: (That coming from the person who likes to "steal" people's roles?)
Quote:
"Damon Gant…" Edgeworth muttered under his breath as he looked upon the figure that sat before him.

Edgeworth: Yes, this is basically what the previous sentence said. How kind of the author to repeat it for us.
Quote:
"Let's not stand on ceremony here, Worthy." Gant grinned as he played the massive instrument he sat before. "Just call me The Ghost of Christmas Present." Gant said as he adjusted the Santa hat he wore on his head.
"Ghost? Last I checked you were still in prison." Edgeworth questioned.

Phoenix: That's a good point, you know.
Quote:
"Details, details." Gant replied waving the question off. "The point is that someone here has been a Scrooge and so some higher power decided some good ol' fashion haunting would you some good."
"Wonderful" Edgeworth grumbled.

Phoenix: I have to admit, the parts where everyone is in character are kind of entertaining.

Edgeworth: I suppose they are, if the missing words and bad punctuation don't bother you.
Quote:
"So pop a squat next to jolly ol' Ganta Claus

Everyone except Phoenix: *groan*
Quote:
and we'll begin our little journey." Gant said as he scooted over and pat the area on the organ next to him, signaling Edgeworth to take a seat.

Kay: Wait, he was sitting on the organ? Was he playing it with his butt?

Phoenix: Maybe he was sitting on one of the pipes and playing with his toes. Wait, no, that sounds too uncomfortable.

Maya: It's probably not as bad as the sound it makes when you sit on the keys.

Gumshoe: Yeah, I'd have to agree with her, pal. That's one sound I'll never forget.

Phoenix: (Do I even want to know?)
Quote:
"Journey into what? The present?

Maya: The bathroom?
Quote:
We're already here." Edgeworth remarked.
Gant let out a mighty laugh and clapped his hands before using them to wipe away a tear that had developed in his eye. "That's a good one, Worthy… Now hurry up and take a seat, otherwise you'll wind up on my naughty list and the last person who wound up on the naughty list wound up impaled on a spear…" Gant said as he glared at Edgeworth before he began to laugh at his own joke, or at least that's what Edgeworth hoped it was.
With a heavy sigh Edgeworth submitted and sat next to Gant on the seat in front of the organ.

Edgeworth: I'm not sure if I should appreciate the fact that they no longer sit on the organ itself, or point out the unsuitability of this seating arrangement.
Quote:
"Very well, just make it quick…"
"Buckle up!" Gant exclaimed as he began to play his usual jolly tune on the organ. Edgeworth rolled his eyes and crossed his arms as he sat next to the former police chief. He sat listening to Gant's song until he realized that the organ had begun to lift itself off of the ground and ascend towards the ceiling.
"I'm dreaming… I just woke up from a dream and now I'm dreaming again…" Edgeworth muttered before being startled by the sound of the organ playing a loud, singular bass note.
"Sorry!" Gant grinned "My finger slipped."
"Gant, we're about to crash into my ceiling…" Edgeworth said as he looked up as the organ continued to ascend.
"What?" Gant questioned as he stuck his pinky into his ear to clean it out

Maya: Umm, ew?
Quote:
so that he can hear Edgeworth more clearly. Just as he did this; Edgeworth, Gant, and the organ all phased harmlessly through the ceiling and soared through the night sky. "Did you say something, Worthy?"
"…Nothing… Nothing at all." Edgeworth said as he looked down at his home. Edgeworth looked at his watch, "9:00 p.m.

Edgeworth: Ahem. *takes a deep breath, strikes pose* Why did I sleep with my watch on? Why was I asleep at all at that time? Why is this watch digital? Why does the current time strike my fictional self as important when clearly he should fear for his life? Speaking of which, how has he not fallen off his very narrow side of the seat yet? Why does this author use so many unnecessary synonyms for the words "said" and "went", but not a single replacement for the word "phased"? Since when can it even be used that way? Why is there a semicolon instead of a comma? How could the ghost clean his ear in past tense to hear more clearly in present tense? Why am I still paying attention to such details?

[The others just look at him awkwardly as he drops back into his seat.]

Edgeworth: I just needed to get that off my chest.

Phoenix: Feel better now?

Edgeworth: Yes... for now, at least.
Quote:
Hm, I wasn't asleep that long… Now, I'm assuming the reason why the people down below aren't panicking at a flying organ is because they can't see us."
"Right you are, Worthy!" Gant exclaimed. "Now, let's see here…" Gant kept one hand playing the organ and the other hand reached into his pocket to pull out a map. "Our first stop should be just around the corner… Ah! There it is!" Gant yelled as he threw his map into the air and pointed down to the ground beneath them, "Wright and Co. Law Offices! Home of our dearest friend, Wrighto!"

Phoenix: I was hoping he wouldn't say it.

Maya: No, you were right. It's not that embarrassing.

Kay: Yeah, not like "Worthy". *snorts*

Edgeworth: ...
Quote:
"He lives here?" Edgeworth asked.
"Yes, the office building is comprised of two floors. On the first floor is the main office where Wright he works and on the second floor is the actual apartment with a guest room." Gant informed "You really should get to know your own friends better, Worthy."

Phoenix: Uhm... last time I checked, I didn't live in the office or above it. Why would I do that? The rent for my apartment is much lower than the one I would have to pay for a second office just to sleep in it.
Quote:
Edgeworth merely grunted in response as Gant started to play his organ faster causing the flying instrument to make a nosedive to the office.
"Watch out! You're going to-!" Edgeworth panicked as they got closer and closer towards the roof of the office until they just phased through harmlessly into the main office. Gant slowed down the playing of his organ and parked the massive instrument right next to the Christmas tree inside the office.

Phoenix: And how did we fit a Christmas tree in there?

Maya: Maybe it's just Charley. If we'd put some ornaments on him, he could almost look like a Christmas tree.

Phoenix: I really doubt that, Maya.
Quote:
"We're here!" Gant exclaimed as he clasped his hands together with a wide grin on his face. "And look! There are our hosts!"
Phoenix sat behind his desk filing away some paper work while wearing an atrocious pink sweater with the words "Mystic Maya" inside a giant red heart.

Phoenix: Okay, I take it this sweater was made by Pearls. First of all: Where did she get the idea for that design? And second: If she did make it, the words should not spell "Mystic Maya". They'd probably spell something like "Mistyck Ayam". ...Just don't let her know I said that.

Edgeworth: Does she really struggle that much with spelling something as simple as her cousin's name?

Maya: I feel bad for saying so, but she definitely does. Well, at least the "Mystic" part.

Edgeworth: (Just how bad are the schools in Kurain village?)
Quote:
The sweater was very uncomfortable and made Phoenix incredibly itchy, so he found himself constantly scratching his body while working.
"I thought she'd never go to sleep!" Maya's voice rang out as she walked down the stairs wearing a sweater that was identical to Phoenix's, save for one detail, in place of the words "Mystic Maya" this sweater had the words "Mr. Nick" written on it.
"Does that mean I can finally take off this sweater?" Phoenix asked.

Edgeworth: Why is it that even in a rendition of A Christmas Carol they still find a reason for you to undress?

Phoenix: I don't know. Ask your assistant.
Quote:
"Nick!" Maya scolded as she puffed out her cheeks "Pearly put a lot of effort into making these sweaters for us!"
"Yeah, I know… It's really itchy, though!" Phoenix griped.
"Tell me about it," Maya replied, scratching her ribcage "But we can't risk Pearly waking up, coming down here, and seeing us without them on.

Phoenix: I don't see why not. If I did live in the office, and we were having a sleepover, we could always change into some pajamas and claim we were about to call it a night. Or even just wear a shirt underneath to stop the itching.

Maya: Honestly, I don't think we would be up after Pearly's bedtime to begin with. She would probably drag us right along with her.
Quote:
You done with your paper work?"
"Yeah, just finished the last of it." Phoenix said as he got up from his desk.
Phoenix and Maya both walked towards the couch that sat in the middle of the office but for some odd reason they were walking in odd patterns and tip-toeing as if they were avoiding something.
"What on Earth are they doing?" Edgeworth asked.
"It appears that they're avoiding a carefully laid out trap." Gant commented as he pointed to the ceiling. Edgeworth looked up to the ceiling and saw that it had been covered with mistletoes.

Phoenix: Uh, ya, I don't think I'd mind those as long as nobody's there to enforce the rules.

Maya: I don't think we'd even notice them. It's the same as with the banner at the party earlier: You would have to look up at the ceiling to notice them. Why would we be looking at the ceiling?

Gumshoe: To watch out for incoming flying organs?

Phoenix: (But shouldn't it be invisible?)
Quote:
"Good Lord, it's a minefield… How on Earth did Pearl even manage to get them up there?" Edgeworth commented.

Edgeworth: I would assume she used a ladder. It really isn't that great a mystery.

Phoenix: You mean a stepladder.

Maya: Don't start this again! You can't even see what it would look like in this case.

Phoenix: But I can tell. How would she secure a ladder in the middle of the room? It can't stand on its own.
Quote:
"Now explain this to me Worthy… When did Wrighto get himself a girlfriend? I don't recall him having one when I met him." Gant questioned.

Phoenix: I guess Ema doesn't count.

Edgeworth: Most likely because she wasn not wearing a pink sweater with your name on it while she was accompanying you.
Quote:
"Oh that's right; she wasn't here when you met Wright. Funny, it's hard to imagine Phoenix Wright without Maya Fey." Edgeworth smirked "But they're not a couple, might as well be though."

Kay: You think the author ships you two, Maya?

Maya: Huh? Ship? You mean like in a pairing? You think so?

Kay: Well, it sure looks like someone's speaking through their characters here. First the desire to undress, then the mistletoes, now that comment...

Maya: But isn't the fic about Mr. Edgeworth? You said the author was a fangirl.

Kay: Sure, but that doesn't mean she can't like a little fluff on the side.

Gumshoe: Fluff... pairing... ship...? *looks confused*
Quote:
"Well, they certainly seem happy." Gant added.
"Happy? They're practically family." Edgeworth paused as he watched Maya and Phoenix sit on the couch together; joking around, laughing, and just enjoying each other's company.
"That's what it's all about isn't it, Edgeworth?" Gant spoke "Family.

Kay: Ouch! Way to rub it in. And he seemed so nice at first.

Phoenix: Believe me, he's not. Oh boy, is he not!

Edgeworth: You say that now, however, if memory serves, that was hardly your first impression.

Phoenix: Fair enough. But we've seen his true face long before this fic takes place, so I'm surprised he kept up his act for as long as he did.

Gumshoe: I don't know about acts, pal... he looks very much in character to me. I think I even saw him wearing a Santa suit once.
Quote:
Christmas time is about sitting back and allowing the problems of the world to just melt away as you enjoy this wondrous season with the people you care about."
"Well, some of us have problems that don't melt away so easily." Edgeworth replied.
"Tell that to her." Gant said, shifting his glare towards Maya. "Don't assume me to be ignorant, Miles Edgeworth. You forget that I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present; a spirit of this caliber knows these things, Worthy.

Edgeworth: What he doesn't know, apparently, is how to address me.
Quote:
That girl has endured so much, more than most people endure in a lifetime.

Phoenix: *ponders* Maya's been through a lot, yes, but I'd say at this point in the fic you're about equal.

Edgeworth: It's not a competition.

Phoenix: You know what I mean.
Quote:
In just a few days she'll have the responsibilities of an entire village thrust upon her shoulders. She has every reason to be a wallowing mess of depression; she comes from a bloodline whose history is drenched in blood, a bloodline that has caused almost everyone she has ever cared about to die. So don't you stand there and tell me that you have issues

Phoenix: But he has issues!

Edgeworth: I take issue with the portrait you're painting of me.

Maya: Yes, don't make us sound like a pair of losers! Uh... both you and the fic!

Phoenix: *sighs* (Good intentions never go unpunished.)
Quote:
while that girl sits over there laughing and smiling without a care in the world."

Phoenix: Happy now?

Maya: *nods happily* Yes, this is much better.
Quote:
It was easy to forget that Maya's lived a terrible life, a life that would've shattered the soul of an average individual.

Maya: *puffs her cheeks* Oh no, don't you get started again! Bad fic! Bad!
Quote:
Edgeworth had to admit it; Maya Fey was a lot stronger than most people give her credit for. How could she do it? How could she move on so easily?
"Because of them." Gant spoke "Because of Wrighto and that little girl. Her family, her pillars of strength. That's what she has that you don't.

Kay: I can think of a bunch of things he has that this Gant person doesn't. Like style, however old-fashioned it may be.

Edgeworth: I'll pretend I didn't hear that last part.
Quote:
You're so distant, so cold, so apathetic." Gant paused as his glare pierced Edgeworth. "But it's not my place to tell you that, that's someone else's job. My job right now is to show you the wonders of Christmas time" Gant grinned.
"Oh boy," Edgeworth deadpanned "I get to watch people exchange material items just so that they can feel better about themselves and act as if they're decent people."

Maya: Hey! We are decent people. We don't have to "act" like it!

Phoenix: Also, we don't really "exchange" anything. More like... *writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it over to Edgeworth*

Edgeworth: *unfolds the message and reads* ...Heh. As I expected of the two of you.

Maya: T-two of who? Me? Are you talking about me? Nick! What did you write on that note?

Phoenix: Ha hah... nothing, Maya... nothing at all.

Gumshoe: These girls have a lot in common, don't you think? *snickers*

Maya: Girls? Me? And, and... *points at Kay* ...her? How? Niiiick?!

Kay: Gummyyyyy?!

Phoenix: I guess they really do, huh?
Quote:
"Ok," Maya said she placed her hand on her chin in thought

Maya: Maya said she was wondering how she could get her hands on that mysterious note. Maya said maybe Kay should steal it.

Kay: Kay said it would be easier to steal if Maya hadn't called attention to her plan.

Maya: Maya apologized.
Quote:
"We have a present for Gumshoe, Larry, Franziska" She said as she counted the people on her fingers "I still need to wrap up Edgeworth's." She commented as she pulled out a green cravat decorated with tiny images of Christmas trees and Santas.

Edgeworth: Why do people seem to think that everything I own ought to loosely (-very loosely-) resemble my sense of fashion?

Kay: It's probably just easier to put a cravat on it than to try and find something in a design you would like.

Edgeworth: I would never reject a heartfelt gift in any way, shape, or form. (However atrocious it may be.)
Quote:
"Ha! That's adorable!" Gant chuckled. Edgeworth merely cringed at the sight of the horrid monstrosity that Maya held in her hand.
"I'm sure he'll love it," Phoenix laughed "Now where's his real present?"

Phoenix: Oh, see, it's only a little joke. Either you or Maya must have been away for April Fools, so she's trying to make up for it now.

Edgeworth: Although considering the time this story takes place in, I would think that a certain someone would be more likely and better qualified to help you with this kind of prank.

Phoenix: You mean Pearls?

Edgeworth: No. Remember what we established earlier today? The events in this fic are dated...

Gumshoe: ...December 2019, right? Hah! I remembered! I'm getting better at this.

Phoenix: So what about December 2019? -Wait, didn't you... was there something you said about that year? Or hinted at?

Maya: Yes, and then you got all crabby and didn't want to talk about it.

Phoenix: I...did?

Edgeworth: You don't remember?

Phoenix: I... no... (It's this feeling again! I-is something happening to me? Am I going insane?)
Quote:
"It's already wrapped up under the tree." Maya replied "And Santa should be coming with Pearl's present tonight."
"Yeah…" Phoenix paused "Say, Maya… I just remembered we're out of eggnog. Let me go grab some really quickly and I'll be right back." He said as he stood up from the couch and made his way out the door.
"Let's follow him," Gant suggested as he cracked his knuckles and started to play the organ once again. Edgeworth sighed and situated himself in his seat on the organ

Kay: Now he's sitting on the organ again. It's a good thing we don't have a sound simulator yet, because I'd be tempted to try it out and see just how bad it sounds to sit on the keys while someone is trying to play. Or on the pipes. Wouldn't sound too good either, I'd think.
Quote:
before it took off and followed Phoenix through the streets of L.A.
"Why are we following him? He's just going to go buy a present for Pearl." Edgeworth questioned.
"He's already taken care of that." Gant responded "It's hidden in the pot of their office plant."

Maya: Poor Charley. His pot is already so tight without you shoving anything else in it. I call plant abuse!

Phoenix: M-maybe it's really small? Or maybe he is the gift.

Maya: Plant abuse!
Quote:
"Then what's he doing?" Edgeworth asked "We wouldn't be following him if he really was just buying eggnog."
"Patience, Worthy." Gant said as they stopped in front of a jewelry store and watched Phoenix walk through its doors. Gant "parked" his organ in front of the store and dismounted it. "Come along, Pond." Gant said as he pulled out some keys and set the organs alarm.

Maya: "Pond"? I don't get it.

Edgeworth: Neither do I. I can only assume that it's a reference to something we are not familiar with.
Quote:
"I think I preferred the other nickname." Edgeworth commented as he followed Gant through the doors of the store.

Edgeworth: I can't say I "prefer" either of them, to be honest.
Quote:
"You don't get to choose your nickname, Edgey. Just like how you don't choose the events that occur in your life. They're thrust upon you and it's up to you to make the best or worst out of it." Gant explained as he and Edgeworth walked up to Phoenix.

Phoenix: Uhm... isn't the entire idea behind A Christmas Carol that you can affect the events in your life, and that the choices you make can prevent bad things from happening? What's the whole purpose of sending three ghosts to save his soul if he can't change anything?
Quote:
"Take Wrighto for example. He's a man forged from the flames of tragedy and misfortune.

Phoenix: Not really... and once again, he's preaching to the wrong audience. Is the Edgeworth in their universe just a lucky rich guy with a perfect life? No, he can't be. Because we have seen that he has a tragic past and has had losses in his life. So why are the ghosts treating him as if he's a careless monster who eats kittens?
Quote:
A class trial that traumatized him pushed him to become a warrior of the court,

Kay: That must have been one hell of a class trial. What did they do, attempt to kill him by a thousand cuts?

Edgeworth: Not exactly. He was... a little on the sensitive side, back in those days.
Quote:
being framed for murder by an old flame introduced him to the woman who shaped him into the great defense attorney he is today, the death of his mentor laid the foundation for a friendship that's grown and prospered into an inseparable bond. Life's thrown him some curveballs but they've all helped shape him into who he is today."

Phoenix: None of those examples had anything to do with "making the best of it". I usually wasn't the one making the first move in any of those situations. It just sort of happened. Is that the moral of this story? "Things just happen, so... Christmas"?
Quote:
"Hi," Phoenix greeted the owner in charge of the store "I'm here to pick up an order from 'Phoenix Wright'."
"Y'know, in all of my years as a jeweler," The owner; a short, overweight, and balding man, said as he used his keys to open a drawer near the cash register "This has got to be the strangest request I've ever gotten."

Phoenix: Why? Because of the name? It's the name, isn't it?

Maya: No, it's because you're Phoenix Wright, silly. How can you pick up an order from yourself? Do you want him to cosplay you?

Kay: I bet it'd be pretty hard to copy that spiky hair of yours.
Quote:
Out of the drawer the jeweler pulled out a small black container much like those that are used for engagement rings.

Kay: More ship tease, I see. If this leads to you guys getting together, I totally called it!
Quote:
Edgeworth cocked an eyebrow at the container and wondered just what was inside of it. Surely it couldn't be what he thought it was.
"Well she's not exactly a normal girl." Phoenix chuckled as he opened the box to ensure that everything was in order.
The jeweler laughed, "That's how it always is with the ones ya love," He chuckled as he pointed to Phoenix's sweater. Phoenix's eyes widened as he realized he was still wearing the sweater Pearl made for him, it's no wonder he had been so itchy on the way over here.

Phoenix: Yes, itchy and cold. He probably should have taken the time to get his jacket.
Quote:
"Uh, no wait a second…" Phoenix stammered before getting interrupted by the jeweler's chuckle.
"It's alright," The jeweler said raising a hand. "You don't need to explain it to me. I've been in your shoes before. So, everything in order?"
Phoenix grinned as he gently pulled a gold chain out of the small black box and at the end of the chain was a beautiful gold locket with the image of a hamburger engraved on the front of it.

Phoenix: A hamburger? Engraved on it?

Maya: Ooh, how romantic. *grins*

Phoenix: Like, it's not even shaped like a hamburger, it just has a picture of one engraved on it?

Gumshoe: With a locket like that, you'd have to be careful not to eat it, huh, Maya?

Phoenix: Not even inside the locket, it just has a picture of a hamburger engraved on its front? Like some sort of stamp?

Edgeworth: Get over it, will you?

Phoenix: But it has a hamburger engraved on it! A hamburger! On its... look at it! It's ridiculous!
Quote:
"It's perfect." Phoenix said with his eyes still fixated on the locket. Gant grinned as he noticed that his companion was smirking at the sight.
"Something wrong? Your facial muscles are contorting in an unusual fashion." Gant said sarcastically.
"No, nothing's wrong…" Edgeworth explained, still smirking

Kay: That didn't really "explain" anything.
Quote:
"Maya's going to love it."
"Let's go check on her and see what she's doing, shall we?" Gant said as he guided Edgeworth over to the organ. The two hopped on the organ and took off as Gant played his song.

Kay: So now he's got his own song? Like a theme song?

Edgeworth: Please don't...

Kay: *sings* Up there in the sky! Can't you see his organ fly? His music playing cheerfully...

Maya: *sings* ...while Kay is singing out of key...

Phoenix: This theme song lacks a melody.

Maya: *sings* We have to make it Christmas-sy!

Kay: *sings* ...so everybody sing with meeee...

Maya: *sings* ...of the three ghosts of Christmas...

Kay: *sings* ...two itchy sweaters...

Kay, Maya: *sing* ...and an organ parked next to a Christmas tree.

Phoenix: That was horrible!

Kay: Well, you try and make up the next song off the top of your head. *pouts*
Quote:
The organ flew through the sky until it returned to Wright and Co. Law Offices. Once they had parked inside, Gant and Edgeworth observed as Maya frantically searched around the office for something. Edgeworth opened his mouth to ask Gant about what was going on until he decided to just watch for himself.
"C'mon, where'd I put it!?" Maya asked herself as she looked under the office's sofa "Aha!" She exclaimed as she lifted up one of the sofa's cushions and pulled out a grey heap of cloth.

Maya: Uh. I... I have no idea what that is. Or why I would give it to you. *thinks* Did I do your laundry for you and forget to seperate the colors?

Phoenix: Could be an elephant costume for all we know.

Kay: Or maybe it's the black-and-white version of the sweater you're wearing. You know, for the true 50s soap opera feeling.
Quote:
Edgeworth squinted to try and get a better look at the bundle she held but he still couldn't make out what it was.
"She doesn't have much money," Gant narrated as Maya pulled out some wrapping paper to wrap up the grey cloth. "So she wasn't able to get Wrighto an extravagant gift like the locket we saw Wrighto purchase for her. But she still placed her heart and soul into making that cloth that she's trying to wrap up."

Phoenix: The way everyone keeps referring to it as a "cloth" makes me wonder if it's some kind of cleaning rag. A very big cleaning rag. For cleaning a very big mess. I'm not sure I like where this is going.

Maya: Don't be ridiculous, Nick! Of course I wouldn't get you a rag for Christmas. At the very least, it should be a toilet brush.
Quote:
Edgeworth looked over to Maya and observed the cloth she was wrapping paper around; he noted that it did look a tad bit messy as there were two pairs of crooked blue lines on the cloth. Maya hummed some Christmas music to herself as she finished her sloppy handiwork by placing a bow on top of the mess; attached to that bow was a card that appeared to hold a hand drawn picture of an overweight Phoenix trying to push himself down a chimney with the words "Jolly Ol' Saint Nick" written under the picture.

Maya: See? That's how puns work. You have to make them funny.

Phoenix: I like my puns.

Edgeworth: You like them a little bit too much, that's the problem.
Quote:
She walked over to place it under the tree until she stopped in her tracks. She looked upon the bundled mess of cloth and wrapping paper she held in her hand as her expression changed from one of eagerness to unease. She opened the card to read the contents of the card, her uneasiness began to grow more and more visible as her eyes read what she had written inside. She took a deep sigh and tore the card off of the bow and threw it inside the trash can. With a deep sigh she placed the present under the tree.

Maya: Now look what you've done! You made fic-me feel bad by not liking the pun on her card. Look how disappointed she is!

Phoenix: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... wait, how did she know I'd react that way? There has to be another reason for her sudden change of mood.
Quote:
"Why'd she do that!?" Edgeworth blurted out "It was a charming little card!" He said as he walked over to the trash can and attempted to fish out the card. His efforts were futile however as his hand just phased through the card. "Why would she throw it away?"
"Perhaps because there's something written in there that she's not ready for him to know yet." Gant commented "But that's something you'll have to figure out on your own time, Worthy.

Kay: In other words: "Tune in next week and find out for yourselves, kids!"
Quote:
We have one more stop."
"Where to?" Edgeworth asked as he and Gant took their seats on the organ.

Kay: This is like literal musical chairs. The first on the seat gets to sit there while the other has to keep making "music" by sitting on the keys.
Quote:
"To visit someone who's down on his luck." Gant replied as the organ took off.
Detective Gumshoe's apartment was run down and old, there wasn't much to it really. It was cold, damp, and dark.

Gumshoe: No need to rub it in a man's face like that, pal! *scratches his head* And you know, it isn't really all that dark, as long as...
Quote:
The only source of light was a small candle on a small table in the center of the small room, the only room in his home.

Gumshoe: That's what I was trying to say! Th-the candle! Not the room. You could have kept that part to yourself.

Kay: It's not even true. You have a kitchen, too.

Gumshoe: That's right! And a bathroom. Don't forget the bathroom. That's three rooms, see?

Phoenix: (I don't think bathroom and kitchen count as additional rooms...)
Quote:
The organ passed through the wall and landed in the corner of Gumshoe's apartment.

Phoenix: Wait. This story is written from Scroo- I mean Edgeworth's point of view. How could we see what the apartment looks like before they entered it?

Edgeworth: Easily. By looking through the enormous plot hole in the wall.
Quote:
"This is where he lives?" Edgeworth asked as he looked around the room. There wasn't even a bed, only a sleeping bag and a clock.

Gumshoe: What? Hey! Somebody stole my bed!

Kay: Wasn't me. I don't think I could even carry that thing.
Quote:
"You shouldn't be so surprised. You've cut his pay to the point where he practically has to pay to come to work." Gant explained still seated on his organ, watching Edgeworth roam around.

Edgeworth: It's certainly not that bad... is it, Detective?

Gumshoe: Nah, don't you worry about me, sir. I mean, sure, things went a little downhill after they closed the dollar store around the corner last month...

Maya: Wow, you're really down on your luck, huh?

Gumshoe: B-but! I'm not afraid of a challenge! Dick Gumshoe doesn't give up that easily!

Phoenix: (At least he's still got his enthusiasm...)
Quote:
"He must be miserable…" Edgeworth muttered as the door slammed open, phasing harmlessly through Edgeworth.
"I'm dreaaaming of a white Christmaaaas! Just like the one the carols know!" Gumshoe sang as he entered the room carrying some grocery bags. "Now wouldn't it be nice if instead of rain and ice, we got a big fluffy blanket of snoooow!"

Edgeworth: Why does everybody keep breaking into song around me today?

Kay: But isn't it cute? He's singing his Christmas song from the musical.

Maya: Musical?

Kay: You don't know? Have you never googled your name or anything?

Maya: Nick wouldn't let me. He said it wouldn't be safe... whatever that means.

Kay: I'll send you a link.
Quote:
Gumshoe hummed the rest of the song as he emptied the bags on the table before him, pulling out two packages of a microwavable turkey dinner for him and Maggey to enjoy the next day. "Now that that's taken care of, it's time for dinner!" Gumshoe exclaimed as he pulled out a cup of ramen that he had prepared earlier from the microwave.

Phoenix: I don't think putting them in the microwave will improve anything if you then leave them there to go cold while you go shopping for groceries.

Edgeworth: No, the microwave was never working to begin with. As we can tell from the candle on the table, there is no electricity in Detective Gumshoe's apartment.

Phoenix: You're right. Speaking of which, why was the candle burning when he wasn't home? That brings us back to fire hazards...

Gumshoe: What a waste of a good candle.
Quote:
Gumshoe was about to dig in before he stopped himself, "Whoops! Can't forget to give thanks!"

Kay: Yes, thanks to the great gods of the microwave for preserving this offering of cold ramen.
Quote:
Edgeworth stood by and listened as the man who had so little give thanks for every little thing.

Maya: Like the bit of dirt under his fingernail.

Kay: And the little speck of dust in the corner by the door.

Maya: And the sorting order of boring old dictionaries in Tagalog at the library.

Kay: And the foot prints on a muddy street in medieval North Ireland.

Phoenix: We get it, girls.
Quote:
"…And thank you for Mr. Edgeworth, pal. I wouldn't have any of this if it weren't for him and I pray that he has a very merry Christmas…"
Edgeworth's eyes widened as he heard that last part. After how cruel he had treated the poor detective, he was still thankful to him.

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: Come on, Mr. Edgeworth! Don't you have anything to say to that?

Edgeworth: I... ahem. The sentiment is quite touching.

Kay: And...?

Edgeworth: And that's all I have to say about it.

Kay: *sigh* You're a hopeless case. Actually, you know what? I think I'll prepare a little something to teach you the true Christmas spirit! Kay out!

Phoenix: It's still September!
Quote:
Edgeworth's heart sank to the bottom of his stomach as he took a few steps back and outstretched his hand to lean on Gant's organ but fell down to the ground instead. He looked up from the ground and noticed that he was all alone and surrounded by darkness.

Maya: Ooh, time for the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come!
Quote:
Edgeworth then heard the sound of breathing from above him.

Maya: ...a very out-of-shape Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Phoenix: Oh boy... I hope it's not Sal Manella!
Quote:
Edgeworth looked up and saw a figure clothed in a large black cloak looming over him holding a scythe. The figure wore a hood that concealed his face leaving only the bottom half of it visible; even then it was too dark to fully see it.
"Of all the spirits that have visited me on this night you are the one I fear the most…

Phoenix: I guess that's one way to react when some Grim Reaper-look-alike is pointing a scythe at you. I think personally, I would have reacted less poetically and more along the lines of "WAAAAAAAAAH!!!".
Quote:
The spirit that represents the unknown, the spirit that shows the harsh realities of time… The image of events yet to pass, the…" Edgeworth stammered as he gazed upon the towering shadow that stood over him.

Maya: Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. The name you're looking for is "the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come". But it was close, I'll give you that.
Quote:
"The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come," The figure finished Edgeworth sentence.

Maya: Yup, there you go.

Phoenix: Did you just feed the fic its lines, and it listened to you?

Edgeworth: Can you make it end faster? I'm slightly concerned about Kay's "preparations" in what is likely my office.
Quote:
Its voice was odd; it wasn't this monstrous or mysterious voice that Edgeworth expected. In fact, it sounded casual and almost familiar.

Maya: Now that they mention it: It does sound kind of familiar. I'm sure I've heard it before, but I can't remember where.

Gumshoe: I don't have any idea who that is, pal. Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It's hard to tell. The author seemingly did their best to make it as unrecognizable as possible.

Phoenix: It would probably help if that ghost talked normally instead of mumbling lazily into its cloak .

Maya: But that wouldn't be mysterious enough, Nick.
Quote:
"Now are you going to sit there all night or what? Come on, chop, chop." The spirit said as it nudged Edgeworth's leg with the wooden handle of the scythe.
"Alright princess, nap time's over." The spirit deadpanned as it continued to prod Edgeworth with its scythe. "It's late and I wanna go home, so let's make this quick."

Maya: It's not a very nice ghost, huh?

Phoenix: Looks like it doesn't like you very much, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I'm getting used to it.
Quote:
Edgeworth grunted as he got up from the ground and popped his back. "Very well, Spirit. So do I just grab your staff or-?"
"Ha…! Hey pal, we just met." The spirit slyly responded. "At least buy me dinner first."

Phoenix: Wait, is this Gumshoe again? Did he get promoted to Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?

Gumshoe: That's not me, pal! Do I look like the type of guy who would give up a good honest job to don a Halloween costume and prod people with deadly weapons? Think again!

Edgeworth: Not to mention the lack of motivation and the snide remarks coming from this character remind me of anyone but Detective Gumshoe.

Gumshoe: That's right!
Quote:
Edgeworth sighed and reworded his question "So how are we going to fly this time?"
"You have legs, use 'em." The spirit chuckled.
"Listen here! Tonight has been a long and torturous night for me and I-" Edgeworth's rage fueled rant was cut short by the spirit brining up its scythe to Edgeworth's throat.

Gumshoe: *jumps up with his remaining snacks flying everywhere* WHOA THERE! No one kills Mr. Edgeworth with me around, screen or not screen!

Edgeworth: Please calm yourself. I doubt the spirit is going to go through with it. It is a Christmas story, after all.

Maya: But still... the other two were mean and badly written, but this one is the worst. I don't know who that person is, but I already don't like them.
Quote:
"Do you feel in charge?" The spirit's voice had changed from the bored, sarcastic tone into something terrifying. Edgeworth could not see the spirit's eyes from underneath the hood but he could still feel their glare, a glare so strong that he didn't need to see in order to fear. Edgeworth was terrified and was barely able to shake his head to signal the word "no". "That's because you aren't." The spirit continued "This isn't your place… It's mine, this is my domain and I'm in charge. Got it?"

Phoenix: Congratulations, author. You managed to have the originally silent Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come talk in your fic and still be unnerving. In fact, I think this version is even worse than the original. And we haven't even entered the bad scenes yet. Maybe you should consider a career in the horror genre? They get payed to make people feel uncomfortable, you know.
Quote:
The terrified prosecutor looked down to the ground in fear, "Look at me…" The spirit demanded "LOOK AT ME!"

Maya: Oh come on, that movie is so old! No one will even remember the quote.

Phoenix: One: We don't don't know how old the fic is. And two: You just proved yourself wrong.

Maya: That doesn't count. And the fic can't be that old, because remember? 2019. And it had clear references to that case in 2016, too, so it's not just making things up ahead of time.

Edgeworth: Actually, many of the fics we reviewed before were dated around 2008 to 2011. Obviously they use a different time measurement from ours. I'm not sure why they do it or how exactly it works, but it makes determining the age of a fic all the harder.
Quote:
Edgeworth's eyes looked upon the spirit's obscured face and nodded.

Edgeworth: I am also not sure how my eyes could nod on their own, but I assume they would have to, given that the attempt to involve my head would likely lead to my decapitation.
Quote:
The spirit lowered its weapon and used the wooden staff to shove the prosecutor forward signaling him to start walking.
"W-where are we going?" Edgeworth asked, but his question was greeted with silence as he continued to march forward through the darkness. As he continued to trek into the darkness as wind began to form. The wind was cold and bitter and grew harsher as Edgeworth kept walking. Finally the wind began to carry snowflakes along with it

Maya: For someone who is so convinced it doesn't snow around here, the author sure has a lot of snow in their fic.
Quote:
as the harsh winds knocked Edgeworth to the ground. In place of hard darkness,

Edgeworth: Darkness is merely the lack of light. It has no texture.

Maya: Picky, picky, picky.
Quote:
Edgeworth had managed to land on some snow.

Edgeworth: Well, yes. That is generally what happens when it snows. Although a few seconds of it should not be enough to cover the ground.

Phoenix: So the "hard darkness" the author was talking about was apparently the concrete. Interesting way to put it.
Quote:
The spirit walked past him and stopped in its tracks, observing its surroundings.
"Welcome to home, Miles Edgeworth."

Maya: Yes, welcome to home. Population: 25.

Edgeworth: Who is being picky now?

Maya: I made a joke about it. It's not the same as complaining.
Quote:
The spirit said as Edgeworth got up from his fall and looked around. The two of them were in a grave yard that was covered in snow. Edgeworth dusted himself off as he walked over to stand next to the spirit.
"A vision of events yet to pass…" Edgeworth muttered.
"The future." The spirit commented.

Phoenix: I think that's what he just said, only in slightly overblown words.
Quote:
"Knowing too much about one's future… It's dangerous." Edgeworth said as he looked at the spirit standing next to him.
"In this case… It's necessary." The spirit said as it placed its hand in the snow and scooped up a handful. The spirit released its grasp on the snow and allowed the wind to carry it off. "Follow it." The spirit told Edgeworth. Edgeworth thought to question the spirit but deemed it unwise considering what happened last time. The wind gently carried the snow as Edgeworth followed it. He watched as the snow fell atop a grave where a group of people attempted to comfort a sobbing man who lay hunched over the headstone, clutching it desperately.

Maya: Couldn't the spirit have told him to just go over to where all the people were gathered, or where the sobbing came from?

Phoenix: I think it just wants to play around with him. Notice how it couldn't even be bothered to point in the direction? Nope, we get to "follow the snow" instead.
Quote:
Edgeworth kept his distance as he watched a poorly shaven man in a grey hoodie and a blue beanie clutching a bottle walked over to the man and gave him a hug in an attempt to comfort him.

Maya: Ah! Th-that man! It's future Nick!!

Phoenix: Uh... sorry, what?

Maya: That man! I met him before! He was here for the last spork! He had a daughter! And-

Phoenix: Whoa whoa, HOLD IT! A-are you seriously saying that this is me... from the future?

[The fic is paused. Everybody is looking at Maya in varying degrees of disbelief.]

Gumshoe: Are you feeling alright, pal?

Maya: I'm fine, guys! It's him! I'm telling you...

Edgeworth: I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken, Maya.

Maya: But... Mr. Edgeworth, I really...

Edgeworth: This man you are looking at is indeed Wright... from the past.

Phoenix: Me... I... f-from the... wha... WHAAAAAAAAT?!

Speakers: Excuse me? I mean, us? I mean, the management... would like to know what the hell is going on right about now!

[Our sporkers proceed to talk over each other for several minutes in their confusion. Finally, Edgeworth motions them to silence.]

Edgeworth: One thing seems clear. The source of this confusion lies somewhere within this theater. I cannot even begin to comprehend how this is possible... however, based on our experiences today and Maya's encounter with... that man she described, it would appear that-

Speakers: ...the timeline is screwed. Yes, we noticed. And this is quite an expensive piece of equipment we're talking about here, too. If it can be repaired at all... ah, this is bad...

Edgeworth: *glares at speakers* In that case, I would strongly advise the management to find a quick solution for this "little problem", while some of us still have the memories to recognize it.

Speakers: That will be our first priority. In the meantime, please pay no attention to the... broken unit behind the curtain, and finish the spork as usual. Or better yet, forget everything that happened just now. We believe you were here:

Quote:
Edgeworth kept his distance as he watched a poorly shaven man in a grey hoodie and a blue beanie clutching a bottle walked over to the man and gave him a hug in an attempt to comfort him.

Edgeworth: So I take it I am watching this... undefined version of Wright here, doing nothing at all, while a mysterious blue beanie takes a life of its own and "walks" up to this yet to be identified man?

Maya: Well, it's a graveyard. It might be possessed.

Phoenix: It'll be one soul richer if the poor guy turns around and gets the scare of his life.
Quote:
Despite his sincerest efforts, this did not comfort the grieving man. The man in the grey hoodie walked back over to the rest of the group; which consisted of a young girl clad in a magician's outfit,

Maya: That's your future daughter, Nick.

Phoenix: That girl? Isn't she a little too old to be my daughter? A-and haven't I seen her before? I think she belonged to that noisy guy...
Quote:
a young man in a red waist coat with an unfortunate haircut,

Phoenix: Yes, that one.

Edgeworth: Actually, in a sense, they both belong to you.

Speakers: The management would like to ask all of you to please refrain from future, past or other exposition. It might disturb the already damaged timeline.
Quote:
and a woman in a trench coat that he could not recognize from this distance.
"Apollo," The man in the hoodie spoke "Why don't you and Trucy go get some hot chocolate. It's freezing out here." The man's voice was eerily familiar but Edgeworth was certain that his mind was just playing tricks on him.
The young man in the waistcoat took hold of the magician's hand and they walked off leaving only the man in the grey hood, the woman in the trench coat, and the sobbing figure. The man and the woman in the trench coat knelt down next to the sobbing figure and helped him off of the ground.

Phoenix: It probably would be easier if they remained standing and just bent down a bit, but that's just nitpicking for the sake of it.
Quote:
Edgeworth's eyes widened as he saw the face of the sobbing figure; it was Detective Gumshoe.
His face was aged and his eyes were flushed from all the tears he had shed but Edgeworth knew that it was him without a doubt.

Phoenix: Shouldn't he have recognized his voice?

Gumshoe: Do I look like the sort of guy who goes around sobbing into people's ears to you, pal?!

Edgeworth: In any case, his face was covered and the wind was carrying the sound away from my fic self's position, so I'm going to give it a pass.
Quote:
The man in the grey hoodie used his body to support Gumshoe and help him get situated on his feet. Gumshoe wiped away his tears with his massive but gentle hands. Edgeworth's eyes began to tear up as well. Gumshoe was always so cheerful and optimistic,

Maya: At least as long as nobody mentions his paycheck, huh, Nick?

Phoenix: ...or questions his investigative qualities, his dog, his badge, Edgeworth, or Maggey, calls him by the wrong name, or says something remotely pessimistic around him.

Edgeworth: ...or reprimands him, ignores him, or positions him within eyesight of Franziska.

Gumshoe: *shrinks back into his seat* Can you really blame me for that?
Quote:
and it wrenched Edgeworth heart to see the gentle giant reduced to a sobbing mess.
"C'mon, let's go catch up with Apollo and Trucy. If we stay out here any longer we'll be popsicles." The grey hooded man said as he placed his bottle in the snow to use both of his hands to stop Gumshoe from collapsing on the floor.

Phoenix: Wait, now "the grey hooded man" is wearing his hood? On his head? Then how could we tell he was wearing a beanie underneath? Why would he be wearing a beanie underneath?

Gumshoe: Please, with that hair of yours? That hood would sit on your head like a glove on your foot. No way it would be enough to cover it all.

Phoenix: My hair isn't made of metal, you know? It bends and crumples just like any other guy's.
Quote:
Gumshoe tried to speak but was too ridden with grief to do so, he managed find his footing.

Maya: Maya tried to correct this sentence but was too lazy to do so, she decided copy it instead.
Quote:
The grieving detective wrapped the man in a hug and cried in his shoulder as the man patted his back. Gumshoe let go of the man and wiped his tears as he walked away leaving only the man and the woman behind. "Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Phoenix: I don't know, author. But if you find the answer, let me know. (Because I can't even remember how often I have asked myself the same question.)
Quote:
"Because life sucks." The woman responded.

Edgeworth: I would argue that it has more to do with life not being black and white, or the way one chooses to reflect on the bad news in question.

Maya: Right! If life gives you lemons, you can always sell them and buy burgers instead.

Phoenix: I don't think that's how the saying goes, Maya.
Quote:
"I don't suppose I can join you all for hot chocolate, too."
The man shook his head sadly and took a deep breath "I'm sorry." The woman merely nodded understandingly before hugging the man before her.

Maya: Future Nick is being a jerk again! Why can't he let the poor woman join them? She sounds lonely.

Phoenix: I probably would me more willing to take her along if I had the slightest idea who she is. It's obviously not Maggey, or she would have left with Gumshoe. Is she my ex-wife or something?
Quote:
The man looked around for signs of anyone else before giving the woman a kiss on the head. "I have to go."
"I understand." The woman replied as she kissed the man's cheek.

Maya: A very close ex.

Edgeworth: My guess is as good as yours, but I wonder if this is meant to be you, Maya.

Maya: What? Me? Why, because of Kay's shipping idea? If it's that, then why wouldn't Nick let me come along?
Quote:
They both stood in front of each other for a while before taking off in opposite directions.
With that, everyone was gone from the graveyard leaving only Edgeworth. Edgeworth walked over to the headstone to see whose death Gumshoe was grieving.

Edgeworth: My fic self is not very genre savvy, is he?
Quote:
Snow had covered the headstone leaving only a singular letter visible on it, the letter 'M'. The name of whoever died began with the letter 'M'. Edgeworth reached out to wipe away the snow to discover whom the grave belonged to before stopping himself, dreading what he might see. Edgeworth knelt before the grave and wiped away a tear.

Phoenix: For someone who is so completely clueless about how the story goes, he sure makes a lot of drama about that letter M. With what he just saw, wouldn't the most likely conclusion for him to draw be that this is Maggey's grave? I get that she's a nice person, but he shouldn't be so upset about her death that he can't even bring himself to reveal her name.
Quote:
"Life sucks." A voice rang out, startling Edgeworth.

Maya: Oh goodie, the Grim Reaper of Christmas Yet to Come is back.I guess it got bored all by itself.
Quote:
Edgeworth looked up and saw the spirit standing over the headstone clenching its scythe. The spirit started to hit the head stone with the scythe's handle, causing the snow to fall off of it.
"Spirit, what are you doing!? Please, don't!" Edgeworth pleaded as the snow fell off of the headstone revealing more letters. "Please, I beg of you! I already know too much! Stop!" Edgeworth shouted as he stood up and grabbed hold of the scythe

Phoenix: I think it might be easier to just cover your eyes. Or walk away. Or look anywhere else.
Quote:
to prevent the spirit from revealing anymore to him. However the spirit over powered him and tossed him aside causing Edgeworth to bump into the headstone causing all of the snow to fall off of it. Edgeworth breathed heavily as he looked up at the headstone and began to read it.

Phoenix: Not what my first reaction would be, but sure, if apparently-Maggey's grave is that important to him, why not?
Quote:
His heart dropped to his stomach once he did. "Miles" He read "Gumshoe… Miles Gumshoe?"

Phoenix: Hm. Okay, now he has a reason to be disturbed.

Maya: So Scroogeworth got married to Detective Gumshoe somehow? Now, that would be an interesting twist.
Quote:
"He named his son after you." The spirit spoke "That's how much he admired you.

Maya: ...or it's just another Tiny Tim proxy. That works too. But I like my idea better.

Gumshoe: I don't think I like either idea...
Quote:
There were complications… His wife, Maggey Gumshoe, died giving birth to their son. Shortly after, little Miles Gumshoe passed on too."

Gumshoe: *sniffle*

Maya: Poor Maggey. She hardly got any screen time.
Quote:
The spirit said as it lifted the bottle that the man had left behind in the snow; it popped the top off with its scythe

Phoenix: "...and cut its face trying to drink from the remaining shards"?
Quote:
and took a swig of the drink. Edgeworth's eyes swelled up with tears and he pounded the floor with his fist.

Edgeworth: "...like a tantrum throwing toddler in the candy aisle". What an amazing display of poise and dignity.

Maya: Speaking of candy, do you think they'll still have the snack bar open for us when we get out?

Phoenix: Just how many pounds of snacks can you eat in one day?!

Maya: Hey, I shared! I didn't get to eat it all.

Gumshoe: Part of mine landed on the floor. If you help me scrape it up later, I'll let you have some.

Maya: Deal!

Edgeworth: Yes, as I said... poise and dignity. *sighs*
Quote:
"Spirit, are these the visions of events that may be or will be!? Can they still be changed!?" Edgeworth pleaded with tears flowing from his eyes.
"Not if the path you walk on remains unchanged… Justice will be served, however." The spirit said as it slammed the end of the scythe down on the ground as a dark shadow began to engulf the world around them. "We're going to have a trial for the murder of Miles and Maggey Gumshoe! Right here, right now!"

Phoenix: I thought they died from birth complications.
Quote:
"What!?" Edgeworth questioned, backing away from the spirit.
"You, Miles Edgeworth, stand accused of murdering the family of Detective Dick Gumshoe!"

Edgeworth: How? Until five minutes ago, he wasn't even aware of their existence.

Gumshoe: Aw, that is cold. And Maggey was so proud after you helped her out that time.

Edgeworth: You may have noticed how I refer to this man as "him", and not "myself". There is a reason behind this.

Gumshoe: Ah, of course! *smiles confidently, then thinks for a moment and looks lost*...Um, what's the reason?

Phoenix: (I feel like every time I meet this guy, he's more oblivious than the last time.)
Quote:
The spirit once again slammed its scythe into the ground causing several figures consumed in shadows to spring forth from the ground.

Phoenix: If they were consumed in shadows (however that works), how can they "spring forth" from anywhere? If you consume something, it's -gone. It's not there anymore. (Like the food that goes into Maya's black hole of a stomach.)

Maya: Well, technically it could mean that the shadows bought them for their enjoyment. You know, like Christmas presents. They're just... Christmas demons.

Phoenix: *looks at her exhaustedly* Christmas demons.

Maya: We live in a weird age, Nick. There's a market for everything!
Quote:
"The evidence is stacked against you! You cut his pay to the point where they couldn't afford a decent hospital!

Phoenix: Yeeeah, no, this is LA, people. Franziska von Karma couldn't afford a decent hospital! In fact, I don't think there are any decent hospitals in this area.
Quote:
Where he couldn't afford to pay for the child's medication!

Maya: Where is that Obamacare when you need it?

Edgeworth: If a man in his situation
can't pay for his child's medication,
he should be aware
that medical care
is covered for their generation. *bows*

Gumshoe: That was beautiful, Mr. Edgeworth!

Phoenix: (Show-off!)
Quote:
You killed them, Miles Edgeworth!"
"No, no!" Edgeworth clutched his head in his hands "Stop it!"
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" The spirit asked.
A shadowy image of a woman holding a baby in her arms stepped forward and spoke, "Guilty" was the only word that escaped her lips.
"Very well then." The spirit said "This court finds Miles Edgeworth, guilty!"

Maya: Yes, and this spirit medium also finds him, in his seat right next to me. There he is! *happily pokes his shoulder*
Quote:
The spirit then stabbed its scythe into the ground and ripped a hole leading to fire and brimstone.
"No, please! I can change! Let me help him!" Edgeworth pleaded as the spirit took hold of him. Edgeworth clutched the spirit's cloak for dear life as the spirit shoved him into the hole.

Edgeworth: ...Of course. We can't have our readers feel bored or, God forbid, comfortable, now can we?
Quote:
The cloak ripped off of the spirit and revealed the same man Edgeworth had seen earlier, the man in the grey hoodie with the blue beanie on his head.

Edgeworth: Hmph. I should have guessed as much after his reveiling comment about "staffs" and "buying him dinner first".

Phoenix: Of all the things you could have memorized...

Edgeworth: I know. But his voice intrigued me.
Quote:
Edgeworth held on to the edge of the pit, desperate not to fall in. As he attempted to pull himself up, Manfred von Karma reached out from the hellhole in the ground and took hold Edgeworth's leg. "SPIRIT! HELP ME, SPIRIT!"

Maya: "...I mean: HURRY, YOU FOOLS!"

Phoenix: Ow! Right in my ear again.

Edgeworth: Thanks. I appreciate it.

Gumshoe: *scratches his head* He just can't stay out of a single scene, can he?
Quote:
"Life sucks, Edgeworth." The spirit said as it looked down at him, his eyes full of sorrow. "You and I know this better than most people." He said as he took a final drink from the bottle and began to poor its contents on Edgeworth's face.

Edgeworth: The word is still "pour". Since it is apparently Christmas, maybe we should get this person a dictionary.

Maya: But then we won't be able to point out their misuse of words they don't understand in future fics. Plus, they already have internet. You can look up anything on the internet.
Quote:
It wasn't alcohol like Edgeworth suspected, it was grape juice. As the juice continued to poor on his face, Edgeworth's grip loosened from the edge of the pit and he fell in.

Phoenix: "Nooooo-my-unnecessarily-expensive-suit-of-undefinable-color-will-get-staaaaaiiiins!"

Edgeworth: How old are you, Wright?

Phoenix: I have no idea. I think I was 27 this morning.
Quote:
He tumbled through the darkness and was about to hit the fires of Hell until he was surrounded by darkness.
"HELP ME, SPIRIT! HELP ME!" Edgeworth shouted until he felt himself hit the bottom of the pit with a thump. Edgeworth opened his eyes and found himself on the floor of the prosecutor's office. He looked around in a daze. "He let me live… HE LET ME LIVE!" Edgeworth rushed up from the ground and ran over to the window of his office. He opened it

Phoenix: "...with a battering ram..."
Quote:
and looked outside to see Cody Hackings riding his bike through the streets.

Maya: Wow, he must have some great eyesight to recognize Cody from that far up.

Speakers: Speeeeaking of which... Mr. Edgeworth. The management believes you wear glasses in the future.

Edgeworth: *completely unimpressed* The management should consider a career in fortune telling.

Speakers: Fine, play dumb. But if we find out you're using the malfunctions in our theater to your advantage, there will be consequences. If only our sources of information were better... don't really know any details... *grumble, grumble*
Quote:
"You! Boy! What day is it!?" Edgeworth shouted from the window.

Maya: His voice must be impressive, too.
Quote:
"It's Christmas day! Man, for a grown-up you sure are dumb!" Cody shouted back.
"I didn't miss it! Haha! I didn't miss it!" Edgeworth laughed "Cody, can you do me a favor?" He asked.
"Depends, how much are you willing to pay?" Cody responded. Right on cue a giant wad of cash hit him in the face,

Phoenix: That must have been a heavy pile of cash if it reached his face without getting blown away on the way down.

Maya: Let's hope it's enough to make him forget the concussion he got from it.
Quote:
"What do you need, sir!?"
"Go down to Q-Mart, buy the biggest turkey you can find, and deliver it to the address I wrote down on the paper at the bottom of the stack!" Edgeworth replied.

Edgeworth: Well, obviously it was not enough to pay for a decent quality turkey.

Phoenix: When did he have time to write an adress down and uh... staple it, I guess... to a giant pile of money? Did he just have that lying around in his office? And why did he have so much money in his office to begin with?

Maya: I call corruption!

Phoenix: I call lazy plot convenience.
Quote:
Cody immediately saluted and rode off to get the turkey. "Spoiled brat." Edgeworth muttered under his breath.

Phoenix: You just threw a giant pile of money you had lying around for no reason at him so he could buy and deliver turkey for you, probably so you can rest your own legs on your couch, drinking tea. I don't think you get to call anyone spoiled in this scenario.
Quote:
"Who do you think sent it, sir?" Maggey asked as she watched Gumshoe carry the massive bird that had just been delivered to them by Cody. Gumshoe placed it on top of the table in his apartment and rubbed his hands together.
"I don't know but I can't wait to dig in, pal!

Edgeworth: Now if only he had the electricity to cook it.

Maya: No, that's okay. I'm sure the great microwave gods will fire it up for him.

Phoenix: I don't think that thing fits in the microwave, Maya.

Maya: Oh, you're right. Hm, he could still use the candle...
Quote:
I can finally use that old Gumshoe family recipe!" Gumshoe said. Just then there was a hard knock on the door. Gumshoe felt a cold sweat drip down his face as the knock sounded again. "B-be right there, pal!" Gumshoe opened the door and in the doorway stood a very angry looking Miles Edgeworth

Maya: So angry that even the period fled from him.
Quote:
"I thought I had said that you were working today, Detective." Edgeworth scolded as he walked in the room uninvited. The detective stammered but no coherent words came out of his mouth. Edgeworth raised his hand to shut Gumshoe up, "You know Detective, I've put up with a lot. And today's the day where I reached the breaking point! This sheer disregard of authority has left me no choice but to, hehe… ahem, no choice but to… heheheee…

Phoenix: "...murder you violently and eat your flesh"? Because that's kind of how he sounds right now.
Quote:
but to give you a raise." Edgeworth said as he smiled warmly at the detective and gave him a pat on the back.

Phoenix: *screechy voice* "So stretch out your finger that I may feel if you will soon be fat."

Gumshoe: *thinks* You know, those guys out there have been really nice to me with their free snacks, too... Ah! Y-you think they're planning anything?

Edgeworth: I highly doubt they are going to eat you.
Quote:
"Don't worry about work today. Enjoy Christmas with those close to you." Gumshoe and Maggey stood there staring at the prosecutor with their mouths agape, staring in disbelief as Edgeworth hummed and danced his way out of the apartment.
"Here goes nothing…" Edgeworth mumbled to himself as he stood outside the door to Wright and Co. Law Offices. With a deep breath Edgeworth knocked on the door and waited. The door opened and at the door stood Maya Fey wearing the locket around her neck with the trademarked "Maya Smile" in full force.

Edgeworth: Did the author have a bet running to see how many times they could use the word "door" in a single paragraph?

Maya: I didn't know my smile was trademarked. Does that mean I'll get money for it now?

Phoenix: No, but you can sue people if they use it to sell their products. Not that I expect you'll find any.
Quote:
"Edgeworth!" She greeted as she hugged the prosecutor. "I didn't think you'd show up!"

Phoenix: Oh, look, you somehow progressed to name-only basis off screen. And over night. And you hug, for some reason. Isn't that great character development?

Gumshoe: Almost as good as your mysterious ex wife, eh? *grins*

Maya: Yeah, the one we knew so well. With the name and all.
Quote:
"Well, I figured that no harm could come of it." Edgeworth replied. "I'd be more than happy if you'd allow me to spend Christmas with your… family."

Phoenix: (Yes, all one of them. Wheeeee.)
Quote:
"Awww, Edgeworth… You're family, too!" Maya replied as she let Edgeworth in. "Let me let Nick know you're here… HEY NICK! THE GRINCH IS HERE TO STEAL CHRISTMAS!"
"It's a good thing we nailed everything down, then!" Phoenix's voice sounded from upstairs.
"Yes, humorous indeed." Edgeworth muttered to himself as Phoenix's footsteps sounded as he came down the stairs. Edgeworth's expression changed from his usual dry demeanor to one of shock as his eyes widened when he saw Phoenix. Phoenix was wearing the grey hoodie, the very same one that the spirit in his dream wore.

Edgeworth: So Kay's theory was actually correct in a way. That gray cloth from earlier was a black and white version of his Christmas sweater.

Phoenix: And doesn't it just shout "Christmas" at you? Forget red and green, or reindeers or whatever, no, this is what a Christmas sweater should look like.

Maya: It's the LA edition: Gray sky over gray pavement with gray skyscrapers in the background, on a foggy day. Or... smoggy day. Yes, probably a smoggy day.

Edgeworth: A true work of art.
Quote:
"No…" Edgeworth mumbled under his breath.
"D-do you like it?" Maya nervously asked as she clutched her locket. "I-I know it's lousy compared to the present you got me but…"
"I love it!" Phoenix said. "It's the most comfortable thing I've ever worn! You said you made this?" He asked.
"With some help from the village elders…" Maya replied modestly, still clutching her locket.
Edgeworth thought back to the spirit's appearance and voice… It was Wright.

Phoenix: Gee. You think?

Edgeworth: In all fairness, though, I would not have recognized you if I had never seen you in that getup before.

Maya: You had a stubble and all. Or will have a stubble. ...Had will have a stubble?
Quote:
How could he not have seen it before? What happened to make him so… miserable? So bitter? Edgeworth thought heavily on this as his eyes shifted from the duo to the trash can that sat next to him;

Edgeworth: He never even entered the room. Which leads me to the question why you keep a garbage bin next to your door in the hallway.

Phoenix: So that we could fit in the Christmas tree.

Maya: Ooh, good thinking there, Nick. We should try that next Christmas.

Phoenix: Only if you carry it up there.
Quote:
he looked inside and found the card that Maya had decided to throw away. Edgeworth picked the card out from the trash and read its contents; smiling to himself he placed the card in his pocket as he looked up and watched the couple share a hug.

Maya: Oh, okay, so we're a couple now. But then... was I the ex wife? Nick! Why did you deny me my hot chocolate?

Phoenix: You can have hot chocolate later, okay? (Even though it's still a bit warm for that.)
Quote:
Any problems that would arrive in the future

Edgeworth: "Arise". The word is "arise".

Maya: Unless it's a pair of angry in-laws.
Quote:
would have to wait, today was Christmas and Edgeworth was going to spend it with his family (Well, aside from Franziska, she'd whip him and call him a fool for partaking in such a foolish holiday).

Edgeworth: She would need a very long whip to do that from over in Germany, as she would certainly not follow up on my invitation.
Quote:
"Oh I love you Mystic Maya! I love you too, Mr. Nick" A small voice rang out as Pearl walked down the stairs, playing with her two new dolls that Santa got her.
"Hey Pearls, can you get Mr. Edgeworth his present." Phoenix asked.

Edgeworth: Or rather, demanded, judging by the lack of a question mark.
Quote:
"Ok!" Pearl responded cheerfully as she pulled out Edgeworth's present from under the tree. She walked over and placed the gift into the prosecutor's hand.

Phoenix: Why was it under the tree? He told us he wouldn't be there.

Maya: Maybe we left it out as bait. And it worked, right?
Quote:
"To our favorite prosecutor from the Wright-Fey family" Edgeworth read the card aloud. "You really didn't have to, I mean I didn't even get you all any…"
"Hurry up and open it!" Maya exclaimed. Edgeworth submitted and opened up his gift. Inside the box was a picture of his father and mother holding an infant Edgeworth, and a pair of glasses.

Phoenix: Maya, how did we get that stuff?

Maya: Uh... Santa brought it?

Phoenix: The Santa I recall hearing about doesn't... uhm... plunder graves? Break into people's houses and steal their stuff? Either way, neither you nor Santa should have those things!

Maya: Maybe the fic can explain it.
Quote:
Edgeworth's hand trembled as he pulled out the photograph and looked at it.
"We did some digging

Phoenix: *all color fading from his face* Oh my-! Thi-... this is a joke, right?
Quote:
and found an old friend of your dad who had this picture.

Phoenix: *breathes a sigh of relief*

Maya: Did you really think I would do something like that?

Edgeworth: I would still be tempted to call this snooping or even stalking.

Maya: Oh, don't get me wrong, it's totally inappropriate. I wouldn't do that. But it's closer to what I would do than robbing graves.
Quote:
We thought you might like it since we know you didn't have any pictures of your family left after… Well, you know." Phoenix explained.

Phoenix: How did we know that again?

Maya: Because we snooped.

Phoenix: Oh yeah.
Quote:
"Also, we saw you struggling to read some papers the other day so we got you a temporary pair of glasses. They're the type your father wore." Maya said as Edgeworth put them on.

Maya: See? It's just "the type".

Phoenix: I sure hope so, even though I have no idea how we would know what type to look for just from... you know. *whispers very carefully* That one picture. *clears his through and continues to talk normally* Anyway, this is a really aweful Christmas present. If we pull a stunt like that every year, it's no wonder he hates Christmas so much.
Quote:
A single tear dripped down Edgeworth face as he smiled at Phoenix and Maya. He went over to them and did something unusual for the prosecutor, he hugged them. "Thank you." He muttered as he held them both.

Phoenix: You know he's just about to slowly squeeze the air out of our lungs in the most painful way possible.
Quote:
"Weird" Phoenix mouthed to Maya.
"I know right" She mouthed back.
Edgeworth let go of his two friends and wiped the tears from his eyes, "So, what do you two want to do?"
"Let's watch A Christmas Carol!" Maya suggested enthusiastically.
"NO!" Edgeworth raised his voice. "I mean, let's watch something else…"

Maya: Oh, now he suddenly knows the story.
Quote:
"Awww, but Pearly loves the line at the end of it." Maya looked at Pearl "What was it again, Pearly?"
Pearl cleared her throat, "Merry Christmas and God bless us everyone!"


[The lights in the theater come back on and the doors unlock as the fic stops playing. Maya stretches and immediately drops down on the floor.]

Maya: So where did all that leftover candy go? Heeere, candy candy candy! *starts crawling around picking up spilled snacks*

Gumshoe: Oh boy. It's like an egg hunt. A... Christmas egg hunt. *shrugs and gets on his hands and knees*

Phoenix: It's September, people... September. *sighs* But who will listen to me? *gets down on the floor* Heeere, candy candy!

Edgeworth: Where is Kay with her camera when you need her? ...-Ah! That's right! I... I must go. Excuse me!

[He hastily gets up and hurries out of the theater.]

Phoenix: There he goes. I wonder if we'll see him again soon.

Maya: Maybe next time we'll all be from the future. Hey, I found some Skittles!

Gumshoe: Or maybe we'll all go back in time.

Maya: Sounds good. We could have our own highschool AU.

Speakers: Erm... we'll fix it! Somehow. We'll find a way! I hope...

Maya: But it would be fun. -Huh? What's this? I think Mr. Edgeworth lost something.

[She picks up a crumpled piece of paper and unfolds it.]

Maya: It's a note. *begins to read* "I pay, she picks, and runs off with both of them"? What's that supposed to... *narrows eyes* Wait a minute! Niiick?!

[And so another spork ends while in another room, not far away, a new one is just about to start...]


Last edited by Pessimistic_Fool on Sat Sep 21, 2013 7:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
I did save the link where he transforms during the spork, yes, by drinking grape juice. But I don't remember if Ema changed, too. She was there for the spork, but I don't remember it very well.
http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... try8843397


Well, I do remember Mia in it. :\
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I feel like I've read that Christmas Carol story somewhere... oh right, on Fanfiction.net, during a random browsing one day. It wasn't bad... it wasn't that good either, so it's just fine here.

By the way, I'd like to point out that the broken timeline in the sporking theater doesn't really add much to the drama and sometimes feels like it's there as a bit of filler. I know it's been there for a long time already, but I'd prefer if it's not brought up. If it has to be, then it should be short, like how Pessimistic put it in her post.

Another note: the pages in this thread are incredibly long and the really long sporkings probably should be hidden into spoilers to help save space. To distinguish these posts from actual spoilers, just title the spoiler with something more interesting.

And finally: It's important to come up with lots of jokes in a sporking, but it's not a good idea to overdo them. If a part of a fic doesn't need a response, then the sporker doesn't need to include one. (I'm not talking about addressing the more serious points of a fic. I'm talking about the random comments of "[so-and-so] is in character." It's fine if it turns into a gag, though.)

...I don't do critiques usually, but when I do, I get snappy. Now I feel like a jerk. Quick, someone come in with a witty comeback!
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Thank you for your feedback, Rubia! :)

The thing with the timeline is this: Since it's already there and we have so many relatively new sporkers, it can help people write their own sporks without having to go through 50 or so previous ones to get the continuity right. I do prefer the sporks that work with continuity, but I also understand that it can be very discouraging for someone who arrived late and would have to read all those previous sporks at once in order to write their own.
So if someone has a really good idea for a spork and not enough time to read up, or if someone doesn't like how things developed and wants to write something differing from the "real" current sporking theater setting, now would be a good time to do it.

Also, the old timeline is set to a soon to be outdated time. Once Dual Destinies comes out in English, I'm sure some sporkers will want to write the new (or older) characters without having to explain their sudden existance.

I understand your annoyance, though. It's not the best thing to have, I just simply noticed it and decided to deal with it this way. I was aware that it was a bit of a risk.

As to the amount of comments: I'll try to reduce the more unfunny ones in my future sporks. But if I come up with too much nonsense, I must ask you to forgive me. It's hard to judge which jokes will work and which won't, and I'd hate to cut out the wrong ones.
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Quote:
Franziska: By the sound of things there'll soon be plenty of other things in the 'right place'.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: *Looking at Franziska in total disbelief*

Franziska: *Whipping the ground* So now I'm not allowed to make a joke? I'll have you know my sense of humor is flawless!


I don't get it...
:franny: "..."
OH GOD!
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In a response to the christmas-fic:


Phoenix: Gah! That's not a good combination. That's not a good combination at all!
Maya: Nick! He's staring into my soul! And I think he wants to do something horrible with it!
Edgeworth: (Note to self: Practice this face to leave a stronger impression.)

Oh, god.

Phoenix: Also, we don't really "exchange" anything. More like... *writes something on a piece of paper and tosses it over to Edgeworth*
Edgeworth: *unfolds the message and reads* ...Heh. As I expected of the two of you.
Maya: T-two of who? Me? Are you talking about me? Nick! What did you write on that note? Phoenix: Ha hah... nothing, Maya... nothing at all.
Edgeworth: Why does everybody keep breaking into song around me today?
Kay: But isn't it cute? He's singing his Christmas song from the musical.
Maya: Musical?
Kay: You don't know? Have you never googled your name or anything?
Maya: Nick wouldn't let me. He said it wouldn't be safe... whatever that means.
Kay: I'll send you a link.

I didn't understand why Nick told her not to Google her own name, I proceeded to do just that. Then I understood.
Also, what did Nick write on the note?

Phoenix: I guess that's one way to react when some Grim Reaper-look-alike is pointing a scythe at you. I think personally, I would have reacted less poetically and more along the lines of "WAAAAAAAAAH!!!".

But that would require Edgeworth to show emotions, and thats bad.

Maya: Ah! Th-that man! It's future Nick!!
Phoenix: Uh... sorry, what?
Maya: That man! I met him before! He was here for the last spork! He had a daughter! And-
Phoenix: Whoa whoa, HOLD IT! A-are you seriously saying that this is me... from the future?
[The fic is paused. Everybody is looking at Maya in varying degrees of disbelief.]
Gumshoe: Are you feeling alright, pal? Maya: I'm fine, guys! It's him! I'm telling you... Edgeworth: I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken, Maya.
Maya: But... Mr. Edgeworth, I really...
Edgeworth: This man you are looking at is indeed Wright... from the past.
Phoenix: Me... I... f-from the... wha... WHAAAAAAAAT?!
Speakers: Excuse me? I mean, us? I mean, the management... would like to know what the hell is going on right about now!
[Our sporkers proceed to talk over each other for several minutes in their confusion. Finally, Edgeworth motions them to silence.] Edgeworth: One thing seems clear. The source of this confusion lies somewhere within this theater. I cannot even begin to comprehend how this is possible... however, based on our experiences today and Maya's encounter with... that man she described, it would appear that-
Speakers: ...the timeline is screwed. Yes, we noticed. And this is quite an expensive piece of equipment we're talking about here, too. If it can be repaired at all... ah, this is bad...
Edgeworth: *glares at speakers* In that case, I would strongly advise the management to find a quick solution for this "little problem", while some of us still have the memories to recognize it.
Speakers: That will be our first priority. In the meantime, please pay no attention to the... broken unit behind the curtain, and finish the spork as usual. Or better yet, forget everything that happened just now. We believe you were here...

Wat.

Maya: Where is that Obamacare when you need it?
Edgeworth: If a man in his situation can't pay for his child's medication, he should be aware that medical care is covered for their generation. *bows*
Gumshoe: That was beautiful, Mr. Edgeworth!
Phoenix: (Show-off!)

*Facepalm*

Phoenix: "Nooooo-my-unnecessarily-expensive-suit-of-undefinable-color-will-get-staaaaaiiiins!"
Edgeworth: How old are you, Wright?
Phoenix: I have no idea. I think I was 27 this morning.

It's pi-
*Notices Edgeworth glaring out of corner of eye*
Crimson.
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It's not pink. Its color varies from appearance to appearance, but it's never truly pink. I do agree with people that it comes close to magenta at times, but even then it's only "close to", not exactly magenta.

And Phoenix wrote on the note because he wanted to avoid an angry Maya. ;)
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
It's not pink. Its color varies from appearance to appearance, but it's never truly pink. I do agree with people that it comes close to magenta at times, but even then it's only "close to", not exactly magenta.

And Phoenix wrote on the note because he wanted to avoid an angry Maya. ;)


It's Crimson, Edgeworth says it himself. (In GK2, I think...)

Not why, but what did he write on the note?
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Read the end/aftermath of the spork. ;)
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Read the end/aftermath of the spork. ;)


Ah, I missed that -_-
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http://z11.invisionfree.com/court_recor ... 952&st=480

Does anyone know if Neni put up the next part of this 2 post masterpiece?
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Since she didn't even tell us what fic it was (and I'm too lazy too google), it's hard to tell if it even had a continuation. However, I think Neni only posted one other spork after that, which was left with a never resolved cliffhanger.
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Since she didn't even tell us what fic it was (and I'm too lazy too google), it's hard to tell if it even had a continuation. However, I think Neni only posted one other spork after that, which was left with a never resolved cliffhanger.

That's inconvenient -_- Oh well, hows the spork going? Which part are you on right now?
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Here's my go, special thanks to Pessimistic_fool for helping/doing this with me. :will:




Today's Spork: A boring affair
Rating: :sawit: 1 Sahwit. This fic isn't bad as it is boring. It's solid, but the writing itself does lack.

Attention sporkers! This is an important message from your management.
Due to some broken equipment in our theater, the door mechanism is currently out of order. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Phoenix: It sure looks out of order. I can see security patrolling in the lobby.

Franziska: To leave the doors open and waste good personnel on guarding it instead of having it fixed rightaway... what a careless and disgraceful thing to do.
Quote:
An Office Affair
Written And Published By – MasterMindOfFiction

Phoenix: Well, judging by the script *Epic finger point* I've already spotted a contradiction!

Edgeworth: ...

Franziska: Thank you, general obvious. Have this whip. *Whip-crack*

Phoenix: YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOWWW
Quote:
When you choose to have a career in law, you probably have expectations of the norm. Yeah, depending on which rank you fall into and what role you play. . .you're probably expecting nothing unusual.

Phoenix: Well...

Edgeworth: Don't start. We'll be in this theater forever.
Quote:
'I must wake up at the most unholy hour possible and get this paperwork finished' – That's what one imagines the morning is like.

Edgeworth: No, its more "I got the paperwork done the night before so now I don't have to do it this morning"

Phoenix: Huh? The fic's description sounds pretty accurate to me.

*Whip-crack*

Franziska: For your procrastination and slothfulness!
Quote:
That one is correct. . .but not entirely so. Of course there's boring things like that. Some people, however. . .some people find that every day gives an event that serves as a memorable highlight of strangeness – and will serve to be either a hilarious story to tell to one's therapist or will make for awesome nostalgia.

Edgeworth: Therapist? Is it that bad?

Phoenix: (I can't say I never thought of it, but I'm not going to mention it to those two.)

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! Pull yourself together!
Quote:
Especially when this aforementioned one is a defense attorney whom was wrapped up into yet another case, with yet another collection of days arriving in court and dealing with a certain whip-carrying prosecutor. And let's just assume this one's name is Phoenix Wright, or something.

Phoenix: A "collection of days"? How do you collect days? Do you have, like, a magic giant hour glass that can suck them in and then they're just floating around in it or something? Besides I am not a whip-carrying prosecutor...

*Whip-crack*

Franziska: Magic hourglass? What a foolish idea.
Quote:
Well, our tale officially begins inside of the big show-off building where this aforementioned whip-carrying prosecutor – among others whose names aren't relevant to this tale – works.

Phoenix: There's more than one? Oh, wait. Is it a German thing to have all prosecutors carry around a whip? It's a German thing, isn't it?

*Whip-crack*

Franziska: Phoenix Wright, how daft can you be!
Quote:
But it doesn't take place in her office, oh God Phoenix didn't know if he could have the backbone needed to set foot in there without her permission.

Franziska: Hah, at least he knows!

Phoenix: Believe me, if I have something to tell you, I'll keep it to myself.

Edgeworth: Heh, wise choice.
Quote:
Even if she gave permission, she would probably have those icy blue eyes locked on him the whole time...

Phoenix: Wait... *stares at Franziska*

Franziska: F-Fool, s-stop staring at me like th-that!

*Whip-crack*

Phoenix: As I thought, her eyes are gray, not blue; also OOOUUUCHHHH!
Quote:
...and make him feel like he was under a giant spotlight trying to figure out the secret code to save the universe in ten seconds. . .and in his undergarments.

Phoenix: Hmm, that reminds me of a dream I had on-

*Whip-crack*

Edgeworth: What Franziska is trying to say is: You're not doing a very good job at keeping things to yourself.
Quote:
He needed to make a mental note to stop finding Franziska intimidating sometimes.

Phoenix: Maybe if she got her anger issues under control, I would.

Franziska: *glare*

Edgeworth: (Or maybe if either of them acted their age for a change...)
Quote:
Then again, that was the effect she intended to have on people – so maybe he shouldn't attempt such a thing or face the consequences.

Phoenix: Nice idea, I should really follow that.

Franziska: Yes, you should.
Quote:
Setting all of this aside, Phoenix was here of all places because there was someone he needed to receive information from.

Phoenix: If fic!me thinks that the prosecution will give him information, he's an idiot.

Franziska: I can agree with this.

Edgeworth: As can I.

Phoenix: We are talking about fic!me, right?
Quote:
The details of this case are kind of long and go on and on, we would mention it. . .but it doesn't have much relevance right now. Everyone was on the second day of the trial, however. And that's all that needs to be said at the moment.

Edgeworth: Second day and you aren't frolicking around with Maya, illegally concealing evidence and Steel Samurai posters. Interesting.

Phoenix: Conceiling evidence? We don't con... -Steel Samurai posters?
Quote:
He needed to speak with Miles Edgeworth of all people.

Edgeworth: Of all people?
Quote:
Seeing as he wasn't the prosecutor for this one, Phoenix assumed he wouldn't feel so strangely about approaching him for whatever he knew about why the defendant and the previous witness seemed to know each other well – surely he'd know due to the fact only recently the witness worked here as the unlucky dude who has to monitor the very lifeless floors of the building for 'suspicious activity' and then gave up the job.

Phoenix: Fic!me obviously doesn't know that Edgeworth doesn't pay attention to that sort of things.

Edgeworth: Of course not, I'm too busy looking after Kay and Detective Gumshoe.

?:Did someone say 'Kay'?

*Smoke-Bomb*

Kay: It is I, Kay Faraday!

Edgeworth: Ah, there you are. I was wondering if you would join us today.

Franziska: Kay Faraday. How nice it is to see you.
Quote:
To be honest, it's not hard to figure out why this young man gave up the job. . .oh, but that's irrelevant.

Edgeworth: What? I've got no clue.

Phoenix: Same.

Kay: Me neither.

*Screen-whip*

Franziska: Curse this foolish author's foolishly foolish lack of explanations!

Phoenix: Keep going, maybe it'll break! (Half a million strokes should be the charm...)
Quote:
Phoenix managed to reach his office.

Edgeworth: You managed? Is it really that difficult?

Phoenix: Nah, once you get past the lasers and crocodile pits, it's a breeze.

Kay: That's why I come in through the air vent these days.
Quote:
He approached the door, putting on a smile hoping to seem charming and not a little worried of how he may reach to his inquiries.

Franziska: Phoenix Wright? Charm? Pah, my whip has more charm!
Quote:
But luckily, his smile was charming effortlessly. You'd think that he'd have people falling low and doing whatever the hell he wanted at first sight of it.

Edgeworth: I'm sure he would like that very much.
Quote:
Phoenix often questioned why it never helped him – but maybe that's irrelevant right now?

Kay: I dunno, why are you asking us?
Quote:
Phoenix raised his fist to the closed door and rapped a few times, loud enough to gain attention. He patiently waited for about forty seconds

Phoenix: Why was I timing my wait?
Quote:
. . .and didn't receive any answer from Miles. He even pressed an ear to the door – he didn't hear any sounds of page-turning or lecturing Gumshoe.

Phoenix: Oh yeah, I now have super-sonic hearing, I can hear pages turn.
Quote:
Still, he didn't think that Miles had left. He was always in there at this time of the morning, unless he got sick or something and had to return home after a lot of intense persuasion from a very worried Gumshoe. His job made him entitled to barge in uninvited.

Phoenix: Yeah, I test your doors to make sure they're barge-worthy.
Quote:
But Phoenix would rather not spend twenty minutes being lectured by Miles for not being proper about it.

Phoenix: Hey, I can properly barge into a room! I mean enter! I can properly enter a room.

Edgeworth: And this is exactly what your fictional self is trying to do. What are you complaining about?

Phoenix: Oh, right... sorry. (I guess I got a bit overzealous with my comments there.)
Quote:
Out of the blue, he heard the crack of a whip. Phoenix immediately cringed and he threw himself backward, especially more so when he heard the voice of Franziska; "Why did you stop?!" She didn't sound very happy, her words were hostile and her tone was both baffled and angry.

Phoenix: Franziska, your words are attacking me.

Franziska: As they should.
Quote:
Phoenix couldn't help being a little curious when he overheard Miles sighing as if troubled. He walked closer to the door and listened in.

Edgeworth: Wright, if I may implore you not to eavesdrop on any and all conversations and goings-on in my office.

Phoenix: Don't worry, fic!me is already about to regret it.

Edgeworth: Wha- how do you know that?

Phoenix: I've read the script.

Franziska: Phoenix Wright, if you give me that script, I will let you off the hook for whatever you may do for one day.

Phoenix: I didn't bring it. I thought you guys would get your own copy.

Franziska: Hmpf. Is this the foolish management's foolish attempt to make you their new favorite?

Edgeworth: We can only hope so.
Quote:
"Fool! I was enjoying it until you broke away like that!" Another flinch-causing sound of her whip. And Miles gasping from the shock of being struck. "You're failing to keep me interested these days. . .would you mind explaining yourself?"

Phoenix: Why would you gasp when struck? Wouldn't you, I dunno, scream, or at least curse under your breath?
Quote:
What the hell was she talking about? Phoenix couldn't help wondering, because Miles sounded like he was worn out and not very into life at the moment.

Phoenix: Not very into life? You mean, "emo"?

Edgeworth: I do not indulge in self-pity and I do not listen to rock music, Wright!

Kay: I think he meant...

Edgeworth: Don't start, Kay.

Kay: 'kay.
Quote:
While Franziska sounded like she was prepared to drop her whip and settle for giving someone a sucker punch or something.

Franziska: Drop my whip? Preposterous! I would just whip them into submission and deliver the punch afterwards.

Phoenix: (Gah, that's kinda scary...)
Quote:
But then another thought entered his mind. . .and Phoenix couldn't help letting his eyes widen as to wonder; why would Miles and Franziska sound like the aforementioned whilst being in the former's office with the door closed?

Edgeworth: Wright.

Phoenix: ...?

Edgeworth: Script, please. I'd like to see where this is going.

Phoenix: Like I said before, I didn't bring it.

Franziska: Meanwhile, I just want to know what is going on in that sentence!

*Screen-whip*
Quote:
Maybe he was being inappropriate with his theories, but still. . . Out of seemingly nowhere, Miles began to reply to her frustration. "Franziska, I know that we're loosing something. I'm trying to recover it, but you aren't being cooperative." He sounded either prepared to go home and lie around in bed all day, or wanting to get something strong to drink.

Edgeworth: How did the reply come "Out of seemingly nowhere"? The words come out of my mouth. In response to Franziska's complaint.

Phoenix: Go home? Lie around? Bed? Drink?

Edgeworth: Are we expanding our vocabulary, Wright?
Quote:
"I'M not being cooperative? How can you say such foolish things like that?!" Oh, Franziska wasn't very calmed in that moment. By the sound of things, Phoenix assumed she flopped down on his desk and kicked it with her foot. "Miles Edgeworth, you are the one who needs to learn when to react properly. I am being as cooperative as I can, the way I stepped back and allowed you to be the one to initiate it was perfectly done!"

Edgeworth: For the record, I have no idea what's going on here. *sweating*

Franziska: Neither do I... but I'm not sure if I want to know. *sweating*
Quote:
"For the record, I haven't done this often. I am convinced that 'perfection' isn't always needed, Franziska."

Franziska: Fool! Perfection is always needed when you're a von Karma!

*Whip-crack*

Phoenix: OW! What did I do?
Quote:
"The first few times are the ones that count! If you truly want to be with me, you must stop acting like a foolish fool and do this properly!"

Edgeworth: Be with?

Franziska: Be...with?

Phoenix: (It seems they've connected the dots.)
Quote:
"Hmm. . ." "What has caused you to look so smug? Wipe that look off of your face, Miles Edgeworth! You cannot carry this out properly, you've no reason to look smug!"

Kay: Ah, Mr. Edgeworth looks smug all the time.

Edgeworth: I do not.

Kay: Do too!

Phoenix: Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty, now be good and pay attention.
Quote:
"I was just thinking about how you claim to be doing this 'properly', and 'perfectly. But do you recall the last time we did it? I recall you doing all of the dominating and wouldn't even let me protest that you were not doing it right."

Franziska: W-

Edgeworth: W-

Phoenix: Yeah, I'd like to solve the puzzle: "What the hell?"
Quote:
"Because you were not reacting when I gave signals. I recall removing some of my clothing and nestling against your body; all you did was give one minor glance and walk away."

Kay: I'm gonna go ahead and leave.

*Smoke-bomb*

Edgeworth: As will I.

*He gets up and starts for the door*

*Ffffft*

Edgeworth: Wha- *collapses*

Speakers: Oh yeah, new trap.

Edgeworth: I hate you.

Speakers: Don't worry, it's just a numbing dart. Looks like it got ya right in the right leg, so go back to your seat and sit down before it kicks in and you can't move your legs. Dude, I told you, you're s'posed to talk like a professional. And start with "the management"! Oh, er, right. Uh, the, um, management... would like to, uh, suggest you return to your seat. Mr. Edgeworth. Did that sound about right?

Edgeworth: My legs? I can't feel my entire body.

Speakers:The management would like to inform Mr. Edgeworth that the dosage was too large, which will numb your entire body. We apologize. Oh my god, are you serious? If she finds out about this, we're so gonna be in trouble!
Phoenix: Oh well, at least they clean the floor, right?

Speakers: No.

Edgeworth: *grumble*
Quote:
"Yes, that is what happened. But you seem to have forgotten this: I was trying not to look because I was well aware that I always give in when I look more than once. If you're wondering why I'm not reacting excitedly, it has much to do with the fact you're dominating too often."

Edgeworth: Mrphermphh.

Phoenix: Uh, it seems that your face is numb as well. (Something tells me the management did not think this through.)

Franziska: I am tempted to try this trap out for myself and see if it will affect my ability to watch this repulsive fanfic.

Phoenix: (Oh please, do go ahead.)
Quote:
". . .I assume you don't understand that I am entitled to have the dominating position?"

Franziska: Of course I am.

Phoenix: Not a good thing, von Karma.

Franziska: Of course it is... -professionally speaking. Anything else is merely a twisted fantasy in a foolish fool's mind.
Quote:
"Franziska, you aren't automatically given it because you're more. . .intense. Wielding that whip doesn't help you either."

Franziska: Yes it does!

*screen-whip*

Phoenix: (Oh brother...)
Quote:
"Oh. . .I believe I know what the problem is now."

Phoenix: Tell us, we're dying to know.
Quote:
Phoenix couldn't beat the record for 'how long can I go without being stunned by what I am hearing'.

Phoenix: Hah, Maya can, she wrote it down on a slip of paper and taped it to my wall.
Quote:
His expression turned from curiosity to a priceless look of shock. The floodgates opened and a red shade began to rush into his cheeks.

Edgeworth: You know that floodgates are usually associated with tears, not blood, right?

Phoenix: You can talk now?

Edgeworth: Yes. Still can't move, though.

Phoenix: I'm sorry to he... -blood? I'm not bleeding.

Edgeworth: I'm talking about the blood rushing to your face, obviously.
Quote:
For some reason – he blamed human nature, curse it – he just couldn't peel himself away from the door and give them some privacy. . .for whatever they were doing. . .

Phoenix: Fic!me, please, do this for us, for us sporkers! Just leave, and never come back!

Franziska: While you're at it, give up, go home, consider a career change.
Quote:
Franziska von Karma and Miles Edgeworth, really? Well, the combination wouldn't be impossible. It did kind of seem logical from another perspective, and Phoenix felt like he could agree to that.

Phoenix: NO I CAN'T!

*Whip-crack*

Phoenix: AAAAGGGHHAAAAOOOWWWW!

Franziska: Be quiet, Phoenix Wright! Your foolish screaming is distracting my aim. And just what about all that nonsense is "logical"?

*Screen-whip*
Quote:
"(Well. . .I don't think I could reach the level of 'shipper'.)"

Phoenix: Yeah, that's Pearls' job.

Franziska: Pearls? You mean that rude little cousin of yours?

Phoenix: She's not my cousin.
Quote:
Phoenix corrected in the mind, silently laughing nervously at the thought. "(If they're really into the concept, I guess I could be okay with it. But I have to admit that the relationship would be as I'm hearing it – I don't think Franziska could settle for traditional roles. Not that there is anything WRONG with that. . .ahem. . .)"

Phoenix: It seem this has been written by Mr. Grossberg, now all we need are some lemons.

Franziska: Who?

Edgeworth: ...Lemons?

Phoenix: Nevermind...
Quote:
There was a brief moment where Franziska was overheard rising to her feet. And she began talking in that smug tone of hers that gave Phoenix bad memories of her father. . . "You have a sexist perspective of the situation, Miles Egeworth. You can't live with the fact that there are a lot of women who are not going to lie down when instructed and don't always have open legs."

Edgeworth: How does me not wanting to do... something with you make me someone who oppresses women?

Franziska: The world may never know...

Phoenix: (I for one can live with the fact that her legs aren't open. *shudder*)
Quote:
"Sexist?! Where. . .where could that idea come from?" "I can see you weren't expecting that. Well, allow me to explain: you previously stated you don't find my dominating tendencies to be pleasuring, that's all the background I need." This was so wrong. . .he knew he shouldn't be listening.

Edgeworth: My thoughts exactly. In fact, none of us should be listening to this.

Phoenix: Please, fic!me... just leave!

Franziska: Let the door hit you on the way out.
Quote:
But Phoenix just shoved his ear closer to the door, straining it and trying to hear even the slightest breath that was taken.

Franziska: Fool!

*Whip-crack*

Franziska: What did we just say!?

Phoenix: Owwww... (Aim forward, woman! Forward!)
Quote:
Ahem, of course he would feel ashamed of this tomorrow. . .tomorrow. . .
After a few moments of silence, Miles began to speak again. His tone was now normal, low but certainly full in the smug type of confidence as if he pointed out a crucial point. "There's one problem to your thoughts: I never ADMITTED to that. And I can't admit something that isn't true."

Phoenix: Great, yet another author who's on close terms with Edgeworth. And what a good moment they picked to show it.
Quote:
Ah, there was that sound of Franziska readying the whip. Phoenix totally missed that. "Foolish fool! If you don't admit it sooner or later, I'll have no choice but to end this foolish moment with-" Franziska's angry lecturing was cut short, when she suddenly gasped as if truly caught off guard.

Franziska: I am never caught off guard!

*Screen-whip*

Phoenix: Keep trying, you can do with some target practice.

Franziska: Silence, Phoenix Wright!

*Whip-crack*
Quote:
Phoenix listened for any sound at all, he honestly was worried that something terrible happened to the perfection-obsessed prosecutor. Finally, he overheard. . .er. . .sounds. Like two people smacking into a rough surface and then the collision onto a soft couch or something. And the loudest sounds were rather pleasured ones.

Edgeworth:How could you possibly know it was a couch?

Phoenix: You're worrying about how I think it was a couch, and not that you and Franziska are snogging it in your office...

Edgeworth: Who says snog these days, Wright?

Phoenix: (Did I really just hear a comment about getting with the times from Edgeworth?)
Quote:
You know; the pleasured sounds people make when they snog in every romance movie ever. They're loud and awkward. . .but they certainly make you feel hot after listening for a few seconds.

Phoenix: This guy says it!

Edgeworth: I don't think this author knows what they are talking about, as you can tell by their clumsy attempt of an explanation.
Quote:
Phoenix's expression had drastically altered four times in those few moments. He originally looked very fascinated, then sly, then utterly mortified, and finally 'what the -Bleep-?' blank.

Phoenix: And they didn't hear me? They must be really goi-

Edgeworth: Stop right there!

Franziska: *nervous*
Quote:
Strangely, he felt like he needed to take a really long shower. Unfortunately, he was overcome with mental imagery of the apparent couple getting intimate in his mind. Phoenix hated it when that happened. Not that this happened frequently – we SWEAR it doesn't.

Edgeworth: We? *gets up* Who's "we"?

Speakers: The management swears it has nothing to do with it! But while you're standing, please return to your seat.
Quote:
For what seemed like forever, their alleged kiss carried on. Phoenix literally counted it with the time on his cell phone screen,

Phoenix: I seriously had nothing better to do?
Quote:
he was stunned to realize this went on for one minute. One freaking minute, people! What is oxygen to them?! At long last, they must have separated because both sounded dramatically breathless and in need of paramedics. But we're probably exaggerating that a little.

Edgeworth: One minute without air is quite a bit... and I have an inkling that our fic selves were not the only ones lacking oxygen during the production of this fic.
Quote:
Apparently, Franziska has superhuman lungs or something. Despite apparently breathless, she began speaking again. "Miles Edgeworth. . .what. . .what are you. . ."

Franziska: Let me pick this up: "What are you doing? I've got an eavesdropping fool to whip within an inch of their foolish life!" *glares at Phoenix*

Phoenix: Gyah! It's just fic!me. Learn the difference!
Quote:
Promptly, Miles began to carry on despite sounding a little shaky and unable to get breathing back in order. Yeah, that's what getting lost in a moment can do. "I. . .I don't think it's unappealing if you dominate. . .sometimes however, I feel like it's appropriate if I dominate."

Edgeworth: And then I passed out and the rest never happen.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that gray... gary... gravy... grape viol... uhm. Fourth wall breaks are not permitted!
Quote:
"Well. . .do it. . ."

Edgeworth: Rest. Never. Happened.
Quote:
"So. . .you're finally. . .? You're finally convinced I can give you special treatment?"

Edgeworth: NEVER HAPPENED! *frantic*
Quote:
"After that. . .hell yes."

Franziska: NO, HELL NO! NEVER HAPPENED, NEVER HAPPENED!! N-Never...! *clings to her whip for security*

Phoenix: (One of the rare ocassions von Karma loses her cool...)
Quote:
Floor, meet head. Head, meet floor. That was just Phoenix internally prepping himself for the confrontation between the floor and his unresponsive head. But that confrontation didn't happen yet. Briefly, there was yet another sound. . .like something being tossed through the air and smacking into the wall. Franziska's sharp cry of protest hinted to Phoenix that it must have been her trusty old whip. Her next words spoken in uncharacteristically shaky manner backed up the theory. . .

Franziska: *glares at Edgeworth*

Franziska: Now I'll beat you within an inch of your life!

Edgeworth: What did I do to deserve this?
Quote:
"W-w-w-what did you just do?! You foolish fool, how dare you. . .th-throw away my-" "Franziska, the whip will not be needed for the upcoming affairs. You should relax and allow me to try something new. Hmm. . .I like that helpless look on your face."/

Franziska: ...

*Whip-crack*

Franziska: Don't you dare get ideas, Miles Edgeworth!
Quote:
"Don't look so seduced, Miles Edgeworth! You act as though I-I-I'm not threatening enough without my whip." "Unfortunately for me and everyone else you speak with, the whip will be back in your possession when we're finished. Be a good sport for once and get undressed."

Phoenix: Well, at least we won't get to see it through that door. (For all we know, she could be wearing a tutu underneath.)
Quote:
"The same goes for you. I am not getting undressed until you do it first."

Franziska: Good. That should prevent further shenanigans from happening.
Quote:
"Strange. . .didn't you previously rant about wanting to be the one to do everything first?"

Franziska: I'm leaving! *gets up and turns toward the exit*

Edgeworth: You might want to reconsider. The dart trap is still in effect. There's no telling how strong the next dosage will be.

Franziska: *grumbles and returns to her seat*
Quote:
"V-Von Karmas don't ALWAYS have to be first. Just get undressed, damn it. . ."

Phoenix: No, they need to be... Furst in everything.

Speakers: The management would like to remind you that breaking the fourth wall is not permitted, and neither are horrible jokes.

Phoenix: Are they ever?

Speakers: Depends if Kay Faraday is here.

Phoenix: (Oh, brother!)
Quote:
"No, I believe you should do it first. 'Ladies first' is something I have to follow." "Miles Edgeworth! If you do not get undressed this instant, I will walk over there and do it MYSELF – and it's not going to be very lovingly when I almost break one of your limbs." Oh God, it sounded like a violent bedroom scene in there. Threatening and not very lovingly, but still kind of hot in a strange point of view we'd rather not elaborate on. Suddenly, Phoenix no longer knew what he was listening to – he was torn between barging in anyway or leaving and pretending he heard nothing.

Phoenix: Leave, leave, leave, leave...
Quote:
For some reason, he couldn't help shipping them so hard in this moment – especially more so when he could overhear some gasps and then what could have been those two falling back to the couch or something similar. There was a slight rustle, like. . .clothes being removed?

Phoenix: LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE...
Quote:
Phoenix was basically trying to fuse with the door, pressing an ear close and trying to pick up any kind of noise. . .something to give him context back. God knows that he needed it, he feared it died long ago. There was something about the following gasp of pleasure from Franziska, it sent the floodgates open and a red shade fell over his cheeks.

Phoenix: GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Franziska: *blush*

Edgeworth: Was that...red on your cheeks?

Franziska: No.

Edgeworth: I'm pretty sure it wa-

*whip-crack*

Edgeworth: Ack! Never mind.
Quote:
"Miles Edgeworth! How dare you attempt to catch me off guard with those fast hands!"

Edgeworth: I'm still pretty good at the piano...
Quote:
"The gasp was all I needed to know you enjoyed being touched like that, you know."

Phoenix: Please tell me he just gave her a manicure or something!

Franziska: Under normal circumstances I would object, but between that and the alternative, I will gladly pretend that my nails were uncharacteristically untended.
Quote:
"Wipe that smug smile off of your face. . ."

Franziska: Please do.
Quote:
"I could, but I think it's more than necessary in this moment."

Franziska: Now!
Quote:
"What are you implying?" "It turns you on. Now, let's end words for a moment and focus on actions."

Franziska: How about the "actions" of getting back to work and having Phoenix Wright removed from the door!
Quote:
Well, Miles did mention he wanted to silence them and focus on actions. He apparently must have been doing that, because they stopped exchanging randomly. Phoenix didn't have to press himself uncomfortably against the door to know that he was overhearing. . .you know. . .pleasured and kissing sounds from the inside.

[Our sporkers all stare at the screen with varying degrees of horror and disgust on their faces. After a moment of perplexion, the short silence is disturbed by at least a douzen screen-whippings.]
Quote:
What is context? Why was he here in the first place? Phoenix wished he could grapple the answers, but he was simply left in the freaking dark. Those sounds. Really, the temperature in this building should not have been as majorly high as it felt.

Edgeworth: Hmm, "someone" must've bumped the thermostat.

Franziska: *glares at him with the fury of a thousand suns*

Edgeworth: Ngh! I-I meant Detective Gumshoe! What are you thinking of me?
Quote:
He really should leave them alone for. . .that.

Phoenix: Nice idea, self.
Quote:
Okay feet, anytime now.

Phoenix: It seems fic!me has been hit by one of the management's darts.
Quote:
Freaking MOVE already, feet! Franziska and Miles would flip out if they knew he had been eavesdropping – especially Franziska!

Franziska: Flip out? No, you'd flip out.

Phoenix: Oh, really?

Franziska: Yes, all your blood would flip out of the gaping wounds left by my whip leather!

Edgeworth: (Gah, that was dark.)

Phoenix: (I'd best shut up now.)
Quote:
"Aah!" "Franziska, why did you jump back?"

Franziska: Because I need to put distance between us so I can whip you with the tip of my whip.

Phoenix: That rhymed.

*Whip-crack*

Franziska: Keep your foolish thoughts to yourself!
Quote:
"I don't know how you're capable of doing so, but I do know that my tongue can't handle going that far! Fool, you could have-"

Phoenix: ("...choked and spared us the rest of this scene"?)
Quote:
"Sorry! I assumed you could handle it, after all. . .isn't your tongue more than prepared when we're in your bed?"

Edgeworth: Uuuggghh! Why are we being subjected to this?

Franziska: *cringes* Is this... a punishment?

Phoenix: (Where are the paper bags when you need them?) *covers his face in his hands and sobs silently to himself*
Quote:
Context! Context was so badly wanted! Phoenix knew this was the worst possible time, but he just couldn't stand here and not know what was going on and why!

Phoenix: Yes, fic!me, go in while they're having sex and ask them "What're you doing!?"

Edgeworth: Wright, please!

Phoenix: What? We all know what the fic's implying.
Quote:
He hurriedly reached for the unlocked knob, clasped his other hand over his eyes – just in case there was something sensual he shouldn't have in his mind forever, and then it was all in a rush of shock and curiosity when he burst in uninvited.

Phoenix: Eh, might as well die knowing.

Franziska: Now that you know, can I make it happen?
Quote:
"Wright?!"
"What the hell?!"

Edgeworth: Sounds like a proper reaction to me.

Franziska: Agreed.
Quote:
Phoenix was torn between staying there and looking at the context that went missing, or hurrying to leave and pretend that he never heard even the slightest peep from the inside of the office. He waited for several seconds, trying to give them a chance to get into a more modest position compared to what he just knew they had been wrapped up in.

Phoenix: Modest position? After what I just heard? Nah...
Quote:
But strangely. . .he didn't hear anyone move, put on clothes, or say anything else. Confused, Phoenix slowly peeled his palm away from his eyes. . .and the logic was suddenly stripped from the situation entirely.

Phoenix: No, the logic was strip-

*whip-crack*

Franziska: Best not finish that, Phoenix Wright!
Quote:
SURPRISE! Miles and Franziska. . .they. . .they weren't doing anything sensual at all. Both were fully clothed, not looking even the slightest disheveled from intimate actions, and even more strangely – Miles was sitting at his desk staring at him with an equally confused expression. Franziska was leaning against the bookshelf looking over her whip and barely shifting her eyes to look in their invader's direction.

Franziska: Wha-

Edgeworth: Wha-

Phoenix: I already knew this, not gonna continue the "What" chain.
Quote:
Were his eyes really as wide and his jaw as low as he assumed it to be? Because Phoenix was certain that he must have looked like a complete idiot in that moment.

Franziska: Not to worry. I think we have both seen enough of those "moments" to be quite familiar with the sight.
Quote:
When their intruder didn't make an explanation for his presence, Miles took the hint that something had to be said to break the ice. He cleared his throat and then rather calmly inquired him, "Wright, do you need something? You seem to be in a rush."

Phoenix: Why, yes, allow me to explain. Ahem, I heard you two having sex and making out while I was eavesdropping behind that door that keeps sounds out as well as a wet paper bag.

Franziska: Oh well, it was most likely just the TV.

Phoenix: (I don't think she realizes what she just said...)
Quote:
"Uh. . .well. . .I-I. . ." What was he supposed to say? What? Phoenix leaned upright again and then he tried with a struggle, but did manage to reply, "I can't remember why I'm here in the first place. It was something important. . .I think. Uh. . .what are you two doing?"

Franziska: Then I whipped you, hard, and you passed out. The end.

*Lights turn on*

Phoenix: Wait, that was it?

*Lights dim*

Edgeworth: Argh, learn to keep your mouth shut!

*Whip-crack*

Phoenix: YEAAAAHHOOOWWWW!!

Franziska: We were almost free!
Quote:
Miles and Franziska exchanged totally calm, blank expressions that spelled out their lack of understanding to his random appearance.

Edgeworth: He's done and said stranger things in my office, believe me.
Quote:
"Not that I was listening in or anything, but I overheard. . .something going on in here." Phoenix added nervously after several more seconds, he then tried to laugh and act as if he wasn't being a complete idiot.

Edgeworth: I believe what you described was "eavesdropping" and you are a partial idiot sometimes.

Franziska: Sometimes? All the time he's a foolish fool who will foolishly cheat his way to a "Not guilty"!

Phoenix: (Says the woman who tried to silence a witness.)
Quote:
"Fool! Are you hearing things?" Franziska randomly exclaimed, now giving him a less than blissful look. Yeah, she was ticked off now. "I merely took a few seconds out of my day to come here and find out if my talent has been understood – it's no different than every work day." "That's true, I can always count down the seconds when you burst in with the whip ready." Miles promptly deadpanned, eyes shifting to Franziska's direction. And when she rotated around and gave him her ticked off face, he reached for some papers and focused his attention on that.

Franziska: *readies whip*

Edgeworth: *groan*

*Whip-crack*

Edgeworth: Aaagh!

Phoenix: You asked for it.
Quote:
Meanwhile, as lovely as that scene was, Phoenix really felt disturbed. He KNEW he heard something – and it was in no way a discussion about someone's talent with prosecuting! They were freaking SENSUAL just a few moments ago, he was sure of it!

Phoenix: Yeah, how did you pull it off, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: What are you talking about?

Phoenix: That whip, peeled from Franziska's hand.
Quote:
Weakly, Phoenix tried to insist that they were previously getting intimate. His expression changed to that of disappointment, strangely. "Y-you two were not discussing that. I swore I heard you. . .you know. . .Edgeworth, you were dominating. . .and the kissing sounds. . ."

Phoenix: You were playing Counter-Strike?
Edgeworth: ...What?
Phoenix: It says you were "dominating".
Edgeworth: Wright, it's just a common everyday word. And that voice clip is from Unreal Tournament, you know.
Phoenix: How do you know that?
Edgeworth: Erm, uh, common knowledge...
Quote:
"I have no idea what you're referring to." Miles promptly admitted, shaking his head and then acting as if he was told of a very stupid story that no one cared about.

Franziska: I'd call that an accurate description if ever there was one.
Quote:
Almost immediately, Franziska approached Phoenix and they found themselves eye to eye. He cringed and watched as she smiled smugly and wagged finger in that way she did. "Tell me you're not loosing your mind before our next little battle, Phoenix Wright. We were simply conversing, there was nothing more to it – this is something you cannot prove otherwise."

Franziska: Yes, don't lose it yet, I don't want it to be too easy for me to win. Even though I seem to suffer from a temporary inability to speak proper English.
Quote:
"But-but the SOUNDS. . ." "Are you trying to test my patience? It's more than a little foolish, even for you. . ."

Edgeworth: Too foolish for Wright? I have to disagree.

Franziska: So do I.

Phoenix: (Why do you hate me so...?)
Quote:
---Edgeworth and von Karma kick Phoenix out of the office---

Quote:
As soon as the last footstep faded, Miles felt like he approved of it. He peeled himself away from the door and then began to approach an awaiting Franziska. "We pulled it off successfully." Wait, what?!

Edgeworth: Is the fic questioning itself? Not that I could blame it...
Quote:
Franziska felt herself almost smile impishly. . .almost. . .she managed to cover that up with a fake frustrated expression. "I told you it was the perfect plan, he'll never catch on now."

Franziska: ..? Catch on to what?

Phoenix: I dunno, theres nothing to catch on to...

Edgeworth: This is stupid...
Quote:
"Although I can't say I approve of messing with his mind," Miles began to approach her even more, the two were in proximity soon and he could say he approved of that. "It's too soon to let anyone know of our true relationship. That act should throw Wright off, you did sound convincing when pretending to be dominated."

Edgeworth: Relationship?
Phoenix: Counter-Strike?
*Whip-Crack*
Quote:
"And I have to admit. . .the kissing sounds wouldn't have been convincing if you hadn't joined in." Franziska slowly admitted, nervously letting her eyes flicker all over the room. . .except in Miles' direction. She randomly pulled at her whip a little, trying not to seem too affected by the mood. "You enjoyed that, Miles Edgeworth."

Phoenix: So they pretended to kiss...by...kissing... on the off-chance that specifically I would be at that specific door at that specific time?

*Explosion*

Edgeworth: Agh, my truth bar!

Phoenix: I was starting to wonder what kept you so long.
Quote:
"Well, it had to be done." Miles was prompt in replying, sounding very calm about it as if he had been waiting to say that. He pretended to be worn out, faking it by sighing and flicking the imaginary perspiration from his temples. "After such a performance, there's only one result from that. If you know what I'm implying. . ."

Edgeworth: I've stopped caring.

Phoenix: Same.

Franziska: As have I.

Phoenix: Wanna talk about something else?

Edgeworth: Such as?

Phoenix: Counter-Strike?

Edgeworth: Drop the Counter-Strike!!
Quote:
"Fool, of course I do. A von Karma ALWAYS knows a cue, even before it surfaces." Franziska bitterly murmured. Only a few seconds afterward, she raised her head and gazed at Miles. She revealed the almost fond smile that crept over her lips.

Franziska: Agh, I am not enjoying this!

Edgeworth: It seems Franziska can't drop this...

Phoenix: It must be hard...
Quote:
And she was very prompt in giving in to that cue that has become an everyday thing. She rushed closer and then strongly locked her arms around Miles' helpless neck, you can probably guess what happened next. Yeah, Miles remained unmoving with a sense of totally wanting this to happen,

Edgeworth: I believe the correct term is "defensive immobility".
Quote:
whilst Franziska captured his lips with her own and captured him with nary a sign of mercy. But somehow, the fact there was no mercy was fine with Miles. Yes, this was just fine in this mind. He was quick to relax instantly and let his eyes close as he returned her sign of affection – just not with as much strength as she did, he could never match the fierceness she put into it.

Phoenix: Ya know what, I'm just gonna be quiet.

Edgeworth: Same. *grabs bottle of water*

Speakers: Hey! Where did that come from? The management would like to inform you that the consumption of refreshments not provided by the management is not permitted! We're trying to run a movie theater here!

Franziska: ...
Quote:
Honestly, that was hot. He could have at least attempted to dominate her, but this felt too good to put a stop to. She always wanted to be the one leading, she seemed to get more excitement out of it when that was the case.

Edgeworth: *Spits out water*
Quote:
Now they could finally begin what they intended to start this morning. It wasn't like they were against a relationship, but Franziska was the one who feared it wouldn't be good for their reputations if they were discovered to be attracted to each other romantically. Miles was the one who came up with the plan to screw around with the head of whomever was about to walk in – judging by the reaction of his old friend, Miles knew this would work well. . .he was like an internet troll in that sense. Little by little, the kiss evolved from simplicity. And it all began when Miles lost his senses just momentarily, he did so long enough to wrap his arms at the spine-level and prepared to deepen this by leading her along the floor over to somewhere nice to sit and get 'cozy'.

Edgeworth: "Wrap his arms at the spine-level"? In what, wrapping paper?
Quote:
It wasn't long before they were near the couch-area. And Franziska cracked an eye open, noticing this. Only slightly, her lips retreated as they cracked the hint of a most sly smile – she knew what she was doing. Once hand retreated to reach for the whip.

Franziska: This is a very good idea.

Phoenix: (So where did she keep it, if not in her hand?)
Quote:
Miles realized she was stopping a little, he had the feeling of what was coming. . .so he made it a little easier by backing up slightly and letting his hands retreat at the same time. "Why are you stopping? We still have twenty minutes to ourselves and-" There was another crack of the whip, and this time. . .Miles gazed down at his hands. She just captured his hands within that freaking whip. Well, it certainly wasn't the first time. Those marks wouldn't be a problem, if this was leading to what Miles was pleasantly surprised to see incoming. "Miles Edgeworth, sometimes you need to shut up and allow me to have my way." Franziska scolded him, leaning closer to further interest him by giving that sly smile combined with bedroom eyes that were reserved for him only these days. "Behave, and this will last more than the usual twenty minutes."

Phoenix: I'm sure she timed that on her cell phone.
Quote:
"Well, even someone in my position has a wild side." "I'm not convinced."

Phoenix: Neither am I, unless we define his "wild side" as frustrated shouting when things don't go his way.

Edgeworth: Which might well be the case here.
Quote:
"I will admit, you've every right to not believe it." No more words were said after that, Miles felt it was necessary to play along. He shut his mouth, only temporarily because he claimed a seat on the couch with Franziska claiming his lips again and falling into his lap along the way. SLAM!

Franziska: What's with this choice of sound effect?

*Screen-whip*

Phoenix: (Looks like "someone" is being sensitive about her weight.)
Quote:
The door flew open as if the situation was serious. None other than Detective Gumshoe entered the scene, looking both distressed and fearful of what consequences were in store. "Mr. Edgeworth, I'm so sorry I'm late! You see, my alarm clock isn't easy to set and so I didn't. . ." All distress and fear was forgotten when Gumshoe fully noticed the scene he had burst in on. The two occupiers of the room hurriedly pulled themselves out of their snogging session and gazed at him, truly startled. "Oh, uh. . .am I interrupting something again?"

Phoenix: They should try giving us interesting things to make jokes about...
Quote:
It wasn't every day when he saw Miles and Franziska looking rather disheveled as they hurriedly entangled themselves from what he assumed was a steamy moment.

Edgeworth: I doubt that getting even more entangled than they already are will solve the problem. I'd suggest trying to untangle instead.
Quote:
The room fell into silence, all three trying to calm down and not make too much of a scene. . .keep it together. . .think of something to say – just so it wouldn't be remembered as TOO MUCH of an awkward moment. Fortunately, Gumshoe thought of something to say. Unfortunately, this was Gumshoe. He gasped with awe and then looked rather happy as he asked; "So the rumors that have been spreading all over the building are true?"

Edgeworth: I wonder who could have possibly spread these "rumors".

Phoenix: Hey, don't blame me. Blame yourselves for loudly making out in your office and leaving the door unlocked.
Quote:
Whilst Miles and Franziska just gawked at him, his chest swelled with pride as he gazed skyward for dramatic effect. "I believed them." So what happened to everyone after this awkwardness, you may wonder? Well, the courtroom drama had eventually proceeded on with the Not Guilty verdict given.

Franziska: What a pathetic attempt at a transition. Try harder!

*Screen-whip*
Quote:
Although, throughout the last trial, Phoenix kept recalling the incident he almost walked in on every time he looked Franziska in the eye. The Judge assumed he was merely checking her out, claiming that this wasn't the proper time for those kind of thoughts. The typical celebrations were made after this victory. It was during this time when things were discovered. For one thing, Phoenix kept accidentally leaving behind the bill his therapist entrusted him with.

Phoenix: Well, if I had a therapist, I would absolutely "accidentally" leave the bill for Franziska to pay after what the two of you did to me in this fic.
Quote:
He seriously was starting to believe that all of the craziness he worked with was getting to him. Franziska tracked down where these 'rumors' began, she found that it was merely a repairman whom had once walked in on her and Miles having a romantic-type exchange.

Phoenix: So you had been setting up this sort of act for a while even before I finally walked into your trap.
Quote:
This man was forgiven – by her whip.

Franziska: After I put it to good use, of course.
Quote:
Miles looked into the salary of Detective Gumshoe after he decided it was okay to casually tell people they didn't have to talk about the couple behind their backs.

Edgeworth: Only after that? Now I know this isn't me.
Quote:
As for Gumshoe, he feared that it would take a lot of work to be able to afford the silverware for his meal. It 'twas but a price to pay for him, he was just relieved that everything would return to normal.

Phoenix: Or as normal as it gets for us, I guess.
Quote:
It's too bad that they lived in the world where nothing could ever be considered normal.

Phoenix: Hey, don't steal my comments!

Edgeworth: I thought you had read the script? So it's actually you stealing the fic's comment.

Franziska: How unoriginal of you, Phoenix Wright.
Quote:
The End~

Phoenix: Oh god, it's done.

Edgeworth: This was really... something. I'm glad we just skimmed through most of it.

Franziska: As am I.

Phoenix: Oh yeah, Franziska?

Franziska: Yes?

Phoenix: You've been really calm toward the end. Something up?

Franziska: Huh? Oh, nothing...

Edgeworth: We'd best not question it. Even though she's calm now, her inner viciousness is the same.

Phoenix: Good point. (Which reminds me, I've gotta go grab burgers on my way back to the office - Maya hasn't been feeling too great this week...)

[The sporkers leave the theater, another spork is over.]

Speakers: ...And so we are left with the question: Will somebody more competent replace that door already and take down that darned new trap without shooting themselves in the process? Will somebody take care of that dirty floor? Well, I guess we'll have to find out next time. -NOW GET TO IT BEFORE THE BIG GUYS COME IN AND TEAR US TO PIECES! GO! Tell the security guys to help you with the doors! And turn off the speakers before you leave!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Ah good, I see you figured out how to copy the quote tags. :) (Sorry, I was asleep when you pm'ed me.)

I'm still surprised how fast you were with your part. You had so many good ideas rightaway.
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Ah good, I see you figured out how to copy the quote tags. :) (Sorry, I was asleep when you pm'ed me.)

I'm still surprised how fast you were with your part. You had so many good ideas rightaway.


I was making parts while reading the fic :maya:
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...Not bad for a first-timer. I can't say I've had the actual experience to do a spork myself, but I've read plenty enough, and this style of writing fits right in. Nice job implementing a new trap in the theater. (Unfortunately, school is going to resume tomorrow and I won't have nearly as much time for our co-spork. I can, however, do a little critique, review and proofreading if they'll help.)

To be honest, I didn't like all that much how Neni began to include original characters in that 2-part piece. Her writing is good; I've read part of A Complete Turnabout, and it's got a steady rhythm going. Yet, the nature of sporking is to avoid falling into that gray area between fanfiction and otherwise. If we're going to criticize fanfiction, we don't want to sound like hypocrites. Besides, the Management already encompasses a major part of the rising internal conflict. At some point, though, someone should up the ante on the war between official and unofficial parties. A conflict isn't much good without a resolution.

...So, uh, nice weather we're having here, eh?
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Rubia Silve Ryu wrote:
...Not bad for a first-timer. I can't say I've had the actual experience to do a spork myself, but I've read plenty enough, and this style of writing fits right in. Nice job implementing a new trap in the theater. (Unfortunately, school is going to resume tomorrow and I won't have nearly as much time for our co-spork. I can, however, do a little critique, review and proofreading if they'll help.)

To be honest, I didn't like all that much how Neni began to include original characters in that 2-part piece. Her writing is good; I've read part of A Complete Turnabout, and it's got a steady rhythm going. Yet, the nature of sporking is to avoid falling into that gray area between fanfiction and otherwise. If we're going to criticize fanfiction, we don't want to sound like hypocrites. Besides, the Management already encompasses a major part of the rising internal conflict. At some point, though, someone should up the ante on the war between official and unofficial parties. A conflict isn't much good without a resolution.

...So, uh, nice weather we're having here, eh?



I'm not about to take all the credit, that's not who I am, I am giving 2/3 of the credit to...Pessimistic_fool.

Me:
-I read the fic
-I produced a rough draft
-Wrote some dialogue

Her:
-Read it
-Produced more dialogue
-Fixed the spelling errors, lines.
-Wrote Franziska (Yeesh, she IS hard to write...)
-Intro
-Ending

So, I'm not taking a whole lot of credit.

(I should've started on a shorter one, 5,659 is not my idea of fun...)
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Aw come on, I didn't write Franziska, we both did. And I was mostly going with the tone you set for her, I just rephrased a few things to work better. If you don't count things like quote brackets and spaces, you wrote at least half of the spork.
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Aw come on, I didn't write Franziska, we both did. And I was mostly going with the tone you set for her, I just rephrased a few things to work better. If you don't count things like quote brackets and spaces, you wrote at least half of the spork.


:hyde:


Yeah, I guess you're right, but we can all agree, she's a pain in the whip to write, amirite?
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I doubt it, but has anyone done this yet?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4659121/1/Bath-Time

It's really not that bad, but I can come up with some good material for it.

(It was in the fanfic contest on C-R.net, im gonna get some flack for this one...)

:lana:
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No, I don't think it was done yet.
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
No, I don't think it was done yet.

Cool, I'll get right on it.

Also, I have a request to any artists, for a small piece of art that you could maybe to for...free. If you accept, pm me. :phoenix:
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builderkid107 wrote:
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
No, I don't think it was done yet.

Cool, I'll get right on it.

Also, I have a request to any artists, for a small piece of art that you could maybe to for...free. If you accept, pm me. :phoenix:


builderkid107, were you still planning on sporking the above fanfic? If not, I'd like to take a shot at it for my first sporking :) Let me know!

~WB
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WrightBrother wrote:
builderkid107 wrote:
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
No, I don't think it was done yet.

Cool, I'll get right on it.

Also, I have a request to any artists, for a small piece of art that you could maybe to for...free. If you accept, pm me. :phoenix:


builderkid107, were you still planning on sporking the above fanfic? If not, I'd like to take a shot at it for my first sporking :) Let me know!

~WB


Which fanfic?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The one you were talking about a few posts up. ;)
Copy-pasting the link:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4659121/1/Bath-Time

If I understand correctly, it was written by some member(s) of the forum? This might be a problem, because the author isn't supposed to know that their fic has been sporked. But if we loosen up on this rule, then you should be a bit careful and make sure not to offend the person(s) who wrote the fic. You could let them read it before posting it, I guess?
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Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
The one you were talking about a few posts up. ;)
Copy-pasting the link:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4659121/1/Bath-Time

If I understand correctly, it was written by some member(s) of the forum? This might be a problem, because the author isn't supposed to know that their fic has been sporked. But if we loosen up on this rule, then you should be a bit careful and make sure not to offend the person(s) who wrote the fic. You could let them read it before posting it, I guess?


That sounds about right, that'd probably be the best course of action...or we just don't do it. :redd:
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builderkid107 wrote:
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
The one you were talking about a few posts up. ;)
Copy-pasting the link:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4659121/1/Bath-Time

If I understand correctly, it was written by some member(s) of the forum? This might be a problem, because the author isn't supposed to know that their fic has been sporked. But if we loosen up on this rule, then you should be a bit careful and make sure not to offend the person(s) who wrote the fic. You could let them read it before posting it, I guess?


That sounds about right, that'd probably be the best course of action...or we just don't do it. :redd:


I'm quite sure I could write it without offending the original author. That is, if you still do not plan on writing it :)
Check out my PW Fan Song :)
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WrightBrother wrote:
builderkid107 wrote:
Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
The one you were talking about a few posts up. ;)
Copy-pasting the link:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4659121/1/Bath-Time

If I understand correctly, it was written by some member(s) of the forum? This might be a problem, because the author isn't supposed to know that their fic has been sporked. But if we loosen up on this rule, then you should be a bit careful and make sure not to offend the person(s) who wrote the fic. You could let them read it before posting it, I guess?


That sounds about right, that'd probably be the best course of action...or we just don't do it. :redd:


I'm quite sure I could write it without offending the original author. That is, if you still do not plan on writing it :)


Well, this is something I'm in the gra/ey zone about....

Go ahead, my friend.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The Minecraft Attorney

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All these sporks are awesome!

I've been wondering for quite a while. Is it possible to add in Dual Destinies characters into these sporks without spoilers? Cause I haven't seen anybody use them yet.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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What am I doing?

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Glacius wrote:
All these sporks are awesome!

I've been wondering for quite a while. Is it possible to add in Dual Destinies characters into these sporks without spoilers? Cause I haven't seen anybody use them yet.


I would recommend not doing a Dual Destinies spork for a wile longer, as the game has only been out for about 3-4 months, some people haven't played it. But some people might be getting it for Christmas, so we'll see.

Just hold off for now, 'kay?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I'd say if somebody has really good ideas for them, go ahead and write it, but put it under a very clearly marked spoiler tag.
I mean, that's what I'd do for them even for a while after the year is over. You never know how long it may take some to obtain or play the game.
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