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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

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Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Working on the next one?

Trying to think of which characters to use. TBH, I want to avoid using Godot and even Franziska, and I wanted to put Gumshoe in it, but he's not in either of the next two chapters. My older brother was also begging me to do one with Phoenix, Godot, Iris, and Dahlia being channeled by Maya so that she and Iris don't look any different, which would be fun to write, but would probably end up distracting from the fic. So if I do that, I'd need to save it for a particularly boring set of chapters, which is decidedly not 9 and 10.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Again, excelent spork, Airey. And again, fic!Trucy was terribly out-of-character and I laughed at every other line from the sporkers. I expected at least a reaction from Franziska when Godot called her "wild mare"... (Though I remember her not trying to whip him on 3-5... I need to play that case again.) Anyway, great job! :gant-clap:

Quote:
Apollo: I don't want to end up with a sporker's instinct... I'll never be able to read something without thinking of snarky comments again.

It has already affected Phoenix, Edgeworth, Franziska and even Maya. You're just the next in line.

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
And I'll leave this post with a final opinion. I'd like to see a little more diversity to the sporker characters: Gumshoe, Pearl, Larry, Mia; Klavier and Ema; Athena, Juniper, Simon, Fulbright. DD's been out long enough. We don't need to shy away from them. If anyone's looking for DD character smilies, I think Mijumaru (SuperAJ3) has a collection somewhere.

Good luck, future sporkers. Airey, keep up the good work.

YES!!! Please, let's use DD characters already, I'd love to see their reactions!
Spoiler:
For Pearl, only her older self, please. Let's not traumatize kid!Pearl for life.

"I wonder if it was something that has something to do with something. That something being our case. The last something, I mean."
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Thoughts on the newest spork:

-Ooh, Godot. Interesting character choice.

-Franziska gave up on her plan to point out every error fast.

-The bit with Maya realizing the name pun is very nice. ^^

-I also like the nostril part.

Overall, a good spork, as expected from you. :)
I think Godot was well in character, would like to see more of him.

In other news, I'm about to finish my own spork.
ETA: And here it is.
(Sorry for taking so long - I'm haven't been an active fan for a while, so it's getting harder to write the characters.)

TODAY'S SPORK: ANOTHER MULTIPARTER????
Our sporkers encounter a very uncooperative original character. She is rude, she is unreasonable, she is Edgeworth's girlfriend. (No, really.) In a world with no logic, no motivation and no subtlety, Phoenix tries to solve the case nobody could be bothered to investigate.

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: Two Sahwits. I feel like it deserves more, but I'm bad at rating these things. This fic has plot holes, lame excuses for them, and it likes wasting time.

[The freshly refurbished theater opens its door for the first time after what seems like a very long break. The faint scent of paint and glue fills the air. Not a trace of the once broken equipment, or any signs of aging for that matter, is to be found as our sporkers majestically-]

Phoenix: WATCH IT!! *stumbles and crashes against the metal door frame*

Athena: Whoa! *trips and lands flat on the ground*

Apollo: Oof! *falls on top of her*

Speakers: Oh yeah. "Caution. Slippery surface."

Apollo: Gee, thanks for the warning. *grumpily stands up and dusts himself off*

Speakers: And look what our little plugged time duct has spit up. My, my. It's a girl!

Athena: *angrily wringing her hands* Don't act as if you weren't expecting me. One of your goons slipped the "invitation" right under my door. And why is it waterproof?

Apollo: Water, fire and Trucy-proof. I don't even know how they do that. *mumbles* Mind sharing your secret?

Phoenix: *looks around* Is Edgeworth not coming today?

Speakers: Oh, he is. For the moment, however, he is regrettably being delayed. We required a quick word with him regarding some undesirable...actions.

Phoenix: (Undesirable actions?)

Speakers: Anyway, there's nothing to worry about. Please take your seats.

[While our sporkers are still on the way to do so, the lights dim and the fic starts playing.]

Quote:
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Following the Law
By: ThatViolentAttorney
The boring era of the Wright Anything Agency comes to an end, as a new(ish) Defense Attorney joins there cause! Follow Phoenix and the new Defense Attorney through five cases to solve the never-ending string of murders that she has come across her entire life. Help her find who she truly is. Undecided pairing (either OCxPhoenix or OCxMiles) and written similar to the game. Enjoy!:)

Athena: *ponders* An original character solving five cases with Mr. Wright while she's still new, and thrown into "undecided pairing" with two main characters? Can you say "Mary Sue"?

Speakers: Can you say "irony"?

Apollo: *already annoyed* Can we get on with it?
Quote:
Case 1: Revive the Turnabout, Investigation - Part One
"Who…who's there…oh, it's you."
"Yes, hello doctor."
"What is it you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
CRASH
BANG

Phoenix: *just stares at the screen in confusion* What is even going on in this scene?

Athena: Maybe they accidentally switched to a comedy channel?
Quote:
"Hahahahahaha…now to pin it on that person..."
Date: January 22, Time: 10:37am, Location: Wright Anything Agency
Yet another boring day at the office. Athena and Apollo are out together, working on a case, so it's just Pearls, Trucy and I.

Phoenix: *sighs* Not one of those present tense first-person fics... they give me a headache!

Athena: *to Apollo* I think he's more worried about his pride than his head.

Apollo: He should be. With an introduction like that, I give this fic five minutes before something bad and probably embarrassing happens to him.

Phoenix: (I can hear you, you know...)
Quote:
But we have nothing to do, so Pearls and Trucy have gone out shopping for a while, leaving me here on my own.
*RING*…*RING*…*RING*…*BLEEP*
"Hello, Wright Anything Agency here." Yes, finally a client.
"Wright." Oh, it's just Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Why did he call the agency and not me?

Athena: I hear it's a popular way to find out if somebody's home. You know. For burglers.

Phoenix: Honestly, with how cluttered everything is at the office, I'm not sure I would find the phone to answer it even if I were around.
Quote:
"Oh, hey Edgeworth."
"I need you to get down to the Detention Centre; I'll explain when you get there." He hung up. Ok…so where does that leave me? It's nice to know I get a say in this…
Date: January 22, Time: 10:49am, Location: Detention Centre Entrance
"I wonder what Mr Edgeworth wants?" Trucy pondered out loud.

Phoenix: Wait, what is Trucy doing at the detention center? ...The... ...British "detention centre", apparently. And in past tense.

Apollo: If it has anything to do with her "shopping" trip, remember I wasn't there. You can't blame me. (Or maybe the police finally got wise about our shenanigans in the last fic...) *groans* (Why am I still thinking of that mess?)
Quote:
"Maybe he got arrested again…"
"Do you think so?" Pearls gasped.
"He did not get arrested again." Came the sullen voice of the aforementioned Prosecutor; scaring the hell out of all three of us.
"E-Edgeworth…there you are…er…what did you want…?" I managed to get those words out. Kind of...
"A friend of mine has been arrested for murder. I recommended you to be her lawyer." He stated simply.

Phoenix: A female friend? Of Edgeworth's? You couldn't find any more realistic way to introduce your original character?

Voice from behind: I assume the assistant gallery can only hold so many members.

Phoenix: *turns in surprise* How long have you been standing there?

Edgeworth: Only about a minute. I would apologize for the delay, but honestly, I don't mind too much.

[He walks up and takes a seat next to Phoenix.]

Athena: Really, Boss, didn't you hear the doors? Maybe Apollo's constant screaming finally took its toll on your ears.

Apollo: (I wonder if she's ever heard the saying about the pot and the kettle.)
Quote:
"Oh…well, h-"
"No objections, Wright. Defend her, she cannot do it herself and neither can I. I can assure you, however she is 100% innocent." Edgeworth glared at me.
"O-ok…before I talk to her, tell me about the murder."
"It was a doctor at the hospital she was in; the reason she was arrested is because of her motive – which is that she may be angry because of a failed operation.

Apollo: She was arrested because she may be angry? That's the best motive they could come up with? Sounds like the police in this case weren't very eager to do their job.
Quote:
There was also evidence to suggest her guilt, it seems, but I think it has been falsified."
"Falsified? Falsified by who?"
"I believe the evidence to be falsified by the real killer."

Phoenix: Is your fic self mocking me, or is that really the impression the author has of you?

Edgeworth: If it is, they clearly started off with the wrong-

Athena: Sh! Fourth wall! Punishment!

Edgeworth: ... ...-case, then. *quietly, to Phoenix* You actually taught her the rules?

Phoenix: Nope. Must be Trucy's doing.
Quote:
"Who is?"
"I don't know yet!"
"Right…my bad…"
"I have other places to be; your client's name is Evie Law. Don't try to pull any stunts on her – she was a Lawyer too." And with that he left.

Athena: *grins* She was such a good lawyer that they even changed the spelling to honor her name.

Phoenix: If she was such a good lawyer, why isn't she defending herself?

Athena: Because then she couldn't be in a "possible pairing" with you, Boss.

Phoenix: Right. Silly me.
Quote:
"Your defendant is another defence Attorney?" Pearls gasped.
"Seems like it. Let's go and see what Miss Law has to say about this."
Date: January 22, Time: 10:55am, Location: Detention Centre, Visitors Room
A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes sat in front of me, she was pale and tired looking.
"So you're Phoenix Wright? I've heard lots from Miles about you." She said.

Athena: A female first-name basis friend... she hasn't been on screen for five minutes and already levelled up.

Edgeworth: As long as it serves to reduce the length of this fic, I'm all for it.

Apollo: Me, too. We don't need another epic-length shipfic with too many details.
Quote:
"You have? Like what?"
"He said you'd defend me in court tomorrow. You don't have to though, I don't really care."
"What do you mean you don't care?" Pearls gasped.
"I just don't care about my life anymore," She dismissed us by looking to her left, "I have nothing to live for anyway. I lost my job, my home, and my driver's licence. I might as well be framed for a murder I didn't commit."

Phoenix: Gee, isn't it nice to work with such a helpful and optimistic client?

Apollo: With an attitude like that, it's no wonder she couldn't find a lawyer.
Quote:
"Well I can't allow that!" I slammed my hands on the table in front of me, "You can't give up! Edgeworth still cares, you know!"
She rolled her eyes. "Let's just get on with the interview shall we?"
Fine, Evie Law, you have your way…for now.
"So tell me about why you were in hospital on the day of the murder."
"I had a bad traffic accident about a year ago. My leg and head have been messed up since, so they've kept me at that Hotti Clinic to help me recover."

Phoenix: For a year?! I wouldn't even want to stay a week in that place!

Apollo: Not to mention her medical bill must be through the roof.
Quote:
"It sounds serious. I also heard Edgeworth mention something about a failed operation?"
"Yes. The victim, Igor Jones, was the surgeon for one of my many operations around the time of the accident. I didn't hold a grudge against him though; it was human error."
3 Psyche-locks appeared over her heart.
"She's got Psyche-locks?!" Pearls hissed at me.

Athena: Uhm... I don't want to sound dumb, but... 'the heck are those things?

Phoenix: It's a long story. All you need to know is they mean she's hiding a secret.

Athena: *raises an eyebrow* Wasn't that kinda obvious even without the locks?
Quote:
"Yeah, looks like our client is hiding something about her failed operation." I breathed back to her.
"What're you two muttering about?"
"So tell me, Miss Law, about your alibi?"
"My alibi…I…don't have one." She grimaced, looking to the floor.
"…! What?! Why?!"

Apollo: Because the author was too lazy to think of one.
Quote:
"I can't seem to remember what I was doing at the time of the murder…" She grasped her elbow, much like Edgeworth does.
"B-But that doesn't mean it was you!" Trucy gasped.
"I know! I know it wasn't me! But the police seem to think it was, so the Prosecution will hold on to every thread and any thread to get me convicted.

Phoenix: Maybe fic-Edgeworth should have used his connections to find her a better prosecutor then, instead of making me do all the work. ...No offense.

Edgeworth: None taken.
Quote:
My lack of an alibi practically seals my fate…"
"I'll do what I can to find out what you were doing at the time of the murder." I tried to reassure her.
Moving on, what should I ask her about next?

Edgeworth: I would suggest asking about her operation and the part she is hiding from you, but going with this writer's logic, you're more likely to ask her what she had for lunch that day.
Quote:
"So, Miss Law, tell me about yourself."
"…Well, before my accident I was practising for a Law Firm not far from here as a Defence Attorney. That's about it really…" she grunted.
"What Law Firm was it?"
"Grossberg Law Offices. I worked under Marvin Grossberg, but because of my accident I am unable to work, and he no longer wants me working there."

Apollo: Well, if she can't work, I wouldn't want her "working" for me, either. That'd just be freeloading. And if he ever told her to do anything, she'd probably sue him.

Edgeworth: Hmm... actually, I'm surprised she never thought of sueing him over her unemployment. Certainly in this universe, she would have a good chance to succeed.

Phoenix: Not if she asked you to do it. The way this author wrote you so far, you have the same work enthusiasm as Larry. Drunk Larry. At four am.
Quote:
She folded her arms and looked to her right.
"I…see…erm…"
"What?" She snapped.
"I'll go and gather some clues." I stood up to leave.
"Good luck."
Date: January 22, Time: 11:32, Location: Hotti Clinic, Reception
Oh for the love of GOD someone save me. NOT that "Director" again.

Phoenix: I feel you, fic-me. I feel you.

Apollo: That guy? Well, I can't say I'm surprised the other clinic threw him out, but still...
Quote:
"…and the murder a few days ago is very, mm, tragic, isn't it, yes? …Mmmm, yes, quite. The victim was that lousy Doctor Jones." He sniffed.
"Tell me about this 'lousy Doctor Jones'!" I demanded, before he could go off topic again.
"Hmm…yes…well, he's made quite the error with his patience, Evangeline Law." He sniffed.

Athena: *looking disgusted* What's with all the sniffing? Somebody needs to get him a Kleenex.

Apollo: Is that your only problem with that creep?

Athena: Well, it's one they could solve, at least.
Quote:
"What did he do?"
"…"
"…"
"…He messed up in an operation."

Apollo: What, was he waiting for his cue? Did he forget his line? Did he go for a sandwich?
Quote:
"Care to elaborate?"
"…Hmm…yes. No. Not really. No."
"What?! WHY?!"
"Mr Nick! Calm, you're in a hospital!" Pearls hissed.
"S-sorry…"
"Hmm, yes…I can't just blab to anyone. I've been told to keep my trap shut, see?"
"By who?"
"A young lady with a whip."

Phoenix: There's another one? Or did Franziska start a second career as nurse Ratched?

Edgeworth: Don't give them ideas, please.

Athena: Maybe she was originally supposed to have a role in this fic, and went all the way over there to make sure he'd keep her out of it.
Quote:
He smirked. What a dirty old man.
"But…" he began.
"Yes?"
"You might be able to buy this information from me." Cue the creepy smile.
"…H-how?" PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FRANCISKA.
"You must be Evangeline's Lawyers."
"…Evangeline?"
"He means Evie Law." Trucy suggested.

Phoenix: Oh, right, Trucy was there! Um... why did I take her along, again?

Apollo: To say hi to Dr. Freak over there? I don't know, she's made friends with stranger people.
Quote:
"Oh, right. She didn't say her name was short for Evangeline…"

Edgeworth: No, he did. Right at the beginning. When he identified her as Doctor Jones's "patience".
Quote:
"AHEM. Mmm, yes. So you're her lawyers. Promise me that when you get her acquitted, she'll give me a lil' kiss on the cheek."
Somehow I don't think Evie will appreciate me selling her kisses off like this…
"Sure, whatever you want for that information." PLEASE DON'T KILL ME EVIE.
"Well, after her nasty traffic accident a while back, Evangeline was left with a crushed leg, and a serious head injury. Hmm, yes, anyway. She had to have brain surgery, but Doctor Jones accidentally nicked some brain tissue causing her to get brain damaged. It's affected her pretty bad; at first she couldn't remember anything; not even the identity of that posh man who visited her every evening. Little by little she was able to regain her memory, but there are still things she doesn't remember, and this one time I was talking to her and she forgot the conversation seven times!

Phoenix: Oh come on, author, we both know what his "conversations" look like. I don't think they are worth repeating seven times, especially when it's hard enough to keep a clean mind listening to them the first time.

Athena: I bet that's how he lost all those teeth, n'est-ce pas?
Quote:
This month she's been a lot better though, especially with her memory, but her seizures have been bad, apparently."
Interesting…so Evie is brain damaged?

Apollo: [b]Everyone{/b] in this fic is brain damaged.
Quote:
And this causes memory loss and seizures? This may explain her lack of an alibi. It's time to get some more information from the fake director.
"So, Evie is brain damaged?" I ask him.
Phoenix: Is there an echo in here?

Edgeworth: Let's just hope it isn't another time loop.
"Poor Evie…" Pearls muttered sadly.
"Hmm, yes, quite. It's a shame; she's so intelligent; used to be a Prosecutor you know."
"Prosecutor? I thought she was a Defence Attorney?"
"Hmm, yes. Same thing."
"I don't think we're going to get any more out of him about Evie's brain damage." Trucy said.
"Yeah…," I sighed, "So tell me about this posh man?"

Phoenix: *monotonously* Gee, I wonder who it can be. Oh, the suspense is killing me. *suddenly looks at Athena* What are you doing, Athena?

Athena: *looks up and stops shaking Widget* Huh? Oh, that was you? I thought the voice sounded odd just now...
Quote:
"Hmm, yes, him," The fake director didn't seem happy about him, "He's Evangeline's 'old friend'; he visited her every evening, without fail. He helped her with her memory…hmm, yes."
"What did he look like?"
"Kind of posh-like. Wore frills, mmm. Yes. Here's a picture of them. I took it about three months ago, it was a day that Evangeline's memory was particularly bad.
The fake director handed me a picture of Evie and the "posh man". Evie was crying, and the "posh man" was holding her shoulder, trying to console her it seems.
"Wait a sec…" I looked at the picture with pure shock.
"That man is…" Pearls caught on fast, too.
"Mr Edgeworth!"

Athena: And the audience gasped with the lack of surprise.

Phoenix: No, I'm sure someone out there must have read this far thinking it was an Interview with the Vampire fic.
Spoiler: Chapter 2
Quote:
Chapter 2
Date: January 22, Time: 11:43, Location: Hotti Clinic, Reception
Edgeworth?! Edgeworth is the 'posh man' the fake director was talking about?!
Photo of Evie and Edgeworth added to the Court Record.

Phoenix: Photo of Evie and Edgeworth taken from Court Record and casually forwarded to Maya for a good laugh.

Edgeworth: Letter mysteriously interrupted and returned to sender with a formal cease and desist order.

Apollo: *mumbling under his breath* I swear these guys are twelve years old when they're together like this.

Phoenix: Did you say something, Apollo?

Apollo: *sits up, grinning nervously* N-no, don't mind me. Just talking to myself.
Quote:
"Well, I guess it makes sense if the two of them are friends, so it makes sense for him to take care of her." Pearls deduced.
"But with that much commitment? He went to her every evening without fail; their relationship must be more than just friends." I counter-argued.
"Ahem. Anyway. As I was saying…" the fake director cut in.
"Sorry, continue Mr Hotti."

Phoenix: You know, I don't think that's his real name.

Apollo: You think? After knowing him under two different names, I totally thought this must be the real thing. Next time you'll tell me he's not a real doctor!

Phoenix: You're not supposed to spork me, Apollo.

Apollo: Sorry. It just felt natural after all the stupid things our fic selves have said.
Quote:
"That man helped her with her memory…hmmm…yes, it's gotten better. Especially recently…hmmm…she keeps reading a case file by her bed in her room. Pretty sure he paid for that private room, too." The fake director added as an after-thought.
"Case file, huh…Mr. Hotti, where is Evie's room?" I asked.
"Hmm…it's down the hall…to the left. Third one." He informed me.
Time to go check this place out, I guess.
Date: January 22, Time: 11:55am, Location: Hotti Clinic, Private Room 2b

Phoenix: ...or not 2b, now that that "doctor" knows where it is.

Edgeworth: *groans*

Athena: Gee, Boss. That joke was so terrible, it's downright depressing.
Quote:
We entered a small room that was evidently Evie's. It had a duffel bag with her initials on it, and on the bedside table a picture of her receiving her Attorney badge. There was also a hairbrush, a pair of crutches, and in the unmade bed sat a case file.

Edgeworth: I considered this common knowledge, but as the author seems to be unaware of it, let me point out that case files are confidential material, and must be handled responsibly. Leaving them out in the open like a stamp-album is not only a bad idea, but also bares the risk of them falling into the wrong hands.

Athena: Especially with that sniffling "doctor" around.
Quote:
First, I examined the duffel bag. Nothing important in it, just a few pieces of clothing and general essentials and a few law books.
"Wait a second…." Trucy began, "What's this?"
She pulled out what looked like a letter from the Crown Prosecution Service in England!
"That's weird…what's an American Defence Attorney doing with something like this?" Pearls wondered.

Apollo: She must have taken it from the "detention centre".
Quote:
"Weird…it's asking her to prosecute in England, but she's a defense attorney…" Trucy pouted in confusion.
That is pretty weird.

Phoenix: I agree, author. Why is she pouting? How do you even "pout in confusion"?

Edgeworth: To make it worse, I can't even see this as a spelling error. If you are unfamiliar with a word or phrase, I suggest you stick to something you know.
Quote:
Letter from the Crown Prosecution Service added to the Court Record.
"Looking at the bedside table, Evie is clearly not a tidy person." Pearls frowned.
"In her defence, she may not have been able to – it looks like she had to get around on crutches." I chuckled.

Athena: "In her defence, tally ho, I am a very British defence attorney. Pip pip!"

Apollo: ...And the award for Most Overblown Reaction to a Minor Spelling Error goes to...

Athena: Oh come on, you guys started it.
Quote:
"That's true…."
Next, I picked up the case file. Flicking through it, there was information on a trial that happened 23 years ago. It was the murder of a woman named…Alice Law!
"Could that have been…Evie's mother?" Trucy gasped.
"How awful…Evie's mother was murdered 23 years ago." Pearls agreed.
"Check it out…the suspect was never caught…but not only that, Evie was a witness!" Trucy pointed out.
"How awful…she would've only been 7 at the time."

Phoenix: How does she know this? We never learned about her age.

Apollo: She probably pulled it out of her magic panties, just like how the writer keeps pulling stuff out of their ass.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice to please watch his language.

Apollo: Not making any promises.
Quote:
Case file added to the Court Record.
"Oh! Look what I found tucked into one of Evie's law books!" Pearls handed me a sheet of paper. It was a letter from the hospital, detailing the operations Evie had over her time here. More specifically, it covered Evie's failed operation.

Edgeworth: Why was this not handed in as evidence?

Athena: I guess that book really needed a bookmark. Priorities and all that.
Quote:
"So…Evie had a bleed on her brain after her accident. The victim, Doctor Jones, was the surgeon – he accidentally nicked some brain tissue, causing Evie to fall into a 5 week coma, and also resulting in brain damage that caused memory loss and seizures." I summarised to Pearls and Trucy.
"We should try and find some more information on her accident – we could try and ask Evie, or we could ask Mr Edgeworth." The girls concluded.

Phoenix: Because they were both so open about that topic to begin with. Why did we go to the clinic again? Shouldn't they have some kind of information about it there? Do we have to go back?
Quote:
"We'll ask Edgeworth – I get the feeling Evie won't be willing to tell us anything about it."
Date: January 22, Time: 12:35pm, Location: Los Angeles Prosecutors Building, Prosecutor's Office
"I thought I'd be seeing more of you today, Wright." Edgeworth greeted us from his desk.

Phoenix: How long has it been since I first met Ms. Law, at this point?

Athena: *thinks* Uhm... About an hour and a half.

Phoenix: Your fic-self isn't too far on the patient side, is he, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Or maybe he just wants his part in this story to be over. No, that would make too much sense.
Quote:
"Edgeworth, I was wondering if you could tell us about Evie's accident."
He suddenly looked very uncomfortable, as if it was dragging up old memories. "If it helps her cause, ask away."
"Thank you, Edgeworth. So what happened? It was about a year ago, right?"
"That is correct. It happened on one of her days off, actually. She used to ride a motorcycle, and was just about to leave a place she'd had lunch at, when a car on the road next to it lost control and slammed into her. She hadn't put her helmet on yet, so her skull got fractured, and she ended up with a bleed on her brain. The accident nearly killed her…"
"It must have been difficult. So what about the driver of the car?"

Phoenix: I think this would have been really good to know before we went through all that effort. If he wants me to win her case so bad, why didn't he tell me all this in the first place?

Apollo: I guess you never asked.
Quote:
It seemed suspicious that Edgeworth nor anyone else had mentioned this person.
Edgeworth's face grew cold and angry. "He got away. According to witnesses, the man in the car fled after hitting her. He was never caught."
"Oh damn…that's tough."
"The police speculate that he was so shocked, and probably afraid that he'd killed her that he fled to save his own ass."
Wow, I've never heard Edgeworth cuss before.

Edgeworth: Actually, fanfic writers seem to enjoy having me talk like this. I'm afraid you will find that this idea isn't quite as unique as you think.
Quote:
"So they never caught him, huh…wait, how'd you know he was a man?"
"Witnesses testified that it was a white, middle-aged man driving."
"I see…"
"So, Wright, any other questions?"
"I do have one…about your relationship with Evie Law."
"We're just friends." Two psyche-locks appeared over his heart. I thought Edgeworth was supposed to be helping?!

Athena: Looks like she levelled up again and got upgraded to obvious girlfriend.

Widget: This ought to be good.

Phoenix: So much for "undecided pairing". Is this author going to write us into a love triangle? *shudders at the thought*
Quote:
"If that's it, you'd best get going. Before you go, take these. It's a document specifying how Evie came to get her brain damage and newspaper article on her accident.
Document on Evie's brain damage added to the Court Record.
Newspaper Clipping on Evie's Accident added to the Court Record.
"Alright, I'll be back later."

[The lights come on. Our sporkers blink and look around in confusion.]

Athena: That's it already? I could swear we were in the middle of a chapter. And it was just starting to get interesting, too.

Speakers: Oh, don't worry, you will be back.

Apollo: *sarcastically* Hooray...

Speakers: But for now, we will take a break. Some of you are probably needed in another theater. As for Miles Edgeworth 82...

Edgeworth: Why do you keep calling me that?

Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.

Phoenix: What are they talking about?

Edgeworth: *visibly unimpressed* I haven't the slightest idea.

Speakers: That is all. We look forward to seeing you again next time.

[The doors open. After a short moment of hesitation, our sporkers leave the theater. When will they return? Where will the ships in this fic go? And what may this new theater room hold in store for them? Only time will tell...]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Ya friendly, local neighborhood writer

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Wow. What a contrived fic you had to review there, Pessimistic_Fool. I mean come on, I would think that after seeing such tired cliched OCs, the authors would throw in the towel for writing Mary Sues and actually try to expand on characters so that they are genuinely interesting. It just gives a bad name to OCs, even to the ones that are legitimately well written and work well within the context of the story that is being written. But, I will digress and say that AA fanfics seem to be getting better and it actually becomes harder to find a bad one to spork, most likely one of the reasons that the forum has been empty until recently. I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact
Spoiler:
that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase
. Here's the link if you want to read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936350/1/The-extreme-skip-of-time-the-meeting-of-the-greatest-attorneys-ever
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Nice spork, Pessimistic_Fool! :gant: I liked it! I liked Athena, although I will admit you could clearly use a little practice writing her. I feel like she should be a little more chatty. (I also feel like there's a better way to phrase that.) But other that that, it was really good! And the fic was really stupid.
Also, was that a reference to my own sporkings that I saw? :pearl-blush:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Actually, I like Athena here, but I agree she usually sounds a bit too much like Trucy. Trucy is more of the prankster type than Athena is, while Athena tends to be a bit more aggressive with jokes. It's not so much that she should be more "chatty", but that she should be a little more on the offensive, for lack of a better description. (But no one would compete with the von Karmas when it comes to aggressiveness.)

But never mind that.

Quote:
Phoenix: You know, I don't think that's his real name.

Apollo: You think? After knowing him under two different names, I totally thought this must be the real thing. Next time you'll tell me he's not a real doctor!

Phoenix: You're not supposed to spork me, Apollo.

Apollo: Sorry. It just felt natural after all the stupid things our fic selves have said.

Apollo has officially snapped. This counts as a memorable moment in the history of our sporking theater, right? It deserves to have a picture drawn, right? You can just imagine Apollo taking a stab at Nick with a spork, right?

Quote:
Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.

And this is why Chief Pros. Edgeworth was long due for the sporking theater. Thanks for bringing in the DD flavor.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

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Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I almost put Larry in this one. I can't write Larry. Count yourselves lucky.
Law Plus Chaos, part five.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth
:edgeworth: "I suppose that's a given, isn't it?"
Ema Skye!
:yummy: "It smells like paint thinner in here. That can't be good."
Apollo Justice!
:snackood: "This is going to get old."
and...
Godot!
:godot: "It beats sitting around in prison all day."

[We open up in our sporking theatre, which has, at last, been given some attention from the maintenance crew. Godot, in his prison uniform and with his mysteriously-refilling coffee mug, is already seated, as is Detective Ema Skye, who may or may not be supposed to be keeping an eye on him.]

Ema: ...I'm pretty sure that it's not physically possible for a human to distinguish between 250 different types of bitterness.

Godot: I said 253. Pay attention, will you?

Ema: Whatever. I mean, I know bitterness is the most easily-detected flavor, but 250's just pushing it. *munches Snackoos*

Godot: 253. *sips coffee*

[The theatre doors open and in walk Miles Edgeworth and Apollo Justice, who seem to have both come from the same place. Maybe. We just don't know about Edgeworth. Time is weird. Anyway, they take their seats.]

Apollo: -but on the plus side, at least this one doesn't have any OCs in it.

Edgeworth: For the time being, at least.

Godot: Hello, Red, Edgeworth. *sips coffee*

Ema: Hi, Apollo, Mr. Edgeworth. *munches Snackoos*

Apollo: (This is going to be a very long spork, isn't it?)

[The lights dim, and chapter nine - for those of you playing along at home - begins.]

Quote:
Daylight was too bright to describe the coldness in the detention center.


Ema: Good thing daylight isn't usually used to describe temperature.

Apollo: Don't even bother, Ema. The entire fic makes this much sense.

Quote:
Apollo never really took notice of the cold when he visited his clients in prison, but somehow he did now. Nerves had killed the heat, he was meeting his biological father for the first time at twenty-three. Although, Maya, Phoenix, Iris, Thalassa and Trucy was at his side, he was still nervous and his mother and half-sister could see it. They both held onto his hand as a sign of support.


Apollo: Between this and the goodnight kisses in the last chapter, it's like the author can't decide if I'm 23 or six.

Godot: If a grown man came to visit me with both hands being held by female members of his family, I would laugh at him.

Edgeworth: And if they weren't family members?

Godot: I would congratulate him.

Quote:
When Trucy felt his sweaty palms she held onto him tighter.

"So you're Diego's son?" Maya asked in shock.

"Yeah."

"You know you're lucky too see him," Maya said happily. "Your biological father's still alive. And at least you'll get a chance to see him. Mine died when I was younger and I don't know what happened to Pearly's uncle..." The Fey women seemed to have always end up marrying jerks.


Godot: As someone who wanted to marry a Fey woman, *points mug at screen* I take offense to that.

Apollo: (In other words, the fic has it right.)

Quote:
"Diego might be able to be himself again. He's still calling himself Godot."

"So what brings you here Miss Fey?" Apollo asked. "And how do you know him?"

"I have to channel Mia for him," Maya replied. "Because Mia was his girlfriend. I usually do it when I visit him." She too kind, for someone who had killed her mother.


Apollo: The fic actually has a point, though. You and Ms. Fey got along just fine the last time we sporked this, Mr. Armando.

Godot: It's complicated, Red.

Ema: Really?

Godot: Okay, not really. But I don't feel like telling you.

Quote:
"You can actually do that?" Apollo asked in shock.

"I've seen it happen," Phoenix confirmed and continued with: "it's all true. I've seen it with my own eyes."


Ema & Edgeworth: *rolling eyes*

Quote:
Finally, they had reached Godot's cell. The guard opened up the gates and there stood Godot, exactly how he was in the recent picture; cold, weary and full of despair. The cell stunk of caffeine exhaling from Godot's mug.


Godot: If you can't stand the smell of coffee, I would recommend going very, very far away. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Yes, we've all figured that out by now.

Quote:
Phoenix walked over to him with a smile on his face. "Your son's here to see you Godot," he said.

Godot slammed his coffee down and roared: "I'll decide if he's my son."


Ema: ...you can't really decide that, though. If it's your sperm, it's your son.

Edgeworth: I don't think it's intended to be so literal, Ema.

Quote:
Phoenix moved backwards, as Apollo stepped forward. Godot's hands snuggled up to the coffee mug. The piercing light from his visor made him look intimidating.


Godot: Heh. Intimidating. I like the sound of that.

Ema: Hmm... *looks at Godot's mask carefully* How does this thing work, anyway?

Godot: Don't talk about things that no one really needs to know. That's one of my rules.

Apollo: (I never really noticed it, but the way it glows is kind of creepy. ...it makes me feel like he's going to sneak up on someone with a sword or something.)

Quote:
Trucy caught up, still holding onto his hand. All that was heard was footsteps mixed with Godot's gulping. "Hey there," Trucy waved at Godot and both she and Trucy sat around the table with Godot.

"You're little Miss Wright huh?" he asked, slamming his empty mug on the floor.

"That's me!" Trucy nodded.

Godot clicked his fingers and Larry passed over another cup of coffee.


Godot: As if I'd let anyone else handle my coffee. Especially when I can do this. *chugs rest of the mug in his hand, summons another one, sips that*

Ema: ...um.

Edgeworth: Don't question it.

Quote:
Larry gasped as he stared at Trucy. "So son," he said to Apollo. "How do like your coffee?" The first question he asked his son was strange. Then again, he heard Godot drank at least over twenty cups of coffee per day.


Edgeworth: It's either "at least twenty" or "over twenty". Not both.

Apollo: And that seems like a pretty conservative estimate, too...

Quote:
"Oh my god Lucy it's you!" Larry shrieked out.

"It's Trucy," Phoenix corrected.

"Great to see ya though," Larry shook Trucy's hand.

"Hey Butsy!" Godot sudden boom shook Larry. "Extra filled mugs, bring some milk and sugar just in case." His heard moved around watching everyone around him. "I wanna speak to my son alone."

"Can Trucy stay?" Apollo requested.

"Little Miss Wright can stay if she wants," Godot replied.


Ema: Looks like Mr. Armando forgot what the word "alone" means.

Godot: Believe me, that is not something you forget while in prison. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"We'll be outside if you need anything," Phoenix said. He left with Thalassa and Maya, leaving the bars wide open until Larry returned with the extra coffee and mugs.


Apollo: The security at this prison seems kind of... lax.

Edgeworth: I expected as much, considering they hired Larry of all people as a guard.

Godot: Admittedly, even if the security were this terrible, I would stay in my cell anyway. *pauses, sips coffee* Actually, I'd probably step out for a bit. Maybe take a stroll outside. But I'd come back.

Quote:
"I didn't even know you existed," Godot admitted. "I thought Thalassa was bullshitting when she told me about you being my son.


Godot: Hey, author. I like bitter drinks in my mouth, not bitter language.

Ema: The author can't hear you, Mr. Armando.

Godot: It was worth a shot.

Quote:
It's been over twenty years since I last saw her. I've only just remembered her."

"In London?" Apollo asked. So far things were not looking too good, but Apollo was going to get the truth – even if it was painful.

"Yes," Godot responded, "in the city of London. I'm assuming she told you this, but she was married at the time."

"She told me last night," Apollo said.

"Let's have a look at that bracelet," Godot requested. Apollo gave out his arm and his father inspected the bracelet. "I bought your mom that bracelet from Candem Market.


Apollo: Something about that seems really wrong, but I can't put my finger on why.

Ema: ...did you never see the footage that went into the MASON system?

Apollo: What footage?

Ema: Nothing. I didn't say anything. *looks away, munches Snackoos*

Quote:
She's passed it onto you. How long have you been wearing it?"

"For a long time really," Apollo answered. "I always liked it for some reason and I've never left the house without it. Sometimes it helps me though the trials."

"Wright mentioned something strange about the bracelet."


Edgeworth: It certainly looks strange.

Apollo: Let's not get into this.

Quote:
"Hey guys here's the coffee!" Larry announced pushing a trolly and leaving it next to Godot.


Ema: I thought he already came back.

Apollo: He did?

Ema: Well, it said "until Larry returned with the extra coffee and mugs" earlier, so it sounded like he'd already come back when you and Mr. Armando's conversation started.

Apollo: ...yeah, you're right. Maybe there's two of them?

Edgeworth: ...

Ema: W-What's wrong, Mr. Edgeworth? Why do you suddenly look so horrified?

Quote:
"Come quicker next time we have guests," scolded Godot. Larry closed the gate and locked it so Trucy, Apollo and Godot had some privacy.


Ema: ...did he just lock Apollo and Trucy in a prison cell with a convicted murderer?

Edgeworth: This isn't the first time in this fic he's done something like that.

Ema: Oh. *munches Snackoos* What happened last time?

Edgeworth: He locked himself in a prison cell with a convicted murderer.

Ema: ...I don't even know what to say to that.

Apollo: (That's a first.)

Quote:
"So is Little Miss Wright you're girlfriend or your sister?" Godot asked with a tone of curiosity.

"Both," Trucy whispered. "But Mom, Mommy Iris and Daddy can't know."


Ema: Wait. What?!

Apollo: That's pretty much the premise of the fic.

Ema: Why?!

Godot: A question I ask myself every day. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"I never really thought of us as a relationship..." Apollo confessed. He blushed, blanketing his face with hands. Why did Trucy have to tell his father that?

"Ha! Liar!" Godot smirked and continued talking with,"Little Miss Wright's the real deal when it comes to magic, particularly when it comes to the bedroom."


Godot: ...and how, exactly, would I know that?

Ema: I really don't want to know.

Edgeworth: And I suppose we have another person to add to the list of people who are taking this far too well.

Apollo: Is there anyone in the fic who isn't on the list?

Edgeworth: No.

Quote:
"WHAT!" Apollo shrieked out.

"Noticed how Polly doesn't flat out say no?" Trucy asked. Her hat pointed sideways as she giggled.


Ema: This is terrible.

Edgeworth: We've noticed.

Apollo: Am I the only one wondering about the sideways hat?

Godot: Yes.

Quote:
Godot replied, "I sure do. And luring your brother to the bedroom not only takes a lot of guts but also a lot magic." A grin was left on his face. "Not even I would dare to seduce my sexy relatives."


Godot: Well, I suppose if everyone had incestuous tendencies, no one would mind actual acts of incest very much.

Edgeworth: We can also add you to the list of people who are taking this far too well in real life.

Godot: I try. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"The first time we did it, we didn't know were related until afterwards."

"Oh really?" Godot asked. "And does Thalassa, Daddy Wright and Mommy Iris know about this?"


Ema: ...didn't Trucy just say that they didn't?

Apollo: I don't think the author pays attention to what they write.

Ema: That's just as well. I think I'm losing braincells just skimming this.

Quote:
"No they don't," Apollo replied as he nodded in unison with Trucy.

"Don't worry Polly-Pocket," Godot whispered, flinging his mug around.


Edgeworth: "Flinging his mug around"?

Apollo: Forget that. "Polly-Pocket"? Really? That might be even worse than "Polly-babes".

Ema: I don't know about that... Polly-Pocket. *snickers*

Apollo: Ema, please don't.

Quote:
"You're secret is safe with me. So anyway, Polly-Pocket when's your next trial?"


Edgeworth: *sigh* Where's Franziska when you need her?

Ema: How did they manage to get the "your" wrong in one sentence and get it right in the very next one?

Quote:
"On Thursday," Apollo replied. "The defendant's my friend Wocky and it's a retrial. Last time I lost the trial big time against Franziska Von Karma."

"I can't stand women like her," Godot admitted.

"I hate her guts too," Trucy added. "She hurt him till he was unconscious. "Apollo was more focused on his father's coffee drinking. He had never seen a man consume so much coffee in his life, let alone contain so much in prison.


Godot: "Contain so much in prison"? Is that supposed to be some sort of comment about my weight, Red?

Apollo: ...I don't even know how to respond to that.

[Apollo and Godot make small talk about Wocky. The conversation turns to Mia, but it's still boring.]
Quote:
"You sure do drink a lot of coffee Dad," Apollo said.


Edgeworth: It certainly didn't take you very long to start calling him "Dad".

Apollo: Believe me, Mr. Edgeworth, if my father had been totally absent from my life for 22 - er, 23 - years, I would probably never call him Dad.

Godot: That's just as well. I'd never call you son, even if it was somehow remotely possible. *sips coffee*

Apollo: (Ouch. That's cold.)

Quote:
Apollo had only just finished his first mug. He had lost count how many cups his father had drank already. Godot responded with a grin as gulped down his coffee in two gulps and served himself another mug. Trucy and Apollo sat there amazed. "I don't drink if often only around four cups a week."


Godot: Heh. You're a weakling who will be washed away by the tides of fate.

Apollo: I am not about to get into this conversation.

Ema: It's too late, Polly-Pocket. *starts snickering again*

Apollo: *puts head in hands and groans*

Quote:
"Only four cups a week?" Godot gasped. "I already went crazy spending over a year without coffee."

"How much coffee do you drink a day?" Apollo asked, trying to hide his shock.

"How many cups of darkness I drink daily I don't know," Godot replied. He held the mug in pride up to his chin. "I do know that I always seventeen cups per trial." Apollo's forehead banged onto the table and his legs dropped to the floor. Godot looked over and chuckled, "what's up with you Polly-Pocket? You need your coffee more dark?"


Ema: Did Apollo really just fall out of his chair for no reason?

Edgeworth: Well, slapstick is fairly common in self-styled crackfics.

Godot: ...why is there a desk in my prison cell? *sips coffee* Not that I would mind it, but still.

Quote:
"A SON? He never told me anything about a son!"

"Mia, he's only just found out."

"Anyway Nick it's been a while," Mia said, and a smile curled on her lips.


Godot: *imitates Folgers commercial announcer* We've secretly replaced Mia Fey with her younger sister, Maya. Let's see if anyone notices.

Ema: ...that made me kind of uncomfortable, actually.

Godot: That's usually the reaction my impressions get.

Quote:
Mia Fey was Phoenix's mentor. "You've sure had a rough time and I'm pretty glad you're retaking the exam."

"Eight years go pretty fast," Phoenix mumbled. Mia Fey was Phoenix's mentor.


Edgeworth: ...the author really isn't paying attention. And here I hoped we were only kidding about that.

Ema: Hmm? What happened? I wasn't paying attention either. *munches Snackoos*

Edgeworth: The author had the same sentence two lines apart. And it was something we already knew, too.

[The fic summarizes what happened to Mia, because clearly none of the readers would know this.]
Quote:
"All of this family thing seems pretty complicated,"Mia commented on the situation. "You're such a trouble magnet, Nick."

"Trouble can be fun sometimes," Phoenix replied.


Ema: But... incest.

Edgeworth: Don't fight it, Ema. Just ignore it.

Ema: I really don't think it's going to go away if I ignore it, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I didn't say it would. It just makes it slightly more bearable.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform all sporkers that they are to pay attention.

Edgeworth: Hmph. There goes that strategy.

Quote:
"How was it Apollo?" Thalassa asked the minute he stood out of the cell.

"It was all right," Apollo answered. "No idea how he drinks so much coffee."

"Probably pees it out," Phoenix chuckled. Then everyone glared at him.

"Phoenix..." growled Apollo, gritting his teeth.


Edgeworth: Well, apart from the utter immaturity that is actually, slightly, in-character...

Apollo: ...why am I on a first-name basis with Mr. Wright of all a sudden?

Ema: Also, that much coffee in your system would kill you. Scientifically speaking.

Godot: Are you sure about that? *sips coffee*

Quote:
"That's one mental image about Dad I DO NOT WANT!"

"Sorry," Phoenix muttered, but still secretly laughing.

"Daddy's always full of dirty jokes," Trucy pointed out to the group.


Edgeworth: ...as anyone who's ever sporked with him can attest to.

Apollo: Really? He doesn't seem that bad.

Edgeworth: I assume he's matured. Somewhat.

Quote:
"I have heard some of them," Iris giggled. Now all eyes were on her as well.


Godot: She's a monk. I'm surprised her ears didn't catch on fire the first time she heard one. *sips coffee amusedly*

[Mia and Godot talk about Apollo. Right in front of him, apparently. Apollo and Trucy are never mentioned as having left Godot's cell, apart from the fact that they're talking to Phoenix and Iris suddenly.]
Quote:
"Kitty," Godot helplessly whispered. "I don't know if I should respect Thalassa or loath her. She abandoned Polly-Pocket and never told me she was pregnant. She lost my email address."


Godot: In that case, I fail to see where respect factors into this.

Apollo: I still don't get why the author chose who they did for my parents. I'd actually really like to hear the reasoning behind it...

Ema: ...an email address? Not a phone number?

Godot: Apparently I didn't actually want to be contacted. *sips coffee* That's just as well.

[Mia and Godot continue chatting. It really isn't that bad, per se, so we don't need to see it.]

Edgeworth: Is it just me, or does the Management have a tendency of cutting out the last few lines of the chapter?

Speakers: It's not our fault that the author gives up on the last few lines of each chapter and they're not very funny.

Edgeworth: Fair enough, I suppose. If it gets us out of here faster...

Spoiler: The second chapter begins playing.
Quote:
"You better watch out," Wocky warned Larry. Larry seemed like a decent guy, that's why he giving caution. "She's only gonna give ya grief. Just warning ya."

"Shut up; I love her..." Larry barked. He fell silent and gasping for words. "It's none of your business. Just go back to your cell."

"That's how I felt about her," Wocky admitted. "But she betrayed me, she betrayed me bad. She's gonna do the same to you."


Apollo: They must be talking about Alita Tiala.

Ema: Oh, I remember her. Vaguely. *pauses, munches Snackoos* That was the case where you gave me the fingerprint powder that you didn't know was fingerprint powder, right?

Edgeworth: What exactly did you think it was, Justice?

Apollo: Uh, let's just move on to the next part of the chapter.

Quote:
"Just go back to your cell." Repeating his words got nowhere, but he didn't want to hear a tweet out of Wocky.

"Push him Larry," Alita requested. She grabbed on the back of Larry's shirt and closed her eyes. "He's the one who ruined my life."

"You nearly ruined my life too girl," Wocky faced Alita with an angry look. "I never thought I'd love a girl again thanks to you."

"Larry!" Alita sobbed. "Just kill the brat already."

"Like I'm scared of you!" Wocky shouted. "As soon as she escapes and gets rich, she'll dump ya ass. Even frame you for murder like she did to me."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Larry roared and thumped his fist into Wocky's chest as if he was shattering glass. Wocky's body bounced down the stairs.


Godot: Did he just push this Wocky kid down a staircase?

Ema: Well, if we have to read about a murder investigation and trial, we can probably forget about Apollo and Trucy's incestuous relationship. *munches Snackoos* Really, what is the author thinking...

Apollo: Somehow I doubt we'll be able to escape that so easily.

Edgeworth: Nn... I must object to this entire line of thought. Larry is many things, but a murderer is not one of them.

Ema: Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth.

Quote:
Larry and Alita leapt down the the flock of stairs. Not caring if they just killed someone.


Edgeworth: And somehow, this author manages to be one of the only people in the world capable of getting Larry out-of-character.

Quote:
Larry had altered everything; he put sleeping pills in the guard's drinks and turned all the alarms off. He could call the ambulance later after Alita safely escapes. Outside the prison gates a vicious wind blew and the fog shrouded the entrance. He picked Alita up and carried her to the boot of his car. She was placed in his boot like putting a baby in a cot. He gave her a gentle whisper, "you stay here, I just need to rearrange the scene to make it look like just fell. Sister Andrew's car will be here soon to pick you up. You'll cope without me, right? I'll visit I promise."


Edgeworth: ...is he... assisting in a prison escape?!

Godot: Ha...! I just think it's funny that Adrian Andrews apparently joined the nuns at Hazakura Temple.

Edgeworth: I believe you are completely missing the point.

Quote:
"Yes but, Larry ... it's cold," moaned Alita in a sweet childish voice he loved. "Can I wear your jacket?"

"Sure my fallen angel," Larry replied. Taking of his jacket and passing it over to her. He was very enthusiastic. He was helping the woman he loved, how could he not have enthusiasm. Job after job, woman after woman, he finally found himself as the prison officer who fell in love with a beautiful woman.


Apollo: Who is also a murderer.

Edgeworth: That would not even slow him down.

Quote:
His affections had motivated him to break the law. Love for him was a good enough reason to commit a crime.


Edgeworth: No.

All: *short pause*

Ema: ...anything to add to that, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I am not about to spend valuable minutes of my life defending Larry's character.

Quote:
"Larry!" Alita gasped.

"What is it?"

"Could you please, not call me that?" Alita requested. "Sorry it just gives me bad memories of my ex-fiancé."

"Okay, sorry about that." Larry thought Wocky was annoying too. He was hanging around Matt, Luke and those other gangster wannabes in prison. Gangster wannabes, how annoyingthought Larry.


Godot: I would not call Luke Atmey a "gangster wannabe". *sips coffee*

Ema: I'm afraid to ask what you would call him.

Godot: An irritant. Not much else.

Quote:
"It's okay," Alita replied. "I love you Larry."

"I love you too." Just as Larry was about to close the door of the boot, car lights flashed into his eyes. He closed them for a few seconds until he heard the engine cease. He opened his eyes to see a woman step out of the car. Purple robes, silver gloves, a white cloak over the head connected with a ball and two flowers either side, and a red obi around her waist warmed her from the cold night. Larry could see blonde hair out of her cloak and glasses on her face. Larry thought she was a cute person.

"Hello there Sister Andrews," Larry smiled at her. "Hey sweetie, this is Sister Andrews." Alita popped out of the window.

"That's Alita isn't it?"

"Yes it is."

"Well you're right Larry," Sister Andrews said. "She is beautiful."


Apollo: ...she's also a prisoner. Is Sister Andrews aware of this?

Ema: I dunno. Probably. I'm not really sure it's possible to indadvertedly drive the getaway car for a prison break.

Edgeworth: Are we even sure that "Andrews" refers to Adrian Andrews?

Godot: Can you think of anyone else with the surname "Andrews"?

Edgeworth: ...it is a fairly common surname.

Godot: And when was the last time we had a duplicate surname in the games without a family being involved?

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Godot that breaking the fourth wall is strictly forbidden.

Godot: Heh. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"Thank you," Alita giggled.

"Anyway I gotta go," Larry said. "I'll see you ladies later." He kissed Alita's cheek and hurried back to the prison. Alita froze holding the cheek where Larry had kissed her. Meanwhile, Sister Andrews placed Alita's trunk into her boot.


Ema: Boot?

Apollo: Must be a large boot.

Quote:
"I'll be safe in the temple," Alita whispered, "right Sister? And is Sister Bikini nice? It's such a cute name."

"Of course you'll be safe," Sister Andrews assured her. "And Sister Bikini is lovely, she's asleep now but in the morning she'll welcome you with open arms."

"That's great."

The escape had been a success.


Ema: The fic, however, could not say the same.

Quote:
Like his father he had drank about five cups of coffee at once.


Apollo: Gah! What the heck?

Edgeworth: An unannounced scene-change, apparently.

Apollo: I thought the author had figured out how to use linebreaks, though...

Quote:
His throat's insatiable lust for coffee felt was burning his throat. The addiction was accidental, he was just wanted to see if he could cope drinking as much caffeine as his father. Everything around him was as black as his father's choice of drink. His hands were in an intense grip of the mug. The handle could almost break from the feeling. It was too late to go back to bed, the clock stroke six. He couldn't be proud of what his father had become, but his curiosity was hungry. He wanted to know what kind of man was Diego Armando, or Godot as he preferred to call himself.


Ema: I'm pretty sure drinking as much coffee as Mr. Armando does will kill you, Apollo.

Apollo: ...but Mr. Armando's still alive.

Godot: Ha. Am I?

Edgeworth: This is a sporking theatre, not a smoke-filled café. Leave the philosophy in your cell.

Godot: Just something to think about. *sips coffee amusedly*

Quote:
He understood why Trucy called her Mommy Iris, Apollo thought she was a good mother figure towards Trucy. When it came to Phoenix, her mind danced with the fairies.


Ema: On one hand, I would like to find out what that means. On the other hand, something tells me I don't want to know.

Edgeworth: If this ends up turning into a gay joke somehow, I'm leaving.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Miles Edgeworth that we'd like to see him try.

Edgeworth: Gnngh.

[Iris plays mommy to Apollo.]

Quote:
Apollo had clenched to his throat and bit his tongue. "I'll get you some water," Iris said looking over at Apollo. From her angle, Apollo panted, strangling himself with his fingers. His forehead fainted on the table causing Iris to gasp. "Are you OKAY?" Iris shrieked running over to the table with the water in her hand.


Ema: What just happened?

Apollo: I'm trying to escape the fic.

[Iris continues to play mommy to Apollo, then talks about how she met Phoenix.]
Quote:
Trucy entered the room, in her magician outfit. Usually in the mornings, she was up and ready to go, but she seemed really tired today.

"Morning Trucy," Iris said.

"Morning," Trucy yawned. She sneaked up besides Apollo and passed out on his chest.

"Late night Trucy?" asked Iris. Her face turned to see letters fall down from the letter box.

"Yeah," Trucy mumbled, indulging herself into Apollo's chest. "I couldn't get any sleep until five."

"Did you even try to get sleep?" Apollo asked. He knew exactly what Trucy was up earlier this morning. Nothing that Iris or Phoenix needed to know that is.


Godot: Oh? Now I'm curious.

Ema: You know exactly what the fic is insinuating, Mr. Armando.

Godot: Yes, but Red's face whenever it comes up is quite a sight to see. *sips coffee*

Apollo: ...I'm right here. I can hear you, you know.

Quote:
"Apollo, you got a letter."

"Thanks Iris," Apollo said as he received the letter. It must have been the one he's been waiting for. I'll open it later, he thought.


Apollo: If I've been waiting for it, why don't I open it as soon as I get it?

Edgeworth: Why don't we just accept that this fic is completely illogical and move on?

Quote:
He had an answer message on his phone. A rather unexpected one to say the least. A huge scream was let out through the answer machine. It was a pearl's voice, no doubt about it, so it could have been about Wocky.

"MR. POLLY SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAS HAPPENED TO WOCKY!" Pearl wailed through the phone. Her screaming gave him another wake up call. "SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL HIM IN PRISON. HE'S IN HOSPITAL! GET HERE QUICKLY PLEASE!"


Ema: Oh, so he didn't actually die. *munches Snackoos* Shame. That would actually be interesting.

Godot: I agree.

Apollo: Me too.

Quote:
"Was that Pearl?" yawned out Trucy.

"Yes it was," Apollo replied in a sharp direct tone.

"Is she okay?" Iris asked in concern.

"She sounds worried," Apollo told Iris.


Edgeworth: Why does no one in this fic react to anything the way a normal human being would?

Ema: Maybe they're all autistic.

Quote:
"Oh dear, what's the matter."

"Her boyfriend's in hospital." Apollo tapped on Trucy's shoulder. "Come on Trucy, we gotta go."

"Okay," Trucy whimpered.

"Without breakfast?" Iris gasped.

"We'll get breakfast along the way. See ya later Iris!" Apollo assured Iris. He grabbed Trucy by the arm and stormed out.

"I have to go now," Maya said. "I'm gonna have lunch with my brother."


Edgeworth: When did Maya get here?

Godot: I think it's another unannounced scene change. Although I'd remember a brother... *sips coffee*

Quote:
"Wait, you got have a bro?" Wocky though Maya was an only child.

"Yeah," Maya replied. "Well we didn't find out we were siblings until eight of years ago. Oh hi Plum."


Apollo: And I suppose the author will pull a random character out of nowhere to decide who the father is.

Edgeworth: As is expected of them, naturally.

Quote:
Wocky's mother Plum entered the hospital room, the moment her eyes fixed onto Maya she became livid. "You!" she violently whispered. "You're the one who said my darling Wocky rapes people with sausages!"


Ema: S... Sausages...?! Do I want to know?

Apollo & Edgeworth: No.

Quote:
"I didn't mean to," Maya squeaked out. "I just read the paper wrong, that's all."

"NOW YOU'VE COME HERE TO GIVE MY SON MORE GRIEF THAN HE'S ALREADY GOT!" boomed Plum.

"I didn't mean to," she said, but it was all useless. She tried to tiptoe out of the room. Once she was out, she started running.

"Running away from me now you coward!" Plum snapped and scurried after her.


Godot: Was there a point to that scene?

Ema: Scientifically speaking... no.

Quote:
"I hope they sort their differences out soon," Pearl hoped. She held onto Wocky's hand. "How long will it be till Mr. Polly and Trucy get here?"

"I've never seen mom run so fast," Wocky admitted still amazed that his mother was actually a fast runner.

"Herr Forehead should be here soon Pearl," Klavier told Pearl. "Speak of the devil here he is."


Ema: And now the glimmerous fop's in this fic, too. This just gets better and better.

Apollo: As long as he doesn't get involved in something hideously illegal, it should be fine.

Edgeworth: I was not aware that sexual harassment was legal now.

Apollo: Well, I guess it was ambiguous about whether or not Ema actually disliked it...

Ema: Excuse me?

Quote:
"Hello Mr. Polly, hey Trucy!"

"Hi guys," Trucy smiled. "Man I'm so tired though."

"What's up with Miss Fey and Plum?" Apollo asked. "I saw Plum chasing after her."

"Frau Plum is angry because she said Herr Wocky rapes people with sausages," confirmed Klavier.

"Oh yeah," Apollo said. "That trial seriously made me go what the fuck?"


Edgeworth: That was the general reaction, yes.

Apollo: ...although not with that language.

Edgeworth: Of course not. We can't sink to the author's level.

Quote:
"I had fun in that trial," Klavier admitted with a grin. "I got to confess my love to Ema."


Ema: Excuse me?!

Godot: I assume this was the sexual harassment you two were discussing earlier.

Apollo: Well... yes.

Ema: ...I'm suing the author.

Edgeworth: Don't bother. Many have tried, all have failed.

[Apollo finally opens the letter he's been waiting for, which he apparently brought to the hospital with him.]
Quote:
Dear Sir Apollo Justice,

Wocky should have told you to expect a letter written by a man named Luke. There is also speculation that murder, Luke Atmey has escaped from prison. Wocky's friend, the killer who escaped and the writer of this letter are in fact the same person. You and I are both aware of Wocky's innocence. I know that Mrs. DeLite can be a filthy whore full of greed. Do not be deceived by her appearances. Poor Sir Ron DeLite A.K.A Sir Thief has suffered greatly in her hands. The poor man is sterile so she committed adultery for her desired child. I don't think he even knows it. I give sympathy to my great rival.

Now the game really begins.

Fate is in your hands now, if Wocky is found not guilty, I will hand myself in. You may use this letter as evidence in court if you wish. I will gladly prove it is legal evidence. Mrs. DeLite's humiliation is the key to winning this case. I wish you luck and Wocky the best of luck in the trial. I will be attending, in disguise of course.

Yours sincerely,

Luke Atmey


All: ...

Ema: Well, that's certainly... something.

Godot: How exactly would Atmey be able to tell that Ron DeLite is sterile?

Ema: I'm not sure I want to know. *munches Snackoos nervously*

Edgeworth: That aside, this is hardly a useful piece of evidence. It's essentially using a convicted murderer as a character witness.

Apollo: I hate this fic.

Quote:
"I've never heard of him," Klavier admitted. "But it looks like you're getting blackmailed Herr Forehead."

"I'm getting blackmailed?... DAMN!"

"Herr Atmey sure hates Frau DeLite, that's for sure," Klavier thought. "I wouldn't be too harsh on her."

"Wocky will have a fair trial though, right?" Pearl asked concerned for her boyfriend's sake.

"Don't worry Pearl," Klavier said, "Herr Forehead and I will make sure Thursday's trial is fair and square!"

"Thank you Mr. Gavin. Thank you Mr. Polly."


Godot: I take it Red's never been blackmailed before.

Apollo: I'd like to keep it that way, thank you.

[The lights come back on.]

Ema: Well, that was... somewhat disturbing.

Edgeworth: You got off extremely lightly.

Godot: Why don't you join us next time? There's plenty of seats.

Edgeworth: You could even take my place.

Ema: Um, I'd love to, Mr. Edgeworth, but I'm never setting foot in this place again if I can help it.

Apollo: Which means you'll probably be back for chapters 11 and 12.

Ema: Oh, shut up, Polly-Pocket.

Godot: Heh. You're never going to live that down, are you, Red?

Apollo: Ughh... whatever. Let's just get out of here.

Edgeworth: Yes, let's.

[And so our poor unfortunate sporkers file out of the theatre. Join us next time for the insane trial to end all insane trials... and also clubbing.]

Apollo: What?!

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Apollo Justice that the descriptive narration is off-limits. Get out of here.

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Location: LA, Japanifornia

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Posts: 5989

^ It's come to the point that I have to keep reminding myself that the author is writing a crack fic, but this fic gives crack fics a bad name. Also, crack fics aren't supposed to be 24 chapters long. It was silly at first, but now it's become pretty boring.

But anyway, nice sporking once again. I'd like to point out that Godot still feels a little out-of-character at times, though. I feel like his jokes ought to be a little bit more bitter like he is. They've become a bit, dare I say it, light.

You have a good grasp on AJ characters, I see. How about adding in Klavier at some point? I'm sure he'll show up again in the fic.

SenorJustice-dono wrote:
I was thinking of sporking one myself that was just some nonsense about the Roman Empire and a time-travelling Phoenix that inexplicably comes to defend someone from the Roman empires and it's just train wreck of a fic. Another thing that's weird is random cameos from Bobby Fulbright and Simon Blackquill, which are nonsensical because of the fact
Spoiler:
that a.) Blackquill is out of jail after DD, despite the fact that the fic has him in jail with one of the main characters, and b.)"Bobby Fulbright" is still in his detective guise, just to sput his catchphrase
. Here's the link if you want to read it: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9936350/1/The-extreme-skip-of-time-the-meeting-of-the-greatest-attorneys-ever

You're free to join in if you're up for it. We have a rule against too many ongoing sporkings at once, especially if they're of multi-chapter fics, but since this is just a one-shot tale, it should be fine.

Right, Pessimistic?
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
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Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Thank you for your positive comments, guys. :)
I will work on my Athena impression next time I use her.
(And yes, Airey, of course I had to reference your sporking. Poor Apollo wouldn't live it down that easily. ;))

@rubia: I think more sporks are always nice, especially if they're one-parter between multiparters. Plus my next part will probably take a while, since I'm already slow with them and would like to replay some cases for research.


As for Airey's new sporking:

-Chad from Maintenance tells me to let you know the time outlet in theater B should be fully reinstalled by Tuesday. Of course, I don't know how far we can trust those guys when it comes to time measurement. Bunch of lazy procrestinators, they are. It worked fine for me after the cleaning, though, so if it still causes you problems, try using the one in theater C. (It's hidden behind one of the speakers.) ;)

-The first sentence of the new chapter was already so bad. Brightness = temperature? Duuuuuuude, can you smell the sound of those colors? (Also leaves me wondering if the writer of that fanfic never saw a fridge before.)

-I still like how you write Godot and Apollo. I think those two are my favorite characters in your sporks. Ema reacting to Godot is also very funny.
And now I want to read a fic with two Larrys. Oh, the horrors. XD

-Between the horrible nicknames, the squickship fodder and everything happening inside that prison, I can't decide if this is a troll fic or if the author is really that oblivious to human behavior.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Sadly, I can't find a fic with two Larrys. I feel tempted to mess around, but I don't think I'd ever finish it if I started on something that awkward. (Then again, I have played with the idea that Larry has an evil twin involved in a political conspiracy behind every case in the series...)

I don't remember if anyone's sporked this one yet. I just stumbled around until I happened upon it one day. It's dated in 2013 and isn't complete yet, but when you have an intro like that, I think we can play with it. While it's possible this is a troll fic, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and say it's all kinds of terrible. The only thing that suggests it's "Ace Attorney" is that Phoenix is paired with an OC immediately and they wed shortly. Those are usually the best ones to spork, yeah?

I can't say how much time I can spend on a sporking myself, but if no one's going for this one (or no one has yet to go for it), I can volunteer. It's been a while since I've reviewed a fic.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Sadly, I can't find a fic with two Larrys. I feel tempted to mess around, but I don't think I'd ever finish it if I started on something that awkward. (Then again, I have played with the idea that Larry has an evil twin involved in a political conspiracy behind every case in the series...)

I don't remember if anyone's sporked this one yet. I just stumbled around until I happened upon it one day. It's dated in 2013 and isn't complete yet, but when you have an intro like that, I think we can play with it. While it's possible this is a troll fic, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and say it's all kinds of terrible. The only thing that suggests it's "Ace Attorney" is that Phoenix is paired with an OC immediately and they wed shortly. Those are usually the best ones to spork, yeah?

I can't say how much time I can spend on a sporking myself, but if no one's going for this one (or no one has yet to go for it), I can volunteer. It's been a while since I've reviewed a fic.

I can safely say no one's done it yet - I checked. Go for it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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It's late early. I just got severe writer's block on both of the fics I'm working on. PWLib doesn't run on my computer. And the upcoming trial is going to be crazier than anything this fic has thrown at us so far. Double post or not, it's time for...
Law Plus Chaos, part six.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "Why is the Management so determined to have me sit through this entire thing?"
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-objection: "Why can't they just make Mr. Wright do this?!"
Ema Skye!
:yummy: "Turns out you can't bribe Lang's goons with Snackoos."
Klavier Gavin!
:rock'n: "As long as we don't have any murderers as guest stars, we should be fine, ja?"
and...
Godot!
:godot: "I'm a star, and the audience loves me."

[We open up once again in our sporking theatre, where today's sporkers are already seated.]

Klavier: ...I take back what I said about us being fine.

Godot: Ha...! *sips coffee* Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Rock Star. I'm perfectly harmless.

Klavier: Is that true, Fräulein Detective? Weren't you in here yesterday?

Ema: Yeah. *munches Snackoos* He didn't try to escape, at least.

Edgeworth: I think you should be more worried about what this fic will do to us, Gavin.

Apollo: Have you heard what happened in the previous ten chapters?

Klavier: Of course. Herr Edgeworth gave me the gist of it before you got here.

[The lights dim.]

Klavier: Ach, he were go~

Quote:
He surprised himself on a Thursday morning. Apollo had been awake since yesterday at five o'clock in the morning. The recent coffee craves had kept him more awake than usual. After the trial, he vowed to crash out in bed – tired or not. He yawned and his head tilted onto Trucy's shoulder.

"Are you tired already?" Trucy asked.

"I've no no sleep since yesterday,"


Ema: As opposed to yes yes sleep.

Edgeworth: Since he's supposed to be tired, I suppose we can let this slide.

Ema: I don't think the author did it on purpose, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I am aware of that.

Quote:
Apollo managed to yawn out. "But I'll be fine, trust me."

"That's a dangerous lack of sleep Apollo," Trucy told him.

"Really?"

"OF COURSE IT IS!" Trucy snapped.


Klavier: Looks like she's trying to steal your Chords of Steel, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: She's not the first one this fic.

Quote:
"You were the one waking me up last night," Apollo whispered to Trucy. "Throwing your clothes everywhere like that."


Klavier: Herr Forehead, isn't she underaged?

Edgeworth: She's also related to him. Don't forget that.

Apollo: I was trying to, Mr. Edgeworth.

Quote:
"Let's think about the trial," suggested Trucy.

The bright walls, the stiff bailiff and the portrait of the judge captured Apollo's attention. They were in the defense lobby awaiting Wocky's retrial. The defendant had his back slouched against the wall, whilst finishing off a can. Wocky was calmer and had less angst than last trial. In fact he had a smile on his face.

"You look happy today Wocky," Trucy said as she approached him.

"You're going to be face-to-face with Mrs. DeLite again," Apollo told his client. "I thought you'd still be a bit upset over the fact that she's married."

"I'm over that bitch," Wocky confirmed.


Klavier: I don't recall Herr Kitaki talking like that.

Ema: I think the author's trying to be edgy. *munches Snackoos*

Godot: If you have to try, you probably aren't. That's one of my rules. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: (Why did I decide to sit between these two? ...it's like "food noises" in surround-sound.)

Quote:
"First of all, I got a new girlfriend and secondly and even if I do get found guilty again, Luke will come back. He'll help my homies and I get out."


Apollo: Did he just... tell his lawyer that he was planning on breaking out of prison?

Klavier: Looks like this'll be an easy trial for me. *snaps fingers*

Quote:
Wocky smiled at Apollo, and twirled his fringe as if it was suppose to make Apollo feel better. It only made Apollo feel worse. "You guys remember Alita?"

"Oh her," Apollo replied. "She tried to marry you to get a hold of your family fortune..."

"The prison officer with that goatee adores her. He tried to help her get out, I dunno if they got away with it or not. But it was him who pushed me.


Edgeworth: Nngh... I still find it almost impressive that the author can successfully get Larry so blatantly out-of-character.

Ema: "Almost" impressive?

Edgeworth: It's mostly depressing.

Quote:
None of them believe me, and worst of all they think I want Alita back. I'm over her too!"

There was still something not quite right about Wocky. Apollo believed that Desirée set him up and hopefully he could prove it in court today. It was his new relationship with Pearl, it just seemed that Wocky was hasty. If he was in Wocky's situation, hooking up with another girl after your ex just framed you for rape was the last thing he'd do.


Apollo: Of course, I also would never sleep with Trucy, especially if she were my half-sister.

Godot: So you're saying your judgement can't be trusted, Red?

Klavier: At least that much is in-character.

Apollo: (Yeah, yeah, Mr. Machi-Tobaye-is-definitely-the-killer.)

Quote:
"WOCKY!" The lobby was filled with Pearl's frantic voice. She scurried over to Wocky and squeezed him. "Are you okay?" Pearl asked. "How's your injury?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," said Wocky. "I can't believe prison was so boring man. There's like nothing to do other than gay things.


Edgeworth: I suppose that's why Luke Atmey and Matt Engarde of all people are lovers.

Klavier: I have no idea who those people are.

Ema: Neither do I, really. (Although the Engarde one sounds familiar.)

Edgeworth: In the case of the latter, at least, that might be for the best.

Quote:
I can't wait to get out!"

"Don't worry my dear," Pearl assured Wocky and went on to say, "I believe that Mr. Polly and Mr. Klavier will sort this out." She turned over to Apollo. "You do your best today Mr. Polly, okay? No bullying this time."


Apollo: I - I do NOT bully witnesses!!

Klavier: Then what do you call-

Apollo: PRESSING!!

Quote:
"The trial's starting soon so we better get ready," Trucy suggested.

"All right, here comes JUSTICE!" Apollo roared.

"Ha!"

Apollo thought he could recognize that voice. He turned to see the face of his father.

"Hey there Polly-Pocket."


Ema: *snickers*

Quote:
Godot grinned with a mug of coffee in his hands. "Just wanted to see my son in action!"


Godot: Heh. *sips coffee* I hear your trials are as chaotic as Wright's are, actually.

Apollo: ...yeah. You could say that.

Ema: At least they're interesting.

Quote:
"Hello Mr. Godot," Pearl said kindly.

"D-Dad!" Apollo exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in prison."

"I've been released on compassionate grounds," Godot smirked. "If it weren't for you and my medical records, the progress would have been much longer."

"So you seen Phoenix lately?" Apollo asked a random question.


Edgeworth: So... you and Wright being on a first-name basis wasn't just a throwaway error. Interesting.

Apollo: I have no idea what this means, and I don't want to.

Klavier: How bad could it possibly be, Herr Forehead?

Ema: Don't ask questions like that in a sporking theatre, fop.

Quote:
He was still getting used to the fact that he was the love-child of a singer and a coffee-maniac.


Apollo: I though Thalassa Gramarye was a magician.

Ema: Maybe... she did both? It's possible, scientifically speaking.

Apollo: (What does being multi-talented have to do with science?!)

Quote:
"Your old man not good enough for you?" Godot asked.

"Of course not!" Apollo shrieked. "You're fine."

"What's with the raspy voice son?"

"It's my CHORDS OF STEEL!"

"Keep it smooth son," Godot told him. "Just keep it smooth.


Edgeworth: ...and what, pray tell, does that mean?

Godot: *says nothing, sips coffee*

Edgeworth: (I think the fic lost him.)

Quote:
We better get going."

And they all followed Godot into the courtroom. Apollo, Trucy and Godot stood together in the defense bench as Wocky sat in the defendant's chair.


Ema: Wouldn't the defense bench get pretty cramped with three people behind it? It's roomy, but not that roomy.

Apollo: No, three people fit.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Apollo Justice that we have a very strict Dual Destinies spoilers policy in place.

Klavier: I didn't even think it was a spoiler until you brought it up.

Speakers: Oh. Um, oops. ...at least it wasn't anything major.

Godot: Ha...! Professional as always.

Speakers: Shut up.

Quote:
Pearl was at his side with her arms over his neck. She took a seat behind the defendant's chair after the judge walked into the room.

"All rise," cried the bailiff. Everyone were on their feet. "The court is now in session for DeLite Vs Kitaki."


Edgeworth: It should be "State v. Kitaki", actually. Not that trial begins like that.

Klavier: Were you seriously expecting the author to their research?

Edgeworth: If they wanted to attempt to write a court scene, then yes, they should have.

Quote:
It was a different judge today. Chocolate skin and Jamaican, he sat in the judge's chair with the gavel in his hand. He was young and slim, which seemed kinda refreshing since most of the judges Apollo's seen have been old or middle-aged. "You may be seated," the judge announced in a Jamaican accent. He placed a metal strip on the side with the text: "Judge Albert Salsa"engraved on it.


Godot: Oh, look, a different judge. *sips coffee*

Ema: I don't think "Salsa" is a Jamaican name.

Apollo: It isn't. Also, I've only ever had one judge preside over any of my cases... wait, how old is he, anyway?

Klavier: I don't think anyone knows, Herr Forehead.

Edgeworth: Well, he apparently hasn't changed in all the years between my first debut and your time, so...

Ema: "First" debut?

Edgeworth: Let's not discuss this here.

Quote:
"The defense is ready your Honor," Apollo announced.

"The prosecution is also ready, Herr Judge!" Klavier told Judge Salsa.

"I prefer if you guys addressed me as 'My Lord'. Is that fine with you guys? Just makes me feel more cool. Know what I'm saying?"


Edgeworth: Oh.

Klavier: Well, this looks like it'll be an entertaining trial! *kicks back, puts feet on seat in front of him*

[Apollo comments that Judge Salsa is odd. Godot tells him to keep calm and smile, somehow without using any of his rules.]
Quote:
"I feel there is no need for an opening statement so would the defense please give a summary of the previous trial to the court?" Judge Salsa requested. "Most of you should know what happened anyway but it's always good to have recap."


Edgeworth: Why do I have the sudden urge to bang my head against a wall?

Klavier: Can you imagine if our courts were this laid-back?

Ema: I don't think we'd ever be able to convict anyone.

Edgeworth: At least not with due process of law, anyway.

Quote:
Apollo has never seen a judge with Judge Salsa's sort of attitude before. Despite wanting to object to his behavior, he did what he was told. "The trial was a disaster," Apollo started for emphasis. He thought it could give it a bit more kick. Not only had he felt pressurized to clear Wocky's name, he also had to resist Trucy's flirting.


Apollo: There are so many things wrong with that last line I don't even know where to begin.

Klavier: Hmm, let's see... Fräulein Wright isn't that kind of girl, and neither are you.

Ema: I think that covers it, actually. That's only two things.

Apollo: But it's so wrong it counts for at least a thousand.

Quote:
Doing all this in hope he could impress his father.


Godot: Not objecting to Judge Salsa's objectionable behavior isn't all that impressive, Red.

Apollo: Why do you people always forget THAT'S NOT ME UP THERE?!

Klavier: Ouch. I need my ears, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: S-Sorry.

Quote:
"Opening statement had a delay and two witnesses were not cross-examined and another witness has come to step up." Apollo announced.

"Seems like the trial had some flaws," Judge Salsa confirmed.


Edgeworth: Understatement of the century, everybody.

Klavier: Herr Edgeworth... are you bitter about having been in every chapter of this so far?

Godot: He's about as bitter as my coffee. *sips said coffee*

Klavier: ...do you take it black?

Godot: Blacker than your serial-murdering brother's heart, Rock Star.

Klavier: ...

Quote:
"Judge Udgey needs to stop being so gullible. He was in quite a hurry, he had a meeting that day."


All: ...

Godot: ...comments, anybody?

Ema: I... was kind of expecting Mr. Edgeworth to make a comment about how judges shouldn't rush trials just because they're busy, or something.

Edgeworth: What? ...sorry, I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that the author apparently thinks that "Udgey" is his actual name.

Apollo: What is his name?

Edgeworth: I don't think anyone actually knows.

Quote:
"Von Karma's intelligence is fierce, right Herr Forehead?" Klavier asked pointing at Apollo.


Klavier: What am I trying to say here?

Ema: I... I don't know.

Quote:
"I agree that she was fierce," Apollo replied. "Prosecutor Von Karma was far too fierce."

"She can whip me anything she likes," was what slipped out of Judge Salsa's lips.


Apollo: Eurgh.

Edgeworth: Please don't let this turn into that kind of fic.

Godot: I thought the Management cuts out sex scenes. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Yes, but they also appear to have a very odd definition of "sex scene".

Quote:
Klavier chuckled and said "ah seconded, Herr Ju- I mean My Lord!" His ocean blue eyes stared at Apollo.


Edgeworth: I usually see phrases like "ocean blue" in yaoi fics. I suppose I can't really say I'd be surprised if it starts heading in that direction, though. Just grateful it isn't Wright and me for once.

Klavier: You know, I'm flattered, Herr Forehead, but I don't necessarily swing that way.

Apollo: I wasn't- wait, "necessarily"?

Ema: He wrote a song called "My Boyfriend is the Prosecution's Witness". I don't know what you were expecting.

Godot: Looks like things can be just as interesting in the sporking theatre as they can in the fic. *sips coffee amusedly*

Apollo: What?! Okay, no. We are not getting into this conversation.

Ema: Well, you asked.

Klavier: *has been giggling to himself this entire conversation*

Quote:
"Third it Herr Forehead!"

"We should get on with the trial," Apollo suggested.

"The defense must be gay," Judge Salsa boomed.


Apollo: WE ARE NOT GETTING INTO THIS CONVERSATION!!

Klavier: *starts laughing harder*

Quote:
"Objection!" Godot roared. His was set loose as a wild coffee cup flew onto Judge Salsa's face – drooling down his clothes.

"Hey white boy, what was that for?" Judge Salsa muttered to Godot. "You better be careful."

"My son's straight for your information," Godot announced.


Godot: I don't know that.

Apollo: H-Hey...

Ema: Um, also, I wouldn't call Mr. Armando white.

Quote:
"Well he should act straight."


Edgeworth: *raises eyebrow* And how exactly is one supposed to do that?

Godot: ... *sips coffee thoughtfully* ...I was going to make a comment about how it was you who was asking that, but I decided against it.

Edgeworth: Good to know.

Quote:
"We're not here to discuss my son's sexuality," Godot snapped, "Nor are we here to discuss ladies. We're here to determine if the defendant really raped Mrs. DeLite."

Judge Salsa glared at Godot and snapped back with, "I'm the judge I can do whatever I want."


Klavier: *still laughing* This trial is terrible.

Ema: At this rate, we're going to be stuck in it forever.

Klavier: *stops laughing* Don't say things like that, Fräulein Detective. You never know what will happen.

Ema: Hmph. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
He clapped, then rubbed his hands together. "Now let's down to business. Ladies first, Mrs. DeLite take to the stand."

Apollo did not feel comfortable with Judge Salsa; his behavior was very unprofessional, and his attitude stank of rotten fish.


Godot: That's a terrible comparison. Try a coffee metaphor next time.

Apollo: And how would you describe this?

Godot: Coffee with far too much cream and milk, spilled on the radiator and never cleaned up six months later.

Ema: I don't even want to think about that.

[Apollo wonders where Gumshoe is. Godot says he wouldn't be surprised if Gumshoe's kid "turned out retarded". Dessie testifies.]
Quote:
"I believe it's time for some spicy cross-examination," Judge Salsa announced rubbing his hands together. "It's hot in here, someone give me some whisky."


Klavier: Aaaaaaaand now he's going to get drunk. Can you imagine prosecuting in a trial where the judge is drunk?

Apollo: No. Can you imagine defending in a trial where the judge is drunk?

Klavier: Nien.

Edgeworth: Are we even sure this is a real judge?

Godot: No.

Ema: I don't think they let people like this be judges... scientifically speaking.

Quote:
"Objection!" Klavier got their first. "In before Herr Forehead!" he announced. "My Lord, I wouldn't be drinking during a court proceeding if I were you."

"Well," Judge Salsa announced. "I'd advise the defense and prosecution not to use your ding dong on your siblings."

Apollo felt like he had just been owned.


Apollo: *puts head in hands*

Klavier: ...what does he mean by the defense and the prosecution? I... *goes pale* Oh nien.

Ema: Let's, uh, just move on, shall we?

Quote:
Looking across, Klavier was trying hard not to grit his teeth. "Anyway," Klavier shacked his anger off. "Herr Forehead, the moment you have been waiting for has arrived. So let's rock."

"Cross examine me?" Desirée gasped.

"PLEASE BE NICE TO MY WIFE!" Ron yelled.

"Nothing to worry about Frau and Herr DeLite," Klavier told them. "I hope you've both been telling the truth or it's going to be a long day which we don't really want."


Edgeworth: It's already a long day which we don't really want.

Godot: Such is the life in the sporking theatre. *sips coffee* Still beats prison.

[Apollo begins cross-examining Dessie.]
Quote:
"I have a copy of a conversation on MSN," Apollo said. "Which the defendant said under the screen name of Gangster Fox: Yo Dessie I love you so much. And under the nameDessie Delight, you reply with: Aww I love you so much Hun. Glad we're going out. This means you were dating the defendant before the 'crime' occurred."


Godot: That's certainly a convenient bit of conversation. *sips coffee amusedly*

Edgeworth: I still fail to see how the victim's relationship to the perpetrator is important here. It's not impossible for someone to rape their significant other.

Apollo: I really don't know anymore.

Quote:
Desirée's innocent disguise had cracked spreading whispers across the room. She remained silent and continued to clench her fists.

"That's not me!" Desirée shouted.

"We have a witness that can confirm that it was you.


Ema: And who would this be?

Klavier: Someone watching Fräu DeLite type out her conversations online, ja?

Apollo: At this point, that actually seems pretty likely.

Edgeworth: It also seems pretty likely that this witness will never be named. Or else they'll be someone who can only confirm that the defendant was talking to someone with the screenname "Dessie Delight".

Quote:
She can also confirm that you WERE dating Wocky for three months!" Apollo announced. "She watched you lie through your teeth in the last trial and she's going to help us get to the truth this time."


Edgeworth: -ah. It's Pearls.

Godot: So, screenname.

Edgeworth: Most likely.

Quote:
"Objection!" Klavier shouted. "If this witness knew Frau DeLite was lying why didn't she do anything. More importantly why wait until she is dating the defendant?"

"Why the new witness is dating the defendant is a mystery to me," Apollo admitted. "But two people stopped her from testifying last time. Those two people were Maya Fey and Franziska Von Karma."


Klavier: I more or less know these people - I don't think they would work very well together.

Ema: Was this explained?

Edgeworth: Yes, but the explanation involved claiming that Kristoph Gavin was a rapist.

Klavier: ...I feel as though a long shower is in order now.

Apollo: That was my reaction, too.

Quote:
"Makes sense," Klavier seemed to have shrugged it off. "Fräulein Von Karma knew it would stain her perfect record so they made the witness not testify.


Edgeworth: Her perfect record was broken years before this fic takes place, and she no longer concerns herself with it, for the most part.

Godot: I don't know why you're still hoping the author will eventually get someone in-character.

Edgeworth: *sigh* I don't know why, either.

[Pearl Fey takes the stand.]
Quote:
"So Fräulein wanna start your testimony?" Klavier asked in enthusiasm.

"Sure," Pearl replied. "But before I do, can I just say it's a pleasure to be at your noble presence."


Godot: *twitches* ... *chugs rest of coffee, summons new one*

Edgeworth: (Why do I have the sudden feeling that wherever Wright is, he's started screaming?)

Quote:
She smiled and faced Godot, "Mr. Godot, it's wonderful to see you out and about again. After what you did to Aunt Misty, I never thought you would be dead by now."


Ema: ...but he's at the defense bench. He's not dead by now.

Apollo: Well, in an earlier chapter, Mr. Edgeworth thought Mr. Wright was dead even though he was-

Edgeworth: Justice, please. I'm still trying to pretend that never happened.

Apollo: At least it hasn't come up again.

Quote:
"I thought the same too," Godot said. Apollo glanced at her father's face of shock. Godot seemed to look as if he was looking at a ghost.

"Wocky's such a gentleman don't you think?" Pearl asked with such innocent eyes.

"Yeah," Judge Salsa replied. "He's awesome. Now isn't she just adorable?"


Klavier: At least the judge is on your side for once, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Yeah. For once.

Quote:
"I can't object to that My Lord," replied Klavier who was playing with his hair.

"This is the most poorly run trial I've ever seen," Godot whispered to Apollo.


Ema: Looks like the author has at least that much self-awareness.

Edgeworth: All the tongue-in-cheek in the world can't save this trainwreck.

Quote:
"She lied in the last trial," was Pearl's start to her testimony. "Dessie said she loved Wocky. They said they were on the phone a lot and they acted like they were very much in love. Wocky would never stop talking about her. He had loads of pictures of her. And Dessie also called him Cutie Pie."

"IT'S ALL !" Ron squealed during the entire testimony.


Godot: All what?

Klavier: I don't think we'll ever find out.

Quote:
Judge Salsa banged his gavel, pointed at Ron and roared: "YOU SHUT UP!" He cleared his voice and kindly looked and Pearl and said, "carry on guys."


Ema: Um.

Godot: How professional. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Again - are we even sure this is a real judge and not some random person who wandered in off the street and picked up a gavel?

Quote:
After cross-examining Pearl, Apollo managed to create in his mind, a good summary of the events: Desirée had an addiction to spending which drove Ron to robbery and prostitution. Ron had been broke for a while, so she used Wocky to get a hold of some of the family's money. To cover up her plans, she lied about Wocky raping her. It was pretty much the same as the last theory he tried to pull off. Then he felt like he had forgotten something. Something important. He checked though the court records and his eyes focused on Luke Atmey's letter. The man should be here, and if he can prove Wocky's innocence, he could get another man back in jail too.


Ema: Have a little faith in the police force - we'd get him back in jail anyway.

Apollo: Are you sure? I mean, some of the arrests I've seen haven't exactly been the most... reasonable...

Ema: ... *ka-tonk!*

Apollo: (She Snackoo'd me.)

Quote:
Desirée was back to the stand again and Klavier had been asking her questions for quite a while. This was it, the time to finally gang up on Desirée. As Luke said, humiliating her was the key to this case, but he hoped he didn't need to take it that far.

"This baby of yours," Klavier pointed out."I was wondering if there was any chance Wocky was the father?"

He's made a good point, thought Apollo. Then wondered why he didn't think of that.


Edgeworth: I... feel as though this has come up before... why didn't you think of that?

Apollo: Because fic-me is incredibly incompetent?

Klavier: And perverted. Don't forget perverted.

Apollo: You weren't even here until the beginning of this chapter!!

Klavier: And for that, the Management has my thanks, and possibly my autograph if they want it.

Speakers: We're good.

Quote:
"It has nothing to do with the case," Dessie snapped Again, Apollo could perceive her lies.

"We're just here for the truth Frau," Klavier ensured her. "Just tell us and you go home like nothing happened."


Klavier: Actually, if Herr Kitaki is declared not guilty, Fräu DeLite might be charged with filing a false report.

Edgeworth: Somehow, I doubt the author knows.

Godot: Or cares. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"Or do we have to say it for you?" Apollo offered.

"You and Gavin sure act like partners in crime," Godot muttered after starting another cup of coffee.


Klavier: Anything to find the truth, Herr Armando~

Godot: That was the fictional version of myself making that criticism, not me. Incidentally, don't think I didn't pick up on your attempted sucking-up to your superior. *sips coffee amusedly*

Edgeworth: Don't even try it, Gavin. I... don't actually know if I'm Chief Prosecutor right now... how old am I?

Speakers: The Management would like to suggest that Miles Edgeworth not attempt to pinpoint exactly where in canon he came from.

Edgeworth: I gathered that.

[Apollo presents Luke Atmey's letter.]
Quote:
Care to explain why Luke said you are sterile Mr. DeLite?"

"Dessie really wanted a child," Ron admitted. His head lowered as his eyes rolled to the ground. "And I'm sterile so the prosecutor in the last trial said to cut that bit out because they thought it would give Dessie a motive to lie."


Apollo: Yes, but... why did Luke Atmey know this in the first place?

Ema: Scientifically speaking... we probably don't want to find out.

Apollo: (The sad thing is she's probably right.)

Quote:
"You lied about getting rape didn't you!" Apollo asked. "You dated Wocky for money!"


Edgeworth: *sighs deeply, puts face in hands* No, it was in order to get pregnant. This should be blindingly obvious by now.

Godot: I think fic-Red's a little slow on the uptake.

Apollo: Really? I hadn't noticed.

Edgeworth: Justice. Again, direct your sarcasm towards the fic, not your fellow sporkers.

Apollo: ...sorry. (But you're one to talk.)

Quote:
"DESSIE DOSEN'T CARE ABOUT THE MONEY!" Ron yelled. "All she wanted was baby."

"IT WASN'T RAPE!" Desirée snapped out.


All: ...

Klavier: Well, at least our fic-selves can go home now.

[Dessie explains that she did, in fact, want a baby.]
Quote:
"When Ronnie caught us, I felt scared and guilty. I could not believe that I made Ronnie cry so much. Admitting I cheated on him would have only made him feel worse, so I said he raped me."

"I think honesty was the best policy here," Trucy told Desirée. "This could have been easily avoided. What's wrong with adoption?"

"Everyone was so supportive," Desirée admitted as if Trucy never spoke at all. "When Maya heard about it, she got me to talk to Miss Von Karma straight away. "


Edgeworth: *sighs deeply again* And of course, things like this just make it harder to catch actual rapists.

Apollo: At least it ended well... sort of, anyway.

Godot: This is chapter eleven, right? Out of 24? *sips coffee* We're almost halfway through.

Ema: Um, now that this is getting resolved... what happens next?

Klavier: Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, Fräulein Detective.

Ema: Well, whatever it is, I really hope I'm not involved.

Quote:
"It's all my fault Dessie," Ron sobbed. "I couldn't give you a baby."

"Don't blame yourself Ronnie," Dessie said in a calm soothing voice. "It's mine – I cheated and lied to you."

"It's finally over," Godot announced.


Godot: Not with thirteen chapters to go it isn't.

Edgeworth: Please, don't make this any worse than it already is.

Godot: I'll do my best. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"ZVARRI!"

"I know that voice!" Godot snapped.

A man in a black cloak tumbled down from the ceiling and removed the cloak. It was Luke Atmey grinning as he stroked his nose.


Klavier: ...how long has he been on the ceiling? Actually, how did he get on the ceiling?

Edgeworth: Presumably the same way you did in chapter five.

Klavier: Was? ...oh, right. That.

Ema: ?

Apollo: Has no one noticed that he's stroking his nose? No? Okay. Whatever.

Quote:
"What's up Luke?" Wocky cried out.

"You're the guy who wrote this letter to me?" Apollo asked. Is this guy seriously Wocky's friend?

"Indeed I am," Luke announced. "A marvelous job you did Sir Apollo Justice and Sir Prosecutor. Very well done indeed. And as promised, I am here to hand myself in."

"Let's cut to the chase," Judge Salsa snapped in the beat oh his gavel. "The defendant is now cleared of all charges. Mrs. DeLite you should be punished for perjury but since you're hot, I'll you off.


Godot: Wait, is he letting her get away with perjury because she's hot? *sips coffee thoughtfully* Why did I never get bonus points with the judge because I'm hot?

Edgeworth: This man should be removed from his position.

Klavier: But Herr Edgeworth... no one ever gets punished for perjury anyway.

Edgeworth: ...the reasoning behind it is absolutely disgraceful.

Quote:
That is all this case is dismissed. And would a bailiff please lead Atmey back to his prison cell. And I need to go to the bathroom" He spoke in such speed, that Klavier gave him a look of disdain, twitching at the Judge as he left the courtroom. Apollo followed his dad to the defense lobby and it wasn't long before Pearl and Wocky joined him. Apollo felt his lips vibrating like he was desperate to throw up.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" Apollo roared. He could not contain himself anymore. It was something he wanted to say for the whole trial.


Ema: *imitates GLaDOS* He says what we're all thinking!

Godot: And you said my impressions were bad.

Ema: I never said that. *munches Snackoos*

[A bit of post-trial chit-chat, and the chapter closes out with this:]
Quote:
And the moral of Wocky's trial was to keep safe online. At least Apollo knew he should say no to online dating.


Apollo: *opens mouth* ... *closes mouth, shakes head*

Ema: Well, we can't really argue with that.

Spoiler: Chapter 12 begins.
Quote:
The heavy sounds screamed in Apollo's ear at the club. Klavier had invited Apollo and Wocky for a guys night out. It sounded perfect – he needed to clear his mind. After everything that had happened to him since being a lawyer. Crazy mentors, defending crazy clients, wild characters, finding out the parents he thought were dead, and the affair with his sister. Yes, it sure was an eventful life maybe too eventful. But the trial today was something else. And he thought that he just saw Judge Salsa swaying his hips on the dance floor.


Klavier: Hmm... meeting the Judge at a club... that would certainly be odd, ja?

Godot: And that would certainly be an understatement.

Klavier: You'd be a sight to see at any club, Herr Armando, with that mask of yours. It's like a built-in rave.

Godot: We don't have club nights in prison, but I'll think about it anyway.

Apollo: (...what is there to think about? Should I even bother asking?)

Quote:
Wocky didn't really seem to be in a mood for going out. He had been sending messages to Pearl non-stop. He was just completely crazy over her, just like how he was crazy over Alita. It didn't really seem as if he had learned his lesson yet. Pearl seemed innocent, but so did Alita and she turned out to be a gold digger. He just had to be careful. At least, Apollo hoped Wocky was treading with care.


Edgeworth: Neither Wright nor Maya are here, so I suppose I have to say it in their steads: he should be perfectly fine with her.

Godot: Growing up changes people. *sips coffee* Shouldn't you know that better than anyone else?

Edgeworth: Yes, but... not that much. Assuming nothing particularly unfortunate has happened to her.

Quote:
"That trial was whack," said Wocky with his eyes glued to his cell phone.

"But it was fun, ja?" Klavier asked.

Apollo admitted: "I wouldn't exactly call corrupted court proceedings fun."

"We got to the truth, and that's matters," said Klavier. "Herr Judge was funny." Apollo thought Judge Salsa was a jerk. He feared for anyone who had him as a judge in court. It was just so unreal, that it was like dream material.


Ema: At least the author knows that trial made no sense.

Klavier: That's not saying much, ja?

Ema: I'm still wondering where the author will go from here. Any predictions?

Apollo: Someone gets drunk and does something stupid.

Klavier: More nonsensical pairings are introduced.

Edgeworth: The author completely forgets about the little "plotline" they had with me.

Godot: Someone gets pregnant. Bonus points if they're male.

Ema: ...t-that's not scientifically possible.

Godot: It makes about as much sense as anything else in this fic. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"I have one question for you Herr Forhead," Klavier announced in a cheeky tone.

"What is it?"

"Is it true what Fräulein Von Karma said?" Klavier asked. "Did you really kiss your sister?"


Apollo: NO!!

Edgeworth: For the sake of all our ears, Justice, please stop resisting the fic.

Quote:
"I'm not answering that question." Apollo snapped. He chose to go on a night out to forget what had happened, not to reflect on it. Wocky gulped down his bottle as Apollo thought hard of a way to get out of the topic.

"Why not?" Klavier moaned. "It's just a yes or no answer."


Apollo: No, no, no!!

Klavier: Hey, I believe you, Herr Forehead! Calm down.

Apollo: *puts head in hands* I hate this fic!

Godot: I think that's the general attitude around here, Red.

Quote:
"And I don't wanna talk about it," Apollo spat. He clenched his fists as if he was going to punch Klavier.

"I need to know though..."

"WHY do you need to know?"

"I want us to be good friends, ja?" Klavier informed them. "You can trust me."


Klavier: Is it really necessary for good friends to pry into each other's sex lives?

Ema: No. I'm pretty sure, anyway.

Godot: Besides, Red strikes me as the "kissless virgin" type.

Apollo: Wh- *sits up* Hey! OBJECTION!!

Godot: *sips coffee, unperturbed*

Edgeworth: Let's not have this discussion and move on with the fic, shall we?

Quote:
"Can we just ... change the subject?" requested Apollo. He noticed that Wocky didn't speak since Klavier brought up the incest topic.

"No," Klavier replied. "Just answer my question then we'll drop it."

"Yes..." Apollo mumbled. "Happy now?"

"Hey nothing to worry about Herr Forehead," Klavier replied. "I lost my virginity to my brother. So did you lose it to her?"


All: ...

Klavier: *horrified expression* ...I... nien. *puts hands over ears, shakes head* I did not- if the fic goes into detail about this, I will not listen!!

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Klavier Gavin that he is required to pay attention to the fic at all times.

Ema: *throws Snackoos at speakers* Oh, leave him alone!

[Apollo claims he is a virgin.]
Quote:
"I wouldn't shout that out too loud if I were you," Klavier whispered.

"Well I wouldn't go round telling people you lost your VIRGINITY to your BROTHER!"

"Only you and my brother know," Klavier admitted.

"You guys are fucking weird," interrupted Wocky. "It's just sick talking about incest man. Can we just drop it?"


All: Yes, please.

Quote:
"Okay it's dropped!" Klavier dropped. Apollo heard Wocky sigh in relief.

"Finally..." said Apollo who grabbed his beer.

"Guys, look at what Pearl sent sent me!" Wocky shouted, flashing his phone. "Read it," his words jumped, "READ IT!"

You're one of the most sweetest guys in town. I love you with the bottom of my heart. I hope you are enjoying yourself with Mr. Klavier and Mr. Polly. Hopefully I'll come with you and do some dancing in the club. Hehe you take care. X

"That's cute," giggled Klavier.


Godot: How old is Pearl by this point? *sips coffee thoughtfully* 17?

Klavier: Must be an all-ages club.

Ema: No comments on the fop giggling?

Apollo: No, I think we've already made too many gay jokes as it is.

[Apollo and Klavier tell Wocky to be careful with Pearl, considering his stellar luck with women. Wocky gets mad at them.]
Quote:
His blue eyes then wondered to the bar into the sight of a curvy woman. Her dress was cropped low to show her plump breasts. Her hair and shoes matched her shocking pink theme. Her diamond necklace sparkled like water facing summer sunlight. "Wow!" Klavier mouthed. "That girl in pink is hot! That girl at the bar, she's got a cute face to match that hot figure."

"Yeah," Apollo agreed. "She is pretty hot."

"She's all right," Wocky said when he took a glimpse of her. Apollo was surprised Wocky didn't end up saying something like: my girlfriend is hotter. And wasn't Klavier suppose to bemadly in love with Ema?


Ema: *angry expression* ...

Klavier: H-Hey, Fräulein Detective... it's just a fic... back me up on this, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: No.

Quote:
"I'm going to talk to her," Klavier instantly decided. "Yes I will be careful. I am dating Ema after all." Apollo followed Klavier, just in case. Wocky ended up following them too, with his eyes on his phone.

"ALL RIGHT GENTLEMAN!" roared a Jamaican. voice in front of them. It was Judge Salsa from the trial. A bright yellow top and crimson shorts that were baggy enough to carry shopping in. "How is it going?"


Godot: Heh. More fun times with Judge Salsa to come.

Edgeworth: Please no. My brain will eat itself if we have to sit through any more of his dialogue.

Quote:
"Nice to see you My Lord," Klavier said as if he was in a hurry.

"You seen any fine women on this lovely night?" asked Salsa.

"Ja!" Klavier replied. "That pink one at the bar."

"She looks sexy indeed, but them big boobies are trouble." Judge Salsa said. "Be faithful Klavier, be faithful. You see that brunette over there!" Salsa pointed at a woman sitting on a table on her own. "That's Lana Skye."


Ema: ...uh oh.

Edgeworth: This... will not end well, will it?

Ema: *looks down, looks back up* Hey, Apollo, if the author of this fic gets murdered, will you def-

Apollo: Don't even kid about that.

Quote:
"Is that Ema's mom?" Apollo asked.

"I defiantly should be careful," Klavier vowed to himself.

"That's her sister you pair of douches!" Salsa responded as he banged both Apollo and Klavier's heads together. "If she catches you doing your thing on another woman, you're dead."

"Nothing wrong with harmless flirting," Klavier announced. "I can dance to something so the girl in pink will notice me. Herr Forehead, Wocky dance with me."


Klavier: Well... *kicks back again* If we get one thing out of this fic, it'll be the opportunity to see Herr Forehead's ausgezeichnet dance moves.

Apollo: I - I can dance. Really.

Klavier: Well then, show me sometime! I'd love to see it. I even have a few songs you could use.

Apollo: Uh... (Hopefully he'll just forget about this...)

Godot: I'd like to see that, too. Send me the video, will you, Rock Star? *sips coffee amusedly*

Apollo: V-Video?!

Quote:
"I ain't dancing to no shit song!" Wocky told them. "You guys better choose a good song."

Salsa grinned as he got a disc out of his pocket. "How about this one, it's called boombastic. It is sung by Shaggy. It's my favorite song of all time!"

"I hate that song!" Apollo reacted.


Edgeworth: ...I haven't really noticed how bizarre the dialogue tags were until now.

Ema: Really? You're usually pretty good at noticing things, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I find myself somewhat distracted by the utter chaos that is the fic itself.

[Apollo argues with Judge Salsa about how he doesn't want to dance, and Judge Salsa threatens to penalize him if he doesn't.]

Edgeworth: "Unethical" doesn't even begin to cover this.

Godot: "Entertaining" certainly does. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"Just follow what I do, and you'll be all right!" Klavier requested. "I'm a god at this. They're going to pay more attention to me."

"Ladies and gentleman," Salsa's voice boomed across the club and dance floor. "Dancing to one of my favorite songs of all time, Klavier Gavin, Apollo Justice and Wocky Kitaki dancing to... boombastic!"

Bright lights gazed upon the three of them. As the music started, Klavier did some flexible arm movements around his active hips. He still could not believe he was actually dancing to a song he hated, and with Wocky and Klavier. Then the feeling he had that he would learn to enjoy it had faded again. He couldn't resist making bizarre facial expressions. As much as he wanted to pretend he was having fun, his eyes turned and his cheeks went bright red. What the hell am I doing?


Klavier: Excellent question, fic-me.

Ema: That is the strangest-looking dancing I've ever seen.

Klavier: I assure you, I'm much better than that. The author just apparently didn't realize that.

Godot: As a prosecutor, you should know better than to say things without proof.

Klavier: What, do you want a video of me dancing, too?

Godot: I wouldn't object to that. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: (Should I ask why he's apparently now collecting dance videos? Or would that just lead to him wanting one of me...?)

[Godot is also at the club, and starts talking to Lana, who is Chief Prosecutor again because screw logic that's why.]
Quote:
"I'm happy to be there for my son's fifteenth," Lana said. "How old is your son?"


Ema: Um, I think I'd know if Lana had a son.

Apollo: He's probably a pre-existing character, too.

Klavier: I wonder who the father is?

Ema: ...Jake Marshall, maybe? I don't know.

Quote:
"Twenty-three."

"My son turned twenty two months ago," Winfred stated. "That bullet in the heart has finally got out of him. Then that bitch set him up because she wanted a kid."

"Do you think you'll ever see your grandchild?" Lana asked.

"Maybe, Little Plum is talking to her now. She wants Wocky to see visit the kid."

"What about Wocky?" Lana asked.

"He's too focused on his new girlfriend," admitted Winfred. "She's a good girl though, she could help bring some sense into him."

"That sounds good!" Lana announced as she finished her bottle.


Ema: I really, really hope we don't have sit through drunk Lana.

Apollo: The chapter's almost halfway over. What's the wor-

Klavier: Herr Forehead, no!

Apollo: It's not like the fic can hear us!

Quote:
"Winfred, our kitties are on the dance floor!" Godot's visor spied on Wocky and Apollo's cartwheels, noticing Klavier was out of sight.


Apollo: C-Cartwheels?!

Klavier: *starts laughing*

Quote:
"I think I'll join them," he decided after one last sip of coffee.

"I second that," Winfred responded as he stood up.

"I haven't done that sort of thing in years," admitted Lana. "But I'll join too."

"I like your spirit kitty!" Godot smirked as he hopped onto the floor. "All right there son?" he asked when he got in front of Apollo.

"PRETTY FINE DAD!" roared Apollo.


Godot: Clubbing with your dad: completely normal. *sips coffee amusedly*

Apollo: Can this fic get any more insane? Wait, don't answer that.

Quote:
"Apollo, what ya doing?" Wocky asked, trying to imitate wild arm shaking and hip twisting. Then watching Godot follow as if he was a natural of dancing. As for Winfred, Wocky had no idea what he was doing here at all.

"I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE!" Apollo bellowed. "HOWEVER I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME!"

"Your old man can sure see that." Godot nodded his head with his swaying hips. "Man if Mia was alive right now..."

"Godot and Ema mentioned you," Lana told Apollo standing next to her on the dance floor. "I'm Lana Skye, Ema's sister. Nice to meet you."

"NICE TO MEET YOU TOO!"


Edgeworth: *sighs* How long will this drag on?

Ema: There's a scene break coming up...

Quote:
Klavier had crept out to the back of the club. The lights and noise inside eliminated the dark silence from the night. The girl he was keen on was besides him, holding his hand. They had been exchanging flirty body language for the whole evening. Klavier smirked as if he had just won the lottery. "So Fräulein, what's your name?"


Ema: ...and it's still in the club. Lovely. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
The night lights had made the woman glow. Her hair shined and her lip gloss sparkled with her jewelry. "It's April May, and I think everyone knows your name," she said seductively, "Klavier Gavin."

"You got it in one April," Klavier smirked wrapping his arms around her.


Klavier: ...there's more than one of her?

Edgeworth: I should certainly hope not.

Godot: Ah, the importance of commas... *sips coffee*

Quote:
"Are you hitting on me Klavier?"

"Maybe I am and maybe I'm not."

"I like how you don't directly say yes," April giggled, flashing her rack at him. "You should come to my hotel room," she offered with slow winks.


Klavier: *starts giggling uncontrollably over "slow winks"*

Ema: I... I think the fic broke the glimmerous fop.

Klavier: *gasping for air* Ach, no, Fräulein Detective... *giggle* I'm fine. *resumes giggling*

Quote:
Klavier stared as if she was a grand prize. The palm of her hands resting on her breasts and how slowly she breathed. Klavier knew exactly what she wanted, and it was an offer he couldn't refuse. "We can get to know each other in my room."

"Sounds sexy!"


Klavier: *regains composure briefly, then starts laughing again*

Edgeworth: Gavin, control yourself.

Klavier: S-Sorry, I just- *struggles to calm down* It's just the image of me saying, "Sounds sexy!" in such a... *snicker* cheerful, happy voice like that... like a cartoon character. Or a child.

Godot: Let's leave children out of this, shall we, Rock Star?

Klaver: *snickers*

Quote:
Apollo was exhausted on the Sunday morning. He laid on his bed like a bag of bones. His muscles ached from the dancing, his head felt dizzy from the alcohol and his vision felt unstable from being up till half-five. Wocky slept over at Pearl's, and the only other thing he could remember was being in Godot's arms – smelling that breath of caffeine.


Apollo: W-Woah! HOLD IT!

Godot: Hmm. *sips coffee* I don't swing that way, Red.

Apollo: YOU'RE MY FATHER IN THIS FIC!!

Ema: ...this fic also revolves around incest, Apollo.

Apollo: THIS IS DISTURBING!!

Edgeworth: Yes, Justice, we've all noticed this by now. We do not need your screaming to point it out.

Apollo: S-Sorry, but-! ...I really hope the fic isn't implying what I think it's implying.

Klavier: Maybe you just have a dirty mind, Herr Forehead.

Quote:
Trucy was on top of him in her purple pajamas Valant brought her for Christmas last year. Don't tell me I had sex with my sister again, thought Apollo. As if enough things have gotten out of control already.


Klavier: You sound so... annoyed and exasperated. Like you forgot to take the clothes out of the dryer. *takes a deep breath* This fic is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous, ja?

Ema: I guess that was the author's intention...? Wasn't this tagged as a crackfic?

Edgeworth: That's no excuse.

Godot: It's not like good crackfics can't exist. *sips coffee* Of course, I assume the good ones use this one as an example of what not to do.

Ema: Well, at least it isn't like... the other one...

Edgeworth: No. Shh. We're past that, Ema. We don't need to talk about it anymore.

Ema: Sorry. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
"You must have had a lot of fun last night," assumed Trucy. "Luckily you weren't throwing up everywhere. You scared Mommy Iris to tears though. It's okay though, Mr Hat's cheered her up." Iris could be a little over-protective at times. "It was funny when you touched my breasts though," giggled Trucy. That was the last thing Apollo wanted to know during his hangover. That must have been what frightened Iris.


Klavier: Frightened? If I were her, I would have thrown Herr Forehead out of the house!

Godot: You've never met Iris, have you?

Klavier: Um, nien.

Godot: Suffice to say she probably would not be capable of throwing Red out of the house.

Quote:
Apollo's phone went off and he got Trucy to get it for him. "Hello," Apollo growled.

"Hey Herr Forehead!" It was Klavier on the phone sounding as enthusiastic. "Have fun last night?"

"I'm not sure," groaned Apollo. "The only thing I remember is my dad's coffee smell."

"You've had a bit too much to drink," Klavier chuckled. Soft moans shook Apollo awake, he could have sworn that he heard a woman moaning. "I'm just having some fun right now."


Ema: Oh, yes. Very classy.

Klavier: Hey, in real life, I keep this sort of thing to myself. Besides, a phone call is incredibly distracting-

Edgeworth: What is it about the sporking theatre that encourages you people to discuss your sex lives?

Klavier: Well, it's relevant, ja?

Edgeworth: *glare*

Klavier: ...forget I said anything.

Quote:
"I hope that's... Ema I'm hearing?" Apollo muttered though the phone.

"You know that girl I liked last night?" Klavier laughed. Then everything before the dancing came flooding back. Klavier was warned about her and he even said so himself that he could be faithful to Ema. "Her name is April: it's her you can hear."


Ema: Very classy.

Godot: Looks like he won't have anyone to be faithful to for a long, long time.

Klavier: I'm... not like that in real life, really.

Ema: Scientifically speaking, being faithful requires having a girlfriend in the first place.

Klavier: W-Which is why I don't have one. No one to tie me back. Achtung, baby!

Quote:
Apollo felt his blood sizzle in an instant. Grabbing onto his phone and screamed though his cell phone: "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" After he felt a strain in his voice, Apollo hung up and chucked his phone of the bed. If it landed on a hard surface, it would have broke. How could Klavier be so stupid. And he wouldn't be surprised that he wasn't using protection.

"Hangovers suck don't they Apollo?" Phoenix asked with a grin on his face.

"Yes Phoenix," Apollo replied. "They do."


Apollo: I-Is Mr. Wright in my room? Why?!

Klavier: Hm. I thought your love interest in this fanfic was already established to be Fräulein Wright.

Apollo: A-Are these my only options? Mr. Wright or Trucy?!

Klavier: I'm kidding, Herr Forehead.

[The lights come back on.]

Ema: *stands up, stretches* At least that's done with. Again.

Klavier: Well, apart from the... unsavory implications concerning Kristoph, it wasn't that bad. It was actually pretty funny.

Edgeworth: Unintentionally.

Ema: And that's only because you have a terrible sense of humor.

Godot: Well, I enjoyed myself. *sips coffee*

Apollo: Your alternative is prison, though...

Godot: All the more reason to enjoy myself, Red.

Edgeworth: Whatever. All we're doing here is wasting time... speaking of time, I need to go figure out what time I actually belong to. Excuse me.

[And with the leaving of our sporkers (sans Godot, who needs a guard escort), we once again reach the end of another two chapters. What will happen now that the closest thing this fic had to a plot has been dealt with? Only time will tell...]

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I'm a bit confused about the latest events involving Edgeworth:

Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Phoenix: *looks around* Is Edgeworth not coming today?

Speakers: Oh, he is. For the moment, however, he is regrettably being delayed. We required a quick word with him regarding some undesirable...actions.


Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.


And now this with him not knowing from what time he is from... did I miss anything? Or it will be explained in future sporkings?
"I wonder if it was something that has something to do with something. That something being our case. The last something, I mean."
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Saresa wrote:
I'm a bit confused about the latest events involving Edgeworth:

Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Phoenix: *looks around* Is Edgeworth not coming today?

Speakers: Oh, he is. For the moment, however, he is regrettably being delayed. We required a quick word with him regarding some undesirable...actions.


Pessimistic_Fool wrote:
Speakers: The Management's dramatic pauses will not be interrupted! As we were saying, you have been warned. We strongly urge you to cease meddling with our source material. We don't know how you did it, but it is fairly clear that you're behind the new copy protection. We will let it slide this time, mostly because it didn't take all that long to go around it, but further manipulations will not be tolerated.


And now this with him not knowing from what time he is from... did I miss anything? Or it will be explained in future sporkings?

Him not knowing what time he was from was actually a joke about the fact that I have no idea what I'm even going for when I write him... and I guess copy protection refers to the fact that you can no longer highlight/copy stuff on fanfiction.net without installing a browser script?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I should have installed a browser script earlier. Now I feel like I've wasted so much time copying every single error from that error-infested fanfic. Never again.

I'm just tinkering with a few edits here and there in my spork now. Since the fic hasn't been updated in an entire year, I suppose it's not going to update again any time soon, so I might as well fit everything in one post.

And hopefully I can finally spare some time for my blog again. It doesn't feel right leaving it like that.



Edit: Here ya go. Please keep in mind that I have never officially sporked anything before, but it is a hobby I sometimes take out for walks.

Phoenix Wright READ THE STORY TO FIND OUT!

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
I'll stick with four, since I am still able to read it all the way through, and it's supposed to be an innocent fluff fic. However, if this fic is intended to be a troll fic, it's one of ill taste. Nothing important happens, nothing is explained, and nothing is interesting about it. I'll persist only for these three chapters, and I'm done.

-------------------------------

There are several rooms in the Sporking Theater that are currently in use when our guests arrive. It is an eerily quiet night, nevertheless, and the usual men-in-black patrol stands guard in the theater lobby.

Speakers: Welcome back, fellow sporkers! Tonight, we have a special feature presentation to set the mood. As usual, we'll be withholding the title for the sake of surprise, but please pick up a copy of the memo lying on the front desk before you proceed to the gallery.
But first off, presenting our guests of honor:


Breaking the laws of physics among other things, Phoenix Wright!
:nick: Great. The hair jokes are back again.

Breaking all logic and Nick's bank, Maya Fey!
:maya: A growing girl's gotta get her goodies!

Breaking his back for the loves of his life, Larry Butz!
:butzthumbs: What? When a man's in love, he's gotta go all the way! And beyond!

And finally, breaking the spines of foolish fools everywhere, Franziska von Karma!
:no-no: It's never my fault that they always deserve it.

Larry: Franzy! Good to see ya!
Franziska: YOU! Why are you here!?
Larry: Aw, come on. It's been a while since the last we've seen each other, and... huh? Why hasn't she whipped me yet?
Maya: What? Do you actually miss getting whipped!?
Larry: Of course not! I'm just saying it's weird...
Phoenix: She had her whip confiscated the last time she came by.
Franziska: *glare*
Phoenix: *grin* (It's actually pretty refreshing being able to come here and not worry about that whip.)
Franziska: Mark my words, Phoenix Wright. A von Karma is always resourceful, no matter what the circumstances, and I WILL find a way to make you regret underestimating me.
Phoenix: (...Honestly, I'm not sure what worse you could do to me that the fics themselves can do.)
Maya: Apparently, there's a romance/horror story on this time. It says so on the memo.
Phoenix: Oh, lovely. (This better not be another squicky ship with Franziska... or worse, yet another Mary Sue.)
Larry: Romance, eh? Looks like it's right up my alley!
Franziska: [swats him with memo] You will remain silent unless being spoken to.
Larry: ...
Phoenix: [reading off memo] W-what!? Three chapters in one sitting!?
Franziska: *swat* Phoenix Wright...! This better not be some inane joke of yours!
Phoenix: It's not! I didn't write the memo! (Did she really just swat me with paper?)
Franziska: This is beyond ridiculous! How do they expect us to sit through three whole chapters!?
Maya: Well, it says the chapters are pretty short.
Franziska: That's no excuse! If only they weren't protected by the law, or I would prosecute them myself!
Speakers: The Management would like to remind Franziska von Karma that we have rights to a fair trial.
Franziska: You... you foolish fools! That was highly uncalled for! How dare you insult my professionalism!?
Maya: *whisper* (Nick, Ms. von Karma looks about ready to snap...)
Phoenix: *whisper* (At least being swatted with paper doesn't hurt.)
Speakers: Without further ado, the room is now open. Please enjoy your stay!
Franziska: ...Avoiding confrontation like the cowards they are. Hmph, I have no time to waste my precious breath here! [marches inside]
Phoenix: (Something tells me that she's going to waste her breath a lot anyway...)
Maya: Well, there's no point in staying out here. I hope there'll at least be some theme-matching treats!
Phoenix: I think you're out of luck. It's nowhere close to Halloween.
Maya: Aw...

They hesitantly file in and take their seats. Fortunately for Maya, the snack table has been amply refilled, so she first helps herself to a tray of goodies before returning to her seat. The lights then dim.

Quote:
Phoenix Wright READ THE STORY TO FIND OUT!

Phoenix: I can already see where this is going.
Maya: Is it telling you to read the story or something?
Phoenix: Demanding in all caps, even.
Franziska: Not to mention, there's a missing comma.
Phoenix: (Somehow, I get the feeling she's going to have a lot of proofreading to get through...)

Spoiler: Chapter 1
Quote:
"Rebecca What if he does like me?"Asked Jasmine over the phone

"trust me He likes you"Claimed Rebecca

"are you sure?"Questioned Jasmine

"positive!"

All: ...
Franziska: [crunches memo in hand] Of all the foolish... Does this author have a phobia of proper punctuation and sentence structure!? I can barely read this disaster!
Maya: ...And so the pairings begin. *sigh*
Phoenix: That's my line and my action, Maya.
Larry: Oh, come on, Nick! What's wrong with having an admirer from time to time?
Phoenix: It's never only "time to time" in here.
Maya: I can already hear the excited giggling that follows...

Quote:
"Okay then I got to go do my home work Bye"Declared Jasmine as she hung up the phone .

Maya: Or not.
Franziska: This girl must have the attention span of a 7-year-old.
Phoenix: So does the author, apparently.
Maya: At least there's finally a period at the end here.
Phoenix: And a line break after five lines.

Quote:
At School The Next Day

Maya: Scene change already?
Phoenix: Remember, attention span of a 7-year-old?
Maya: Oh, right.

Quote:
Jasmine walks past Phoenix Looking at the ground, then someone put there hand on her solder

Phoenix: Wait, what? Why am I at school?
Maya: And all you're doing is looking at the ground.
Larry: Maybe he's looking at some ants?
Phoenix: If only it was that simple, Larry...
Franziska: I think it's obvious by this point that you all are children.
Phoenix: This is only getting worse, isn't it?
Maya: Nick, you should be used to that by now.
Franziska: It may not matter by this point, but these misspellings should be "their" and "shoulder", respectively.
Maya: I dunno... I like the idea that she has an arm made of metal.
Phoenix: ...Makes as much sense as anything so far, and we've barely begun.

Quote:
"Are you Okay? You face is bright red." Wondered Phoenix

"i...um" She replied

"you what?"Questioned Phoenix

"i like you okay!" She Yelled And she ran away to her locker

Maya: Ooh! Friendzoned!
Phoenix: If that was the case, I'd be relieved.
Larry: Why? What's wrong with her?
Phoenix: Many things.
Franziska: *mutter* (...a complete mess of capitalization errors...)

Quote:
"you... what?" Phoenix's face was bright red

"Phoenix your lucky, i head many people have had a crush on her but she thought she wasn't good enough"Whispered Larry Butz

Phoenix: Whoa! Where did he show up from!?
Maya: Uh oh, the author turned Larry into some kind of stalker!
Larry: Hey, author dude or dudette! I never stalk, okay? I go right up to people when I wanna talk! Get that right at least!
Franziska: *glare* There are plenty more things for you to worry about when we get out of here.
Larry: ...

Quote:
"you think i should...?"Phoenix Wondered

"totally ill get Rebecca to ask jasmine about it"

"what ever you say"

Phoenix: I guess Larry and Rebecca are supposed to be close here, then?
Larry: Awesome! I've already got a girl in this fic! ...Of course, that's a given.
Maya: Wait, so how old are these guys?
Franziska: Seven. At most.
Maya: ...A little young for romance. Well, maybe it'll turn out pretty cute?
Phoenix: I wouldn't be so sure, Maya.

Quote:
After school

Larry: School's out! Things are starting to get interesting!
Phoenix: I'm doomed, aren't I?
Maya: If you weren't, then it wouldn't be as interesting!
Phoenix: ...

Quote:
Phoenix goes home and does his homework,but the only thing on his mind is "Jasmine"

"okay phoenix focus on you can wait unit tomorrow to see her"

Maya: Wow, that was quick. The two of you barely met in the last scene.
Phoenix: I hope it's because I'm trying to get my mind off of Larry showing up from nowhere and whispering into my ear.
Larry: Aw, come on! I thought that entrance was pretty cool!
Franziska: ...
Larry: ...Um, don't you?
Franziska: No.
Larry: Okay.

Quote:
"Dinner Phoenix" Phoenix's mother calls

"coming" He replied

Maya: And the day's over just like that. Wow, it's like we're "going at the speed of Wright"!
Phoenix: ...
Larry: ...
Franziska: ...
Maya: ...Yeah, that was bad. Sorry.

Quote:
when Phoenix got to the dinning table and started eating his mother started talking how Phoenix Should get a girlfriend and that just made him think about jasmine more

Maya: Whoa, whoa! Are you eating your own mom!?
Phoenix: ...Couldn't you have at least tried to ignore it?
Franziska: This is precisely why commas are necessary.
Larry: But his mom's got a point. Nick's never gone on a date, has he?
Phoenix: For your info, Larry, I have. Her name was not Jasmine.
Maya: Yeah, it was another flower.
Larry: You don't say... Wait. You're not talking about my sweet Iris, are you?
Phoenix: ...
Larry: Nick, you dog! I knew you were up to no good! Just what's going on between you and dear Iris!? Why are you butting into our mad love affair!?
Phoenix: I'm not "butting" into anything! It was a long time ago... and only for a few months.
Larry: Well, good! I'm not up for any three-way relations if you're wondering!
Phoenix: (If there's any relationship between you and her in the first place...)
Franziska: If you two mangy baboons are finished, can we move on?

Quote:
as soon as he finished he checked his email

"Phoenix! jasmine said yes!"-Larry Butz

Larry: Don't do it, Jasmine! He's not the guy for you! I'd know! I know him better than anyone!
Phoenix: ...Thanks, Larry. You're such a supportive friend.
Maya: I'm guessing fic-Nick had his laptop out on the "dinning" table already.
Franziska: Don't remind me.

Quote:
after an hour of being on the computer he did the usual stuff that you do before bed (brushing teeth etc)

and he fell in to his bed and slept

Phoenix: And now the fic is talking to us.
Maya: You were online for an entire hour looking at your email?
Larry: And it was even from me! Geez, Nick. Are my emails that interesting to you?
Phoenix: Don't put me together with that kid. And when was the last time you sent me any email? You have my number.
Larry: Hey, I know! Don't put me together with that kid!
Phoenix: And no stealing my lines.
Franziska: ...That preposition should be "into". It is describing transitional movement.
Phoenix: (...Somehow, that comment was a rather appropriate change of mood.)

Spoiler: Chapter 2
Maya: A-already? That was quick!
Phoenix: All the better.
Speakers: As a reminder to everyone, please refrain from commenting on chapter transitions. They are not the subject of the sporkings.

Quote:
The next day Phoenix woke up he remembered what Larry said about Jasmine saying yes he did the morning stuff, but skipped he got to school he saw so of the school bullies picking on Jasmine because of what she said yesterday. Phoenix was not one to deal with bullies, but over night he grew feelings for dropped all his stuff and told the bullies off which made it in to a more physical fight,but Phoenix just blocked all the punches trying to hide the fact that it hurt .Larry saw this and told the teacher

All: ...
Maya: I-I can't read it at all... And what's that bit about "skipped" about? What did he skip?
Franziska: I... I would assume it has omitted "breakfast" or some sort of morning activity... but this entire passage is almost entirely indistinguishable! If I had my whip, this screen would be torn to shreds this instant! [throws crunched memo at screen]
Speakers: The Management would like to remind Ms. von Karma that it is precisely the reason we confiscated your whip. And no tossing paper at the screen.
Franziska: *mutter* (As soon as this sporking is over...)
Maya: And what the heck did Jasmine say to them anyway? Did we miss a chapter?
Phoenix: I have no idea, and no, we didn't.
Larry: I didn't know you knew kung fu, Nick.
Phoenix: I don't. (Should I feel insulted or complimented?)
Maya: You didn't take those hits very well, though.
Phoenix: (...Yeah, I'm pretty sure I should feel insulted.)

Quote:
"David, Jack and Maddy to detention!. Phoenix good going stating up for a girl."said Mr. Tucker then he walked to the teaches office

Maya: ...I still don't get it.
Franziska: It's obvious those misspellings should be "standing" and "teacher's", respectively.
Maya: No, I got that. I just don't get what's the point of this scene.
Phoenix: Shipping.
Maya: ...Of course.
Larry: ...Huh. I don't think our teacher let us off the hook that easily back then for getting into fights.
Phoenix: Our teacher was also a woman, Larry. (And you were the only one who got into fights.)
Larry: No, duh! I was there too!

Quote:
Phoenix turned around and looked at Jasmine who was blushing.

"Thanks Phoenix"Said the blushing girl

"it's nothing"Phoenix replied

"WHAT DID I MISS?"Interrupted Rebecca

"Rebecca they weren't kissing"Stated Larry

Phoenix and Jasmine both tuned red

Maya: Ouch... the actress' acting was a little too spot-on...
Phoenix: Larry, what were you doing?
Larry: Sitting here, watching?
Phoenix: No, I mean fic-you. Was he just standing around watching me defend myself from bullies?
Maya: And Jasmine.
Larry: *shrug* You're the one with the kung fu, man.
Phoenix: ...Right.
Maya: I wouldn't call it "kung fu", though.
Franziska: No one cares. Can we just move on already?

Quote:
After school

Maya: The 7-year-old attention span strikes again.

Quote:
"So Nick what are you doing tomorrow?"Larry wondered

"i don't know I'll think of some thing" replied the Phoenix aka Nick

Maya: Wow, even "the Phoenix" is here at school.
Phoenix: Well, maybe it's like a title?
Maya: You mean... "Nick the Phoenix"?
Larry: Sounds like a wrestling title!
Franziska: ...The idea of Phoenix Wright involved in any physical sport is rather amusing.
Maya: It's 'cause he's got no stamina, huh?
Larry: I wouldn't bet on him even if someone paid me to! ...Well, maybe I would if a girl asked me to...
Phoenix: Can we stop mocking my poor physical condition? Thanks.

Quote:
"it is the weekend "Stated Jasmine

"yeah i love weekends!" declared Rebecca

"maybe we could meet up at the movies this Sunday,you all free then?"Asked Larry

"yeah" they replied

Franziska: I am fully convinced now. The author must be a child who is struggling in English studies with such a small vocabulary.
Phoenix: Really? I expected them to be some sort of troll.
Franziska: Believe it or not, I am still willing to give them the benefit of the doubt for now.
Phoenix: (Funny... just earlier, you looked like you were about to rip the screen with your hands.)
Franziska: I am NOT defending this atrocious piece of garbage, if you must know.

Quote:
"last Weekend then we never have to see that school again" Phoenix sighed

"i know one more week then Graduation!"

Maya: Uh-oh. Who's talking here?
Phoenix: Some upcoming graduates from junior high.
Franziska: I would think "grade school" is the more appropriate term here.
Phoenix: (Okay, she has a point.)
Larry: Eh, I dunno. I was kind of a twerp back in grade school, so none of the girls really liked me.
Franziska: No one asked.

Quote:
"so What are you gonna do for a after school end for our whole lives?" Rebecca asked

Maya: What did she say?
Phoenix: Uh... I guess she's supposed to say "after school ends"?
Franziska: ...I would find it more amusing had the second "for" been removed altogether.
Phoenix: (Wow, she's at such a loss for words that she's started to look for ways to worsen the fic.)

Quote:
"i want to be a detective" jasmine Declared

"i want to study art and law at university" Phoenix Told them

Maya: Art?
Phoenix: It's a long story... I wasn't really sure what I wanted when I was attending Ivy U.
Larry: So when did you decide on becoming a lawyer?
Phoenix: It was when I met Mia for the first time...
Maya: Ooh! I don't think you've told me this one!
Larry: Dude! What the heck did you do to get that smokin' babe with you!?
Phoenix: ...I was on trial.
Maya & Larry: ...
Franziska: Somehow, I'm not surprised.

Quote:
"i..i don't know what i want to do." Larry Stated

"i want to a model"Rebecca dramatically said

Jasmine and Phoenix both looked at her and laughed but Larry smiled

Maya: I'm not sure that warrants a "dramatic" reading.
Phoenix: Nothing in here does, Maya.

Quote:
the group split and all went to their own houses

Jasmine walk along then heard a scream , she quickly turned around and saw the murder of girl, she Ran as fast as her could back to where the group split up She rang Rebecca ,Rebecca rang Larry and Larry rang Phoenix. Phoenix rang the police

Phoenix: Um... is this supposed to be the "horror" part of the story?
Maya: So what does it mean by "rang"? Are they smacking each other like bells or something?
Larry: Dang, Nick. Isn't that assault on the police?
Phoenix: Don't ask me. I don't know what's going on.
Franziska: For you uneducated swine, "to ring someone" is British slang for making a call.
Maya: ...So they're British now?
Phoenix: Beats accidentally assaulting the police.
Larry: I dunno... didn't look like an accident.
Phoenix: ...I'm not defending you the next time you get in trouble.
Larry: H-hey, Nick, buddy! Calm down! I'm kidding!

Quote:
"okay you need to tell us what happened"Said the girl officer

"there was a man in a Pink Jumper with a hood and he Killed a girl with a brick and a stick " Jasmine said trying not to cry

Maya: But Nick was the one who called...
Phoenix: I guess we're all together now, maybe at the police department.
Maya: ...So by "after school", the author meant anything and everything after it.
Phoenix: Looks like it.

Quote:
Phoenix was trying to claim her down

Larry: Dude, Nick! What are you doing to her!?
Phoenix: I don't know! What am I doing to her!?
Franziska: Perhaps the same thing you always do when you pointlessly object to perfectly good testimonies.
Maya: ...So, he's objecting to her?
Phoenix: In that case, it's what I've been doing all this time.

Quote:
"where at"the officer asked

(This is a made up street)"on Lyra avenue near the house 10"

"okay are you the only witness?"The Officer said

"i think so"Her Told the officer almost crying

Franziska: ...This officer should be fired for letting that description slide.
Maya: What's a "house 10"? Is that British slang too?
Franziska: None that I've heard of.
Larry: Reminds me of a show I watched.
Phoenix: I... never thought you were into that stuff.
Larry: Not me. It was with Amber.
Phoenix: (Figures... wait, who's Amber?)

Quote:
Phoenix took Jasmines cell phone and called her mother

"hello Jasmine"Her mother said cheerfully

"sorry this is Phoenix a friend from school, Jasmine is here next to and witnessed a murder, so you want me to bring her home?"

"Yes thank you"she replied Horrified

Maya: And this begs the question... What's she so horrified about?
Phoenix: Her daughter being next to a murder?
Larry: Nick being with her daughter?
Franziska: Most likely, his screeching voice.
Larry: Oh, that's a good one!
Maya: Haha!
Phoenix: ...

Quote:
Phoenix picked up her bags and walked her home the police already blocked off the area around the dead man

All: ...
Phoenix: Objection! The witness has testified to a female victim!
Maya: Maybe the author's lying, Nick! Go get 'em!
Franziska: And where is your evidence, Mr. Phoenix Wright?
Phoenix: It's right up above, 10 lines ago!
Larry: Whoa, wait, Nick!
Phoenix: What?
Larry: 10 lines... "house 10"... Maybe it's all a conspiracy!
Franziska: Overruled. It's just a coincidence. The author couldn't possibly have predicted this outcome.
Phoenix: Oh yeah? And where's your proof?
Franziska: I present to you... the fanfic itself.
Phoenix: Th... that's cheating.
Franziska: Cheating? I have yet to violate any rule since we stepped in here... and it is about time we stop wasting time!
Maya: ...Spoilsport.

Quote:
"Jasmine you know you'll be in court of almost the Whole week right" phoenix said

"i know but i can't get that picture out of my head"jasmine stated

"this might get it out of your head"Phoenix Told her

Maya: Ooh! Ooh! Give her a smack!
Larry: Aw, that's just mean. How about he show her how awesome I can be?
Franziska: He'd traumatize the girl for life.
Larry: What? What's wrong with... Whoa, Franzy, I wasn't even thinking like that!
Franziska: Like what...
...! Larry Buuutz! You will take that thought back to the hellhole from whence it spawned!
Phoenix: Joke's on you.
Franziska: I swear, when I get my whip back, I will make sure to make you two suffer for eternity!
Phoenix: (...She's not really getting it back any time soon, right? Right...?)

Quote:
he looked around to make sure no one was looking and kissed her on the lips

Phoenix: ...
Maya: H-hey, it's okay! It wasn't that bad!
Larry: Lighten up, man! At least you two didn't end up making l-
Franziska: You will NOT finish that sentence if you value your life!
Larry: ...lunch together?
Maya: Nice save.

Quote:
Phoenix knocked on the door Jasmine was happy but when her mother came to the door the acted sad

"Hello you must be Phoenix"Said her mother

"Hello and yes i am Phoenix"He replied trying not to be rude

Maya: What? Where did this door come from?
Phoenix: Better yet, do I have a personal vendetta with this mom?
Franziska: I expect she has a person vendetta with you after hearing your screeching voice.
Phoenix: ...The acting wasn't that bad, you know.
Franziska: You're right. It should have been worse.
Phoenix: (...She's become even more unbearable without her whip... or memo, even.)

Quote:
"please come in" insisted Her mother

"i though she would be more horrified then happy"Phoenix whispered to Jasmine as he puts her bags down

"She been like that for as long as i can remember" she whispered back

Phoenix: Seriously, why am I being so cautious around her mother?
Maya: Maybe she's the real culprit.
Phoenix: And how could I know if she was involved in the murder?
Franziska: Jasmine had already testified to seeing a man. She couldn't possibly be the culprit.
Maya: But maybe Jasmine is lying!
Phoenix: So she's the real culprit?
Larry: Then you just kissed the murderer, dude!
Phoenix: Larry... why did you have to bring that up again?

Quote:
Wright's block (lol)

Phoenix: No, author. You are and never were funny.
Franziska: At the very least, this prevents the chapter from dragging on any longer than it already has.

Spoiler: Chapter 3
Maya: Okay, final stretch and we're home free!

Quote:
I need more ideas put ideas in the reviews thanks!.

Maya: ...The author can't be serious.
Phoenix: If they're actually just playing this for laughs, then I'd say they aren't.
Larry: Or if they are...
Phoenix: I'd rather not think about that.
Franziska: Whether the author is a foolish child or a foolish troll with foolish tastes does not matter! Hurry and continue the story!
Phoenix: (I'd be more careful around this if I was her...)

Quote:
A Few Years Later

Maya: ...We meet yet again, 7-year-old attention span.
Franziska: Oh, good. I was hoping for something that didn't involve grade school children.

Quote:
"Trucy breakfast" Yelled Jasmine

"Coming mummy" Trucy repied

All: ...
Maya: I think you spoke too soon, Ms. von Karma.
Franziska: *grumble*
Phoenix: ...I hope this "Trucy" isn't someone I'm supposed to know.
Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that leaning against the fourth wall is prohibited.
Phoenix: ...
Maya: I guess that means she is?
Phoenix: (...Suddenly, I'm terrified.)

Quote:
"I'll take her to school"Phoenix stated

Phoenix: (I knew it.)
Maya: Wow, Nick, a dad? I... don't know what to think of that.
Franziska: I cringe at the thought of this man reproducing.
Larry: *whistle* So they really did make "lunch" together, huh?
Phoenix: (But the girl doesn't look like either of us... uh, m-maybe I shouldn't think too much into it.)

Quote:
"OBJECTION!"Jasmine yelled in her prosecutor voice

"whats you OBJECTION?"asked Phoenix

"i can Take her to School"Replied Jasmine

All: ...
Phoenix: Ms. von Karma, I assure you I do not talk like that.
Franziska: I beg to differ.
Maya: Didn't she say she wanted to be a detective?
Larry: Maybe she took Edgey's route? He suddenly became a prosecutor too.
Phoenix: Larry, Edgeworth had a perfectly sensible reason to. This girl... uh, woman does not.

Quote:
"NOT SO FAST! I'll take her" Phoenix objected

"HOLD IT! no i will"Jasmine protested
"no i will TAKE THAT"Phoenix yelled

Maya: Wow, they're still going at it.
Franziska: I see nothing wrong with this characterization of him.
Phoenix: (Speak for yourself, Ms. Whip-jection.)

Quote:
"mummy this is a silly fright"Trucy Stated while eating pancakes

Phoenix: I'm pretty horrified of what's happening, myself.
Maya: At least this girl seems alright so far.
Phoenix: That'll probably last for only this moment.

Quote:
"I know Trucy,Phoenix we can both take her"Jasmine said

"yeah i Guess so since we both work as Deference attorneys"Phoenix agreed

Maya: "Deference attorneys"? Nick, what's that?
Phoenix: Uh...
Franziska: Something that this man certainly does not have.
Phoenix: Something the woman fic-me is married to doesn't either.
Larry: Yeah, wasn't she supposed to be a prosecutor?
Phoenix: You're missing the point here.

Quote:
"Excuse me! am no Deference attorney i am a prosecutor!"ranted Jasmine

"i still dislike that you Choose Miles Edgeworth to mentor you"Phoenix complained

"whatever"Jasmine calmly stated

Maya: Oh, finally Mr. Edgeworth's name is brought up.
Phoenix: And he's apparently a mentor to this woman fic-me supposedly married.
Franziska: As a relative to Miles Edgeworth, I can safely say that he is not the type of man to take up mentoring. He's far from ready.
Phoenix: ("Ready"? It's not like he's in a relationship with her or anything... I hope. *gulp*)

Quote:
they got in the car a drove to Trucy's School

"Have A good day"Said Jasmine

"Bye mummy bye daddy" Trucy Called

"Bye" Both Phoenix and Jasmine

Phoenix: What? They don't even get to do anything with that "Bye"?
Larry: Heh heh. Sounds like the author's saying "bye" to them.
Phoenix: (If they ever end up being killed off, it would be the greatest achievement that this fic could accomplish, but even that's almost an impossibility...)
Maya: And what would have happened if Nick did take her by himself? Would they have to take the bus?
Franziska: Truly a sad experience for a young child.
Larry: Geez, Nick. When are you ever gonna get a license?
Phoenix: Um... do I really need one? I'm just fine with biking around...
Franziska: You would make a terrible father.
Phoenix: (I don't see you making a very good mother either.)

Quote:
Jasmine Phone Rang

Maya: Um... I saw a line break, but this isn't in bold or centered.
Phoenix: I don't think that's supposed to be the scene title, Maya.
Maya: But it's in all caps.
Franziska: Everything up to this point has been incorrectly capitalized or missing proper capitalization. What makes this different?
Maya: ...Never mind.

Quote:
"hello"She said happily

"Hello,Rember that man you saw a couple years a go?"

"Yes"she said

Larry: Which guy?
Maya: The one from a couple years ago, I guess.
Phoenix: I'd assume the caller is talking about the man she witnessed...
Franziska: Or you.
Maya: Or Larry.
Larry: Wait, are they talking about me?
Phoenix: I wouldn't be surprised. "When something smells..."

Quote:
"we found him and he... killed your mother.?

"What..." tears started rolling down her face

Phoenix was wondering why she was crying

All: ...
Larry: H-hey, guys! You know I wouldn't hurt a fly, right? I'm no murderer! I-I've been framed! Again!
Phoenix: Relax, Larry. No one suspects you.
Franziska: ...
Phoenix: (Well, almost no one.)
Larry: Nick, you were kidding about not defending me next time, right?
Phoenix: ...Yeah.
Larry: Hey! What's with that pause!?

Quote:
"Bye,oh and tell Phoenix he will be the deference attorney."

"okay i will bye"

"bye"

Phoenix: What.
Maya: Wow, talk about a sudden mood-swing.
Franziska: I didn't doubt it for a second.
Phoenix: No, more importantly, who assigns me to cases!? I run my own firm!
Maya: So what will you be doing as the "deference attorney"?
Phoenix: ...Not defending someone, I hope.
Franziska: Certainly not. You're the last person who should be qualified.
Phoenix: ...Are you talking about fic-me or me, personally?
Franziska: ...
Phoenix: ...

Quote:
"are you okay?" the spiky haired man asked

Maya: There's even a line break here?
Larry: I guess line breaks don't always mean a scene change!
Maya: B-but, then how are we supposed to know when it does!?
Larry: *shrug*


To everyone's surprise, the lights now turn back on.

Phoenix: W-what? Was that all to that third chapter?
Maya: S-so are we done...?
Speakers: This is a notice from the Management. Given the current status of the fanfic and its undecided future, we will have no choice but to cut it abruptly short at this moment. Please excuse the inconvenience.
Larry: It's all over! Woohoo!
Phoenix: Yesssss!
Maya: We did it! We survived!
Franziska: Management! Return me my whip at once! You keep your promise!
Phoenix: ...what?
Speakers: Very well, Ms. von Karma, but please keep in mind that future instances of equipment abuse will not be tolerated. Should you violate that rule yet again, your whip will henceforth be confiscated upon your arrival.
Franziska: Yes, yes, I understand... Now where is it!?
Speakers: One of our agents is coming over with the delivery as we speak. Enjoy the rest of your night, ladies and gentlemen!

As soon as the speakers go mute, a tight tension fills the air. True enough, a man in black arrives with her precious item. As soon as Franziska wields the weapon with a proud air and firm grip, the other three are quietly inching toward the exit.

Franziska: And where do you think you're going?
All three: ...!
Franziska: I swore to you that as soon as I regained my whip, I would deliver unto you an eternity of suffering, and I always make due with my vows! Get back here and receive what you deserve!

And so, the Sporking Theater closes on yet another lively night. While Franziska von Karma tails those three in hot pursuit with a wildly flailing whip, there's the shadow of a figure lurking around the theater hallways.

Silhouette: ...I see the good ol' Sporking Theater is back in business. Time for a certain hero of truth and justice to make her stunning reappearance!

And with that, the figure vanishes into the shadows as swiftly as it has come.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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@Airey @Rubia Actually there is a very simple way to copy them. Just save the chapters as HTML only, then open them on your browser and copy on a text processor.

And great job, Rubia! I haven't found many gems like that on Fanfiction.net lately... should I call myself lucky?
"I wonder if it was something that has something to do with something. That something being our case. The last something, I mean."


Last edited by Saresa on Fri Jul 18, 2014 11:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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@Saresa: I've had the script installed ever since copy protection was first added.

@Rubia: Excellent job! I especially liked the mysterious silhouette at the end! :gant-clap:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Thanks, guys. I debated with myself for a while about whether to enhance the sporking with an actual story or just leave it as a plainly exclusive event.

This also means that the next time Franziska appears, she will have her whip again. Oh, joy. Also, Kay should appear in a future sporking some time. I kinda miss how she teleports everywhere.

It was a pretty fun experience. Now I feel like trying another one... if I can find one that terribad. Any ideas, guys?
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Ya friendly, local neighborhood writer

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Saresa wrote:
@Airey @Rubia Actually there is a very simple way to copy them. Just save the chapters as HTML only, then open them on your browser and copy on a text processor.

And great job, Rubia! I haven't found many gems like that on Fanfiction.net lately... should I call myself lucky?

Umm...I may sound like an idiot if it really is as simple as it sounds and I am overthinking it :sadshoe: , but, how do you save it as an HTML?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Right-click on the page and select "Save as...", then choose "Web page, HTML only" when saving. Then, just open the file and do as you please =)
"I wonder if it was something that has something to do with something. That something being our case. The last something, I mean."
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Ya friendly, local neighborhood writer

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Thanks. I am currently still working on my spork of "The extreme skip of time:the meeting of the greatest attorneys ever". I have been a bit shorthanded on time this week, so I am just finishing up with the intro and haven't actually delved into the sporking yet. I also want to do as diligent of a job as possible seeing how I want to show that I am a competent sporker to the rest of this community. I probably expect to see this sporking done by Monday, unless something else gets in my way.
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Yatta.

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So I'm searching around on ff.net again. The ones that catch my eye are usually the ones that have a pretty unusual prompt. They aren't always that bad, actually, but I feel like I could give them a good sporking anyway.

And on that note, has anyone checked out this one? It's actually a pretty well written one, but its use of unusual diction is only asking for witty retorts. I also do object to how some of the characters are portrayed, since I'm so picky about this sort of stuff for some reason. I'm up for another round.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
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Wow... that fic deserves a good sporking. It felt like the author was trying to bend the characters' personalities just to create a story around each word. However, there are other multiparters going on... things can get a bit confusing.

I would like to find a fic to start sporking too, but it's hard to find something really bad nowadays and I'm not very creative myself. But I'll try anyway.
"I wonder if it was something that has something to do with something. That something being our case. The last something, I mean."
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@Rubia: I tried to skim it, but just reading the summary gave me a headache. If you wanna go for it, good luck!

Law Plus Chaos, part seven.
I'm changing the rating to a :dahlia: now that the rape trial "plot" is resolved. From here on out, it only gets even more insane... and yet, incredibly boring. It's like the fanfiction equivalent of roofieing everyone at a party and then all you do is sit in the corner and vomit on yourself until everybody else wakes up.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "I've been in here so many times I'm running out of things to say in my introduction."
Hobo Nick!
:hobohodo: "And I would've gotten out of this one, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!"
Apollo Justice!
:think-think-think: "There has to be a flaw in the security somewhere..."
aaaaaaaaaaaaand...
Dual Destinies-era Pearl Fey!
:pearl: "I'm pretty sure I've only been in here once... it was pretty weird, though."

[We open up in our lovely sporking theatre, where Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright, and Apollo Justice are already seated.]

Edgeworth: Enjoy your little vacation, Wright?

Apollo: How'd you get away from them?

Phoenix: How am I supposed to know? I just wasn't summoned for a few chapters, that's all. What happened, anyway?

Edgeworth: They brought in Diego Armando. You completely missed it.

Phoenix: ...I meant in the fic.

Apollo: We have no idea, Mr. Wright. But it was stupid.

Edgeworth: The Management has decided to provide scripts of the chapters we've already gone over, for the sake of everyone who doesn't have to sit through the entire thing. *tosses script at Phoenix*

Phoenix: *skims the last six chapters* Yep. It's stupid alright. *puts script down* ...aren't we supposed to have someone else?

[Phoenix's question is answered by one Pearl Fey, age 17, walking into the theatre and sitting next to Edgeworth, because Apollo is already sitting on the not-Edgeworth side of Phoenix.]

Pearl: Hi, Mr. Nick, Mr. Edgeworth, Apollo!

Phoenix: P-Pearls?! They brought you in?!

Pearl: Well, yes! They told me that you needed my help, Mr. Nick, and Mystic Maya said that if I went, she wouldn't have to.

Phoenix: B-But Maya knows what kind of thing goes on in this fic!

Pearl: I'm not a little girl anymore, Mr. Nick. I can handle it. By the way, how come you're dressed so casually? And you look a little funny with stubble.

Edgeworth: Actually, I agree on that last point.

[The lights dim.]

Phoenix: Oh, look, it's something for you to that doesn't involve picking on me.

Apollo: (Well, maybe if you bothered to look a little more presentable...)

Quote:
"Come out tonight!" Demanded Wocky through the phone. "Bring Apollo with ya too. I'm meeting up with Machi this afternoon. He said he has something to tell you."

"Sure," Trucy replied. "I'll get Polly to come. I'll drag him if I have to."

"That's good," Wocky replied. "I don't want Klavier to come – he's being a whack ass."


Apollo: Um, where are we going? I'm afraid to find out...

Phoenix: Forget that. Pearls, cover your ears.

Pearl: I hear worse words than that at school all the time, Mr. Nick.

Phoenix: ... *sheds single tear*

Quote:
"Apollo shouted at him through the phone just now," Trucy told him. "What happened?"

"Klavier fucked off with this pink chick."


Edgeworth: Actually, most of this fic makes me want to cover my ears.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that sporkers are required to pay attention at all times.

Quote:
"OH MY GOD!" Trucy shrieked. "I can't believe it! He cheated on Ema?"


Apollo: Yeah, raise your hand if you didn't see that coming.

Pearl: *is the only one to raise her hand*

Apollo: Do you even know either of them?

Pearl: ...no, not really. But people shouldn't cheat on their special someones!

Apollo: I... don't think they're special someones.

Quote:
"Yeah right when her sister's around that dumb dickhead."

"I thought he loved Ema..."

"Seems like he was talking shit."

"Aww..." Trucy sighed. "Poor Ema.


Edgeworth: Poor us.

Quote:
So who else is going?"

"Vera, Pearl, Cody and my friend Matt. Matt's gonna be a bit late but he'll come."


Pearl: So... I guess these people are my friends in this fic, right? Who's Matt?

Apollo: Did you not get a script?

Pearl: I - I saw a sex scene in the second chapter. I didn't want to read it after that...

Edgeworth: Hmm. They gave us uncut scripts?

Phoenix: Apparently.

Quote:
"That sounds good! I haven't seen Vera in a while."

"Wait outside my place at seven. We'll go over to the park and just hang out."

"I'll be there!" Trucy assured Wocky. "I'll see you there." They both said their goodbyes and departed the telephone. She faced a depressed Apollo and said: "We're gonna meet up at Wocky's place at seven and hang out in the park."

"I'm not going if Klavier's going!" Apollo snapped. He did not want to see his face, nor even think about Klavier. "After what he did to Ema..."


Phoenix: Anyone want to place any bets on a love triangle?

Apollo & Edgeworth: No.

Pearl: Mystic Maya said not to get involved in your gambling.

Quote:
"Do you like Ema or something?" asked Trucy.

"Of course I like her," Apollo snapped. "As a friend, mind you."

"Liar!" giggled Trucy.


Phoenix: Well, if anyone had made any bets, they could pay up now.

Edgeworth: Wouldn't it be more like a love square, since Trucy would obviously be involved? Or a pentagon, since April May is also involved?

Apollo: More like a square stacked on top of a triangle, since it'd be Trucy<->me->Ema<->Prosecutor Gavin->April May. *pauses, then puts head in his hands* Why am I even thinking about this?!

Pearl: Don't give up, Apollo! The fic can't kill us!

Edgeworth: (After what happened in chapter six, I wouldn't be too sure about that...)

Quote:
"And he might not be, Wocky said he's being a jackass."

"Just tell me what happened last night?" Apollo asked Trucy.

"Godot had to carry you because you couldn't walk," Trucy started.


Apollo: *breathes a huge sigh of relief* Good. I was worried it was something else-

Quote:
"Then he placed you on the bed.


Apollo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!

Phoenix: Apollo, we kind of need our sense of hearing.

Quote:
I was sitting next to you


Apollo: AAAAA- wait, that actually rules out Mr. Armando. *sinks into seat* Did the fic have to be cut up like that?

Speakers: Yes.

Quote:
then you grabbed my breasts when I was changing into my pajamas. Then Iris walked in and saw you grabbing my naked body and she hit you on the head and you passed out. She fainted after I was changed."


Phoenix: While I'm not entirely sure that's something Iris could do, I have to say I support her decision.

Pearl: You're not very respectful of women in this fic, are you, Apollo?

Apollo: I-It's only fictional!

Quote:
"... No wonder she fainted."


Edgeworth: After waiting for Trucy to finish getting dressed, of course.

Phoenix: Because anything else in this fic makes sense?

Quote:
"Don't worry about it though," Trucy assured. "Next time, I wanna get hammered too."

"With a hangover like this it's not worth it."


Apollo: I... don't think that's the issue here...

Pearl: Trucy's really in with the wrong crowd in this fic, isn't she?

Phoenix: From the looks of it, so are you.

Quote:
"You should get drunk again you know," Trucy told him. "You were hilarious."

"And you're saying I'm boring when I'm sober?"

"You're cute when you're sober."

Apollo had some deep concerns for Trucy.


Edgeworth: I think we all do.

Phoenix: (And not just in the context of the fic, either.)

Quote:
For Larry Butz, there is one thing more important than life itself: Alita Tiala. Accomplished was the only way to describe Larry's current emotion. She was free from the clutches of the law and protected in the last place they would ever find her. Her fresh identity was now Sister Tia – a humble nun at Hazakura Temple. Sister Andrews called him to say that she was doing fine, and that satisfied him. He would be sure to visit at some point. It was a hbeautiful concept to think about as he walked down a busy street. Of course he had to woe for Alita's absence, but the prisoners noticed his joy.


Apollo: Oh, great. We're back to this.

Edgeworth: Better this than a continuation of the idiocy that was the first part of chapter six.

Pearl: What happened in chapter six, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: No.

Quote:
He saw his friend, Phoenix sitting on the bench having a cigarette.


Pearl: Mr. Nick! Smoking is bad for you!! It's even worse than grape juice!

Phoenix: I don't smoke! A-And grape juice is not bad for you!

Apollo: Then why don't you ever let Trucy have any?

Phoenix: Because I'm a responsible adult!

Edgeworth: *snorts*

Quote:
He wanted to show him something. "NICK!" Larry yelled as he scurried to Phoenix. "I got something to show you!"

"What is it?" asked Phoenix.

Larry took his magazine out of his pocket, unfolded it quickly and then showed Phoenix a page. It was a picture of Maya Fey – naked, with a shower of burgers surrounding her.


Apollo: Because that's completely appropriate to show your friends.

Edgeworth: Actually, that's about par for the course with Larry.

Phoenix: Um... Pearls, are you okay?

Pearl: ..................no.

Quote:
Burger King was on the left corner. Phoenix grabbed the magazine out of his hands as fast as he could. His eyes became fixed to Maya's smile and the way she bravely showed off her body.

"WHAT THE FUCK MAYA!" Phoenix roared.

"She looks so hot in that picture," Larry smirked.

"As nice as that picture is," Phoenix admitted. "I feel sorry for her: I think Franziska's going to give her a whipping."


Phoenix: That's really not the issue here!

Quote:
"Maya would do anything for a burger," Larry said. "Even go naked for Burger King."


Pearl: No! Mystic Maya would never do that! She'd just make Mr. Nick buy her one!

Phoenix: Yeah! Wait. ...yeah, she would!

Edgeworth: ...Justice, you can pick your jaw up now.

Apollo: W-What? Sorry, it's just... naked woman out of nowhere...

Pearl: Don't look at Mystic Maya like that! *slaps Apollo*

Apollo: Ouch-!

[Larry is in looooooooove with Alita, and misses her now that she's on the lam.]
Quote:
Four locks appears appeared out of nowhere around Larry's heart. With that he couldn't exactly believe Larry's "love" had disappeared without a trace. Whatever he was hiding it didn't matter to Phoenix. As tempting as it was to break those locks, now wasn't the time. When the time was right – Larry's secret about his love would be revealed.


Phoenix: ...what, am I busy or something? I love breaking psyche-locks.

Apollo: (Note to self: do not lie to Mr. Wright. I'm afraid to know how you break one of those things...)

Quote:
"Sounds bad," Phoenix replied simply nodding.

"Anyway Trucy is so gorgeous!" Larry seemed to have snapped out of his Alita mood. "She did such a sexy job on those Wonder Bar performances."

"Any perverted thoughts about my daughter," warned Phoenix, "I'll punch you in the face."


Pearl: Look, Mr. Nick! You're in-character!

Phoenix: Wow! That's pretty much the first time this fic.

Apollo: ...which is why you haven't punched me yet.

Edgeworth: Shame it isn't going to last.

Apollo: Which means I don't have to watch myself get punched...

[Phoenix tells Larry Alita is a murderer. Larry defends Alita by insulting Wocky.]
Quote:
"You wouldn't wanna say that in front of Pearls," advised Phoenix. "That's her boyfriend."


Pearl: Oh, I have a special someone in this fic?

Edgeworth: Yes. He's the person who was swearing at the beginning of the chapter.

Pearl: *disappointment*

Quote:
"WHY IS SHE DATING THAT..." Larry fell silent.

"PEARL THAT'S HIM! THAT'S THE DUDE WHO TRIED TO KILL ME!"

Larry bit his lip as he turned to see the last person he wanted to meet. He turned around to see Pearl and Wocky approaching him with fury. Larry faced Phoenix, stepping backwards he said, "I'll see you later Nick!" He dashed off without another word. Phoenix chuckled at Pearl chasing Larry with her floating fist.


Apollo: As opposed to her normal fist.

Pearl: Maybe it's a fist-shaped balloon?

Edgeworth: Where would you even get that?

Pearl: Um, wrestling matches, maybe...?

Quote:
Larry screamed when Wocky grabbed his shoulders, dragging in into a corner with an angry Pearl. Phoenix didn't know about Wocky, but could sure knew how to punch someone. He knew – Pearl punched him many times before.


Phoenix: Technically, it's usually a slap.

Pearl: But I only do it when you're being unfaithful to Mystic Maya!

Phoenix: *sigh*

Quote:
"Why did you have to do it?" Franziska barked with her whip lashing on the floor. "It's nothing but foolishness."


Edgeworth: Where did - nevermind. Clearly the author forgot how to use linebreaks again.

Quote:
"It was only a bit of fun," Maya answered. "I don't think getting naked for burgers is a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing, Maya Fey!" Franziska objected as her whip landed on Maya's waist. "It's foolish, disturbing, vile and ... foolish!"

"Franzy," Maya said in a soothing voice. "You don't need to be so overprotective."

"I'm not being overprotective!" Franziska screeched.

"All right there Maya?" Phoenix interrupted.


Edgeworth: Or... maybe it wasn't a scene-change after all, if Wright is still here.

Phoenix: Or this takes place later in the day.

Apollo: Where are we, anyway?

Edgeworth: The Infinite Plane of Non-Description.

Quote:
"Hi Nick!" It felt awkward seeing Maya in her acolyte clothes after seeing her bare all in that poster.


Pearl: Mr. Nick, you should be more respectful towards Mystic Maya!

Phoenix: At least I'm not gay in this fic.

Pearl: ...well, I guess so...

Edgeworth: Although the more I see Franziska and Maya in this fic, the more I have a sneaking suspicion that Maya's the gay one this time around.

Pearl: ...

[Turns out Maya and Franziska are shopping.]
Quote:
"Pearly says she's going out tonight with Wocky, Trucy, Machi, Cody, Apollo and Vera." Maya mentioned. "So I was wondering if you wanted to meet up tonight?"

"Trucy hasn't told me about this," Phoenix noticed. "She usually tells me."

"I'm sure they'll be safe," Maya said.

"With that foolish filthy fool around?" Franziska shirked. "That Apollo Justice is a foolish pedophile."


Apollo: Mr. Edgeworth, are you sure I can't sue the author for character defamation?

Edgeworth: If it were possible to sue fanfic authors, would I really still be here?

Quote:
"Good thing Trucy's not hearing this."


Pearl: It is, actually. Where is she, anyway?

Phoenix: Far away from here.

Edgeworth: I still wonder how exactly Kay managed to bribe the Management into not choosing her as a sporker anymore.

[A well-known musical theme begins to play, and the sporkers look up. However, instead of a certain Great Thief, a balled-up piece of paper is dropped onto Edgeworth's head, and the music fades, with no dramatic entrance having been made.]

Apollo: *shouts up at speakers* That was a cop-out!!

Pearl: What does it say, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: *unfolds piece of paper* It says... "The Management's condition was that you sit through the entire rest of the fic without skipping any chapters. I figured you could handle it, so I agreed for you. Don't worry - I have plenty of continue buttons! Love, Kay."

Phoenix: ... *chuckles*

Edgeworth: *sighs deeply and sinks back into seat* Well, I suppose I should just give up on life entirely.

Pearl: Y-You'll be fine, Mr. Edgeworth!

Apollo: Yeah, just fine!

Phoenix: I don't think the Management responds to dramatic suicide threats, Edgeworth.

Speakers: We don't.

Edgeworth: *sighs again*

Quote:
muttered Phoenix. Trucy already despised Von Karma, the hate-level would have only risen. Seriously, calling Apollo that was out of order.


Apollo: No, it wasn't.

Edgeworth: Normally I'd point out that Trucy is, in fact, post-pubescent, but in this case I won't.

Quote:
"THAT WAS MEAN FRANZY!" bellowed Maya. "HE CAN'T BE A PEDO: THEY'RE TWINS!"


All: ...

Phoenix: Look at all those beautiful contradictions.

Quote:
"They're half-siblings, not twins," Phoenix corrected her.

"Well they look like the same age and they're always together," Maya defended herself. "And Trucy said twincest when we caught them kissing."

"She said wincest Maya," Phoenix objected. "WINCEST!"


Edgeworth: You know, Wright, it's almost impressive how much of a failure as a parent you are in this fic.

Phoenix: ...

Pearl: I - I don't even know what to say to this.

Apollo: I don't think anyone does.

Quote:
"So how old are they?"

"Apollo's twenty-three and Trucy's fifteen. Her birthday's coming up soon."

"SHE HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS ME!" Maya shouted in happiness. "I remember you telling me that on MSN. And I'll give you some more Steel Samurai films soon. Franziska doesn't want them. The Steal Samurai Kink Meme freaked her out."


Pearl: The Steel Samurai has a kink meme?

Phoenix: Pearls, let's really, really not talk about kink memes.

Quote:
"It was an archive of foolish pieces based on a foolish show!" Franziska barked. "That damn fool Miles Edgeworth has that foolish site bookmarked as well!"


Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: No objections, Edgeworth? I'm surprised. ...maybe you really do have it bookmarked in real life!

Edgeworth: Of course I don't. Don't be daft.

Apollo: (Is it just me, or did my bracelet react just then?)

Quote:
"Miles wanted that kept a secret," Maya reminded Franziska.

"I've never heard of Kink Memes," admitted Phoenix.


Phoenix: Ah... I miss that kind of innocence...

Pearl: Um, the Mr. Nick is this fic is the same age as you are now, I think.

Phoenix: Yes, but fic-me's never been in a sporking theatre!

Edgeworth: ...although if he had, this whole mess might have been avoided.

Apollo: What, sporking leads to better fanfiction?

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Miles Edgeworth and Apollo Justice that attempts to flatter us will be ignored.

Quote:
"Consider it a blessing Phoenix Wright," Franziska told him.

"Check them out," Maya whispered in Phoenix's ear. "They're really fun!"

"We have to get going now Maya Fey," Franziska hissed dragging Maya with her.

As she was dragged away, Maya called out: "I'll come to your office tonight Nick. Bye!"

"See you there," Phoenix said as he waved his best friend goodbye. Tonight was going to be fun, he knew it.


Pearl: At least your fic-selves are having fun!

Edgeworth: I really rather they didn't.

Apollo: At least that was the end of the chapter. *sigh* Onto the next one!

Spoiler: Chapter fourteen begins.
Quote:
"The court is now in session for the trial of Ijizzin Mipants," announced Judge Salsa. "And the prosecution is too busy laughing his ass off."


All: ...

Edgeworth: Will to live... slipping...

Phoenix: Hang in there, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: You weren't even here for the last three parts of the sporking!

Quote:
"HOLD IT!"

Gumshoe took to the stand and said to Klavier, "Klavier pal, I'm happy for you and I'll let you finish but Edgeworth is the best prosecutor of all time!"


All except Pearl: *groan loudly*

Pearl: I don't get it.

Quote:
The courtroom gasped and gossiped about Gumshoe's act. The were shocked, but some of them were giggling. Gumshoe out of words to speak, erupted in outburst with, "MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!"


Apollo: ...it's July.

Edgeworth: Clearly this was uploaded around Christmas.

Apollo: It's still July.

Quote:
"You son of a bitch!" sneered Judge Salsa. "You think you're gonna get your salery raised by trying to impersonate Kayne West?" he ranted throwing his arms in the air. His shoulders relaxed and he smiled at Gumshoe. "I love you man, you're so funny. Very stupid, but funny."


Pearl: That's really mean...

Edgeworth: Yes, well, this judge is an affront to the legal system.

Phoenix: Fortunately there's a linebreak coming up. Maybe that'll be the last we see of him.

Quote:
A cool breeze hugged them in delight outside the Kitaki's mansion. Pearl was on top of Wocky, kissing him passionately.


Pearl: W-W-W-Wait a minute! I-I'm not that kind of girl!

Phoenix: *laughs* We believe you, Pearls. There's no need to get so red.

Pearl: Th-this fanfic author doesn't really know anything about us, do they?

Apollo: Yeah, that much is obvious.

Quote:
Vera concentrated on her sketchbook as Apollo and Trucy stood waiting for Pearl's friend Cody to show up. The silence felt out of place, and the conversation just felt dead. Trucy marched on the spot flashing her new figure while her cape and hat where safe with Apollo.

Trucy's black dress and high heels and given her more of a slender figure. Phoenix had banned Trucy from wearing those high heels in the house, and she wasn't allowed to wear make-up either. He had pacifically told Apollo to watch over her to make sure she didn't get too drunk.


Phoenix: One, Trucy's allowed to wear high heels, she just doesn't know how to walk in them. Two, Trucy's allowed to wear make-up, she just doesn't know how apply it.

Pearl: Trucy doesn't know how to do a lot of "girl stuff", does she?

Edgeworth: I suppose that's what having a single father will do to you.

Phoenix: Three, I wouldn't tell Apollo to make sure she didn't get too drunk - I'd tell him to bring her home as soon as anyone pulled out the alcohol.

Apollo: Four, you probably wouldn't let her go in the first place.

Phoenix: Well, with the exception of Matt Engarde, everyone is someone I wouldn't mind Trucy being friends with, actually, especially since some of them are already her friends in the first place...

Pearl: Wait. Matt Engarde? The man who hired that assassin who kidnapped Mystic Maya?!

Phoenix: Oh, right. Yeah. He's in this fic, too.

Pearl: *angry/horrified face*

[Machi Tobaye is also there.]
Quote:
He had held a red rose in his hand for a while and his cheeks glowed red whenever Trucy smiled at him. It had been quite an eventful year for him as well; he had been reunited with his mother and he changed his surname to Skye. He was Ema's nephew and Lana's son and it was noticeable how Machi had Lana's eyes and her warm tender smile.


Apollo: Oh. Yeah. Right. That makes sense.

Pearl: At least Trucy will get a special someone who isn't her half-brother?

Phoenix: And we can add another person to Apollo's love square-on-top-of-a-triangle!

Apollo: ...oh, forget it.

Quote:
"Is there going to be any alcohol?" asked Trucy in excitement.

Wocky pushed Pearl away and replied with: "Matt said he was gonna bring tons with him." Wocky breath had been taken away.

"If you thirsty Trucy," Machi mumbled. "I... can... vodka you."


Phoenix: What does that even mean?

Apollo: His English wasn't that bad... assuming he's not actually going to hand her a bottle of vodka.

Phoenix: On one hand, he'd better not. On the other hand, what else could he do after saying "I can vodka you"?!

Quote:
Trucy received a turquoise bottle, wrapped in violet. The graceful font made it seem as if it were for expensive tastes. He also gave Trucy the rose that vibrated in his hand. "You are fat maiden."


Apollo: Wait, he... seriously just handed her a bottle of vodka?

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: Why is the rose vibrating? Do I want to know?

Pearl: How come he called Trucy fat? That's not very nice.

Quote:
Wocky laughed at Machi's broken English. Which lead to Pearl's palm causing a sharp shock to Wocky's cheek. "Be nice Wocky!" Pearl demanded. "You know it's not very easy to confess your feelings to the one you love."

Wocky groaned and paused for a few moments. "... You kinda just ruined it." Without another word, Machi leaned towards Trucy and pressed his lips against Trucy's lips and his hand slipped on her hips. The jump from Trucy made it obvious that she didn't expect that at all.


Edgeworth: Neither did the rest of us, for that matter.

Quote:
Trucy's dress slowly got higher and Machi's hands crawled to her underwear.


Phoenix: ...

Pearl: Um... are you okay, Mr. Nick?

Phoenix: *muttering to self* Repeat to yourself, "It's just a fic, I really should relax"...

Quote:
A sudden flash that sounded as it came from a camera startled Machi, and ending the kiss. A boy with short black hair dressed in green approached the group with a gigantic grin. His eyes were wide and aggressive. He looked like he was in his teens.

"WOW WE'VE GOT SOME ACTION GOING ON!" cried the boy.


Edgeworth: Ordinarily I'd make a comment about his being an opportunistic jackal, but I'm mostly wondering if that picture qualifies as child pornography.

Apollo: Eh, probably.

Edgeworth: The list of people in this fic who shouldn't be prosecuted for one thing or another is steadily growing shorter...

Quote:
"SUP CODY?" Wocky yelled back.

"Hi there Cody!" Pearl jumped up to hug him as fast as she could. "It's nice to meet you again." Wocky, Vera and Apollo quickly followed Pearl. Machi and Trucy stared at each other's eyes for a few seconds, then went to greet Cody, holding hands as they walked.


Pearl: That... that was fast.

Apollo: At least I'm out of the picture now. Woo hoo!

[Introductions go around.]
Quote:
"This Vodka tastes amazing!" exclaimed Trucy who was gulping the bottle down.

"You shouldn't gulp it down like that Trucy," advised Apollo.

"Why?" whined Trucy.


Phoenix: Because if it doesn't kill you, I will.

Quote:
"Save a bit for everyone else at least," replied Apollo. "And your dad said I had to watch over you."


Phoenix: And him, too.

Apollo: You know, Mr. Wright, next time you get accused of murder, you can just defend yourself.

Phoenix: Been there, done that. (Wait, next time?)

Quote:
"Now I've two people who can watch over me," Trucy reacted. "You, my big brother and Machi."

"Don't forget us too, Trucy," reminded Pearl. "We can all look after you for Mr. Nick too. We have four very strong beautiful men and Vera to look after us."


Edgeworth: But we all know what's really going to happen, and that is you are all going to get drunk.

Pearl: Even me?

Edgeworth: Especially you, I'd wa- *glances at Phoenix* guess.

[They plan to stay out until 2:00 AM. Vera worries about this.]
Quote:
Ace Detective says:
Zvarri! On your phone I see.

The Hobo says:
Mr. Atmey???


Apollo: D-Did the fic suddenly turn into a chatroom-style script?

Phoenix: Apparently. Wait, is "The Hobo" supposed to be me?

Edgeworth: Evidently.

Phoenix: But I'm not actually homeless.

Apollo: We know. (It's just that you just look, act, and occasionally smell like it.)

Quote:
Ace Detective says:
Yes that is me.

The Hobo says:
How on earth are you on MSN?

Ace Detective says:
I am on my blackberry of course.

The Hobo says:
Ah, those stuff.

The Hobo says:
Well, I certainly didn't expect a chat to you on MSN. I wouldn't think they'd let you have a blackberry in jail.

Ace Detective says:
... Well, where I am doesn't really matter.

The Hobo says:
You escaped again didn't you?


Edgeworth: How bad it that jail's security?

Phoenix: I dunno. Does Larry still work there?

Edgeworth: Actually... I think he does, even though a prisoner he was romantically involved in escaped from prison and still hasn't been found. Has no one put two and two together?

Apollo: Is there anyone of this fic even capable of that?

Edgeworth: There weren't very many things that Larry did in this fic that wouldn't result in being fired from a real-life prison.

Pearl: I think you need a little suspension of disbelief, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: I don't want any suspension of disbelief. That would require surrendering to utter idiocy that is this fic.

Quote:
Ace Detective says:
Just our little secret, yes?

The Hobo says:
It's not my problem if you get caught or not.


Phoenix: Very ethical, fic-me.

Apollo: (I would not call you the model of ethics in the first place.)

Quote:
Ace Detective says:
Being the man of experience I am, I have it all worked out. :D

The Hobo says:
You do? :O

Ace Detective says:
Oh yes ...If ever I have to take the fall, Sir Apollo Justice will help me.

The Hobo says:
I feel sorry for him already. Lol


Pearl: We all feel sorry for him.

Edgeworth: We all feel sorry for ourselves.

Apollo: Why would I help out in the first place?

Phoenix: Because the plot said so.

Apollo: There's a plot?

Edgeworth: There was an attempt.

Quote:
Ace Detective says:
Wocky said that he was a mad man, but did a dazzling job at defending him.

Ace Detective says:
Perhaps a bit more dazzling at the trade more than you. I know he will do well.

The Hobo says:
Out of curiosity, why did you befriend Wocky?

The Hobo says:
Cause you being friends with him is kinda odd.

Ace Detective says:
I assure you Sir Hobo,


Phoenix: Now even an escaped prisoner is calling me a hobo!

Edgeworth: Well, maybe if you shaved, washed yourself thoroughly, gave up the grape juice, dressed more respectably, and just generally stopped acting so shady...

Pearl: Also, your name on the screen is "The Hobo".

Edgeworth: That too.

Quote:
Ace Detective says:
My friendship with Sir Wocky is genuine.

The Hobo says:
You surprise me Atmey.

The Hobo says:
But you and Matt Engarde is one of the most unlikeliest couples I've ever met.


Phoenix: Even the characters in the fic don't have the suspension of disbelief to accept that Matt Engarde and Luke Atmey are a couple. Seriously, what's up with that?

Pearl: I... I don't even know what to say to that. I guess they deserve each other...?

Quote:
Ace Detective says:
I work in magnificent mysterious ways, Sir Hobo.

The Hobo says:
I'm not sure about magnificent, but defiantly mysterious.

Ace Detective says:
ZVARRI! You'd dare to deny my greatness?

The Hobo says:
Yes, cause you're not that great.

Ace Detective says:
You are obviously jealous.


Edgeworth: Something tells me attempting to criticize the author would result in a similar conversation.

Pearl: Mr. Edgeworth, I thought we weren't supposed to make fun of the author themselves.

Edgeworth: Chapter six.

Phoenix: Just let it go, Edgeworth.

Quote:
The night was filled with dusty clouds with the odd sparkles glistening like diamonds in the sky. Matt Engarde's face had been decorated with scars. He grinned at his own mirror reflection as the car, he stepped out of his car, and blew a kiss to one of the passengers. "Have fun with my boyfriend," he cackled. The passenger was tied up so none of them could hear his cries.


Pearl: I knew it! I knew he was still evil!

Apollo: I can't really say I'm surprised. ...well, I guess I can, since that would mean the author got someone remotely in-character.

Edgeworth: Wait. If his boyfriend, Luke Atmey, is tied up in the car, how was he just chatting with Wright over MSN?

Phoenix: Logic has no place here.

Apollo: Or maybe he just has more that one boyfriend. Although I like Mr. Wright's explanation better...

Quote:
"Here comes Matt!" Wocky yelled out.

Matt grinned as he went to shake hands with Wocky. "Hello there Wocky, how are you doing."

"So you've got alcohol?" Trucy asked, jumping as she grinned at Matt.

"I've got tons of it, don't you worry sweetheart," Matt assured in a deep dark husky voice.


Phoenix: ...I'm not okay with this.

Pearl: I-It's just a fic, Mr. Nick! The real Matt Engarde wouldn't dare go near the real Trucy! *pause* Actually, why is he out of jail in the first place?

Edgeworth: He escaped, of course.

Phoenix: But... Shelly de Killer.

Edgeworth: Apparently no longer exists.

Phoenix: Well. No great loss.

Quote:
The cackle in his voice gave Apollo a rather poor first impression. He carried two crates in his hand. "It's either vodka or whisky," he hissed. "If you're adventurous, you can a mixture of both!"

"Cool!" Trucy exclaimed.


Phoenix: No.

Apollo: (I'm starting to worry for the author's safety.)

Quote:
"So you need any help with that alcohol?" Wocky asked.

"Don't worry," Matt replied. "You just sit down and relax, I'll get everything we need."

"I know him somewhere," Pearl whispered to Vera. "But I can't remember where..."


Pearl: But he kidnapped Mystic Maya! How could I ever forget that horrible man?!

Edgeworth: I suppose this is the author's explanation for why you didn't call the police.

Apollo: Which would mark the first time the author explained something without turning to the audience and spelling it out for them.

[The lights come back on.]

Pearl: Ah! It's done!

Edgeworth: And not a moment too soon. Every word of this fic feels like a minute off my life.

Phoenix: This fic is 82,912 words, though.

Edgeworth: ...that's roughly 58 days. About two months.

Apollo: Ouch.

Pearl: That's not actually that bad. Cheer up, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: *stands up* That can only be accomplished once I have left this awful place.

[And once again, another sporking draws to a close, and our sporkers leave. Tune in next time for "plot advancements", more clubbing, drunk Trucy, an ungodly long MSN conversation, and a... car accident...? Same Bat time, same Bat channel!]

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Location: LA, Japanifornia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:17 am

Posts: 5989

So, I've already started on my sporking, just two chapters in. I'd like to submit something as well, but I'm not sure if I should butt into the ongoing sporkings. For one, I wouldn't know which characters are going to be taken over the course of them. For another, the progress in this thread could be a little jumbled among us.

Now, I could try to fit as much as I can in a single post, but not only would that be torture for me, it'd also turn the sporking a bit dull if I stuck with the same characters throughout, as much as I'd like to play with them. I have so many ideas for Phoenix losing a bet and being forced to turn OOC for the rest of the sporking.

Well, in the end, it's up to the rest of ya. Is anyone really interested in what I'm going to come up with, or are we willing to wait to prevent any hassle whatsoever? (I mean, it wouldn't be the first time someone posted a spork that seemed to contradict the loose reality we've set in this theater, but I prefer to minimize the times it happens.)
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

@Rubia: I agree that it might be a little much to have three different multi-parters going on at once. However, I'm more than halfway done with this, and considering I usually post a new part every day/every other day, I'll be done with this entirely in less than two weeks. (I also don't have anything lined up after this.) Maybe you should start posting yours when I'm done with mine?

Law Plus Chaos, part eight.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "Is there something - anything else I could do?"
Hobo Nick!
:Hoboright: "Give it up, Edgeworth. We're never getting out of here."
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-objection: "UNHAND ME!!"
Klavier Gavin!
:rock'n: "Hello darkness, my old friend..."
and...
Godot!
:godot: "Am I even in these chapters?"

[We open up, to the surprise of no one, in our sporking theatre, where today's sporkers are already seated.]

Edgeworth: I don't know whether to blame Kay or to blame you, Wright.

Phoenix: What. It's not like she asked me if she should sell you to the management.

Godot: Sold to the management?

Edgeworth: *sigh* Wright asked me to tell Kay to convince the management to keep Trucy out of the spork of this fic.

Klavier: And it worked, ja?

Apollo: Yeah, but at the cost of him "agreeing" to be in every part of the spork.

Speakers: And of course, any attempt by Miles Edgeworth to escape will result in Trucy Wright immediately being added to the sporking cast.

Edgeworth: Nngh... (Better her than me, but I don't think it's possible for my escape to be anything more than an attempt...)

[The lights dim, and the fic begins playing.]

Quote:
The temple sucked. She hated the frost that crawled on her skin.


Godot: Two sentences in and someone already has frostbite. *sips coffee*

Apollo: That probably wasn't what was meant.

Klavier: This isn't about what the author meant, Herr Forehead. It's about what the author wrote.

Quote:
The food was too boring for her tastes. She found the uniform lame – the sleeves annoyed her with its tightness. Chore after chore was an excessive bore. She didn't want to return to prison, yet had an agonizing temptation to leave. Too bad she was doomed to stick around the temple. Larry instructed her to obey Sister Bikini until he arranged the money he promised her.


Edgeworth: No doubt by doing something illegal, judging by the rest of this fic.

Phoenix: I thought that was already established.

Edgeworth: As soon as leave the sporking theatre, I try very hard to forget what I just saw. So no, I'm not entirely sure of most of the specifics.

Klavier: You can always borrow my script, Herr Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: No. I'd rather not be sure.

Quote:
The only thing she found fascinating was the fund Sister Bikini mentioned last night. Since a former nun was jailed for helping out on a murder, they had become ridiculously rich. Bikini didn't even need the money.


Godot: Because that follows logically. *sips coffee*

Phoenix: I'm sure Sister Bikini could find something to do with that money.

Godot: Like getting another snowmobile?

Phoenix: I was gonna say "hiring a masseuse".

Klavier: With a name like Bikini, I wouldn't mind being the masseuse...

Phoenix, Edgeworth & Godot: *snicker*

Quote:
Sister Andrews seemed nice when she first met her, but now she's becoming suspicious. She'd follow her every step, and have an awkward freak out afterwards. What was up with her?

Larry was a complete gobemouche.


Apollo: A complete... what?

Godot: Gobemouche. A gullible person. I think it's French.

Apollo: No wonder I didn't recognize it... I'm surrounded by people who speak German.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Apollo Justice not blatantly rip jokes off of Dual Destinies.

Apollo: Well, excuse me for living.

Quote:
Anything she said, he would believe it in an instant. Larry would even believe that her ex-fiancé was abusive if she told him. Bless the naïve underdog, she thought. Just the odd sneak outs of the temple wouldn't go unnoticed. She could buy some stuff and make the excuse that she was going shopping when she returned.


Phoenix: She's a fugitive. Do the police not interrupt criminal's grocery trips now?

Godot: Well, it would be rude. *sips coffee* They might have frozen food in the car.

Quote:
Lying free of her nun uniform, Alita slipped on a pink dress from Larry's shopping bag.


Phoenix: ...except Larry's the one who's shopping now, not Alita...

Apollo: Let's not question it and just move on.

[Larry is, in fact, here. He tells Alita that Pearl is dating Wocky. Alita tells Larry that Wocky was physically abusive.]

Apollo: Does this author just hate Wocky or something?

Klavier: Actually, that is something I could see Fräulein Tiala claiming, considering she framed him for a murder she sort of did in self-defense...

Apollo: Wocky's behavior in the rest of the fic is a trainwreck, though.

Godot: In other words, he fits right in.

Quote:
"We're gonna be rich baby?" Larry growled.


Edgeworth: Why is there a question mark? Is he unsure?

Phoenix: There's also no comma, so maybe he's unsure if they're going to turn into an infant that has a lot of money...

Edgeworth: ...I'm going to pretend you didn't say that.

Quote:
His breathe smuggled her ears and the grip of his hands made Alita pant. "Anything you want, I'll fight to get."


Apollo: Smuggled?

Phoenix: Please don't tell me have to read the lead-up to a sex scene involving Larry of all people. It's already bad enough that they had to do ones with Trucy, but those ones made me want to bleach my mind, not my eyes.

Apollo: ...you sure didn't seem to mind all that much in the second chapter.

Phoenix: Trucy was in here, too. I didn't want to freak her out.

[They don't actually have sex. Alita asks to go clubbing. Larry agrees to take her sometime.]
Quote:
"One crate left," growled Matt. "And you guys better make the most of it."


Edgeworth: They already drank an entire crate of alcohol?

Phoenix: I'm pretty sure most of the people here are underaged, too.

Quote:
"Okay guys," Wocky announced to his group of friends, leading them through the back passage of a building. "It's party time!"

"Why do we have to go the back passage?" asked Trucy.

"They won't ID you that way," replied Matt. He wrapped his arm around Trucy and Machi like his own children.


Phoenix: *twitch*

Quote:
"Besides, I got a nice place reserved for us."

The more Matt grinned with flashing teeth with alcohol waving around, the less Apollo trusted him. He was getting horrible images of him molesting Trucy,


Phoenix: *horrified silence*

Godot: ...which of course means that it'll happen at some point. *sips coffee*

Apollo: Don't even joke about that, Mr. Armando.

Godot: What? I can almost smell the attempted "foreshadowing", and believe me, Red, it does not smell good.

Quote:
and he hoped it was all it would be. Red flashed from blue to purple to yellow and back to red in the room. "Follow me!" Matt shouted to them. The beat of the loud music echoed in their heads. Vera had been holding tight onto Apollo's arm he whole time since entering the club.

"YOU ALL RIGHT VERA?" Apollo asked.

"It's scary," Vera admitted. The last time she was surrounded by such an intense crowd was when she was on trial for patricide.


Klavier: That... is one heck of a comparison.

Apollo: It's not one that's out-of-character for her, though.

Klavier: Who in their right mind would take her clubbing, anyway? She obviously wouldn't enjoy it.

Edgeworth: No one in this fic is in their right mind, Gavin.

Klavier: Ah. Well, I've only been in this spork for one part so far, ja?

Quote:
Her was never revolved around wild nights,


Phoenix: Her... her what?

Edgeworth: What tense is this even going for?

Quote:
so Apollo understood why Vera was so afraid of the people dancing about. He even spotted something who looked a little like his former mentor, Kristoph Gavin.


Godot: Last time I checked, he was still in prison.

Phoenix: Maybe he escaped, too.

Apollo: Oh, please no.

Klavier: It's only fictional, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Yeah, tell that to your sweat.

Quote:
Might have even been Klavier.


Klavier: I... don't look that much like him, ja?

Godot: You've got the same dumb hairstyle. *sips coffee*

Klavier: Th-there's nothing wrong with my hair, Herr Armando!

[Matt Engarde takes them all the VIP room.]
Quote:
"All of these folks better be older than eighteen," the bouncer warned Matt.


All: *laughter*

Edgeworth: In all seriousness, you'd expect the age limit to be 21, since the club likely serves alcohol.

Klavier: Not necessarily, Herr Edgeworth. Many clubs let 18-year-olds in. They just don't sell them alcohol. An understandable mistake, though. You've never been clubbing, have you?

Edgeworth: No. What of it?

Klavier: ...nothing, Herr Edgeworth.

Phoenix: (I'd love to see that, actually.)

[Wocky and Cody step out to have a smoke. Engarde busts out the booze.]
Quote:
"A tiger bit my nose this morning, and everything became sparkly," said Matt after four bottles.


Phoenix: ...are we sure that alcohol is the only thing in those bottles?

Godot: Is it common to lace whiskey with LSD?

Phoenix: Why are you asking me? I don't drink whiskey.

Apollo: Right. He only drinks grape juice.

Godot: Everyone knows the only worthwhile drink is coffee. *sips said coffee*

Quote:
Apollo felt left out: he was still on his first. No matter how much everyone else seemed to have fun drinking and smoking God-knows-what, Apollo knew he had to steer clear from the temptation, and watch over Trucy. So far, not much progress has been made, she was on her third bottle and was mixing drinks.


Klavier: I don't think you're doing a very good job of watching Fräulein Wright, Herr Forehead.

Apollo: Yes. This much is obvious.

Quote:
"Sounds interesting," murmured Vera. She had been giving Matt strange looks ever since he got here. She seemed content until Matt graced (or disgraced) them with his presence. She glared with anxious eyes hugging her sketchbook tight. Apollo wouldn't be surprised if Vera started drawing pictures of Matt being a devil. She would not touch the drinks.


Edgeworth: ...making her the only sensible person here.

Phoenix: It's not like getting drunk is inherently insensible, though.

Edgeworth: Do you even listen to yourself, Wright?

Apollo: She'd only be 20 in this fic, I think.

Klavier: Of course. Underage drinking is never a good idea.

Quote:
"You two like whisky?" Matt asked, rolling on the table.


Edgeworth: What is it with people rolling around in this fic? Wright was doing it in an earlier chapter.

Phoenix: Of course you'd remember that, but not what Larry was up to.

Edgeworth: I really don't want to know what Larry was up to.

[Engarde makes dead dad jokes and pressures Vera to drink.]
Quote:
"Someone kick this dude's head" prayed Apollo. His sister granted his wish. Trucy who had began playing on the pole flicked her leg causing Matt to roll off the table.


All: *applause*

[Turns out Larry took Alita to the club that night. Alita sees Wocky.]
Quote:
Alita had found her opportunity. She tip-toed towards the side of the of the wall and leapt through the door outside. The night was black. The wind was singing a hallow and almost non-existent melody. There her ex-fiancé was – standing with his back against the wall smoking a cigarette.

"So how's it going Wocky-pocky," Alita whispered. She walked over to Wocky, removed her shades, and then grinned.

"Fuck off and die Alita," Wocky requested in a bitter tone.


Godot: I've been trying to ignore the dialogue tags, but... *sips coffee* Requested? Really now.

Edgeworth: Come to think of it, the author seems to be one those people who take the "use 'said' as little possible" advice a little too seriously.

Apollo: Whatever it is they're doing, it's irritating.

Klavier: I'd rather read the dialogue tags than the dialogue itself.

Quote:
"We need to talk," Alita said. "I'm not happy that little slut of yours gets away with beating up my boyfriend."

"Like you give a shit about him," Wocky laughed. "The minute he gives everything to you, you'll be out be out of his life and you'll smash his heart apart. Just like how you did it to me."

"And the minute you notice Pearl is a complete retard, you'll dump her."

"FUCKING BITCH," Wocky spat, "I'LL KILL YOU!"


Godot: *sips coffee* Well, that escalated quickly.

Klavier: *sigh* Hasn't Herr Kitaki had enough run-ins with the law already?

Phoenix: As if anyone in this fic learns anything.

Apollo: ...which is why you let Trucy go to an 18+ club with me.

Phoenix: Yes.

Quote:
"Then Larry will kill you," Alita hissed and remained calm.


Phoenix & Edgeworth: No, he won't.

Godot: Most likely he'd get accused of the murder himself. He has a knack for trouble, doesn't he?

Phoenix: Well... when something smells, it's usually the Butz.

Apollo: (That is probably the least mature saying I've ever heard. Where did he pick that up, grade school?)

Quote:
"He's works his ass off everyday, stealing money, making money, and buying gifts just for me. This necklace I'm wearing costs a thousand dollars, but he took it just for me. So what are you getting me for Christmas?" Alita giggled stroking Wocky's cheek.

"Fuck all," Wocky snapped. He slapped Alita's wrist, then stepped backwards.


Klavier: I thought he was standing against the wall already.

Godot: Evidently he's a ghost.

[Alita tells Wocky to give her $9,000 by December 26. They argue for a bit.]
Quote:
"If you don't give me nine-thousand dollars by Christmas day. Larry's gonna tell everyone you're abusive, and I'll kill Pearl."


Godot: *sips coffee* Not while I'm around.

Phoenix: Also, Larry wouldn't get involved in a blackmail scheme. Probably.

Klavier: So she ended up moving the deadline back a day, but didn't increase the amount of money, too?

Apollo: Why not just make it an even $10,000?

Edgeworth: Evidently she needs the money for some specific purpose.

Quote:
She could see him shiver the moment she mentioned Pearl's death. They both engaged in a long piercing stare until Wocky bowed his head. His eyes were clenched. "I knew you'd do it if I brought her into this," Alita cackled.

"Wait, just said the 26th earlier," Wocky snapped.

"I changed my mind," said Alita. "I'll be waiting in that car park near the courtroom.


Edgeworth: The courtroom. Not the courthouse. The courtroom.

Phoenix: No, the car park near the courtroom, not the courtroom itself.

Klavier: Is there a car park in the courthouse now? Interesting! Although... if I used it, the noise from my hog might interrupt a few trials.

Apollo: (Yeah, yeah. We get it. You're manly and sexy for owning a loud motorcycle.)

Quote:
I'll be there from eleven till midnight," Alita yawned as her hand rested on her hips. "I'll want the money then. You've got twelve weeks to do it in, so you'll be fine."

"And you'll regret it one day."


Godot: Why say "one day" when you could say "in about five minutes", then pull out your cell phone and call the police?

Phoenix: I guess everyone in this fic kind of forgot that she's an escaped convict.

Apollo: That includes the police, too, apparently.

Klavier: Is there a single person in this fic that's actually, well, competent?

Edgeworth: No.

Klavier: Not even you, Herr Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Especially not me.

Phoenix: We've made it nine chapters without the whole body-double thing being brought up, Edgeworth. I think you're safe.

Edgeworth: If it comes up again, then, I'm blaming you.

Phoenix: (You probably would have done that anyway.)

Quote:
Wocky gritted his teeth. "You'll regret bringing Pearl into this shit!"

"Anything else you want to say to me?" Alita asked. Wocky quickly shook his head and stuck his two fingers up at Alita and walked away. "In that case, I'll bid you goodnight."


Godot: She's not even going to stop him? I suppose she'd deserve it if he actually had called the police.

Klavier: ...she'd deserve it anyway, Herr Armando.

Godot: Sorry. Prison does funny things to your mind. *chugs coffee*

[Vera runs away from Engarde. Apollo follows her.]
Quote:
"Me too," Apollo said to make her feel better. To be honest, he had a bad feeling something bad was going to happen anyway. He had missed a call, and his heart skipped a beat when it was Phoenix that tried to ring him. He rang Phoenix, knowing that this it was a somewhat important call. Phoenix was quick to pick the phone up.

"Hello Apollo," Phoenix said.

"Hey there, ya called."

"Tell Trucy to turn her phone on," he requested sounding angry.


Phoenix: I still can't believe fic-me let fic-Trucy go clubbing with fic-Apollo.

Godot: It seems like one of the milder examples of your stellar parenting skills, Wright.

Phoenix: I am aware of this.

Quote:
"Her phone ran out of battery," Apollo replied. "And she's in the bathroom right now," he lied, knowing Phoenix was going to ask to speak to her.


Apollo: Oh yes. Very responsible of me.

Klavier: At this rate, Herr Forehead, I wouldn't trust you to watch over a potted plant.

Phoenix: He can't be trusted to watch over a potted plant in real life.

Apollo: (Geez, I forget to water Charley once...)

Quote:
"As soon as she's out, get her to call me!"

"Okay," Apollo nodded.

"And I want Trucy home by eleven. I'd be grateful if she comes home sober."


Edgeworth: That's the first reasonable thing you've said the entire fic, Wright.

Phoenix: Assuming that last sentence translates as "If either of you show up even slightly buzzed, you are both in for a world of hurt."

Apollo: I am really, really glad I can safely say I will never be in this situation in real life.

Quote:
"We'll be there on the dot!" Apollo promised. At least he hoped he could keep that promise.

"I'll be seeing you at eleven."

And Phoenix hung up.


Klavier: And of course, Herr Forehead and Fräulein Wright are going to show up at home at, say... several hours past midnight. Assuming they even make it home that night.

Godot: I'd ask you if you somehow got ahold of the script of chapters that we haven't seen yet, except it's incredibly obvious where this is going. *sips coffee amusedly*

Quote:
"HEY THERE YOU ARE POLLY!" Trucy screamed. She jumped down the stairs as her legs shook like an earthquake. "THE VODKA AND WHISKY ARE LUSH," she screamed. "I LURVE YOU POLLY AND I LURVE YOU VERA!"

"...What about Machi?" asked Vera.

"I ADORE HIM TOO!"

"Why are you shouting?" questioned Apollo. "We're not deaf."

"BECAUSE I WANNA MAKE SOME NOISE!" screeched Trucy. "IT'S PARTY TIME ANYWAY!"


Apollo: Fic-me is doomed. Again.

Edgeworth: At least, you would be if Wright were in-character.

Klavier: I wonder if there's a certain point of out-of-character-ness where it's no longer considered fanfiction?

Godot: As opposed to... original fiction?

Klavier: Yes! Because clearly, these aren't really us, just very similar-looking people who happen to share a name, assuming the name in the fic is spelled correctly.

Edgeworth: Well, if that were true, we could always try suing for copyright infringement.

Phoenix: Lawsuits don't work against this.

Edgeworth: I know. I've tried.

Quote:
Apollo knew it was a bad situation, but Phoenix wanted Trucy to call him on her phone. He rang Phoenix again and passed the phone over to her. "Trucy, your father wants to talk to you."

Trucy snatched the phone and before Phoenix could even get the chance to reply she screamed, "HELLO DADDY I LOVE YOU!"

"I love you too," Phoenix chuckled. Apollo could feel his brain about to explode.


Apollo: ...

Klavier: Um, Herr Forehead, are you okay?

Apollo: I think the fic is watching us...

Quote:
God knows what the call was going to be like. "So are you having a good time?"

"YEAH! I'M HAVING AN AMAZING TIME WITH PEARLS, POLLY, VERA, WOCKY, CODY, MATT AND MY BOYFRIEND MACHI!"

"You have a boyfriend?" Phoenix asked. "When was this?"

" HE ASKED ME OUT TODAY, HE WAS SO SWEET HE GAVE ME A DRINK AND I FINISHED IT."


Phoenix: ...

Godot: I suppose fic-Trucy is doomed, too. *sips coffee*

Phoenix: Just watching this gives me this weird urge to ground her.

Apollo: I really don't think that'd stop her.

Phoenix: ...true.

Quote:
"Lovely," said Phoenix. "I want you home by eleven!"

"WHAT?" Trucy snapped. "ONLY ELEVEN? BUT I WANNA PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG!"

"Are you drunk or is this not Trucy?"

"YES IT'S ME TRUCY, NO I'M NOT DRUNK I'M JUST HYPER."

"... just be home by Eleven!"

"OKAY BYE DADDY!"


Edgeworth: Did you just buy a pathetically obvious lie? Again?

Phoenix: Apparently.

Apollo: Wait. I'm the narrator, right?

Klavier: I believe so.

Apollo: How are we hearing Mr. Wright's end of the phone conversation?

Godot: Wiretapping, Red? Shame on you. *sips coffee*

Apollo: ...

Quote:
As the phone call ended she crawled over Apollo's lap, stretched and hopped back up on her feet.

"I'm feeling better now," Vera announced. "Thanks for making me feel better you two. Let's go back in."

The three of them returned to the VIP room, and they were no more drinks from Matt's supply. It didn't surprise Apollo one bit. He checked his watch; the little hand was on ten, and the big hand was on the twelve. They didn't have much long, so he thought he might as well make the most of it. He was staying sober and even if Matt forced it down, he'll spit it out.


Klavier: Is being force-fed alcohol really a concern here?

Apollo: These people aren't just irresponsible, they're aggressively irresponsible.

Klavier: The unintentional humor in this fic is rapidly disappearing.

Quote:
Apollo and Vera looked like the odd two out as the only sober people in the room. Wocky and Pearl were under the table making love,


Godot: *spits out coffee*

Phoenix: Wh- What?!

Edgeworth: I don't even know where to begin with this...

Klavier: (At least my co-sporkers are still amusing.)

Quote:
Trucy, Matt, Machi and Cody were bouncing around the room like balls in a football match.

Then there was Apollo and Vera, sitting on the table, chatting and doodling in Vera's sketchbook. They didn't need to be drunk to have a great time. And time sprinted to the morning.


Apollo: It's like the author's actually trying to put in a moral.

Klavier: Like the "keep safe online" thing from the end of chapter 11?

Godot: I think after all the moral depravity in this fic, the author feels the need to prove that only their sanity and writing skill is questionable. *sips coffee*

Apollo: ...as proved by metaphors like "time sprinted to the morning".

Quote:
Late, dark and cold. Apollo was exhausted, whilst Trucy insisted on partying. Everyone else crashed out at Wocky's house apart from Matt who went off in the same car he came out from earlier. Apollo hoped Vera was okay, no doubt it would be the first time she's ever had a sleep-over before. He wouldn't have minded crashing out at Wocky's but he remembered what Phoenix said: home at eleven and no later! It was now three minutes away from Three O'clock in the morning.


Klavier: Ha! Called it.

Apollo: No one is impressed, Prosecutor Gavin.

Quote:
The funny thing was that Phoenix hadn't rang at all.


Phoenix: Maybe I really am dead.

Edgeworth: Again, I really doubt the author is self-aware enough to have one character point out that the other is extremely out-of-character.

Quote:
Apollo and Trucy were playing tug-o-war with their arms. Apollo trying to take Trucy home, and Trucy trying to run back to the club.

"We're going to wrong way home!" Apollo told her.

"Polly it's only 3:AM"

"You should have been home four hours ago," Apollo reminded him. It shouldn't take more than four hours to take her home, but she kept going AWOL. Apollo almost had a panic attack. Vera did too. "Besides, some of you lot aren't even allowed to be in them clubs."

"Relax Polly," Trucy giggled. "Being a rebel is fun." She pointed at the lamppost, dashed to it and shouted, "POLEDANCING!"

"No Trucy!"

"Yes!"


Phoenix & Apollo: *loud groaning*

Quote:
Apollo knew that the pair of them must have looked like idiots, what made it worse was the the streets were filled with more drunks. Apollo tried to catch up with her, but by the time he reached the lamppost Trucy was interested in she had already started climbing on it. He wanted to slap all the other drunks who persuaded Trucy to keep climbing.


Godot: Why is the street filled with drunks?

Klavier: Maybe the club closed at three and kicked everyone out. But at least, if everyone else is drunk, Herr Forehead and Fräulein Wright can't really look like idiots.

Apollo: That's not very comforting, you know.

Klavier: Hey, I have to work with what I have, ja?

Quote:
"GET DOWN PLEASE TRUCY!" Apollo demanded.

"But I love it up here," moaned Trucy. Her fingers dangled from the poles and her legs were tangled where her fingers were.


Edgeworth: ... *tilts head* What position is she even in?

Phoenix: My head hurts just looking at this.

Quote:
It didn't look like a comfortable position to be in. She absorbed the attention she received and lifted her dress a little higher. Apollo closed his eyes and slapped himself on the forehead. He knew should have looked out for her much more than he did.


Godot: *sips coffee* Really? Hmm. I don't think anyone noticed.

Apollo: There's no need to be so sarcastic, Mr. Armando...

Klavier: You're one to talk, Herr Forehead.

Quote:
Suddenly, she jumped off the lamppost. Apollo leapt below, reached his arms out to grab her, but he slipped and his forehead faced the cold pavement. The pain from falling over was nothing compared to the shock in his heart. Trucy could be dead and he failed to save her. But he didn't hear anything crash apart from himself. His body ached too much to get up, he could feel his eyes shut and his mind about to melt into a deep sleep. And he couldn't even hear her anymore.


Apollo: Um... what just happened here?

Phoenix: Let's see... Trucy jumped off the lamppost and apparently flew away. You, meanwhile, tripped, fell, and gave yourself a concussion.

Apollo: At least I'll be unconscious for whatever happens next.

Quote:
"What are you doing walking in the streets at this time?" That voice, that deep voice was so familiar. Apollo rolled over to his his father's visor glow into his eyes. Trucy was slouched over in his arms. "Trite rang me," Godot announced.

Apollo raised an eyebrow. "Trite?"

"Phoenix Wright obviously," he snapped. "Anyway, I told him you guys were sleeping at mine."


Godot: Because what every irresponsible teen needs is an irresponsible adult to cover for them. *sips coffee*

Apollo: I'm not a teen.

Edgeworth: You... look quite a bit younger than you actually are, Justice.

Klavier: I think it's because you're short and you yell a lot.

Apollo: ...thanks. (Jerks.)

Quote:
That explains why Phoenix didn't call.

"Thanks Dad," Apollo smiled.

"You're welcome," Godot responded. "Now let's get you two to bed." He dragged Apollo off his feet and took him to his house which was right in front of him. "And I'll give you some nice black coffee to keep you warm."


Klavier: You're sending them to bed and yet you're giving Herr Forehead coffee? I suppose we can add this to the ever-lengthening list of things that don't make sense...

Godot: I fail to see the problem here, actually.

Klavier: ...

Phoenix: You get used to it.

Spoiler: Chapter 16
[Godot can't sleep and decides to log on to MSN.]

Klavier: Maybe if you didn't drink so much coffee...

Godot: Don't push it, Rock Star, or you'll have to spend the next two months getting the coffee smell out of your weird-looking hair.

Klavier: It's not weird. Herr Forehead, is my hair weird?

Apollo: Um... no? (Why are you asking me?! Leave me out of this!)

Quote:
Lana says:

Hello. Nice to see you on MSN again.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

Morning Lana, you never used to be an early bird.


Phoenix: (That's certainly an... unruly screenname. Although I'm afraid to mention it.)

Godot: The stubble and beanie doesn't stop me from being able to see exactly what you're thinking on your face, Wright.

Phoenix: Erk.

Edgeworth: How does Armando know Lana in the first place?

Klavier: Plot magic.

Apollo: That would imply this has a plot.

Quote:
Lana says:

How are you? Yeah I'm up early because I'm meeting Mike Blitz in town later.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

Who's he? I remember Von Whippingburg was bitching about him.

Lana says:

He's a friends of mine. I Meet him through Mia. He has a thing for my sister.


Phoenix: I guess we can add another person to the love-triangle-square-thing.

Apollo: I think it's breaking all the rules of geometry, but here goes...
Machi<->Trucy<->me->Ema<-Mike Blitz->Ema<->Prosecutor Gavin->April May.

Klavier: Impressive.

Apollo: I hate myself.

Quote:
Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

She's dating that Gavin dude right?

Lana says:

Well Ema doesn't really like him, to be honest.


Edgeworth: Then why is she dating him?

Phoenix: Because the author said so.

Klavier: I thought I already cheated on her.

Godot: That's probably why she doesn't like you.

Apollo: (...I wouldn't say that.)

Quote:
She should dump him. I don't like him, he's a vile glimmerious fop.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

That's a change. Everyone I know seems to adore him.


Apollo: (He must not know enough people, then.)

Klavier: Comments, Herr Forehead?

Apollo: Oh, uh - no, of course not. (Now I feel bad.)

Quote:
Lana says:

I saw him kissing April May...

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

April May as in the scallywag who helped that twat kill Mia?


Godot: ... *sips coffee* ..."scallywag"? That's the worst I can come up with?

Phoenix: And I wouldn't say she helped kill Mia... she really just tapped the phone. And helped frame Maya. Ineffectively.

Edgeworth: ...didn't you use her testimony against Maya to point out that Redd White must have been in the office?

Phoenix: Yeah, but that was after he accused me.

Quote:
Lana says:

Yes...

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

...When was this?

Lana says:

That night we were out dancing.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

Ha! Good times it was. But yeah, Klavier's a nasty man hoe!


Klavier: *starts laughing*

Godot: Glad to see you're not offended.

Quote:
Lana says:

It's horrible enough seeing him cheat on Ema like that but with HER! That bitch!

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

Well I guess Ema's gonna dump him in no time.

Lana says:

I hope so. Judge Albert Salsa is going to be meeting up with us as well.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

He knows how to keep it cool.


Edgeworth: He also knows how to ruin a trial.

Apollo: Not that the author knows how to run a trial.

Quote:
Lana says:

He's really nice outside the courtroom.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

He kept calling Polly-Pocket gay in the trial cause he wouldn't say Whippingberg was hot. Lol

Lana says:

I hate that bitch. And Salsa gets side tracked very easy and effects his decisions. Like letting female criminals get away with everything.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

Well he only punished Mrs. DeLite with a slap on the wrist.


Phoenix: ...judges can be fired, right?

Edgeworth: In real life? Of course. In this fic? Absolutely not.

Quote:
Lana says:

He let Yew... Shi, Ga whatever her name was get away with it by only throwing her into rehab.

Coffee is the best medicine (R.I.P Mia Fey) says:

Ah Yew, she was always laughing at Grossberg cause of his size. I heard she's still in a looney bin.

Lana says:

With insane laughter like that, no wonder.


Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Um, who?

Edgeworth: She killed at least two people.

Klavier: Criminal insanity defense strikes again, ja?

Edgeworth: ...

Klavier: (Why do I get the sudden feeling that I shouldn't have done something...?)

[Exposition in MSN format! We still don't know why Machi is Lana's son.]
Quote:
Albert Salsa and Mike Blitz were both men who were a little too proud of what they got. They like the bickering brothers that just won't get on with each other even if they agreed with something. Salsa plus Blitz equaled rivalry, competition and full heated debates. It would take one's mind back to the fond school memories. This was why Lana didn't want to meet both of them at the same time, they would stray off topic about flings which Lana didn't give a damn about. She was here for serious business with Mike.

Mike's black bandanna hid the combination of red, blue and white hair dyed in his roots. Green eyes and sharp smile. A huge trench coat made him appear bigger than he actually was in reality. Salsa was in a yellow tuxedo and his hair in braids. Mike used to a be a gang leader, and Albert used to be in his rival gang. Lana knew Mike despised Klavier and fancied her sister, so he was the perfect accomplice. Salsa might have seemed like an idiot, however he had a creative way of thinking.


Apollo: ...I take it these OCs are going to be actually important.

Edgeworth: And judging by the yellow tuxedo, the author doesn't know much about character design. This doesn't bode well.

Godot: Maybe Judge Salsa is supposed to be a walking fashion disaster. *sips coffee*

Klavier: The other guy's hair is red, white, and blue, though.

Phoenix: Very patriotic of him.

Klavier: Also, gangs.

Apollo: Yeah, this definitely doesn't bode well.

Quote:
Salsa whispered to Lana, "A total womanizer this dude is!" He whispered it, loud enough for Mike to hear.

"You're just jealous that I slept with Von Karma," Mike said to Salsa.


Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Um... which von Karma?

Edgeworth: Wright, please don't.

Phoenix: I'm just wondering.

Quote:
"I've never been jealous in my life," objected Salsa. "I've never needed to be. I like my life just how it is."

"Why else would she be so pissed off at me and go bisexual?" Mike asked.


Phoenix: Oh, okay.

Godot: Because we can't have anything in this fic be genuinely funny. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: A random OC sleeping with Manfred von Karma is decidedly not funny.

Godot: Says you.

Quote:
"The answer is simple: bad sex."

"Just cause I've had more sex than you."

"Them cigs have been fucking your mind up!"

"What I smoke is harmless, unlike the horrible cannabis you smoke."

"You know nothing about what I smoke!"

"It was pretty obvious when you like a huge criminal like Yew to get away with murder based on personal appearance."

"I felt sorry for her, she was beautiful and troubled. She reminded me of the legendary Lady Gaga."

"You should be grateful you still have a job!"


Klavier: Lady Gaga? Really?

Edgeworth: I can't say I noticed the resemblance.

Phoenix: (Edgeworth knows who Lady Gaga is in the first place?)

Apollo: The fic's just taunting us now, too. Look, it even brought up that Judge Salsa should have been fired.

Quote:
"Why don't we go back on topic," requested Lana relaxing her back against the chair. "We all agree that Klavier has to suffer for cheating on my sister." Instant silence with two nodding heads thrown in. "There's plenty of ways to do it. We could kill him slowly and painfully, embarrass him, expose him, silently knock him out of existence, the list goes on. "


Klavier: What?!

Godot: They're plotting to kill you, Rock Star.

Klavier: I gathered that, but... why?!

Edgeworth: It says right there-

Klavier: No, but why would the author have me date the Fräulein Detective and then cheat on her so that her older sister could plot to murder me?!

Apollo: I guess they don't like you.

Klavier: That's not fair.

Apollo: Welcome to Law Plus Chaos, Prosecutor Gavin.

Quote:
"I've got a magnum I use for self-defence so I could kill him that that," Mike offered.

"You use ice-cream for self-defence?" asked Salsa, who laughed his head away.

Mike punched his face and replied with, "the gun, Salsa!" Then flashed a silver magnum in his face.

"I suggest we push Mike out of the window." Mike glared at Salsa and spat on his face. "Hey MIKEY I WAS JOKING! But I do have a real suggestion."

"Just cause Adrian Andrews slept with me and not you," Mike muttered.


Phoenix: ...that seems unlikely.

Apollo: Why?

Phoenix: Let's not get into that.

Quote:
"You dirty lying bastard," Salsa bursted out giggling afterwards.

"Watch it you," Mike said pointing at him. "You push your luck a little too far sometimes."

"Luck is my first born son!"


Godot: Which would make his name Luck Salsa. *sips coffee* Poor kid.

Edgeworth: There have been some weirder names in-series.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Quote:
"I feel sorry for your partner and kids," Mike confronted him. "How they put up with your dumbness is beyond me."

"Can you two stop bickering please," Lana growled punching the table. The two men were silent and Lana looked at Salsa. "You said you had a suggestion," Lana reminded him.

"Yes, this is my suggestion," Salsa announced. "I'm pretty creative, so I know how to do this. It's very simple: we drag Klavier's ass to court! Me as the judge, you Lana the prosecutor and you Mike as the detective in charge of the case. The three of us are gonna kick his ass."


Phoenix: The courts here are so corrupt, I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't this fic that started the Dark Age of the Law.

Quote:
"What if his lawyer is Apollo or Mr. Wright?" Lana asked.


Klavier: Actually, that does make me wonder: Herr Forehead, if I were accused of murder, would you defend me?

Apollo: Probably.

Klavier: ...I was hoping for a little more definite answer.

Apollo: I was kidding. Of course I'd defend you. ...assuming you didn't do it, anyway.

Klavier: *hurt* What do you take me for, Herr Forehead?

Apollo: (Well, it's not my fault I still think about Mr. Gavin when I look at you.)

Quote:
"I heard he's re-taking his exam very soon," Mike said.

"Even if he passes, there is no need to worry yourself darling," Salsa said, smirking away. "I'll hire an actor. Then the whole trial will go through without any problems.


Godot: Yes, but what are they hiring the actor to do?

Klavier: ...defend me?

Godot: Shouldn't you be handling that yourself?

Apollo: Maybe the actor's supposed to be the decisive witness.

Edgeworth: Somehow I doubt that will go over very well.

Phoenix: Well, the judge is on their side...

Quote:
Lana can kill herself and we'll pin it on Klavier. Then the acting lawyer will rest and he'll get found guilty in no time."


Apollo: Oh.

Klavier: I would hire my own lawyer, ja?

Edgeworth: Maybe the actor is supposed to pretend to be Justice or Wright.

Klavier: If my lawyer suddenly rested, I would invoke my right to self-representation.

Godot: The lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client, Rock Star. *sips coffee*

Phoenix: (...ouch.)

Quote:
"... Do I really have to die?" Lana gasped, her face dropped to the table.

"I'm all up for locking Klavier up," Mike told Salsa. "But I don't think you get it. If Lana dies, that will upset Ema. The plan is for me too hook up with her and stop her from getting hurt. It won't work if Ema thinks her sister was killed by her cheating ex-boyfriend. Lana and I only want Klavier to suffer."

"Well you can kill April then," Salsa suggested to Mike. "You hate his guts and since you're friend with Phoenix you can convince him and Apollo not to take the case if such a thing is to happen. "


Phoenix: Wait, this guy's supposed to be my friend?

Edgeworth: Is it even possible to convince you not to defend someone?

Phoenix: No. ...or it wasn't, anyway. Disbarred, remember?

Apollo: Is it just me, or did April May randomly get a sex change?

Godot: Don't question it, Red.

Quote:
"I don't think we have to resort to killing anyone," Mike objected.

"For goodness sake man! It's obvious you want to stab Klavier and April to death."

"Why don't you do it?"

"This hair is very precious," Salsa said fondling his braids. "My mama taught me how to braid my hair and we used shampoo with gold extracts. No blood shall lay on my hair."


Edgeworth: That's certainly an... interesting... reason to be opposed to committing murder.

Klavier: Shampoo with gold extracts?

Godot: What, are you wondering where you can get some?

Klavier: Of course not, Herr Armando. (Not that I'd admit to, anyway~)

Quote:
"Salsa, you're like a girl when it comes to hair."

"Unlike you I care for my about my appearance!"

"Sometimes they like a bit of scruffiness from time to time. "

"I am the king when it comes to the clubs."

"I'm getting the women, not you!"

"Well I don't go round breaking marriages up."

"I'll do it!" Lana snapped in order to stop the two from bickering off-topic. "I'll kill Miss May."


Edgeworth: Well, I didn't want to believe it... but the author is literally writing Lana Skye planning a murder. Very likely she'll go through with it, too.

Godot: At least the victim is no great loss. *sips coffee*

Edgeworth: Yes, but Lana's characterization is.

Phoenix: RIP Lana Skye's character, 2010 - 2014.

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Phoenix Wright that breaking the fourth wall is strictly forbidden.

Phoenix: *shrugs* You could have at least told us that all 24 chapters of this were apparently uploaded on the same day.

Edgeworth: ...you looked this fic up just to make that dumb joke?

Phoenix: Yes, and before you ask, no, I couldn't read ahead.

Edgeworth: ... *grumble*

Quote:
"Are you sure?" Salsa asked.

"Yes," Lana said. "I have my own personal reasons to want April dead, as well as keep that beast away from Ema."

"We've almost settled it," Salsa confirmed to Mike. "Lana kills April. Lana incriminates Klavier, you help Lana do so. I'll be the judge on the trial, Lana's the prosecutor, the fake lawyer, you as the witness and me handing out the guilty verdict. "

"Sounds good." Lana nodded her head.


Klavier: Nein. Sounds bad. Very bad.

Apollo: At least you're not the one getting killed.

Klavier: I am, however, the one getting falsely convicted.

Apollo: ...yeah, I'm not optimistic enough to think that the author will turn this conspiracy against you around.

Godot: Of course not. That would be fun to read. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"And Klavier being exposed as a cheat and a liar isn't going to help his case either," Mike added to the plan.

"Ema's gonna break up with him one way or another," Lana assured them. "But if anyone treats her badly, they'll pay deadly." Lana glared at Mike throughout the sentence.

"You got told!"Salsa grinned.

"And please you two." Lana pleaded. Her arms stretched out with her palms on the table. "Stop bickering like two little kids. You're both over thirty and should be mature enough to work together for once in your life. None of this is going to work if you keep bragging about who's life is better. Shut up about it and focus on keeping Ema safe. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Lana," Salsa and Mike said in unison.


Klavier: This is ridiculous.

Apollo: I wish Ema were here, actually.

Speakers: Noted. Oh, and we'll be telling her that you were the one who put in the request.

Apollo: *goes pale*

Klavier: Ouch.

Godot: Have fun, Red.

Quote:
"And when Pearl and I get married that will make lots of money," announced Wocky as he drove around the city. Pearl was sitting in the front seat in glee with her present. At the back was Trucy, Apollo and Klavier. Apollo was still angry at Klavier for what he did to Ema. Wocky was starting to hate his guts but had to tolerate him for Pearl's sake. "I hope you like the present I gave you Pearl."

"I do," Pearl squealed holding onto a pink fluffy pistol. "It's so pretty. And our wedding is going to be amazing."


Phoenix: Pearls is so not old enough to be thinking about marriage.

Godot: She certainly thought about your and Maya's marriage a lot.

Phoenix: She does that. I meant her own marriage. She's only 17!

Apollo: Is no one going to point out the pink fluffy pistol?

Edgeworth: I assume it's a toy of some sort.

Klavier: I have a bad feeling about this...

Quote:
"Isn't it a bit too soon to talk about marriage?" Apollo asked Wocky.

"You wouldn't know," Wocky replied. "You've never had one."


Apollo: Um, neither have you.

Quote:
"What about Trucy?" Pearl asked. "I thought they were twins"

"No Pearl they're siblings and incest don't count," Wocky told her.

"What's incest?" Pearl asked.

"You don't know what incest is?" Klavier asked, a little bit shocked.


Phoenix: It's probably better that way.

Klavier: Wait, does this fic mean to imply that Herr Forehead and Fräulein Wright were planning on getting married? Or that they did get married?

Apollo: I really hope not.

Quote:
"She doesn't have to know," Wocky snapped. "I had enough of you and Apollo talking about it at that club. Now I'm on the wrong side of the road because of you guys."

Klavier bounced back with, "Not our fault you're a bad driver!"

"Shut up you," "Losing your virginity to your brother. Whacked up jerk."


Klavier: ... *bangs head on seat in front of him*

Godot: Hmm. I'd almost forgotten about that. *sips coffee*

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Klavier Gavin remain conscious.

Apollo: ...Prosecutor Gavin, are you okay?

Klavier: No.

Quote:
"... EWWW," Pearl shrieked. "Do you have any dignity? Why are you being so naughty?"


Edgeworth: Oh, look. It's the entire fic in one line.

Quote:
Klavier faced the floor in silence. Then he threw his hands in air. "What can I say?" he smirked, "I've been cornered."

"TOO RIGHT YOU'VE BEEN CORNERED!" Pearl screeched. She held the pistol in her hand. Although she had no intention in shooting him, her eyes filled with fierce anger that anyone could predict a murder. "Why would you wanna cheat on Ema? She's so nice."


Klavier: That pistol is fake, ja?

Phoenix: It's pink, it's fluffy, Pearls is pointing it at you. Yeah, it's definitely fake.

Quote:
"Wocky do you think you can slow down a little?" Trucy asked. "You're going a little too fast for me."

The car skidded on a bump. The wheels screeched on the road. Wocky steered the wheel just in time of preventing a car crash from happening. A loud bang was what pushed all but the driver on the edge of their seats. Pearl's seat-belt had saved her from smashing her head against the window. All of them had been lucky. Apollo had never been so scared in his life: he could have lost his friends, his sister or his life. Curious about the entire silence, Wocky turned around to see Klavier holding tight to his right leg. Red stains formed on Klavier's jeans.

"Holy shit it's real," gasped Wocky.


All: ...

Klavier: *resumes banging head on seat in front of him*

Speakers: We are not paying the medical bills for anyone who gives themselves a concussion in here!

Quote:
"OBJECTION!" Apollo screeched his lungs out. There was a sudden urge to protect his sister. She had been put in danger and he partly felt responsible, but wanted to blame Wocky. "WE COULD HAVE ALL JUST DIED AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS HOLY SHIT IT'S REAL!"


Klavier: I just got shot!!

Godot: We noticed.

Phoenix: Apparently no one in the fic did.

Quote:
"Apollo you're squashing my tits," Trucy shrieked.

"SORRY!"

"Gee, can you calm down you're making Pearl cry," Wocky requested.

"HOW THE HELL CAN I CALM DOWN?" Apollo spat. "That gun could have almost killed Trucy and we could have all died!"


Phoenix: I was only kidding about no one noticing.

Klavier: I just got shot and no one even cares?!

Edgeworth: I expected as much...

Quote:
"Look, I didn't know the gun was real," Wocky explained. Apollo was anything but convinced. "I bought it on Amazon for Pearl and it said on there it wasn't real nor loaded."


Edgeworth: ...it's like the fic is constantly trying to one-up itself on how illegal an action in it can possibly be.

Godot: Eight chapters to go. I wonder what we'll see next?

Quote:
"YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING YOU'RE A HARDCORE GANGSTER. SO YOU SHOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A REAL AND A FAKE GUN!" Apollo roared, even madder than ever. His heart pounced all over the place and gasped in a violent breath.

"This shit is hilarious..." muttered Wocky keeping his laughter to himself.

"It's not funny when someone gets hurt," wailed Pearl. One look could show she was apologetic.

"Yeah it was funny until Pearl started crying."


Phoenix: At least Pearls seems to have noticed that you just got shot.

Klavier: But she's not doing anything about it!

Apollo: I just noticed that Prosecutor Gavin hasn't had a single line since he got shot. You don't think he's...?

Klavier: ...

Godot: I guess this throws the murder plan out the window.

Edgeworth: That was anti-climactic.

Quote:
"And if Pearl wasn't crying it would be even more hilarious would it?" Apollo croaked. His chords of steel had been used up.

Wocky nodded. "Yeah..."

Apollo had enough. He leaned over and punched Wocky in the face. He didn't panic anymore.

"Watch it! I don't have a drivers license, and I'm not going to court!" Wocky snapped. "I've already been there enough times."

"Well I'm definitely not defending you," Apollo told him. He breathed slow, then exhaled in relief.

"Are you okay Klavier?" Trucy asked. "We need to get you to the hospital."


Klavier: Finally someone notices!!

Godot: It's probably too late by now. *sips coffee*

Quote:
"I nearly got shot in a bizarre place," Klavier croaked. "But I should recover."


Apollo: Wait! He's alive!!

Klavier: ...I get shot and no one in the fic even cares... and that includes myself.

Godot: You were right, Rock Star. This fic is hilarious. *sips coffee amusedly*

Quote:
"I'm not going to Hotti's place," informed Wocky steering the wheel in a rough grip. "He's a creep! I don't him touching up Pearl." He took a deep breath and pressed the play button on his car and soulful music pumped up the mood in the car. Apollo thought the song was nice, despite it not being his cup of tea.

Ain't no running from

Karma ain't no running

Ain't no running from

Karma ain't no running


"This is a great song!" Wocky nodded his head throughout the entire song. "Karma's a bitch."


Klavier: ...and we go back to no one caring.

Apollo: You'll be fine, Prosecutor Gavin. It's only fictional.

Klavier: The author hates me, ja?

Edgeworth: Evidently so.

Quote:
"Sorry for shooting you down there, Mr. Klavier," Pearl sobbed. Something was telling Apollo that Pearl was willing to take the whole responsibility. "We'll get you in a hospital as soon as we can."


Phoenix: At least Pearls cares.

Klavier: I suspect she cares more than fic-me does.

[The lights come back on.]

Klavier: Seriously? That's how the chapter ends? I can't believe I got shot...

Edgeworth: I doubt that will be the end of your troubles in the fic.

Godot: Right. From what I hear, "bad things happening to Klavier Gavin" is practically its own sub-genre of fanfiction.

Klavier: I don't feel so good...

Phoenix: (At least "bad things happening to Klavier Gavin" isn't practically its own sub-genre of canon...)

Apollo: At least we're done here. Let's go.

[And so our sporkers leave. Of course, they'll be back soon. Next time on Law Plus Chaos: Klavier gets dumped, someone finally sets the record straight about incest, Ron DeLite boils an egg, we find out who all has escaped prison, Ema gets seduced, some old favorites show up, Maya makes an announcement, and another OC appears. Look forward to it!]

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Well, my sporking is taking a lot longer than I thought, especially since everything got erased. Have to start all over again. :sadshoe:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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SenorJustice-dono wrote:
Well, my sporking is taking a lot longer than I thought, especially since everything got erased. Have to start all over again. :sadshoe:

Oooh, ouch. I know your pain, pal.

I might upload part 9 of Law Plus Chaos later today, though, so at least there'll be something new in the thread anyway.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Double post, doesn't count because it's been a day. (Right?)

Bad news everybody: I discovered that this fic is not, in fact, hosted on AO3 only as I previously thought. It's also on fanfiction.net. And it has 42 reviews. Most of which are positive. That's right, folks. People like this fic.
Law Plus Chaos, part nine.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "And here I was thinking that the Management's inability to keep to a schedule was a good sign..."
Hobo Nick!
:Hoboright: "For the last time, that's not actually my name."
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-shock: "There are plenty of other people who are in this fic a lot, too."
Maya Fey!
:sad-maya: "...how much do I really want to read the script of past chapters...?"
and
Ema Skye!
:yummy: "This is stupid."

[We open up on a beach near Barcelona... just kidding, we open up in our sporking theatre. Where else would we open up? All of today's sporkers are already seated, with the exception of Ema Skye, who is only now walking in.]

Edgeworth: What took you so long, Ema? We've been waiting for you for quite a while now.

Maya: It's only been five minutes. If that.

Edgeworth: It's five minutes in the sporking theatre. That's at least six minutes too many.

Ema: Well, apparently I wasn't supposed to be here today. Someone put in a request or something, so I guess it was kinda last-minute.

Phoenix: Hmm, a request?

Apollo: (Wait a minute. ...please don't let her find out it was me.)

Edgeworth: Request or not, it's better to get these things over with as fast as possible. Maya?

Maya: Okay! *shouts up at speakers* Hey!! We're ready to start the fic!! Roll text!!

[The lights dim.]
Quote:
"I love this dress!" Alita praised the apple green velvet hanging from her shoulders. Brighter sequins wrapped around her waist and flowers sewn across the about the tone of her voice made her look like she was lying. She was the type who liked the finer things in life; diamond rings, nothing but the prettiest clothes and jewelery. Larry bought this dress for Alita for five dollars in a charity shop. And he had a feeling that she despised charity shops with a passion. After all, they don't exactly give her the most finer luxuries in life. Everything had to be platinum. If it wasn't pretty, then Alita had no interest in it. Larry considered himself a lucky man for having a girlfriend with a divine taste.


Ema: Back to incoherency, I guess. It was a good break while it lasted.

Apollo: So you don't know who sent in a request?

Ema: No, but when I find them...

Apollo: (I don't like the look in her eyes.)

[Larry and Alita are arguing about stupid things and it's not very funny.]

Maya: Nothing in this fic is very funny.

Phoenix: That's what we're here for.

Edgeworth: No, Wright. Don't give into the Management.

Quote:
"We're gonna have some fun in the casino," Larry said. Larry had a plan.


Phoenix: It was not a very good plan.

Edgeworth: I think that's a given.

Quote:
If they won a little bit of money, he would propose to her tonight. He was already wanting to put a ring around her one way or another. If they make a loss for tonight, he would ask her later on.


Maya: ...assuming she didn't dump him first.

Apollo: That seems likely.

[Alita comments that Larry's stupid plan is, in fact, stupid. Larry doesn't care. Suddenly unannounced scene change!]
Quote:
Apollo almost felt sorry for Klavier for getting shot, then dumped by his girlfriend in the same day.


Ema: Almost?

Apollo: Apparently I don't actually feel bad for him.

Ema: ...who shot the fop?

Apollo: That would be Pearl Fey.

Maya: What.

Quote:
But he didn't. He cheated and suffered the consequences.


Edgeworth: I was under the impression that him getting shot in the leg by a pink, fluffy "toy" pistol had nothing to do with his infidelity.

Ema: ...a pink, fluffy pistol? Where did...?

Phoenix: Amazon.

Ema: ...

Maya: ...and Pearly shot him?

Apollo: On accident, yeah.

Maya: ...huh.

Ema: I don't even know what to say to this.

Quote:
He was not going to defend Wocky in court, not this time. It was completely out of his hands now. He might be called to be a witness but he could see Wocky and Pearl getting into trouble. He didn't know if the two of them got arrested for shooting Klavier, but he didn't see him dropping the charges any time incident in the car thrown aside, Apollo was really worried for Trucy's welfare.


Ema: But... the fop was the one who got shot.

Phoenix: Have you seen the sort of things Trucy's been doing in this fic?

Ema: I've been trying not to, thanks.

Quote:
She was coming home late all the time due to skipping detention from bringing alcohol into school.


Edgeworth: Why is she coming home late if she's skipping detention?

Phoenix: You know, I really don't want to find out what she's been doing instead of going to detention.

Quote:
Naturally, skipping detention made her have more detentions and to top that she had one on Saturday!


Edgeworth: That... doesn't seem like an effective method of discipline.

Maya: Wouldn't she just skip the new detentions?

Ema: I figured that you'd never had detentions in school, Mr. Edgeworth, but that is kind of how they work.

Edgeworth: ...

Apollo: Um, Ema, what exactly did you do to get put in detention?

Ema: I kind of... lost the science department at my high school.

Apollo: (...note to self: hear this story later.)

Quote:
Apollo had never heard of having detention on a Saturday. He never really had any since he was just the nice quiet guy who always did what he was told.


Phoenix: Apollo being quiet? It's official: we're in the bizzaro-verse. Next thing you know, Edgeworth will have an inexplicable French accent and will be shooting arrows at everyone.

Edgeworth: ...excuse me?

Quote:
When he was training to be a lawyer and was under influence by Kristoph, he was determined to boost his confidence. His chords of steel where a way to get out of his shell.

Apollo was going to spend the night at his dad's house and Trucy decided to tag along. She's been less flirty with him since dating Machi, but he was concerned she was flirting elsewhere. They spent the day with their mother, Thalassa for the day, then drove to Godot's flat.

When the two of them walked into Godot's apartment, Godot was already standing there with a cup of coffee on each side. "Polly-Pocket we need to talk," Godot announced. His tone waa deep and his voice was cold and serious.

"You mean now?" Apollo asked. There wasn't really anything else he could say.

"Now and in private," he replied. He glared at Trucy and said, "Trucy, you can get ready for bed."


Apollo: Why is Trucy spending the night at Mr. Armando's house, anyway? Or me, for that matter.

Maya: I guess the author thinks you're really as old as you look.

Apollo: ...h-hey now, Ms. Fey.

Quote:
"Follow me son!" Godot told him. So Apollo did what he was told. He was lead into the kitchen with a chair. Apollo had a feeling he knew what Godot was going to talk about: Trucy. "Sit down and help yourself to some coffee," he said. "It's gonna be a while."

"If it's in private, why do you have the door open?" Apollo asked.

"So I can see if Trucy tries to overhear the conversation."

"Okay."

"Have any idea what I want to talk to you about?" Godot asked, removing his mask.

"Uhm... Trucy?"

"You got it in one!" Godot smirked and clapped his hands. It was the first time Apollo ever saw his father without his mask on. He looked... different and older than the man in the picture his mother showed him.


Edgeworth: But how exactly he looks different, we will never know, since the author failed to describe it.

Phoenix: Well, he probably has a scar from being stabbed in the face.

Ema: He got stabbed in the face? Ouch.

Maya: It was for a good cause.

Apollo: (...wasn't that when he was killing your mother?)

Quote:
"Well this 'relationship' she seems to be so proud off with you seems to be pushing your buttons. I don't wanna hide anything else from you anymore so I'm gonna keep the record straight: Incest is wrong no matter how much Trucy tries to sugar coat it. You agree with me right?"

"Yeah Dad, I do."


Phoenix: Look, Edgeworth. Someone's saying something that actually sounds like something a reasonable human being would say!

Edgeworth: Too little, too late, Wright.

Quote:
"She's not treating you like she should be," Godot snapped. "I'm not letting Trucy think she can have you as her bit on the side."


Apollo: Aaaaaand back to understating the whole "incest" thing.

Quote:
"I don't think you understand..."

"It's not me who doesn't understand; it's you."

"You know... Trucy's young and wants to be free. I don't like some of the things she does or the people she hangs round with but she's still cool."

"That doesn't give her the right to cheat on you!"


Ema: Um... *flips through script* I thought the last chapter implied that it was over.

Apollo: That's what I thought, but apparently the author can't just let me be.

Edgeworth: Such is the life of anyone whom any half-witted fanfiction author decides they can write...

Phoenix: I bet I'm in more fanfics than you.

Maya: Aren't you two usually in fanfics together?

Edgeworth: I'm in more games than you, anyway.

Phoenix: Because one more game than me is such a big lead.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright that breaking the fourth wall is strictly forbidden.

Quote:
"Dad it's not like that!" Apollo snapped. "It was just twice."

"Not to her it wasn't!" Godot corrected him. "She's using you as a bit on the site. She needs to grow up, stop being slutty and start getting back to school and you need to be manly enough to stand up to her flirts!"

"You don't understand. You're making her sound like something she isn't."

"I think she's a slut," Godot whispered slurping down her coffee.


Ema: ... *flips through script again* You know, I think I agree. Scientifically speaking, anyway.

Phoenix: Don't make me come over there.

Quote:
"DAD THAT'S GOING TOO FAR!"

"Like mother like daughter!"

"NOW YOU ARE GOING TOO FAR!"

"I'm trying to help you out," said Godot. "Stop shouting."

"HOW IS BASHING MY SISTER AND MOM HELPING ME?" roared Apollo. "It's not doing anything!"


Maya: That's actually a good point. What is this accomplishing, anyway?

Edgeworth: Is anything in this fic accomplishing anything?

Maya: Also a good point.

Quote:
"Look Apollo, she's under-aged, " Godot reminded Apollo. "They're not gonna care if she made a move on you. All they're gonna care about is that you shagged a minor.


Ema: Normally you'd expect this to be at the beginning of the conversation. You know, after the whole "incest is wrong and you shouldn't do it" thing.

Apollo: No, because that would be sane.

Quote:
I don't want you going down the same route as me. You've got great things ahead of you. And I don't want you getting clogged up with hatred... like me. I thought it would make things better, but it drove me to kill."


Phoenix: Somehow, I don't feel like their situations are comparable.

Maya: Unless Trucy poisoned Apollo. And left him in a coma for five years.

Apollo: I think I'd remember that, Ms. Fey.

Maya: You wouldn't if you were in a coma!

Quote:
"I'm not gonna kill anybody," Apollo promised his father, "I wouldn't."

"I care about you, and if things continue the way they are, then you probably will end up like me. Haters are gonna hate but don't dive in it too much? You know if you and Trucy stop sexing it up now, you two could pretend it never happened and Wright would never have to know."


Edgeworth: ...I thought Wright already knew.

Phoenix: Believe me, I wish I didn't.

Maya: My fire extinguisher offer still stands, Nick.

Phoenix: Maya, really, no.

Quote:
"You think it's fair on him keeping a secret like this?" Apollo asked. "I work on getting the truth out, wouldn't that make me a hypocrite and I don't want to be a hypocritical."

"Some things are best left unsaid," Godot told him. "In this case, the truth is too bitter to let out."

"You know if you really had a problem with me you could have said it to my face," Trucy sobbed. Apollo knew it, she was listening the entire time.


Ema: Wasn't Mr. Armando keeping an eye out for that?

Edgeworth: Evidently his intention wasn't to stop her.

Ema: Why kick her out of the room in the first place, then?

Edgeworth: Because in this fic, everyone has undergone a special type of lobotomy that removes the sections of the brain governing logic.

Ema: ...that's pretty much the entire frontal lobe, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I am aware.

Quote:
"What can I say?" Godot asked himself. "The truth hurts."

"You could apologize," Apollo suggested.

"Nah!"

"You should!" Apollo barked.

"Don't raise your voice at me like that son."

"I'm not a kid anymore."

"You'll always be a kid to me."


Apollo: Um, when did I first meet him in this fic? A couple days ago?

Maya: It's because you look really young!

Apollo: I know, Ms. Fey. I have been informed. (At least some women think it's attractive...)

Quote:
"Dad can you please apoligize to Trucy for me?" he requested. "Trucy and Phoenix have helped me out on a lot of things and you should be grateful for the both of them. I know Phoenix would be really pissed off if he found out what you called her. And it would be really nice if I could peace for once in my life."

"Okay you got me! I'm sorry Trucy."

"Apology accepted I guess," Trucy smiled.

"Oh yeah, Maya and Lana's trying to convince Klavier to drop the charges on Wocky and Pearl. Looks like it's working. Big Wins is still pretty pissed off though."

"If Klavier does drop the charges, then Wocky and Pearl are REALLY lucky," Apollo said.

"At least every thing's all settled then.


Maya: You know what's really bothersome? When someone forgets to add the second quotation mark. It's like everything that comes after it is a part of the same quote.

Phoenix: Thanks, Maya. Now that's going to be bugging me for the rest of the chapter.

Ema: Or at least until the author screws up and adds double quotation marks somewhere.

Quote:
"Hey Lana what's up?" Mike asked as he picked up the phone.

"Better not waste your opportunity Mike," Lana said. "She's dumped him today. She found out about the cheating."

"That's good," Mike grinned as he spoke. "That's beautiful news. "Looks like we don't have to go that far after all,"



"I still going ahead with Salsa's idea," Lana told Mike. "It will be much more entertaining."

" I personally think Salsa's plans aren't necessary any more," Mike said as he sat down with a herbal cigarette. "She's safe from him know. And your sister's strong, he won't be able to win him back easily."

"I'm beginning to think you're only saying this cause you hate Salsa."

"It's got nothing to do with Salsa okay?" Mike objected. "As far as I'm concerned we don't need him. Look Lana I love your sister and I want the best for her. I just can't stand that bastard taking advantage of her."

"I love her too," Lana agreed. "Now if you can win her heart, your job is pretty much done. I'm still going ahead with the original plan. By the way if you upset Ema I'll kill you."

And Lana hung up.

"That's fine by me."


Ema: Sooo... what's going on here?

Edgeworth: I thought you read the script of the last few chapters.

Ema: I did. Sort of. It didn't make any sense. ...scientifically speaking, of course.

Phoenix: And that's how you know that you're still reading Law Plus Chaos.

Quote:
Ron shivered even from the warmth of the fire, hugging himself. His arms shook like a vigorous tree in a tornado about to crash.


Edgeworth: These similes are getting out of hand.

[Ron DeLite angsts. It's boring.]
Quote:
Pushing his head deeper into his cushion, he stretched his legs out as his foot tapped the mattress. He yawned as he forced himself out of bed and tip toed to the fridge. He wanted to return to his dreams but he knew he had to eat something, even if it was only pork pies with an over-powering pepper flavor. He fancied some boiled eggs now he saw three eggs in the tray, but the room didn't have a cooker, oven or microwave; just a humble kettle plugged in next to the sink.

He wasn't sure if a kettle would boil an egg but he was gonna give it a shot. He picked up two and saved the other one for tomorrow.


Apollo: And the point of this scene was...?

Phoenix: It's not like there's a plot to distract from.

Quote:
For everything Pearl hates about Wocky, there was two traits she liked.


Maya: Only two? Why is she dating him, then?

Edgeworth: Because the author feels the bizarre need to pair absolutely everyone.

Phoenix: You haven't been paired with anyone.

Edgeworth: I'm not in this fic.

Phoenix: Oh, so now chapter six didn't even happen?

Edgeworth: I don't know what you're talking about.

Quote:
She didn't like his whole gangster image, but loved his bravery and the way he treated her. She hated some of his habits like drinking and smoking, but she liked how she was able to tame him when he needed it. Pearl suggested Wocky to give up smoking so Plum wouldn't go mad next time she smelt tobacco.

"Are you going to Mystic Maya's party?" Pearl asked. "I'm sure the clan would love to see you again; that's what Mystic Maya said. She says she has a big announcement too."


Maya: I wonder what I'm gonna say?

Ema: We probably don't want to know.

Quote:
"I guess I could come," Wocky said. "Is Maya getting married or something if she says something about some announcement?"

"I'm not sure," Pearl said. "She hasn't told me so it must be big; she usually tells me everything. You know I always wanted her to get married and have babies with Mr. Nick but he's engaged to my half-sister. Maybe it's for the best, only time will tell."


Maya: Somehow I don't really see Pearly giving up on that.

Phoenix: I don't know. As she got older, she's mellowed out a bit.

Maya: I keep forgetting you're from the future.

Edgeworth: How else do you explain his slovenly appearance?

Phoenix: Excuse you.

Quote:
The bold words in today's newspaper lured Pearl's eyes into the article.

BEWARE: KILLERS ON THE LOOSE!

Following the news of killer Diego Armando being released on compassionate grounds last month, last week it has been reported that over fifty prisoners have managed to escape jail including former Steel Samurai star, Matt Engarde.


Maya: That still doesn't make sense.

Ema: What else is new?

Quote:
Many of the them were found within five days of breaking out, but there are still eleven confirmed to be out on the streets. All the prisoners were convicted murderers. Chief Gumshoe pleas the public to remain calm and report with any information they have regarding the missing prisoners.


Edgeworth: "Chief Gumshoe"?

Phoenix: *shrugs* It's a pretty common headcanon.

Speakers: ...the Management is pretty sure that counts as breaking the fourth wall. Stop that.

Apollo: Wasn't he a normal detective during the rape trial?

Edgeworth: I honestly don't remember anymore.

Quote:
"We must get these criminals locked up," Gumshoe cried in the official statement last night. "These are very dangerous individuals who should have been executed a long time all need to work together to get them all back behind bars." Ron DeLite was reported missing days after the killers made their escape. Police believe he was kidnapped by Matt Engarde and Luke Atmey, who shared a civil relationship in prison. "DeLite's disappearance has made it even more vital to find them all as quick as we can before they kill again. New procedures are also needed to make sure they don't escape again."


Maya: I hope the new procedures involve firing Larry.

Quote:
Prison officers have been heavily criticized for sleeping on the time the prisoners escaped. One was even suspected of having an affair with them.


Ema: So it didn't occur to anyone that it might have been an inside job?

Edgeworth: No frontal lobes, remember?

Quote:
The list of wanted people follows;

* Alita Tiala - Used mafia family for inheritance and killed boss.

* Matt Engarde - hired an assassin to kill his rival.

* Luke Atmey - A blackmailer/con-artist/murderer

* Kristoph Gavin - Mentally disturbed. Hacked into the justice system for years. Killed two men and attempted to kill a young girl.


Apollo: ...

Phoenix: "Hacked into the justice system for years"? Hacked?

Ema: Um, Apollo, are you okay?

Apollo: Just thanking my lucky stars this is only fictional.

Quote:
* Dee Vasqueuz - Killed colleague Jack Hammer.


Edgeworth: Her crime mostly amounted to tampering with the crime scene, since the death was not only accidental, but the deceased was trying to kill her. She should not be in prison at this point.

Phoenix: There you go again, trying to bring logic into this thing.

Edgeworth: I can't help it, Wright.

Quote:
* Mimi Miney - Faked her death and stole her sister's identity. Used spirit medium to kill her former boss.

* Lance Amano - Faked a kidnapping and killed a man to frame his lover.

* Ernest Amano - Involved with lots of smuggling and murdering to years.

* Jacques Portsman - Smuggler, shot his best friend.

* Namow Latnem- Chopped up her husband for falling for another woman.


Apollo: Is her name... "Mental woman" spelled backwards?

Ema: Yes.

Apollo: That doesn't even sound like a real name.

Phoenix: This coming from someone named "Apollo Justice"?

Apollo: (This coming from someone named "Phoenix Wright"?!)

Quote:
* Edward Fartalot - Killed parents last year using gases.


All: ...

Maya: *immature snickering*

Edgeworth: *deep sigh*

Quote:
If you see any of these people report to the police as soon as possible.

"Loads of people escaped jail last week..." Pearl mumbled. The first couple of pages about the killers on the loose. Some of them which, Pearl vaguely remembered when Phoenix was a lawyer. Some of them were new names to her, but she still felt concerned that the killers could be behind them right now or crawling around them. "Alita's one of them."

"That newspaper got it wrong," Wocky said. "Matt and Luke have been out of prison for a while now. And I know Alita's been out longer than a week."

"How do you know?" Pearl asked.

"I've seen her around," Wocky said. "I saw her the night we were out with Matt in that club."

"Did she speak to you?"

"Yeah she did," Wocky said.


Ema: But of course he didn't call the police. *munches Snackoos* Typical.

Maya: I don't know why you guys keep trying to make this fic make sense. It's clearly a lost cause. *pause* What, no comment about never giving up, Nick?

Apollo: You're mixing up with back when he still had morals, ethics, and an attorney's badge.

Phoenix: I'm sitting right here, Apollo.

Apollo: (Whoops.)

[Wocky tells Pearl about the blackmail. That Mike guy shows up.]
Quote:
"Lying to the police is not a good thing," Mike warned him. "I will find out. Oh and was it you who shot Klavier?"

"It wasn't me if was my girl Pearl," Wocky answered.

"I swear it was an accident," Pearl squealed.

Mike tapped Pearl's shoulder and said, "good on you."


Ema: I don't like him either, but if someone shot the glimmerous fop I'd still arrest them for it.

Apollo: Even if it was a fluffy, pink pistol bought off of Amazon?

Ema: ...I guess I'd wait until I was done testing my snacks to see if someone's spiked them with LSD or something. *munches Snackoos*

[The Mike guy is apparently trying to find Ron DeLite. Someone finally points out that Larry just might have been involved in the prison escape.]
Quote:
Truth be told, he always had a soft spot for the teenage scientist that always looked up to him in Europe when he said she could be his partner in investigation. She was always perky and full of energy. He could also tell she had a crush on him and he was banking on her having that old flame still burning somewhere inside of her as he went to woo her.

What he had heard from Lana wasn't all that pretty. Ema had changed a lot in the years he had not seen her. She was more beautiful, for sure by the pictures he was given. Yet he heard she was also jaded from apparently not getting into CSI like she had wanted. Ema had become somewhat bitter, eating snackoo's like there was no tomorrow. If he knew that she would get so addicted to them, he would have never given her that bag such a long time ago.


Ema: ...so the author's OC is supposed to be the guy who introduced me to Snackoos?

Edgeworth: Come to think of it, when did you get addicted to Snackoos? It's a fairly recent thing, isn't it?

Ema: It's not an addiction. I can stop anytime I want. *munches Snackoos*

Edgeworth: *sigh* That's what they all say.

Phoenix: (Why does he glare at me when he says that...?)

Quote:
Before he knew it, he was in front of her door. Resigning himself to being taken, if this flirting worked, he knocked on the door after taking a deep inhale of his cigarette and letting the fruity scent out.


Maya: Cigarettes don't smell very fruity.

Apollo: Maybe it's one of those flavored ones.

Maya: I thought cigarettes could only be smoke-flavored?

Apollo: Um...

Ema: No one here smokes.

Maya: I guess we'll never know.

[Ema and Mike chat a bit. Apparently Ema likes him.]

Apollo: (That's a new one.)

Quote:
"Yeah...Klavier was a real gentleman. I always thought of him as a fop, but a good person overall. He was sweet to me on our dates, but apparently I didn't give him what he wanted." Ema said, bitterness and anger lacing her voice.

"That would be?" Mike asked, grabbing the ashtray she pointed out to him and dumping a bit of the ashes of his cigarette in it before taking another breath of the addicting substance.

"Sex...I refused to sleep with him...then he goes and cheats on me with some big titted cow cat girl!" Ema said quietly at first, but eventually her voice rose up to shouting level.

"Heh." Mike knew this story all too well. Being the ladies man he was, he had seen and done a little bit of everything that did not require him to bow at a woman's feet.

"If I ever see that fop again I'm gonna punch him in the face!" Ema continued to rant before munching on her snackoo's at a wild pace.


Ema: I'm just gonna ignore the entire rest of that conversation and comment on the fact that I work with the fop whether I like him or not. The next time I see him would probably the next morning.

Apollo: Now I feel kind of bad for him.

Edgeworth: And that is why dating in the workplace is typically forbidden.

Maya: Not that it stopped Mia...

Quote:
"Simmer down there speedy. Let's just go towards the good times and try to forget about this 'fop'." Mike suggested, rummaging through her kitchen drawers before pulling out an ice cream scooper and getting two bowls before putting a generous amount of the ice cream in them.

"You're too sweet Mr. Blitz. You always put me first, back then." Ema said with a somewhat sad smile as she remembered her adventures of sorts in Europe.

"I'm still putting you first now." he pointed out as he led her to a sofa that was put up against a wall across from the TV stand.

"Yeah..." Ema said with a blush on her face.

'Such a troubled girl.' Mike thought as he sat down next to her.


Ema: No I'm not. *munches Snackoos angrily*

Phoenix: It's not really an insult, Ema.

Apollo: She takes a lot of things as an insult, Mr. Wright.

Ema: *throws Snackoos at Apollo*

Quote:
"You must be Phoenix Wright," the woman spoke. Phoenix shook hands and said, "I'm Kay Faraday, Edgeworth's told me a lot about you."

"It's nice to you again," Phoenix said. "I see you haven't changed much."


Maya: Gah!

Phoenix: Sudden scene change, Maya. I'm not in the room with Ema and the Mike guy. ...I think.

Edgeworth: At least Kay's putting in an appearance in the fic...

[A familiar musical theme beings playing, and Kay Faraday descends via rope from the air vents. For real this time.]

Kay: Did someone mention me?

Edgeworth: Only a dozen times over the course of the sporking.

Kay: I was busy.

Edgeworth: Doing what, exactly?

Kay: So, does anyone notice the contradiction in the part of the fic that was just quoted? Come on, Mr. Edgeworth. I know you saw it!

Edgeworth: Answer my question, Kay.

Apollo: Um, does it have to do with the fact that what Kay says implies that she's never met Mr. Wright before, but what Mr. Wright says implies that he's known Kay for a while?

Kay: Ding ding ding! Give the attorney a prize!

Maya: Can I get a prize too?

Ema: Did you bring anything to get us out of here? Or snacks, at least?

Maya: Please tell me you brought snacks.

Kay: I had a bag of popcorn, but there's no microwave in here anymore, so...

Phoenix: (Anymore? As in, there was a microwave in here at some point...?)

Quote:
"Yeah," Kay replied. She removed her scarf which was just a lighter shade of blue than her hair. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Phoenix grinned, then looked seriously asking, "I was wondering if you could do me a favor?"


Kay: So, um, what's going on in this fic?

Edgeworth: Morally depraved things.

Maya: You should probably be worried about what kind of favor Nick's asking for.

Kay: Oh, so it's one of those fics. Okay! *sits down*

Quote:
Trucy was rather pleased with her birthday present from her dad: a new best friend. Apollo didn't know why Phoenix couldn't just admit that he forgot to buy her a present and just introduced a friend to her. The new friend was called Kay Faraday.


Maya: Ohhh, so it was something harmless after all.

Phoenix: Fic-me is a cardboard cutout, remember, Maya. Not a disgusting pervert like fic-Apollo.

Kay: Wouldn't I be a lot older than Trucy, though? I mean, I'm like two years older than Apollo.

Apollo: Trucy usually hangs out with people several years older than her.

Phoenix: And there's nothing wrong with that.

Quote:
Her smile was just as optimistic as sunshine. Apollo was relieved that Trucy had finally found a new friend seemed nice. Phoenix thought Kay would be a calming influence on her.


Edgeworth: I sincerely doubt Kay could be a calming influence on anybody.

Kay: Hey, I'm not here to keep people calm. I'm here to cheer people up.

Maya: But the bag of popcorn you brought was totally inedible.

Kay: How was I supposed to know they took out the microwave?

Phoenix: (Okay, seriously, since when was there a microwave in here?!)

[Phoenix, Apollo, Trucy, and Kay all head to Maya's party.]
Quote:
The party was better than Apollo had expected. There was vodka being distributed around Kurain Village but Phoenix had been keeping an eye on Trucy. She had stuck with Kay at all times, just like Phoenix instructed her to do while they were in the car with Larry. They spotted Pearl running around trying to make sure everyone was behaving themselves for Maya's party. He turned his head when he saw Franziska von Karma sitting in the corner with a glass of wine. (He was more surprised she had no whip on her. Perhaps Pearl and Maya confiscated it for the night.)


Kay: No fair. Only I'm supposed to have the powers of the Management!

Speakers: So THAT'S how...

Kay: What? I didn't say anything.

[Maya has an announcement to make.]
Quote:
"Now for the big announcement. I wasn't sure weather to do it the easy way to put it on facebook or announce it in person. In the end I decided to do it on my birthday..."

"What is it Mystic Maya?" Pearl asked. She jumped in excitement. "Is it a baby?"

"No," Maya said. "I am happy to announce that I am a very proud lesbian."


All: ...

Maya: Well alrighty then.

Phoenix: At least it isn't me for once.

Edgeworth: At least that explains why you were working with Franziska.

Maya: ...interesting choice of ships the author has there.

Quote:
"Is that it?" Phoenix asked.

"Yeah," Maya replied. "I love girls," she grinned.

Everyone was silent. All but one of the shrine maidens who gave Maya an applause. Then everyone else started clapping apart from some of the elders who crunched their lips.


Ema: Because that's not cliche at all.

Apollo: I like how Mr. Wright just takes it in stride. He's not even surprised at all.

Phoenix: The same is true of literally everything else in the fic, Apollo.

Apollo: Oh. Right...

Quote:
Pearl saw a couple of the elders, who were close friends with her mother, smiling and winking at Pearl. Where they thinking, what Pearl thought they were thinking?


Phoenix: I certainly hope they're not thinking what I think they're thinking.

Edgeworth: Wright!

Maya: Nick!

Ema, Apollo, & Kay: Mr. Wright!

Phoenix: Hey, the fic's the one who keeps doing things like that! Not me!!

Quote:
"I would also like to say something too," Pearl said. "I'm not going to tolerate anymore silly or outrageous plots in this family anymore." There might not even be any plots, but Pearl wanted to make sure her opinion was out there to her clan. She lost her mother and aunt to the madness, she wasn't going to lose anyone else for it. "...Uhm," she ran out of things to say when Maya stared at her with wide eyes. "Let's make sure Mystic Maya enjoys the rest of her day."


Maya: Oh, so she was just worried about the fact that it'd be up to her to produce an heir.

Edgeworth: ...what did you think they were thinking?

Maya: Um, nothing.

Spoiler: Chapter 18
Kay: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Ema, the management asked me to give this to you. *hands Ema an envelope*

Edgeworth: Since when do you listen to the Management?

Kay: Eh. It seemed like a harmless enough request.

Apollo: ... (Don't tell me. That's how they're planning on telling Ema that I accidentally sent in a request for her to spork?)

Ema: Um, problem, Apollo? Why are you looking at the envelope like that?

Apollo: Er, no reason. ...maybe you shouldn't open that until after the sporking.

Ema: *eyes Apollo suspiciously* ... *shrugs, puts envelope in pocket* If you say so.

Speakers: ...

Apollo: (Why do I feel like I just walked into some weird trap?)

Quote:
Mike could have had a wonderful good night sleep tucked with Ema after a wonderful date. But no, Albert Salsa had to wake him up just to introduce someone to him. He gritted his teeth, feeling tempted to punch him. He didn't even give him time to put some outdoor clothes on. Seething at Salsa, who was dressed in an orange suit and bright pink leather boots up to his knees. Not just any old boots either; they lit up in the dark. His cowboy hat, decorated in sequins glistened from the lights of the boots.


Maya: What kind of outfit is that?

Phoenix: A dumb one.

Quote:
"Would you care to explain why you've taken me into a deep forest at two o'clock in the morning?" asked Mike, gritting his teeth, although he'd like to know what made him think what he was wearing was a good outfit.

"I already said, " Salsa replied. "I need to introduce to someone." Salsa was also humming to himself as he tiptoed into the forest hearing nothing but the birds singing and the owls howling.

"You can at least tell me who?"

"I can't say who just yet," Salsa whispered, then hushed. "It's a surprise."


Phoenix: Fifty bucks it's one of the escaped criminals.

Edgeworth: No one is going to bet against you on that, Wright.

Quote:
"This better be worth it," Mike muttered, still growling his teeth at him.

"Sadly it's not Ema Skye in case you're fantasizing about her."

"Damn!" Salsa just had to rub it in his face.

"You won't believe your eyes."

"I don't plan on sleeping with anyone either." Mike had a feeling Salsa was going on about a hot lady he met in the club.

"Mike, this is strictly business. I've got everything under control. I've got a plan B in case my epic plan A to lock Klavier Gavin goes wrong."


Kay: If he already got dumped, why are they still planning on pinning a murder on him? Or doing anything bad to him, for that matter?

Apollo: Um, how long have you been watching this sporking?

Kay: Oh, just since part seven. But I have looked over one of those scripts of previously-sporked chapters.

Edgeworth: ...I was wondering where mine went.

Kay: I didn't think you needed it.

Edgeworth: True.

Quote:
"Our Plan A actually," corrected Mike. He didn't want Salsa claiming all the credit. "And it was Lana who started the plan." Mike got out his torch, since Salsa was shaking his torch about too much. His torch was larger, thus Salsa was able to find his way. A man was standing in the middle of a cottage. By the way he dressed, he seemed to have been a butler. His uniform blended in with the dark when Mike lowered his torch.

"Good morning gentleman,"the man said. His tone was deep. He sounded like a gentleman of business. Salsa smiled as if he recognized the man's voice.

"Hey Shelly DeKiller how are you?" Salsa said.


All: ...

Maya: So... I guess he is in this fic after all.

Phoenix: Why is Matt Engarde out of prison and not dead?!

Edgeworth: And why does this judge know an assassin?

Kay: If knowing an assassin is suspicious, Mr. Edgeworth, what does that say about you?

Edgeworth: ... (Sadly, she's right.)

Quote:
"Very well thank you." DeKiller bowed and asked, "What brings you gentleman up at this hour?"

"I was going to introduce Mike to a friend of mine."

"Not popping round to see your godmother?" DeKiller wondered, "she makes exceedingly pies."


Apollo: Exceedingly pies?

Ema: Must be exceedingly pie-like.

Quote:
"That's exactly where we were heading to," Salsa said, grinning. He tilted his sunglasses as he asked, "what about you Shelly?"

"I'm on quest for blood on behalf of Mrs. DeLite," he announced.

"You mean Mrs. DeLite has hired you?" Mike asked. He was positive that this was more than just a pure coincidence.

"Indeed," DeKiller said. "It is quite beneficial for the pair of us. I've always liked to kill Mr. Engarde for his unforgivable betrayal. Atmey on the other hand, still owes me money. I am also going to send her husband home: dead or alive."

"Well that sounds cool. Good luck on that." Salsa said, approaching DeKiller to shake his hand.

"Thank you," DeKiller said. "Unfortunately I have no time to chat. I bid farewell." And Shelly DeKiller walked away, blending with the night.


Phoenix: Isn't the Mike one a detective?

Apollo: I think it's already been established that he's corrupt.

Edgeworth: I hate this fic.

Quote:
Salsa looked at Mike and said, "Okay now let's go in." Mike nodded and followed him into the cottage. As they walked in they could see fur all over the place and cats sleeping in harmony. "Pussies galore," Salsa whispered to Mike. "You like that don't you?"

"Not the cat version," Mike spat.


Phoenix: *extremely forced laughter*

Maya: I'm pretty sure you've made the exact same joke before, Nick.

Phoenix: ...obviously, it's funnier when I do it.

Apollo: Whatever you say, Mr. Wright.

Quote:
"Hey Namow," Salsa called. "It's me."

"Watch it!" a croaky voice called. "You're going to wake the cats. Oh..."

A woman had walking in, wearing her white gown, contrasting to her chocolate skin. She held a knife in her hand, but lowered it when she saw Salsa's face. "Albert! So nice to meet you."

"This is my friend Mike Blitz," Salsa announced.

"Hey," Mike said, wondering why Salsa had forced him to meet serial killer, Namow Lantem.


Kay: So does this mean that the other OC on the escaped killers list will also be important?

Ema: I hope not. His name was just plain immature.

Maya: I thought it was funny.

Ema: Case in point.

Maya: Hey!

Quote:
"Would you two like some pie?" Namow asked.

"I'm okay thanks, I'll have some tea though," Salsa replied as he removed his sunglassed.

"What about you Mike?"

"I'm okay thanks,"

"You know where Luke Atmey and Matt Engarde are hiding don't ya?" Salsa asked.

"Oh yes," Namow answered with a grin. "They were foolish enough to trust me." Funnily enough, Mike thought Salsa was foolish for dragging him out of bed to visit a killer.

"Maybe you can tell us," Mike said.

"Jacques Portsman said he visited them. He and Matt used to be good friends he says."

"Great another of the killers who just escaped jail." Mike yawned watching one of the cats throwing up in the sink. This was no way for a cat to live, it wasn't rocket science. Since Namow had brought him up, he had to ask her, "do you know where Portsman is..."

Namow said nothing but grinned as she gave Salsa his tea.


Apollo: Somehow, all the escaped killers hanging around each other like that seems like a bad idea.

Ema: At least it's convenient for the police. Find one, find them all. *munches Snackoos*

Kay: Maybe the author decided relationships by rolling dice.

Phoenix: Dice?

Kay: Yeah, three dice - two have character names on them and one has a type of relationship. So for this part of the fic, they rolled "Jacques Portsman" "Matt Engarde" "friends" but for an earlier part of the fic they rolled "Matt Engarde" "Luke Atmey" "lovers".

Edgeworth: I think you're over thinking this, Kay.

Maya: Makes sense to me!

Quote:
"You're silent, you've done something to him haven't you?" Salsa said.

"Maybe I did," Namow whispered, "but maybe I didn't"

"What have you done to Jacques Portsman?" Mike asked, trying to cut the chase.

"I turned him into pie and ate a bit of him," Namow admitted.

Salsa spat his tea out laughing, splattering on the cat that being sick. Mike had nothing else to say other than, "... Why?"

"He kicked my cat, Ribbon!" Namow barked. "Served him right the little pest."

"That's not a legit reason to eat somebody," Mike said. "Let alone kill."


Edgeworth: And so we can now add cannibalism to list of extremely disturbing things that have happened in this fic.

Phoenix: ...that is one heck of a list.

Quote:
"Do you want to be in my pie then?" Namow asked grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

"NO WAY!" Mike shouted. "Let's go!"

"Hold it Mike!" Salsa chased him. "She can help!"

"We should hand her in," Mike snapped, cold and clear. "I can't bare to have her walking around eating people."

"You gotta watch what you say about Nomow," Salsa warned him. He managed to get Mike to stop running by holding his arm.

"Why? She's dangerous she needs locking up!"

"Dude, you could have been killed."


Apollo: Which is exactly why she needs locking up.

Quote:
"You could have been killed too,"

"I know her, she's my mama's best friend." Salsa roared. "I know she's crazy, but she's my godmother for a reason. She is a great ally to my family. She gave my bullies diarrhea."


All: ...

Kay: Moving on!

Quote:
"Do we have to bring your family life into this?"

"Oh whatever!" Mike sighed. "The point is Mike, you do not mess with her in anyway. She's an expert in romance!"

"Yes," laughed Mike clapping his hands. "That's why she flushed her husband down the toilet."


Ema: Wait, where does romance come into this?

Edgeworth: Most likely something to do with you, I'm afraid.

Ema: Kay, get me out of here.

Kay: No can do. Sorry.

Ema: *grumbles, munches Snackoos*

[The OCs argue about whether or not they should let the serial killer help them.]
Quote:
"Namow has about a million cats in that den of hers," Mike brought up.

"There is plenty of room in your car so maybe we can offer some of them a safer place." Salsa said. "She's had some of them cats for ages. She don't need all of them."

"Maybe we can get her to make a deal with us," Mike thought. "It's not nice for her or the cats to be living in such a junk room." He took a deep breath, wishing he could go back to see Ema.

Salsa tapped his back and told him, "now don't worry Mike. Once everything is sorted you can go home."

"Yay," boomed Mike. "Let's go back in again."


Maya: Wait, are they trying to get a crazy cat lady to do what they want... by taking away her cats?

Ema: You'd think that after all the insanity in this fic, the author would have figured out how to write insane people.

Apollo: Hey, that's my line.

[They take away the crazy cat lady's cats. For some reason she doesn't kill them.]
Quote:
"Albert you were always a good boy inside," Nawmow smiled. "But whatever you do, don't report DeKiller," she warned the two men. "He's helping us out a lot."

"We won't," Mike promised.

"And one more thing," Namow said. "Before I forget. Do you guys know the Kitaki family?"

"Of course we do," Mike quickly responded. "Why?"

"I've seen their son, Wocky bring some of his friends over to have a party," Namow slipped out. "They very wild and loud when he's around.


Apollo: Oh boy. Now the troupe of irresponsible teenagers is involved in the murder plot.

Phoenix: Oh, joy.

Kay: Cheer up, Mr. Wright! It's only fictional!

Phoenix: Kay, we're only fictional.

Speakers: That is probably the worst violation of the fourth wall we have EVER seen. Knock it off.

Quote:
I know it was Wocky cause seeing Little Plum carrying him around in the pram."

"Well, thanks for the info," Mike said.

"It's a pleasure."

He was pleased that tonight wasn't a complete waste of time, they now had extra help in his investigations and his quest to protect Ema from harm. Despite all this, he wasn't sure that Lana would approve. She will kill him if he fails, but the chances of his failing seemed to be light years away unless Salsa messes it up.


Ema: It's like some sort of bizarre competition to see who could possibly be the most out-of-character and Lana's trying to compensate for the fact that she didn't show up until more than halfway through the fic.

Apollo: I think you broke the code, Ema.

[The lights come back on.]

Apollo: Woah. I think you actually did break the code, Ema.

Kay: Nah. The chapter's just over. See ya! *smoke bombs away*

Edgeworth: ... *sigh* Even she doesn't want to be around this too long, I suppose.

Phoenix: Can't say she doesn't have the right idea.

Maya: In that case, why don't we just go?

Apollo: Good idea, Ms. Fey.

[And so our sporkers leave. Next time in the sporking theatre: Phoenix's worst nightmares become (some semblance of) reality.]

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 12:08 pm

Posts: 260

I've found a fic that deserves to be sporked. I'd spork it myself if I didn't suck at it.

Here's the link (MAY BE NSFW): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail
I hadn't known there were so many idiots in the world until I started using the Internet. — Stanisław Lem
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu May 22, 2014 12:23 pm

Posts: 812

Guess what I learned this yesterday morning? The author of this fic not only is a member of this forum, but actually submitted Judge Salsa and Namow Latnem into the OC contest. In the same division I'm competing in. Am I... am I in the twilight zone...?
Law Plus Chaos, part ten.

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "..."
Hobo Nick!
:Hoboright: "Is it just me, or are these slowing down?"
Maya Fey!
:maya-shock: "Why do I have this weird feeling that I was picked specifically because something awful happens?"
and...
Pearl Fey! Age 17, that is.
:pearlshock: "There's no way out of this place, is there?"

[We open up in our sporking theatre, which is probably in Barcelona for all we know. Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth are already seated.]

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: You seem awfully... complacent today.

Edgeworth: I've lost the will to fight along with my will to live.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Miles Edgeworth buck up a bit.

Edgeworth: I give up...

Speakers: *sigh* What kind of Sporking Bitch are you?

Phoenix: I like how it's an official title. Or at least a proper noun...

[Maya and Pearl Fey enter the sporking theatre, and take their respective seats.]

Maya: But seriously though, Pearly, you got tall. Taller than me...

Pearl: Y-You're not short, Mystic Maya!

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: Psst... Nick, what's wrong with Edgeworth?

Phoenix: He's sulking.

Edgeworth: I am not!

Pearl: Maybe we should just get started...

Quote:
Trucy waited until Apollo had fallen asleep to leave her home. Phoenix was out somewhere and Iris was at work. She received a text message by Wocky asking if she and Apollo were interested in partying at Matt's place.


Phoenix: What.

Maya: Partying with Matt Engarde? This chapter's off to a great start.

Edgeworth: It's only going to get worse from here on out.

Quote:
Trucy replied yes, even though she never told Apollo. She could feel it in her bones that he would one-hundred percent say no. So off she went, taking the key to the house with her. Once again she was daring with what she wore: a black mini-skirt, red corset, and high heels to match.


Phoenix: What.

Pearl: Um... Mystic Maya, I think the fic broke Mr. Nick.

Maya: Uh...

Edgeworth: We're not even a full paragraph in.

Phoenix: *says nothing, just continues staring at screen*

Quote:
At least Apollo would have her trusted Mr. Hat around.

She had severe trouble walking down the steps with her high heels. She was worried about a lot of vain things such as her hair, or if her shoes broke or what to do if she had any funny looks from the guys. These heels were from her future step-mother, Iris. Almost falling down the stairs five times made her wish that she had worn flat shoes.

Needless to say, she was relieved when she reached the ground floor. No more steps for a while. Trucy knew she could walk fine in heels on a flat ground. She knew she would need lessons in walking in heels.


Pearl: Why does the fic spend so long on this...? Are Trucy's shoes important?

Edgeworth: No. Nothing is.

Maya: Cheer up, Mr. Edgeworth! Seriously, cheer up before you get the rest of us depressed, too.

Quote:
She eventually met Wocky in the car park.

"Hi Wocky," she said as she approached him. "I'm excited for tonight aren't you?"

"Yeah," Wocky said. "Is Apollo coming?"

"Apollo didn't want to come," said Trucy. "Apollo's still shaken up after what had happened. He's not ready to go out yet."

"Guess it's just me, you and Machi going to Matt's place tonight."

"Where's Pearl?" Trucy asked.

"She's gone on a trip with Maya," Wocky told her. "She's not back until next Monday."


Maya: Well, at least Pearly's not partying with Matt Engarde!

Phoenix: ...yes... at least... there's that...

Pearl: ...I'm kind of worried for Mr. Nick, Mystic Maya.

Maya: I think we're gonna have to do this chapter on our own, Pearly.

Edgeworth: ...

Pearl: Aww...

Quote:
"You look nice today," Machi said smiling.


Maya: At least his English improved!

Quote:
"Hi Trucy, you going somewhere?"

"Oh hi Kay," Trucy shouted.


[Predictably, a well-known musical theme begins playing, and Kay Faraday appears out of only God knows where.]

Kay: Someone summoned me?

Maya: The fic summoned you.

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: ...

Kay: Um, what's wrong with them?

Pearl: The fic... it broke them.

Phoenix: I'm not broken.

Maya: Well, it broke Mr. Edgeworth.

Kay: ...maybe I'll stay with you guys for a bit.

Quote:
She held onto her heart, took a breath then hugged Kay. "You have me a shock there. Your hair looks cool tonight," Trucy complimented on Kay's blue curls.


Kay: My hair's not curly.

Pearl: Maybe you had curled it to look nice for the party?

Phoenix: I don't think this is that kind of party, Pearls.

Pearl: What kind of party is it, then?

Phoenix: ... (I shouldn't have said that.)

Quote:
She faced the boys and said, "Wocky, Machi this is my new friend, Kay."

"Nice to see you Kay." Machi bowed as he shook her hand.

"Yo!" Wocky gave Kay a high-five.

"Nice to meet you two," Kay said scratching her neck. "So where are we going?"

"We're going to Matt's house," Trucy told her.

"Who's Matt?"


Pearl: He's the nasty man who hired an assassin who kidnapped Mystic Maya!!

Kay: I know. I've read the script!

Maya: Was that even mentioned in the script?

Kay: ...I've also been watching you guys spork!

Edgeworth: Well, I can't say it hasn't come up since part seven.

Phoenix: Oh, look who's talking again.

Edgeworth: You're one to talk.

Kay: Enough talking!

Quote:
"He's Wocky's friend," replied Trucy. "I met him while we were having a nights out once. We got on really well, we almost kissed."


Phoenix: *TERRIFIED SILENCE*

Pearl: M-Mr. Nick? Are you okay?

Maya: I think he's watching his worst nightmare up on the screen, Pearly.

Pearl: Ooh. Hang in there, Mr. Nick!

Quote:
"That's cool."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, nothing wrong with me at all."

"So how long is this party going to last for?"

"A long time."

"Define a long time."

"Till 6am."

"That's a long time, shouldn't we let your dad know?"

"He wouldn't let me go if he knew,"


Kay: I've completely lost track of who's supposed to be talking.

Phoenix: *continues staring at the screen in abject horror*

Edgeworth: Well, it appears that Wright can tell which line of dialogue belongs to Trucy, at least.

Maya: This fic can't be good for him.

Quote:
"He'd be worried if we don't tell him were you're going."

"Just relax, we'll be safe."


Pearl: B-But that means that something bad is going to happen!

Edgeworth: Bad things have been happening ever since the author decided this fic was a good idea.

[A bit more chit-chat, and they leave for the party.]
Quote:
Forty-five minutes later, they had arrived to a cottage in the middle of the forest. Lying on the doorstep was Matt Engarde himself. As expected he had a crate of beer next to him. Trucy peeped through the cottage's window and saw lots of guests inside and outside. As the car doors opened, the smell of tobacco and drugs filled the whole car, and they hadn't even been in for five minutes.


All: ...

Edgeworth: *clears throat* What exactly does it mean by "they hadn't even been in for five minutes"?

Kay: Maybe that's how long they've been in the car?

Edgeworth: They've been driving for forty-five minutes.

Pearl: I... I don't think that's the problem, Mr. Edgeworth...

Edgeworth: It's better to focus on the irrelevant details, Pearls.

Quote:
"That's weird," said Wocky. "None of the cats are about."


Maya: ...don't tell me this is the same place where the crazy cat lady serial killer lived.

Kay: I think it is.

Pearl: How many cats were there?

Maya: Enough that the cottage would probably never smell like anything other than cat pee ever again.

Pearl: Ewww...

[Chit-chat. It's boring. Surprise!]
Quote:
"And who's this sexy chick?" Matt asked looking up Kay's skirt.


Kay: Wh- well, EXCUSE ME.

Maya: Is there anyone in this fic who hasn't had this sort of thing happen to them yet?

Edgeworth: ...I'm afraid to say it, but I think I'm the only one.

Phoenix: You were only in it for one chapter. A quarter of one chapter, actually.

Edgeworth: Which is probably how I managed to avoid it...

Quote:
"Kay Faraday," said Wocky.

"Why Hello there," Matt purred. He licked his lips, moving his head near Kay's blue hair.

"Uhm... hi..."


Kay: I would punch this guy. I would definitely punch this guy.

Maya: I would join you.

Pearl: I'm kind of scared...

Quote:
"You know how to impress a friend Wocky," Matt told him, patting his shoulder. "We've got lots of good guests inside," Matt added, "you'll all enjoy yourself here."

"Is Luke in there?" asked Wocky.

"Nah." Matt shook his head and spat on the floor. "He's fucked off somewhere."


Maya: Isn't he dead? Who was it that got made into a pie?

Pearl: Made into a... what?

Edgeworth: No, the person who was made into a pie was Jaques Portsman.

Pearl: Made into a pie?!

Kay: This fic is messed up.

Edgeworth: Very astute observation, Kay.

Quote:
"Guess we'll see him later,"

"Yeah."

"Trucy, I need a word with you in private."


Phoenix: Who's asking this question?!

Maya: Calm down, Nick, it's just a fic.

Phoenix: ...

Pearl: I'm sure this isn't leading anywhere bad!

Edgeworth: Don't get his hopes up like that.

Quote:
"Okay," said Trucy as she stepped out of the car.

"I'll be there in a minute, I'm gonna park this thing somewhere." Wocky locked the door and drove near the trees.

"Will Trucy be fine?" Kay asked.

"Course she will," Wocky repllied, smiling. "Matt won't hurt a fly."


Phoenix: *puts head in hands*

Edgeworth: Kay, is it possible to convince the Management to just skip this chapter?

Kay: Uh, probably not. It took me a while to convince them to trade you for Trucy.

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: So that was your idea?

Kay: No.

Speakers: Yes.

Quote:
Meanwhile, Matt had led Trucy into a bedroom. He had locked the doors immediately after they both entered the room.


Speakers: The Management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that he is to look at the screen at all times.

Pearl: I'm... I'm kind of worried for Mr. Nick, Mystic Maya.

Maya: He's made it through worse before.

Edgeworth: You should try appearing in more parts of the sporking, Maya.

Maya: Haha. No.

Quote:
Trucy was quick to notice the modern style and bright red furniture. "Nice room," said Trucy.

"Thanks," Matt said. "Why don't you sit down on the bed."

Trucy had a feeling that Matt was going to kiss her.


Phoenix: *starts moaning*

Edgeworth: Get out from under the seat, Wright, before the Management punishes all of us.

Phoenix: It's like the author specifically asked themselves who the worst possible person for Trucy to sleep with was...

Kay: Actually, I think they might have done that.

Edgeworth: Not helping, Kay.

Quote:
She wasn't sure what would happen, but the jiggling in her stomach felt there was an invisible fire in the room. As she was instructed, she sat on the bed. "So what did you want to talk about?" she asked. She watched Matt remove his blazer and undo a couple of his buttons. He pounced on the bed and glared at her. "Sorry, did you not hear me?"

Matt chuckled. "Oh I heard you well. It's just I know your father very well."


Maya: Well, I guess that's one way of putting it.

Quote:
"Really?" Trucy gasped. She leaned her head closer towards Matt. "You two are friends?"

"Not really," Matt admitted. He began to tickle her neck. "But we did have a nice conversation."

"About what?"

"Just a general manly talk."


Phoenix: *bitter laughter*

Pearl: Is there any more room under there, Mr. Nick?

Maya: Pearly, no.

Quote:
He lay on his bed, stretching his arms out and shook his hair. "He's an alright dude, you're lucky to have him as a father. Even though he got both me and my boyfriend in jail."

"What did you do?" Trucy asked. The curiosity about Matt suddenly increased from the minute she stepped into his room to that very moment. She felt like the princess surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves.


Edgeworth: A surprisingly adept simile, actually.

Kay: Meaning that Trucy is going to get ripped to shreds?

Edgeworth: Unfortunately, yes.

Phoenix: Can we not talk about this?

Maya: Come out from under the seat first.

Phoenix: No.

Quote:
"I hired someone to kill my rival."

"How come?"

"Because, my rival had bullied me all my life. He made me feel worthless, but I wouldn't stop chasing my dreams just because he had the same ambitions as me."


Phoenix: *bitter laughter resumes*

Maya & Edgeworth: *join in said laughter*

Pearl: ...I don't get it.

Kay: Eh.

Quote:
"Why couldn't you have just made up with each other?" Trucy wondered. "It would have been much more easier."

"I tried to once," Matt said. "He threw me in a bin for it. My rival and I had been in a war for many years, and I decided it was time to make it stop."

"Then you met Luke?"


Kay: That probably shouldn't be what she asks questions about, but who am I to question the author?

Edgeworth: The author deserves to be questioned.

Kay: Weren't you just saying it was easier not to resist?

Edgeworth: *sigh*

Pearl: I think having you around cheered him up, Kay!

Kay: Of course it did!

Quote:
"I met him about a week after I was sent down." Matt told her. "We didn't get along at first, but one day we had to share a cell and things just clicked. And eventually we were partners."

"So what's it like dating a guy?"

"No difference to dating a girl."

"It's nice to get out you know," Matt confessed, then roared with laughter.


Maya: So... if that last line was Engarde, who was speaking before him?

Pearl: I guess there's three people in the room? Which means they can't do anything dirty, Mr. Nick!

Phoenix: If anything, that only means that it's going to lead to-

Maya: Nick!

Phoenix: Okay, okay! Forget I said anything!

Pearl: ...?

Quote:
"Out where?"

"Jail, not easy when a lot of people are out to get me." Matt went below the bed and reached out a bottle of whiskey. "I miss the old days like these."

"So what do you think of me?" Trucy asked. "It's kinda clear that you trust me."

"You're pretty," Matt grinned. "And very reliable. You wanna do it?"


Phoenix: What? *stands up* What?!

Maya: Uh...

Phoenix: Don't tell me they're going to-

Quote:
"Okay," Trucy said. "We've got nothing to lose."

"It would be best not to tell ya dad."

Trucy was right. They did end up kissing in the end.


Phoenix: ...

Pearl: ...um, Mr. Nick?

Phoenix: *takes deep breath*

[The scene suddenly changes to the HAT-3 space shuttle.]

Sol Starbuck: ...? Do you hear that?

Other astronaut: Yeah... it sounds kind of like... screaming?

Sol: It sounds like someone I know, actually...

[We return to our sporking theatre. Phoenix Wright is unconscious in his seat, half a shattered bottle of grape juice in his lap, the other half on the floor. Everyone else looks varying stages of frightened.]

Edgeworth: ...

Maya: ...

Pearl: ...

Kay: ...

Pearl: Um, isn't being unconscious against the rules?

Speakers: We'll, uh, we'll let it slide this time.

[Fic goes back to WAA. Phoenix, Apollo, and Iris figure out that Trucy has gone out partying.]
Quote:
Apollo had also never seen Phoenix squeal so much before.


Maya: Oh. That's... pleasant.

Pearl: Should we do something about Mr. Nick...?

Edgeworth: He would probably just get mad at us for waking him up.

Kay: Besides, these chairs aren't that bad for your neck. Probably.

Maya: Let's just try not to be around when he wakes up, shall we?

Edgeworth: I can live with that.

Pearl: ...

Quote:
Phoenix grabbed his phone out of his pocket and placed it near his ear. "POLICE! ... YES um hi Gumshoe my daughter has gone missing! ... WHAT YOU'VE FOUND HER WHERE? ... PARTYING WITH MATT ENGARDE! ... GET HER OUT NOW! ... HALF AN HOUR! OH GOD WHERE IS THIS PLACE? ... Okay, I'll be at the station."

"They found her?" Apollo asked.

"Yeah she was parting with that SCUMBAG MATT ENGARDE!"

"Any chance Matt as in the one with the scar on his face?" Apollo asked. "I never liked him."

"Yeah," Phoenix sighed. He punched the table, and then Apollo's stomach. "YOU KNEW MY DAUGHTER WAS HANGING ROUND A MURDERER AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?"

"I didn't know he was a murderer okay?"

"Have you read the newspaper?" Phoenix roared. "He's a wanted man!"

"Damn!"


Pearl: ...I'm pretty sure Apollo reads the newspaper.

Kay: That's a pretty mild reaction to finding out your sister is probably in a ditch somewhere.

Maya: That's pretty morbid, Kay.

Kay: I figure that as long as Mr. Wright's passed out, I can make jokes about his daughter like that. Right?

Edgeworth: Kay, please don't.

Kay: Sorry.

Quote:
"Hi Kay," Trucy cheered as she hopped around the room. "What's with the serious face?

"Trucy, it's time to go," Kay told her straight up. Her tone was sharp and agressive.


Kay: Ooh, look, I'm being responsible!

Edgeworth: (That's a rarity.)

Maya: I think that's the first responsible person in the whole fic, actually.

Kay: Even better!

[The cops are coming!]
Quote:
"Shut up and get in my car!" Mike demanded.


Pearl: Is someone getting kidnapped? Haven't there been enough kidnappers in this fic?!

Maya: I thought the Mike guy was the detective.

Edgeworth: He is. He's also corrupt.

Pearl: So is he kidnapping someone or not?

Maya: Anything's possible, Pearly.

Quote:
"No you can't tell me what to do," Wocky roared.

"Why?"

"I've already got my own car and anyway, I didn't do nothing wrong!" Wocky growled.

"You put your friends in danger and chill out with criminals and you say you're doing nothing wrong?"


Edgeworth: Well, at the very least he's not doing something illegal, assuming he can convince everyone that he didn't know they were escaped prisoners...

Maya: It's still wrong, though.

Edgeworth: Oh yes. Very wrong.

Quote:
"They're my friends," Wocky hissed.

"You should learn the difference between your fake friends from your real friends, and don't bother mixing them up either."

"Shut up I'm having fun!" Wocky announced. "I'm not taking shit from someone who had a threesome with Namow Latnem and Salsa!"


Edgeworth: *puts head in hands*

Pearl: ...um, Mystic Maya, what exactly does it mean by-

Maya: No, Pearly.

Kay: Ooh.

[Mike argues with Wocky, then tries to convince the league of irresponsible teenagers to split before the fuzz arrives.]

Maya: Is it just me, or is the quality of the cut summaries really dropping?

Speakers: Hey, we get bored, too.

Quote:
"EVERYBODY FREEZE!"

A large group of police officers had surrounded the area. Loud sirens scared the birds away and two men stepped out of the black car. One was Gumshoe, the other man was someone who Mike had seen around. A man named Lang who was as fierce as his intentions where. His blond spikes stood out from the torch lights.


Edgeworth: Because Agent Lang was exactly what we needed to make this fic just the right amount of insane.

Kay: I kinda want to see what the author's going to do to him.

Quote:
"Where do you think you're going Blitz?" Lang asked Mike.

"Aww we were just heading home," Mike sighed.

"Well you guys can wait for a while," Lang told Mike. "And what are them kids doing here at this time of night?"

"Beats me," Mike answered. "I was just about to take them home."


Maya: Because that's not suspicious at all.

Quote:
"They can stay in the car, you can help me with the investigation." Lang told them. "We got questions for them anyway."

"You guys gotta wait patiently in the car for me," Mike told them.

"Listen up everyone, there are killers on the loose and they are in this area." Gumshoe roared. "Everyone get on the floor right now!"

Nothing happened. Lang held his pistol and fired it on the roof.


Kay: So did he fire the gun at the roof, or did he climb up on the roof and then fire his gun from there?

Pearl: Um... the first one?

Kay: Aw. That's boring.

Quote:
"Anyone who does not cooperate in the next 10 seconds will be arrested!" roared Lang. "NOW GET ON THE FLOOR!"

Everyone apart from a rowdy crowd got down and they were escorted by the police. "Search all the rooms," Lang announced. "Check the kitchen Mike!" Lang ordered. "Gumshoe examine the bedrooms! The rest of you ask everyone questions. Feel free to arrest anyone suspicious."

"That was just where I was going to go!" Mike said as he walked into the kitchen. "I think the kitchen is the only place we need to investigate."

"I'll be the judge of that!" Lang responded.

"Look what I've found," Mike shouted as he walked into the kitchen. Matt Engarde soaked in red with his face covered in pies. A seashell card with writing stood out on the bloody floor. Mike bent down to see it. In cursive writing, the card said:

Pleasure doing business with you Luke.

"We'll also need to check the pies too," Mike said.


Pearl: Huh?

Maya: What just happened?

Edgeworth: With any luck, the author will forget about this entirely, and we will never find out.

Quote:
"Why are you packing your stuff for?" asked Trucy. Her stomach jumped, and her back bounced upon the wall.


Kay: Wait. What is she doing here?

Pearl: Um...

Maya: I have no idea what I'm looking at...

Edgeworth: That's normal for this fic.

Quote:
"Where are you going?" she stuttered again. She was startled by Apollo's movements and they seemed to be far too hasty for his own good. She didn't want him to go, she'd had almost nobody to keep her company. She flicked her hair, rolled her skirt up to see if he would notice.

"Moving in with my dad," said Apollo who had all his stuff packed. and on his back. "I think it's the best thing to do. To spend some more time with my dad." Apollo faced the wall when Trucy's skirt shrunk.


Pearl: I... I don't think skirts are supposed to do that.

Maya: And isn't Apollo, like, 23 in this?

Kay: I think so.

Maya: ...huh. Okay.

[Trucy and Apollo chat.]
Quote:
"I'm going to be all alone for the next few weeks."

"No you won't," replied Apollo. "You'll have your dad and Iris."

"No list of boyfriends, no partying, no getting drunk."

A pause of noise and then Apollo said, "I think it's exactly what you need."

"You should be supporting me!" shouted Trucy.

"I think one boyfriend is more than enough anyway."

"Nothing went wrong," Trucy defended herself. "I had a fantastic time."


All: ...

Maya: I'm really glad Nick's passed out right now.

Pearl: Um, are we sure he's still breathing...?

Kay: Yeah, pretty sure.

Pearl: Okay. Just checking...

Quote:
"You could have been arrested," reminded Apollo. He despised seeing Trucy in such a state, the sooner he left, the more time she could spend to recover.

"Arrested for what?" Trucy seemed to be completely oblivious about last night. "The police arrived cause they wanted to arrest Matt."

"You don't have any idea how serious this is don't you?" Apollo glared at her.

"What are you talking about?" giggled Trucy. One minute she was panicking, next she was angry, or giggling then returns with a vicious cycle. "I'm grounded for two weeks and Daddy will get over it."


Edgeworth: In the unlikely event that something similar happened in real life, I highly doubt Wright would just get over it.

Pearl: If something like this happened in real life, I'd think that someone killed Trucy and replaced her with someone else...

Edgeworth: ...

Pearl: D-Did I say something wrong, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: ...no. It's fine.

Quote:
"You were partying with a killer!" Apollo grunted. He dropped his luggage and screamed. "More than one actually, Matt was murdered last night, Luke's been arrested for it."


Maya: Okay, now I wish Nick were awake. *shouts into Phoenix's ear* Hey!! Nick!! Matt Engarde died!!

Phoenix: *no reaction*

Edgeworth: At what point can we request a stretcher?

Speakers: Once the sporking is finished.

Quote:
"Matt's dead... That can't be true."

"Well it is," Apollo announced in a more colder tone. "Never liked him anyway."

"You can at least show some respect for the dead."


Maya: Nah.

Pearl: This fic is weird...

Quote:
"He could have hurt you maybe even killed you."

"Well he didn't!" spat Trucy. "He liked me Apollo."

"You can't be serious."

"I am because I slept with Matt!" Trucy announced it like a prostitute with no remorse.


Kay: Hmm. Well, I guess if Mr. Wright had woken up already, this line would've knocked him back out.

Edgeworth: He should count his blessings, I suppose.

Quote:
it wasn't the sister he adored anymore. "You're just making this up to just to wind me up because I can't remember what happened last night." Apollo very truly wished this was the case.

"I really wish you were lying about sleeping with Matt," Apollo muttered.

"I wish we were never related now!"


Kay: I'm pretty sure everyone wishes that.

Edgeworth: This fic would be a trainwreck with or without incest.

Maya: Yeah, but then we wouldn't have to had sit through that stupid "wincest" pun like six times.

Quote:
Trucy faced the wall and refused to look at him. "I wish we never met."

"My dad's waiting for me, bye." Apollo held his head down and scurried his way out.


Pearl: ...that's not very nice of him.

Maya: What else was he supposed to say?

Pearl: I don't know... nothing in this fic makes sense to me.

Edgeworth: Nothing in this fic makes sense to any of us.

Quote:
The door slammed in time with Phoenix's fist on the wall.

"That's four months you're grounded," announced Phoenix.

"Shit!"

"And another," Phoenix shouted again.

"Why is it three months? Don't tell me you were listening to me."


Kay: Three months? Wasn't it just four months? And another, so five months?

Maya: Maybe Trucy's trying to confuse him.

Pearl: I don't think Mr. Nick would fall for that.

Edgeworth: I don't know. It seems likely to me.

Quote:
"I heard every word of it!" "And I'm disgusted by the way you're reacting right now. You slept with a killer and pushed your brother out the house and there's not even any remorse in you. That is not the daughter I knew and love. You worried the hell out of us and you're just acting like it was an amazing. Tell me, why are you being so out of character lately?"


All: ...

Kay: And there it is!

Edgeworth: Now the author just needs to acknowledge that everyone else is out-of-character as well. And then issue an apology for writing this fic. And then resolve only to publish works where they are 100% sure that everyone is in-character.

Maya: I don't think that's gonna happen, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: *deep sigh*

[Phoenix slowly begins to react to all this like a normal parent. It's not that bad, so we're skipping it.]
Quote:
A gang of police officers slammed through the door. Without a care in the world, Lang marched inside held Trucy against the wall and handcuffed her without another word. He tossed her to the police as if she was a piece of meat being thrown at a wolf.

"What do you think your doing?" Phoenix shouted.

Lang turned, grinning he said, "I'm arresting her for the murder of Matt Engarde."


Pearl: I thought they said they thought Mr. Atmey had done it.

Maya: Nope. Not dramatic enough.

Edgeworth: Of course. Because a slow return to sanity needs to be distracted from...

Quote:
"Lang is it?" Phoenix said. "Edgeworth's mentioned you a couple of times. Have you ever heard of knocking?"


Kay: No, I don't think he has, actually.

Maya: Trucy just got arrested.

Kay: I guess Mr. Wright couldn't stay in-character for long.

Quote:
"I'm innocent!" Trucy squealed.

"Nobody is innocent in this world, lady!" Lang roared.

"YOU LET GO OF MY DAUGHTER RIGHT NOW!" Phoenix shouted as he followed Lang and the others to the police station.


Pearl: Wait! Look! Mr. Nick's characterization is back!

Edgeworth: You realize, of course, what this implies?

Maya: I'm afraid to ask.

Edgeworth: It's a possibility that the author is actually capable of writing us in-character.

Kay: You mean they just choose not to?

Edgeworth: Either that, or they choose not to put in the appropriate amount of effort.

Maya: ...you know, somehow that makes it even more depressing.

Edgeworth: I am aware...

Quote:
Apollo didn't know. His eyes were beginning to droop. He was fighting with himself to stay awake. He couldn't afford a wink of sleep, thanks to Wocky's firm belief he was set up and Godot's belief Trucy killed Matt. In an ideal world, he would straight away have disagreed with both of them. It was the spur of the moment that he chose to accept to defend Luke, and they haven't met properly yet. Although he had heard some good words about him from Wocky.


Pearl: Wait, who's been arrested here?

Maya: I have no idea.

Quote:
The case was now a double murder. Matt's death bed was nothing more than murderer pies. Apollo yawned, stretched his arms out and stared at all the court records. Apollo asked himself why he took on this case when he knew he was going to lose it. The answer; he wasn't so sure. In fact he didn't have a clue. Wocky and Godot were sitting on the table when Apollo received a phone call from Ema. He always knew her as a moody madame, but her tone though the telephone represented rage flooding his ears.

"So what's going on Ema?" Apollo asked.

"Bad news is bad," Ema muttered, her clattering teethe could be heard from the phone. "Lang's arrested Trucy, and they're questioning her."

"... What?"


Kay: You know it's bad when even the characters in the fic are as confused as you are!

Edgeworth: I... what are the grounds for arrest for either of them, since they apparently arrested two different people...?

Maya: Do you really think it's going to explain?

Edgeworth: ...

[Discussion of the case continues. We have no idea what's going on.]

Pearl: *whispers* I think the Management's losing it.

Speakers: It's like the author's just throwing words at the wall to see what sticks.

Kay: Hey, I though we were supposed to be ones sporking here!

Speakers: ...

Quote:
"He didn't catch Shelly De Killer," confirmed Godot. "However, he managed to get a statement from him. Here it is:

I has hired by the delicate beauty, Mrs. DeLite to snatch her husband from Mr. Atmey. When I met him, he confessed to holding DeLite hostage and refused to hand him over. Mr. DeLite was tired up in a bed with harsh scratches on his back. I have heard that Engarde had escaped jail, and that he was assisting Atmey. he then gave me an offer I couldn't refuse, he would let me kill Engarde for an offer of $1000 to take home to Mrs. DeLite. He also gave me a letter, written by Mr. DeLite to send to his wife. After killing Matt, I tried contacting Luke with no response. I hunted around to see if Mr. DeLite was around, but no success."


Maya: ...huh?

Edgeworth: I have completely given up on understanding.

Maya: Yeah, I think we gathered that by now.

Quote:
Apollo read it twice and showed it to Wocky. With no hesitation, his eyes rolled an he objected, "Luke wouldn't just let Matt get killed like that. De Killer is working with Mike."

"Really?" Apollo asked. "You think that Mike guy is behind this?

"Well Mike was a gangster," added Godot.

"He still is," Wocky shouted. "I'm sure of it! I hate him. He tried to split my parents up and he's always stalking me."


Kay: Yeah, I've completely lost track of what's going on.

Pearl: Mike's the detective, right?

Maya: I don't even know anymore.

Quote:
"He didn't seem that bad when he was over," said Apollo.

Godot finished his coffee and said, "Trucy was in the room that night. If we can prove Trucy killed Engarde then we'll have a case."

"No." Apollo shook his head. He knew he had to disagree. "She doesn't have a motive."

"She shagged him for the money then killed him and dragged his body to the kitchen."


Maya: ... *pokes Phoenix*

Phoenix: *no reaction*

Pearl: Are you sure he's not dead, Mystic Maya?

Maya: Well, he's still got a pulse, as far as I can tell...

[Godot insists that Trucy killed Engarde.]

Speakers: Now there's a sentence we never though we'd have to write.

Kay: Kay Faraday would like to request that the Management refrain from making unnecessary comments!

Speakers: ...we'll get you one day.

Quote:
The phone vibrated in Apollo's jacket. He picked up his phone in a split second as if his life had depending on it. "Hello, hi Ema what is it?"

"Trucy's been released without charges.


Edgeworth: *sigh* What was the point of arresting her in the first place?

Maya: What is going on?!

Pearl: I don't know... I really don't...

Quote:
I'm driving her to your dad's house."

"Great news," Apollo cried out. All the tension had seemed to vanish when he heard Ema's voice. "Tell her I'll see her in a bit!" As the phone call ended he punched the air and said,"Trucy's been released without charges. She's coming round now. Maybe she can help with the trial tomorrow."

"Are you sure you're going ahead with this?" Godot asked. "Can ya do it?"

"Can I do it? Yes I can!" Apollo roared with enthusiasm.

"Even if Franziska Vonwhippingburg is the prosecutor tomorrow?"

"...Maybe." Apollo knew that Godot was hiding a smirk, slurping his millionth cup of coffee. "Thanks for being a moodkiller dad."

"My pleasure son."

"My pops is like that with me all the time," said Wocky.


Pearl: Um, what happened to the discussion about Trucy being the real killer?

Kay: What, you wanted to see that?

Pearl: No, it just doesn't make sense to drop it like that...

Edgeworth: Nothing in this fic makes sense. Whatsoever.

Maya: Except for maybe Nick's engagement to Iris.

Pearl: What?!

Maya: ...I didn't say anything.

Spoiler: Chapter 20
Edgeworth: Please, can we just do one chapter this part? The last one was incredibly long, and I think Wright's health may be in danger...

Kay: Eh, I think this chapter's even longer than the last one.

Edgeworth: ... *addresses speakers* At least send someone to come get Wright.

Speakers: Pfft. Nah.

Pearl: *whispers* Mystic Maya, is the Management filled with sadists?

Maya: *whispers back* Yes.

Quote:
"It's a big day, I've given you 3 cups just in case!" Godot announced. "There's enough coffee for everyone of us, especially for me."

"You know too much coffee can kill you?" Apollo asked. "I haven't known you for very long and I don't want you to just die on the spot."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Fox News this morning," Apollo replied. "More than ten cups a day can be fatal."

"Well it's a lot of bullshit," said Godot. "I used to have over 500 coffees a week and I'm still alive."


All: ...

Maya: Somehow, it's not as much fun when no one here is surprised by his coffee intake.

Kay: Yeah...

Quote:
"Just make sure you save some for everybody else, okay?

"Sure." Godot didn't seemed too pleased after that.

Atmey's trial attracted a lot of unwanted press and Franziska attracted a lot of unwanted nerves. Salsa being the judge of the trial had bound to make this trial become a mess.


Edgeworth: Oh, please no.

Quote:
The court room was filled today, and Salsa had just finished a packet of crisps and passed it over to a bailiff. He was also carrying a wooden box. Not a big one, and not a small one either, but it pipped the attention of the room. Everyone stood in silence as if they were in a school assembly.

"You may all sit," Salsa told them. "Now the court is now in session for the trial of Luke Atmey. The charges are as first degree murder, cannibalism, kidnap, blackmail and escaping prison is that correct Miss Von Karma."

"Yes, Your Honor," Franziska answered. "Completely accurate. " Like the previous trial, she was smug and Apollo knew she would vow to defeat him in court as if it was a personal battle. She was the court-room diva, if things didn't go her way, drama would explode.

"Good," Salsa said. "By the way it's My Lord, not Your Honor. I can't even let ladies with you get away with that one."


Pearl: ...um...

Maya: Don't question it, Pearly.

Quote:
Apollo and Trucy had to battle the temptation to laugh. Franziska looked annoyed and whipped Salsa. After all, Franziska still had her whip and she was not afraid to use it in front of anyone. She even whipped Maya for falling asleep, so if her assistant is getting whipped today: a whip is guaranteed for everybody.


Maya: Wouldn't Franziska's assistant be the most likely to get whipped?

Edgeworth: Yes.

Kay: He knows this from experience!

Maya: Oh, really? I want to hear this.

Edgeworth: ...

Quote:
The strange thing is Maya didn't even seem to bothered being whipped so much. She yawned and then smiled. Apollo saw Phoenix laughing next to a man with a less satisfied man in a maroon suit.


Pearl: Look, Mr. Edgeworth! I think that's you!

Edgeworth: !

Maya: Wait, what happened to...?

Edgeworth: Did the author seriously completely forget about the idiot subplot I was forced into?!

Maya: ...looks like it.

Edgeworth: ...I don't even know what to say to that.

Kay: Maybe something to do with gratitude?

Edgeworth: Is it possible to feel relieved, confused, and insulted at the same time?

Pearl: Well, if that's what you're feeling...

[Trial stuff. Boooo-ring!]
Quote:
"Apollo, were you blackmailed by the defendant?"

"No I wasn't blackmailed. My friend asked me to defend him."

"You're an interesting guy," Salsa said. "I don't know anyone who would defend their own blackmailer. He dated the guy who raped your sister."

"Raped?" Apollo whispered to Trucy.

"I said I was raped so they could drop the charges on me," muttered Trucy.


All: ...

Pearl: Um...

Maya: W-Wouldn't being raped give her more of a motive?

Edgeworth: At least she could argue self-defense, then...

Maya: I'm really glad Nick's still out cold.

Pearl: He's still breathing, right?

Kay: Yep!

[More trial stuff. Still boring...]
Quote:
"The only witness present in court today is Trucy," Salsa said, scratching his head. "I really want this trial to be over by today. Since I had a feeling a lot of the witnesses were not going to show up, I collected all the statements, photocopied them and make them into a booklet with pictures of the evidence and information. The jury will have time to read the booklets later while making their verdict. For now we will call Trucy to the stand."


Edgeworth: Wh... what?

Maya: Man, trials would be so much easier if we could do that.

Edgeworth: ...

Kay: ...are you okay, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: No.

Quote:
"For the sake of the Courts Records, state your name and occupation," Franziska requested no nicer or meaner than before. Her face was frozen and lacked expression.

"No!"

"Now is not the time to be a rebel," Salsa advised.

"Now is the perfect time to have some coffee," Godot announced. "Here Apollo have the rest of this."

"I'm not thirsty."

"Drink it for my sanity and for the sake of making this trial better."


Maya: I don't think anything can make this trial better.

Kay: ...comments, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Sorry, I'm still reeling over the fact that chapter six apparently never happened according to the fic itself...

Maya: What, do you feel vindicated?

Edgeworth: More like all of my suffering has been for naught...

Quote:
Apollo didn't know how coffee would improve the trial, but he had to drink the overpowering black liquid weather he liked it or not. So he had to drink coffee while Trucy was being a pain in the neck at the trial stand.

"Where's my coffee?" Salsa asked.

"You're not getting any," Godot announced. "All the coffee belongs to me and I'll decide who to distribute the coffee to. You know me My Lord: coffee is my life."

"The court thinks you should get a life."

"I have one thanks."

"Just give me some FUCKING COFFEE!" Salsa roared.


Pearl: ...this is a really badly-run trial.

Maya: Yeah...

Kay: What, no funny comments?

Pearl: I can't really think of anything.

Quote:
"Since no one is going to listen to me I'm gonna go," said Trucy. "I think I might go shopping."

"OBJECTION!"

"Okay Franziska no need to scream. You're not a lead singer of a hardcore metal band."

"This foolish coffee talk is foolishly disturbing this foolishly foolish easy trial. The defense is surrounded by fools."

"Guys just calm down!" Apollo screeched. He was about to say it was more like a jungle then a courtroom then realized that he made the loudest and strangest squeal. At least he got the trial back to business. "Trucy, get back on the stand. Dad give Salsa some coffee and Miss Von Karma please stop whipping everyone."

"NOBODY TELLS FRANZISKA KARMA WHAT TO DO!" Everything Apollo said only fueled her anger. The flying whip was her fury and slashed Apollo's jacket. He fell with his coffee flying in mid-air.


Edgeworth: So... is this going to end up being a repeat of the first trial in the fic...?

Maya: I hope not.

Edgeworth: I wish we could just stop here.

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that if he attempts to escape, Trucy Wright will be subjected to this sporking.

Edgeworth: ...

Kay: What? Don't look at me like that. You're the one who passed on the request from Mr. Wright.

Quote:
The cup splashed onto the cravat of the gentlemen next to Phoenix. When Apollo got up he saw the man standing there, holding his cravat and horrified with the stains on his jacket. He couldn't blame him; the suit looked expensive.

"Sorry sir," mumbled Apollo.

"How dare you throw coffee at Miles Edgeworth!" Franziska shouted even madder than ever.


Pearl: So it is you!

Edgeworth: What happened to the body-double subplot?! My reasoning may have been incredibly moronic, but at least it was interesting! At least it prevented me from getting paired up with anyone!

Maya: Actually, now that you bring it up, who do you think you'll be paired up with?

Edgeworth: I'm afraid to find out... most of the typical options have already been taken too, so most likely the character choice will be completely random.

Kay: Let's hope it's at least someone your age.

Edgeworth: I... let's hope the author forgets about me again.

Quote:
This time when Franziska had another anger fit, Maya was holding her arm trying to stop her from causing harm.

"Man this is getting so tense," Salsa said as he chuckled away. He clapped in no intention to stop and he was cheering on Franziska. "Hey Godot are you gonna throw coffees?"

Salsa was left gob smacked with cold coffee on his face. It would have been too bad to let all this coffee go to waste so he agreed to share the coffee to everyone.

The whipping ceased. Maya confiscated the whip from her and asked Franziska, "are you okay?"

"No, this trial has just been one foolish event after another."


Pearl: I think I have to agree with her.

Maya: This fic has been one foolish event after another.

Edgeworth: *muttering to self* ...Wright's with Iris, Franziska's with Maya for some reason... there's no one else really my age in this fic... Lang? Are they going to pair me up with Lang...? What do I even say to that?

Pearl: ...is Mr. Edgeworth okay?

Kay: I think he's a little worried...

Quote:
"Now that things have all settled down, I think we may proceed back to Trucy. How ya doing sexy?"

"Excuse me My Lord, I'd appreciate it if you don't call my daughter that. It makes things very awkward for me." Phoenix stood up and looked a little shook up.


Maya: It make things very awkward for us, too!

Kay: I don't think awkward even begins to cover it.

Quote:
"Very well, sorry Nick."

"Thank you," said Phoenix as he sat down.

"We've wasted so much time now we should go back to basics. Carry on Franziska."

"Your name and occupation, Trucy Wright."

"My name is Trucy and my occupation is being AWESOME!"


Pearl: I thought Trucy was supposed to be 16 in this, not 12.

Edgeworth: I think the author has a problem writing characters acting their age. Remember how Justice is supposed to be 23, yet acts like an insecure adolescent?

Pearl: I wonder how old the author is...

Quote:
"That's awesome!" Salsa shouted.

"You're proper occupation please?" Franziska muttered.

"It is my proper organisation. I occupy myself by being awesome. I flaunt all my skills and get help with my magic panties."

"Prostitute?" Maya asked.

"NO Aunt Maya you silly thing," Trucy replied. "You do make me laugh sometimes but I'm a magician from the Wright Anything Agency."

"Then why didn't you say you were a magician the first place you fool?" Franziska asked.

"Cause bitches like you need to lighten up."


Pearl: I also wonder if the author knows anything about Trucy other than her name...

Maya: Sources say no.

Quote:
Nearly everyone chuckled in the room, perhaps they believed what Trucy said was true.

"That's not a laughing matter," announced Franziska. "You are in a courtroom not a theatre."

"Trucy can you please confirm that this statement belongs to you:

On the day of Matt's death I met up with Wocky, Machi and Kay and drove to the cottage in the woods where they lived. Matt came over to us and asked for me to have words with him alone. He lead me to his bedroom where he complimented me. He kissed me then raped me and I walked out the room with me. I had to act calm as I walked out the room with him. That was the last I saw of him. Luke never showed up to the party.

Are you happy with this statement? "

"Yep," replied Trucy.

Trucy was hands down lying about being raped. He could see it and he knew it. Phoenix knew she was lying too because he was there when she confessed to sleeping with him.


All: ...

Kay: ...comments, anyone?

Maya: I can't think of anything funny.

Pearl: I don't even know what to say to this... I'm confused.

Edgeworth: I don't want to touch this subject with a ten-foot pole.

Kay: Ah. Fair enough.

Quote:
"Is there anything you want to change in this testimony while you have the chance?"

"No."

"After a long delay, you guys may now cross examine the witness."

"What happened when you were in the bedroom before you were raped?" Apollo asked.

"He offered me alcohol, he sat me down on his bed and laid down next to me. We talked about things and then he kissed me."

"What did you talk about?"

"Matt talked about himself and his relationship with the defendant. He started wrapping his arms around me and said that he was bullied at school by his rival and then he had to end it by hiring someone to kill him."


Maya: Is this relevant? I mean, it's not like he's planning on accusing Trucy...

Edgeworth: I suspect that the author felt that, for whatever reason, their fic wasn't long enough.

Pearl: But didn't a lot of stuff get cut out because the author wasn't really talking about anything?

Edgeworth: Does the term "quantity over quality" mean anything to you?

Pearl: ...no.

Edgeworth: *sigh* Nevermind.

Quote:
"Did he mention his rival's name?"

"No," said Trucy. She shook her head and continued, "he never mentioned his rival's name but he did say my dad knew him very well."

"The case was nine years ago," Franziska announced. "The victim was Juan Corrida."

"So Engarde wasn't lying for once," added Salsa.

"ZVARRI!" Luke jumped out his chair and shouted in rage. "The child is a traitor! She lies! That fool is wrong! Matt only loves me! He would never cheat on me! She lies that little slut!"

Apollo was torn. If he took Luke's side like he should do as a lawyer, he would hint Trucy as a liar. In this situation, Trucy was fibbing. He couldn't bring himself to betray his sister.


Kay: ...I mean, I should comment about finding the truth, but...

Edgeworth: It's a lost cause?

Kay: Yep.

[More talking without really saying anything.]
Quote:
The court advises if you think someone is a murderer to avoid having sleeping with him or her for safety reasons.


All: ...

Kay: Well, can't really say that's not sound advice.

Edgeworth: I think I'm getting a headache.

Quote:
Did they ever find Mr. DeLite?"

"He is dead," Franziska announced. "He was a good husband and will be missed."

"Objection My Lord," Apollo snapped.

"You rang Apollo," Salsa said.

"How do you know he's dead?"

"Cause he would have been found by now."


Edgeworth: Scratch that. I am definitely getting a headache.

Quote:
"Maybe the defendant moved him while he was away from the cottage. That might be why Luke was away to hide Mr. DeLite from the guests."

"You make a very good point Apollo," said Maya. "But you're not really sticking up for Luke. You're hinting he might have killed Ron and it kills your theory Luke was framed."

Judge Salsa frowned like a child who lost his toy. Salsa stared at the ceiling. He turned to the jury and asked, "members of the jury, what is the verdict for Atmey? Is he guilty or not guilty of 1st degree murder?"

"The jury feels we can not reach a verdict at this present time."


Maya: Shouldn't that be obvious? Like, why even bother asking?

Pearl: Trying to make the fic longer?

Maya: I don't understand this author...

Quote:
"Very well," Salsa said. "Thank you for your time."

"So what does this mean My Lord?" Luke asked.

"You will receive your verdict," vowed Salsa. He pointed at Luke and tapped the table. "No matter what happens, you're guilty. Weather you killed your lover or was set up: you're guilty. Still everyone is mixed in this case. There is strong evidence that you were set up, whilst your previous crimes and De Killer's statement contradict it. We all agree that you are an insane monkey."

"Why thank you, My Lord."

"That wasn't meant to be a compliment," admitted Salsa, "but at least you are grateful."

"JUST GIVE HIM THE GUILTY VERDICT HE DESERVES!" Franziska roared throwing her whip at the judge.

"My dream has finally come true," announced Salsa.


Pearl: Didn't he get whipped earlier?

Kay: I'm pretty sure he did.

Edgeworth: Don't question things. It only drags it out.

Quote:
"That's not something to be proud off!" Franziska snapped. "YOU SHOULD FEAR ME!"

"Calm down baby," Salsa whispered. "We will get a verdict. And since we really need to get it over and done with I have decided the verdict to Luke Atmey ...will be decided over a game of chess."


All: What?

Quote:
"...What?" Apollo asked. "The verdict will be decided over a game of chess?"

"Yes," replied Salsa. He banged his gavel and announced, "The prosecution and the defense will play a game of chess to determine the verdict and Atmey's fate. If Apollo wins Luke will be found not guilty and will be thrown in the loony bin. If Franziska wins, he will be found guilty and beheaded."


All: What?!

Quote:
"I'm not good at chess..." Apollo muttered. He knew he was going to lose, and Franziska was most likely an expert in chess. Luke was getting sent down either way, but he disliked the death penalty. Having his family supporting him made him feel more comfortable facing Franziska in trial. He finally saw that she wasn't so scary as she wants to be.

"So when do you guys wanna play chess? Should be do it now or tomorrow?" Salsa asked.

"I think tomorrow will be the best option," said Apollo. "I haven't really played chess before and need practice."

"Objection!" Franziska smirked as she said, "But Salsa, you promised me in the prosecution lobby a verdict will be delivered today. I want it now!"

"I've got it!" Salsa shouted as he waved his hands in the air. "Tonight at eight, Apollo and Franziska will play chess to determine Luke Atmey's fate. We are gonna do this in this very courtroom. Feel free to bring all your friends. This is the trial of the year! You may all go, but be back at 8 P.M sharp!"


All: ...

Edgeworth: This is it. This is the dumbest thing that's happened in the fic. It literally cannot get any worse than this.

Kay: You're probably going to regret that statement later, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I am aware of that. I don't really care right now.

Quote:
"I want you to win," Godot told his son. "I know you can. I don't care about Atmey. I want you to wipe that smile of Miss Whippingburg's face." Godot grinned as he spoke. Slurping what was left over from the coffee. "I'm gonna be saving some for tonight. I'll save the best blend for you. If Franziska pisses you off, feel free to throw coffee on her face. Knowing her she is going to cheat."

"How do I know if she's not cheating?" Apollo asked. "I don't get chess at all!"

"That's why I'm teaching you," Godot announced.

"I'd get disqualified if I throw coffee at her," Apollo reminded Godot.

"How do you know?" Godot asked. "I would laugh so much. Mia would too. I'm getting Pearl to channel Mia tonight. So she can see her step-son serving justice."

"Well I am Apollo Justice."

"Ha! I know you are," replied Godot. "Just listen to me and I will help you wipe that smile of her face. For your defendant it's insanity or death!"


Maya: Is... is this actually happening?

Pearl: Mystic Maya?

Maya: Yes?

Pearl: Am I dreaming?

Maya: No... I don't think so... unless all four of us are having the same dream...

Kay: Five.

Maya: Nick doesn't count. He hasn't moved in over an hour.

[This chess thing is really happening.]
Quote:
The game of chess will mean everything to him. If his lawyer won, he would spend the rest of his life in a detention center made especially for the criminally insane. If he lost, he would lose his life and rejoin his lover. Maybe it was a one way ticket to Hell but if Matt was there, it would be paradise: not Hell.


Maya: I think he's missing the point pretty hard.

Pearl: At least he's honest about where Mr. Engarde is going.

Quote:
Everybody was all hyped up for this trial and rather interested that the trial would be going ahead in this way. Luke was guilty: no matter what. Still, Luke always admired chess so at least he'll be getting entertained before he gets sent down.

The chessboard was all set and everything was ready apart from the contestants: Apollo and Franziska. The pair of them were still talking to their colleges and avoiding all contact with each other until the match.

Judge Albert Salsa walked up to his podium and stood on top. He banged the gavel until everyone was silent. "Can everybody rise and put your right hand up." Everybody stood up and raised their hand. "Now repeat after me, I solemnly swear that I will not provoke the trial in any way. If I am to break this vow, I will accept the consequences."

"I solemnly swear that I will not provoke the trial in any way. If I am to break this vow, I will accept the consequences."

"I will behave just like how I should do in any normal trial," Salsa continued. "I will remain silent at all times to ensure the game is fair and square."

"I will behave just like how I should do in any normal trial. I will remain silent at all times to ensure the game is fair and square."


Edgeworth: I can't believe this is real.

Kay: It isn't.

Edgeworth: No. I mean, I can't believe a living human being actually wrote it. Not only wrote it, but also thought it was good enough to publish.

Maya: It sure seems like some kind of sick joke, doesn't it?

Quote:
"Thank you," Salsa announced. "You may now all sit. I would like Mr. Justice and Ms. Von Karma to sit on the table with the chess set please. While these guys take their seats, I feel I must explain a couple of things. You guys will wonder why it's all had to come down to this. I will tell the truth. Only one witness showed up to the trial, all the other witnesses failed to turn up. We wanted to get a verdict by today and the jury felt like the couldn't deliver a verdict until they did the trial again and drag the witnesses along. Just not my style, I like things smooth, swift and exciting. I'm sure most of you agree that this trial has been exciting and will only get even greater. I mean this is the first time this court has ever had to sort a verdict out like this. There's danger and there's risks, but that's what makes this trial so unique. We have two of the best attorneys on the table, we have a criminal mastermind, and of course the paparazzi and the wonderful crowd here."

Salsa paused and drank some water. "Now before the game begins, I feel we should run through the basics of chess.


Edgeworth: Don't tell me he's actually going to explain how to play chess-

[Judge Salsa explains how to play chess. As in, it's literally the Wikipedia explanation of how chess works, copy and pasted into the fanfic, with dialogue tags.]

Edgeworth: ...

Pearl: Wow.

Edgeworth: Maya.

Maya: Yeah?

Edgeworth: If I mysteriously disappear after this, make sure Wright doesn't come after me.

Maya: Heck no. I'm joining you.

[Shockingly, reading about people playing chess is really boring.]
Quote:
Franziska looked horrified. She glared at him whilst her whip got out. She shamelessly whipped Apollo. In return he threw the rest of his coffee at Franziska's face. It was an instant reaction which he couldn't help. At least he knew his father would be pleased that he threw coffee at her. He turned around and saw Godot absolutely delighted. There was a woman next to Godot laughing besides him, resembling Pearl: Mia channeled by Pearl.


Edgeworth: What kind of chess match is this?!

Kay: Do you think this fic might be your own personal Hell, Mr. Edgeworth?

Maya: I think the last chapter was more like Nick's own personal Hell.

Pearl: Maybe everyone's supposed to take a turn.

Edgeworth: ...if this fic is my own personal Hell, then the Management is Satan.

Speakers: Thanks. We try.

Quote:
"It looks like the defense and the prosecution could do with a rest," Salsa said. he banged the gavel down and announced, "the game will be paused for fifteen minute interval. Refreshments will be made available in the lobbies."

[Line break.]

She didn't mean to disappoint Mia or Godot, but Pearl wanted to see Wocky. Since Matt's passing, Wocky's face had been rather sour.

Pearl dogged Wocky's steps as he stormed forward to the car park. He hurled himself at the wall, staring at mid-air. Pearl sighed. Leaning against the wall, sliding down to the floor. She looked up: it felt like midnight, an active breeze and black sky.

A friend dead, another accused of his murder. Both were dangerous criminals but that wasn't how Wocky saw Matt and Luke. He knew they were crazy, but they helped him escape prison fair and square.


Pearl: "Escape prison"...

Maya: ..."fair and square"?

Kay: Like anything else here makes sense.

[Pearl and Wocky chat about Alita.]
Quote:
Heaven's gone and Hell was here. There was everything to fear. Alita tiptoed along the lines. She bowed, then walked like a ballerina dancing the time of her life. "How's my money coming along?"

The cheeky bitch, thought Pearl. Alita emerged from the shadows demanding money like a prostitute. "Go away you're getting nothing!"

"Oh little slut," Alita sighed. "I have to kill you if Wocky doesn't give me the cash."

"I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU!" Pearl yelled.

She flashed a knife. Alita dragged Pearl onto the floor and sat ontop of her. The silver was pointing at Pearl's neck. Her arms performed a routine of moving the knife up and down. Everything was silent, except Alita who released a laugh most foul.


Pearl: W-What?!

Maya: ...on one hand, Pearly's getting threatened. On the other hand, I don't actually know what Alita's doing.

Edgeworth: This prose is confusing.

Quote:
"Now are you scared of me, little slut?"

"You're the one who should be scared," Wocky roared. He pulled a gun out of his pocket and aimed at Alita. "I'm really gonna kill you now."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones," Alita murmured.


Kay: And, um, bullets will kill you.

Maya: The way this fic is going, it wouldn't surprise if the bullets were made of... something soft... that joke kinda got away from me.

Pearl: It's okay, Mystic Maya. It's been a long spork.

Maya: No kidding...

Quote:
"Words can't hurt me like they hurt you. Your face is so ugly is funny. You're not even gonna shoot me cause you know your precious little Pearl won't like you killing. What's the matter Wocky? Will I break your heart? I know its pretty much dead anyway."

Wocky's gun hit the floor. The tip of the knife was close to Pearl's brain.


Edgeworth: ...is she trying to stab her in the head... as in, through the skull?

Pearl: Is that impossible?

Edgeworth: Well, no, but it's not something people would usually... consider...

[Alita tells Pearl the same story she told Larry.]
Quote:
"Alita..." Pearl whispered. She pushed herself away. She stared at the floor and her eyes wandered to the tip of the knife. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise."

"I'm sorry that you're a filthy liar!" Pearl pushed Alita who gritted her teeth and tried to stab Pearl. Alita just about missed Pearl who slid under her and ran to Wocky.

He pulled the trigger and heard screams.

It didn't come from Pearl.

It didn't come from Alita.


Kay: Um... who'd he shoot, then?

Pearl: Maybe the bullet hit an innocent bystander...?

Maya: Don't say things like that, Pearly. That seems like the sort of thing that would actually happen in this fic...

[Alita leaves, after making a poorly-worded comment that made it sound like she threw a baby into Eagle River.]

Edgeworth: ...I certainly hope it was poorly-worded.

Quote:
Running out from the shadows was Godot. He was out of breath and covered in blood. "You guys okay? What happened to you guys? "

"Geez Godot what the fuck happened to you?"

"Thalassa was asleep and I can't wake her up," he stated. "I just can't seem to wake her up no matter how much I try."


Kay: Which means she's probably dead.

Maya: Uh... you don't think Pearly was right about the innocent bystander thing, was she?

Edgeworth: That would be exceedingly stupid.

Kay: Which means she probably was.

Edgeworth: Yes, exactly.

Quote:
"What's with all that blood on you?" Wocky asked. "Imagine how Apollo's going to react."

"Blood?" Godot asked. His voice became faint as did his expression. "I can't see any."

"You can't any?" Wocky snapped. "Its all over you. Its on your hands and everything!"

"Wocky," Pearl said, tapping on his shoulder. "Mr. Godot's site isn't perfect: he can't see red very well. We'll have to check Miss Thalassa to see if she's okay."

The three of them went over to the other side of the car park and saw Thalassa laying hopeless on the floor. The red puddle and wounds near the heart was enough for Pearl and Wocky to know Thalassa was dead.


Pearl: ...I feel like this is my fault somehow.

Maya: Nah. It's just a dumb fic.

Quote:
"She's dead isn't she?" Godot asked.

"She's defiantly gone," Wocky said.

"Poor Apollo," said Pearl. "He's only just been reunited with his real parents and he's just lost one already. This is so sad."


Kay: Not much of a reaction here, huh?

Maya: Well, it's not like it's her first crime scene.

Pearl: ...

Maya: What? It's true.

[Wocky, Pearl, and Godot make small talk.]
Quote:
"Larry always seemed to be nice," Pearl said. "We need to find where Larry is hiding Alita. I'm going to call the police as well. We should have done that by now!" She held the phone by her ear and requested for the police. "Hello, sorry for disturbing you guys at this hour but there's but Alita's just killed Miss Thalassa! She told us that she has drowned Ron too. You gotta get to the car park near the courtroom as soon as you can. Okay! Thank you Mr. Dick, get here soon."


Pearl: Well, that was polite of me.

Edgeworth: You're allowed to be a little rude if you're reporting a murder.

Maya: Also, look! Alita didn't kill a baby!

Kay: How do you even word something that badly?

Edgeworth: Answering that question would require looking at the uncut script.

Quote:
"I guess I'll have to go into court this time," said Wocky.

"I know you don't want to go to court, but you'll have to this time."

"Pearl's right," Godot said. "And don't be surprised if I get arrested for her murder."


Pearl: But... I told them Alita was the murderer...

Edgeworth: The only arrest in this fic that made sense was the one from the very beginning.

Maya: Oh, yeah. The sausage rape.

Pearl: ?!

[Pearl calls around about the murder.]
Quote:
Gumshoe walked onto the park with police officers and investigators behind him. Gumshoe was carrying his son, Copper in his arms. "The police are here!" Gumshoe announced. Copper burped and spat on his father's coat. "Sorry guys I had to bring the baby into work this morning. Maggey's working at night and we couldn't afford a babysitter. You guys know what to do, I need to go and sort this little monster out."


Kay: Eh... did Gummy just bring a baby to a crime scene?

Edgeworth: *silently puts head in hands*

Maya: Looks like Pearly isn't the youngest investigation partner anymore.

[There is literally nothing happening here.]
Quote:
"One of the guys are checking the security cameras right now," Mike told him. "Also just been told by Wocky and Pearl that Alita was here. They suspect fugitive, Alita Tiala is the one we're looking for."

"That's good," said Gumshoe. "But I'm afraid we'll have to arrest Godot."


Maya: What.

Edgeworth: I hate my life.

Quote:
"Already?" Mike said. "Shouldn't we spend more time investigating?"

"I've got to pick up Maggey tonight and get Copper asleep," Gumshoe said. "I'll leave it to you and Ema."

"What do you think, Ema?" asked Mike.

"She's had lots of severe stabbing," said Ema. "Looks like it could have been more than one person."


Pearl: Oh, so it wasn't the stray bullet!

Maya: Wait, who got shot, then? Because we all know that bullet ended up in someone.

Kay: The way Mr. Edgeworth's luck has been going lately, I wouldn't be surprised if it was him.

Maya: No, I think there's probably something even more stupid in store for him.

Edgeworth: ...

[Wocky suggests that Larry could have killed her.]

Edgeworth: The author wouldn't dare.

Maya: That's what you probably would have said about deciding a verdict via chess at the beginning of the chapter.

Edgeworth: Nngh...

Quote:
"Ema, I've just got another call from the police," Mike told her. "They've arrested someone else for the murder!"

"Really?" Ema said. "Who?"


Pearl: ...is it bad that I'm actually really, really wondering who it is?

Kay: Ten bucks says it won't make sense.

Maya: Who's gonna bet against that?!

[And back to the chess game!]
Quote:
It was getting to the point where he wanted to give up. Trucy looked very tired. He didn't know what time it was, he knew it was late. Come to think of it, Apollo was feeling the pressure of exhaustion too.

A large thump on the floor. The crowd gasped and the cameras clicked away. Trucy collapsed. She was hurled over the corner of the room. Apollo jumped off his seat and lifted his sister. Her forehead was burning and her eyes where shut.

"Trucy are you okay?" Apollo asked in a hurry.

No response.

"We'll have to take her to the hospital," Phoenix shouted.

Apollo lifted Trucy and carried her out of the courtroom. Phoenix exited court.


Kay: Like father, like daughter!

Edgeworth: That's not funny, Kay.

Pearl: ...how is Mr. Nick?

Maya: Um, not dead?

Kay: Sitting up his seat like that can't be good for his back...

Pearl: Should we push him onto the floor...?

Maya: The chapter's almost over, though.

Quote:
"The defense has resigned from the game. Which means Franziska wins the game," Salsa banged the gavel and gave a harsh stare at Luke. "Luke Atmey, the court has found you guilty of all charges set against you: two counts 1st degree murder, cannibalism, escaping jail, assisting people to escape jail, and kidnap. We might have to add another count of 1st degree murder if Mr. DeLite is found dead. You are a man with criminal intentions, you are a danger to the public and a traitor. The court finds you'd be better off dead. You will be hung in five hours time. This case is now over!" Salsa banged the gavel one last time and everybody was on their way to leave.

A police officer marched into the room. Grabbed Franziska by the arm and said, "Franziska Von Karma, I'm arresting you for the murder of Thalassa Gramarye."


Edgeworth: *stares at screen for a really long time* ...wh...

Kay: Law Plus Chaos: just when you thought it couldn't get anymore ridiculous!

Quote:
"What!" Maya gasped. "Are you mad?"

The officer handcuffed Franziska and continued his words. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law." Franziska was took away in the back of a police car with Maya following them.

Nobody won.

[line break]

"FRANZISKA?" Ema gasped.

"Yeah." Mike sighed and returned his phone back into his pocket. "Why would they want to arrest her for Thalass'a death? She was in the courtroom."

"There's a possibility that she could have hired someone to do it," Ema thought.


Edgeworth: That... doesn't explain... anything...

Pearl: Is Mr. Edgeworth going to be okay?

Maya: Probably not.

[Lana calls the Mike guy.]
Quote:
I really wanna kill April right now, but I got a feeling it's best to wait until the relationship with Klavier and April soars."


Edgeworth: I'm starting to run out of things to say.

Kay: Yeesh. No wonder sporkings usually don't run this long.

[Insipid fluff. Nothing happens. The scene changes to Franziska angsting. Maya arrives.]
Quote:
"Hey it's okay," Maya whispered. "I'm here for you. No one can hurt you."

"What do you mean?" Franziska widened her eyes. She pinched her own shoulders with both hands.

Maya annonced, "When your trial comes up, I'm gonna be your lawyer."

"You fool!" Franziska gasped. "You have no experience."

"My sister's been a good defense attorney, and I was the assistant of Phoenix Wright, I think I have plenty of experience," Maya explained.


Edgeworth: Maya, it doesn't work like that.

Maya: I know!

Quote:
She grinned throughout, as if she knew what she was doing. Franziska thought Maya had no idea what she was doing, and had gone madder than ever. "I've even got this..." Maya held a golden pin from her pocket. Franziska knew what it was: it was a lawyer's badge.

"Did you take the exam?" Franziska asked.

"No," Maya confessed, "I stole it from Nick. That's why Kristoph raped me. He thought I was going to give it back to him."


All: ...

Maya: If anyone needs me, *stands up* I'll be over there, banging my head against the wall.

Pearl: No, stay, Mystic Maya! We need you!

Edgeworth: Just no more comments about how things can't possibly get any dumber.

Maya: Most of those comments were coming from you...

Quote:
"Why did you steal it from him?" Franziska questioned Maya. "Stealing is a crime."

"I didn't want Phoenix to give up, so I took it and used it as a treasure for all the good times we shared."

"You fool," Franziska muttered. "You could have thought of better ways to cherish them memories of that fool." All the crying had turned into small giggles.

"At least your smiling now." "You know I love you and no fucking court is gonna send you down. I've even asked Judge Salsa to be the judge."

"Why that fool?" Franziska sneered. "That fool can't judge to save his life."

"Cause he always lets the females out and he knows you're innocent so it works," Maya replied. "Salsa has a crush on you, and that detective that's dating Ema does too. So they'll defiantly help you out."


Kay: So is this what everyone thought the courts were like during the Dark Age of the Law?

Edgeworth: I'm actually a little frightened by the prospect.

Quote:
"I don't want that foolish Mike Blitz helping me out," said Franziska. She looked away and faced the floor.

"Why not?"

"He slept with my ex-wife," Franziska told Maya. "He ruined my marriage and that fool touched areas of me that he shouldn't off."

"Was he good?" Maya asked.

"...Only my fool, Maya Fey."

Maya didn't get the clear response she was expecting. She smiled, then winked. "I'll think I'll have to take that as a yes."


Maya: Okay, no. I'm definitely going to go bang my head on the wall now.

Pearl: Mystic Maya-!

[The lights come back on.]

Maya: Oh.

Kay: Alright! I'm out! *smoke bombs away*

Edgeworth: *coughs* Helpful as always... before we go, though, we need to figure out what to do with Wright.

Maya: Um... I guess you grab his arms, Mr. Edgeworth, and Pearly and I will grab his legs.

Pearl: I'm ready to help!

Edgeworth: *sigh* Very well then.

[And so our sporkers drag the probably-not-dead Phoenix Wright out of the theatre. Will he be back in time for the next part? We sure hope so, considering he's about to get married.]

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

Gender: Female

Location: LA, Japanifornia

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Darth Wiader wrote:
I've found a fic that deserves to be sporked. I'd spork it myself if I didn't suck at it.

Here's the link (MAY BE NSFW): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail

I have read this one before. Well, I have read part of it before I ditched it. I feel like it's been done, though, and I'm not sure if it's on the backup forums or in this thread...

Still, I kinda have one in progress, so it might be a bit much for me to jump on it. Who's up for it?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Guess what I learned this yesterday morning? The author of this fic not only is a member of this forum, but actually submitted Judge Salsa and Namow Latnem into the OC contest. In the same division I'm competing in. Am I... am I in the twilight zone...?

Well, that's uh... interesting. If you know the author's username, I hope you've asked that person for permission for this sporking. If not, well, let's just hope they don't get too upset over their work being shamed here. Just take care next time when you pick a fic to spork. We don't want to spork those that the authors can see for themselves here because we're sneaky little gremlins like that... and to prevent any hurt feelings for not first asking for permission.

Edit: Oh, now I find out it's Chloe. Ah, well, she usually doesn't care what people do with her fanfics, but it's only polite to ask, since she definitely has been around the Sporking Theater before. And this automatically confirms "Law Plus Order" as pure unadulterated crack. All the more fun, eh?

Glad to see Kay back again. I think I've come up with an idea how the Management can trap her in the theater. They're supposed to be kinda fed up with Kay bouncing everywhere she pleases. You may see it when I get to a sporking sometime. >:)

P.S. I replied to the pm you sent me, but I just replied to your friend's account. Do you need me to resend it to the right addressee?
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

Gender: Female

Location: Metropolitan Atlanta

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Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Darth Wiader wrote:
I've found a fic that deserves to be sporked. I'd spork it myself if I didn't suck at it.

Here's the link (MAY BE NSFW): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5857234/1/Blackmail

I have read this one before. Well, I have read part of it before I ditched it. I feel like it's been done, though, and I'm not sure if it's on the backup forums or in this thread...

Still, I kinda have one in progress, so it might be a bit much for me to jump on it. Who's up for it?

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Guess what I learned this yesterday morning? The author of this fic not only is a member of this forum, but actually submitted Judge Salsa and Namow Latnem into the OC contest. In the same division I'm competing in. Am I... am I in the twilight zone...?

Well, that's uh... interesting. If you know the author's username, I hope you've asked that person for permission for this sporking. If not, well, let's just hope they don't get too upset over their work being shamed here. Just take care next time when you pick a fic to spork. We don't want to spork those that the authors can see for themselves here because we're sneaky little gremlins like that... and to prevent any hurt feelings for not first asking for permission.

Edit: Oh, now I find out it's Chloe. Ah, well, she usually doesn't care what people do with her fanfics, but it's only polite to ask, since she definitely has been around the Sporking Theater before. And this automatically confirms "Law Plus Order" as pure unadulterated crack. All the more fun, eh?

Glad to see Kay back again. I think I've come up with an idea how the Management can trap her in the theater. They're supposed to be kinda fed up with Kay bouncing everywhere she pleases. You may see it when I get to a sporking sometime. >:)

P.S. I replied to the pm you sent me, but I just replied to your friend's account. Do you need me to resend it to the right addressee?

I'm pretty sure that fic hasn't been sporked yet. Someone else brought it up earlier - or maybe someone else brought up another fic by the same author - or maybe I just found it on my own, but I do remember checking even the backup thread to see if anyone's got to it.

Do you think I should stop making jokes about the author? Actually, how acceptable are jokes about the author in the first place...? I usually make them in my sporkings, but then again I usually keep the fics I'm sporking anonymous.
Regardless, I have always figured that everyone was out-of-character on purpose, I was just baffled by apparent serious plot in conjuction with everyone being hilariously OOC.

It doesn't really matter.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yatta.

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Well, I usually wouldn't make fun of the author in the first place, but it's no problem if you slip in a few quips about the author here or there. And it's a good idea to think of the fics as submitted anonymously, but knowing who the author is shouldn't stop a good sporking.

For optional added comedic effect, the characters doing the sporking may assume the fic is being written seriously, but it's likely they wouldn't remain in the dark for that long either. Your choice.
Help! My parents are Phoenix Wright & Miles Edgeworth! Er, I mean they're irresponsible drunks!

Click here for the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney Translation Project Blog!
Various official AA stuff translations currently in the works.

Also, click here for the current archive of fanfiction or here for the backup archive. Click here for the blog that updates it.
Includes translations of misc. fan works related or not to AA.
Also, a very popular fanfic ask meme.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Fantina's perfect little Franny!

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Anyone is free to spork my fics. Since a lot of my Ace Attorney fics are cracky, I don't feel the need to be offended by them. I enjoyed them.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Chloe wrote:
You can spork mine if you want. I think it would be quite funny.

Thanks. :godot:

(Incidentally... the person who left the Simon Blackquill review on AO3? That was my older brother, although it was my idea. Thought you might want to know.)

Edit: ...did you edit your post in the thirty seconds between my clicking "reply" and my posting...?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Fantina's perfect little Franny!

Gender: Female

Location: UK

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2009 11:33 pm

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AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Chloe wrote:
You can spork mine if you want. I think it would be quite funny.

Thanks. :godot:

(Incidentally... the person who left the Simon Blackquill review on AO3? That was my older brother, although it was my idea. Thought you might want to know.)

Edit: ...did you edit your post in the thirty seconds between my clicking "reply" and my posting...?

Yeah I edited it because I didn't realise that you already started. XD

That was one of my favourite reviews.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Y'know

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Posts: 787

Quote:
We better get going."

And they all followed Godot into the courtroom. Apollo, Trucy and Godot stood together in the defense bench as Wocky sat in the defendant's chair.

Huh... Turnabout Generations, anyone? Looks like fandom likes to put these three behind one bench. Also, about same fic:

Image

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the love envelope.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Fantina's perfect little Franny!

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I love the envelope.

I remember Turnabout Generations I loved the music they added in the trial.
Spoiler:
Although I was sad about the judge going.

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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You know what would make the envelope even better? If April May/Machi were a thing. Too bad it's illegal. (Not that that would stop anything in this fic.)
Law Plus Chaos, part eleven

Today's sporkers are...
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: "Somehow, it seems odd that it isn't the middle of the night right now.
Hobo Nick!
:Hoboright: "...why do I not remember most of part ten?"
Apollo Justice!
:apollo-objection: "What do you mean this fic isn't supposed to be taken seriously? Does my suffering look like a joke to you?!"
Ema Skye!
:yummy: "So what happens in this chapter? An alien invasion?"
and, in her sporking theatre debut...
Lana Skye!
:lana: "...huh?"

[We open up Barcelona, which is clearly where the sporking theatre is, because no one told me no. Miles Edgeworth, Phoenix Wright, and Apollo Justice are already seated.]

Apollo: I heard about what happened in the last part of the sporking, actually.

Phoenix: What did happen, anyway? The last thing I remember is... Matt Engarde... and Trucy...

Apollo: I heard Mr. Wright was knocked unconscious somehow... how exactly did that happen?

Edgeworth: Everyone else in the sporking theatre at the time was sworn to secrecy.

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: ...what did you do to me?

Edgeworth: Not us. Don't blame us. Blame the fic.

[Ema and Lana Skye enter the sporking theatre.]

Ema: -and if you break any of the rules, the Management will punish you somehow.

Lana: And the punishments are individualized?

Ema: Yeah. For you, for example, they would probably make you do a sporking with Damon Gant. *takes seat*

Lana: Hmm. I'll be sure to follow the rules as closely as possible. *takes seat next to Ema* Hello, Mr. Edgeworth, Mr. Wright, Mr...?

Apollo: Oh, Justice. Apollo Justice.

Lana: Right. I've heard about you.

Apollo: You have?

Ema: *munches Snackoos* Oh, will you look at that? The lights are dimming.

Quote:
The sound of the ocean was just a doorstep away. The moon was sleeping and the sun wide awake.


Lana: ...what?

Ema: Scientifically speaking, that probably means it was daytime.

Lana: Why not just say that?

Edgeworth: Ms. Skye, it's best not to think too deeply about this fic.

Quote:
Standing on a white balcony was Alita and her former cellmate, Lana. They had just reached their hidden location and were grateful no police stalked them. The two of them didn't expect to meet each other at a murder-scene-to-be.


Lana: ...

Apollo: Did you read the script of chapters 1-20?

Lana: I glanced through it, but I thought there was no way that was what was actually in the fic.

Phoenix: It is.

Ema: You're actually involved in a plot to pin a murder on the glimmerous fop.

Lana: ...does the author hate me or something?

Edgeworth: I think we're all wondering that.

Quote:
Alita and Lana found each other interesting, but didn't expect to stay in touch after leaving prison. Now they had become overnight partners-in-crime. For the two of them, time had been frozen. They could relax and stare at the ageless sea.


Lana: So there's no real point to pointing out that this is out-of-character.

Ema: Yep.

Quote:
Lana passed Alita a cup of tea. Alita accepted and held the cup with her hand. "Thanks for your help last night Alita," Lana bowed and shook Alita's hand. "I appreciate your support."

"You know I'm always happy to help a friend," Alita said.

"Men are all a waste of space.


Phoenix: Looks like someone took the whole "attraction to Mia" thing a bit too far.

Lana: Intellectual attraction, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: (I'm not the one who phrased it that way in the first place.)

Quote:
I can make it better so you won't have to worry about money or men at all," Lana assured Alita. She held onto her scarf and flicked it on her head.

"How would you do that?" Alita asked. "I'd find my life very diffulcult without a man or money."

"I'd kill you."


Ema: ...

Lana: I've managed to avoid the sporking theatre so far, and I have to come in over a fic like this?

Edgeworth: That's about how it works in here.

Apollo: Yeah, Mr. Edgeworth's pretty much an expert on this place by now.

Edgeworth: Which is not something I needed reminding of, Justice.

Quote:
"Oh Lana," chuckled Alita. "You're full of cruel jokes. So last night you said you teamed up with Albert Salsa and Mike Blitz."

"They're not just the only people, I've had a quick deal Kristoph Gavin."

"Ironic," Alita reasponded. She patted Lana's back and contunied with, "since you're trying to frame his brother for murder."

"By the way I planted evidence that Franziska hired you to kill Thalassa," Lana confessed.


Lana: ...why?

Edgeworth: Actually, we still don't know.

Phoenix: I don't remember this.

Edgeworth: You could read the script for chapters 19 and 20...

Phoenix: But... Matt Engarde and Trucy...

Quote:
"I hope you don't mind?"

"Those two brats have probably told the police I killed her anyway," replied Alita. "You're hoping Klavier gets into this case..."

"Yes," confirmed Lana. "Kristoph being snapped in the car park with that lady who looks like Iris should be enough to lure Klavier in. If he chooses to prosecute Franziska, it will be even better. Salsa is the judge for that trial and he will make sure he will fail the trial."

"Surely it's going to be equal if Maya has no experience."


Phoenix: Wait... that implies Maya will be defending.

Edgeworth: She is.

Phoenix: ...how?

Apollo: Apparently she stole your badge. And that was the reason Mr. Gavin tried to ... I can't even say it without wanting to go bathe in bleach.

Ema: You would get severe chemical burns from that, Apollo.

Apollo: I know.

Quote:
"Maya's Mia Fey's younger sister," told Lana. "She's stronger than she looks. I'm sure she knows the tricks and tools of the trade."

"Do you think they'll find me here?" asked Alita, changing the subject. "If Larry fucks up and the police come here I'm doomed."

"I might have almost tarnished you from that fake evidence," Lana muttered. "Since they didn't catch you, you're fine. I'm the last person they'd expect to help you.


Lana: Probably because it would never happen in real life.

Ema: Listen to Mr. Edgeworth, sis. It's best not to resist.

Lana: ...

Quote:
If Everything goes to plan, you and Larry will have your happily ever after, Klavier will be executed, Mike and Ema will be married and I will runaway with my son."


Apollo: Wait.

Lana: I have a son?

Ema: I'm getting married?!

Quote:
"You just said men are a waste of space," Alita reminded her.

"To me they are," Lana replied. "But Mike really fancied Ema, so I used him. I told him to date Ema and he agreed to help me frame Klavier. And Machi is my son, so he's the only exception."


Lana: Um...

Phoenix: At least now you know what's going on.

Lana: I kind of wish I didn't.

Edgeworth: We all wish that in here.

[Lana and Alita chat some more. Alita and Larry are going to move to Blackpool, England. We still don't know why or how Machi is Lana's son.]
Quote:
"Fuck my life," muttered Apollo.


Apollo: (I can't say I don't agree with the sentiment, but...)

Quote:
"Don't be so hard on yourself," said Trucy. "You only lost because I fainted. You probably could have beaten her easily if it wasn't for me. I'm ready to go now."

"You have to wait until the nurse says something," Phoenix told them. "They did a check up on you."

"All I did was faint," moaned Trucy.


Phoenix: Does the author have some kind of checklist of the worst things that Trucy can do or have happen to her?

Edgeworth: They probably have a list like that for every single character.

Apollo: And it just gets worse as they get down the list.

Ema: Which is why everything is so much worse at the end of the fic. *munches Snackoos*

Lana: What were the earlier chapters of the fic like?

Edgeworth: I would say tolerable, but that would be a lie.

Quote:
"Are you sure you're alright?" Iris asked. "You gave us all a heart attack."

"Yeah I'm fine," Trucy replied. "The nurse will say the same thing to me as well."

"Do you know what happened last night?" Apollo asked.

"What happened last night?" Trucy asked.


Phoenix: I actually want to find out myself, but at the same time, I really don't.

Edgeworth: Typical.

Quote:
Apollo turned to Phoenix and Iris. "You guys tell her about our mom?" Apollo asked Phoenix.

"Not yet," Phoenix admitted. "I was going to tell her when we got home."

"What happened to our mom?" Trucy asked. "How come she hasn't turned up?"

Phoenix bent down to Trucy's bed, held her hand and said, "Mom won't be turning up: she was murdered. They've arrested Godot and Franziska for the murder, but they suspect Alita Tiala."


Lana: Then... why did they arrest Godot and Franziska?

Apollo: Because they think Ms. von Karma hired Alita to murder Trucy's mom.

Lana: And Godot was arrested because...?

Ema: Because screw logic, that's why. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
"Really?" Trucy gasped. "That's so sad. I can't believe it. So that's why Apollo's saying his life sucks right now."

"Got it in one," moaned Apollo.

"Good morning Trucy," called the nurse as she walked through the door. "We've had a check up on you and we've found what happened to you."

"What is it?" asked Trucy.

"I am sorry for inform you that you've had a miscarriage," announced the nurse in the hospital room.


Phoenix: ...

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: ... *opens mouth*

Edgeworth: No! No screaming!

Phoenix: I can't take much more of this, Edgeworth!

Ema: Do you think she had a miscarriage because of all the drinking, or...?

Phoenix: Not helping, Ema!!

Quote:
The news had made Apollo, Iris, Trucy and Phoenix gasp in unison. A silent shock shaking their sanity to rock bottom. Everyone was speechless. Phoenix removed his beanie and looked at Trucy with a mixture of anger and sympathy. His eyes had widened and the words were stuck.

"I was pregnant?" Trucy stuttered

"You were pregnant," the nurse told them. "You were in your eight week of pregnancy."

"I didn't... know I was pregnant," Trucy cried. "I didn't get morning sickness or anything like that."

"Did you have any cravings at all?" asked the nurse.

"I had one for vodka if that helps..."

"The alcohol might have killed your baby," said the nurse.


Ema: Ooh. *munches Snackoos*

Lana: ...so, how old is Trucy?

Apollo: She's 16 in this fic, I think.

Lana: Who was giving her vodka?

Apollo: Actually, there weren't very many people who weren't giving her vodka.

[Everyone reacts fairly normally for a miscarriage, so we'll just skip it.]
Quote:
Apollo thought who would have screwed Trucy eight weeks ago. The very answer of his own question disturbed him. He knew only one person that could have gotten Trucy pregnant at that time: him.


Apollo: ...!!

Phoenix: ...

Ema: Well, on the plus side-

Lana: Ema, you probably shouldn't finish that sentence.

Ema: Sorry. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
Apollo slapped his forehead, sighed and leaned his back against the wall. He had no idea how he was going to handle defending his father in court. Things had gotten worse.


Apollo: NO, REALLY?!

Edgeworth: Inside voice, Justice.

Quote:
Who would have thought of Lana Skye to be such the nasty type? Everybody in prison thought she such a lovely and kind-hearted... what a lot of fail those girls were. If she was really that kind-hearted she would never have landed in that dirty cell in the first place. I knew Lana was a piece of dirty work right from the moment I saw her.


Lana: Excuse me?

Edgeworth: It's a waste of time to bother defending yourself from the fic, Ms. Skye.

Ema: Why is it suddenly in first-person?

Quote:
Prosecutors were usually commit the biggest crimes,


Edgeworth: Excuse me?

Phoenix: Weren't you just telling Lana not to bother defending herself?

Edgeworth: ...right.

Quote:
because it's so easy for them to get away with it. Lana used to be a police officer as well. I'm not so sure what happened next. She told me she hated being a prosecutor and that she was blackmailed. The blackmailer was the father of her child and he said he would kill Ema if she ever rebelled.


Lana: ....................

Ema: Oh.

Lana: Are you sure there isn't a way out of this place?

Speakers: The Management would like to remind Lana Skye that leaving during the sporking is strictly forbidden.

Lana: ...

Quote:
It's sad really. But I think it's the best thing that ever happened to her. The father of her son had turned her into a crazy bitch: and I liked it. Bitches are always more interesting than nice ones. I'm not really so sure why Lana and I get along: we just do.

As much as Wocky and his slut assume I murdered that lawyer's mother, I actually had nothing to do with it. It was by sheer luck that I met Lana that day. She told me her plans to destroy Klavier Gavin for revenge on cheating on her sister. I'm supporting her because I don't like him either, well of course I wouldn't; he caught me out.

I don't know about this deal she made with Kristoph, but I don't care about it since I don't know him that well. Larry hates his guts and with horrible fake blond hair I can see why.


Apollo: What on earth is going on here?!

Phoenix: Why is it in first-person? Seriously, there was no explanation for this.

Edgeworth: Maybe we'll get one at the end of the passage.

Phoenix: You should really know better than to be optimistic in regards to this fic.

Quote:
After I met up with Lana, I heard Wocky and Pearl's voices. I went over to them just to pay them a visit. I wanted to know how much work he was putting in to my lovely pocket. As I expected, he wasn't going to give me any of it. They were such cheeky little monsters. I should have killed Pearl right there, but Wocky's heart is still damaged, I wouldn't wanna break it... just yet.

Screw Wocky's money though, Larry and I have got a fortune. So glad I left that stupid temple. It was all work and no play, the women in the temple were boring. They drove me insane. I hate Larry for forcing me to go into that awful place. I pushed one of the nuns who were stalking me into the river.


Phoenix: So she just casually murdered one of the Hazakurian monks...?

Edgeworth: Sounds like it.

Phoenix: You'd think Larry would draw the line somewhere.

Edgeworth: Yes, you'd think that, but you'd probably be wrong.

Quote:
Don't think she's ever coming back. That silly woman showed me were Bikini (what a stupid name for a nun) hid her money. I filled an empty suitcase of it and ran off in Larry's car.

Larry had always been there for me ever since I was convicted. I hate him; he's ugly, annoying and had no sense of style. I also think his dedication and determination to make me happy is also kinda cute. Still, he makes me cringe. That orange jacket he wears all the time is just bright and hideous. If I had known him before, I wouldn't have even approached him.

He does so much for me, if I was any nicer I would feel so sorry for him. I should let him go, I'm constantly taking advantage of him. Nah! That's way too soppy, that's not the real me. The real Alita is a bitch, and proud to be one. I'm not like Iris, who gets beat around the bush with no idea what I want in life.


Lana: So this must be the part of the fic where the antagonist turns to the audience and explains their motivation.

Ema: In first-person perspective, no less.

Quote:
I know exactly what I want: money and a rich husband. I'm half way there, Larry isn't exactly rich, but he's been robbing banks


Phoenix & Edgeworth: *groan*

Quote:
and saving money to buy me fabulous gifts, it's almost too much. I know he loves me, but I'm too much of a bitch to love him at the moment. Maybe I could love him someday. Right now I only love the attention he gives me. If more people were like this to me, I would have probably turned out better.


Lana: You can't blame your own actions on other people.

Apollo: I don't think we're supposed to be emulating Alita.

Lana: I know. It's an attitude that bothers me nonetheless.

Quote:
Not that it matters anymore. It won't be long until I can finally have a chance to have the wonderful life I deserve. I will have money that will never run out and a man who genuinely loves me. Oh how the ladies would envy me. I can't help it that I still live in a teenage dream, I love it. I don't wanna grow up at all.

But no one can be perfect can they?


Edgeworth: Hmm. That's the end of the chapter.

Phoenix: Wait, that's it? No explanation for the sudden perspective change?

Ema: I thought for sure it was going to be a letter or a diary entry.

Edgeworth: No. Apparently it's still narration. The narration just happens to be first-person monologuing for some reason.

Spoiler: Chapter 22
Lana: Oh, this chapter looks long.

Apollo: Yeah, but once we finish it, there'll only be one part left. I wonder who'll be in that one?

Edgeworth: Me, most likely.

Phoenix: Well, thanks for not trying to escape so far. Otherwise Trucy would be in it...

Edgeworth: Hmph.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that all sporkers cease speculation on who we will pick for the final part of the sporking.

Quote:
Last night wasn't very good. Maya crossed out wasn't very good in her mind and replaced it with an epic disaster. The trial was unorganized and a mess, a murder took place, Franziska was arrested and Pearl's life was put in danger. Alita Tiala had to be found and Franziska had to get her name cleared.


Lana: ...

Ema: At least it's a succinct description. *munches Snackoos*

Lana: I refuse to believe this is a real fic.

Apollo: Apparently the author was joking.

Lana: They still published it.

Edgeworth: And it's almost 83,000 words, too. After a certain point, it can no longer be considered just a joke.

Phoenix: (I think he's just bitter.)

[Maya reminisces.]
Quote:
The police were pushing all the crowd away. Thalassa had just started to make a name for her self as a singer.


Apollo: Is that why she looks so much like Lamiroir? As in, she actually is Lamiroir?

Phoenix: Don't think too hard about it, Apollo.

Apollo: (First the Management, now you... why does everyone keep telling me not to think too hard about this...?)

Quote:
She got negative press for abandoning her son and not telling the father for it and now everyone's praising her because she's dead. Paparazzi loved to stick their nose in where it shouldn't be. They don't care if it promotes or tarnishes a person's reputation. As long as people read it, they'll blend the facts and opinions then sprinkle some white lies to make the article interesting.

She didn't think of Thalassa as the type of person who would dump a child, quite the opposite. She had only met her the few times and she sounded like a lovely person. She couldn't think of anybody who would want to kill her. Apollo had a reason to be annoyed with her, but not enough to kill. She didn't know Apollo very well, but her instincts didn't tell her he could be a murderer.


Apollo: Well, at least there's that!

Phoenix: I don't know. Maya can be a pretty bad judge of character sometimes.

Apollo: ... (I'm a lawyer, not your own personal punching bag, Mr. Wright.)

[Maya thinks about the case.]
Quote:
She saw Gumshoe sighing behind his car. His eyes seemed like he was out of space, which was strange for Gumshoe as he's always the one to show his determination to solve the case. She called out his name. No response. She marched over to him and patted his back. He jumped, gasped, then faced Maya.

"Hello there," he chuckled. "How's Franziska been?"

"She's seen better days," Maya admitted. "Poor Franny is petrified inside. I promised her that I would clear her name though."

"That's the spirit," Gumshoe said, smiling. "I've got some good news to. There was evidence to suggest Franziska hired Alita to kill Thalassa. They found a diary, a phone number a stun-gun: we can confirm the diary is a fake! The stun gun belonged to Manfred Von Karma but it was stolen from one of the lockers. The phone number written in the diary was a stripper. Ema's going to examine the finger prints, if none of them match Franziska, it's great news, pal!"


Lana: So they're going to release her?

Edgeworth: The way this fic has been going so far, that doesn't seem very likely.

Ema: At least it'll be a short trial. *munches Snackoos*

Quote:
"Franziska will be cleared?" Maya asked. Gumshoe nodded. Maya grinned. "This is great news, but like any lawyer, I have to ask..."

"HOLD IT!" Gumshoe interrupted. "When did you become a lawyer?"

"I've been one for a very long time," lied Maya.

"... what?"

"Here's my badge to prove it!" Maya flashed "her" golden pin to Gumshoe. He widened his eyes and gasped again.

"Holy crap! That's awesome!"


Apollo: I still say it takes more than just a badge to convince people that you're a defense attorney.

Phoenix: And I still say I can prove that a badge is all it takes. Am I right, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Although at least the badge was real in that case...

Apollo: (That does it. As soon as we get out of here, I'm going to look through Mr. Wright's old case files until I figure out just what the heck he's talking about.)

Quote:
"Now you're going to tell me about the murder?" Maya asked. "I know Franziska is going to be found innocent but just in case them fools try to take her to court."

"I'll ya everything you wanna know pal," Gumshoe announced. "Last night, the victim was killed in his car park. The estimated time of death is half ten. She was stabbed all over her body. Meanwhile Alita blackmailed Wocky by attempting to stab Pearl in the neck. Alita was also seen talking to fugitive Kristoph Gavin. We believe these two met after escaping prison."

Gumshoe passed Maya a photo of a tall man with blond hair passing a knife to Alita. If was Kristoph Gavin. She was sure of it.

"So why would they wanna team up and get revenge?" asked Maya.

"Kristoph and Alita were both convicted and exploited by Apollo.


Apollo: Exploited by...?

Ema: Just what have you been doing in your spare time, Apollo?

Apollo: L-Leave me out of this!

Ema: I was just kidding. *throws a Snackoo at him*

Quote:
Kristoph's brother helped out too." Gumshoe told her. "Them two trials are stories that fend for themselves. I guess they wanted to attack Apollo by killing his mother."

"It makes sense," said Maya. "So are the police looking for Alita and Kristoph?"

"The police are hunting as we speak," Gumshoe announced. "We've found a fugitive named Edward Fartalot, we believe that he may help us with the case."


Lana: ... *mutters* Oh, for the love of...

Edgeworth: I was hoping he wouldn't be mentioned again.

Ema: When was the last time hoping for something worked well in this fic?

Edgeworth: Well, chapter six appears to have been retconned, at any rate...

[A bit more case talk.]
Quote:
"Thanks Gumshoe!" Maya said. She hugged him then ran away.

As she dashed to Phoenix's place, she wondered did she really solve this case alone? Was there a greater challenge to come? Proving Franziska innocent just seemed too easy, but it didn't mean that she expected it to happen. She was hoping he would be at home, with the family. She hoped they were coping.

She truly did.

At last, she reached Phoenix's department and banged on the door. She waited and got a slow response. The door swung open and her eyed widened. Phoenix resembled a zombie. His eyes were half open, his scruffy hair and clothes made him look like he had slept in a bin.


Edgeworth: He usually looks like that.

Phoenix: I do not. ...wait. You are referring to me right now, right? Post-disbarrment and pre-getting-my-badge-back?

Edgeworth: Obviously.

Phoenix: At least that means we're one step closer to figuring out what point in canon you actually come from.

Edgeworth: That's... not what we're supposed to be focusing on...

Speakers: He's right, you know. Now, stop breaking the fourth wall, Phoenix Wright.

Quote:
"Nick..." Maya asked. "Are you okay?"

"Not really," he admitted. "But it's nice to see you Maya."

"What's wrong?"

"Shit happens," said Phoenix. His eyes had been red as if he had been crying. "Come in."

Maya walked in and to her surprise, the house was tidy. Of course this was the work of Iris. If he was single the place would have been a lot worse.


Phoenix: Wow, excuse you.

Ema: Doesn't it usually look like a wreck, though?

Apollo: At least the toilets are clean...

Quote:
"I'm sorry to hear about Thalassa," Maya said.

"Thanks," said Phoenix. "I'm really going to need the support. Pearl came over earlier."

"She did?" Maya asked. "I haven't seen her since last night. Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Phoenix said. "She wanted my help on something."

"What was it?"

"She wanted to talk about Larry and Alita," Phoenix said. "She wanted to help track Alita down. She wanted my opinion of where Larry was hiding Alita. We managed to find it out. Larry had been hiding Alita in Harazuka Temple."


Lana: Will we get to hear about how you figured this out?

Edgeworth: Probably not.

Phoenix: Maybe we just called up Sister Bikini and asked if she's heard anything. At least, that seems like it would have been Iris' first idea, anyway.

Lana: That's awfully... anti-climactic.

Quote:
"Wow!" said Maya. " That would have been the last place I'd imagine her to be hiding."

"Larry's smarter than we thought he was," admitted Phoenix. He passed Maya a beige piece of paper stabled together and said, "Larry sent me this letter today."

Maya unfolded it and read it. The feminine patterns on the page were the first things that grabbed her eye. The wild writing layered on top had her shaking her head.


Apollo: Raise you hands if you vote the letter just gets a cut summary and we don't have to read it.

All: *raise hands*

Speakers: This is NOT a democracy.

Quote:
"Hello Nick!

I hope things are doing great out there! I'm so happy right now. This letter alone could never describe either the quality nor the quantity of my joy. I was always the happy monkey at school.


Edgeworth: The... "happy monkey"...?

Phoenix: I guess that's one way to describe it.

Quote:
We've had great times. You're my best friend but I'm afraid this is where I have to say goodbye to you. You'll always be close to me by heart. We've done so much together and so much for each other. You've been there when I lost my jobs and girlfriends, but being a prison officer is my best job of all. I lasted longer than I ever did, and I found my true love.

You see all the pink polka dots, yellow flowers and glitter on this page. Aww it's so cute. Everything that's cute reminds me of Alita. She's one of the most beautiful women in the world. She's a survivor! She's had such a tough life, but now I'm going to give her the happy ending she deserves.


Phoenix: At least it's in-character.

Edgeworth: Except for the part about saying goodbye. I don't think any force on earth could get rid of him.

Phoenix: Wouldn't you be in prison if it weren't for him?

Edgeworth: ...I'd rather not think about how many times he's helped me out.

Phoenix: ... (Yeah, same, actually...)

Quote:
Alita confided in me about her deepest secrets that she never told. She told me all about her life. How she had to sin to find redemption and freedom. It's enough to make me cry. I loved her from the moment I saw, but when she broke down, it was painful to find it adorable. I gave her a big hug and she cheered up. All she wanted was a bit of love, which nobody around her was willing to give.


Lana: This is rather... cheesy.

Ema: And cliché.

Lana: And disgustingly sweet.

Apollo: I think we get it.

Quote:
Alita had come from an abusive childhood. Her mother was a prostitute and her father was so addicted to food that she had to eat his own vomit or the crumbs on the floor.


Apollo: ...eurgh. That's disgusting.

Edgeworth: I think that's the point.

Quote:
She was so skinny when I first met her, prison had reminded her of the time where she was locked up in the attic for three days when she was three.


Ema: Scientifically speaking, it's pretty unlikely that she would remember that at that age.

Phoenix: ...that kind of reminds me of that one fic we sporked with Larry ages ago, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: What are you- oh, that fic. Why are you bringing this up?

Phoenix: As I said, it reminded me of it.

Edgeworth: Well, I'd rather not be reminded of it.

Apollo: (Note to self: look up this sporking.)

Quote:
When her dad died, her mother sold her like meat to some sick perverted doctor. Once he got locked up to grooming girls on the Internet, Alita was moved around foster parent after foster parent. She became confused, but once she settled in school, she really got drilled in class. She became a nurse, but she still wasn't happy. I know how she feels, some people can make you feel worthless at work.

Not to mention getting strangled all the time by Wocky. The scars still remain in her heart.


Ema: Did it never occur to him how made-up that backstory sounds?

Phoenix: I think that's in-character, actually.

Quote:
I know the media describe her as a bitch and a whore, but she isn't. She's a sweet person. She's been through so much. She never got a chance of a good life and when she tried, she ended up in jail for it. Everything was in self-defense. Her own employer went against her, and Wocky had abused her. I'm so worried that he's going to do the same to Pearl.

She might have said nasty things to Pearl but that;s because she's trying to show her the monster that he is. He tried to turn Alita into a monster and it almost succeeded. I'm glad she's under my care now. Alita will be treated like a goddess.


Apollo: ...

Lana: Comments, Apollo?

Apollo: ...nah. I'm not going to bother.

Quote:
I'll tell you the truth, yes I did help her escape prison. If you were still a lawyer you probably would have found that out, but you're not, so I'm safe.


Phoenix: Just because I'm not a lawyer doesn't mean I can't call the police.

Quote:
Alita agreed with me as well, so that's a plus. Wocky tried to stop me letting Alita go, but I sorted him out. He would have been better off dead in my opinion. He needs to stop trying to add poison in my relationship with Alita.

Since hiding Alita, I gambled, robbed banks and cheated in the casinos. It was an excellent second income for the great pay I already get in prison. I would have got to stick around for longer, had I not lost my job yesterday. It's okay now, I'm packing up for the new adventure of my life with Alita.


Phoenix: Eh... I don't even know what to say to this...

Edgeworth: ...nor do I.

Lana: Perhaps we should just move onto the next passage.

Quote:
Sorry I can't invite you to the wedding. By the time you've read this, I'd be a wanted fugitive. I took Alita to the casino one night, won a lot, asked her to marry me and she said yes. I believe I am the happiest man in the world right now. I'm not letting anybody lift me off the ground now. Happiness is a human right and not a privilege.

Wow I've written so much more than I expected: I could be a novelist. I've sold all my artwork now, so I've got all the money I need for a happy life. I'd love to have babies, but I don't think Alita's ready. She's still young. I guess we should wait until she is thirty, but I might accidentally get her pregnant way before then. never-mind, as long as we're together we'll be great. I have a feeling, Alita and I will both be legends. We will become the new Romeo and Juliet & Bonny and Clyde.


Phoenix: But they both - you know what, nevermind.

Quote:
Only unlike them we will have a happy ending and have brand new identities.


Apollo: I sincerely doubt it.

Ema: Then again, it is almost the end of the fic.

Edgeworth: And it can't come fast enough...

Quote:
I hope you have a good life too, Nick. I'm sorry I can't make it to be the best man at your wedding. Miles or Apollo could always do it. Well I guess you wouldn't want to have Apollo as a best man after all the rumors that he slept with Trucy. I hope they're false: incest ain't good.


Apollo: REALLY.

Ema: Let it go, Apollo.

Apollo: I'm sorry, but did you miss the part where I fathered Trucy's child?!

Ema: No, but I also didn't miss the part where Trucy drank herself into a miscarriage.

Apollo: That doesn't make it okay!!

Phoenix: Why are we even talking about this?!

Quote:
Give my regards to my sweet Iris, Maya, Franny and Gumshoe next time you see them.

Your friend forever,

The legendary Larry Butz. "


Edgeworth: For all our sakes, I sincerely hope that will be the last time he shows up in this fic.

Quote:
"Larry's been fed lies," Maya snapped. "How on earth could he fall for that rubbish Alita gave him."

"Reminds me of myself a long time ago with Iris and Dahlia," Phoenix admitted. "I was a mad boy in love."


Ema: Ooh, really, Mr. Wright? I want to hear about this. *munches Snackoos*

Phoenix: No. No, you don't.

Edgeworth: You really don't.

Phoenix: That's my line.

Edgeworth: There was no need for you to repeat yourself.

Lana: And there's no need for the two of you to act like eight-year-olds.

Phoenix & Edgeworth: ...

Apollo: (...I want to hear the story behind this, too, though.)

Quote:
"I guess you're still are," said Maya.

"Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision," Phoenix admitted. "I knew being a father wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't know it would be this hard! Apollo's had it rough too, I don't wanna ask questions that will destroy the entire family."


Phoenix: I'd say I should probably ask anyway... but what do you even do in response to finding out that your daughter got pregnant by her half-brother? Is there even a way you're supposed to react to that?

Lana: Somehow, I don't think most parents have to deal with that.

Phoenix: Exactly. So it's not like I can just go pick up a self-help book...

Apollo: Don't tell me you used self-help books to raise Trucy.

Phoenix: ...no?

Quote:
"Nick, you've done so well."

"Would you say that after I tell you this?

"What?"

"Trucy had a miscarriage," announced Phoenix. "She didn't know she was pregnant either. I don't know what to do with her. She slept with Matt Engarde, now I dread to think who else she's slept with. These thoughts are making me sick."


Edgeworth: They're making the rest of us sick, too.

Quote:
Maya jumped over and hugged him. "Who cares what anybody else thinks," Maya whispered. "I know you're a good father. You guys will all need to talk it through and be honest."

"Apollo was covered in psyche locks," Phoenix told Maya. "I'm too scared to open them, because I won't like what I see."


Phoenix: I know what it means, but I'm still imagining Apollo trapped underneath a pile of psyche-locks.

Apollo: ...that sounds painful.

Phoenix: Well, psyche-locks do look pretty heavy, I guess.

[Maya encourages Phoenix to find out what's really going on.]
Quote:
"I'm defending Franziska in court if she goes on trial," replied Maya. "She was a bit shocked at first but she warmed up to it. We do love each other after all."

"That's cool," said Phoenix. "Congratulations on passing your exam. It was tougher than the first time I took it all them years ago."

"Thanks Nick," said Maya.

"When did you take the exam?"

"I didn't," Maya admitted. There was no point in lying. "I stole it after you handed it in."

"Why?"


Lana: Why indeed?

Ema: Because plot. Or some semblance thereof.

Phoenix: Hey, look, I guess I retook the bar exam.

Apollo: Took you long enough.

Phoenix: Shush.

[Maya and Phoenix have a little chat.]
Quote:
December 15th 2027


Edgeworth: Oh, look. An actual date.

Lana: That's odd. I thought they had never showed up in the fic before.

Edgeworth: They haven't.

Quote:
Lana could feel the winter storm that was ready to take rampage. The fog hugged the windows and the coolness of the pillows.


Lana: The fog... what?

Ema: It hugged the coolness of the pillows.

Lana: ...that doesn't make any sense.

Ema: Well, no. *munches Snackoos* I didn't say it did.

Quote:
She sat on her bed, facing the window and spacing out. She touched her red silky dress which was a present from Damon Gant, the biological father of Machi.


Lana: ...

Ema: Um...

Lana: Am I being punished for something? I haven't even broken any of the rules.

Speakers: Nah. That's just how life in the sporking theatre goes.

Lana: ...

Quote:
In nine days time, she was going to make Ema one of the happiest girls in the world.


Ema: I'm afraid to find out.

Lana: So am I, actually.

Quote:
She had the help of Albert Salsa and Mike Blitz. None of this would have happened without the two of their personalities clashing. All these days of planning and by next month, it could all be over.

Her first year of freedom had made a lot of dramatic turns. Franziska von Karma had been dropped from all charges. Maya and Franziska had announced thier relationship and took a holiday. They promised to return in time for Christmas. Godot was still trapped in jail, and Thalassa's murder was far from solved. Lana had a feeling Kristoph murdered Thalassa, or one of the members of his gang.


Lana: I... thought I knew who murdered Thalassa...?

Edgeworth: I have no idea what's going on.

Phoenix: Has this been a time skip?

Apollo: It could be anything, really.

Ema: Has April May been killed yet? Or was that not until New Year's...?

[Pointless exposition.]
Quote:
Lana knew she had to kill this habit of stalking Ema one of these days.


Ema: ...what.

Lana: No.

Quote:
It made her feel unhealthy, but she knew it had to be done.


Lana: No.

Quote:
Lana had spent nearly a decade apart with her younger sister and felt like she had to protect her.


Lana: No. That doesn't make it okay.

Ema: Are you okay, sis?

Lana: I'll be fine.

Quote:
She had always told herself this; it made her feel less guilty about her dreadful plans.

She was paranoid for Ema. It was coming to the point where she was ignoring her son.


Lana: ...I hate this fic.

Apollo: (I think that's a new record.)

[More pointless exposition. Lana dismisses the idea of killing Apollo.]

Apollo: ...

Phoenix: You can't honestly say your fic-self doesn't deserve to die.

Apollo: ...thanks, Mr. Wright.

Quote:
Ema had three secrets. The first one was that she had a short fling with Trucy. Trucy had begged her for alcohol. Ema rightfully refused, but got herself drunk and ended up having sex.


Ema, Phoenix, & Lana: !

Ema: Sh-she's sixteen!!

Apollo: Now you know how I feel!

Quote:
Lana shook her head wishing it was all false, but she knew that Mike would like the idea a little. A few minutes ago, she lost respect for Apollo for sleeping with Trucy, but now the respect had returned. He just needed a thicker skin like Ema.


Lana: I - what?!

Apollo: What is going on?!

Phoenix: The world may never know.

Quote:
If Trucy was planning on being Lana's daughter-in-law, all that promiscuous activity would have to be chucked in the bin.

The second secret; she had a small crush on Klavier. Just a small one, but even a small one was not acceptable for Lana. Lana wanted Klavier to be forgotten. Just the sound of his name made Lana's skin crawl in disgust. Ema admitted to sending messages to Klavier and had formed some cyber relationship. Oh dear, thought Lana. Mike had to be alerted about this. Lana didn't want Ema to be tricked by him again,


Ema: This is creepy...

Edgeworth: Did that paragraph just end with a comma?

Apollo: That's... a new one.

Edgeworth: That's actually the second time I've seen that. How odd...

Lana: I don't think the comma's what's important here.

Quote:
As for the third one; Lana assumed it would be something like she was bisexual or that she fancied Apollo.


Phoenix: You'd think the first one would be a given...

Apollo: I guess being drunk means it doesn't count.

Quote:
Ema had told Apollo, "I think Lana is up to something." She wasn't wrong with that at all, but Lana felt it was for her own good that she didn't know a thing for now. Ema had mentioned the day of Thalassa's murder and that Lana had called Mike and not her.

"I got that feeling that Mike's cheating on me to get to Lana..." Ema told Apollo. "Every guy I've dated has cheated on me so I won't be surprised if Mike was sleeping around. I heard that he broke a marridge up once."


Ema: ...why am I dating him again?

Apollo: Because the "plot" said so.

Quote:
"I'm sure he wouldn't do such a thing," Apollo said.

They talked and laughed. The pair of them drunk their issues away, got tipsy and shared a passionate kiss.


Apollo: I was just kidding about Ema and I... you know what? Nevermind. At least it makes sense.

Ema: ...

Apollo: D-Don't look at me like that. You know what I meant!

Quote:
Lana knew that Mike Blitz used to be a bad guy, but she could safely say he had turned his life around; assuming he ever had one. She was glad that she was spying on her sister now,


Ema: I'm not.

Lana: Neither am I, incidentally.

Quote:
she knew her plan wasn't going as well as she thought it was going.

Reflecting on last night, she decided a change of plan was needed. She composed an email to Salsa and summoned Mike into her bedroom.

"What was the email you sent Salsa?" Mike asked. He sat down on the chair near Lana's bed. She reached her phone and read out the email she sent the quirky judge.


Edgeworth: That's one way of describing him, I suppose.

Quote:
Albert,

There will be several changes to the plan. You know which plan I mean. Ema still has a crush on Klavier and has seemed to have lost her way. She thinks Mike and I are having an affair and that idiot has gotten a hold of her again. But we are going to change that! I want to meet up with you today at the church where your brother works. I want to talk to you two and arrange a wedding for 24th December at 11:00 PM. April May's death will be on 1st of January. Klavier Gavin's trial shall take place on 5th December. Needless to say we know what the verdict shall be. I will be discussing the honeymoon arrangements with Mike this morning.


Ema: Are... are you going to marry me off without even telling me first?

Lana: Apparently...

Phoenix: And apparently you're also going to time travel. Either that or wait almost a whole year to put Klavier on trial.

Quote:
"Does Ema know about the wedding?" Mike asked.

"It's a surprise," said Lana.


Ema: You've got to be kidding me.

Lana: *nods*

Quote:
"She knows we're up to something."

"So I see," said Mike who sighed. He rolled his eyes away from Lana. "I don't think the wedding is going to solve anything."

"You don't wanna marry her?"

"Of course I do," replied Mike. "But... only when she's ready."

"I think this is the best thing for Ema right now," Lana announced. "She kissed Apollo, she's admitted to having a fling with Trucy. She needs you to assure her that everything is alright."


Ema: No, I need... what I need is to get out of this fic.

Edgeworth: I think the same applies to rest of us.

Phoenix: Oh, shut up. You're barely in it.

Edgeworth: And I'm grateful for that. But you've forgotten that I am the only one who has not missed a single part of the sporking.

Apollo: (Yeah, it's not like you bring that up every five minutes or anything.)

Quote:
"I will do that," said Mike. "We'll have some talks to each other."

"Good," chuckled Lana.

"Salsa will tell you what you need to do," Lana instructed. "You will marry my sister on Christmas Eve. You will spend your honeymoon in England. You are to not to come back until Klavier is dead."

"What about Klavier's trial?" Mike inquired. "I would like to see the look on Klavier's face when he goes down."

"Sadly you will be missing the trial," Lana announced. "You will wonder why."

"Yes, I am."

"You or Ema would be the prime suspect of April's murder," Lana said. "I don't want either of you to be arrested, so if you two go to England for the whole month, then they'll suspect you. We'll make a nice little runaway to the country where nobody can stop us. Sounds tempting dosen't it?"

"Yes," admitted Mike. "But what if it's not what Ema wants? What if she wants to stay here, with her friends?"

She smiled. "You really do love her," Lana confirmed. "I was right about hiring you."


Lana: This is... incredibly unethical.

Ema: And disturbing.

Lana: That too.

Quote:
"Get out Apollo!" Phoenix roared. He punched him in the face and roared again. "How can you betray us like this?"

Back to square one again.

Apollo had been kicked out of Phoenix's home.


Apollo: I still don't understand why I was in it in the first place.

Phoenix: At least we don't have to wonder about that anymore.

Quote:
Hadn't heard a thing from Trucy since seeing her hospital. He spent the night at Ema's place and was now living at Godot's old department.


Edgeworth: How does the author keep typoing "apartment" as "department"? That's the third or fourth time that's happened.

Lana: I don't think this fic was edited.

Quote:
He met his father for the first time in a few weeks in prison. He looked well as if he had just accepted his fate. He smiled at his son and said, "it's nice to see you again. Things are tough, but I know that things will be good for you again. I'm screwed, I'm going to get executed. They should never had let me out but at least I got to see you."

"But you didn't kill Mom," Apollo reminded his father.

"I know that," Godot muttered. "I'm not innocent, so it will be useless trying to save me."

"If didn't commit the crime then you shouldn't do the time," shouted Apollo. "We're going to find Alita and bring her back to court!"

"Son..." Godot whispered. His voice was weak, his confident ego begun to fade. "They've investagated and it couldn't have been her."


Phoenix: That doesn't mean it had to have been him.

Edgeworth: I suspect the police force is incompetent in this fic.

Apollo: (At least that's accurate to real life.)

Ema: ... *throws a Snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo: (...I take it she can read my expression... whoops.)

Quote:
"She's got something to do with it," Apollo said.

"They'll consider the case closed when I die."

"Well its not," Apollo snapped. "I'm not giving up, neither are you. Anyway, I got a question for you," Apollo mumbled.

"What is it?"

"What would you have done if my Mom had dropped me at doorstep."

"I would have brought you up," Godot admitted. "I would never have abandoned you."

It was just as he thought he would say.


Apollo: Is this supposed to be emotional closure?

Phoenix: I guess.

Apollo: And out of all the issues that could get solved, it has to be the one with the father who still doesn't make any sense whatsoever?

Edgeworth: Apparently.

Apollo: *sigh*

Quote:
Phoenix hated gossip: his family had almost crashed and burned.

"I'm sorry Phoenix," Kay Faraday said.


[To the surprise of no one, a familiar musical theme begins playing and Kay Faraday appears out of nowhere.]

Kay: I'm back! Didja miss me?

Edgeworth: Why do you only appear when the fic mentions you, but not us...?

Kay: Eh. Oh, look, I'm on a first-name basis with Mr. Wright all of a sudden!

[Phoenix and Kay talk about Trucy.]
Quote:
Phoenix stared in the mirror and saw the reflection of a lost man. He had a happy family and good friends. It seemed like he just looked away, turned back and everything seemed fine until he blinked. His great friends were moving on with their own lives and his family had been torn.

He was going to get married soon, but he didn't feel the excitement of being a married man. Not because he didn't love Iris anymore, all the issues have made him almost forget the date of his wedding. Right now a wedding wasn't what he wanted: he wanted a miracle or a wish to turn back time.


Speakers: The Management would like to request that no one make any "But the miracle never happen" jokes.

Phoenix: I was actually going to make a joke about how the miracle is the end of the fic.

Quote:
Back to the days where Kristoph was put to justice. Trucy was performing magic tricks and when the pair of them were innocent. He should have told them about their mother right there.


Phoenix: (...come to think of it, I wonder why I didn't tell them.)

Apollo: I still wonder what's up with this AU? It really doesn't make any sense.

[Phoenix angsts. Kay is marginally helpful.]

Kay: It's what I do best!

Quote:
Phoenix went to check his email and found an a message written by Kristoph Gavin.


Phoenix: Yep. Definitely a "what's the worst thing that can happen" checklist.

Apollo: Ugh... I don't even want to know what it'll say.

Quote:
It was tempting to just delete it at first site, but he wanted to see what was written. It could have been just a silly prank or a serious talk.


Phoenix: Oh yes, because Kristoph Gavin, the... Kristoph Gavin would just e-mail me as a "silly prank".

Lana: Does that really make any less sense than me plotting to murder April May and stalking Ema?

Phoenix: ...no, I suppose it doesn't.

Quote:
Avoiding temptation, he opened the email.

Dear Phoenix,
I understand things are hard at the moment. I thought writing you an email would make you relax.


All: ...

Phoenix: *starts laughing*

Quote:
We were very good friends after all.


Phoenix: *continues laughing*

Edgeworth: Wright. We would all appreciate it if you would stay sane.

Quote:
I do miss your frequent visits, asking me the same things over and over again. Annoying as it seemed, it was quite amusing. I am very sorry to hear about your grandchild. She died before she even got a chance to live. What a shame, you would have made an interesting grandfather, but you have a long way to go.


Phoenix: *stops laughing* ...

Apollo: ... (At least he hasn't said anything too bad yet.)

Quote:
I hope you're not treating Apollo too harshly. I looked at him like a son,


Apollo: ...

Ema: Um, Apollo, are you okay?

Apollo: I'm... I'm not fine.

Quote:
we're more of a fatherly figures to him than those good-for-nothing parents combined. Godot is a mad man: he's in no fit state to be a father.

You may be wondering where I get this stuff from, but these things spread like wildfire these days. Let's just say someone has been leaking information deemed... very confidential.

The very same person met me at the day of Thalassa's murder. I gave her a deal; as long as my brother and Apollo were safe from harm, I in return would not danger the public.

You do remember sweet old Dahlia don't you?


Phoenix: I... I thought the fic was just kidding about that.

Edgeworth: Does this mean that chapter six did, in fact, happen after all?

Phoenix: I guess...

Kay: You can't win every time, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I am aware of that.

Quote:
I've met up with a witch called Castilo Yew, and she's managed to rise Dahlia from the dead.


Edgeworth: ...what?

Kay: I would have thought "witch" would be more... metaphorical.

Lana: This is ridiculous.

Apollo: We've noticed that by now, Ms. Skye.

Phoenix: ...

Quote:
The police officers are wasting their time hunting Alita down, for it was Dahlia that brutally murdered Thalassa that night. I'm telling you this, because nobody could ever convict her nor prove it. Nobody would believe this email.


Lana: Unless Mr. Wright didn't delete it and showed it to anyone, really.

Edgeworth: ...comments, Wright?

Phoenix: I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the author brought Dahlia back to life.

Quote:
Nobody said it was simple nor did any one mention it would be this tough.


Ema: What does this line even mean? *munches Snackoos*

Kay: I dunno. Maybe it's describing the fic itself.

Quote:
Meanwhile, lazy raindrops landed wherever they pleased. Lana, dressed in black was the only person walking the streets. The roads where wrapped in inpatient cars and she had just spent the five minutes finding somewhere to cross the road. An umbrella covering her hair as she reached the church. It could have easily have been a miserable Monday, but it was a wet Wednesday.


Lana: Um...

Edgeworth: And this is what happens when scene-setting utterly falls flat.

Quote:
Albert Salsa was standing in the hallway of the church. He smiled and waved his hand. As Lana approached him, he began to rub his hands from the cold.

"Good Morning Albert," Lana greeted. "Didn't expect you to be here before me."

"You made a really bad typo in that email Lana," said Salsa. "You put the 5th of December instead January.


Edgeworth: Oh.

Lana: So it was intentional?

Apollo: That's an odd thing to do on purpose.

Kay: Maybe there's some sort of secret message that the author worked into the fic.

Phoenix: Yes. The message is: "I am insane and should probably be institutionalized."

Quote:
Never mind, we know what you mean. All this careful planning is finally starting to pay off. So don't hit yourself over some stupid typo."

"I'm not."

"My brother is waiting for us," said Salsa. "Is Mike coming too?"

"I'm not sure," Lana replied. "I'm hoping he's gone to sort things out with Ema."

"Very well," Salsa said. "Now let's come in we've got a Christmas wedding to arrange." Salsa opened the door for Lana and the pair of them walked down to the stage. "Brother," Salsa called, "I'm here!"

"I'm coming Albert!"

To Lana's surprise, Salsa's brother didn't sound Jamaican at all. To an even greater surprise, Salsa's brother had white pale skin.


Ema: ...well, it is scientifically possible, but it's really, really rare...

Apollo: And I guess they were raised apart too, since they have different accents...?

Ema: It's also possible for one brother to lose his accent while the other one keeps it.

Quote:
The way Salsa had talked about his brother, Lana expected the two of them to look alike. How wrong was she?

"Good morning, I am Reverend Jack Salsa," his brother said it in a very unconvincing Irish accent.


Ema: And it's possible that one of them is faking his accent. *rolls eyes, munches Snackoos*

Edgeworth: "Salsa" isn't an Irish name any more than it is a Jamaican name.

Kay: Silly Mr. Edgeworth. Are you actually expecting this to make sense?

Edgeworth: *sigh* You'd think I'd've learned by now.

Phoenix: Yes. You'd think.

[Lana arranges the surprise wedding. For some reason, no one has yet pointed out that it's weird and a little creepy.]
Quote:
"To confirm," Jack started reading, "the wedding of Iris and Phoenix Wright will be on Christmas Eve. During the after party, the church will be arranged for the surprise wedding of Ema and Mike Blitz's wedding will take place in Saint Catherine's church on the same day at 11:00 PM. After the ceremony they will be taken straight to the airport to go on their honeymoon."


Phoenix: Oh, that's right. I am getting married.

Edgeworth: You don't sound particularly thrilled.

Phoenix: I get the impression that something horrible will happen at the wedding, actually.

Ema: Something horrible will happen. I'll get married.

[More wedding planning.]
Quote:
December 15th, 2027

It's Christmas in ten days... I should be excited, but I'm not. The rain is starting to turn into icebergs and it's freezing: even with four jumpers on.

My love life currently sucks at the moment. I know many girls like the idea of having around three guys that have a crush on you, but it's not glamorous to me. My ex-boyfriend is still sending me messages and I reply to them. He's apologized and I forgave him. I made out with a friend who made out with his sister, and I suspect my boyfriend is cheating on me with my sister. I know, it's confusing. I still don't understand it.


Ema: I take it I'm writing in my diary or something. *munches Snackoos* Lame.

Apollo: There's no shame in keeping a diary. Er, a journal.

Ema: As I said - lame.

Quote:
I still like my ex and I don't even know why. He embarrassed me, he cheated on me and he's so vain he looks at himself in his iPod's reflection and grins a lot.


Apollo: Why can I see him doing that...?

Ema: I'm pretty sure I have seen him doing that.

Quote:
He drives me nuts. I'm Twenty-Six, I shouldn't be having these stupid crushes anymore.

I love Mike, I really do. He's nice and all, but I think he can be too nice. First few weeks of dating were great but his smoking habit pisses me off. I don't care if it's electric or fake; it's still scientifically smoking. That's just a silly thing though, I can do whatever I want and he'll let me get away with it. Even when I look like a tramp he says I'm sexy.

Though it was since I began sending dirty pictures to my ex that I got suspicions that Mike was cheating on me with my sister, Lana.


Kay: ...wouldn't that mean you were cheating on him anyway?

Lana: I don't think logic has any place here.

Edgeworth: It doesn't.

Quote:
I haven't told Mike because I don't want him to fight with him, so it's better left unsaid. Knowing my ex, he'll most likely leak them or show them to my friends, but I don't care.

The reason I think Mike and Lana are having an affair is because the two of them are always together and instead of ringing me, Lana rings Mike. The two of them are always spending time alone with each other. I asked Mike about it at work and he said they were planning a Christmas present for me.


Phoenix: And how.

Ema: I still think it's really creepy.

Kay: I think we all do.

Quote:
I'm disabling comments on this entry at the moment. I'm not really in a mood for talking right now.


Ema: Wait. Don't tell me this was a blog post?

Lana: So you just made all those sordid details available to the public?

Apollo: Huh.

Quote:
December 20th, 2027

I've been so busy in the past few days. An hour after I wrote the last entry, Mike came in the room and gave me a hug. He talked about our relationship and how I think it could be improved. We both said the same things: no more secrets and no more lies. He bought me a really huge bag of snakoos and we shared them while we were watching documentries. Mike promised that he'd spend much more time with me.

And he was true to his word. We visited Apollo to see if he was okay, he's been having a really bad time lately.


Apollo: Well, that's an understatement.

Kay: At least it's only fictional!

Apollo: That excuse really only works if you don't have to sit here and sift through said fiction.

Quote:
I'm hoping Christmas and Phoenix's wedding will help mend things up a bit. It's not good for him spending hours in jail trying to clear his dad's name. I still text my ex sometimes, just not as much. He asked me for some more pictures but I declined. Fifty pictures are more than enough and being sexy is seriously hard work for me for goodness sake.

I don't think things are going too well with his girlfriend. His girlfriend left prison some months ago and now works as a stripper. The two go rather well together if I do say so myself.

Mike also made a Snakoo sandwhich, in which he made the loaf himself. It was bloody delicious, I could taste the raisins, almonds and honey in the loaf and the awesome taste of the snakoo.


Edgeworth: ...as in the Snackoos were in the sandwich, or the Snackoos were cooked into the bread itself...?

Phoenix: Either way it sounds a little disgusting.

Ema: I think it sounds like it's worth a shot.

Quote:
A great muncher. Sex with Mike has been very good lately.


Lana: This is another blog post, right?

Ema: Um, I think so.

Kay: TMI much, Ema?

Ema: I didn't write this!

Quote:
I haven't even got Mike a present yet. What do you guys think I should get him?

(10 Comments)

Magic_Panties16: SEX!

BOXERS!

THONGS!

SEX TOYS!
Kay_Faraday: Only you Trucy.


Kay: I should have a much cooler username than that!

Edgeworth: I don't think that's the-

Kay: I really don't care, Mr. Edgeworth.

Quote:
Queen_Of_Science Nothing rude please.
Magic_Panties16: How is my brother? Is he okay? Why don't you buy Mike video games, he seems to be the type who likes them.
Queen_Of_Science: He seems fine when I saw him. Thanks for the suggestions.
Magic_Panties16: I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve! My Daddy and Mommy Iris get married and I'll meet Apollo for the first time in ages.

Sucks2be_Maggey: Nice to see things going well for you Ema.
Queen_Of_Science:Thanks Maggey. How are things with your family?
Sucks2be_Maggey: They're very good. Working at McDonalds at the moment. Dick still has to bring Copper into work sometimes, but not as much now.
Queen_Of_Science: That's good Maggey!


Lana: It's like the fic can't decide what kind of format it wants to be in.

Phoenix: It could be worse. You missed the really long MSN conversations.

Quote:
December 23rd, 2027

Tomorrow is Phoenix's wedding. I'm really happy that Phoenix has made up with Apollo again.


Phoenix: But of course we don't actually get to see this.

Apollo: I'm actually kind of grateful for that.

Quote:
Mike said at that Phoenix announced on the stag night that he's a lawyer again, but he's not working until after his honeymoon. Even greater news. I'm going to be one of the bridesmaids with Maya, Pearl and Trucy.

But why are Lana and Mike packing my stuff into a limosine?

(4 Comments)

Sucks2be_Maggey: That's weird.
Queen_Of_Science : I know!
Sucks2be_Maggey: It's good to see Mr. Wright back on track again though.
Queen_Of_Science: It is!


Ema: I guess the whole "try not to question anything too much" extends even into the fic.

Edgeworth: This is surreal.

Kay: It could be worse.

Edgeworth: I'm afraid to find out how.

[Weddings! There is a lot of text here and we are going to skip all of it.]

Kay: Bad Management. Lazy Management!

Speakers: You're not even supposed to be in here!

Quote:
"You two are looking rather smart today," Mike told the pair of them.

"Thank you," Pearl said with a smile on her face. She held onto Wocky's arm in pride.

"Especially you Wocky," added Mike. "I mean I can't believe I'm seeing you dressed so smart."

"Yeah," yawned Wocky. "Cody's got a fancy dress party tonight so wearing this is going to be convenient."

"Oh really?" Mike asked. "Who are you going as?"

"I'm going as... uhm... Sailor Moon's boyfriend," Wocky replied with a shrug.

"Tuxedo Mask!" Pearl snapped. "We were watching Sailor Moon since 3 O'Clock this morning and you're forgetting his name already. I've showed you the pictures about a thousand times..."


Kay: ...is he cosplaying at a wedding?

Phoenix: That isn't even the strangest thing that's happened all fic, though.

Kay: Yeah, I know.

Lana: I don't, but I don't think I want to.

Ema: Yeah, you don't.

Quote:
"Sorry Pearl," Wocky muttered. "You know I'm not a morning person."

Mike chuckled, then said to Pearl, "I take it that you will dressed up as Sailor Moon!"

Pearl nodded.

"That's good then."

"At least all I have to do when I get home is but then white shades on, that long hat and a cloak," Wocky thought. "Pearl's got her costume at my house."

"You two will be enjoying yourselves."

"Would you ever marry Ema?" Pearl asked. It was a simple question, but one that blew him away. The words were stuck in throat like a door unwilling to open with the right stared at Mike asking, "you wouldn't marry Ema?"

"I'm just nervous about the thought of marriage,"Mike lied.


Phoenix: Does this count as dramatic irony?

Edgeworth: If that's what you want to call something that gives me a headache.

Kay: Doesn't most of the stuff in this fic give you a headache?

Edgeworth: I think I've developed chronic migraines since this fic started.

Quote:
Lana watched her friend tip-toe
Down the aisle,
While petals curl alive
While squirrels peek inside.

Rejoice butterfly~
Wear your flames in the winter sky~

Glitter written on a wedding dress
Blending with her flesh.
Iris is marrying a phoenix by heart and soul.

Lana will take away her light.
She's the witch hunting in her sister's name.
Her vengeance takes flight!
Lana wishes
They are prepared for evening pride,
For the red bridesmaid will be another bride.


Apollo: ...well, that's the end of the chapter.

Ema: Wait, seriously? It ended with a poem?

Lana: A bad poem, at that.

[The lights come back on.]

Edgeworth: At least we can leave now.

Phoenix: And this is the second-to-last part of the sporking, right?

Edgeworth: Yes. *sigh* Two more chapters of this, and maybe I'll be allowed to take a break.

Apollo: That doesn't seem very likely, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: No, it doesn't... but after this, sporkings might start slowing down again.

Speakers: Don't you dare wish a relapse of the Dark Age of No Sporking.

Edgeworth: Don't tell me they're actually calling it that.

Speakers: Uh, no, but...

Kay: Whatever! Let's go! *smoke bombs away*

Edgeworth: It would not kill you to leave normally for once!

Lana: Speaking of leaving normally...

Ema: Yeah, let's go. Come on, Apollo.

[And so our sporkers leave. Only one part left! Wish them luck!]

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