Refreshing like a spring breeze!
Gender: Female
Location: Engarde Mansion
Rank: Suspect
Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2014 1:07 am
Posts: 16
Today's Spork: Taste the RainbowRating:
Just...no. One for bad grammar, one for OOCness, and one final Sahwit for the entire concept. I would have 4, but it's also kind of funny how bad this is, so I took one off for laughter.
Today's sporkers are:
Ugh...I don't want to be here again!
I had hoped to never return.
Cheer up, guys! It won't be
that bad!
We meet today's sporkers in the usual sporking theater. Management has already started the fanfiction. Phoenix sits, sweating profusely, a sense of dread in the pit of his stomach.Quote:
TASTE THE RAINBOW
Maya: So this is about Skittles?
Phoenix: I hope so.
Edgeworth: Something tells me it will not be that simple.
Quote:
Working late again, I just seem to have too much work that needs to get done.
Phoenix: ...who is the narrator?
Maya: Beats me.
Edgeworth: I imagine it would be you, Wright, considering I would never complain about the amount of work I have to do.
Phoenix: (I don't complain that much!)
Quote:
Looking around me office, getting distracted very easily, I suddenly notice the time. 1:27 am.
"Really...." i thought to my self
Maya: Lookin' around me office, all by me self, cookin' up a vat of stew and drinkin' rum...
Phoenix: What are you going on about?
Maya: You sound like a pirate here! "Looking around me office."
Quote:
"How the hell am I going to get home"
Edgeworth: I'm sure there are some buses that run this late. And you could always walk.
Quote:
I hit my head down on my desk and slowly started to fall asleep
Entering this dream land slowly, peace and quiet....until...
Phoenix: Did I just slam my head into my desk? Why would I do that?
Maya: Ooh, the suspense is killing me! What happens next?
Quote:
*BANG*
All...
Edgeworth: *softly mutters* bang, he shot me down, bang bang, I hit the ground...
Maya: What were you saying just now, Mr. Edgeworth?
Phoenix: Who cares!? Was I just shot!?
Quote:
My office door thrown open, all can see s a dark figure walking my way kind of swaying but that could just be my vision. My heart rate increasing rapidly.
Phoenix: All can see s? What's s?
Maya: Maybe it's the name of the murderer!
Edgeworth: By all, does it just mean you, or are other people present?
Quote:
"What the hell are yoooooou doing here so damn late MR. Wright?" Miles said
Phoenix: Isn't this my office, though? Why would it be weird for me to be in my office, even if it's late. In fact, Edgeworth, what are you doing there?
Edgeworth: From the sound of it, I appear to be intoxicated.
Quote:
Then I let out a sigh of relief to know it was only Miles. Strangly I was happy to see him right now or it could just be im happy its not some murderer or worse, maya.
Edgeworth:...pardon?
Maya: Are you saying I'm worse than a murderer? That's not nice, Nick!
Phoenix: Huh. So fic me is in character!
Maya: *huff*
Quote:
"Well if you must know I was working" I started to say
Edgeworth: Working on what? Giving yourself a concussion?
Quote:
Stopped because he didn't seem like he cared really all that much. He was busy looking around in my office.
Edgeworth: It appears that fic me is in character, too.
Phoenix: Hey, now!
Quote:
"So, like, are you just going to stare at me or are you going to talk" Miles began
Phoenix: But I just talked to you. What more do you want?
Maya: He's obviously waiting for you to ask about the weather.
Quote:
I watched him as he sat down on my white leather couch. I wanted to talk but didn't know what to say really I was still in a great amount of shock about everything that just happened with in the 5 minute time frame. Miles was sitting with his right ankle over his left knee, arms spread across the back of the couch.
Maya: You know, Mr. Edgeworth, I can't see you being in a position like that. Even if you were drunk, I still think you would be all Edgeworthy.
Edgeworth: And what would being "Edgeworthy" entail?
Maya: Being sophisticated. Crossed legs, straight back, hands in lap.
Quote:
"So, umm Edgeworth... do you want to explain what you are doing here, in my office, at 1:42...in the fucking morning...and why do I have the feeling you have been drinkin?" I wondered
Maya: Woah, Nick, language!
Quote:
"HAHAHAHA soo funny and cute Wright!!!" Miles busted out
Phoenix: Busted out of what?
Edgeworth: That's the least of our concerns. That statement gives me a bad feeling about what's to come.
Quote:
I couldn't help but to smile after that. Then there was that silence again, Miles just looking at his nails on his right hand.
"So are you going to answer my question...questions?" I began to ask again
"Phoenix, ok, we both know what is gonna happen at the end of this wanna be conversation so why don't we pretend we had this conversation ok?" Miles said
Phoenix: Oh no.
Maya: *giggles*
Quote:
I was in shock...did really know what to say after that.
Phoenix: Please tell me that what I knew what to say was, "No, thank you."
Quote:
"So I why don't you get your sexy ass over here on your knees and do what you do best, huh? You will be happy I will be estatic, it's a win win situation right Wright? HAHA" Miles laughed at the end
Maya: *still giggling, but it's escalating*
Edgeworth: Is this implicating that we have had sexual relations before?
Phoenix: I think so. Otherwise, how would you know I was good at this sort of thing?
Quote:
"WHAAAAT!!!!!!!! Whoa ummm, wait Miles, what?" I was in so much shock
"Come on Phoenix, you know you want to" still trying to persuade
Maya: We have some blurred lines going on here, don't we?
Edgeworth: Pardon?
Quote:
I do have to admit though, the cocky attitude is really sexy and is turning me on I thought
Phoenix: Cocky is right.
Quote:
"Miles...its just...this is..."
Next thing I knew Miles got up and was working his way over to me
"Umm miles...MILES...What are you do-"
Phoenix: Please no.
Edgeworth: Seconded.
Quote:
This crazy sensation rushed through my body starting at my toes working its way slowly to my head. I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip. This shouldn't be happening, not here, but its just so...so great.
Edgeworth: I didn't know my walk had such an effect on you, Wright.
Phoenix: It doesn't! And this is lying!
Quote:
"So...was I right, was that what it was leading to? Well I was kind of hoping for it to happen the other way around but this works too." Miles began to talk
Maya: *still singing* I know you want it, I know you want it...
Phoenix: What are you singing, Maya?
Maya: Oh, nothing.
Quote:
Right after all that just happened he pulled me in to him by my jacket and just started to kiss me passionately. He started to push the stuff of my desk.
*bang* *crash* *kling* *clash*
Phoenix: What is he pushing off my desk that could make so much noise?
Quote:
All you can hear is crap falling all over the place, I slowly lean on my desk still making out with Miles. After him starting to undress me I suddenly snapped back and relized what time it was and that I still had some work that needed to be done. I pulled away rushfully.
Edgeworth: "Pulled away rushfully?" What a strange way to pull away.
Maya: Relized? Is that like "relished?"
Phoenix: No. Relished would mean I put cut up pickle and put it on the time.
Quote:
"Miles...MILES!...MILES YOU NEED TO STOP!"
Phoenix: Oh no. Is this one of
those fics?
Quote:
I yelled trying to make miles get off of me but all he did was giggle while he kissed my starting from my neck working his way down to my belly button. Knowing I didn't want to I pushed him off of me, I did.
"Aww phoenix, now what did you go do that for I was working my was back down there for you, I left your zipper down for a reason you know."
Edgeworth: When did I unzip you?
Phoenix: Who knows.
Quote:
"Look, its really late, I still have work I need to get done and I kind of need a ride home if that...is...possible?" I said trying to change the subject and get him off of me"
Phoenix: At least I'm being sensible.
Maya: Actually, no you're not. You're asking an intoxicated friend to take you home. Drinking and driving is dangerous, you know.
Phoenix: Oh, yeah. For some reason I forgot he was drunk.
Edgeworth: As if I would even contemplate doing anything like this while sober.
Quote:
"Any...ANYTHING for you baby, lets go!" He was really excited
Edgeworth: If I may point out two major problems throughout this fanfiction that have bothered me. First, the author always feels the need to emphasize how things were said. That, and the constant use of only one "its".
Phoenix: You seducing me isn't a problem?!?!
Edgeworth: Grammar is different from plot, Wright.
Quote:
After asking him to drive me home I really thought about it, how can he drive me home when it is raining and it seems like he has been drinking...HOLY HELL WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST GET MY ASS INTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Phoenix: There is way too much emphasis on that last statement. And I would never speak like that!
Maya: At least you realized the main problem.
Quote:
As I walked down the hall with Miles, I wanted to take the elevator but I knowing how much Miles hates them I just kept walking.
*BING*
Maya: Silly fic. Nobody likes Bing.
Edgeworth: I don't think it's talking about the search engine, Maya.
Quote:
Strang hearing the elevator doors open, then I noticed Miles walking in so I went in after him.
Edgeworth: I would never be intoxicated enough to go into an elevator. This fic is ridiculous.
Quote:
"What are you doing, you hate elevators, why are we-" I asked
Again being cut off, Miles started to kiss me. What the hell is going on here, Miles is never like this, he never drinks to the point where he is drunk.
The elevator came to a stop.
*BING*
Maya: I'm proud of you, Mr. Edgeworth. Getting over your fear is a step in the right direction. Who knew Wright would be the one to help?
Quote:
Miles walked out as if nothing happened, he just left me all confused about the whole situation. We walked to his nice red sports car in silence. He drove pretty fast, thank god there wasn't a lot of cars out at this time. It took about 20 minutes to get to my apartment.
Phoenix: I would never have let drunk Edgeworth drive. Do I have a death wish here?
Quote:
Once we got there, we just sat in the car. I didn't want to leave, and I also didn't want him to drive home like this. After another 5 minutes of silence between us I asked him to come and stay the night. We walked to my place, there was a little bit of small talk walking.
Phoenix: Well, I'm being somewhat sensible.
Quote:
"OK Miles here are some blankets and a pillow so you can sleep out here on the couch ok."
"Aww come on Phoenix, let me sleep in your bed with you"
"Miles, look you just had too much to drink to night, I don't know why and I'm sure you cant even remember why your self."
Phoenix: Umm...what?
Maya: Why your self what? What did you self do?
Edgeworth: Forget all logic, apparently.
[Phoenix goes to his room, undresses, lights some candles, and proceeds to masturbate. He hears noises coming from where Edgeworth is.All:...
Phoenix: Well, at least I'm not taking advantage of Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: Actually, Wright, it seems that if anything I'm trying to take advantage of you.
Quote:
*BAM*
Maya: Were you shot this time, or is it a fluke?
Quote:
My damn door flew open, I thought how many times is this really going to happen with in a 24 hour period. When I really looked at Miles he was wearing this skanky wanna be cat woman out fit.
Maya: *Laughing hysterically*
Phoenix and Edgeworth:...
Quote:
It was all leather, short shorts that shaped his ass nicely. The shorts also had cuts and slashes in them, the jacket was tight and low v cut that zipped up to where a girls boobs would be. I also noticed hand cuffs on his side along with a whip in each hand.
Phoenix: Where did he get those things?!?!
Edgeworth: Apparently from somewhere in your place.
Phoenix: But I don't own anything like that, unless you were wearing it all under your regular clothes.
Quote:
Now really WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON I MEAN GOD DAMN IT! THIS IS JUST NOT WRIGHT…I MEAN RIGHT……………….FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Maya: *chuckles a little* Wow, Nick, you're really loud and obnoxious in this fic.
Edgeworth: Oh, you mean he's in character?
Phoenix: *glares*
Quote:
"Its Miles Bitch!
Guess whose back, back, back, back again, 'gain, 'gain, Edgeys back, back, back, tella friend, friend, friend"
*Woosh…SNAP* *Whoosh….SNAP*
Maya and Phoenix: *Crying with laughter*
Edgeworth: *mortified*
Quote:
As he was sing those gay fucked up things people call songs, the god awful dance he was doing did not help the situation at all. With him moving his head left to right while biting his bottom lip and moving his arms in up and down motions. Oh and on top of hat he was swaying his hips back and forth. Now I am concerned on levels.
Phoenix: *wiping tears out of his eyes* On top of hat? You have nice balance, Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: That is not me! I would never!
Quote:
Randomly, Obsessed by Mariha KArrie started to play. I was scared to look at what miles was doing, but I looked anyway.
Phoenix: Who is Mariha KArrie?
Maya: I think it means "Mariah Carey".
Quote:
At first all I could see was him bending over, but then he slowly got up and turned around.
Edgeworth: Please...this can't be happening...
Quote:
"Why you so obsessed with me! Boy I wanna know! Liein that your sexing me! When everybody knows! Blah, de-dah!" Miles kept singing
Maya: Wow, Edgeworth, you're really getting into it!
Phoenix: Yeah, you could go platinum overnight!
Maya: You should have been in The Gavinners! All the ladies would swoon!
Quote:
With in all that dancing and singing, Miles was stripping off his jacket…WHOA WAIT IS THAT REALLY…….WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE THE HELL DID HE GET THAT???
All: Get what?
Quote:
"MILES! MILES STOP RIGHT NOW DAMN IT"
I didn't feel that I really did anything.
Phoenix: At this point, nothing could save him.
Edgeworth: Sadly, I have to agree with you there.
Phoenix yells some more at Edgeworth. Nothing spectacular. Miles doesn't know the words and says, "Ok OK well for starters…its call EXOTIC DANCING you FUCK face" They kiss and Phoenix says, "ok god my nipple." Maya: Wow, Mr. Edgeworth. You have a dirty mouth too!
Edgeworth: Yes, it needs washed out with soap. While you're at it, my eyes could use some bleach, too.
Quote:
*BANG*
Phoenix: How many times will doors be banged down?!?!
Maya: It's the door apocalypse! Hide your doors! Quick!
Quote:
"OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK! HONESTLY HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES IS MY DOORS GOING TO SLAM OPEN! I MEAN SHIT! COME ON …" I yelled
Edgeworth: I think you yelling is a given.
Quote:
I stopped for just a second and look over miles body and noticed…holy shit fuck…larry…larry buutts….LARRY FUCKING BUTTS
Phoenix: Now
that is something I never want to see.
Edgeworth: He is the last person I want to have see me in such a compromising position.
Phoenix: And why is that?
Edgeworth: He'd tell everyone about it. My career would be over.
Quote:
"Damn it larry what the flying fick are you doing here" I began
"Well I started to question my sexuality and I started to watch you and…oh my god…Miles? Miles… really?
Edgeworth: As if he has any reason to be so condescending to me right now.
Phoenix: We should be laughing at him.
Maya: Wait, if he was watching you guys, wouldn't he know about Mr. Edgeworth's antics?
Quote:
well any who, I noticed I have not been hard with the whole hour this shit has been going on I mean damn it could turn on any fucking girl but not me…this is wrong very wrong!." Larry started to explain
Phoenix: Good to know that his sexuality is now confirmed because of Miles being creepy.
Maya: Personally, I wouldn't find Mr. Edgeworth acting this way very exciting. Larry is wrong.
Phoenix: Because Larry is ever right?
*All nod in unison*
Quote:
"Larry…then how do you explain all the white stuff all over your face huh? Dude I think its time to come out of the closet you fagglet!"
Maya: Such beautiful. Much poetry. Wow. 10/10.
Quote:
"News flash DUDE I just walked out of the fuckin closet, and you sick fuck of a friend its powdered donuts" Larry got all defensive
Phoenix: Are we supposed to believe that Larry doesn't know what the slang term for announcing homosexuality is?
Maya and Edgeworth: Yes.
*All nod in unison*
Quote:
"…that's where they went….WHAT THE HELL LARRY!"
"YOUR KILLING ME LARRY" Miles busted out
Everyone was suddenly silent and looked at Miles…
Edgeworth: Now we're getting into a semi-realistic situation.
Maya: Of course he ate your powdered donuts. I would eat your powdered donuts. They're so good!
Phoenix: (You've done it before. You'd do it again. You and your twenty stomachs...)
Quote:
"Where did that come from?" Larry and I both asked
"Well I felt left out of the conversation so I thought I would…you know…jump in and all…ok…sorry…im just a fuck up I get it….IM SORRY WILL YOU JUST STOP YELLING AT ME FUCK!"
Edgeworth: Why am I so rude all of a sudden?
Phoenix: As if you weren't already being rude?
Edgeworth: It's just that they were not yelling at me. I have no reason to be so emotional.
Maya: Weren't you drunk, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: Yes, but even then, I wouldn't act this way.
Quote:
"Miles…no one was yelling at you…" I said softly
"Oh…my bad" Miles apologized
Phoenix: Because what you just said could be taken back with a simple "Oops."
Edgeworth: As if I would ever say, "Oh, my bad."
Quote:
"Larry, look I get it but I would appreciate it if you would just-" I Tried to say
I was cut off by…another…god…damn…BANG…OF…ONE…OF MY FUCKING DOORS!!!!!!!!!!!
Maya: What a TWIST!
Phoenix: My poor doors. All destroyed.
Quote:
"OH WHAT THE HELLL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!?!" Francheska came out of no where
Phoenix: Francheska? Do they mean Franziska?
Edgeworth: It would appear so. Fantastic. The one other person I wouldn't want to see at this point in time.
Quote:
"NO, NO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY SHIT HOLE THAT I CALL HOME?!?!" I exclaimed
Phoenix: Hey, my place isn't that bad!
Maya: Well, it's not that good, either.
Phoenix: *Frowns*
Quote:
This is getting a bit ridiculous with all the FUCKING doors being thrown open and now my damn patio door is thrown open…by FRANCHESKA!
Phoenix: I agree with fic me.
Edgeworth: Why can't they get her name right? On top of all the grammatical errors and out of character people, now they can't even get Franziska's name...
Quote:
"Why the hell are you here?" I asked
"Well going to be honest I was going to steel your evidence, but it looks like…well that's not going to happen not is it?" She replied
Phoenix: Steel my evidence? I didn't know Franziska was a blacksmith.
Maya: It appears that on top of whipping, she can make weapons, too. She's very dangerous, huh?
Quote:
"Ok that's it! I just want to have gay but sex with this ass hole Miles, ALONE! We are not having a 3 some or 5 some! Got that!?!
Phoenix: I'd rather have a 0 some at this point.
Maya: So, nothing at all?
Phoenix: Actually, make that a -1 some. I'd like to disappear right about now.
Quote:
I swear to you the next person that comes in to this fucking room is going to get murdered!" I yelled
Maya: But Nick, who would defend you?
Phoenix: Edgeworth, of course.
Edgeworth: I'd be a witness. And you would be guilty. That's too much of a risk; I'd rather prosecute.
Phoenix: (Nice to see you care, Edgeworth).
Quote:
*BAM*
Phoenix: Oh. My. GOD. Do I even have doors to break down at this point?
Quote:
*BROOOOOOM ROOOOOOOM ROOOOOOOOOOM*
"heey paaaaaaaaaaaals what the fuck!" Poor gumshooe
Maya: Detective Gumshoe!
Phoenix: My first thought was Desiree DeLite, actually. Gumshoe wouldn't ride a motorcycle. Does he even have a car?
Edgeworth: If he did, I could imagine it making sounds like that.
Quote:
"Dick you better run for your mutha fuckin life !" I went after him
Phoenix: Of all the people to murder, a detective? And a friend at that?
Maya: Well, at least your threat isn't empty.
Quote:
*BRRROOOOOOOOM ROOOOOOOOOOOOM ROOOOOOOM*
"No Phoenix not a chainsaw! We can work this out cant we! SHIT!" Gumshoe went running
Edgeworth: You own a chainsaw?
Phoenix: No, I don't. I must have gotten it from the same place you got your outfit and the accessories.
Quote:
Toooooo be FUCKING continued…..
The lights come back on, and our sporkers are left confused, tired, and generally upset.Phoenix: I'm glad that's over. And here I was, thinking that something horrible would happen.
Edgeworth: Something did happen, Wright.
Phoenix: Yeah, but not to me. That was all you.
Maya: That was a ride from start to finish!
Phoenix: Hey...wait a minute...did they ever mention rainbows or tasting them?
Maya: No. However, some Skittles sound delicious right now. Nick will you take me to get some?
-xx-
My first sporking. This fic had me cracking up throughout. Very strange but entertaining.
As for my sporkers, I went with the main three, mostly because I felt that I would be most comfortable with them. I don't think Edgeworth is perfectly in character, but I hope I did okay. Let me know how I did, please!