You thought I was going to show you it.

Maya: Wow! What an exciting title!

Edgeworth: I don’t think I understand their choice in capitalization.

Apollo: It looks like they had an accident with the Caps Lock key.

Gumshoe: A conspiracy about Mr. Edgeworth? I wonder what that’ll be about!

Edgeworth: Considering this theatre’s track record, I doubt it will make sense or be thought out in advance.



Apollo: Well, judging by the author’s name, we’re in for quite an experience.

Gumshoe: He’s not lying, pal! It looks like he can type!

Edgeworth: Indeed. However, it’s a shame that he can’t type coherent sentences.



Gumshoe: Hey, this disclaimer looks like it’s written pretty well. I don’t see any mistakes or anything!

Maya: Wow! You’re right! Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Edgeworth: I doubt it. This is probably an attempt to lure us into a false sense of security. I assume that when the real fic begins, the grammar quality will drop like a brick.



Edgeworth: See what I mean?

Apollo: Don’t you have better things to do than look at old case files?

Maya: No, it says “casas”! That’s Spanish for houses! Edgeworth is looking over his houses!

Gumshoe: Wow! I didn’t know you had more than one house, Mr. Edgeworth!

Apollo: With his salary, I wouldn’t be too surprised.

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous! I only own one house!

Apollo: Sure, but I bet it’s larger than the rest of ours.



Gumshoe: Look! There I am!

Edgeworth: ...Forcing the door open, instead of waiting for me to answer, apparently.

Apollo: At least he knocked on the door before tearing it off its hinges.



Maya: There’s been a CRIME?! That’s even more dangerous than a regular crime!

Apollo: Did anyone else notice that Detective Gumshoe was just talking to himself?

Gumshoe: Wow, I was! Do I have awesome cloning powers in this fic?

Edgeworth: Either that, or this author doesn’t know the difference between each character.



Maya: It looks like they made a mistake with their quotation marks says Maya.



Apollo: Since when are our cases not mysteries as well?

Maya: But Apollo, this isn’t a mystery! This is a MYSTERY!

Gumshoe: Hmm… Maybe it’s an acronym… But what would it stand for?

Maya: ...Maybe it stands for Massive… uhh… Yellow… Strange… umm…

Apollo: Be careful, Maya. You shouldn’t waste all of your mental energy on this ridiculousness.



Apollo: Then how do they know the crime even happened?

Edgeworth: Well, they heard a gunshot, but that could have simply been someone hunting.



Gumshoe: Whoa, I didn’t know you had whitewall tires, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: I do not! This fic is just making things up as it goes along!

Maya: Yeah, I’ve seen his car, and honestly, the wheels are pretty boring.

Edgeworth: ...Well that was somewhat rude.



Apollo: This plan seems poorly thought out and completely pointless.

Edgeworth: Perhaps they’re testing to see if she can fit through the hole. But I have no idea why they would bother with that…



Edgeworth: Why does SHE have to be in this?

Apollo: Because all security ladies are Wendy Oldbag, apparently.

Edgeworth: I suppose that would explain why I keep running into her.

Gumshoe: Now that’s just ridiculous, pal! Maggey was a security guard at the prosecutor’s office, and she’s female!

Edgeworth: I doubt the author was taking actual facts into account when writing that statement.



Edgeworth: That was needlessly dramatic.

Gumshoe: I don’t know, pal. That’s about how you sounded when you saw her at that hotel… and at the embassy, according to Kay!

Maya: Really?! Man, I wish I could’ve seen that!

Edgeworth: …



Apollo: Edgey-poop?

Maya: That's hilarious! I’ll have to tell Nick about this!

Edgeworth: Please don’t.



Gumshoe: What? She’s not even gonna let me investigate?!

Maya: No, you’re asking if you can invest in the crime scene! She’s trying to stop you from buying the graveyard’s stocks!

Apollo: Do graveyards even have stocks?

Edgeworth: I seriously doubt it.



Maya: Whoa, guys! Language!

Gumshoe: Hey, I’d never curse like that in public, pal!

Edgeworth: I doubt the author cares about your objections.

Apollo: Am I the only one who noticed the “oldhag” spelling?

Edgeworth: I’d prefer to not comment on that.



Edgeworth: ‘No way Jose’? Seriously?

Gumshoe: Hmm… Isn’t some part of this plan illegal?

Apollo: I think this whole fic should be illegal.



Maya: Man, poor Phoenix.

Apollo: I can see a very awkward conversation in his future.



Gumshoe: Doesn’t she already call you that, pal?

Edgeworth: I believe she meant “call using a telephone”.

Gumshoe: Oh, well that wasn’t very clear! He should have used a comma there!

Apollo: I don’t think the author knows that commas exist.



Edgeworth: Didn’t Detective Gumshoe already tell me the body had disappeared?

Maya: Maybe you just forgot! You are getting kind of old.

Edgeworth: ...I’m not nearly as old as you seem to think I am.



Apollo: I honestly have no clue what Gumshoe is trying to say up there.

Maya: I think he might be commenting on the lack of evidence at the scene?

Edgeworth: That entire sentence was very poorly structured.



Maya: Well, that escalated quickly!

Edgeworth: How exactly did this man get into the crime scene without anyone noticing?

Gumshoe: Maybe he snuck in through that hole in the fence!

Edgeworth: And no one was guarding that hole?

Apollo: Honestly, I’d be more surprised if someone was.



Apollo: “Butz”? Really?

Edgeworth: This person shouldn’t be called an assassin, because assassins kill people for political purposes.

Apollo: Do you really think someone who intentionally misspelled “but” cares about the dictionary definition of “assassin”.



Apollo: “Buster”?

Gumshoe: “Edge”?

Maya: Wow, this story is getting really “edgy”!

Apollo: ...Was that really necessary?

Maya: Of course it was!



Apollo: Well… That’s one way to put it. It’s makes a complete mess of the sentence structure, but it gets the point across.



Gumshoe: What! There’s no way Mr. Edgeworth would do something like that, pal!

Edgeworth: What are “innocent bystanders” even doing here? This is a crime scene!

Maya: But there isn’t a victim! For all we know, a crime didn’t even happen!

Apollo: ...I think I’ve lost track of what’s going on…



All: …

Apollo: ...Honestly, I could see this actually happening.

Maya: Yeah, I bet that’s what Nick would do if he was about to be shot!



Apollo: Looks like they held the shift button down for a little too long there.

Gumshoe: Hold on. When is this supposed to be taking place? Because Ema didn’t have Snackoos when I knew her.

Edgeworth: I was wondering that too. However, it seems like the author simply slammed the games together without putting much thought into it.

Speakers: The management must remind Miles Edgeworth that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited.

Edgeworth: How else could I have answered that question?

Speakers: You could have simply made a witty remark about the author’s intelligence and moved on. Like this. “The answer is simple. It’s because this author isn’t the sharpest sandwich in the picnic!” Wait, no… That’s not right.

Apollo: So THAT’S why you call us in to mock these fics instead of doing it yourself!

Speakers: Quiet. This next part is probably important.



Apollo: I could really hear the urgency in his voice.



Maya: Wow, that must have been a really powerful throw!

Gumshoe: Maybe she had a sling! Like that David guy!

Apollo: Are you saying this has turned into Ema and Goliath?

Maya: It should! That would probably be way more interesting.



Apollo: Yeah, that’s about how I feel right now.

Edgeworth: Did she just decide to leave her post? Was anyone worried that the security guard wasn’t guarding anything?

Gumshoe: Wait a minute… This is a normal graveyard, right? Why is there a security guard standing outside?

Maya: Maybe someone important is buried here! Like an important leader!

Edgeworth: ...Or the author just doesn’t care.



Edgeworth: She went to murder someone in her easily recognizable work uniform?

Maya: Like when you said Will Powers went to kill someone in his Steel Samurai costume?

Edgeworth: ...Touchè.



Maya: Man, that must have been a really fast limo!

Apollo: Either that or it took Gumshoe forever to take out his handcuffs.

Gumshoe: Hey! I might not be the best officer on the force, but I can at least make an arrest, pal!



Maya: What was that? Was Mr. Gumshoe communicating telekinetically there?

Gumshoe: Hmm… Maybe I was using facial expressions and body language!

Edgeworth: That would explain the use of “do” instead of “go”.



Apollo: Gumshow?

Maya: Is that an event where people show off various flavors of gum?

Edgeworth: Perhaps the author was desperately trying to make some odd joke about gun shows?

Apollo: I think it’s more likely that they have no idea how to type.



Gumshoe: Damon Gant? Shouldn’t he be in jail?

Maya: Maybe he managed to escape from prison?

Edgeworth: ...Let’s not dwell on that matter.



Apollo: The first Chapter is over already? Hopefully it was never actually “continuing”’d.

Speakers: Sorry, but I’m afraid your hopes won’t be answered this time!

Apollo: That figures.

Maya: This is the exact same message as before! They’re not even going to spice up their disclaimers!

Apollo: It’s fine. This story is spicing up my life plenty already.



Gumshoe: Wow! Even the author thinks this chapter is bad!



Edgeworth: Da Mong Ant?

Maya: I guess the author was a little too excited about hitting that space bar…



Edgeworth: They put the prison that close to the graveyard?

Gumshoe: Maybe this is actually where dead prisoners are buried?

Maya: I bet it’s actually supposed to stop prisoners from escaping! This way, if they try to dig out, they’ll just run into people's graves!

Edgeworth: That seems like a terrible idea.

Apollo: This fic was a terrible idea.



Edgeworth: ...They opened the cell window?

Gumshoe: Does it open from the outside or something?

Apollo: Why does this prison even have a window? Shouldn’t it have prison bars?

Maya: Maybe they just grabbed the bars and pulled them right out of the window!

Edgeworth: Either way, this prison is extremely unsafe.



Edgeworth: ...What? He’s in prison! How is he still the chief?

Apollo: Maybe no one in the police force was qualified to take his place.

Maya: I don’t see why Damon Gant won’t testify. He doesn’t have anything to lose!

Apollo: I think he’s just trying to be a jerk.



Edgeworth: Police… Tank?

Gumshoe: We don’t even have a police tank, pal! ...I’m glad I get to be part of a chase scene though!

Apollo: Why would you chase a limousine with a tank anyway? Aren’t they, you know, slow?

Maya: Why does that matter? Tanks are just automatically cooler than other vehicles!



Apollo: Like Wendy Oldbag would ever die.

Maya: She’d probably just rant angrily at the Grim Reaper until he gave up and left!



Gumshoe: Hey! Why couldn’t I drive the tank?!

Edgeworth: How did you even get this tank? It would have taken too long to retrieve it from the police station.

Apollo: Maybe the police station is right next to the graveyard too… Along with the Courthouse and the City Hospital.



Apollo: I don’t really understand what’s happening here.

Maya: It looks like Gumshoe just drove his tank through our office for no reason.

Gumshoe: Hey! I’d never do something like that, pal! This fic is just a big mess!



Edgeworth: Was that his plan from the beginning? Because if so, it wasn’t a very good plan.

Gumshoe: Yeah! That building could have fallen on innocent people!

Apollo: Besides, Wendy Oldbag and her driver definitely would have been injured in that crash. Are they even still alive?

Maya: Forget them! What about me! Am I dead now!

Apollo: At least if you are, you don’t have to worry about your personality getting completely destroyed.



Gumshoe: Redd White? Shouldn’t he be in jail?

Apollo: They probably just let him leave whenever he wants.

Edgeworth: If Damon Gant can serve as the police chief while in prison, then I’m sure Redd White can go out for a leisurely drive whenever he wants to.

Maya: At this rate, he’s probably still the president of Bluecorp!



Apollo: This is stupid.



Apollo: ...This is incredibly stupid.

Gumshoe: Shouldn’t we be investigating instead of arguing with this guy?

Edgeworth: Apparently no one in this fic has the common sense required for such a logical deduction.



Maya: Wow, Mr. Edgeworth. You’re not very good at making threats!

Edgeworth: Apparently I’m not competent enough to understand the judicial system, so I think we have other things to worry about.



Maya: Wow, he caved pretty fast!

Apollo: Wait… But how could they blame him for the crime? He was in jail at the time, right?

Maya: I don’t know… Based on some of the reasons they’ve arrested me, I wouldn’t be that surprised.



Gumshoe: Wait… The guard was outside the window of the cell?

Apollo: I’ve honestly lost track of what’s happening in this fic.

[spoiler]"excuse me im a prosecutor can you please let us out of prison so I can take this guy to detention center to testify and then we go to court" asked edgewhort

"you cant fool me CRIMINAL SCUM" said security guard who was security guard from detention center background in phoenix wright games "if you're a prosecutor then WHERES YOOUR BADGE”

"OH DANG" said edgeworth and he remembered the events of this mourning:
[/quote]


Edgeworth: Has this guard really never seen me before?

Maya: Well, he does spend a lot of time in the Detention Center. Maybe he’s never actually been outside?

Gumshoe: Wow, that’s really sad, pal!

Apollo: Shouldn’t he be wondering how three people got into a prison cell without him noticing?

Gumshoe: Wait a minute… Can’t I just show him my police badge?

Edgeworth: Clearly this scene wasn’t very thought out… But that’s not particularly surprising.



Gumshoe: You have a bedtime cravat? That’s pretty cool!

Edgeworth: I do not! This author is making stuff up as he goes along!

Maya: Are you sure about that? Maybe you're just trying to deny it!

Edgeworth: ...This is just ridiculous.



Maya: Whoa, you like Pop Tarts? I never would have expected that!

Edgeworth: This fan fiction is nothing but slander! I’ve never had a Pop Tart in my life!

Maya: Suuuuure…



Apollo: Well, this is a huge mess.

Edgeworth: If I recall, Pop Tarts and prosecutor’s badges do not share a similar texture. How on Earth did I get the two mixed up?

Gumshoe: Maybe you’re still half asleep. Once, I was so groggy after waking up, I almost ate my tie for breakfast!

Edgeworth: ...I think only you could pull off a mistake like that…



Gumshoe: Wait a minute! What am I doing in Mr. Edgeworth’s house? We don’t live in the same building!

Edgeworth: I think the author is extremely confused.



Apollo: Do they really think it’s a good idea to help Damon Gant escape from prison?

Edgeworth: ...Oh no… I think I’m having unfortunate flashbacks…

Gumshoe: Sir, are you okay?

Edgeworth: ...I’ll be fine.



Gumshoe: Mr. Edgeworth only has one shoulder?

Maya: Maybe he lost it in an unfortunate accident.

Apollo: This fic is an unfortunate accident.

Gumshoe: Wow, you sure like to make that joke, pal!

Apollo: I can’t help it! I keep getting so many good opportunities!



Apollo: I can’t believe that actually worked.

Maya: Why was the guard standing outside?

Edgeworth: If I recall correctly, the guard was standing outside the window when I knocked on it earlier.

Apollo: At least this fic is consistent with its stupidity.



Maya: Hey! Look! I’m still alive!

Edgeworth: Are they seriously trying to imply that the entire city only has one mailman?

Maya: Maybe he’s just really skilled at his job!



Edgeworth: Why did we bother telling Gumshoe that we were the mailman? Why not just tell him who we really were straight away?

Apollo: I gave up on this fic a long time ago.



Apollo: If by “caught” you mean “we dropped a building on them”, then yes.



Maya: ...That would explain a lot, actually.

Edgeworth: Is the author’s goal to change around as many characters as possible?

Apollo: What are they going to do next? Proclaim that Phoenix is Maya’s half-brother?

Gumshoe: Now that’s a little too ridiculous, pal!

Phoenix: Okay, it’s a Steven Universe fanfiction. What does that have to do with us?

Management: Quiet.

Steven: Wow, I can’t believe someone wrote a fanfiction about me! Does that mean I’m gonna get super rich in royalties like dad?

Amethyst: Doesn’t that seem at least a little creepy to anyone?

Pearl: This is some very poor capitalization work…

Maya: I think you mean “nonexistent”.



Phoenix: W-WHAT?

Maya: Oh no.

Pearl: What is it?

Phoenix: We’ve… had experience with this author before. Let’s just say his writing skills leave… everything to be desired.

Steven: Aww, how bad could it be?



Phoenix: I’d say pretty bad.

Pearl: “Seven” Universe? “cryin”? How could a work like this get published with all these errors?

Maya: It’s a jakkid fanfiction, Pearl. All of his stories are like this.

Pearl: ...W-Well, I suppose some are more suited for writing than others…

Steven: Hey, at least he got my favorite show right.



Pearl: Steven, is that show really that violent?

Phoenix: (What’s so violent about broccoli?)

Steven: No! Broccoli and the spoon are best friends, Spoon would never do that to someone so close to him!

Amethyst: I don’t get that show, man.



Garnet: …”Gargnat”?

Pearl: Well, at least he had the courtesy to spell my name correctly.

Steven: He hasn’t gotten mine right yet, though. Come on, jakkid, you can do it!

Amethyst: ...Yeah, I don’t think he can.



Amethyst: Oh, come on! My name’s not that hard to spell!

Phoenix: I think what’s more important is what on earth you just asked Steven.

Maya: She asked him wewt he doi! What’s so hard to understand about that?



Steven: Oh, come on, that’s like the fourth time the TV’s been broken!

Phoenix: You must live in a really eventful household.

Steven: You have no idea.



Pearl: Steven, you’re going to strain your vocal cords!

Maya: I think you mean “Stevens”.



Pearl: Yes, that’s true. It’s important to go out and get some sun and exercise, Steven.

Phoenix: (...What is she, his mom?)



Pearl: Steven, that’s not what I meant.

Steven: Huh? When did the donut shop get a TV?



Steven: Sadie or Lars? Actually, scratch that, I think that’s Lars.



Phoenix: What? What the hell is a TV donut?

Pearl: Mr. Wright! Please, watch your language around Steven!

Amethyst: *Snort*

Phoenix: ...Er, Sorry. But, still, what is a TV donut?

Steven: I have no idea. Garnet, do you know what it is?

Garnet: No.



Phoenix: See, even the author doesn’t even know WTF a TV donut is!

Maya: ...Nick, did you just say “WTF” out loud?

Phoenix: ...Agh, I did. This author is really getting to me.



Maya: Hey, maybe that’s you, Nick.

Phoenix: That would explain why you and I are here. But then again, that would make sense. And this is a jakkidfic.

Pearl: So many different misspellings of Steven’s name… They almost seem intentional.

Garnet: They probably are.

Amethyst: Why would someone write something this bad on purpose, though?

Phoenix: To torture us.


Phoenix: What? How do you wink at someone weirdly?

Maya: Like this, Nick!

[Maya winks at Phoenix really weirdly.]

Phoenix: ...Oh. I get it now.

Amethyst: Who just winks at someone for no reason and then walks away? This guy’s basically screaming “HEY LOOK AT ME I’M SUSPICIOUS!”.



Phoenix: ...No, I don’t think that’s true. From what I’ve seen, only suit guy does. And Maya.

Maya: Hey, that’s the only time I’ve done that!



Steven: Gem alligator?

Garnet: Those do not exist.

Pearl: Yes, the existence of an alligator/gem hybrid is unlikely. Although I could imagine a corrupted gem that resembles an alligator.



Amethyst: Woah! Pearl!

Pearl: Wh- Hey! Just what is this?! I would never-! This is not appropriate language for Steven! Steven, avert your eyes!

[Pearl covers Steven’s eyes.]

Garnet: Pearl, I’m sure he’s heard far worse.

Management: Averting your own or someone else’s eyes from the sporking is forbidden.

Pearl: ...Ngh, alright, but I still don’t like it.

[Pearl uncovers Steven’s eyes.]



Amethyst: I thought it was “Crying Breakfast Friends”.

Steven: Maybe they made a spinoff?



Pearl: Steven, “plant” is not an adjective.

Maya: Hey, Nick, you’re really suit.

Phoenix: And you’re really medium.

Steven: And I’m really crystal gem!

Pearl: Why are you encouraging the author?!

Garnet: I’m really fusion.

Pearl: Not you too, Garnet!



Steven: K-Kill it?

Phoenix: Is that what you guys do?

Pearl: Oh, no, no. We simply destroy their body and encase their gems in bubbles, preventing them from regenerating their physical forms.

Phoenix: ...Right, forget I asked.



Maya: How do you accidentally eat something?

Steven: I dunno, maybe I mistook it for a real donut?

Amethyst: Nah, Steven, you’re not that dumb.



Pearl: Steven! Where did you learn that kind of language?

Steven: That’s not really me, Pearl…



Pearl: ...Okay, that’s slightly better.

Maya: Still not Cartoon Network friendly, though.

Management: God damn it! Fourth wall, guys! Come on!

Maya: Is it really the fourth wall if Cartoon Network exists in our universe?

Management: It is if it’s not officially confirmed to exist.



Maya: Oh shoot, what’s he doing here?

Phoenix: Advancing the plot.



Maya: Ooh, mysterious! I wonder what he was doing there!

Phoenix: Probably some generic evil bad guy plans.

Steven: Well, if that’s what he’s got planned, we’ll stop him!



Steven: Hey, I wouldn’t lie about something like that! You guys know that, right?

Garnet: Of course.

Pearl: This author just doesn’t seem to have a good grasp on any of our characters.



Maya: That’s a really redundant sentence, because the author made it redundant so it’s redundant.



Phoenix: ...Homoworld?

Maya: Well, in the context of the show, that name kinda makes sense…



Pearl: Assuming this person is a human, how does he know how to get to these warps? He can’t possibly use the warp pads himself, can he?

Garnet: Not without a warp whistle.

Steven: Hey, yeah, maybe he stole it?

Phoenix: I guess we’ll have to see.



Phoenix: Well, we figured that. Why would he go running around to these apparently important places without some ulterior motive?



Maya: Famous Amos? Like the cookies?



Amethyst: Wow. Way to go, unnamed suit guy.

Steven: Evile?! That’s, like, both evil and vile… This guy must mean business!



Pearl: Crystal Gem? There’s more than one of us…

Maya: What I want to know is what he means by “stop you up”. Does he mean you guys are gonna give him a cold?



Phoenix: Oh man.

Maya: Things just got real!

Pearl: A gun?!

Amethyst: Don’t worry, Pearl, the three of us are probably about to show up and stop him.



Amethyst: Yeah, see?



Pearl: Oh, come now. Does he really think we’re that dumb? After living here for thousands of years, I’d have at least some knowledge of human weaponry.

Amethyst: I think he’s the dumb one here.



Phoenix: What. Did he just…

Maya: ...Shoot himself?



Steven: What?! He seriously fooled you guys?!

Garnet: No, he fooled the us in that story.

Phoenix: Yeah, everyone in jakkid’s stories seems to have a penchant for being a complete idiot.



Maya: Hey, now! I’ve had my fair share of Snickers bars, and I can say for sure that they’re not evil in the slightest!

Phoenix: Maybe they are if you have a peanut allergy.

Amethyst: Hold on, so let me get this straight. This guy pulled a gun on Steven, we caught him in the act, he told us a dumb lie to get out of it, and we believed him?

Steven: Man, and now I’m grounded!

[The lights turn back on.]

Phoenix: “ayyyo”?

Amethyst: Gee, I wonder how long it took him to think that up.



Phoenix: Back with the redundantness, I see.

Maya: Poor Steven, grounded for something he didn’t do!

Steven: Nah, it’s fine. See, it’s Steven Unerferse who got grounded, not me!

Phoenix: Wow, you’re really getting the hang of this sporking thing.



Amethyst: Wow. Taking redundantness to a whole new level.



Phoenix: What on earth does that mean? I have a face! I’m not evil!

Maya: Yeah, that’s… facist!

Amethyst: Don’t look at me, I didn’t write it.



Pearl: This author’s logic is sorely lacking.

Garnet: As is everything else.



Steven: What? But gems don’t have to sleep.

Pearl: This author could have at least done a little research before writing about us.



Pearl: ...Oh.

Steven: Oh, come on, I wouldn’t forget that!



Maya: Holy run-on sentence, Batman.

Pearl: There it is again with the “mad cause of that”! Why does he keep repeating this one sentence?

Phoenix: Maybe it’s some attempt at a running joke.



Amethyst: …”Gadoop”?

Pearl: Is that some kind of new human slang I don’t know about?

Steven: No, I’ve never heard that word before.

Phoenix: I don’t think it’s a word at all.



Phoenix: Well, that didn’t take long.

Maya: It’s not like he could keep us interested with good writing. So he’s gotta keep the plot going.

Garnet: I’m not interested anyway.



Steven: Why is he telling me he’s on vacation now?

Amethyst: He’s just dumb. Both him and the author.



Steven: Oh, come on! I’m not this rude!

Maya: Hold on, we might be about to find out who he is!



All: …

Phoenix: W-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Maya: Right, so that’s why we’re here.

Phoenix: It was a crossover fanfiction all along! I should have known!

Steven: Wait, so you’re a bad guy?

Phoenix: No! I’m just a defense attorney! Why am I apparently the villain in this story?!



Maya: Yes, we’ve established that, person-who-can’t-use-quotes-correctly.

Phoenix: “I” agree.



Phoenix: I died?

Steven: So, what, are you like a ghost now?

Phoenix: ...Actually, that wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened with this author.



Maya: Edgeworth did what?!

Garnet: Edgeworth?

Phoenix: He’s… a friend of mine. I don’t recall him dragging me to hell, though.

Management: Oh, that’s another story.

Phoenix: How many stories has this guy written?!

Management: About 13.

All: …

Maya: We’re not going to have to spork all of those, are we?

Management: Maaaaaaybe. Maybe not.



Phoenix: ...No it’s not. I’ve never watched it.

Pearl: So, in this story, you’re from a world where we’re characters from a TV show, correct?

Phoenix: Both in this show and in our actual lives, apparently. Non-canonically, though.

Management: Mr. Wright, next time you break the fourth wall, I am forwarding the repair fees to your bank account.

Phoenix: Okay, okay, I’m sorry!



Pearl: No! Steph- I mean, Steven!

Phoenix: Well, I got to the point a lot faster than last time.

Maya: At least it’s better than in the movies where it takes the villain forever to shoot the main protagonist, giving his friends time to save him.



Pearl: Oh. Phew.

Amethyst: Oh. Wow.

Phoenix: Oh. Ow.

Maya: Wait, you have a shield?

Steven: Oh, yeah! Let me show you!

[A pink shield materializes on Steven’s right arm.]

Phoenix: ...Woah.

Maya: Wow, that’s really cool!

Phoenix: I’d normally be shocked at that, but this is the sporking theater. Anything can happen.



Phoenix: ...Yes, thank you for explaining that, me.



Steven: But he didn’t kill me! He just tried to.

Garnet: And he got what he deserved in the process.

Phoenix: Please don’t tell me I deserve to be shot in the eye.



Steven: Alright! Here to save the day!



Steven: ...Or just ground me again.

Pearl: Why does this author portray us so negatively?

Amethyst: Maybe he thinks it’s funny? I dunno.



Phoenix: That’s what it took for you guys to realize the gun was really a gun?

Garnet: Well, he did take a picture of himself with it.

Pearl: But even then, there are a bunch more reasons for us to not automatically believe everything he says.

Maya: Forget it, Pearl. It’s Jakkidverse.



Maya: Evil?

Phoenix: Weevil?

Steven: Kinevil?

Maya: I don’t recall Evel Kinevel’s middle name being “Weevil”.

Amethyst: Who are you talking about?

Phoenix: He’s a famous stuntman from a few decades ago. What a weird thing to reference out of nowhere.



Amethyst: Seriously? We fell for his tricks again?

Phoenix: I’d like to say I’m an idiot for using tactics like this, but considering the fact that they’re actually working… Yeah, I’m still an idiot.

Garnet: And we’re even bigger idiots.



Amethyst: Ame-what?

Steven: Well, that’s mean.



Pearl: Why do I swear so much in this story?!

Maya: Gotta keep everyone as out-of-character as possible.



Phoenix: I have a secret lab base?

Maya: Wow, Nick! Why didn’t you tell me?

Phoenix: Because I didn’t know.

Pearl: Wouldn’t we notice something like that?

Garnet: Apparently not.



Amethyst: Pfft… “Big Nick”?

Maya: Wow. Of all things, I didn’t expect a Metal Gear Solid reference from Jakkid.

Phoenix: That’s a really dumb name, though.



Phoenix: Wow. I am offended.

Steven: I don’t think I like this author.

Phoenix: Yeah, welcome to the club.



Phoenix: The new chapter isn’t out yet, right? Please say it isn’t.

Management: Nope, not yet.

Phoenix: Thank god for that.

[The lights turn back on, and the doors open.]

It is 3 AM and you’re lying alone on a semi-comfortable mattress. There are pillows upon pillows stacked behind you. Your husband went a little overboard, but you are nine months pregnant and about to give birth to a beautiful baby boy, so no matter how many times you insist that you are fine he will not listen.

The doctor is off doing whatever it is doctors do while your husband searches for something to drink. The room is quiet except for the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. It’s this eerie yet calming quiet that makes you think.

In a few hours—or maybe less, you’re not really sure—you will be a mother. The little human being inside of you will finally take his place in the world. He will depend on you to take care of him. To raise him. To love him. Side-by-side, you and your husband must bring him up to be a productive member of society.

You are terrified of the implications. You are young, separated from your parents and without a college education. How are you to raise a child?

Together, you think, hands drifting to your bulging stomach. Together, we’ll be okay.

You sigh. Move around a little. The contractions are closer than ever before. The epidural is supposed to numb your pain but you’re not sure. You want to ask someone how labor went for them, but your nurse isn’t even married and your doctor has no children. Both swore up and down the epidural would relieve any and all pain—still; it’s scary to think about the agony caused by a child forcing itself out through your nether regions.

The imagery induces a shudder. How others have given birth before you, you do not know. People call it magical yet it is nothing like the magic you know. It all seems kind of gross if you’re honest. Stretching and fluids and other, unsanitary things, topped off by a human being emerging from your body. Birth seems more fitting to a science fiction movie than real life.

The imagery induces a shudder. How others have given birth before you, you do not know. People call it magical yet it is nothing like the magic you know. It all seems kind of gross if you’re honest. Stretching and fluids and other, unsanitary things, topped off by a human being emerging from your body. Birth seems more fitting to a science fiction movie than real life.

The pressure passes. You’re still alone.

Not for long, you think. Your husband better be back soon. If he doesn’t return before the baby—before Apollo—comes there will be hell to pay.

Speaking of which; Apollo. The name you finally decided on; the name that you fell in love with. He will be your beautiful ray of sunshine even on your cloudiest days.

Apollo will be strong, with the all-seeing eyes of his mother and the handsome face of his father. He will live, love, and laugh as his parents have learned to. He will benefit from their knowledge of the world—no matter how limited—and will not ever fear the hand of his father, nor will he know the emptiness left by insufficient love from his mother.

Another contraction hits. The doctor returns, as well as the nurse. Your husband is right behind them, practically trembling with excitement and fear and overwhelming amounts of love.

It’s show time.

Simon and Athena going to an island where the phantom was transferred to a prison, but of course he escaped, and when Simon and Athena arrive, they turn out not to be the only one wanting to catch the phantom

This one was sporked in the old thread, but apparently only the first part. And it's lost forever anyway


PhoenixFlame53 did the first three chapters, but the last two are unsporked


Thane sporked a fragment of this fic


Thane sporked the first chapter, but there's another one



Rubia gave up on this one but has already done the first two chapters.







Although that fic was reccomended against...






Apparently luck and HermannVonKarma were working on this, but I haven't seen either of them in a while.












iglootheraptor was apparently going to spork it







Oliver did the first few chapters of this one




TheJettSet27 did a few chapters of this one.










Rubia did the first four for chapters, but there are many left.








Oliver sporked a fragment of it





[/quote]































Technically, this one was the result of a joke in this thread, but Airey did write a fanfic.





















Nepeta claimed Pink Lemonade (the eleven year old's take on Narumitsu) as of recently.

























































^List of authors who write bad fics. Links don't bring you to specific fics

Maya:... What?

Edgeworth: That is quite possibly the most incoherent sentence I've read in a long while.

Phoenix: You walked all the way to the office in the rain? Why not take a bus or something?

Maya: How am I supposed to know!? How am I supposed to know how you even figured out what that was saying!?



Edgeworth: Something about this writer's utter lack of understanding of tenses is bothering me more than usual.

Phoenix: And to think you tried to nitpick MY grammar.

Edgeworth: The atrocious grammar of others does not and will not ever excuse that tragedy of a sentence!

Maya:...Am I missing something here?

Phoenix: It was the De Killer case.

Maya: Oh, okay.



Phoenix: Haha, yeah, I almost died. My arteries were almost clogged, stopping the flow of oxygen in my body and killing me almost instantly, haha. Good morning, haha.

Edgeworth: "You almost gave me a heart attack" is a common saying, Wright. Try again.

Maya: Are you telling me you've never said that before, Nick?

Phoenix: I don't usually chuckle when I say it, no.



Maya: I feel like we're out of Steel Samurai to watch by now, Nick. I think we've even seen all the movies!

Phoenix: Hey, speaking of movies, apparently this was based on a movie.

Edgeworth: This ripped off a movie, you mean.

Phoenix: "Based on movie title Catch That Kid".

Edgeworth: I'll see what I can find about it online, hold on a moment.

Phoenix: What about it?

Edgeworth: And, it has a 12% on Rotten Tomatoes, that's good.

Maya: Well, maybe this is their chance to fix it!

Edgeworth: Doubtful.



Edgeworth: You seem rather eager to slack off work, Wright. Or "let your eyes for a minute from your laptop" as your assistant put it.

Phoenix: You don't know what I was doing on my laptop. I could've been reading a news article about bees in the Himalayas for all you know.

Edgeworth: The author clearly states you were typing.

Phoenix: Commenting on an article about bees in the Himalayas, then.

Maya: Why is it any better if you weren't doing any work on your laptop, either?

Phoenix:... Oh, I don't know! This isn't me, anyway!



All:...

Phoenix: That just escalated very fast.

Edgeworth: So, Miss Fey, you ran into the bathroom, prior to knocking on the door, which implies the door was open, correct? What was your thought
process at that time?

Maya: Uh... "Man, I hope someone isn't writing a bad fanfiction about me right now". I was eating a burger at the time, because I was in real life.



Phoenix: Wow. You are on your game, Phoenix. I didn't even lock the door?

Edgeworth: I imagine your forgetting to lock the door is designed to convey the panic of the situation.

Phoenix: I didn't look very panicked. I just said "I have to use the bathroom", and then went in.



Phoenix: Okay, for future reference, Maya, if I say I'm fine after you catch me vomiting blood, I am absolutely not fine and don't listen to a word of it.

Maya: Should I write that down?

Edgeworth: Interesting detail to note at the beginning, here. The author's version of you laughs after being confronted by a clearly distraught Maya Fey. As
if she is in some way overreacting to this.

Phoenix: Well, I'm perfectly fine, after all. Take one look at me! I just need a minute, then I'll come out and try not to puke on the TV set while we watch
it. Or, "Accompany you" to watch it. I like how formal I sound while trying to cover up bloodpuke.

Maya: My dearest compatriot, it would be in your best interest to make your way towards the helicopter posthaste.

Phoenix: You know, that sounds like something Edgeworth could get away with saying.

Edgeworth: What!? It most certainly does not!

Phoenix: You're not doing yourself any favors.

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Agh! Ngh....!



Maya: Yeah, that's so irritating of you, Nick!

Phoenix: More than panic, more than utter horror, you're irritated. At me vomiting blood.

Maya: Hey! Who said I wasn't also feeling those other things?

Phoenix: What worries me is that the author didn't say it. Also... I'm not really that bad, am I?

Edgeworth: After falling off a notoriously deadly bridge and almost dying all you asked for was for me to sit in for you while you were sick.

Phoenix: Yeah, but I still let myself be taken to the hospital.



Edgeworth: "Why are there bloods in your vomits".

Maya: I couldn't have put it better myself!

Edgeworth: This verbiage is fascinating, as well. You accused that question, Ms. Fey.

Phoenix:... Edgeworth retorted.

Edgeworth: Don't you start!



Phoenix: ...So now I'm having a heart attack.

Maya: You can't catch a break today, can you, Nick?

Phoenix: The ambulance is going to show up and crash into the building, calling it now.

Maya: For how much?

Phoenix: Bragging rights.

Maya: Deal!



Maya: Well, how you condition, Nick?

Phoenix: I stubbed my toe earlier. That's about it in terms of how I condition.

Edgeworth: You two think you're a riot, don't you?

Phoenix: You mean a Wriot?

Maya: I am not with this man. He is a stranger. He does not represent me.



Phoenix: Ten minutes is a relief!? That's enough time for me to just die, easily, right?

Edgeworth: It depends on the nature of the collapse and the severity. If it was a heart attack, it could have easily killed you in ten minutes. I assume Ms. Fey has been watching you to see if you're still alive, however, so I doubt you're dead.

Maya: Wait, how do you check that?

Phoenix: I think you check the neck for a pul- Ow!

Maya: You're alive.

Phoenix: I won't be if you keep jabbing my neck like that!



Maya: What a slow ambulance.

Phoenix: Maybe you have a license in this universe?

Maya: I walked to the office, though.

Phoenix: So, it just doesn't make sense, then.

Edgeworth: That goes without saying at all times in this godforsaken theater.



Phoenix: Why is the doctor so surprised? And why is he using my first name?

Maya: I bet it'll be one of the ones where you know someone the audience hasn't met yet!

Phoenix: But those are the bad fanfictions, though.

Edgeworth:...



Phoenix: I thought you call Mia "sis".

Maya: Mmm-hmm.

Phoenix: So they got this wrong.

Maya: Mmm-hmm.



Phoenix: I don't think I get the name pun. Do either of you?

Edgeworth: There doesn't appear to be one, at a cursory glance.

Maya: Hold on, I'll look it up...

Phoenix: What does it say?

Maya:...........Joaquin Ortega is a real person.

Phoenix: What!?

Maya: Yup. A "Professor of biochemistry at McMaster University".

Phoenix: That can't be legal, right?

Edgeworth: Depending on the state, it is not legal, no. This could be grounds for a lawsuit.



Phoenix: So, this guy is on a first name basis with you already? He's your boss's childhood doctor. That's not "first-name basis" material.

Maya: But he's still calling me Miss Fey.

Phoenix: Oh, now I'm just confused.

Edgeworth: I'm afraid there's not much to be confused about, Wright. He's simply being polite as Ms. Fey has yet to allow herself to be called "Maya".

Phoenix: Oh... Is that how that works?



Maya: Nick disease!? Is Nick disease contagious!?

Phoenix: I've been told my stubbornness rubs off on others. Although that was Dr. Hotti and he may not have been talking about my stubbornness.

Edgeworth: PG-13, Wright!

Phoenix: What!? It's not like I said it!

Edgeworth: But you did! Just now!



Maya: Called it!

Phoenix: Great work on that front, Dr. Joaquin. The real Joaquin should sue for slander. You know what? I should sue for slander.

Edgeworth: On what grounds?

Phoenix: Uh... I'll find something, you'll see.



Phoenix: Found something! That was quick! My dad was not a heavy smoker!

Maya: But you can't REALLY say your dad didn't smoke, can you?

Phoenix: Yes I can!

Maya: Really? Are you suuuuuure?

Phoenix:... Gah! I guess not.



Edgeworth: Stubborn is right.

Phoenix: "Wright', you mean.

Edgeworth: Yes. Stubborn is you, Wright.

Phoenix: You're saying that, but you don't really think I'm a "let's not bother to treat my lung cancer" kind of stubborn, right?

Edgeworth: It depends if informing others of your lung cancer would be a disadvantage to your case or not.

Phoenix: Can you please just agree with me on this?



Phoenix: "Pretty much" in the sink? Is that implying I missed?

Maya: Why would you even say that, Nick!? Now I'm picturing a puke-bathroom!



Phoenix: That's some pretty long-range vomit scent if you can smell the vomits all the way from there. Are you smelling the vomits now, Maya?

Maya: Ew! No! Gross!



Phoenix: Why is this story so insistent on calling me stubborn? I think I got the message. I have a lot of personal issues to take care of, apparently.

Maya: It's not even the right kind of stubborn!

Phoenix: That's what I'm saying! I'm not the "I'm fine" guy! I just... usually end up fine. Still don't think that applies to lung cancer.



Maya:... I seem to like repeating things.

Phoenix: Something the matter? You said that a little... weakly.

Maya: You and Pearly really are it, you know.

Phoenix:...

Edgeworth:...

Maya:... Really!? Are you two for real!?

Phoenix: What?

Maya: An awkward silence is all I get!?

Phoenix: What do you want me to say?

Maya: I don't know! "Sorry about your entire family, Maya" or anything?

Phoenix: Sorry about your entire family, Maya.

Maya: Not the same, Nick. Get your own lines.

Phoenix: Uh... I promise I'll tell you if I contract or discover any terminal illnesses in the future.

Maya: Much better.



Maya: Wait, MRS. Fey!?

Edgeworth: You only noticed that now?

Phoenix:... 10 bucks that the groom's me.

Maya: 20 bucks that it's someone else!

Edgeworth: 100 dollars that it's a mistake.



Edgeworth: Why am I a doctor? And why Germany?

Phoenix: I thought the Von Karmas lived in Germany.

Edgeworth: The Von Karmas are also prosecutors, Wright. Is this some sort of alternate universe?

Phoenix: Yeah, read the synopsis.

Edgeworth: Oh, I see it. "AU".

Phoenix: The whole reason I took interest in law in the first place was because of you. Why am I even a lawyer in this?

Maya: Because my sis is the best, maybe?

Phoenix: Maybe. But, wait! She wouldn't be a lawyer without Edgeworth, either!

Maya: Oh, right. DL-6. I almost forgot.

Edgeworth:...



Edgeworth: How does one slip on a wall?

Maya: Oh, like in Inception!

Phoenix: You need a weird brain to think some of these things through, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: That was "thinking it through"?



Maya: So I did get the money? Glad that's settled!

Edgeworth: And the terrible tense attack strikes again.

Maya: Just like the awesome art of alliteration.



Edgeworth: I refuse to further comment on the grammatical errors.

Phoenix: Aw, why not?

Edgeworth: Because Dr. Joaquin just said "he will be wake up". It couldn't possibly get any worse.

Phoenix: Aw... come on, Edgeworth. Don't be like that.

Edgeworth: I will be like that, Wright. I feel personally insulted.



Phoenix: "Not overpowering"? What a weird thing to just point out.

Maya: Maybe it was trying to say "nauseous, if not overpowering"?

Phoenix: I'm sure you felt really overpowering when you came up with that defense.

Maya: Maybe it was trying to say "nauseous, if not rude and no fun"?



Phoenix: Oh, no. Ship-bait! This is ship-bait! This entire fanfiction is just a huge scheme to ship-bait!

Edgeworth: Also, if and when you do this in real life, don't stroke the hand that the IV is in, that's unsafe.

Maya: I wasn't going to!



Phoenix: Wait, were you just talking to yourself that whole time!?

Maya: Don't tune out your friends when they're trying to summarize the last page of exposition, Nick!



Edgeworth: WE KNOW SHE'S RELIEVED. THAT WAS CLEAR FROM THE DIALOGUE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO TELL US.

Phoenix: You okay, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It gets grating after a while, that's all.

Maya: You want something, Mr. Edgeworth? You want a drink?



Phoenix: ..."Son"?

Maya: ...Dun dun dun?

Phoenix: See? My dad doesn't smoke after all.

Edgeworth: You are trying far too hard to find problems. They aren't in short supply, Wright, just be patient.



Maya: Alternate me is a cyclops?

Edgeworth: I assume it means one of your two eyes.

Phoenix: I prefer cyclops.

Edgeworth: How could she see you getting injected if she didn't have one eye open?

Phoenix: Ask the writer after you ask about the decision to make her a cyclops.

Edgeworth: Ngh.



Phoenix: Probably because I don't.

Maya: Yeah, but alternate you does, so you better start talking!



Maya: Ms. von Karma? Is that you?

Phoenix: Speaking of, you have now officially called me "Phoenix" in this fanfiction more times than I can remember you calling me in the past two years.

Maya: A record? Yeah! I brought a party popper!

Phoenix: Maya, please don-

*The popper went off*

Phoenix:... Ow. My ears.



Phoenix: But I saw you, though. I'm pretty sure I know exactly how you "panicked and sad" when that was going on.

Edgeworth: You expect too much, Wright. Think about this passage, and think about the way that nobody would ever speak like this.

Maya: Okay, what now?

Edgeworth: We continue onward, in order to further our progress towards a reprieve from this drivel.



Maya: I've heard of "wearing your heart on your sleeve", but this is more like "explaining with broken English the exact position of heart on slevs hem".

Phoenix: "Broken" might be putting it nicely.

Maya: Hey, Nick? Can you promise you won't let me start acting like this?

Phoenix: You didn't have to ask.



Edgeworth: Raising one's eyebrows has almost nothing to do with one's feelings of guilt. Continue.



Maya: Oh, would you please shut up!?

Phoenix: Uh... Maya?

Maya: This me is such a crybaby! Forget this! O spirit of Mia Fey, slumbering in the Twilight Realm-

Phoenix: Maya, calm down, it's not that big of a deal.

Maya: Aw, it didn't work. Now I'm all distracted because of you.

Phoenix: Let's just relax, okay? This is probably the last time a scene like this'll happen.

Maya: Darn.*Deep breath* Okay, fine.



Edgeworth: Oh, dear.

Phoenix: Can we say "Ship-bait" on three? One, two, three...

Maya: Ship-bait!

Phoenix: Ship-bait!

Edgeworth: No.



Phoenix: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Maya: He never knew that his terminal lung cancer was going to be something the person he spends the most time with would care about?

Phoenix: Alt-me must think you're a sociopath or something.



Phoenix: "As you're desperately searching".

Maya: Why does it have be a desperate search?

Phoenix: Because you needed a confidence boost, that's why. Be sure to thank me for that, Alt-Maya.



Phoenix: You're welcome.

Edgeworth: And you're far too full of yourself.

Phoenix: Hey! I am proportionately full of myself, I'll have you know.

Maya: That was your defense, Nick!?

Edgeworth: Also, you never answered the question posed at the beginning of this conversation.

Phoenix: Oh, yeah. I never explained why I never said anything about the tumor, did I? Guess we'll never know.



Maya: Quickly! I need a quarter of a million! Where should I look?

Phoenix: Check the help wanted ads in the paper! Those jobs always have a huge payout!

Maya: Oh, I could do one of those really high-paying jobs, like a gardener, or a party organizer.

Edgeworth: This is sarcasm, yes?

Phoenix: Of course not.

Edgeworth: Then I'm afraid I have some disappointing news for you.

Phoenix:... I was kidding.

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Ack!

Maya: Gardening is a famously affluent profession, I've heard.



Phoenix: "Mr. Butz"? Who's on a last name basis with Larry? Not even Edgeworth is on a last name basis with Larry!

Edgeworth: Why does it matter what I call him?

Maya: Because you still call me "Ms. Fey".

Edgeworth: That is because we barely ever speak to each other outside of this event I do not voluntarily attend. It means nothing.

Phoenix: We call each other by out last names, too.

Edgeworth: Erm... forget it.



Phoenix: ...Shyly?

Maya: Am I getting shipped with Larry, too, now!?

Edgeworth: This writer is, in all likelihood, not a native speaker, which would cause a number of questionable uses of words.

Phoenix: Which is why you get proofreaders. Or get 1 proofreader. Or... really reconsider writing a fanfiction in a language you aren't good at.



Phoenix: That is the most hypocritical thing I have ever seen in anything I've ever read.

Maya: Wait, really? Right after all that complaining!? And why was I even crying in the first place!?

Phoenix: Thoughts, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: You don't want to hear my thoughts, Wright. Even I don't want to hear my thoughts, Wright.



Phoenix: Okay, "he can only give idiot suggestions" is stupidly funny.

Edgeworth: Write it down somewhere if you like it so much.



Phoenix: Larry doesn't strike me as the coffee type.

Maya: Yeah, he's more of an apple juice and a cookie kind of person.

Edgeworth:... I was about to disagree, but I would be incorrect to.



Phoenix: They keep talking about taking a lung like it's any different from killing me.

Maya: Maybe the writer thinks lungs work like kidneys.

Edgeworth: I may as well state for the record that they do not, in case there are any aspiring writers in management with a similarly terrible understanding of anatomy.

Speaker: I appreciate the advice, Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Okay, it worries me that that person learned something from that.



Phoenix: Wait, so, I have consistent chest issues in this? How come Maya never saw any of them?

Maya: Because how else would I be so surprised by the bloods in your vomits?



Edgeworth: Temporary breach of the no-grammar rule to point out that "They went to school together in high school" is redundant.

Phoenix: Also, who's Kristoph Gavin? I've never heard of this person before. Another made-up person that I apparently have backstory with, why am I not surprised?

Speaker: "Uh... should we tell him?" "No point." "Very well, it stays quiet."

Maya... Ooh. Spooky.



Maya: I feel violated by everyone in this story.

Edgeworth: At least you're not some endgame. All I am is just some strange, distant figure who you're supposed to get to.

Maya: Like Oz.

Phoenix: ShnOz.

Edgeworth: I would tell you to try again, Wright, but I don't want to hear any further attempts at humor from you.



Edgeworth:...*Grumble*.

Maya: Nick? I think Mr. Edgeworth's upset.

Phoenix: Yeah, well... that was a little... egregious.

Edgeworth: A little, Wright!? A little egregious!?

Phoenix: You okay, buddy?

Edgeworth: This single sentence defies so many basic principles of writing for no good reason that I don't feel I should be held accountable for what I do if I see something like this again.



Maya: What are 24 hours jobs?

Phoenix: Jobs that you do for 24 hours, I guess.

Maya: Straight!? What kind of operation is this guy running, Nick!?

Phoenix: It was your idea.

Maya: H-huh!? Why would I even say that!?

Phoenix: All a part of your desperate search, I guess.



Phoenix: I'm guessing we haven't talked since high school in this? Why would he just lend the money for someone he barely knows anymore for no reason?

Maya: Because you two are secret lovers!

Phoenix: No.



Phoenix: Why does he know it has anything to do with my "stubbornness"? Has he been eavesdropping?

Maya: Maybe he slipped some cancer into your drink when you were in high school or something.

Phoenix: Somehow, with how things are going, that wouldn't surprise me. Doesn't answer my question, though.

Edgeworth: He may actually be eavesdropping, Wright. Give it time to explain before calling out plot holes.

Phoenix: And here I thought I was the defense lawyer.

Edgeworth: Ngh...!



Edgeworth: "Couldn't bear to say it", is that right?

Maya: Larry's not a good judge of character, huh?

Edgeworth: I imagine you're aware of his relationship history.

Maya: I am.

Edgeworth: That should answer your question.



Phoenix: Okay, so the setup is, they rob a bank to pay for my tumor surgery because the guy who runs the bank doesn't want to cover my operating costs.

Edgeworth: That seems to be right.

Phoenix: Well, then... sorry you got your hopes up, Maya.

Maya: I'm sorry, too, Nick.



Phoenix: Get a loan somewhere else. Any other bank besides the clearly biased one.

Maya: But that's not as heroic! Getting back at some stingy bank guy who cares more about his money than his friends! The perfect revenge!

Edgeworth: That revenge would be insultingly unnecessary.



Edgeworth: Normally, I appreciate symbolism.

All:...

Phoenix:... Wait, you're done?

Edgeworth: That was all.

Phoenix: Oh. Okay.



Phoenix: Glad to see I've been a good influence as a lawyer.

Maya: I only learned about determination and going all the way with bad ideas from you in this one, I guess.

Phoenix: Glad to see I've been a good influence as a lawyer.