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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

Gender: Male

Location: Watching an Investigation from the bushes

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:42 am

Posts: 106

Wow... That authors note was a little too serious for my mood right now. Anyway, I respect your opinion on not sporking it.
(Goes back in hiding)
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Ace Preschooler

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This guy has to be a troll... ignoring the grammar and lack of punctuation, there's also the fact that Maya gets replaced by Trucy when the trial begins. Did Phoenix sleep for 8 years?! And did the court wait for him?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12275933/1 ... out-Escape
Hexepta: Mayor Attack
A fangame of an unreleased AA-like game, Hexepta: Logic Hack. Follow my fangame to give the official one attention and make it world famous when it's released.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

'alright I'll ttake ur case-whoops I'm disbarred brb '
After eight freaking years
'yeah I got u off huzza '
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Professional Time Waster

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If nobody else is taking it, I think I'll be sporking Turnabout Professor/Escape/Whatever it's called.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

Gender: Male

Location: Watching an Investigation from the bushes

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:42 am

Posts: 106

Southern Corn wrote:
'alright I'll ttake ur case-whoops I'm disbarred brb '
After eight freaking years
'yeah I got u off huzza '

I shed a tear, that was the best wrighting I have ever seen.
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

yw :acro:
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

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Rank: Suspect

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:48 pm

Posts: 17

Hey guys, this is my first sporking. Feel free to bash on me, I'm kinda unsure of this one.
But anyway, I present:
Pheonix Wright Ace War
One Sahwit: :sahwit:
This fic is intentionally a trollfic, so that explains the nature of this fic. It doesn't make it any better, though.
Author: IAmAWrighter
Original fic: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12277095/1/Phoenix-Wright-Ace-War

And here come our sporkers!
:nick: Phoenix Wright!
yawn....

:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth!
Management, what is the meaning of this?

:ka-whip: Franziska von Karma!
You foolish fools better have a reason for wasting my time! (whipcrack)

:maya: And Maya Fey!
Come on guys, wake up!

(We begin in the sporking theater, where our sporkers await the film to start)

Phoenix: Yawn....can someone tell me why we're here in the middle of the night?

Edgeworth: I have been informed that the management ran into issues regarding this theater, so they had to reschedule the sporking.

Phoenix: Couldn't they just have us do this tommo-(whipcrack) yeouch!

Franziska: Keep your foolish thoughts to yourself!

Speakers: Are you guys done yet? Dosen't matter, we're starting.

Quote:
Phoenix Wright: Ace War, by Wrighter


Phoenix: Very funny, author.

Edgeworth: The spelling is in order, at the very least. (Crosses arms)

Franziska: I doubt that will last.

Quote:
Phoenix Wright was resting at home
"Hey Maya when's the next murder happening" said Phoenix
"I don't know why are you asking"
"Because we need money"


Franziska: Does this author have a phobia of periods?!

Edgeworth: Wright, please tell me that you work harder than this.

Phoenix: Of course I do! (Okay, how did he know?)

Maya: Yeah, yeah.

Quote:
Maya picked up the phone
"Hey Gummy whens the next murder happening?"
"Now" said the phone


Edgeworth: Even though Gumshoe is a detective, he can't tell when a murder case will happen.

Maya: Yes he can! He just has future vision!

Phoenix: Maya, that's probably not the ca-(whipcrack) yeouch!

Franziska: What a foolish idea. There is no such thing as future vision, and that's that! (whips Phoenix again)

Phoenix: (Oww... my poor arm...)

Quote:
And then the house blew up! They barely got out alive... They climbed out of the dirty rubble and coughed three times before looking up to the shining sun and saw a shadow over them


Phoenix: What action!

Edgeworth: If a person was to attempt murder, blowing up the victim's house would be the least expedient way to do it.

Maya: ...So the house is the murder victim?

Quote:
"ha ha ha" laughed the dark fat little kid with fat cheeks and fat stomach and fat hands


All: ...

Franziska: (screen whip) The foolish fool who wrote this foolish fan fiction should be foolishly ashamed! Does this author not understand what they wrote?!

Edgeworth: It is most likely a mistake, but it certainly doesn't make it less offensive to some.

Quote:
he is the fat little child that is Barry Lawn


Franziska: Barry....Lawn?

Maya: Oh, I know! He's the one who wrote Larry's children's story!

Edgeworth: We don't need to remember that fanfiction.

Phoenix: Agreed.

Quote:
Barry jumped into the sky and flew away, because troll fic logic.


(Faint rumbling can be heard in the distance.)

Speakers: Oh no. Quick! Get the bricklayers!But sir, the fourth wall is due for a remake today....That doesn't matter! Fix it, quick!

All: ...

Edgeworth: It seems that even the author admits that this fanfiction is wasting our time.

Maya: Keep going, author! Maybe the management'll run out of money fixing the fourth wall so they can't torture us anymore!

Speakers: You wish. Sir, the situation is dire! I don't care, just fix it and leave me alone!

Quote:
"What why is he declaring war on us" said Maya


Maya: Good question.

Phoenix: Wasn't Barrylawn trying to murder us?

Edgeworth: It's both. It's simply because the author doesn't see the contradiction between the two sentences.

Franziska: (screen whip, looks confused)

Maya: Hey, no electric shock?

Phoenix: Maybe it's because the management needed more power to fix the fourth wall?

Franziska: (whips screen again, gets shocked) OW!

Speakers: Haha. Got you.

Franziska: (mutters angrily under her breath)

Quote:
"Hes a troll Maya, they are the dirt of the world, so they are doing it for rights, rights they do not deserve" said Phoenix stepping on the dirt so Barry knows his place (it's a metaphor)


Edgeworth: That is not a metaphor, author.

Franziska: (goes into a whipping frenzy) OWWWWWW!

Speakers: Any attempt to damage the sporking theater's screen will be punished, you should know this already.

Phoenix: (Ow. That looks pai- (whipcrack) Yeouch!

Franziska: I might not be able to whip the screen, but I can still whip you, Phoenix Wright!

Phoenix: What did I do?!

Quote:
===AT THE BARRY LAIR===
(A/N I am SO sorry for that stupid Barrylawn reference)


(The rumbling in the background is still faint, but growing louder)

Speakers: I asked you to fix a simple wall and you failed?! No, sir, it's just that as soon as we fixed the wall it started falling apart again.... That is not a excuse! Fix this immediately or you're fired! Yes, sir....

All: ...

Maya: ....So, since when did Barrylawn get a secret lair?

Edgeworth: It's best not to question it, Ms. Fey.

Quote:
Barry was sitting on his golden throne with wings drinking wine in the air


Phoenix: What? Wings can drink wine?

Maya: Maybe it's a person named Wings?

Edgeworth: I believe the fic is trying to say that Barrylawn was sitting on a golden throne with wings, drinking wine in the air.

Franziska: This is precisely why commas are necessary! (whipcrack)

Maya: Since when did chairs have wings and fly?

Phoenix: They can in the Barrylawn!verse!

(cricket noises)

Maya: That's just sad.

Quote:
"digertz" said Lawn and Dr Digertz came
"What u want pal" said Dr Digertz


Phoenix: Who's Dr. Digertz?

Maya: Maybe he's Detective Gumshoe. I mean, he's the only one who really says "pal" on a regular basis, right?

Speakers: DrDigertz is a fanfic writer. Sir, the fourth wall is collapsing, fast! Fix it or you're all fired! (Gulp) Yes, sir....

Maya: We're not going to spork his fanfics, right?

Speakers: Maybe. Maybe not.

Quote:
"we are going to war, summon... our weapon."
"OK pal" said Dr Digertz


Phoenix: If I was going to "summon" a weapon and use it for war, I wouldn't say it out loud, even if it was my sidekick.

Maya: Hey! I'm a human being too!

Phoenix: ...

Quote:
Digertz went to his lab and opened the bed, and inside it was Kek Owens the demon they will use to destroy Phoenix Wright


Maya: A demon? Nick, run!

Phoenix: Who puts a demon in a bed? And why would anyone name one?

Edgeworth: Based on how this fanfiction is going, I would presume that Kek Owens is another fanfiction writer.

Franziska: We're halfway into the fic and this foolish fool of a author hasn't used a single period! (whipcrack)

Maya: Come on, Nick, Mr. Edgeworth, we have to run!

Speakers: The management would like to remind Maya Fey that running from the sporking theater at anytime is forbidden.

Maya: But Kek Owens is gonna destroy us!

Edgeworth: We don't have to run, on the basis that demons don't exist.

Quote:
Phoenix got back into his blue bed
"Wow, I can't believe that just happened"
He turned around and went to sleep


Phoenix: But I thought my house was destroyed.....

Maya: I knew it! This universe has the ability to fix things automatically! (whipcrack) Ow!

Franziska: What a foolish idea.

Edgeworth: Wright, don't tell me you didn't even call the police after your house was blown to smithereens.

Phoenix: That's not me up there! That's fic!me!

Quote:
In his dream, he dreamt about Edgeworth (A/N I am a PhoeniXEdgeworth! XDXDXD) He dreamt about Edgeworth as a knight coming to him, which was when he woke up and saw Edgeworth really was coming to him


Edgeworth: ...

Maya: PhoeniXEdgeworth?

Franziska: (screen whip) Only a foolish fool of a author would write something as foolishly foolish as this! (whips screen several more times, gets shocked) OWW!

Phoenix: No, author, no. You are not going to-

(The rumbling in the background continues to get louder)

Speakers: Mayday, Mayday! Everyone, man your stations, immediately!

All: ...

Quote:
"Edgeworth what are you doing in my home" said Phoenix "And why are you wearing armor"
"Because were going to war" said Edgeworth


Phoenix and Maya: start laughing

Franziska: Starts muttering to herself (I am a von karma, I will keep calm...)

Edgeworth: Nngh! (My truth bar...)

Quote:
"Wait what" that fat dirty boy was serious?!


Phoenix: Nobody say anything.

Everyone else: Agreed.

Quote:
"You are a man Phoenix, you have to go" Edgeworth threw a spear and a shield and a helmet at Phoenix and he put them on
They both went to the battle field and made their battlecries


Franziska: I am perfectly capable of fighting myself, you foolish author! (whipcrack)

Phoenix: Ow! Why me?!

Maya: Because you're a man, Nick!

Edgeworth: Wars don't start like that, author.

Quote:
"Barry Lawn and other people of the dirty region" shouted Edgeworth "We will not go quietly, where are your men"
"we don't have men pal" said Digertz "but we DO have a WOMAN"


Franziska: (whipcrack) Miles Edgeworth! The von karma line does not shout such foolishly foolish words!

Edgeworth: No, author, no. (puts head in hands)

Speakers: The management would like to remind Miles Edgeworth that he is to look at the screen at all times or suffer the consequences.

Edgeworth: Nngh.

Quote:
Then Kek Owens appeared in the middle of the field
They all charged, but she blew all their heads off


Edgeworth: And everyone died. The end.

Quote:
The only exception was Phoenix, he was hiding behind a rock scared of the witch. But when she turned, he got his chance and hit her in the back with the spear


Maya: Yay, author! You finally used a period in this fanfic!

Phoenix: A witch? I thought she was a demon.

Franziska: Another testament to this author's foolish ignorance. (whipcrack)

Quote:
He charged into the castle and arrested Barry Lawn
"Ha ha, no more writing for you" said Phoenix
He threw him in jail and prepared himself for the trial


Phoenix: I'm pretty sure that only the police are allowed to arrest and throw people in jail.

Maya: Yeah, and how did you know there would be a trial, Nick?

Edgeworth: Because there are trials for war crimes, Ms. Fey.

Quote:
Eventually the trial happened


Franziska: Obviously. (whipcrack)

Quote:
"Court is in session" said Judge
"I am ready" said Prosecutor Phoenix
"Wright what your supposed to be defense"


Maya: Nick! Did you forget what my sister taught you? To always believe in your client?

Phoenix: No, I didn't! But... this does sound kind of like that one fanfic in which DL-6 never happened and I became a prosecutor.....

(The rumbling in the background is now highly audible)

Speakers: Aargh! Everybody run! None of you are running! Fix this wall immediately! But sir... I don't want to hear it! Fix it NOW!

All: ...

(The management comes back)

Speakers: Phoenix Wright, you do not want to make us mad.

Phoenix: ...

Edgeworth: ...I fear for your safety, Wright.

Franziska: Thank you for pointing out something completely obvious to all of us. Here, have this whip. (whipcrack)

Edgeworth: Nghoooooh!

Quote:
"No, none would defend this worthless life" said Phoenix "Barry Lawn, I charge you with being a troll fic author and killing people, do you deny these charges"
"no" said Barry "WAIT I MEAN-
"So as you can see Your Honor" said Phoenix and he turned a bit before pointing "Barry is the killer"


Edgeworth: This is not a war crimes trial, author. And all trials must have a defense attorney!

Maya: Nick, you're cruel.

Phoenix: Well, he IS a badfic writer, but I would still defend him.

Quote:
"NOOO U CANT PROVE I KILLED THE VICTIM IN TURNABOUT ESCAPE"


Phoenix: But you just said you did.

Quote:
"But you just said you did" said Phoenix


Maya: Echo! (whipcrack) Ow!

Franziska: Let's move on.

Quote:
"NOOOOO" screamed Barry "I-IM JUST STUPID" he was forced to admit


Edgeworth: At the very least, the caps lock abuse isn't as bad as the last one.

Franziska: That is not a excuse, Miles Edgeworth! (whipcrack)

Edgeworth: Nghoooooh!

Quote:
But the court arrested him anyway and he was carried away kicking screaming and crying


Maya: That's real mature.

Phoenix: (Says the person who begs me to buy her a burger every day.)

Quote:
"Thank you for saving us from that little scrub Phoenix" said everyone
"Your all welcome" said Phoenix


Edgeworth: Then he saved everybody by illegal means by prosecuting a case with no defense attorney.

Quote:
The end


All: Yay!

(The lights turn back on as all of our sporkers except Franziska yawn)

Phoenix: What time is it anyway?

Edgeworth: I would say around 1:30 in the morning.

Franziska: Management! You have wasted my time and you WILL pay! (whipcrack)

Speakers: Go ahead and try.

Franziska: Grr.....

Maya: Nick, I'm hungry, buy me a burger.

Phoenix: Sigh.....

(And so, our sporkers leave the theater, ready for another day)

Speakers: Have you fixed that wall yet? Not yet.... Then hurry up! NOW! Yes, sir...

(I'm glad I don't have to help with that.)

Speakers: Narrator, you are still under our command. We will make you help repair the fourth wall if you say another word.

(I'll be good.)

Yay! You made it to the end! Have a Dahalia :fire:
On second thought...... never mind.
Tell me how I did.....Please? :karma:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

Good grief,they added an addendum in the fix saying that they aren't a troll. This is crazy,man.


ALSO DONT YOU DARE HURT BARRYLAWN


Oh yeah,the sporting itself was good. It had a few giggly moments.
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

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Rank: Suspect

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:48 pm

Posts: 17

Ahahaha yeah.
Could you tell me if everybody was in character? I'm working on another one and I want it to be as good as possible.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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Rank: Ace Attorney

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Posts: 3799

Yeah,they all were. Nothing too crazy or unbelievable.
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

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Rank: Suspect

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:48 pm

Posts: 17

Whew. Thanks. I'm doing another one and it's going to star Feenie.
Wish me luck.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

Good luck.

And by Feenie,do you mean 3-1...? Uh oh.
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

The man for your trials!

Gender: Male

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Considering what defines Feenie's character as different from Phoenix... I think I know which fic is coming up.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Can't go to hell. Out of vacation days.

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Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:19 pm

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It’s been a while, and there’s been four new chapters of Steven Universe: Human of Bad, the story which is, surprisingly, AA-related. Which means, of course, it’s time for the next part of this sporking. Oho boy, here we go.

steven universe: human of bad

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:

And now, presenting our sporkers!

Pearl!
Image“Oh dear, this again.”

Garnet!

Image“...”

Amethyst!
Image“Ugh, we’re doing this again?”

Steven Universe!

Image“Maybe his writing’s gotten better over time?”

Phoenix Wright!

:phoenix: “I sincerely doubt that.”

And lastly,
:maya: Maya Fey!
“Three more chapters of this? Man, and this was almost a good day.”

[The sporking theater illuminates, revealing that everyone is already there, positioned in their seats.]

Amethyst: I can’t believe we have to do this again.

Pearl: Well, maybe this is the last time?

Management: There’s no such thing. I will say, though, I do appreciate you guys getting situated so fast.

Phoenix: It’s only so we can get this over with quicker. (Totally not because I want to stay on the Management’s good side since I destroyed the last theater.)

Management: Well, good luck with that, because you’ve got two more chapters on your plate today.

Maya: Oh, crud. Well, it’s a good thing I did a little more research on the show, then.

Spoiler:
Quote:
steven bootyverse: human of badd
chapter ==3


Steven: Bootyverse?!

Phoenix: There is no way that’s a typo. He did that on purpose.

Pearl: But why?

Garnet: He probably thinks it’s funny. It’s not.

Quote:
peral and garnit and amathest had jus called the police to see if they can find the mr phoenix wright guy cause he tryed to shoot steven


Phoenix: Oh right, that did happen in this story, didn’t it? I’d kinda tried to block it out of my mind.

Amethyst: Why call the cops? We’d probably just hunt you down ourselves.

Phoenix: ...Keeping in mind this is all fictional, of course…

Quote:
"ok" said police chierf "wats he look like"
"he wears cloths and has hair" sayed steven


Maya: Wow. What an amazingly specific description. It’s almost like it doesn’t fit absolutely everyone in this room.

Pearl: Well, technically, we don’t have clothes or hair, in the human sense. Our physical appearances are merely hard light projections formed by our gems-

Amethyst: Pearl, I don’t think they care.

Quote:
"oh u mean phoenix wirght?" said police chief who was actualy DAMON GANT


Phoenix: Oh jeez, this guy?

Steven: Who’s that?

Phoenix: He used to be the Chief of Police back in Los Angeles. That ended after he was convicted of murder, though.

Maya: And you’re the one who caught him!

Phoenix: [Sheepishly] W-Well, it wasn’t all me…

Amethyst: Wait, so how’d he not only end up in Beach City, but also become Chief of Police there?

Phoenix: Maybe it’ll be explained? Not that it’s likely to make sense.

Quote:
"yo wat a fuck u know him?" say pearl


Pearl: I still don’t understand why I am being portrayed with such a filthy mouth.

Maya: Don’t worry, it’s not just you. Everyone swears like a sailor in jakkid’s stories.

Phoenix: Except in phoenix wright ace christian, for some reason.

Quote:
"ya" say damongant "HE FRAME ME FOR MURDER"


Phoenix: ...Okay, yeah, no, that didn’t happen.

Quote:
but gamon dant was lies, he really watned to get reveng on phoenix cause he killd him in damon gant escaps from PRISOOOOOOOOON


Phoenix: Okay, yeah, no, that didn’t happen. I should know, I was a sporker on that story.

Management: You just haven’t been to chapter 8 yet. Which, by the way, was guest-written by our very own jakkid166!

Phoenix: You- WHAT?

Maya: Wow, jakkid really gets around.

Quote:
"dam what a dicknug" said amethirst
"yes" say damongant "we gotta catch him or else ill be really sad"


Maya: Oh no, he’ll be really sad! How horrible!

Quote:
"ok but how" say garnet
wit evidence said gant, he grabb his barbie backpack and say "lets go invesigate"


Steven: He has a barbie backpack?

Phoenix: Well, he was kind of a strange man. Evil, but strange as well. A little creepy. I’d believe it.

Quote:
~ MEANWHILE ~
nick wright was in hi lab base plotting his plan
"ok so now i gone finally figure out what my plan is" said he


Phoenix: Well, that’s one way I haven’t seen my name said.

Amethyst: He seriously hasn’t even figured out his plan yet?

Quote:
waite what you mean you havent figure it out yet?
"yeah i stil need to think it up" say phoenix
oh ok


Pearl: Wait, who’s talking here?

Garnet: It seems the author is talking to Phoenix.

Phoenix: That… goes against so many rules of writing, I think my head is starting to spin.

Quote:
"ok so i think i need what to do is to go home so i gotta fidn a way to get bakc home so i can enact my REAL plan, whic is so i can get to hell so i can hepl edgeghost break out of there cause satan trappd him there after i breaked out of hell"


Phoenix: Wait, what the hell? When did I end up in hell?

Maya: Yeah, I don’t remember any of this.

Management: Non-sporked fanfic, sorry! You guys might end up with it at some point.

Pearl: Just how many of these are there…?

Phoenix: Also, another point here. Wasn’t I supposed to be the bad guy in this? My plan seems more genuinely good than evil.

Steven: Well, you did try to shoot me.

Maya: Maybe it’s one of those “complex motives and means” sort of things.

Phoenix: I doubt this guy has the writing capabilities to do something like that.

Quote:
phoenix wernt onto his compurer and typed into google "how to get to japanifornia"


Phoenix: Hahaha, overused localization joke.

Quote:
"ok" said phoenic "it says here i gott build a teleporter that wil take me back to home, but i need 2 get sumthing that will power it"
so he type in2 google "source of big power"
"ok it say here that i need to get a rare mysticality gem artifact that will pwower my portal to home"


Maya: Wow, Google’s really gotten good over the past few years.

Quote:
"wait a secon i was aLREADY looking for that in tha first place"
so he ran out he door to start lookin for the arti fact


Phoenix: Wait, why was I looking for it if I didn’t know I needed it?

Pearl: Not only does this author lack grammar, he seems to lack basic logic as well.

Amethyst: You’re only getting that now?

Quote:
~ MEANWHILE ~
"ok" say damongant and they wer at homeworld warpe "so dis is a place where u saw phoenix wright?"
"yes" say pearl "this is where he face"


Phoenix: Right, that’s where me face. Me face every day. Sure, why the hell not.

Quote:
"ok" say gant "yes i see his fignerprints on the warpz, it look like he was tryin to GET them to work so he could use them to be teleportin"


Pearl: But humans can’t use the warps! I thought we established that!


Maya: What, do you think the author actually takes any criticism?

Quote:
"bt WHERE could he want to go" say stevem
"hm" said gant "idk"
"man ur fucking useless" said pearl


Phoenix: Wow, that’s mean. Even if it’s Gant, you couldn’t expect him to be a psychic or something.

Pearl: It’s not my fault I’ve been written this way!

Quote:
~ MEANWHILE ~

edgeworth was in hell gettin tortured by satin


Maya: Hey, satin’s actually a really nice fabric.

Quote:
"hahaha u sukc at prosecuting" said satan
"nOOOOO stop making fuN OF MEEEE" said edworth
"but its fun" say stan


Phoenix: ...I think we have vastly different definitions on what constitutes “torture”.

Quote:
"im a good at prosecutin though ig ots lots of guilty verdicts cause im a smart person with a smart brain"
"yeah well if ur so smart then why are u dead"


Maya: I dunno, if Einstein’s so smart then why is he dead?

Quote:
~ MEANWILE~
"ok" say big nick he was wenting through the swampforest place again and he wa holding a compass
"this compas says the treasure is in dis place somewhere" he looked aroudn "i dont see it"


Phoenix: Oh, so he finally decided to put the “Big Nick” name into effect, huh?

Garnet: Oh, joy.

Steven: Why is he talking to himself?

Maya: Exposition.

Quote:
SUDENLY gant and tha GEMS APEPARD FRO THE BUSGHES

"WHAT" sayed wright "HOW DID U FIND ME"


Phoenix: Because Gant is Sherlock Holmes, apparently.

Quote:
"elementary my dear wrighto" said gant


Phoenix: ...Yeah.

Maya: You did that on purpose, didn’t you?

Phoenix: What? I had no idea he was going to say that…

Quote:
"my names not wrighto now its BIG NICK"


Phoenix: Can we please stop using that name?

Quote:
"i dont give a fukc, i know wat ur looking for and i put a fake one here for your COMPASS TO TRACK"


Maya: So, in this short span of time, he managed to not only find out what you were looking for, but also make a fake one that’s convincing enough to fool your compass.

Steven: Wow, this guy’s good.

Quote:
"BULL SHITE" said bull write "prove it"
"wat you are looking for is called the MILORB OF BOTE"


Phoenix: Fact checking time! Is that an actual thing?

Pearl: No, I don’t think so.

Garnet: Never heard of it.

Maya: Why not look it up on the all-powerful Google?

Management: Sorry, we don’t have Wi-fi in here.

Quote:
"what tha fuck is that" said write "no im looking for tha gem of ultimate power"


Maya: Alright, now is that a thing?

Garnet: That’s another no.

Pearl: This author really isn’t very well-researched, is he?

Quote:
"HAHAHA" said gatn "i just got u to say what youre looking for"
"wait what"
"o shit" said garnete "hes lookin for the gem of ultimate power? but that has all the big power in the wordl, wat could he possible want ti for?"


Pearl: Well, I could imagine there would be many uses for such a thing, if it existed.

Maya: I know, right? Not only does that thing have power, it has big power. I don’t know what the difference is, but it sounds cool.

Quote:
"to TAKE OVER THE WORLD" sayed gant


Pearl: Yes, I suppose that’s one application for it.

Quote:
"wait what" said wright "no i jus want it so i can sav my friedn-" BUT THE GREMS ATTACK HIM


Maya: Wow, rude. You interrupted him.

Pearl: ...Grems?

Steven: [Singing] We are the Crystal Grems… We’ll always save the day…

Quote:
garnet tryed to punch wrighte but he dodge and pulld out his gun and pointde it at all of them

"AHAHA the shoe is on the other HAND NOW" said wrighte


Amethyst: Pff, you can’t intimidate us that easily!

Phoenix: Shoe… on the other hand? What’s with this guy screwing up common sayings like that?

Maya: Are you telling me you don’t wear your shoes on your hands?

Quote:
"no said gant" said gant


Phoenix: Uh.

Maya: Gant, are you okay?

Amethyst: Jakkid, are you okay?

Quote:
and he grabbed a rock and throwed it at wright and it hit him in the nose
"OW" said wrighte and he accidental fired the gun and the bulet bouncd off a tree and hit him in the foot


Phoenix: What the hell kind of angle did I fire that gun from?! And how did the bullet ricochet off wood?

Quote:
"AAAARGN" said wright "ARE U FUKKING HIDDING ME THAT HAPPENED AGAIN? I HATE GUNS GODAMIT" and he was jumpin arond holding his foot


Maya: You suck at using guns, Phoenix.

Phoenix: That would probably be because I’ve never used a gun before.

Quote:
"ok wright ur under arest" said gant and wright got arested
"shit" said wright who was in jail "i gotta escapey"


Phoenix: Okay, so I was arrested for what I assume to be attempted murder. And already, I’m thinking of escaping. Let me guess, I’m going to succeed?

Management: There are three more chapters of this in total. We’ll let you decide for yourself.

Pearl: Has anyone noticed that this story’s focus seems to have shifted completely from Steven to Phoenix?

Quote:
"BUT HOW"
TO BE CONTINUES


Amethyst: Well, that’s one chapter down.

Management: And on to the next one!

Quote:
stephen universe human of bad
chapter 4: phoenix wright escaps from PRISOOOOOOOOOON


Phoenix: ...Are you kidding me?

Quote:
phoenix wrighte was really sad cause he was throwed in jail for committing his crimes and now he cant save edgworth
"god damn a shit" say wright "hey POLICEMAN" and he bang the door


Phoenix: What’s with all these references to Damon Gant Escaps From Prison?!

Amethyst: It’s like they’ve got some weird fanfiction cult or something.

Quote:
"wat is it" said policeguy
"can u let me out so i can save my friend edgworth"
"no"


Pearl: That policeman would be very bad at his job if he did that.

Quote:
"shit" and write sat bac down thinking to himsefl how toe escape
BUT TEN there was a knokc on the door
"who is it" sai wright
the door open and stadning there was non other than ME, DETECTIV JAKKID166

Amethyst: Not as bad as this guy!

Steven: Detective Jakkid166?!

Phoenix: Detective. Jakkid166. What the hell?! Is he seriously writing himself into his story?!

Maya: And he’s not even trying to make it subtle! It’s just his internet username with “Detective” in front of it!

Quote:
o shit detective jakkid166 the best dective in the world! ill leav u and the criminal alone" said policeguy and he left


Maya: Oh, and on top of that, he’s a Mary Sue. Great.

Pearl: It seems this policeman really is bad at his job.

Quote:
"ty" siad me and i went into wrights sell
"wat do you want u assholer" said wright "also wtf how ar u here in beech sity"
"wright jus cause im von karmas cousin dont make me an asshole" said jakkid


Phoenix: von Karma and Jakkid are cousins?!

Maya: Which von Karma, though?

Phoenix: I’m going to assume Franziska, since she’s probably closer to his age.

Quote:
"BUT U TRYED TO CONVICT ME FOR VON KARMAS DETH"
"thats cause you actualy killed him"
"THATS IRRELEVENT"


Garnet: Seems very relevant to me.

Phoenix: Oh, “him”, I guess it’s Manfre- Wait, when did I kill him?

Management: Different fanfic, sorry.

Phoenix: If you’re going to make us spork these, why not make us do it in order? It would be way less confusing!

Maya: Anyone confused by the fact that Jakkid is cousins with a 65-year-old man?

Quote:
"aniway, u proved yorself to be a good person anda good lawyer who aren't afraid of anythin g, and i applad you in ur effort to save ur friend from tha depths of hell"


Steven: Um, didn’t he try to kill me earlier?

Amethyst: In the meantime, he can also save himself from the depths of not being able to write.

Quote:
"so wat r u saying BR0"
"i will get u out of prison on on condition"
"wats dat"
"yuo let me help you in ur adventure"


Phoenix: Of course the self-insert has to join us. Watch, I bet he’ll be the one to save the day, too.

Quote:
"ya ok but wat can u do"
"i can be spy, and giv informatine to you abot gants traps"
"oh ok"


Maya: Detective Jakkid over here seems pretty corrupt.

Phoenix: I guess saving Edgeworth is a decent cause, though.

Quote:
"cool now lets ASCAPE" and i took a galaxy note 7 out of my pokcet and thrw it at the wall and it exploded and we jump out da hole


Maya: A Galaxy Note 7? November called, it wants its joke back.

Quote:
poleceguy came back to the cell "oh cool ty detectiv jakkid166 for the new window"


Pearl: This policeman is really, really bad at his job.

Phoenix: It’s probably Mike Meekins, all things considered.

Quote:
me and wirght ran all the waye to his secret lab base


Maya: Ran? Didn’t Nick have to use the portal things to get there?

Steven: Maybe you’re both secretly half-gems?

Phoenix: I wouldn’t put it past this author. At all.

Quote:
"ok were here" say wright
"wtf dis is ur base its just a normal house" said me
"im on a budget ok"


Phoenix: What I want to know is how I managed to hire people to build a house in the middle of a “swampforest”. Seems like a place like that would have really unstable ground.

Amethyst: As if the author would think of something like that.

Quote:
we wetn inside and he showd me his labtop
"ok so wat i need is dis gem of ultimat power, itll alow me to use the warp pad 2 teleport home"


Pearl: But haven’t you been using the warp pad this whole time?

Phoenix: Er… Maybe my own world is far off enough that I would need the extra power to use it to get there?

Quote:
"ok so wher is it"
"WELL DAT IS A GOODQUESTION WHICHthe answer to it is i dontknow"


Phoenix: Well, I can see I’m doing a great job so far.

Amethyst: Why not just Google it? That seems to work for everything in this story.

Quote:
"well dat means we gotta to find it" said me "u do researc ill go find policechief damongant"
~ ME AN WHILE ~
da mong ant was still invesigating with them crystal gems when i ranned up to them


Phoenix: Da Mong Ant?

Maya: That’s his rapper name! He’s Da Ant that’s Mong. I don’t know what “Mong” means, though.

Garnet: That’s because it’s not a word.

Quote:
hello chief of police damon gant" said me
"ohi detectiv jakkid166 have u came to help us fidn mr wrights base?"


Steven: Man, he figured that out really fast.

Phoenix: Suspiciously fast.

Quote:
"yes but i hav news, phoenix wirght has ESCAPD FROM PRISOOOOOOOOOOOOON"
"WAT" said admon gant "oh dats fine i have traps to catch him"


Phoenix: Traps? What kind of traps?

Maya: Well, that’s simple. A mousetrap, but it uses a contradiction for bait instead of cheese!

Phoenix: Hardy-har-har.

Quote:
"orly" said i and i pulld out a notebok "pls tell me what traps u got and where they are adn how to deactivate them"
"ok" said gnat


Pearl: ...Well, he fell for that rather easily.

Amethyst: Yeah, and he was all super-specific with his wording and stuff, too. This Gant guy’s kinda dumb.

Quote:
~ LATER ~
i went bakc to wrights house to fukc him up


Maya: Oh man, has jakkid switched sides again?!

Quote:
"ok wright i got da list of traps that gant put downe"
"ok good, well i was lookin on ma radar adn i found a fuckin the godamn GEM OF ULTIMAT POWER"


Phoenix: Well, that was easy. Where’d I get a Gem-of-Ultimate-Power-detecting radar?

Maya: The Deus Ex Machina pit, obviously!

Quote:
"oh kool where is it"
"damon gant has it" sayd wrighte


Phoenix: Oh, crap.

Pearl: Wait, how did he find it? Even Mr. Wright, with his radar, took a while to find it, but meanwhile, Gant finds it before him with no equipment whatsoever.

Steven: What’s he even gonna do with it?

Quote:
"yo u see when i got arested by him i secretli put a gem radar in he pocket, turns out he swallowd the gem"


Steven: ...And also, why would he do that? That sounds kinda painful.

Phoenix: Either that’s one small gem, or Gant is really good at shoving things down his throat.

All: …

Maya: You’ve been playing too much Phoenix Drive, Nick.

Phoenix: What?! It’s only been the two times so far!

Management: Speaking of, part three is going to be your next sporking. Just so you know.

Maya & Phoenix: NOOOOOOOO!

Pearl: (...What are they talking about?)

Garnet & Amethyst: *Shrugs*

Quote:
"wtf y would he do dat"
"well maybe 2 reasons, ether to keep me frum gettin it, or to BECOME A POWERFUL"


Phoenix: I think the answer is “all of the above”.

Quote:
"wat kind of power"
"TAKIN G OVER THA WORLD POWER"


Maya: Oh no, not that kind of power! Whatever will we do?!

Pearl: Any object that powerful should either be destroyed or very securely contained. In the wrong hands, it could cause a disaster!

Garnet: Looks like it’s already in the wrong hands.

Quote:
"O shIT" said me "we gotta STop HIM QUICK"
"YEA" sai wright and we both ran outta da house to find damon gant
TO BE A CONTINUE


Phoenix: Oh yeah, me and jakkid are gonna stop a guy with power sufficient for taking over the whole world. That’s a smart idea. Who wants to bet both me and jakkid get killed doing this?

Maya: What’s it matter? You’ll both just become ghosts anyway.

Phoenix: Oh, right.


[The lights turn back on.]

Phoenix: Oh, that’s the end of that?

Management: For now. There’s two more chapters left until the end.

Maya: Well, that’s not too bad…

Management: Don’t forget, though. You’re not doing that until after you finish Phoenix Drive part three.

Phoenix: Damn it.

Maya: No, no, no! Please, give us more Steven Universe Human of Bad! Anything but more Phoenix Drive!

Pearl: What are you two talking about?! What is “Phoenix Drive”?

Phoenix: It’s really best you don’t know. Let’s just get out of here, quick.

[The sporkers leave the theater.]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

There's a new chapter from ballistic dolphin?!


After reading....


I really liked it.


Oh and this sporting was great too. Da Mong Ant was my favourite new character
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

I'm kind of surprised Jakkid166 didn't go for the whole Gant is a rapist thing.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Can't go to hell. Out of vacation days.

Gender: Male

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:19 pm

Posts: 48

Southern Corn (SC) wrote:
There's a new chapter from ballistic dolphin?!


After reading....


I really liked it.

Yeah, there's a whole wiki page that explains what happened with that.

http://jakkid.wikia.com/wiki/Jakkid/Bal ... laboration

...Never mind the fact that Jakkid apparently has a wiki.

Last edited by DrOcsid on Tue Jan 10, 2017 3:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

...someone has too much time on their hands to make a wiki on these.
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


Story CrafterCase RankingsRelated LinksQR CodeSocot Lore
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

Gender: Male

Location: Watching an Investigation from the bushes

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:42 am

Posts: 106

:acro: My spork-meter has been met.
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

Gender: None specified

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Wed Dec 28, 2016 7:48 pm

Posts: 17

Goddamit, I just lost all the progress to the feenie- spork I was writing, *sighs*
Well, time to start all over again.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

*laugh track*

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Rank: Ace Attorney

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Posts: 3799

Man,it's been a while since the last post here. So I'm here to revive it with my first ever sporking!

Mayo's Rattelsnek Advuntre by toomuchbathroomcorn2009

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Absolute trash. This is the author's first time writing a trollfic,and it shows. They try to misspell every word on purpose,and it just leads to utter confusion. It's trying too hard,and that's it's main downfall. The only reasons it didn't get higher is because at least the author had the common sense to admit it's garbage,and the secret message hidden in it was alright. Still one of the worst fanfics I've had the displeasure of reading.

The Sporkers:
:phoenix: - "We're back here again?"
:maya: -"This place gives me bad memories,but at least the food here's nice!"
:edgeworth: -"Don't bother,Ms. Fey. This place does not deserve compliments."

Spoiler:
The Sporkers meet up in the theatre.

Maya:Hey guys! Wasn't expecting to be back here so soon,eh?

Edgeworth:I would rather like if we never had to come back here again.

Speakers:But Mr.Edgeworth,you're our very favourite Spork Bitch-

Edgeworth:Yes,yes,I know how. Please don't call me such names.

Phoenix:So what are we sporking today anyway?

Oh,it's a trollfic from som-

Speakers:Hey,hey,that's my job,narrator!

Oops. Sorry,boss.

Phoenix:(Huh?What was that all about?)

Speakers:Anyway,today you're sporking a trollfic by someone new to the business!

Edgeworth:Oh joy.

Speakers:Well,let's start up this bad boy,huh?

Quote:
Man oh man,you may have thought some of the earlier stuff was bad,but here's some more purposefully bad stuff.

Phoenix:Is this the author being...normal?

Maya:...Huh. Didn't expect to see that.

Edgeworth:I doubt it will compensate for the inevitable bad grammar in the actual story,though.

Quote:
It all started in the PW dreams thread where fellow user Brammimond described a dream they had:


Maya:So wait,this was made because of a dream?!

Phoenix:That's certainly strange. What was it about anyway?

Quote:
"Phoenix and Maya are kind of dating, but it's only casual. Then Maya suddenly turns to him one day and says, "You know, Nick, I like where our relationship is at, but I think we should take things to the next level.""


Phoenix: *blush*

Maya: *blush*

Edgeworth: *facepalm*

Quote:
"But Phoenix is rather slow to what she's getting at, so he just nods and says, "O-Oh, okay. So like seeing each other more and updating our relationship status on Facebook?""


Maya:Well,they got your obliviousness spot on at least,Nick.

Phoenix:Hey!

Edgeworth:Actually,I don't think we've even gotten to the fic yet. This is just a description of the dream.

Quote:
""Actually...I'm talking about this." And then she pulls out a rattlesnake. "We need to spice things up a little. Aw, don't worry. He won't bite.""

Maya:Woah! This got juicy quick!

Edgeworth:Just what are you planning to do with that rattlesnake,Ms.Fey?
Quote:
"I really don't know what they intend to do with the rattlesnake. But I woke up right then and I don't think Subby wants to know either."

Maya:Darn. I'll guess we'll never know.

Phoenix:I for one am glad we'll never get to know. Though I guess the fic is there to rectify that,I suppose.

Edgeworth:...'Subby'?

Speakers:Subconscious.

Edgeworth:Who comes up with this nonsense?

Phoenix:Trollfic authors.
Quote:
Which I then responded to with a joke post about the fan fictions that could arise from this. But then they asked me to write one,featuring some other characters.

Phoenix:So this was written because of peer pressure?

Maya:So that's why they taught us to stay in school!

Phoenix:Maya,you lived in Kurain. I doubt there are many public schools over there.

Maya:Oh,shush. You get the idea.
Quote:
So I present to you...

Mayo's rattelsnek advuntre

by toomuchbathroomcorn2009


Phoenix:...I'm not even going to comment on that username.

Maya: Mayo? So I'm a condiment in this story?

Edgeworth:The part that troubles me the most is 2009. For most people,they use their birth year in their username. So the author is...not even eight?!

Phoenix:Nah,they're joking. I haven't seen too many kids under eight type that well at the beginning.

Edgeworth: *penalty* Ngghoooh! (I must be more careful with my assumptions...)

Quote:
hey nick maya said

yeah what is it mayo said cnik


Phoenix:So far,the lack of quote marks is really bothering me.

Edgeworth:As well as the fact that they spelt both your names wrong in the second line.

Phoenix:Yeah,'cnik' isn't a very good nickname.

Maya:Wait,why is the t in 'it' bold?

Edgeworth:They probably did it on purpose. Don't think too hard about it.

Quote:
then yamo pulld out a rittlsnaek

phenix shuted oh noes yummy wut r u duing


Edgeworth:They're already running out of ways they can misspell your name,Ms.Fey.

Maya:Yeesh,I don't think the author likes me very much. And look! The h in 'then' is also bolded! I think I may be onto something!

Phoenix:Eh,suit yourself. I think it's just a coincidence.

Maya:Either way,I'm noting all of this down! Let's see....t....h....okay,moving on.

Quote:
burger girl said hey nick i wanna lick ur ratelsnek


Maya:*blush*

Phoenix: *blush*

Edgeworth: *puts hand over face* Fic-you is about as subtle as a sledgehammer.

Phoenix:Y-yeah...and look,they've given up on misspelling your name already! They've just resorted to calling you 'burger girl'!

Maya:S-Speaking of burger girl,the i is bolded! Let's add it on....i...done! Okay,where were we?

Quote:
but penix sad not and he ded


Phoenix:Y-you do mean metaphorically,right?

Edgeworth:No,Wright,I believe you just died because of how astoundingly subtle Ms.Fey's message to you was.

Maya: 'Penix'...*giggle*

Quote:
miyu was liek ho my godness wut did just happend (A/N that was a ygs refrince u guis do tink jack wil sea tis)


Edgeworth:Are they trying to rip off Damon Gant escapes from Prison with the terrible author's notes?

Phoenix:What is 'ygs' and who is this Jack?

Speakers:I believe they're referring to Jack Douglass,a YouTuber. One of his series is called Your Grammar Sucks,or YGS for short. It revolves around him reading badly written comments on the internet and making fun of them. It's gotten millions of views and now he's famous because of it.

Phoenix:So basically what we do,but he earns money off of it?

Speakers:Yep.

Edgeworth:Sounds a bit ironic,if you ask me.

Maya:Speaking of this YGS,the s is bolded! Let me jot that down....done!

Quote:
then DA GRETEST DETCETVIE EVRE AUTOTUNE JESUS (A/N hes autotune jsus and peaslovey andystunding combnied i dunno f i splet it write tho lol)

Edgeworth:'Autotune Jesus'? 'Peaslovey Andystunding'?

Phoenix:Oh,do they mean Pees'lubn A-

Speakers:The Sporkers will refrain from spoiling Spirit of Justice.

Maya:Though to be fair,that is a hard name to spell. But since when was he a detective?

Speakers:I repeat,the Sporkers will refrain from spoiling Spirit of Justice.

Maya:Look,the i is also bolded! One more for the list!

Edgeworth:....I still don't know about this 'Autotune Jesus',but I suppose it isn't best to move on.

Quote:
DETECTIVE AUTOTUNE JESUS came and said NO UR TRU LOEV IS NOT WRGHTIO ITS THE SNEK


Phoenix:Wait-

Maya:WHAAAAAAAT?! I'm in love with a snake now?!

Edgeworth:*penalty* NGHOOH! (A third of my bar,gone in a split second...)

Phoenix:Well,erm...the S in snek is bolded!

Maya:Oh,good eye,Nick! I'll jot that down! Yeah...um,let's move,

Edgeworth:Yes,I suppose it is best to move on as fast as possible.

Quote:
AND MAYA WAS LIEK OMG AND SHE FRENCH KISSSD HIM BUT THE SNIKS POISNO KLILD HRE


Maya:Ew.

Phoenix:That's what you get for French kissing a venomous reptile,Maya.

Edgeworth:Can we move on from this as well?

Maya:Wait,there's another bold letter! *jots down*

Quote:
THEN DTCIVE EJSUS TOOK OFF HIS MASK AND IT WAS DOLAN TEUMP WHO WANTED TO MAKE AA GREAT AGAIN BUT BY KLING YAMA AND PENZIS CUS HE FELT THAT THEIR CHARACTERS WERE POINTLESS IN THE NEW YAMAZAKI GAMES SND THT DGS2 WAS THE WRIGHT (A/N git it u gyus) WAY TWO GO


Phoenix:Whoa,that's a lot of stuff in one paragraph.

Maya:And a lot of bold letters! Give me a minute. *jots down*

Speakers:I think for just this paragraph I'll let you break the fourth wall.

Edgeworth:Let me break this down. So this 'Detective Jesus' turns out to be Donald Trump,which is pointlessly political. But then his motivations are to make our series great again by killing Wright and Ms.Fey because he found your roles absolutely pointless in Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice and that Dai Gyakuten Saiban's sequel was the correct path. I am extremely confused.

Phoenix:This trollfic is way more complex than you gave it credit for,Edgeworth.

Edgeworth:NGHOOOOOOOH! *penalty* (I only have a fifth of my bar left now...)

Maya:Okay,I'm done jotting the bolded letters down. Sheesh,I think the author's thoughts on the series is showing here.

Speakers:Alright,that's enough. We have to hire some more workers to fix the fourth wall. Moving right along...

Quote:
BUT THEN oh srry my caps lock was on anyway teh reel cedtective joysus game amd keld hmi and rezrectid pony dan myoa


Phoenix:I think the author's grasp on the English language is weakening. And did they call me a pony?

Maya:Ooh,three bold letters in a row! *jots down* Anyway,I think I can translate. 'But then-oh,sorry,my caps lock was on-anyway,the REAL Detective Jesus came and killed him and resurrected Phoenix and Maya.'

Phoenix:You're way too good at this.

Maya:Comes with years of experiencing bad fics.

Edgeworth:Is no one going to mention that the author forgot to remove caps lock?

Quote:
yummylicious apollogisd to phiny and sed she wasnt intristed


Maya:You bet I'm yummylicious!

Quote:
phony sed its ok im into edgeypoo anyway


Phoenix:*winces*

Maya:*grins*

Edgeworth:NGHGOOOOOOGHGOH! *penalty* (I still have a tenth of my bar left. I can do this...)

Quote:
TEHN MYOOO WUS LIEK WUT IM INTO HIM UUUU dna chaised aftre poor phunny (A/N moer lick UNPHUNNY AMIRITE OOOOOOO)

Phoenix:No,author,you're the unfunny one!

Maya:*grin* But you're still pretty unfunny,Nick. And two more bold letters to the list! *jots down*

Edgeworth:NGAAAAAAAAAAAGGHOOOOH! *penalty* (It's all over....I can't finish....) A-and thus t-the truth was lost f-forever.... *faints*

Phoenix:Edgeworth!

Speakers:Oh,don't worry,this isn't going to be like Law plus Chaos. We installed some stuff into your seats since then.

Suddenly,electricity pulses through Edgeworth's seat,and he is electrocuted into waking up just as the current leaves the seat.

Edgeworth:Huh? Where am I?

Phoenix:Still with us. Now come on,we're almost done. (That certainly was shocking...heh.)

Maya:Why do you look like you're making a bad joke in your head,Nick?

Phoenix:Huh? No I'm not. (Dammit,she caught onto me...)

Edgeworth:(Now I have a tenth of my bar left again...best be careful with this...)

Quote:
then defective geez r us laffed and everyone liffed adn teh epsode endid like on scooby dough watch it its a good tv show


Edgeworth:Another reference to that fic?

Maya:A whole eight letter word now?! *jots down*

Phoenix:I don't think that's a Scooby Doo style ending though. Maya over there is trying to kill me. Look,that's one big knife.

Maya:Yeesh,that is pretty large. And is 'geez r us' a new toy store?

Quote:
then the credits showd up (A/N not down) and it said DIRECTED BY SOME ASSHAT WHO THINKS HES IRONICALLY FUNNY CALLED toomuchbathroomcorn2009 AND THIS IS WHY U SHOLD STAY IN SCHOOL KIDZ


Phoenix:You said it best,credits guy.

Maya:That guy's my spirit animal.

Edgeworth:Even the author acknowledges this is garbage. Though that doesn't make it better by any means.
Quote:
and then i wuz all NO SHUT UP CREDITS GUY and i kiked him out


Maya:No,not credits guy!

Phoenix:We'll certainly miss him.
Quote:
then i wrote THE END

THE END (A/N lol get it guys its meta lol yum yum anyway have the goodest day and drive safe)


Edgeworth:Your meta humour fails to impress me,author.

Phoenix:I thought you were interested in the villain's motivations,though.

Edgeworth:That was different. It was actually somewhat well conceived,which is about the only thing I can give this fic.

Maya:Yum yum? The heck does that mean?

Quote:
....


Edgeworth:Yes,let us have a moment of silence for all those who endured this pile of-

Phoenix:Relax,we're almost there. You can vent afterwards.

Quote:
I hope to return to actually writing something of interest,so this should be the last of this [CENSORED] you'll see on this topic. Anyway,I deeply apologise to you,and remember to wear your seat belts or you CAN'T drive safe.


Edgeworth:Did he really have to say drive safe twice? Either way,I refuse to accept this halfhearted apology.

Phoenix:I'm glad we won't be seeing more of him in the future at least.

Quote:
And I did leave a not so secret hidden message here. Look for it if you must.

Maya:Oh right,the bold letters!

Phoenix:So do they spell out something,Maya?

Maya:Let's see...Oh,wow! It really was a secret message!

Phoenix:What does it say?

Maya:Well,I wrote it all in caps. It says,'THIS IS SHΙT SO SORRY TO EVERYONE'.

Phoenix:That's not exactly very secretive. Everyone who read this knows that.

Maya:Hey,at least I was right that the bold letters meant something!

Edgeworth:Apology accepted, at least.

Phoenix:I thought you said the exact opposite a minute ago?

Edgeworth:...g....no......NGHHGHGGHHGGHHOOOOOOOOHOGGGOGOGOGOGOGOOGOGGOOGOGGOH! *penalty* T-the truth......will be l-lost for...all...et-eternity...*faints*

Phoenix:Oh,not again! Management?

Speakers:Nah,the sporking's over. You're on your own now.

Phoenix:WHAT?! You..! Come on Maya,we have to take Edgeworth home.

Maya:I actually kinda enjoyed tracking down the secret message on that one. Otherwise though,it was trash.

Phoenix:This was one of the worst experiences of my life. No pros or cons. Very close to Phoenix Drive and Law Plus Chaos on the scale.

And thus our heroes go home-one of them unconscious. But is this the last we will see of them this month?!
---

So that was that! Hope you enjoyed! Leave some constructive criticism if you can! I'd appreciate it.
i really needed to vent on this one since i did not like writing this schiße
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Last edited by Southern Corn on Wed Feb 08, 2017 4:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Posts: 17

I like it! It was funny at some parts and I was laughing the entire time.
Though I do think that Miles Edgeworth should have been more harsh on the grammar.....but I digress.
Keep up the good work!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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I am so sorry that this took so long, I kinda lost all my progress.....stupid blackout! Oh well, It gave me a chance to fix some of the jokes and reorganize everything.
So without further ado, here it is!
phoenix wright turnabout maths
Three Sahwits: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
The first part was...decent. I could at least understand and read it. The second half.....what the hell is going on?
Author: Lord barrylawn.
Original fic: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12135949/1 ... bout-maths

And here are today's sporkers!
:phoenix: Phoenix Wright!
Today's management seems happy.... that's never a good sign.

:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth!
Where are we?

:maya: Maya Fey!
Come on guys, cheer up!

And a very special guest...
:cough: Feenie!
Where am I? And where's dollie?!

:ack: :wacky-edgy: :maya-shock: HUH?!

(We begin in our special theater, with everybody staring at Feenie in shock)

Edgeworth: Wright?!

Maya: Nick?!

Phoenix: Me?! What is going on?

Feenie: Ahh! Stop staring at me!

Speakers: Ahem. So, how do you like our surprise?

Phoenix: No! Get him out!

Maya: Why, Nick? He's not that bad...

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey, I have to agree with Wright here. He must go out or we will lose our sanity.

Feenie: Hey......you look just like Edgey! Did I end up in the future? And you look just like me! Are you future me, the person with the hair spikes?

Phoenix: Gee thanks.

Speakers: Feenie, you have indeed been teleported into the future for one purpose: to spork this fanfic.

Feenie: That sounds awesome! Can Dollie come too?

Speakers: No.

Feenie: Meanies!

Quote:
PHOENIX LITTLE

TURNABOUT MATHS


Edgeworth: And we already have Caps Lock abuse. *sighs*

Feenie: I wish Dollie was here!

Phoenix: .....Take this as advice from your future self: do not go out with Dahlia.

Maya: Yeah! She's a murderer!

Speakers: The management would like to remind Maya Fey to refrain from releasing spoilers to the future. Seriously, do you want to destroy the timeline?

Feenie: You're mean! Dollie isn't a murderer! We were meant to be! We're the Romeo and Juliet of the 20th century!

Phoenix: (The 20th century ended a long time ago, dude.)

Speakers: How many times must we remind you to not break the fourth wall?

Maya: I give up.

Quote:
BY BARRYLAWN


Maya: You promised we wouldn't spork his fanfics!

Speakers: We said maybe. It's wasn't definite.

Feenie: Barrylawn?

Quote:
one day little phenix was in his classroom in mats class with his teacher ron juicy who is teacher for everything


Edgeworth: I don't even know how to grammatically correct this atrocity.

Feenie: Our teacher isn't this "Ron" guy!

Phoenix: So Ron Delite is going to be our math teacher? Great.

Maya: No, Nick! He's your mats teacher! He teaches you how to write math problems on mats and then solve them!

Edgeworth: Am I the only one who read the last part?!

Phoenix and Feenie: *read the last part* Ohhhhh....

Edgeworth: *facepalm*

Quote:
"now 4 teh necks question" said juicyboi correcting teh homewreck "


Maya: Not the necks question!

Phoenix: Juicyboi? I thought our teacher was Ron.

Feenie: And it's "homework", not "homewreck"!

Edgeworth: No, it's "homewreck" due to your grades back then.

Maya: Ooh, burn!

Quote:
"ax - somethignkgntoinon"


All: .....

Maya: I got nothing.

Speakers: Hmm, even Feenie is at a loss for words.

Quote:
cause phenix wasnt payin attention so he dint let it in


Phoenix: Let what in?

Feenie: Duh, the math problem! Did you lose brain cells when growing up?

Phoenix: I think you should apply that to yourself.

Edgeworth: I wonder why the management didn't call in Franziska when there are this many gramatical errors.

Speakers: We have our reasons.

Quote:
however 3 seconds into teh question mr juice got STUCK


Maya: Oh no!

Feenie: Mr. Juice?

Phoenix: Wasn't Juicyboi or whoever that is talking?

Quote:
"UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" he sweated "gimme a second"


Phoenix: (Mr. Juicy....Juicyboi......Ron Juice...) AHH!

Maya: What? What?

Phoenix: I got it! This isn't Ron Delite, it's a fictional character that the author made called Ron Juice, and so "Juicyboi" and "Mr. Juice" must be him!

Feenie: Wow! Future me is a genius!

Edgeworth: 2 seconds ago you were asking if he lost brain cells.

Quote:
he went to desk to work out the question


Maya: Hello, desk, could you solve this problem for me?

Feenie: No, he went to his desk to solve the problem! Anybody could figure that out.

Edgeworth: Apparently you don't understand sarcasm.

Quote:
"hmm lets see if 2dg(p) ten um hm lets see hmmmmmm welp uh ahhhhh" he thought out loud


Phoenix: You can't THINK out loud, author.

Feenie: Duh! Do you have to state the obvious?

Quote:
phenix got bored and examine the classroom and notice som1 wrote larrys name evrywhere
an none ever decide to clean it off lol


Maya: Well, that was useless.

Feenie: Don't dismiss that! It could be useful later!

Edgeworth: Anything useful that ended up in this godforsaken theater immediately becomes useless.

Phoenix: I'll take that as a pun.

Quote:
meenwhile juice was still tinkin and now EVERYONE was bored


Phoenix: Yay.

Maya: It's better than being OOC.

Quote:
"hey guiz" sad sal manilla teh local shitposter "is it a housecoat or a dresser gown"
everyone started fiting
"COATHOSE"
"DRESSING GAWN"
"COATTTHOWSE"


All: ....

Phoenix: So....does anyone know what the hell is going on?

Feenie: Who's Sal Manilla?

Edgeworth: It's supposed to be Sal Manella.

Maya: Oh, I know him! He was supposed to be the person who worked on the Steel Samurai! *Steel Samurai theme starts playing*

Feenie: I like it too! It's soooo awesome!

Maya: I like it more!

Feenie: No, I do!

Maya: Do not!

Feenie: Do too!

Maya: Do not!

Feenie: Do too!

Phoenix: I never thought I'd see the day when I wish Franziska and her whip was here.

Edgeworth: I feel a migraine coming on....

Quote:
"OBJECTION RON MAKE EM SHUT UP" shouted phoenix


Maya: Yay, author! You finally spelled a sentence corr- (whipcrack) Ow! Huh?

Speakers: That does not excuse this author from writing this atrocious piece of fanfiction! (whipcrack)

Feenie: Ahhh! You're scaring me!

Edgeworth: How long have you been here for?

Speakers: We only brought her in for the sake of fulfilling Phoenix's wish.

Phoenix: I didn't mean literally!

Speakers: What can we say? Be carefull of what you wish for.

Quote:
but juicy was still figuring out the question
"ughhhhhh FINE ILL DO IT" phoenix stood up for his big turnabout "ILL SLOVE THIS MASTERFUL PUZZLE"


Phoenix: He's STILL figuring it out?

Feenie: Wow, this Ron guy must be really stupid.

Maya: Aren't turnabouts reserved for trials?

Quote:
"OBJECTION" shouted prosecutor juicy "no u cant"


Phoenix: So we just went from a classroom to a courtroom. Yay.

Maya: That's because "Ron" is a superhero!

Feenie: Who wears undies and flies at night!

Maya: And is also secretly a prosecutor!

Feenie: Who points his finger at everything and yells, "OBJECTION!"

Edgeworth: ......I don't even want to know how you two came up with that.

Maya: Well, you try to come up with a story off the top of your head!

Feenie: Yeah! It's harder than it looks!

Quote:
"no u bitch ive solved it ALL!" phoenix point accusingly "(actually no its just a bluff lol)"


Maya: Woah, Nick, language!

Phoenix: I don't swear like that. Also, why would I tell "Ron" or whoever he is that I was bluffing?

Edgeworth: You don't. Although you do bluff more than you think....

Phoenix: Come on! It isn't that bad....right?

Maya: ....

Edgeworth: ....

Feenie: .....I bluff? No way! There's no way I'd bluff to my dear Dollie! I'd rather be arguing about ladders and stepladders than bluff to Dollie!

Phoenix: ....How did you know about that?

Quote:
phenix went up to teh backboard
"hmmmmm gotta solve this" he said
he pondered this puzzle but THERE NO EVIDENNNNNNCE
"CRAP" shouted phoenix


Maya: How about we just agree to keep silent for the rest of this fic?

Speakers: Don't you dare.

Maya: Oh yeah? What're you going to do about it, huh?

Speakers: We could permanently remove the snack bar.

Maya: No! I'll be good!

Quote:
"i still think its dressing gon" said miles


Phoenix: What does a dressing gown have to do with the answer?

Feenie: Maybe it IS the answer?

Edgeworth: In your drea-

Quote:
"THATS IT MILLS" shouted phenix and he slam the desk "the letters here stand for dg which is fist 2 letters of dgs but thats not localize so thats impossible so the only other thing they could mean... IS DRESING GOWN! BECAUSE THAT IS THE TRUE WORD, AND TEH ANSWER TO QUESTION"


Edgeworth: N-Nghoooooooooooooooooooooooooh! (bar explodes)

Phoenix: ....Yeah, we've hit rock bottom. How in the name of Sherlock and Iris Holmes is a dressing gown the answer to the question?!

Maya: Yeah, no matter how you look at it, the equation doesn't make sense in the first place!

Feenie: I told you! I TOLD YOU it was the answer!

Speakers: ....Any more attempts to sabotage the fourth wall will be punished.

Maya: Oh yeah? You're still sour over that last sporking are you, huh?

Feenie: Yeah! You're not the boss of us, Dollie is!

Speakers: We can easily erase you out of existence, so wise up and listen to us. And Maya Fey, references to past sporkings are forbidden.

Phoenix: ...As much as I want to rebel, I'll comply. We don't want to be deleted.

Edgeworth: (Nngh......half my truth bar.....gone in a instant.....)

Quote:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" screamed team hosecrotch and they got expelled


Maya: Team hosecrotch.....?

Phoenix: I don't even want to think about what that's implying.

Quote:
THE END


All: Yay!

(The lights come on in the sporking theater as all our sporkers stand up and stretch their arms.)

Phoenix: That was....interesting.

Edgeworth: No. That was a mess and deserves to rot in the halls of this wretched theater.

Maya: Then let's go! I still have to get some snacks!

Phoenix: Didn't you just have some before we went?!

Maya: But Nick, that only filled up one of my stomachs! I need to fill up the others!

Phoenix: *sighs*

(The three leave. Only Feenie is left in the theater.)

Speakers: Feenie, let's go.

Feenie: That was fun! I can't wait to tell Dollie about this!

*zap*

Hurrah! We've arrived at the end of another powerfully stupid fic.

Tell me how I did! Feenie kinda wants to know t-

Speakers: :objection:

Management, no. I am in control and you have to listen to me.

Speakers: Grr......

You know what I mean. Us people in the second dimension get more power over this stuff. Afer all, we write the sporks.....

Speakers: Okay, okay, FINE!

And with that, see you guys later!

Toodles! :draw:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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That was different than what I was expecting.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

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Was it okay? I'm kinda nervous that I made Feenie OOC....
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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Posts: 3799

Other than the fact that he didn't even know the Steel Samurai until 1-3, you did a bit too well in his characterisation. I did overall enjoy it though. Team hosecrotch is #1.

And thanks for the criticism! Glad you enjoyed it. I'll take what you said into consideration for my next sporking.
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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Rank: Ace Attorney

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Posts: 3799

And it's time for the next sporking by me! And it's...

Cowboy Up
By FdrlPrsctrTails

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:

I'll give it that its grammar is actually good,but the ship here looks like it was taken from the random pairings generator and the characters are all OOC. Even the descriptions have some weird details that make no sense. The ending especially makes no sense. At least this wasn't a trollfic.

Our Sporkers tonight are:
:apollo: -"Back in this place again. Great."
:yummy: -"If this keeps up I'll overdose on Snackoos.
:klavier: -"Now,now,fräulein,it'll be alright. How bad could it be?"
:trucy: -"Oh,this place again! This should be fun!"

Spoiler:
The Sporkers arrive at the theatre-some jaded and cynical,others joyous and optimistic.

Trucy:Hey,guys! I got you all popcorn!

Apollo:Oh! Thanks,Trucy! (I swear,she can actually be pretty sisterly at times...)

Klavier:Danke,fräulein. Very much appreciated.

Ema:Eh,my snackoos will suffice.

Apollo:So what're we watching today?

Well,it-

Speakers:Not this again,Narrator! If you keep this up,we'll have to replace you.

S-sorry,boss.

Speakers:Anyway,I think today's sporking session shall be focussed on a very interesting fic. One that has to be seen to be believed.

Apollo:Cut the crap,Management. What is it about?

Speakers:Well,you'll see now. Roll it!

Quote:
Cowboy Up
By FdrlPrsctrTails


Ema:Cowboy? *twitch*

Apollo:Something wrong,Ema?

Ema:...Detective Skye,please. A-and,no.

Apollo:(Something's fishy here. Why is she reacting so strangely?)

Klavier:So this was written by a prosecutor,ja?

Apollo:Probably someone masquerading as one. Especially if they named themselves after a Sonic character.

Hey,don't judge! I play Sonic still and I'm-

Speakers:Be quiet,narrator. Your job is to narrate,not justifying playing Sonic at your age.

S-sorry.

Apollo:(Looks like someone's a Sonic fan. Didn't expect that here...)

Trucy:Isn't the phrase 'Giddy Up'?

Quote:
The night air was bordering on cold; a front from Canada was the culprit. Neil Marshall shrugged as he managed to quickly move from his truck to the backdoor of his house.


Ema:N-no...*drops snackoos* This can't be...

Apollo:Something wrong,Ema?

Trucy:It's okay,Detective Skye! You can tell us!

Ema:Okay,okay...calm down....*deep breath* Alright,I'll tell you, you know how my sister used to be the Chief Prosecutor?

Apollo:Yeah. Mr. Wright defended her once. I vaguely remember reading about that. Something about a muffler...

Ema:You know that much? Then I should tell you. The key to that case lay in a much older case called SL-9. And one of the victims in that case was a Prosecutor Neil Marshall.

Apollo:Oh,I see. But how did you know him?

Ema: Through my sister. He was very nice to me. But then...it happened right in front of me..

Apollo:Wait,you're saying you witnessed his murder?!

Ema:*hastily nods*

Klavier:Herr Forehead,I think we should leave the fräulein alone for now,ja?

Trucy:One quick question though. Was he situated in LA?

Ema:Y-yeah...he dressed up like a cowboy,but he wasn't from Texas at all.

Trucy:But they just said that they were facing a front from Canada. How could that be,since LA isn't even near Canada?

Klavier:Ah,good one,fräulein. Pointing out contradictions instead of Herr Forehead for us.

Apollo:Hey! (How did this come back to me?!)

Quote:
“Brrr!” The cowboy shivered as he got inside, casting his coat off. “Krissi?” Neil called out. “Are ya here?” No response. He wandered into the living room and found a small note written in Kristoph Gavin’s perfect cursive handwriting.


Apollo:Wait,wha-

Klavier:WHAAAAAAAAAT?!

Ema:Wait,is this-

Speakers:Yep,this is a Neil/Kristoph fic.

Apollo:What the hell,author?! Did you pick two people randomly for this fic to ship? How do you come up with this?!

Klavier:I can't take this... *puts hand in face*

Speakers:All Sporkers are to pay attention to the fic at all times.

Apollo:You know what,Trucy? You can have my popcorn.

Trucy:But don't you want it?

Apollo:The only thing I want now is a barf bag.

Quote:
Neil- went to pick up some food from this little place on the coast. Be back around 10. –Kristoph.

The prosecutor smiled. That was his Krissi. Always trying to do something fancy when Neil was happy with cold pizza. Of course, that had made the last few months quite memorable. All the fancy restaurants and home cooked meals.


Apollo:I just can't picture Mr.Gavin going to get some food.

Ema:Scientifically,he should be in his early twenties here. Who knows what he was like back then?

Klavier:Oh,I don't know. His own BROTHER?!

Trucy:You seem on edge today already,Mr.Gavin.

Klavier:Sorry,fräulein,but the number of fan fictions that misrepresent mein brüder so angers me. Even if he is a murderer!

Ema:Well,at least we've got someone else to share the load. Join the club,Fop.

[Neil goes to Kristoph's miniature office (which is for some reason situated in Neil's house) and sees a strange entry on his journal.]

Quote:
It puzzled him. All of the previous entries were written in beautiful, flowing English. This… this was different. Sadly different. What he read hurt Neil to his core. It seemed almost like a child had written it.


Apollo:Let me guess,more character misrepresentation.

Quote:
“Mr. Hammond hit me today. I don’t know why. I was in the copy room when I accidentally bumped into him. He started saying mean things and I got scared. I turned to leave when I felt something hit me from behind. I fell down and passed out.”

Neil sat, speechless. “God….” He said quietly. He continued reading.


Apollo:To be fair,that would be my reaction if I saw Mr.Gavin type like an elementary school student.

Ema:Mr.Hammond? From the Edgeworth murder case?

Trucy:Edgeworth?! You mean Uncle Edgeworth got killed?!

Ema:No,but a few months before Mr.Wright defended my sister,Mr.Edgeworth was accused for murder. The victim was a D.A named Robert Hammond. Thankfully,your father defended him and got him off scott free.

Apollo:So this Hammond guy is now hazing Mr.Gavin? This isn't high school,it's a freaking law office! He does realise he's a lawyer and he can sue for assault,right?

Klavier:You're expecting too much of this fic,Herr Forehead.

Quote:
“I woke up in my office and my head and chest hurt. My right eye was black. I stayed until I was sure everyone had left.”

The last line caused the cowboy and veteran Prosecutor to bury his face in his hands and cry. It was simply the most horrible thing he’d ever read.


Apollo:It is pretty horrible,but for way different reasons.

Trucy:If he fell on his back,then how come he got a black eye? Did Mr.Hammond rotate his body and hit him some more?

Quote:
Neil closed the document and let his head droop. He had no idea things were that bad for Kristoph. He knew Krissi had been bullied, but not like that.

Not like that…..
You just don’t do that to people, Neil thought to himself, especially people who had gone through as much as Kristoph. His life had been the exact opposite of Neil’s.


Ema:Oh,are we getting some backstory now? This should be great.

Klavier:This should be bad.

Quote:
Neil had grown-up with a loving family on a sprawling Texas ranch. Krissi had grown-up with abusive parents in Germany. Neil spent his younger days raising and riding horses. Krissi had raised his little brother Klavier after their parents abandoned them. Neil never had to leave anyone. Krissi had to leave Klavier with their aunt and uncle to attend Law School in the United States. Neil had lots of friends. Krissi had Neil.


Trucy:I thought Detective Skye said he wasn't from Texas.

Ema:I had a feeling that they'd make that mistake.

Apollo:Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room?

Klavier:If we wish to preserve my sanity,we do.

Ema:So I think it's safe to say that this backstory is heavily inaccurate.

Klavier:*clenches fist* Very much so.

Apollo:(Whoa! He's seriously angry.)

Quote:
Neil’s mind tried to wrap around how this could have happened. Had Robert Hammond actually beaten the young man who was now his lover?

“The world…” Neil drawled. “…I hate it.” He said slowly, rising from the chair. “People like that need to be taught a lesson….” He said to himself. People like Hammond never stopped. Words just didn’t work.

But, fists did.


Ema:*throws snackoo at screen* Mr.Marshall would never assault anyone unless someone's life depended on it!

Apollo:You know what else works? Suing. Also,reporting him to his boss. And-

Klavier:Do stop,Herr Forehead,else we be here for eternity.

Trucy:So is Mr.Marshall becoming a psychopath now?

Apollo:The author is probably going to try and romanticise this inevitable assault on Mr.Hammond,won't they?

[Neil drives to the Grossberg Law Office,which is where Hammond works. He reminisces about when he first met Kristoph and when-]

Klavier:No need to elaborate any further,management. Do continue.

Speakers:Spoilsport.

Quote:
He cleared his throat as he pulled into the parking garage and hid his truck in the shadow of a large, dreary concrete pillar. He scanned the dimly lit area. He noticed Hammond’s car. He closed his eyes and exhaled slowly.


Apollo:How does he know what Hammond's car looks like?

Ema:He's probably been here before since the fop's brother apparently works here. The real question is,is he going to do what I think he's going to do?

Quote:
“Ok, Neil. Here we go.” He said to himself as he slowly exited the car and proceeded to rip the side mirrors off of Hammond’s obnoxiously large SUV. This brought him a measure of happiness, but he was still seeing red. How dare that old piece of [explicit] hurt his Krissi.


Ema:Yep,he did. *throws snackoo at screen*

Apollo:Wait,since when have we been censoring?

Speakers:Oh,Mr.Wright contacted us about that. Since his daughter is here today,he asked that we censor all cuss words to 'preserve her innocence'.

Trucy:Oh,daddy needs to learn I'm not a little girl anymore! I'll have to talk with him when we get home.

Klavier:How can Herr Marshall even tear off side mirrors with such ease? You'd have to drive into someone for those to come off like that.

Ema:Eh,fic-Marshall has been shown to be sadistic. I'm sure his rage limits are pretty high. Who knows his strength?

Quote:
His mind skipped around as he rode the elevator to the upper-floor offices. What he had for breakfast, Krissi’s suit size. Things like that. As he leaned against the rear of the chamber, he just couldn’t dispel that journal entry from his mind. It had burned itself in his head the minute he had read it. Neil resolved that after this was over, he and Krissi would get so drunk they wouldn’t even remember this night.

Ema:How mature. *throws snackoo at screen*

Speakers:The Management would like to request Ema Skye not to throw snackoos at the screen.

Ema:Fine then. *throws snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo:Ow! (...I just got snackoo'd.)

Quote:
“Huh.” Neil wondered aloud. By now, he was talking to himself in his mind. “I wonder why Krissi took a job here. I mean, I’ve met mailboxes with better personalities than the people who work here.” Marvin Grossberg was, for lack of a more erudite term, a fat [explicit]. Mia Fey’s brain was a good 25 pounds smaller than her [explicit].

Apollo:Ow! (Snackoo'd again.)

Ema:Mia Fey was my sister's best friend,and she was intellectually equal to her,thank you very much! The real Mr.Marshall should know better than to be so rude as well as sexist!

Trucy:Wait,isn't Mia Fey my daddy's mentor?

Ema:That's actually how I met your father. Funny story.

Apollo:Is he talking to himself or thinking to himself? I'm confused.

Quote:
Diego Armando, whom Neil had known for awhile, was a friend. Albeit a friend who was a cinch for the [explicit] hall of fame. Then, there was Robert Hammond, who was living proof that [explicit] can in fact pile up to astounding heights. It was amazing anyone would willingly want to work here. As he pondered, he smiled at the fact he had beaten every Defense Attorney who worked here at least 5 times in Court.

Ema:The only 'explicit' I see here is fic-Marshall!

Apollo:'Beaten at least five times in court'? Good to know the guy's humble as well as caring for the truth.

Ema:Yeah,he's worse than the fop!

Klavier:I'm right here,fräulein detective. I'm also not in a very good mood,so I would advise you to choose your words wisely.

Ema:*gulp*

Trucy:So far,I can't exactly see how Mr.Marshall's the good guy here.
Quote:
As the silver doors slid open, Neil grimaced at the stench of cheap aftershave. Neil figured these big shots could afford better stuff. As he weaved through the mess of cubicles and potted plants, his resolved strengthened. Someone had beaten the only man he truly loved. Neil punched a small hole in a cubicle wall. He wanted to set fire to the whole building, but managed to refrain from doing so. Barely. His normally soft blue eyes flamed as he approached the office.


Ema:Isn't Grossberg Law Offices supposed to be really posh looking?

Apollo:Yeah,I think I've seen a picture of it before. And do law offices really have cubicles?!

Klavier:What,don't you work in a law office? Oh,sorry,it's an 'Anything Agency'.

Trucy:Yes it is! But didn't you work at Gavin Law Offices before,Polly?

Apollo:I had my own office there. No cubicles for me. (Ah,the good old days...)

Ema:Anyway,it looks like it's going to get interesting here. Is he really going to assault Hammond?

Suddenly,the lights come back on.

Everyone:Huh?

Speakers:We have decided this is taking too long. So you're free to go now. We'll call you back within a couple of days for the next part though.

Klavier:Ah,danke,management. I needed this.

Apollo:Well,that was terrible so far. And we didn't even get to the interesting part!

Ema:The grammar was actually good,but it's kinda stacked against just the horrible pairing and blatant misrepresentation of character.

Trucy:I kinda had fun. I even finished both my bags of popcorn!

And thus,the Sporkers leave the theatre for now, but little do they now that they will be returning there faster than they think...

Once again,constructive criticism appreciated.

Part 2 coming soon!
A great man once wrote:
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Last edited by Southern Corn on Wed Feb 08, 2017 5:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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This spork made me laugh out loud. We usually don't censor swear words but it is in character for Phoenix to try to prevent Trucy from seeing the truly offensive fanfics. I'm not sure if I like how Management honored Phoenix's request without any strings attached.

That being said, I think this fic deserves an extra sahwit for that commentary on Mia alone.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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How do you know there aren't any strings attached yet? ;)

And actually,I may have to up the rating a bit for the second half because that's where things get pretty [explicit].

Anyway,thanks for the criticism!
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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And here's part two of Cowboy Up! But this time,I'm increasing the rating to 4 :sahwit: . Why? Because this ending does so many things wrong to another degrees entirely that it's nearly impossible to ignore. It also doesn't help that Neil acts like an ass here.

The Sporkers are:
:apollo: -"Oh,great. This wonderful fic."
:yummy: -"I wonder what's going to happen now. Probably some more character destruction.
:trucy: -"Oh,cheer up,you guys! It's going to be alright from here.
:wall-bang: -"NEIN,fräulein! It shall only worsen!"
And...
:Hoboright: -"Why am I here again?"

Spoiler:
Our Sporkers meet up again in the theatre,with a certain someone else with grape juice in hand.

Trucy:Daddy?! What are you doing here?

Phoenix:You know how last time I asked the Management to censor all cuss words? Well,that was a deal with the devil,and I had to pay it back by watching the rest of this fic with you.

Apollo:Oh,okay. Do you want me to fill you in,Mr.Wright?

Phoenix:Actually,the Management gave me a script of what's already been shown. To be honest,I'm partially amused yet mostly appalled.

Klavier:I wish I could even feel amused...

Phoenix:Honestly,the idea of Neil x Kristoph is laughable. But the way they handled the whole thing is terrible. Not to mention the very apparent sexism.

Ema:Oh,you mean the comment about Ms.Fey?

Phoenix:*grips his bottle tightly* Very much so.

Speakers:Anyway,let's continue from where we left off. Let's see..I think it was right......here!

Quote:
“Alright, you [explicit].Let’s dance.” Neil said as he barged in to an empty office.

Darn, that was a great entrance too…


Apollo:Yeah,real great.

Phoenix:Actually,is he going to beat up Hammond now?

Ema:That's what we think.

Trucy:Daddy,is it true that you defended Uncle Edgeworth for Mr.Hammond's murder?

Phoenix:Oh,yes. It was a long time ago. He was killed by one of his clients whom he had pleaded insanity for. That verdict had in turn ruined his life,and thus he was murdered. A sad story,but I don't think he was slimy or stupid enough to resort to hazing in a law office.

Klavier:Herr Wright,we already beat that dead horse to a pulp last time. Can we please move on?

Apollo:(Already Prosecutor Gavin is in a bad mood. This should be interesting.)

Quote:
Neil looked around. Hmmm, briefcase by the desk…. Tie and coat still on the rack…. Hammond was still here. Neil looked over the rather large office with disgust. It was typical. Everything was there to brag. He even had pictures of himself on his walls.

Apollo:So he's also a narcissist?

Trucy:Daddy,we should make our office look like this sometime!

Phoenix:Aw,but your props are such effective client magnets!

Quote:
“Now that’s tacky.” Neil remarked. This was a far cry from his at the Prosecutor’s Office. Even that kid with the frills didn’t have a place this garish. Where was that sack of [explicit].Neil stepped out and observed the rows and rows of large offices. His eyes drifted about. There it was. Sitting snug in a windowless corner was the miniature office Krissi worked in. Neil moved stealthily, still looking for Hammond, and inched inside.


Klavier:He...he really is about to do it,isn't he?

Phoenix:To be fair though,Edgeworth does have a garish office.

Quote:
It was almost cute. Despite the downright tiny size, it was immaculate. Everything was clean. Not an ink stain or pile of paper in sight. As he admired that pristine workspace, he sighed. Kristoph really deserve better than this. He also laughed when he noticed an iPod with the label “Country Music” on it. Nice to know I’ve influenced him some, Neil thought.


Ema:Who marks their iPod with the music on it?

Apollo:And where are all the papers? Does this guy get much business?

Trucy:He probably keeps them in the desk. That thing is huge!

Quote:
A sharp buzz.

Apollo:Uh oh.

Quote:
Neil pivoted and peered back into the cubicle area. There was his game. In the copy room. He hid behind the door as he waited for Hammond to return to his office. A fight in the copy room just didn’t seem to have that dramatic vibe that Neil wanted. No, Neil wanted to embarrass this man in his own disgusting office.

Klavier:Let's hope it stays as just an embarrassment,ja?

Phoenix:Why's he here so late?

Klavier:God knows,Herr Wright. God knows.

Quote:
With remarkable grace, Neil maneuvered himself back to Hammond’s office. Hiding in the large shadow cast by the door. As he heard the approaching man whistle, he grabbed the tie from the coat rack. He watched with sharp eyes as Hammond entered, he smiled as threw the tie up and wrapped it around Robert Hammond’s throat. He flailed immediately.

Ema:NO! *throws snackoo at screen*

Speakers:The management would like to request Ema Skye not to throw snackoos at the screen.

Ema:Fine then! *throws snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo:Ow! (Why me?)

Klavier:Why did it have to come to this?

Phoenix:Trucy,don't look! *covers Trucy's eyes*

Speakers:All Sporkers are requested to pay attention to the screen at all times.

Quote:
“Sorry.” Neil began, laughter in his voice. “Are office hours up?” He twisted the tie and pulled harder, enjoying his role as the aggressor.

“Tell me…” Neil started in an inquisitive drawl, loosening the tie enough so the kicking man could talk. “Didn’t you learn being a bully really doesn’t pay off?”


Apollo:The irony in that last line is mind boggling.

Ema:Well,it's not just an embarrassment anymore,fop. He's plain strangling him.

Phoenix:Hammond died a couple of years after Marshall,so it's safe to say that unless this is some sort of alternate universe,he'll live for a while. Which means he can identify his attacker.

Klavier:This is a fic which is promoting the shipping of Herr Marshall and mein brüder. I think it's safe to say this is an AU,ja? *sigh*

Quote:
“W….what?” Hammond wheezed, his face turning several odd shades of red and blue. He had just finished copying fliers for his book signing. Now, he was being strangled.

“July 15th.” Neil spat, punching Hammond in the side. “Remember?”

Hammond shook his head, still trying vainly to break free from Neil’s iron grasp. What the Heck was the Prosecutor talking about?

“What are you doing, Marshall?” Hammond gasped in a croaking tone that brought a smile to Neil’s face.


Phoenix:Now Marshall's a sadist too? Great.

Apollo:Book signing? He's an author too?

Trucy:He probably wrote one of those law books that Daddy owns but he never reads.

Ema:Really,Mr.Wright? You don't even read your law books?

Klavier:Is that why you depend on bluffing so much,Herr Wright?

Phoenix:Trucy,why did you say that? (Now everyone thinks I'm an incompetent lawyer.)

Quote:
With a firm, nearly disabling punch to Hammond’s kidneys, Neil pulled off on the tie.

Apollo:Is this going to turn into the kink meme?

Phoenix:Ssh,Apollo! Trucy's here!

Apollo:Oh,sorry.

Trucy:Either way,I'm still disturbed.

Phoenix:Curse you,management!

Speakers:Hey,you never said to censor all the gore and violence.

Quote:
A black and blue bruise mark highly visible. Clearly, this was just getting good. As Hammond collapsed, Neil landed a few strong kicks to the ribs, each blow sounding a dull ‘thunk’. The cowboy grinned as Hammond tried to get to his desk. That little action earned him a boot to the neck.

Apollo:I'll say this is getting good,alright.

Phoenix:Place your bets,everyone! Will Hammond die or live?

Apollo:Pfft,die.

Klavier:I hope he dies just to make things faster.

Trucy:I don't think you can live through this.

Ema:Scientifically,it's possible,but you would never be able to live normally ever again. But it's scientifically more probable that he's dead.

Phoenix:And I guess I'm alone in this. Well,let's continue!

Quote:
“Why? Why do you think it’s okay?” Neil demanded, pulling the telephone off the desk, just in case.

“What the [explicit] are you talking about?” Hammond hissed. Clearly, Neil Marshall had gone completely insane.


Apollo:I agree with Mr.Hammond on this. There's no way he's stable. He clearly had a lot of time to think this true and actually sue Hammond for this. But no,do the 'noble','high-handed' route.The author is trying too hard to romanticise this trash.

Ema:Even if Hammond dies,Mr.Marshall will have left plenty of traces over this place. The tie,the car,the door...it's really irrefutable.

Klavier:Like they said,he's insane.

Quote:
“Don’t play dumb with me!” Neil roared. “You know damn well what I’m talking about! Kristoph Gavin! That name ringin’ any bells for ya?”


Phoenix:He works in the same office as you?

Quote:
Hammond winced. What did the little blonde rookie have to do with this? The last time he had even spoken to him was in the copy ro- Oh. [explicit].


Klavier:So he really did haze him. *facepalm*

Apollo:You know,the censorship kinda ruins scenes like this.

Phoenix:Eh,they were ruined to begin with.

Quote:
“Marshall, I… he fell… He’s clumsy and stupid.” Hammond pleaded.

Neil was not amused. “He’s only clumsy because he’s scared of pieces of [explicit] like you!” Neil practically screamed, moving closer. His fists clenched.

“It’s.. just hazing… Everyone goes through it!” Hammond pleaded.


Trucy:He's admitting it so easily?

Ema:I think that's supposed to be a commentary on hazing in government institutions,but the circumstances surrounding this are nonsensical.

Quote:
“Hazing?” Neil repeated, lifting the man by his over-gelled hair. “So, if he cries himself to sleep every night, that’s just how it goes? Huh?”

Hammond tried a different route. “He’s… a [explicit],Marshall!! He doesn’t have the guts to do this job! All he ever does is paperwork. And write about his boyfriend!”


Phoenix:Wait,how does Hammond know that last part? Did he steal Kristoph's journal?

Apollo:Sheesh,this really is more like high school than a law office.

Ema:All he does is paperwork? Yeah,like you don't do that.

Quote:
Oh, this is great, Neil thought. “Boyfriend? Well, Robert… who do you think is kicking your [explicit] right now?” The Cowboy taunted with near sadistic glee. “Surprise.”


Trucy:He knew that Mr.Gavin had a boyfriend by looking at his journal,but didn't figure out his identity? And this guy's supposed to be the top lawyer of the law office?

Klavier:Not a surprise. Everyone here is dumb.

Quote:
Hammond’s face broke into a look of horror. What? This was the boyfriend? Wow. That jumpy little blonde was dating one of the best Prosecutors in the city. Thinking Neil was distracted, Hammond shook free and bolted for the door.

Ema:Really? So he didn't figure it out? He is an idiot after all. Mr.Edgeworth surpassss him in the logic department by far.

Quote:
“Yeehaw!!” Neil hollered, quickly catching up with the fleeing man. He grabbed Hammond by the back of the neck, pulling him back. “Runnin’ from a fight? Who’s the [explicit] now?”


Apollo:It is a pretty one sided fight,though.

Ema:He hollered that? Now his voice has been captured by the security camera.

Phoenix:Actually,the cameras at Grossberg's office are the old school ones which don't capture voices. Still,a few witnesses have now been created. And yeah,he has been caught on camera now,huh?

Quote:
Hammond, his face twisted in fear and hatred, managed a riposte. “You’re no better, attacking me like this…”

Neil only grinned. “No, this is called defending Honor. Besides, I’ve wanted to do this for awhile.”


Apollo:Oh,so now Mr.Marshall is the honourable high handed one? This really is the worst kind of romanticism.

Phoenix:Yeah,even if he died fighting a criminal,it was because that criminal was about to take a girl hostage-

Ema:Please don't mention that. *throws snackoo at Apollo*

Apollo:Ow! I didn't even say anything about that!

Ema:You started it.

Quote:
Hammond threw himself up, trying to knock Neil off-balance. It was a surprise, but futile. Neil had been a bronco rider by age 12. Handling a 40-something Defense Attorney was a snap.

The two tumbled to the floor, with Neil clearly the victor. He landed several punches into Hammond’s back as he tried to immobilize the flailing coward; his smile easing into more of a serious frown.


Phoenix:You know,Neil died chasing down an insane serial killer. But here,he's pretty much the insane serial killer, except he lets his victims barely live. Which is actually even more twisted.

Ema:Please don't mention Mr.Marshall and 'serial killer' in the same sentence,Mr.Wright.

Phoenix:Oh,sorry. I forgot about that.

Quote:
“Do you think you can do that and get away with it?” Neil asked as he pulled Hammond over to a wall and pushed his chest against it. “Huh? Do ya?”

Hammond wheezed as he tried to futilely break free. His face was a mask of blood and hatred. It made Neil sick to look at it. It was all that was wrong with the world. Neil just wanted to break it. He placed his palm on the back of Hammond’s head. He sighed.


Trucy:So are we nearing the end of the fight?

Klavier:Thankfully,it seems so, but what is he-

Quote:
“Don’t you touch him again..” Neil whispered as he drove Hammond’s face into the wall repeatedly. Slowly, the bloodstain on the wall began to multiply in size. Neil sped up the pace, not caring that Hammond’s scream could be heard on the streets below.


Klavier:...Oh.

Ema:So he doesn't even care that he's created several witnesses? This is ineptitude on a whole other level.

Phoenix:Trucy! *covers her eyes*

Speakers:The management would like to remind Mr.Wright not to cover his daughter's eyes else we remove the censorship.

Phoenix:You monsters!

Quote:
The muffled crunch of the Defense Attorney’s nose rang in Neil’s ears. He threw the man to the floor with a scoff. He kneeled over the bleeding man with a grin.

“Now, if I find out you even messed with his tie, I’ll finish the chat we started here tonight. Got it?” He asked, standing up to leave.

That was for you,Krissi.

Klavier:STOP CALLING HIM KRISSI! YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HIS NAME!

Apollo:Whoa! Calm down,Prosecutor Gavin. Repeat after me. I'm Klavier Gavin,and I'm-

Klavier:In a horrible disposition and am not fine in the slightest!

Apollo:YIKES! (Even my voice training didn't work!)

Ema:He seems pretty dead to me. Your money,Mr.Wright?

Phoenix:Er,um...I'll give it at the end of this,okay? (Can't let them know that I forgot my wallet...)

Quote:
As Kristoph set the table back at the house, he whistled. This dinner was going to be perfect All of the cowboys favorite foods. Mashed potatoes, corn bread dressing, Texas toast, butter cream gravy and finally, the chicken fried steaks that seemed the size of manhole covers. Oh, Neil was going to love this.


Klavier:Oh,I'm going to hate this.

Quote:
As the sound of the truck pulling into the driveway filled the kitchen. Neil exited the car slowly. He was totally normal, that same smile about his face. He casually opened the front door to the waiting arms of his young lover.

Trucy:I still can't get over the fact that this is a fic that ships Mr.Gavin and Mr.Marshall.

Klavier:Neither can I,fräulein.

Quote:
“Hey, Krissi.” Neil said softly. “Sorry I’m late. I just had to take care of something for ya.”

“Really?” Kristoph asked, leading Neil to the table. “Tell me all about it.”


Apollo:"Well,I beat up the guy who beat you up into a dead pulp,creating several witnesses in the process as well as destroying his car. So clearly I'm the better man here. You're welcome,Kristoph. Feel free to be as insane as me."

Klavier:Please don't say that,Herr Forehead. That hits a bit too close to home,ja?

Apollo:Oh,right. Sorry about that.

Quote:
“Maybe later.” Neil demurred, as he cast his gaze on the fully furnished table. This sure wasn’t a bad way to end the night.


Ema:Maybe for now,but in the morning you're going to be 100% arrested for your deed.

Quote:
As the two eased into their bed, Kristoph lazily grabbed the remote to the TV. He clicked it on.


Apollo:I can't wait to see his reaction to this.

Quote:
“Neil! Look, it’s… my work.” Kristoph said, shocked.

Neil looked up. “Huh. You’re right.” He said, trying to mask a smile.


Ema:The question is,what will he do now?

Quote:
The news was reporting something about Defense Attorney Robert Hammond being found “savagely” beaten in his office. Krissi seemed surprised, but clearly happy.

“Wow, someone beat up Mr. Hammond. Who would do that?” Kristoph asked aloud.

Neil Marshall smiled as he gave Krissi a peck on the cheek. “Whoever it was, I’m sure they had a good reason.”


Apollo:Well,whoever it is,I'm sure they totally weren't crazy or a serial killer.

Ema:That is sure one heck of a downplayed reaction.

Klavier:My bro always did like to downplay things.

Phoenix:Either way,this sure is a happy ending. At least until the next day where he's arrested for murder.

The lights come on.

Trucy:Wait,it's over now?!

Ema:That was probably the 'happiest' place to stop.

Klavier:That was absolutely terrible.

Apollo:Aside from the grammar,yeah. What a psychopath our hero is. Is this what really gets romanticised nowadays?

Phoenix:What a butchering of characters. Anyways,got to go. See you later!

Ema:Oh no you don't,Mr.Wright. I haven't forgotten. It's time to pay.

Apollo:Oh,yeah,you lost the bet that Mr.Hammond lived,didn't you,Mr.Wright?

Trucy:Oh,daddy,you're such a smooth criminal. But you can't get away now!

Klavier:Ja,Herr Wright. But there's no escape now. Pay up...if you have any money,that is.

Phoenix:Well,uh,really...should I...?

Apollo:Don't try any tricks on us,Mr.Wright.

Ema:Remember,you were in my presence,so I can testify as an officer against you if you can't pay up.

Phoenix:Ummm,actually,let's-

Speakers:Wait,what's going on? The video's freaking out! This isn't supposed to happen!

Quote:
The news was reporting something about Defense Attorney Robert Hammond being found “savagely” beaten in his office. Krissi seemed surprised, but clearly happy.

“Wow, someone beat up Mr. Hammond. Who would do that?” Kristoph asked aloud.

Apollo:Huh,what's going on?

Speakers:Sorry everyone,we fixed that.

Ema:Okay,back to Mr.Wright.

Phoenix:....(Uh oh.)

Klavier:He's got that look. I think we've cornered him.

Phoenix:...!(Wait a minute! That footage..!)
:holdit:
Can we rewind to what we just saw there?

Huh?

Speakers:What? Sure,I guess.

Quote:
The news was reporting something about Defense Attorney Robert Hammond being found “savagely” beaten in his office. Krissi seemed surprised, but clearly happy.

“Wow, someone beat up Mr. Hammond. Who would do that?” Kristoph asked aloud.


Phoenix:...Aha! (There it is!)
:objection:
Everyone,you're all wrong. And I can prove it.

Klavier:What?

Apollo:Huh? (This is...he's gotta be bluffing,right?)

Phoenix:Everyone,look at the footage! Kristoph clearly said that Mr.Hammond was beaten up! However,he did NOT say that he was dead!
:takethat:

Apollo:WWH-

Ema:-HAAAA-

Klavier:-AAAAAA-

Trucy:-AAAAAAAAAT?! Daddy,you're a genius!

Phoenix:Yes I am,Trucy. Now pay up,everybody! I believe I've proven beyond all doubt that Hammond ain't dead. Yes,even you,Trucy.

Ema:...Well,I guess it's fair.

Klavier:Acthung! Well played,Herr Wright.

Trucy:*sigh* Okay,daddy. I'll make sure to side with you in the future.

Phoenix:That's a good girl. (Yes! The Turnabout Terror strikes back!)

Apollo:You don't have to raise your hands in the air,Mr.Wright. I already feel bad enough.

Phoenix:Heheh. Was I doing that? Anyway,thanks for the money,folks. I'm outta here!

And this all our Sporkers leave,with only one truly content after this fic.See you all next time!


Thanks for reading! As always,constructive criticism appreciated!
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Last edited by Southern Corn on Wed Feb 08, 2017 5:12 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

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Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

This sporking was creative, fun and a nice break from all Jakkid fics and his ripoffs'. The ending with Phoenix was innovative. That being said, I liked to remind you that, as a rule, we try not to bully the author of the fic and we especially do not use death threats.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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*laugh track*

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Thanks! And I can see why you interpreted it that way. I'll make sure not to do that. I've removed that joke just in case.
A great man once wrote:
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Resident monster of Kurain village

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When you said all Jakkid tics and his ripoffs...... do you mean me?

:raygun:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

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Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

I wasn't trying to call out anybody. I'm sorry.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Rank: Suspect

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cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
I wasn't trying to call out anybody. I'm sorry.


That's fine. Forgiven.
:redd:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Can't go to hell. Out of vacation days.

Gender: Male

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:19 pm

Posts: 48

It’s done. Finally, I am free of this wretched hell. You’ve been waiting a while, and I’ve finally delivered it. Here it is, the moment you’ve been waiting for, and by far the worst part of the entire game...

Phoenix Drive: Part 3

(Links to Part 1 and Part 2)

Rating: :dahlia:
You already know why.

And now, our poor, poor sporkers.

:phoenix: Phoenix Wright.
“No! Not this again!”

:maya: Maya Fey.
“Even the narrator seems a bit less enthusiastic today…”

And lastly,
:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth.
“No! I thought I was free of this!”

God have mercy on their souls.

[The sporkers enter the sporking theater. An even more intense feeling of dread than usual dawns upon them.]

Phoenix: Damn it, damn it, damn it. So the management wasn’t lying when they said this would be our next sporking.

Edgeworth: I had hoped I wouldn’t have to attend the third part…

Maya: Well, if we have to suffer, might as well take you down with us!

Management: Don’t worry your little heads too much, you three. You’ll be relieved to hear that this is the last time you’ll have to see this game.

Phoenix: Oh, thank god.

[Suddenly, rows of iron bars rise up from the floor to block the doors.]

Maya: H-Hey, what’s that all about?!

Management: Just… an extra precaution. Before you three begin, I would like to issue a formal apology beforehand for what you’re about to see.

Edgeworth: The management is apologizing? That’s new.

Maya: How much worse could it be than the last two times we did this?

Management: Just take your seats. And remember that we are not responsible for this game’s existence.

Phoenix: But you are responsible for making us play it, aren’t you?

Management: Just get the damn sporking started already.

Spoiler: WARNING: Almost NSFW pictures, but censored
Image

Phoenix: Man, I’d almost forgotten how to play this game. Which is probably linked to me trying to forget the entire game while we were gone.

Maya: You forgot how to click the screen?

Phoenix: I don’t use computers much, okay?

Edgeworth: I had almost forgotten about the abhorrent grammar...

Quote:
Phoenix: Hello.Wright & Co. Law Offices.


Maya: So close! If only it wasn’t for the missing space, that would be an error-less bit of dialogue!

Phoenix: So close, but yet so far. So, then, who’s calling me?

Quote:
???: …..

???: Mr.Wright?

Phoenix: Yes...are you client?


Maya: Oh, it’s just Question Mark Question Mark Question Mark. That guy’s pretty boring.

Phoenix: I’m trying to think here… Who calls me “Mr. Wright”? The Judge?

Quote:
???: Did you forget my voice?...OhNo… Are you really a public prosecutor?


Edgeworth: When, exactly, did Phoenix become a prosecutor?

Phoenix: Whoever’s calling me is very mistaken.

Quote:
Phoenix: I am lawyer. Edgeworth? What business is it suddenly?


Edgeworth: ...Ah. So I finally make my appearance. What a joy.

Phoenix: Why would you suddenly think I’m a prosecutor? I even said it here, “I am lawyer”.

Maya: “I am lawyer! Lawyer want evidence!”

Quote:
Edgeworth: Umm...Ah….Yes…

Edgeworth: Please hear a request. Therefore I called you unwillingly.


Maya: Oh, man, Edgeworth’s being held against his will and he’s being forced to call you for… some reason!

Quote:
Phoenix: Edgeworth...Indeed. Did you become a suspect again!?

Edgeworth: Don’t joke. Do I defend you this time ?


Phoenix: Well, I guess we’ve established that this takes place after Edgeworth’s trial, I guess. Can’t imagine what good that will do us.

Edgeworth: Why am I offering to defend Wright? I’m a prosecutor. There was that one time, but that was only due to the fact that he had fallen off a bridge.

Phoenix: Urgh, don’t remind me…

Quote:
Phoenix: No thank you.by the way, What consultation is it?

Edgeworth: Please come to a studio at 16:00.

Edgeworth: Do not...hear a reason. Please.


Phoenix: A studio, you say? Just any studio?

Edgeworth: Do not... hear a reason? I assume I’m telling you to not ask me why you should go there.

Maya: Well, that just makes things really suspicious. Especially considering what game this is.

Quote:
Phoenix: Studio...Global Studios? Is it a place filming a Steel Samurai?

Edgeworth: Yes...Steel Samurai...Umm…

Edgeworth: Conversation is an end… See you.

Phoenix: Hey,Edgeworth...Gee...beats me.


Phoenix: So I’ve got to go down to Global Studios again? Yeah, cause my last visit was so pleasant.

Maya: You mean with the guy getting murdered?

Phoenix: I was thinking more because of Oldbag. And Sal Manella. And to a lesser extent, Cody Hackins.

Edgeworth: At least Cody had the excuse of being a child. Unlike Oldbag.

Image

Edgeworth: ...Oh dear.

Maya: P-Pearly?!

Phoenix: Oh, no. This game is NO place for her. Who knows what the hell could happen to her in this sex-crazed world?!

Edgeworth: I don’t think there is cause for alarm, I really doubt even the creator of this game would go… that far.

Quote:
Phoenix: Yes,Hami.

Phoenix: But,it was not a request of work.

Pearl: Please be not discouraged. Maybe request comes tomorrow…


Phoenix: Ah, right, the endless struggle of waiting by the phone for a defense request. I know it well.

Quote:
Phoenix: I pray to God. Woo...very free recently…


Phoenix: I kinda doubt the “free” thing, considering how I got myself convicted of murder last time.

Maya: Maybe the judge let you off on probation?

Edgeworth: He still would not have his attorney’s badge.

Quote:
Pearl: By the way,Nick. Do you know what kind of day today is ?

Phoenix: Umm...The day when an office goes bankrupt.


Phoenix: Man, this guy is really hitting close to home.

Edgeworth: Are clients really that sparse, Wright?

Quote:
Pearl: No-No ! Today is the day that DVD of a Pink Princess releases !

Pearl: Let’s go to buy it ! Nick !

Phoenix: Sorry,Hami… There is not money this month.


Phoenix: Well, I’d like to be able to buy Pearl some DVDs, but as game-me said, there is not money this month. Not in any small part due to buying lots of burgers...

Maya: Don’t worry, Nick. Your money went to a good cause.

Quote:
Phoenix: Wait….

Phoenix: I can’t buy DVD...but do not watch a genuine Pink Princess instead ?

Phoenix: Let’s observe a studio. Hami,Okey?


Phoenix: That’s… actually not a bad idea.

Maya: Still, though, it would be nice to know why you’re going there in the first place.

Edgeworth: The fact that game-me refused to say why you were going there makes me quite suspicious of the whole affair.

Quote:
Pearl: G-G-Genuine...Pink Princess !?

Pearl: Be deeply moved ! I want to meet by all means !!

Phoenix: (Oh snap…)


Maya: Yarr! Pearl be deeply moved!

Phoenix: Oh snap.

Edgeworth: Well, that’s just lazy. You two are just quoting the game at this point.

Maya: Hey, I’ll have you know the pirate accent added a lot to the dialogue!

Quote:
Phoenix: (But the contents of a Pink Princess are Will Powers…)


Phoenix: Will Powers is INSIDE the Pink Princess?

Maya: Don’t tell me this is a vore game, too.

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous, he means that Will Powers is the one in the costume.

Quote:
Phoenix: Okey,Hami. Let’s depart.

Pearl: Yah !!

Phoenix: Are you so glad ?

Pearl: Yah !! Even if an office goes bankrupt, I already do not care it !


Phoenix: Wow. Thanks, Pearl.

Image

Phoenix: Hey, look, there’s Will.

Edgeworth: That was fast.

Maya: Jeez! What’s with the siren noises?! Is he a robot?

Quote:
Phoenix: Whaooo!!! Monster !?


Maya: Pff, Nick, really? You think the Pink Princess is a monster?

Phoenix: Well, he did pop up really fast.

Quote:
Pearl: Whao! Pink Princess!!!

Phoenix: B-be shocked…


Maya: Yeah, Pearl! Be shocked like me, Fraid...nix Wright!

Phoenix: You look like you were about to have a stroke trying to finish that sentence.

Quote:
Phoenix: (What… ? The actor of Princess should have been Will Powers…)

Phoenix: (However, mood are different in some way…)


Phoenix: Wait, it’s *not* Will Powers? Who is it, then?

Maya: Who else has used that costume in the past?

Edgeworth: N-No… Don’t tell me…

Quote:
Princess: Do not stare.Indecent boy!

Princess: I give a service!!! Fuck me ! Fuck meeee !!


Phoenix: GAH!

Maya: Wow. That was up front. I suddenly hope that really isn’t Will Powers, though.

Edgeworth: I honestly hope it is, given the alternative…

Quote:
Phoenix: (O...Oh-Noo… Actor is Wendy Oldbag….!)


Edgeworth: ...Gnk. I knew it.

Maya: Yeah, I’ll take Will back, please.

Phoenix: Meeting her is arguably worse than having to view the sex scenes…

Quote:
Princess: Hey,Leave-Leave ! You are outsiders ! Okay!?


Maya: Oh, gladly. Hey, Management, can we leave-leave this place-place?

Quote:
Phoenix: No-No.


Maya: ...Heeeey, did you guys do that on purpose?

Quote:
Phoenix: I was invited to Edgeworth and came to here.

Princess: Edgeworth ? He does not yet come to here.

Princess: From the evening of today, there is important scene…


Edgeworth: Hm? I’m scheduled to act in the Pink Princess series?

Phoenix: Apparently. Don’t consider yourself too lucky, though, considering who you’re acting with.

Edgeworth: Agh, right. Don’t remind me.

Quote:
Princess: Ahh...promising….Compete of me and Edgew...FuFuFu.

Phoenix: Does he help here ?

Princess: Umm...Secret.Secret. FuFuFu.


Phoenix: FuFuFu?

Maya: I think that’s supposed to be some kind of laugh. Like, “Heh Heh Heh”.

Edgeworth: That just makes me even more worried.

Quote:
Phoenix: (I do not understand it well… !)


Phoenix: This entire game in a nutshell.

Quote:
Pearl: Miss Pink Princess ! Is it new clothes ?

Pearl: Nice clothes ! jiggy ! kicks-ass !!


Maya: Wh- Pearl! Where’d she learn that kind of language?!

Phoenix: Not only that, what year did she travel back to in order to learn the word “jiggy”?

Quote:
Princess: Thank you. You are very pretty, too.

Princess: Look here ! Look my bust !! I do not lose to Marilyn Monroe either !!


Phoenix: What.

Edgeworth: I doubt that’s an issue, considering she’s been dead for over half a century.

Maya: Well, she and Oldbag were probably born around the same time, if you think about it.

Quote:
Princess: I will become Hollywood actress in the near future !!

Phoenix: Hold out...By the way. Is this a new project?

Princess: Yes.Will Powers got sick suddenly…

Princess: Thus I act unwillingly.


Phoenix: So, Will Powers got sick, and for that reason, they got Wendy Oldbag of all people to act in his place?

Edgeworth: What a ridiculously stupid idea. Who knows what sort of ways she could ruin the production?

Quote:
Princess: Therefore I said to a supervisor…

Princess: The times of Eroticism !!!


Edgeworth: ...Yes, I suppose that’s one way…

Quote:
Phoenix: E-eroticism… ? This is a program for children…

Princess: Is there an objection !? This studio is in Business is dull !! Okey!?


Maya: So, let me get this straight. Oldbag tried to turn the Pink Princess show into porn?

Phoenix: Of all the stupid things I could imagine her doing, that’s not one of them.

Quote:
Princess: *Typical oldbag rant*

Princess: Is there an objection !? Fuck !! I stab you with this rapier !!

Phoenix: Gyaoooouu !!


Phoenix: Oh. Ow.

Maya: And then Nick died, and the game ended! The end!

Edgeworth: Could anyone read anything she said before she stabbed Wright?

Quote:
Pearl: Is it the new weapon ? Very very cool !!

Phoenix: Noo...S...Suit was torn…

Princess: This work is an X rating. Child cannot look.


Phoenix: X rating?! So it IS porn!

Maya: We need to get Pearl out of here, quick!

Quote:
Princess: I give a terrible performance in this work….FuFuFu.


Edgeworth: Oh, I don’t doubt it.

Quote:
Phoenix: Le...Let’s return. Hami.We are nuisances somehow or other…

Princess: Stop it !!

Phoenix: W-Why !? We are outsider…

Princess: This work is top-secret. Therefore, I cannot let you leave as it is.


Phoenix: We can’t leave?!

Maya: Edgeworth! You did this to us!

Edgeworth: Hey! Don’t blame me for this!

Quote:
Princess: Please participate in a rehearsal…

Princess: Participate as an actor !


Phoenix: Oh, no. Oh, no no no no no. Don’t tell me this is gonna be a sex scene with Oldbag.

Maya: Nick, consider the fact that there’s only one other alternative to that here.

Phoenix: ...Oh. Okay, I’ll take Oldbag, thanks. Let’s get this started already.

Quote:
Phoenix: No-Noooooooo-----!!?

Pearl: Nick...What is an actor ?

Phoenix: I-In front of a child, please do not say a strange thing...hahaha.


Maya: I’m sure Pearly knows what an actor is.

Phoenix: Forget saying such “strange thing” in front of a child, Pearl shouldn’t be here at all!

Quote:
Princess: Hey,Boy.I know anything.

Princess: In your house, there is a girl of psychicer…

Princess: May I announce naughty relations with her here !?


Phoenix: What? Is Oldbag trying to blackmail me?!

Quote:
Phoenix: Ohh my Goooooooddd----- !!

Princess: Fu Fu Fu Fuh…. !!

Pearl: What... ? Is it a talk of Maya ?

Phoenix: N-No,Hami.haha...Gulp...pp…

Princess: Fu Fu Fu Fuh…. !!


Edgeworth: This is incredibly inappropriate talk for a child to be around.

Maya: This game had better get her out of here fast.

Quote:
Phoenix: ...Understan. However, this girl lets a hou..

Princess: She has you participate in a rehearsal together !!


All: …

Phoenix: Hold on, what? What did I just read?

Edgeworth: Dear lord.

Maya: Heh… don’t worry guys, it’s just a translation error, right?

Quote:
Phoenix: No-No ! Impossible !! You’re carrying your joke too far !!


Phoenix: I agree with myself!

Quote:
Princess: I do not say a joke.


Edgeworth: Oldbag, you horrible woman!

Phoenix: Come on, guys, let’s not jump to any conclusions JUST yet…

Quote:
Phoenix: No ! No doubt!! Hey,Hami ! please give advice !

Pearl: I help you ! I love Pink Princess !!

Princess: OKey,pretty girl. Please wear this clothes.


Phoenix: N-NO!

Edgeworth: Is this… really going where I think it is?!

Quote:
Pearl: Whao ! Clothes of Pink Princess !? I wanted to try to wear it once !

Princess: And your clothes are…

Princess: Nothing !! Complete nudity !! OK !? Hurry up !!!


Phoenix: WHAT? Oh my god! You have to be joking!

Maya: Are- are you kidding me?! They’re really doing this? What the hell is wrong with the person who made this game?!

Edgeworth: I… I have no words for this. Management, what do you have to say for yourselves?!

Management: Don’t look at us. We didn’t make the game. We are very sorry.

Quote:
Phoenix: Noo...forgive it…


Edgeworth: Don’t tell me Wright is actually thinking of going along with this!

Image

Maya: NICK! Do you remember what I said a couple sporkings ago about you defending me when I murder the management?!

Phoenix: Er, yeah… I’m guessing you’re gonna need that soon, then?

Edgeworth: ...Come on, you two, let’s not let this get the better of us. It does look like Pearl has aged significantly, somehow.

Maya: That doesn’t make it okay!

Quote:
Pearl: N-Nick...I’m very shameful feeling…

Princess: Match well.


Maya: Oh, poor Pearl…

Phoenix: Poor us. At least Pearl doesn’t have to see this.

Quote:
Phoenix: Ha...Hami… !? Did you grow up to there… ?


Maya: Magically making her older doesn’t mean she isn’t still a kid mentally!

Edgeworth: Congratulations, Wright. You’re about to become a sex offender. How do you think it will hold up in court when you tell the Judge “But Your Honor, she was 18 when I had sex with her!”

Phoenix: Can you please not talk about anything beyond what we’re already seeing? I think I’m gonna be sick.

Quote:
Princess: Woman is stared at by a man and becomes beautiful.

Princess: I take a nap...Please rehearse it.

Princess: Make desperate efforts, and, for the future of this studio, do its best !!

Phoenix: Y-Yes sir…. !!


Edgeworth: Damn it, Wright, you still have the ability to stop this! Why would you continue on?! Just leave while she’s taking her nap!

Phoenix: Game-me has repeatedly demonstrated that he’s a sex-crazed maniac.

Quote:
Pearl: M-mysterious...A body suddenly grew up when I wore this clothes… !

Phoenix: Ohh...It’s medium power… ?


Maya: Oh, sure. Any time something weird happens, it’s just “medium power”. Makes perfect sense.

Quote:
Princess: Hey,Rehearse it ! There is little time !!

Phoenix: Umm...H-Hami… Patience isn’t possible…


Edgeworth: No, no, I’m sure we can all do with more delaying of the inevitable.

Quote:
Phoenix: H-Hey,Hami…

Pearl: Y-Yes….Nick… ?

Phoenix: Read the scenario !!

Phoenix: P-Princess. Will you caress my penis…?


Maya: N-No! Pearly, don’t do it!

Phoenix: I don’t wanna play this anymore.

Management: Too bad. You have to keep going.

Quote:
Phoenix: My lewd meat...Please lick it with a mouth of Princess.


Maya: Lewd meat?

Phoenix: If nothing else, the bad translation brings a few mildly amusing phrases… but it’s kinda being overshadowed by the fact that that’s Pearl on the screen right there.

Quote:
Pearl: Ca...cannot help… I draw out cum with my mouth… !

Phoenix: T-Thank you…. !

Phoenix: (No...unbearable… !)


Edgeworth: Unbearable indeed!

Phoenix: Yeah, for once I agree with game-me. But I don’t think he means it in the same way.

Image

Phoenix: AGH!

Maya: NO!

Edgeworth: NGOOOOOGH!

Phoenix: Damn it, this game is going to give me an aneurysm! Okay, guys, let’s just get through this as fast as we can!

Quote:
Phoenix: Ha...Hami…. ! Ohh...Ohh… !!

Pearl: AH,NNnn…. ! Very tasty… Ve..ry...cock...Nnn… !


Maya: I… I can’t laugh at anything here! I can’t make any jokes! This is just too hard to look at!

Phoenix: Yeah, I get what you mean… This must be even worse for you, with her being your cousin and all.

Edgeworth: I am so, very sorry that the two of you have to witness this.

Quote:
Phoenix: (S-Strong absorption… ! A,and…)

Phoenix: (huff-n-puff… ! There is her cunt before my eyes… !)


Phoenix: Hahaha, look, readers! It’s a weird sentence! Laugh at it!

Management: Breaking the fourth wall-

Phoenix: Oh, screw you!

Maya: Nick, you seem pretty agitated…

Quote:
(Most filler dialogue will be skipped over as it’s mostly unsporkable variations on stuff like “AAAnRRGH COCK MILK DICK SEMEN”)

Pearl: Ha,HAHHhhnn… ! co..cock.. I want COCK… !!


Edgeworth: She has the mind of an eight-year-old! How could she possibly want… well, you know!

Image

Phoenix: Of all the things I expected to see in this theater… I can say, completely, unequovically, that an image of Pearl, magically aged up to an adult and covered in a completely disgusting amount of semen, is not one of them.

Image

Quote:
Pearl: Ahh...Haa… ! This...this…. Very comfortable…. !

Phoenix: T-This cunt is different from Mia and Maya…. !


Edgeworth: That would be expected, considering you are effectively committing statutory rape at the moment.

Quote:
Phoenix: I get off… ! May I cum in your cunt… !?

Pearl: C..Cunt… ? Cum in my cunt… ! cock milk…. !!


Maya: Don’t tell me he’s going to…

Phoenix: Im...preg… Agh, I can’t say it!

Quote:
Phoenix: Y-Yes...I cum… ! In your cunt… !!

Phoenix: I ejaculate my cum in large quantities…! Ughh...Okey !?

Pearl: Ah,Ahh,Ahh… ! don’t understand it… ! understan…! but… !!


Phoenix: See?! You see?! There’s the problem! Pearl doesn’t even understand what’s happening here! This is one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen in this theater!

Maya: ...Yeah, what he said.

Quote:
Pearl: May be...Okey…. ! Okey… !!

Pearl: Hahhh….! Pink Princess punishes bad men…. !!

Hami: I punish it----- !!

Phoenix: AHhh,babe…!! Yes,ohhh,Yes… !! I’ve shot my waaaddd….!!


Phoenix: *whimper*

Maya: I can’t do this anymore...

Edgeworth: *reluctantly pats Wright on the back* Don’t worry, I think it’s finally over.

Quote:
Princess: Perform along a scenario !!

Phoenix: Ah...Yes...but Contents of this script are improper.


Maya: No crap.

Quote:
Phoenix: Anal Sex...SM...etc… All is maniac excessively…


Phoenix: Wait, what? There’s that stuff too?! God, am I glad the scene’s already over. It… won’t start up again, will it?

Management: I’ll spoil you for once. It doesn’t. That was the final sex scene.

Maya: Oh, thank god!

Edgeworth: It’s been quite a while since I last felt so relieved…

Quote:
Princess: Naturally ! I let a supervisor write this scenario for Miles with me !

Princess: I and Miles Edgeworth...

Princess: Love of eternity !!!


Edgeworth: NGOOOOGH!

Phoenix: ...Yeah, that relief didn’t last long, did it?

Quote:
Phoenix: (b...beats me…)

Princess: A recent young does not know true love…

Princess: Go to home. My private performance is to this.


Phoenix: Finally. Hey, since game-me is going home, can the rest of us go home as well?

Management: Nope. Not yet.

Phoenix: Damn it.

Quote:
Princess: Beloved Edgeworth and...Fu Fu Fu.

Princess: As for him, it is not escaped by my hand...Fu Fu Fu.

Phoenix: (E-Edgeworth… !)

Phoenix: (be feel sorry… I wait in a court...Forever)


Phoenix: How poetic.

[Edgeworth is noticeably red-faced.]

Quote:
Pearl: H-Hey...Nick…

Phoenix: W-What...Hami.

Pearl: I’m… Ahh….

Pearl: I intend to become a Pink Princess if I become an adult !!


Phoenix: You know what, that’s fine with me, as long as it’s not the sort that we just went through. I sure hope Oldbag’s idea doesn’t work out.

Quote:
Phoenix: What ?

Pearl: I defeat a lot of bad men as a Pink Princess !! Yah !

Princess: It is excellent intention. I was impressed very much !

Princess: Chin up ! As for the future of our country, it is up to you !!


Phoenix: And now everyone’s just acting like game-me didn’t just do something very, very wrong.

Maya: I’m fine with that, honestly.

Quote:
Pearl: Yah !!

Princess: There is a Pink princess in your heart anytime.

Pearl: Yah !!

Princess: Fu Fu Fu Fu… !

Pearl: Fu Fu Fu Fu… !


Phoenix: Oh, no, Oldbag, please don’t teach Pearl your ways…

Quote:
They go back home.


Image

Quote:
Phoenix: Ah,Yes...I see….

Phoenix: I see…..What ?

Phoenix: ……

Phoenix: Whaaaaaaaaat !!?

Phoenix: Really !? No-No ! be puzzled !!

Phoenix: Was it already decided !? No…. !?

Phoenix: ….J-Jesus….


Phoenix: Uh, what’s going on now?

Maya: Beats me. Sounds like you’re worried about… something on the phone.

Image

Phoenix: Oh, you’re back.

Maya: Don’t tell me we’re in for another…

Edgeworth: No, no, remember, the Management said that last scene was, well, the last one. We should be fine. Let’s just sit back and get through the rest of this.

Quote:
Phoenix: Gulp…

Maya: Nick ? Did you get astomach out of order?

Phoenix: No...It’s more serious….

Phoenix: A hero of a sequel was not me !? Next story : [Gyakuten Saiban4] !?


Maya: That’s what you were worried about? The fact that you’re not the main character in the fourth game?

Phoenix: Well, there goes the fourth wall.

Quote:
Maya: Really !? be doubtful !!

Maya: I do my best as the leading role in place of you !


Phoenix: ...Yeah, I think you’re a bit mistaken there, Maya…

Quote:
Phoenix: Y-Yes...Hold out….

Maya: Hey,Nick. Let’s insist aloud if dissatisfied.

Phoenix: It’s a just argument. Three,two,one!


Phoenix: OBJECTION!

Quote:
Maya: Hold it !!


Phoenix: What!? Maya!!

Quote:
Phoenix: What !? Maya !!


Phoenix: …

Maya: Wow, Nick. Either you’re a psychic, or game-you is closer to real-you than you might think.

Edgeworth: Oh, come on, this joke has been used so many times…

Quote:
Maya: At first eat Miso Ramen and let’s make an objection ! Nick.

Maya: The home of Miso Ramen is Hokka ido in Japan !

Phoenix: I did not know it. Is the food delicious ?

Maya: A crab and a lobster and a salmon and a potato are very delicious !


Phoenix: Huh? Are those regular ingredients in Miso Ramen?

Maya: I imagine any of those could be used, but probably not all at once…

Quote:
Phoenix: Oh Nice ! I may let an office move to there in the near future…

Maya: There is a many pretty girls, too.

Phoenix: Let’s go for sightseeing immediately !!

Maya: Hey,Ni----ck. You are naughty.


Edgeworth: How childish.

Phoenix: ...Yeah, Maya, I wouldn’t be so sure about game-me being so close to real-me.

Quote:
Phoenix: No...I am not originally such a human being!!

Maya: Way of speaking is wrong. Three,Two,One….!!

Phoenix: Objection !!


Phoenix: OBJEC- Oh, yeah. There we go, I think it’s over.

Management: Not yet! It’s time for some credits scenes!

[The three sporkers let out a collective groan.]

Image

Phoenix: Oh great, this again.

Maya: Here in yet another episode of Light Speed Court! Invented by the government because our current one was apparently way too slow!

Quote:
Phoenix: Hey,Larry!! I completely proved your alibi !!!

Butz: Hey,Hey,Nick. I’m hearer today. Nick !

Karma: Accept defeat soon ! Phoenix Wright !!


Phoenix: Huh? Didn’t that trial end already? You know, with me being the guilty party?

Maya: Retrial, I guess? Either that or Larry just got into trouble again.

Edgeworth: I’d find the latter to be more likely.

Quote:
Butz: Because I’m busy, may I already return ?

Phoenix: Hey,Judge!! Dai Inge message of a victim says it in this way…!


Maya: Dai Inge? Who’s that?

Phoenix: I dunno, but apparently he left a message for the victim. Or from the victim. I don’t know, I can barely read any of this!

Edgeworth: I think he means “dying message”.

Quote:
Phoenix: [ When something smells it’s usually the Butz ] !! Okey !?

Butz: N-N-N-Nick---!! No,No,Noo!! It is certainly wrong!! Nick-----!!!


Phoenix: What?! That was the dying message?!

Maya: So… Larry was the murderer, then?

Edgeworth: Either that, or Wright forged evidence like Mia told him to in the first part.

Phoenix: Hey, you weren’t here for that!

Image

Edgeworth: You mean a method other than such ones as “forging evidence” and “indicting yourself as the murderer”?

Phoenix: Also, how is Mia alive here?

Quote:
Mia: At first obtain the evidence that can prove innocence of the accused…

Mia: And the most important thing is that you become an excellent lawyer.


Phoenix: Well, that’s pretty standard stuff. Have the evidence, and be an excellent lawyer. I think I’ve got those both down already.

Edgeworth: Don’t flatter yourself, Wright.

Quote:
Mia: But...Prohibited from onanism in a court. Learn it. Nick.


Maya: Oh, right. I had to look up what “onanism” meant after that first part. I’d… rather not share the definition, though.

Phoenix: ...Right, like I said. Typical lawyer advice.

Image

Phoenix: Great, Pearl’s back.

Edgeworth: Don’t worry, you’re not there to do distasteful things to her.

Phoenix: Can we PLEASE stop talking about that?

Quote:
Pearl: I’m sorry...Phone Call…

Pearl: Yes.Wright & Co. Law Offices.


Phoenix: I’m not sure I’d want Pearl answering the phone in my place…

Maya: Who’s calling, anyway?

Quote:
Edgeworth: Help Meeeee!! Nick !! Noooooooo !

Princess: My darling !! Fuck Meeeee !!!

Edgeworth: Help Meeee….. !!!


Edgeworth: Nnnngh! Why must they do this to me?!

Maya: …*Clearly desperately trying to hold in laughter*

Phoenix: Poor, poor Edgeworth. At least that’s only game-you that’s being… romantically assaulted by an old woman.

Edgeworth: Don’t you dare call that romance!

Quote:
Pearl: A...a nuisance phone call. Sorry.


Maya: Looks like Pearly’s not gonna be any help to Edgeworth…

Phoenix: How could I have helped him over the phone, anyway?

Image

Maya: Oh, about “Gyakuten Saiban 4”? Now that I think about it, this game must be pretty old if that hadn’t even came out yet when it was made.

Phoenix: Also, I’m surprised the management isn’t yelling at us for breaking the fourth wall.

Management: We can’t help it if the game breaks the fourth wall. In cases like that, your sporking kinda has to acknowledge it. Not much we can do.

Quote:
Maya: By the way...Thank you for playing. Did you enjoy all ?

Maya: See you next court. One love !!

Phoenix: Next court !? Can I appear in the next court !?


Edgeworth: Yes. Just not as the main character.

Maya: And to answer game-me, we most definitely did not enjoy that. Not remotely.

Quote:
Maya: God only knows.

Phoenix: O...Objection….


Phoenix: Hey, now, it didn’t end up going that badly, game-me. Even if I wasn’t the one in the title.

Maya: Hey, is that it? Is the game over?

Edgeworth: Please say it is.


[The lights turn back on, and the metal bars over the doors retract.]

Phoenix: *Gets up and stretches* Oh, thank god. That was a long one.

Edgeworth: What a ridiculously stupid excuse of a fangame. I never want to experience that again.

Maya: Yeah, you and me both. I’d suggest we go get lunch or something, but I’m still feeling a bit sick from that Pearl scene…

Phoenix: I think I’m gonna go home and pour bleach into my eyes or something. Anything to let me forget what I saw here.

Edgeworth: There isn’t a sequel to this… is there?

Management: Oh, no. Don’t expect any more sex games any time soon.

Phoenix: That’s a huge relief. Could we also, maybe, not expect any sporkings at all any time soon?

Management: Nice try, but no. You’ve still got the rest of Steven Universe: Human of Bad on your plate.

Maya: You know what? After what we saw here today, I say keep bringing on the Steven Universe.

Phoenix: Yeah. Too bad Edgeworth probably won’t be here for part three.

Edgeworth: “Too bad”?

Management: Well, anyway, sporking’s over. Now get out of here, we need to destroy the computer we had this game installed on.

[The sporkers leave the sporking theater.]

Last edited by DrOcsid on Wed Feb 01, 2017 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
User avatar

*laugh track*

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 3799

Ugh. Scarred for life thanks to that. Why,people,why?AND WHY PEARL OF ALL PEOPLE?!MIGHT AS WELL HAVE CHOSEN CODY OR TRUCY!

*sniff* truth be told,I didn't even finish the whole thing. It was just too goddamn much. I'm glad I wasn't the writer for this.

Seriously,this alone is nightmare fuel.
A great man once wrote:
Breakfast? What needs to be broken so fast?


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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Avatars are for less anxious people.

Gender: None specified

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:20 pm

Posts: 171

...Somehow, that was worse than I had thought it was going to be.

However, I did like your sporking of it, DrOscid, especially when you pointed out that aging up Pearl didn't make it any less horrible.

Last edited by cuteyounggirlplus on Thu Feb 02, 2017 4:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Gender: Female

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 11:49 pm

Posts: 17

ugh, that Pearl scene reminds me when I accidentally found a fic about 36-year-old Edgeworth having sex with 16-year-old Pearl
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