You know, a Mario game!
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What do call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye-deer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
I got fired from the calendar factory, I don't understand why, all I did was take a day off.
Why couldn't the two melons run away and get married? Because they cantaloupe.
I got fired from the Orange juice factory, I got canned, couldn't concentrate.
I'd make a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.
Current Project: Sly Cooper & The Thievius Racoonus
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Happy Maria
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For those who're too lazy,here's the comment:
What a legend,this Erik.
You know, a Mario game!
Gender: Male
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What do you call a psychic midget that just escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
Why can't you hide under a toadstool? Cause there's not mushroom!
Why did the frog have to take the bus? Because his car got toad.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium!
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Happy Maria
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0, because of Y2K.
2000....
Actually,I found this one on an askreddit thread about certain types of jokes. Thanks to user MewtewniteX for this.
Happy Maria
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Indonesia!
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What do you call a king's fart? -Noble gas
What do you do with a sick chemist? -If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
xXx
(using AA smilies 'cause they're awesome)
: HiTech Support: Tech support, How may I help you?
: Hi, I've got a problem. Your program is telling me to get a pet snake. I don't want one.Tech Support: Excuse me?
: It's giving me a message telling me I need a snake to run it.Tech Support: Read the message to me please.
: Error: Python required to run the script.xXx
: Dad, can I ask a question?
: But you just did.: Can I ask two questions?: But you already did!: Then can I ask four questions?: You just did again!: But when?
: Now.: Dad please.xXx
Newspaper Headlines:
"Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives a New Attorney"
"Mayor Parris to Homeless: Go Home"
"Missippi's literacy program shows improvement"
"Homicide victims rarely talk to police"
"Utah Poison Control Centre reminds everyone not to take poison"
"Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons"
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How do you make someone a redneck?
Slit their throat
How do you make someone red-haired?
Dye their hair red
I found this one a while back. Forgot about it. Yes I wrote it and I'm proud of it. Keep in mind it isn't historically or geographically accurate but it isn't meant to be either
Racing through the sky like a Missile
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- A famous proverb said by someone
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at https://gsvsaa.blogspot.com/ Further updates will be pending.
AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubia ... /rubia_ryu
My misc translation and work promos here at http://rubiaryutheroyal.tumblr.com
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And good one, Southern Corn. Pride goes before a fall - quite literally.
More headlines:
Man found dead in graveyard
Alton attorney accidentally sues himself
Jellyfish apocalypse not coming
Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs
Cows lose their jobs as milk prices drop
Man wants 'hell' taken out of 'hello'
Porn star sues over rear-end collision
Funeral Homes Bring Cheer to Senior Citizens
Threat disrupts plan to meet about threats
Slowdown continues to accelerate
Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks
Ex-Minister Breaks Silence, Says Nothing
City unsure why the sewer smells
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The headlines are great as always
Ooooh I love this one.
An American,an Englishman,and a Mexican are standing on a flying plane near the open cockpit. The Englishman takes out a teabag and throws it out. He explains,"In England,we have so many tea bags that we can just throw them out!" Then the Mexican throws out a bag of chilli peppers. He explains,"In Mexico,we have so many chilli peppers that we can just throw them out." Suddenly,the American pushes the Mexican off the plane. "Hey! Why'd you do that?!", asks the Englishman. Then the American says,"He killed my wife."
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Good headlines are easy to find. There are just so many.
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I told a relative this one and they were reaal disappointed here you go
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And as expected, more headlines from me:
Committe appoints committee to appoint committee
Arsenic in city water nothing to worry about
Students Cook & Serve Grandparents
Cow urine makes for juicy lemons
Planes forced to land at airports
Fish need water; Feds say
Most Earthquake Damage is Caused by Shaking
One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers
And signboards:
Shoplifters will be prostituted
Private customer parking only: all others will be toad
Hunters
Please use caution when hunting pedestrians using walk trails
All fields are closed
No trespassing violators will be prosecuted
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I also just now got the grandparents one wow. And that last one- really kind of them huh
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
THE CHICKEN!
This one I'm also quite proud of. Requires another person though
Ask me if I'm a tree.
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Since you did ask:
"Are you a tree?"
Last edited by DarkAgea on Sat Apr 01, 2017 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Happy Maria
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No
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I have no words.
Don't mind me; just giggling like an idiot here.
Happy Maria
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And... even more headlines! I wonder if anybody is going to get sick of them...
Humped to death by a pet camel
Woman missing since she got lost
DIANA WAS STILL ALIVE HOURS BEFORE SHE DIED
Man arrested for everything
Want to spell like a champ? Read Wenster's dictionary.
Psychic arrested again. Still didn't see it coming
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25
RAPEFRUIT - Good for every meal
Medical marijuana delivery man attacked by ninjas
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That Diana one is really popular which makes it all the more worse
Also just some clarification on the Rapefruit ad there's actually half a grapefruit there but it doesn't look like a G oh well
This one's a classic
HAHAHA OMG THAT WAS HILARIOUS
Here's something completely different
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And there is half of a grapefruit there, but I think that looks more like a C than a G, which would make that 'crapefruit'. Still not the best. The paper that ran the artice, the Free Press, said that next time they'd just use the G.
Yup, I've heard of that classic before - though it was very different, the base was the same. Still didn't stop me from smiling at that.
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Hahahaha..
But really,folks... every sixty seconds in Africa
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The more pressing question, however, is- Why do I giggle at lame jokes? Why?
And this time, instead of headlines, I bring you- newspaper corrections, paras and more!
HONDA CBR 250 FOR SALE: Fully Sick and does the Mad Skids, Can easily outrun the cops & has done so on many occasions. $1,500.
Correction! Last week's ad should have read: "see our huge collection of fun toys" ... not "boys".
(Sorry for any disappointment.)
Correction
Due to incorrect information received from the Clerk of Courts Office, Diane K. Merchant, 38, -blacked out- SW, was incorrrectly listed as being fined for prostitution in Wednesday's paper. The charge should have been failure to stop at a railroad crossing. The Public Opinion apologizes for the error.
This newspaper correction caused a disturbance in the Force today
In a story on Sunday about a speed dating event at Tampa Bay Comic Con, a Tampa Bay Times report not strong in the ways of the Force (or Star Wars lore) quoted moderator Croix Provence as asking, "Are you ready to find love in all the wrong places?"
What Provence actually asked was, "Are you ready to find love in Alderaan places?" She was referring to Princess Leia Organa's home world, which appeared briefly in the 1977 film.
Regret the error, we do.
Shamed by You English?
You can speak soon and write like a graduate college if me let you help for a day of 15 minutes
Typographical error
Due to a typing error, Thursday's story on local artist Jon Henninger mistakenly reported that Henninger's band mate Eric Lyday was on drugs. The story should have read that Lyday was on drums. The Sentinel regrets the error.
If you feel cold, put on a sweater, crap yourself in a blanket or turn up the heat, recommend the physicians.
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How do you irritate someone who loves anime?
Call anime dumb Chinese cartoons.
How do you piss off a nerd?
Frame him for murder.
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Wow, that is one weird story.
Happy Maria
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What do you call someone who makes puns?
Unpunny.
The worse thing about atocrect isn't that it makes everybody thing you typo sound wheelie reared
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Happy Maria
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This is technically a terrific tongue twister,but whatever here it is it's humorous if you say it out loud
1-1 was a race horse. 2-2 was one too. 1-1 won one race and 2-2 won one too.
Great wordplay
Also
Can Can's can can can Can Can's cans
It ties with buffalo x 8 though but I like this more
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And the Can Can one is fun. There's one like that on 'had'. According to Wikipedia, it goes like:
James, while John had had had, had had had had; had had had had a better effect on the teacher.
With proper emphasis, it'll become:
James, while John had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and slime?
One practises law,the other's slime.
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Nice subversion of what I thought it would turn out like.
Talking about lawyers, this was taken from a TV Tropes entry (Either World Domination or Something About Bananas):
"A word for lawyer is avocat. The word for avocado is avocat. Guacamole recipes run through Google Translate have been known to instruct the reader to cut the lawyer in half to remove the pit."
Mental images aplenty for that.
Trainer Gold - Johto Champion.
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Lenovo.
http://pa1.narvii.com/5806/85074bd75bdf ... 9d1_hq.gif
YOU JUST MESSED WITH THE WRONG PERSON!!!
Hydrophyl the Feraligatr is going to rearrange the Phantom's kneecaps! You never know, I used him, and only him - to defeat the entire E4 and all of Kanto's Gym leaders, believe it or not!
I've become a DeviantArt member! Link to my DeviantArt Here:
http://articuno32.deviantart.com/
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What is Dog Food Lid backwards?
A dog food lid on its side.
Nah jk here's the real question
What is Dog Food Lid SPELT backwards?
I apologise in advance. It's
NUMBER JOKES
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I think my favourites from those number jokes are the last two 'six is afraid' ones. I don't know why.
Instead of headlines, today I have - real-life incidents! It's from a list I keep with me.
Student: Why ductility, ma'am?
Teacher: Because chicken wasn't available.
Me: Do you know Greek mythology?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: What do you know?
Friend: Thor.
A: I have seen the movie! It's boring!
B: ... The movie hasn't even been released.
Happy Maria
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Thor? He's my favourite Egyptian God. Nah jk he's Indian
I'm quite proud of this one
MURDER- A haiku
Shot right in the heart
The weapon,a stray arrow
The victim,a hawk
There's an interesting story behind this one
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Good haiku. It sounds like a hunter/archer shot a hawk and killed it, but that seems way too simple. What's that interesting story?
Happy Maria
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The man turns into mang.
The interesting story is that I was originally going to make this just straight up about murder,but at the last second I made the victim a bird. So people are going to think it to be serious before the subversion at the end that it was just some hunter's prey. Of course,you can take this and easily put his into an anti poaching campaign and it'd be effective
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Actually, if we're taking the first two lines alone, I'd say it sounds more like Cupid's arrow. And yeah, it could be made used for an anti-poaching campaign. Try sending it to one. Anyone except PETA's.
Happy Maria
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Actually I never noticed that. That could've been appropriate for Valentine's Day.
A guy had myopia but didn't want to get glasses. Finally,after being endlessly persuaded by his friends,he concaved in and bought a pair.
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I don't know whether I should work on my sense of humour, or leave it as it is so that I can smile at such stuff. The guy concaved in. And I suppose those with hypermetropia convexed out?
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