At last, Jacob and Leeloo’s plan was nearing completion. They would soon discover the identity of the monster that had killed Jennifer just a year before.

It was all too easy to kidnap the three suspects in her murder, especially after he discovered that they all went to the same high school somehow. So, Jacob went to the high school armed with soporil, just in time for the high school reunion.

Edwin and Robin were hanging out drinking some punch when they noticed someone familiar. “Hey, Robin… Isn’t that Jacob?”

Robin leered at the man who was rapidly approaching with a comically large syringe. “Nah, I don’t think so… Look at that beard. He looks like the kind of guy who hasn’t left his mom’s basement in fifteen years!”

“Holy crap, it’s you guys,” Harold said, approaching the two of them. “Better watch out I’ve got a taser!”

“What cabbage man, this is bad!” Robin observed.

Suddenly they all fell unconscious.

An interminably long amount of time later they all woke up tied to some chairs and also there was a table in front of them. But in front of that table was Trix I mean Jacob, except they couldn’t see him yet because it was just the back of his chair.

“Mwahaha he said” he said “So, you’re arrived.”

“Hey, boss-man,” Ben said turning to Harold. “This your idea of a guy’s night out?”

“NO!”

Suddenly Trix turned around and he was stroking a really REALLY FAT cat named Garfielf. He now had a beard.

“Whoa,” Robin says, “He looks like the kind of guy who hasn’t left his mom’s basement in fifteen years!”

“That’s funny…” Ben remarks, “Don’t recall being stabbed by any ol’ big needle myself…”

“What’s your problem?” Jacob said, “I didn’t use a needle I put soporil in the punch.”

“Oh, who was that guy with the big needle then?” Robin asked.

“The mailman,” Harold explains.

“Oh, cool.” Robin says, “Why are we here again?”

“Because your pitiful game is OVER!” Jacob explained, getting up from his chair which was kinda hard because he had arthritis or something now. “I know what you did!”

Ben turned white as a sheet. “H- How did you find out I stole a cookie jar from Mark Zuckerberg’s house?”

“Wait, what?” Robin shouts, “You did that without me?”

“NO NO NO NO NO NO NON NONO NONO !” Jacob shouts, “One of you PIECES OF POO killed my wife, didn’t you? I know it’s true I looked it up on Wikipedia.”

“Look, man,” HArold says, checking his watch. “How much longer is this gonna be? I have to pick up my daughter from soccer practice.”

“Dude, sports are a scam,” Ben added, “Have her take piano lessons instead”

“ENOUGH!” Pierre shouted, throwing Garfielf at Edwin in a fit of rage but luckily Garfielf vanished into an interdimensional time vortex before anything happened. “You won’t be picking up your daughter from soccer lessons or piano practice! You see, we’re gonna play a bit of a GAME! …The Nonary Game!”\

“Aw fuck not again” Robin said.

“I hope I get to be 1 this time he’s the coolest,” Edwin remarks.

“Umm, excuse me,” Harold responds, deliberately sounding as smug as possible. “But how do you expect us to have a Nonary Game with only three players?”

“Morphogenetic field cloning, of course!”

Suddenly two clones of Robin, Edwin, and Harold walked into the room.

“Aw fuck not again” all Robins said at once.

“Oh cool,” Harold says, “Now I’ll have three times as many Me’s to catch Johnny.”

“Oh, hey… I’m lookin’ good today!” Edwin says.

“Well you’re gonna be looking bad after the first voting phase, which starts now!” Jacob shouted, waving his fists in the air like he was doing a bad Skeletor impression.

Nine big buttons appeared on the table that said “Ally or Betray?”

“Okay dudes press a button here’s the rules. You’ll win old crappy sandals based on rather you ally or betray and you’ll be in groups of three. All ally and everyone gets two sandals, all betray and you lose one sandal, ally and betray and the traitors get three sandals and the alliers lose two.”

Suddenly JesusMonroe showed up. He said “I also think the both betray: -1 BP instead of -0 BP made it so people were more likely to cooperate”

“Fuck you bitch this is my goddamn game I’ll do what I fucking want.” Jacob pulled out a wicked knife and stabbed JM in the face and he died.

“Aw shit looks like F4 is cancelled.” Robin mumbled sadly.

“Anyway do the voting thing.”

Everyone pressed ally.

“Fuck” Jacob said.

“Okay, what now?” Harold asks.

“It’s the first discussion phase. Time to figure out why this game was set out and by who, if you can!”

Harold thinks for a few seconds and says, “Didn’t you say that it was to figure out who killed Jennifer?”

“Double fuck.”

“Dude can you stop fucking swearing my mom might read this!” Robin shouts.

“Okay fine,” Jacob says, then he starts pacing around the room all scary-like. “Well then, it’s time for the final discussion phase. Can you figure out who killed my wife?”

“…Didn’t she forget to vote like a scrub?” Edwin said.

“No way!” Jacob waved his arms around in a circle all angry-like and that weird anime rage symbol thing showed up on his forehead. “One of you fricks shot her with soporil and killed her, I just know it!”

“Dude, I didn’t even touch your wife,” Robin says, “I did steal some superglue from her though.” He pulls out a bottle of superglue.

Jacob gasps in horror. “That’s the superglue I used to glue her wedding ring to her finger so she’d marry me! I knew you did it!”

“Have you ever considered the possibility that you’re just totally delusional?” Harold asks.

Jacob glares at HArold and says, “Have yiou ever considered the possibility that your mom gay?”

“Ooh, ouch…” Edwin says, “He’s got ya’ there, boss-man.”

“Well I mean I don’t even have a mom cause my dads are gay,” Harold explains, “Also no u”

“OOOOHHHHHH” All Robin’s say at once and then blow a bunch of airhorns.

The Edwin’s walk over to Trix and then pat his back “Look, man. You’re falling deep into your grief like… like somekind a spirally abyss thing and you need to get a hold of yourself or you’re gonna waste away in a cardboard box in an ally in Cincinnati.”

“NO!” Trix cries out in dismay. “Not Cincinnati!”

“Exactly,” Edwin continues, “Look man, I know a pretty good grief counselor who might be able to help you. Let’s just get going.”

Suddenly Jacob roundhouse kicks Edwin so hard that he flies away and bounces off the walls like a billion times. “No, not until I find who killed Jennifer!”

“[insert witty comeback]” Robin says.

Suddenly Trix pulls out a gun and kills all the clones.

“Yo, that’s not cool, man.”

Harold shrugs. “Guys, I think he’s a lost cause. Let’s just go.”

Everyone tries to walk out but Jacob blocks the door and he has a GUN. “No, you ain’t leaving! Not until I get justice for JENNIFER!”

“You better let us leave.” Robin says, pulling out a disc. “Or I’ll make you watch the Emoji Movie.”

“No, don’t you dare!” Jacob shouts, “You wouldn’t!”

Robin says, “The world we live in. It's so... Wondrous. Mysterious. Even magical. No... No no no.. Not that world. I meant this one. The smartphone. Each…

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” jACOB screams and runs away.

“Nice,” Edwin says and everyone leaves. The Nonary Game is over.

Jacob is left behind crying when he hears a voice from above him. “Hello, Trix.”

Jacob looks up through his tears. “J- Jesus? Is that you?”

“No, you stabbed him in the face earlier, remember?”

“Oh right I forgot,” Trix sighs, “Who are you then?”

“I am Jennifer’s killer,” the scary voice explains, “I am Kachu”

“Oh noooooo!” Jacob shouts, “Wait, who the fuck are you?”

“I really didn't add up to the rest of the players, and then kicked the bucket near the end for no real reason. Which made the last parts of the game not as spectacular as it could've been. Pierre has been amazing, and I only wish I put that much effort into this too. I could only imagine how much better this would've been if I did.” Kachu explains.

“Spirit! Great demon!” Trix exclaims, “You speak in riddles! I must know, why did Jennifer die?!”

“I totally accept blame here.” Kachu continues, “I could've just voted right away, easy as that. Yeah, it kinda reeeeallly sucked that it had to be this way, but I could've prevented it by just getting it done with.”

“Wh- What are you saying?” Jacob asks, “You mean, she just didn’t vote? B- But why? How?”

Suddenly Kachu shot Jacob with a laser beam vaporizing him instantly and he died.

The end.