That is a cool picture! And yea! New chapter soon, may the beta process pass switfly and with editing for the betterment of this fic.

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I hope the length makes up for the delay!
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-Ding-Dong-

Phoenix moved to open the door, before pausing and quickly dashing over to the mirror. He ran a hand over his hair to flatten the small bits that had gone astray and sorted out his collar. His white shirt and black jacket with ‘stylishly’ frayed jeans looked pretty good, if he did say so himself.

Not to say that he didn’t normally look presentable, but it would have been bad to get shown up by Edgeworth and his expensive tastes.

Besides, my suit is still wet from yesterday.

-Ding-Dong-

He took one last glance at his reflection and went over to the coffee table to grab his cell. “Alright, I’m coming already!”

He looked around to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything and rushed over to open the door.

“Hey there, Edgeworth!”

Miles stared at him blankly for a moment and raised an eyebrow. “You’re ready?”

No need to sound so disbelieving…

“Yeah, pretty much, I think.” Phoenix patted his jeans’ pockets to find his keys, inconspicuously glancing down to see what Edgeworth was wearing. It just happened to be an expensive-looking black shirt, complete with black and silver tie and snug, designer jeans.

Make that very snug designer jeans.

Phoenix pouted.

So much for looking better than him…

He looked back up at Miles and frowned.

“Damn it, Edgeworth, would it kill you to wear something that doesn’t cost my whole wardrobe?” He finally managed to pull out his keys with a small jingle. “You need to stop showing me up.”

Miles crossed his arms. “I could turn up in a cardboard box and I’d still be wearing more expense than your entire wardrobe, Wright.”

Phoenix winced.

Ouch.

“But I don’t see why you’re complaining,” Miles added, taking a small glance at Phoenix’s clothes. “What you’re wearing looks mildly more presentable than normal.”

“Thanks, Edgeworth. That’s really kind of you not to look down on us lowly mortals,” Phoenix muttered, stepping out of his apartment and turning around to lock the door.

“Don’t start, Wright. I’m already in a bad mood,” Miles snapped.

Phoenix raised an eyebrow and pocketed his keys. “Oh, really? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

Miles rolled his eyes and set off for the stairs at the end of the hall. Phoenix followed, deciding it best to keep his mouth shut for now. Larry and Kath were more than enough to deal with all night, he didn’t need an angry Edgeworth to boot.

“Wright, would you do me a favour?” Miles asked as he reached the end of the hall, waiting for Phoenix to catch up.

“Sure, what is it?”

Miles sighed. “Make sure you leave time to plan my funeral next week.”

Well, at least he’s warned me about his death this time.

Phoenix chuckled as he pushed open the door to the staircase. “How can you say that? We haven’t even got there yet.”

“Believe me, if the car journey here was any indication, I’ll be dead within the hour,” Miles replied.

“Do I want to know?” Phoenix asked, grabbing onto the railing as he made his way down the stairs.

Miles shook his head. “Let’s just say that Tuesday is going to be nothing compared to what we have to deal with tonight.”

“Ah, yes.” Phoenix frowned slightly. “I dread to think what’s going to happen when there are two romantic freaks trying to encourage our ‘relationship’.”

One was bad enough, thank you very much.

Miles glanced at Phoenix, before looking back down at the stairs. “Need I remind you whose fault it is that I’m coming?”

Well, I’d hope it isn’t mine. That’d be disturbing.

Phoenix looked away to hide his grin, deciding it best not to voice that out loud. He didn’t have that much of a death wish.

“Oh, come on, you make it sound like some kind of torture,” he replied instead, turning back to Miles with a smirk in place. “Aren’t you glad we get to spend some quality time together?”

Miles snorted. “Shut up, Wri--”

“Hey, Nick! How’re you doing?”

Phoenix froze to the spot.

Larry was leaning against the doorframe, an idiotic grin on his face. He was wearing an incredibly tacky bright red shirt, and Phoenix vaguely wondered how he hadn’t noticed him sooner.

“Oh… Hey.” Phoenix sent a curious look Miles’ way, who simply shook his head in a ‘Just don’t ask’ manner.

And here was I thinking I’d get to keep my ears intact at least a little longer.

“I didn’t know you were getting a lift with us, Larry.”

“Didn’t want to miss out on all the action now, did I?” Larry said, beaming from ear to ear.

Miles’ eye twitched a bit at that. “He thinks he’d ‘miss out on the gayness’ if he didn’t join us in the car.”

Well, that explains the bad mood.

Phoenix frowned and turned to Larry. “You do know we’re not going to do anything gay unless we have to, right?”

Larry laughed. “Dude, you’re dating a guy. If that’s not gay, I don’t know what is.”

Phoenix sighed and rubbed his forehead. “We’re not dating, we’re pretending to date… under your advice, even!” He sent Larry a disbelieving look. “You do know what that word means, right?”

“Pretending, dating; tomato, tomato.” Larry flicked his hand. “They’re the same; you still have to practice all the actions.”

I don’t think you’re supposed to pronounce ‘tomato’ the same way each time, Larry…

Wait…

“P-practice?!” Phoenix spluttered.

Larry shot off the doorframe, wide-eyed. “What, you mean you don’t practice!?” He punched a fist into his other hand. “Dudes, you’re never going to look like the real thing with this attitude! You should be practicing day and night!”

“Whoa, hold it, there.” Phoenix held up a hand and Larry looked at it cross-eyed. “What the hell is there to ‘practice’, anyway?”

Larry stopped staring at Phoenix’s hand and his eyes started to tear up. “I don’t believe you, Nick! All these years of knowing me, and not even one bit of my genius with romance has rubbed off on you!”

That can only be a good thing.

“Y’know, after that first date that went wrong, I’d have thought that you two would be doing your best to make it look good! I mean, for a start, I heard from Kathy that you didn’t talk about anything personal, your sex jokes were lax, and that she had to practically force you to share food. Not to mention, it took Nick, like, half an hour to realise why Edgey had left to go to the bathroo--”

“I’ve told you, that wasn’t intended,” Miles interrupted sharply, looking back up from his watch.

I’m just scared that he can get all this information out of her…

“That’s my point!” Larry retorted. “You should be practicing to do those kinds of things on purpose!”

“Larry, I don’t think you get it,” Phoenix cut in. “You don’t practice… that stuff with a friend.”

“Well, I practiced with my friend,” Larry said, pouting, before rubbing his chin. “Damn, she was real good at kissing, and hot, too…”

Phoenix could feel a headache approaching. “She was a girl. Edgeworth is a guy. And neither of us is gay.”

Larry’s expression went blank.

“Oh. But I thought you were being gay so I could get Kathy?”

Phoenix put his head in his hands.

There’s no hope for him.

“If you’re quite finished, I’d like to get this night over with,” Miles said quickly, gesturing to the exit.

“But I was just getting started on the good bit!” Larry whined, before retreating from the glare Miles shot him.

“Larry, shut up and just give me the damned address,” Miles scolded, following Larry out the door.

“Ah, right, the address.” Larry stuck his tongue out as he stared off in the distance. “If I remember right… it’s a club called Bar Six--” Larry suddenly stopped and slapped a hand over his mouth, his eyes widening dramatically.

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Bar Six?”

Does that even exist?

“I’ve never heard of it,” Miles said, confirming Phoenix’s thoughts.

“Shit, Edgey! Don’t coax me into giving away the secret like that!” Larry cried after letting go of his mouth in favour of waving his arms about.

Phoenix chuckled and shook his head. “We’re going to have to find out sooner or later.”

“But dudes, if I tell you now, you’ll never go!”

Miles sighed. “Perhaps the genius knows a way of telling us the address without giving away his brilliant secret?” He crossed his arms. “Do the work yourself if you aren’t going to tell us. After all, you’re the one with a date tonight.”

“What happened to our date, Edgeworth?” Phoenix asked, smirking.

Larry frowned and rubbed his chin. “Edgey, dude, it’s no wonder you can’t get a woman if you forget all your dates.”

I wasn’t being serious, Larry…

Miles scowled. “Date or no date, there’s no way of getting there without the address.”

“Okay, okay, I give in.” Larry let out a long sigh and held out a hand in front of him. “If you really wanted me to drive, you could’ve just asked me.”

Phoenix snorted with laughter at Miles’ expression.

“There is no way in hell I am letting you drive my car,” Miles retorted, slapping away Larry’s hand. “I’d actually feel safer with Wright behind the wheel.”

Larry laughed, seemingly unaffected by the jibe, and patted Miles on the back.

“Dude, Nick doesn’t even have his license.”

That might just be the point.

Miles rubbed his temples. “If you don’t shut up now, Larry, the date will be over before you even decide what to do.”

Larry jumped off Miles as if he had been electrocuted. “Uh… okay. I’ll… I suppose I could just give you the directions,” he mumbled, scratching his head.

Phoenix sent Miles an amused look and received a weary sigh in response. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he smiled as he followed Miles and Larry to the car.

Getting Larry to shut up with one simple sentence?

I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pure genius.


Phoenix rested his chin on his hand as he watched the streetlights fly by the car window. His thoughts drifted around everything that had happened in the past week. As weird and unexpected as pretending to date Edgeworth had been, Phoenix found he was rather enjoying it. Not the dating itself, of course, but the fact that he finally got to really spend some time with his friend. And no matter how much Edgeworth complained about it, it was still obvious to Phoenix that he really didn’t find it as unbearable as he let on. Perhaps he was finally starting to value friendship after all those years? One thing was for sure, though, they wouldn’t be where they were now, were it not for the fake relationship. The fact that Edgeworth had to try and make their friendship work again had made the whole thing so much easier. And being forced to see each other as much as possible wasn’t exactly a bad thing. It was something for Phoenix to look forward to.

Quite ironic that being so confused about one relationship and getting drunk over it led me to rekindle my friendship with Edgeworth.

Phoenix smiled to himself.

Although, if I had my time again, I think ‘honey’ would be the last thing I’d say to greet him…

“Nick… Hey, Nick, can we swap places? I think I’ve got pins and needles in my left leg but it’s gone all numb so I can’t tell anymore.”

Phoenix sighed and turned around in his seat, not missing the eye roll from Miles next to him.

“Larry, you were the one who wanted to sit in the back. I told you it would be uncomfortable, but did you listen?”

“But, dude, I didn’t want to interfere with you and Edgey getting some last minute practice in!” Larry whined, stretching his leg so that it pushed into the back of Phoenix’s seat. “Plus, I thought it’d be cool to see what it’s like in the back of a sports car.”

Only you could contemplate being made into human paste as being cool.

They came to a set of traffic lights and the car ground to a halt.

“Which way, Larry?” Miles asked, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and not bothering to turn around.

“Uh… I can’t see from here. Let me get a closer look.” Larry pushed forward from his position and leaned heavily on the back of Phoenix’s seat, much to his joy. “It’s a right here, and then you go straight on till you see this strip club on your left.”

Miles raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question the directions.

There’d be no point trying to figure the idiot out, after all.

“So, swapsies, Nick?”

“Stuff it, Larry. I’m comfortable where I am, thanks.”

“But I don’t want to crumple my babe magnet!”

As they set off again, Phoenix glanced at Miles, who had turned his attention back to the road.

I guess I’m the one who’ll have to keep him amused, then.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow at Larry through the very small gap between the front seats. “Babe magnet?”

Larry wiggled around a bit more, kicking the back of Phoenix’s seat several times in the process.

“There’s always a reason for my bright colours like this red, y’know,” Larry said with an air of haughtiness that really didn’t suit him. “The ladies are attracted to them. I stand out from the crowd and show them that I can give them what they’re after.”

Phoenix rubbed his chin.

If that’s how he gets those model girlfriends, I’m borrowing Edgeworth’s suit.

“Wright, remind me never to buy a red shirt.”

Phoenix chuckled. Well, that’s not ironic at all.

“You’re just jealous cause you’re not wearing your frills and won’t be able to attract all the ladies,” Phoenix answered with a grin.

Miles snorted.

“Straight on?” he asked Larry, clearly ignoring Phoenix’s comment.

“Yeah, then it’s, like, the tenth left. It’s really easy to spot cause there’s a hobo who sits on the corner. Funny dude, he is. Once, he shoved a coin up his nose and got it stuck there for months.”

I’m not gonna ask.

They fell into a long silence, the only sounds being Larry’s shuffling and Miles counting the turnoffs under his breath.

Larry sighed loudly and tapped his foot, before stretching his hand out between the seats to fiddle with the buttons on the dashboard.

Phoenix looked down at the hand and frowned.

“Larry, what’re you doing?”

“Looking for the cigarette lighter…” He leaned forward even more and pressed a random button.

The radio started to blare out of the speakers at full blast, making Phoenix jump in his seat.

Miles slapped the wandering hand away and turned off the radio.

“Don’t touch. I’d like to return home tonight with my car in one piece.”

“Dude, you’re acting like my mom,” Larry complained.

Phoenix turned to him. “Why the hell do you want the cigarette lighter, anyway?”

“Just wanted something to mess with.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Larry,” Phoenix replied hastily.

“But I’m so bored, man!”

Phoenix turned to Miles. “Have you got anything to keep him occupied?”

Miles sighed. “If it’ll stop him from setting my car on fire, you can look if there’s anything in the glove compartment.”

Right… glove compartment… glove compartment…

“Where next?”

“Not far now,” Larry answered. “Just look for this tree that looks like a naked chick. It should be on the left somewhere.”

That’s us lost, then.

Phoenix laughed slightly, before going back to searching for the glove compartment. He looked above him and saw nothing. He then checked both sides of the seat and under it, only to come up with the same result.

“Dashboard, Wright.”

Phoenix felt his cheeks flush slightly.

“Oh, yeah, the dashboard…” He chuckled sheepishly.

“Under the windshield.”

Yeah, I knew that.

He spotted the small handle in front of him and pulled it.

Well, if I didn’t look like an idiot before, I certainly do now.

Phoenix noticed Miles glancing at him as he started looking through the glove compartment.

“It’s an easy mistake, Wright,” Miles told him, after glancing at him a couple more times. “Don’t worry about it.”

Phoenix paused a moment.

“Mistake?” he questioned, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just me being stupid.” A red and white plastic box caught his attention and he picked it up to look at it.

‘Steel Samurai Mints. Don’t let your breath get as foul as the Evil Magistrate.’

What the…?

Phoenix chuckled. “Edgeworth, what’s this?”

“Mints, Wright,” Miles replied dryly.

That’s not what I meant and you know it.

“Oh! Mints!” Larry ripped the box from Phoenix’s hand. “Thanks, Edgey! I can use these to freshen up my breath for the ladies.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes.

He’s like a ten-year-old.

…Minus the ‘ladies’ thing.

He smiled to himself.

But I guess Larry’s not the only one who couldn’t fully grow up.

Though, in Edgeworth’s case, it’s not exactly a bad thing.

“There’s the parking lot, right on the left!” Larry yelled suddenly.

The car slowed down a bit. “Is that on the right, or on the left?” Miles asked.

“I told ya, right on the left… right… there!” Larry flung a hand between the seats and pointed to the left, nearly hitting Phoenix in the face. “Damn, you missed it.”

Miles sighed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t have missed it if you weren’t an idiot unable to give proper directions.”

“But, dude! I told you to look for the naked chick!” Larry whined.

“My point exactly.”

Phoenix chuckled.

And to think it can only get worse from here…


Phoenix looked around as he and Miles followed Larry to wherever they were headed. For a parking lot that was supposedly close to the bar, it seemed to him they’d been walking for an awfully long time.

“We’re nearly there, hurry up already!”

I lost count of how many times he’s said that now.

I’m starting to doubt he even knows what it means.

“Where exactly is ‘nearly there’?” Miles questioned, glancing around at the buildings before turning to Phoenix with a raised eyebrow.

Phoenix shrugged and sent a worried look Larry’s way.

Wow, Edgeworth’s actually going to look at me tonight!

Phoenix grinned.

And I don’t feel like I’m about to be frozen by his aura anymore, either.

Perhaps he’s actually going to make an effort?

“Dudes, it’s just around that corner, come on already!” Larry called from his position up front, before darting around the corner.

“Five dollars on it being a strip club,” Phoenix said, making Miles wince.

“Don’t you dare jinx it, Wright.”

Phoenix laughed and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Well, Larry doesn’t keep secrets for nothing, you know.”

Miles sighed as they finally caught up to Larry, who was looking pretty pleased with himself as he measured up the building in front of them.

“There you go, the perfect place for our double date, if I do say so myself.”

Phoenix looked up to read the name of the place.

You have got to be kidding me.

He stared at the neon lights, but nothing changed. He closed his eyes and opened them again, but still no luck.

Bar Six – T – Nine.

I don’t believe it. Larry’s taken us to Bar Six – T – fucking Nine.

“Oh my God… Just… Oh my God.” Phoenix backed off a bit. “This is a joke, a really bad one, right?” He turned to Miles with wide eyes.

Miles frowned up at the bar and his jaw seemed to tighten. “I’m currently busy trying to convince myself, Wright.”

Larry laughed and put his arms around the two of them.

“See? I told you I’d found the perfect place!”

‘Perfect’ is not quite the word I’m looking for…

Though I should have expected it.

It is Larry, after all.

Phoenix sighed and rubbed his forehead.

Any normal night, I’d just laugh and make a joke out of it, but tonight, I’m with Edgeworth!

Trying to be friends with him again, while acting like his partner without freaking him out in there?

It’s going to be damned impossible.

“Larry… why? Why a gay bar?” Phoenix asked weakly.

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad,” Larry replied, patting him on the back, failing to sound reassuring.

Miles glared at him. “Why would you ever have considered this a good idea?”

Larry crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side. “Isn’t it obvious? There won’t be any straight guys to hit on Kathy, and you two will fit right in!”

‘Fit right in’?

“We’re not really dating, or gay,” Phoenix replied quickly. “And, Larry, thinking no one will hit on Kath is wrong. There will be females in there, too.”

Larry clapped his hands together. “Hell yeah! More ladies for the Butz to charm.”

Phoenix blinked. “Larry, they’re lesbians.”

Larry grabbed Phoenix by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eye.

“Dude, did you just say lesbians?”

“Yes, lesbians,” Phoenix repeated slowly.

Larry’s eyes glinted in the dim light. “Nick, I do think this may just be the best night ever.”

Phoenix frowned. “But they won’t be interested in y--”

“Think of all the hot lesbians, Nick!” Larry exclaimed, shaking Phoenix harshly by the shoulders. “I get the laughs from you two, I get the romance from my dearest Kathy, and then, there’s the hotness, right there!”

Phoenix pushed Larry’s hands off of him. “You’re telling me Kath seriously agreed with this?”

“Huh? Why wouldn’t she?” Larry asked, a confused look on his face. “She was all for it when I told her you two are regulars.”

There really is no point, is there?

“I feel a migraine coming on…” Miles muttered.

“Miles! Mr. Wright!”

Phoenix turned around to see Kath standing right next to them, smiling.

“I could recognise that voice anywhere!” Larry shouted from behind. He rammed Phoenix out of the way to take her hand. “Kathy, my sweet, it’s lovely to see you.”

Kath giggled as he kissed her hand. “You must be Larry Butz.”

“The one and only, baby!” Larry pulled out a weird-looking flower from his back pocket and handed it to Kath. “A beautiful rose for a beautiful lady, its life symbolising my love for you.” He bowed dramatically, offering her the flower.

Kath took it from his hand and inspected it. “But, Larry, it’s plastic.”

“It is?” Larry’s eyes widened in mock shock. “Why, that could only mean my love for you will last forever!”

Phoenix looked at Miles and tilted his head over at Larry, rolling his eyes.

“That’s… very nice of you,” Kath said uncertainly. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you at last, Larry!” She took away her hand and turned to Miles. “I’m so glad you could all make it tonight.”

“The pleasure is all ours,” Miles replied dryly with a small bow.

“Yeah, Bar Six – T – Nine, huh?” Phoenix said as Kath looked just about ready to die and go to heaven from actually being spoken to by Miles. He grinned cheekily. “I didn’t know you were into this scene, Miss Everett.”

Whoever said I couldn’t pick the perfect icebreaker?

“You’re a hot lesbian as well?!” Larry yelled, his eyes shining.

Kath looked slightly startled. “Oh! Oh, no, Mr. Wright, don’t get me wrong! I’m as straight as any woman can be!” She glanced over at Miles.

“Aww, so you’re not a lesbian?” Larry pouted.

“No, no. I merely thought you’d both feel more comfortable being together in a less judging and more relaxing environment. It was really quite sweet of you to agree, Larry.”

More like you thought there’d be more chance of seeing us do… stuff when we’re not in a restaurant or the Courthouse.

Larry laughed. “Only the best for my bestest gay pals!”

“Relaxing environment? You clearly haven’t been here before, Miss Everett,” Phoenix cut in, smile still in place.

“Oh my, is it really that busy?” she asked, wide-eyed.

Larry wrapped an arm around Kath’s waist and pulled her close. “Sweet, you won’t notice anyone else is there when you look into my caramel eyes and get lost in the world of love.”

Okay, Edgeworth really can’t complain about me if he’s witnessing this right now.

Phoenix looked over at Miles to see him shaking his head.

“But, Larry, what if we lose Miles and Mr. Wright in the crowd?” Kath asked worriedly.

Larry grinned. “I’m sure they have other things they can be getting busy with, if you know what I mean.”

Kath blinked up at Larry before turning to Miles. “By the sounds of it, you’re going to have to keep a tight hold on Mr. Wright, Miles. Although…” She removed Larry’s arm, much to his dismay, and blushed slightly. “I’m always free if you don’t want to.”

Phoenix saw Miles’ fist clench and his teeth grit slightly together, both so subtle that it went unnoticed by the other two.

“Everett…”

“It’s Kath, Miles.”

“Right, Kath. I thought you were here to keep Larry company? You shouldn’t worry about us… or me.”

Larry flung his arm over her shoulders as he yawned. “Sorry, babes, just had to stretch, there…”

Kath pouted at Miles, ignoring Larry’s advance. “Damn. But haven’t you two fallen out?”

“What made you think that?” Phoenix asked, trying to mask the nervous feeling in his stomach.

“Well, I just assumed… You’re not being very… touchy.”

No, really? I personally thought that Edgeworth was all over me and not standing next to me looking like a robot.

Kath waved a hand. “No matter, I was just saying, you know, being the good friend I am.”

Phoenix sighed. That really wasn’t a good sign if she was denying their relationship already; the night had only just started.

But… the ‘deal’. I can’t do anything…

As Kath and Larry started to converse, Phoenix glanced down at Miles’ hand, and then back up at his face, trying to catch his eye. When he did, Miles seemed to understand from his worried expression just what Kath’s comment meant. Phoenix gestured at his hand and shrugged.

Miles looked away, but Phoenix noticed his fist unclench, albeit cautiously…

“So, Kathy, you come here often?”

Ignoring Larry’s stupidity, Phoenix bit his lip as he weighed up his options, staring down at Miles’ hand.

I don’t know… Does it really mean he doesn’t mind?

What if I’ve got it wrong and his hand was simply hurting from being clenched for too long?

Well, I don’t think it’s far enough to make him flip out on me…

Phoenix slowly and uncertainly reached for Miles’ hand. There was a fleeting feeling of warmth as their fingers brushed together but didn’t fully connect. He held his breath as he anticipated the dramatic flinch.

But it didn’t happen.

Phoenix chewed on his lip a bit, blocking out Larry’s chat up lines. He noticed that Edgeworth must have been expecting more as he, too, was standing perfectly still, his eyes unfocused as he stared forward at the other two.

Finally plucking up the courage, Phoenix quickly slipped his hand into Miles’ and tightened the grip. He bit down on his lip harder as he waited for the inevitable.

…No reaction.

He breathed a sigh of relief.

I think I’m in the clear.

Edgeworth did, however, look incredibly uncomfortable.

“Don’t worry, Edgeworth, I’ve had my vaccinations,” Phoenix whispered.

He saw Miles roll his eyes at that, but could still feel the tension dissipate a bit.

“Hey, are you two dudes ready to go in too?” Larry butted in, taking his arm off Kath and finally looking back at Phoenix and Miles. He glanced down at their hands and blinked, before looking back up at them with a puzzled look on his face. It seemed to suddenly strike him just what had happened and he jumped to attention. “Right! Well, then! Let’s go in and get a table, Kathy!” As she turned around to look at the entrance, Larry winked at the two of them and gave them a thumbs up, which he smoothly turned into looking like he was running a hand over his hair as Kath turned back to them.

“It’s starting to get a bit crowded around the entrance now, so it’d prob--” Kath cut herself off as she clapped her hands together. “Oh my God! That is so cute!”

Phoenix nearly jumped out of his skin.

Even though he knew it was inevitable, it didn’t make Kath’s voice any less intrusive. He spotted Miles’ grimace and pulled him over to the entrance of the club, not bothering to look back at Kath, who could very well have just turned into a huge pile of mush.

“I swear she catches me out every time,” Phoenix muttered.

“No matter how many times she does it, I’m never going to get used to it,” Miles agreed quietly.

Phoenix smiled as he pushed through a couple of loiterers in the doorway and walked into the bar, Miles trailing behind him.

“Well, it’s not that bad, Edgeworth. I think we’ll live.”

The upbeat music in the small bar was pretty loud, giving it a cheery atmosphere, and the décor was fairly modern, if looking a bit worse for wear. Phoenix chuckled at the many glowing pink ‘69’s printed across the wall behind the bar and pointed them out to Miles, who looked slightly less amused. There was an empty area, which Phoenix presumed to be the dance floor, with the bar and a few tables at the other end. It was pretty sparse with people at the moment, but he was sure it would liven up as the night went on.

Only one thing threw the whole scene off: the segregation between females and males.

Ah well, I suppose I can get used to that…

“Wright, you can let go now.”

Phoenix turned to Miles and blinked. “Let go--oh!” He quickly dropped his grip on Edgeworth’s hand. “Whoops, sorry, Edgeworth. Just slipped my mind, there. Got distracted and all that and… yeah.” He laughed nervously and bit his lip.

Miles flexed his hand and raised an eyebrow at him. “At least it isn’t a strip club.”

“Huh…? What’re you going on about?”

It was then that Phoenix realized Miles had that look on his face, the one that told him he was being a complete idiot.

“Oh! Strip clubs! Yeah… that’d have been bad…”

Nice one, Phoenix.

He just tried to save you the embarrassment by changing the subject – actually being slightly kind for once – and you screw it up.

Phoenix felt someone hit him on the back and turned to see Larry standing there.

“Did someone just say strip clubs?”

“No,” Miles replied. “It’s your wishful thinking again, Larry.”

Larry rubbed his chin. “You could be right! I can’t remember what I was thinking about, but it sounds plausible…”

Kath pushed into the social circle that the three men had been standing in. “This is so exciting! We’re all here together for a night out with no people pressuring us, or judging our lives!” She punched Miles on the arm. “Why didn’t you suggest this place for Tuesday, Miles?”

Miles displayed a mixture of confusion and annoyance on his face. “I didn’t have much say on the matter of our… date on Tuesday.”

“Not to mention, it’s not the friendliest of places for a straight woman,” Phoenix commented.

“Yeah, they’re right, Kathy,” Larry agreed. “So, what is it you desire to drink?” he asked silkily, taking Kath’s hand in his and making her giggle.

Phoenix coughed loudly.

“Oh, yeah, and if you two want anything...” Larry added.

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “You’re volunteering to get the round?”

Larry merely laughed. “I always get the drinks for us, Nick.” He winked and tilted his head towards Kath.

I suppose he needs all the help he can get.

Phoenix sighed. “Of course, how stupid of me.”

“I’ll have a sparkling water or something soft,” Miles said, playing along as well.

“Edgey, I meant a proper drink. Y’know, one that you drink and actually like?”

“In case you’ve already forgotten, I’m driving, Larry.”

Phoenix ignored Larry’s mutter of ‘Never stopped me before’. “I’ll just have a beer, thanks,” he said, before looking around the room for a place to go and sit.

He caught the weird look Miles was sending him out the corner of his eye and turned to him. “What is it?”

Miles frowned. “Nothing. Let’s just go and find a table.”

Phoenix shrugged and followed Miles through the crowd as Larry and Kath went off to the bar.

When they got to a table, Miles suddenly turned on Phoenix, stopping him in his tracks. Phoenix had to hold himself back from falling forward into Miles and nearly fell the other way. Miles looked him straight in the eye, making Phoenix hold his breath.

“Wright, are you sure it’s wise for you to be drinking?”

“Huh? Well, I guess… I mean…” Phoenix tore his eyes away from Miles and ran a hand quickly over his hair.

Why was I caught so off-guard there? It was a simple question!

He turned back to face Miles. “It’s perfectly legal for me to have a drink, Edgeworth.”

“I’m talking about the whole reason this mess started, Wright.”

“You mean last Friday?” Phoenix paused. “Don’t worry. I’ve definitely learned my lesson.”

Miles frowned.

“Look, Edgeworth, it’s not as if I’m going to go around the whole bar calling every guy I come across ‘honey’ because of one beer.” He smirked and patted Miles on the shoulder. “Besides, I’m all yours tonight.”

Miles crossed his arms and looked away. “So much for you not being clingy.”

Phoenix grinned and slipped around Miles to sit at the table. “You really don’t like me doing that, do you?”

Miles sat down on the chair next to him. “It’s not the brightest part of my day.”

Phoenix laughed. “Says the man whose highlight of the night would be sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.”

“Don’t forget the cup of tea,” Miles added, resting his face on his hand with a smirk.

Phoenix smiled and shook his head, before taking to glancing around the bar.

It’s so weird, but I think Edgeworth is taking this… well?

Nah. He’s just dealing with it easier.

He smirked at his own thoughts.

Upon reflection, he did seem like something was wrong on Tuesday. But, tonight…

It looks like a massive weight is off his shoulders.

He tilted his head to the side to inconspicuously look at Miles.

Well, whatever was bugging him on Tuesday certainly isn’t anymore…

Phoenix spotted a guy wearing a green shirt openly staring at Miles from the bar and it completely cut off his train of thought. He laughed and had to look away from Miles’ questioning glance.

“What’s so amusing, Wright?”

Phoenix shrugged and tried hard not to look back at the bar. “Oh, nothing.” Okay, now I look like an idiot for laughing at nothing. “Well, I just didn’t know this place would ever seem so--”

“You say ‘normal’ now, and I’m having you referred to that psychiatrist immediately.”

Phoenix bit back another laugh and flung his arms behind his head.

“I don’t know, Edgeworth, it all seems the same to me. You seem just as popular with the ‘frothing masses’.” Phoenix nodded towards the bar.

Miles frowned and followed Phoenix’s gesture to turn around. The man in green winked at him. Miles quickly turned back around to face Phoenix, who was dying to laugh.

“That did not just happen.”

Phoenix snorted.

That’s right, it was all in your yearning imagination.

He felt a little mean when Miles shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Ah, don’t worry. He’ll get bored sooner or later.” Phoenix smiled at him and stretched a bit. “You know, I appreciate that you came tonight,” he added, deciding that a change in subject would be easier to deal with.

Miles looked at him for a bit before replying, “I would say it’s no problem, like you can so easily, but…” He looked away and frowned.

“Heads up, I’ve got your drinks!” Larry slammed the two bottles on the table.

Damn. Just when I was finally getting somewhere.

Phoenix turned to Larry and saw another three drinks in his hand. “Hey, Larry, who are the other three beers for?”

“Who else would they be for but me?” Larry answered, grinning. He took a gulp out of one and looked back over at the bar. Something seemed to register with him and he bent down and whispered not-so-quietly to Miles, “Dude, you’re so in there.”

Miles sighed and pushed Larry’s face away. “Larry, go away. Make new friends.”

Larry stood up straight and saluted him. “If that’s an order, Edgey, I’ll gladly accept.”

Phoenix laughed as Larry sauntered off towards the nearest group of women.

He picked up his beer and swirled it around a bit. “You really shouldn’t encourage him like that.”

Miles raised an eyebrow. “Encourage him? You should be thankful I distracted him.”

Phoenix smiled and brought the bottle to his lips, but paused when he saw the look on Miles’ face. He put it back down on the table and sighed.

“Edgeworth, it’s only one drink.”

Miles looked away. “I didn’t say anything,” he replied sharply.

“You didn’t have to say anything. Seriously, that sour look spoke volumes about how worried you are,” Phoenix stated.

Miles frowned. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not you I’m worried about, Wright. I just feel sorry for the unfortunate people around you.”

Geez, thanks.

Phoenix bit his lip and glanced around.

Well, if he doesn’t like the fact that I’m going to drink, it doesn’t mean he has the right to put me off all night.

“Oh, look! The green guy’s looking over again!”

As soon as Miles went to look, Phoenix quickly took a swig of his beer. However, he wasn’t fast enough and ended up spluttering it out when he noticed that Miles hadn’t actually turned around.

“Pathetic.” Miles shook his head, but there was a hint of amusement in his expression.

Not any more pathetic than… you when you’re… pathetic.

God, I really am pathetic, aren’t I?

“Excuse me?”

Phoenix and Miles both turned to the new voice.

The woman had a small apron tied over her short skirt, and she was holding out a glass of some kind of cocktail on a tray.

“This is from the guy in green at the bar for the man in the tie,” she said, smiling slightly. She put the glass down on the table and lowered the tray, raising an eyebrow at Miles.

Miles looked down at the drink blankly for a while. Phoenix ended up having to nudge him to provoke an answer as the barmaid looked on expectantly.

Miles looked at a loss as he glanced at Phoenix and then back at the barmaid.

“That’s… Well, I’m driving tonight.” He picked up the glass and handed it back to her. “I can’t accept it.”

Smooth, Edgeworth.

The woman tutted under her breath and shook her head. “He’ll be disappointed.” She took the glass and walked off through the crowd, excusing barging into people on the way past.

“Wow, Edgeworth… I didn’t know this ‘I-attract-people-even-though-I’m-not-attracted-to-anyone’ thing was this bad,” Phoenix commented after watching her walk away.

Miles looked at him. “Believe me, it is,” he responded with a sigh. “And me not being attracted to anyone is pushing it a bit.” He took a sip of water and seemed to frown at thin air.

“So… you are attracted to people? To actual human beings, other than yourself?”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I don’t see why you’re so shocked, Wright.”

Shocking doesn’t even come close to describing it. It’s a close feeling to that of your first sex ed lesson when you learn your parents were lying about the crane that drops you off from above.

Okay, so not that surprising…

“I suppose I’ve just never thought too much about it.” Phoenix chuckled to himself. “I bet you’re into those models with the big breasts and long, blonde hair,” he added, taking another gulp of his beer.

Miles frowned. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Oh, nothing.” Phoenix smirked. “I just thought it was a funny image that you’d find attractiveness attractive.”

Miles sighed and shook his head. “That’s got to be one of the most idiotic things you’ve ever said.”

Phoenix chuckled. “Alright, so I worded it a bit wrong, but it’s true. You wouldn’t be looking at one of Larry’s adult magazines if given the choice.”

“I meant the fact that you think attraction can only be found in a plastic-looking model with the most feminine measurements and fairest hair,” Miles reiterated. “Christ, some people might even find you attractive, Wright.”

“Hey! Just because you have a load of women after you doesn’t mean that I’m completely without admirers,” Phoenix stated in his defence.

Miles smirked. “My point exactly.”

You sound about as convincing as a door-to-door salesman.

Phoenix pouted down at the table and took a sip of his beer, trying to ignore Miles’ amused look.

“Sorry to interrupt again, but I’ve got another present.”

Phoenix looked up to see the barmaid from before place a bottle of sparkling water on the table.

God, I can’t take him anywhere.

“Persistent,” Phoenix commented, putting down his beer.

Miles glanced at him, and then back at the water. “Hmm.”

I’ll take that as an agreement, shall I?

Miles picked up the bottle of water, paused, and then handed it back to the barmaid. “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not interested.”

“Hard to get, aren’t you?” the barmaid commented, taking the bottle back off him.

“He’ll get the message this time,” Miles said.

She smirked, before going back to the bar for the second time.

There was silence for a moment.

“I think you’re right about that attraction thing, Edgeworth,” Phoenix eventually said, finishing off his beer.

Miles raised an eyebrow at him.

“I mean, blondes have never really done it for me,” he added, before starting to spin the empty bottle on the table.

Miles sighed. “Wright, just… don’t talk. It saves my brain cells.”

Phoenix laughed and turned to grin at Miles. “I’ll do my best.”

The corners of Miles’ mouth twitched upwards, but he looked away. “Do you know how annoying that smile of yours is?” he asked, sounding anything but annoyed.

Phoenix dropped the grin and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, sorry…”

He frowned.

Annoying?

I don’t get it.

He shrugged.

Oh well. I never understand Edgeworth one hundred percent anyway. Why should tonight be any different?

“Hey there, girlfriends! Mind if I take a seat?” The strange man that seemed to appear out of nowhere didn’t wait for an answer and quickly pulled up a chair opposite them.

Phoenix blinked at him, before looking over at Miles, who looked just as perplexed.

He looked back at the man and realised it was the same guy in the green who had been staring at Miles before and sending the drinks over. He had blonde hair that was gelled so it was spiky all over and his shirt had some embroidery stitched into it.

“Yes, we mind,” Miles said in a matter-of-fact way.

“Ooh, you’re European! That’s so chic!” The man grabbed Miles’ hand and shook it. “I’m Eddie, but my friends call me Ed, or Good Ed, cause I’m such a nice guy.”

Somehow I doubt that’s the reason…

Eddie didn’t let go of Miles’ hand and leaned forward. “What’s your name?”

Miles blinked. It seemed to register after about a second and he quickly ripped his hand from Eddie’s.

“My name is none of your business,” he replied coldly. “And I’m American.”

Phoenix opened his mouth.

Then closed it.

Words fail me.

Eddie pouted his lips out and put a hand on his chest. “Ooh, get you! I suppose I’ll just have to give you a name, then.” He raised a finger to his lips thoughtfully. “How about ‘Enrique’?” He eyed Miles. “No, no, you’re too pale for that and not as much Spanish as you are French. Hmm… I’m thinking ‘Lawrence’?”

Phoenix jumped as his cellphone suddenly started to vibrate and blare out the Steel Samurai theme in his pocket.

“Ah, excuse me…”

“No problem,” Eddie said with a smile. “You take that call while Lawrence and I get acquainted.”

“My name is not Lawrence.”

Eddie looked surprised. “It isn’t?”

Phoenix blinked, before shaking his head. He took out his cell and inspected the caller ID. He considered cutting the line, but decided to press the accept button. He put the phone to his ear, blocking his other ear with his hand, and sent Miles an apologetic look.

What a time to get a phone call…

“Hello?”

“Hey, Nick!” Maya cheerfully answered. “How are you?”

“Well, I’m busy at the moment.” He glanced over at Eddie, who was still reeling out names. “Can’t you call back later?”

“What? Busy? Aww, but I haven’t had a good chat with you in ages!” Maya whined.

Phoenix sighed and took another look at the situation.

“How about… ‘Richard’?” Eddie asked, obviously not noticing how annoyed Miles looked. “Oh, dear Lord, no. That’s far too boyish. I would say ‘Gary’, but it seems a bit butch for such an elegant and sophisticated man--”

“It’s Miles Edgeworth,” Miles cut in, rubbing his temple.

“Ooh, Miles! That is so luxurious! It really suits your British accent, Miles,” Eddie replied, waving his hands around as if he was pretending to be a bird.

“That’s Edgeworth to you,” Miles snapped. “And I’m American.”

“Nick? You still there?”

“Ah…! Yeah, still here.” Phoenix turned away again. “Look, this is kind of urgent…”

“What could be so urgent that it interrupts quality time with your little, old assistant?” Maya paused. “Hey, Nick, where the hell are you?”

Would she actually take me seriously if I said ‘Bar Six – T – Nine’?

“At… home,” he said cautiously.

“Why on Earth is your music so loud? Won’t the neighbours kill you?”

“Larry put it on,” Phoenix answered quickly.

“Larry’s there?”

“Yeah.”

Maya sighed. “Damn, you two are so useless. I must have rung your home phone a zillion times, and still neither of you picked up.”

“We… uh… couldn’t hear it.” Phoenix glanced back at Miles and bit his lip.

“How did you hear your cell, then?” Maya asked suspiciously.

“Well, it was on vibrate.”

“Hear that, Miles,” Eddie commented, leaning closer to Edgeworth. “He needs toys to keep himself satisfied.”

Phoenix’s eyes widened. He saw Eddie grin at Miles, making him shift uneasily back into his seat as far away as possible.

“I’m sure that’s none of your damned business,” Miles commented in a harsh tone.

“I bet you don’t have to use any help, do you, Miles? You’re certainly handsome enough to do without.”

Miles frowned. “I can’t say I do, but that hasn’t got anything to do with anything.”

“Oh, so you agree vibrators are so overrated?” Eddie probed. “I mean, really, I can do a much better job. And I’m cheaper too.” Eddie placed his elbow on the table and rested his head on his hand. “Free, in fact.”

I’m guessing he wasn’t talking about cellphones…

“Who was that!?” Maya cut through.

God help me.

“The… err… TV. It’s on very loud.” Phoenix looked at Miles in his uncomfortable position. “Erm, Maya, I kinda have to go…”

“Wow, it sounds so real.”

“Look, Maya, I really have to go. Now.”

“Okay, okay, I heard you. I’ll just come down to yours so we can have a proper chat and--”

“No!” Phoenix shouted. “I mean… err… Larry’s brought over his magazines and he’s really trying badly to get over his latest girl, you know…”

“No, I don’t, and I really don’t wanna,” Maya replied in a disgusted voice. “I guess I’ll just have to see you tomorrow, then. Bye, Nick!”

“Yeah, bye.” Phoenix quickly ended the call and slipped the phone back in his pocket, before turning back to Eddie and Miles.

“Look, Eddie,” Miles said, getting up from his seat and leaning on the table. “Let me get one thing straight, here. I am not interested in any of your advances.”

“Ooh, Miles, you’re a feisty one.” Eddie raised a seductive eyebrow. “You seriously want to get right to it?”

Miles flinched. “What?!”

“Come now, don’t act the innocent. We may only have just learned each other’s names, but you can taste the chemistry between us.”

Miles glared down at Eddie and gritted his teeth together.

Looks like it’s time to play the hero again.

Damn, it’s such a tough job being so kind and helpful…

“Eddie, I think my partner has made it perfectly clear that he isn’t interested,” Phoenix interrupted, also standing up from his seat.

“Aww, has your man been giving you so little action that you’ve had to get your satisfaction from me?” Eddie messed up his hair a bit. “You’re lucky I don’t see commitment as a hurdle I can’t get my leg over.”

Does this man have some kind of alternate world he lives in within his mind?!

Phoenix hit the table. “Weren’t you listening?! He’s not interested!”

Eddie raised his eyebrows patronisingly at Phoenix, before turning back to Miles. “Ooh, you can do so much better than him, Miles.”

Oh no, you di-in’t, girlfriend…!

Phoenix went to retaliate, but stopped when he felt someone grab his hand tightly. He turned to see Miles glaring down at Eddie, pointing his finger with his other hand…

The hand that wasn’t currently in Phoenix’s grasp.

“I don’t have to put up with this,” Miles said coldly, tightening his grip so he was more or less strangling Phoenix’s hand. “As my partner already said, I am not interested, I never will be interested, and I am perfectly happy with the man I’m with. If you keep this up, you can be sure that I’ll sue your ass for sexual harassment.” Miles flexed his other hand before leaning onto the table. “Do I make myself clear?”

To Phoenix’s – and undoubtedly Miles’ – shock, Eddie merely laughed and put his hand on top of Miles’.

“You can ‘sue’ my ass any day you want, Miles.” He winked.

He’s crazy!

Miles pulled his hand away, almost rivalling the speed of light.

“Wright, get us out of this,” he said darkly. His hand tightened around Phoenix’s again, making him wince.

Your wish is my command, Your Majesty.

Phoenix looked around and spotted a few free stools around the bar.

“Okay, don’t look now, but there are two bar stools free with no room for him to sit next to us,” he whispered. “Here’s the plan. We run for the stools, and somehow manage to lose him along the way as he fails to dodge the obstacles of humans, drinks and tables, and then we sit down and look like nothing has happened. Any man that falls behind is left behind, okay?” Phoenix did his best to keep a straight face, but couldn’t contain a snort of laughter.

Miles raised an eyebrow at him. “I actually thought you were being serious for a second, there.”

“Well, it’s a serious matter!” Phoenix said, smirking. “Right, on three…”

Miles rolled his eyes and turned to Eddie. “We’re going. If you follow, I really will press charges.”

He turned sharply and dragged Phoenix to the bar, leaving a confused-looking Eddie behind them.

Well, yeah, the law could work…

That was my Plan B.

Miles took a glance over his shoulder, before sighing and taking a seat. “He’s a psychopath.”

Phoenix chuckled, sitting down as well. “You’re telling me.”

He shook his head, before looking down at his hand that was still in Miles’ grasp, expecting him to realise any second and drop it quickly.

It was a good half minute into the silent wait, and still nothing had happened.

“Hey, Edgeworth, you can let go of my hand now, you know.” Phoenix smirked and brought their joined hands up to eye level.

Miles looked at the hands, before looking back at Phoenix.

“Did you seriously think I’d be so much of an idiot to forget that I grabbed your hand?”

“Well, I… hey!”

“There is no way in hell I am letting go, Wright.” He glanced around the bar. “It’s your fault I’m here, and therefore your job to keep people like him away.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes and smiled.

That’s a change of tune if ever I heard one.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were relieved that I intervened, Edgeworth.”

“Don’t be absur--” Miles cut himself off as he seemed to spot something in the crowd. “Oh, for Christ’s sake.”

“What is it?” Phoenix asked, trying to see what Miles was looking at.

“I think bad karma is paying us a visit,” Miles muttered.

Kath suddenly appeared out of the crowd, making Phoenix flinch.

“Hey, guys!” she shouted, leaning onto the bar. Her cheeks looked flushed and she was a bit out of breath. She downed the remnants of whatever the blue substance in her glass was and grinned at them.

Wow. I totally forgot she was here.

“Everett.” Miles nodded at her.

“Hey, Miss Everett. Having a nice time?” Phoenix asked, eyeing the empty cocktail glass.

“I’m having an amazing time! That dance floor is so alive!” Kath frowned down at Miles and leaned forward a bit so she was at eye level with him. “Have you two been here all night? You’re both so boring!” She grabbed Miles’ other hand. “Let’s go dance!”

Miles snatched his hand away. “No, thanks.”

Kath pouted at him. “Aww, but you can spend all the time you want with Mr. Wright any other day of the week!” She took his hand again and tried to do a twirl under his arm. It was a failure, however, as Miles didn’t participate from his seated position. “You can dance, right?”

If Edgeworth can dance, then I guess there’s no hope left for the male population. He’s already got everything else.

“The time Phoenix and I get together is very limited. We need to savour it,” Miles answered, shaking her hand off again.

Phoenix nodded in agreement.

Fair enough, Edgeworth is close to actually telling the truth, there.

“Yeah. No offence, Miss Everett, but this is kind of a private conversation…”

“‘Conversation’, eh?” Kath smiled cheekily and nudged Miles in the arm with her elbow. “I’m betting your tongues were put to more valuable practice than just ‘conversation’.” She attempted a wink, but it sent her off balance into Miles, making him drop Phoenix’s hand as he defended himself. “Whoops! Sorry, Miles. It’s hard to see what you’re doing with one eye, isn’t it?”

Miles begrudgingly helped her back up and stood up with her. “How much have you had exactly?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing. Orange juice and water with a bit of lemonade and tomato juice… Everything that doesn’t have alcohol in it.” She cleared her throat. “So, private conversations! I really don’t mind watching if you two want some privacy, you know. I still haven’t seen you two, you know, get to it. The more, the merrier, as they always say!”

Because that makes sense.

Kath smiled and stumbled a bit more, grabbing onto Miles before being promptly pushed off, yet again. Miles turned to Phoenix and gestured at Kath, to which Phoenix shook his head.

I’m alright here, thanks. You can deal with this one, Edgeworth.

Miles grimaced, before turning back to Kath. Her eyes shot back up from something she had been inspecting lower down.

“Everett, don’t expect us to show such public--”

Phoenix coughed something that sounded vaguely like ‘sixty-nine’, making Miles sigh in frustration.

Phoenix grinned to himself.

I bet he feels stupid not remembering that one.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with Larry?” Miles asked, changing the subject.

“Oh, yeah, Larry. I don’t know where he got to. I think he said something about lesbians?” Kath frowned. “Or was it librarians…?”

“Why not go and look for him? I’m sure he’ll be missing you.” Miles paused. “He’s missing you so very much that you really need to find him. Right now.”

“He is?” Kath asked, confusion on her face. “Oh, but I’d rather stay here. You two are funnier, Miles.” She giggled. “I mean, you’re both so in love when you shouldn’t be, that it’s funny!” She made a little heart shape with her fingers, trying to get the both of them in her vision. Phoenix looked on amused as Kath laughed to herself. “It’s hilarious. Mr. Wright’s all relaxed and, Miles, you’re all… all… tight-assed…”

She suddenly dropped the heart shape and slapped Miles on the ass, making Phoenix leap out of his seat.

What the…?

“Everett! What the hell?!” Miles exclaimed.

“Sorry, sorry, my bad!” Kath held up a hand, giggling slightly. “I know you’re all gay and taken and everything, but your ass looks too damned nice in those jeans.”

“My… Nice?!” Miles rubbed his forehead. “Everett…”

“Kath,” she reminded him cheerily. But instead of letting Miles talk, she continued on. “Seeing as though we’re all up, we can go and dance together!” She pulled Miles by the arm to the dance floor, but was quickly dismissed. However, she didn’t seem to mind too much, and merely went to dance with a random group of people.

Talk about taking advantage of the situation.

Still, the look on Edgeworth’s face…

Phoenix walked up to Miles. “Hey, Edgeworth--”

“Ask me to dance and you’re finding your own way home,” Miles said sharply, not even bothering to look at him.

“I wasn’t even going to suggest that!”

Damn. How did he know?

“I was just going to ask if you wanted to go to the bathroom with me this time,” Phoenix said offhandedly.

“With you?” Miles asked, looking at Phoenix out of the corner of his eye, before turning back to look at the dance floor. “Sorry, I have standards.”

“I thought I was the one who was meant to set your standards for you?” Phoenix replied with a smile.

Miles rolled his eyes. “I swear to God… you’re as bad as Larry sometimes.”

Phoenix laughed. “I’d be offended if I didn’t know there’s no such thing as being worse than Larry.”

“Very true.” Miles sighed. “On that subject, I suggest we leave Everett and him to whatever they’re doing. It could resolve in a painless night.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Phoenix said, nodding. “Shall we go back to the bar to spend the rest of the night out of harm’s way?”

“That has got to be the most intelligent thing you’ve said all night,” Miles replied.

A simple ‘Yes, let’s do that’ would have done…

They turned around to go back to the bar, only to find that their stools had been taken by two women. The rest of the bar was full up, as was the small amount of tables.

“The bathroom is still on offer…”

“Shut up, Wright.”

Phoenix looked around again and spotted a pillar. He gestured to it and they both made their way over.

“Being able to sit down’s overrated anyway,” Phoenix commented as they stood near the pillar. “We can still avoid Kath and Larry from here, and we can even hear the music better.”

Miles frowned. “Pardon?”

“I said we can still avoid your admirers and even hear the music better,” Phoenix repeated a bit louder.

“That’s very optimistic of you. Any deaf person would agree, I’m sure.” Miles took a look around, before leaning in a bit closer to Phoenix. “And you were wrong, Wright.”

“But I can’t be wrong if I’m right, Edgeworth,” Phoenix said cheekily.

Miles rolled his eyes at the joke. “He’s looking over again,” he added, nodding his head over to the other half of the room.

“…What?” Phoenix looked over where Miles had gestured, noticing Eddie once again looking over at Miles. He quickly snapped his eyes back to Miles, who was looking away in a different direction. “He still doesn’t get that you’re taken?!”

Miles looked back at him. “I’m not surprised. We’re not actually dating, Wright. It’s going to be obvious to someone quite so… persistent.”

Clearly, Kath Everett is simply the exception to the rule…

Phoenix caught another guy obviously looking over at Miles in the opposite corner, and another as he walked past with a drink in his hand. He blinked a bit, before turning to Miles, eyes wide.

“What is it?” Miles asked.

“My God, Edgeworth… I knew you had a couple of admirers, but damn!”

Miles stood up straight. “Admirers? What are you talking about?”

Phoenix grinned.

Of course, it’s Edgeworth. How could he notice a load of guys checking him out every other second?

“Y’know, this may be everyday stuff for you, but I’m feeling a bit neglected, here. You’re taking away all the attention from me!”

Miles glared at him. “Drop the sarcasm, Wright. What do you mean by ‘all the attention’?”

“I mean all the guys that keep looking at you, along with Eddie. They are totally checking you out.” Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “You really didn’t realise?”

“You’re lying. There is no way people could be that interested in me,” Miles said, probably just trying to reassure himself. “I swear to God, Wright, if you’re pulling my leg…” He glanced around the room, his eyes widening at each person he found looking at him.

“Why would I lie, Edgeworth?” Phoenix asked with a smirk.

“How many?” Miles asked quickly, still glancing around.

Phoenix frowned. “I don’t know, I haven’t kept count.” He looked Miles in the eye. “Are you alright?”

“No, Wright, I’m not ‘alright’,” Miles hissed. “This is exactly the reason I’ve always stayed away from clubs! Everyone in them is there to find someone for the night, and for some reason, they think that someone is me.” He ran a hand through his hair. “One admirer, I can slightly cope with, but, Christ, a club full of them?” He buried his head in his hands. “I can’t deal with this.”

“Not all is lost, there’s plenty you could do about it,” Phoenix said, trying to sound reassuring. “You could wear a paper bag! Or… change your jeans?”

“There’s nothing wrong with my jeans,” Miles snapped. “Just my idiotic, fake partner.”

Fake partner it is, then.

Phoenix looked around, stopping to look at the pillar behind them. He bit his lip.

I could do that.

But, damn, he’d kill me if I did that…

Phoenix took a breath in.

Just do it.

He quickly grabbed both of Miles’ wrists and pushed him back into the pillar they were standing next to, making sure it wasn’t hard enough to crack Miles’ head open, but using just enough force to catch him by surprise and pin his back to it.

“What the hell, Wright?!”

“Do you want them to stop staring or not?” Phoenix asked sternly, trying not to let his voice give away the fact that his heart was hammering inside his chest.

I don’t know why I’m so worried. It’s nothing big. I’m just doing him a favour, is all.

“I think I might opt for the staring if this is your solution.”

Phoenix raised his eyebrows. “Well, you’re getting the solution.” He let go of Miles’ wrists, but didn’t move his body, so that Miles was still ‘trapped’ there. He then let out a breath and rested his left hand next to Miles’ head, leaning over his opposite shoulder. “I hope you don’t mind me resting my arm here.”

“I actually find it incredibly distracting…” Miles turned his head to talk to Phoenix, before realising he was leaning over his shoulder. “Christ, Wright! What on Earth are you doing?!”

Phoenix shuffled a bit closer, before leaning back and looking Miles in the eye.

“A genius I know once told me this: ‘Pretending and dating are the same difference’. If you want us to be believed, Edgeworth, then we both have to act the part.” He paused, trying to decipher the look on Miles’ face. If it hadn’t been for that hint of amusement in Miles’ expression, Phoenix would have quit while he was ahead. “Hey, even the best of couples act sometimes to get more attention.”

Miles’ eyes studied every aspect of Phoenix’s face. “You couldn’t bullshit any better if you tried.”

“I’m being serious!” Phoenix protested, the smile on his face making him seem anything but. “Fine, whatever. I’ll just carry on as I was, then.” He paused. “Although, it would help if you played along. Just… try to be convincing, okay?”

“Convincing is my middle name,” Miles said with a smirk. “The only thing I’m worried about is what you’re going to do.”

Phoenix leaned forward, his nose close to Miles’. “Nothing that you wouldn’t do.”

Miles’ smirk was wiped away.

Okay, so my reassuring comment might have been neutralised by the fact that I’m invading his personal space.

“Look, Edgeworth, there’s no need to be worried. I’ve been acting all this time, already. That’s all I’ll do.”

“Oh, is that all?” Miles replied dryly.

Phoenix chuckled and placed his head over Miles’ shoulder again. “Pretend I’m one of those gorgeous girls and it’ll help you act the part,” he whispered.

“You and ‘gorgeous girl’ don’t even belong in the same sentence, Wright.”

Yeah, I guess I’m just too manly to be associated with a gorgeous girl…

…Wait.

“Hey, that was low. I’m trying to help you, here,” Phoenix said, resisting the urge to pout.

“I’m sure you could think up something more inventive and less invasive,” Miles commented.

“Either this, or another prawn down your throat.”

Miles sighed, probably expecting Phoenix to look back up. After a silent wait, he finally asked the question that must have been weighing on his mind. “What are you doing?”

“I’m simply whispering random shit in your ear, but the point is that no one will know unless you give it away.”

“…You want me to act comfortable with you this close?”

“It’s not that much of a big deal,” Phoenix muttered, kind of offended at Miles’ disgusted tone of voice.

“You try being in my position,” Miles replied. “I don’t see how you can get such a kick out of it.”

“I don’t get a kick out of it!” Phoenix unintentionally let his breath catch Miles’ neck from his exclamation and turned away to face the pillar again. “I might sometimes make a joke about our situation, but if I didn’t, then it’d just make it all weirder…” He sighed. “Sorry. I don’t mean to act like I’m making fun of you.”

There was a pause before Miles spoke again. “You can not possibly imagine how annoying you are being right now,” he said, not enough resentment in his voice to actually mean it.

Phoenix chuckled, making sure to keep it as soft as he could. “I don’t mean to be annoying, either.”

Miles took a breath in, and there was silence until he eventually let it out again.

“I know.”

Silence then overcame the two of them as Phoenix waited for Miles to tell him it was a ridiculous idea and that he should stop being so clingy. After a moment, Phoenix tilted his head so he had a side view of Miles’ face, expecting a glare or some sort of disapproval. It was a pleasant surprise to see neither and, upon closer inspection, it was even better to see something rarer on Miles’ features. An expression of contentment.

A small but noticeable smile graced Miles’ lips and didn’t fade, and his eyes were staring off but still full of thoughtfulness. Any signs of creases in his brow were gone, his skin illuminated by the flashing colours of the lights above. Phoenix couldn’t help but look on, not sure when he would be able to see Miles this unguarded again – if ever.

I don’t get why he hides this smile all the time, Phoenix thought, a smile on his own lips. Maybe cause it lets away too much of his hidden emotion.

Then again, he’s always been like that, acting like he’s in control of his feelings or simply putting them to one side.

“Wright, why are you taking this so seriously all of a sudden?” Miles asked, still staring off in the distance.

Seriously? Since when have I been taking this seriously?

It’s only complete make-believe.

“Err, what do you mean by that?” Phoenix questioned hesitantly.

Miles looked at him, an eyebrow raised. “You’re telling me that you’re taking everything the same way as before? Acting the same, too?”

“I don’t get why I’d be any different… I mean, I take helping you seriously, but I haven’t changed the way I help you.” He grinned. “Pretend dating is not something anyone can take seriously, Edgeworth.”

Miles stared at the empty space behind Phoenix. “I see.”

Phoenix frowned. “What made you ask that?”

Miles paused to look Phoenix in the eye, before turning away. “It doesn’t matter. Forget I ever said anything.”

There he goes, hiding his feelings again.

Phoenix pulled a face. “It was obviously something, Edgewo--”

“Fuck him already, Nick! He needs someone to loosen him up a bit!” a voice called loudly from behind.

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “Let me guess…”

Perfect time to interrupt, Larry.

“Shh!” he heard Kath hiss. “Larry, you’re going to give away our position! You’d be a shit spy.”

Miles peered over Phoenix’s shoulder. “It looks as though Everett is the only thing keeping him upright.”

Phoenix sighed and looked down at the floor. “What should we do?”

“Leave them to it,” Miles replied. He paused. “Actually… we should probably go and look after them.”

Your change of heart wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with being uncomfortable about our conversation before, would it?

Phoenix chuckled and was about to drop his hand from its resting position on the pillar, before noticing that both his hands were either side of Miles’ head and that he was standing a lot closer to Miles than he realised.

He blinked and quickly brought both his hands back down, stuffing them in his jeans’ pockets. He stepped back from Miles and turned to see what was happening.

“I’m so pathetic! I can’t do anything! I’m miserable and without love!” Larry brought his hands to his face, water collecting up in his eyes. “I’ve been rejected by every single girl tonight, and they were all damned hot lesbians! I’m doomed to go without the loving touch of a woman for the rest of my life! My life is over!”

Kath sighed and patted Larry on the back. “I know what that feels like.”

Phoenix snorted.

I’d actually feel sorry for Everett if I didn’t know her so well.

“They both look out of it,” Miles commented, seemingly unfazed by the fact that Larry had started to sob into Kath’s shoulder.

Phoenix turned to him and smirked. “Looks like that’s our cue to leave this place.”

“And not a moment too soon,” Miles muttered in response.

They walked over to Larry and Kath without either of them noticing and stood beside them.

“The Butz Charm didn’t even faze them, Kathy,” Larry sniffled. “The women have become immune!”

“They’d have to be susceptible to it in the first place to develop immunity, Larry,” Miles said dryly, making both Larry and Kath jump and turn to face them.

Larry looked at him with a puzzled expression, sniffling a bit still. “Dude, how’d you get here? Weren’t you over there getting it on with Nick, like, two seconds ago?”

“Larry!” Kath exclaimed, hitting him on the arm before turning back to Phoenix and Miles. “We weren’t even watching you like that. We were simply checking up on you both, but then you looked so cute together over there…”

“And Kathy here thought it’d be hot if you two started making out,” Larry cut in, only to get hit by Kath again. He looked at her with a pout on his lips. “You just crushed my arm like those beautiful chicks have crushed my heart!”

“But I never even suggested that!” Kath argued, before addressing Phoenix and Miles again. “I suggested we leave you alone and just… keep watch. Just in case, you know, something went wrong, like a mug stole your wallet without you realising because you were too busy staring cutely into each other’s eyes.”

Phoenix sighed.

Whose idea was it to come over again?

“Phoenix and I are heading on home now, and Larry is getting a lift with us,” Miles said, ignoring Kath’s comment. “I trust you have transport, Everett?”

“Oh, yes, I got a taxi here, didn’t I?” She frowned. “Aww, we’re going? But I was having fun with you four guys!”

Is there really any point in correcting her?

“I understand you’re having fun, Miss Everett, but Miles and I really need to leave now,” Phoenix said, pointing to himself and Miles.

“But… I haven’t even seen you two kiss yet,” Kath said, disappointment in her voice. “I know! Why don’t you have a quick one now? One for the road.”

Not fucking likely!

“Everett, our relationship is very secret. We can’t go around doing that kind of thing,” Miles quickly explained.

“Come now, Miles, you’re in a gay bar. Surely those sorts of rules don’t apply here?”

Larry started to laugh, before a glare from Miles shut him up.

“I’ve had a beer,” Phoenix said, taking the first thing that came to mind. “Miles is driving. He wouldn’t want to… err… catch the alcohol off me.”

Miles looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

It sounded so much better in my head…

“Catch the… alcohol off you?” Kath frowned. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry, Mr. Wright. Catching one beer is still below the limit.”

Phoenix blinked. “Ah, of course, silly me.” He bit his lip. “Still, if I did kiss him, think of all the jealous people in here who’d want my head.”

Kath laughed at him. “Mr. Wright, you are so funny! We all know you wouldn’t care about that.”

Phoenix looked at her blankly. “Right… Of course not… I, err, well…”

“Phoenix has a cold,” Miles said, cutting across his ramblings.

“Oh! You should have said!” Kath rolled her eyes. “I’m not surprised after your little escapade yesterday when you both made a run for it to get it on in the rain.”

“That wasn’t… we didn’t…” Phoenix stuttered.

“Dudes, you did it in the rain?!” Larry exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted to try that! Is it good? Or does the rain have the same effect as a cold shower?”

Phoenix looked at Larry disbelievingly.

The sad thing is, he’s not that much different when he’s sober…

“We really need to go, now,” Miles said. “Right, Phoenix?”

Phoenix nodded at Miles and they set off for the exit, Larry and Kath in tow.

“I bet that’s the same reason they want to leave early tonight,” Kath whispered not-so-quietly behind them.

“Ah, but Nick has a cold,” Larry said. “Someone’s not getting any tonight!”

Phoenix shook his head as they made their way through the crowd. They finally made it outside and Kath went somewhere quieter to phone for her cab, Larry following her diligently. Phoenix let out a sigh of relief and rubbed his forehead, before turning to Miles.

“We should have stayed by the pillar.”

Miles smirked and took a glance back at Kath and Larry. “We should have stayed at home.”

Phoenix laughed and put his hand in his pocket, feeling for a small box right at the bottom of it, below his phone. He took it out and turned back to Miles.

Oh, that reminds me…

Smiling to himself, he searched for his wallet and took out a note.

“Hey, Edgeworth, take this.” He took one of Miles’ hands in his own and stuffed the two things into it.

Miles glanced down at his hand, and then back up at Phoenix, an eyebrow raised. “What’s this supposed to be, Wright?”

“The five dollars I owe you.” Phoenix smirked and put his hands in his pockets. “And the painkillers I promised.”

Miles looked down at his hand again and smiled slightly. He looked back up at Phoenix. “I’m not too sure which is worse; having to accept the money after going to a gay bar, or the possibility that I may have had to pay you in a strip club.”

Phoenix laughed. “I’d pick the gay bar any day; a strip club would be too close to cheating on you, Edgeworth.”

Miles snorted.

Phoenix grinned at him.

---

Last edited by Shiva on Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:48 pm, edited 3 times in total.

THIS FIC IS EFFING HILARIOUS.

And the whole holding hands part was adorable. Even though it was technically just 'fake holding hands'. (pfft 'fake' yeah sure whatever.)

But yeah I liked it a lot!

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What are you talking about? It's all complete make-believe.

Thank you, I'm glad it made you laugh :)

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Read it and I want to leave a more indepth review later, but for now I can say with pride. I clicked, I read, I.... FANSQUEELED!!!!!

OMG, that was amazing

Shiva, you deserve massive love.

---

Oh, thank you :)

But I really can't take all the credit. My co-writer is just as deserving, if not more.

I'll be waiting for that in-depth review, if you have time XD

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AHHH MY FUGGING GODDD!
THAT WAS SO GOOOODDDDDDDD!!
WAHH.
the wait was like so worth it.

I swear this fanfiction is my antidrug.
IS THERE ANY CHANCE YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE THIS FANFIC FROM A PG TO LIKE AN M/MA?!
xDDD
'Cause I was like on the edge of my seat during the pillar scene screaming
'KISS GODDAMN YOU, KISS!'

Again, I love how you captured the character's personalities so well in such a humorous and ajldskfeialkjdfkadljfajamazing wayyyy!

Do you mind if I make this fanfiction a poster? :D

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Okay, I've started reading today, and I've just finished chapter 6. I hate P/E, but your fanfic is made of uber awesomeness. That's all I can say until I finish reading.

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I doubt the rating will change, but last time I checked, you don't need a M rating for kissing. *cough* Totally not hinting here...

Thanks again for the praise, I'm really glad you liked the chapter :)

And what do you mean by making it a poster? XD

---

Why, thank you :) I'm always glad to see people who like the story even though they don't like the pairing. We're trying to write this so it appeals to as many people as possible, and this kind of feedback means we're apparently doing something right. I hope you enjoy the other chapters :)

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Tags are EVIL XD
-


Miles tapped the countertop as he waited for the kettle to boil, glancing back into the living room to check if the commercials were still on. He looked up at the clock on the wall, and then down at his watch.

Damn it. What genius designed commercial breaks to be too long to sit down and watch, but not long enough to make a simple cup of tea?

The switch clicked and Miles hurriedly poured the water into the cup he had prepared, stirring it with a spoon and then taking the tea bag out a bit too early. He made his way back through to the living room and set the cup down on a coaster. It seemed he was just in time, as the announcer had just started to introduce the program.

“Next up, for all the young fans out there, we have a repeat showing of The Steel Samurai: Episode 6! After a nail-biting cliffhanger, can our hero escape unscathed from the Evil Magistrate and thwart the plan to overthrow the town of Neo Olde Tokyo? Stay tuned to find out!”

Miles checked that his blinds were shut and made sure the volume on the TV wasn’t too high, before double-checking there wasn’t anyone behind him. He finally relaxed back onto the couch as the title screen appeared and the theme started to play.

I’ll just watch half an hour before I get all those documents sorted for tomorrow…

He reached blindly for his tea, accidentally knocking something off the table in the process. He looked down and picked up the small box that had fallen.

Painkillers…

He turned the box in his hand.

I’m surprised I didn’t need any after last night…

I must be getting used to it.

He frowned.

That can’t be a good thing, no matter how you look at it.

Miles shook his head and placed the box back on the table. He picked up his tea, turning his attention back to the screen. He took a sip and pulled a face at how weak it was.

I can’t believe I just ruined my tea for a TV show rerun.

He sighed.

And Wright’s the one who’s childish?

He put his cup down and leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head. He tried to focus on the TV, but his thoughts kept drifting back to the events of last night.

What was Wright thinking? He promises to stop being invasive, and then…

Miles fought back a shiver and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Why did he feel the need to go this far? It really wasn’t necessary.

…Although, I have to admit, it was slightly better than being stared at by the whole bar.

Miles smiled to himself.

He was just trying to help, is all…

But still…

Miles got off the couch and picked up his tea. He made his way to the kitchen to dump it into the sink. There was no way he was drinking this filth. He wasn’t even thirsty anyway, and all this thinking had managed to wake him up.

He leaned against the counter and stared out of the window at nothing in particular.

Wright might be an idiot, but it sure seemed to me that he was actually helping for once, instead of having fun at my expense.

…Or was I just imagining things?

Miles frowned.

He said he wasn’t taking this any more seriously than before, but…

Is it possible that he simply didn’t realise?

He sighed.

This makes no sense…

I’m probably just reading too much into it, as usual.

Miles shook his head and went back into the living room to sit on the couch. The commercials were on again. It was an advertisement for some kids’ show called ‘Eddie the Dinosaur’.

“Oh, for Christ’s sake…”

Miles picked up the remote and shut the TV off.

I really didn’t need that mental image.

He got up again and started pacing around the room, trying to clear his mind of anything distracting. He looked at his watch. 10:47.

I might as well get started on that paperwork instead of wasting my time.

Miles walked into his office and closed the door behind him. He sat at his desk and looked at the pile of documents. He frowned.

I thought I got more than that done on Friday.

What the hell was I doing?

He sighed and picked up a file. He flipped it open and started reading the first page, only to realise a few paragraphs in that he didn’t have a clue what he had just read about. He put the file down and rubbed his forehead.

Not this again…

He leaned his head on his hand and stared down at the page.

What’s wrong this time? I don’t have any date to worry about, I’m in no rush, and I’m definitely not thinking about Wright.

It’s already Sunday and I’ve barely gotten anything done. I have to snap out of it before Wright decides to bother me again.

Miles shook his head and stretched a bit, before opening the top drawer to take out a blank sheet of paper.

If I can’t read, I can at least get started on that report…

He picked up a pen and started writing the case file number at the top of the page.

-Bring bring, bring bring-

Miles sighed exasperatedly.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

He dropped the pen and took his cellphone out of his pocket to check the caller ID.

He rolled his eyes. What a surprise…

“Yes, Wright?”

“Wrong, Edgey!”

Miles frowned. “…Larry?”

“That’s the one!” Larry answered cheerily.

For God’s sake…

Miles rested his head on his free hand. “I’m busy, Larry. Why the hell are you calling me on a Sunday morning?”

“Dude, there’s no need to sound so annoyed. Can’t an old childhood chum call you once in a while?” Larry tutted on the other end. “I’m also kind of offended that you brought up your boyfriend’s name before mine. It’s supposed to be bros before hoes, Edgey!”

Miles rubbed his temple. “We’re not dating. And you’re using Wright’s cell, Larry.”

“Well, excuse me for leaving my cell at home.”

Miles rolled his eyes.

Can’t there be a day where I don’t have to explain the obvious to this man?

“What do you expect me to do? Ignore the caller ID because I can magically see that his phone is in someone else’s hand, miles away from where I am?”

There was a pause on the other end. “Oh… well, I guess that’d be kinda hard, even for someone like you--” Larry suddenly cut himself off. “What? Speakerphone? Can’t wait to hear your boyfriend’s voice again, huh? Hah, that’s what he said. Yeah, well, without the cursing.”

Miles pulled the phone away and inspected it, raising an eyebrow, before putting it back to his ear. “Larry, what nonsense are you babbling about?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry! Wait there two secs, Edgey…”

What the…?

There were a few beeps on the other end of the phone before another voice cut through.

“…It’s the green button! The big one right underneath the screen!” Phoenix shouted.

“Alright, alright, calm down! I just pressed that!”

“Yeah, only after you pressed every other damned button,” Phoenix muttered.

Sounds like Wright’s already had an eventful start to the day.

Miles smirked and sat back in his chair. “Good morning, Wright.”

“Oh…! Hey, Edgeworth!”

Larry sighed. “Dudes, how many times do I have to tell you? This is really not how a couple should act!”

“What…? We’ve barely said five words to each other, Larry!”

“It’s not the amount of words, Nick, it’s the quality of them,” Larry replied seriously.

“The… quality?” Phoenix sighed exasperatedly. “I dread to ask, but… what do you mean?”

Rookie mistake, Wright.

“Well, I don’t know where to start, Nick. You were both too friendly in your tone of voice, ‘good morning’ is too posh, and ‘hey’ just doesn’t cut it. Not to mention, you’re still using each other’s last names! No, it should go more like this…” Larry cleared his throat. “Wonderful morning, Phoenix, my love,” he said in a deep, seductive voice. “Oh, hello, Miles, how you turn me on,” he finished off in a higher tone.

There was a pause.

“T-turn me on?!” Phoenix spluttered. “Of all the things you could have said… Turn me on?!”

Miles sighed. “Just ignore him, Wright.”

“Hey! Don’t slag me off when I’m right here!” Larry protested. “Man, this is why I hate it when your friends date each other! I feel so unwanted!”

“I fail to see how that makes a difference in your case,” Miles muttered.

“Maybe if you stopped making fun of us and insisting that we’re dating, we could treat you normally,” Phoenix suggested.

“But, Nick! That takes all the fun out of it!”

Phoenix chuckled. “Yeah, I didn’t expect that to work…”

Miles rolled his eyes. “As enjoyable as this little catch up is, I still don’t know what you’re calling me for. There are plenty of other things I could be doing right now that don’t include having the way I speak ridiculed.”

The other end of the line went silent.

I feel strangely uncomfortable.

“…Wright?”

“It was all Larry’s idea,” Phoenix mumbled.

“That’s right, blame the third wheel!”

Phoenix snorted. “Well, it’s never going to be my idea to organise a lesson in romance.”

Miles narrowed his eyes. “Pardon?”

“Nick! You promised to let me handle him!” Larry shouted.

“I could have sworn you mentioned ‘romance’ and ‘lesson’ there, Wright,” Miles continued sharply, ignoring Larry’s outburst.

Phoenix chuckled. “Oh, so he hasn’t told you, Edgeworth?”

“Dude, I was about to tell him, before you had to interrupt cause you wanted to hear your beloved--”

“Shut it, Larry.”

“See, this is what we need to improve on!” Larry exclaimed, far too brightly for Miles’ taste. “Iron out the wrinkles in this crumpled relationship, have a few laughs, and pick up some chicks on the way.”

“There is no relationship, Larry,” Miles replied. “There is nothing to smooth over because the thing you want us to work at doesn’t even exist.”

“I told you he’d say that,” Phoenix muttered.

“Man, you do both know that playing hard to get is so last season, right?” Larry whined. “And you were the one who wanted me to call Edgey, Nick.”

“Well, yeah, I wanted to call him…”

Miles sighed. “Isn’t there anything you could be doing instead of bothering me, Wright? Or do you seriously have nothing else going on in your life?”

“Wait, it wasn’t like I wanted to spend time with you or anything!” Phoenix retorted. “I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t died on the way home.”

How touching.

“Err, which you haven’t… which is good…” Phoenix continued. “…And you sound well, too, so… that’s good, too… Not that I was expecting you to be ill, or anything…”

Miles raised an eyebrow.

“It’s just… when Larry asked to phone you, I thought it was a good excuse to make sure you were alright after last night. I mean, it’s not like you’d ever agree to meet up with us anyway when you’re so busy all the time…” Phoenix paused. “Larry, why the hell are you winking at me?! I don’t know what else to say!”

“Nick, you’re useless!” Larry shouted. “You’re supposed to say: ‘Oh, Miles, I’ve missed you so much! I know it’s only been one night, but I can’t wait to see you again! We have to meet again soon because this distance is tearing me apart!’”

“Stop doing that awful impression,” Miles scolded.

Larry laughed. “You just don’t want me to upstage your boyfriend’s sex voice.”

“That’s it. I’m hanging up…”

“Wait, Edgey! We haven’t arranged a meeting time!” Larry called out desperately.

Miles was about to pull the phone from his ear, before he heard Phoenix sigh resignedly.

“Face it, Larry; he’s not going to go. Everything is always going to be second-best to his work.”

Miles frowned.

Second-best to my work…?

He sat up to look down at the empty page in front of him.

He has no right to say that after how much strain this situation has put me under.

His eyes narrowed.

How can he think he’s so low in my estimation after I’ve spent so much time with him instead of working?

Not that I exactly had a choice, but still…

“Did I say I wasn’t going, Wright?” Miles snapped, tearing his eyes away from the paper.

“Well… err… no…?”

“Then don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Edgey, he’s saving your mouth for a more exciting activ--wait, you didn’t say no?” Larry gasped. “Quick, Nick, call the doctor! Edgey’s caught your fever, and I think it might be fatal! What have I told you two about doing it in the freezing cold rain?”

Miles rolled his eyes. “Larry, you’re an idiot.”

“You’ll actually go?” Phoenix asked cautiously, ignoring Larry.

…He does have a point. Why did I just agree to that?

He sighed.

Wright has a bad effect on me.

“Alright, Edgey! I wasn’t going to bother if you didn’t agree, but now we can all meet up at my work at twelve.”

“Larry, aren’t you supposed to be working then?” Phoenix said sceptically.

“Dude, the chicks love me. They’ll totally cover for me, so don’t worry!”

Miles frowned. “Wait, hold that thought a second. If I didn’t agree, then Wright wouldn’t have had to go?”

“Nope!” Larry answered brightly.

“I take it back, then.”

“No take backs, Edgey! Now we know you’re free, so if you aren’t there, then we’ll just come to you.”

Miles closed his eyes and sat back in his chair.

How the hell do I always manage to get tricked into this?

“I’m not going, Larry. The only reason I agreed in the first place was so Wright wouldn’t have to suffer alone.”

“Aww, Edgeworth, you were going to go to that torture all for my sake?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, I wasn’t doing this for you. It was simply repayment on a guilty conscience for you helping me all week.”

If you can call annoying me with your presence ‘helping’, that is.

Phoenix laughed. “That’s so cute of you! Kath would be proud.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I’ll take that as an invitation for me to hang up for real.”

Phoenix chuckled. “Later, Edgeworth.”

“See ya at twelve, Edgey!” Larry chimed in.

“I said I wasn’t go--”

-Click-

Miles pulled the phone away from his ear and blinked at it a few times.

They hung up.

Sighing, he turned it off and put it down onto the desk. He reached for the pile of documents and placed his thumb on the corner, flicking through the stack.

I can’t be wasting time like this. There’s no reason for me to go and see Wright, never mind having to deal with Larry at the same time.

He picked up the pen from the desk and went to write, pausing before the tip reached the paper. He rolled it between his fingers, before laying it back down.

Now that I’m traumatised by the thought of Larry turning up on my doorstep, there’s really no point in trying to get this done.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed again, before making up his mind. He opened a couple of drawers, shifting some folders around, and eventually found the phonebook.

They could have at least given me the address of the salon, just in case.

Miles smiled to himself and shook his head.

I really am hopeless…


Miles looked at the building in front of him, double-checking that the address matched what he had written down on the scrap of paper. He ran a hand over his hair, before taking the handle and opening the door. The soft jingle of the bell made the young woman sitting at the desk look up from her computer.

“Hello, sir,” she said, glancing back at her screen. “I’m guessing you’re not Sarah, my twelve o’clock?” She started to laugh slightly, but turned it into a cough when Miles didn’t react.

“I’m here to see Larry Butz,” Miles stated, failing to spot him in the small room.

I should have known he wouldn’t be too busy working.

The woman’s eyebrows rose. “Larry? Really?”

“Not for an appointment,” Miles reiterated.

I value my life too much for that.

“Well, I would fetch him for you, but he’s on his… extended break at the moment.” The woman frowned.

“He asked me to meet him here at twelve.”

“Oh, that’s right, he did tell me to look out for a man with a scowl on his face!” She pointed to the back of the salon. “He’s through there in the staff area, second on the right. Feel free to go straight on through.”

Is that seriously an accurate enough description for her to recognise me?

Miles nodded and headed to the back. He went past the wall partition into a small corridor and walked over to the second door where some voices could be heard.

“What!? Oh my God, Larry! There’s no way in hell I’m doing that!”

“Aww, come on, Nick! It’d be funny to see his face!”

Miles paused, hand poised on the handle. Initiative told him that he should be thankful he didn’t hear the beginning of this conversation, and that he should quickly enter the room to stop whatever nonsense was going on. His curiosity, however, said otherwise.

So he stood there, trying to convince himself that what he was doing wasn’t eavesdropping and that he was simply looking out for his well-being.

“Hah. I wouldn’t even be alive to witness his reaction anyway,” Phoenix replied.

Larry tutted. “Dude, how many times!? You’re his lov--”

“I’m not his lover!”

“Alright, fine; his other half, his partner, his bed buddy, his pillow warmer… Whatever you call it these days, he wouldn’t harm you.”

Phoenix sighed. “I don’t think you get what I mean, Larry. Besides, not even Edgeworth’s real girlfriend could get away with kissing him in public.”

“Boyfriend.”

“What?”

“You meant his real boyfriend, Nick.”

Miles rolled his eyes when Phoenix chuckled in response.

Thank you, Wright. It’s always nice to know I have someone loyal on my side.

“Anyways, it’ll never happen, Larry,” Phoenix stated.

“Dude, why not?” Larry whined.

Phoenix sighed. “Do you even have to ask?”

You should be used to it by now, Wright.

“You’re so useless, Nick! You had the perfect opportunity last night and you didn’t even take it!” Larry paused. “Man, I knew I should have gotten you some extra strong stuff instead of a beer, then you wou--”

“Larry, that wouldn’t have changed anything.” Phoenix sighed again. “Fine. Tell you what, I’ll go and time travel back right now and fix it for you.”

Miles shook his head and got ready to open the door, realising it really wasn’t worth his time to stand and listen to such idiocy.

“Give me one good reason why not, Nick,” Larry said sternly, making Miles stop once again. “Kathy needs to see it. Otherwise, it’s dead suspicious. It’s not like I want to see two guys getting it on, but you’re supposed to be helping him get rid of Kathy so I can have her!”

That’s simply confirmed Larry’s true motive.

“One reason? Well, for a start, I’m not gay, Larry. And I value his friendship too much to ruin it with stupid things like that. I haven’t waited fifteen years to meet him again, only to make him hate me because I’ve pushed him too far.”

Miles’ hand loosened on the door handle.

So it seems even Wright has his limits, after all.

“Besides, have you ever tried getting it on with a guy?” Phoenix continued.

“Eh? No!”

Phoenix laughed. “Exactly.”

“Gay men manage it,” Larry replied stubbornly. “Seeing as though you are one at the moment, it’ll be fine!”

“‘At the moment’ being the key phrase,” Phoenix retorted. “Speaking of which, didn’t we say twelve? It’s already five past…”

“What?” Larry paused. “Huh, so it is. Perhaps our watches are wrong?”

“Or perhaps he’s not going to come, after all.”

“Well, he needs your help for that, Nick.”

Miles raised an eyebrow.

Why would I need his help to…?

…Oh, for Christ’s sake!

When both of them started to laugh, Miles grabbed the handle and pulled the door open. Phoenix and Larry were sitting at the table in the middle of the room.

“Ah, speak of the devil.” Phoenix turned to grin at Miles.

Miles rolled his eyes and went to take the seat closest to the door, next to Larry. “I won’t ask.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Larry cut in, getting up from his seat to lean on the table. “You’re late for an appointment with your boyfriend, Edgey!”

Miles raised an eyebrow, before checking his watch. “Normally, I wouldn’t think five minutes constitutes as late.”

“Shame you’re not normal, then,” Phoenix commented.

“Shut up, Wright.”

Larry pouted, before narrowing his eyes at Miles. “Dude, what do you think you’re doing here?”

Miles frowned. “You’re the one who forced me to come, Larry.”

“I didn’t mean here, here,” Larry said. He gestured between himself and Miles. “I meant this side of the table!”

“And what exactly is wrong with this side of the table?”

Larry pointed at Phoenix. “Nick’s over there.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “Larry…”

“Dude, it’s part of the lesson!” Larry insisted.

Miles sent Larry an unamused look, before getting up and walking around to sit on the chair next to Phoenix. “Satisfied? Now, let’s get this over with.”

Larry grinned at him. “That’s the spirit, Edgey! It’s a much better attitude than yesterday.”

“You know, I’ve been wondering why you wanted to arrange this, Larry,” Phoenix commented, resting his head in his hand. “We managed just fine yesterday.”

He has a point. I think the fact that we aren’t at each other’s throats like last time is proof enough.

Larry shook his head. “Don’t think ‘fine’ will cut it this time, Nick. I’ll admit that the two of you were better than I thought you’d be, but that’s not saying much.” He rubbed his chin. “I think Nick would get about a… five and a bit out of ten. But, Edgey, it’s like a two for you, and that’s me being generous.”

“Is that so?” Miles crossed his arms. “And what was it that I did so differently?”

“You broke all the conditions, dude!” Larry replied, waving a finger at him.

He’s still going on about those ridiculous things?

“Huh? The conditions?” Phoenix blinked and looked at Miles. “Did I follow those?”

Larry cleared his throat and stood up straight. “Pay attention over there in the back and stop staring lovingly into each other’s eyes! The teacher’s talking.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow and sent a glance Miles’ way, before turning back to Larry. “Teacher? Are you serious?”

“First of all, there was condition two,” Larry continued, ignoring Phoenix. “This was of the most importance, and yet Edgey managed to screw it up totally.”

Miles and Phoenix both looked at Larry blankly.

“Condition two?” Phoenix asked.

Larry sighed and buried his face in his hands. “Don’t tell me you didn’t learn the conditions,” he said through his fingers. He dropped his hands and shook his head. “That was important homework!”

He’s getting far too involved in this role.

“Refresh our memories,” Miles said dryly, sitting back in his chair.

“Condition two: Pet names and nicknames.” Larry punched a fist into his other hand. “Dude, you didn’t use any!”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I used his first name and it provided the desired effect.”

“No it didn’t, Edgey,” Larry retorted. “Nick’s first name just isn’t good enough!”

“Hey, what’s wrong with my name?” Phoenix cut in, sitting up straight.

“It’s way too long. How could anybody call you ‘Phoenix’?” Larry frowned. “Man, it sounds fucking weird.”

Are we seriously discussing this?

Miles uncrossed his arms and sat forward in his seat. “Fine, if ‘Phoenix’ is too long, then I’ll just use his second name, as I always do.”

“Ugh, Edgey, you know that’s not going to work. You’ve got to give him a nickname, dude!” Larry’s eyes lit up. “I know! I’ll give you one to use!”

“Larry, I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Phoenix said, biting his lip.

“I’ve got it!” Larry exclaimed, smiling widely. “‘Nicky-Sugar-Dear’!”

Phoenix cringed and rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s… original…”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Larry,” Miles scolded. “It’s more than twice as long, and more than ten times as idiotic.”

Larry leaned across the table. “Nicknames are never too long, Edgey! The longer, the better!” He stood back up and put his chin in his hand. “My personal favourite was ‘My Sexy Princess Daisy, Ruler of all Things Cute and Sweet’!”

Dear Lord…

Phoenix blinked. “Right… um… thanks, Larry.”

Larry gave a thumbs up. “No problem!” He smiled smugly. “Now that you know that, you should also know that Edgey completely messed up condition four: Personal or sexual jokes.”

Miles rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m not a clown, Larry, and I am not about to perform a comedy act for Everett.”

Phoenix chuckled. “It’s a little too late for that, Edgeworth.”

Miles glanced at him and smirked. “You’re hardly one to talk with your awful jokes, Wright.”

“Hey, watch it. My jokes would be funny for someone with a sense of humour,” Phoenix replied with a grin.

Miles raised his eyebrows. “If, by having a sense of humour, you mean being brain dead, then I’d have to agree.”

Larry slammed a hand down on the table, making Phoenix and Miles flinch and turn to face him. “Dudes, stop flirting already! I’m trying to tell you some important information, here!”

Flirting?

“Face it, Larry; the day Edgeworth makes a joke is the day the world ends,” Phoenix commented.

That’s a bit much, surely.

Larry rubbed his chin. “I guess you’re right, Nick. It’s kinda hard to teach someone a sense of humour.”

My ego must have at least halved in the time I’ve been here…

“You could at least use the examples I gave you on that piece of paper,” Larry added. “It’s better than nothing, Edgey.”

Miles sighed. “Fine.”

Phoenix sent him a curious look as if to say ‘You still have that thing?’. Miles shook his head in response, making him grin.

He really doesn’t need to know that this stupid thing’s still sitting on my desk.

“Alright, now it’s time to correct your dress sense, Edgey!”

Miles frowned. “Correct my dress sense?” He looked down at his jeans and button-down shirt. “There’s nothing wrong with my clothes, Larry.” He glanced over at Phoenix, who was wearing a dark purple t-shirt and a grey hooded jacket. “If there’s anyone you should be talking to about that, then he’s sitting next to me.”

“Hey!”

“No, dude! I was talking about what you wore last night.”

Miles raised an eyebrow. “What was wrong with it?”

Larry shook his head. “Wearing a shirt and a tie violates the seventh condition: Inefficient clothing; including nakedness.”

Miles rubbed his temples. “You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“Come on, Edgey, it’s widely known that a tie takes way too long to take off in the bedroom! No person in their right mind would wear that if they knew they were getting some. It sends off all the wrong vibes, dude!”

I’d be willing to bet that Larry’s version of ‘widely known’ isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

Phoenix rubbed his neck. “Heh, if all these conditions are true, then I guess I’ve been doing something right, at least.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I’d like to hear how I’ve managed to break the others if all the reasons are as idiotic.”

Larry scratched the back of his head. “The others? Nah, you were fine with them, dude.”

Phoenix frowned. “But that’s less than half of them, Larry. I thought you said he broke them all.”

Larry waved his hand. “More than enough to work on.”

Miles sighed. “I don’t believe you sometimes. You brought me here, away from doing something worthwhile, and then took time off work, just to say that?”

Not that it’s exactly surprising…

“Hey! It was an important lesson, Edgey,” Larry said, nodding to himself afterwards.

“But, wait, how can you even remember what did and didn’t happen last night?” Phoenix asked sceptically. “I’m sure you were pretty much out of it.”

Larry laughed. “Don’t be silly. I’m not going to forget how Kathy completely fell for my affections and was digging me all night, or when she totally ignored Edgey. Plus, all the ladies were playing hard to get, which was a total turn on!”

Phoenix and Miles glanced at each other.

“Err… Larry, that wasn’t quite how it was…” Phoenix said weakly.

Larry blinked. “Huh? It wasn’t?”

Miles sighed. “I’m not surprised you’ve made up a whole new version. You drank so much that Wright and I had to walk you to the door of your apartment and unlock it for you.”

Larry blinked again. “You did?” He rubbed his chin. “I mean, of course I remember. It was only, like, twelve hours ago. I was just a bit weak from all the dancing, that’s all.”

Phoenix chuckled. “So you were perfectly sober when you told us both how much you loved us?”

“And the attempt to lean across from the backseat of the car to grab the steering wheel was perfectly normal?” Miles added.

“Well, I do love you guys!” Larry protested. “And you know it’s always been my dream to drive Edgey’s sports car!”

Phoenix laughed again. “Ah, so when you cried about how you’re a complete failure, it was just the way the light was catching your face?”

Miles turned to Phoenix and smirked. “Which means he also knows that he attempted to kiss Everett and it turned out to be a lamppost.”

Phoenix smirked back. “And when he asked if we would sell him photos of us ‘getting it on’ in the rain so he could give them to Kath?”

Larry stared at the two of them with a horrified look on his face. “I… um… well…”

Miles crossed his arms. “Hmm. If that’s so, then he must remember getting lucky with one of the men at the club.”

“What!?” Larry screamed, jumping back in shock. “Are you fucking serious!?”

Phoenix burst out laughing. “Classic!”

Miles smirked and glanced out the window.

No chariots in the sky; we’re safe.

“Don’t worry, Larry,” Miles said. “I think you’re safe from that ever happening.”

Larry grabbed his chest and breathed a sigh of relief. “Fucking hell, Edgey, that wasn’t funny! I swear I was about to have a heart attack!”

The door to the staff room clicked open and all three of them turned to see a woman leaning in the doorway. She had long, curly hair that had been dyed some kind of purple colour, and was wearing a low-cut top that read ‘Cosmopolitan’ with a picture of a cityscape.

“Hey, Larry, the boss says to get your ass back in there right now or she’ll fire you, and I think she means it.” She glanced over at Phoenix and Miles and paused, before breaking into a smile. “Ooh, who are your friends?”

Oh God, no.

Larry took a step forward, before gesturing towards the other two. “This is Edgey, and--”

“It’s Miles, actually. Miles Edgeworth. Nice to meet you.” He bowed his head slightly.

Christ, how hard can it be to properly introduce someone?

“Err… right…” Larry turned to Phoenix. “And this is Ni--”

“Phoenix. Phoenix Wright.” He got up from his seat and sent a smirk Larry’s way, before walking towards the woman, holding out a hand. “Nice to meet you, Miss…?”

She walked up to Phoenix and shook his hand. “May. May Jellis.” She chuckled. “My, what a peculiar name you have.”

Phoenix laughed slightly and broke the handshake. “I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?”

“Of course! It’s a really nice name.” She smiled. “So what does a mysterious man like you do for a living?”

Miles frowned. Mysterious? What the…?

Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… I’m a defence attorney.”

May’s eyes widened. “Wow! And what about your friend?” She tilted her head towards Miles.

Phoenix looked over at him. “Well… um…”

“I’m a prosecutor,” Miles said simply.

May turned to Larry. “Damn, you never told me you had such accomplished friends!”

Phoenix beamed at that comment and Miles felt his frown deepen.

Accomplished? Wright barely manages to pay his bills.

“Maysie, calling them accomplished is a bit much,” Larry said with a chuckle. “Edgey just looks important cause he frowns a lot, and Nick’s even poorer than me!”

Phoenix laughed nervously. “Well, not poor, per say. More like I’m just on a tight budget at the moment.”

May smiled at him. “We all have our ups and downs. I’m sure you’re a fine lawyer.”

Miles’ frown went even deeper.

As if you can judge when you’ve never even seen him in the courtroom.

Phoenix took a glance at Miles. “Ah, well, I guess I have my good days…”

May tilted her head and crossed her arms. “There’s no need to be modest. I wouldn’t like to see what would happen if you let me loose with a client’s life on the line.” She shrugged. “I’m hopeless at keeping steady in that kind of situation.”

Miles felt his eye twitch. “That’s not a very good characteristic for a hairdresser. Or is it that your clients like to have off-straight cuts?”

May seemed slightly taken aback by Miles’ interruption. “Oh, well, having a steady hand and a steady mentality are two very different things,” she replied.

Miles saw Phoenix look at him curiously out of the corner of his eye. He turned away. “I see.”

May smiled and turned to Phoenix again. “You know, when you’re in the hair business, it’s always nice when you meet someone with such unique hair,” she commented. “How do you style it like that?” She tilted her head again. “It doesn’t look like you use any gel at all.”

“It’s natural,” Phoenix replied with a sheepish grin.

You’re kidding me. She likes that stupid hair of his?

“I have interesting hair, too!” Larry cut in. “You can even feel mine if you want!”

“Natural? I don’t believe you,” May stated, ignoring Larry. She held out a hand. “Do you mind if I see if you’re telling the truth?”

Miles’ eyes narrowed as Phoenix’s eyebrows rose in surprise.

Of course he minds! Why would he want some stranger touching his hair?

He frowned at that thought.

…Why am I so annoyed? I’m not the one having to deal with this, for once…

I should be relieved.

Phoenix glanced back at Miles again and shrugged. “Sure, go ahead.”

May ran a hand softly over Phoenix’s hair, before taking it back. “Wow, you’re right, it is natural!”

Miles gritted his teeth together.

Relieved. I should be very relieved…

Phoenix chuckled. “I’m betting that isn’t your natural hair colour, though.”

Larry gasped. “Nick! That’s not any way to speak to a beautiful woman!”

May grabbed a bit of her hair and looked down at it. “No, he’s right. I’d be worried if my natural hair colour was purple, to be honest.”

“It’s a bit of a shame when people have to hide their natural colour with something fake, don’t you think?” Miles commented dryly, crossing his arms.

May shrugged. “I like to think it gives me something original. And I also happen to like the colour purple.” She turned to Phoenix again. “You know, if you need a haircut, I’m sure I could fit you in for an appointment.”

Miles’ jaw tightened.

Why would he need a haircut? His hair is perfectly fine!

He closed his eyes and sighed.

That’s really not something I should be commenting on, is it?

“Would you give me a haircut too? For free, even?” Larry asked brightly. “Cause we are good buddies, aren’t we, Maysie?”

May raised an eyebrow. “Larry, you work here. I’m sure you could get any of us to give you a haircut for free.”

Phoenix smiled. “That’s kind of you to offer. I’ll consider it next time I need one.”

May looked at him and grinned. “Hey, you know, you have a really nice smile.”

Phoenix blinked and glanced at Miles, looking a bit at a loss. His cheeks reddened slightly. “I do?”

Nice? It’s an annoying smile, if anything.

May laughed. “God, you’re so modest about your good looks! And a total gentleman with it!”

Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re too kind.”

“No, I’m serious!” She put a finger to her lips. “You know, that’s such a rare combination, along with being a lawyer.” She frowned. “Ah, I see.” She sighed. “Which is it? Gay or married?”

Phoenix chuckled. “Neither. Straight and single, I’m afraid.”

Miles blinked, his eyes snapping to Phoenix, before it struck him.

…Why do I feel as if I was expecting him to say otherwise? He isn’t really dating anyone, and it’s not as if he’s really gay.

He shook his head.

This is getting stupid…

“Hey, May!” a voice called through from the corridor. “Get your ass back in here! We’ve got people waiting for appointments!”

May rolled her eyes. “Alright, I’m coming!” she shouted back, before turning to Phoenix and pulling a card out of her pocket. “Here’s my contact details if you ever want to meet up or get that appointment.” She winked and put it in his hand. “See ya! And you’d better come soon, too, Larry.”

May rushed out of the room and shut the door behind her.

“Nick, I can’t believe you didn’t tell her that you’re gay!” Larry exclaimed loudly. “You’re stealing one of my chicks, dude!”

“Hey, don’t be angry with me, she was the one who was doing the talking,” Phoenix replied, before looking down at the card in his hand.

Miles got up from his seat and walked up behind Phoenix to read the card.


“See, you’re even plotting when to call her for your next little date!” Larry shouted. “How do you think this makes Edgey feel, huh? You’re meant to be dating him, not Maysie!”

Phoenix rolled his eyes and pocketed the card. “I’m sure he’ll live.”

Larry glared at Phoenix and looked as if he was about to retort, before a voice called through again.

“Butz, what exactly am I paying you for? Don’t make me come in there!”

“Yes, Chelsea, my dear!” Larry replied, before turning back to Miles and Phoenix. “Our lesson ends here for today, pupils, so I hope you’ll finish off your practice at home.” He pointed at Phoenix. “And you, Mr. Romeo Wannabe, I’m keeping an eye on you. I’ll see you to the door so you can’t sneak off with the innocent princess.”

I’d hardly call her innocent. Or compare her to royalty, for that matter.

Larry went over to open the door and Phoenix took his chance to send Miles an amused look. Miles chose to pretend he didn’t see it and followed Larry out the door, back into the salon.

They walked through to the front desk, where Larry took a second to say hi to the receptionist and get ignored. He then opened the door and leaned over to Phoenix. “Hey, Nick, you know that card Maysie gave you?” he said in a low voice.

Phoenix grinned. “You want it, don’t you?”

“Well, I just think it’d be safer in my hands, you know, for safe keeping…”

Phoenix shook his head and walked out the door, Miles following.

“Aww, man! Don’t think that I’m letting this go, Nick!” Larry called after them, making Phoenix chuckle.

After a few paces of walking down the street, Miles glanced at Phoenix. “Where are you going now, Wright?”

Phoenix shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Bus stop, I guess.”

“Ah.” Miles paused. “Do you… want a lift home?”

Phoenix turned to him with wide eyes. “A lift?” He blinked. “That’d be great, thanks!” He smiled.

Miles nodded in reply and looked away.

He didn’t have to be so surprised…

They walked in silence for a while, before Miles spoke up again.

“Are you actually going to call her?” he asked, careful not to sound like he cared too much.

Phoenix turned to him and blinked. “What?”

“The hairdresser woman.”

“Oh… No, she’s not really my type.”

Miles snorted. “It sure seemed as though she was a moment ago.”

“Well, can’t a guy enjoy getting attention once in a while? Not everyone’s as lucky as you, you know.”

Miles scowled. “I wouldn’t exactly call that ‘lucky’.”

Phoenix grinned. “Don’t worry, Edgeworth, I would never cheat on you. There’s no need to be jealous.”

Miles stopped and looked down at the sidewalk. “I am not jealous, Wright.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I was going to call her?” Phoenix asked cheekily.

Miles looked up at him again. “Why should I mind? It’s not my problem if you want to get involved with a woman like her.”

Phoenix raised his eyebrows. “Oh, you didn’t like her?”

Miles rolled his eyes and set off again. “Shut up, Wright.”

Phoenix dropped his grin and frowned. “Come on, there’s no need to get moody about it. I wasn’t being serious.”

“Don’t say such stupid things, then,” Miles snapped, leading the way into the parking lot.

“Geez, learn to take a joke, Edgeworth…”

“I’ll take a joke when you learn to tell one.”

Phoenix fell quiet as they reached the car and got in.

Miles turned on the ignition and fastened his seatbelt, before glancing at Phoenix.

He sighed.

Well, that was smart. This car ride isn’t going to be awkward at all.


“So, Edgeworth, what did you learn in today’s lesson?” Phoenix asked after a long silence.

You’ve had all that time to think of something, and this is what you ask me?

Miles rolled his eyes. “That Larry is an idiot.”

Phoenix laughed. “I meant something you didn’t already know.”

“Don’t be stupid, Wright.”

“Oh, so you know everything?” Phoenix replied cheekily.

“That’s not…” Miles sighed. “Shut up, Wright.”

There was silence as they halted at the traffic lights. Miles leaned his arm on the door and stared on ahead, ignoring the look Phoenix was sending him.

“What’s got you all snappy?”

“I’m not being snappy,” Miles replied. “I’m just thinking about how much work I have to do, and how much time I’ve wasted.”

Phoenix chuckled. “It wasn’t all bad.”

Maybe not for you and your new girlfriend.

Miles glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, before releasing the handbrake as the light turned green. “I don’t see what I’ve gained from the experience.”

Phoenix grinned. “Well, now you know that not all women are after your perfect being.”

“Some females simply have no taste,” Miles commented with a smirk.

“And yet, all gay men do, apparently.”

Miles sighed. “Please don’t remind me.”

Phoenix laughed. “Yeah, sorry. But I guess you’re an exception, seeing as you only had eyes for me all night.”

Miles shot a glare over at him. “Considering you spent the whole evening in front of me, it was hard for me not to.”

“Oh, I bet I’m making it hard for you, Edgeworth,” Phoenix replied, stretching a bit and resting his elbow on the door.

“Wright, there’s a line, and you’ve just crossed it.”

“You’re right, we shouldn’t do that in the car. It gives Everett ideas.”

You really like annoying me, don’t you?

Miles sighed and changed gears as the traffic started to slow down. “If you wanted to annoy someone this badly, why didn’t you do so with your girlfriend earlier instead of me?”

“Because making my boyfriend squirm is so much more interesting.”

“Wright, I swear to God…”

Phoenix laughed and crossed his arms. “Alright, alright; the line. I’ve got it. Just trying to get it into your head that I’m really not interested in May.”

Calling it by its first name now?

I can hear the wedding bells already.

“Not interested my ass,” Miles mumbled to himself, pulling the handbrake roughly as the traffic came to a halt.

“What do you even have against her?” Phoenix asked, a confused expression on his face. “It’s not like she’s committed a crime by liking me.”

…Good question. What do I have against her?

“Well, it was just… She was all over you when we were trying to have a conversation. It was annoying.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “Alright, whatever you say, Edgeworth.” He sighed and shook his head.

There was a brief silence.

“Hey… Now that Larry’s not in the way,” Phoenix began again slowly, “what did you mean last night?”

Miles frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You know, the whole ‘me taking our fake relationship seriously’ thing.”

I guess it was too much to hope he’d forget about it…

Miles pretended he was focusing on the road and not on what Phoenix had just said. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Wright.”

“Oh, come on, don’t take me for an idiot,” Phoenix chided. “You know very well what I’m talking about.”

“There may be a slight recollection of the incident in the back of my mind…” Miles turned to Phoenix to see an unimpressed expression on his face. He sighed. “Alright, I do remember, but I think it’s obvious that it really doesn’t matter.”

“Well, it matters to me.”

Why does he have to be so damned stubborn?

“Wright, if you haven’t figured it out yourself, then there’s no point in me telling you.”

Phoenix scowled. “Fine. Be that way. I don’t care.”

Miles sighed again. “It’s just that the whole thing didn’t seem quite as funny to you all of a sudden, that’s all.”

“How many times do I have to tell you?!” Phoenix snapped. “I’ve never tried to make fun of you!”

Miles snorted. “Sorry, I must have been wrong when I classified force-feeding as having fun at my expense, then.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “We’ve been over this already…”

If you don’t like the answer, then don’t press the question so many bloody times!

“Look, Wright, just drop it. It’s not worth discussing. You helped me last night, and you made it more bearable for me by taking it seriously, instead of messing around like on Tuesday night. I just wondered what had changed to make you do that and that’s all I meant by it.” Miles spotted the turnoff to Phoenix’s street and put his flasher on.

Phoenix’s eyes widened. “You’re… not mad that I did that?” He blinked. “I was… err… I was expecting more of a telling off than a weird thank you, to be honest.” He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out of the window.

Miles raised an eyebrow. “Don’t get me wrong, there’s a difference between what you did and how you did it. Just because you made it more bearable than before doesn’t mean that I approve of you pushing me against a pillar and getting so unnecessarily close.”

Phoenix chuckled. “I see.” He turned back around and smirked at Miles. “You mean you didn’t enjoy my seductive breath on your neck?”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I take back my previous praise,” he commented dryly.

Phoenix laughed again. “Glad everything’s back to normal.”

Miles smirked and shook his head.

Our friendship is far from normal, Wright…

He pulled into a space in the parking lot in front of Phoenix’s apartment building and put the handbrake on.

There was an awkward silence as Miles stared at the steering wheel, waiting for Phoenix to get out of the car.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of wasting even more valuable work time, Phoenix undid his seatbelt and shuffled a bit in his seat.

“So, um…” He paused. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

Miles turned to him and sighed. “What is it?”

Phoenix blinked. “…What?”

“I said what is it?”

Phoenix looked down at his hands on his lap. “Nothing. It’s just… nothing.”

Miles sighed again and turned off the ignition. “Look, Wright. If you have something to say, then just say it. I don’t have all day.”

Phoenix smiled sheepishly, before looking back up at Miles. “It’s just… well… I just realised that we spent more time together this past week than we did these past two months, and, well…” He scratched the back of his neck. “This is gonna sound weird, but… I’m kind of looking forward to our next date.”

Oh, for Christ’s sake…

Miles rubbed his forehead. “Wright…”

“No, I’m serious!” Phoenix protested. “I mean, I know it wasn’t under the best circumstances, but still, I’ve been enjoying all this time spent with you.”

Miles raised an eyebrow.

What is he…?

Phoenix looked away. “Sorry. That probably sounded really stupid.”

Miles shook his head. “No… it’s fine. I suppose I should take it as a compliment that someone thinks I’m good company.”

Phoenix turned to him again and smiled. “Well, I wouldn’t exactly go that far, but let’s say you’re not completely obnoxious.”

Miles rolled his eyes, but couldn’t suppress a smile of his own. “Get out.”

Phoenix chuckled and opened his door. “Alright, so I’ll see you.” He got out of the car and started walking towards the apartment building, before turning on his heel and running back towards the car.

Miles rolled down his window. “Yes?”

“I almost forgot…” Phoenix took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Miles. “Here. Larry told me to give you this.”

Miles stared at the paper in his hand, before looking back up at Phoenix. “What is it?”

Phoenix shrugged. “No idea. I didn’t look at it. But he said it was important.”

Miles frowned. “If it’s that important, why didn’t he give it to me himself?”

“Well…” Phoenix laughed. “If it’s anything to do with his ‘lessons’, I suppose he must have been scared of your reaction.”

I think I’m the one who should be scared…

Miles shook his head and pocketed the piece of paper. “I’ll look at it later.”

“Alright.” Phoenix nodded and took a few steps away from the car. He grinned. “Have fun.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Wright.” He rolled up his window and watched as Phoenix ran back to the apartment building, turning around to wave goodbye before disappearing into it.

Miles looked at the time on the radio. 1:08.

Can I finally get back to work now?

He stared at the front door of the building for a few seconds to make sure Wright wasn’t coming back out to bother him again. After deciding he was in the clear, he glanced at the wing mirror and reached for the ignition. He stopped.

I might as well take a look at that stupid thing now so I don’t have to worry about it once I get home.

He took the paper out of his pocket and unfolded it. It looked like some kind of list that had been printed out with Larry’s scribble at the top.

‘Yo Edgey!

After how bad you messed up last night, I was going to lecture you about how useless you are, but then I thought… he’s never had a woman before, so how can he possibly know anything about love? So, being the good friend and genius that I am, I went on the Internet and printed out this list for you. It’s from this awesome website I use as reference for anything love-related. It’s the real thing, dude! Believe me, after you read this list, you’ll understand what love is all about and it’ll be a million times easier to fake it!’

Miles sighed.

I knew I shouldn’t even have bothered…

He shook his head and went back to reading the paper.


don't read this shit it's for spacing You know you’re in love when…

don't read this shit it's for spacing 1. You don’t notice other members of the opposite sex.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 2. You can’t take your eyes off them.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 3. You can’t stop thinking about them.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 4. You can’t help but smile when you’re around them.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 5. Your heart starts pounding every time you see them.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 6. You can’t refuse them anything.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 7. You notice the little things that make them unique.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 8. You feel safe in their presence.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 9. You can’t bear the thought of them with someone else.
don't read this shit it's for spacing 10. You just want to hear their voice.

Miles stared at the paper for a moment, as if doing so would change what it said.

This is…

This was ridiculous. Just another one of Larry’s stupid notions. It didn’t mean anything. And the fact that everything on there rang a bell was definitely just a coincidence.

Miles slowly brought his hand back down and tightened his grip on the paper, before letting it fall to the floor.

…Who am I kidding?

He paused for a moment, trying to wrap his mind around what all of this meant. Not that he didn’t know – it would take a fool to deny it – but part of him still wasn’t sure if he could accept it. He wasn’t even sure how he felt about the whole thing. This was way too confusing.

Miles blinked, realising he’d been staring off into the distance. He turned on the ignition and removed the handbrake. He reached for the gearstick to put the car in reverse, before stopping to look at himself in the rear-view mirror.

What am I supposed to do now?

He closed his eyes and sighed.

Perfect. Just perfect.

He gripped the steering wheel with both hands, his knuckles turning white, and leaned his forehead against it.

---

Last edited by Shiva on Sun Sep 20, 2009 6:59 am, edited 2 times in total.

Sad as it sounds, I was chuffed to bits when I saw this had been updated, sat down with nice cup of tea, several biscuits, read the whole lot again and LOVED it. I absolutely adore UST and there is bucketloads of horrible cringingly wonderful awkward situations. I'm sad there aren't a million more comments, this deserves to be showered with praise.

Oh God I'm fangirling...

PS. Please don't get stuck at the Red Light this time!!!!

I have to say, I was ecstatic when I checked this today, and found out that it was updated! I've been a silent reader for a while, and I made an account just now, just to say that I absolutely love this story! Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next update! ^^

I have been reading this story for a while and it is one of my favorites next the Struggling With Gravity.
I don't know if you would take this as a complement or not but at one time I got both stories confused with each other, especially when I read the dining room scene with Kath, Miles, and Nick.

I kept thinking it was a scene that happened in the many months that Miles and Nick went out to eat at the German resturant in the SWG timeline. Yeah, your story it is that good.

I can't wait for the next chapter especially since Miles knows that he is in love with Phoenix, even with the knowledge that Nick told Larry that he wasn't gay and didn't want to wreck his friendship with him.

It could easily turn into a one sided affair where Miles is in love with him but Nick isn't I can imagine the heartbreak right now. Looking forward to the next chapter! Maybe Kath will try to pull a fast one and ask Miles out without Phoenix and make a move on him?

Oops, I always forget to check back here.



Ahahah, someone read the A/N on FF.net methinks. *cough*

Yeah, UST is just the best thing to write, what can I say? Especially when we get to make Miles cringe, cause you know, it's really cringe-worthy (haha, I crack myself up).

Thanks for reading! And I'm glad you think it deserves more attention. :)



Wow, I'm kind of flattered that you made an account just for this. XD

Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad you like the story. :)



Ahah, well, I guess I should take it as a compliment that you got both stories mixed up, since Struggling is so well written. And there's so many restaurant scenes in there, I don't blame you for getting confused. XD

Yeah, Miles might have realised his feelings, but that doesn't mean it's going to get easier for him, ahah.

Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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Is it sad that I did the same thing? You're story is seriously on the same level as it.

I no lie squealed when I saw the next chapter up! Now, I don't have much time due to compuer issues but as usual your story has me shedding tears of laughter.

I promise when I get home, Bittersweet will be leaving you a long descriptive comment! ;)

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Hallo! I saw this fic a while ago, but just got to read it now

It's so cute! (Never thought I'd be using that word ) I luvs it!

I'm not really that fond of P/E (or really PW romance... there are other fandoms for that ) or even yaoi at all, but fake yaoi and comedy? This is genius!

I haven't really laughed out loud, but that's only 'cause I don't want to burst out laughing here. Those laughs were really hard to surpress, tho

Kath's fangirlish is pretty funny. That drawing of her was amazing! Did you draw that? (I had imagined her jacket open and slightly darker, and her hair darker and shorter)

I really love how it goes back and forth between Edgey and Phoenix. That's so neat!

It's pretty interesting how Edgey is falling for Phoenix.... Too bad Phoenix is gonna reject him (Larry's gonna ) since you've already pretty much confirmed him being straight (Being able to comfortably pretend to be gay, having a crush of Maya, and this whole May thing)

Btw, can I have the link to it on FF.net? ^^' I have an account there, and it's easier to put something on my alert list on FF.net than to periodically check it here.


Lastly, only 2 things I can find wrong with this fic:
1. You'se used 'weird' a few times. I stlil waiting for a pun on 'queer'
2. This was the first time Edgey has said 'bloody' in a while

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>w< SO FECKING AWESOME!!!

I need read edgey one-sided angst NOW....

I mean.. he couldn't even bring himself to say I out loud..... Need.... so much... Also, can we get a awkward makeout scene somewhere in the near future.

Please?

anyway, I love this story and I hope you update soon.... VERY SOON!

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GAH I saw this bumped and you had my hopes up, lol..

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You're not the only one

I check for updates to this and Struggling more than is probably healthy! I got so excited to see them BOTH at the top of the fic list - cue immense disappointment

Please to be updating!

Gaaaah.....I just finally sat down and read all of this and I was quite irate upon finishing chapter nine, discovering that there was no more. This is adorable, hilarious, and well-written. You've managed to write well without seeming pretentious, be casual and jokey without seeming campy, and generally write one of the greatest P/Es - or even just fanfics - that I've seen.


Need moar like crack. Please ;_;

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This is one of my fav. fics ever! It goes Fake Fairytales, Life Doesn't Work That Way, and Struggling Against Gravity.

It's been over a month now, Pretty Pretty please update?

---

It took me a couple of days to read this (all of the chapters are so wonderfully long), and I just finished, and now there's no more and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I want more.

First off, I must say that the characterizations are spot on. Kath is the most annoying character ever and I love her. The immature sexual humor is great and makes me laugh every time. The UST is delicious, even though it makes me feel a bit sorry for Edgeworth (because Lord have I been there). Many of the scenes are brilliant: my favorites are the restaurant fiasco and the trial.

But my favorite thing about this story is that it's P/E and believable. I mean, I love meaningless PWPs like a fat kid loves Taco Bell, but too often the issue of sexuality is barely touched upon or flat out ignored in slash fic (at least in the PW fandom; I don't know if this is true in other fandoms). Being that I get the bulk of my fan fic fix off of the Kink Meme, it is nice to read a story with a bit of substance once in a while.

Anyway, if you guys don't update soon, I just may have to bribe you with fan art. But which scene should I draw?

(I don't even LIKE this pairing that much! Damn you P/E shippers and your good writing skills...)

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Sorry about the double post, but I actually got around to drawing something last night.

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Officially the best fic I've read yet.

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It took me all day, but I read this whole story (so far), and I have to say that I love it to pieces. The writing is excellent, the story is well paced, and characterizations are spot on.

I loved how Kath and Eddie both wore green and were annoyingly obsessed with Miles. I also love how Kath isn't even sure how much she likes Wright. One moment she thinks that Miles and Phoenix are cute together, but at another she is trying steal Miles away because she thinks he and Phoenix have broken up or is jealous because she can't have him for herself.

I hope you update this soon because I can't wait to see how this story will play out.

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THis needs to be updated really soon or I might die. D:

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Ditto! :\

Thsi is one of the funniest fics I've read in ages - I love all the embarrassing scenes where you just have to cringe.

The way Nick and Edgy start out hating the idea of being a couple, and then slowly start falling in love is fantastic. Their motives are spot on too - I mean Nick doing it for friendship and Edgy being surrounded by unwanted admirers (Kath is really annoying - which is excellent!)

I'm not a fan of P/E but this fic has won me over, simply because it's so believable. Keep up the good work guys!

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-
-


Phoenix unlocked the front door to the office and paused, before opening it a few inches to peer into the room. Noticing it was empty, he sighed with relief and walked in, taking off his jacket to hang on the coat stand. He checked his watch. 9:32.

He grinned.

Hah, only half an hour late. Take that!

He made his way over to the reception desk and checked the appointment book, which was empty.

That suits me just fine.

I’ll go type up some documents and look busy until Maya gets in…

Phoenix looked around the desk for the old cases and client details, lifting up piles of paper doodles and magazines in the process.

Huh, guess we don’t have any left over.

He went to check the desk in his office, opening a few drawers, before going over to check the bookshelf and the filing cabinet. They all seemed pretty in order to him.

This is what I get for working too hard on a Friday…

Shrugging, he went to make himself coffee. He had to look around for some milk that didn’t smell off and boil the kettle twice, as the water that had been left in it the first time only half-filled the cup. After all his hard work, he eventually got his coffee and went back through to his office to sit down in front of his computer.

-BANG-

Phoenix jumped at the noise of the front door being slammed shut and nearly spilled his drink. Maya suddenly came storming into his office, her eyes narrowed.

“Hey, Maya,” he said cautiously.

Maya walked up to the desk and slammed a hand down on the surface. “Alright, you!” She pointed at him. “What’s the deal?”

Phoenix frowned. “Huh…? What do you mean?”

Maya put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “Where were you yesterday?”

Phoenix blinked. “At home.”

“Liar!” Maya shouted, making Phoenix jump out of his chair. “I went to your place and you weren’t there!”

“But I was at home!” Phoenix protested, his hands raised above his head as if he was being threatened with a gun. “I barely did anything all day!”

Because that doesn’t make me sound pathetic…

Maya scowled. “You definitely weren’t there when I turned up for us to go to lunch together at twelve.”

I’m guessing that by ‘go to lunch together’, she meant me buying her as many burgers as my wallet allows.

“Well…” Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. “I went out for a bit to buy groceries and… y’know… stuff…” He trailed off. “Why didn’t you call me before showing up?”

Maya snorted. “So you could make up more excuses to avoid me?” She crossed her arms. “I don’t think so.”

“Excuses…?” Phoenix pulled a face. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would I be avoiding you?”

“I don’t know, Nick. You tell me.”

Phoenix sighed. “I, honest to God, don’t have a clue what you’re saying, Maya.”

“Oh, really?” Maya held up a finger. “First off, you take a Friday off and make up stupid reasons why you didn’t come in. Secondly,” she held up another finger, “you don’t return my calls, and when I finally do get through, you act all weird! Thirdly,” a third finger went up, “the only time I’ve seen you this past week and a bit has been at work, and even then, you seem like you’re somewhere else!” She dropped her hand. “And, if that’s not enough, you bring a posh umbrella to the office after coming back from a break!”

…Of course, the most suspicious thing here is the umbrella, not the fact that I was gone for almost two hours!

Phoenix shook his head. “You’ve got it all wrong, Maya. I’ve just… been a bit busier than usual recently. I really didn’t mean to make it seem like I’m avoiding you.”

“But that’s the point, Nick,” Maya retorted. “You’re never ‘busier than usual’. You’re barely ever busy, even at work!”

“Hey, I resent that!”

“If you’re not avoiding me, then why can’t you just tell me what’s going on?” Maya asked sternly.

Sure, why not? She’ll completely understand that it all happened because I have to go off and be a good boyfriend to Edgeworth whenever I’m needed.

Phoenix sighed and rubbed his forehead. “There’s nothing going on, Maya. Some old friends from school have got back in contact, so I’ve been meeting up with them lately.”

“Nick, I’m not stupid! I know you’re hiding something!” Maya snapped. “The fact that you won’t tell me what makes me think that--”

-Bring bring, bring bring-

Phoenix and Maya both jumped.

-Bring bring, bring bring-

Phoenix looked over at Maya.

-Bring bring, bring bring-

She glared back at him.

I guess I’ll take that as an ‘It’s okay’ glare.

He quickly picked up the receiver and sat down in his chair. “Wright and Co. Law Offices.”

He gestured for Maya to leave the room. She rolled her eyes and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

Phoenix flinched and bit his lip.

Why has she got so worked up? I can’t have been acting that much different…

He was jolted out of his thoughts when the person on the other end started talking.

“Hey, lawyer guy. You’re good at getting criminals out of jail, aren’t you?”

Phoenix frowned. “It’s more to do with stopping people going there in the first place because they’re innocent.”

“Oh, well, that’s even better,” the man replied. “You see, I’m planning on killing my ex-wife’s new boyfriend.”

Phoenix blinked. “…What?”

“Well, I’d have done it already, but I think I’d get put in jail for it, so I need you to prove I’m innocent.”

Phoenix rubbed the bridge of his nose. “So… you want me to defend you for a crime you haven’t committed yet?”

“I will be committing it soon. It’d be a bit stupid to get you to defend me when I haven’t done anything.”

Oh, silly me.

“Uh-huh, I see…” Phoenix sighed. “I recommend you don’t kill your ex-wife’s new boyfriend.”

“You do?” There was a pause. “Well, what do I do about it, then?”

“You want her back?”

“No, not really,” the man answered. “I just don’t want him touching all the stuff I’d bought and paid for with my own money.”

Phoenix sat back in his chair. “Perhaps you should try to get these items back so he can’t use them?”

There was a long silence. “…So, like, robbery?”

…That’s it, Phoenix! You go and give him ideas!

“I suggest you stick to legal methods of sorting this problem.”

“Blackmail?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of legal repossession,” Phoenix said weakly.

“Legal repossession, huh?” the man replied thoughtfully. “That means I won’t get put in jail?”

“Pretty much.”

“Hey, you’re good!” he exclaimed. “I’ll go and do that. Thanks for the advice, lawyer guy!”

Phoenix rubbed his neck. “No problem.”

The line went dead.

He put the receiver down and stared at it for a moment.

I should totally charge for that service…

Looking for the right thing to do? Call ‘Wright’s Nutcase Hotline’!

He chuckled to himself.

Sounds kinda catchy.

Phoenix got up and walked over to the door. He wrenched it open and looked at Maya, who was reading a comic on the couch. “Hey, Maya, could you do me a favor?”

Maya looked up at him. “What is it?”

“Could you take my calls for the rest of today? That last one killed me off.”

Maya rolled her eyes. “You’re useless, Nick.” She sighed, before looking back down at her comic. “Fine.”

Phoenix grinned. “Thanks! I owe you one.”

“Lunch is on you!” Maya called out to him as he closed the door.

Phoenix winced.

At least she’s apparently forgotten about being annoyed with me.

He sighed and walked back over to sit down at his desk.

I guess I didn’t really think about how Maya would react to this thing with Edgeworth.

He frowned.

It’s not as if anything has changed because of it…

Apart from the fact that I get to see him more.

Phoenix shook his head and took a sip of his coffee.

Oh well. She’ll forget about it soon. I’d just be wasting time thinking about it when I have work to do…

Actually, what was there for him to do?

He really couldn’t be bothered typing up more of those stupid case files, and sorting the hard copies was so damned tedious. It would have been an extra job to go and find some, anyway. There were also no appointments, and he’d already double-checked the finances and accounts – it had been a pretty easy job, seeing as though he’d only needed to glance at them to see the bold, red numbers. Hell, he didn’t even have to answer the phone anymore! Until a potential client showed up, there was literally nothing for Phoenix to act busy about.

He tapped his fingers on the desk, glancing around the room to see if anything caught his attention.

“There’s got to be something to do,” he muttered to himself.

Since when is it possible to run out of work at work?

Phoenix paused.

…What the hell am I saying?

He grinned and sat back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.

Complaining about not having any work to do? Am I turning into Edgeworth?

There was a long silence as Phoenix simply sat there, doing nothing. Not even his thoughts seemed to want to keep him occupied.

Well, this is entertaining…

Sitting up to look at the clock, he noticed that time had gone incredibly slowly. He watched the second hand move for a bit.

“Okay, I give!”

Phoenix quickly reached for a pen and grabbed an old envelope. He started off drawing little swirls on the corners, moving on to draw a flower in the middle of the page. He stopped to inspect his artwork, wondering how he could make it slightly more manly. He connected the petals so they looked like rings circling around a planet – which had previously been the center of the flower – before labelling it ‘Justice’. Satisfied, he went on to draw a little spaceship with a stick alien inside. He gave the alien a cravat and labelled it ‘Prosecutor’.

After adding a dozen or so stars to complete the masterpiece, Phoenix held it up in front of himself and chuckled.

And here we have Exhibit A in the case of the missing maturity of Phoenix Wright.

He took a moment to study it, before scrunching it up into a ball and chucking it at the wastepaper basket.

To his dismay, he missed.

That was a fluke…

He opened a drawer and pulled out some scrap paper he’d used to note down a client’s details on. He scrunched it up into a ball and took his time aiming, only to miss again by about a foot.

Phoenix pouted, taking out another piece of paper, scrunching it up tighter this time, and throwing it directly at the trash can. It bounced off the rim.

“Damn it,” Phoenix mumbled under his breath, going over to pick the balls of paper off the floor. He walked over to the shredder and turned it on, feeding all three pieces of paper through it, before smiling down proudly at the remains.

Hah, take that!

He looked around and spotted an old file that was marked ‘Private and Confidential’, with a post-it on top that said ‘To be sorted’. Inside it was a load of paper, along with a good supply of paperclips. He pondered for a moment, then shrugged and removed the clips, before starting to shred the paper in clumps.

It was a strangely addicting task. By the time Phoenix had finished with the folder, he found himself looking for other things to stick in and gathered every bit of scrap paper and all the old envelopes he could find.

In the end, he was left with an overflowing container, full to the brim with bits of paper.

A noble sacrifice.

But now I have to clean all this up…

Phoenix picked the container up, removing the shredding mechanism, and looked around the office for a place to hide the evidence. For some reason, his brain told him that the top shelf of the bookcase would be completely suitable.

He wheeled his chair over to stand on it, only just being able to reach up and inch the container on. It was almost secure when, suddenly, the chair decided to have a mind of its own and jerked in the opposite direction. Phoenix quickly got off the chair, letting the container tip over, half the contents falling down. He looked at the paper as it fluttered around his head, and then up at the teetering container, before shrugging and pulling his chair back over to his desk to sit down.

I’ll clean it up later.

Maybe I can trick Maya into helping me if I tell her it’s indoor snow…

He glanced down at his desk to see the pile of paperclips and picked up one, only to find it had been joined onto another.

Inspiration struck. Phoenix threaded each paperclip onto the last one to make a long line of them. He then sat back in his chair, holding the chain up in front of him to grin at it.

If that isn’t productive work, I don’t know what is.

Phoenix rested his head on his hand, his free hand twirling the paperclip chain around his fingers. He quickly became frustrated with his creation, however, as the edges of the clips kept catching his skin. It didn’t take very long until he had enough, and he jammed it down onto his desk, where an eraser happened to be innocently sitting.

The eraser snapped into two with the force, making Phoenix frown.

I created a cannibalistic monster.

He laid the paperclip chain down on the desk and quickly withdrew his hand.

This needs bringing to justice!

Phoenix chucked the eraser and chain into his pen pot, before taking out a sharpener, a ruler and a pen. He selected the ruler to voice first.

“Wright, even if I am the prosecution on this case, don’t expect any special treatment.”

He rubbed his chin.

Something isn’t right…

A ruler’s too blunt to be associated with Edgeworth.

Phoenix stared at it for a moment, before breaking into a smirk.

And way too straight.

He put the ruler to one side and picked up the sharpener.

“That wasn’t amusing, Wright,” Phoenix mimicked in the best Edgeworth impression he could achieve. “Especially seeing as you’re up for trial on the murder of your beloved eraser.”

Phoenix chuckled and picked up the ruler again, deciding it represented him a lot better than it did Edgeworth. “Okay, witness, explain how I’m the killer. From the evidence, I can see that the paperclips were wholly responsible for the eraser’s unfortunate demise.”

“Ah, but, sir,” the pen replied, “I spotted you from just over there threading the paperclips together into a dreadful weapon.”

“Now, this is true.” Phoenix picked up his coffee and twisted a bit in his chair. “However, it is not my actions that led to the eraser splitting in two.”

He took a sip and leaned back in his chair, picking up the pencil sharpener. “Objection! According to witness accounts, you provoked the paperclip chain, Wright.”

Phoenix snorted and had to bite his lip from fear of laughing at his own joke. He sat up straight again and put the pencil sharpener back down.

“Overruled on the basis that this is really stupid.”

He chucked the stationery back into the pot and, in the process, noticed that most of the pencils were blunt. He sighed.

I need a secretary.

Phoenix grabbed the electric sharpener and started off going through each of his pencils. It was an incredibly boring task and, after the fifth pencil, he really needed to do something to keep himself occupied.

He hit the power button on the computer. Thankfully, it worked, and Phoenix managed to multitask sharpening his next pencil with his left hand while opening the Games tab in the Start menu. He heard the noise that signalled the pencil was sharp and grabbed the next one without looking, too busy choosing which game to play.

There’s no way in hell I’ll ever complete that FreeCell thing, and I don’t think I’ll be able to beat 356 seconds on Minesweeper any time soon…

I really shouldn’t be so well versed on this.

He started on his next pencil and clicked on Hearts, smirking as he entered the name ‘Ace Attorney’. The names of the other players were so boring, and winning or losing against some random person called Pauline meant nothing. Phoenix decided to jazz them up a little, moving onto his next pencil as he opened the options menu to enter ‘Edgeworth’ as the first player.

Oh, you’re so going down, Edgeworth.

He snickered and entered ‘Maya’ and ‘Larry’ in the other places, reaching to stick another pencil in the sharpener.

This time, however, there was a strange crunching noise. Phoenix turned to look at it.

Ink exploded everywhere.

“Shit…!”

Phoenix flinched and closed his eyes, withdrawing what he had thought was a pencil.

He waited a few seconds and slowly opened one eye to inspect the damage. The ink had covered his desk and keyboard, along with coating his post-its and some stray folders. A smattering of it was dripping off the sharpener.

I’ve always wondered what would happen if I did that…

Phoenix put the broken pen down and checked over his suit. Miraculously, he’d escaped getting any ink on himself. He quickly went to get some tissues, mopping up as much of it as possible.

I really need a secretary.

He sighed and went over to drop the tissues in the trash, before going back to his computer to look at which cards he could give away. He got rid of some hearts and the rest of his clubs, before sitting down and picking up his cup of coffee. It was starting to get cold, so Phoenix downed the lot. He placed the cup down on his post-its as a substitute canister. Next to a blob of ink was a little scribble that Phoenix deciphered as ‘4 ft’.

Four feet? Is that all?

He turned back to his game of Hearts and played a couple of rounds.

I’m sure Maya said she managed six the other day…

Surely six feet is impossible.

His eyes darted back to the inscription on the post-it, and then over to where his stapler was sitting. He reached for the stapler and pulled it so it was flat.

It’s my duty as a defence attorney to reveal the truth, after all.

Phoenix pressed down on the stapler and watched the staple fly across the room. He leaned over his desk to see where it had landed, but couldn’t spot anything on the floor. He shot a couple more, hoping that a small pile of them would be more noticeable. However, when he checked again, they were still invisible on the grey carpet.

He frowned and got up, walking around his desk to get down on his hands and knees, his nose nearly touching the floor. He scanned the carpet and eventually found one of the escapee staples. Glancing back, he figured it to be about four feet away from his desk.

“I knew it! Six is impossible!”

Phoenix dropped the staple and got up to dust his suit down. Just to make sure, he walked back to his desk, keeping his eyes on the spot where he had found the staple, and walked back towards it.

“One… two… three… four…” Phoenix mumbled under his breath.

He frowned and looked down at the floor.

The staple was nowhere to be seen.

He sighed.

That’s just stupid. For all I know, that could have been a staple from ages ago, anyway.

As if Maya could tell if she got six feet…

Phoenix paused.

Have I really got nothing better to do than see how far I can get a staple to fly across the room?

He shook his head and went back to sit down at his desk, pinging a few more staples for the hell of it.

I guess I had such a busy weekend that it’s not surprising I feel like I’ve got nothing to do.

Phoenix smiled to himself and put down the stapler.

I bet compared to Edgeworth’s normal standard of busy, last weekend would have been relaxing.

He snickered as he imagined a stressed out Edgeworth sitting in the middle of piles of paper as big as skyscrapers.

He brings the massive workload on himself, really. A good prosecutor is a rare find so they’re bound to work him into the ground…

I wonder what he’s up to right now…

Phoenix paused on that thought. He searched his desk for his address book and flicked through to ‘E’, then dragged his finger down the page until he reached ‘Edgeworth Work’.

He wouldn’t mind if I called him, would he?

Phoenix tapped the page and glanced over at the phone a couple of times.

He’s probably just doing a pile of unimportant paperwork, anyways.

He dialled the number to Edgeworth’s office and leaned back in his chair as the phone rang one, two, three times.

Maybe he’s not in…

“Miles Edgeworth.”

Phoenix sat back up. “Hey… it’s me.”

“…Wright?” There was a pause on the other end. “What the hell are you calling me at work for? I’m busy.”

I should have seen that one coming.

“Sorry. I just…” Phoenix trailed off.

…Why did I call him again?

“I just wanted to ask…” He bit his lip. Why couldn’t he remember why he’d wanted to call Edgeworth in the first place? There was certainly a reason. He couldn’t have been that bored.

I guess I’ll just have to bluff my way through this one until I remember.

Phoenix cleared his throat. “Does a guy really need a reason to want to hear his boyfriend’s voice?”

Silence.

“…Edgeworth?”

“Which part of ‘I’m busy’ do you not understand, Wright?” Miles snapped.

Still in a bad mood, I see.

“You’re always busy, Edgeworth.”

“And yet, you keep calling me,” Miles replied dryly.

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s true, though. Even if I call you at home, you say the same damned thing.”

“My point exactly.”

Phoenix sighed, before bringing his attention back to the computer screen. He clicked on the eight of diamonds – the last card he had left – and smiled to himself when he saw that he was still in the lead, with a perfect score, no less. He stretched a bit in his chair and brought the receiver to his other ear to hold it with his shoulder.

“What are you working on, anyways? Still that paperwork?” he asked, trying to decide which card to play next.

Some rustling of paper could be heard on the other end.

“What do you think?” Miles muttered, his attention clearly elsewhere.

I think I better leave it at that if I don’t want to hear all about how it’s apparently my fault.

“Speaking of papers,” Phoenix continued, “what brilliant advice did Larry have for you this time?” He chuckled a bit and sat back in his chair.

The line went silent again.

Phoenix frowned.

Second time in two minutes. Looks like I really chose the wrong day to be bored out of my mind.

“Hey, you still there?”

Miles sighed. “Look, Wright, I have work to do…”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Phoenix complained.

There was a pause.

“…Nothing worth mentioning.”

Phoenix grinned. “So you actually looked at it? What did it say?”

“Wright…”

“I’m pretty sure it didn’t say my name, Edgeworth,” Phoenix cut in. “Larry doesn’t love me that much.”

“…I’m hanging up,” Miles said weakly.

“Oh, come on, Edgeworth,” Phoenix whined. “I promise I’ll let you work after.”

Miles sighed in frustration. “Why does it matter so much what that stupid thing said?”

Phoenix shrugged. “Because it’s funny,” he replied simply.

“Maybe to you it is.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes. “Look, you’re just wasting time, here. I’m not hanging up until you tell me.” He cracked his knuckles and took the receiver in his hand to switch ears again. “Besides, I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of it. It’s just a ‘stupid thing’ as you so eloquently put it.”

“I’m not making a big deal out of anything, Wright,” Miles replied sharply. “I just don’t have any time to waste discussing pointless things with you.”

Not a big deal my ass. You’re avoiding the question like I do burger stalls when I’m with Maya.

“But you have time to argue with me, apparently.”

“Fine.” Miles paused. “He was mocking my lack of romantic knowledge. Satisfied?”

Phoenix laughed. “That’s it? Why so secretive, then?”

“You said you’d let me work if I answered your stupid question,” Miles muttered.

“Well, yeah, but…” Phoenix frowned. “Why would Larry make fun of you on paper when he can do it in person? It sounds like too much effort for him. Plus, he said it was important when he gave it to me.”

“Wright, it’s Larry we’re talking about. Nothing he does ever makes sense.”

Phoenix chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

There’s no point in insisting, I suppose.

There was a noise on the other end of the line which Phoenix guessed was of a drawer being slammed shut.

“Is that all you called for?”

“Well…” Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. “To be honest, I can’t even remember why I called you.” He took a look around the office, his eyes falling on the bits of shredded paper on the floor, then on the mess of ink on the desk that still needed proper cleaning up. “I guess I was bored.”

Make that so bored I would have made Larry look civilised in comparison.

“Don’t you have work to do?” Miles asked sceptically.

If by work you mean giving advice to psychos, then no.

“Yeah, but I was… taking a break,” Phoenix replied cautiously.

Miles snorted. “Sure you were.”

“Hey! Why do you always assume I do nothing all day?” Phoenix protested, failing to sound offended.

“I’m not assuming anything, Wright. I’m just stating the truth.”

Phoenix shook his head, but couldn’t fight down a smile.

Well, at least, he seems in a better mood now.

He rolled his chair back a bit and put his feet up on the desk, sprawling further back in his seat.

Now, where was I?

He spotted a roll of masking tape on the corner of the desk and nudged it with his foot. Stretching a bit so he could reach behind it, he brought it closer to himself and pushed it up around the end of his shoe with his other foot.

I wonder if I can still do this.

Lifting his foot up, he took a few test swings, before throwing the roll in the air towards himself. He tried to catch it, but to his dismay, he took it right between the eyes and ended up dropping the receiver instead.

“Ouch! Damn it!”

Phoenix rubbed his forehead and winced, damning his stupidity, before bending down to retrieve the receiver on the floor.

“Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly.

“…Do I want to know?”

I don’t know, but I certainly don’t want you to.

Phoenix laughed nervously. “Err… I just sorta got a cramp in my hand from, err…” He paused.

Good job, Phoenix, that sounded so much better!

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, you know what, just forget it.”

The door was suddenly thrown open and Maya appeared from behind it.

“Nick! I’m hungry!” she shouted, before stopping to look around the office, her eyes widening. “What the hell happened in here?”

“Maya, can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Phoenix scolded, hastily taking his feet off the desk.

Maya frowned. “You’re on the phone…? But I thought you asked me to take the calls.” She paused. “Wait… it didn’t even ring.”

Oops, busted.

“Well, err… it’s a funny story, actually.” Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought there might be a problem with the phone, so I picked it up to see if it was working right, and just happened to answer a call by accident.” He chuckled nervously. “Yeah.”

Maya raised an eyebrow. “Whatever, Nick.” She shook her head and pointed to the clock. “It’s already past eleven and I’m starving!” She held out a hand and looked at him expectantly.

Phoenix sighed. “Maya…”

Maya didn’t move.

I guess it can’t be helped…

He took out a few notes and handed them to her. “There. Now, will you please leave me alone? I’m busy.”

Maya rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” She started walking towards the exit, before turning around to look at him. “Have fun talking to your girlfriend.”

Phoenix froze. “…What?”

Maya grinned. “Bye, Nick!”

“W-wait!” Phoenix went to get up from his chair, but stopped when Maya slammed the door behind her. “That’s not…” He trailed off.

Why would she think something like that?

“So, not even taking your phone calls, now? You’re breaking records, Wright.”

“Shut up, Edgeworth.” Phoenix sighed and brought his attention back to his computer, realising he still hadn’t finished his game of Hearts.

One more round, and it’s a perfect win!

He smiled to himself as he gave away the cards he didn’t need. It left him with a nearly perfect hand – no cards over ten, and only two suits.

This is gonna be so easy.

He played the first few turns, getting rid of his highest cards. He ended up getting all the cards on the fifth turn or so – he didn’t really keep count – but none of them were worth any points, so no problem there. Now, all that was left was to choose the right card to start the next turn. He decided on the five of clubs.

“Wright, there’s something I--”

“Fuck off, Edgeworth! I don’t want your fucking heart!”

The line went silent for a moment. “…Excuse me?”

Phoenix blinked, realising what he’d just said. He chuckled. “Oops, sorry… It’s just, I was playing Hearts and you’ve just cost me a perfect game. Well, the ‘you’ in the game, that is.”

There was another pause. “I see…”

Phoenix cleared his throat. “So, yeah, uh… What were you saying?”

“…I forget. It probably wasn’t important.”

Phoenix shrugged. “If you say so.” He stretched a bit in his chair and looked up at the clock on the wall. Almost eleven thirty. He realized he was getting hungry.

I should have asked Maya to bring me back something…

He sighed.

“What is it?”

“I’m starving.”

There was a pause.

“And you’re telling me… why?” Miles replied dryly.

“Hey, you just asked me!” Phoenix retorted.

Miles sighed. “My bad. But what am I supposed to do about it? It’s not my fault if you can’t afford breakfast.”

“H-hey! I did eat breakfast this morning, I’ll have you know,” Phoenix replied defensively.

Okay, I didn’t, but he doesn’t need to know that.

He turned his attention back to the computer screen and pouted at it, before closing the game that had just been ruined for him.

You owe me for this, Edgeworth.

Phoenix blinked.

Wait…

“Actually,” he started again, “you could do something about it.”

“…I dread to ask.”

“I mean, you do owe me for ruining my perfect game, and--”

“Wright.”

Phoenix snickered. “I knew you’d agree.”

Miles snorted. “Very amusing. But you do realise I don’t actually owe you anything, right?”

“Well, you did ruin my game!” Phoenix complained, trying to sound as serious as possible.

“I hardly think I should be held responsible for you thinking characters in a computer game are real.”

Phoenix laughed. “Well, even so, I wouldn’t have lost if you hadn’t been distracting me! How do you expect me to focus on my game if you keep talking to me on the phone? You know guys can’t multitask!”

“First of all, Wright, you’re the one who called me. Second of all, speak for yourself. I can multitask just fine.”

Phoenix grinned. “Oh, really? That’s not what you said last night.”

Miles sighed. “For Christ’s sake…”

Oh, you’re so easy, Edgeworth.

“Okay, let’s put it this way.” Phoenix cleared his throat. “I’m willing to forget about last night if you’ll buy me lunch. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend starving to death, would you?”

“Starve all you want, I have work to do,” Miles replied sharply.

Oh well, it was worth a try.

“And what’s your excuse for after your work’s done?” Phoenix asked.

“I’m afraid you’ll have died of starvation by then.”

Phoenix smiled. “I’ll survive. But I meant we could go out for a drink instead or something.”

There was silence on the other end until Miles let out a sigh. “Where?”

Phoenix blinked. “Is that a yes?”

“Don’t wait for me to change my mind.”

“Alright, alright…” Phoenix paused. “How about… The Cue?”

“Fine,” Miles replied promptly, obviously not in the mood to argue. “I’ll meet you there at nine thirty.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “You’ll be working that late?”

“I told you I’m busy, Wright.”

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised…

“Alright then, I’ll see you tonight.”

Phoenix hung up and sat back in his chair. He smiled to himself. Convincing Edgeworth was getting way too easy. It was as if he knew exactly what to say, and how Edgeworth would react. Perhaps he was really starting to know him better?

I can’t believe I just talked him into going out for drinks.

Phoenix stretched and cracked his knuckles, before looking down at the desk in front of him.

Oh, right… I still have to clean this up…

He glanced up at the container on top of the bookshelf, then back down at the bits of paper on the floor.

Well, this is gonna be a fun afternoon…


Phoenix stopped jogging down the sidewalk and checked his watch.

“Two minutes!?”

I’m never going to make it in two minutes!

He groaned and tapped his watch, before putting his hands on his knees and taking deep breaths.

Stupid buses that only go once a stupid hour…

I knew I should have taken a cab!

He sighed and straightened up again, setting off in a run down the street. To think, if he hadn’t bothered ironing the shirt and jeans he’d decided to wear, and just stuck with his t-shirt and slacks, he could have easily caught the bus and wouldn’t currently be fighting to breathe.

Me and my stupid pride… I’m starting to think I should just show Edgeworth up and get on with it.

He turned a corner and immediately stopped running when he spotted the bar he had chosen to meet at. Breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth a few times, and ignoring the stitch in his side, Phoenix walked calmly over to a bunch of people loitering outside. Surprisingly enough, he could spot Edgeworth already there, standing off to one side with his arms crossed and looking a little uptight.

What a predictable guy.

Phoenix broke into a smile and attempted a casual jog, before wincing and deciding to just walk up to Edgeworth instead.

“Hey, Edgeworth!” He smiled and waved when Miles turned to look at him.

Miles shifted his arms a little to glance down at his watch, before crossing them again. “Wright. Good to see you here, at last.”

Phoenix smiled nervously and stuffed his hands in his pockets when he finally reached Miles’ side. “Ah, you, err… been here long?”

“Ages,” Miles answered with a demeaning smirk.

Phoenix looked down at the floor and shifted his feet a little.

Jerk… I bet he can tell I’m out of breath, too.

He looked back up at Miles and smiled. “Well, I hope you’re happy. I had to run to get here so you didn’t think I’d stood you up, you know.”

“What a surprise,” Miles replied, the smirk still in place.

Phoenix laughed a little, nudging Miles’ shoulder with his own. “Hey, I can be very organised when I put my mind to it, I’ll have you know.”

“Of course. Times when your client’s life is on the line in court, especially.”

Phoenix rubbed the back of his neck. “Heh, I see your point.”

I’m starting to wonder if this was such a good idea, after all…

He turned back to Miles and pointed at the bar. “So… err… fancy going in?”

“I was beginning to think you’d invited me out here to simply stand in the street,” Miles commented, uncrossing his arms.

Phoenix chuckled. “You really thought I’d be that unromantic when choosing a place for our date?” he joked, a sly smile on his face.

Miles frowned. “This is not a date, Wright.”

…I momentarily forgot he had no sense of humour.

Phoenix put a hand on his chest. “You really know how to get to your boyfriend’s heart.”

Miles’ frown deepened but he didn’t comment any further, much to Phoenix’s surprise. He sighed and walked over to the entrance of the bar, waiting for Phoenix to catch up, before opening the door for him.

Phoenix grabbed hold of the door behind Miles and gestured for him to go in. At the other man’s curious look, he stated, “It’s always ladies first, Edgeworth.”

Miles let go of the door and sent an amused glance over his shoulder. “How is it that you manage to make simply entering a building seem like a task in itself?”

“I’m just that amazing,” Phoenix replied.

Miles rolled his eyes in response, making Phoenix grin.

Too easy, Edgeworth, too easy.

Miles pushed Phoenix’s shoulder to usher him through the doorway first and they both made their way over to the bar.

The room was dimly lit, the only source of lighting coming from a line of bulbs behind the bar, some small LED lights at the bottom of the bar and a few low-hanging light fittings. There was a large TV in the corner of the room that was attracting a small crowd of people, and a few slot machines were spread across the wall adjacent to it. A red-clothed pool table took up the center area, with chairs, tables and couches filling in the rest of the space around it. The décor and furnishings were dark and fairly contemporary, making it seem small but cosy.

It didn’t take long until a barman came over to them to ask for their order.

Phoenix rubbed his chin before crossing his arms to lean forward onto the bar. “Budweiser for me and a martini for this guy.” He stuck a thumb over his right shoulder.

“A martini?” Miles asked monotonously from behind.

Phoenix glanced over his shoulder. “I just thought it would be appropriate, since James Bond drinks that all the time.”

“…What?”

Phoenix turned to face him, an amused smile on his lips. “Seeing as you have the same accent and all, I think it makes perfect sense.”

Miles shook his head. “Don’t go there,” he said, an edge to his voice.

“Does this mean you don’t want to accept your boyfriend’s generous offer?

“I am mature enough to get my own drink, Wright,” Miles answered, seemingly ignoring Phoenix’s teasing comment.

“Oh, come on, Edgeworth,” Phoenix replied, leaning backwards on the bar. “There’s really no point complaining; it’s my turn to pay.”

“What do you mean it’s your turn?” Miles retorted. “We’ve never gone out before.”

I wonder why that is…

“Oh, really?” Phoenix smirked. “Then what have we been doing this past week?”

Miles sent him a frustrated look. “You know what I meant.”

Phoenix shrugged and turned around to pay the barman and pick up their drinks. “Well, I was talking about the time you paid for my coffee.”

“That was a whole week ago,” Miles muttered, frowning as he took the cocktail off Phoenix.

Phoenix sighed and took a sip of his beer. “Edgeworth, look, it’s a drink. I’ll live to pay my bills another day, and, seriously, I wanted to buy you it, okay?”

Miles looked back at him blankly. His gaze slowly pulled away and he took a hesitant drink. “Not quite James Bond. It’s been stirred.”

I’ll take that as a thank you.

Phoenix laughed. “Exactly how I feel when I’m around you, Edgeworth,” he said with a grin.

Miles sighed. “We should go and sit down.”

He knows it’s funny, really.

Phoenix chuckled. “Sure.”

Miles nodded and walked over to a table for four. He put his drink down opposite the chair furthest away and held onto his tie as he sat down. Without thinking, Phoenix took the chair next to him. Miles turned to face him and raised an eyebrow.

There was a pause.

“Whoops!” Phoenix scrambled up and hurriedly pulled out the chair opposite instead. “I-I guess I’ve just got too used to us two being with Kath and… stuff.” He laughed nervously.

What an idiot! No wonder Edgeworth thinks I’m a moron…

“You’re used to Everett?” Miles snorted. “I thought the impossible couldn’t happen.”

Phoenix chuckled, relieved that Miles wasn’t going to press the matter. “You’re right.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, anyway…”

“You’ve not committed a crime by simply sitting next to me, Wright,” Miles replied, looking down at his drink rather than at Phoenix.

“I dunno. Following something Larry decided would be a good idea sounds like an unwritten crime to me.” He sighed.

“We should bring that one up with the Judge,” Miles agreed.

Phoenix laughed. “Speaking of Larry and his ideas, are you sure wearing a tie isn’t sending me the wrong signals, Edgeworth?”

Miles gave him a withering look. “I swear to God, that man will be the death of me,” he mumbled in response, fixing his thin, blue tie.

Phoenix grinned. “You mean to say you’re not worried that your compulsive tie wearing will affect our sex life?”

Miles pulled a face. “Please, I’m trying to drink here,” he said with mock disgust.

Phoenix propped up his cheek on his hand, the grin never leaving his face. “Are you embarrassed about our beautiful relationship?”

Miles uncomfortably shuffled a bit in his chair and picked up his drink. “How could anyone be embarrassed about you and your astounding sense of tact, Wright?” he muttered sarcastically.

Ah, looks like I pushed him a bit too far there.

“Yes, well…” Phoenix sat up straight and cleared his throat. “How’s your day been, then?”

Good rescue, Phoenix!

“Busy. Yours?”

“Oh, extremely busy. Been rushed off my feet the whole time,” Phoenix lied.

“You wouldn’t know busy even if it came up to you and slapped you across the face,” Miles retorted with a smirk.

Phoenix opened his mouth to argue, but decided it was kind of pointless and pouted instead. “Playing Hearts is a very tiring job, I’ll have you know.”

Miles grimaced and shook his head. “Remind me to never phone you during work hours.”

Phoenix laughed. “Ah, I wouldn’t worry about that. I could never reject you for real,” he said matter-of-factly, reaching across to pat Miles on the arm.

“That makes me feel so much better, Wright,” Miles replied, slapping away Phoenix’s hand.

“I mean it, Edgeworth. You’re the only one for me.”

Crap, done it again…!

“How’s the martini?” Phoenix added quickly before Miles could react.

Miles glanced at him, before picking up his glass again and inspecting it. “Hendrick’s,” he stated, taking another sip. “Could be worse.”

Phoenix smiled.

Trust Edgeworth to be able to tell what brand of gin it is. He could probably tell me the year and the size of the barrel it was distilled in, as well.

At least he’s useful for something.

Miles raised an eyebrow. “What is it, Wright?”

Phoenix snapped out of his stupor and sat up straight, grabbing his drink. “Ah… erm… Nothing.”

“You could have just asked if you wanted a taste,” Miles commented, pushing his cocktail glass over to him, before leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

Not what I was actually thinking… But, hey, it’ll do.

“Thanks.” Phoenix picked an olive out of the liquid and popped it in his mouth.

Miles raised an eyebrow. “I meant the drink.”

Phoenix sat back in his chair. “Yeah, well, the olive is my favourite part.”

“Mine too,” Miles said in all seriousness.

Phoenix smirked. “You’ll have to come and get it if you want it back.”

Miles stared back at him, a slight bit of alarm evident on his face, as Phoenix stuck his tongue out with the olive balancing on top.

“Just taste the damned drink,” Miles eventually snapped, looking away at something on the other side of the room.

Phoenix laughed. He leaned forward to pick up the glass, trying to find a way to hold it properly, before taking a drink.

“The verdict?”

Phoenix pulled a face and put the martini down. “I think I’ll stick with beer.”

Miles smirked and pulled it back towards him. “How did I know you’d say that?”

Phoenix took a big swig of his beer, trying to wash the taste from his mouth. “Lover’s intuition,” he said with a wink.

“Evidently,” Miles replied dryly. “It obviously has nothing to do with my knowledge of your lack of taste.”

Phoenix pouted. “I have a perfectly fine taste.”

In everything but my choice of friends, that is.

Miles shot him a disbelieving look over his glass, before taking a drink.

Phoenix felt a smile edge his way onto his face.

Oh, I don’t think I can resist this opportunity…

He bit back a premature laugh and leaned forward to rest his chin on his hand. “See, I taste delicious.”

Miles frowned and put his cocktail down. “What?”

Phoenix leaned in closer. “I taste delicious,” he repeated.

“How exactly can I see that?” Miles asked with a smirk, mirroring Phoenix’s stance with his head in his hand.

“Through our first kiss.”

There was a small pause as the comment was digested.

Miles’ eyes widened before his elbow suddenly slipped out of place and he sat back up straight. “O-our first what now?”

“Indirect, of course,” Phoenix continued. He pointed at the martini.

Miles blinked. “You… Indirect kiss…?” It suddenly seemed to click as his gaze turned scrutinizing, rather than shocked. He rubbed his forehead and took in a deep breath. “How old are you, Wright?”

Phoenix burst out laughing. “Tw-twenty five,” he answered the rhetorical question through chuckles.

“Then what the hell made you think that such an immature joke could possibly be funny?” Miles asked sternly, only making Phoenix snort and start laughing again twice as loud.

“Sorry! Sorry, I really am sor-haha-sorry…”

Okay, I’m really not.

He looked up to see Miles shake his head, surprisingly enough, a small smile on his lips. He was trying to look anywhere but at Phoenix. “Next time you want to try my drink, I’m getting you a straw,” he stated after Phoenix’s laughter had ebbed away.

You were the one who made me drink it…

…Wait.

Phoenix sat up straight. “Next time?”

Miles looked down at his drink, moving the glass around slightly. “Oh, well, I just assumed--”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Phoenix cut in. “I’m… I guess I’m just glad you want there to be a next time.” He smiled. “Even after my ‘immature’ joke.”

Miles smirked. “I shock even myself with that one.”

Phoenix laughed softly and started passing the beer bottle between his hands. “This is nice,” he began, looking back up at Miles to send him a small smile. “The two of us, finally on proper talking terms again.”

Miles looked down at the table. “Glad you think so.” He paused, seeming to think intently over what he was going to say next. Phoenix didn’t interrupt. Instead, he looked over at the pool table to watch the match that was currently being played.

One man seemed at the top of his game and was potting the coloured balls on most of his turns. The other guy looked like he couldn’t care less and was randomly hitting the cue ball all over the table, hoping it would hit the right colour. However, he was actually doing quite well with it. Perhaps it was just his style? If not, it must have been extremely good beginner’s luck…

“Wright…”

The first guy potted his last ball and got ready to cue the black.

I hope he doesn’t get it, Phoenix thought to himself, reaching for his drink, the unpredictable guy’s way of playing is so much more interesting.

“Wright.”

Phoenix turned to half-face Miles. “Hm?”

“Earlier, on the phone…” Miles stopped, probably to see if Phoenix was really listening.

The man missed and Phoenix mentally cheered as his opponent took his cue in hand. “Yeah?”

“I’ve got a lot of things going on in my mind at the moment, and I regret not saying them then,” Miles said slowly, seeming to carefully choose each word.

The black went rolling into the corner pocket and Phoenix grinned to himself. “You always have a lot of things on your mind, Edgeworth,” he replied. “Perhaps you just need a break from work, or something.” He turned back to Miles and was half surprised to see him still staring uncomfortably at the table, just as he had been before.

“No, it’s not the amount of content.” Miles sighed. “It’s just… Wright, I--”

“Scoooore!”

A loud roar from the people in front of the TV made Phoenix nearly jump off his chair.

“Suck on that, you fucking Ducks!”

Ducks…? That’s an inventive insult…

“How does it feel to get owned in your own arena!?”

“Go Kings!”

Phoenix turned around to see a couple of the people jumping up and down while they chanted. He turned back with a sigh to rest his forehead on his hand.

“Geez, I’ll never understand why people get so excited over a stupid game,” Phoenix grumbled, trying to hide the fact that he was still recovering from the initial shock.

Miles cleared his throat. “Each to their own, I suppose.” He looked away from the cheering crowd to meet Phoenix’s gaze. “I don’t see how people can become complacent about their work and slack off, but it’s not my place to complain.”

I wasn’t slacking off! I just didn’t have anything to do!

…Something tells me I shouldn’t tell him that, though.

“Ha-ha, funny.” Phoenix sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “But you have a point. I could never understand someone’s unhealthy obsession with a kids’ TV show, and yet I never take him up on it. Guess I don’t want to embarrass him.”

Miles stopped smirking.

“Hypothetically speaking, of course,” Phoenix continued. “I doubt I’d know anyone as unsophisticated as that.” It was pleasing to find he had indeed hit a nerve when Miles’ eyes snapped up to meet his own.

Phoenix smiled and took a drink.

I won’t ever get tired of that defensive look of his.

Miles looked to be thinking of a comeback, before he apparently gave up and slumped back in his chair instead. “Sometimes you make yourself hard to like, Wright.”

Phoenix chuckled, swirling the remnants that were left in the bottle. “You love me, really.”

Miles scowled down at the table. “There’s a fine line between love and hate,” he mumbled.

“Is that meant to be some kind of confession, Edgeworth?” Phoenix teased.

He noticed Miles’ jaw tighten a bit at his remark. “I was merely pointing out that our friendship has its limits.”

“Ah.”

I knew that.

There was silence as Miles proceeded to focus on the table, refusing to meet Phoenix’s eyes or start up another conversation.

Better just leave him to it. If there’s anything I’ve learned this past week, it’s that trying to understand Edgeworth is as fruitful as trying to explain to Maya the difference between a ladder and a stepladder.

I mean, what the hell does he mean by limits?

There were limits, yes, but surely the fake dating had bridged some sort of a gap? Surely Edgeworth felt at least a little bit more comfortable around him by now?

He realised he actually didn’t know what Edgeworth’s views were on this fake relationship, or its influences on their friendship – he’d never bothered asking. It felt like dangerous water to tread, for some reason.

Probably something to do with the fact that he freaked out on our first ‘date’.

I wonder if he does enjoy the time we spend together. For all I know, he simply puts up with me for appearance’s sake…

Why the hell did I never ask him that before?

Phoenix swirled his bottle again, taking a couple of nervous glances at Miles.

Well, he acted like he enjoyed the time we spent together, didn’t he? Why would he bother agreeing to meet up if he didn’t? I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.

“I-I think this last week has helped with making us limit those, err, limits,” Phoenix commented. “I mean… we’ve become better friends over it, don’t you think?” he added in a rush.

Oh God, I bet I’ve just put my foot in it and he actually thinks I’m just annoying…

What if he thinks I’m worse than Larry!?

He frowned.

Okay, now I know I’m being paranoid…

Miles looked up and studied him for a moment. “Maybe.”

Phoenix blinked. “…Maybe?”

Miles leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I like to think we were already good friends.” He crossed his arms and looked off to the side. “Maybe we needed to be shown – to remind us.”

Relief flooded over Phoenix and he flopped back in his chair, a smile on his face.

I knew there was nothing to be worried about.

“Yeah.” He grinned. “It’s also easier to make fun of you now that you’re my boyfriend.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I want to know what you think a good friendship involves.”

Phoenix chuckled. “Not a good friendship, Edgeworth, just our friendship.”

Miles stared at him weirdly for a moment.

Phoenix raised a questioning eyebrow. Did I say something wrong…?

Miles quickly looked away and finished off the last dregs of his glass. “Same again?”

Phoenix nodded and they simultaneously got up from their chairs. He let out a small laugh as he tucked his in to stand behind it. “It’s okay, I’ll get them.”

“No, it’s fine.” Miles copied his action. “You already paid for these.”

Phoenix shrugged and tapped his fingers on the back of the chair. “Well, yeah, but I’m the one who dragged you out here…”

“I assure you, I arrived here by my own free will,” Miles replied.

“Still, it’s my treat, Edgeworth.”

Miles smirked. “I would hate to owe you a favour.”

Phoenix checked Miles’ face for any sign of hesitance, eventually raising his hands in surrender. “Okay, you win.” He smiled and pointed over at the bathroom. “I need a piss, anyway.”

“Thank you for that detail, Wright. I don’t know how I could have lived without it,” Miles mumbled, walking towards the bar.

“Anytime!” Phoenix called after him, before heading over to the bathroom.

He pushed open the door and scrunched up his nose at the dingy room, not enjoying the fragrance one bit. After finishing up as quickly as possible, he went over to the sole sink in the room and squinted a little at his reflection in the wonky mirror that was hanging above it.

Not too bad, he mused. I was half expecting to look dead after my monthly exercise the best part of an hour ago…

Wow, who knew time with Edgeworth could go by so fast?

Phoenix smirked and turned on the hot tap, but paused a second.

It’s been quite a weird night, though.

It wasn’t as though Edgeworth had been off with him at all, unlike the previous Tuesday. His smarmy comments, that annoying smirk and his frustrating way of thinking constantly were all still there. He’d also looked the same as always – formal and perfectly pristine, of course. If Phoenix hadn’t been paying enough attention, he was sure he wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

It feels that something’s… not right?

No, just… different.

He bit his lip, trying to place just what it was that had felt strange about the night so far.


The way he reacted… what’s with that?

He pushed up his sleeves and shook his head.

It’s probably just me being stupid…

“Ow, shit!” In a flash, Phoenix pulled his hands away from the scalding water and shook them.

He glanced at the yellow sign above the sink that read ‘Warning: Extremely Hot Water’ and scowled at it.

“Oh, so now you tell me,” Phoenix muttered, turning off the hot tap and reaching for the cold one. He flicked his fingers to get rid of some of the droplets and scanned the room for a dryer or some paper towels. There weren’t any in sight, so he went over to check the two toilet cubicles for toilet paper. There wasn’t any of that left, either.

What kind of torture chamber is this place!?

He looked around the room helplessly, not really wanting to dry his hands on his jeans if he could help it.

If Edgeworth could see me now…

Phoenix paused. He looked down at his hands and felt a smile creep onto his face. Before he could think twice about his idea, he walked out of the bathroom and spotted Miles leaning on the bar. He made his way over and put his hands on Miles’ shoulders, rubbing them up and down on his shirt.

Miles suddenly stood up straight and whirled around to face Phoenix with a startled look. He tried to form some words, but failed.

God, I’m good.

Phoenix smiled to himself and dropped his left hand, leaning against the bar to the left of Miles but continuing to dry off his right hand.

“Got the drinks?” he asked innocently, searching the bar for the order. When Miles didn’t reply, Phoenix turned to face him with a raised eyebrow.

Miles mirrored Phoenix’s expression. “Do I want to know?”

Phoenix grinned. “You looked a little tense, so I thought you could use a massage.”

Miles narrowed his eyes and used his free arm to push Phoenix’s hand off his shoulder. He frowned and rubbed his fingers together. “You’re wet,” he concluded.

Phoenix crossed his arms and leaned forward on the bar. “Sorry, can’t help it. It’s what you do to me, Edgeworth.”

Miles rolled his eyes and dried his hand on Phoenix’s shirt, looking up the bar for the barman. “I’m not a towel, Wright.”

Phoenix glanced down at Miles’ hand.

And I am?

“What’s taking him so long…?” Miles muttered to himself, taking his hand to lean forward so he could see around Phoenix and the people down the bar.

Phoenix spotted the bartender talking to an attractive blonde lady at the other end and pointed him out to Miles. “Looks like he’s going to be a while.”

Miles sighed in frustration. “How unprofessional.”

Phoenix glanced at Miles who had his arms crossed and was leaning on the bar. “Heh, I doubt he cares about that right now.” He turned back to see how the bartender was doing. “Hey, look at that! She’s just handed him a napkin with something written on it!”

“A napkin? How lucky,” Miles said, his voice oozing with sarcasm. “She may as well have proposed right there and then.”

Phoenix laughed and nudged Miles’ arm with his elbow. “Don’t put the man down; he’s done us ordinary men proud.”

Miles snorted. “I’d have been even prouder if he’d simply served me our drinks.”

He may complain, but only because he can’t possibly notice how much of a catch that woman is for that guy.

He took a look back at her and cocked his head to the side.

The more he looked, however, the more he started to doubt that observation. Sure, she looked quite pretty and sophisticated, but behind the designer clothes and well-preened hair, she seemed plain. Almost lifeless.

How could someone so beautiful seem so… boring?

I must be going mad.

He shook his head.

I’ve been spending too much time with Edgeworth, obviously. I knew his stupid ideas would rub off on me…

“You’re just jealous it isn’t you getting the attention,” Phoenix mocked, casting aside his weird thoughts.

“Jealous?” Miles started to tap his fingers impatiently on the top of the bar. “I came here to get drinks, not to watch some across-the-local-bar courtship, as touching as it is.”

Phoenix laughed. “See, completely jealous.” He raised his hands in the air. “It’s fine with me. Just give me the word, and I’ll leave you to it.”

Miles raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”

“Ah, well, with me gone, people will think you’re single,” Phoenix stated with a grin. “They’ll start hitting on you again.”

Miles narrowed his eyes for a second, before a thought seemed to hit him rapidly.

He’s going to do himself an injury with all that thinking someday.

Phoenix rotated on the spot to lean backwards onto the bar. “Don’t worry, I’ll still know that you aren’t really single, and that’s all that--”

“Wait, back up…” Miles held up his hand. “Did you just insinuate that the only reason no one has come up to me tonight is because you’re here with me?”

“That was kinda the joke, Edgeworth,” Phoenix said, patronisingly.

And it’s not like it isn’t true. No one has even so much as looked at him tonight…

Phoenix paused.

Wait, no one? …Seriously?

He bit his lip.

I actually meant it as a joke, but…

Nah. Can’t be. Would it really be because of the way we act together? We can’t seem like a proper couple. That’s just stupid.

I guess it could make sense, though…

“It was a bit assuming of you, Wright,” Miles snapped back. “There are lots of other things that could stop them from wanting to flirt with me.”

Ah, of course. It must be because your magical lady-magnetic cologne ran out.

He snickered to himself as his mind wandered to what type of perfume Miles would use.

‘Justice For Men: Testimony that women will be guilty of indulgence when tantalised by the authoritative smell of the courtroom!’

“It’s not funny,” Miles said indignantly. “There’s no unwritten law that means someone out there will have to flirt with me on an hourly basis.”

If only you could hear my thoughts, Edgeworth. Even you’d be laughing at that…

Phoenix raised his eyebrows. “If you want me to stay so you don’t get hit on, you could have just said so, you know.”

Miles frowned and turned to face Phoenix, before the voice of the barman made him turn straight back around.

“Here’s your drinks, Mister.”

“Oh. Right…” Miles seemed to have been caught slightly off guard by the barman’s abrupt interruption. He quickly took the drinks from his hands. “Thank you.”

“Sorry about the delay, Mister,” the barman replied sheepishly as Phoenix took his drink off Miles. “It’s been very busy t’night, you see, and--”

“It’s quite alright,” Miles cut across the man’s excuses, handing over the correct amount of change.

Phoenix noticed the small amount of agitation on his face that went unnoticed to the barman and had to bite down a laugh. He nodded to the barman and they turned around, only to find they had lost their table to three random guys.

They both stared blankly at the table for a bit, until Miles seemed to spot a free one nearer the entrance and started making his way over to it. Phoenix broke out of his stare to follow, only to notice that the pool table was now free.

“Hey, Edgeworth…”

Miles glanced over his shoulder as he squeezed between two tables. “What is it?”

Phoenix dodged around a chair to make sure he was in hearing range. “Fancy a game of pool?”

Miles shook his head. “You should know I’m not much of a sportsman.”

“You’re just scared you’ll lose to me,” Phoenix said with a grin, before leaning to whisper in his ear, “again.”

Miles stopped walking. “Again, Wright?”

“If we’re counting court, and your virtual Hearts self, then yes, again.”

“Fine, fine,” Miles replied, sighing. He turned around and smirked. “Just don’t complain when I’m the first to pot that black.”

Phoenix grinned and patted him on the back. “Knew you couldn’t say no to me.”

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Last edited by Shiva on Sun Sep 20, 2009 7:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

OMG I am SO sorry everyone! This should have been updated AGES ago, but real life kinda got in the way and I had no time to work on the story. I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful comments, and I am sorry I didn't have time to reply to all of them individually. Also, thank you Kartoon Kween for the awesome fanart :) It made me LOL XD

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I'm so glad to see this updated. I can't wait to see what kind of shennagins happen next. I love that Maya totally suspects that Phoenix has a girlfriend. Poor Phoenix. Poor Edgeworth. Poor Phoenix and Edgeworth. Just kiss already.

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Yes, yes they should! Except not yet :P

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Oh wow, I discovered this story yesterday but only had time to read up to chapter three and so didn't comment. I spend practically all day on here reading it. It's seriously awesome, the plot, the charecter repore, the way you write all the charecters so in-charecter; it could almost be cannon! I don't really go for Phoenix/Edgeworth stories usually, I'm not sure I've ever bothered really finishing one before (by that i mean continueing after a few chapters) but this one had me totally hooked and I'm desperate to see how everything plays out! You're an amazing writer and I hope I can be as good as you are some day!

I so cannoct wait for something to happen between them as i can see that maybe Phoenix is started to realise too. The plot's very amusing and keeps me very interested. Very good work, keep it up!

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"Especially when it involves plenty of balls and sticks."

AHAHHAHA!!! ah, that was good!! XD

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I just finished chapter 10, and I'm still laughing. xD Phoenix definitely seems like the kind of person that would act really randomly when bored, and that was probably my favorite part of the chapter.


It's very good so far. Thanks for continuing to write the story. ^_^

Thanks for all the kind words! I'm really glad you like the story :) And it's always nice to know that we managed to convert someone to P/E, ahah :P



Ha...!



I'm glad you liked the first part, as we were worried people would complain about the lack of P/E interaction. But yeah, we had a lot of fun with it, so it's nice to hear that it was also fun to read :)

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I've already commented at FF.net (twice in fact) but I still want to say that this is the best fanfic I've ever read. I'm no writer but I do enjoy reading fan-made stories. And it's been a while since I've read something as clever, brilliantly-written and enjoyable as this. I love the humour, the characterisation, the plot, the awkwardness between Miles and Phoenix, the inner monologues...hell, I even like Kath in a way (my evil fangirl side agrees with her P/E shipping). XD It's also amazing how you guys made Larry lovable without him being OOC 'cos I found him a bit irritating in the actual game. >.<

Don't thank me for the praise (you guys deserve it). I believe I'm the one who should be thanking you for all your effort and for not dropping the series yet. (Please say you're going to finish it! I think I'll be heartbroken if you don't.)

*sighs* If only I can draw better...I would love to make some Faux Amour-inspired fanart. Anyways, keep up the good work! I hope you update soon. XD

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
You updated it! <3

This chapter was so cute!
I really like this story! It's so well written, and I love everything about it!
Keep up the good work. :]

Ah, Edgeworth. You and your angst.

This is the best fanfic I've ever read, no exaggeration. My favorite chapter is still 8, Double Trouble, but 10 is number 2.

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