Board index » Non Phoenix Wright » Wright & Co. Law Offices

Page 1 of 19[ 756 posts ]
Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 19  Next
 


Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Love, learn, live.

Gender: Female

Location: Lurking here and there.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 12:02 am

Posts: 3426

Know any good jokes?

Please avoid any offensive material..... If it's perverted than fine. If it's extremely Sexual put it in a spoiler tag.

This is Muffin's favorite:
Two muffins sit in an oven. One says "Geez, it's hot in here," the other said. "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

An old one:
A little boy offers a girl with a skirt on 25¢ to climb the flag pole. She did, came down, and took the money. The next day the boy offered 50¢ and she did it again. This continued for a while until the teacher pulled her aside one day. She said, "Now, Mary-Ann, he's only doing that to look up your skirt!" she said. The little girl responded, "I know, but I showed him. I took off my underwear!"
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Aw the Beatles were so innocent!

Gender: Male

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:42 am

Posts: 3459

What do you call someone who craves iron in food?

A METALHEAD.
Image Image Lovely Rita
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Super Tuff Pink Puff

Gender: Male

Location: Total Post Count: 3,050 + 4,000 and more

Rank: Donor

Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:02 am

Posts: 4796

Here's a personal favorite of mine:

This duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the bar again and asks the bartender "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender, losing his patience, screams at the duck, "I told you duck, I don't have any grapes and if you ask me again I will nail your feet to the floor!!"

The duck looked startled and leaves.

Two days later the duck returns walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Love, learn, live.

Gender: Female

Location: Lurking here and there.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 12:02 am

Posts: 3426

That's great!! XD
Nice one Butzy!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat May 03, 2008 12:06 am

Posts: 1501

ButzPuff wrote:
Here's a personal favorite of mine:

This duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the bar again and asks the bartender "Do you have any grapes?"

The bartender, losing his patience, screams at the duck, "I told you duck, I don't have any grapes and if you ask me again I will nail your feet to the floor!!"

The duck looked startled and leaves.

Two days later the duck returns walks up to the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any nails?"

The bartender replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"


LOL If that was me I would smack that duck. :C
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

I give love a bad name.

Gender: Male

Location: Sailing the Great Sea

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:37 am

Posts: 1361

(I didn't really get a text, it's part of the joke)

K, so I got a text from this blonde chick:

'What does idk mean?'

I replied:

'i don't know'

I get this back:

'Geez, nobody knows lol'

(don't be offended if you're blonde <_<)

Another good one:

This guy walks in to a bar. He says "Ow."
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Love, learn, live.

Gender: Female

Location: Lurking here and there.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 12:02 am

Posts: 3426

That last one's funny! XD
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Super Tuff Pink Puff

Gender: Male

Location: Total Post Count: 3,050 + 4,000 and more

Rank: Donor

Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:02 am

Posts: 4796

Well, I'm glad that you guys enjoyed that joke. You can see why it's one of my personal favorites. :larry2:

Spoiler: The Laws of Cat Physics
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion
to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top
that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum
amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot
in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible
nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section
of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount
of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human
expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

This one is bit long but it's worth it for the few laughs and it's perfect for cat owners. :shoe:
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

Gender: Female

Location: In ur thread...LURKIN'

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 2:42 am

Posts: 131

My favorite joke:

How does a crazy person get through the forest?

. . .

S/he takes the psycho-'path'
Image
Feed Godot, click on the image. xD;;
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

I give love a bad name.

Gender: Male

Location: Sailing the Great Sea

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:37 am

Posts: 1361

I've got a bunch that I just remembered! I heard them from my grandpa.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your doorstep? Mat.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox? Bill.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your pool? Bob.

What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Ilene.

Where does Ilene work? IHOP.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

Gender: Female

Location: In ur thread...LURKIN'

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 2:42 am

Posts: 131

TheObjectionist wrote:
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Ilene.


What do you call a Japanese woman with one arm and one leg? Irene.
Image
Feed Godot, click on the image. xD;;
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

I give love a bad name.

Gender: Male

Location: Sailing the Great Sea

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:37 am

Posts: 1361

Nutrition Facts wrote:
TheObjectionist wrote:
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Ilene.


What do you call a Japanese woman with one arm and one leg? Irene.


AHAHAHA!!! That's classic.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Yo Dawg!

Gender: Male

Location: Houston, Texas

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:57 am

Posts: 1221

How do you gross out an archaeologist
~~~~~~~~~
You give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Ac#e to the rescue!!! Avvy be Leeling.

Gender: Female

Location: Donuts.

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:11 pm

Posts: 716

God finds out Heaven is getting too crowded. So, he sets up a new rule: The person has to have had a bad day when they died. So, St. Peter goes to the Pearly Gates with the new job description.

The first man is told to explain his day. "Picture this," he says, "I live in the 25th floor apartment, and I've been married for thirty-some-odd years. And I'm certain my wife was cheating on me every day. So, I decided to come home early and try to catch her in the act. Well, I got there, and she was half-naked, but the guy wasn't there. I searched everywhere, until I found him hanging onto the balcony by his fingertips. I stomped on his fingers until he fell, but the bushes below saved his life. I grabbed the nearest thing to me- the refrigerator- and throw it at him. But I had a heart attack right after that."

"Wow," says Saint Peter. "Go right ahead then." The second man shows up, and tells his story:

"Picture this," he says. "I live on a 26th floor apartment, and I was doing my daily exercises. But the rail on my balcony broke, and I fell. I grabbed onto another balcony rail, only to find some crazy guy who stomps on my fingers! I fall onto the bushes. So I'm lying there, in agony, when that same guy throws a refrigerator on me! And that's how I died."

"Okay," says Saint Peter. "Go on through." The third guy shows up, and is told to explain his day.

"Picture this," he says. "I'm naked in a refrigerator..."
Image
Thanks to the combined awesomeness of Ceres and the Vickinator, I shall TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
...Just kidding. But check out the sig they made me!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Rise and shine, Mr. Judge.

Gender: Male

Location: Hugging MMF!

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 12:55 pm

Posts: 2169

Guy walks to a bar. he invites everyone including host and the bartender, to a whole round of booze. the host asks "Do you have the money?" the guy said "No." so the host kicks him out.
the next day he comes again, and gets everyone another round. "Do you have the money?" "No." kicked out of the bar.
the third day, the guy comes and invites everyone EXCEPT the host. The host asks "Why aren't you inviting me this time?" "You become aggressive when you're drunk."
Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

My son is bored. Care to play with him?

Gender: Male

Location: Minnesota

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:06 am

Posts: 725

Three priests died on the same day. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greeted them.

"I would let you in, gentlemen, but unfortunately our computer is down and we can't let anyone in until all systems are back up and running. In the meantime, the Lord has decided that you can return to Earth as anything you want until we're ready for you. So...what would you like to be for now?"

"I've always wondered what it would be like to be an eagle and fly among them."

"So be it."

"I would like to be a lion."

"So be it."

Finally, it came time for the third priest to make his selection. "What is your preference, sir?"

"Say...you said the computer is down. ...Would you be able to track what I'm doing down on Earth?"

"No sir, we would not."

"In that case...I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it."

After a week had elapsed, everything was back to normal and the Lord informed St. Peter that the three priests could be brought in.

"Will you have much trouble locating Cardinal Knier?"

"No, Lord. He's nested in the Rockies. Piece of cake."

"How about Bishop Arinze?"

"Not a problem. He's in a pride on the grasslands of Tanzania."

"And Brother Robinson?"

"Locating him might be more of a challenge. He's on a snow tire somewhere in Iowa."
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Super Ace Attorney

Gender: Male

Location: USA

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:33 pm

Posts: 968

This might not be that great but it's kinda clever:

So a guy walks into a bar and says "OW!".
Jesus is Lord.

Death Note is awesome.

"No, this is a reasonable discussion about pillow humping." -Tinker
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

~There's Some Sorrow In Every Life~

Gender: Female

Location: Bri-stol

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:14 pm

Posts: 2264

(goes something like this)
"Hey, try this new snapple!"
"Oww! my mouth!"
(sn = tin in the periodic table XD)
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

ケーキたん(仮)

Gender: None specified

Location: Fukuoka, Japan

Rank: Scanlator

Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 7:40 am

Posts: 1383

A few old ones, but they still make me chuckle.

Spoiler: I only know offensive jokes
Superman was flying around Metropolis, when he saw Wonder Woman nude sunbathing on the roof of a building. He figured he was faster than the speed of light, he could fuck her just as fast then get out of there. So he zoomed to her, fucked her faster than the naked eye could see, and quickly flew away.
Wonder Woman suddenly says "..what happened??"
The Invisible Man goes "..I don't know, but my ass is killing me!"

---

A boy and his grandfather were fishing in a boat. The grandfather starts drinking a beer, and the boy wanted to drink some.
Grandfather: "You wanna drink my beer, huh? Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"
Boy: "..no."
Grandfather: "Well then you can't have my beer."

The next day, the grandfather takes out a cigarette and smokes it. The boy wanted to smoke one as well.
Grandfather: "Can you touch your asshole with your penis?"
Boy: "..no."
Grandfather: "Well then you can't smoke a cigarette."

The next day, the boy takes out a box of cookies and eats them.
Grandfather: "Can I have a cookie?"
Boy: "Depends..can you touch your asshole with your penis?"
Grandfather: "I certainly can."
Boy: "Then go fuck yourself."


I also know racist jokes, but I doubt those would fly here...
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Rise and shine, Mr. Judge.

Gender: Male

Location: Hugging MMF!

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 12:55 pm

Posts: 2169

LMAO, I ROFLD AT THE LAST ONE XD
Image
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: The You 'kay

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:50 am

Posts: 718

Two drug addicts were caught by the police, one was taking gunpowder from fireworks, the other was taking battery acid. One was charged and one was let go.

Spoiler:
A man approaches a woman at a bar and starts flirting with her.
:larry2: You know, this watch is magical. It can tell me what you're doing right now.
:maya: Cool! So what does it say?
:larry2: It says you're on my bed, naked, with your legs spread wide open.
:maya-shock: What?? No I'm not!
:larry2: Oh, sorry. It's an hour fast.

Spoiler: Do a nice thing today,
Give your computer some love. <3
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Lives in a box mansion

Gender: Female

Location: Making a blanket fort under the defense bench

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 8:44 pm

Posts: 1947

Okay, three men are running from the cops. They stop at a farm to hide. The first guy hides with the chickens, the second guy hides with the cows, and the third guy hides in the potato patch. The cops arrive to inspect the farm.

They pass by the chicken coop, and the first man goes "Ba-Gawk! Ba-Gawk!" The police agree there are just chickens there and move on.

They pass the barn with the cows in it. The second man goes "Mooooo." The police agree there are just cows and move on.

They walk over to the potato patch.
The third man says: "Potato! Potato!"
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

ケーキたん(仮)

Gender: None specified

Location: Fukuoka, Japan

Rank: Scanlator

Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 7:40 am

Posts: 1383

I think I'll say one racist joke. Keep in mind that I'm not racist..I just find this one really cute.

Spoiler:
What did the Mexican say when a bunch of houses fell on him?
"GET OFF ME, HOMES!!"

Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Love, learn, live.

Gender: Female

Location: Lurking here and there.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed May 09, 2007 12:02 am

Posts: 3426

johnny rainbow wrote:
I think I'll say one racist joke. Keep in mind that I'm not racist..I just find this one really cute.

Spoiler:
What did the Mexican say when a bunch of houses fell on him?
"GET OFF ME, HOMES!!"

XD that's not bad! I mean as long as it doesn't seem offensive to you. As long as you really aren't insulting them. I mean I suppose it depends if that person can laugh at his/herself. Like, take me for example.....I laugh at blond jokes and I AM blond. But, I put that rule up there so no one can find a way to flame another person
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Ac#e to the rescue!!! Avvy be Leeling.

Gender: Female

Location: Donuts.

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:11 pm

Posts: 716

There's a lot of blond jokes, so here's a retort for you:
Spoiler:
Why is the brunette so proud of her hair color?
Because it matches her mustache!

And since I'm a brunette... well, I'm not offended. ^^
Image
Thanks to the combined awesomeness of Ceres and the Vickinator, I shall TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
...Just kidding. But check out the sig they made me!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

pew pew pew, pal!

Gender: Female

Location: In ur thread...LURKIN'

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Wed May 21, 2008 2:42 am

Posts: 131

johnny rainbow wrote:
I think I'll say one racist joke. Keep in mind that I'm not racist..I just find this one really cute.

Spoiler:
What did the Mexican say when a bunch of houses fell on him?
"GET OFF ME, HOMES!!"


Haha, that is kind of cute xD
I told it to my friend Ryu (who is secretly Mexican :P [he's aka Rolando]) and he was like, "Well now I know what to say when my apartment collapses." :edgy:
Image
Feed Godot, click on the image. xD;;
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Yo Dawg!

Gender: Male

Location: Houston, Texas

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:57 am

Posts: 1221

Spoiler:
its the 1950's and a black guy walks into a bar. The waitress comes up and says "Sorry we dont serve niggas here." The black guy responded "Thats alright I dont eat them. What else you got?"


I came up with that myself. and Im black, so Im not offended.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Super Tuff Pink Puff

Gender: Male

Location: Total Post Count: 3,050 + 4,000 and more

Rank: Donor

Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 4:02 am

Posts: 4796

Spoiler: Drunk Giraffe
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again. They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load untill suddenly the giraffe falls off his stool and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door, The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door 'You can't leave that lyin' 'ere!' to which the man replies, "It's not a lion its a giraffe!"


Spoiler: Rude Parrot
A young man named Jon received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude.

Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard.

Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions."

"I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions."

"I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior".

Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued... "May I ask what the turkey did?"


Spoiler: Another Parrot Joke (contains curses)
So an old pirate, who many years ago lost an eye and was very sensitive about it, was lonely and decided to get a pet parrot. So he went to the pet store, and saw a beautiful parrot. The pet store owner warned the pirate that this parrot had been to sea, and knew lots of dirty words and was quite mean. But the old pirate figured he had seen it all already, so he bought the parrot. And at first the pirate liked the company of the salty parrot.

Until one day the pirate came home and the parrot greeted him, saying "fuck you one-eye." This upset the pirate greatly and he yelled at the parrot to never say that again.

So the next day the pirate come home, and the parrot greeted him saying "fuck you one-eye." This went on for a week. Then one day the pirate had a really bad day, and he came home and the parroted greeted him saying "fuck you one-eye." So the pirate grabbed the parrot and threw it in the freezer and went to bed.

So the next day the pirate gets up and remebers that he tossed the parrot into the freezer. That pirae rushes to the kitchen and opens the freezer to find the Parrot still inside with wing over one eye and flipping him off with the other.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Don't even get me started. Gumshoe rocks

Gender: Male

Location: Nunya

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2007 9:12 pm

Posts: 157

The first parrot one was awesome.
Here's mine.
The Pope, Jesus, and God are all playing golf. The first hole is a par 5.
So first goes the pope. He hits a beautiful drive, 300 yards, lands just off center of the fairway.
Next up is Jesus. He hits an AMAZING tee shot, 350 yards, DIRECTLY on the center of the fairway.
Finally, God steps up to the box. He hits a decent drive, but just as the ball reaches its peak, an eagle catches it in its mouth! It flies along and drops the ball right onto the green, where a squirrel pushes it in with its nose.
Jesus looks at God and says, "Dad, are You going to play golf or are You going to fool around?"
LOOK AT MAH SPRIGHT COMIC
Why does this always happen?
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Male

Location: The You 'kay

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:50 am

Posts: 718

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.


A woman walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper, and looks for cute guys to talk to, but she only sees the bartender, so she starts to talk to him. She asks what he's drinking, and he answers "Magic beer." "That's not really Magic beer, is it?" The bartender says "Sure it is! I'll show you." He takes a sip, jumps out of the window, flies around the building twice and returns. She's impressed, and asks if she can have some of his drink. She takes a sip, jumps out of the window, falls twenty stories and craters on the pavement. The manager then goes to the bartender and says "You know Superman, you really are a jerk when you're drunk."
Spoiler: Do a nice thing today,
Give your computer some love. <3
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title

Gender: Male

Location: England

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 7:03 pm

Posts: 931

Coppo wrote:
Two drug addicts were caught by the police, one was taking gunpowder from fireworks, the other was taking battery acid. One was charged and one was let go.

Spoiler:
A man approaches a woman at a bar and starts flirting with her.
:larry2: You know, this watch is magical. It can tell me what you're doing right now.
:maya: Cool! So what does it say?
:larry2: It says you're on my bed, naked, with your legs spread wide open.
:maya-shock: What?? No I'm not!
:larry2: Oh, sorry. It's an hour fast.


Oh my gosh, my friend used to use the one in spoiler tags on girls. Except he said 'it tells me you're not wearing any underwear', and when the girl says she is, he says 'must be an hour fast. Let me buy you a drink.'
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

A.K.A Very Melon

Gender: Male

Location: Finland, North Europe

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:51 am

Posts: 1047

This is an old one:

A grasshopper hops in to a bar. The bartender saids to the grasshopper:"We've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper is amazed:"You've got a drink named Jackson?"
Image
Spoiler: StepMania vids
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

An Newbie

Gender: Male

Location: Under where?

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2008 6:39 pm

Posts: 47

ButzPuff wrote:
Well, I'm glad that you guys enjoyed that joke. You can see why it's one of my personal favorites. :larry2:

Spoiler: The Laws of Cat Physics
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside
force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to
change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion
to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top
that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum
amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and
take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot
in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible
nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the
amount of human laughter.

Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section
of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount
of milk consumed.

Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human
expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

This one is bit long but it's worth it for the few laughs and it's perfect for cat owners. :shoe:


you forgot one: murphy's law.

Spoiler:
Image

Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

キラキラ ♥

Gender: Female

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:19 am

Posts: 515

3 old guys are walking down the street.
(I'll use PW smileys just for fun)

:grey: Boy! It's windy!
:yogi: No, it's thrusday!
:grossburg: Hey me too. Lets go get some cokes!


...not funny? maybe sorta...my dad's favorite jokes.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

I should post more, but I'm lazy.

Gender: Male

Location: British Columbia

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Mon Apr 07, 2008 8:41 pm

Posts: 142

Spoiler: Uses AA1-3 Murderers
Damon Gant, Redd White, Matt Engarde, and Luke Atmey walk into a bar.

Godot ducked.

:godot:

Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

My son is bored. Care to play with him?

Gender: Male

Location: Minnesota

Rank: Prosecutor

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2007 4:06 am

Posts: 725

This joke is potentially very offensive as it involves the repeated uttering of specific derogatory racial names. If you can handle these for the sake of a pun, no harm done. :phoenix: That said, here 'goes:

Spoiler:
Q: What do you get when you combine three Hispanics, one Asian, and four Afro-Americans?
A: A sprinkler.

*spic spic spic CHINK nigger nigger nigger nigger...*

Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

ケーキたん(仮)

Gender: None specified

Location: Fukuoka, Japan

Rank: Scanlator

Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 7:40 am

Posts: 1383

Here are some cheesy Korean jokes...though they're only funny if you know Korean.

What did Dracula order at a Korean cafe?
KOH-PEE!!

What did the robber say to a Korean baker?
BBANG!!

Why is Korean toilet paper so big?
BECAUSE IT'S HUGE-EY!!

What did the Korean turkey say to its kids?
GOBBLE JI MAH!!

What did the Korean boy say to a cute girl with no ears?
"Kee uhb dah..."
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

What if i don't want a custom title?

Gender: Female

Location: Hiding in Brandon Flowers' sweet lil mustache

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 8:32 pm

Posts: 364

Here's a joke i read off of a pack of Tootie Frooties.

Why are pirates called pirates?

Coz they Arr :)
Image
xxAll credit for my sig goes to Elriel.xx
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

I HAS A GUN

Gender: Male

Location: PH

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Sat Apr 12, 2008 3:59 pm

Posts: 532

Konkmeister wrote:
Here's a joke i read off of a pack of Tootie Frooties.

Why are pirates called pirates?

Coz they Arr :)


lol, i dunno, but that made me laugh.
Image
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
User avatar

A.K.A Very Melon

Gender: Male

Location: Finland, North Europe

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:51 am

Posts: 1047

Hehe, jokes are funny :D
Image
Spoiler: StepMania vids
Page 1 of 19 [ 756 posts ] 
Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 19  Next
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  

 Board index » Non Phoenix Wright » Wright & Co. Law Offices

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to:  
News News Site map Site map SitemapIndex SitemapIndex RSS Feed RSS Feed Channel list Channel list
Powered by phpBB

phpBB SEO