note the itallics are thoughts and i know im not a good writer so please no comments on that. I will continue if i get good feedback.

Part 1

The Missing Attorney
Maya
Date: July 17th
Time: 12:00 AM
How could have this happened? It was a simple case that happened a year ago. Nick….. Please be okay…..I could never……….. Forgive myself if I don’t…………tell you…..

Date: May12th
Time 8:00 am
Location: Wright and co law offices
As Maya and nick were talking about an upcoming case Edgeworth walks in and he looks frantic.
Edgeworth: out of breath Phoenix ……. Matt engarde …….
Phoenix: Matt Engarde what?
Edgeworth: HE ESCAPED FROM PRISON!!!!!
Phoenix: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Maya: oh no he escaped? Well what does this mean???
E: I wish I had good news for you but he escaped and he might try to come after you and Maya.

Maya puts her arms around nick frightened. The case happened a year ago and it was when Maya was almost starved to death. It was then when she realized she loved nick but she never said it aloud. Since that case her and nick became lovers although she didn’t like that term. She liked to think of them as a mutual dating couple. The thought of Matt Engarde sent chills up and down her spine. Nick put his arm around her when he felt her shaking from fear. Edgeworth sees this and looks away
E: im sorry Maya. …. I didn’t mean to scare you like this.
Maya: I’m alright but what will happen?
E: Well gumshoe will be your guard. He will protect you.
M: that is what I was worried about.
At this time gumshoe barges in the office all psyched!
Gumshoe: DON’T WORRY!!! I’ll be your guard. No criminal is going to get through me!
Nick: How I wish I could believe him.
This has scared Phoenix as well. He looks down at Maya, trembling. Maya I swear to you on my life, he will not get you. Even if I have to die.
Maya buries her face in Nick’s coat.
E: I’ll head back to the precinct and see if I can get more info.
Edgeworth and gumshoe leave. Gumshoe guarding the door to nick’s office.
Maya looks up at Nick.
M: What …….happens now?
Maya is fighting through tears.
Phoenix: It will be alright Maya. He will never lay hands on you again mark my words.
Nick lets go of her embrace long enough for him to kiss her.
Maya: His kiss always calms me. They melt me into his arms.


Date:
Time????
Location:
Unknown: So you have escaped eh? Well want do you want from me?
Matt: I want revenge and it all starts with…
Unknown: I know who you speak of. Think of it as already done.
Matt: Good. I want this person to disappear………. Forever.




To be Continued....


his is all i wrote so far. I am going to think and write more. Oh i know i said 6 motnhs but i thought i would change it to a year. so tell me what you think. i know some of the ppl are out of character but i thought itd be a good twist.

Last edited by Regina Berry on Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

is my writing that bad?

No, it's that this is in the wrong forum. This goes in the "Present Testimony" sub-forum, not "Present Evidence" sub-forum. It would probably be best if you just forgot about this thread, and reposted your story in the proper section. (Or got a mod or admin to move this thread to the proper section.)

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Your writing style is interesting and, with a little practice, it could definitely be improved upon.

The plot you have in place is interesting to say the least. I think that most of it is plausible save for a few inconsistencies in character personality and your foreshadowing at the end. First off, Edgeworth, even in the most dire of circumstances, never shows any degree of fear or worry unless there is an earthquake and even then he doesn't show worries. He is the kind of person who bottles up his emotions in front of others. Also, Edgeworth would have definitely attempted to call Phoenix beforehand as it would have been the quickest and most efficient means of getting the word out to him so he could protect himself until Gumshoe arrived by himself to calm Phoenix and Maya down. This can be corrected in one of two ways. One is that it all happens as I just said. The other is that the phones were down for some reason such as Phoenix or Maya forgetting to pay the phone bill or something like that.



That is my criticism which I tried to make as constructive as possible so please do not take any personal offense to my critiques and the beauty of criticism is that you can take it to heart and to mind as you write again or you can leave it behind, let it exit your mind and continue writing however you want to.

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Very interesting, but it seems that Shelly was a bit out of place. Personally, I think he acted out of character. Otherwise, I enjoyed it.

topic moved to right place srry!

Here comes part 2!

Part 2
Date July 19th
Time: 11:00
Place: kurain village

Phoenix thought he would never have to come back here again. Maya had wanted to get pearl and head into town for a burger. Seriously a 2 hour ride to get pearl and then another 2 hour ride back all for a BURGER!!!! Nick was a little complex by this but he loved to see pearl. They met on that court case a long time ago…..

Maya: Nick!
Phoenix snapped out of the thought he had.
Maya: You okay?
Nick: im fine I was just thinking.
At that moment gumshoe was right behind them.
No course he had to come. He never leaves our site. Sigh. I wish he would. He follows me into the bathroom for crying out loud!
Gumshoe: You’re safe with me!
N: Are we really?

A few short distances away:
? Ahh good they finally showed up. Now to get down to work……

Just then a woman in training gear walked up to phoenix.

Woman: Oh my god! Are you THE phoenix Wright?!?!
N: why, yes I am.
W: OH MY GOD! YUOU ARE MY IDOL! Can I show you my phoenix fan collection?
N: Hmmm….

ALRIGHT FIRST CHOICE! WOO HOO keeps in mind your choice either might end the story or keep it going! Should he
A go with her
B Say no
C Run screaming
D says a polite no and the girl says she will catch up with you later.

This choice will help the outcome of the story. Only one of them MIGHT end it completly. ill take the most popular answer (later on ill pick the first answer someone suggests.