“Wake up Mystic Maya!” Said Pearl, jumping on the bed.
“Pearly?” said Maya sleepily.
“Yeees wake uuuuuup!” she wined
“What is it Pearly?”
“I need you to sit up and listen to me.”
“Fine...” Maya sat up.
Well Mystic Maya I’ve decided that we need to go to the fair.
“The fair!?” yelped Maya, “That’s awesome!”
“Yes there will be big rides and small rides!”
“And burgers?” Added Maya.
“Yes, well I think so, and we can invite Mr Nick! He is your special someone!”
“No.” said Maya, “Not that again Pearly. We’re just friends.”
“Fine you tell me what you don’t like about him. I mean he is your special someone not mine.”
“No he isn’t.” Said Maya.
“Fine.” Said Pearl but she couldn’t help hiding her smile.
******
“Which ones more fair like?” said Maya, picking out two spirit channelling outfits from her cupboard.
“That one.” (to a normal person they all looked the same, but not for them.)
“I can’t wait!” Said Pearly.
“I’m nearly ready Pearly!”
“Hurry uuup!” She was getting winey again.
“Great I'm finished!”
“Good! How will we get there?” asked Pearl.
“Edgeworth will pick us up in his sports car.”
“Ooooh! That sounds fast!”
“It is!” said Maya “Fast and big and red.”
“Red?” said Pearl.
“Yes red!” screamed Maya
“Wooooooooow!” The bell rang “Maybe that’s him!” said Pearl.
“It will be!” Maya walked up to the door and opened it. Edeworth stood stony-faced in the doorway.
“I’m so sorry about Pearl. May I come in?”
“Hello!” Called Pearl.
“Maya you said Pearl was really ill and she wanted to see me because she might not live the day!”
“Well that was a lie.” said Maya .
“What on Earth?”
“The real reason I got you to come is: I can’t drive, and you have a car and I knew you wouldn’t come if there wasn’t a real reason, but now that you’re here you might as well drive us to the fair on Lead Street.”
“You are a twisted girl.”
“Lady.” Maya corrected.
“Fine lady then, but you are twisted!” Pearl started to cry, and stuck her tongue out at Edgeworth. “Oh fine then!” said Edgeworth.
“Will you take us back as well?” asked Pearl.
“Ok then...” said Edgeworth.
“Will you go on some rides with us?”
“No.” Pearl started crying again. “fine, fine...” sighed Edgeworth.
“Good!” said Pearl, suddenly fine.
So they all got into the sports car.
***********
Yaaay were here said Maya
“Great” said Egworth though his teeth
“Lets go on the lady bird ride” screamed Perl
“ it will be amazing” screamed Maya somehow even louder
Lord take me now muttered Egworth under his breath
They all ran up to the lady bird ride
“You should pay for this one” said Maya to Egworth “as you wanted to go on it sooo much”
“I no” said Egworth as happily as he could “why don’t you and pearl go on the ride and I’ll watch you”
“Great” said pearl
Egworth payed and Maya and Perl got on a ladybird with 2 big black spots.
The ride played ring a roses it went round in circle every time they pasted Egworth they screamed and waved.
Once the ride had finished Maya and Perl got off and were rely happy SADLY Egworth was not as happy
Lets go on the horses said Perl so they went on. after they went on the bouncy boots and had a burger. and then the cars and the swings and the log floom and they had a burger between evry ride and egworth always payed but never went on .
Then he saw it the big wheel it was so big lets go on that he said
No its to big said Perl
Year to big said Maya
Come on said Egworth I’ll go on as well
Ok said pearl
Fine said Maya
They all got on in the big glass domes and they sat down next to each other they started going up
I have a bad feeling said pearl
Its fine said Maya loads of people go of this thing every day they all think it magical
Year said egworth
No i think I’m gunna be sick
Come on pearly you’ll be fine
Perl threw up
Oh pearl said maya
Perl this is my favourite suite said edgworth
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA said pearl
Oh pearly
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Screamed pearl so loud that they stopped the ride
What’s going on said the ride owner
Let me DOOOWN cried pearl
Ok love said the ride owner I’ll turn the ride back in you’ll be back down before you know it
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO said pearl
I cant do it NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOO
Well what can we do
We could get a ladder sejested egworth
Yere get a lader said alot of people on the ride
Fine said pearl but while i go down you need to sing steel samari
Fine they said
They put up a ladder and pearl got carried down by a strong man who when she got down gave her teddy when Maya and Egworth got down Perl said that was fun can we go tomorrow?

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This is a funny story ^^ It's pretty good. But there are a lot of grammatical errors.

Are you going to write more? I'd love it

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Same here, TONS of grammar errors.

I'll be going into closer critique here ... Tell me if it's not okay for you, I'll take it back and edit it out, but I'm honestly just trying to help. Sorry in advance if it's not what you desire!

Keep a closer look on grammar and spelling. Nobody is perfect, but it really makes a story hard to read if it's badly formatted and has a lot of spelling errors. I'm aware that it's common in English to hit Enter after every instance of direct speech, but when a story is almost completely made of direct speech, it gets harder to read and doesn't look that good. Don't forget about full stops and quotation marks, they are vital to mark your sentence. Run your written piece through a spellcheck (programs like Open Office and Word have one - Also, Firefox has a spellcheck built into it, check it in the options. See also here) and proofread the story to improve grammar and formatting. Nobody's perfect, you see, so don't be ashamed if you need help! It's fine if you need help, you can always ask others to betaread your work and give feedback in terms of writing and language.

The story in itself is quite amusing, but it could use some polishing. Basically, you need to express things more and use varying terms to keep it interesting for the reader - For example, you used "xyz said" quite often, which gets tiring after a while. There are different words for the different ways you can say something; given the right context of course, you can exclaim, notice, underline, whisper, speak, reply, answer, continue, proclaim, demand, ask ... And those are just ones that me and my boyfriend thought of in some minutes. It's really not hard to have a decent vocabulary in your stories - Just take your time and ask yourself: "How exactly are they speaking to each other?" You don't need a big thesaurus to have an interesting choice of words :) It's all about taking your time. Use adjectives to flesh the story out and describe a bit of the actions going on - It's not necessary to give details about everything, but giving more info about the general ongoing of the events, the feelings of the characters and the scenery always spices things up.

I really don't mean to totally pan your work here - As I said, it's an amusing story and it made me smile :) It needs polishing and care, that's all. If I can be of help, just tell me!

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so sorry about grammer! i am a dyslesxic 11 yr old and i cant realy do grammer!
i got my sister (edgygavin) to check the 1st bit but she did't checck the 2nd .sorry
#any way i will write moor if you like but i am not shure what to rite about i am a sporter of pheonix maya and claver emma!
any way thanks for all the good comments

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if you liked this read TURNABOUT ME TO it as good as this and the gramer is better (ish)

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It's not just grammar either. The story is kinda just lines after lines. You should try adding paragraphs and spacing things text out more. If you have dyslexia or problems with spelling you can hire a better reader or ask friends to check it through.
It's funny though.

thanks i have got someone helping me now on my next story turnabout me too
thank you all for beeing postive it helps

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