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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I think you should definitely take a break after you finish sporking this one. I'm seriously starting to get worried about how this might affect your mental health.

A bit off-topic, but what's up with the rise of John Phoenix fanfic and dakoolguy in the front page. I kinda feel like I'm out of the loop.

Edit; I was trying to find a story on, so when I clicked on filter and browse through the characters, I found Dakoolguy..? How did he get his name in there?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Don't worry. I plan on taking a long break after this one. As for his rise, I honestly can't tell you. Even though I was there when it happened in around March or April. The author just started going around to other people's fanfics and spamming reviews telling them that their OC was the best of all time. Then a bunch of other accounts started making even worse fanfics starring John Phoenix. They've even started going after longtime author JordanPhoenix for what they view as plagiarism, even though she's confirmed to use a website that gives creative inspiration for writing tips.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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John Phoenix vs Kumar Timalsina Sporking Part 10

Trucy: Only two more chapters left, everyone! We can do this!

Apollo: You sure? Cause I'm not really feeling it right now.

Speakers: If it's any consolation, these two chapters are relatively short. You should be fine.

Phoenix: We're never fine while we're in here.

Edgeworth: We'll only be "fine" when this place is shut down for good.

Speakers: As long as there are terrible fanfics out there, we will never be shut down.

[The lights dim.]


Apollo: Great start already.

Kumar Timalsina put on the hat and gloves, instantly transforming into the man with the hat!

"I admit it," said Kumar. "I am the man in the hat. I clap my hands to you, John Phoenix. But why did you suspect me?"

Edgeworth: Because his name is literally in the title and he's been shown to always be the antagonist of the story?

Phoenix: And there's really been no other major antagonist in this story apart from von Karma, who's literally a brain.

"It was a simple matter of logic," said John Phoenix. "I asked myself, 'Who from my past wears a hat or gloves?' There was only person who fit the bill. Wilt Wally, my first enemy. Remember, he said he wore gloves during his crime."

Phoenix: Wait, who?

Trucy: I think he was the culprit in the very first trial of the last story. The one who tried to frame fic-me for murder.

Apollo: Weird time to bring him up. Also, wait, is this fic saying that Kumar is actually Wilt?

Edgeworth: That's impossible. He's dead.

Phoenix: Since when has death ever mattered in these stories?

Edgeworth: ...true.

"And the hat?" said Uncle Phoenix. "He wasn't wearing a hat."

"No. For the same reason he wasn't wearing gloves. He took the hat off after killing John Dead."

"That makes a lot of sense."

Edgeworth slammed his desk. "No! That makes no sense. Wilt Wally is dead. What does he have to do with the man in the hat?"

"Isn't it obvious?" asked John Phoenix. "Kumar Timalsina is Wilt Wally's son. He inherited his father's gloves and hat. That's why Kumar has gloves and a hat. And that's why he wants revenge on me... because I made him 'suffer' when his father committed suicide in court."

Apollo: Okay, apart from the fact that a one off character was shown to have worn gloves during his appearance, how exactly was this in any way foreshadowed throughout this fic?!

Phoenix: If it was, I know I certainly missed it.

"But your conduct that day was irreproachable! All the leading jurists in the country agreed!" cried Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I think the author needs to find out what "irreproachable" means. It's far from what they think it is.

"What can I say? It seems the Walt family genes are cursed. That's why the father is a murderer and the son a pedophile."

Apollo: Still not a real pedophile! And what do genes have to do with that?!

Kumar Timalsina shed a single tear. "Yes... you're right. You're always right. I'm Wilt Wally's son. I was living in Khurain when it happened. My father's death is what made me make the switch from defense attorney to prosecutor. I wanted to get my revenge on you... to dehumanize you in court like you dehumanized my father!"

Edgeworth: ...

Phoenix: Actually...that kinda sounds similar to your story, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I realize that. And I don't like it one bit.

Apollo: And when they put it that way, it almost makes it seem like we're supposed to be rooting for the villain here.

"You were also the Irfran Nilgiria that Apollo met on his way to the birthday party, weren't you?" asked John Phoenix. "Tell us about that."

Kumar cried a second single tear.

"Yes. It was a challenge making myself as stupid as Irfran. My father almost identified me. And why? I had joined up with Manfred von Karma and John Dragon's terrorist friends. An enemy of John Phoenix is a friend of mine. They had a plan to use the Big Magatama to channel their leader John Dragon's spirit. They needed as much spirit channeling energy as they could get to find his spirit... spirit channeling with no heaven or hell is hard."

Phoenix: ...that's...not how the big Magatama works. And that's not how spirit channeling works either.

Trucy: Does anything actually work in this story?

Apollo: Certainly nothing intentionally works.

He continued.

"Pearl was in on the plan. Anyway, during the hide-and-seek game I drove her to Hazakura Temple so she could use its power during the channeling. I had Misty Fey's corpse in the trunk. We needed that, too, in order to channel John Dragon. Pearl ate it to get more spirit channeling power and then she managed to channel John Dragon with the help of the Big Magatama and Mystic Arnie's spirit while Larry Butz and Dr. Hotti were sleeping in another room."

All: ...

Phoenix: Did...did they just say that Pearls resorted to CANNIBALISM?!

Apollo: ...I think so.

Phoenix: Okay, this is beyond bad. This is absolutely DISGUSTING! Pearls would NEVER do something like that! You could not be farther from Pearl's behavior and mannerisms if you even tried! I feel legitimately unclean just reading this!

Edgeworth: My thoughts exactly. And the author has the nerve to only rate this story as T?!

Trucy: That is not okay! That is not okay at all!

"She ate her mother's rotting corpse?" asked Phoenix Wright. "That's strange. Why would she do that? Or channel John Dragon?"

Phoenix: Wow! Understatement of the century, fic-me!

Edgeworth: Also, Misty Fey is not Pearl's mother. She's her aunt.

Phoenix: Bit of a minor issue, Edgeworth!

"Because she was a terrorist," said John Phoenix. "I long suspected as much."

"Impossible!" said Maya.

"Possible," said John Phoenix.

"Yes, she was a terrorist," said Kumar. "But John Dragon wasn't. He'd had a change of heart ever since being dead. He loved his brother now. He picked a gun off the floor and killed himself... and Pearl, of course. That put an end to Manfred's plans to assassinate John Phoenix in the dark during the hide-and-seek game and have John Dragon impersonate him and take over his life."

Apollo: Didn't sound like a very well thought out plan, didn't it?

Trucy: Well otherwise, we'd have a good story.

Phoenix: Except for the whole cannibalism thing.

"It wouldn't have worked, anyway," said John Phoenix. "You'd have only killed Apollo Justice. I wouldn't have cared."

Apollo: know what? I'm beyond caring at this point.

Trucy: Wow, Polly. This fic has really gotten to you.

Edgeworth: It's gotten to all of us, Trucy.

Kumar sighed. "Yes, nothing went quite how Manfred wanted it. But Pearl's death presented a new opportunity, an opportunity to frame you for her murder. But we couldn't be sure whether the gun was yours or your uncle, so we needed to plant one more piece of evidence."

"The knife..." said Phoenix.

"No," said John Phoenix. "It was actually a fork." He presented the knife. "That's why my fingerprints are on the knife, because it's the one Pearl handed to Apollo during the party, and he had flesh colored gloves with fingerprints that matched mine."

Phoenix: ...that's not a thing.

Edgeworth: Also, a fork? Where did that come from?

"But that's a knife," objected Uncle Phoenix. "A knife is not a fork. It is a different implement."

"Uncle Phoenix, be quiet. You are wrong. Everyone, kindly visualize a three pronged fork, the kind used at the birthday party."

Everyone did so.

"Okay, now what?" asked the judge, eyes closed.

"Remove the two prongs on the side."

"Okay... by jove!" The judge's eyes fluttered open. "When you remove the two prongs from a three pronged fork, the middle prong becomes a KNIFE!"

Apollo: That's...not how it works.

Trucy: Yet another thing that doesn't work in this story.

"And that is how my fingerprints got on the 'knife.'"

Everyone applauded, genius, John Phoenix.

"It appears you've figured it all out, John Phoenix," said Kumar Timalsina. "Manfred's plan to revive his leader... my plan to ruin your life..."

"Actually, you told us that," said Uncle Phoenix.

Kumar ignored him. John Phoenix is a genius and had made him tell. "Killing Pearl wasn't intended, but it aligned perfectly with my aims. To destroy you in court."

"You lose, Timalsina," said John Phoenix.

"No, I do not lose, you lose!"

Kumar Timalsina stole the bailiff's gun and aimed it John Phoenix!

Phoenix: Oh good. The inevitable confrontation that will probably result in John somehow being able to survive.

Edgeworth: At least there's only one chapter left.

Trucy: How will it end folks? How will it end?

Apollo: Let's get this over with and find out.

Phoenix: At least we'll be free of this story.

Prologue 3

Apollo: But that's not even...never mind! Let's just keep going!

Kumar Timalsina threw the gun to John Phoenix! Everyone gasped!

"Now it's time for my perfect revenge!" Kumar extended his index finger. "I am going to make you kill yourself, John Phoenix, just like you made my father! Put that gun in your mouth and pull the trigger! Nobody likes you! Everyone hates you!"

Phoenix: Oh thank you. He says what we're all thinking!

Edgeworth: Now if only that would actually happen.

John Phoenix put the gun in his mouth.

"NO JOHN PHOENIX HE'S LYING!" cried Uncle Phoenix.

The judge stood up. "Good lord! Stop!" He got out of his chair and ran to John Phoenix.

Kumar grinned evilly, but instead of killing himself, John Phoenix fired through the judge's robe and shot Natan Ingram!

"It appears you seriously misjudged my psychology, Timalsina," said John Phoenix. "It will cost you your case."


Phoenix: Also, I think the case isn't that important right now.

He bowed as everyone cried tears of relief.

Natan crawled out leaking blood and guts and pulled at Edgeworth's pant leg.

"Miles... help me..." he gurgled.

Instead of helping his husband, Edgeworth stole the second bailiff's gun!

"Father, no!" cried Kumar.

Natan tried to crawl away. "Miles, please! Remember our wedding vows!"

"Till death do us part," recited Miles. "Now here comes the death part."

He blew off Natan's head and blood sprayed everywhere!

"Father, how could you!" cried Kumar.

Edgeworth regarded his adopted son coldly over his shoulder. "I never loved you or Natan, Kumar. I only married him and adopted you and Irfran to stop your evil plot. Rumors of your scheming and attraction to children reached my office."

Apollo: Sorry, Mr. Edgeworth. Looks like fic-you wasn't actually smart after all.

Edgeworth: I'm so upset at that. Clearly.

"Edgeworth... how does adopting a pedophile and marrying his best friend follow from that?" asked Phoenix.

"They say keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. I did it to learn of their plan, and so I could stop them before they could carry it out. I only pretended to hate John Phoenix to sell the illusion, but unfortunately, Kumar started giving me amnesia pills in my tea. I got amnesia and forgot that I was only pretending to hate John Phoenix. Thankfully I figured out how he was drugging me."

"I knew that," said John Phoenix.

Phoenix: One, no you didn't. Two, what kind of plan is that?

Trucy: A terrible one.

Now John Phoenix and Edgeworth pointed their guns at Kumar and Emperor aimed his boomerang in an epic team up.

"Now, to escort you to prison," said Edgeworth.

Kumar chuckled. "Too bad you forgot one thing, Miles."

"What's that?"

"The third bailiff!" He stole the bailiff's gun and dragged Mia out of the gallery! He wrapped an arm around her neck and held the gun to her head.

"Help" said Mia.

Phoenix: That's quite the concern coming from fic-Mia.

Edgeworth: And something tells me that John wouldn't care much about that.

"Oh no! Mia!" cried Phoenix. John Phoenix and Edgeworth reluctantly dropped their guns.

"I want..." Kumar began. "No, I DEMAND a police helicopter out of here. And I want it filled with underage girls. NOW!" He shook Mia and pressed the barrel harder against her temple. She winced. "Don't think I'll hesitate to kill her! Adult women mean nothing to me! I'm Kumar Timalsina, bitch!"

All: ...

Speakers: ...let's just move on.

There didn't seem to be anything they could do. Kumar had the upper hand. But then John Phoenix got an idea. He borrowed Emperor's boomerang and threw it at Mia! When it came back it brought Mia with it, safe and sound.


Trucy: That's a whole lotta no.

"NO!" screamed Kumar, pressing up against the wall behind his desk, trying to aim his gun everywhere at once. Just then a gigantic hulking monster crashed trough the wall behind him! It was Nightwing! He had a prison guard in each hand and he was eating them. The steroids John Phoenix had forced him to take in prison had turned him into a mindless beast with only one desire, to kill the prosecutor who ruined his life!

Phoenix: Wait, the pro wrestler client from the beginning?

Edgeworth: Also, what the heck is this?

"Stay back, you monster!" screamed Kumar. He fired his gun at Nightwing but it had no effect. Nightwing threw the guards away and did cool wrestling moves on Kumar Timalsina and pounded his scrawny pedophile body to death. Then he started eating his corpse.

Apollo: Because THAT'S what this fic needed. MORE CANNIBALISM!

"Good work, Nightwing," said John Phoenix. "I planned this." He fired a tranquilizer gun at him and Nightwing fell down. "Now back to prison where you belong." John Phoenix couldn't help but feel a little sorry. It wasn't really his fault Nightwing was like this. Society had made him this way. Winners don't do drugs.

Phoenix: Um...shouldn't the prosecutor proving to be a forger warrant a retrial for him?

"I find John Phoenix NOT GUILTY!"

Everyone cheered and colorful construction paper fell from the ceiling. John Phoenix would not accept small pieces of confetti. All of John Phoenix's friends carried him on their shoulders to the defense lobby.

"Thank you for saving me, John Phoenix," said Mia. She shuddered. "I'm glad that pedophiliac monster is finally gone."

Apollo: And we're glad the fic is almost done.

"It's too bad Apollo is dead," said Trucy. "If it had been you in that tank, you would have definitely lived! You are amazing!"

"Nice work, kid," said Godot.

"Great job, John Phoenix," said Maya. "You too, Nick!"

"Thanks, Maya!"

Phoenix: At least fic-me gets a little bit of acknowledgement.

Trucy: That wasn't much.

She and Phoenix were about to high five. John Phoenix screamed, "No, Uncle Phoenix, look out!" He quickly shouldered his uncle to the ground and knocked him out of harm's way. Then he used the bailiff's gun and emptied the entire magazine into Maya with perfect accuracy while strafing and taking cover behind random people.

She lay face down. Her big toe twitched.

"She's still alive! Get down!" cried John Phoenix from behind his smoking gun.

Edgeworth roundhouse kicked women and children to the floor. "Leave this one to me." He pulled out his own gun he stole from the bailiff and did tactical somersaults around Maya, snapping off rounds until she was nothing more than a pile of blood on the floor.

All: ...

Edgeworth: Okay, fic. How is this supposed to be the best course of action?

Phoenix stared down. An eyeball floated down a rivulet of blood ending at the tip of his shoe. "Why."

Why? You see, John Phoenix had noticed she had a broken fingernail. Somehow, this meant she was evil.

All: ...

[Everyone proceeds to start banging their heads against the seats in front of them.]

"You see, if she had been good, all her nails would have been broken, from chewing them in anxiety when I was in danger of a guilty verdict. But she didn't. Only one fingernail was broken, because she bit down on it in anger, because I didn't get a guilty verdict. She is a terrorist."

"Amazing use of psychology, John Phoenix," said Edgeworth. "You are a genius."

Edgeworth: That logic is so terrible I think we should just move on.

Everyone else: Agreed.

"Even I have to admit it," said Emperor.

"But... did you have to kill her for that?" asked Phoenix.

"She had poison on her hands, Uncle Phoenix, that would have killed you instantly if she touched you. She was working for Manfred von Karma all along. That's why she invited them to the party, so they could use the Big Magatama and channel John Dragon. She was evil all along. Both Mayas are evil. There was never a Good Maya, except perhaps in your easily fooled mind."

Phoenix cried a single tear. "Oh, well, good eye then, John Phoenix."

Phoenix: Way to retcon this crap!

"No. Good eyes. I used both eyes. Both of my eyes deserve equal respect and recognition."

"You're right. Thank you, John Phoenix's eyes, for both of you."

Apollo: This was entirely necessary.

Just then Manfred von Karma's brain ran by underfoot and tripped people up.

"So long, fools! I shall return some day! Ha ha ha!" He managed to escape through a mouse hole somehow. John Phoenix stared at the hole. Life was really so hard sometimes. I'm not sure what I should put here or what was going through his head, but it was probably poignant and related to all the stuff he had done in his life, and all the stuff he had yet to do. Edgeworth laid a hand on his shoulder.

Edgeworth: This was just lazy, even for this author's standards.

Phoenix: I just want this to end.


"Don't worry, John Phoenix, we'll get him some day. Also... my mother has a surprise..."

Morgan le Fey walked in leading the other terrorist friends by chains.

"Morgan?" gasped Merlin. "What are you doing here?"

"I am good now." She waved her hand and Larry and Apollo came back to life. "Your friends came back to life."

Apollo: Oh come on! I thought I was free from my dignity being shattered by this story!

Phoenix: We're never free from this story.

"Wow! Great news!" said Uncle Phoenix.

John Phoenix shook Larry's hand. It was the least he could for a man who had accidentally sacrificed his life for Apollo Justice instead of John Phoenix. Just then a bullet crashed through the window. It was John Phoenix's mother's soul bullet! She was alive after all.

"John Phoenix's mom?" gasped Trucy. "Is that really her?"

"Yes, it is," said John Phoenix. "She found her way home from the rubble of Khurain City."

Apollo: Oh good. Because we really needed that.

Trucy: Also, can we really call her alive if her soul is trapped in a bullet?

"Heh... that Kumar fucker is finally dead, John Phoenix won, and my sister's back," said Larry. "Now we can all relax, huh?"

"No..." said John Phoenix, clenching his mother in his fist. She was very agitated. "Manfred von Karma is still out there. And so is the true mastermind..."

Larry, Phoenix, and Edgeworth shared a confused look.

Edgeworth: Wait...what is this story talking about?


In an ancient dungeon under the governor's castle, Storm Sente and Argus Hakan spoke to a mysterious robed man.

"Professor Layton," asked Argus, "is it true you have an evil brother named Prosecutor Layton? And that he's Kumar Timalsina's real father and an old associate of Charlie Lawrence?"

Phoenix: ...excuse me? Prosecutor Layton? Charlie Lawrence? What is this supposed to be?

Apollo: No idea.


Carlos Flavioli and Acro emerged from a dark crevice, riding in their wheelchairs, which were actually guns.

"Storm, it's exactly as you thought," said Flavoli. "The vultures Phoenix Wright saw in the heavenly hall were circling the floor because there was a dying person under the floorboards."

Acro glared. "We have finally located the real Principal Buddy Johnson."

Edgeworth: ...what? The real Buddy Johnson?

Apollo: Is this building up to something?

Storm put his hands in his pockets and stared at a torch on the wall, the fire reflecting off his glasses.

"All the pieces of the puzzle are finally falling into place," he said. "The real truth behind the FemCon incident... behind the Morix law offices... behind Dylan Fitchar's disappearance... and behind John Phoenix's birth."

The End

(Yes, this is really the last chapter. There are no more epilogues or prologues.)

Apollo: Wait...are they saying we're gonna get more of this?

Trucy: I think so.


[The lights turn on.]

All: *defeated because they have to do another story in the future*

Phoenix: Well...might as well give our thoughts.

Trucy: I'll start. This story is probably worse than the first one! I mean, the writing is as terrible as ever, John's a terrible character and the plot makes no sense!

Phoenix: In addition, this fic does one of the biggest no-no's in story-telling: directly going after other people's work and disparaging it. Not only does this author claim three of another author's OCs as their own, but they purposefully distort them to fit their feud with that author.

Edgeworth: And beyond that, there's plenty of twists that don't make sense and have no foreshadowing at all to build them up. If you want to have twists, fine. But give the readers some foreshadowing. Give clues that this could be real.

Apollo: And worst of all, this series looks as if it'll continue! Why?! Why do we need this to continue?!

Phoenix: Because we haven't suffered enough, it seems.

Edgeworth: We never suffer enough for this theater, it seems.

Speakers: You've got that right. Now get outta here.

[And so the sporkers leave the theater and try their best to get what they saw out of their minds. Will this godawful series continue? Will it get any better? I doubt that one but one can still hope. Stay tuned...]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I've been working on this for a really long time, back when the last sporking was posted in 2019 and no sporkings for months. I know DJJ68o has posted some sporkings since then, but I admit I'm too lazy to change the intro, so apologies for that. Regardless, it's still been awhile since this thread has been updated, and an even longer time since I did a sporking, but I miss this thread and sporking in general. So, I'm back. And if I'm the only who will use this thread from now on then so be it. I miss the days when I could just spork some Ace Attorney fanfictions, lol.

Title- Twelve Charms: Chapters 4 and 5
Rating- :sahwit: :sahwit:
Once again, I'm back to this fic. I want to spork the whole thing. Like I said when I sporked chapter three, I don't think it's that bad, in fact I sort of like it. It's obvious the author was just having some harmless fun writing this thing. Anyway, here's the link for my sporking of chapter 3 and Ben Lyon's sporking of chapter 1 and chapter 2. It's been a while so sorry if I'm rusty! :payne:

Welcome aboard our sporkers!

Hobo Phoenix!
:hobolaugh: "Haha, ready to read more bad fanfics, everybody?"
Apollo Justice!"
:apollo-shock: "I don't see anything to be laughing at, Mr. Wright…"
and Trucy Wright
:sillytrucy: "Ehehe… I agree with Polly, Daddy. I thought this place had finally closed down…"

[We begin in our underused but beloved sporking theatre. Don't let the management know that I've told you, but we almost got foreclosed! Luckily-]

Speakers: Hey, narrator? Shut up.


Trucy: Um, management? Where have you guys been? We really all thought this place had shut down for good.

Speakers: …Y'know, I really want to be cocky and be like "mwahaha, you can never escape this place!" but I can see why you all might've thought that. To be honest, I'm currently the only one of management who's here right now and decided to open the place. It's just me and the narrator right now, but I'm certain old members will return or new one's will join. And if not… then you guys are stuck with me because I'm not going anywhere!

Trucy: Wow, you sound kind of lonely…

Speakers: …Don't read too much into it. Anyway, since it's just me and I'm poor, don't expect any popcorn. I did all I could to clean the place and fix everything we need for the bare minimum sporking experience. So, enjoy! The theatre is happy to see guests once again!

Trucy: Hmm, it sounds like the management is being nice for once!

Apollo: If they're so nice, do you think they'd let us go home?

Phoenix: Come now, Apollo, let's not be like that. The management clearly made an effort so let's entertain them for once, eh?

Apollo: Do you remember what they've put us through?

Trucy: I agree with Daddy, actually. Let's be cooperative just this once! Besides, how bad can it be?

Apollo: Oh, very bad. But fine, I'll play along but don't be surprised when I say I told you so.

Trucy: I don't think you will! Do you remember what we're reading? It's that self-insert fic that isn't very good, but not "ahh, erase my memory!" bad.

Speakers: Speaking of that, let's roll the fic! This intro is getting too long.

Chapter 4
Field Trippin'

Apollo: What kind of title is that?

Trucy: She's trying to be hip!

Apollo: Sounds more like some old person trying too hard to be cool. Honestly, this title makes me think of… some illegal drugs.

Phoenix: Hmm, that'd actually make this fic interesting…

Trucy: *gasp* Daddy, don't say that!

Phoenix: Heh, sorry Truce, but it's true.

Hey Micki, check this out!" Trucy exclaimed.

I had been skimming over about twenty pamphlets trying to find something about a gate.


"Micki, stop reading those, it's a field trip!"

Trucy smacked the last pamphlet out of my hand.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I really just want to figure out this puzzle-riddle thing."

Apollo: So… what is going on again? It's been two years since Trucy and I had read this story. Please refresh our memories, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: Well-

Trucy: Oooh, oooh, I remember! …Kind of. In the last chapter we were going on a field trip so fic-me could find a charm for Micki's bracelet, and we played with an old Gameboy on the subway!

Phoenix: Very good, Trucy! I'm very proud of you for remembering. I'll give you some pudding when we get home.

Trucy: Yay!

Apollo: (…I almost miss seeing Mr. Wright and Trucy interact like this.)

"Hey, I'm the key to the next puzzle! I'll know when we've found the charm!" she went on. "Now let's enjoy the field trip!"

Apollo: …That's not very good logic.

Phoenix: *shrugs* Seems reasonable enough to me.

Apollo: Seriously? What, when you were a lawyer did you just go to random places hoping to find clues?

Phoenix: …Heh, what do you take me for, Apollo?

Trucy: Polly, don't be so mean to daddy. You do the same thing.

Apollo: …! I-I guess, but at least I don't think I'll find clues just because.

We had ditched a lecture from Ms. Roberts (dear lord) by saying we had to use the bathroom. Not that it was a lie; I really did have to use the restroom. But we walked to the ladies' room until we turned the hallway and were out of Phoenix and Apollo's sight.

Trucy: So… then we didn't actually go to the bathroom if we just walked there but never went in. If Micki said she wasn't lying that she had to use the restroom, why didn't she just go when we were there?

Phoenix: You know how these fics are Truce, that'd make too much sense.

Trucy: Yeah, but the author doesn't seem incompetent…

Apollo: I'm just going to theorize that she was too bored to pay attention to what she was writing.

Then we ran straight there. The bathroom was all the way across the museum, so we decided to follow the exhibits near the bathroom.

Trucy: So… we went to a different bathroom? Why?

Apollo: Trucy, it's honestly not worth this much effort to think about. Let's just drop it.

Phoenix: I don't know Apollo, I like Trucy's effort. You should take some tips from her.

Apollo: H-Hey! Are you saying that I don't try hard enough?

Phoenix: *smiles* Of course not.

Apollo: …Hmph.

"So boring..." I groaned. I thought this would be more exciting. "Don't they have an exhibit on astronomy or the zodiac?"

"Agreed. I think astronomy is on the third floor, wanna head up?" suggested Trucy.

"Dear lord, please!"

Apollo: I'm actually really good at astronomy, so if you guys wanted to learn some more about it you could always ask me…

Trucy: Aw, Polly! If I knew you wanted to sound like an expert in something I would've asked!

Apollo: What? No! That's not what I meant. It's just something I used to do with Clay a lot…

Trucy: O-Oh. Well, I know it's not the same but if you'd like we can go to an astronomy exhibit together sometime.

Apollo: *nods* That'd be nice. Thank you, Trucy.

Trucy and I ran for the elevator, and then I bumped into something red. Trucy and I bumped into Poliwag (Okay, I like Pokémon, deal with it) and Phobos.

Apollo: P-Poliwag?

Phoenix: Phobos…?

Trucy: Hahaha, that's actually kind of funny!

Speakers: Agreed. If I could afford to have Discord play management right now, he would turn you two into the Pokemon characters, that'd be a treat. Hahaha!

Apollo: Yeah guys, laugh it up. I, for one, am glad that the management is too poor.

Phoenix: Also, I think Apollo would be a better Victini. His hair matches Victini's ears.

Trucy: Good one, daddy! Hahaha!

Apollo: …

I looked over at Trucy.

We're so freaking dead.

"I-Is the lecture over?" questioned Trucy carefully.

"Nah, but we noticed you two left a little fast so we had a little investigation," responded Phoenix.


Phoenix: Oh yeah, I can't wait for fic-me to yell at Micki and Trucy, maybe we'll finally get some entertainment.

Trucy: Aw, but Daddy…

Apollo: I don't know, I don't really think fic-you is going to yell at them. And if he does, then that means he's out of character, since you're not really much on, uh, disciplining.

Phoenix: I don't really need to discipline because Trucy is a good girl. I'm so lucky to have such a well-behaved daughter, haha.

Trucy: Aww, thanks Daddy. You're the best!

Apollo: …

"Why are you giving us that look?" asked Apollo. "It's not like you're in trouble."

"Say what?" I was shocked.

"You gave us an excuse to leave. Dammit, no wonder I always get notes from your teacher about you two passing notes," said Phoenix. "I nearly passed out when only two minutes passed."

"What else is new?" Apollo whispered.

Trucy: Wow, if that teacher is that boring than she should've never been hired!

Apollo: Trucy, they can't fire teachers just because they're boring.

Phoenix: That's not what she meant. She means that if she's that boring then whoever interviewed her for the job shouldn't have been able to stay awake long enough to hire her.

Trucy: Mmhm! Hehe, great minds think alike!

Apollo: So what, my mind's not great?

Trucy: No, it is! It's just, ummm…. averagely great!

Apollo: Gee, thanks.

Phoenix smacked him over the head with a plastic grape juice bottle.

"What the hell?" yelled Apollo.

"I'm giving you the same discipline Mia gave me," answered Phoenix.

"At least I didn't always look at her chest, pervert!"

"I didn't look at her chest! I've seen you drool a little when you see pictures of her!"

"I don't drool!"

Trucy and I watched for awhile. Then it got boring.

Phoenix: Ah, of course. We can't read a fic here without one of those "pfftt, men," segments in it. How I love these segments.

Apollo: I know, so entertaining and original, am I right?

Trucy: Yep. Oh well, at least it's still better than the last chapter with the Gameboy.

"Hey! Break it up! Do not make me press the run button!" I shouted while pulling out my gameboy camera.

Phoenix and Apollo clamped their mouths shut.

Apollo: Imagine if that's all it took to shut us up? Hahaha.

Phoenix: Hahaha!

Trucy: I don't know… But with you two, it seems a little realistic.

Phoenix: Come now Trucy, you think too little of us. Besides, didn't we already settle this debate in the last sporking?

Trucy: Hmmm… maybe? I don't remember it too well. But hey, maybe I'll buy one of those off of eBay and test it out! Anybody want to lend me some money?

Apollo: Don't look at me.

Phoenix: Haha, sorry Trucy, but it's a no.

Trucy: …Management?

Speakers: Hell no. Didn't I already say I was broke?

Trucy: Awwww…

[The gang go to the third floor for whatever reason and the scene ends.]

After my school was kicked out of the museum, my teachers said that we can go explore the city and return back to the subway in three hours.

Phoenix: Kicked out? What the heck did we do in the museum? And why is the teacher just letting the kids roam free in the city? That sounds very dangerous.

Apollo: …Mr. Wright, kicked out is just used as an expression here.

Trucy: Y'know, I really hate when people do that. If you say you were kicked out then I expect a fun story with police dragging you out of the place! Same with people saying they "passed out." If you say that then I expect a dramatic story about waking up in the hospital with people crying over you, not that you just fell asleep. It's so boring!

Apollo: Uhhh, since when is being arrested or going to the hospital fun?

Trucy: It's not, but the story is fun!

Apollo: …I worry about you sometimes, Trucy.

Gate... gate... Argh! Why can't I think of anything?

"Alright, so what's this gate business?" asked Phoenix. "You've been thinking about that all day."

"I told you to stop doing that!" I yelled.

"It doesn't take an idiot to realize that," said Apollo.

Apollo: Well, at least the author doesn't think we're all idiots like most of these fanfics do.

Phoenix: I don't know, I think they're portraying me in particular as kind of dumb.

Apollo: How so? The author literally made you a mind-reader!

Phoenix: *shrugs* Maybe not exactly dumb but more like incompetent. I don't like how the author is portraying my parenting as too lax, or making me too gullible.

Apollo: … (But… you do have those traits…)

Trucy: Don't worry, I know you're a smart guy, Daddy!

Phoenix: Haha, thanks Trucy.

I sighed. "Hey Trucy, are there any other names for a gate?"

"Not that I know of," she told me.

"Do you guys know any?" I questioned them.

"I think they can also be called yett or port," Apollo replied.

Phoenix: Although, fic-you in particular, Apollo, is quite smart. I think the author has a crush! After all, I never knew a gate could be called a "yett!"

Apollo: *turning red* H-Hey, this underage author doesn't have a crush, she just has a favorite character! You wouldn't know how that feels!

Phoenix: Woah, 'Pollo, you're getting defensive there. Hahaha, I was just kidding.

Trucy: But look how cute Apollo is when he's blushing!

Apollo: Sh-Shut up…

Trucy and I stopped in our tracks.

A port?

"Something wrong?" asked Phoenix.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Trucy said facing me.

"Port of LA?" I inquired.


Trucy and I ran off to the harbor. We weaved through the crowds and through the streets. I began to smell the fresh, salty scent of the ocean breeze.

Trucy: Y'know, the author doesn't really do much descriptive narrative. So… when they do write some it just ends up sticking out like a sore thumb…

Phoenix: Also, I don't know if it's just me, but I've never smelt the ocean breeze as "salty."

We stopped running at the entrance to the warehouses when we realized that Phoenix and Apollo were having trouble keeping up. When they finally caught up, Phoenix was panting hard and Apollo was laying on the ground.

"How.. do... you... run... so... fast...?" Phoenix asked through pants.

"I take track and cross-country year-round," I answered.

"What... about... Trucy...?" Apollo gasped, sounding like he had less air than Phoenix.

"I go on her runs," Trucy said.

Phoenix: Y'know Author, the fact that you said that Apollo was laying on the ground would logically mean that he was more out of breath than me; repeating it just made it redundant. Also, I'm not gonna lie, Apollo would probably be in better condition than me. He is younger after all, and I've never been the most in-shape guy…

Apollo: I think the part of me lying on the ground was supposed to be comical… I see that even the author likes to tease me…

Trucy: Aw, that just means she likes you! Maybe even like likes you…

Apollo: N-NO! We already had this conversation! Moving on!

After waiting until Phobos and Poliwag caught their breaths, we ventured down to the warehouses.

Apollo: So how long are these Pokémon jokes going to last?

Phoenix: Possibly the whole fic.

Apollo: …Yay.


We turned around a saw a man in a dark suit approach. I examined his face so I wouldn't forget: faint scar over left cheek, dark eyes, nicely combed hair, glasses.

Who the hell is this?

Phoenix: An evil OC.

Trucy: How can you already tell that he's evil?

Phoenix: Just by the fact that the author even bothered to describe him. Plus, he has a scar and nice hair. All villains have scars and nice hair. Matt Engarde, Kristoph…

Trucy: Wow, you're so smart, Daddy!

Apollo: …But that just means the author is being unoriginal.

Phoenix: Nah-ah, it means that they're staying true to the style of the games.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Phoenix Wright that… ah, you know what? Forget it. Just for today I won't care. Consider it a present.

Trucy: Wow, I guess the management becoming poor made them apathetic too!

Apollo: Sounds relatable.

"I'll handle this." Phoenix whispered.

"Hey." greeted Phoenix without a smile.

"May I ask what your business is?" the man asked.

"What's yours?"

"Ahem, I am James Smith, the real estate agent for these warehouses. What is your business?"

Phoenix: Smith? Seriously? Might as well have just named him John Doe and have him be Shelly de Killer walking around. He fits the scar and nice hair theory after all.

Trucy: Hmm… maybe it's de Killer's brother who also lacks the talent of coming up with original names?

Phoenix: You know what? I like that theory, Trucy. I'm going to headcannon it as fact in this fic.

Apollo: Mr. Wright, you know a term such as "headcannon?"

Phoenix: Well, fans of the series like to make up headcannons about us all the time… So it would be silly pretending that I don't know it.


Phoenix: *smiles*

Apollo: (He's planning on taking full advantage of the management's "present," isn't he?)

"My dad works here!" Apollo quickly exclaimed before Phoenix could come up with something. "It's my day off and I came to visit him!"

"Oh, do you need a guide?"

"We're good! My dad's warehouse is pretty vacant, it'll be easy to spot!"

"Uh... alright then'" James seemed to get suspicious, but he turned and walked away.

Phoenix: Not for long. We'll probably see him later with a gun.

Trucy: Ooooh, yay! Then some action might actually happen!

Apollo: …I'm sporking with a bunch of sadists. This is actually happening. I can't believe you guys are actually having fun.

Trucy: *cheeky grin* Learn to embrace the pain, Polly!

Apollo: … (I'm scared.)

We waited until the man was far enough away. We turned and continued to the warehouses.

"Wow Polly, I didn't know you were such a good liar!" complimented Trucy.

"That's because I'm not," Apollo admitted. "Didn't you see how loud I was?"

"He was a little suspicious when he walked away," Phoenix pointed out.

Apollo: Huh, something in character. I have to admit I'm not the best liar in the world…

Trucy: That's an understatement! You're as easy to read as a first grade book!

Apollo: Hey… I'm not that easy to read! …Am I?

Phoenix: Well, it's usually pretty easy to tell what you're thinking but there are occasional times when I'm surprised to not be able to tell what you're thinking.

Apollo: …Good to know.

I noticed after a little while of walking, Trucy had taken the lead.

"You know where you're going, right Truce?" I questioned.

"I think I do," she replied.

We continued on like this until we reached an abandoned looking warehouse.

Apollo: I have a bad feeling about this…

"So, the next charm is here, Trucy?" Phoenix inquired.

"I guess," she answered.

Phoenix tried to open the doors, but there was a lock the them.


"Relax, daddy," Trucy said, pulling out a hairpin. "I got this. Gimme thirty seconds."

Trucy: *gasp* W-WHAAT?!? ME!?

Apollo: Geez, calm down Trucy. It's actually pretty cool to know how to pick locks!

Trucy: Yeah, but I would do it with magic! I wouldn't need any bobby pins like some thief! I've got more class than that!

???: Did someone say thief?

[Everyone looks up. Kay is hanging from a rope ladder in the ceiling. Hey, long time no see, Kay!]

Phoenix: Kay! I haven't seen you enter the theatre like this in… a very, very long time!

Apollo: Yeah, I thought the management figured out a way around that?

Kay: Mwahahaha, I have my ways! Besides, this place has been empty for months, so no one's even been around to see what I was doing! And Trucy, you should know better! A thief is very classy!

Trucy: *pouts*

Apollo: (I think the author managed to offend Trucy…)

Kay: Well anyway, I've got things to do, truth to steal. See ya later! *smoke bombs away*

Phoenix: Huh, it was nice to see her, actually.

Apollo: *shouts* Wait, come back! Take me with you!


Apollo: Dammit.

She knelt down and stuck a pin into the lock. Not even thirty second later, I heard a click and the sound of metal dropping heavily onto the ground.

Holy crap!


"Trucy, when did you learn to pick a lock like that?" asked Apollo.

"Oh, the last time Daddy visited Mr. Edgeworth a few years ago, his assistant Kay taught me how."

Phoenix: Ah, good ol' Kay being a bad influence as always. I should probably talk to Edgeworth about that.

Apollo: But you've got to admit it's a useful ability.

Phoenix: Useful, yes. But I don't want Trucy involved in criminal activity like that.

Apollo: *looks at Trucy still pouting* Trust me, I don't think you need to worry about that.

"Remind me not to take you there when Kay comes," Phoenix said under his breath. I noticed there was some pain in his eyes when Trucy said "Edgeworth".

Phoenix: Ah, of course. The good ol' "Phoenix stopped talking to his old friends after he was disbarred" headcannon. That's a good one.

Apollo: It was probably used to write some angst fanfics, right?

Phoenix: Of course. Everyone just loves some character tension fueled by angst, after all.

"That's quite enough."

I turned and saw James pointing a gun straight at us.

Trucy: Wow, you were right on the money, daddy.

Apollo: (Looks like she gained some of her spirit back…)

Phoenix: Well, I have to admit that I'm not that great of a predictor, haha. The person writing this sporking already knew-

Speakers: WOAH, stop right there! I'm cool with some fourth wall breaking but I'm drawing the line at meta like this! Only some minor fourth wall breaking is allowed, OK?

Phoenix: *shrugs* It was worth a shot.

[The lights turns on, illuminating the haphazardly cleaned theatre.]

Phoenix: *stretches* Well, glad that's over. Now let's-

Speakers: Not so fast, today's session is a double feature. I'm just giving ya'll a moment to stretch your legs.

Apollo: Gee, thanks.

Speakers: No problem!

Trucy: Hmmm, management? Did you notice how dusty this place is?

Speakers: Yes, we don't have a Janitor anymore. I cleaned the best I could this morning, I'll do a more deep cleaning later. Now if you would all return to your seats-

Trucy: Have no fear, management! Polly will clean for you!

Apollo: *sputter* Wh-Wh-WHATTT? Like I would ever help this theatre run this… this business!

Trucy: Polly, you forget that I'm the head of Wright Anything Agency! So when I give you a job, you do it!

Phoenix: *shrugs* Hey, she's the boss.

Apollo: *grumbles*

Speakers: Well, thank you for the help! Now let's roll the fic!

Spoiler: Chapter 5
Chapter 5

Apollo: Oooh, I'm on the edge of my seat. *rolls eyes*

Trucy: Me too! What do you think's going to happen, daddy?

Phoenix: Heh, I don't know, Trucy. Let's just keep reading to find out.

Apollo: Sigh…

"It's over'" James said. "Give me the bracelet and go in peace."

"Hey! No one threatens my daughter without dealing with me first!" Phoenix screamed, getting all riled up.

Phoenix ran up and punched James in the face.

Phoenix: Woah, way to go, fic-me! Usually that's Apollo's trademark.

Apollo: Hey, that was literally only twice out of all this time that you've known me! It's not my "trademark!"

Trucy: Hmmm, but it's kind of a cool trademark? After all, if you're willing to just go up to strangers and punch them in the face, then you must be pretty fearless!

Apollo: F-Fearless? Hmmm, I actually like the sound of that…

Trucy: …Until I remember how pale you get when you think about heights, hehe.

Apollo: …Way to ruin my coolness, Trucy.

James, not expecting this, fires the gun, but missed. Phoenix tackles James to the ground.

"Daddy!" screeched Trucy.

Apollo turned and pushed Trucy and I into the warehouse. I heard him stick a board into the handles of the door on the outside.

"Apollo!" I yelled as I banged on the door to get out. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Let us out, Polly!" Trucy shouted.

"It's for your own good! Obviously the charm is important so you guys have to get it!" Apollo argued.

Phoenix: I'm not too sure about that. I don't think some silly bracelet is really worth risking out lives over.

Apollo: Agreed.

Trucy: Also fic-Polly is kind of dumb here. What if something bad happens to him and daddy? How are Micki and I going to get out of the warehouse if there's no one to remove the wooden plank from the doors?

Apollo: Yeah, that was really dumb of fic-me.

"Don't be ridiculous, it's just a charm!" Trucy shot back.

Everyone: Agreed.

"I'm not going to argue about this! I'm going to go help Mr. Wright!" Apollo retorted. "Just get that charm!"

I heard Apollo's heavy footsteps as he ran away.

"POLLY! APOLLO! LET US OUT!" Trucy hollered.

I sighed. "Trucy, calm down. Just take a deep breath and relax."

"I can't! Daddy and Polly are out there and they could be dead!"

Phoenix: I mean, we're probably not dead yet, Apollo just locked the door a second ago. I'm pretty sure we're smart enough to hold our own for at least a few minutes.

Apollo: Yeah, but fic-Trucy is the only character so far who has some sense here. Mr. Wright and I are just being reckless over some dumb bracelet for some girl we barely even know.

"Trucy, they're trying to protect us. I'm sure they'll be fine. Do you need a hug?"

Trucy grabbed onto me and gripped me tightly.

Damn, I hope what I said is true. They better not be dead.

Trucy sighed. "Let's do this."

Phoenix: Wow, apparently Micki is really good at comforting people, because after just one hug Trucy seems to forget that we could be dead.

Apollo: Yeah, Trucy, I thought you cared.

Trucy: Aww, but I do! See, fic-me is just trusting you guys to take down James!

Apollo: …Well, that's actually in your character…

Trucy: See! You guys should trust me, too!

We took a look around. Inside fishing boats, inside crates and barrels, hanging off of hooks and lures.

Oh, where the hell is it?

"Hey, what's that up there?" Trucy questioned.

I squinted at a little brown and white thing hanging from the ceiling, but I couldn't tell what it was.

"I can't see it, it's to high up," I said.

Trucy jumped onto a crate, climbing onto bigger storage boxes. She peered at the item.

"It's a rabbit charm with a piece of paper!" she shouted to me. "I think I can reach it!"

Apollo: Oh good, let's see if this rabbit was really worth all the trouble.

Phoenix: I really don't think so, Apollo…

I saw her slowly try to grab the charm. She reached for the charm, but each time she failed to even grip the rabbit. As she neared the edge, I became more and more worried.

"Oh god, please be okay."

Trucy got as close to the edge as possible. I extended her arm out towards the rabbit.

Trucy: Wait, why did Micki extend my arm for me? Couldn't I do it myself?

Phoenix: Hahaha, you know how these fics are, Trucy. The perfect character insert has to do everything, even things the other characters are supposed to do!

Trucy: Aw, but that's no fun!

The her hands surrounded the little charm and paper. She pulled on the item, but she lost her balance. She fell headfirst onto a crate about twelve feet from where she was standing.

"Trucy!" I shouted as I rapidly climbed the boxes. "Are you okay?"

"Yo!" she shouted back. "I'm fine! I got the charm!"

I reached her. Trucy was sitting up with a smile on her face. The charm hung from her grip.

"Let's put this thing on!" she exclaimed.

Apollo: Just like last time, I find it so funny how in these bad situations, everyone is more worried about new fashion accessories.

Trucy: I mean, we did go through all this trouble for it. We might as well admire it when we have the chance, I guess.

I held out my wrist and she clipped the charm to my bracelet. A bright green light flashed from my bracelet.

"Did you hear something?" asked Trucy.

I shook my head.

I guess she's experiencing what happened to me.

Trucy shrugged her shoulders. "Let's get outta here."

Apollo: I'm curious to see how you guys are going to do that, since idiot fic-me blocked the door from the outside. Now that I think about it, that's even more idiotic than I first thought. If James wanted to get to you, all he has to do is remove the wood I put there.

Trucy: *pats Apollo on the back* There there, Polly, I know you were just panicked and did the first thing you thought would help. It's not your fault that fic-you's first thought was something dumb.

Apollo: Not really changing my opinion there, Trucy…

We climbed down the mountain of crates and ran to the door. Then I remembered that Apollo stopped the door.


"Polly! Daddy! We got the charm, let us out!" Trucy yelled as she banged on the door.

"Somebody let us out!" I screamed.

We waited, for about seven minutes. No one answered.

Phoenix: So what were Trucy and Micki doing for those seven minutes? Just sitting there and staring at the door, doing nothing but breathing?

Apollo: …That's a weird question, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: *shrugs* I can't help but think about that every time I read about something similar. Seven minutes is a long time, after all.

"Hey, a saw!" said Trucy as she ran for the tool.

Trucy: Wow, look at the power of this convenient saw lying right there! If that wasn't there, Micki and I would be trapped in there until the end of time! Isn't that just amazing!?

Apollo: That reminds me of this game I played once that had a self-aware running gag where when the main character was in bad situations, he would randomly yell "Just what I need!" and run over to a box labeled "just what you need."

Trucy: Hahaha, I like that! At least they were smart enough to make it self aware. Can we have that in our games?

Phoenix: Hahaha, that's nice, but I don't think so.

Trucy: Aww…

[Micki and Trucy manage to saw the wood in half through the crack between the doors.]

We pushed on the door. We were met by a horrifying sight. Blood was all over the ground. Puddles of it were everywhere.

Oh my god...

"Daddy!" Trucy shrieked.

Phoenix: P-Puddles? Everywhere? Well that's it, we're dead.

Apollo: Aw, couldn't we at least die in a cooler way?

Trucy: Hmm, well if there actually were big puddles, then you guys should be dead. But I bet you two are going to live with nothing more than a few scratches!

Apollo: …You're probably right.

I saw Phoenix laying on his stomach. His beanie had fallen off and landed on the ground. Trucy and I ran up to him and turned him over. There was a wound in his stomach and a large gash in his left shoulder with blood gushing out. His face and skin were pale like a vampire's. I looked up and saw Apollo unconscious on his back. I ran up to him. There was a knife in his thigh and a gun wound in his right shoulder. Both had blood flowing out of it. I looked around. James was nowhere to be seen.

"I called 911,'" Trucy said. "They'll be here soon. Hickfield isn't too far away."

Trucy: Hey, that's right! If James really wanted the charm, why didn't he come after me and Micki after dealing with you guys?

Apollo: Meh, plot convenience. In any case, do you canonically have a cell phone, Trucy?

Trucy: Hmmm, I don't know. Why wouldn't I?

Apollo: Well, the games seem to like to push the fact that Mr. Wright is always broke… and he still has a Nokia cellphone from like, 2003.

Phoenix: …I'm pretty sure the Nokia phone is just a running gag at this point, hahaha.


We sat quietly without a word in the waiting room. It's the kind of silence that you want to talk but you're too shocked to. I looked at Trucy. She was gripping her father's beanie so tightly she looked liked she would rip it apart.

Phoenix: Hey, thanks for caring, Trucy.

Trucy: Of course! You can rely on me, Daddy!

Phoenix and Apollo had required emergency surgery. They've been in for a couple hours. It feels like forever since we were in the warehouse. Then I heard the song "Guilty Love" go off. It was Trucy's phone.

"It's Mr. Gavin. I'll let it ring," she said.

Trucy: I wonder why Prosecutor Gavin is calling me?

Apollo: Watch him be the next person who needs to find a charm.

Trucy: But what about you?

Phoenix: Since the author seems to be pushing Apollo as the love interest, he'll probably be saved for last.

Apollo: *grumble* I don't want to be the love interest…

[The nurse appears, and after saying that Phoenix and Apollo will make a full recovery, she allows Micki and Trucy to visit.]

The nurse reached the door at the end of the hall. She opened it. Phoenix and Apollo were still passed out in their beds. They each had bags full of blood flowing into their arm.

"They'll be asleep for a few hours," the nurse told us. "I'll leave you two alone. When they wake up, just give them the painkillers the doctor left."

Phoenix: What? Why is the nurse entrusting two strangers to do her job for her? That sounds like some sort of violation.

Apollo: Hmm, want to sue?

Phoenix: No thanks, I've never dealt with a civil case like that.

Apollo: …Right. Just wait until you meet Paul Atishon…

Phoenix: …Who? That sounds like a dumb name.

Apollo: Tell me about it.

The nurse shut the door and left us alone. Trucy walked over to her father.

Holy shit, is his hair natural? They can't be, it's too spiky!

Phoenix: Ah yes, hair jokes. But to answer the question, *runs hand over hair* my hair is completely natural. No hair gel here!

Trucy: Unlike Polly, right? Hahaha!

Apollo: …

I saw Trucy pick up her father's head and stuck his beanie over his hair. She stood by her father, gripping his hand.

I walked over to Apollo. He was still wearing that weird bracelet.

How the hell do you take that off?

Apollo: Just like any other bracelet.

Trucy: …But doesn't it respond to your body heat and tighten up so it will always fit snug?

Apollo: …What? You have some really strange ideas, Trucy.

Speakers: Actually, I was always under the same impression. How else would it let you know to use your perceive ability?

Apollo: Really? Well in that case, I guess it expands when it feels the heat while I push it through my hand? I don't know, I've never really thought about it. I just take it off.

I sat next to his bed and watched his chest rise and fall. These two idiots gave me such as scare, but Apollo had gone into shock from blood loss. Apparently the bullet hit an artery and he lost a lot of blood. Phoenix got lucky. He was shot near his stomach, but the bullet didn't do much damage. Though he lost blood from the wound in his shoulder.

I wish none of this ever happened. I wish I could turn back the clock.

Phoenix: Well, I can! Once this is over we'll use the teleporter and I'll go back to my time.

[The lights turn on.]

Phoenix: Well, I guess it really is over. Are we going to read another chapter?

Speakers: Not right now, I'm tired. Another day we will continue this fic. Now, everyone go home!

Apollo: Wow, you're really eager for us to leave.

Trucy: You are too, Polly. You always hate coming here.

Apollo: Yeah, you're right.

[Apollo and Trucy wave goodbye to Phoenix as the blue light from the teleporter begins to encase him. And thus ends another sporking adventure. Hope to see you all next time!]
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I’m still very fond of this thread and sporks.

I love how it has 69 pages.
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Hah, the bad fics sporked in these are really making me feel better about the crazy prompt I'm writing something for (it has something to do with Engarde). Some nostalgia of 2016 isn't complete without reading these.
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Well, first thing I do on this site is a sporking, I guess.

Today's fic, is Growth of an Iris, Rebirth of a Phoenix! By Butz the Klutz 52! Oh no.

Now, our sporkers!

Phoenix Wright, defender of JUSTICE!

:nick-sweat: I recognize that voice..! *Gulp*

Miles Edgeworth, who is legally required to be here!

:edgeworth: F-Fullbright!?

Iris, the human doormat without a last name!

:iris: I have a last name!

What is it, then?

:iris: ...

[Our sporkers walk into the theatre and sit down.

Edgeworth: Judging from the title of tonight's fic, you two'll be shipped.

Phoenix: At least I'm not shipped with you, Edgeworth.

Iris: What is, "Shipping?"

Edgeworth: Well, shipping is when someone pairs one person with another person from a game or tv show that they enjoy. Typically in fanfiction or fanart.

Iris: Oh... *Blushes*

Don't worry, Phoenix Wright! This will be well enough of a punishment for you! Introducing our two surprise sporkers!

Godot, the depressed toaster oven!

:godot: So this is why you visited Iris in prison over me.

:object: Hey!

And Pearl Fey, the first shipper!

:pearl: Hiya, Mr. Nick! What're we doing in this theater?

Sporking a fanfic shipping Phoenix with Iris!

Pearl: B-but!

Phoenix: Oh no...

Alright, everyone quiet down! Sporking, begin!

The lights dim.

Spoiler: Chapter 1
February 24, 2019

"Even after Dahlia Hawthorne was found guilty... I still believed in you"

Phoenix: Did the fanfic just, quote me?

Edgeworth: Yes. I presume this is one of the main reasons so many people ship you and Iris.

Pearl: *Gasp* Shame on you, Nick! Mystic Maya is your special someone!

Phoenix: Gack! Stop, please! No!

Those words kept on replaying inside her mind. It had been two weeks since the trial, but she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Iris: So the fic is through my perspective. Yay...

Godot: Y'know, I wouldn't really describe Trite as "still believing in you." I'd describe him more as "No! I refuse that Dollie is evil! WAAAAAH!"

Phoenix: How would you know? You were in a coma!

Godot: Well played, Trite.

She sat alone in her cell thinking about the young man who said these words. He was a man who was able to do the impossible and get his clients a "Not Guilty" verdict. He was a man who sought the truth. He was an Ace Attorney.

Phoenix: Oh god. That title drop. Draining, my essence...

Iris: Well, back all those years ago, you did make a lot of terrible puns.

Godot: And you still make terrible puns to this day, Trite.

Edgeworth: Also, I wouldn't really say that you got these verdicts. It was mostly the Fey sisters and me during your first year.

Phoenix: What? Is it gang up on Phoenix day?

He was the man whom she lied to for six months. He was her Feenie.

The shrine maiden could not help but shed a tear as she thought about the pain that she caused the man she loved.

Iris: Sh-shrine maiden?

Pearl: How dare you, Iris?

Iris: Ah! How are you hitting so hard?

Pearl: Demonic seductress!

Phoenix: Also, it was eight months, not six.

"I'm a failure" she muttered quietly to herself. "I lied to him for six months and couldn't retrieve the necklace. Am I that stupid that I can't do something so simple as retrieving a necklace? And when he needed me the most, I wasn't there for him. Dahlia was right. I am pathetic."

Phoenix: Well, I mean, I was very stubborn. Getting the necklace off of me would be like fighting a bull. You should've known that, Iris.

Iris: That was fic!me, not real me!

Godot: *Throws coffee* Yes. That was unnecessarily cruel, Trite!

Phoenix: I was just making a joke...

More and more warm tears flowed down her soft cheeks, hitting the cold, grey floor below. This was not the first time as she would often cry herself to sleep from the pain of her past actions. But at this point, she had nothing to lose. During her breakdown, she didn't notice the guard standing in front of her cell, watching her.

Iris: *Through tears* Why is the author writing me like this, Fee-er, Phoenix?

Phoenix: *Sweating profusely* I don't know, Iris.

Pearl: *GLARE*

"Ms. Iris?" The guard said hesitantly.

"Oh I didn't see you there. I apologize that you had to see me like that. Did you need something, officer?" She replied as she quickly wiped her tears using her sleeves.

Phoenix and Edgeworth: She's never wiped up her tears in front of me- *Stares at each other for a moment*

"It's uh nothing. Um, you have a visitor, maam." The guard replied in a rather awkward manner.

"Okay. Please lead the way sir." She replied politely.

Is it Sister Bikini? Or is it him again?

When Iris arrived at the visitor's room, she saw the young man in the blue suit and cute spiky hair sitting alone on the other side of the glass. When she sat down, he promptly greeted her.

Edgeworth: I think that's supposed to be the opposite way. Wright's the one visiting her. And it's ma'am, not maam.

Phoenix: And my hair's not "cute!"

Godot: Yeah. I think of it more as "strange."

Phoenix: ...Fine. Cute.

"Hey Iris. How's it going?"

"I'm fine, thank you for asking. How are you, Mr. Wright?

"Oh I'm great. I'm defending the innocent as usual. Maya dragged me to see the Steel Samurai movie with her last Saturday, though. That girl is something else." He said with a nervous chuckle.

Phoenix: I don't sound like that, right?

Iris: Yes, you've never talked like that. Even as Feenie.

Iris was happy that Phoenix enjoying his life. She loved seeing that cute smile when they were dating in college. His happiness was the one thing that she wanted.

Iris: Well, you were wearing that mask all the time. I couldn't see your mouth.

Phoenix: Thank you for reminding me, Iris.

"You and Mystic Maya," Iris started. "Are you two dating?"

"No Iris. Don't be silly. We're just friends. Don't let your sister tell you otherwise."

"Oh it just seemed that you were happy around her."

Phoenix: Why do I keep saying Iris's name? I've never-OW! What was that for?

Pearl: You ARE Mystic Maya's special someone!

Phoenix: But I'm not-OW! OW! I yield! I yield!

"She does make me happy, but not in a romantic way. She's like the sister that I never had. I just hope that Pearls realizes that and stops slapping me!" The young lawyer cringed at the thought of being slapped again by Pearl. " And I definitely don't have romantic feelings for Edgeworth if that's what you're thinking." He said with a chuckle. "But I do have special feelings for someone else."

"Oh and who might that be?" Iris asked with a smile. She wanted to know so that Phoenix would be happy; But she wasn't prepared for his response.

Phoenix and Iris: Oh god,

Godot: Really smooth, Trite.

Phoenix: You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Godot: The look on your face is as bitter as my coffee. Speaking of coffee...

[Coffee materializes out of nowhere into Godot's hands]

Godot: *Gulp gulp gulp*

"Well I'm looking at her right now."

Iris gasped in response. How could he still have feelings for me? After all that I did to him.

Phoenix: *Dryly* Yes, how dare she betray me by saving my life. Most evil of sins.

Godot: Only someone like you would use that line. Perhaps this author has you in character after all?

Phoenix: NO!

"Feenie… I'm sorry but I can't."

"Why, Iris? I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me. Why can't we be together?"

"It's because I hurt you badly. I constantly lied to you about my identity. I couldn't save you from Dahlia. I left you to fend for yourself in court. I'll only hurt you further and I can't let that happen because I… I care you too much for that to happen!" Iris gritted her teeth "I'm like a doormat that everyone steps on! Nobody would want a piece of trash like me!" The young shine maiden said with her voice quavering. She had finally let her feelings out to her Feenie.

Iris: Why does the author keep referring to me as a "Shrine Maiden?"

Edgeworth: Actually, it's a "shine maiden."

Godot: They got the doormat thing right! I'm thinking that the author actually has a grasp on your two characters.

Iris: I-OW!

Pearl: Vile woman!

The Management would like to remind Iris that she is, in fact, a doormat!

Iris: Stop it!

I'm only serving you... JUSTICE!

Iris immediately looked down at the floor. She didn't even want to look at the man who she once dated, the man whom she hurt six years ago. She was ashamed of herself and her past actions. The room went silent. The guard on her side of the room looked tense but did not say anything.

But again, the ace attorney broke the silence.

"Iris." Phoenix said gently. "I know an innocent person when I see one. And when I see you, I see a wonderful young woman. I see a woman who has genuinely cared for me and loves me for who I am. I see my one and only Dollie."

Phoenix: What is with authors and having me call Iris "Dollie?" That just gives me PTSD!

Godot: Perhaps they all live in the past.

Having Mr. Wright call Iris "Dollie" isn't very JUST!

Edgeworth: You just wanted an excuse to say just, didn't you?


Iris quickly looked up at the young man. She looked directly into his eyes. She saw those blue eyes glimmering with determination and hope, the eyes of a defense attorney.

Phoenix: My eyes are grey. Want a second opinion, as Edgeworth or Iris.

Edgeworth: What are you insinuating?

Phoenix: Well, Edgeworth, you're my best friend. You'd know my eyes are grey and not blue.

Edgeworth: Gack! (M-My truth bar!)

"You still see me as your Dollie?" She asked with a tone of surprise in her voice. Her eyes began to tear up from this.

Iris: I would find it disturbing that he'd still see me as Dahlia.

Godot: Perhaps that's why you're crying. *Gulp Gulp Gulp*

"On the day when I was put on trial for the murder of Doug Swallow, I knew that the red-headed woman there wasn't my Dollie. When I told Chief, she looked at me as if I was insane and told me to move on. But I just couldn't. I knew that there was something wrong. I didn't believe that the Dollie that I dated could be so evil. And when I saw that advertisement with you and Sister Bikini, I knew that I just had to see you. I didn't come to Hazakura for Maya or for Pearl. I came to Hazakura for you." He looked as if he was pleading.

Godot: Trite thought that that wasn't his Dahlia because he was a naive child! *Throws coffee at Phoenix*

Phoenix: MY EYES!

"Feenie…" Was all that Iris could say. She was touched by his words just like she had been during the end of State vs Iris.

"Iris, I just want to pick up where we left off. Don't you feel the same way?" Phoenix looked as if he was longing for her. He was pleading for his Dollie back.

Phoenix and Iris: No, Dollie would just be implying Dahlia.

Pearl: *Finally able to muster anything from what just happened* Mr. Nick! *Punches Phoenix with all of her might. Ten times*


"Oh Feenie, you look like you did back in college whenever you wanted some of my mini-omelets." She said while giggling. "I just couldn't ever say no to you. And I still can't say it, Feenie."

"So does that mean that-"

Iris put a finger over her lips. She was happy that the affection was mutual.

"Yes, we can start again."


Edgeworth: Haha! Iris wouldn't be able to do that! The glass divider in the Detention Center would surely stop her!

Pearl: Are you okay, Mr. Edgeworth? You have that glint in your eye...

Godot: He's dwindling into insanity. Leave him be. *Gulp*

Phoenix gave off a huge smile. His face flushed with happiness. He felt like jumping out of his chair and just start dancing. After all, he finally had a chance to be with the girl that he truly loved. Iris could see that he was still the same Feenie deep down albeit a more mature one at that.

"I'm glad that we can be a thing again… Rissy"

"F-Feenie!" Iris blushed at the new nickname. She found it to be too cute.

"Hehe I didn't want to call you Dollie because that wasn't your true name. So I came up with a new one. I hope you like it."

Iris: At least Feenie changed the nickname.

Pearl: *Preparing to give Iris the slapping of a lifetime*

Godot: I don't know. Trite still acts pretty childish! *Gulp Gulp Gulp* Can't believe I've only gone through three coffees! *Another one materializes.*

"Feenie, I love it. I love it because you came up with it."

"That's not all that I have to give you, Rissy." He put his hand inside his pocket and pulled something out. It was white and had pink ribbons on it.

"Is that my demon-warding hood, Feenie?" She asked. She was shocked that he still held on to it.

Iris: My hood never had-AUGH! ACK! AHH!

Edgeworth: *Insane* He never would've been able to give it to her! The glass divider! The GLASS DIVIDER!

"Yep!" He grinned as he said it. He handed her the white hood. "When I fell from Dusky Bridge into the Eagle River, I walked away with only a fever. While I was in the hospital, I had the hood on the whole time. I was hoping that it would help me recover faster."

Iris couldn't help but smile. She imagined how funny Phoenix must have looked in his hospital bed, wearing her feminine hood.

"Sister Bikini thought I was a dork when she heard the story." The young man said laughing while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Please don't tell Maya about it, she'll never let me live it down!"

"You're adorable, Feenie." She said while giggling at the thought.

The room had changed. Before it was filled with sorrow and silence, but now it was filled with laughter and joy. It was filled with happiness between two lovers.


"Sir, I'm afraid that visiting hours are now over" Interrupted the guard with a slightly noticeable smirk. Was he enjoying this?

"Thank you." Phoenix responded to the guard. He looked dismayed and stood up hesitantly. Iris could tell that he did not want to leave her. She herself did not want him to leave but those were the rules.

"Don't worry; I'll visit you more often. I'll be there when you're released on February 14, 2024. I promise!" said the young lawyer. He had a determined face similar to the one he had in court when he found a contradiction.

"I look forward to it." She replied politely. She stood up and bowed.

"Goodbye, Rissy." And with that, Phoenix Wright walked away. He took one last glance at her before he walked out the door.

Iris knew that he would stay true to his word. She didn't feel sorrow anymore. She was able to sleep comfortably that night. No tears were needed.

February 14, 2024

Where is he?

Everyone: ...Was there just a time leap?

Edgeworth: A-And she would've been out of prison by then!

[The lights come on]

Iris: That was it?

Yup! I think that there's more on But since you can't Copy/Paste there, the Management's too lazy to go on with this!

Pearl: Should we get something for Mr. Nick? He doesn't look like he'll get up any time soon,

First of all, you're the one who knocked him out. Why are you caring about him now? And secondly, don't worry. We'll keep him here. We have a... let's say interesting fic for him to Spork. It will certainly do him... JUSTICE!

[And on that ominous note that was ruined by Fulbright's need to say "JUSTICE," the sporkers leave the theatre. Except Phoenix. We have something special planned for him.]

Well, that concludes my first spork. What do y'all think?


Last edited by Emerald Objects on Mon Mar 29, 2021 4:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Grnk! (This disturbs me greatly!)

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Also, any SOJ fics to spork? We haven't really seen any here.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Grnk! (This disturbs me greatly!)

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mujie wrote:
I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?

Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Emerald Objects wrote:
mujie wrote:
I'd love to try my hand at sporking. Are there any good bad AA fanfics unsporked yet?


Thanks. Imma try sporking that on the weekend or something. Should be fun.
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Phoenix Wright For Smash Ultimate

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Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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FeenieForSmash wrote:
Is the Sporking Theatre closed for good? If so, it's a crying shame because this whole thread was such a treat to read.

I think it's just inactive, that's all. I didn't want this thread to be over so fast either, so I sporked a fanfic! :butzthumbs:

Sorry if I'm beating a dead horse here. I'm pretty new here, but here goes nothing...

WARNING: This is pretty NSFW, so it's off the site. So mods, please don't kill me...
A secret told (I hope it's the right URL.)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

Ace Lurker

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Happy Holidays! I’m putting this in a bit later, but it just so happens that my sporking is ready to be published.

Fanfic: Guilty Love (Ch. 15)
Inspiration: This sporking right here

Rating: :sahwit:

Ehhh...not sure about this one, folks. It’s not bad. Most of the characters are in character, and the grammar is proper. Overall, it’s one of the more tamer fics out there. But some issues I have are: the main idea isn’t focused as much and some of the details are unnecessary.

I’m quite tired, so apologies for making it so boring. Enjoy.

And now for our esteemed sporkers!

Phoenix Wright!
:nick-sweat: “Oh boy. Today’s my lucky day, isn’t it?”
Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: “I’m surprised they held up their end of the bargain this time.”
Larry Butz!
:butz: “WOAH! Nick, Edgey! You didn’t tell me this place is still alive!?”

and Franziska von Karm-
:whip: “Foolish fools who didn’t foolishly tell me that this foolish excuse of a theatre is still open!"

[Even though it’s been a few months since the last sporking, the fear lingers on in their minds. That one day, those two might get dragged back in the Sporking Theatre... But anyway! They’re coming, and with a pair of equally (un)happy sporkers.]

Phoenix: Aw geez...Not here. Anywhere but here.

Larry: Maybe it’s something good this time?

Edgeworth: Larry, stop lying to yourself. Today’s going to be as bad as it always gets. Although, it’s quite a surprise that the Management kept their promise about us being in here.

Larry: Well, if it goes south, at least I’m doing it with my best pals!

Phoenix: (That’s...actually kind of heartwarming. But his naivety is also extremely troubling...)

Edgeworth: I’ve actually heard that there is another person joining us.

Phoenix: What? Who is it?

Larry: Is it a cute girl?

Phoenix: (Of course his first thought was a girl.) Huh? What’s that sound? It sounds like it’s charging right at us...

Edgeworth: This sound is something I’m all too familiar with. Everyone, brace yourselves.

Phoenix: But wh-



Larry: Now this sound is something I’m all too familiar with. It can only be…

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! Larry Butz! And especially Miles Edgeworth! Why on earth didn’t you tell me that we’re sporking a horrible fanfiction?!

Larry: Franzy! How’s your reading of Franzy’s Whippity Whip-



Franziska: Quiet, you fool! I was talking to Miles Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: (Or about to, anyway.) Franziska, I assure you that we didn’t know there was a future sporking session planned.

Franziska: Hmph. As expected from the pariah of the von Karma family.

Phoenix: Um… I suppose you’re here because you’re in it, right?

Franziska: I imagine that I am. Though, I hope this time it will not be as bad as the others.

Phoenix: Alright then. Well, uh, Management. I guess we’re starting.

Speakers: Sounds good. Narrator, you know the drill.

[Yes sir. Everyone is seated, and the lights turn off.]

Hey guys! So, I got my first M/M request. (That took a really long time, I'm surprised). Here's how I'm going to go with this: There are a lot of extremely creepy M/M pairings, and I don't want to write the weird ones. So please, unless it's your OTP, I'd prefer straight relationships. Thanks.

Edgeworth: I do understand where they’re coming from.

Phoenix: Although, there’s nothing inherently wrong with gay relationships. Just stick to the non-creepy ones if that’s what you want, and write it like any other story.

Today, though, is going to be Larry and Franziska. Some of you wanted crack, some of you didn't, so… Yeah. I'm just going to improvise.

Larry & Franziska: !

Franziska: I’m paired with this buffoon?! This is unacceptable!

Larry: Eh heh heh. Franzy’s a beautiful girl, you know.

Phoenix: Careful Larry, don’t provoke her.

All: …


Larry: OW OW OW! I complimented you!

Phoenix: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I never thought a whip could be used like this.
She hooked me around my waist, and pulled me towards her.

Edgeworth: Oh dear. My head’s already aching.

Phoenix: I think everyone knows where this is going, and I don’t like it.

Franziska: *already fuming*

Her lips crashed into mine, and the sloppy, passionate kiss left me breathless. "Mmm, yes, you fool," she said as we broke apart. I went in for another kiss, and she responded eagerly. As we broke apart, her teeth gently closed around my bottom lip, stretching it towards her.

Franziska: *sigh* I must control myself. As a prosecutor and a von Karma, I need to be calm and collected.

Phoenix: (I’ve never seen her holding this much contempt back…)

Edgeworth: Franziska, please remember it’s just some nonsense fanfiction.

Larry: …

Phoenix: (Whew. Good thing Larry’s not spewing any more garble out of his big mouth, or she would’ve lost it.)

"Larry," she called.
"What is it, babe?"

Larry: Who the heck is calling me?! *sees the word ‘babe’* Actually, I take it back.

Everyone else: ?

"What is it?"
"Larry! It's time for breakfast! Wake up!"
I opened my eyes to find a pillow being hurled at me. Phoenix was standing in the door.
Oh, right. I was staying at the Wright's house for the week.

Phoenix: Huh? Larry is staying at MY place?!

Larry: The author does know I have my own pad, right? Also, I don’t typically call him Wright. It’s Nick!

Phoenix: Nevermind that! I guess it’s not enough for me to pay rent for somebody else!

Edgeworth: I’m surprised. You usually don’t have many cases to support your living arrangement. Even then, most clients don’t pay you.

Franziska: Don’t forget that you have a daughter to care for.

Phoenix: (Ugh. Please don’t remind me…)

"I'm up, I'm up! Geez, Nick!"
"Are you sure, babe?"
"Did I say that out loud?" I groaned.

Phoenix: B-Babe?!

Edgeworth: It’s tiring to see you this bemused. I thought you knew this theatre from top to bottom.

Phoenix: That doesn’t mean I can’t express my emotions!

Larry: Man, it’s kinda frightening to think that Nick’s my lover.

Edgeworth: It’s not that frightening once you’ve been here as much as I have.

Phoenix: Wait, it’s a Larry x Franziska fic, so…

Franziska: Foolish fool! Don’t remind me of the premise!

"Yes. Who exactly were you dreaming about? It had better not be my daughter, or I'll be defending myself in a murder case."

Phoenix: I do care a lot about Trucy, but I wouldn’t kill anyone for her…right?

Edgeworth: That quiver at the end is very telling, Wright.

Franziska: It’s quite amusing since that is exactly what I think you would do.

Larry: Don’t worry Nick, I believe you wouldn't kill me!

Phoenix: (…Thanks.)

"No, it's not her. It's another chick."
"It had better be. Trucy made pancakes. And you had better at least pretend that you like them."

Phoenix: Pretend? What do you mean pretend?

Edgeworth: I have a feeling that your daughter had put something “unconventional” in them.

Franziska: But she’d at least cook marginally better than you, Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix: Honestly, I agree. Trucy’s pancakes may not be the best, but they’re a sweet hint of family in them.

"Are they going to be like the omelets she made yesterday?"
"She likes peanut butter, and she likes chocolate, and she likes potato chips, and she likes cherry pie filling, and she likes pickles, and she likes omelets. She just doesn't like them all together."
"I don't, either."
"I think the pancakes should be halfway normal. I didn't see any farfetched ingredients."

Edgeworth: As I suspected. Your daughter is quite a special case, Wright.

Phoenix: Thanks.

Franziska: He was saying that sarcastically. Learn to read verbal clues!


Phoenix: AGH!

[The lights suddenly start flickering. The ground also starts quaking.]

Larry: What the heck?!

Franziska: Fools! What foolish incompetency let this happen?

Edgeworth: *curled up into a ball, shaking in fear*

Phoenix: What the…?

[The lights are finally off, and the tremors stop.]

Speakers: This establishment is truly miserable. So I came here to help.

Phoenix: Eh? Who are you?

Speakers: It doesn’t take a genius to know you four are struggling.

[Then, a spotlight focuses on Phoenix.]

Speakers: Especially you…Daddy.

All: !!

Phoenix: T-Trucy?! What are YOU doing here?

Speakers: My intuition never fails, remember?

Larry: Woah, you have a butt-kicking daughter, Nick!

Edgeworth: How did you get past the Management?

Speakers: I subdued them with the art of chloroform!

Franziska: Phoenix Wright! How could you let your daughter access such dangerous chemicals?! You should be ashamed!

Phoenix: Ack! I-I‘m sorry, okay? I’m trying my best to take care of her...

Speakers: This author is making some bold assumptions about me, so I’m gonna debunk them. Get ready for Trucy’s Telling Truths, folks! Starting now!

I staggered out of bed, leaving my dreams of Franzie behind. I stumbled into the kitchen to find a ten year old girl looking at me, excitedly. "Hi, Mr. Larry! I made you breakfast!"

Speakers: Wait, so I’m TEN in this?

Edgeworth: That actually explains a lot of the bad cooking.

Speakers: I’ll have you know I try my hardest, Mr. Edgeworth!

Phoenix: I mean, this is ten-year-old fic-you. Sorry Trucy, but I have to side with Edgeworth on this one.

Franziska: At least this fool isn’t fantasizing about me anymore.

"Oh, you did? That's great." I looked down at my plate of pancakes. Huh. They did look pretty normal. I cut a piece off with my fork, and took a bite. It was terrible. I choked, and Phoenix glared at me. "Can you get me a glass of water, Trucy? These pancakes are so good, I let them go down the wrong pipe."

Larry: Those pancakes must’ve been very bad if I choked on them. And as you know, I eat just about anything.

Edgeworth: Even if it was something highly toxic?

Larry: Erm...maybe not everything…

Phoenix: Speaking of, Trucy doesn’t usually make anything “terrible”.

Franziska: Also speaking of, a person should never lie about their true feelings, not even if their father was perfect. You’re a scoundrel, Larry Butz and Phoenix Wright!

*crack, crack*

Larry & Phoenix: AUUUUUUUUGH!

"I knew that they'd be yummy! I added a whole bottle of vanilla!"
"Trucy loves her vanilla," Phoenix added.

Phoenix: Especially with her pudding cups.

Edgeworth: Why would she add that much vanilla? I thought she did all the cooking for you two.

Speakers: That’s because fic-me doesn’t have common sense.

"So, Daddy, what are we going to do today?" the little demon asked.

Phoenix: Why you little-!

Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just fiction.

Larry: Well, if someone added a whole bottle of vanilla to my pancakes, I’d call them demons too.

Phoenix: …Why you little-!

Edgeworth: Calm down. It’s just Larry.

"Oh, well Edgeworth and Franziska are going off on an another Interpol mission today. They'll be leaving soon. We're going to the airport to see them go."
"They're leaving again? How long are they gonna be gone?" I asked.
"They didn't say. Anywhere from a month to a year," Phoenix replied, choking down a pancake with a smile.

Franziska: At least we’re doing honest work, unlike this man right here.

Phoenix: H-hey!

Larry: Interpol mission? I think I was involved in one of those…

Edgeworth: Yes, and you thought Santa was real during one.

Larry: No one told me he wasn’t real!

Edgeworth: Did you forget how to use your brain?

"Aww, but Mr. Edgeworth is so much fun!" Trucy whined.
"You have an interesting definition of fun, kid," I replied.
"So Larry, you're coming with, aren't you?" Phoenix asked.
"Of course, Nick! What kind of friend do you think I am?!"
"I plead the fifth," he retorted.

Phoenix: Not a spectacular friend, to be honest.

Larry: What?! I’m obviously the best friend anyone could have! Back me up, Edgey!

Edgeworth: …

Larry: *sniff* Is this what you guys think of me? *sniff* W-well, I’m cutting off all contact!

Franziska: If you really want to be a good friend, then leave behind your cowardly ways, you simpleton!



"What's the fifth?" Trucy asked.
"It's the right to remain silent," Phoenix replied.
"Oh." She stuffed a pancake in her cheeks, and she strongly resembled a chipmunk.

Speakers: I already know the fifth! Daddy taught me in one of his interesting yet boring lectures about law!

"So, we should get going," Phoenix said eventually.
"But you guys only had one pancake!" Trucy grumbled.
"I'm not very hungry," I replied. "But they were very good." She glared at me.
"You're lying."

Larry: Huh? What makes you say that?

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

All: …

Larry: I-Is this fic watching me?

Edgeworth: It’s merely a coincidence.

"Your right eye twitches whenever you lie. Plus, my pancakes tasted gross," she smirked.
"Nick! What's up with your kid?! I don't twitch my eye when I lie! And I wasn't lying!"
"Hee hee, your eye twitched again." Trucy grinned innocently.
"Trucy's got a built in lie detector. She's pretty good at finding these kinds of things," Phoenix added.

Phoenix: Ha ha, yeah. I’m so proud of my Trucy!

Speakers: Heh heh. Thanks Daddy!

Larry: H-H-Hey Nick, a-am I really twitching that m-much?

Franziska: You don’t need to ask him to know that you’re shaking violently.

"Daddy, you should get us McDonald's on the way to the airport," Trucy said.
"I agree."

Huh? But I thought we'd already eaten my “terrible” pancakes. Why’d we need to buy more food?

Phoenix: The fic did say you, Larry, and I ate one pancake each. Maybe we’re hungry?

Speakers: If we wanted McDonald’s, why cook in the first place?

Phoenix: Well, um…

Edgeworth: Give it up, Wright. Logic doesn’t exist in fanfiction.

After getting two McMuffins and a happy meal ("But Daddy! You never get me happy meals! How am I supposed to be happy if I never get to eat a happy meal?!"), we had arrived at the airport.

Larry: Well duh, getting a happy meal = happy. It’s in the name!

I saw Franziska in the distance, next to Edgeworth. I'd give just about anything to trade places with him, just to be by her side. He didn't know what he had.

Phoenix: Oh yeah. I’ve almost forgotten that Larry’s the centerpiece of this fic.

Franziska: Hrngh! Foolish fool!


Larry: AUGH! I didn’t say anything!

Franziska: Fic-you did, and you’re the closest thing to him!

"Mr. Edgey! Miss Franzy!" Trucy ran up to them, and hugged Edgeworth's leg. He looked down at her awkwardly, and patted her on the head.

Edgeworth: *sigh* If this ever happens, please train her not to do this.

Speakers: I’m no dog, Mr. Edgeworth!

Me and Phoenix walked up to them a moment later, and Franziska was threatening the little girl with her whip.
"Ooh! Miss Franzy, can I try?"
"My name is NOT Franzy. And no, you'll get yourself killed."
"Please? Miss Franziska?" Franziska glanced at me.

Franziska: Killed? With my whip? I dare not to kill anyone and splatter blood all over this.

Phoenix: So you would kill anyone as long as it’s not your whip?

Franziska: That’s not what I’m implying, Phoenix Wright!

Edgeworth: Is everyone going to gloss over the fact that a grown woman threatened a little girl?

"You're only allowed to hit him and your father." She handed Trucy the whip, and she immediately started whirling it around. Phoenix snatched it out of the air with one hand, causing the spinning Trucy to fall over.

Phoenix: (Of course the only condition is to only hit me and Larry. Of course.)

Larry: Woah Nick! How’d you catch that thing with one hand?! You’re like the second person who could ever do that!

Phoenix: The power of a sensible dad, perhaps?

"No weapons in the airport, Trucy."
"Then how come Miss Franziska gets to play with it?" she whined.
"She's a member of the police force, so she has special privileges."

Edgeworth: Just because you’re part of the police force does not mean you can whip whoever and whenever.

Franziska: What’s that, little brother?

Edgeworth: All I am saying is, you don’t have the right to that much freedom, Franziska.

"How can I get special privileges?" Trucy whined.
"Stop spinning weapons around," Franziska retorted. "Then you might have a chance."
"What's the point of having weapons if you can't use them?" she complained.

Speakers: They make it sound like I’m some war criminal!

Phoenix: Well you do catch criminals with Apollo, that’s for sure.

Edgeworth: On a side note, please don’t let your daughter near weapons as well.

Speakers: A bit too late for that…

Edgeworth: Wright!

Phoenix: I may or may not know about that…

"Franziska, our plane is about to leave," Edgeworth interrupted. Trucy looked up at him, and glared evilly. She pulled off his cravat, and ran. Edgeworth and Phoenix followed, shouting.


Franziska: Looks like your foolish excuse of a cravat was taken. That was truly a blessing in disguise.

Phoenix: Trucy, what did I say about taking other people’s stuff, and glaring at them evilly?

Speakers: Not to steal, and to put on a smile. I know, Daddy.

Edgeworth: (She’s done this more than once?! Just what kind of child is Wright raising?)

"That foolish fool, foolishly raising a foolish fool of a foolish child," Franziska huffed. "Well, I am taking my seat on the plane." She turned and began walking away.
"Wait! Franziska!" I called, running up to her.
"What is it? I have a plane to catch." Her blue-gray eyes pierced through mine, and I knew there was only one thing that I could do.

Larry: Am I…?

Phoenix: Are you…?

Edgeworth: Will he…?

Franziska: Surely not? Otherwise…

"Forgive me."
"What? Wh-oomph!" I crashed my lips into hers, for a single moment. When she shoved me away, she began whipping me until I passed out. I probably deserved it.

Franziska: *enraged* LARRY BUTZ!

Larry: Huh?


Larry: OW!

Franziska: You will NEVER…


Franziska: …kiss me…


Franziska: …even if you dream of it…!



I dreamed of her, of course.

Franziska: And one more for good measure!

*whipping frenzy ensues*

[Larry lays on the floor unconscious. Alongside him are his many whip marks imprinted on his skin.]

Phoenix & Edgeworth: …

Phoenix: Management! Call an ambulance!

Speakers: Daddy, I am the Management!

Phoenix: Oh.

Edgeworth: Well then, please hurry and find a module that sends an ambulance!

Alright, I’m trying! I’m trying! …Found it! They should be here any second now…

[An ambulance is immediately rushed on the scene and takes Larry away. Phoenix is talking with a nearby paramedic.]

Phoenix: Will he be fine?

Paramedic: The lashes aren’t too deep to cause life-threatening issues. He should be patched up and ready to go in a few weeks.

Phoenix: Oh thank goodness.

[All the medical officers and paramedics leave the scene.]

[The lights turn on.]

Edgeworth: I retract my earlier statement. This wasn’t as bad as I expected.

Phoenix: It definitely wasn’t as vomit-inducing as the last one.

Franziska: Apart from the plot, there certainly isn’t much to say about it.

Larry: Hey, that was pretty cool! Me, with the famous Franzy of Franzy’s Whippity Whip-


Larry: OW- wait, that didn’t hurt!

All: Larry?!

Phoenix: But I thought he was hospitalized?

Speakers: I told the officer to put a microphone on him so he could say his final thoughts if he regained consciousness!

Franziska: That sounds ingenious yet oddly cruel of you.

Phoenix: (Says the one that whipped him unconscious.)

Larry: I may sound raspy, but that won’t stop me from being with my Fran…zy…

Paramedic: *through microphone* Sorry, he dozed off again.

Speakers: No worries. Anyway, I gotta get out of here. The real Management’s waking up soon.

Phoenix: I guess that’s our cue. Shall we?

Edgeworth and Franziska: Of course.

[They all leave the Sporking Theatre. What will happen next? Will the theatre bite the dust? Or will a miracle happen? Find out next…or not!]

[But hours later…]

Speakers: Hrngh… What happened? Why am I tied up? Do you know of this, Narrator?

[None whatsoever.]

Speakers: Well, if we find that you’re lying, then your salary’s on the chopping block, got it?

[Y-yes sir!]
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