This can't be happening...a sweet childhood memory can turn into a nightmare. Who? Why? Legacy...you will find out...with the help...of Phoenix Wright.

CHAPTER 1: Turnabout

It's never a good thing when you wake up in someone's house and figure out that they're dead.
You usually wake up a six or seven in the morning, put on your robe and slippers, and go into the kitchen for coffee and a donut.
Not this time, though.
This time you wake up at 3 in the morning to go get the doorbell. It isn't the donut delivery boy, though.
It's the police.
"Miss von Karma?" Asked the policeman.
"I'm her niece. Can I help you?" The girl asked, careful with her choice of words.
The officer took a moment to count his blessings. He opened his mouth to say something, but drew a breath instead. He looked for the right words, and then, with some regret, enlightened the young girl sanding in the doorway.
"Miss von Karma...has died, sir! Point blank to the side of the head, probably lived for a few minutes as the autopsy states, sir! The updated one will come in the morning, sir! She died just over an hour ago, and with the body, we have one witness, sir!" The officer saluted.
The girl was listening intently when the officer was speaking, listening with her eyes shut, and when he stopped, the girl opened them. Tears stung her eyes, at the loss of her aunt.
Shedding tears, leaning against the doorway, she studied the officer up and down. She knew him. His name was Meekins. The girl's godfather told her about him. Always doing what people tell him to, and always saying 'sir'. She chuckled at the thought, whimpering at the same time.
"Thank you, Meekins. You will look forward to your next evaluation." She tried to smile and started to close the door, when Meekins opened again.
"How did you know my name?" He asked in the sincerest voice he could muster.
"Phoenix Wright told me." She winked and shut the door.
Once inside, the girl sat at her aunt's kitchen table. She put her head down and tried to clear her head. Everything just came on too fast. She needed to tell someone. But that was the problem. She didn't know whether or not to go to the crime scene first, or to tell someone first. After five minutes of thinking, she picked up the cordless phone next to the fridge.

...*beep*
"Hello? This is Wright." Phoenix asked as he rubbed his eyes. He glanced at his clock, the glowing green letters were blurred in his eyesight. He could still make it out though. Half past three. In the morning.
"Phoenix? Phoenix! Come to my house quickly, it's urgent! I need you! Nick...I just can't do this..." The voice trailed off and started to sob.
"Who...Who is this?" Phoenix asked, dazed in his own confusion and exhaustion.
"It's...Legacy van Troubelle!" And with a click, the line died.

---

Last edited by Legacy on Sun Aug 05, 2007 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hmm... you have potential, but this isn't the way to show it! Are you familiar with the word pretentious? That means making an exaggerated outward show, as stated by Dictionary.com. Don't try to make something according to what other people expect, or how the game itself portrays crimes. Go with what comes from your fingertips, and to hell with what everyone else wants!

Sorry. Had to rant.

Now for the contructive crit.



This is a good start. Grabs your attention, pulls you in...but all it does is add to the pretentiousness if the rest of the tale falls flat!



I think more could be added here to make this more satisfying to the reader. You could describe the officer without mentioning his name. You could also elaborate on the thoughts running through his head...er, if Meekins has any.



Your aunt just died. You don't chuckle or smile...unless your aunt was a horrible person. I don't know how you're going to construe their relationship, but I know if my aunt were to die, I'd be a wreck, not chatting about evaluations. And anything "oh-so" whatever is unprofessional.



Mood swing! Half an hour ago, Legacy was chatting about evaluations with Meekins, and now she's tanking. To Phoenix. Over the phone. You really gotta add more to this, this has got the potential to make or break your story! Plus, it ends very shortly, you need to make a satisfying finale.

Sorry if I came across rude, but this has the ability to shine. You just need to polish it a tad. I'm always here if you need help, so don't be afraid to ask me anything.

~Xilaa

---

Thanks for the help! I'm only 11, and I always correct my story myself. I thought if I start posting my fan fics on CR, I can have more opinions and help.

Chapter 2: Impossible

Startled, Phoenix stood up from his office couch. He grabbed his tie off the desk, and ran out the door. No money to get home, no money to get to Franziska's house. He ran down the street, instead of calling a taxi.

Twenty minutes later he finally arrived.
Phoenix walked up to the house, huffing and puffing. He was about to knock when Legacy opened the door and dragged Phoenix in, sobbing, whimpering, and moaning all at the same time.
"I told you it was an emergency...thirty minutes ago! What happened?" She slapped Phoenix across the face.
"OW! I should be asking you the same thing! Where's Franziska?" Said Phoenix, rubbing his cheek.
Slowly, Legacy recovered. "Franziska...is with Gramps." She looked up a Phoenix's face. It was a puzzled look at first, and then a look of dysfunction and hurt.
"No...NO!" He leaned aganst the wall. "No..." Phoenix started to pace down the hallway. When he got to the end, he turned around and started to think. Before he could even shuffle his feet, Legacy darted towards Phoenix, wrapped her arms around him, and started bawling.
"Oh, Nick! It can't be true! No...Franziska..." She squeezed Phoenix, and then HE started to cry, which he hadn't down since Maya was held for ransom.
How could this happen? He asked himself. In fact, what happened? I have this fourteen year old girl wrapped in my arms, with no family whatsoever.
Phoenix slowly pulled away from her, when he noticed her shirt, drenched in tears. It stated "Daddy's Angel", but then Phoenix noticed something else: "Daddy's MY Angel". Phoenix was going to ask about the shirt, but that wasn't the time, he decided. He sighed.
"Let's go to the crime scene. We have to figure this out." Sniffling, Legacy followed. On the way out the door, she grabbed her cell phone and purse. The one full of cash.

"Oh...oh my God. Franziska!" Legacy cried, hands over mouth. Franziska was lying on the sidewalk in a heap.
Everyone was there; the police, detectives, and at this point, Edgeworth.
"Impossible. I knew I didn't want to know when Gumshoe called at three this morning." Edgeworth said in disbelief.
"I know. Try to feel the way Legacy feels. She lost her grandfather, and now Franziska." Phoenix stated.
"What happened to her parents?"
"I think their dead, too. Did you read her shirt?" Edgeworth took a moment to read it. He couldn't see it because Legacy was hollering at a police officer to let her see her aunt.
"Oh, God." Edgeworth shook his head. "What about her mother?"
"I don't know. I think I'll go ask her."
"Hey guys! Am I interrupting?" Detective Gumshoe asked.
"Actually..." Edgeworth started, but Nick cut him off.
"No, not at all, Gumshoe."
"Okay, thanks, pal. I have news about Franziska. Point blank to the right temple, and she lived for at least five minutes. The shot missed her brain by barely a half an inch, and, so far, we have no leads. We also looked for fingerprints on her whip, and not even Franziska's is on there!"
"That's because she wears gloves."
"Who said that?" Edgeworth asked.
"I did." Legacy poked her head inbetween Edgeworth and Wright. "Oh, and I found clues that you amateurs totally missed."
"Legacy! Don't talk to adults like that!" Scolded Phoenix.
"Sor-ry, 'Dad'!" Legacy replied sarcastically, with bloodshot eyes and a tear stained face. Phoenix was glad that she was at least back to her old self. "Anyway, do you want to know what I found?"
"YES!" They all chorused.
"Okay, then. Well, there's tire tracks in the street, and a bullethole through the left heel of Franziska's boot."
"That's it?" Phoenix asked.
"No! See, look at the picture I took on my cell phone." She showed everyone.
"You can do that?" Another question by Phoenix.
"Not with your crappy prepaid phone. But that's besides the point. Her whip is curled into the number "2". See?"
"What does it mean?" Edgeworth asked.
"Exactly." Legacy said. "She didn't want to make it too obvious. She wants me to take the case, as she does you two." She pointed to Edgeworth and Phoenix. She tried to throw them off track. It didn't work.
"I know that! But that's off topic. What does the two stand for?" Edgeworth strained.
"It means there were two murderers, okay? Simple."
"How did you know that?" Asked Gumshoe.
"You guys think too hard. Anyway, women have clearer minds then boys."
"We're men, Legacy." Phoenix replied.
"Oh, please. I don't think any boy is a man with an IQ lower then a used tissue."

---

Last edited by Legacy on Tue Aug 14, 2007 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ah, we all had to begin somewhere! Posting your stories out on the Internet so jerks like me can review them takes guts. You got cojones, kid.

Ah, Edgeworth, hand me my sharp objects, it's time for dissection!



This entire section should either be elaborated on, or cut entirely. Either you can make it worth reading, or you can just remove it. It's unnecessary as is.



This is another case of dramatic action, hold the drama. If I were to slap someone, I'd do so because I was in such an emotional state that I could not control myself. Legacy, for all her sobbing and blubbering, can still talk. Plus, even if your aunt's been shot, first impressions are worth something. Does that make sense? If you're going to make Legacy smack someone, make it worth the effort!

Phoenix's reaction was also underdone. How would you react if someone slapped you after calling for your help?

Oh, and I prefer to write out my numbers. Looks more professional.



The reader knows that Phoenix is broke, but Legacy doesn't. Axe the last sentence, or make it so Legacy learns of Phoenix's lack of cash.



Gumshoe's arrival is short and unsatisfying. He's a great character for his wild outbursts and flamboyance, but here you just make him appear. That's it. He's very OOC (Out Of Character), especially the way he talks. If you can't write him in, just replace Gumshoe with a random patrolman.



Legacy's fourteen. Her aunt died violently. She saw Franziska's dead body. She's cracking puns.

Which of these does not belong?

If she was upset before, seeing a dead body - one that's related to her, at that - is going to tear her to pieces. She is NOT going to be in any state to check for clues that a professional like Phoenix or Edgeworth would miss.

Then Legacy goes on to state that she knows FOR A FACT that there were two murderers due to Franziska's whip. Thanks to a woman's intuition. Now I agree that chicks think better than guys sometimes, but that's a reeeeeeal stretch. So much of a stretch, in fact, that it tanks the entire chapter. Please please PLEASE fix this somehow.

You still have potential. I started to write around your age as well, and my writing stunk to high heaven. The more you write, the more you learn, the more you improve. Keep going!

~Xilaa

---

I'd have to agree with the comments so far. You have potential but the major downfall of this story is the abrupt changes in mood.

Put yourself in Legacy's position. Sure you can probably make her look for clues and stuff, but transition is the key.

I can't imagine a very sad character suddenly becoming like Ema in a blink of an eye. You can work on that department ;)

---

Sorry I haven't posted. I'm transferring to a new school this year, so I've been busy. But that's no excuse. Anyway, Legacy is about to reveal her life!

_________________________________________________

Chapter 3: Meet the Parents

After a while of talking about random things, Edgeworth and Gumshoe were called away from Phoenix and Legacy by the police.
“Well, that leaves us. Do you want to go home and pack up your stuff? We'll have to put you on a plane back to your parents in Germany…” Phoenix trailed off.
“You mentioned that word…parents. The one thing I don’t have…hmm…Mom…Dad…” She smiled at the thought. “I miss my parents.”
“Oh, Legacy…I’m so sorry…I didn’t know. If you don’t mind me asking…what happened?” Phoenix said, a little shaken.
“I’ll never forget it. GL-3. It was a murder-suicide. My mother was murdered, and then Dad committed suicide when he got the news. There’s a whole story behind it…even though I have no idea what this would have to do with the murder of Aunt Franziska.”
“I think I have an idea…”
“Okay, here goes nothing. When Franziska and Mom, Francine, were young, Gramps and Gramma were best friends with the neighbors. And they had two sons, the same age as Francine and Franziska. Franziska and Todd were three, and Francine and Tom were thirteen. Francine and Tom started going out.
“They went out for a year and a half. They loved each other, but then my mom met my dad, Frank, and it was all over. Their relationship, everything. They weren’t even friends anymore. And when I was born when Mom was 17, Tom committed suicide.
“Now six years after I was born, Todd and Franziska started going out. After two years of happiness, Franziska fell in love with another man, and broke up with Todd. Todd didn’t commit suicide, but murder. I was almost thirteen when it happened.
“He decided to get revenge by killing my mom. I guess he “killed” my dad, too. Not only that, but when he was put on trial, he got away. The defense attorney…was amazing. I can’t remember his name, but it was great. I had mixed feelings that day. Amazed by that lawyer, but angry about Todd just getting away like that.
“So, yes, my parents died." Legacy said with a frown. It didn't last long. "And then I came here to live with Franziska. Now she's dead, too...and I have nowhere to go."
“An orphanage is your best bet." Phoenix said.
"Not helping! It'll sound weird...'Defense Attorney lives in Orphanage!'...that'll be the next headline in all the newspapers." Phoenix nodded, taking everything in.
"What about intra-family adoption? Ever consider that?" Legacy sighed.
"Uh...Phoenix? Just in case you haven't noticed, I just lost my last relation."
"Oh. Then, adoption is your only answer.
When they came back to the crime scene, more people were there. They went over to where Franziska’s body used to be, but now replaced with white tape. Her whip was still in the position of the number “2”, and there was blood everywhere. Legacy remembered earlier when she saw her aunt lying there. She didn’t look dead, just temporarily unconscious. Her turquoise hair was saturated with blood and gunpowder burns, so that was a sure sign of death.
Phoenix and Legacy went towards the police. Some questions were left unanswered. And Legacy had an answer to one, but she didn’t know it yet.
“Officer, do you have any updates in the autopsy? Or even a suspect? That would be of great help, if you would.” Asked Phoenix, nervous.
“Oh, yeah. Um, we have a suspect. His name is Jack Squatt. He’s a taxi driver, and gunpowder was found on the passenger door of his taxi. There was a gun found under the passenger's seat. The ballistic marks on the bullet match the pistol. No fingerprints on the pistol were found, making the murder premeditated. And von Karma was fired at twice, the first time missed, but the second one got her. That about sums it up.” Reported the policeman.
“Thank you. Let’s go Legacy.” Said Phoenix.
“Wait!” She said as she put her hand out. Then, politely, she asked the policeman, “Can…I have her whip?”
“Absolutely not! That’s evidence.” Said the policeman.
“Okay then. Like any other von Karma, I can fire you just like that, if you want…” Legacy said, playing with a lock of her chestnut hair.
“Uh…uh…I need my job! Oh, um, please, just take it and leave me alone…please!” Cried the officer, begging.
“Thank you, Mr. Policeman!” She twirled away to go get the whip. When she got it, she met Phoenix at a bench.
“What was that act about?” He asked.
“Oh, that old act? It comes in handy sometimes. Especially when I don’t get my way.” Legacy replied.
“Oh really?”
“Um, like, yeah.” Phoenix laughed.
“Alrighty, then. About time we go meet the suspect, huh?” Legacy nodded, and they went on their way.

“Do I know you?” Jack Squatt asked.
“No, but I know you!” Legacy said, talking through the glass that separated them.
Legacy and Phoenix went to the detention center. They wanted to know his motive for murder, who he is, and if he murdered anyone at all. Phoenix was waiting in the lobby, while Legacy tried to press him on the facts.
“Great. Are you another on of those girls who saw that I got arrested on TV?” Legacy almost lost her temper for a minute.
“No! I actually saw you in the newspaper!”
“Great.” Legacy rolled her eyes.
“I know! Hey, did you actually murder anyone, Mr. Squatt? Why would you murder anyone, anyway?” She asked with her head cocked.
“I didn’t murder anyone. It just so happens that the victim was my ex-girlfriend…” Legacy’s eye’s widened and bulged, but then she had to stop because she looked like an idiot. Ex-girlfriend? Franziska? She thought.
“Oh, oh, oh! I forgot to tell you! I want to defend you! I just graduated college last year, and I had a trial before, too.” She had to hold her laughter.
“No. You can leave now.”
“Now wait a minute! I’m the victim’s niece! So, like, whether or not you want me, I’m telling the press that I’m your lawyer!”
“Well, how old are you? Eleven? All the lawyers I know are at least 24.”
“Try harder, bud. I’m 14, not only that, but I’m a prodigy. So, any objections? Didn’t think so.” Satisfied with her work, Legacy crossed her arms and leaned back in the metal chair.
“Oh, please. You are only a mere child. And for all I know, this could be a scam! Hell, I don’t even know your name.” Legacy stood up from the rusted chair, and then slammed her fists on the table.
“You know me, dammit! I’m Legacy van Troubelle.” At this point, she blew it. If this guy knew Franziska at all, he knew Legacy. And if he knew Legacy, he knew about GL-3. Her goal was NOT to tip off Jack, and at the same time, get the facts out of him. But instead, she helped Mr. Squatt more then herself. Legacy told him her name. She just got screwed.
“Damn it. I have no choice then do I? Defend me.” He gave up. Running his fingers through his jet black hair, he sighed.
“That’s what I thought.” She smirked, and made her aunt’s old whip visible. She hid it behind her back when she came in.
When she walked out of the little booth, she told Phoenix what happened, besides the fact that she revealed herself to Mr. Squatt. Instead, Phoenix praised her and they hitched a taxi. Everytime Phoenix praised her, it made her feel worse.

---

Last edited by Legacy on Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The thing about advice, my friend, is...well, it's a good idea to USE IT.



Gumshoe and Edgeworth just poof. That's not good. Axe it.

Phoenix WOULD NOT state plainly that someone would go to an orphanage. Orphanages can be the fanciest place ever and still carry the Little Orphan Annie stigma. Orphanages are more than just places for lost kids to go, they're metaphors. JUST DON'T MAKE PHOENIX EVEN MENTION AN ORPHANAGE.



This entire thing is so unclear I had to read it multiple times. Other people would not. FIX IT.



I don't think wills give people automatic rights to be a legal guardian. Research this, and do it well. And then there's another abrupt mood shift that ruins any good story.



The white chalk/tape thing isn't actually done IRL (In Real Life). So don't do it here. And hair being coated in blood doesn't automatically mean death. Scalp wounds bleed profusely, even if it's not fatal.



This is horrible, HORRIBLE grounds for an arrest. A drunken sheep farmer could defend that in court. Really needs fixing.



A normal human being is oblivious to their own blunders unless it's so stupid that it's obvious to all parties involved. Legacy is fourteen. She would have no clue she just screwed herself over unless she realizes this in her head. If that's the case, then you NEED to include it. If not, then she wouldn't mention it.

And Phoenix simply DOES NOT lose his temper. He's a laidback guy and DOES NOT LOSE HIS TEMPER. That should be dumped.

I'm sorry for ripping your story apart, but think of it this way: to fix internal injuries, you need to perform surgery. That make sense?

I've taken up a lot of space here, so PM me for more advice and such. I just came back from a writing workshop, believe it or not, and I have many tools that you can use to spice up your tale and make it something worth reading.

~Xilaa

---

Chapter 4: The Fourth Piece

Legacy started to pack her things in her room. The walls were all painted blue, with a picture of her mom and dad on one of them. She sighed when she took a glimpse of it. She kept packing her things. When she finished packing her bags, she reached under her daybed, and grabbed a family photo. It was picture of Legacy’s parents and herself, there also was a picture of Franziska lodged in the corner of the frame. She sighed again, and laid it on top of her bag. Staring at Franziska’s picture, she remembered something. Legacy jumped up from her kneeling position and ran to her aunt’s room.
She remembered a card that Franziska wanted to give to Phoenix, but could never bring herself to do it. Legacy remembered where she kept it: leaning against a picture frame with a newspaper clipping. The newspaper clipping was the clipping of when rookie attorney Phoenix Wright had gotten an acquittal of not guilty on his second trial against Edgeworth. Legacy grabbed the frame and card, and was about to run out of the room when she saw a piece of paper sticking out from under the bed. She stared, walked over and placed the things on Franziska’s old bed, got onto her hands and knees, and slid the paper out from under the bed skirt. It was smaller then she thought. The paper read:
Tearing our love apart wasn’t at all great.
Our love wasn’t ever meant to be
Maybe you should’ve never asked to date.
While trying to figure out what the cheesy poem meant, Legacy chewed her lip. After sitting there for a minute or two, Legacy got up and put the newspaper clipping, pictures, and poem into her bag. She slid the card into her pocket and headed down the stairs; scraping her feet on the stair runners.
When she got down there, Legacy dropped her stuff off at the door. She peeked inside the kitchen, where Phoenix was helping himself to some food. He had bread crumbs surrounding his mouth, and peanut butter smeared on his left cheek. Legacy leaned against the hallway wall, chuckling. He had a knife covered in jelly in one hand and bread in the other. Phoenix was dancing back and forth, not noticing Legacy.
“What are you doing, Phoenix?” Legacy asked. Phoenix stopped in his tracks. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
“What?” He asked, spitting crumbs onto the granite counter.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” Phoenix sighed and pushed the last of the sandwich into his mouth.
“I was hungry, and I wanted a sandwich, so…” Phoenix shrugged and Legacy rolled her eyes.
“It don’t matter anyways. We have to pack up, and I was already planning on chucking the food.”
“Excuse me? Pack?” Legacy nodded. “Pack what? We can’t pack! Maya and Pearl are probably wondering where we are!”
“Maya and Pearl can help us pack. The house is going to be put up for sale, and so is everything else if you don’t take it! So let’s get moving!” Phoenix thought for a moment, and then opened the fridge,
“Where are the bags?”

When they got home, they just hung out on the couch. Watching TV, eating snacks, and playing with cell phones. After a half hour or so, one of them started to ring. Phoenix answered it, considering it was his phone.
“Hello? This is Wright!” Phoenix answered, like he usually does.
“Nick? This is Maya. What’s up? Pearl and I just went to your office, but you weren’t there, so we’re coming over your house!” Maya yelled over the phone.
“Uh, Maya, I don’t think that’s such a good idea...” Phoenix started.
“Oh, God…is von Karma there? I swear I’m going to…” Phoenix cut her off.
“Maya…Franziska’s dead.”
“What.”
“You know, just come over. Pearl and Legacy will go into my room or something. I don’t know. But Legacy is right next to me and well…you get the idea.” Phoenix sighed. He said all that in front of Legacy.
She put her phone down and looked up at Phoenix with beady eyes. She let go of some tears. She tried biting her lip to see if it would help her to stop crying.
“Maya, I got to go. Bye.” Phoenix hung up. “Legacy…I didn’t mean to…”
“Damn you, Phoenix Wright!” She wailed, storming off into a different room. Phoenix rolled his eyes and followed her. This wasn’t good.
“Legacy! Come back here right now.” Legacy ran down the hall until she got to Nick’s room, and when she did get there, she slammed the door in his face. If there was one thing teens were good at, it was rebelling.
“I don’t want to talk to you, Wright! Hell, I don’t want to live with you! To hell with you and everyone else!” Legacy screamed, sobbing. Phoenix was shocked at her reply, but then realized that she was a teenager going through the death of her family.
“You’re lying, dammit! And I can to prove it!” Phoenix shouted, outstretching his right finger. Legacy didn’t dare laugh; never show the enemy when you are weak.
When Phoenix saw that Plan A wasn’t working, he decided that Plan B would work better.
“Dammit, Legacy! Open the door! If you don’t listen, I’ll knock it down!” Legacy knew that he was serious, and opened it, sobbing.
“Nick! I’m sorry…I’m just so sensitive right now. I just really want my parents…Phoenix…” She blubbered. Nick, being almost a foot taller then Legacy, squatted a bit so he could be face to face with her.
“I understand…I shouldn’t have talked about it when you were right there. Still, you shouldn’t have stormed off like that. I know that you know better. Don’t tell me otherwise.” Legacy nodded and wrapped her arms around Phoenix. All of a sudden, Phoenix pulled away. There was something sticking out of Legacy’s pocket.
“What is that?” Phoenix asked, pointing to Legacy’s left pocket.
She covered her pocket. “Oh, it’s…uh…n-nothing.” She wiped her face, and Phoenix, as quick as lightning, grabbed that thing sticking out of her pocket. He stood up.
“It’s…It’s a card…Shelly de Killer’s card…” Phoenix said, rubbing his chin. Legacy was fidgeting, trying to get between Phoenix and the wall. Unintentionally, Phoenix was blocking the way. After a minute or so, Legacy stopped, and answered Phoenix’s rhetorical question.
“Franziska always wanted to give it to you…but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. You know, she loved you, Phoenix.” Phoenix, shocked at her answer, dropped the card and stared at her.
“What?” Phoenix asked in disbelief.
“She. Loved. You.” Phoenix shook his head.
“No. I heard you. The thought just surprised me.”
“I know that, Captain Obvious!” She said, tearing a slight bit.
“Do you have anything else I should know about?” Legacy started to rock back and forth on her feet.
“No…” She smiled and looked up at him, shrugging. Phoenix just had to tap his foot and glare at her. Her smile quickly turned to a frown. “Okay, okay.” She grabbed the things that she stuck inside her bag. “Well, this is a picture of my family and dog…”
“You had a dog?” Legacy’s cheeks flushed.
“His name was Phoenix.” Phoenix started blushing, too. “Anyway, this is a photo of Franziska…and…I found this poem under her bed.” She handed it to Phoenix. He stared at it while Legacy put everything else in her bag.
“Wow.” He was speechless.
“I couldn’t believe it, either! I wonder who it’s from.” She asked excited about the love note. Phoenix handed it back to her. Legacy glanced at it one more time.
She gasped, and fainted.

---

hehe, good job. You've triggered my CR34T1V3 P0W3RZ! .Umm...that means I'm gunna try and write a fic too (note, even for a eleven year old I suck at writing.). Not so keen on the phoenix/franziska at the end but still...good job.

keep it up!

---

Okay...my frickin' laptop crashed the other day and I lost my story. So the next chapter will be up within a week. Maybe.

God...my whole story...GONE!!!!!!

---

Ooh. I've had that happen.

I abaondoned the story. It's good that your carrying on. from now on, make sure you do somethign like Pm yourself a copy, so nothing can go wrong.

But that won't help no.

This is a very nice fic you did there it really kept me reading!

nice..keep 'em comin'.

Agree with the comments about pace, mood change etc. that you've had so far BUT please don't be discouraged.

I got incredible joy from writing fiction when I was your age and I only improved by keeping on writing and keeping on listening to advice from my teachers.

Also - READ. READ READ READ READ READ. Anything, everything. Comics, novels, plays, poems. Read and see how other writers handle situations with characters and how they get into the head of others.

---

Uh, its been about 2 weeks now and no story?

I know you said you lost all your stories but could you sort of hurry the pace up abit?

Tell that to DSL-69.

DSl 69?

Yep'd.

He's joking about my monumentally slow rate of updating. Of course, a couple of the (still very good) romances around here update even slower than mine (2 chapters in three months, for example), so I don't feel as bad as I could.

---

now I don't know who is the author...

You lost me.

DSL-69: Not to be bitching, but at the tiome, you were the only one I could recall.

Is DSL-69 the author or Lawgrl4u?

Look at the author of this topic. DSL-69 does another fic. Or is that impossibke?

Alright people...try not to spam my thread, kay? I don't want to sound mean. But you know...

Sorry I've been so slow!! I'm in 6th Grade and just transferred, so I have a lot going in right now. This chapter is short because it's kind of a prologue for the chapter after this.

***********************************************

Chapter 5: Night before the Trial

When she came to, Legacy was on Nick’s couch. A blanket covering her, and pillows behind her. She sat up, and rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t walk; her legs buckled. So instead of standing, she reached for the mug on the coffee table in front of her, hoping it would be full of something.
And it was.
Coffee.
Rejoicing that it was a warm drink, Legacy took a sip, and then chugged the rest of it down. When she finished her coffee, she realized Nick, Maya, and Pearl came into the picture. They were all poking their heads out from the kitchen.
Legacy laughed. “What? I’ve been caffeine deprived. Do you have any food? Maybe crackers or a burger would be fine.” They kept staring until Pearl said something.
“Well, Mr. Nick went out and bought some stuff called ‘spaghetti’. It’s in a pot filled with boiling water right now.”
“Awesome! I haven’t had spaghetti since Franziska…” She slowly faded, and then bit her lip. She remembered everything. “Never mind.”
“Do you remember why you fainted? I turn my back for one second, and you’re unconscious!” Nick said, as he poured out the water in the spaghetti pot.
“I do now. I was reading something…” Legacy rubbed her chin, trying to figure out what it was.
“Is it this?” Maya asked, pulling something out of her pocket. “I found on the floor where you fainted.
“Yeah, that’s it!” Legacy replied, taking another stare at the paper. “I remember now! The three lines spelt TOM, if you look at it like an acrostic. It surprised me so much, I fainted.” Legacy paused. “Tom killed Franziska! I know it!”
“Legacy, you don’t know that. Tom probably moved on with his life. He probably has a wife and kids.” Nick shook his head in disagreement. So did Legacy.
“Oh, yeah? ‘Wife and kids’ my butt! You’re older then him, and you don’t even have a girlfriend! What do you say to that?!” Legacy said, totally out of it. She couldn’t control herself.
Phoenix put down the pot, and stared at her through the open kitchen window. He opened his mouth numerous times, but he was speechless. He decided to not shun himself, and kept quiet.

After dinner, Legacy sat on the couch thinking everything over, as she waved good bye to Pearl and Maya. “I know almost nothing about Jack Squatt, and the trial is tomorrow! Why wouldn't he have done it?” Legacy thought aloud.
“No. You’re thinking the wrong way.” Nick pointed out. “Why would he have done it? If he has no reason, only then can you establish the fact that he didn’t do it.”
“I guess your right! Oh…oh, God…if I’m not careful, this is going to be an open and shut case…” Legacy went over everything in her head, and then started to think aloud again. “Well, we know that he had gunpowder on his passenger door, and then a gun under the passenger seat. And there were no fingerprints on the murder weapon…” Once again, Phoenix interrupted her thinking.
“That makes the murder premeditated. And that’s only evidence. Does he have motive?”
“Well, he was one of Franziska’s ex boyfriends…” Phoenix looked at Legacy blankly.
“Ex boyfriend? Excuse me? You never told me that.” Legacy scratched the back of her head.
“Not right now, okay? I have enough on my hands…” She tried to act like it wasn’t important, but she knew it was a little TOO important.
“Fine. Do you have enough evidence to last you?” Phoenix asked.
“I think. I have the pistol, the bullet, a picture of gunpowder on the taxi, the crime scene photo, and I’m never without the GL-3 report. The murder AND suicide report. Do you think that would be enough?” Legacy asked Phoenix.
“More then likely. For the first day anyway.” Legacy thought for a minute. She was thinking what to ask Phoenix.
“Who’s prosecuting?” She asked, finally knowing what to ask him. Phoenix sighed. And then spoke.

“Uncle Miles!?” Legacy screamed. “How could he prosecute!? Why the hell is he doing this to me!?” Legacy started saying anything that came to mind.
“Whoa there, Legacy. Calm down. Edgeworth is just doing his job.” Phoenix tried approaching her, but changed his mind when she swatted at him.
“But…when Franziska’s dead…it’s hard to concentrate…” Legacy started crying a bit, to make Phoenix feel bad. Just crocodile tears.
“Oh, Legacy…your fine. Just, um, just…” He ended up trailing off, not knowing what to say.
“Yeah, whatever. I just don’t want to beat Uncle Miles’ sorry butt.” She said, snickering to herself.
“I don’t know Legacy...I fear you may mess up this time. With it being the trial of Franziska’s death….” Legacy looked at him with a stupid look.
“C’mon, Nick. You know that I’m a totally different person in court. You’ve seen me.”
“I know…it’s different this time, though. The victim is your relative. Do know what I mean?” Legacy crossed her arms.
“Yeah.”
“Alright. As long as you know.” He paused. “Tired? I know I am.”
“Not really. But I’m sore. So I guess bed is where I’m heading.” She stood up, put the blanket away in the nearest closet, and set off to bed.
Nick did the same.

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Finally!
And this is getting interesting... van Troubelle(trouble) vs Edgeworth...

But is this gonna be a One-case fic?

What do you mean by one-case? So confizzled...

And thanks for liking my fan fic so far!

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One case as in after one case is done, you are going to end the story...

I just like reading(not as much as playing games and Watching TV though...)

Oh, yeah. It's only going to be one case. It's not going to end like, RIGHT after the trial ends, though. Maybe another chapter or two after.

And, since school is taking up most of my writing time, I won't be posting chapters everyday or anything. Two weeks to a month.

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I like it!

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