This was inspired by the thread of the same name in the hydeout. This will be updated every once in a while.
Title:When a Single Man Raises a Daughter
Author:Token/drugs
Rating: PG-13ish
Genre: Lulz/Family
Status: In Progress
Pairing: Nada
Summary:Trucy has her period, Nick is clueless.

Phoenix Wright had been through many bad things in his life. He had been poisoned, put in the hospital more times than he could count, developed amnesia, been beaten up, tasered, and to top it all off, he had lost his attorneys badge two years prior. And yet, he thought, as he dived over the couch to get his cell phone, this was the worst. As part of the case that had lost him his badge, Phoenix had adopted his clients eight year old daughter, Trucy,, while he dissapeared to avoid jail. At the time, he had only worried about how to feed Trucy, untill she gave him the not so excellent idea of playing the piano for a living. Secretly, he also played poker, but the piano... playing isn't exactly the right word, was his front. He hadn't even considered what to do in this situation. In retrospect, he should have asked one of his female aquaintences what to do when this arose, but then again, hindsight is a bitch.

Who could he ask now? Maya was busy in the Kurian village, and truth be told, she was still immature. Pearl? No, she was only a year older than Trucy, and the situation might be embarassing for both of them. Franziska would probably just insult him or hurt him. His brain ran through a few more ideas, from April May, to Iris, to, god forbid, Morgan Fey. He shuddered at that last one, deciding that maybe the women he knew weren't exactly the best ones to help him. If worst came to worst, he could try Armstrong.

That gave him an idea, why not try Edgeworth? He was raised with two girls after all, and he was the calmest person he knew. All that went through his head before he landed, crouching, on the other side of the couch, a make-shift barricade against the bathroom. In this case, he couldn't even resort to his oldest and most trusted defense mechanism, cleaning the toilet, as that would require him to go back there. Landing, the ex-lawyer grabbed his cell, and dialed his old friends number. It rang four times before it was answered.

"Hello?"
"Oh thank god, Miles I need you to come over here, it's an emergency!"
"Wright? What the hell? What could be such an emergency to bother me in the middle of a trial?"
"Trust me, I need your help! GET OVER HERE!"
"The trial will be over in half an hour, I'll get to you as soon as I can. But Wright, what is it?"
"Just get the hell over here! " And with that, Phoenix slammed down the end call button.
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It was almost an hour before Edgeworth came strolling up to the Wright Talent Agency, looking vaguely annoyed. He knocked twice, to no avail before sighing and opening the door himself. The sight he saw caused him to raise an eyebrow, the room was destroyed, wallpaper torn from the wall, the couch and table turned over and Phoenix lying underneath it in the fetal position. From inside the bathroom, door locked, and barricaded, one could here a girl yelling, "Let me out daddy!" Walking over to his friend, Edgeworth slapped him once, very hard across the face, enjoying it slightly more than he needed to. "Snap out of it Wright! What in the name of cravats is going on here?"

"Edgeworth?" Phoenix stuttered, looking up with an expression like that of a seven year old who just discovered 4chan. " Please help me...."
"Oh for christ's sake, what is it?" The prosecutor glared at Phoenix, before pulling him to a standing position, completely ignoring Trucy's cries.
Nick staggered for a second then regained most of his composure. "What can you tell me about puberty, Edgeworth?"

"Are you mocking me? For the love of God Wright, just because my voice is high doesn't mean that I don't know about-"
"No," Phoenix interrupted hastily, "I mean, what can you tell me about...." His voice went deadly quiet as he said this last word: "menstruation."

Miles Edgeworth looked like he had been shot. His face turned as white as his cravat, his left eye twitched, and every color Phoenix could see that wasn't attached to his friend inverted. Chains shot out of nowhere coviring Edgeworth, and one red lock appeared over his heart. "Psyche Locks?" Wright asked. "For something as simple as that?" Ironic coming from the person who had destroyed his former law offices, barricaded a ten year old in a bathroom, and ended up curled on the floor in a ball, but Psyche Locks generally indicated surpressed memories.

"Wh...Wha...What in the hell would make you think I have a clue about that?" Edgeworth said, eye still twitching. "I've never even heard that word before...."
"Sorry Edgeworth, but I need help on this, and I can prove that you have some experience with an event like this. TAKE THAT!" Phoenix pulled a picture of Franziska von Karma out of nowhere and shoved it in Edgeworth's face. He may have been out of law for two years, but he hadn't lost all of his tricks yet. "Franziska was one of your adopted sisters. How could you grow up with two women, and not know anything about this?

Edgey twitched again, and the lock proceeded to shatter. "Perhaps, I have some... experience. Fine, I will attempt to assist you. Unlock the bathroom, and stand back."
Phoenix complied, then procceded to hide behind the couch again. Hey, at least he wasn't curled up again.Good luck to Edgey, he was definitely the braver man.

Or not.

The door was closed for exactly thirty seven seconds, before Edgeworth ran out screaming, his eye twitching even more than usual, joined by his right eye. "Wright," He gasped, "my skills did nothing. NOTHING!"
"What did you do?"

"I bribed it with chocolate."
"OBJECTION! What do you mean it? That's my daughter!"
"Fine. I bribed her with chocolate. That always worked at home, why didn't it this time? Dammit Wright, we need an expert!"
"But who? All of the girls I know are too immature, or hate me!"
"Then we must ask.... A father!"
Phoenix gasped. Edgeworth couldn't possibly mean who he thought he meant could he?
"We must see," Miles Edgeworth said, his eyes finally stopping their crazy ass dance, "Winston Payne!"
Phoenix sighed, relieved. "Oh thank god, I thought you meant von Karma!"
"Von Karma? That would be... actually, why not. He managed Franziska, he has to be a genius. Come Wright, let us go... TO SOLITARY CONFINEMENT!"
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Meanwhile in the bathroom, Trucy sat, eyebrow raised. She was bleeding, why were Mister Edgeworth and Daddy so freaked out? It was natural, and all she had done was asked Daddy if he could get her a tampon. Then Mr. Edgeworth had come in, given her chocolate, asked her not to devour his soul, and ran out screaming.

The magician in training shook her head. Men.

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Later chapters will involve many characters, pepsi, a dog, living hair, and Damon Gant.

This is PERFECT. xDD I've always wondered what Nick would do when Trucy got her period, and that just answered my question. I especially like the "please don't devour my soul" from Edgeworth. xD

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Hahahahahahaha. XD That was awesome!! I love how Phoenix goes to Edgey for advice on this sort of thing. XD And the Psyche-lock!! I can't wait for more! ^_^

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OH. MY. FREAKING. GAWD. This is the greatest fanfiction I've read!!! ...Well, in the top ten at least!

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Slight snag. I know next to nothing about menstruation except what I read on wikipedia. Apart from the bleeding, (and the stereotypical anger) are there any other problems to scare the lawyers with?

The screaming pain from the evil cramps.

Cramps and food cravings. Depending on who it is, it could be anywhere from mild to severe. Oh, and it's not necessarily anger; it's mood swings. Hope that helps! ^^

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xD I'd love to see Phoenix running out of the house every hour because of Trucy's constant changing food cravings.

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Thank you. I blame high school abstinance filled sex ed for my ignorance. And Mystic Mina, I think I'm going to have to do that. I also came up with an incredibly crack/lulzy idea for the next chapter. They go to Manfred for help, and he agrees on the condition that they spring him from jail. They accidentally spring his room mate as well: Luke Atemy, who they coerce (read: force) into comforting/babysitting Trucy. I also have a much saner idea involving Frank Sahwit, but it's up to you guys to decide which.

NO FRANK SAHWIT PLZ. That would end up with... screams. Not from Trucy, but from Frank. xDD "EEEK! IT'S ALL OVER THE PLAACE!" I'd love it if you could get the next chapter up today~

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I like the story to be a LITTLE insane, but that...? I dunno. It still has to stay in character, you know? I just doubt Edgy and Nick would get them out of jail for something they could get from someone else for a much better "price". Just my thoughts.

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that was hilarious. =] I LOVED how Nick and Miles are freaking out but Trucy's fine. Can't wait for the next chapter!

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facepalm.GIF

Oh come on! Phoenix would KNOW about menstruation since he had learned that during college years!

Only aleins would not know this or that Phoenix cheated in his study years (fake Bar Exam cert, etc).

Because intelectuals do learn about this, be reminded that being a lawyer means that BOTH MILES AND PHOENIX ARE OF THE INTELECTUAL PEOPLE!!

One thing to remember about writing fan fics about lawyers: DON'T BULLSHIT ABOUT LAWYER'S INTELECTUALITY!!!

Other than that, the story's good (except the shock of Trucy's menstruation).

Besides, if she just had it her first time -- she doesn't need a tampon!! She just needs a sanitary pad because her 'inlet' is narrow and that she's still a virgin!!

And a clean panty to wear, of course (since the menstruation blood stained the one she was wearing).

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I see what you mean about the intelectuality, but I thought it was implied that the whole thing was going to be kind of crackish. And like I said earlier, I know next to nothing about the topic. Makes you wonder why the hell I wrote this doesn't it?

On another topic, no Sahwit huh? And don't worry, while I was working on the next chapter, I realised that they could not spring von Karma from jail anyway. He will appear though, and be more or less in character. Next chapter should be up later today. It does involve prison. I also realized who else I could throw into the story, because Nick knew him at the time: Kristoph. Oh yes.

Wow! i loved that, sooo funny! and true, most guys get so embaraced just at the mention of the word!

+ JUST because Phoenix and Edgeworth are intelectual lawyers doesn't mean they know all about that kinda thing, the most intelligent men turn red and get embaraced just hearing about it!

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And most guys call it 'the evil red dot'. xDD Poor Trucy... Just scanning the emoticons, now, how about Gumshoe or the Judge? xDD Or Larry, I bet with the experience he's had with girls he's a master at it, huh?

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I'd be glad to assist you for the fan fiction, because blatantly writing about a girl's normal stuff (as in Trucy's part of the story) is a real disgrace to womankind.... well, it upsets me as one.

Because you remind me of Chris Crocker (he made a video about PMS on YouTube! D:).....

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First of all, I'd like to apologize to Sheik, and anyone else who was offended. It was never my intent to offend anyone. However, I also beleive that your comparison between Crocker and I is unjust in that he was aiming to offend, whereas I was trying to entertain.
As for the fic, I've been at camp for the past few weeks, and working on homework when I got home. I just have one more essay to finish, and then, a new chapter, provably in a couple weeks. School comes first, I'm afraid.

Lol, great fic. (Despite the obvious overreactions of Phoenix and Edgeworth)
I mean really, you're brilliant to come up with this.

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Oh dear god. I lol'd so hard.
I can't wait to see the new one... Wait, Damon Gant? Damon Gant + Periods? D: Whut?

Also, the 4Chan part... Was the best way to describe anything, EVER.
You Sir are more awesome than my Cravat.