Another love-story, Klavier/Ema this time. My English is still terrible, but Princessphilomena helped me a lot

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Hah! Oh, this was sweet and funny at the same time. Your progression through Ema's feelings was well-done and I have to admire that for someone whose "english isn't good", you do very well. I loved the scientific aspect of it—phenyletilamine and all. Lol.

I also liked the whole "first kiss thing" It made it extra cute. And if there's one thing I like, it's cute, lovable, romantic stuff. Lol. Good job!

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Where to start... I don't want to sound offensive, but I also want to make sure you understand why I didn't get much out of your story.

Well, to start, let me assure you that I have no intent to insult you or your skills as an author. As Caelestis said, it was a cute story, but there were some aspects that I was bothered by. I want you to be aware of them, but please also be aware that my bluntness can easily come off as offensive, even though it is never my intent. You should also know that I consider the featured pairing in this story highly unlikely, so part of my position may stem from that bias, though I hope that is not the case.

Moving on to the actual favorable comments and constructive criticism...

First of all, the "hands touch while cleaning up" portion stood out to me as an incredibly trite cliché. I'd recommend avoiding the use of such things in future stories unless you have no doubt that you have worded it in such a way that the cliché itself is almost impossible to notice.

Also, this pairing in particular tends to require a deep (and typically gradual) transition from annoyance to love. I found the speed of Ema's change in feelings unrealistically quick and somewhat surface-level. In addition, Klavier struck me as much too forward, as though he would not allow Ema to reject his advances even if she did not love him back. Of course, that can be attributed to the hasty transition. However, considering that this is a oneshot, I can understand why Ema changed so quickly. This story may have been better off fleshed out and split into many chapters in order to make Ema's change of heart more realistic.

However, I will acknowledge that you clearly put some effort into your story and didn't just pump out a smattering of words and expect everyone to praise them. If the relationship is to be viewed as one composed of nothing more than passion, then it becomes much more believable. If that was your intent all along, then I apologize for misinterpreting your story. It was cute, and I can that you like to write these stories, which is something I can always respect.

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Huh o_O You wrote such a long comment To be honest, I'm an amateur, this was one of my first stories. I'm not a writer or anything, I simply wrote that was in my mind. As for the length of the story, I must admit that I'm terrible at longer stories, so I wrote a one-shot instead. I know, it may make my story too quick, but I hope I will get rid of this mistake after writing more stories and getting used to it.
You must know that English is not my native language, so it's pretty difficult for me to translate things into English, that's why my wording might be a little strange sometimes. Anyway I wanted to share my stories so that I can see what other people think about them, and I'm glad you found this fanfic cute and wrote your opinion.

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