VHT's fics--Indecision & A time of Happiness : Present Testimony

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:32 am

FlameInferno

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Oh wow! That was exciting. I want to know who this Mr. Niida is. Maybe Shelly de Killer over Iris' dead body.

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Fri Aug 21, 2009 8:23 pm

carbon monoxide

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Platinum Skye wrote:

Fair chapter, I wish the other side of the cliffhanger is as good or better. In regards to this story being continued under a different author, it's your decision, although I think it depends on the author him/herself.

It might be Mia_Fey, but I have to convince her first.

As to FlameInferno, you should know this.

Spoiler: "HUGE HUGE HUGE SPOILERS"

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:26 am

Johnny Rotan

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Looking good. Poor Nick, deja vu to 2-4.

Comics updated 12/12. Projects updated 9-5. Fanfic updated 11-4. sprite thread 6-2

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 3:59 pm

carbon monoxide

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Chapter six up!

Chapter seven ends it!

Then it's fluff from there!

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:09 pm

DerekAMW

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Pretty dramatic and fast paced, more so than most Ace Attorney stories. I like De Killer in this story, you make him stay true to 2-4's personality and add a layer of depth and interest.

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 4:28 pm

carbon monoxide

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Platinum Skye wrote:

Pretty dramatic and fast paced, more so than most Ace Attorney stories. I like De Killer in this story, you make him stay true to 2-4's personality and add a layer of depth and interest.

I could've shifted a word around or two, I mean, I really didn't imagine De Killer saying "want". It sounded pretty unnatural when I proofread it. Oh well, always room for improvement! :gant:

Thanks for the review! It was done with such stunning speed...

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 5:53 pm

FlameInferno

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Good ol' de Killer. It's nice to see him the same as always, and Phoenix's reaction to him again is just awesome. Poor Starr though! Looks like Lana managed to beat her there!

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:05 pm

carbon monoxide

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Chapter seven up!

I decided to get rid of the warnings system, btw :grey:

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sat Aug 22, 2009 10:45 pm

DerekAMW

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Pretty suspenseful and a nice near conclusion to this case. That's all I can think of to say.

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sun Aug 23, 2009 4:08 am

FlameInferno

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Ack!! Another cliffhanger! Nooo, I want to know what happens.

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Sun Aug 23, 2009 3:00 pm

justis76

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Ok, a few notes.
-Maya seemed to have a few mood swings at the start of Chapter 6
-Maya didn't want Nick to defend Ron DeLite in 3-2, doubt she'd be Ok with working with the man who kidnapped her.
-I lol'd at the ice cream part.
-I'm sure Nick will be fine, he's near invincible.
-You miht want to change your title from "A Time of Happiness" to "A Time of Depression". Your story isn't really all that upbeat.
-That was a joke.

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:50 pm

carbon monoxide

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Trial one's last chapter is up!
Not much fluff...but I tried. I should leave the fluff to more experienced people

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:57 pm

DerekAMW

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I liked the chapter but I still have problems with your characterization of Lana. Nowhere in 1-5 is it even hinted that she only prosecutes for a perfect win record, she's not related to the Von Karma bloodline. You write everyone well except for Lana.

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:59 pm

carbon monoxide

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Oops.

Oh well...you do bring a whole new meaning to "instant review"

I realized when you reviewed my first trial that I sucked at characterizing side characters that transitioned into a major role. So this chapter was meant to scrap her once and for all.

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:02 pm

DerekAMW

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VeryHappyTaffy wrote:

Oops.

Oh well...you do bring a whole new meaning to "instant review"

I realized when you reviewed my first trial that I sucked at characterizing side characters that transitioned into a major role. So this chapter was meant to scrap her once and for all.

There are many ways you could have scrapped her character without further ruining her character. Cheap way out, and that's not the way a writer should do it.

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:03 pm

carbon monoxide

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Platinum Skye wrote:

VeryHappyTaffy wrote:

Oops.

Oh well...you do bring a whole new meaning to "instant review"

I realized when you reviewed my first trial that I sucked at characterizing side characters that transitioned into a major role. So this chapter was meant to scrap her once and for all.

There are many ways you could have scrapped her character without further ruining her character. Cheap way out, and that's not the way a writer should do it.

By putting in a different prosecutor?

Re: A time of Happiness. Sequel to Indecision (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:08 pm

DerekAMW

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VeryHappyTaffy wrote:

Platinum Skye wrote:

VeryHappyTaffy wrote:

Oops.

Oh well...you do bring a whole new meaning to "instant review"

I realized when you reviewed my first trial that I sucked at characterizing side characters that transitioned into a major role. So this chapter was meant to scrap her once and for all.

There are many ways you could have scrapped her character without further ruining her character. Cheap way out, and that's not the way a writer should do it.

By putting in a different prosecutor?

First off you did not need to make Lana's motives the same as Edgeworth's, Franziska's and Manfred's. That should have never happened. You could just make it that Phoenix and Lana don't face off in court again by chance. For future trials perhaps a different prosecutor would be a good thing. But the decision you made when writing Lana up is likely irreversible and should be kept unchanged as a reminder how to improve your writing. When you have problems writing a character, keep their involvement to a minimum or don't write them into the story at all.

Re: A time of Happiness-Trial 1's Last chapt. up! (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:09 pm

carbon monoxide

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Hmm...how well did I characterize Payne? I'm thinking of using him again.

Re: A time of Happiness-Trial 1's Last chapt. up! (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:09 pm

DerekAMW

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VeryHappyTaffy wrote:

Hmm...how well did I characterize Payne? I'm thinking of using him again.

I didn't see any problems with you writing out Payne.

Re: A time of Happiness-Trial 1's Last chapt. up! (Phoenix/Iris)

Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:19 pm

FlameInferno

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Yay! That was awesome! I loved how you tied everything in. The dark times in the judicial system through Mia really was clever. Go Dr. Hickfield, it was nice to see him pop up. Can't wait til the next case!

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**

Re: A time of Happiness-Trial 1's Last chapt. up! (Phoenix/Iris)

Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:34 am

carbon monoxide

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@Pskye: Good, then that's who I'll use in the future
@Flame: Hm...I'm actually thinking about third-party influence for the next case.

VHT's Multi-chap fics! [Indecision&A Time of Happiness (P/Ir

Fri Aug 28, 2009 10:56 pm

carbon monoxide

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So...announcing...Mia_Fey will not be continuing my fanfic (refusal confirmed). However...I will. Oh, and the two

Re: VHT's Multichap fics--Indecision & A Time of Happiness (P/I)

Wed Sep 02, 2009 11:36 pm

carbon monoxide

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Chapter Nine is up. It's a trail of fluff from here on out, babay!

Re: VHT's Multichap fics--Indecision & A Time of Happiness (P/I)

Thu Sep 03, 2009 12:59 am

DerekAMW

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Decent chapter. All the typical humor we expect from the Ace Attorney series nicely fleshed out into this chapter regarding Gumshoe possibly getting a raise and Miles's explanation regarding that after Gumshoe took a romantic photo of Phoenix and Iris. The love between them is building but not too fast which is a good thing. The chapter was short so I can't find anything else to comment on.

Re: VHT's Multichap fics--Indecision & A Time of Happiness (P/I)

Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:05 am

FlameInferno

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That was a really nice dinner! Poor Gumshoe though, yet least he got a raise. I love how well you managed to capture Franziska's personality!

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**

Re: VHT's Multichap fics--Indecision & A Time of Happiness (P/I)

Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:06 am

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I guess when you're Edgeworth, you can do anything. Even pay less than minimum wage. :edgy:

And this chapter was so cute! :redd:

Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!

Re: VHT's Multichap fics--Indecision & A Time of Happiness (P/I)

Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:58 pm

carbon monoxide

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Thanks!

Spoiler:

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & Sequel Their first date!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat Sep 05, 2009 5:04 pm

carbon monoxide

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Lol. I exceeded my allowed memory space.

Anyways, chapter 10 is UP!!!! It's their first date too!!!!!!
I hope I get some views, even thought it is P/M day

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & Sequel Their first date!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat Sep 05, 2009 7:39 pm

Johnny Rotan

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Nice job so far. How many chapters left after 10?

Comics updated 12/12. Projects updated 9-5. Fanfic updated 11-4. sprite thread 6-2

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & Sequel Their first date!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat Sep 05, 2009 8:20 pm

Yaragorm

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~~Boy they sure stutter a lot...~~

That was definitely a good update, I don't think it really matters whether it's Phoenix/Maya day when you uploaded it, right?

Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & Sequel Their first date!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sat Sep 05, 2009 10:41 pm

carbon monoxide

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Oh right...haven't decided how many chapters yet. :D Probably infinite :P

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & Sequel Their first date!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sun Sep 06, 2009 7:27 pm

DerekAMW

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I have problems seeing Lawyer Phoenix paying $250 for a dress and not checking the price until after. That seems more like something College Feenie would do rather than Lawyer Phoenix. Bringing up the sweater was pretty sweet although I like the Hobo Hat much more. It was good until Phoenix reverted more into College Feenie at the end which kinda ruined the chapter for me.

Oh and an author needs to know his/her limit as to how many chapters the story can be. No story can go on forever.

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & Sequel Their first date!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon Sep 07, 2009 2:55 am

carbon monoxide

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Thanks for the review

Since Iris fell in love with college Feenie, so it's understandable if he'd want to revert back to relive some sweet past memories, even if only temporarily.

My fanfic(s) seems to follow the rubric of good chapter, bad chapter, good chapter, bad chapter, with a mediocre one manifesting occasionally in between

Quote:

Oh and an author needs to know his/her limit as to how many chapters the story can be. No story can go on forever.

I'm not immortal you know...I'll just write till I'm content...it may be a while before I finish though...

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & A time of Happiness

Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:18 pm

carbon monoxide

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Update with chapter 11!!!!!!!!!!! It's on the second post, because I exhausted my allotted memory size for my first post (like 300,000 characters or somethin')

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & A time of Happiness

Thu Sep 10, 2009 9:48 pm

Chloe

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Sorry I've been so slow at reviews. The other guys said pretty much what I was going to say anyway. College just started up. It's coming along quite well, although Lana came off as a bit weird in my opinion. De Killer rocked here :pearl:

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & A time of Happiness

Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:04 pm

FlameInferno

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Finally, I have access to the internet again!
Haha on Phoenix fainting after he heard the bill. It's a little OOC of him not to be a bit of a penny pincher. I kind of liked the humour in that chapter though!
Ooooh, the dreaded 'Do you love me?' OUCH! Poor Phoenix. Especially in Gourd lake too.

**Special Thanks to Dekuran for the Awesome Siggy and Nadindi for the Cool Avatar!**

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & A time of Happiness

Fri Sep 11, 2009 1:39 am

carbon monoxide

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I do realize that I'm not a good romance writer (this can be attributed to my stark lack of a girlfriend and lack of motivation to procure one in question), so live with me here, please?

Thanks for the reviews. It's about time people started saying bad stuff about it. :maya:

No seriously, thanks.

And I promise that even though they said

Spoiler:

, the romance won't move too fast.

Re: VHT's fics--Indecision & A time of Happiness

Sun Sep 13, 2009 8:45 pm

DerekAMW

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I won't expect for the romance to move that fast. I like the negative thoughts by Iris regaring possible disagreement by Phoenix and him just trying to convice her that he loves her. I enjoyed it.