No, thank you for reading and commenting!

I'm really glad it makes you laugh, since that's what we aim for XD It's always nice to see that people can enjoy the story even though they're not fans of the pairing. It's one of the best compliments we can get :)

Thanks again!

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I don't usually read slash material when it comes to Phoenix Wright but I just can't help myself with this story :] I've been a reader since the first chapter and I just can't stop waiting for the updates~

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>_>;

*sigh* So close to this story not devolving into P/E... yet so far.

I'll keep reading for the lulz...

[Edit for clarification] What I mean to say is... it's well written, and it always has been, and the comedic level is high, but what made it really good was the fact that it was one way, and y'know... actually not P/E.

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Once again, I'm glad to see the story can appeal to people despite the slash elements. Thank you for reading, I'm glad you like it :)



Well, it's your opinion and I respect it, but as you can see, some people seem to like it even though they're not fans of P/E, so I'm sorry if you feel that way about it, but there's unfortunately not much I can do, since that's how it was meant to be since the beginning. And I thought it was obvious, but maybe I was wrong? I'm glad if you keep reading for the lulz, though XD

But I'm not sure what you mean by "one way". And I'd also like to know why that's what made it interesting to you, if you don't mind, that is.

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Hay! Nice to see you on the forums, I;ve actually commented on the last two chapter on Fanfic.net as "Bittersweet"

^ ^ I'm sure you don't want me to repeat myself (I know I'm prone to ranting), but I will say that I LOVE your story so much!
Keep up the good work.

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Oh so it's your review Lyrical missed last time XD She felt sooo bad about it, too. I'm glad to see there's no hard feelings ^^;

Thank you for your nice reviews, I'm really glad you like the story :)

PS: I'm glad you liked Phoenix's jokes in this chapter. And don't worry, we're about as mature as he is too XD Sometimes it's almost scary what we come up with, ahah. I would say more, but I have a tendency to get TL;DR as well and I should really let Lyrical respond to your review on FF.net instead of replying to it here XD

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XD Thanks, and good luck with the next chapter guys!

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XD Thanks, and good luck with the next chapter guys!

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Sure. "Never hide criticism"... that's my rule

*cough*

Anyway, the reason I thought it was better when it... wasn't P/E (even if that time frame was an illusion) was because it appeared to be an exploration of the relationship between Phoenix and Edgeworth shown in Bridge to a Turnabout, explored via a subversion of a common romantic comedy trope, which is far subtler and... well..., even ignoring my opinions concerning the over saturation of the fandom with P/E material, I tend to find subversion and inversions of common tropes funnier than the actual use of those tropes.

[Edit] I don't think I've made a post here I haven't edited.

Anyway

Just so you know, I do intend to keep reading for the lulz, it's just... I dunno... I suppose this whole exchange may have been rude. If you think so, I offer my sincerest apologies, and will defend my actions by saying that whenever I make something and display it publicly, I tend to... dislike it when there is no criticism, no faults ever found with it, when by nature of being made by a human, there is room to improve, and whatever my role, I make it my goal to improve, and that's impossible without any form of criticism. If you do not agree with this, I will readily comply and take back all negative comments made.

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Oh, don't worry, I don't think you were rude at all. You don't have to apologize. I just wanted some clarification as to why you felt that way about it. It's nice to get compliments, but criticism is important, too :) That's why I asked.

As for their relationship being like in Bridge to the Turnabout, the fic is actually set two months after 2:4, cause we thought the level of awkwardness would be higher at this point, which would make the whole situation funnier. We also needed something to trigger Phoenix's confusion towards Maya, and we thought the whole incident with Engarde would be perfect. Not to mention, we didn't want to have to deal with Iris and everything that happens in GS3, but that's another story XD

And I get what you mean about the whole thing being a bit cliché, but that's actually the point. That's why it's a "fake fairytale". And if that's any consolation, the "faux amour" part isn't there for nothing, either. I don't want to spoil anything, but what I'm saying is, it's not like they're going to wake up one day and realize they're in love with each other. We're not that cliché XD

So yeah, thanks for responding, and I'm glad you intend to keep reading :)

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I've been following this story on fanfiction.net, so you can imagine the little squeeling moment of joy I had when I found it on this forum just now. xD

But anyway.
From what I've read of PW fanfiction, this is the most well-written story I've encountered. I absolutely adore the characterization of every character involved, and every chapter leaves me wanting more to the story. I really admire the ability of both authors to stick together and churn out such a long story; I'm actually co-writing a multi-chapter story with a friend and I admit it's not as easy as I thought it would be.

Then again I'm much more prone to writing short stories. xD

But all in all, great work, and I hope to see it continued and hopefully finished, sometime. :3

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Why, thanks for the praise :)

And yeah, co-writing isn't always easy, but it's definitely interesting. And it's a lot of fun when writing this kind of story, cause we're always throwing random ideas at each other XD I think it also helps that we have the same take on the characters and stuff, cause it would probably make the writing a lot harder if we didn't. And don't worry, I'm used to writing short stories myself, so I totally understand how complicated and time-consuming multi-chapter fics can get XD

Thanks again, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story :)

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*blink blink* [referring to the bold part]that changes things considerably, actually. And, you say that there is something surprising to look forward to... I shall look forward to it.

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I really like this fic! I know I laughed at loud at least a dozen times.

Suggestions for the betterment of your writing and this fanfiction are as follows:
[*] Sometimes I feel like the plot doesn't really make sense. Like for example, after Everett thought that Edgeworth was gay the first time, why did they come up with the plan to pretend to be gay and have Larry help out Edgeworth. Was it assumed that Kath would come bug them again? If so I didn't get that feel from the writing but I did read this at like... midnight until 3 in the morning so, that might have been it. What I'm really saying, is try to be a bit more descriptive when it comes to things that are happening and maybe try to make sure you are explaining why it is happening?
[*]HMMM... Well... Number 1 was actually pretty much it..

Now things I particularly enjoyed about your fanfiction:
[*]Wow... I didn't think you'd bring it up.. But the name thing I thought I was the only one who ever thought about that whole "they always call each other by their last name thing" but apparently not. I mean, every time I read a P/E fanfic I always wonder how the transition will be made from last to first name succesfully, and I think that in you fic you do it in an especially amusing way. I mean, Nick is totally cool with calling Miles by his first name but every time Edgy trys to say Phoenix he stutters a little, which I think is just so cute! And funny of course, honestly, I've never been so entertained by the name dilemma before. Thanks for that.
[*]The way Edgeworth and Phoenix go through the whole process of well... falling for each other is so wonderfully in character. Edgeworth is going through the whole "Gasp! Am I gay?" thing but totally in denial and clueless as to how to alleviate his feelings because he fails when it comes to social situations. Meanwhile, Phoenix is like Oh, I don't like Edgeworth, were just really close friends (IE To silly to realize he actually really likes Miles and craves his presence) With Phoenix in a in a P/E fanfic there is really only one way to go: He doesn't realize he likes Phoenix and when he does he freaks out about it, however with Edgeworth authors, I feel, can take two routes. The first being Edgeworth always knew he liked Phoenix but didn't do anything about it because he never thinks it will work and is all emo depressed all the time. Of course since your fic is a lighter more upbeat Edgewortt it's only more logical that you'd pick the "Gah! I still realize it before Phoenix but I'm freaking out and socially awkward" route. Really there aren't enough of the second route in P/E fics, so it's really nice to read one.
[*]Well... It's really funny, but at the same time in character. When I started to read the first chapter and Phoenix was acting all weird I was worried this would be a really out of character fic, but then he was drunk, so it was all good.
[*]I like the way you portray Larry, like annoying enough but he still is Phoenix and Miles' friend, so you don't make him so annoyinh that their friendship is illogical. Plus, I never really found him that annoying in the game.. So I like it better in fanfics when he isn't TOO stupid or TOO dumb.


Anywhoo... Please think of my constructive criticism as more on the constructive side, because I really do enjoy your fic and am just trying to help you improve your skill.

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You're absolutely right. I felt the exact same way about it when I was working on it, but after thinking about it at length, I realized there was really no way of making it work without it being a bit subtle. What I mean is, the reasons are there, but you might have to read carefully to make sense of them, so maybe reading it in the middle of the night wasn't the best time for it? XD

Okay, I'll try to explain. At first, they really weren't planning on pretending to date, cause Phoenix was drunk when he came up with the idea, so obviously, it wasn't to be taken seriously. So basically, in Chapter 2, Edgeworth only goes to Phoenix's apartment cause he's pissed that he had to pretend to be gay and he blames it all on Phoenix - even though he's the one who decided to go along with it, but obviously, nothing is his fault. He has no idea that Larry's going to be there as well. But then, things happen - Phoenix takes his shirt off, Larry's being annoying - so Edgeworth ends up not being able to have a proper argument with Phoenix. So he ends up mocking Phoenix and telling Larry that he suggested they pretend to date to try to get back at him. But then, they're both shocked by Larry's reaction, cause instead of making fun of Phoenix, he actually encourages the idea.

Okay, this is where I think it might have gotten confusing. If you look at their reactions in Chapter 2, you'll see that none of them is very fond of the idea (obviously). The only reason Phoenix accepts to go along with it is cause he feels bad about starting this whole mess, and he thinks that if he ever needs to pretend, he'll do it, but he doubts he'll ever have to.

“It’s no big deal; I probably won’t even have to do anything, seeing as though I never even see that woman.”

So basically, that's what he thinks about it. And that was even before they told Larry what was going on. But then, when Larry suggests his plan, Phoenix finds it stupid, but at the same time, he thinks it'll be a good way to have some fun at Edgeworth's expense - cause even though he feels bad about the whole thing, he'd never miss the occasion to see Edgeworth squirm - and he also knows that he'll never hear the end of it if he just tells Larry that it's a stupid idea, plus the thought of Edgeworth getting 'romance lessons' from Larry kind of amuses him. Here's the two reasons:

"Edgeworth's probably going to skin me alive for that, but the look on his face when confronted with a hyped-up, romance-obsessed Butz is going to be priceless."

"If it’s anything to do with romance, Larry is the genius of destroying it.

This could be interesting…"

Okay, now, for Edgeworth's point of view. I think we made it fairly obvious in Chapter 2 that Edgeworth has no intention of going along with the idea, until Phoenix pulls the little act and he finally accepts. But since Chapter 2 is in Phoenix's POV, we have to wait till the next chapter to know what he's really thinking.

We already know that, back in Chapter 1, Edgeworth didn't give it a lot of thought before he told Everett that he was dating Phoenix, because he had to tell her something, and it seemed like the best idea at the moment. But then, he quickly realizes that it was a really bad idea, cause if word ever did get out about it, it would most definitely pose a threat to their careers and reputations. And he can't exactly tell her that it was a lie either, cause he knows how persistent she is, so he knows she'd hit on him again, and he also doesn't want to pass as a liar. That's why he's so mad about it afterwards and blames Phoenix for suggesting the idea.

So, in Chapter 2, he's looking for an explanation and an apology, but as I already said, things don't turn out as planned, so he ends up looking for a bit of revenge instead, but it kind of backfires. Obviously, he finds Larry's plan ridiculous, and he's not planning on following it at all, but he accepts anyway, cause at the time, all he can think about is that Phoenix got him in this whole mess, and that it's his responsibility to get him out of it "alive". That's why he swats away all of Larry's suggestions, but only accepts when Phoenix insists - he can see that Phoenix actually feels bad about it and that he's willing to help to make it up to him.

"I guess it doesn’t really matter… At least Wright has the decency to actually carry out his stupid idea, since it was his fault I got caught up in it to start with."

So basically, accepting to go along with the plan was his way of not having to deal with the situation anymore. At this point, he doesn't realize that they'll both have to play their part in the whole thing - not just Phoenix. So he sees making Phoenix carry out the idea he suggested as some kind of payback. But he was so upset about the whole thing, it never once crosses his mind that they shouldn't actually have to do much since Everett seemed pretty convinced. But then, he really takes the time to be rational about it, and he realizes that he might have overreacted a little, and that it might not be such a big deal, after all.

"But wait… Why did I even accept to go along with Larry’s plan anyways? It's probably useless, seeing how Everett freaked out yesterday when she found out I was gay…

Damn it! When she thought she found out I was gay…"

That is, until she barges in and starts harassing him about details. Then he remembers how persistent and manipulative she really is and realizes that he had, in fact, a good reason to be worried about the whole thing. Letting her know it was a lie is obviously out of the question, and he soon realizes that he's going to need all the help he can get to keep the relationship plausible, considering how little he knows about this stuff, and how much he hates lying.

"Damn. Why am I so bad at this ‘social scene’? I don’t want her suspecting the whole relationship thing is fake… As much as I hate to admit it, maybe I do need Larry’s help after all…"

So then, he thinks all he'll have to do is take Larry's advice and act his part whenever Everett barges in like that, but then Phoenix accepts they go on a date, and everything spirals from there, obviously XD

OMG, totally TL;DR, I'm sorry XD I hope this made sense. But I understand what you're saying, and we're trying to make everything as clear as possible. Basically, all I meant to say is that, the reasons are there. You just have to look for them, I guess XD



The name basis with these two has always been a big deal for me. It actually kinda makes me cringe when people make them switch to calling each other "Miles" and "Phoenix" for no real reason. I think there really needs to be some kind of transition - not only on Edgeworth's side, but on Phoenix's as well. Of course, Phoenix doesn't mind calling Edgeworth "Miles", and it even amuses him to some extent, but he wouldn't call him that under normal circumstances. So basically, they both have different reasons for referring to each other by their last names. For Phoenix, calling Edgeworth "Edgeworth" is just common sense, cause it would have been weird to call him "Miles" after not seeing him for fifteen years, and I guess it's also become some kind of habit since he's met him again. For Edgeworth, it's the fact that he's not comfortable with referring to anyone on first-name basis. It's both a matter of respect and a matter of trying to stay detached, since he's been brought up to think he shouldn't trust anyone and should never let any kind of emotions get in the way. That said, it's easier for him to call Everett "Kath" than to call Wright "Phoenix", since he's closer to Phoenix than he is to Everett, and has a lot more respect for him as well. The same reasoning applies as to why he always calls Larry by his first name. He feels his relationship with Larry hasn't changed much since they were kids - mainly because Larry still acts the same as before and refers to the three of them as 'best buddies' - so he just treats him the way he's asking to be treated. It's also a way of making it look like Larry simply annoys him, even though he secretly likes the fact that someone still sees him as how he was before. But yeah, I digress XD

I think it's interesting that you brought that up, actually, cause no one ever really did, and I think it's something that's really important in the story. That said, I have a question for you. Lyrical and I have been wondering about it since Chapter 6 has been posted. Did you pick up on what actually made Edgeworth react when Phoenix made the joke about the joystick? No one mentioned it yet, so we were starting to get a bit worried about it XD



I take it you meant to say that Phoenix doesn't realize he likes Edgeworth but then freaks out about it when he does? If that's the case, I totally agree. I've never seen Phoenix as the gay one between the two, so I think he'd definitely freak out big time when he stops being oblivious and realizes what's really going on.

About Edgeworth, I thought the second route would be more logical, especially since the fic is set after 2:4, rather than after 3:5. While it would make perfect sense to assume that Edgeworth already knows about his feelings for Phoenix in 3:5, I don't think he did in 2:4. At this point, he'd just spent a whole year trying to figure out things about himself and about what it means to be a prosecutor, and I don't think he'd be able to focus on anything else until he teaches Phoenix that lesson about the truth in 2:4. So I think his questioning his feelings towards Phoenix would come after.



Ahah, yeah, we were kinda worried that people would think we'd gone mad or something at first XD But yeah, it's really fun to write humor while trying to keep the whole thing serious at the same time. Basically, I see it as trying to make it a bit like the games. The games have a serious storyline, but the way they put it is never 100% serious, and it gets really funny at times XD



Yeah, I feel the same way about Larry. I always really liked Larry and the dynamic he has with both Phoenix and Edgeworth. And I think it's kind of unfortunate that most people seem to hate him, cause I like how the three of them interact and I think it can lead to interesting situations. Poor Larry, he's so misunderstood XD


So yeah, thank you for the crit and all the kind words. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you feel our writing improves as we post more chapters :)

And yeah, I know, TL;DR!!! Gah, so sorry, I can't help it XD

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When you explained it like that it made perfect sense, actually! Thank you for taking the time to explain it, I imagine it must have been annoying for you to go through that massive chapter ad get the exact parts you needed, but they really did help me to understand exactly where the two of them were coming from.

Then again, perhaps you enjoyed going through the chapter? A man/woman on a mission!

Yes! I completely agree! I always get annoyed when people have pre-emptive first name calling! I don't know if this is because they always call each other by their last names in their game or as a result of watching to much anime. (Where people only call eachother by their first-un-honorized name in certain circumstances) But the name thing is definetely a big deal!

Yeah, I think it's more of a habit than anything else. I mean, when he sees Edgeworth again, he's worried. He thinks 'Edgeworth has changed' and so addresses him the same way he would a stranger you've just been introduced to, on a first name basis. Then of course they go through all that (case 1-4) and become friends-ish again (Phoenix believed they were good, meanwhile Edgeworth decided to leave the country) and by that point it really just becomes habit.

What can I say. You hit the nail on the head with this statement alone. Brava/Bravo!

Wow, I never considered that before! Please elaborate!

As for the joystick thing I just assumed it was because of the LOL J0Y5TICK = PEN0RZ joke, which of course I laughed at. But maybe Phoenix leaned over in front of him? xD I need to look at it again expect an edit to this post about it in a few.

EDIT: Ah of course, he called him Miles when no one else was around. Hmm.. Perhaps Edgeworth's reaction next chapter will be..
----Wright called me by my first name when no one was around for it to matter! What does that mean! Does he like me, do I like him? AM I GAY?! AHHH.... IMPLOSION! (emotionally, of course)

Yes that is what I meant. Sorry about that.

You know, I almost never take the time fanfics take place into consideration unless a canon event is having a significant impact on the storyline. However, I now realize that time would be a big thing to take into consideration in a P/E relationship. Their relationship is a complicated thing to begin with, so I see how it is very important to take into consideration when exactly the relationship takes place.

Well I have no idea what TL;DR is but if you're talking about the length of your post then don't worry, when I write a lengthy review I like getting a somewhat lengthy reply. Thanks!

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Ahah, it really wasn't that much hard work, since I know the chapters pretty much by heart and I already knew exactly which parts I needed XD And I'm glad it helped you understand the situation better. Confusing the readers is the last thing I want to do :)



I watch a lot of anime as well, but I actually never thought about it that way when it comes to Phoenix and Edgeworth. For me, I guess it's really just the fact that they never call each other by their first names in the games. But I suppose the 'anime' thing would apply to the Japanese version of the game XD



Yes, that's exactly what I was trying to say, but you said it better XD



Elaborate? Okay, hmm...

When you look at Larry's character in the game, I think it's safe to assume that he hasn't changed much since they were kids. I mean, I guess it's normal that he calls Phoenix "Nick", cause it's implied that they've been in contact since they were in grade school, but when Larry sees Edgeworth for the first time in fifteen years, he calls him "Edgey" right away, as if nothing had ever happened and that they'd been friends the whole time. It's too bad that we don't get to see Edgeworth's reaction to this from his point of view, but I'm pretty sure that something as simple as this was enough to make him think that maybe the Miles Edgeworth he used to be is still in there somewhere.

When you play as Edgeworth in 3:5, you can see that, yes, Larry does annoy him to some extent, but at the same time, he's more patient with him than you'd think he'd be. I get the feeling that he kind of treats him like a kid, and I think it's due to the fact that he realizes that Larry hasn't changed at all since he knew him back then. And I think that Edgeworth sees that as something positive, cause since their relationship is pretty much the same as when they were kids, there's no real awkwardness - unlike with Wright - and he doesn't have to make any efforts to rebuild their friendship. I also tend to think that even though Edgeworth keeps yelling at Larry and picking on him, he's actually amused by his simple-mindedness. I think he also sees this as an occasion to stop being serious for a bit and act like a kid himself. Not that he'd ever admit it, though XD



Oh, so you hadn't noticed either at first XD Oh well, hopefully some people saw it. But I guess you really have to read carefully to notice it, since it's kind of hidden by the joystick joke. That was the whole point, actually, so it's not that big a deal, but we were just wondering how obvious (or not) it really is. But I think it's kinda hard to miss if you really read Edgeworth's response, cause he's clearly talking about something different than Phoenix is.

“Hey, I didn’t mean any sexual pun by it!” Phoenix replied defensively.

“No, it wasn’t…” Miles trailed off. “Never mind. Just hurry up. I don’t have all night.”

That's, of course, if you missed the name at first. I wouldn't have, though XD But then again, it all comes down to the name thing being a big deal for me, so I'm probably not a reference when it comes to this kind of thing.



Yes, I think that if you want their relationship to make sense in a story, you really have to take the timeline into consideration, cause their relationship is very different in all three games. Personally, I don't think it would be possible for them to be "together" before the end of GS2. And even after then, there's still a lot of things they'd have to overcome for it to work. And I think that's the most interesting part, so that's why we decided to go with post-GS2 instead of post-GS3. Cause I personally think that Edgeworth already has feelings for Phoenix in the third game, and we really wanted to see those feelings develop instead of them already being there.



Oh, sorry XD Yeah, I was referring to the LONG post being LONG XD (TL;DR = Too long; didn't read)
I'm apparently incapable of being concise XD

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Yeah, I did figure that Miles was thinking about something else, but I assumed it was something that would be explained next chapter. I have this problem where when I don't get something in a story I just skip it... It's a bad habit, I know ...I'm trying to break it, so please forgive my inattentiveness. ^^'

Haha, I know how that is, no worries my friend ^_~ Actually I want to thank you for taking the time to write such a nice long response to my review, its really very considerate. Thank you!

Sorry this post had no really substance T.T

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Warning: MASSIVE chapter ahead!
-


Miles placed his head in his hand as he flicked through his documents for the tenth time that morning. It was only a few minutes until the start of his second day in court and he had zero leads.

All this rubbish about the victim being hard of hearing and having to wear glasses to drive… How the hell is that ever going to help?!

And, of course, having high blood pressure is really what led him to get run over by a damned car.

It’s times like these I envy Wright and his lack of evidence.

He paused at the picture of the crime scene, scanning it once more to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. But no matter how hard he looked, all he could see were the exact same things he’d noticed right away when he’d seen the photo for the first time. The massive tractor in the middle of the field with the victim’s body stuck underneath, the old car parked nearby, and the pitchfork stuck in the soil.

Why are these bloody things always in black and white? Twenty-first century and they can’t even be bothered to change the crime scene cameras from the fifties…

Miles sighed.

Open and shut case my ass.


“It’s an open and shut case, sir,” Gumshoe had said, smiling at the pacing Miles who was scanning through the thick file in his hand. “The defendant is so guilty that not even Mr. Wright could get him off the hook!”

“Indeed, it would seem that way,” Miles said, frowning, as he read the case summary. He stopped pacing and turned to the detective. “I was wondering if you could explain something for me, Gumshoe. How is it that a simple farm worker has managed to pay for Marvin Grossberg, one of the most expensive defence attorneys in this city?”

“That’s an easy one, sir,” Gumshoe replied happily. “He sells pitchforks!”

Miles gave him a blank look.

“…Pitchforks.”

“Yeah, pitchforks! Some say Mr. Hildum’s pitchforks are the best in the country. Makes a lot of money out of ‘em.”

“Oh, I’m sure he does,” Miles mumbled, flipping to the autopsy report. He read it through carefully to make sure he hadn’t missed any details, before the bailiff finally called them into the courtroom.


Settling behind his desk, Miles glanced over at the overweight man standing across from him. Grossberg kept rustling his moustache every few seconds and appeared to be deep in thought. Well, at least, Miles presumed he was. His expression might as well have been that of a person suffering from constipation.

Miles shook his head and started arranging his documents.

A few minutes later, the Judge banged his gavel to get everyone’s attention and began the usual proceedings. “The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Ike Hildum.”

“The prosecution is ready, Your Honour.”

Grossberg let out a small cough. “The defence is ready, Your Honour.”

The Judge nodded in acceptance. “Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement, please.”

“Thank you, Your Honour,” Miles replied, taking a small bow. “The defendant, Mr. Hildum, was at the scene of the murder. There is strong evidence against him, and a decisive witness who saw him commit this heinous crime. Under the circumstances, there is no other possible explanation for Mr. Hover’s death. The prosecution sees no reason to doubt these facts and will present evidence to prove this point.”

The Judge nodded again. “Very well. The prosecution may call its first witness.”

“I would like to call the officer in charge of this case, Detective Gumshoe, to the stand.”

There was a shuffling about the courtroom as Gumshoe took the stand with the most serious expression on his face Miles had seen that morning.

“Detective, if you would outline the details of this case to the court?” Miles asked.

“Yes, sir!” Gumshoe shouted. Miles half expected a salute to match the detective’s rigid stance. “Like it says in the autopsy report, Mr. Ron Hover was run ov--” He stopped suddenly to clear his throat. “Sorry. The victim, Ron Hover, was run over…” He stopped again and let out a small chuckle, his shoulders beginning to shake.

Miles crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “Something amusing, Detective?”

Gumshoe wiped his eye. “Ron Hover was run over… It gets me every time, sir.”

“Would the witness please refrain from laughing at the victim’s misfortune?” the Judge scolded, glaring at a now solemn Gumshoe. “After all, it’s not his fault that his parents named him to bring about this fateful demise.”

“Your Honour,” Miles spoke up, tapping the side of his arm with his finger. “Need I remind you, it is not the parents on trial for this man’s murder.”

“Ah, quite right, Mr. Edgeworth. Witness, please continue with your testimony.”

“Yes, Your Honour,” Gumshoe answered, his head low. “It’s all in the picture, Your Honour.”

Gumshoe handed the black and white photo to the bailiff.

“Mr. Hover’s body was found under the tractor in that field! But the guys down at forensics found green paint chippings on the corpse. They came off the front of that car nearby! The car belongs to the defendant, Mr. Ike Hildum!”

“Ah-HHHHEM, hold it, there, Detective.”

Miles turned to look at the defence bench. Grossberg was twirling his moustache with his fingers, one hand behind his back, and a haughty look on his face.

“You have just stated now that this car in the photo was the one that brought the victim to his death, did you not?”

Gumshoe quirked his eyebrows. “Um… yeah, I did, pal.”

“How is it that you know that this was the car that killed the victim?”

Gumshoe blinked. “Well, the green paint chippings, pal.”

“Aha! But this picture does not show the colour of the car in question,” Grossberg stated, putting his other hand behind his back. “It reminds me of the days of my youth, like the scent of fresh lemons, you see… A black and white photo cannot show one’s true colours or beauty.”

“Why, Mr. Grossberg, you are quite right!” the Judge exclaimed, wide-eyed. “Back in the old days, any picture would make me look quite washed out and weary, eradicating my rosy complexion and sharp features.”

“Objection!” Miles hit his desk. “The questionable quality of the crime scene cameras has nothing to do with this case.”

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection!” Grossberg retorted. “I was merely getting to my point, you see… Is there any proof that the car in this picture belongs to my client?”

“Objection!” Miles shrugged and shook his head. “Your Honour, this matter is easily cleared up. If you would please take a look at the license plate in the photo?”

“Hmm, yes, I can clearly see the number on the plate,” the Judge said, squinting at the picture. “Hmmm… I’m sexy.”

The courtroom fell silent as the Judge blinked rapidly, looking alarmed at himself.

“…Your Honour, I think you’ll find it reads ‘1M5 EX1’,” Miles corrected.

“Oh…! Oh, my! How misleading! Why, any poor, innocent, slightly near-sighted person could get caught out with such a crude license. This is very suspicious!”

“Indeed, Your Honour.” Miles picked up the document containing the defendant’s details from his desk. “However, ignoring the immaturity of the man’s chosen license, I have here Mr. Hildum’s registered plate number, which is the exact same as the one in this photo. Therefore, this green, slightly chipped car is, without a doubt, his.” Miles smirked. “Mr. Grossberg, I would advise you look into your own client’s details next time, instead of embarrassing yourself.”

Grossberg’s face fell. “Ouch… my buttocks…”

“Well, that’s that small matter cleared up,” the Judge commented. “I think we can safely resume with the witness’ testimony now.”

“Ah, yes, Your Honour. The green car.” Gumshoe nodded. “Like I said, the car was the murder weapon, not the tractor!”

“Indeed, the tractor was merely a diversion,” Miles added. “The body was dragged under it by the perpetrator, in order to hide what they’d done.” He looked over at Gumshoe. “Please continue, Detective.”

“Yes, sir!” Gumshoe exclaimed. “We didn’t find any fingerprints on the tractor’s steering wheel apart from the victim’s! The ignition didn’t even have any! So it had to be the car!”

“Are you sure that’s all you found at the crime scene?” Grossberg pressed.

“No, pal,” Gumshoe answered, his face lighting up again, obviously happy that he was being helpful to the case. “We found a pitchfork stuck in the soil next to the tractor! There weren’t any fingerprints on it. Also, the victim was wearing gardening gloves, and he was holding a packet of tomato seeds! Finally, we searched the car and didn’t find anything, except a small knife that has nothing to do with the case, pal!”

“Ah-HHHHEM, hold it, Detective. How do you know this knife is irrelevant to the case?”

“Objection!” Miles retaliated almost instantly. “Are you that desperate for evidence, Mr. Grossberg?” He tapped his temple with his index finger and smirked. “If you’d read the autopsy report, I’m sure you would know that the victim died from being run over. Not once was there anything mentioned about a stab wound or any knife-induced injuries. Ergo, the knife is entirely irrelevant to the case.”

Grossberg’s shoulders slumped. “Oh… ouch… I think my hemorrhoids are acting up again…”

“Yes, that does seem to be true.” The Judge nodded thoughtfully. “The knife is irrelevant in this instance. Hmm. Thank you, Detective. I think we have a good grasp of the case ourselves now. With the facts that have been presented, it seems pretty clear what happened.”

“Your Honour, I would like to call my next witness to prove that the person who ran over Mr. Hover was, in fact, Mr. Hildum.” Miles paused. “…She’s the defendant’s wife, Ms. Emma Orr.” He flinched at simply mentioning the name, memories from their short debriefing suddenly resurfacing.

The Judge nodded. “Very well. Let the witness, Ms. Orr, take the stand.”

Gumshoe stepped down, giving Miles a small thumbs up before disappearing into the crowd.

Emma Orr was brought in and came up to the stand. Her hair was bottle blonde and tied at the side in a ponytail that just covered her shoulder. However, it looked as though it had been a while since she’d had her roots touched up, as they were growing through a dark brown colour. She was dressed in short overalls that left most of her legs bare, a blue vest top underneath, and a pair of blue high-heeled rubber boots on her feet. With her straight, boyish figure, she could have easily got away with wearing so little, if it weren’t for the ‘au naturel’ look being so extremely evident. Miles briefly wondered if she’d ever heard of a razor and felt quite self-conscious about the lack of hair on his own legs.

“Witness, your name and occupation, please,” Miles asked.

“Oh, I could give ya a lot more than that, sugar,” Emma said silkily, her words slightly interrupted by the slapping of the gum she was chewing.

Miles flinched. “…Witness. Name and occupation. Please.”

“How ‘bout we save those kinds of messy details until after I’ve had my way with y--”

Miles slammed a hand down on his desk and made her jump slightly. “Name! Now!”

“Okay, okay! Gods, are ya impatient! I don’t think I’d get much fun from teasin’ ya, it’d be over far too quickly.” She blew a large bubble until it popped and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “The name’s Emma Orr. I suppose my occupation is helpin’ that lazy ass husband of mine around the farm and doin’ all the damned accountin’ crap for his pitchfork business.”

“Witness, may I remind you that you are in a Courthouse?” Miles said, crossing his arms. “Your crude language is hardly appropriate.”

“Hmph, I ain’t gettin’ paid for this, am I? So I’m gonna talk however the hell I want, sugar.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re one of them kinky types who gets his thrills off women actin’ like you’re at work in bed. I don’t do specialties. Unless--”

Miles hit his desk again. “Objection! The prosecution demands that the witness desist with the sexual suggestions!”

“Objection sustained.” The Judge raised his eyebrows. “Though… Mr. Edgeworth, you aren’t really one of those types, are you?”

“Your Honour!” Miles clenched his fist that was resting on the desk. “Not only is that an incorrect assumption, but it has nothing to do with the case at hand!”

“Quite right, Mr. Edgeworth. But that would have been a very degrading characteristic for you.” The Judge looked back over at Emma. “You will continue without any unnecessary interaction with the prosecution.”

“Humph. Y’all should be glad I even came to give my testimony.” Emma pulled a face and tapped her foot on the floor.

Miles crossed his arms. “We all understand that your husband being on trial for murder is a delicate matter and that you’d be emotionally affected, but--”

“Hah! I saw with my own eyes what that murderin’ bastard did to my poor pet Dove!” She leaned forward on the podium and pouted patronisingly. “He’s goin’ down for what he did, sugar.”

“Your… dove?” The Judge blinked. “The man killed your dove? My, that is very vicious. Doves are animals of peace!”

She leaned back and put her hands back in her pockets, before blowing another bubble. “He ain’t murdered no animal, that’d be murderin’ somethin’ of his own kind. He’s gone and killed our boss, Mr. Ron Hover, my old pet Dove!”

There were murmurings in the audience at this statement and the Judge had to bang his gavel to get silence.

“Order! I will have order! My, after such a strong accusation… you may begin your testimony about what you saw, witness.”

Emma started twirling her gum around her finger. “Sure, honey.”

“On that day, me and Ike had a big old row in the mornin’. I needed to get off the farm and away from him, so I went out to get some groceries for us all at the nearest grocery store at about eleven. When I came back at one thirty in the afternoon, I saw it. I saw Ike kill Mr. Hover with his own hands!”

The Judge nodded. “Very well. Mr. Grossberg, you may begin your cross-examination.”

Grossberg rustled his moustache in acceptance.

Miles frowned. That testimony was full of holes – holes that didn’t even need a veteran defence attorney to reveal. Why was it that none of his witnesses could follow his very simple instructions? He sighed and got ready for the inevitable battle of objections.

“Ah-HHHHEM, witness, when you say the victim was killed by Mr. Hildum’s own hands…” Grossberg peered over the top of his glasses. “Are you stating that my client’s hands were the murder weapon?”

“His hands?” Emma raised an eyebrow. “How could that wimp use his lazy ass hands to kill someone?”

“Objection! Your Honour, that was merely a figure of speech by the witness,” Miles said flatly, bored of stating the obvious.

“Indeed, I believe it was,” the Judge agreed. “Mr. Grossberg, are you not familiar with this kind of phrase?”

Grossberg stood back up straight. “I am, Your Honour, but this is a very hazy description. I feel the witness should elaborate on how the victim was killed in her testimony.”

The Judge nodded. “Very well. Ms. Orr, please revise your testimony to tell us exactly how the victim was killed.”

“Sure, that’s an easy one.” Emma chewed thoughtfully. “How should I put it… Well, ya see, he was flattened, run over by Ike.”

Miles smirked. That was exactly what was written in the autopsy report. Grossberg would struggle to find something wrong with that.

Grossberg frowned and fiddled with his moustache. “Mrs. Orr, when you say you left to get the groceries at eleven and didn’t come back until one thirty…”

“It’s ‘Ms.’ Orr, got that, sugar?” She chewed a bit more on her gum and smiled at him.

Grossberg blinked. “Well… I was… it was… Ahem, that’s to say, what is it that took you so long?”

“Objection!” Miles pointed his finger over at the defence bench. “Mr. Grossberg, what exactly does this have to do with what the witness saw? How long it takes her to pick out fruit and cereal is completely irrelevant.”

“Oh, believe me, honey, it didn’t take long for me to find the biggest, most finest bananas, and the handsomest bag of nuts in the shop.” Emma blew another bubble, her chin resting on her hand as she looked over at Miles. “Ya could call it a certain skill of mine. I always pick the best types after the first glance.”

Miles held back a shiver of fear and suddenly felt very thankful for the desk in front of him, although he hoped her ‘skills’ didn’t involve x-ray vision.

“If what you say is true, Ms. Orr, then why did it take you so long to get there and back?” Grossberg asked.

Emma shrugged. “Well, you’d take that long too if y’all had to go five miles down a windin’ road.”

The Judge looked impressed. “My! You managed to get there and back in two and a half hours by walking ten miles?”

“What? Why would I walk that far?” She laughed. “I took the car, of course.”

“You took the car?” Grossberg put his hands behind his back. “This car… it wouldn’t happen to be green, by any chance?”

“Yeah, that’s the one! Ike got us a special plate number and everythin’.”

Miles flinched and leaned onto his desk.

The courtroom burst out in a loud chatter and the Judge had to bang his gavel a couple of times.

“Order! Order in the court! Mr. Edgeworth, could you please shed some light on what is going on here!?”

Miles clenched his fist, before relaxing back into a standing position again. “This is the first time the prosecution has heard of this, Your Honour.” He made a mental note to start pressing witnesses for more information during debriefings. These surprises happened too often for his liking. He still hadn’t learned his lesson.

“Ms. Orr, what is the meaning of this?” the Judge asked harshly. “You’re confessing to driving the murder weapon after having stated you witnessed the victim getting killed with it!”

“Murder weapon?” Emma stopped chewing and leaned forward. “Honey, I think ya need some glasses or somethin’. Our tractor is a rusty orange, not green.” She laughed. “I wouldn’t get very far on that big old thing.”

Miles blinked. He hoped he’d simply heard wrong. “Wait, witness, what did you just say right now?”

“I said I wouldn’t have taken that murderin’ tractor, duh.” Emma rolled her eyes at him. “Gosh, for a posh an’ pretty prosecutor, ya sure are dumb.”

“I don’t believe this… Why didn’t you tell me that the tractor was what you saw Mr. Hover get run over with!?” Miles exclaimed, trying to keep his composure.

Emma gave him a blank look. “What, ya mean the cops thought it was the car?”

Miles clenched his fist again.

“Ah-HHHHEM, Your Honour, the defence calls for a testimony on this apparent change in murder weapon.”

“Yes, I, too, would like to know what is going on here with these two vehicles,” the Judge replied, nodding. “Ms. Orr, could you please testify again? This time, we’d like to hear about the murder weapon that killed Mr. Hover.”

“Sure, if it’ll give the murderer what he deserves!” Emma itched her kneecap, making Miles involuntarily glance down at her legs again, only to look back up as his eyes started to burn.

“Well, I was drivin’ on up to the fields where I knew Ike and my old Dove were workin’ with some food in the back for ‘em. Next thing I see ahead of me is our tractor rollin’ on what appears to be its own, an’ it’s headin’ for Mr. Hover. ‘Look out!’ I say, even though I know he can’t hear me. He never noticed in time and was flattened before I could do nothin’. I push the pedal to the floor, and as I get closer, I see Ike jumpin’ down from the driver’s seat an’ runnin’ away. I stopped the car nearby and got out, but he was too far away for me to get ‘im and give ‘im what’s deserved, so I went back to the farmhouse and called the cops and an ambulance right away. Poor Mr. Hover… He went and died before the medics even got there.”

The Judge seemed to ponder for a moment. “Very well. Mr. Grossberg, you may begin your cross-examination.”

“Thank you, Your Honour,” Grossberg said, already starting to flick through his documents. “Ah-HHHHEM, Ms. Orr, do you insist that the tractor was the murder weapon?”

Emma nodded. “That I do, honey.”

“And you were in the car when you witnessed the apparent murder, meaning that the defendant couldn’t have used it, even though the evidence so far points to it being the murder weapon.”

Emma gave him a suspicious look. “I hope y’all don’t think just cause I was in the car that it was me who killed my old Dove. It was the tractor that went an’ killed ‘im.”

Grossberg put his hands behind his back. “No, no, Ms. Orr. I am simply setting up the scene for the court.” He leaned forward to peer over his glasses. “When you went to call for the emergency services, did you return straight to the scene of the crime?”

“Yeah, after quickly changin’ into my boots and overalls, I went straight back out to look after Mr. Hover.”

Grossberg coughed a little. “So, Ms. Orr, it would be safe to say there was no time for the defendant to drag the body under the tractor, assuming that the car was the murder weapon?”

“Objection!” Miles slammed his hand down on the desk. “Hold it, there, Mr. Grossberg. What the witness has described could not possibly have happened, theoretically or otherwise, no matter how much you try to convince the court.”

“Well, that’s what I saw with my own eyes, sugar. Y’all can’t change what I saw!” Emma put her hands in her pockets and looked away.

Miles sighed. “I’m sorry, Ms. Orr, but it is physically impossible for you to have seen Mr. Ron Hover get run over by the tractor.”

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection!” Grossberg half coughed, half shouted. “Mr. Edgeworth, what evidence do you have that rules out being run over by the tractor as a possible scenario?”

“I’m sure I don’t need to explain this to you, Mr. Grossberg,” Miles replied haughtily. “The tractor is decisive proof in itself. The victim’s fingerprints were the only ones found on the steering wheel. Ergo, the defendant couldn’t have driven it.”

“Why, you…” Emma scowled and blew a bubble so big that it sent the sticky substance flying onto her face when it popped. “Y’all meant to be convictin’ that murderer!”

“My poor, poor buttocks…” Grossberg took a moment to think, before coughing into his hand. “He… he could have worn gloves.”

“Objection!” Miles shook his head. “If he had been wearing gloves, then how do you explain how the victim’s fingerprints weren’t wiped off?”

“They would have to be some very ingenious gloves, indeed!” the Judge exclaimed.

Grossberg seemed at a loss. He took a moment to recollect himself, before apparently coming up with an idea. “Excuse me, Mr. Edgeworth, but isn’t this your witness on the stand?” He gave Miles a patronising look over his glasses. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d be trying to prove your witness a liar to the court.”

Miles didn’t miss a thing. He smirked over at Grossberg and turned to address the Judge. “Your Honour, the witness is clearly covering for the defendant. He is her beloved husband. He can do nothing wrong in her eyes, so her troubled and confused mind invented this story subconsciously, twisting what she actually saw to confuse the court and clear his name. At such an emotional time in her life, the innocent Ms. Orr is simply not in her right mind.”

The room fell silent.

The Judge and Grossberg gave him equally blank looks, as did everyone in the audience.

Miles blinked, wondering what was so stupid or illogical about what he had said. It made perfect sense to him, a wife wanting to protect her husband in court.

“Honey, you need to get yerself a girlfriend an’ learn somethin’ ‘bout how critters treat a partner.” Emma had managed to peel off all the gum from her face and was leisurely chewing away again. “Ain’t my teasin’ ringin’ any bells? Or do ya just want me too bad to notice?” She grinned widely and winked.

Miles couldn’t repress a dramatic flinch.

“Witness! That is quite enough harassment of the prosecution,” the Judge said, looking alarmed. “It is plainly obvious that Mr. Edgeworth hasn’t realized what you’ve been suggesting throughout the entire proceedings.”

“Then he won’t mind if I mention a few positions we could try ou--”

Miles hit his desk, making her jump.

Emma started coughing and thumped her chest, apparently having swallowed her gum. “Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus… You’re a feisty one!”

“Ms. Orr, please, tell the truth!” Miles entreated. “What did you witness the day Ron Hover was run over?”

“I’ve already told y’all, sugar.” Emma took out her packet of gum and replaced the one she swallowed. “I saw what I saw. Ain’t nothin’ gonna change that, no matter what your fancy pants evidence says.”

“F… fancy pants?”

The Judge banged his gavel. “That’s quite enough. This is getting us nowhere.” He shook his head. “Mr. Edgeworth, if you cannot come up with a suitable explanation for this difference in facts, then I’ll have to question this witness’ reliability.”

Miles clenched his fist. “…I understand, Your Honour.”

The Judge sighed. “If the witness is unreliable, then there is no solid evidence against the defendant, apart from the car being his. It is also no longer clear who was driving the murder weapon, or, for that matter, what the murder weapon was, as Ms. Orr has testified to being in the car when she witnessed the murderer use the tractor. The court cannot possibly deliver a verdict with such an amount of uncertainty. I expect the defence and the prosecution to investigate further into what has happened, is that clear?”

Grossberg put his hands behind his back and stood up as straight as his squat figure would allow. “Yes, Your Honour. This is indeed a wise choice of action.”

Miles remained silent, merely nodding instead. The unreliability of his witness had rendered all his arguments useless, Grossberg lapping it up easily and making the most out of Miles’ mistake. He was now clenching his fist hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

The simple case had been turned into a complete mess.

“That is all for today on the trial of Mr. Ike Hildum.” The Judge banged his gavel. “Court is adjourned.”


Miles glanced up from his documents as he heard someone enter the prosecution lobby. He looked back down. “What were the results of the tests on the knife, Detective?”

It had better be something good. I have much more interesting things to do than go into court for a whole day simply proving the obvious…

My bluffing is getting as bad as Wright’s.

Miles paused for a second.

He pressed his fingers against his wrist to check his pulse.

…Good.

He let go.

Nothing strange happened. No heightened pulse, no stupid visions, no unnecessary observations… It’s just a name again.

It was then that he realized the detective hadn’t answered his question. He looked up again to see Gumshoe staring off to the side, deliberately avoiding his prying eyes.

“Detective, I don’t want to have to ask you again…”

“Ah, the knife results… Well, there’s good news and bad news, sir,” Gumshoe said, scratching the back of his head. “Good news is it looks like Ms. Orr was telling the truth, after all!”

Miles sat up straight on the sofa. “Gumshoe, what were the test results on the knife?”

Gumshoe pulled a face. “We found traces of green paint on the blade, sir.”

Miles closed his eyes and fell backwards into his seat.

Back to square one again… How could I have missed something so obvious!? Of course, paint chippings this noticeable would have been removed from the body, had the murderer wanted to make it look like it was the tractor. I can’t believe I would do something as stupid as relying on such flimsy evidence.

Orr may have been telling the truth, but what evidence do I have of that? I have no proof to back her up. It’ll be her word against the defendant’s.

And honestly, I really don’t want to call her back up to the stand…

Miles subconsciously rubbed his leg.

It would have been useful to know this yesterday. What a waste of time…

He turned to Gumshoe. “Detective, would you call this knife a crucial piece of evidence?”

Gumshoe quirked his eyebrows. “Erm…”

Miles leaned further back in his seat and rubbed his forehead. “It wouldn’t happen to have some significant relevance to the case, by any chance, would it?”

“Well… That is… You see…”

Miles glared at him. “You’d convince me that this wasn’t a massive overlooking of vital evidence if you value your salary, Detective.”

Gumshoe lowered his head. “I can’t lie to you, sir.”

Miles leaned forward to rest his chin on his hand, the sudden movement making Gumshoe involuntarily flinch.

“I presume the police have leads on who put the paint there and why?” he asked.

Gumshoe inched towards the door. “No… no, we don’t, sir. The handle didn’t have any fingerprints on it.”

I guessed as much…

If it was the defendant, then he would be incriminating himself. The car does belong to him, after all.

The other obvious option would be his wife, but why on Earth would she testify it was the tractor after putting paint on the victim?

Miles sighed.

Perfect. I just love being so damned well prepared for court.

He got up and ran a hand through his hair, before turning to Gumshoe, who had managed to get within a meter of the door and was eagerly eyeing it.

“Thank you for your… belated help. It has at least shed some light on this strange situation.”

“Yes! No problem, Mr. Edgeworth, sir!” Gumshoe boomed, a relieved look on his face.

Miles raised his eyebrows.

You wouldn’t be looking so relieved if you knew what your next paycheck is going to be, Detective.


“The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Ike Hildum.”

“The prosecution is ready, Your Honour.”

Liar.

Grossberg coughed. “The defence is ready, Your Honour.”

“Very well.” The Judge nodded. “Mr. Edgeworth, the prosecution’s opening statement, if you please.”

“Thank you, Your Honour.”

Here goes nothing…

“Yesterday, an unexpected hindrance to the trial occurred. The witness, Ms. Orr, made it clear that she had been driving the car, which was thought to be the murder weapon. Instead, she testified that the tractor was not simply a red herring, but that it was, in fact, the real murder weapon. The prosecution has looked into this matter, and new evidence has come into focus that will help clear up this strange situation.” Miles drew in a sharp breath. “The knife found in the car, proved irrelevant yesterday, was sent for tests. It was revealed to have traces of green paint present on the blade, and no fingerprints were found on the hilt. Therefore, the paint chippings on the victim were not from the impact of the car, but were, in fact, placed there on purpose.” As the murmurings in the audience grew, Miles had to raise his voice. “The car was not the murder weapon, and just as Ms. Orr testified yesterday, the tractor was the vehicle that brought Mr. Hover’s unfortunate demise.”

The noise in the room rose even more and the Judge had to bang his gavel to get silence.

“Order! Order in the court!” he shouted, before nodding when the audience finally quieted down. “Very well. The court accepts the knife into evidence.” The Judge sighed and shook his head. “Mr. Edgeworth, if this is the case, then where does the prosecution stand?”

“Today, I will prove that the change in murder weapon is irrelevant, and that the defendant was driving the tractor that killed Mr. Hover.”

Good luck with that.

“Ah-HHHHEM, Mr. Edgeworth, surely you haven’t forgotten your argument from yesterday?” Grossberg bristled. “You proved that no one could have driven the tractor.” He stood up straight. “In your own words, it ‘could not possibly have happened, theoretically or otherwise’ because the only prints found on the steering wheel were the victim’s.”

Miles crossed his arms. “I understand that these prints are a mystery, but I cannot see any other explanation for what has happened. The only people present at the scene were Mr. Hildum and Ms. Orr, the latter being cleared because she was in the car at the time and couldn’t have driven the tractor.”

“Mr. Edgeworth, I don’t think you quite understand my argument.” Grossberg looked at him over his glasses. “If the tractor was the murder weapon, then there was, in fact, no murder!”

…What the hell!?

The Judge blinked. “Mr. Grossberg… You can’t seriously be suggesting…”

“I am, indeed, Your Honour. The defence claims that the victim committed suicide with his tractor!”

A chattering rippled through the audience, until Miles interrupted it by hitting his desk. “Objection! Your Honour, this is a baseless and impossible assumption! It’s absurd to think someone would kill themselves with a tractor!”

“But is it really that absurd?” Grossberg questioned.

Yes, it really is.

Wouldn’t he want to go in a more sophisticated way than death by tractor?

Miles pointed at him. “How would you explain the green paint chippings? If they were on the body, someone will have had to put them there.”

Grossberg shrugged. “Naturally, but the person who put the paint chippings there has not committed a serious crime. Their sentence would be for tampering with evidence and wasting police time, but would not involve a murder charge. It is a totally different case.”

You say it as if you’re the one who’s going to have to waste a whole night filling out the damned ‘lesser charge’ forms.

Miles crossed his arms and frowned.

I don’t believe this.

He started tapping his finger against his sleeve. “It’s physically impossible, Mr. Grossberg. The defendant couldn’t be driving the tractor and getting run over by it at the same time.”

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection!” Grossberg put his hands behind his back. “It reminds me of my younger days, like the scent of fresh lemons, you see.” Grossberg looked wistful.

Here we go…

“My grandfather taught me how to drive a tractor when I was in my twenties, and it was then that the invention of cruise control greatly improved driving. This wonderful invention shows that Mr. Hover could have simply put the tractor on cruise control and then stood in front of it.” He sighed. “Oh, my good, old grandfather. He really didn’t respect the law and kept trying to dissuade me from my chosen caree--”

Miles hit his desk in the middle of Grossberg’s ramblings. “Th… this is preposterous! Your Honour, the court can’t seriously be contemplating that the victim committed suicide via tractor?!”

“Hmm…” The Judge closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them again. “If I’m not mistaken, Mr. Edgeworth, there was a similar case with a man using his tractor to commit suicide quite a few years ago…” He blinked, looking surprised with himself. “Actually, I think Mr. Grossberg’s reasoning is truly logical.”

Miles flinched. “W-what?!”

The rest of the courtroom suddenly burst into a loud chatter.

“Order! Order! I will have order!” The Judge tried to quell the loud chattering with his gavel, but to no avail. He shook his head exasperatedly. “The court will take a recess for the defence and the prosecution to look into this allegation of suicide. We will reconvene in ten minutes. Court is adjourned!”


Miles stared down at the picture of the crime scene and narrowed his eyes. It was pretty obvious that this nonsense about it being suicide was simply just that.

A load of drivel and another complete waste of my time.

He turned to Gumshoe, who was currently shining his detective’s badge and looking at himself in the reflection.

“Detective…” Miles frowned as Gumshoe started smoothing over his eyebrows.

Oh, come on, you’re getting as bad as Wright. He must spend hours on those eyebrows of his.

“Detective!” Miles repeated loudly.

Gumshoe jumped and dropped his badge. “Wha…? Huh?”

Miles gave him an unamused look. “What exactly are you doing?”

“Oh… N-nothing, sir.” Gumshoe bent down to pick up his badge, breathing on it before rubbing it on his trench coat.

“Nothing?” Miles said disbelievingly.

“Ah, well, Mag--some policewomen at the precinct have been talking about that actor who’s been in some movie recently, so I went to watch it to see what that guy’s got that I haven’t.” He frowned and lowered his head. “His eyebrows are really something, sir! They’re all spiky, like lightning bolts, and yet he pulls it off!” He rubbed his neck. “No wonder Magg--no wonder they’re all over him.”

Why did I even bother?

Miles sighed. “Detective, I need to ask you something about the case.”

“Ask away, sir!” Gumshoe replied brightly.

“When the police arrived at the scene, was the tractor still running?”

“No, sir, I don’t remember having to turn it off.” Gumshoe quirked his eyebrows. “It was pretty silent and scary in the field, apart from that woman getting all angry, telling me I ‘wasn’t doin’ ma job right’.”

Miles smirked.

I’m really not that surprised.

“That’s all I needed to know. Thank you, Detective.”


“The court will now reconvene for the trial of Mr. Ike Hildum.” The Judge banged his gavel. “Mr. Edgeworth, will you present the prosecution’s thoughts on this matter of suicide?”

“It’s an impossible situation, Your Honour,” Miles replied. “I have proof that Mr. Hover could not possibly have committed suicide.”

“Well, then, Mr. Edgeworth, please elaborate for the court.”

“Certainly, Your Honour.” Miles took a small bow. “I spoke to Detective Gumshoe during the recess, and he stated that the tractor wasn’t running when the police arrived at the scene.” He shrugged and shook his head. “I think this makes it clear that it couldn’t have been suicide. How could the victim have turned off the ignition after apparently killing himself?”

The Judge closed his eyes. “Hmm… I believe you’re right, Mr. Edgeworth…”

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection!” Grossberg twirled his moustache with his finger. “Mr. Edgeworth, it would have been easy for one of the two other people at the scene to turn off the ignition when they came to see the tractor still running. It was even as your witness said; there were no fingerprints on the ignition key, the victim’s were wiped off.”

The Judge blinked. “Why, you’re right, Mr. Grossberg. Suicide could still be possible in this instance.”

“Objection!” Miles pointed at the defence bench. “Mr. Grossberg, please don’t jump in prematurely. I wasn’t finished.”

Grossberg’s face dropped. “…There’s more?”

Of course there’s more. Did you seriously think I’d rely solely on something Gumshoe said?

“Your Honour, if you would please take a look at the crime scene photo?” Miles picked up the picture from his desk. “As you can see, Mr. Hover is on his stomach, meaning that he would either have been running away from the tractor, or didn’t even see it coming when--”

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection! Perhaps he didn’t want to look at the tract--”

Miles slammed his hand down on his desk. “Mr. Grossberg, if you would please stop interrupting me, then my explanation would go a lot smoother.”

There must be something in defence attorneys’ genetics that makes them all so damned annoying.

The Judge looked slightly shocked. “Objection overruled. You may continue, Mr. Edgeworth.”

“Thank you, Your Honour,” Miles replied, crossing his arms. “Now, what else was found on the victim? Can you remember, Mr. Grossberg?”

Grossberg looked perplexed. “He had a packet of tomato seeds in his hand, but I don’t see--”

“Precisely.” Miles tapped his temple. “Why would a man who was about to commit suicide be planting tomatoes?”

“Ahem, that is merely circumstantial evidence…”

“Circumstantial?” Miles shook his head. “There is one last piece of evidence that ties all the rest together so that none of this could have simply been coincidental.” He glanced at the picture quickly again. “Mr. Grossberg, may I remind you that the victim was wearing gardening gloves? Now, tell me… If he had been wearing these, then how is it that his fingerprints still remained on the steering wheel? Unless you’re suggesting that he put the gloves on while waiting for the tractor to run him over?”

Miles smirked at Grossberg’s blank expression.

I’ll never tire of that look. Except it’s a lot more gratifying when it’s Wright.

The Judge nodded. “Mr. Edgeworth has a point. All of this seems simply too much to have been a mere coincidence. I’m afraid suicide is out of the question, after all.”

Grossberg coughed into his hand. “Your Honour, if suicide is not how Ron Hover died, then I challenge the prosecution to come up with a different explanation.” He gave Miles a patronising look. “After all, it has already been proven that murder wasn’t possible if the tractor was the murder weapon.”

But that’s the only logical conclusion… I just need to prove it.

Miles shook his head. “As the new evidence has demonstrated, Ms. Orr had been telling the truth from the beginning about the tractor. Therefore, I see no reason to doubt the rest of her testimony. The prosecution stands by its accusation and would like to call the defendant, Mr. Ike Hildum, to the stand to testify about what he was doing at the time of Mr. Hover’s death.”

“Very well,” the Judge replied. “Let the defendant, Mr. Hildum, take the stand.”

Ike Hildum was a scrawny man with an extraordinarily straight posture for his very tall height. He had chosen to wear a tattered brown suit with suspenders under which he kept tucking his thumbs. It looked old and moth-eaten; the kind of suit a very old-fashioned grandfather would wear. He had a mass of sandy-coloured hair that stuck out at all angles and a red handkerchief was tied around his neck.

But what stood out the most for Miles was the fact that he was clean shaven, which would require a razor to be in the house.

God knows what that means for his wife.

“Witness, your name and occupation, please.”

Ike puffed his chest out and pulled on his suspenders. “Ike Hildum, pitchfork maker and dealer for ma company, Fork’em Over, which has been runnin’ smoothly for the past seven years and makin’ a steady profit. Of course, all that dough goes to my savings, so I help out at Ron Hover’s farm on an average day. Just don’t go mistakin’ me for a simple farm worker, cause I ain’t.”

He’s almost as bad as Wright when he starts showing off his badge.

Miles frowned.

I can already tell this is going to be fun.

“Do you seriously own Fork’em Over?” the Judge asked with wide eyes.

Ike nodded proudly. “Sure do.”

“Hmmm…” The Judge closed his eyes, apparently thinking something over, before looking back at Ike. “Can I get your autograph?”

…You’ve got to be kidding me.

The Judge is star struck by a pitchfork dealer.

“Your Honour, surely this can wait until after the proceedings?” Miles said.

“But, Mr. Edgeworth, by then, he could be a criminal!” The Judge shook his head. “No, better now than never.” He passed a paper and pen over to the bailiff, who handed them to Ike.

Ike gladly started scribbling down his signature. “Who’s this for, then?” he asked as he straightened up from leaning on the podium.

“If you’d address it to ‘Your Honour’?”

Miles drummed his fingers against the desk. “Your Honour, if we could please proceed with the testimony?”

“Be patient, Mr. Edgeworth,” the Judge replied.

Miles sighed and crossed his arms as he watched Ike finish writing his autograph.

Take your time. It’s not as if we’ve already wasted an entire day or anything.

“Very well.” The Judge said a small thank you to the bailiff, before pocketing his newly acquired signature. “Mr. Hildum, could you please testify about your alibi for the murder of Mr. Ron Hover?”

“Sure thing, Your Honour,” Ike replied, stretching his suspenders again. “I was in the barn behind that field, stackin’ some hay with my personal pitchfork – that be the new deluxe model comin’ out in autumn, by the way – when I hear a scream from the field and a car revvin’. I pause, thinkin’ it was some critter doin’ some funny business, but then it all goes silent. I drop my pitchfork and run to the scene, only to find Mr. Hover underneath the tractor. I panic an’ bolt back into the barn, cause, darn, I don’t wanna be found out there on my own! I come back out when the police arrive. Mr. Hover was dead when they got there, and seein’ as the wife rang ‘em before me, I got arrested on the spot.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hildum. The defence may begin the cross-examination.”

“Thank you, Your Honour.” Grossberg put his hands behind his back. “Ah-HHHHEM, first things first, Mr. Hildum…” He paused to peer over his glasses at Ike. “What is this I hear about a new deluxe pitchfork? Is it the one announced with that new grip on the handle for comfortable handling? The C0M3 1-14RD model?”

“Yeah, that’s the one,” Ike replied. “We have a new desi--”

Miles hit his desk. “Objection! Your Honour, can we please stop wasting the court’s time?”

The Judge nodded. “Objection sustained. Mr. Grossberg, please save these formalities for after court.”

You’re hardly one to talk.

Grossberg cleared his throat. “I apologise, Your Honour.”

The Judge nodded again. “Please continue with the cross-examination.”

“Ah-HHHHEM, Mr. Hildum, when you said you dropped the pitchfork and left the barn, did you head directly for the scene?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did,” Ike replied, pulling at his suspenders. “That baby’s got chip-resistant paint an’ everythin’, so I wasn’t worried about gettin’ it ruined on the barn floor.”

“Chip-resistant…?” Grossberg seemed to hold back getting caught in the moment and cleared his throat. “I was merely asking because there was a pitchfork found at the crime scene.”

“Well, it’s a farm, there’s gonna be lots o’ pitchforks lyin’ around.” Ike patted his chest. “I’m jus’ glad I never stepped on one in my rush.”

God… I don’t believe it’s come down to this, but…

“Objection!”

Miles paused, closing his eyes.

…I’ve just got to say it.

“Mr. Hildum, you said the pitchfork you were using was the… C0M3 1-14RD model.” Miles leaned over his desk. “Now, if it’s still a prototype, I assume it’s one of a kind?”

“Course,” Ike replied proudly.

Who in their right mind would be proud of a pitchfork named C0M3 1-14RD!?

Miles shook his head. “Mr. Hildum, it was that specific model of pitchfork that was found at the scene of the crime, not just any old pitchfork. You must have taken it with you to the field.”

“Oh, ya must be right. I’m sorry. I’m just so confused, y’know?” He rubbed his chin. “My mind’s just blockin’ out that terrible event.”

“Mr. Hildum, that is a change from what you previously said,” the Judge scolded. “Could you please rectify your testimony?”

“Sure.” Ike stuck his thumbs back in his suspenders and puffed his chest out. “When I got to the scene, the tractor was still runnin’, so I stuck my pitchfork in the ground and turned off the ignition.”

Grossberg stood up straight and shot Miles a haughty look. “See, Mr. Edgeworth? It’s exactly as I explained before.”

Or he’s just repeating what you said to save his own ass.

“I don’t see what that changes, anyways,” Ike said, stretching his suspenders again. “Mr. Hover wasn’t killed by a pitchfork or anythin’, was he?”

Miles clenched his fist and stayed silent.

The Judge frowned. “Well, if Mr. Edgeworth is quite finished with his small talk, then you can continue with the cross-examination, Mr. Grossberg.”

Okay, I get the point already. My objection was a complete waste of time and I’m a hypocrite. Can we please get on with it?

Grossberg stuck his hands out on his desk. “Ah-HHHHEM, when you ‘bolted’ for the barn after turning off the ignition, was this when your wife saw you running off?”

Ike nodded. “Yeah, that’d be it.”

Miles slammed his hand down. “Objection!”

Let’s make this one count this time.

“Mr. Grossberg, I have already proven that suicide was impossible.” He crossed his arms. “Seeing as though Mr. Hildum has just admitted to being in the field, and that his wife saw him jump off the tractor and flee the scene, should I consider that a confession to driving the tractor?”

“Now, look, here, Mr. Lawyer guy,” Ike said defensively, pointing straight at Miles. “My fingerprints ain’t nowhere on that old thing. There’s no way I could have driven it.”

He’s got to have driven it one way or another…

Miles frowned and closed his eyes.

Think about it logically.

There were no fingerprints on the ignition. So, if he didn’t leave any prints on the steering wheel, and didn’t wipe off any either, that could only mean one thing…

He picked up the crime scene photo and looked at it again. It appeared the tractor had been sitting in the field for a long time before the incident, because the tracks – the straight tracks – that led to the body started in the middle of the field.

Of course… Why didn’t I think of that sooner?

I think I’m finally beginning to understand this case.

About time, too.

Miles looked back up at Ike and shrugged. “You could have merely worn gloves.” He smirked at Ike’s scathing look.

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection!” Grossberg cut in. “Mr. Edgeworth, I’m sorry, but I think you made it quite clear yesterday that wearing gloves would have made no difference. They would have wiped the fingerprints from the steering wheel.”

Miles crossed his arms. “Mr. Grossberg, please don’t interrupt me while I’m talking to the witness.” He turned his attention back to Ike. “Mr. Hildum. You claim that you couldn’t have driven the tractor because your fingerprints weren’t found anywhere on it. Are you saying that you were not wearing gloves, then?”

Ike gave him a suspicious look while pulling on his suspenders. “Of course I wasn’t wearin’ gloves.”

Miles tapped his temple and tutted. “Mr. Hildum, I would have expected better from the owner of Fork’em Over.” He smirked. “Why, if you weren’t wearing gloves, then how is it that your precious pitchfork didn’t have any of your fingerprints on it?”

“Well… um… err… I forget.”

You’re making a bad name for pitchfork dealers everywhere, Hildum.

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection! What are you getting at, Mr. Edgeworth? It changes nothing if he was wearing gloves or not. He couldn’t have driven the tractor either way.”

“You’re wrong, I’m afraid,” Miles replied, still smirking.

That set off whispers in the audience.

“He’s wrong?” The Judge blinked. “Please explain yourself, Mr. Edgeworth.”

“Certainly.” Miles took the picture from his desk again. “Take another look at the crime scene photo. Now, if you would look at the tracks behind the tractor…?”

Grossberg pushed up his glasses and squinted at the photo. “Yes, I see the tracks.”

“They are in a straight line, are they not?”

Grossberg stood up straight again. “Indeed, they are.”

“Now, since these tracks are the only ones present, we can assume that they were left on the day of the murder. Meaning, Your Honour, that Mr. Hildum wouldn’t have had to touch the steering wheel at all to run over Mr. Hover.” Miles tapped his temple. “Ergo, all he had to do was turn on the ignition, wiping any fingerprints off of it, but leaving the ones on the steering wheel intact.” He finished off with a small bow.

There was a small snap as Ike pulled his suspenders so far that he had to let go of the elastics, and the room suddenly burst into chatter.

Ouch, that’s going to hurt when he wakes up in his cell tomorrow.

“Order! Order!” The Judge banged his gavel a few times until the room fell silent again.

“Ah-HHHHEM, Objection! Your Honour, Mr. Edgeworth’s deduction makes no sense! The victim would have heard the tractor approaching and gotten out of the way.”

“Objection!” Miles flipped through his documents. “Your Honour, I have here Mr. Hover’s medical records. If you would please look at his latest checkup, you will see that the victim was particularly hard of hearing. There is no way he could have heard the tractor coming until it was too late, not to mention while he was focused on the task of planting tomato seeds.”

Grossberg blinked at him. “Ouch… I think I’m going to need a week of checkups on my buttocks after this case…”

Miles smirked and turned to face Ike. “Well, Mr. Hildum?”

“I’ve done nothin’ wrong!” Ike snapped, stretching his suspenders past any suitable limit. “I’m innocent! It was Emma, I’m tellin’ ya! T’was that cheatin’ whore that did it!” He pulled the elastics out to the sides. “The paint chippin’s, see?! They were on the body! She went and ran him over with that car I bought for us!” He leaned forward and glared at Miles. “I got no motive for wantin’ me boss dead, ya hear me? None!”

Cheating…?

Miles blinked.

Cheating whore?

He blinked again.

“Mr. Hildum… Did you just call Ms. Emma Orr a ‘cheating whore’?”

-Snap-

Ike’s suspenders were pulled so far that the elastics on them tore, sending his pants free to fall down.

“Yes, that’s right! That cheatin’ whore and that old son of a bitch! They was gettin’ it on behind ma back the whole time! After a row in the mornin’, I just knew I had t’do somethin’ about the two of them. His death certainly brought her down a peg or two, didn’t it?” He laughed hysterically as the rest of the room looked on in silence. “If only I hadn’t left the dumb old knife in the car, I could ‘ave gotten away with the paint chippin’s and she’d be the one cryin’ on the stand! She’d pay for what she done!”

The court burst out in a loud chatter and the Judge banged his gavel repeatedly.

“O-order! Order, I say!” The Judge frowned. “Mr. Hildum, are you confessing to the murder of Mr. Ron Hover?”

Ike crossed his arms. “Yeah, I killed him. That’s all that old bastard deserved! Ain’t no critter gonna mess with me, I’ll tell ya what!”

Miles pointed at him. “Mr. Hildum… Perhaps you’d want to pull your pants up before saying something like that?”

Ike glanced down. He gave Miles a glare, before hastily pulling up his trousers, holding them up with one hand now that his suspenders were busted.

The Judge cleared his throat. “Now, if there’s no further objections, I think I’m ready to pronounce my verdict.” He looked over at the defence bench.

Grossberg looked rather uncomfortable. “No, Your Honour.” He paused to shuffle around on the spot. “I would appreciate if the verdict was given as quickly as possible.”

The Judge nodded. “Mr. Edgeworth, well done on such a fine display of prosecution.”

“…Thank you, Your Honour.”

I fail to see what was so great about it.

Even after all those clues yesterday, I still didn’t manage to figure out that their relationship was anything but good.

…I can’t be that bad… I just can’t…

Miles nearly missed the Judge’s last line as it shot through his stream of thoughts.

“Very well. The court finds the defendant, Mr. Ike Hildum, guilty on the count of murder.” He banged his gavel. “That is all. Court is adjourned.”


Sitting in the prosecution lobby, Miles straightened his cravat. He sighed to himself and set about tidying up his briefcase, which was stuffed to the brim with files needing to be sorted.

That case hadn’t gone as smoothly as he had hoped.

But as much as recent events had been affecting him outside the courtroom, he seriously doubted that they’d had anything to do with his performance. Nothing could confuse his logic or make him lose his head when he walked through those heavy wooden doors. Nothing could get in the way of a court case. So how could he have missed something so painfully obvious?

It seems this fake relationship might be a good opportunity to learn a thing or two, after all…

Miles couldn’t wait to get back to the office and finish up his paperwork as soon as possible. He was actually looking forward to finally getting home and relaxing with a nice cup of tea while reading the newspaper.

“Such a poor performance…” he muttered to himself, closing his briefcase and standing up to straighten out his jacket and make sure his cuffs weren’t crumpled. After he was satisfied with his appearance, he went to retrieve his umbrella from the coat rack in the corner, and quickly left the lobby.

As he walked past the usual rabble of people exiting the courtroom, he spotted Detective Gumshoe moving through the crowd, waving wildly at him. He stopped to wait for him at the side, crossing his arms.

“Good performance today, sir!” Gumshoe boomed as he finally reached where Miles was standing. “You were magnificent, as usual! Well done on proving such a sneaky critter guilty.”

Miles flinched at the word ‘critter’.

I don’t think I’ll be able to listen to this dialect for a while without wanting to throw up.

“Thank you, Detective.”

“You always get that guilty verdict, sir,” Gumshoe continued, smiling widely at him. “Who knew it would come down to that woman cheating on the pitchfork guy?” He chuckled to himself.

“I see no reason for such praise when the verdict didn’t come sooner because of a simple mistake, Detective,” Miles replied loftily, looking off to the side. “Also, if it weren’t for my complete failure to understand the intricacies of romance, I would have quickly realized that something was off between the two of them.”

“You shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, sir.”

“No, I’ve seen how bad a relationship can be today… The breakdown causing people to commit such horrible crimes in the name of ‘love’… How my insensitivity would undeniably ruin everything…”

I’m not that bad…

Am I?

Gumshoe gave him a puzzled look and scratched the back of his head. “Your insensitivity would do what?”

Miles’ eyes widened slightly.

Shit. Did I say that out loud?

“It has nothing to do with me, Detective. I was simply philosophising about how much hard work relationships are,” Miles replied, a little too quickly. “Why did people who were so wrong for each other, who didn’t have any chemistry, even contemplate getting married in the first place?”

Gumshoe gave him a very blank look. “…Are you feeling okay, sir?”

“I feel perfectly fine!” Miles snapped. He shook his head. “I don’t see why I can’t bring up that subject without you looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Do I really come across as someone with no emotions? Is it really that hard for you to imagine me being romantic?”

Gumshoe opened his mouth, but seemed to decide it was better not to say anything, and simply gaped at him instead.

Miles narrowed his eyes. “I’d advise you to at least humour me, Detective.”

Do the words ‘salary’ and ‘drop’ ring a bell?

“No, sir… I mean… Yes, sir… Well, no, it’s not hard to imagine, and yes, I’m sure you’d make a great partner, sir,” Gumshoe stuttered, looking shocked.

Miles blinked.

God. This case has seriously affected me for the worse… Now I’m asking my subordinate about how romantic I am.

Miles nodded in acceptance and started to set off for the exit again, not wanting to get caught up in the moment.

“Goodbye, Detective.”

“Um… See you around, Mr. Edgeworth,” Gumshoe called out from behind him, still sounding very confused.

Miles rubbed his temple as he walked along the corridor.

What a ridiculous time to get a case like that…

He sighed and dropped his hand.

I wonder what Wright would have said about the two of them?

He’d probably make a joke about her marrying him for his amazing pitchfork and smile smugly because he’d have managed to annoy me with yet another stupid comment.

Miles took a left, ignoring anyone that might have been trying to get his attention, too focused on the scene acting out in his mind.

Then he’d talk about people suiting each other. About profession and other ‘attributes’ having nothing to do with relationships.

I’d call him a hopeless idiot and he would rub his neck and laugh at his own stupidity, before biting his lip while he looks for a way to rephrase it.

Miles smiled to himself, until he spotted something that he was really starting to dread laying eyes upon. A woman wearing a bright green jacket stood out in the crowd loitering near the exit.

He was tempted to actually turn around and make idle conversation with Gumshoe about relationships again, but he settled for lowering his head and pretending to stroke down the hair that fell in his face so that he could hide behind his hand.

Don’t see me. Please don’t see me…

“Hey, Miles!” Kath shouted across the hallway, waving brightly at him from behind another male prosecutor she’d been talking to.

Miles inwardly cringed.

Perhaps now’s the time I should invest in a new wardrobe. Burgundy never really suited me, anyway. It’s simply too noticeable.

“Hey, Miles, over here!”

I’m thinking a whole new look. Perhaps I should dye my hair blonde and adopt a German accent? I should definitely change my name, too.

He walked on as if he hadn’t seen her.

Selim H. Trowegde.

It sounds catchy.

There was a tug on his right shoulder and he froze in place, his muscles tensing. Admitting defeat, he sighed to himself and turned to face Kath.

“Oh, hello, Everett. I didn’t see you there,” he said flatly.

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Kath, Miles?” she replied, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “What do you say we have lunch together?”

Miles frowned.

I knew this meant bad news.

“I’m working, Kath.”

Kath giggled. “Oh, Miles, you’re so funny!” She punched him lightly on the shoulder. “How can you not have a lunch break?”

Miles checked his watch. 12:17. He looked back up at Kath.

“I don’t take lunch breaks,” he replied in a monotone.

Actually, for once, that’s the real truth…

“You aren’t fooling anyone, Miles,” Kath said, a hand on her hip. “I bet you’re just being nice while really trying to get rid of me.” She then jumped a bit as if she’d just realized something, and a smirk appeared on her face. “Oh, I get it. You’re going to meet up with your boyfriend for a romantic lunch together, aren’t you?”

Miles blinked, slowly digesting the statement, until it finally clicked.

“Everett, not so loud with the ‘boyfriend’ thing.” He looked around to make sure no one was listening.

“Aww, that is so cute!” Kath exclaimed, beaming at him.

Miles closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose, damning himself for making such a rookie mistake as not correcting her straight away.

It’s just one of those days… I bring it all on myself, really.

He sighed.

Do I correct her now, or do I feed her romantic fantasies?

Wright would agree straight off the mark…

Before all this, I would have objected right away without question.

…The ‘before’ me being the man who didn’t have the slightest idea about relationships.

He dropped his hand and opened his eyes.

“You found me out, Everett. I can’t join you for lunch because Phoenix and I are otherwise enga--we’re out to lunch, and I couldn’t possibly stand him up… I don’t want to stand him up. I enjoy our lunches together.”

Hmm. I’m quite impressed with that, and yet, at the same time, slightly disturbed.

I think ‘I enjoy our lunches’ constitutes as romantic…

Or does it just sound clingy?

This bloody romance thing is a whole lot more complicated than I thought.

Kath giggled again. “Invite him along, then. I don’t know what your plans were, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind a change in location to meet up with us close to here.”

Miles felt his eye twitch. “…Excuse me?”

She smirked. “Come on, it’ll be fun to all go to lunch together. That way, you can keep both your promises.”

Since when did I promise I’d go to lunch with you?!

“I doubt Phoenix would want my attention to be divided, Everett,” Miles replied quickly.

That’s right, make Wright the bad guy and it will all work out fine…

“Then don’t tell him I’m joining you,” Kath said, a sneaky smile on her face.

Miles stared at her.

Excuse. There’s got to be an excuse somewhere…

“Are you sure you want to spend your whole lunch break with the two of us?” he asked, trying to sound concerned.

She raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I?”

I don’t believe this woman.

“We’ll only be talking about private things,” Miles added.

Kath kept on smiling. “Now, now, Miles. I’m sure your hot make out session can be put on hold for one lunch time with a friend.”

…Hot make out session?

Friend?

“What the…?”

“Well, it was you who bragged about how good with his tongue your boyfriend is,” Kath replied.

Miles frowned. “You can’t possibly… You think that’s the only thing we ever do together?”

Kath’s eyes widened. She glanced over her shoulder, before leaning in towards Miles. “Well, I’d hope you wouldn’t do the ‘other thing’ in public again.” She paused to look over her other shoulder. “Especially not after last time…”

“Everett! How many times… We were not having sex in the bathroom of the restaurant!”

Miles regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He looked around, realising the volume was loud enough to have been heard in Hong Kong, before turning back to a snickering Kath.

“Oh, Miles, how you make me laugh!”

Miles grimaced. Oh, Everett, how you make me want to kill myself…

Before he’d have to start on another one-sided argument – since Kath would obviously laugh and dismiss all his explanations of what actually happened – Miles decided to quit while he was ahead. He put his briefcase down, pulled out his cellphone from his jacket pocket, and scanned through his contact list for Wright’s cell number. He hit the call button and put the phone to his ear, before looking back at Kath…

Who was still looking straight back at him.

“Everett, would you mind?” Miles gestured with his hand that was holding his umbrella.

Kath tilted her head, a confused expression on her face. “Oh, don’t let me disturb you. I’ll be as quiet as a mouse,” she whispered.

She wants to listen in?!

Miles opened his mouth to retort and get rid of her, but was cut off by the voice on the other end of the line.

“…Edgeworth?”

“Wri… err…”

“What the hell? It seriously is you!” Phoenix exclaimed. “That’s the first time you’ve called my cell. I had to do about ten double takes when I saw the caller ID.”

“Yes, Phoenix, it really is me. I just got out of court. It’s pleasant to hear your voice,” Miles replied.

He’d better get those hints, or so help me, God…

“Phoenix…?” There was a pause on the other end. “Edgeworth, are you feeling okay? Did the accused bash you on the head or something? If they did, I totally understand where you’re coming from.”

…This simply confirms my ‘Wright is a lost cause’ theory.

Miles turned away from Kath, only to be followed by her expectantly. He swallowed hard.

How the hell am I supposed to do this, now?

“I’m calling about our lunch meeting,” Miles said, deciding it best to ignore that comment about Wright’s weird experiences in court.

“Huh? Since when have we planned that?”

Miles took a glance at Kath. She didn’t let off any signs that she had heard Wright’s reply, so he presumed she could only hear his side of the conversation.

“I’m looking forward to it, too.”

The noise on the other end indicated that Phoenix was stretching out in his chair. “Damn, Edgeworth, you miss me already?”

Oh, for… What an idiot!

“Well, about that…” Miles replied, twiddling with the umbrella in his hand.

“There’s no need to deny it. I already know you find me interesting, and no doubt handsome,” Phoenix said cockily.

You have no idea how much trouble that caused me…

He coughed into his hand lightly to get rid of whatever was stuck in his throat. “Well, I was wondering if we could… well…”

Christ… think properly before you speak, Miles!

“I feel like I’m having a totally different conversation than you, here,” Phoenix said, a confused tone to his voice. “Oh well, of course I’ll go on a lunch date with you.”

Date? Miles raised an eyebrow.

“I’m just calling to ask if we can change location. A place near the Courthouse would be easier for me to make on time.”

“Sure, I don’t mind,” Phoenix answered cheerfully. “As long as they have private toilet stalls.”

“Toilet stalls?” Miles frowned.

Oh Christ.

“Don’t be stupid, Phoenix.” He looked back at Kath again. She was staring at him with raised eyebrows.

Curse you, Wright.

“Hey, is this for some relationship practice? I’ve always wanted to show you how good with my tongue I really am.”

“What!?” Miles felt his face flush slightly. “That’s not funny.”

Phoenix chuckled. “It’s not supposed to be funny. It’s supposed to turn you on.”

“Stop making stupid jokes.”

“Oh, I wasn’t joking, Edgeworth,” Phoenix replied silkily.

“Wri--Phoenix, stop,” Miles said firmly, trying to contain his embarrassment. “Can’t you at least wait until I’m out of the Courthouse?”

Kath gasped a little and blushed. Miles felt another bit of himself die inside.

That stupid dirty mind of hers…

And what on Earth is Wright playing at?

“Did I go too far?” Phoenix laughed. “My bad. I suppose I could settle for holding hands now that your paper cut has healed.”

“You’ll ‘settle for’…? What the hell?!” Miles blurted out, feeling his face get even hotter.

He flinched at the curious look Kath gave him.

Damn, did I repeat that out loud?

“We’ve been dating a whole week, after all. And a week without affection is kind of pushing it.” Phoenix paused. “And no, suggesting a sex book doesn’t count.”

Miles sighed. “Just… just get to the Courthouse as soon as possible,” he replied quickly, before Wright could embarrass him any further.

“Okay. Bye, Edgeworth! Say hello to Kath for me.” Phoenix snickered before hanging up.

Miles stood there dumbly for a few seconds with the phone tightly gripped in his hand.

That bastard! He knew all along!

“Wow, Larry was right,” Kath said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “You two really are horny over each other all the time.”

Miles rolled his eyes and picked up his briefcase.

Have you ever heard of ‘tact’, Everett? I recommend you look it up sometime.


“Mr. Wright sure is taking long enough to get here,” Kath said, taking a glance at her watch. She turned away from the window she was standing next to and shot Miles a concerned look. “Does he live very far from here? I hope he didn’t get into an accident or anything. It’s pouring pretty bad out there.”

Miles raised an eyebrow.

That’s right. She doesn’t know Wright doesn’t drive.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry, he’ll be here soon.” He turned his attention back to the open briefcase on his knees, in which he was still trying to organize the mess of files from this morning.

“Are you sure?”

Miles looked up at Kath from his seat again. “Yes, Everett, I’m sure. In fact, I’d be more worried if he did get here on time.” He looked back down at the files and smirked.

He missed the bus again.

“What’re you smiling about, Miles?”

Miles sighed, realizing it would be nothing short of impossible to finish sorting his documents with Everett around. “Nothing.” He closed his briefcase and set it on the floor next to him, before crossing his arms and looking back up for the millionth time.

Kath giggled. “Oh, that is so cute!”

Miles gave her a blank look. “Excuse me?”

She beamed at him. “You’re so in love with Mr. Wright, you’ve grown to like his flaws as well!”

…What?

Miles frowned. “His flaws? What are you talking about, Everett?”

She giggled again. “Oh, I’m sorry! Of course, Mr. Wright is perfect! What am I saying?” She laughed some more and turned to look out of the window again.

Miles sighed. I swear to God…

“After all…” Kath glanced at him over her shoulder. “Why would you consider his tardiness as something negative?” She grinned. “The more he makes you wait, the better it is, right?”

Miles closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

Christ. Is this all she ever thinks about?

“Everett…”

“Kath.”

“Kath, what did I tell you about making tasteless jokes about our private life?” He sent her a glare and crossed his arms again.

“Aww, but Miles!” She turned back around and walked up to the bench Miles was sitting on. “You should see your face when I tease you about it. You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed, I just can’t help myself.” She bent down and looked Miles in the eye, a grin on her face. “Besides… You shouldn’t blame me. I’m not the one doing ‘private’ things in public.”

Miles brought his hand to his face. “For Christ’s sake, Everett…”

Kath burst out laughing and flopped down on the bench next to Miles. “See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!”

Someone kill me now…

The door at the end of the hallway was suddenly pulled open and a certain defence attorney appeared from behind it. He ran a hand through his wet hair – apparently, he still hadn’t discovered what umbrellas were for – and walked up to them. “Sorry I’m late.” He grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck.

Here comes the excuse.

“I kinda… missed the bus.”

Miles looked away to the side to hide a smile. He couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

What a surprise…

“What’s so funny, Edgeworth?”

Miles looked back at Phoenix and saw him trying to fix his hair by looking at his reflection in the window. He smirked.

“You’re a mess, Wright.”

“Well, it’s not my fault you decided to change plans and were too lazy to come pick me up,” Phoenix retorted.

Miles frowned. What the hell do you think you’re doing?

“But, Mr. Wright,” Kath cut in. “Couldn’t you just take your car?” She paused and glanced out of the window. “Or is it that you don’t drive in the rain?”

Phoenix turned to look at her. He looked slightly embarrassed. “Well…”

“Wright doesn’t even have his driver’s license, Everett,” Miles explained, ignoring the glare Phoenix shot him after this comment.

“Oh…” Kath seemed confused for a moment, probably wondering how it was possible for a twenty-five-year-old man not to have his license yet. But it wasn’t long before her frown disappeared to give place to a smile that definitely screamed bad news. “How cute!” She giggled and clapped her hands together. “Now I know who the man in this relationship is!”

Miles blinked. “…What?”

“I should have known you liked being in charge, Miles!” She laughed again. “I mean, with you being a perfectionist and all!”

…Perfectionist?

“And honestly, who in their right mind would want to get their license when they can get rides in a car like yours!” She winked suggestively. “I’m sure that back seat has seen a lot of act--”

“Miss Everett, I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Phoenix interrupted.

“Aww, you’re no fun!” Kath whined. “I nearly had Miles blushing, too!”

Phoenix crossed his arms. “Well, I don’t like when people embarrass him.”

Says the one who spent a whole night doing it on purpose…

Kath grinned. “You’re really protective over him, aren’t you, Mr. Wright?”

Phoenix shrugged. “What can I say, I love him too much.” He turned back around to face the window and started fixing his hair again.

Why did he take my defence like that after I brought up the license thing to make fun of him?

…Who am I kidding? He probably just cut her off because he was getting embarrassed himself.

What a hypocrite.

Phoenix pouted at his reflection as he tried to push a strand of wet hair out of his forehead, only to have it fall back down into place.

Miles smiled to himself.

He’s such a child…

And what’s this obsession he has with his hair? It’s not as if there’s a way to make these stupid spikes look anything but messy.

“What’s up, Miles?” Kath asked suddenly. “You’re being awfully quiet.”

Miles blinked as he lost his train of thought. He glanced at her briefly in a daze, before bringing his attention back to Wright.

“Oh… nothing… I was just… thinking.”

Phoenix chuckled. “What a surprise.”

Miles scowled. “What’s that supposed to mean, Wright?”

“You think too much, Edgeworth.”

“Now, now, you two,” Kath interrupted. “Stop it with the surnames, will you?”

Damn. Forgot about that.

“Everett, we’re still in the Courthouse. I thought I was clear on this point.”

Kath rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on! There’s no one even around.”

“Yeah, Miles. Stop being so cold.” Phoenix was still staring at the window, but Miles could see his grin in the reflection.

Nice try, but I’m pretty sure that she wasn’t referring to me twice when she said ‘you two’.

“Amusing as ever, Phoenix,” Miles commented dryly.

Phoenix shrugged. “I try.” He took one last glance at his hair and turned around. “So, where are we going?”

“Actually…” Miles paused and glanced over at Kath. “I hope you don’t mind if Everett joins us. I told her we were having lunch together, but she insisted on tagging along.”

“Awh, Miles,” Kath pouted. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of stalker.”

Because you aren’t?

Phoenix chuckled. “It’s okay, I don’t mind.” He paused and rubbed his chin, an amused smile appearing on his lips.

Oh Christ. Don’t you dare, Wright!

“I was looking forward to some alone time together, but I guess it’ll have to wait till another time.”

Kath giggled and Miles didn’t have to look at her to know that she was blushing and that her face read something along the lines of ‘I knew it’.

Why is it that everyone always seems to be conspiring against me?

Miles sighed. “Ph… Phoenix… I thought we had a deal.”

Phoenix gave him a blank look.

Oh, please don’t do this to me. You know what I’m talking about.

“Aww, Miles, don’t get mad at Mr. Wright. It’s my fault you won’t be able to carry out that little… ‘deal’ of yours.” She grinned. “But, you know, you could alw--”

“Everett. Just… just stop.” Miles shook his head. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“Oh, right!” Kath raised a finger and tapped it thoughtfully on her chin. “Well, there’s this great fast food joint I know just around the corner. I was thinking we could go there.”

Fast food? Great? I didn’t think it was possible to put those words in the same sentence.

“Evere--”

“I’m afraid Miles isn’t very fond of fast food, Miss Everett.”

Miles blinked. He turned to look at Phoenix.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think Wright’s actually being helpful today.

“What a shame,” Kath replied, frowning. “Their burgers are really something.”

I’m sure they are. Except we don’t know what that ‘something’ is.

Kath got up from the bench and stretched, before fixing her jacket and flattening her skirt with her hands. “Well, then… I suppose we could just eat at the canteen. The weather is awful, anyways.”

…The canteen? So Everett can let everyone here know what a ‘cute’ couple Wright and I make?

No way in hell that’s happening.

Miles shook his head. “The canteen is out of the question, Everett.”

Kath raised an eyebrow. “Oh…? Oh, right.” She glanced over at Phoenix and smiled. “What, with Mr. Wright and his roving hands. I suppose it would be bad if someone noticed.”

Phoenix quickly looked away to the side to hide an obvious blush, which caused Kath to burst into laughs.

Miles smirked. At least, I’m not the one passing for a pervert.

“Well, you guys decide on a place, then,” Kath said, coughing a little as she tried to regain her breath. “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go grab a coffee. I was up all night partying and I didn’t get any sleep. Don’t run away, you two!” She turned on her heel and took a few steps down the hallway, before stopping and glancing over her shoulder. “And no groping while I’m gone, Mr. Wright. I’m keeping an eye on you.” She giggled and set off again, before disappearing around the corner.

Phoenix sighed. “That’s a nice opinion of me she’s got, there.”

Miles crossed his arms. “Well, I guess you deserved it. That’ll teach you to be so clingy.”

“Hey! That’s got nothing to do with it!” Phoenix replied defensively. “It’s not my fault she misinterprets everything I say and do.”

Miles chuckled. “I know.”

Phoenix smiled and shook his head, before taking another glance at himself in the window.

Miles rolled his eyes. “Your hair is fine, Wright.”

“Huh…?” Phoenix snapped his head back around and blinked. “No, I wasn’t looking at my hair. I was looking at--”

“The rain?” Miles raised an eyebrow.

Phoenix scratched the back of his neck. “…Yeah. You know, raindrops are fascinating.”

Miles smirked. “Your bluffing skills are as bad as ever.”

“Hey! I’m really good at bluffing!” Phoenix retorted, failing miserably at sounding offended. “Except… it never works with you.” He smiled sheepishly.

Miles snorted. “Of course it doesn’t.”

Phoenix rolled his eyes, that stupid smile never leaving his lips, and walked up to the bench to sit down next to Miles.

Miles instinctively looked down to check how much space was left between them, before realizing it really didn’t bother him that much.

No unexplained dizziness…

My pulse’s still not acting up…

I don’t know what was wrong with me the other night, but I obviously wasn’t feeling well.

Perhaps I just panicked at the idea of screwing everything up…?

But then… why did I keep thinking about Wright? This doesn’t make any sense…

Miles frowned and rubbed his temples.

Wright’s right. I really do think too much.

“Something wrong, Edgeworth?”

Miles shook his head. “I think Everett was starting to give me a headache.”

“I don’t blame you,” Phoenix replied. “She’s kinda… loud.”

Miles turned to him. “Kind of? Sometimes I wonder if she’s worse than Larry.”

Phoenix smiled. “No, I think that’s impossible.” He chuckled. “One thing’s for sure, though, we better pack up on painkillers tomorrow night. I mean, the two of them teaming up?”

Miles sighed. “Don’t remind me.”

There was silence for a moment.

“I’m sorry about before,” Phoenix said softly.

Miles raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

“You know… the phone call.” He paused. “It’s just… I th--”

“You thought it would be funny. I know.”

So predictable.

Phoenix blinked. “Yeah… well… I just figured I should apologise. I promised I wou--”

“It’s fine, Wright.”

“Are you sure?” Phoenix asked hesitantly.

“Yes. Don’t worry about it.”

Phoenix looked at him for a few seconds, as if trying to read his expression, before smiling and turning his gaze towards the window.

Is it so hard to believe that I’m not mad at him?

Miles observed Phoenix quietly, expecting him to pick the conversation up again at any second. A moment went by, the only sound coming from the way the raindrops fell at an angle against the window. Phoenix was still smiling, and Miles vaguely wondered what he was thinking about. He quickly dismissed the question, however, realising he could tell the other man didn’t have anything on his mind. Wright always had this habit of slightly furrowing his eyebrows – his peculiar, ridiculous-looking eyebrows – when he thought about something. But, right now, he just looked at peace, content to simply sit there and listen to the rain fall. Miles had to admit, though, it was strangely soothing.

Especially after having to listen to Everett for nearly an hour.

Phoenix finally turned back to him, and Miles instinctively looked away. He wouldn’t want Wright to get the wrong idea and think he’d been staring at him. Because he wasn’t.

“Say, Edgeworth…”

“Hmm?” Miles looked at him again.

“What’s Kath doing here, anyway?”

“I don’t know.” Miles shrugged. “I guess she had court this morning as well.”

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. “And she was partying all night?”

Miles shook his head. “It’s Everett we’re talking about. Don’t try to understand.”

“Yeah…” Phoenix chuckled. “You’re right.”

Miles smirked. I really shouldn’t, but…

“Isn’t it usually the other way around?”

“…What?” Phoenix stared at him blankly for a few seconds, until realization seemed to hit him. “Oh…” He smiled. “Yeah, of course, I’m Wright.”

It really doesn’t take much to make him smile, does it?

Always the same stupid joke, and it still amuses him.

Phoenix glanced down at the briefcase on the floor between them, before looking back up at Miles. “How did the trial go?”

Miles suppressed a shudder at the memory of the defendant and his wife – and pretty much everything about that case, to be honest – and shook his head slightly. “I’d rather not think about it.”

Phoenix frowned. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” Miles sighed. “It just took a lot longer than it should have. All because of a ridiculous mistake that should have been avoided.” He paused. “But people like wasting my time, apparently.”

Phoenix looked amused for some reason. “Gumshoe?”

Miles rolled his eyes. That seemed to be a good enough answer for Phoenix, as he looked away briefly and chuckled.

Thank you for not laughing at my misfortune, Wright.

“So…” Phoenix started again, taking another quick glance at the briefcase. “Tons of paperwork, I presume?”

Miles let out another sigh. “What do you think?”

“I think this paperwork’s gonna take a lot longer than it should,” Phoenix replied.

Miles raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Phoenix grinned. “Well, you know, since you have to waste your time going out to lunch with me.”

Don’t start, Wright.

“It’s not as if I really have a choice,” Miles grumbled.

Phoenix suddenly looked serious. “You don’t?”

Miles gave him a blank look.

Phoenix stood up and took a couple of steps towards the door, before turning back around to look down at Miles. “Come on.”

Miles frowned. “What are you…?”

“Let’s get out of here before she comes back,” Phoenix urged, glancing up briefly to make sure Everett was nowhere in sight.

Miles blinked a few times, wondering if Wright could possibly be considering this. “…You can’t be serious.”

“Why not?” Phoenix asked.

Miles crossed his arms. “Wright. She told us to wait. It would be rude to--”

“Oh, come on.” Phoenix rolled his eyes. “As if that would be worse than the very appropriate comments she keeps making about us.”

“…I suppose you have a point,” Miles admitted. “But still, I’d rather not give her any ideas.” He winced slightly at the thought of how she might interpret their disappearance. “Not to mention we’ll never hear the end of it tomorrow.”

“It’s alright, I’ll take the blame.” Phoenix smiled. “She already thinks I’m a pervert, anyway.”

Miles stared at him. “You’re an idiot.”

Phoenix laughed softly. “Maybe, but I know the last thing you want right now is to waste your time on a stupid lunch date. So, come on.” He nodded towards the door. “Besides, I have work to do, too.”

Liar.

Miles shook his head in defeat and got up from the bench. He picked up his briefcase and umbrella, before catching up to Phoenix, who’d already set off for the exit.

“I can’t believe this…” Miles muttered, sighing, as they pushed open the doors.

Phoenix laughed again. “Don’t be like that. You want this paperwork over with or not?”

Miles set down his briefcase and started opening his umbrella. “Yes, but this is so… childish.” The umbrella clicked, meaning it was open all the way. “Though I can’t say I’m surprised, coming from you.” He gave Phoenix a glare, which didn’t seem to affect him in the slightest.

Why am I even going along with this?

Ridiculous.

He picked up his briefcase again and set off towards the parking lot. He didn’t get far, however, stopping abruptly when he reached the end of the overhang and the first raindrops hit the umbrella. It was raining a lot harder than he thought. He glanced over his shoulder at Wright, who was reaching out from under the roof with his hand, apparently trying to determine the best moment to make a run for it.

Why do I feel so bad? It’s not my fault he’s a helpless idiot.

And I certainly don’t owe him anything.

“Come on, Wright.”

“…Huh?” Phoenix looked at him blankly.

Miles rolled his eyes. “Fine. Stay there, then.” He started walking again.

“Wait.”

Miles turned around to see Phoenix catch up to him, a smile on his face.

“Thanks, Edgeworth.”

Miles shook his head. “Bring your own next time.”

He glanced at Phoenix’s suit as they walked, which was still wet from earlier. “Really, Wright, you could have at least worn a coat.”

Phoenix shrugged. “It was warm this morning, so I didn’t think I’d need one.” He stepped around a puddle Miles had walked next to on purpose. “How was I supposed to know it’d start pouring like this?”

“There’s this thing called a weather forecast that normal people look at before going out,” Miles said, smirking. “Learn to think ahead. Improvising will only get you so far.”

Phoenix smirked back. “Far enough to beat you three times in a row, apparently.”

“Shut up, Wright.”

Phoenix chuckled.

They walked in silence for a while, their shoulders occasionally brushing together as they tried to fit under the umbrella that was definitely too small for both of them. Phoenix kept looking at his feet. He’d apparently noticed that Miles was walking suspiciously close to all the water puddles.

They eventually reached Miles’ car and stopped. They stood in front of each other without saying anything for a moment.

“So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Phoenix said, finally, taking a glance at the bus stop around the corner.

Miles put his briefcase down and took his keys out of his pocket. “You’d better be ready when I come pick you up this time,” he replied, unlocking his door.

Phoenix rolled his eyes, before turning his attention back to the bus stop.

Miles looked down at the puddle of water next to his feet and noted the way his reflection was made into indistinct shapes by the torrent of raindrops. He looked back up at Wright.

“…Here,” Miles said tentatively, handing over the umbrella.

Phoenix turned back to him and blinked.

Miles smirked. “Wouldn’t want your precious hair to get all ruined again.”

---

Last edited by Shiva on Sun Sep 20, 2009 6:30 am, edited 2 times in total.

Oh wow! Another great chapter~ Not as fluffy or super-imposed on Phoenix and Miles with their relationship but nevertheless good. I loved how you included and characterized Marvin Grossberg, a character that you don't particularly see or notice in the series at all. How he gruffed out an 'ahem' for every objection and hold it was amusing too. Although he seemed to remind me a lot of Phoenix this time around, who would simply grasp at straws continuously. I mean- he's a veteran defense attorney, shouldn't he be better than that?

Emma Orr reminded me of a young, southern Oldbag. Harassing Edgeworth with love, rambling on incoherently at times. It was quite amusing. The defendant was equally amusing, even if we only heard him talk for a short while. Pitchforks as a way to get a giant money making business- unexpected but clever.

Everett reminds me a lot of those anime fan girls that instantly swoon over the idea of two men loving each other romantically (and very sexually apparently). It's annoying at times, but still a driving force that is keeping Edgeworth to force his whole fake relationship. Checking his pulse, making sure he isn't overreacting to everything Phoenix is saying. He definitely is over thinking everything.

You written a perfect Judge too! Making silly phrases, asking for peoples autographs. It honestly made me think that this was a script of an actual PW case :B Expect the part were the defendant turned out to be guilty. That only happened once~

The ending part got me a lot though:


That part just really lit a smile on my face. The ending line referencing to the case he just dealt with, giving Phoenix his umbrella and even ditching Everett because she was so annoying. I loved that so much. Another wonderful chapter dear, I'll look forward to the next long one.

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xDDD
Oh my god. Seriously

This is one of the hottest/funniest/best written/ASKLDJFAKLDSF fanfictions I have ever read!
Actually, it IS the hottest/funniest/best written/ASDKFJSADKSF fanfiction I've ever read!!
And me posting here is seriously saying something because usually I'm always silent reading.

BUT SERIOUSLY. I've never laughed ALOUD ever whilst reading a fanfiction. A smirk or a grin, but never completely, hyserically, pissing myself with laughter. xDD

Kudos to you. *thumbs up*
[Still reading chapter 3 but just wanted to say how awesome you are =3]
You've managed to capture the characters personalities SO well it's like .. insane.
Like, I like reading a WrightxEdgeworth R rated scene/whatever as much as the next guy [okay.. maybe not but anyway], but it's just, I could never actually IMAGINE them doing the things that they were err.. doing in the story because it just doesn't seem real.

But with yours, I an actually IMAGINE Edgeworth on the edge because of Phoenixie, and I can imagine and picture Phoenixie being totally clingy and making a total fool [for once] out of Edgy. xD So yes. Very, very well done. *three hundred thumbs up*
I'm Sophia, by the way. 8DD

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OMFG THIS FANFIC AGAGA

I've been reading it on ff.net for what feels like forever <333 I honestly didn't know it was on this forum o.o

I. Freaking. LOVE. This. Fic.

Will provide some actual useful info later

---

Yeah, this chapter was meant to focus more on Miles and how he realizes that he should do something about his lack of romantic knowledge. The trial might have been silly, but it still had its role to play in how their relationship develops.

About Grossberg, I think the fact that his client was guilty might be why he appeared to be grasping in this case. He might be a veteran, but unlike Phoenix, he always gave me the impression of doing his job for the money, rather than choosing his clients on a basis of how much he trusts them. Therefore, I think there's not much he could do - especially against Edgeworth.

I'm glad you liked the defendant and his wife. We spent a lot of time deciding what their personalities should be like. And of course, pitchforks are just awesome XD

And Edgeworth definitely is overthinking everything. He simply doesn't get that the fact that he's not freaking out anymore doesn't mean everything's back to 'normal'. Poor Miles is being a bit oblivious, I'm afraid. And of course, Everett is not helping, since it's easy for him to convince himself that he's only doing all this to keep her away.

I'm glad you liked the Judge. He was too much fun to write XD

And I'm really glad you liked the ending. I'm afraid neither of us can take credit for the last line, though. Last lines are always the hardest to come up with, and KingMobUK was our savior again XD And what can I say, Everett did deserve to be ditched :P

Thanks for the kind words :)

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First of all... Wow, thanks for the praise XD I'm very flattered that you liked the fic enough to decide to comment.

And I'm glad it made you laugh. That's the whole point :)

And it's nice to know that it all seems plausible. We spend a lot of time in their heads, trying to figure out how they would react to everything, so I'm always happy to find out we didn't mess up XD

Thank you for reading :)

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Why, thank you. I'm really glad you like it :)

I'll be waiting for your useful info XD

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Well then HERE IT IS 8D

My comments go out to Everett, a character who is written quite well. She's unfortunate with Miles, which gives her character, especially since she keeps trying but doesn't succeed -- that's something I don't see from OCs too often. Breaking that barrier and doing something different... that's gold right there.

Better yet is the fact she's so unfortunate here. Not only is that the key in originality, giving readers something most interesting and absorbing, but as I said, it's done so few times with OCs it must be stressed! I can honestly say I've never seen this characterisation in an OC done before [combination of fangirl and unlucky sap -- of course I mean all of this in a good way, it makes her fun to read]. Another thing is you've established what is only necessary from her. She isn't in the story unless there's something for her to do. She isn't just there to fulfill the author wishes of putting themselves/creations in with characters they like. Props.

As I'm sure many have said, I enjoy reading all the little quirks here because it's all so in-character and it makes it quite an adorable read overall. ^^

And yay for a somewhat long review for once 8D

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Thank you :)

I'm really glad you like Everett. It's good to know that she comes across as interesting, even though her purpose is pretty much to be annoying XD But yeah, we wouldn't just put her in there for no reason. The story is meant to be focused on Phoenix and Edgeworth, so writing random bits with her would be kind of useless, not to mention unrealistic, since it's obvious they'd want to spend as less time with her as possible.

Thanks again, and I hope you keep reading.

---

Hmm... Well being totally honest, I didn't really enjoy the court trial. You probably could have made it shorter... But that's where all the funny stuff was... Hmm... I don't know, I understand the importance in developing Edgeworth but I felt like it could have been not as long and still done that rather well. I guess I just got a little down because there wasn't a ton of Feenie/Edgeworth interaction.

Anywho, that aside I did really enjoy all the little jokes involved in the courtroom stuff. I loved how you made Miles and Grossbergs mannerisms match their sprites. The names were clever and the 1337 speakwas funny. Hehe, the judge thinks he's sexy.

The bubblegum and suspenders was a nice touch.

Regarding Edgeworth's behavior and thoughts concerning Phoenix... KAWAII!!! I loved the pulse checking and such, but how come he is reacting less? Maybe that's a silly question, hehe. AND (squee) they shared an umbrella! How cute, the closeness, the intimacy. Very exctiing. Also, Edgeworth was purposely walking near puddles? To make Phoenix walk closer to him.. No thats probably not it. Would be cute if it was though.

Also, Edgeworth says, when he is trying to avoid Kath that burgundy doesn't really blend in well. Wow, look who is in denial. Hate to say it hun, but that suit is pink.

Storm Parakaitz, totally agree with you about Kath.

I feel like Phoenix was acting a little odd this chapter, but perhaps in his PoV next chapter I won't be thinking that.

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Oh my, I'm sorry it took so long to respond. I've been really busy



That's okay, you can't please everyone :) I'm glad you're being honest. But we really wanted to do a court case, and we realized it wouldn't really work if we didn't write the whole thing. We didn't exactly mean for it to be THAT long either, but we just didn't really have a choice. Also, the case had its role to play in Edgeworth's development, it wasn't just put there for no reason. So even though there was no actual Phoenix/Edgeworth interaction in the first part, there still was a point to it.



I'm glad you think so :) We were trying to make it sound like the game, so it's nice to know we apparently did it right.



Edgeworth is not reacting less, he's just reacting differently. He's done freaking out, and now he's overthinking everything. And about the puddles, he was just trying to make Phoenix step in them, cause he's mature like that XD



Ahahah XD I actually always thought of his suit as burgundy, but of course it's always funny to have the other characters make fun of it.



Are you talking about the phone call? If that's the case, he was just being an ass :P If not, I'm not sure what you're referring to?


But yeah, thanks again for reading and commenting :)

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Although I've already commented on FF, I'd like to once again commemorate you guys for a job well done on this chapter!

I love this story so much that I suggested it to a friend, and now she's as obsessed about it as I am.
(We've even gotten to drawing what we think Kath Everett looks like. LarryXKath is our new favorite pairing!)

This time, I'd like to complement hot well you characterize Kath Everett. She's actually one of my favorite characters, despite the fact that she's so annoying and fangirlish. Without her, this story would not be what it is today.

Two thumbs up guys!

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Oh damn, I'm so slow at responding. I blame the hockey playoffs XD


I'm really glad you like Everett :) It might not look it, but OCs aren't always easy to write. You get so used to their personality that you tend to forget it's your own character and you worry about their characterisation just as much as the canon characters XD

And LarryxKath OTP? That's awesome, ahahah XD And about what Kath looks like, I've actually just finished a drawing of her this week.

Here.

Is that close to how you imagined her?

In any case, thanks a lot for the kind words :)

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I'm not usually intrested in Edgeworth/Phoenix, but this was really well written and pretty funny too. Hope you write more soon

P.S. I'm guessing you play a lot of FF. Shiva DOES rule though.

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I always take it as a compliment when people who don't like the pairing still like the story. Thanks for reading and commenting :)

PS: Yes, I do play a lot of FF, and Shiva is made of awesome XD

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xDD I hope I don't sound like an impatient little noisy brat but ...

IVEBEENSOEXCITEDFORTHENEXTCHAPTERFORTHEPASTLIKEWEEKANDITSDRIVINGMEINSANEEEE

Honestly, the other day, I was so anxious about the next chapter that I re-read the whole thing again. xD
Yes, I have much too much free time.
BUT THIS FANFIC IS JUST MADE UP OF SO MUCH AWESOMEEEE~

Sorry to sound totally and utterly and completely naggy...
but by any chance, would you have any idea when the next chapter will be up?
In the mean time...
*rereads again*

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Oh my, I don't know what to say

I'm not sure how long it'll take for Chapter 8 but don't worry, we're working on it. It shouldn't take too long, though. I just don't want to make any promises in case we end up having to change a bunch of stuff at the last minute XD

Thanks for all the praise, though ^^

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Woah! That picture of Kath is amazing!! She looks so close to what we imagined her! <3

(Not trying to sound like an impatient leech or anything but...) How's the next chapter going? I hope it's going well on your end. Good luck!

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Won't you update soon?

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I was looking for the thread around pages ~4-5 and couldn't find it, and I realized you guys bumped it XD


Thanks! I'm really glad you like it :)


And don't worry, the chapter will be up very very soon. It's technically done, it just needs betaing now, so it's a matter of days. I'm really sorry about the awful delay, but real life kind of got in the way of writing last month. But everything should be fine now.

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wait, what picture? i looked every where and i dont see one >_<

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Whoops, I should have put it in a spoiler tag instead of just linking to it. My bad.

Here:

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