Phoenix: LEMON! WHERE ARE YOU LEMON?!
Lemon: Right in front of you... YOU ALMOST DEAFENED ME!
Phoenix: HEY! No need to yell! Sheesh!
Lemon: You are so stupid... That's what turns me on.
Phoenix: What?
Lemon: *blushes* NOTHING!
Phoenix: Whatever. What's the time?
Lemon: 12:51pm isn't it? Wait a minute? *points up*
Phoenix: OWW! MY EYE! YOU POKED MY EYE!
Lemon: SORRY! *pulls finger from Phoenix's eye*
Phoenix: Where's my eye drops?
Lemon: Here they are! *pulls out a spray can* Open it up for me.
Phoenix: WAIT! That's--
Lemon: *sprays Phoenix's hurt eye*
Phoenix: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *runs around in circles screaming*
Lemon: Oops... That was your mace...
Phoenix: HOW COULD YOU GET THOSE MIXED UP?!
Lemon: Both the eye drop can and the mace can look exactly the same!
Phoenix: *washes eyes out with a wet towel* Never mind... What's the time again?
Lemon: I think it's 12:55pm right now.
Phoenix: How can that be right?
Lemon: I'm not the one you should be asking... I didn't invent time.
Phoenix: No, not the time. My sandwich has sand in it.
Lemon: Oh. I thought you wanted a sand witch.
Phoenix: ... *looks at the witch-shaped sandwich*
Lemon: Oh Phoenix, I love it how you look at sandwiches like that!
Phoenix: Look, let's just get a case already.
TV: We interrupt this story for a convenient breaking news story! Local man Larry Ass has been arrested with murder charges! More on this breaking story later at 13!
Lemon: How convenient.
Phoenix: LET'S GET DOWN TO THE DETENTION CENTER!
Lemon: *covering ears* Oh my gosh, do you HAVE TO shout in my ear?!
Phoenix: Yes.
Lemon: Anyway, let's get down to the detention center!
Phoenix: Yeah! Oh, I'm so stiff.
Lemon: Your penis can get stiff later, we need to get to the detention center as soon as possible!
Phoenix: I meant my neck is stiff...
Lemon: Tell me when your penis gets stiff when we get back. LET'S GO!
Phoenix: Fine. TO THE WRONG MOBILE! *jumps through the Wrong Mobile's windshield and sits in a baby seat*
Lemon: *opens the passenger seat door and sits on the seat* Why do you drive in that anyway?
Phoenix: It reminds me that I'm a grown man. *drives to the detention center*

To be continued...

Lemon: Well, here we are at the detention center.
Phoenix: This place looks familiar...
Lemon: You were here last week for public nudity...
Phoenix: Oh yeah! Where's Larry?
Larry: In the window.
Phoenix: *looks at the window* AHHH! Do I really look that ugly?
Larry: Screw you man!
Lemon: Phoenix... That's a window, not a mirror.
Phoenix: Oh... How embarrassing...
Lemon: Why are you here Larry?
Larry: The cops think I killed a guy.
Phoenix: Who?
Larry: Some guy.
Phoenix: Sum is a strange name for a man...
Lemon: It's not really the guy's name, Phoenix. Anyway Larry, do you want us to defend you in court?
Larry: OF COURSE I DO!
Phoenix: I don't know... He looks sorta suspicious...
Lemon: Phoenix! That's your best friend there!
Larry: Thanks Phoenix... I know I can count on you...
Phoenix: Thanks Larry!
Lemon: He was being sarcastic.
Phoenix: Oh... *sniff* I thought he was exited that I was going to defend him...
Larry: Enough emotions already! Go down to Nutrigrain Village. That's where the body was found.
Lemon: You can count on us!
Phoenix: To the Wrong Mobile! *jumps through the windshield of the Wrong Mobile*
Lemon: *enters the passenger door and sits on the seat* Do you even have a license?
Phoenix: Nope! *swerves off the curb and speeds off*



Phoenix: It took two days but we're finally here!
Lemon: You didn't need to go to fourteen strip clubs before coming here...
Phoenix: HEY! My wang was more important back there!
Lemon: More important than the life of your best friend?
Phoenix: Maybe...
Lemon: *sighs* Well we better find the crime scene.
Phoenix: There it is!
Lemon: That's a rock...
Phoenix: Oh yeah... There it is!
Lemon: That's an outhouse...
Phoenix: It looks suspicious...
Lemon: Look! There's a bunch of police officers near that house!
Phoenix: I know your secret, outhouse! Spit it out! Why did you kill that guy?!
Lemon: PHOENIX! Stop being dumb! *walks into the house*
Phoenix: This ain't over yet... *follows Lemon*



Phoenix: Fey Manor? Why is it called that?
Lemon: This is where the Fey family lives. They also train spirit--
Phoenix: Look! Police!
Lemon: That must be the crime scene!
Phoenix: Let's go!
???: Hold it, pal!
Lemon: *bumps into the man* Ow! Who are you?
???: Penis Gumshoe! I'm one of the detectives.
Phoenix: I like your name!
Gumshoe: Thanks! My mother hated me so she gave me the name Penis.
Lemon: How interesting...
Phoenix: You got any evidence you can leak to us?
Gumshoe: You bet I do! Here ya go, pal!
Phoenix: What's this piece of paper?
Lemon: It's the autopsy report!
Phoenix: What's an autotopsy?
Lemon: An autopsy report tells us all we need to know about the victim's death.
Phoenix: Such as?
Lemon: How he died and when he died.
Phoenix: Neat!
Gumshoe: Keep it, I don't need it.
Lemon: Why not?
Gumshoe: I have it memorized.
Lemon: In that case, let's read it!
Phoenix: Time of death is 6:00am... Cause of death is asphyxiation... What's that?
Lemon: It's another way of saying "choked to death" right?
Gumshoe: Yeah. The poor guy was strangled with a piano wire.
Phoenix: But Larry doesn't have a piano!
Lemon: You don't need to have a piano to have a piano wire, Phoenix.
Phoenix: Really? Can I get a trumpet wire? I've always wanted a trumpet!
Lemon: *sighs* Anything else we can have, Mr. Gumshoe?
Gumshoe: I guess you can have the murder weapon.
Lemon: The piano wire!
Gumshoe: You can keep it. Unless you want to kill someone...
Lemon: I would never... *glances over at Phoenix*
Phoenix: Is that all?
Gumshoe: For now.
Lemon: Did you check the piano wire for fingerprints?
Gumshoe: Actually, no.
Lemon: Then I'll do it right now! *pulls out a plastic bottle*
Phoenix: What's that?
Lemon: A finger-printing kit! I can check this piano wire for fingerprints!
Phoenix: How does it work?
Lemon: I just pour the power on the piano wire... *pours the powder on the wire*
Phoenix: Then what?
Lemon: Then I blow it off... *blows the powder off*
Phoenix: MY EYES!
Lemon: Sorry! Then finally we see the prints. There are two sets of fingerprints on here!
Gumshoe: Amazing! You better add that to the court record!
Phoenix: The what?
Lemon: I'm not a lawyer and I know what the court record is...
Phoenix: What is it?
Lemon: It's the button above my head.
Phoenix: Ohh...
Gumshoe: Well I better get back to work. I'll see you two later! *runs off*
Lemon: He's such a nice man...
Phoenix: You're telling me...
Lemon: Anyway! I think it's time we--
???: HEY NICK!
Phoenix: Oh know... I'd recognize that voice anywhere...
???: Who is this? Is this your GIRLFRIEND?
Phoenix: NO!
???: HONEST?
Phoenix: YES! Now leave me alone!
Lemon: Who is this?
Phoenix: Mayonnaise Fey...
Mayo: Call me Mayo for short!
Lemon: Okay then... Is she going to be of any help?
Phoenix: No.
Mayo: YES!
Phoenix: No.
Mayo: Awww... Don't be mean...
Lemon: Yeah! Don't be mean!
Phoenix: Fine... What will we do now?
Lemon: I think we should look for overlooked clues?
Phoenix: Overlooked?
Lemon: Overlooked means it was in plain sight but nobody noticed it. It happens to evidence in every case.
Phoenix: Oh! I get it!
Lemon: Smartest thing you have said all day...
Mayo: I saw a gun!
Lemon: A what?!
Mayo: A gun!
Lemon: REALLY?! Wait. A gun is no good. The cause of death was asphyxiation.
Phoenix: Did you see anything else Mayo?
Mayo: No...
Lemon: In that case, we will have to just use these two pieces of evidence for tomorrow's trial.
Phoenix: I'm not sure... Who is the prosecutor?
Mayo: Wow... You don't know what a court record is but you know what a prosecutor is...
Phoenix: I'm a slow learner, okay?!
Lemon: Anyway, the prosecutor for tomorrow's trial is...
???: Me!
Lemon: Fanta von Bad Karma...
Fanta: You think you have a chance with just two pieces of evidence? How idiotic of the idiot who idiotically looks like an idiot.
Phoenix: I've known her for ten seconds and I already hate her...
Fanta: I get that a lot.
Mayo: SURE you do...
Fanta: QUIET!
Mayo: Yes, sir!
Fanta: I look forward to seeing you in court tomorrow... *walks off*
Lemon: She's scarier in person...
Phoenix: I have to defeat her in court tomorrow!
Lemon: Scientifically!
Phoenix: What?
Lemon: Never mind...

To be continued...

Lemon: You ready to go?
Phoenix: Yeah!
Mayo: You bet I am!
Phoenix: Did we REALLY have to bring Mayo?
Lemon: Yes. Now let's go!
Phoenix: Hey, I'm the one driving here!
Lemon: But you don't have a license!
Phoenix: That won't stop me! *drives off*



Lemon: Now that doesn't make any sense! How did it take us two days to get to Nutrigrain but It only takes a minute to get back?
Phoenix: I'm not the one who invented impossibility!
Mayo: Neither am I!
Lemon: Whatever... The courtroom isn't open until nine. We should just wait.



Phoenix: *wakes up from a nap*
Mayo: I could really go for a cheeseburger right now...
Lemon: Well Phoenix here doesn't have any money.
Phoenix: HEY! I'm not making money because I don't work very hard!
Lemon: You haven't even worked yet...
Phoenix: Lay off me! This is my first case!
Mayo: Look! The doors are open!
Phoenix: Let's go! *drives the Wrong Mobile through the doors*
Lemon: PHOENIX! You're not supposed to drive in!
Phoenix: Oh, oops... My bad...



Larry: You gotta get me a not guilty verdict!
Phoenix: I'll try my best!
Lemon: I thought you said your wang was more important than--
Phoenix: LEMON! Shhh!
Mayo: Can I get a cheeseburger already? I'm starving!
Lemon: Here you go, have a quarter. Go get a cheeseburger from the vending machine.
Mayo: Yay! *puts the quarter in a nearby vending machine*
Phoenix: They have cheeseburgers in vending machines now?
Lemon: Don't ask me.
Larry: Shut up! You're making ME hungry!
Bailiff: Mr. Wrong, court is almost in session.
Phoenix: Well it looks like the trial is about to start.
Mayo: Good luck with the trial!



Judge: *bangs gavel* Court is now in session for the trial of Larry Ass. Are the defense and prosecution ready?
Fanta: The prosecution is always ready.
Phoenix: No! The defense is not ready!
Judge: Mr. Wrong! Are you not ready?
Phoenix: No, I just wanted to see what happened if I said no.
Judge: Tomfoolery aside, the prosecution may begin her opening statement.
Fanta: I will promise you that Mr. Ass will be found guilty by the end of this trial.
Judge: Very well. Your response, Mr. Wrong?
Phoenix: FUCK YOU, FANTA!
Judge: MR. WRONG! Watch your language!
Phoenix: Sorry...
Judge: Prosecution may call it's first witness.
Fanta: Prosecution calls Penis Gumshoe to the stand.
Gumshoe: *stands at the witness stand*
Fanta: Name and occupation.
Gumshoe: Ms. von Bad Karma! I'm such a huge fan of yours!
Fanta: Bugger off! Give me your name and occupation. Now!
Gumshoe: Yes, sir! Penis Gumshoe! I'm a detective, sir!
Fanta: My sources tell me you have some information about the murder, correct?
Gumshoe: You got that right, pal!
Judge: Detective, please testify about the murder.



Lemon: Where did those big words come from?
Phoenix: I have no idea...


Gumshoe: The victim's name is Harold Gump.


Gumshoe: He died from asphyxiation from a piano wire.


Gumshoe: The defendant's fingerprints were found on the piano wire.


Gumshoe: There is no doubt the killer is Larry Ass!

Judge: That's a pretty quick summary. Anyway, the defense may begin it's cross-examination.
Phoenix: Cross-examination?
Lemon: You have to find the lies in his testimony.
Phoenix: But he's telling the truth!
Lemon: No he isn't!
Judge: *bangs gavel* The defense will stop arguing with that girl! Begin your cross-examination!




Gumshoe: The victim's name is Harold Gump.



Phoenix: Are you sure?
Gumshoe: To be honest--



Fanta: I request the defense should stop asking stupid questions!
Judge: Objection sustained. Stop being stupid, Mr. Wrong!
Lemon: Aren't lawyers supposed to be penalized when they do the wrong thing?
Judge: Thanks for reminding me! *penalizes*
Phoenix: Thanks a lot, Lemon... You're a real friend...
Lemon: Look, if he isn't lying, he either isn't telling the whole truth or avoiding something. Press him on something vague!
Phoenix: Gotcha!


Gumshoe: There is no doubt the killer is Larry Ass!



Phoenix: What proof do you have?!
Gumshoe: The murder weapon I gave to you yesterday.
Phoenix: Oh yeah... The fingerprints...
Lemon: Alright, that was vague but it's not the right thing to press on!


Gumshoe: The defendant's fingerprints were found on the piano wire.



Phoenix: But there was two sets of fingerprints.
Gumshoe: I took that piano wire for professional fingerprinting before I met you. The results came in this morning.
Phoenix: What were the results?
Gumshoe: Well, the fingerprints belonged to your pretty little assistant over there.
Lemon: Mine?!
Gumshoe: Yeah, yours. You must have put your fingerprints on it when you held it yesterday.
Phoenix: Now who's the stupid one?!
Lemon: *slaps Phoenix* Shut it!
Phoenix: Ow! Okay, okay!
Judge: Well I think it's time I delivered my verdict. I find the defendant, Larry Ass...



Lemon: I request a five minute recess! The defense needs more time to prepare!
Judge: Very well. Court will adjourn to a five minute recess. *bangs gavel*



Larry: Nick! You totally saves my ass in there!
Lemon: Actually, it was me who saved both your asses.
Phoenix: No. It was all me!
Lemon: *kicks Phoenix in the balls* Shut up!
Phoenix: Hmmm... I wonder if I should scream in pain or kick HER in the balls...
Larry: Hey! This isn't time to be kicking each other in the balls!
Bailiff: Court is about to reconvene. Get your butts in there!



Judge: *bangs gavel* Court is now in session. The defense has had their five minutes to reorganize.
Lemon: You can't mess up this time!
Phoenix: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Fanta: The prosecution would like to call a witness.
Judge: Very well. You may call your witness.
Fanta: Prosecution calls Broken Hart to the stand.
Broken: *stands at the witness stand*
Fanta: Name and occupation.
Broken: Broken Hart, I'm an amateur photographer.
Judge: Did this witness actually... er... witness something?
Fanta: Of course she did! Witness, testify what you saw.
Judge: But I'm the--
Fanta: Hush!
Judge: Sir, yes, sir!

To be continued...