Board index » Present Evidence » Present Testimony

Page 1 of 1[ 5 posts ]
 


Pensive - Phoenix/Maya One-shotTopic%20Title
User avatar

purplepjs

Gender: Female

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:26 pm

Posts: 181

Already up on FF.net... Just a little one shot that was bugging me, so I wrote it. Thought I'd share with you dudes.

Different to how I normally write. Was feeling all funky experimental like. Please R&R :redd:

Spoiler: Pensive
The chair is uncomfortable. Hard plastic.

He slouches.

Exhausted.

Weary.

How long has he been here? Time has no bearing. Minutes. Hours. It’s all the same now.

Waiting.

Tired shoulders slump under what seems like the weight of the entire world.

Pressure.

His head hurts.

He rubs his temples gingerly. It doesn’t help. The pounding resumes. Cautiously, he opens his eyes.

White.

He squeezes them shut again. The harsh light surrounding him is just too much. Too bright.

Why does everything have to be white?

Fluorescent lighting. White walls. White floors.

He sighs, drawing in a large breath.

The smell.

It permeates his nostrils. Invading. Taking over. Like an unwanted guest. Harsh chemicals. Antiseptic.

His stomach turns. He hates this place.

Nausea.

Two women chatter close by. He hears, but he doesn’t. They don’t matter. He can’t think straight. His mind is like a broken record. One word repeats over and over.

Maya.

Maya.

Maya.

Why won’t someone tell me she is okay?

The cheery red tie hanging around his neck feels like a noose. Subconsciously, he hooks a finger through and loosens it. He gulps.

It’s... all my fault.

A scream.

His head snaps up in surprise. Was it her? He doesn’t know.

This place is full of pain.

Physical.

Emotional.

Another scream. It wasn’t her.

His whole body aches.

Tension.

It’s his fault she is here. He let it happen.

He didn’t know it would turn out this way.

Panic.

She had been so brave.

He was a mess.

She squeezed his hand as they wheeled her away. She was pale.

Scared. What if he never saw her again?

I should have said “I love you.”

He hopes she knows.

Of course she knows.

A small consolation.

He balls his fist. White knuckles.

Bad things happen in places like this. People die.

Accidents.

Mistakes.

He shouldn’t think like that. She is going to be fine.

But what if she isn’t? I’ll never forgive myself.

He cradles his head in his hands.

Complications.

That’s what the man had told him.

What does that mean? Why don’t they explain themselves?

That felt like days ago. It could have been minutes. He has no idea.

A bead of sweat trickles from his brow.

Is it warm in here?

The clock above his head strains to tick over.

Its batteries are flat. It goes nowhere. It struggles, but has no power to move.

Doomed to repeat the same second.

Over.

And over.

He feels like the clock. He’s been here forever. Unable to move. Unable to function.

The sick feeling in his stomach grows progressively worse. It’s the only thing that indicates time passing at all.

Maya. I’m so sorry.

He sits up, leaning against the wall. Cold plaster cools his back. He closes his eyes.

A woman shuffles past him.

Blue eyes snap open expectantly. Is she there to talk to him?

She barely notices him. He sighs.

He just wants to know.

Someone tell me she is okay.

He drums his fingers on his knees. Blue slacks stand out against the white of everything else.

Anyone...

He runs a hand through his spikes.

Please. I just want to know.

“Mr Wright?”

He stands with a jolt. Eyes wide. Expression questioning.

The woman standing before him is in her mid fifties. Somewhat dowdy. Business-like. Her face gives away no secrets.

“This way please.” She instructs formally.

He can’t move. Fear keeps him frozen.

“Maya... is she... is she...okay?” he stammers.

The woman looks at him, puzzled. He’s really in a bad way. The fright on his face as he inquires about the condition of his beloved tugs at her heart strings. Her serious visage melts into a soft smile. She takes his hand, attempting to lead him down the hall. He remains glued to the spot.

She turns to face him.

“Mr Wright, your wife is doing just fine.”

He relaxes before her eyes. Tension drains from his body. He smiles. Colour begins returning to his pallid countenance.

Still, he doesn’t move. The woman frowns.

“Come now, Mr Wright.” She says gently. “Mrs Wright has asked after you.”

“Don’t you want to meet your daughter?”

Happiness swells within his chest as he follows the nurse.

It is true that bad things happen at hospitals.

But good things happen too.


Spoiler: My comments on the ending...
OH MAH GAWD so sweet you'll get a freakin toothache. :hobolaugh:
Re: Pensive - Phoenix/Maya One-shotTopic%20Title
User avatar

Gender: Female

Location: Australia

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2007 1:20 pm

Posts: 2197

Well, this is nicely written. I love how the clock has, in fact stopped. [And of course Phoenix's entire attitude to the events]

I did, however, figure out pretty early in the piece what was actually happening. (I guess I subconsciously figured you wouldn't exactly kill Maya in your one-shot you wanted to write.)

But, I believe if they got married, Maya would remain a Fey.
Re: Pensive - Phoenix/Maya One-shotTopic%20Title
User avatar

purplepjs

Gender: Female

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:26 pm

Posts: 181

icer wrote:
But, I believe if they got married, Maya would remain a Fey.


True that. It originally said Ms Fey, but I figured that my fictional nurse would probably just assume :will:
Re: Pensive - Phoenix/Maya One-shotTopic%20Title
User avatar

「これが、モノを殺すと言うことだ…!」

Gender: Male

Location: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 4:00 pm

Posts: 1520

Pssst...


Image


;-)
If videogames make murderers, then guns kill people and spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.
Image
Image
MyAnimeList | My PW/AA Stuff and Translations | My fic thread
Re: Pensive - Phoenix/Maya One-shotTopic%20Title
User avatar

You’re so small in such a big world...

Gender: Female

Location: In front of the computer, where else?

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2008 2:25 am

Posts: 1720

This is great. XD

I love how very descriptive this is. :)
Avatar drawn by MC_Kitten, edited by Slezak
Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  

 Board index » Present Evidence » Present Testimony

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to:  
cron
News News Site map Site map SitemapIndex SitemapIndex RSS Feed RSS Feed Channel list Channel list
Powered by phpBB

phpBB SEO