*nervous*
Okay.This is my first fanfiction. So go easy on me XD;
May contain spoilers for GS2.
Unoriginal title FTW!!

Title: Changes
Author: LySs
Raiting: PG-13
Pairing: Phoenix/Maya
Summary: Phoenix, Maya and Pearl have free season passes to Global Kingdom, the new popular theme park and resort. But what happens when one three day vacation could change the way Phoenix and Maya think about each other?

Changes

What if one vacation could change the way you felt about that person?

Chapter 1



Phoenix tried to block the blinding rays of the sun from his eyes. He squinted as he tried to make out the words of the sign that was above the entranceway.

“Global Kingdom!! We’re finally here!!” Maya squealed in delight as she ran toward the entrance of the park. “C’mon you guys hurry up! I want to go on every ride before sundown!”
Little Pearl was trying her best on keeping up with Maya’s pace, but she had already made her way down to the front gate in the blink of an eye. “W-wait for me Mystic Maya!” the young girl cried, gasping for air every five seconds.

“Hey c’mon! You can’t just leave me here!”
Phoenix, unlike the two girls, was walking at a much slower pace; due to the fact he was left carrying the three suitcases. He gasped, and began to swelter under the sun’s blistering hot rays.
“You two could take your own suitcases you know. It’s at least 150 degrees out here!”

“Oh Nick! Quit your complaining!” Maya replied. “You’re a strong guy, besides there’s no way little Pearly would be able to carry that big heavy suitcase.”
“Oh? And what about you?”
“Well my arms are a bit sore. So I don’t think I’d be able to carry any heavy object in this condition. At least, not without dropping them.”
Phoenix shook his head and sighed as he tried to catch up with the two girls at the gate. He looked up at the park’s sign.

Global Kingdom. He thought to himself. What kind of name is that for an amusement park based on a movie studio anyway?
“Nick! Hurry up with the tickets!!”

Phoenix dropped the suitcases for a moment, and wiped away the sweat from his brow.

The poor defense attorney knew this vacation was already going to be a living hell.

It was about three months ago.
Wright & Co. Law Offices had received an envelope in the mail from Will Powers, the famed actor from the hit television series’ Steel Samurai and Pink Princess. Inside the envelope contained a letter and three season passes to Global Kingdom, the new family amusement park and resort that opened up just a few months ago that was tied with Global Studios.

To Mr. Phoenix Wright,
This is a bit of a thank you present on behalf of myself, and all of Global Studios for everything you’ve done for us. These are three season passes for Global Kingdom, our new park and resort. I’ve already registered your name and the hotel rooms are on us. So you’re free to go whenever you like as long as you like this summer. Enjoy and once again, thank you.
Sincerely, Will Powers.

Maya began to hop up and down like a ten-year-old schoolgirl. The anticipation in her eyes could be seen from a mile away as they fixated on the giant roller coaster that hovered above their heads. She was drooling more than she did when it came to hamburgers.

“Thank you?” “Thank you” for what?

As Phoenix pulled the three passes from his jeans pocket he began to wonder.
Just what was he thanked for? Sure, he helped Will Powers get an acquittal in trial two years ago, but that was it. He didn’t think it was such a big deal to receive such a big thank you gift such as free season passes and paid hotel rooms for a whole summer just for winning a trial.

And then there was the trial of Matt Engarde.
Phoenix couldn’t forget about that case even if he wanted to. And he wanted to forget it badly.
But how could he, since it was only a few months ago since the incident occurred?
So much was at stake during that trial: his reputation as a defense attorney for getting a guilty client an acquittal, and blaming the murder of Juan Corrida on the innocent Adrian Andrews.

But the most of all: The life of his assistant Maya Fey.

As Phoenix handed the passes to the woman at the booth, he glanced over at his young assistant who was still happily dancing away while she waited for the park’s gate to open.

She’s always so cheerful…was it really just three months ago since she went through all that torture? She was kidnapped, bound to a chair and starved for three days straight. Yet she always keeps a smile on her face, no matter what the situation is.

But… if von Karma never made it back in time with the evidence…

“Sir? You may proceed now.”

“W-what?”
Phoenix’s thoughts were interrupted as he turned to face the woman at the booth. She handed him back the passes. “Oh! Sorry about that", he replied to the woman, shoving the passes into his pocket.
“My minds sort of in a trance. That’s what traveling for three hours by bus can do you I guess.”
The woman smiled. “It’s not a problem. Enjoy your stay at Global Kingdom.”

Maya and Pearl had already made a dash through the front gate as soon as it opened.
“Nick you slow poke! Hurry up!”
Phoenix sighed. “Maya. You don’t have to worry. You forget we have a whole weekend to ourselves. Not only that but we can come back anytime during this summer. There’s no need to rush.”
The dark-haired teenager walked up to him and pouted.
“In YOUR case maybe. But in MY case, I NEED to get on that ride!!”
She pointed at the gigantic roller coaster that hovered above their heads. In fact it hovered over the entire park.

“Fine. Then go on it. Be my guest.” Phoenix grabbed the suitcases and began to walk off, but not without Maya grabbing him by the arm first. This startled him, causing the suitcases in his arms to almost fall.
“M-Maya! What are you doing!? Watch it!”
“What do you mean ‘what are you doing?’ Aren’t you going on with me??”
“Huh??”
“The roller coaster Nick! Duh!”

Phoenix looked up once again at the enormous roller coaster. He started to sweat again. He didn’t know if it was the result of carrying the three suitcases in the blistering hot sun, or the thought of riding this giant monster of a roller coaster that was probably two-thousand feet above the ground. Just thinking about it made him nauseous.

“Um…” he began to speak with a nervous tone in his voice. “I…have to first get our rooms at the hotel. These suitcases are a pain to carry so I’ll have to drop them off.”
An idea then struck him. “I know! Why don’t you go on with Pearls??”

The little girl’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Yeah Mystic Maya! Let me go on with you! I’ve never been on a ‘roll-er-coast-terr” before!” She bounced up and down in glee at the request. Maya sadly smiled at her younger cousin.
“I’m sorry Pearly. But I’m afraid you’re too young to go on a ride like this…”
Pearl’s exuberant smile turned upside-down. “Aww…then isn’t there anything I can go on?”
“Of course! There’s a small area just for kids. I can take you there later on if you’d like.”
Pearl did her little happy dance of joy again. “Really?? Okay then!”

Maya went back to face Phoenix. “In the meantime, I guess this means you’re the only one who can go on with me Nick.”
“I told you, I have to get to the hotel…”
“But I don’t wanna go on by myself! It’s no fun!”
Phoenix sighed.
“Fine…. Then come with me to the hotel first, then I’ll think about going on.”
Cheerfulness returned to the teenager’s smile.

“Thanks so much Nick. I really appreciate it.”

That’s Maya. Always smiling. But even though she’s nineteen, she still acts like a child.

The threesome began to make their way toward the bus transport that led to the hotel.
As they waited for their bus to arrive, Maya raised her arms above her head.
“What are you doing?” Phoenix asked.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Maya replied, her nose scrunching up.
“I’m trying to stretch. Ugh my arms are killing me!”
At this moment, Phoenix took a look at what she was wearing.

Now that I think about it, I just realized, the two of them aren’t wearing their medium training clothes.

Maya was wearing a violet tank top, which was snug around her waist, along with a pair of jeweled Capri pants. She wore the same flip-flops as always though. As for Pearl, she wore a florescent pink short sleeve shirt as well as a pair of denim shorts. She too also wore the same flip-flops.
However, what caught Phoenix’s attention the most was the shirt that was snug around Maya’s waist. His cheeks became flushed as his eyes began to trail the curves of her torso.



Eh? Since….since when did she grow a pair of…ack NO!He panicked, trying to stop himself from the next part of his thought.
What the hell am I thinking?!This is Maya! Stop! STOP!

“Um…earth to Phoenix? Is your brain functioning?”
Phoenix’s thoughts were interrupted by a hand waving back and forth in front of his face.
“Oh!! What? What happened??”
“The bus is here. You said you wanted to get to the hotel remember??”

The sweat was now pouring off his forehead as he tried to maintain focus.
“What’s up with you today? You’ve been acting so delusional.” The young spirit-medium questioned him with worry in her voice.
“And Mr. Nick, you’re face is as red as a tomato.” Pearl added in.
Phoenix flinched at the comment from the tiny girl.

Argh…how could I even think about something like that?? About Maya of all people! I gotta burn that image out of my mind. Perhaps a bit of sleep at the hotel will do.

“Oh…S-sorry. “ Phoenix stuttered. ‘I..um..guess I’m not feeling too well. I think a bit of a rest will do once we get to our rooms.”

The three boarded the bus, and got into their seats. As the bus began to make its way around the park, Pearl pressed her face to the window. Her eyes lit up in awe at the size of the entire park and all of its rides and attractions. She was probably more excited than Maya at that moment.
Meanwhile Maya’s face was concealed with worry as she clenched her hand in the other.

“What’s the sad face for?” a concerned Phoenix asked.
“You’re not feeling well….it…kinda sucks.”
The blistering rays of the sun shone through the glass window, illuminating the glow in her sad eyes.
“Hey, don’t worry about me.” He let out a weak laugh and smiled.
“I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow. You and Pearls can have your fun today. I’d probably be too boring to go on rides with anyway.”
She began to twiddle her thumbs.
“But…” she countered. “I really… wanted to go with you Nick… That’s what I was really looking forward to.”

From that comment, Phoenix looked at Maya in bewilderment.

With…me? Well…I guess it’s not a lot of fun to go on a ride by yourself…

“Maya I-“ Phoenix began to speak up, but before he could, the bus had come to a halt.
The driver got up from his seat and raised his voice.

“Attention passengers. We have arrived at Gatewater Hotel. If this is your destination, please take your belongings at this moment and exit the bus. Thank you for riding with us, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”

The bus’s back door swung open as Phoenix grabbed all three of the suitcases. The three of them exited the bus and walked up to the hotel’s doors. Maya and Pearl’s eyes lit up at the sight of the extravagant hotel. Phoenix however, was the only uneasy one.


Gatewater Hotel…WHY did they have to open up one here?? And WHY did Powers have to register our names to this hotel?

As if thinking about the case three months ago was bad enough, they were staying at the hotel where the murder took place. Not this specific hotel of course, but it took place at a hotel of the same line.

“Hey Nick.”
Phoenix’s thoughts were once again interrupted by the teenage spirit-medium.
“Huh? What is it Maya?”
“You were about to say something before we stopped?”
“Oh! Yeah. I was going to say…if you want I’ll go on as many rides as you want later on.”
He looked up and found himself face to face with Maya, her eyes brimming with excitement.
“But…first I’m going to need a nap…is that okay?”
She nodded in agreement and squealed. “Yes! Oh thank you so much Nick! You’re the best!” With that, Maya playfully tackled Phoenix, causing him to drop his suitcases. She wrapped her arms around him resulting in a tight squeeze.

Phoenix was a bit startled by her embrace, as her upper body pushed into his.

She’s so….soft...
So…ACK! There I go again thinking these things! I REALLY need some sleep NOW!

Meanwhile little Pearl was watching in awe from just a few feet away. She bounced up and down excitedly at the sight of Phoenix and her cousin sharing a sweet hug.
“Ow!”
Maya pulled herself away from Phoenix just as fast as when she had just hugged him and rubbed her arm.
“What’s wrong with your arms anyway?” Phoenix asked in a concerned tone.
“Oh it’s nothing really,” she replied back. “Just the result of doing fifty push-ups a day I guess.”

“Ah okay then…..FIFTY PUSH-UPS!?”
His concerned demeanor changed into shock.
“What were you doing push-ups for??”

“Not only push-ups,” Maya began. “But crunches, jumping-jacks, weights, pilates, cardio work-outs….”
“You didn’t answer my question…”
“Oh! Well it is the summer. And I want to look good in my bathing suit when I go to the beach you know?”

Phoenix became even more shocked at that comment than the one before.

”B-BATHING SUIT? BEACH?”
“Well…yeah. Tomorrow we’re going to the beach remember? I don’t want to look bad if there are any cute guys around y’know?”

And yet, that comment was even more shocking than the last one.

“C-CUTE BOYS?! Since when did you start thinking about them???”

For as long as he’s known her, Maya had never showed one sign of interest in boys or fashion or anything else a girl of her age would be normally interested in. So of course, to Phoenix, this was a big surprise.

Maya puffed her cheeks at Phoenix, sending him a sharp glare. “Why wouldn’t I think about boys??” she said in an annoyed tone. “I’m nineteen! I would LIKE to get married and have children of my own someday too y’know!”

All of this was getting too much for Phoenix to handle.

Boys, marriage, children? He thought to himself running a hand through his spiky back hair. Is this really Maya?

Before they could continue their argument any further, Pearl cried out from inside the hotel door.
“C’mon you two! Let’s get to our room!”

“Oh right! The room!”
After letting out a deep breath of relief, Phoenix grabbed the suitcases and headed for the hotel’s front desk.

He just knew this vacation was going to get worse and worse by the second.



End of Chapter 1.

Sorry if my writing skills aren't that great XD;
So critique would be wonderful 8D

I'll continue this fic if I get enough feedback.

As for the picture, ignore the rushed crappy background please, kthnx.

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Last edited by LySs on Fri Mar 27, 2009 5:27 am, edited 14 times in total.

No need to worry about your writing skills, as this looks really good so far. I think you've given Phoenix an understandable reaction to finding out that Maya actually looks attractive...

I'll keep a watch on this one. Good work!

This was actually a very good chapter.

I'll keep looking, of course.

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It's very good ^_^ Try not to worry about your writing, just keep going and you'll get even better :3

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I have three things to say.
Number one:
Hey, odds are it's better then mine!
http://www.forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=132
Two:
Scarily, that's the exact same clothing both of them were going to wear in my next fic.
....MIND READING PLAGIARIZER!...I didn't mean that. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!! *sulks in corner*
Three:
That's HOT!
(me) Bow chicka bow wow!
Anyways, good job!

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Haha, this is nicely written. Very nicely written.

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...I love you.......

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Lyss!! Thou art wonderful. <3


Seriously now, you really made my day here. This is so well-written and believable...and totally adorable to boot. 8D

I am definitely looking forward to more. :D

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You just made my bad day really good. Please update!

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Same here...

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Characters portrayed with respectable acuteness... first time I've seen a theme park story in this genre... decent pacing.

Yeah, I'll keep an eye on this. Good job, Ms. LySs...

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Sorry for the wait on the next chapter.
I'm thinking of doing a picture for each chapter. Kinda like a light novel. Now I don't know if I'll do it in every chapter, but I'll try. Chapter two is almost finished!

Meanwhile I've added a picture to chapter 1.

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Last edited by LySs on Wed May 16, 2007 8:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nice idea. I think we have a telepathic mind link though, because I was just planning on making a poster for my fan-fic. *duh-nuh-nuh-nuh*
By the way, high five on the picture.

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That's an awesome picture you've put up there. Or to quote the average 4chan poster... Oh God Maya is Hot!!

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YOU WIN.
YOU WIN SO MUCH. Q_Q; I LOVE YOU. HAVE MY BABIES.
wait. are you a girl?
...WHO CARES. :D!

i really like how this is going so far. CX the take on LETSSTRAYAWAYFROMTEHTRADITIONALCLOTHES! is amazing. and so is that drawing. i drooled. i'm kidding, of course, but the art is wondarful! :D

i'm keeping an eye on yew~ :D

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Wow...

I liked reading this story very much! But when I scrolled down to see the picture...

The "Wow.." became "Super~Special~Awesome~Wow!" XD

And for some reason, pervy Nick adds as a plus...

Lovely Please keep going

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Definately keep going. I like it.

I may not have said anything about what I think of the whole relationship for phoeinx and maya, but I do think that / is the way to go. I love these types of stories (hey, they are much better than those creepy / stories O_o. I don't mean to offend anyone but I personally think those stories are ridiculus. I should make fun of them sometime in a comic....yeah, on topic).

So keep going, this looks very interesting. And that drawing you made of Phoenix blushing was halarious xD.

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wow... for a fanfiction, colour me impressed. this is really, really good. the only nitpick i can think of is that sometimes you use words that seem too complicated, which breaks the flow you have going with your writing.

TL;DR: KEEP GOING

Wow, I am really liking this story so far! You're pretty good, unlike me!

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Thanks for all your comments everyone! I appreciate it!

And now without further ado, I bring you Chapter 2!

I didn't really like how this chapter came out, but maybe I'll fix it later on.






“Let’s see…five-sixty-two…five-sixty-four…five-sixty-six…”
Phoenix’s eyes traveled over the numbers of every door as he, Maya and Pearl made their way down the long and fancy hallway. The walls were a golden yellow, while the floor under their feet was covered with red carpet.

Even the hallway looks the same…I’m betting the rooms will too.

“Here they are Nick!” Maya called out from the end of the hallway.
The numbers on the doors read “572” and “574”. Phoenix pulled two cardkeys out of his pocket and handed one to Maya.
“Well I guess you two will be staying in there and I’ll be in here.”
He slipped his cardkey into the key slot and turned the door handle, making his way into the room.

Phoenix flipped the light switch on. The room was rather large. Large enough to probably fit ten to fifteen people. Green wallpaper covered the walls, as a gray carpet covered the floor. Sunlight peered through the window, its frame dressed in scarlet curtains.
He walked around an open wall in the back to find the bedroom. To the left of the bedroom was the bathroom.

Yep…. I was right. This looks like the same room as Juan Corrida’s. I guess all the Gatewater hotels have the same design. Oh well…

Phoenix dropped his suitcase and climbed onto the bed, collapsing face first into the pillow. He yawned and closed his eyes.

Mmm…one thing’s for sure. These beds sure are comfy. At least I’ll finally get a chance to sleep…

His thoughts began to drift away from his mind as sweet solitude overcame him.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“WAARRGH!!!”
The unknown sound startled Phoenix, causing him to roll off his bed and onto the floor.

He sat up and rubbed his head from the impact of his fall.
“Wh-what the hell was that??”

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

“Yo Nick! Open your door will ya?!” yelled a muffled voice.

Phoenix picked himself off the floor and looked around the room to where the noise was coming from. His eyes came across a door upon the right wall of the bedroom.

“M-Maya??”

“No, it’s the Easter Bunny,” said the muffled voice in a sarcastic tone. “Who do you think?!”

“Urgh…”
In his groggy state, Phoenix walked over to the door and turned the handle. He opened the door to find the raven-haired girl standing on the other side.

She frolicked into his room with Pearl trailing behind.
“Nice room Nick! Huh?” she asked him in a cheerful manner.
Phoenix peeked into the other room and looked back.
“It’s exactly the same as yours…”

“I know, I know. But we have conjoined rooms! Isn’t that cool!?”
The spiky-haired young man rubbed the back of his neck and gave her a dry look.
“Maya…a lot of hotels have conjoined rooms. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Oh well…it’s just… since we have separate rooms, I thought it was going to be a pain to run out in the hallway to go into your room y’know?”

Phoenix winced.
“W-what? Why would you need to go into my room??”
“Hmm?” Maya looked back at him almost surprised. “Uh…. Just, to hang out? What normal friends do?”

“Oh…” Phoenix let out a deep breath of relief. “R-right. I knew that...”

“What were you worried about Mr. Nick?” little Pearl asked, skeptical.
“Urk!”

What AM I worried about? This is ridiculous already!

Phoenix could almost feel the sweat trickling down the back of his neck.
However it wasn’t from the heat. The air conditioning in the room was at full blast.

“Oh. It’s uh…nothing! Really!” He fumbled. “I-I’m just thinking into things too much. Especially in a room like this…”


Pearl looked up at Phoenix with a blank stare at his last comment. There were times Phoenix wondered whether or not if this little girl was able to see deep into his innermost thoughts. She then turned away to look down at her feet.
“I…I understand…” she replied softly.

She probably remembers the incident as clear as I do. Considering she was there with me.

Maya was too busy looking around the room.
“This room’s so huge though…. Why couldn’t Powers just book one room with separate beds?” she pondered.

Phoenix sat himself down on the bed and ran a hand across his face.

Oh jeeze… maybe because of PRIVACY? Hellooo! Ugh...I’m not even going to answer her back…

Pearl climbed herself up onto Phoenix’s bed. “Yeah Mr. Nick!” She clenched her hands into fists and if she was about to start a fight. “It’s not right that you two got separate rooms! Couples are supposed to be together!”

Phoenix jerked, as if he was struck by lightning. “C-Couple!??”
“Pearly!” Maya exclaimed angrily. “How many time to I have to tell you? WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!!” Pearl winced and hid behind Phoenix as if he was a shield.
“B-but…Oh…” She whimpered, clinging onto the back of his shirt.

As Phoenix glanced at the little girl cowering behind him, he shook his head and looked back up at Maya. “Anyways…” he started. “Besides commenting on my room, is there anything else of importance you’d like to speak to me about?”

“Oh...,” Maya hesitated.
“Oh yeah! Pearly and I are gonna head down to the park for a bit. Since you want to rest for a while I figured I might as well take her to the children’s area in the meantime. So, I’ll come back in about…an hour?”

Phoenix glanced at the digital clock resting upon the night table. It read 10:07 A.M.
“Hmm…come back at around two-o-clock?”
“Nick!” Maya steamed. “That’s way too long! You promised…” She stuck out her bottom lip and stared down at the floor.

Though weary-eyed, Phoenix stared up at the dark-haired girl with sympathy in mind.
He clenched his knee and shook his head.
“Alright…is eleven-thirty good instead?” He looked up and found himself eye-to-eye with Maya. Her eyes brimmed with excitement.
“Eleven-thirty is A-OK to me Nick!” Her exuberant smile returned, illuminating the room. “Alrighty Pearl! Let’s get going!” She gestured toward the door.

Pearl looked up at Phoenix, eyes filled with concern. He laughed and lightly patted her head. “Don’t worry about me. I’m just taking a short nap. I’ll keep my word and hang out with you two the rest of the day, okay?”
The little girl’s frown turned into a smile. “Alright,” she mumbled.
With that, Pearl hopped off the bed and followed Maya who was heading toward the door. Maya placed her hand on the handle and looked back at Phoenix one last time. “Remember,” she said. “Eleven-thirty!”
Phoenix smiled back at the cheerful Maya as she began to shut the door. “Eleven-thirty. No problem.” He winked and gave her a thumbs-up.

With the sound of a “KILK!”, Maya closed the door behind her. Phoenix then fell backwards onto the bed, his head falling back onto the pillows. He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, letting out a great sigh of relief.

Finally…Sweet solitude…

His mind drifted away from reality and escaped into the world of dreams.
The outlines of a figure appeared from nowhere. They began to dance and formed into that of a female shape.

She was slender yet still curvy. With each step she took her hips shifted slightly from side to side with seemingly effortless movement.
Raven hair glistening in the mysterious light that shined upon her presence.
She then stopped and began to turn around slowly.

Her dark eyes: shining brighter than the setting sun.
Her smile: refreshing like a breeze passing through a warm afternoon.

Her name: Maya.

Phoenix’s eyes flung open as he jolted himself up from the bed. He broke out into a sweat, gasping for air.

I can’t believe this! His thought exclaimed. I can’t escape that image even in my dreams!!




“Mystic Maya! Mystic Maya! Can we go on that one!?”
Pearl pointed at the large colorful carousel that was located in the center of the children’s park.
Maya smiled back at her young cousin. “Sure thing Pearly!”

As they waited in line, Pearl watched as the carousel began to move.
“Are those real horses?” She asked. “Wouldn’t those poles hurt them being stuck in their backs like that?" She then gasped. "Oh! Those poor horses!”
Maya laughed. “Oh no, no! They’re not real horses. Just fake ones made out of plastic for the carousel.”
“’Care-row-sell’?”
“Yeah, ‘carousel’. That’s what this ride is called.”
“Ohh…I see.”

After a while, the ride finally came to a halt. The people hopped off the horses they were riding on and headed for the exit. The entrance swung open as the people waiting on line hurried onto the carousel.
Maya hoisted Pearl onto one of the horses and helped snap in her belt straps. She then climbed onto one of the horses herself. As the ride began to start, Pearl watched in awe as the crowd shifted from several faces into a blur, the whimsical melody filling her ears. She then looked back at Maya who was staring into the sky in a sort of daze.



“Mystic Maya, is something wrong?”
“Oh.” The sound of Pearl’s tiny voice alerted her. “I’m fine.”
“For a moment there…” the small girl’s expression turned into that of concern. “…You looked like you were sad.”

Maya’s eyes turned pensive and narrowed down to the floor beneath her hanging feet.
“It’s just…I don’t think Nick is enjoying our vacation.”
“Don’t say that!” Pearl exclaimed. “I’m sure Mr. Nick is going to have lots of fun! Just you wait! H-he’s just tired that’s all!”

Silence overcame the two. After a while, the ride began to slow down. The horses that bobbed in their places slowly came to a halt. Maya then hopped off of her horse and approached Pearl.

“I sure hope you’re right Pearly.”




Hmm...no picture this time. That'll probably come up sometime later.

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Last edited by LySs on Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:03 am, edited 4 times in total.

Nick needs his alone time.

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Sigh.

Anyway, not going to get into that here, that's off topic. Though you sometimes have trouble with the execution (noticed some tense changes, you could stand to go more into description of actions and surroundings, a bit more description in general wouldn't hurt, and there's usually no reason to use multiple punctuation marks :P) the characters are... well, in-character. The ideas seem fairly sound, and overall I enjoyed it. Especially the BEAUTIFUL art.

Though not the biggest fan of this pairing, I'll look forward to Chapter Two and what comes next! Certainly has potential (and if you ever want specific help on the writing, I'm always available).

Edit: And here it is >.>

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Yay, chapter two!! <3

I really, really liked it. Adriana yearns for moar!~

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Thanks everyone for your comments

@CFTF
Wow, a comment from the master of awesome fanfiction himself. I'm honored.
Thank you for your critique. Hehe...yeah I can be very impatient at times which is why I have a habit to just getting to the character interaction than going in-depth with the surroundings. Argh! Bad LySs! *thwaps self*

But anyways, I'll try to remember those tips in the future.

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Just take your time. There's no need to rush. You don't need to be freakin' JRR Tolkien here, but a little more description of actions and surroundings would really help flesh your world out.

I'd be happy to take a look at anything you're having trouble with if you'd like.

And thanks for your kind words

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I really enjoy the way you write, I like how we can see more of Phoenix's thoughts instead of an occasional sarcastic inner monolouge (which you put in, AWSOME!) I'm having problems finding a flaw in your writing, (don't worry, I'll find one eventually!) and I look forward to Chapter 3!

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i don't know, personally i prefer my description minimal. gives a bit of pace to the story, doesn't bog it down to much, gives a bit of head to the reader's imagination so as not to tie it down.

it's really up to you, LySs. constructive criticism and other opinions will only get you so far- do what you think sounds good, stick to your own style- which is rather good, i might add.

TL;DR KEEP IT COMING

...It's beautiful...and one of the few Nick/Maya fics I've found worth writing home about all over the internet! *Claps* You, my friend, are a genious. *Stares at art* ...I can understand Nick right now...

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Nice. The next chapter is finally in. Love the story, though I kinda agree with CFTF. It's ok. I kinda have the same problem...

Here's a tip: If a fanfic demi-god like CFTF (Gods are reserved to those who get their fanfics published like the HALO books) give you advice, listen.

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Excellent work so far. I can't wait for the next chapter to be up. I'm a huge supporter of Phoenix/Maya and I'm highly addicted to the Phoenix Wright series. I can't wait until the next chapter is up. Keep up the great work!

And your drawing is excellent!

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Last edited by Thorn on Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

What you have so far is great! The pace is good and the dialouge really fits the characters! ^__^
I can't wait for more! It's so cute! <3 Thanks for sharing!

Very good read. I look forward to seeing more of this.

This is excellent, I can't wait to see more!

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When are you going to post the next chapter?! I'm going to die of insomnia if you don't hurry and post it...oh yes, i forgot....please.

This has got to be my favorite fan fiction ever. Really. I can't wait for the next chapter!

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You did a great job with this.. I don't have anything meaningful to say besides how much I loved reading this. Keep up the good work!!

FTW!

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I love this story! Sooo cute! Keep up the great work but don't rush yourself!

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OMG!!!(ok,I say sorry before posting,for my bad English,I'm yet another stupid german)
Your fic is the best i've ever read!!!

Can't wait for a new Chapter!Please post a new chapter!I luv Phoenix/Maya stories!

EDIT:Oh,i forgot,i'ts my first Post!Congrats,the great Honor of a first post goes to... LySs!

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