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Pursuit, A Mystery Starring Ema skyeTopic%20Title
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OBJECTION......and....stuff

Gender: Male

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 9:13 am

Posts: 36

Title: Pursuit
Author: Jushiro
Rating: PG 13
Genre: Thriller/Mystery/Romance
Status: In progress
Pairing: Nick/Maya Nick/Ema
Summary:Ema Skye has uncovered that the cadaverini family is controlling the largest bank in japan. When the police refuse to stop the Cadaverini's believing it to be to dangerous Ema goes in by herself with help from Phoenix. Soon enough Ema becomes infatuated with phoenix interfering with what they've set out to do.

I have been lazy and not done anything about this for...... almost a year soooo I have decided to relaunch it.

---------------------------------------------
Prologue

Phoenix walked along the seaside in yamashita park, Yokohama. The cold winter weather bit at him in the dark of the night. Sea water blew up into his face. He was tired.

He was walking toward the nearby italian restaurant for his dinner date with maya at 9:00. She had told him to go early and get a booth seat. He glanced at his watch. The green numbers read 8:47. He sighed as he hurried his walk.

Suddenly something shiny caught phoenix's eye. That something just happened to be in the water. Phoenix walked slowly to the railing separating him from the harbor. Then he saw it. It was a body. Decayed and beaten, cuts and gun holes all over the body. It was a male wearing a suit, or what was left of one. The corpse wore a rolex. That was what was shining.

Trembling, Phoenix pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed a number. "Ema... I found a body..."
-----------------
Chapter 1

Detective Ema Skye lay in bed, sprawled out under her blanket. She was deep in her sleep. She slept a peaceful dreamless sleep. She deserved it, last night had left her exhausted. The bedroom of her apartment was fairly tidy. The shelves were packed full of hundreds and hundreds of books on every kind of science. In her bedside table she had a stash of romance novels for reading before bed. The bed itself was a queen size. She needed one, during her sleep she moved a whole heck of a lot.

Out of nowhere her alarm went off, the horrible annoying sound broke the tranquil silence of her bedroom. Her eyes flew open as she let out a devastating groan. "Work..." Ema moaned.

She drowsily got out of bed, stumbled to her closet and shrugged out of her baggy, size to big pajamas. Stretched, picked out her usual set of clothing, and got to changing.

Over a breakfast of bacon, and eggs (and no she's not that crazy about snackoos to eat them at breakfast) she thought about last night. The body was a John Doe, The clothing was of top quality and pretty expensive, at least ¥90,000 (about $900). The body must have been rotting for at least 6 months. "Well the report will be on my computer when I get to work." Ema thought to herself.


30 minutes of Tokyo rush hour traffic/2 bags of snackoos latter she was finally at work. The japanese police headquarters. When she was finally at her desk she printed off the report on our unknown body, which turned out to be Mr. Tokuzawa. The previous owner of JBank who went missing 8 months ago. JBank is the largest bank in all of japan. Her assignment was also there. Go do some recon on JBank.

"Hmmm, I better call Mr. Wright he'll love this!" Ema thought aloud to herself.

----------
That's all for now will get back later... hopefully.

Feedback appreciated, thnx!
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THANX Delsy
Re: Pursuit, A Mystery Starring Ema skyeTopic%20Title
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Lurking somewhere around

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Rank: Suspect

Joined: Sun Apr 18, 2010 5:17 am

Posts: 14

Looks like an interesting plot, if a little short. Then again, it's just the starting, so it's okay, I guess. If this is going to be multi-chapter, put it in spoiler tags? Easier to scroll
Re: Pursuit, A Mystery Starring Ema skyeTopic%20Title
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(Sp)ace Detective

Gender: Male

Rank: Decisive Witness

Joined: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:36 pm

Posts: 182

Spoiler: Style feedback
One: Capitalize the first letter of every proper noun. It's rather jarring when someone messes this up.
Two: The narrative doesn't flow as smoothly as it could. Quite a few of the very-short sentences could be joined together, and several of the descriptions should be merged into the narrative of the character's actions. Show, don't tell, as they say.

Plot seems interesting enough at first glance, though the decision to place it in Japan seems a bit on the odd side. Keep working at it and it should turn out well.
Read my fic(s)!
Friedrich Nietzsche wrote:
We have no dreams at all or interesting ones. We should learn to be awake the same way — not at all or in an interesting manner.
Re: Pursuit, A Mystery Starring Ema skyeTopic%20Title

Gender: Female

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 6:31 am

Posts: 333

It's interesting! I love mysteries. Especially murder mysteries.
I agree with KingRaptor and Carlis. Chapters are a bit short, and there are some places where you haven't capitalized eg Yamashita Park and Maya.
But I still like this. :redd: Good luck with next chapters!
Re: Pursuit, A Mystery Starring Ema skyeTopic%20Title
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OBJECTION......and....stuff

Gender: Male

Rank: Suspect

Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 9:13 am

Posts: 36

I have 2 very good reasons for putting it in Japan. :phoenix:

Firstly it was originally based in japan

Second I live in japan so I know the area. :redd:

Yea so next chapter up soon... hopefully :sadshoe:
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THANX Delsy
Re: Pursuit, A Mystery Starring Ema skyeTopic%20Title

Gender: Female

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 6:31 am

Posts: 333

Good luck with the new chapter! I like this so far... it's interesting. And I like Ema :godot: She's a nice character.
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