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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Great Revival

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A girl named Jessica who is also a cat girl?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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The (parody?) Mary Sue main character of one of the fics that got sporked in the original thread.

Maybe it's up for a re-sporking since the original was lost~
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Was she the one who appeared in court by making her desk explode, then slamming it? I don't remember much of the fic, but I still got the fanart someone made of it in my AA folder. ^^
Good times.

*Just checked the image links on the first page and, yes, it was her. :D
This is the image of that scene: http://s840.photobucket.com/user/RayofH ... 1298423530
I wish I remembered who drew it. Was it Asa Turney? I know she drew most fanart for us.

Last edited by Pessimistic_Fool on Thu Sep 24, 2015 2:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Quote:
And then all of a sudden the persecutors desk exploded and nekojessica appeared at the desk!!!

Yep.
That's the one.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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That image... :gymshoe:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Hm...Since this sporking is not only gone but fairly old, do you think it would be suitable to have Athena and/or other new members of the sporkers sit through this fic?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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From what I know of it so far, it'd be fun to read.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Well, I was thinking about resporking it myself. So yeah, probably a handful of newer sporkers, plus Phoenix (since I'm 90% sure he was in the original sporking).
Or maybe not Phoenix. Dunno. I don't plan on sporking it right this instant, because I am currently sporking something else* entirely.

*Not for this thread
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Not for this thread? Why have you betrayed us? *crying*
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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It's not Ace Attorney. Although sometimes I do do Ace Attorney fanfics on my spork blog instead of here. But that's mostly because FETISHES
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Yes...I know about that...
*Has Stiff Flashbacks*
Heh, it's funny because stiff flashbacks.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I was actually referring to this Homestuck crossover fic I sporked that revolved entirely around a urine fetish. It was weird.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Sounds nice. :yogi:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Hiya, thread. Miss me?

This post would have gone on way too long had I gone with tackling two chapters at a time... so I present to you a cleaner edited version of my original draft.


Featured fic: The Hellspawn

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
For something that’s so aptly named, this fic started off pretty innocuous until the third chapter. From there, the author simply gave up on all story coherence and common sense. What a pity.

Cast: :trucy: :edgeworth: :kay: Image

----------------------------------------

[When our sporkers arrive in the theater today, they notice something rather out of place… literally. For some odd reason, the usual ominous, looming figure of the teleporter has vanished, and where it once stood is now a portable device sitting on a stand in a glass case guarded by red lasers.]

Kay: Holy mackerel, Nightwing! What the heck is that?

Ray: Whatever it is, it sure looks important… What do you think, Kay?

Kay: Hmm… well, until I know what it is, I’m not stealing it.

[Oh, and it seems our Management is busy on the phone.]

Speakers: …Don’t you argue with me! I’m telling you to trash it! …No, I’m not paying for it! You’re the one in charge of disposing the junk! Get to your job! Or must I transfer you yet again?

Trucy: Sure sounds busy, alright.

Edgeworth: …

Speakers: Hmm? Oh, dear, you didn’t need to hear that. Welcome to the Sporking Theater! As you can see, we’ve invited a new guest.

Ray: Pleasure being here! I’ve heard a few things about this place from Miles already…

Speakers: Now that’s impressive. Even after hearing whatever complaints that man would have of this theater, you’re still interested?

Edgeworth: …Unfortunately, yes. The more I explained, the more excited this man became.

Ray: Aw, don’t be like that, Miles! Watching movies for free can’t be all that bad!

Edgeworth: That’s what we all said when we first started out…

Kay: But then they only got worse and worse until they got better!

Edgeworth: …That wasn’t what I was going to say, Kay.

Kay: Oh, you’ve gotta admit that some of these fics are hilarious!

Edgeworth: No, I do not.

Ray: So, who’s this little lady joining us?

Trucy: My name’s Trucy, master magician!

Edgeworth: And Wright’s daughter.

Trucy: And co-manager of the Wright Anything Agency! All non-legal cases first go through me and Athena!

Kay: Wait, what about Apollo?

Trucy: He and Daddy are on temporary leave in another country. Athena’s substituting.

Kay: Oh, wow! I smell an upcoming game promotion!

Speakers: No, not now. Now that everyone’s well acquainted… ladies and gentlemen, your show is ready to begin.

[And without another word uttered, the sporkers are teleported into their seats.]

Spoiler:
Kay: But… GS6 hype.

Speakers: There is a time and a place, Kay Faraday.

Quote:
The Hellspawn
whattheheck

Kay: What the heck is with that name?

Trucy: The title or the author?

Kay: Both.

Ray: Well… from what I can tell, the author likes a confused name and likes writing about spawns from hell.

Edgeworth: Two of the most grossly available traits to fanfic writers everywhere.

Kay: …You just made a pun with “gross”, didn’t you?

Edgeworth: …No.

Quote:
Summary:

A new threat is hovering upon Japanifornia, coming directly from the depths of hell, but our heroes are too busy with their own personal lives to fight it. Will they react in time, or will they all perish?

Ray: Wow! It’s getting intense right from the start!

Kay: Death will rain from the heavens!

Trucy: People will be wrought with plague and malice!

Ray: And only a choice few will survive to live to tell the tale…

Edgeworth: …And they’re sitting here in this theater.

All else: …

Kay: That was actually pretty good.

Trucy: Nice job, Mr. Edgeworth!

Ray: *claps*

Edgeworth: … *adjusts glasses*

[And for the sake of time and convenience, we’re skipping the first chapter.]

All: Huh?

Kay: What!? Why?

Trucy: Are you saying… it was actually unsuitable for sporking somehow?

Ray: So, does that mean it’s good?

Edgeworth: Nothing is beyond them. What are they doing?

Speakers: The only reason we’re skipping it is because it’s boring and tedious to get through. The later chapters are where the fun is.

Trucy: Oh. That makes sense.

Kay: So what happens in Chapter 1 anyway?

[Three former convicts escape from prison in the middle of the night, but one of them is killed as they flee. Another kicks the third into a wall or something and flees, while the third is arrested by a passing officer.]

Ray: Hmm… sounds like your classic jailbreak plot. Who was the lucky criminal?

[A man named Redd White.]

Edgeworth: …So, it’s that kind of story, is it?

Kay: Someone you know?

Edgeworth: A corrupt company CEO charged with blackmail on multiple accounts and a murder of Wright’s mentor. I doubt he’d have the resources to manage an escape after his company and its assets were all dissolved.

Trucy: *gasp* So, THAT’s the bad man who hurt Lady Mia! Unforgivable!

Kay: Lady Mia?

Trucy: Mia Fey, Daddy’s amazing mentor and former boss. She was the one who introduced Charley to the office!

Kay: Charley!? Wow! She sure sounds amazing!

Edgeworth: (…For buying a potted plant?)

Ray: Well! For your buddy Wright to be taught by the legendary Mia Fey! No wonder you took your first loss to him!

Edgeworth: …They were exceptional circumstances.

Trucy: There are always exceptional circumstances with him, though.

Edgeworth: True… more unfortunately than fortunately, that is.

Quote:
Chapter 2: Apollo

Trucy: Oh, hey! It’s a chapter about Apollo!

Kay: Or maybe it’s a chapter from his view?

Trucy: Maybe… but we all know Daddy and I will be the stars of this chapter!

Quote:
"And henceforth, with both parts' agreement, the two law offices will fuse to create the WrightWorth Anything Agency."

Edgeworth: *pops a nerve* “WrightWorth”…?

Ray: …Are we talking about the law office I’m thinking of?

Trucy: What the heck! The Wright Anything Agency doesn’t need to merge with anyone!

Kay: And nor do the Edgeworth Law Offices!

Trucy: Huh? “Edgeworth”? Mr. Edgeworth, I thought you were a prosecutor.

Edgeworth: It’s the name of my father’s firm. It’s now under Mr. Shields’s ownership, but he retained the name.

Trucy: Oh, cool! Maybe we should pay it a visit sometime!

Ray: Oh, that’d be great! We always welcome lovely young ladies!

Edgeworth: …

Ray: Don’t be like that, Miles. You know what I meant.

Edgeworth: I didn’t doubt it for a second, Mr. Shields.

Quote:
Brushel explained and signed the papers on the table. He wasn't the most pleasant company one could find, but he sure had come in handy to certify the merge. Everything had gone quite fast since the Chief Prosecutor suggested it. According to him, it was just logic that the attorneys who fight for the truth should work together.

Trucy: Huh? Mr. Edgeworth, what are you doing!?

Kay: Yeah, Mr. Edgeworth! Prosecutors and defense attorneys mind their own businesses!

Edgeworth: Girls, please don’t treat that ill representative of me the same as me.

Kay: But it gets tiring saying “fic-you” all the time. And in case someone mispronounces it, it might end up awkward…

Edgeworth: Pick whatever name you want for that character, but don’t pit him with me. That’s final.

Girls: Fine…

Quote:
However, Apollo wasn't so sure. But what pissed him off the most was the name.

Trucy: Really, Aploplo?

Kay: Aploplo?

Trucy: Mr. Edgeworth told us to pick new names, right? Aploplo works!

Kay: Hmm… I guess, but I would have gone for “Demon Spikes”.

Trucy: Huh, not too shabby. Or how about “Chords of Hell”?

Kay: Oh, upping the ante, are we? Well, how about “Reddictive”?

Edgeworth: I’m going to stop this conversation before we trail any longer. Let’s move on.

Girls: Aw…

Quote:
Trucy kept saying that they should keep the Anything Agency thing since it was for both lawyers and magicians, but Apollo thought that was the stupidest thing ever.

Trucy: Hey! You work there, Reddictive!

Quote:
Or rather, he used to think that before Athena suggested 'WrightWorth'. But Mr. Wright had accepted it because he didn't want the girls to pester him for the rest of his life. He couldn't really blame him.

Trucy: Huh? So fic-Athena picked it? Eh, it’s not really my style…

Kay: Yeah, we just came up with a bunch of better names for fic-Apollo that “WrightWorth” just sounds boring.

Edgeworth: You wait until now to finally comment on the name?

Trucy: Well, we had to first get a taste of better taste!

Quote:
After Brushel and Mr. Wright signed, it was the turn for Raymond Shields, the CEO and only member of the Edgeworth Law Offices. When they suggested the name to him, he just laughed. Everything was a joke to that man, apparently. Just the perfect complement for the natural professionalism of the agency.

Ray: Huh, so I do make an appearance… Well, I can’t say I’m a fan of the name either, but at least it could be worse.

Trucy: Yeah, at least it’s not the “Bluebird & Frills Law Joint” or something.

Edgeworth: Objection. If you’re going to pick an awful name, then don’t bring up my aesthetic sense into it.

Kay: Aw, but it’s just honoring your aesthetic sense, Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: Not with that name.

Quote:
The no longer Wright Anything Agency was overcrowded today.

Trucy: This line makes me a little sad.

Quote:
Aside from Brushel, Shields and the usual fauna of the agency,

Trucy: And this one makes me mad! Who are you calling “animals”!?

Kay: Thinking about it, “Reddictive” sounds like the name of a race horse or something.

Ray: Ahah! Now that’s a joke I can get behind!

Edgeworth: Are we really bringing in horses now? What’s next, talking plants?

Trucy: Well, we can all pretend Charley speaks.

Edgeworth: …Good luck with that.

Quote:
Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth and Detective Gumshoe were also there, but they were waiting for the deal to be finished. When Spark Brushel got up and left, Edgeworth finally spoke.

"I think it's time to discuss the matters that bring me here, Wright."

"Go ahead, Edgeworth." Mr. Wright replied.

"We're trying to find a way to rehabilitate criminals faster and so make prisons less overcrowded. We have the hypothesis that the rehabilitation process will go better if the inmates are working normally instead of imprisoned. We've selected five prisoners to test this method and two of them happen to be lawyers, so we've thought that they should work for you."

Edgeworth: However, inmates are already being put to work as community service during their rehabilitation, making this entire “hypothesis” moot.

Trucy: And don’t send those people our way! We’re the ones that got them in there in the first place! It’s a terrible design!

Kay: Even scarier is that one of them actually escaped in the last chapter.

Trucy: Yeah… I get the feeling everyone’s gonna be in trouble even before this “hellspawn” even comes.

Ray: Hmm… but what if that trouble IS the metaphorical “hellspawn”?

Trucy: …Well, it’s a situation right out of hell, I’ll give you that.

Quote:
"I'm not sure if I like the idea of working with criminals."

"This is a direct order from the government. You can't refuse." Edgeworth informed.

Edgeworth: What.

Kay: Wow, so it WASN’T Mr. Ficworth who came up with it?

Edgeworth: …

Kay: What?

Edgeworth: Nonetheless, that doesn’t save him from the idiocy of merging two independently successful law offices.

All else: True.

Quote:
"Gumshoe, let them in." Gumshoe tried to obey, but he tripped and fell. "Get up, Detective. If you're not even able of standing, I think we're paying you too much."

Kay: Ouch, poor Gummy. Mr. Ficworth’s such a jerk!

Trucy: How did he trip? Our floors are totally even!

Ray: Yeesh. I’d think a vacation for him would be in order if he’s been overworked that much.

Edgeworth: …Actually, it may just be the author’s idea of how stupid he could make him.

Kay: …This “whattheheck” guy sure lives up to his/her name.

Quote:
Someone opened the door from outside and it hit Gumsho in the head.

Kay: Geez, what’s this author got against Gummy?

Quote:
Then two men entered. The first one was some Latin guy with a weird mask and he certainly wasn't an everyday sight. But the real shock was the other one: Kristoph Gavin.

Trucy: *gasp*

Edgeworth: *grunt*

Ray: …

Kay: …?

Quote:
"Good afternoon, everybody." He greeted.

"Speak for you." The other man replied, sipping some coffee. "It won't be a pleasure working for you, Trite."

Kay: Hey, isn’t this that… uh… the coffee maniac that could shoot lasers from his eyes?

Edgeworth: …His name is Godot, and no, he cannot.

Ray: Godot? Like from the play?

Edgeworth: Possibly. You may know him better by his real name: Diego Armando.

Ray: Hmm… yeah, it sure rings a bell or two. He was the one who ended up in a poisoning case, wasn’t he?

Trucy: What!? What happened to him?

Ray: He survived, fortunately, but I never heard from him since.

Edgeworth: (Yes, since he changed his identity and was shortly arrested for murder… but that’s for another time.)

Quote:
"As nice as ever, I see." Mr. Wright replied. "Well, if we're going to work together, I guess I should introduce them. For those who don't know him, this blond man is Kristoph Gavin."

"As in the prosecutor?" Athena asked.

"Yes." Mr. Gavin shook his head. "Regrettably, that brainless pile of feces is my very dear brother."

Trucy: Hey! At least he’s not in prison like you!

Kay: You mean he “was”.

Trucy: …The real guy still is, at least.

Quote:
"And he's Godot." Mr. Wright continued.

"I guess that's all, then." Edgeworth said.

Edgeworth: I beg to differ.

Ray: We all do, Miles.

Quote:
"It's not all, pal!" Gumshoe got up. "This isn't what I'm here for. I just met Mr. Edgeworth at the entrance of the building."

"Then what do you want?" Godot threw his coffee mug at him.

Kay: Stop it already! It’s not funny anymore!

Trucy: Wouldn’t that technically count as an assault?

Edgeworth: Normally, yes, but this is a man who gets away with a lot of things in court…

Trucy: But he’s not IN court right now. He’s in my and Daddy’s office!

Edgeworth: …I suppose the detective could technically file a claim, but he’s the kind to take abuse, rather than return fire.

Kay: It’s ’cause Gummy’s such a sweetheart.

Edgeworth: …Perhaps.

Quote:
"The suspect for the murder of Lance Amano had requested your defense, Mr. Wright."

Kay: Huh? Hey, that name sounds familiar…

Edgeworth: It should. He was from the case at Gatewater Land, where we met after seven years.

Kay: Oh, yeah! That pretty-boy who turned out to be a total crook and even framed his girlfriend for murder! So he got his comeuppance, huh?

[Actually, according to the previous chapter, he was murdered out of nowhere by two evil clergy-like people.]

Kay: What!? The Evil Clergymen are real!?

Trucy: Whoa, so this story is taking a dive into cultism too! That explains a lot about the title!

Ray: Yeah… it might have helped that we saw the first chapter too.

Edgeworth: If even the Management was bored out of their minds reading through it, I think a cut summary is enough, honestly.

Speakers: For once, we completely agree on something, Miles Edgeworth! Who woulda thunk?

Edgeworth: …*sigh* (I really have been spending too much time in here…)

Quote:
"We could take that case together, Phoenix." Mr. Gavin suggested. "You know, just you and me, like in the old times."

"It might not be a bad idea trying to be friends again." Mr. Wright agreed.

Trucy: What!? …but even while they were friends, they never worked together on a case.

Kay: Wait, they were FRIENDS?

Trucy: That was before Mr. Gavin was revealed to be a big jerk.

Kay: Touché.

Quote:
"But Daddy!" Trucy complained. "What about Uncle Valant's trial?"

Trucy: Yeah, fic-me! …Wait, what’s Uncle Valant on trial for? I thought he turned himself in that time…

Ray: Maybe it’s a different case?

Trucy: …Poor Uncle Valant.

Quote:
"I'm sure Athena can handle it. And Mr. Shields can support her with his experience."

"Count on that, Thena-pie." Shields said.

Edgeworth: (And now she actually shows on-screen. Odd choice of direction…)

Ray: Oh? And who might this young beauty be?

Trucy: That’s Athena, the newest recruit at the Wright Anything Agency! Well, technically she’s a lawyer like Apollo, but at least she’s a lot more willing to help with non-legal stuff.

Kay: By now, she might as well just replace him as your assistant!

Trucy: Hmm… not a bad idea! And then we’ll get to pick on Apollo since he’s been demoted.

Kay: Ooh, can I join?

Trucy: Sure!

Ray: Ah, kids… normally, you would never see a law firm so filled with joy.

Edgeworth: …I’m sure there’s usually a good reason for that.

Quote:
"And what about me?" Apollo asked.

"You and Godot can stay here and keep an eye on Trucy." Mr. Wright ordered.

Trucy: That’s what you get for being uncooperative.

Kay: Sounds like Reddictive needs a little red-demption!

Edgeworth: *grumble*…

Quote:
"Then it's decided!" Gumshoe turned around and crashed into the door. "Didn't you open it? Why it's closed again?" He muttered. Then he kicked the door to open it and got out. Edgeworth, Mr. Gavin and Mr. Wright followed him.

Trucy: Our poor door…

Kay: It’s okay, Trucy. Since it’s the government’s fault for this stupid plan, they should be the ones to pay for it!

Edgeworth: Things don’t work like that, Kay.

Kay: But that’s how they SHOULD!

Edgeworth: No, they shouldn’t either.

Ray: The detective sure wouldn’t like a chunk of his pay gone to a door that slammed into him several times. Poor guy.

Edgeworth: Yes, well… It’s still his fault.

Quote:
"We should go to talk with our client." Athena said, and Shields followed her out.

"This door is broken." He commented after trying unsuccessfully to close it. "You should call someone to fix it."

Edgeworth: Perhaps the good detective could try to fix it himself.

Kay: Huh? Gummy can fix doors!?

Edgeworth: He never asks for a repairman, so I’m led to believe he fixes his own himself.

Ray: …Yeesh, maybe you ought to raise the poor guy’s salary some time.

Edgeworth: Maybe… (If and when he’s actually acting competently.)

Quote:
"And once again, I'm the loser who has to play guard and babysitter." Apollo complained

"Don't say that, Polly." Trucy smiled. "Now you can help me out with my magic tricks!"

"Fine."

Trucy: ’Cause everyone likes helping me with my magic tricks! I always get so many fans that Daddy usually has to filter out the crowd.

Kay: He filters them? How?

Trucy: Well, he asks them for IDs and such and only lets them in one at a time during autographs.

Edgeworth: That seems reasonable.

Trucy: Yeah, but then I wonder what’s the point when he himself goes around flaunting how wonderful his daughter is.

All else: …

Edgeworth: That does sound like him.

Ray: To be fair, I’d be super-doting too if I had such a brilliant kid.

Kay: Yeah, who wouldn’t?

Trucy: Aw, thanks, guys. :sillytrucy:

Quote:
"Even the little girl bosses you around, Polly?" Godot asked.

"Don't call me that."

"Why she can call you that but I can't?"

"She can't either!"

"You know that's not true, Polly." Trucy pointed.

"If a little girl can do it, then so can I." Godot slurped some coffee. "That's one of my rules."

Trucy: Um… So why would Mr. Godot even bother calling Polly by that name?

Kay: It sounds cuter than “Apollo”.

Trucy: Yeah, but it’s not his style. He keeps calling Daddy “Trite” for some reason.

Ray: “Trite”? I always got the picture that he was one of the craziest bluffers out there.

Trucy: Yeah, he does have that kind of legacy, huh?

Edgeworth: (…I suppose if Wright isn’t interested in telling her, I should probably keep quiet.)

Quote:
After that, Trucy spent three hours trying to impress Godot with her magic tricks, and that proved to be a extremely difficult task. When she pulled out a coffee mug out of her magic panties, he said that anyone could do that and proceeded to finish his cup and start a different one.

Trucy: Oh, come on! Everyone loves the Magic Panties!

Ray: Uh… “Magic Panties”?

Trucy: Oh, you want to see them, Mr. Shields? Here! *whips out a pair*

Ray: W-whoa there! I think I’m getting a little too old for this sort of thing!

Trucy: What sort of thing?

Ray: …Er, i-it’s nothing. What were you gonna show me?

Trucy: Just a specialty of mine. You see, everything that goes into these panties vanish without a trace!

Ray: Without a trace? Wow! That, I wouldn’t mind seeing!

Trucy: Sure! If you have anything you want tossed, I can get rid of it for you!

Kay: Ooh! How about this? *presents prosecutor’s badge*

Edgeworth: W-what!? Kay! When did you… never mind. Give it back! I still need it!

Kay: Relax, Mr. Edgeworth! It wasn’t really going to disappear into the ether!

Edgeworth: That’s beside the point…

Quote:
She was doing her shtick with Mr. Hat when a woman entered without knocking at the door. At first they didn't notice her, so she cleared her throat to capture their attention.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Mr. Apollo Justice." She said.

Trucy: Ooh! What’s this? A new client?

Quote:
"That'd be me." Apollo explained. "What's the matter?"

"My name is Lana Skye. You're a friend of my sister Ema, right?"

"We were both drunk!" Apollo shouted. "And it was just a kiss, I swear."

All: …

Kay: What?

Trucy: Apollo and Detective Skye…? *shudder* Poor Polly. He’d suffer through so many Snackoos.

Ray: Snackoos?

Trucy: That snack she’s always munching on. She likes tossing them at people she doesn’t like.

Ray: Oh, yeow.

Kay: It’s weird ’cause I don’t remember her being nearly as cranky as she does whenever I see her here…

Edgeworth: …Time does tend to change people, for better or worse.

Kay: Hmm… I guess besides you, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: What’s that supposed to mean?

Kay: Oh, I don’t mean it like that! You’re perfect just being you!

Edgeworth: …?

Quote:
"What?" Lana seemed confused. "I'm just here to request your help to find my sister. She's missing."

"Ema is missing!? Then count on me!"

Kay, Trucy: *gasp*

Kay: What happened to poor Ema!?

Trucy: S-she couldn’t have been ’napped somehow, right? She’s a detective! They’re made tough!

Kay: Not to mention all those snackoos they’d have to get through before they can even nab her!

Trucy: Those are some truly dangerous projectiles she flings…

Ray: Uh… we are still talking about “snacks”, right, girls?

Trucy: Yeah, but in the hands of an expert, anything can become a weapon!

Ray: Whew… That’s kinda scary coming from a master magician.

Trucy: Well, I have been practicing throwing knives, so my aim’s pretty good.

Edgeworth: (Note to self: tell Wright to be a more responsible father already.)

Quote:
"I'll go with you, Polly." Godot stated. "Whatever is better than watching this girl's trashy tricks. From now on, that's one of my rules."

Trucy: Hey! Don’t call them that! My sleight of hand was acquired through many training experiences!

Kay: Bah, this author probably doesn’t know even a single trick to magic!

Ray: Or to proper characterization in writing.

Edgeworth: That’s… on point, but surprisingly harsh coming from you.

Ray: It’s important to know people before getting them to do something. Just a little advise from an old man who specializes in legal defense.

Edgeworth: *smirk* Hmph. If you’re already calling yourself “old”, what would that make me?

Kay: Older?

Edgeworth: …

Kay: Er. I don’t mean any disrespect by that! It’s great being older and more experienced, especially to be a Chief Prosecutor!

Ray: He’s actually the youngest Chief to head the Prosecutor’s Office in recent years.

Kay: Yeah! That’s amazing! *makes puppy-eyes*

Edgeworth: *sigh* Apology accepted.

Quote:
"Hey!" Trucy made Mr.Hat smack Godot, but he just ignored it and exited the office. Lana followed them.

Trucy: Yeesh, fic-me should cool it. I wouldn’t hit someone even if he was being really mean.

Kay: What about that Kristoph Gavin guy?

Trucy: Well… I’d be happier if he stayed in prison like he should.

Quote:
"We'll call someone to come here with you. Stay here until then." Apollo said before leaving. "And remember to call someone to fix the door."

Trucy: No worries, Red Spice! I’m sure fic-me has already sent the bill to fic-Gumshoe.

Kay: Aw, poor fic-Gummy. He wasn’t really that bad in here, thinking about it. Just frustrated and unlucky.

Ray: …You two sure are creative with one guy’s nickname.

Trucy: He’s special, that’s why.

Kay: But it wouldn’t be fair to keep it ourselves, right?

Trucy: Yeah… How about calling him any of these names when he comes by again?

Kay: Count on it!

Edgeworth: (My, my… Looks like Justice will be facing double the trouble sometime soon…)


[The lights have returned.]

Edgeworth: Hmm? Is that all? That was a surprisingly short session, since we skipped over an entire chapter.

Speakers: Quick break time. We’re breaking this session up into two parts.

Edgeworth: …In other words, we’re not finished yet, and this is just an intermission?

Speakers: Oh, you guys can go.

Edgeworth: W-what!? (They can’t really be serious, can they?)

Speakers: We mean it. We decided a different cast for the next few chapters would be more appropriate.

Ray: Huh, so is this just a one-time thing, or a new policy?

Speakers: Anyway, we also need a little more time to fix up that something you may have seen in the lobby.

Kay: What is that thing anyway?

Speakers: It’s a secret… at least until next time.

Kay: What? No fair! I know you’re always hiding secrets, but you can’t just put something behind so much security and not tell me what it is! How am I supposed to know if it’s a challenge for me to steal it or not!?

Speakers: You try anything funny, Kay Faraday, and you’re the one who’ll be up next to act as “hostage” under our direct watch.

Kay: …Fine, I didn’t want it anyway.

Speakers: Good girl. Now if you all could please get out so we can prepare the next batch of sporkers…

[And once again, before anyone can object, they’re all sent away in a flash.]

Speakers: Our newest version of the teleporter is a feisty one, isn’t it?

[Indeed. Oh, and in their stead are a new cast of sporkers, sir.]

Phoenix: What? No, not here again! I didn't even get an invitation! Stop doing that!

Maya: It's not like you had anything better to do.

Apollo: Uh... I'm pretty sure we did have something to do... elsewhere...

Speakers: Excellent…

[Folks at home, stay tuned for the follow-up to this session! We’ve only begun this new journey…]
The home of the Gyakuten Saiban vs Ace Attorney blog: http://gyakutengagotoku.tumblr.com
1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at https://gsvsaa.blogspot.com/ Further updates will be pending.

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Yaaaaaay!! Rubia sporking!
And it has Ray in it!!! :gant:
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I see my name is now also an adjective.

Just posting so you don't have to double post when you undoubtedly give your wonderful critique of it later.
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Am I expected to give wonderful critiques now?
I didn't see any problems with it. (Well, actually, there was one phrase I remember thinking was kind of awkward in terms of word choice, but now I can't find it.) Also RAY

Some more banter between Kay and Ray would have been nice, I guess.
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It was kinda hard, given the material I had to work with. I really would have liked to play with Ray a bit more, but there wasn't much of him in the chapter in the first place, so... yeah. Had to fill up for the missing chapter somehow.

But I assure you that the next two chapters will be delightful. Hopefully, I won't take too long on them now that things have come to the crazy.
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1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at https://gsvsaa.blogspot.com/ Further updates will be pending.

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I'm sure I didn't help by spamming you with translation requests. :eh?:

I'll probably re-spork the Nekojessica fic before you do the next two chapters, so... (I just need to find the motivation...)
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I don't have time to read this sp- *sees Ray Shields*
Well...maybe I have some time...
Actually...how did you get that Shields smilie?
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Yay, I was looking forward to this sporking! It's been worth the wait! And I'm sure it will only get better, since the fic only gets worse.

But I'm surprised nobody said anything about Brushel's random cameo.
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luck wrote:
Yay, I was looking forward to this sporking! It's been worth the wait! And I'm sure it will only get better, since the fic only gets worse.

But I'm surprised nobody said anything about Brushel's random cameo.

There's always room for Brushel, if they commented on his appearance, it'd be about his brilliance. :yogi:
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I just read that Phoenix White one on the first page... What was that?! That's the most throughly crafted crack fic I've ever read.

Flirted like a straw is just too good! Such trollish writing!!
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Maya wrote:
I just read that Phoenix White one on the first page... What was that?! That's the most throughly crafted crack fic I've ever read.

Flirted like a straw is just too good! Such trollish writing!!

Wait..it's crack? I thought it was canon... :yogi:
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Yay, I've missed your sporkings, Rubia! I've tried to read Hellspawn before but couldn't get through it. I guess I'd be forced to read it now... And having Ray in the theatre is nice change of pace even though I don't know much about him...

Maya wrote:
I just read that Phoenix White one on the first page... What was that?! That's the most throughly crafted crack fic I've ever read.

Flirted like a straw is just too good! Such trollish writing!!


Ahh, my favorite sporking! (Yes, I do have a favorite.) I remember that was one of the few authors who actually found out that someone sporked their work. They said they were just trying to help with those blatantly inserted notes and claimed that miak was a real word. Good times.

Oliver wrote:
Wait..it's crack? I thought it was canon... :yogi:


Of course it is! Don't confuse your canon and crack now. :ron:
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Wait...of course it's canon or crack? I'm confused...
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Canon, duh.
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Everything in this thread is canon.
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It certainly is canon to this theater, yes. I can't say for sure about other canons, though.

Quote:
Actually...how did you get that Shields smilie?

SuperAj3 had posted a few new smilies in the New Smilies thread in the Court Docket. Since they're images, they have to be placed as imgs.

Quote:
But I'm surprised nobody said anything about Brushel's random cameo.

Ray wouldn't have recognized him, and I'm sure the other three simply referred to selective memory.

Actually, it's because I wasn't sure how to include a joke about Brushel that would last. He's only there as a notary anyway, so I figured I'd just skip over it. I don't think he's coming back... anytime soon.
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1/3/19 edit: The project has officially been moved to a new blog at https://gsvsaa.blogspot.com/ Further updates will be pending.

AA fanfiction archive: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=31369
Yakuza/RGG fanfiction archive: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubia ... /rubia_ryu
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Skittlemask wrote:
Canon, duh.

That's what I thought, I mean, I always knew Klavier was a prick who likes incest. The characters sporking them...
*close up, speedlines*
ARE FAKES!

Anyway, here's a fic I found.
Little Legalities
Ghost of a Goodbye this fic includes spoilers for DD. It's so serious it almost comes off as funny to me.
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https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11530750/1 ... wo-Lawyers It has a cave...and lawyers.
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Oliver wrote:
Ghost of a Goodbye this fic includes spoilers for DD. It's so serious it almost comes off as funny to me.


I don't know why, but this reminded me of a fic I read a long time ago. It had a somewhat silly premise but was executed really really seriously. Has anyone read it before? It was about Manfred von Karma finding a way to posses Phoenix's body, and making him go to the Prosecutor's Office to kill Edgey. He almost succeeded and blew up half of the building. Phoenix was arrested and Edgeworth defended him from his hospital bed via laptop, but he lost and the end of the fic was Nick's execution. I think it was titled Turnabout Jeopardy and was only one chapter long but was 14,000+ words
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Skittlemask wrote:
Oliver wrote:
Ghost of a Goodbye this fic includes spoilers for DD. It's so serious it almost comes off as funny to me.


I don't know why, but this reminded me of a fic I read a long time ago. It had a somewhat silly premise but was executed really really seriously. Has anyone read it before? It was about Manfred von Karma finding a way to posses Phoenix's body, and making him go to the Prosecutor's Office to kill Edgey. He almost succeeded and blew up half of the building. Phoenix was arrested and Edgeworth defended him from his hospital bed via laptop, but he lost and the end of the fic was Nick's execution. I think it was titled Turnabout Jeopardy and was only one chapter long but was 14,000+ words

W-W-Whaaaaaaaaaat?! :udgey:
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Today, we revisit an old classic, the sporking of which was sadly lost to the closing down of the old forums: PHOENIX WRIGHT AND THE HORRIBLE DAY IN COURT!.

And this took so long because I can't be motivated to do anything other than read Fire Emblem let's plays right now.

The rating is... :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: Middling range because while it is pretty bad, it's also pretty funny, and chances are it's a trollfic.

Today's sporkers are!
Pearl Fey! (DD era)
:pearl: "Only three Sawhits?"
Athena Cykes!
:athena: "Can't be for my punishment sporking, then! I'm free! I'm free!"
Olga Orly!
:cheese: "Ooh, this is new place..."

[We open up in our sporking theatre, where our sporkers are already seated.]

Pearl: Wow, the narrator doesn't really want to waste time today, does he?

[It's not like it's a long fic to begin with.]

Athena: Even better!

Pearl: And we have a new sporker today, too. Hello!

Olga: Hello...

Speakers: No sense in messing around, ladies. Time's a-wasting!

Athena: Isn't being in the sporking theatre the real waste of time?

[The lights dim.]

Quote:
PHOENIX WRIGHT AND THE HORRIBLE DAY IN COURT!!!!


Pearl: I think Mr. Nick usually has horrible days in court.

Olga: He is arrested very often?

Athena: Mais non.

Pearl: Maybe a little bit.

Quote:
SEPTEMBER 28 8:58 AM Maya stepped into the defense lobby and looked at phoenix and said "Phoenix you have two more minutes before the trial starts!!! how is your defense looking"


Pearl: Mystic Maya's pretty late. Maybe she got held up?

Athena: Or maybe she thought the trial started at 10:00 like it usually does?

Quote:
and phoenix said "uh, well, um, uh, well"


Olga: This is normal for him, da?

Athena: I thought you knew him from his "cool poker player" days. (Maybe I have her mixed up with someone else...)

Olga: Nyet, he only pretend to be cool. Throw opponents off-guard.

Pearl: That sounds like Mr. Nick.

Quote:
and maya then put her fists down and puffed up her cheek and said "phoenix if you don't defend me properly in today's trial I will be mad"


Athena: Oh, so she's the defendant?

Pearl: Again?

Quote:
Phoenix remembered what happened. Maya was alone in a room and a man died in there.


Olga: Relatable.

Athena and Pearl: ........

Quote:
It couldn't have been maya it must have been someone else! Maya then said "It looks like persecutor NEKOJESSICA (;;) is going to be persecuting on this case!!


Athena: What's "(;;)"? Is it some kind of emoticon?

Widget: (;;)

Olga: Prosecutor's name is in all capitals. She must be very formidable, da?

Pearl: Actually, the fic says she's a persecutor, not a prosecutor.

Olga: Da, same thing.

Athena: A catgirl persecutor?

Pearl: Does that make Mystic Maya the mouse?

Quote:
phoenix said "Oh no, not the legendary persecutor nekojessica! heard she was franziska von karma's persecuting partner in germany, and the two were a tag team of pure evil!"


Pearl: Um... I don't think she would be on a tag team.

Athena: We can always use more German-speaking people, though!

Olga: Nyet, too many Germans as is.

Quote:
maya nodded and cried. "Phoenix if you don't get me off and i get executed i'm going to have pearl summon my angry spirit so i can kill you!!"


Pearl: Oh no...

Olga: If man is killed by angry ghost, how is ghost held accountable for murder?

Pearl: Um, the medium gets held responsible.

Athena: Woah, that's really a rule?

Pearl: Uh-huh.

Quote:
phoenix was not used to hearing harsh words from maya but he felt bad so it just took it. Then the baliff said "everyone in the courtroom" and they all went in the courtroom.


Athena: What, no five minute warning? Rude.

Olga: At beginning of fic, it was only two minutes until trial. Five minute warning already passed.

Athena: ...oh, simón.

Quote:
SEPTEMBER 28 9:00 AM Phoenix stood at his desk and maya stood at his side at his desk.


Olga: But she is defendant.

Pearl: Actually, this is pretty normal for Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya!

Quote:
The judge banged his gavel a lot and then everyone was really quiet and the judge said "COURT IS NOW IN SESSION, but where is our persecutor" and everyone looked around and there was no persecutor.


Athena: I guess Boss wins by default, then!

Quote:
And then all of a sudden the persecutors desk exploded and nekojessica appeared at the desk!!!


Pearl: W-What?

Olga: What entrance! *takes picture*

Athena: I want to make an entrance like that! ...hmm, no one's around to tell me no...

Widget: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Quote:
"Mwa ha ha haaaaa" she cackled. She was beautiful in a silky red gown and sexy and also deadly and had a russian accent.


Athena: No, I know Russian accents, and hers sounds even faker than Ms. Orly's!

Olga: W-What are you implying?

Quote:
"I hope you are praying to not win this case, mister phoenix wrong" and phoenix said "wright" and then she laughed because she thought he said "right."


Pearl: Because that hasn't been done a million times already.

Olga: Fic is about Russian-German woman named Nekojessica. Creativity not author's strong suit, da?

Quote:
The judge banged his gavel and said "Ok let's start this trial. Persecutor will you please tell us what happened" and nekojessica said "That girl murdered Mr. Jenkins in a closed room. They were the only ones in the room so it had to have been her!" phoenix sweated. nekojessica did a raelly cool animation


Athena: Hey, if the fic can break the fourth wall, why can't we?

Speakers: Because life isn't fair.

Quote:
and pointed at maya and said "You have no defense you pathetic lawyer!" and phoenix said "Objection!!!!!!!!" and everyone clapped and phoenix said "I have a defense" and she said "oh" and the judge looked.


Pearl: Um... I don't get it.

Olga: Nekojessica not believe that infamous poker player Phoenix Wright was actually defense attorney.

Athena: (Infamous?)

Pearl: Could you believe that Mr. Nick is actually a defense attorney, Ms. Orly?

Olga: Nyet, he would make good prosecutor.

Pearl: Oh... okay?

Quote:
The judge asked for phoenix's side of the story and phoenix said "Well maya was the only other person in the room, but this can not be proven! anyone could have been in that room!" and then nekojessica said "objection" in her russian accent


Athena: In her fake Russian accent!

Speakers: What do you want from us? Despite what the rumors say, we're not actually Russian!

Pearl: I didn't know there were rumors about the Management being Russian.

Athena: I heard that the Management is actually a dog, does that count?

Pearl: I heard that they're reptilian.

Speakers: The Management would like to request that Athena Cykes and Pearl Fey cease speculation on the exact nature of the Management at once.

Olga: Maybe Management is comprised of many different people, also dogs, newts.

Speakers: We would also like to extend the same "request" to Olga Orly.

Athena: Ooh, when the scare quotes get involved, you know you're about to get in trouble...!

Quote:
and she said "you can't prove that" and then he said "Yes I can, because YOU, NEKOJESSICA, were in the room!" and then everyone in the courtoom talked and nekojessica did a cornered animation where she screamed.


Pearl: But Mr. Nick hasn't presented any evidence yet!

Athena: Wow, this is going to be the easiest turnabout ever.

Quote:
The judge banged his gavel a million times and said "ORder order order" and maya said "wow thanks phoenix this is totally going to win us the case" and phoenix felt good.

When everyone was quiet nekojessica said "What motive would i have for killing mr jenkins and why would i frame maya?"


Olga: She is skipping proof and go straight to wanting motive?

Pearl: And she's supposed to be a prosecutor, too...

Quote:
and phoenix said "it's because he was your ex lover!! you loved him until he broke up with you and you were so mad that you killed him. and then you framed maya because she was in the room!"


Athena: What was she doing in the room? Wouldn't she have seen Nekojessica killing the Jinkies guy?

Pearl: I think his name was Jenkins. And maybe Mystic Maya was... asleep?

Olga: Or maybe she already dead. Angry ghost is now being held accountable for murder.

Pearl: No, Mystic Maya didn't kill anyone, even in a fic.

Athena: I wonder if there's a fic out there where she really did?

Quote:
nekojessica screamed really dramatically and exploded


Olga: Very dramatic way to go, da?

Athena: Very, uh... graphic?

Pearl: Why did she explode into a cloud of glitter?

Speakers: What else would a Mary Sue explode into?

Quote:
and everyone talked again and the judge banged his gavel a lot. Then she admitted to doing it. "It was me, I killed him, I am evil!!!"


Pearl: How is the pile of glitter talking?

Olga: Also, I not think Nekojessica is evil just because she kill man. Just because you commit crime, does not mean you are evil. Humans are too complex for strict good/evil dichotomy, nyet?

Athena: (...she's kind of sketchy, isn't she?)

Quote:
and maya said "yay thanks" and confetti came from the ceiling and the judge said "NOT GUILTY!!!!"


Pearl: I thought the confetti came down after the Judge gave a verdict.

Athena: It does. Maybe the confetti-thrower was too early.

Pearl: Or maybe the Judge was too late.

Quote:
SEPTEMBER 28 9:02 AM


Athena: Th-the trial only lasted two minutes?

Olga: Is believable, da?

Athena: ...yeah, en fait.

Quote:
Everyone stood outside of the lobby and maya said "Thanks phoenix you saved my life!" and phoenix said "you're welcome" and maya said "Hey let's go out for burgers, you're paying the bill" and phoenix said "OBJECTION!!!!"


Pearl: Just like old times! I can't wait until-

Speakers: The Management would like to inform Pearl Fey that we are trying to keep this theatre GS6 hype-free.

Pearl: Aw...

Quote:
THE END


Athena: Finally!

Pearl: It wasn't that long.

[The lights come back on.]

Athena: Even if it wasn't that long, I want to get out of here before the Management kidnaps me again!

Pearl: Oh, I guess that's a good point.

Olga: But Management have teleporter device. Even if you leave theatre, they still kidnap you.

Athena: ...right... that's true...

Widget: ヾ(´囗`。)ノ

Pearl: If it makes you feel any better, Athena, I'm sure the Management wouldn't do anything to physically hurt you.

Athena: That's ri-

Olga: I heard Management sent minty reporter man to bottom of Mariana Trench.

Athena: Uh, where did you hear that?

Olga: Someplace.

Speakers: We're denying everything.

Pearl: Actually, I heard from Mystic Maya that-

Speakers: Alright, alright, but can you really blame us? It was Spark Brushel.

Athena: I've never met him.

Pearl: Me neither.

Olga: Nyet, no blame here.

Athena: That's cold!

Olga: Da, cold like borscht.

Speakers: Hey, if you're going to talk about food, get out. You'll make us hungry.

[Athena and Pearl look at each other, then shrug. They leave. Olga leaves as well. And the Management should really stop skipping lunch.]

Speakers: You can't tell us what to do.

[Hey, I'm just saying as a friend...]

Speakers: Fine, we'll stop by Eldoon's right after this.

[Take me with you! I'm hungry too!]

Speakers: Okay, but you're paying for yourself...
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Oh no! Athena escaped her punishment sporking!
Skittle, call Lang's men, quick!
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ZAWA ZAWA

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Oliver wrote:
Skittlemask wrote:
I don't know why, but this reminded me of a fic I read a long time ago. It had a somewhat silly premise but was executed really really seriously. Has anyone read it before? It was about Manfred von Karma finding a way to posses Phoenix's body, and making him go to the Prosecutor's Office to kill Edgey. He almost succeeded and blew up half of the building. Phoenix was arrested and Edgeworth defended him from his hospital bed via laptop, but he lost and the end of the fic was Nick's execution. I think it was titled Turnabout Jeopardy and was only one chapter long but was 14,000+ words

W-W-Whaaaaaaaaaat?! :udgey:


If you're curious.

Anyway, Airey, I liked how the fic took place on September 28, and this was posted on September 28. Was that intentional? Also, while having new characters in the theatre is nice, I didn't feel that Olga really added anything. Other than that, it was certainly entertaining. Especially imagining a pile of glitter talking.

Quote:
Pearl: No, Mystic Maya didn't kill anyone, even in a fic.

Athena: I wonder if there's a fic out there where she really did?


Ha. Hahahaha. Don't remind me that I actually wrote a fic where Maya kills Phoenix. But, uh, we don't talk about those times.

Oliver wrote:
Oh no! Athena escaped her punishment sporking!
Skittle, call Lang's men, quick!


Don't you worry. The most management would let her get would be one foot in the parking lot before she's transported back to her punishment sporking. :karma:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Great Revival

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Skittlemask wrote:
I didn't feel that Olga really added anything.

But...the camera. THE CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Cause of death is being dummy

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Skittlemask wrote:
Anyway, Airey, I liked how the fic took place on September 28, and this was posted on September 28. Was that intentional? Also, while having new characters in the theatre is nice, I didn't feel that Olga really added anything. Other than that, it was certainly entertaining. Especially imagining a pile of glitter talking.

No, completely unintentional. Since I'm not in school and I have no job, all I know about the date is whether or not it's a Sunday. :sadshoe:

You're right about Olga, honestly. I only put her in so I could make the "what are you implying?" joke about the Russian accent. Sigh...
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Great Revival

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AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
Honestly. I only put her in so I could make the "what are you implying?" joke about the Russian accent. Sigh...

N-No...not you too! She brought the camera! The camera makes it all worth it!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Too many thoughts and nothing to do~

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Okay, so it's taken me several months and I'm probably never going to finish that spork of Requital, so that's up for grabs, if anyone's interested.
Actually, I've been working on making a sporking theater for a completely different fandom. The problem is, I'm not exactly sure what's first spork material. I mean, there's plenty of horrible fics within the fandom, but nothing that really pops out at me on FF.net, as far as first sporks go. There might be something on AO3, but most of the fics there are Super Smash Bros crossovers, so I haven't waded too much into it. As for what I have in mind, I'm thinking something only really mild to moderate in terms of horribleness. Any advice?
"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good if I ever use Comic Sans, Arial, Times New Roman, Brush Script, Papyrus, Curlz, Ravie, et cetera."
Friends don't let friends use bad fonts.
Unironically, anyways.
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