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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Ace Procrastinator

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Chloe wrote:
I wonder how many authors actually know that their fic's been sporked. One of mine has. And I knoe the author to one of the ones that's recently been sporked.

The one that wrote the anti-Klavier Emapollo fics, I think she's the same one that wrote the AU fic with Apollo andd Klavier being gangsters and Ema being saved my Apollo in the end. I can't really see Ema as a damsel in distress.

LOL I remember. Law Plus Chaos!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Wandering Monk

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Butz the Klutz 52 wrote:
Chloe wrote:
I wonder how many authors actually know that their fic's been sporked. One of mine has. And I knoe the author to one of the ones that's recently been sporked.

The one that wrote the anti-Klavier Emapollo fics, I think she's the same one that wrote the AU fic with Apollo andd Klavier being gangsters and Ema being saved my Apollo in the end. I can't really see Ema as a damsel in distress.

LOL I remember. Law Plus Chaos!

Oh I remember.....right.....right......Wright..... WRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! :Kristoph-hair:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I just noticed another of mine has been sporked too. I wrote the fic that ArrowLawn sporked about Gant Layton being twins. I've only just seen that now. Great spork!

It's awesome how Layton and Gant got reunited at the threatre.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Wandering Monk

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Chloe wrote:
I just noticed another of mine has been sporked too. I wrote the fic that ArrowLawn sporked about Gant Layton being twins. I've only just seen that now. Great spork!

It's awesome how Layton and Gant got reunited at the threatre.

I'll admit,that was sweet. *sniff* :viola:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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On a road to nowhere.

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Southern Corn wrote:
Chloe wrote:
I wonder how many authors actually know that their fic's been sporked. One of mine has. And I knoe the author to one of the ones that's recently been sporked.

The one that wrote the anti-Klavier Emapollo fics, I think she's the same one that wrote the AU fic with Apollo andd Klavier being gangsters and Ema being saved my Apollo in the end. I can't really see Ema as a damsel in distress.

Was yours 'Law Plus Chaos'?

Also,barrylawn,jakkid166,and the guy who wrote DAMON GANT ESCAPES FROM PRISOOOOOOIN know their fic's been sporked.

I'm fairly sure that jakkid166 is a regular poster in this thread, but I'm not entirely sure who it is. I do have my suspicions, though.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I always assumed they were all the same person .
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Chloe wrote:
I always assumed they were all the same person .

The trollfic authors? That's extremely unlikely.
Jakkid and AceJakkidFan are different people, and neither of them are alts of anyone below. I'm 100% certain of this.
Ballistic Dolphin, Detsniy of Skiword and DrDigertz are all very different. Just look at DrDigertz vs Barrylawn.
Icantyping... may be Barrylawn. Or at least, I can't think of anything that disproves it. Though I can't think of anything that proves it either.
Anyone I'm missing?
Image Image Image Image Image

pfp: www,pixiv,net/en/artworks/66633770
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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ArrowLawn wrote:
Chloe wrote:
I always assumed they were all the same person .

The trollfic authors? That's extremely unlikely.
Jakkid and AceJakkidFan are different people, and neither of them are alts of anyone below. I'm 100% certain of this.
Ballistic Dolphin, Detsniy of Skiword and DrDigertz are all very different. Just look at DrDigertz vs Barrylawn.
Icantyping... may be Barrylawn. Or at least, I can't think of anything that disproves it. Though I can't think of anything that proves it either.
Anyone I'm missing?

The differences between the various trollfic authors definitely makes me doubt them to be the same. Skiword for example, seems to be the only one obsessed with gratuitous shipping(Particularly the yuri ships). I can also say that his characterization seems a bit more on-point than the others.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Nepeta wrote:
Autumnal wrote:
I could edit it for you if you'll let me.

Yeah, I'll let you when I'm done. How can I though?

P.S: 2200 comments, woot

Yeah, you can message me.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Okay, folks and folkettes, chapter 4 of Maya Fey: Ace Thief is done and sporked.


*Phoenix and Maya enter the theater.*

Phoenix: Oh, boy, here we go again.

Maya: Wait, where’s Edgeworth, Nick?

Edgeworth: I’m already seated, you late people.


Edgeworth: It was supposed to start an hour ago. I’ve been waiting.

Maya:... Wait, is that true?

Phoenix: No, it’s seven. We’re supposed to be here at seven.

Edgeworth: You’re wrong, Wright. ! Mr. Wrong! Ha!

Phoenix: Wait, you’re slurring. And that scent...

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth, are you drunk?

Edgeworth: What? Of course not, I only drink wine.

Phoenix: You can get drunk off of wine.

Edgeworth: No! Of course you can't, don’t be ridiculous!

Phoenix: Please tell me you didn't drive here.

Edgeworth: Of course not, that would be so, utterly, utterly... irresponsible, of me to drive.

Maya: Do you think he’s afraid to meet himself sober?

Speaker: That's not why. We spiked his wine with vodka.

Maya: Oh. Why?

Phoenix: Are you sure you want to just throw that confession out into the open like that?

Edgeworth: I heard speakers, was that my phone?

Speaker: We weren't worried.

Phoenix: I wish I knew I could get drunk before coming to these things. Okay, just start it, management.

*The lights dim*

Spoiler: Chapter 4
The trip to Germany was quite short for Maya, Larry, Phoenix, and Phoenix parents, because they spent the journey with sleep. Phoenix felt his chest was doubly hurt while on the plane than when he was in the hospital, but he remained silent and didn’t complain. He did not want to make all of them frantic and disrupt their journeys.

Phoenix: I see I’ve learned literally nothing from any of this.

Maya: What else do you expect from such a stubborn boy?

After spending time being on a plane for almost 12 hours, they finally arrived at the Munich International Airport. When they landed, three officials from the Allianz hospital had already waited for them.

"Mr. Wright! Welcome! Welcome to Germany!” said one of the officers with blond hair as he climbed into the plane.

Phoenix: Why bother pointing out the hair color?

Maya: Maybe they’re going to be important?

Edgeworth: It’s a cameo or something, I already know.


Edgeworth: I already know it’s gonna be a cameo, you’ll see, just watch. Take a look.

Phoenix intended to reply, but the pain in his chest attacked again, so he just smiled a little to answer.

"And you must be Mr. Wright’s relatives! How nice to see all of you! Introducing, I’m Joerg Hansel, and this is Athena Cykes and Ema Skye. We are nurses at the Allianz hospital, we used to help Doctor Edgeworth. We'll take all of you to the hospital, Doctor Edgeworth is already waiting there, "said Joerg.

Phoenix: Hey, Drunkworth, you were right.

Edgeworth: Isn’t Ema Skye the one that forged that evidence?

Phoenix: No, that was her sister.

Edgeworth: Oh, this one’s the murderer?

Phoenix: She was accused, but no.

Edgeworth: I’m going to find her and make her work on my car cleaning someday.

Phoenix: She’s in Europe, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: That’s why I said someday and not today, fool.

Maya: Wait, who’s Ema Skye?

Phoenix: Long story.

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Joerg, Mrs. Athena, Mrs. Ema! I'm Antonio, Phoenix’s father. You can call me Anthony. And this is Samantha, my wife. This is Maya Fey, Phoenix assistant in his office. And this is Larry Butz, Phoenix best friend since he was in elementary school, " replied Mr. Antonio, introduced all of them one by one. They shook hands.

"Well, we have take out Mr. Wright now. Come on, Ema, Athena." said Mr. Joerg again, then he, Ema, and Athena opened Phoenix seatbelt cautiously, then lifted him simultaneously to the gurney.

"Ummm…. Is this IV can’t be removed for a while? My hand aches and pains continuously fitted with a drip, "complained Phoenix when Ema replaces the IV in his hand.

Phoenix: Okay, you are dying of lung cancer and you’re going to complain about the IV? Do IVs even hurt?

Maya: Don't look at me.

Phoenix: Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Do I look like a medical expert to you?

Phoenix: No, but you do look like someone who’s probably had an IV at some point in his 27-year life.

Edgeworth: OH, RIGHT, there was one time, it was okay. It wasn’t painful very badly.

Maya: Do you want me to field some of these conversations?

Phoenix: Go ahead. Your loss.

Emma shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Wright, but you can’t escape from the IV until you are completely healed," she said. Phoenix grumbled quietly. Mrs. Samantha stroking Phoenix’s hair affectionately.

Phoenix: “Escape” from the IV.

Maya: Do you think people keep stroking your hair because they like the spikes?

Phoenix: Do you think? I guess that’s true. They are awesome.

"Hold it boy, you will recover soon, okay, honey?"

Phoenix: Oh, that's who I got that from.

Maya: Got what from?

Phoenix: "Hold it". I got it from my mother. I always thought I got that from Mia, but nope, mama Wright.

They push Phoenix who lying on a gurney out of the plane and put him into an ambulance that has been provided, then went to the Allianz hospital.

Arriving at the Allianz hospital ......

Maya: Maybe it actually means "aliens hospital"!

Phoenix: Maybe. I'm more inclined to believe it's a real place.

Maya: Okay, I'll look it up, then... Allianz is a health insurance company... and it's from Germany. Huh.

Phoenix: Are these coincidences or are they illegal?

Edgeworth: Allianz should sue.

Phoenix: I agree.

Maya: Oh! You two should represent them together! That would be awesome, all of us on the same team!

Maya was very amazed at the hospital. Allianz hospital is very large and grand, looked more like a mall than a hospital. The white building looming solid, the yard is also very large.

Maya: I don't think it’s a good thing to have a big hospital.

Phoenix: No. It is not. Why would you make your hospital so big, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Because the story thinks I’m an idiot, why else?

Phoenix: I don't think you’re the idiot in all of this.

"Wow," Maya murmured in awe, "This hospital is so cool! No wonder that Dr. Joaquin says that Nick most brought to here!”

Edgeworth: Half of the money just goes to keeping the property. What a stupid hospital.

Maya: Or a great mall.

Edgeworth: No.

Athena chuckled. "This hospital is the largest hospital in Europe, Mrs. Fey."

Phoenix: Big hospitals are worse! You have to go further to get to rooms!

Maya: Maybe there's just a LOT of rooms.

Phoenix: Not if it looks like a mall!

Maya: But now it looks important so people know to spend more money here!

Phoenix: $250,000. To cut out some growths.

They lowered Phoenix from the ambulance, as they went down, how shocked they were when some of the young women ran approached Phoenix who lying on the gurney.

"See!! See!! That’s Phoenix Wright! He has come!!"

"He's much much much more handsome than I've seen on TV and newspapers!"

"Mr. Wright, can I take a picture with you?! "

"Mr. Wright, may I ask for your autograph? "

"Mr. Wright, can I kiss your cheek? Or your lips? "

"Mr. Wright, can I see your chest?"

Phoenix: Am I... really that famous? Eh heh…

Edgeworth: Don't break an arm stroking your hair spikes, Wright.

Phoenix: Edgeworth, you’re drunk.

Edgeworth: Not true. You have no evidence.

Phoenix: Except for all of the things you’ve done and said that you would never do or say sober.

The girls were kept standing around Phoenix, asking him to take pictures with or ask his autograph. Ema, Athena, Mr. Joerg, trying hard to get rid of them, but they were outnumbered, because the number of the girls were dozens, so they failed. Phoenix could just let his hair mussed, his cheeks pinched, even some of the crazy fan girls photographed him lying on the gurney.

Maya: “Oh, gosh! Look! It’s the guy who beat that guy nobody but people in the legal world know about!”

Edgeworth: Don't disrespect my father. Or mentor, I mean. I’ve heard of von Karma before.

"Hey!!!!!! What is this!!!!! Listen, ladies, this is a hospital, not a place to gossip! "cried a heavy voice with a very thick German accent. The girls jumped and turned around.

Phoenix: Is this an alternate universe where you stayed in Germany and became a doctor?

Edgeworth: Why are you asking me!?

"Dr. Edgeworth! We’re not gosipping! We just want to see Mr. Wright and asked for his autograph!" cried one of the girls with black hair.

Phoenix: That girl’s you, Maya.

Maya: It probably is me, don't joke about that.

Apparently, who was shouting is Dr. Edgeworth. He raised his eyebrows.

"Mr. Wright, you say? Get away, get away!!!!!!" he cried. The girls were standing around Phoenix finally withdrew.

Maya: Everyone get away! He has cooties!

Phoenix: …”Cooties”?

Maya: That’s what the kids are calling lung cancer these days, right?

Phoenix: Uh...

Edgeworth: Don't sweat, Wright, it’s unbecoming.

"Ah, you finally come, Mr. Wright. To introduce myself, I'm Dr. Miles Edgeworth, who will operate on you.” said Dr. Edgeworth while introducing himself.

Phoenix: “You finally come”.

Maya: What took you so long, didn't feel like getting out of bed this morning?

Maya stunned, then whispered to Larry. "Wow, Larry........I didn’t think.....Dr. Edgeworth is very young! And very handsome too! It seems he even in the same age as Nick! I think he is very old!”

Edgeworth: Thank you.


Phoenix: Why did you do this to him?

Speaker: Who, us?

Phoenix: Yes, you. I’m not talking to the plants.

Speaker: It’s funny.

Phoenix: Not really.

Maya: It’s kind of sad, actually.

Larry is also amazed at how young Dr. Edgeworth, nodded. "Me too, Maya! He’s very young! And they said he is the best doctor in Europe! "

"Hi, Dr. Edgeworth. I'm Antonio, Phoenix father, this is Maya, Phoenix assistant in his office, Samantha, Phoenix's mother, and Larry, Phoenix close friend since childhood.” said Mr. Antonio, re-introduce them one by one. Dr. Edgeworth shook hands with all of them.

Phoenix: My question is whether my parents will actually do anything in this.

Maya: Maybe they’ll join the next heist!

Phoenix: Everyone gets to go on heists except me.

Edgeworth: I don't either.

Phoenix: Do you want to?

Edgeworth: No? Don't be ridiculous… no.

"Just call me Miles. Nice to meet you all. "

Phoenix: Aaaaand out of character.

Maya: That's a record!

Phoenix: Nope, Ron DeLite.

Maya: Oh. Darn.

"Honestly, Miles, I was surprised. I don’t know if you're still very young. You must be a genius, my boy! Dr. Joaquin says you are the best doctor in Europe, "said Mrs. Samantha.

Dr. Edgeworth chuckled. "Ah, Dr. Ortega always exaggerated. Let's go inside."

Phoenix: And overcharged.

Edgeworth: Without the money, we lose the property.

Phoenix: But couldn't you just get a smaller one or something?

Edgeworth: Do you understand the amount of time and effort it would take to relocate an operation of this size? It would cost less just to keep what we have now!

Phoenix: You know this isn't actually your property, right?

Edgeworth: What…? I thought this was… wait. Where…? It’s...

Phoenix: Moving on…

"Move all, give way," said Dr. Edgeworth again. The girls screamed in protest.

"Dr. Edgeworth, I haven’t got Mr. Wright’s autograph yet! "

"Yeah, I haven’t taken a photo with him!"

"I told you, step aside! Mr. Wright is sick, and you should not bother him! You may ask for his autograph when he recovers! Now, get out of here or I'll call security to expel you, "threatened Dr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Why do they not understand I’m sick while I’m sitting on a gurney?

Maya: Maybe they think it’s one of those Japanese things they carry important people around in.

Phoenix: A palanquin? Doesn’t that need a roof?

Maya: Does it?

Phoenix:... I want to ask Edgeworth, but... I also really don’t want to ask Edgeworth right now.

Maya: Agree to disagree?

Phoenix: I’m fine with that.

The girls screaming in disappointment, then go.

"I don’t understand, Doctor," murmured Phoenix when pushed inside, "How can that girls recognize me? Even asking for my autograph? As if I am a famous celebrity."

Phoenix: Wait, they’re answering a question! I asked a question and the story’s gonna answer the question!

Maya: Are you trying to steal my credit!?

Phoenix: You asked that?

Maya: Yes!

Phoenix: Oh, sorry. YOU asked a question and the story’s gonna answer the question.

Maya: It is!? Awesome!

What an astonishment to Phoenix when Dr. Edgeworth, Mr. Joerg, Ema, and Athena laughing.
"What's so funny, Doctor?" asked Maya astonished.

"Mr. Wright, of course, you are very well known in Germany. You beat Manfred von Karma, a prosecutor who unbeaten in his 40 year career. The news was broadcast everywhere, you know ... Newspapers and TV proclaiming the defeat of Von Karma from you almost every day ..

Maya: I actually got that right? I guessed! In real life! I didn't read up to that point when I said that!

Phoenix: Which brings back that question of why they care about von Karma. I don't think even I've heard of any famous lawyers and I am one.

Maya: Yeah, I can only think of one or two.

Phoenix: And if he's so famous, wouldn't they hate me for beating the “pride of their country” or something?

Edgeworth: Untrue. Germany didn't like von Karma. They thought he "gave them a bad name".

Phoenix: Don't say what I think you’re going to.

Edgeworth: They give themselves a bad name.

Phoenix: That’s racist, Drunkworth! Come on!

Maya: What’s wrong with Germans?

Edgeworth: Don't get me started.

Phoenix: Seriously, don't. Don't let Drunkworth talk more than we need him to.

Wait until you finish the surgery and walk around in Munich. You will be very surprised to see so many people who admire you. Those crazy fan girls are only a small part, "said Dr. Edgeworth with a chuckle.

Phoenix silent, not sure he was happy to hear this news, and also not sure whether he would be happy if walking around with a lot of people look at him and chase him for autographs.

Phoenix: I thought I was too crippled to walk.

Maya: Maybe it meant after?

Phoenix: We don't have any money to stay around in Germany!

Edgeworth: I’ll treat you.

Phoenix: It’s not real, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Beggars can't be choosers.

Maya: I don't think that applies here.

They end up in room number 177. Dr. Edgeworth opened the bedroom door and Phoenix immediately gasped.

The room didn’t look like a hospital room, but like a hotel room. The room is very large, with a spring bed that looks very expensive, comfortable red carpet, complete with a television, refrigerator, radio, and a bathroom with comfortable hot tub.

"Well, Mr.’s your room. You'll stay here for a few days, with the best treatment, of course. Do you like it?" asked Dr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: This is what the money went towards. I don't know if this sank in for you or not, Maya, but you had to go rob a bank and probably kill a policeman who did nothing wrong for $250,000 and half of it’s going into bathtubs.

Maya:... Wow.

Phoenix: So, to answer your question, doctor, I don't like it, no.

Phoenix nodded slowly. "This is amazing, Doctor."

Phoenix: In the worst possible form of the word.

Maya: I thought we would get to watch Edgeworth be mad today. Now it’s just you.

Edgeworth: Why do you want me to be mad?

Maya: Because it’s fun to watch.

Edgeworth: Aw…

"Well ...... C’mon Ema, Athena, Joerg. We move Mr. Wright onto the bed. "

Deftly Dr. Edgeworth, Mr. Joerg, Ema, and Athena lifted Phoenix from gurney and laid him on the bed. Ema then blanketed Phoenix with blue velvet blanket.

"Comfortable enough, Mr. Wright?" asked Ema.

"More than just comfortable," Phoenix replied with a small smile.

Phoenix: Expensive, too.

Edgeworth: Wright, stop criticizing my business model.

Phoenix: Edgeworth. Shh.

Maya: *Laughs* Okay, maybe Drunkworth is kind of funny after all.

"Okay, then. I'll let you take a break, Mr. Wright. You've been doing a far journey. Tomorrow, we'll do some tests and examine your chest, also do x-ray to your chest. Once we know how big the tumor had grown, then I'll decide the time you will be do the surgery. Understand?” asked Dr. Edgeworth

Phoenix nodded slowly. "Understood, Doctor."

"Oh yes, and one more. You must say if your chest hurts. You may not bear it, will be very dangerous. Dr. Joaquin told me that you often didn’t say if you feel sick. You may not like that here. I won’t you to pretend to healthy just because you didn’t want to make worry.

Phoenix: That last sentence was a nonsense sentence.

Edgeworth:*Mumble* A nonsense-tence.

Phoenix: Good one. Shh.

If you ever still act like that here ....... " continue Dr. Edgeworth again, while demonstrating the movement like cutting the throat. All of them burst out laughing.

Phoenix: Okay, that was out of character and it wasn't funny.

Maya: I hope Edgeworth sobers up soon.

Edgeworth: I don't.

Maya: Ooh! You said you weren't drunk before!

Edgeworth: Urk…! Fine, I’m drunk, rub it in, will you!? I wasn't trying to be!

"Well, did you hear that, Nick! You must not be stubborn anymore!" cried Maya.

Maya: I just realized I haven’t cried yet this chapter! Right!?

Phoenix: I don't think you have. I’ve cried a little on the inside, myself, though.

Maya: I brought more party poppers!

Phoenix: No!

Maya: Oh, uh… okay.

Phoenix: Sorry, it’s just… uh… Edgeworth. He’ll have a panic attack in this… vulnerable state.

Maya: Has anyone told you you’re not a good liar, Nick?

Phoenix: Indirectly. Like when Matt Engarde called me a bad lawyer.

"Well, enjoy your rest time. If there is anything, just press the buzzer and Ema and Athena will come to help. Come on, Ema, Athena. "

Dr. Edgeworth, Ema, and Athena stepped out.

Phoenix: I’m pretty sure Ema’s only 16 or 17 at the moment.

Maya: How is she working as a nurse, then?

Phoenix: Well-

Maya: Wait, I already know! It’s because it’s Europe!

Phoenix: I was about to say I had no idea. But that might be true.

"How cool this room! We can’t possibly get bored here, "said Larry.

"Nick, I can’t wait until you finish your surgery and we take a walk around Munich ... I want to see you being chased by a crazy fan girl again," said Maya giggled. Phoenix didn’t answer anything, just pout.

Phoenix: Really? You do want to see that? You wouldn't get jealous or anything?

Maya: Wh-what!? Me!?

Phoenix: In the story, I mean!

Maya: Oh! Oh, that makes sense, okay.

The next day……

Ema and Athena came to Phoenix room early in the morning to deliver food, and share them all.

"Oh, burger !! Thank you very much, Mrs. Ema, Mrs. Athena! Burger is my favorite food! "Maya exclaimed with delight.

Maya: Hey, I was worried they’d forget I liked burgers!

Edgeworth: This writer errs in very predictable patterns. Broad personality traits and character
quirks are often exaggerated to unrecognizability, but never blatantly false.

Maya: So, what you’re saying is I’m going to turn into a burger monster.

Edgeworth: Possibly.

Maya:... Could you not stare at me with your eyes all droopy like that?

Edgeworth: Agh! I’m trying to keep them open!

Maya: Try harder!

Edgeworth: I will!

"You’re welcome, Mrs. Fey. Well, this is food for Mr. Wright, " said Ema, handing a box of food into Maya’s hands. Maya opened it and immediately winced.


Phoenix: What’s wrong with porridge?

Maya: What!? There’s a burger right there and you’re wondering what’s wrong with porridge!?

Phoenix: Well, I mean, I guess, compared to a burger, it's not fantastic, but it’s hardly “wince” worthy.

Maya: It is, Nick! It really is!

And this porridge is very watery ... the vegetables also seemed to be mushy. Mrs. Ema, why Nick was not given a burger, too?” asked Maya.

Athena shook her head. "No, Mrs. Fey. Dr. Edgeworth ordered us to give porridge and vegetables to Mr. Wright. Mr. Wright should eat healthy foods. Don’t forget to drink this juice as well, Mr. Wright. This juice will be useful to relieve the pain in your chest. It's the mixture juice of various kinds of vegetables and fruits, "said Athena, holding up a glass of juice. The juice color was pale, make Phoenix feel nauseous suddenly.

Phoenix: Wait, why am I nauseous just from looking at juice?

Maya: Not juice. Pale juice.

Phoenix: Oh, well that explains it.

Maya: Huh… maybe you’re just a bad eater or something.

Phoenix: Or maybe glasses of juice give me Engarde flashbacks or something? That'd be cool.

"The problem is Phoenix didn’t like any kind of vegetables and fruits, Mrs. Ema, Mrs. Athena,” said Mr. Antonio.

Phoenix: ...What? That’s why?

Maya: You know, I don't think I’ve ever seen you eat fruits.

Phoenix: I haven't seen you eat fruit either, but I don't see you coming down with any lung cancers.

Maya: What if there’s a huge twist and Crya already has it?

Phoenix: Sounds like more shipping to me.

Maya: Gah!

Ema and Athena raised their eyebrows and exchanged glances resignedly, then shook their heads vigorously.

"Oh, Mr. Wright. It’s understandable why a tumor in your lungs can grow so fast. But you have to eat vegetables. Vegetables and fruits are very good for people with tumors. You have to force him.” said Ema.

Phoenix: This message was brought to you in part by Sesame Street.

Maya: Ah... sesame………… Really, Nick!? “What’s wrong with porridge”!?

Phoenix: Okay, I’m sorry!

"Do you have noodles?" interrupted Phoenix. Mrs. Samantha immediately glared at him.

"Really, Phoenix! How could you ask noodles with your condition now, "she cried. "Sorry, Mrs. Ema and Mrs. Athena. This is our son’s like. Always stubborn and never want to keep his own health. "

Phoenix: I’m stubborn! I get it!

Maya: Crya and Stubborn Boy!

Phoenix: Why are those the traits they decided to Flanderize?

Maya: I don't why they picked crying for me, but I think I get the stubborn part.

Phoenix: Rude.

Ema and Athena smiled a little. "It's okay, Mrs. Wright. Well, Mr. Wright, you must finish the food and juice, if Dr. Edgeworth control here and you didn’t spend the food and juice, he would be very angry.

Phoenix: Spend the juice on what?

Maya: Your health.

Phoenix: That was poetic.

If you’re finished, push the buzzer, and we will perform some tests. "Then they stepped out.

"Poor Nick. Watery porridge and mushy vegetables," teased Larry. Maya nudged Larry waist aloud.

"Come on, boy, eat, I'll feed you," said Mrs. Samantha. But Phoenix shook his head.
"I want Maya who feed me," Phoenix said in a very spoiled tone.




Edgeworth: Gah! Of all the infernal rackets! Ugh… my head.

Phoenix:... Wait, have you been asleep this whole time?

Edgeworth: Well, I feel a migraine coming on and I don't remember how I got here, so I suppose I must have been.

Maya: Does this mean you’re not drunk any more?

Edgeworth: Hmm? I was drunk?

Maya: Oh, no! It’s like that movie with the guy who punched the wall in The Office!

Phoenix: The Hangover?

Maya: That one!

Phoenix: Well, don't worry, there aren't any tigers, Edgeworth. Just bad fanfictions.

Edgeworth: I’m hung over? Agh… I have no choice but to believe you, I suppose. How could I have been so irresponsible?

Maya: Management spiked your drink.

Speaker: You snitch!

Edgeworth: How did they do that?

Speaker:... That’s on a need-to-know basis.

"Phoenix! You've been very troubling Mrs. Fey, she must be tired, let her rest!” says Mr. Antonio. Maya waved.

"It's okay, Mr. Antonio, Mrs. Samantha. I'm always happy to take care of Nick. It was like taking care of a big baby, "she giggled, then took Phoenix food box.

Phoenix: I swear, we’ve had ship-fics with conversations exactly like this. We did, right?

Maya: Probably.

"You're very nice, my dear. Forgive our son, who were thrilled to bother you.” said Mr. Antonio.
Maya chuckled. "It's okay, Mr. Antonio! Nick helps me a lot, there’s nothing wrong with return the favor to him, "she then started feeding Phoenix. Phoenix chew and swallow the food with great reluctance.

"ANTONIO JAMES WRIGHT!" cried Mrs. Samantha suddenly, making all of them jump. "Don’t you dare to try to turn on that thing here!”

Larry, Maya, and Phoenix turned their head simultaneously. Mr. Antonio looked holding a cigarette and wanted to turn it on.

Phoenix: How do you turn on a cigarette?

Edgeworth: It’s possible your father is using one of those Electronic cigarettes.

Phoenix:... My dad vapes?

Maya: That is the best thing I’ve ever heard.

Phoenix: I feel like I have to disagree on principle.

"You forget, Antonio James Wright? Our son is like this because of the damn smoke of your cigarettes! If it’s not because of that damn cigarette, Phoenix will not be lying here and doesn’t need an operation at a cost of $ 250,000!

Phoenix: It also wouldn't cost so much if Dr. Edgeworth didn't waste all his budget on hot tubs.

Edgeworth: I did what?

Phoenix: Did you forget what happened while you were drunk?

Edgeworth: I believe most of it, yes.

Phoenix: Apparently you work in the largest hospital in the world and have luxury patient rooms and that’s half of why this place is so expensive they needed to rob a bank to get there.

Edgeworth: My head hurt enough already before you said that.

Our son will carry out a major operation, and you dare to smoke nearby him?” cried Mrs. Samantha, her whole face flushed, and she tweaked Mr. Antonio’s ears.

"Ouch, Samantha dear, you will make my ears fall off !! Sorry, sorry, I forgot! Oucch !!! "

"You keep forgetting! See how our son’s condition! Look at your head towards him! He became like this because your smoking habit!" exclaimed Mrs. Samantha again while holding Mr. Antonio’s head and turned it toward Phoenix.

Maya:... I can't get over your dad vaping.

Phoenix: Yeah. I can't either, but not in a funny way.

"I'm sorry, really, I'm sorry, honey…….I promise I won’t repeat it again!" Mr. Antonio stammered, his eyes watering with pain due to Mrs. Samantha’s tweak.

Phoenix: Hey, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Could you please give me a moment to rest my head?

Phoenix: I need you to define a word for me.

Edgeworth: Use your pocket electronic dictionary that everyone carries with them at all times.

Phoenix: My phone’s not a smartphone.

Edgeworth: You used yours to look up the account.

Phoenix: Yeah, but it doesn't do dictionary.

Edgeworth: Then don't use yours! Urgh… head.

Phoenix: Okay, okay, I’ll give you a minute. Ms. Fey?

Maya: What word?

Phoenix: I don't think I’ve ever heard “tweak” used in this context before.

Maya: Oh, tweak? I know tweak! It means to pull hard.

Phoenix: Oh. That’s a point for Google Translation.

Maya: Who’s on which side?

Phoenix: I don't remember. Forget it.

"You always say that, but you always repeat it again, again, and again! Now, remove all the cigarettes you carry or I'll leave to the court to file for divorce there! "cried Mrs. Samantha, her eyes bulged now, and her hands were on her waist.

Phoenix: Woah, geez! Maybe not a good “possible last conversation in front of your kid” to have?

Edgeworth: So, there may be court in this lawyer fanfiction after all?

Phoenix: Are you good now?

Edgeworth: I am prepared to continue.

Maya: Yeah! Go Edgeworth!

"Alright, alright, Samantha. I will get rid of all cigarettes I bring, but please don’t divorce me!” cried Mr. Antonio again, then opened his purse and took approximately 30 packs of cigarettes from his purse.

Maya: Hey, your parents are crazy after all!

Phoenix: Wait, they’re still more generic than crazy. I’m still winning.

Maya: Oh, it’s on now!

Maya and Larry were stunned. No wonder why there could be a tumor in the Nick’s lungs…..30 cigarette packs, gee ........ thought Maya.

Phoenix: Woah, woah, woah, hold on a second.

Maya: What is it?

Phoenix: “There could be”?

Maya:... Uh… I guess.

Phoenix: My favorite word is pleading to be used right now.

Edgeworth: Quietly, Wright.

Phoenix:... Objection.

Mr. Antonio finally get out with all the cigarettes he was carrying. "And don’t try to pretend to throw it, I'll know!" shouted Mrs. Samantha. Maya and Larry chuckled.

Phoenix: Ha ha ha, she just made a credible divorce threat, what a laugh…

Maya: Oh, it’s a parallel! To the start! With the “almost giving you a heart attack”!

Phoenix: Great. Does that mean we get to watch some Steel Samurai now? You know, instead of the rest of this?

Maya:... Has anyone written any Steel Samurai fanfics that we can spork some time?

Speaker:... We’ll see.

Maya: YES!


"Sorry you had to see this...... ..but, my husband always like that. Heavy smokers. Though Dr. Joaquin had warned him a thousand times to reduce his smoking habit. But he never listens and continued to smoke. And look at the results now, "said Mrs. Samantha sigh and turned her head to Phoenix.

Maya: Isn't the problem because Stubborn Boy was being such a Stubborn Boy?

Phoenix: Yeah, but I appreciate the break from hearing about that, myself.

Edgeworth: So I was really drunk for my whole appearance in this story thus far?

Phoenix: Yup.

Edgeworth: Should I be glad?

Phoenix: Probably.

"If Nick who only passive smoker can get the tumor, how about Mr. Antonio, Mrs. Samantha? Have you not ever checked how Mr. Antonio’s health?" asked Maya, silently wondering how can Phoenix who only passive smokers can seriously ill, while Mr. Antonio looked very healthy although he’s a heavy smoker.

"It also often occurs to me, Mrs. Fey. We often perform routine checks to doctors and Antonio’s lungs always nice and clean. Not fair, is it?

Maya: Why is everyone so mean!?

Phoenix: Right? “It's not fair that my husband doesn't have lung cancer”?

Edgeworth: It probably just came across wrong.

Phoenix: There aren't that many wrong ways to take it.

Edgeworth: One of which you happened to stumble upon.

But that doesn’t mean his future health would not be disturbed. I always threatened to divorce him if he doesn’t want to turn off the cigarette, usually after I said that, he immediately stubbed out his cigarette, but the next day, he returned to do so. Maybe I should take him to a psychologist, "Mrs. Samantha sighed again. Maya giggled softly.

Phoenix: Is this supposed to be a funny scene? Because this is a really dark scene.

Maya: Maybe it’s better in Indonesian?

"You've finished eating, Phoenix, my son? Come on, drink the juice, "said Mrs. Samantha as she took a glass of juice nurse Ema has given, and helped Phoenix drink until he spend it. Once completed, Larry rang the bell to call nurse Ema and nurse Athena.

Shortly afterwards, nurse Ema and nurse Athena came back to Phoenix’s room, with a wheelchair.

"You’ve spent the juice and the food, Mr. Wright? Very good, very good! Well, now we go to Dr Edgeworth’s room. We will do some tests to check how stable your condition to carry out the surgery, Mr. Wright.” said nurse Ema. Phoenix just nodded slowly.

Phoenix: I haven't been noticing as many tense issues as before.

Maya: Do you think maybe the writer took a break between parts?

Phoenix: Why don't you check?

Maya: Oh, right! Uh… it was all written over a few weeks.

Phoenix: So, no excuses, then.

Maya: Right!

They help Phoenix get out of bed and sat in the wheelchair, then pushed him toward Dr. Edgeworth’s room. Maya, Larry, Mrs. Samantha followed behind.

"Okay, Mr. Wright. First of all, we will do a blood test first. To find out if your blood pressure is normal, whether the blood is clean, so that we can know whether your condition is stable to carry out surgery,"said Dr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: “Clean”?

Maya: It’s a widely recognized blood test procedure to see if the blood has dirt in it!

Edgeworth: Urgh.

Phoenix: You really have to take extra precautions to give those arteries a good scrubbing.

Maya: You have to lay them out flat, then put them in rows…

Edgeworth: Stop encouraging each other.

"How do the blood tests, doctor?" said Phoenix, get a little scared.

"By taking a bit of blood, of course. No, it won’t hurt, you're just going to feel like bite by ant. Well, Ema, Athena, please settle Mr. Wright. "

Edgeworth: How do you check blood pressure with a sample!?

Phoenix: You probably don't.

Edgeworth: I cost $250,000?

Phoenix: Yeah.

Edgeworth: What a nightmare.

Nurse Ema and nurse Athena lay Phoenix in bed with extreme caution. Somehow, Maya became very tense. She grabbed Larry's arm tightly, make him wince.

Doctor Edgeworth pulls out a sphygmomanometer and put it around Phoenix’s shoulder. Then he pumped carefully.

Maya: Okay, they have to know nobody's going to know that word, right?

Phoenix: You’re the one who threw out the technical term for lung cancer as the password for the safe.

Maya: Hey! Spoilers!

"Gosh, Mr. Wright. Your blood pressure is very low. 70/60. Surely you quickly feel sleepy, huh?” asked Dr. Edgeworth. Phoenix nodded.

Edgeworth: “Gosh”? “Huh”? Are they mocking me?

Phoenix: I think you’re finally going to get that angry reaction you wanted, Maya.

Maya: Yes!

Dr. Edgeworth then pulled out a syringe and Phoenix directly moans. Dr. Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "I think you don’t particularly like syringes, eh Mr. Wright? "He asked. Phoenix smiled weakly. "Yeah ............. Who also likes the syringe if their chest injected dozens of times, Doctor? "

Dr. Edgeworth chuckled. "Hold it a little, Mr. Wright. I'll take your blood."

Edgeworth: That wasn't funny! Don't laugh at that! Don't encourage your patient to make jokes during an examination!

Phoenix: Hey, are you a legendary doctor?

Edgeworth: No. And?

Phoenix: Do people pay you a quarter of a million dollars when you operate on someone?

Edgeworth:... This is a terrible point, but continue.

Phoenix: Nah, I’m done. I was just trying to annoy you.

Edgeworth: It worked.

Carefully Dr. Edgeworth injects Phoenix shoulder so that a drop of blood appears. Maya back grimaces see it.

"It doesn’t hurt, right Mr. Wright? Like an ant bite, right?" said Dr. Edgeworth while wiping Phoenix’s blood with a piece of cotton and give the cotton to nurse Ema.

Phoenix: Ant bites DO hurt.

Edgeworth: Please stop interrupting. Interruptions make this go slower.

Maya: Nah, I wanna get completely off topic instead. Nick, what’s your favorite Halloween costume you’ve ever had?

Phoenix: I think I went as Layton once. That was pretty easy, so I guess that. One time when I was a kid I was a jet plane because of my hair.

Maya: Was a jet plane really the best your parents could come up with?

Phoenix: That’s what I said. But I got embarrassed about the spikes back then, so I didn’t want them to do anything worse.

Maya: Okay. What’s the best Halloween costume you’ve ever seen?

Phoenix: What did you go as last year?

Maya: Wait, really!? That was your favorite!? Ever!?

Phoenix: I think. It wasn’t Pink Princess last year, that was two years back, it was… from that movie Mia cried to. “Fragrance of Dark Coffee”, I think it’s called, right?

Maya: That’s the one!

Phoenix: Yeah, it was really well done.

Maya: I worked really hard on that! Thank you! Okay, next question: What’s your best trick-or-treating haul?

Phoenix:... Wait, where are you getting these questions?

Maya: “Conversation Starters for boring moments.” Which, we’re reading this thing, so it is a boring moment, right?

Phoenix: Let me see that... Maya, you’re on a Halloween website.

Maya: Oh. Oh! That explains everything!

Edgeworth:... Sometimes I see you two as good friends of mine.

Phoenix:... Now isn’t one of those times, I take it?

Edgeworth: No.

Phoenix: Okay, that’s enough Halloween-themed conversation starters, Maya.

Maya: Aw.

"Ema, please bring Mr. Wright’s blood sample to lab, "ordered Dr. Edgeworth. Nurse Ema nodded, accepting the cotton, then left the room.

"Well, now ........we should check your chest. You don’t mind for undressing your hospital gown for a while?” asked Dr. Edgeworth. Phoenix shook his head. Maya then helped Phoenix undress his hospital gown, making Phoenix bare chest now.

"Say if you feel hurt, understand, Mr. Wright? "

Dr. Edgeworth then hit Phoenix chest very slowly with both his hands.

"OOOOOOOOOOWWWWW !!!!!!!! Owwww !!!!!!!!! Owwww !!!!!!!!!! "shouted Phoenix, his cries echoed throughout the room. Maya covered her mouth. She wanted to run from the room now. Maya turned to Larry and Mrs. Samantha, it appears they also don’t stand to see Phoenix in pain like that. Larry grimaced, while Mrs. Samantha sobbed silently.

Maya: Someone else cried! Someone else cried that’s not me!

Edgeworth: No poppers.

Maya: I wasn't going to! You act like I can’t take a hint!

Edgeworth: You can't take a hint. You can barely take multiple direct verbal warnings.

"It’s hurt, Mr. Wright? Hmmm, though I hit your chest slowly…." Dr. Edgeworth sighed. "Well, now we have to examine how large the tumor has grown .......... We had to x-ray your chest. Nurse Athena, take Mr. Wright to X-ray room. Don’t wear your hospital gown yet, Mr. Wright. "

They went to the X-ray room. Phoenix brought inside by nurse Athena and Dr. Edgeworth, while Maya, Larry, and Mrs. Samantha waited outside. They waited in silence and anxious when suddenly Maya’s cell phone rang.

Maya pulled out her cell phone, intends to answer the phone, but after seeing the name on the phone's screen, she frowned. Who the heck this Klavier? She thought. She didn’t remember that she has friends or relatives named Klavier. Shrugging, Maya answered the call.

"Maya Fey is speaking, how can I help you?"

The caller voice sounded confused.

"Maya Fey ?? Are you Kristoph’s new girlfriend? Can I speak to Kristoph?"

Edgeworth: So… the phones were switched.

Phoenix: So that... actually mattered?

Edgeworth: This raises the question of why Kristoph Gavin’s phone was on the ground in the safe room in the first place.

Maya:... Oh.

Phoenix: I think “pointless” was a lot less of a problem than the one that you just pointed out.

Kristoph? Thought Maya, feel more confused. Okay, why the heck he thinks I’m Kristoph’s girlfriend?

Maya: Probably because you keep letting people fondle you, Crya.

Phoenix: Not Kristoph, though.

Maya: He didn’t? I lost track. Maybe not.

"Um, I'm sorry sir, you have the wrong number. This phone number is belong to Maya Fey, not Kristoph, "said Maya.


Phoenix: Edge-

Edgeworth: It is closest in definition to “caution” or “danger”.

Phoenix: So it doesn't make any sense for him to say it when he did, then.

Maya: Maybe it’s his shtick or something.

Phoenix: That’s a pretty weird shtick. I don't think I could take someone like that seriously.

Of course this is Kristoph’s number! He never change his cell phone number for ten years! Explain who you are, Mrs. Maya Fey!"

Maya: I need to marry someone just so they’ll get my name right.

Phoenix: It would have to be someone else also named “Fey”, right?

Maya: No, I keep the name. It’d be weird for the master to not have the clan’s name.

Phoenix: Oh, yeah, true. So I guess it could be anyone.

Maya: Mmm-hmm.


Maya:...What!? Management, move it along!

Maya was just about to answer when Dr. Edgeworth, nurse Athena, and Phoenix out of the x-ray room. Maya hurriedly hung up and put her phone back into her pocket.

"How did the examination, Dr. Edgeworth?" asked Maya timid, knew that there was something wrong because Phoenix's face looked sad and Dr. Edgeworth face looked resigned.

Edgeworth: Maybe something isn’t wrong. Maybe they just realized you had sustained brain damage when they heard you ask how the examination “did”.

Maya: How did the examination, though? Good? Did it good?

Wordlessly, Dr. Edgeworth submits the results of X-ray into Maya’s hands. Mrs. Samantha and Larry are peering.

Maya immediately felt dizzy when she saw the x-ray result. Almost entire Phoenix’s lungs area has been covered by the malignant tumor, the tumor even matches the size of a baseball.

Phoenix: How have I been breathing?

Maya: Probably the same way you fell off a bridge and came out with a cold.

Phoenix:... So luck.

Maya: Yeah.

"But you can operate him, are you, Dr. Edgeworth? Don’t say you can’t !! We try hard to get the money of US $ 250,000 so Nick can be operated here!" cried Maya.

Phoenix: Wow, thanks for the concern.

Maya: I might have robbed a bank for nothing, what a terrible fate. Now I just have $250,000.

Edgeworth: I assume that was an attempt to remind me of the money in an attempt to persuade me. Which means your counterpart has an incredibly low opinion of me.

Phoenix: Maybe that's because you put half of the money into bathtubs.

Edgeworth: The fact that I would spend this much money on a hospital is a problem in and of itself!

"Calm down, Mrs. Fey. Of course I could operate him. We also have checked Phoenix’s blood, and we can’t operate Mr. Wright in a hurry." said Dr. Edgeworth.

"What's wrong, Doctor? What Nick’s blood to do with the operation? "asked Maya confusion.

Phoenix: Because if my blood sucks it’ll leave my body quicker when I’m cut open and I’ll die.

Maya: Crya asking the tough questions.

"The lab results of Mr. Wright’s blood showed that his Hemoglobin or HB is less than 7%. His leukocytes also showed 12,000 hpf, which means there is a possibility that Mr. Wright had an infection inside. Normal leukocytes are 6,000 to 10,000 hpf. Mr. Wright’s platelets also just 100,000, while safest platelets to carry out the surgery is over 150,000. Not to mention that his blood pressure was only 70/60. We must raise his blood pressure to 110 minimum. With blood conditions like this, it would be very dangerous if we operated Phoenix in a hurry. Bleeding can occur. Well, so we have to do a blood transfusion to increase the level of Mr. Wright’s hemoglobin, also to raise his platelet. That means, Mr. Wright will stay here long enough. "

Edgeworth: I’ve never seen a scientist speak in both technical terms and idiot before.

Phoenix: I detect some bitterness in that statement.

Edgeworth: What an astute observation.

Maya: Uh… Nick?

Phoenix: What? Why are we whispering?

Maya: You know, I think Edgeworth is actually really mad.

Phoenix: Yeah?

Maya: I mean, like, you were kinda exaggerating how mad you were too during this, right? To be funny?

Phoenix: Yeah, a little bit, of course. Why?

Maya: I don't think he’s exaggerating.

Phoenix: Me neither.

Maya: Should we do something?

Phoenix: Letting it pass is probably the smartest choice.

"It's okay, Doctor! The important thing is my son can fully recover! I believe in you!" said Mrs. Samantha, her eyes still red from too much crying.

Dr. Edgeworth smiled a little. "I'll try my best, Mrs. Wright. Well, to make Mr. Wright’s blood pressure could quickly rise, he should eat a lot of vegetables, drink much milk and juice. The faster Mr. Wright’s blood pressure rose, the faster he will operated, and the sooner he will recover. If Mr. Wright’s blood pressure has gone up to number 110, then we will carry out a blood transfusion to increase his hemoglobin and platelets. Okay, all of you can come back to the room. "

Maya: So now you’re not just stubborn, you’re a bad eater?

Phoenix: That’s your fault. I used to eat veggies all the time when I went to places other than burger joints literally every day.

Maya: Hey! Burger joints serve vegetables! Potato is a vegetable!

Phoenix: Yeah, that’ll do wonders for my hemoglobin and platelets.

They all went back to Phoenix’s room, and when Phoenix and Mrs. Samantha was asleep, Maya pulled Larry’s arms.

"Let's get out, Larry, I want to talk to you," said Maya, leading Larry out from the room.

"What’s wrong, Maya?" asked Larry confusion when they are outside Phoenix’s room.

"Larry, do you know a man named Klavier?"

"Yes. He is the younger brother of Kristoph Gavin. Is there anything with him, Maya? "asked Larry again.

"Uh, well, he had called me. I told him dialed a wrong number, but he insisted that he call Kristoph’s phone number. "

Larry frowned. "Very weird. Hmm ...... have you checked your phone again, Maya? "
Maya looked at Larry with astonishment. "What for? It's my phone, I don’t need to check it out, I remember all contents in my cell phone. "

Edgeworth: “Astonishment”. As if it isn’t possible the phones were simply mixed up at some point.

Maya: I haven’t looked at my phone this whole time!? I never even tried to let Pearly know I was leaving the country?

Phoenix: I don’t think Pearls exists in this.

Maya: Oh, right. “Only family I have left” and all that. But why is Pearly gone anyway?

Phoenix: Because this way you don't have any other “pillars”. It raises the stakes about two centimeters, can't pass that up.

Larry shrugged. "I don’t know ... maybe you took the wrong cell phone when we were in Mr. Gavin safe deposit box room? "

Maya laughed. "Really, Larry, how could I not recognize my own cell phone?"

"Check it, Maya," says Larry patiently. Maya raised an eyebrow, then pulled her phone out of her pocket, and opened it. Looks like Larry's right that she had mistakenly taken the phone while they are in the bank. The phone's wallpaper is a beautiful woman who Maya didn’t recognize, while Maya’s cell phone wallpaper is one of Steel Samurai scene.

Maya: I haven’t even looked at it once!? Really!?

Phoenix: Something about the chaos of the moment, I don’t know.

Maya: I don’t get how one story can have this many problems. Do you, Nick?

Phoenix: Are you telling me you aren’t used to it by now?

Curious, Maya then checked the contents of the cell phone, and how shocked she was when opening the Notes application on the cell phone.

Phoenix: Is there actually going to be something shocking, or is it just going to be normal notes of Kristoph's?

Edgeworth: There is reason to believe it will hold plot significance.

Phoenix: And a lot more reason to believe it won't.


*The lights come on*

Phoenix: So, I take it you’re not hung over anymore?

Edgeworth: No. I can’t believe Management would invade my privacy in such a manner.

Speaker:... Heh.

Edgeworth: What on earth was that laugh supposed to mean?

Phoenix: So… I guess we should keep going, right? Sooner the better?

Maya: I’m… on the edge of my seat…

Phoenix: You seem tired.

Maya: I am tired.

*Join us next time for the most emotionally trying chapter yet!

In more ways than one.*

Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Endlessly boring people about Franziska

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Hi, guys, I just want to say this is a fantastic thread, and I may or may not have been inspired to make an account just for this before spreading out to other parts of the site.

It's inspiring me to write, definitely. Whether any of that inspiration will make it to a page, only time will tell. Maybe one day you will spork a thing of mine.

Speaking of! What is the process people generally go through to spork a work? Is there a process? Because I'd like to contribute a sporking someday, in return for all the joy I've gotten from these.
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On a road to nowhere.

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TurtleCat wrote:
Hi, guys, I just want to say this is a fantastic thread, and I may or may not have been inspired to make an account just for this before spreading out to other parts of the site.

It's inspiring me to write, definitely. Whether any of that inspiration will make it to a page, only time will tell. Maybe one day you will spork a thing of mine.

Speaking of! What is the process people generally go through to spork a work? Is there a process? Because I'd like to contribute a sporking someday, in return for all the joy I've gotten from these.

There's no real process, you just pick a fic and spork it. You can do pretty much anything you want with it, provided it follows the rules on the front page.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Professional Time Waster

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Obviously, I'm pretty new myself, but my process is like this. Find a fanfiction. I like to go in blind, so that any misconceptions or speculations are unbiased by hindsight, but sometimes hindsight can have just as many benefits. Then, when I think of something funny to say about a certain passage, I'll take said funny thing and style to the person it suits the most. Then, develop that into a conversation of whatever length, and move on to the next. Then, once I'm done a chapter, I'll go back through the whole chapter, fill any long stretches of text that don't have any commentary, correct any "oh, they did mention that, I'm just an idiot" type errors, and so on. Then, I read through the spork a few more times, giving it a few days to sit so I can look at it more objectively, and then I put up that chapter. Repeat for all subsequent chapters.

But that's just my process. Maybe it sucks, I dunno.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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By the way, my sporking was of the badly-written lemon Phoenix/Maya.
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TurtleCat wrote:
What is the process people generally go through to spork a work? Is there a process? Because I'd like to contribute a sporking someday, in return for all the joy I've gotten from these.

Like DrOcsid said, there isn't really a process, and if there is, I sure as heck haven't followed it. If you like, though, you could tell us which fic you're sporking when you make the decision, so that way someone else won't be working on the same fic at the same time, like what happened with the Blackmail sporking. My rules are just to have fun, try to make the characters as IC as possible, and well, following the forum rules, I guess?

Nepeta wrote:
By the way, my sporking was of the badly-written lemon Phoenix/Maya.

OK, I'll be sure to take it off the list of available fics. Also, be sure you use cut summaries for anything that's super explicit, as per forum rules (unless you're posting your sporking elsewhere.)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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The Enigma

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This thread needs more DGS to spork!
I've heard rumors… Bramimond, one of the eight legends, devoted himself entirely to the dark. All emotion, all memory… dissolved in a river of dark. That is how he received the power to best dragons
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Skittlemask wrote:
OK, I'll be sure to take it off the list of available fics. Also, be sure you use cut summaries for anything that's super explicit, as per forum rules (unless you're posting your sporking elsewhere.)

Yes, I already cut some of it due to me being uninspired, but in retrospective it's good I did it
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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APOLLO JUSTICE: “Oh, how fun.”


ATHENA CYKES: “Why am I here?”

:sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
This fic is pretty bad—terrible characterization, run-on sentences galore, and general badfic-ness.

Spoiler: The double life of Apollo Justice by KasaiStormDog - prologue
ATHENA: I looked at the note the Management gave me and it doesn’t look like I’m in this fic.

APOLLO: Wait, you got a note?

ATHENA: Sure did! Take that!

APOLLO: It’s…an apology letter?

ATHENA: I think the Management kind of felt sorry that they brought me into a fic I’m not even in. They needed someone to keep you and Ema from descending into despair or something.

EMA: Why would we need that? We're practically veterans.

APOLLO: Oh! Ema! I didn’t see you there.

EMA: *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* I don’t know why. *MUNCH MUNCH* I’m right up there on the *MUNCH* sporker board.


ATHENA: Eek! What was that for?!

APOLLO: If you got a note from the Management explaining the situation… <he slams a conveniently-placed desk> THEN WHY WERE YOU WONDERING WHY YOU’RE HERE?!



ATHENA: ……… Apollo, are you feeling okay?

ALL: …………………

APOLLO: I think I’m just trying to get some normalcy from this.

ATHENA: Oh. Well that makes sense. I mean, what’s more normal for you than yelling and shouting “objection”?

EMA: *MUNCH MUNCH* Let’s just get this thing going. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*
My earliest memory was of music. It was of my mother – my real mother before I was taken away – singing me to sleep.

ATHENA: The note says that this is in Apollo’s point of view.

APOLLO: Oh. Well that’s useful to know, I guess.

EMA: What other things does that note say?

ATHENA: I can’t give spoilers. Sorry.

APOLLO: Why do you get all of the useful information?

ATHENA: <she grins> Since I’m not in this fic I can see this from an objective standpoint!

APOLLO: (Somehow I doubt she’ll be able to keep her “objective standpoint”.)
She had the most gorgeous voice a kid could ever hear, strong enough to make a grown man cry. I was still young, very young when I first held an instrument, my mother's old violin.

ATHENA: Your mom played the violin?

APOLLO: According to this fic. I wouldn’t count on it being accurate or anything, though.

ATHENA: Yeah, good point. <looks at her note> I mean, how accurate can this be considering it has 3 Sahwits?

APOLLO: You have the rating too?

WIDGET: You bet I do! Loser!

EMA: It’s not rated M so I doubt that it’ll have smut. Don’t worry, Justice.

APOLLO: (Why does everyone seem to know about this fic except me?)
I thought it was a toy at first and when she saw me, she dashed to take it away. I cried, cried like I'd never done before when she did.

ATHENA: You’re really a big crybaby, aren’t you?

APOLLO: You’re one to talk, Ms. I-Cry-Over-Every-Little-Thing!

ATHENA: At least I know how to not bottle up my emotions! *ka-tonk* Ow!

APOLLO: *ka-tonk* !

EMA: Will you two knock it off? You’re making this a lot longer than it needs to be.
I was about eighteen months old when she gave the violin back.

EMA: Eighteen months is still practically a baby.

ATHENA: Then why did she give him back a fragile instrument?

EMA: Who knows? It’s hard to tell what authors are thinking.

ATHENA: Apparently the author who wrote goes by the name of EvilWaffleS. She changed her username since then but that’s what everyone knows her by.

APOLLO: EvilWaffleS… Now why does that sound so familiar?

EMA: It’s definitely ringing some bells for me too.

ATHENA: Maybe they had another fic sporked here? *MUNCH*

EMA: Hands off the Snackoos, Cykes!
I could talk by then, just the same bland old words a kid my age could say,

APOLLO: So not that many, then?

EMA: Likely. Eighteen-month babies don’t really have a developed enough brain to be able to make sense of too many words. Scientifically speaking.

ATHENA: And from a psychological standpoint, I concur with that statement!

APOLLO: …Thanks.

ATHENA: If you want, I can give you a psychological breakdown for an eighteen month baby!

APOLLO: I’m good, thanks. I try to avoid anything that has “psychological” and “breakdown” in the same sentence. It might trigger something.

along with the letters A-G in the alphabet. That was when my mother taught me to read music, before I could read text in a book, I could understand the lines on manuscript paper.

ATHENA: You’d think it would be higher priority to teach you child to read before they learned how to read music.

EMA: And a kid that young wouldn’t even be able to understand it that well anyway. If you really tried to teach a baby that, you’d pretty much be wasting your time. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

APOLLO: I hear that babies can learn to read a lot faster than people give them credit for.

EMA: They can learn the basics of how to read. They don’t really start learning things until they’re…two and-a-half or three.

ATHENA: It still doesn’t hurt to start ’em early!
By the time I reached the age of two, I could play a violin and flute at the same level as a kid in their early teens –

APOLLO: … <sweating>

ATHENA: … <contemplative>


APOLLO: I know child prodigies are a thing but…

ATHENA: Those child prodigies are at least not toddlers anymore. They’re pre-school age at the youngest. And it’s usually not with two instruments.

EMA: Like I said. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* It’s hard to understand these authors.

ATHENA: But…how good would that teen be? If they were really bad I think it would make more sense.

APOLLO: I get the feeling that’s not what the author was going for.
obviously though, I found it hard to reach some of the keys and strings.

ATHENA: How would baby-fic Apollo have trouble reaching the strings? I thought you played the violin with horsehair on a stick.

APOLLO: I think the author’s talking about the strings on the neck of the violin.

ATHENA: I didn’t know you knew so much about violins, Apollo! <she grins>

APOLLO: I don’t. My old boss Kristoph Gavin used to play it and I had to take clean it. It was useful to know what all the parts of a violin were called.

ATHENA: <plays with her earring> Is that a step up or a step down from scrubbing the toilet, I wonder?

EMA: Step up. At least cleaning a violin sounds classy.
In my mother's eyes I was a natural – a child prodigy you might say

EMA: “Might”?
and it was only when my father died that new people learned of my talents.

APOLLO: You’d think that fic!me’s parents would be showing off their abnormally talented son.

ATHENA: I guess they didn’t want to scare other babies with those horns of yours!

APOLLO: Why does everyone always go after my hair?!
My mother was a witness to my father's death

ATHENA: That doesn’t make sense. Apollo’s dad—


ATHENA: …Whoops.

EMA: The only information we had to Apollo’s dad was that he was killed in a stage accident. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* It wasn’t a murder.

APOLLO: Why would the author try to change it, though?

EMA: Trust me, it really is for the best to not try to get into these authors’ minds.

ATHENA: The author being EvilWaffleS… Hmm, I wonder why the author thinks that waffles are evil?

EMA: I just told you, it’s best not to– <gasps>

APOLLO: What is it, Ema?




ATHENA: <opens the Mood Matrix> It looks like Ema’s really upset about something. Something’s triggered a lot of negative emotions.

APOLLO: Like what?

ATHENA: Anger, frustration, disgust… This is going to take a while to sift through. You should continue with the sporking while I do this.


APOLLO: (I hope Ema’s okay. She’s munching in bulk.)
and I found myself sat in the witness lobby

APOLLO: “I found myself sat in the witness lobby”? What kind of messed-up phrasing is that?

ATHENA: I don’t think this author proof-read this story. <flashes the peace sign> Proofreading is your friend!

APOLLO: Not this author’s.

ATHENA: <looking at the Mood Matrix carefully>

APOLLO: Athena?

ATHENA: Got it! <looks worriedly at Ema> Ema, the thing that’s causing you this much distress is…the author of this fanfic?

Ema: ! Ah! Yes…you’re right. *munch munch munch*

APOLLO: (Phew. I’m glad she’s at least chewing slower now. I thought she’d chew her tongue out with all of that munching.)

ATHENA: But why? Is it possible that…you’ve sporked something that this author wrote before?

EMA: Yes, that’s exactly it. <she puts away her Snackoos> This author wrote the fic Blackmail.

APOLLO: Grnk…! Oh…no, not this author again…

ATHENA: What? What was Blackmail about?

APOLLO: It was really bad. Let’s just leave it at that.

ATHENA: Oh, one of those fics, huh?

APOLLO: Yeah. (Whatever she’s talking about.)

ATHENA: Well I guess we figured out the mystery then! Now I know exactly how low to make my standards!

APOLLO: You mean they weren’t already low enough?!
with my mother's best friend in front of me. My mother's best friend

EMA: That’s really redundant.

ATHENA: I wasn’t gonna say anything but…

EMA: No, say all you want about this fic! <chucks a Snackoo at the screen> I don’t care! It deserves it!

APOLLO: (Note to self: keep distance from Ema at all costs.)
was a sweet lady, the kind of girl who looked so innocent, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth and she was that innocent.

EMA: Oh, look, more redundancy. What a surprise.

Sporking TV screen: *ka-tonk*

ATHENA: What kind of phrase is “so innocent butter won’t melt in your mouth”?

APOLLO: I thought it meant something for being so cool butter won’t melt in your mouth?

EMA: Or being insincere. Something like that. Either way, it’s a dumb thing to say. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*
It was the second day of the trial and for some reason I had brought the violin with me. I was trying to keep myself occupied by playing it.

APOLLO: Why would fic!me get brought to a courtroom? Couldn’t they have just had my mother’s friend take care of me while I stayed home?
What I hadn't realised was the speaker system the prosecutors used to call witnesses and the sound of my violin came through.

APOLLO: <sweating> ……

ATHENA: <sweating> ……

EMA: I really hope that this author knows the difference between speakers and microphones.

APOLLO: I…I don’t think they do.

ATHENA: I don’t think my standards were low enough. <contemplates for a moment> Maybe we’re not understanding something? This author isn’t very good at explaining what’s going on.

APOLLO: Yeah, let’s go with that. (I refuse to believe that someone thinks that speakers are the same thing as mics.)
That was when I was declared a true child prodigy.

ATHENA: What, now it has to be a legal thing now?

EMA: I guess. You guys are the lawyers, shouldn’t one of you know?

ATHENA: Ah! Uhm… Apollo? You’re my senior co-worker so you’d know more than me… <she combs her fingers through her hair nervously>

APOLLO: Uhm… O-Of course not! That’s ridiculous! (I’m channeling my best Mr. Wright bluff here. She’d better buy it.)

Ema: <smirks> You’ve still got a long way to go before you even come become half the bluffer Mr. Wright is.

APOLLO: Urk. (Well I thought it was pretty good.)
I was taken from my mother for my own safety and her best friend had raised me with her parents at the local orphanage.

ATHENA: Apollo?


ATHENA: Which one should I point out first?

EMA: We could just leave them. I don’t want to be here all day. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*
When I was five, I borrowed one of the older kids' saxophones and luckily inherited my mother's powerful singing voice.

ATHENA: <sweating> Of course he did.

I began to compose my own music, entering young composer's competitions and always winning.


EMA: Now this is just getting dumb. Well dumber. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

APOLLO: (Why do I get the feeling that their annoyance is directed at me?)
That was when I met Sara and Jacob – fellow orphans from the orphanage –

APOLLO: Wait, so I was taken from my parents for my safety by my mother’s best friend, right? And then I was dumped at an orphanage?

ATHENA: That’s really mean.

EMA: I bet she knew that Apollo was going to grow up to be a Gary-Stu and couldn’t bear to be around him. Can’t fault them all that much for that. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*
Sara was a guitarist and Jacob played bass. They marvelled at how well I could play and we agreed to compose music together.

ATHENA: If Apollo’s some kind of prodigy wouldn’t he be, y’know, miles ahead of them?

APOLLO: Why are you still trying to make sense in this fanfic?

ATHENA: Somebody’s gotta! You and Ema have already given up! Now I know why the Management needed me. You two wouldn’t have been anything but an angry stormcloud.
At eight years old I composed a piece of music called 'The Steel Samurai' – sound familiar?

APOLLO: …What?

EMA: *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* If we go by this timeline, Apollo couldn’t have been much older than eleven. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

ATHENA: <deadpan> Seriously? How could the author have not seen how dumb that was?

APOLLO: The Steel Samurai theme isn’t nearly the masterpiece that this author thinks it is.

EMA: I agree. Just because something’s catchy and famous doesn’t mean it’s good. Take the glimmerous fop, for example. *MUNCH MUNCH*

APOLLO: But…catchy?

EMA: He’s a highly contagious disease. The Gavinner disease to be precise. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

APOLLO: (How does that even make any sense?)
It should, I won the competition and my orchestral song was used as the theme song for the T.V. show – this is why people recognised me as a composer.

ATHENA: I thought that the point of this story was so Apollo could lead a superstar secret life? Being famous under your real name sounds really counterproductive.

EMA: So that’s what this story’s about? It sounds like that old Disney Channel sitcom Hannah Montana.

ATHENA: I’ve never heard of it.

APOLLO: Me neither.

EMA: Well now you’re making me feel old.

ATHENA: Well the author mentioned that they got the idea from there so I guess that explains it.
Then from middle school onwards, me, Sara, Jacob and our new friend Izzie composed and performed our own rock music.

That went on until college, where we concentrated more on our studies and less on out music.

ATHENA: You’d that the author would have them focus on their music instead. Considering all of this and all.
Many people in famous rock bands, or any kind of music to be honest approached me to compose music and I continued to do so. Rarely, I and my band would also go on tour with the people I had met.

EMA: The author mixed it up. Apollo definitely let his studies go. I mean, how does that make any sense?

Sporking TV screen: *ka-tonk*

APOLLO: Then I guess I must have become a lawyer much later in life. I worked my butt off to get my attorney’s badge as young as I did.

ATHENA: Hmm… I wonder what the author is trying to say with, “Rarely, I and my band would also go on tour with the people I had met”?

EMA: This author didn’t even care at that point, did they?
I'd gone on tour with Guns N' Roses before and hell – that rocked – that's no lie and many other bands treated me like a god.

ATHENA: <playing with her earring>

APOLLO: What is it?

ATHENA: I feel like I should make an obligatory joke about Apollo.

APOLLO: I’m right here, you know. Not that it ever stopped you before but…

ATHENA: No, not you Apollo, the other Apollo. The Greek one from mythology.


EMA: Well now you can’t. You already ruined the moment. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

APOLLO: (I guess they’re gonna ignore the part about Guns N’ Roses. It’s probably for the best.)
So why don't people recognise me when I'm walking down the street?

EMA: Good question. Apollo’s horns are pretty identifiable.

APOLLO: There are other things about me that people identify me with, thank you.
Why don't I have crazed fan girls running after me?

ATHENA: <grinning> Because his horns scare them away?

Well…you'll have to read on to find out –

ATHENA: Why, though? It says so in the description of the fic.

EMA: The writer forgot what she wrote? That seems to happen a lot.
but here's a clue, who says you can't be someone you're not?

EMA: Basic logic, I’d say. *MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

ATHENA: Huh. Well that wasn’t so bad.

APOLLO: That was still just the first chapter. And it wasn’t even that long.

ATHENA: Still, how bad could it be?

EMA: Trust us, this author’s stories can go down the drain really quickly.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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I liked your sporking, Autumnal.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Autumnal, the fact the names were in all caps bothered me. Please don't do that while editing my sporking!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Autumnal's Note which should be known before reading this sporking:
Another thing, this author is apparently fourteen (!!!)* and acquaintances with KasaiStormDog (i.e. EvilWaffleS) who wrote the Blackmail fic, demonizes Klavier in nearly ALL of her AA stories, writes Apollo as some angel from heaven, and obnoxiously ships Ema/Apollo. That's probably why this author shoehorned in the Emapollo ship for no apparent reason.
* = I, Nepeta myself, am a year older.

A secret told
Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
The fact that this isn't rated a Dahlia is that at least the author remarks it's bad, and the spelling is rather okay. The grammar, however, is a different thing.

The sporkers of today:

Phoenix! :nick-sweat:
"Four Sahwits...we're off to a good start, people!"

Maya! :maya:
"Aw, come on, Nick! We'll survive!"

[The sporkers arrive in the theater, and as soon as Phoenix and Maya sit down, Phoenix grabs the script]

A secret told
by Zeldakeeper

Maya: Ooh, I wonder which secret will be told!

i suck at these... Maya confesses, some stuff's a lemon Phoenix/Maya...i promise the story is better then this

Phoenix: We have to survive a lemon?

Maya: Let's hope this isn't bad.

Phoenix: [sighs] All of the fanfics shown here are bad, Maya. Otherwise, we wouldn't be sporking them.

[The lights dim]

Spoiler: The main part of the fanfic; Warning, some bad porn, although I censored most part of it out. Still warnings though; I just had to have them reacting to it.
Maya sighed and rubbed her forehead, damn that attorney, he could never take a hint could he.

Maya: Wait, is this a reference to that song?

Phoenix: Oh no...

Maya: Why am I always hit on by the boys I never like
I can always see 'em coming, from the left or from the right

Phoenix: Maya, please.

Maya: I don't want to be a priss, I'm just try'na be polite. But it always seems to bite me in the...

Phoenix: Maya!

Maya: Sorry, I got a little...carried away. [smiles]

She felt a slight tingle at the thought of his name, she loved him that much was true but she also LUSTED after him, she wanted him inside her and badly.

Phoenix: I can barely understand that, but unfortunately I get the gist of it.

Maya: Normally speaking, I just try to have fun, but this is already sounding hopeless.

Phoenix: I know you're not really doing so... as far as I know.

Maya: If this is getting worse, who knows what I'm in for.

Phoenix: Maya, we've just started sporking.

In any way possible, be it anal, oral or just plain sex.

Phoenix: Ugh.

Maya: What kind of pervert does the author think I am?

Phoenix: The story hasn't even gotten visual yet! These are just musings!

Maya: [smiles weakly] Luckily.

She hated and was disgusted at herself for thinking like that, but wasn't it normal for a girl to feel like that?

Phoenix: So fic-you has gotten a very little bit of common sense left? Color me surprised.

Maya: Fic-me, for the record, thinking like that isn't normal.

Phoenix: At least, not thinking like that about me.

Or was she just a freak? Maya wished Mia or her Mother were here.

Maya: Mother?

Phoenix: You mean why it is capitalized?

Maya: No, I'm asking why I'm suddenly asking for Misty.

Phoenix: First you curse me, then you're a pervert about me. I would call at least someone if that'd happen. Preferably the asylum.

Maya: Do I have to remind this author Misty was killed in the third game?

Speakers: We'd like to remind you that breaking the fourth wall is strictly prohibited!

She was so enchanted by her own feelings; it felt like she was torn in two. Who could she talk too? She grabbed her mobile phone and flicked though her contact list, "ah... I could always ask her"

Maya: Hopefully she doesn't mean Misty. [teary-eyed] I don't want her poor soul to be tortured!

Phoenix: I think fic-you means Mia.

Maya: If this gets any worse, chances are big I will be channeling her.

Speakers: We would politely ask you to refrain from channeling for now.


Phoenix: Is that supposed to be a timeskip?

Maya: Don't know, "0X0X0" sounds pretty weird.

Maya knocked on the wooden door, she felt sick "Maya what were you thinking", she cursed to herself.

Maya: Yeah, what is fic-me doing?

Phoenix: I think your answer is in that question. It's fic-you, after all.

Maya: The devoid of closing quotes is starting to bother me.

Phoenix: Maya, this whole fic is bothering me.

The door opened to reveal a happy smiling face, it was Ema Skye.

Phoenix: Seems like I was wrong about Mia.

Maya: I don't know what this is leading up to, but we'll see.

Her hair was tied into a small bun and her face was clean of any make up, she had bags around her eyes and was wearing a soft cotton nightie. Not to glamorous, but nobody expects you to be glamorous when you are pregnant.

Maya: They made her pregnant?

Phoenix: Let me guess, Klavier's the dad?

"Ah Maya hello, come in, I will put the kettle on"Oh no, don't trouble yourself"

Maya: The grammar starts to become a little cringey.

Phoenix: The grammar was always cringey in this fanfic, Maya.

Maya said flashing a fake smile, she had used many times around Pearly and Nick, she followed Ema inside the house.

Maya: They made me manipulative too?

Phoenix: Seems like it.

She kicked of her shoes and stacked them on the shoe rack, amazingly the house was spotless,

Phoenix: Ema's house isn't that bad.

Maya: How do you know?

Phoenix: [starts sweating a little] Eh...she was my assistant...when you were gone?

Maya: [glares]

Phoenix: Alright...let's go on.

Maya sat down on the wooden chair she tucked her knees under her chin and hugged them close. Ema sat down next to Maya and smiled "what is the matter?"

Maya: The matter? Tell me about something that isn't the matter here.

Maya breathed in slowly, "I... I... want to..." Ema tilted her head "want to...?" Maya swallowed

Maya: Get on with it already!

"um...I...I...what does sex feel like?" she blurted out.

Maya: So that was why I wanted to visit her.

Phoenix: I still cannot get after the author's motivation to make her pregnant.

Maya turned beetroot and stared at the floor,

Maya: "Turned beetroot"? Like, the vegetable?

Phoenix: I guess that's just a spelling mistake.

Ema laughed "oh Maya, you are worried over nothing". She grabbed Maya and pulled her into a hug "is this about you and Phoenix?" Um...yes" "Maya it is normal to feel this way"

Maya: [agitated] For the second time, fic-me, feeling like that isn't normal.

Maya felt a flood of relief wash though her "how did you and Polly... "

Phoenix: [sighs] But anyways, I could never have guessed Apollo is the dad! That's more something for Juniper...

Maya: Who's Juniper?

Phoenix: A defendant who has a crush on Apollo.

Ema let go of Maya, "I never asked for it, we just...did it I guess""Does it hurt for the first time?""A little but it is all worth it" she rubbed her tummy softly, Maya smiled a burning passion sprang up in her heart "Ema thank you"

Phoenix: What kind of advice is that?!

Maya: You're guessing a whole lot wrong this time. Next time you guess wrong, you'll buy me burgers! [smiles and hugs Phoenix]

Phoenix: [sighs]


Phoenix: Another timeskip, I suppose.

Phoenix sat down and sighed, Maya sat down beside him "Hey nick how was work""Shit"Maya smiled "Can I improve you day?"

Phoenix: Wow, fic-me, way to go.

He looked at her "and how can you..." he was stopped; Maya mashed her mouth against his. A burning ache in between her legs sprang up. Phoenix open his mouth in surprise, she stuck her tongue in. To her surprise he joined in with the kissing, he grabbed his shirt and started to unbutton slowly.

Maya and Phoenix: Oh no.

"Let me Nick" she grabbed a button and twisted it with her teeth. He grabbed her "m-Maya", she felt his legs buckle, she tore of his shirt and licked his nipples, he moaned softly. Just to tease him she stuck her foot near his groin and gently rubbed.

Maya: Please, can I channel Mia?

Phoenix: Maya, you've sporked worse than this!

Maya: But I can't stand it anymore!

Speakers: The Management would-

Maya: [stuffs speakers]

He quivered underneath her, "hey you can't have all the fun" she ripped of her kimono and threw it on the ground, Phoenix undid her bra and traced the outside of her perfect breasts, oh he needed her.

Mia: Ah, the sporking theater.

Phoenix: Maya!...Oh hi, Chief.

He gently grazed his teeth along her nipple. She started to shake, he started to suck slowly "oh baby let me feed you" she moaned, he sucked harder. She moaned loader, he lifted up his head and grabbed her sopping wet panties and pulled them of,

Mia: It's one of these, I see? I think I already know why Maya called me in.

Phoenix: Probably. Although I have seen worse, this is really unsavory.

Mia: I don't think that's the point.

Phoenix: Oh.

and he took one finger and stroked her womanhood slowly exploring until he found her jewel, her pressed it she screamed in pleasure, this excited him he carried on rubbing until she reach climax, she was shaking and panting,

Phoenix: I'm starting to lose my tolerance for these fics.

Mia: [pats Phoenix] There, there. Either way, I can barely comprehend these long sentences.

Phoenix: I can't either. That's the poor style of this author. Along with the bad porn.

Mia: That too.

"oh Maya our fun is not over yet".

Phoenix: Fun? Fun? This is utter porn!

Maya grabbed his head, "n-Nick" he put his head near her beauty and thrusted his tongue in her slit, she screamed. It felt so warm, he withdrew it and jabbed it in again, and again. She grabbed his hair and pushed him over and leapt on his pants and dragged them off. She stuck her hand in his boxers and pulled out his member.

Phoenix: [turns head away from screen] Cut it out!

Mia: It's good that I know my sister better than the author does. Otherwise I would have address her on this rather...distasteful move.

She almost cried in horror, it was huge. She began licking it slowly, nibbling the tip, "M...Maya please, please". She put his penis in her mouth and slowly licked it up and down, it made her gag it was so huge, each gag made him howl with pleasure. His seed exploded out of his cock and gushed down her throat. She swallowed and smiled.

Mia: Is this the visual version of Phoenix Drive?

Phoenix: Looks like it.

[More visual description]

Mia and Phoenix: Thank you!

[They continue]

"Maya" he whispered "I love you"

Phoenix: I barely showed any love for her in this whole fic?

Mia: [reads script] I don't think so.

I was really bored, so I wrote a small lemon sorry it isn't much. But oh well what do I care EIFHNGTR


Phoenix: Well, that's the right reaction, I guess.

Maya: That's one thing you guessed correct.

[The sporkers disgustedly leave the theater, hoping for a better fic in the future]

Last edited by Nepeta on Sun Oct 23, 2016 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Gee, that was an anti-climatic way to end a fic, even for a 'short lemon'.

Spoiler: Commentary on the sex stuff under the cut
I feel like I should point out that the 'it hurts first time' thing is a myth. For some people it does, but it doesn't have to hurt. Here's a tip: If any sex act hurts, then there is a problem. (Not that I have had any sex.) Also was the author trying to imply sex was only for procreation in a lemon fic? Talk about cognitive dissonance... Or was the author just trying to imply that Ema got pregnant from Apollo during their first time?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Time to do what I do best and be a nitpicky jerk:

@Mornal: I know this is a really late reply, but I'm really enjoying your sporking and all the problems that I had at first are solved by now. I look forward to the next part.

@Autumnal: Nice sporking, but the names in all caps are really bothersome. Also, that was pretty strange weird to end. Do you plan to do the rest of the chapters?

@Nepeta: The characterization was alright but I felt the sporkers spent too much time complaining about the fic instead of making fun of it. I mean, I saw a lot of missed opportunities with stuff like 'let me feed you, baby' and 'she almost cried in horror, it was huge' and all those ridiculous euphemisms that show up in every bad lemon ever. I'd also recommend not to discuss the pairings too much. We've always tried to keep things ship-neutral here.
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Thank you for the critique! And I'll get around to be doing the rest of the fic, yes.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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And, here's part 5! This one I edited a lot because it was hard to not just have them all kill themselves, but I'm pretty much done part 6, so it should be out tomorrow or the next day.


Phoenix: Two to go. Four down.

Maya: Was that out of order?

Phoenix: Can you even say that out of order?

Maya: Well, you usually say the how many are “down” first, right?

Edgeworth: Ms. Fey is correct.

Phoenix: Okay, four down, two to go, geez.

Maya: The last chapter was kind of fun! I hope it stays like that!

Phoenix: But it also kinda ended on a "things are about to get real" note.

Maya: Yeah, but still. Maybe real is fun.

*The lights dim*

"What is it, Maya?" Larry asked anxiously. "What's on the phone? Why did you suddenly sweating like that? "

Phoenix: Any guesses?

Maya: Maybe, like, an assassination plot for you.

Phoenix: I think it’ll be something like “he caused the cancer”.

Maya: That’s still an assassination plot! Don't steal my credit!

Phoenix: If giving someone cancer is an assassination plot, it’s a pretty slow-acting one.

"Look at this, Larry ...." Maya whispered as she handed the phone to Larry’s hands. Larry took at it with confused, after a few minutes he was staring at the phone screen, he was stunned.

Phoenix: “A few minutes”. How distracted did he get that it would take a few minutes?

Edgeworth: Accurate.

"No way," Larry whispered, shaking his head. On the phone, there are a variety records of transactions that is captioned "Kill Wages."

Edgeworth: Can't you lock phones?

Phoenix: Yes.

Edgeworth:... Of course Gavin wouldn’t. Of course, with information this sensitive on the phone, Gavin doesn't even put a passcode on it.

Maya: Maybe Indonesia doesn't have phones like that?

Edgeworth: I sincerely wish that was the reason, but they almost certainly do have phones like ours.

On the cell phone, written in detail the name of the client who ordered Kristoph to kill, complete with the murder plans and the targets, as well as the amount of the salaries.

Maya: Kristoph Gavin is an assassin?

Phoenix: Wait, hold on, he is!?

Edgeworth: It appears I was correct after all.

Maya:... Your smirk is even wider than normal, Mr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: I bet the only reason you care is because this is the first time you’ve actually beaten me at something.

Edgeworth: Ngrk! Not true! You’ve forgotten about the Engarde case!

Phoenix: My hands were tied, that doesn't count.

Edgeworth: Ngrk grak! Gark!

Phoenix:... Are you alright? That was a lot of weird noises.

Maya: I’ve heard weird noises are an Edgeworth specialty. I’ve even heard it bridges generations!

Edgeworth: From whom?

Maya: That’s classified. Because you’ll cut his salary and he told me not to.

Edgeworth:...I have no such authority.

Maya: What’s all the “salary evaluation” stuff, then?

Edgeworth: I simply give my opinion of his job performance and a recommendation. An activity I now look forward to.

"Mr. Gavin is an assassin?? "cried Maya, trying to overcome the shock. "And look at this record ....... Gosh ........... Many of his clients! "

Phoenix: “Many of his clients” what?

Maya: “Many of his clients were really nice people"?

Phoenix: That sounds like a contradiction to me.

Maya: Then say the word!

Phoenix: I don't feel like saying the word.

Maya: Aw, why not!?

Phoenix: That contradiction is weak, is all.

Maya: Fine! But I'm not going to do my signature phrase the next time it comes up, either!

Phoenix: What "signature phrase"? "Nick, I'm hungry"?

Maya: Uh... yeah! You'll miss it when it's gone!

Phoenix: My wallet won't.

"Indeed, Mr. Gavin is an arrogant and annoying boss, but ... .. an assassin? Never in craziest mind, Maya ........ How could the police did not arrest him, even though he has a lot of clients!" Larry said slowly.

Edgeworth: Because they haven't caught him yet! Obviously!

Phoenix: Calm down, Edgeworth. Breathe.

"You know what this means, Larry? This means ........ we pay Nick’s operating costs with money from killing people!”

Phoenix: One thing I don't get is why all the ellipses are way longer than normal.

Maya: Maybe Indonesia does it weird.

Phoenix: Maybe this writer just does it weird.

Maya: I mean… yeah… but it’s not as fun that way.

"Oh, my God, you're right, Maya," said Larry, clutching his mouth.

Maya: Clutching your mouth sounds painful.

Phoenix: How would you even talk like that?

Maya: I guessh khnda llke thsh.

Phoenix:... Oh, my ghhdnsh, yhhre rght, Maya.

Edgeworth: What on earth are you two doing?

Maya: Clutching our mouths, what does it look like?

Phoenix: It actually does hurt after a while.

"Maya, you must keep that cellphone well. Don’t lose it. After Nick finished the surgery and we returned to the States, we must immediately submit the phone to the police. "

Edgeworth: Or you could report it now. You could send them the data. Or email it to yourself and give them that. Or anything else that protects the data in case something damages it.

Maya: But what if the police think it's your data and arrest you?

Edgeworth: If Gavin has so many clients, certainly the police could track down someone on the list and have them reveal that it was Gavin to begin with if they doubted your story.

Maya:... Why do you always have to be on the winning team?

Edgeworth: Because you always insist on being a contrarian.

Maya: Hey! Not all the time!

Maya nodded in agreement, then put the phone back into her pocket.

"Mrs. Fey! Larry! Quickly call Dr. Edgeworth! Quick!" shouted Mrs. Samantha suddenly from Phoenix room. Frantically Maya and Larry ran inside, and Phoenix looked having a seizures again, bloods flowing from his ears and mouth.

Phoenix: That’s not a seizure. That’s how zombie apocalypses start.

Maya: Who would last the longest in a zombie apocalypse between us three?

Phoenix: Not Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I beg your pardon?

Phoenix: You don't think you’d get devoured instantly?

Edgeworth: And you would not? You know nothing about the operation of weapons.

Phoenix: Yeah, but you probably know even less than I do!

Edgeworth: Please. My glare alone is my weapon.

Maya: I would channel the Rock as soon as he died and I’d win.

Phoenix: AAAAAAH! You’re right!

Edgeworth: Wrong. If the Rock was so good at surviving, how did you outlive him?

Maya: Uh… oh. Uh…

Phoenix: Wow, that was a really good point.

Maya: Maybe the zombies targeted him because he’s big? Oh! That’s another reason why I’d win! The zombies wouldn't go after me because I’m smaller than you two! Less food!

Edgeworth:... They may focus on you because you are perceived as a weaker target, then.

Maya: I could fit into places the zombies couldn't go!

Edgeworth:... Not after channeling the Rock.

Maya: Okay, maybe not the Rock, uh…

Edgeworth: Anyone you channel would have been killed by zombies before you died, so they would simply die again.

Maya: What if I channeled someone who wasn't killed by zombies?

Edgeworth:... Oh.

Phoenix: Enjoy that win from earlier about Kristoph, because you just lost way harder.

Maya: Yay! I won something today!

"Hold his hands and head firmly, Mrs. Samantha, Larry! Hold! I'll call Dr. Edgeworth!" cried Maya, running as fast as lightning into Dr. Edgeworth’s room.

"DR. EDGEWORTH !!!!!! DR.EDGEWOOOORRRRTTTTTTHHHH !!!!!!! "Maya shouted breathlessly while entering Dr Edgeworth’s room.

Maya: I shouted “breathlessly”?

Phoenix: That's how people describe bad voice acting in Halo Machinimas from 2008.

Maya: Oh, I think I know what you mean!

Phoenix: How would you know anything about Halo Machinima from 2008? Weren't you eight back then?

Edgeworth: This is all just another mistake, most likely.

Maya: If we keep adding mistakes to this pile, the pile’s gonna block the screen.

Dr. Edgeworth who was examining a patient, jumped.

Maya: Is that my second kill?

Phoenix: You’re on a roll today. You would totally outlast us in an apocalypse.

Edgeworth: At this point, I… struggle to disagree.

"Mrs. Fey, what’s wrong?? Why are you screaming like that? This is a hospital, Mrs. Fey! "says Dr. Edgeworth.

Maya: No, it’s a mall.

Edgeworth: Urgh. I would rather not hear any more of that.

"NICK! Nick, Dr. Edgeworth! He seizure in his bed and his mouth and ears are bleeding, "said Maya. Before Dr. Edgeworth had time to say a word to answer, Maya gripped Dr. Edgeworth’s wrist and dragged him out of the room and ran toward Phoenix room.

"See, see Nick, Doctor! Please make the seizures stop! His blood aplenty!" cried Maya half crying.

Maya: Well, it was fun while it lasted!

Phoenix: You went a whole chapter without crying last time, though. So at least you have that, right?

Maya: That’s true! I’ll hold on to the good times, when you were the one who hated your character!

Phoenix: You act like those times are over.

"Oh my goodness," murmured Dr. Edgeworth. "Mrs. Fey, please bring a small piece of wood and rope in my room! "

"Wood and rope? For what, Doctor? "asked Maya confusion.

Edgeworth: For a makeshift noose, I hope.

Maya: Geez. That was harsh.

Edgeworth: Do you see a quicker escape from this nightmare?

"Just bring it, Mrs. Fey! We can’t allow Mr. Wright having a seizure longer! "exclaimed Dr. Edgeworth impatiently. Maya ran again, and returned shortly afterwards with a wood and rope.

Dr. Edgeworth binding Phoenix in his bed, to slow Phoenix seizures. After that he opened Phoenix mouth and insert a small piece of wood that given by Maya into Phoenix mouth. After a few minutes of tense, Phoenix finally stop seizure and fell back asleep.

Phoenix: Wait, then what was the rope for?

Edgeworth: The noose.

Maya: It's not for a noose! That's horrible!

Edgeworth: I would argue it's salvation, in this case.

"It can’t be postponed again. Mr. Wright had to be operated now. We have to do a blood transfusion to Mr. Wright today. Who among you who are willing to donate blood for Mr. Wright? "Asked Dr. Edgeworth.

"Me!" cried Mr. Antonio.

"I'm willing!" cried Mrs. Samantha.

"I’ll do it! I am young and my blood is still fresh!" said Maya.

Maya: That sentence sounded gross.

Phoenix: So did that bit about a baseball-sized tumor, but you don't see me complaining.

Maya: Well, it wouldn't be baseball-sized if you weren't such a stubborn boy!

Phoenix: AH! Please don't start with that again!

"Let me do it! It is time for me to help Nick! "Said Larry.

Phoenix: We don't even know if half of you have matching blood types.

Maya: What about the other half?

Phoenix: They’re my parents. I’m pretty sure we’d share a blood type.

Edgeworth: Indeed.

"Fine! If all of you donate your blood, it’s much better. But we have to do a test first. Come on, all of you come into my room. "Dr. Edgeworth rang the bell, and nurse Emma and nurse Athena comes.

"What is it, doctor? Anything we can do to help?" asked nurse Ema and nurse Athena simultaneously.

Phoenix: Simultaneously?

Maya: Wow, he has got them trained.

Phoenix: Or brainwashed.

Maya: That would be a better subplot than the assassin!

Phoenix: Yeah, but it’s not going to happen. It’d be way more blunt than that.

Maya: Oh, yeah. I forgot about that part. It'd go like, “They said, with creepy face and dead eyes, suggest no thought whatsoever and they’re brainwashed.”

"Please take care of Mr. Wright briefly. We should immediately carry out a blood transfusion to Mr. Wright. I had to go to my office to do some tests with Mr. Wright relatives. "

Phoenix: But you don't have to test my relatives. We have the same blood type. They’re my parents.

Edgeworth: As if you anticipated research.

Phoenix: A little, after all the science shtick in the last chapter.

Edgeworth: As if you anticipated decent research.

Maya: Remember, when in doubt, pepper spray to the eyes!

"Alright, Doctor Edgeworth."

All of them went very quickly into Dr. Edgeworth’s room, then all their blood samples were taken one by one by Dr. Edgeworth. After a few minutes, Dr. Edgeworth announced that who can donate their blood only Mrs. Samantha and Maya, as Mr. Antonio is a heavy smoker, then it will be very risky if he donated his blood to Phoenix, while Larry’s blood type is different from Phoenix. Mr. Antonio and Larry looked disappointed, and can only wait while Maya and Mrs. Samantha do blood transfusion to Phoenix.

Phoenix: Why is my dad disappointed? Did he not think that was going to happen?

Maya: “Oh, no! I won't get to poison my son with my poison blood. What a shame.”

Edgeworth: Also, I believe we should continue to note that your family has yet to play any importance whatsoever.

Phoenix: Maybe they will now?

Edgeworth: Ha!

After half an hour, but like an eternity for Larry and Mr. Antonio, finally Dr. Edgeworth out of the blood transfusion room. Phoenix blood pressure is already rising and his hemoglobin, leukocytes, also gone up, then Dr. Edgeworth immediately prepare everything necessary for Phoenix surgery. After everything is ready, they bring Phoenix into the operating room while Maya, Mr. Antonio, Mrs. Samantha, and Larry waited outside.

In the operating room ...............

"Okay, Mr. Wright. We will anesthetize you now. You won’t feel anything, just will asleep….” when Dr. Edgeworth had been just about to inject Phoenix with dope,

Phoenix: Woah, dope!?

Maya: Is dope an anesthetic?

Edgeworth: “Dope” is defined as any drug taken illegally for recreational purposes, so this cannot be “dope” of any capacity by definition.

Phoenix: That faceplanted harder than Larry two chapters ago.

Maya: That’s still really funny! Why was that so funny!?

suddenly all the lights went out, making the hospital became very dark.

"Damn! Why should a power failure at a time like this!? "grumbled Dr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Wait, really?

Edgeworth: What an irresponsibly run building. *Sigh*

Phoenix: What’s the matter?

Edgeworth: I feel attacked by this.

Phoenix: Oh, well, maybe there’s another possibility! Maya, you’re good at weird ideas, throw one out!

Maya:... What? Uh… Kristoph secretly hid on the plane and destroyed the power grid to kill Nick!

Edgeworth: That’s worse! Why would that be better!?

"Dr. Edgeworth! We must immediately bring Mr. Wright into the operating room at the top, that there is a generator!" exclaimed nurse Ema. Dr. Edgeworth nodded in agreement, then he, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena push Phoenix out of the operating room.

"Doctor Edgeworth! The hospital lights off, then what about Nick surgery? The surgery was not delayed again, right? "asked Maya hysterical when they are outside the operating room.

Phoenix: Don't cry, child. You have Larry now.

Maya: Waaaaaaaah!

Phoenix: Wait, was that real!?

Maya: Of course not! I’ve been making fun of that the whole time!

Phoenix: Okay, good. I mean, I would've cried if I was in your position when I said that, to be honest.

"Calm down, Miss Fey. We're going to operate Mr. Wright in the operating room upstairs, there is a generator there.” replied Doctor Edgeworth.

"Can we come with you?" asked Mr. Antonio.

"Of course, of course! Come on, come with us to the top. Mr. Wright, how do you feel? Does your chest hurt again? "asked Dr. Edgeworth. Phoenix shook his head slowly.

Together, all of them push Phoenix headed upstairs. They move very carefully, because the hospital was very dark, even Maya could barely see anything.

Maya: Ooh, do I have some kind of special eyes!?

Phoenix: That’s the only reason I can think of for pointing that out. You should’ve told me.

Maya: I didn't know! Maybe it’s a spirit medium thing!

They had just reached the front of the elevator when suddenly heard the sound of DUK and Prang.

Maya: Are DUK and Prang friends of yours, Nick?

Phoenix: I don't know. I wonder if DUK is an acronym.

Edgeworth: It’s obviously onomatopoeia, Wright.

Phoenix: What for?

Edgeworth: That... I can not tell you.

"Who is there?"


Maya: I hope AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH enjoys his stay at the hospital.

Edgeworth: I’m afraid there’s nothing a hospital can do for what seems to ail this man. A mental institution, perhaps.

A man jumped from the hospital window, and hit nurse Ema and nurse Athena’s head. Both of the nurse immediately collapsed to the floor.

Phoenix: From outside or inside the window?

Maya: Is this death number three?

Phoenix: It’s death number four, if you count my soul.

Edgeworth: In that case, it’s five.


"Who are you????? What are you doing ????? "cried Dr. Edgeworth hoarse, trying to cover Phoenix.

He was moving again, then punching the Dr. Edgeworth’s stomach. Dr. Edgeworth fell to his knees on the floor, clutching his stomach. The man approached Phoenix, who was still lying on a gurney. With sadistic and heartless, he takes off Phoenix IV.

Phoenix: I’d recognize that adjectives-as-nouns lack of subtlety anywhere!

Maya: It’s actually Kristoph!?

Edgeworth:... Can you please stop guessing these idiotic plot points correctly!?

Maya: I swear, I haven't read ahead!

Phoenix: Me neither!

"Hey !!!!!! Don’t hurt my son!" cried Mr. Antonio, trying to beat him with his fists. But he dodge with very agile, then hitting Mr.Antonio’s head with a gun he was carrying. Mr.Antonio fell unconscious. The man tilts the gurney, make Phoenix thrown to the floor with prone position. Phoenix immediately felt his chest crushed because of the unbearable pain.

"Hey !!!!!!! Have you gone mad !!!!! He is my patient! He is very ill! What are you doing with Mr. Wright? "cried Dr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Thanks for the reminder.

Edgeworth: I’m also inclined to thank him for all the extra exclamation points. We’ll need those to cancel out all the ellipses.

"Shut up," replied the man with a cold tone.

Edgeworth: Subtlety, we need you on this forsaken day.

Maya: Sing again! Sing again!

Edgeworth: I wasn't doing it on purpose the first time!

He fired his gun to all directions. Maya muffled shriek, and hid under a table to avoid the shot. Then suddenly everything is silent, only the sound of the mysterious man audible.

"Wake up, Wright." He grabbed Phoenix hair, and lifted Phoenix from the floor with rough.

"Mr. Antonio?! Mrs. Samantha?! Larry?! Nick? !!!!!! Nurse Ema?! Nurse Athena?! Dr. Edgeworth? What’s wrong? You guys okay ?! Please answer me! "cried Maya half crying.

Maya: *Sigh*

Phoenix: *Sigh*

Edgeworth: What?

Phoenix: You really have spaced out if you don't know what that sigh was over.

"Turn around slowly and give the phone in your hand, Mrs. Fey. ......... Or your boyfriend will die tragically in my hand. "said the mysterious man again. Maya felt she recognized the voice.

Phoenix: *Quietly chuckles*

Maya: What? What’s funny?

Phoenix: “Boyfriend”. They really aren't going to lay off, are they?

Maya: Oh. This isn't a “funny” laugh.

Phoenix: It’s half funny, half exasperated.

With horror Maya turned slowly. Mr. Antonio, Mrs. Samantha, nurse Ema, nurse Athena, Dr. Edgeworth, lying unconscious on the floor, while Larry nowhere to be found. Apparently who talk is none other than the Kristoph Gavin.

Edgeworth: This is horrific. This sentence is horrific.

Phoenix: Yeah?

Edgeworth: First of all, “Apparently”? It is or it isn't! Pick one!

Maya: O-okay.

Edgeworth: Secondly, why was this the time chosen to reveal his identity!? None of the characters even learn this information along with the reader! It’s sloppy!

Phoenix: Yeah, I don't think he’s exaggerating, Maya.

Maya: It's not too late to hope, is it?

Phoenix: It just might be.

He gripped Phoenix who looked very pale in his hand, and put a gun in Phoenix neck.

"Mr ... .Mr ....... Gavin? What are you doing here ?!" cried Maya, felt her heart sank in her chest. Kristoph laugh in a very creepy tone, made Maya’s back hair sand.

Edgeworth: Or, the story will seriously have me believe that she simply did not see him properly until now. That is also terrible.

Maya: I thought I wanted to see him angry, Nick. But I’m just scared.

Phoenix: We’re all scared.

"Of course, to take my private things that you have been taken! You think I don’t know that you and your two friends sneak my safe deposit box room and rob my money of US $ 250,000 for your darling Mr. Wright? "

"M-maya," said Phoenix, half shiver. "What is he talking about?"

Phoenix: This is the pressing matter. Not how we stop the incredibly experienced assassin trying to kill me.

Maya: Lots of movies do this kind of thing, Nick!

Phoenix: I don't like it then, either. And also it’s done way worse here.

"Oh, I see, you don’t know, Wright? Maya and her friends robbed my money for your operating costs! "said Kristoph, smiling wickedly.

"Rob??? M-maya ?? Y-you rob K-kristoph’s money for my operation costs? Say it is not true, Maya. I-it's not true, right? "asked Phoenix sputtered, and the pain in his chest strikes back. "Ackkk !!!!!!!!" He exclaimed.

Phoenix: Okay, is this one an actual heart attack?

Maya: What if they kill you after all this work?

Phoenix: You know, I hope they do. It’d be a nice excuse to leave early.

Edgeworth: If that would have worked, I’d have left three chapters ago, Wright.

"How do you know? How do you know that we are here? "interrupted Maya. Kristoph snorted a laugh.

Phoenix: Kristoph did what?

Maya: He snorted a laugh!

Phoenix: What does that mean?

Maya: He was starting a laugh, but he snorted it up and stopped. What do you think of that idea?

Phoenix: I think that… might be right?

"I found the Steel Samurai keychain in my safe deposit box room, stupid child. And on a keychain that there is the inscription: " Maya Fey belonging."

Edgeworth: Normally criminals don't bring their personal cell phones when they commit crimes for this exact reason. But of course such a precaution wouldn’t be considered.

Phoenix: Why did you put your name on a keychain?

Maya: That keychain’s a collector’s item! I’m not losing it just because of some bank robbery!

Phoenix: But you did.

Maya: Not me! Crya!

Phoenix: Also, shouldn't you have been able to tell the phone you picked up wasn't yours since it didn't have a keychain on it?

Maya: Again! Crya!

And one of the cops who pursue you could hear you calling DeLite name when trying to escape.

Edgeworth: Normally criminals don't use their real names when they commit crimes for this exact reason. But of course such a precaution wouldn’t be considered.

Maya: What should we call you?

Edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth.

Maya: But I thought you said we should use codenames!

Edgeworth: Yes, in a crime!


Edgeworth: Whatever you think you will be roping me into, I refuse.

So I promptly come to his house to get the information. With a bit of coercion, of course. He told me to meet Dr. Joaquin Ortega. The old doctor gave me the information that you're here. And when Klavier meet me at the office, he said that when he calls me, you answer, then I realized that my phone is in you.

Maya: “In me”?

Phoenix: Uh… you really shouldn't say words if you want things to just move along.

Maya: Yeah, but Kristoph said his phone was “in me”.

Phoenix: Well… yeah. But… maybe we should... not talk about that instead.

Maya: ... Good point.

Well, enough for this fun conversation.


Phoenix: Thoughts, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I would like to leave.

Phoenix: Agreed.

Speaker: You may not leave until-

Phoenix: Save it, we know.

Maya: This is a fun conversation, too.

Now, give the cell phone, little Maya Fey. If not, your boyfriend will be a victim. "

Maya: What a fun! Conversation!

Edgeworth: Please stop interjecting. I would like to continue.

Maya: But how else can I keep this really fun! Conversation! Going!?

"Ma-maya ...... ..y-you really robbed??? W-why did you do it, Maya? "whispered Phoenix stammered, his eyes drawn disappointment and sadness.


Maya: Ni-

Phoenix: Just… don't say anything. I don't like how aggressively he’s breathing right now.

"Because he's arrogant, Nick!

Phoenix: Wait, really!?


Phoenix: ...Maya, what’s wrong? Are you laughing or crying right now?

Maya: Laughing, but, like… sad laughing.

Phoenix: Crying sort of is sad laughing.

Edgeworth: Are you going into minor hysterics?

Maya: No, not that, it’s just… no… it’s just… Y’know?

I've tried to speak well to borrow money to him, but he refused, and being very arrogant! I wanted to teach him a lesson! And, Nick, he deserved it, he is very worthy robbed, because all the money in his safe deposit box was not clean money! All the money he has is money from killing others!" cried Maya.

"Wh-what do you mean, Maya?" sked Phoenix.

"Kristoph Gavin, he is an assassin! Everything is written very clearly on this phone! The entire transaction, the names of his clients, and the names of the victims!

Phoenix:... Thanks for letting me know?

Maya: Why does this make me killing two people okay?

Edgeworth: They may not have actually died.

Maya: But they would probably want to!

Edgeworth: While I agree that they’d be better off dead than in this hell, that doesn't quite relate to my point.

Therefore, I would never give it to you, Gavin! And remove your filthy hands from Nick!" cried Maya again, suddenly she jumped forward, then kicked Kristoph’s shins. Kristoph groans with pain, then dropped the gun he was holding, and release his grip from Phoenix.

"Run, Nick! Quickly run!!!!!!RUN!!! "Maya shouted as loud as she can.

Phoenix: I thought I was incapacitated because of my lung cancer.

Edgeworth: That’s because you are incapacitated.

Maya: Are you just going to fall down or something?

Phoenix was initially confused, but eventually he tried to run. However, only a few steps running slowly, he was exhausted. His chest felt incredible pain. Kristoph, which has been regaining his balance, pulling Phoenix’s legs and grabbed him back. Then he punched Phoenix chest, making the young lawyer was screaming in pain and his mouth spit blood.

Maya: Ew.

Phoenix: Ew is right. Why does this story seem to like making me sick so much?

Maya: Maybe it’s like, their fetish.

Phoenix: Maybe, let’s check.

Maya: Okay… They’re all sickfics about you, Nick. Half the profile.

Phoenix: So you’re saying half the profiles are “Nick Sickfics”?

Maya: I want to tell you to try the pun again, but I’m too tired.


Phoenix: That was really eloquent and long-winded for what should have just been something to the effect of “pick on someone your own size”.

Maya: In all caps. The entire rant was really loud, too.

Kristoph eyes gleamed slyly, then he grabbed Phoenix hair. Then abruptly, he tore Phoenix hospital gown.

Phoenix: Shipping or rape, any guesses?

Maya: Please be shipping.

Edgeworth: Neither.

"Well, well, well ......... You're challenging me, Mrs. Fey? You want to see your dear boyfriend die painfully and slowly freezing in front of you? Isn’t it better if he dies? If he dies, he doesn’t need to feel pain in his chest again, right, Wright?" whispered Kristoph with his evil voice.

Maya: Man, I wonder who the bad guy in this is?

Phoenix: Despite the “evil voice” and all that, Kristoph hasn't actually done too much wrong over the course of this story.

Edgeworth: If you ignore the assassinations. Which you should not. And the murder attempt currently taking place.

Phoenix: Well, I mean, up to this point.

Edgeworth: The assassinations took place “up to this point”.

Phoenix: Okay, well...

Phoenix chills, and fresh blood flowing from his lips.

"Now, hand the phone, Mrs. Fey. Or, "continued Kristoph again," You're going to see this again. "Then he clawed and clutched Phoenix chest.

Maya: Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

Phoenix: A little dark for a sitcom intro, don't you think?

Maya: That just makes it better!

"M-maya ......." Phoenix whispered very softly, "J-j-just give t-the phone ...... .P-please, M-maya ... ..m-my ch-chest….aggh ...... !!!!! Agggh !!!!!!!!! Jesus! It really hurts!!!! K-kristoph, p-please, please s-s-stop. Aghhhh !!!!!!! "

Phoenix: I thought I was the “don't worry about me” guy.

Maya: That must be some bad chest pain to make you break character like that!

Phoenix: I mean, I might say that in real life, maybe, but this is Stubborn Boy, and Stubborn Boy would just tell Crya to run with the phone.

Edgeworth: Somehow the writer has managed to mischaracterize their own caricatures. I’m nothing short of impressed.

"Hurt, Wright?This is also what I felt when my sister Kristina commit suicide because you end your relationship with her.

Edgeworth: Nnnnnnngh!

Phoenix: Don't scream, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I’M TRYING!

Maya: Aaaaah!

Phoenix: Calm down, deep breaths. Just relax. Okay?


Maya: That actually scared me a little!

Phoenix: I understand, Maya.


Phoenix: You too, Edgeworth, I understand. I get it. It’s okay.

Edgeworth: Just… go on, I’m fine now.

But the pain in your chest can be cured, while the pain in my chest could never be healed. "Kristoph whispered again, and then he punch Phoenix chest with his fist firmer.Black blood spit from Phoenix mouth.

Maya: I think that’s how Edgeworth is feeling right now.

Edgeworth: I would rather be you at the moment, Wright. At least then the pain would distract me.

Maya:... Are we being too mean?

Phoenix: What, to the story? I don’t think we can be too mean.

Maya: But, isn’t that also mean? What you just said.

Phoenix: Well, maybe it’s mean. But not too mean. I don’t think we can be too mean.

"AGH! AGH! K-kristoph, p-please forgive m-m-me, I-I n-never i-intended t-to m-make K-kristina c-commit s-suicide, Kristoph ... AGHHHH !!!! !!! Pl-please, I-I b-beg you!!"

Phoenix: Why is he tragic with real motivations but also a psychopath?

Edgeworth: Because the writer is incompetent, Wright.

Maya: The Evil Magistrate is kind of like this, actually! ...Except done well! Don't get me wrong!

It’s enough for Maya. She had no choice. With a full defeat, she reached into her pocket, took Kristoph’s phone, and handed it to Kristoph’s hands. Kristoph smiles with satisfied, and then he shoved Phoenix who already staggered toward Maya. Deftly Maya holds Phoenix and restrain him from falling.

"Well done, Miss Fey. Very good. Relax, I will not report you. And, Wright ...... hopefully a speedy recovery for you, and hopefully your operation successful ... ..Though I expect the opposite. Goodbye!"

Phoenix: ...He just wanted his phone back?

Maya: Okay, I take it back. The Evil Magistrate is not like this.

Edgeworth: I struggle to comprehend why you would say something like that in the first place.

Maya: Sorry, I know. I won’t blaspheme again.

Kristoph just turned around when suddenly ...... ..BLETAK!

Phoenix: Is there even anything else we can say about these noises?

Edgeworth: There was barely any material in it in the first place.

Maya: I wonder if BLETAK is an acronym.

Phoenix: Can we just… not guess and keep moving? I’m tired.

Maya: Okay. I'm tired, too.

A tall figure hit Kristoph’s nape with a belt, making him instantly collapsed to the floor. Maya let out muffled and held her mouth. Phoenix narrowed his eyes, trying to see who it is. Turns out he was Larry.

Maya: No! Larry! Now he’s gonna attack Stubborn Boy again!

Phoenix: “Let out muffled” what?

Maya: Muffled mufflers!

Edgeworth: I would assume screams.

Maya: But mufflers would be better!

Phoenix: Yeah, mufflers would be better. Good for shielding the eyes.

Maya: I wish I had a muffler right now.

"Rotten bastard," Larry murmured, taking the phone in Kristoph’s hands. "You’re fine, Maya, Nick?"

"I’m fine," murmured Maya. "But Nick ...... ..Nick? Can you walk? "

Phoenix: I couldn't walk before he stabbed my chest, of course I can't walk now.

Edgeworth: He stabbed a man’s chest with his fingers for a cell phone.

Maya: Oh, that’s gross!

Phoenix: Subtitle for the whole story.

"Ack !!!!!!!! Ack !!!!!!!! M-maya..m-my chest… i-it f-feels l-like i-it will be explodes…ack !!!!!! Hurt, Maya! "said Phoenix.

Edgeworth:... “It feels like it will be explodes.”


"Nick, I beg you to stay awake and hold the pain. I'll look for ways to reduce the pain. Larry, wake Dr. Edgeworth and others, quickly! "cried Maya.

"This, Maya, you'd need this," Larry said as he handed Kristoph’s phone into Maya’s hands,


Maya: For what?

Edgeworth: Hm?

Maya: I'd need the phone for what?

Edgeworth: As if I would know.

Phoenix: Uh… soothing ringtones to… soothe my tumors. I dunno.

and approached Dr. Edgeworth, Mrs. Samantha, Mr. Antonio, Ema, and Athena who still lying unconscious.

"C-come on, Nick, we should find something to compress your chest," said Maya, helping Phoenix stood up and bolster him. Phoenix shivered again, and nodded slowly.

"Please stay awake, Nick," whispered Maya resignation. Phoenix hands are very cold, and his chest is full of bruises now.

Phoenix: Hey, you’re not crying, at least!

Maya: But this is probably one of the only times in this story I’d actually be crying!

Phoenix: So we both broke our whole story-long gimmick for no reason?

Edgeworth: I imagine it’s supposed to be a powerful moment.

Phoenix: “Supposed to be” is right.

Maya turned on the lights in Kristoph’s phone and walked slowly, hoping to find a cloth. After a few steps, she finally found a mop lying on the floor. Sigh of relief, Maya took the cloth, then look for a sink. After a few minutes of silence, only the sound of Phoenix groaning in pain audible, Maya finally found a sink. Carefully Maya leans Phoenix against the wall, then pour water onto the cloth.

Maya compresses Phoenix chest with extreme caution. Phoenix moans in pain.

Phoenix: Props to the author, a different writer would have devolved into smut at about this point.

Maya: Nick and Maya's first time. And last time, ever. Because now Nick is dead. Oh, no, is this gonna be a necrophilia thing now!?

"H-hold it Nick,

Phoenix: "Hold it". I think the story’s trying to be cute.

Maya: Well, it’s about as cute as “Phoenix is literally dying of lung cancer right in front of us” can get.

I beg you, stay with me," whispered Maya fear, then compress Phoenix chest again. After completion compress Phoenix chest, Maya massage Phoenix’s chest.

"It decreases the pain, Nick?" asked Maya. Phoenix just nodded slowly.

Edgeworth: A massage would not decrease the pain. In fact, at this stage, it would probably kill him.

Maya: Which decreases the pain! Zero is a decrease!

"Come on Nick, we should go back to Larry." Maya helped Phoenix stood up and led him with difficulty. Many times Phoenix stumbled and staggered, almost collapsed at Maya’s hands.

"Nick, I beg you, stay awake, stay conscious Nick, stay with me," whispered Maya, gasping while bolster Phoenix because Phoenix body much bigger than herself. Maya squinting, trying to find Larry, Dr. Edgeworth, nurse Ema, nurse Athena, and Phoenix parents.

Phoenix: Who are still useless.

Maya: I was thinking. Do you think they’re just here because seeing his family would make the readers sadder?

Edgeworth: At this point, I doubt they will serve any other purpose.

Phoenix: Yup.

What a relief when Maya colliding with Dr. Edgeworth, with Larry was on his side.

Edgeworth: What a relief it is when further blunt force trauma exacerbates your chest pain.

Maya: Are you still sure you’d rather be there than here?

Edgeworth: If I had to hear the narration over just reading it, I would absolutely not.

"Dr. Edgeworth! Larry! You’re fine? "asked Maya anxious.

"We’re fine. What about Mr. Wright? And who is that guy, Maya? "asked Dr. Edgeworth.

"He is my boss, Dr. Edgeworth. His name is Kristoph Gavin, and he had old grudge with Nick. "

"He ...... ..He punches Nick’s chest many times, Dr. Edgeworth, "said Maya stammered. "Look ........" Maya pushed Phoenix subtly toward Dr. Edgeworth.

Phoenix: Glad you’re staying careful with the cancer patient.

Maya: I’m losing track of what’s happening, Nick.

Edgeworth: Of course you are. It’s nearly impossible to follow because all the narration is dedicated to spelling out the simplest of things when it could be better spent on spacial awareness, or anything else, for that matter.

Phoenix: Deep breaths.

Dr. Edgeworth’s eyes immediately glared when he saw the bruises on Phoenix chest, and Phoenix’s hospital gown which full of blood and frayed everywhere.

"Oh my goodness ... .. We must quickly take him out of here.We must immediately take him to another hospital.Come on, help me bolster Mr.Wright while we seek for gurney.Can you walk, Mr.Wright? asked Dr.Edgeworth.Phoenix just nodded weakly.Dr.Edgeworth opens his doctor’s coat.

Maya: Aw, that’s a nice gesture.


Maya: I said that to try and get us out of this, like… pit of rage we’re in. I don't think it worked.

Phoenix: I feel like the sporking is at it’s climax in time with the story. We’re just watching the text scroll by, the color draining from our faces with each word, hoping that by the end we may go home with our fighting spirit still intact.

Maya: Ooh, I think I heard some poetry just then!

Phoenix: I was an art major, I dunno.

"Here, Mr. Wright. You can’t be cold, "said Dr. Edgeworth while enrobe his doctor’s coat to Phoenix body and buttoning it.

"T-Thank you, Doctor."

"Where’s Mr. Antonio, Mrs. Samantha, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena?" asked Maya.

"I don’t know, Maya. We lost them. Oh, I hope they are fine, "said Larry, his voice trembling. They bolster Phoenix in silence, when suddenly the sound of DOR and the sound of breaking glass audible. They all turned. Kristoph had regained consciousness.

Maya: Is DOR a friend of yours?

Phoenix: What is DOR even supposed to represent?

Edgeworth: If that is supposed to mean “door” then so help me...

"Mrs. Fey, you really got me impatient. Hand over the phone and no one will get hurt! "shouted Kristoph.

Maya: I called it! I knew he was going to get mad again!

Phoenix: No, but you’re gonna need that phone. For… flashlights or something.

"And let you get away with it, Mr. Gavin? No way! Maya, whatever happens, don’t give the cell phone! "Exclaimed Larry.

Phoenix: Is this phone really that important?

Edgeworth: I would argue no, considering the reason they have the phone in the first place.

Maya: I’m tired, Nick.

Phoenix: Management, is this torture?

Speaker: Not any more than any of the other times.

Phoenix:... So it is torture, still.

Maya: I don't know how I’m less happy with this than the hospital chapter but I am.

Phoenix: How did… Kristoph… even get here? How did Kristoph even get here!? Wait, how did Kristoph even get here!?

Maya: Sonic speed!

Edgeworth: Please tell me he was not a stowaway. Please. Tell me he was not a stowaway on the plane.

"Oh yeah, Mr.Butz?Including if I kill Wright?" whispered Kristoph, still raising the gun in his hands.

"You're not going to touch Nick with your dirty fingers again, Mr. Gavin! Take that! "Maya shouted, pulling out leftover firecrackers from her pocket, and then she threw a firecracker into Kristoph.

Maya: Where was I even keeping those!? I changed out of the spy gear!

Edgeworth: Please, Ms. Fey, I feel a migraine coming on. Just… just not so loud, please.

Maya: Okay, I’ll try to be quiet.

Kristoph, who try to avoid the explosion of firecrackers, staggered backward, then accidentally, he kicked a candle which still burning on the floor. In an instant, the room was filled with a blazing fire.

Phoenix: Why a candle?

Maya: Why firecrackers?

Edgeworth: Why lung cancer?

"Oh, my gosh !!!!!!! Run! Run, everyone! We had to quickly run away from here!" cried Dr. Edgeworth.

"We have to stay together!" exclaimed Larry.

Together, the three of them stepped, tried to avoid the flames that grew bigger. No, thought Maya desperate. It was a horrible way to die like this ...

Maya: “Horrible”, like “sad”? Or “horrible”, like “badly written”?

Phoenix: A little bit of both.

Maya: But mostly one of them.

Phoenix: Hey, now who’s being mean?

Suddenly Phoenix, who almost lost his consciousness, looking up. A pole seemed motionless, and ready to collapse and befall Maya .

"M-maya," said Phoenix weak. "W-w-watch out!!!!!!!!!" Phoenix pushed Maya forward quickly, then the pole collapsed right on top of Phoenix, and Phoenix instantly disappeared from eyesight.

Phoenix: I don't even get killed by the lung cancer?
Maya: Lame!

Edgeworth: I predict Wright is still alive.

Maya: Well, yeah, but it’s more fun to pretend than going along with this.



*The lights come up*

Maya: I’m tired, Nick.

Phoenix: We’re all tired, Maya.

Maya: Can we go home for the day?

Speaker: Not how it works, bucko.

Maya: I’m not your “bucko”, buddy!

Speaker: We’re not doing a bit.

Maya: Could you at least do that if you aren't going to let us take a break?

Speaker: Going along with it would delay the beginning of the next chapter and, by definition, give you a break.

Phoenix: Well, there’s only one more chapter. We’ll live.

Edgeworth: You may not, Wright.

Phoenix: Oh, right. The support beam.

Maya: If you weren't such a stubborn boy, this never would have happened!

Phoenix: Okay, I’ve got the point.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Heads up, I'm taking this one: . This time without an editor
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

Gender: Male

Location: Watching an Investigation from the bushes

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:42 am

Posts: 106

*huff* *puff* *huff* puff*
It... took me a week... But I finally...*huff* *puff*... READ EVERYTHING IN THIS THREAD!
I'm beginning to think I am insane! It was amusing... But I can finally suggest things that haven't already been suggested!
:nixiesob: This thread helped me too much... I'm actually a little said I got to the end, but satisfied at the same time.
This thread made me laugh in the worst of times, especially in depression...
Thank you everyone on this thread, I will try to contribute. :Hoboright: But I never wrote anything, and I'm a terrible artist. So besides those things, I think I can help. :think-pw:
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Location: Bristol, Rhode Island

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Joined: Tue May 14, 2013 10:21 pm

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Reznov877 wrote:
*huff* *puff* *huff* puff*
It... took me a week... But I finally...*huff* *puff*... READ EVERYTHING IN THIS THREAD!
I'm beginning to think I am insane! It was amusing... But I can finally suggest things that haven't already been suggested!

I'm actually currently re-reading the entire thread. It's been, like two weeks and I'm only on page eleven, haha. But yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed everything here and feel free to contribute anytime! :edgey:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

Gender: Male

Location: Watching an Investigation from the bushes

Rank: Desk Jockey

Joined: Sat Aug 13, 2016 5:42 am

Posts: 106

Skittlemask wrote:
Reznov877 wrote:
*huff* *puff* *huff* puff*
It... took me a week... But I finally...*huff* *puff*... READ EVERYTHING IN THIS THREAD!
I'm beginning to think I am insane! It was amusing... But I can finally suggest things that haven't already been suggested!

I'm actually currently re-reading the entire thread. It's been, like two weeks and I'm only on page eleven, haha. But yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed everything here and feel free to contribute anytime! :edgey:

Well I have no life, and I'm a fast reader.
I'll also contribute whatever I can :-P
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Well, I've got some good news for you, Reznov. Here's part six. Sorry it ended up taking way longer than I said it would.


Phoenix: One to go. Five down.

Maya: That’s-

Phoenix: I did that on purpose.

Edgeworth: Could we please just begin?

Maya: Early to start, early to finish, as they say!

Phoenix: I’m pretty sure that’s a misquote.

Edgeworth: Wright, please. The sooner the better.

*The lights dim*

Spoiler: Chapter Six
"Nick!! Nick!!! No !!! Please answer me!!!” Maya shouted hysterically, scrambling trying to raise the pole that hit Phoenix. She ignores the fire that blazing bigger behind her. Her hands felt numb and stiff.

Phoenix: Rest in peace, Phoenix Wright. May the Hell of Back Pain treat you kindly.

Edgeworth: What a putrid ending.

Maya: Maybe they’ll find a way to save it somehow?

Edgeworth: Such an assertion is beyond the pale.

"Doctor Edgeworth, Larry !! Help me lift this pole! QUICK!!!!!!!!! "cried Maya.

"Mrs. Fey, keep calm!" exclaimed Dr. Edgeworth.

"HOW CAN I CALM DOWN, DR. EDGEWORTH !!!!!!!! ... NICK NICK ... PLEASE ... Hang on !!!!!!!!! "

Phoenix: Actually, he said “keep calm”, not “calm down”. “Mrs. Fey”.

Maya: Was that part another hypocrite joke? How he screamed “calm down”?

Phoenix: I wish.

"Don’t waste time! Let's lift this pole together!" exclaimed Larry impatiently. "1, 2, 3 !!!!" Together, the three of them lifted the pole, while the fire raged higher. After several tries, they finally managed to get rid of the pole that hit Phoenix. Phoenix seemed already half conscious, his eyes half opened, his whole body full of bruises and scratches everywhere.

Maya: From one hit?

Phoenix: Yeah, one hit from a giant support beam.

Maya: But everywhere?

Phoenix: From one hit from a giant support beam, yes.

Maya: What, do you have experience in getting hit with giant support beams?

Phoenix: No, but I do have firsthand experience in blunt force trauma.

Maya: Oh, yeah. I guess you would know, then, huh?

"C-come on Nick, we have to get out of here," whispered Maya, tried to lift Phoenix, but it just made her fall to the floor.

"Let me do it, Mrs. Fey!" exclaimed Doctor Edgeworth. Doctor Edgeworth raised Phoenix with one movement, and carried him very easily.

Maya: Aw… of course I’m a weakling.

Phoenix: Does this writer like you or really, really dislike you?

Edgeworth: I would assume the former. But I doubt I could say the same for you, Wright.

Maya: Yeah, you’re a bad eater! That’s why I couldn't carry you, too! You’re too heavy from all the vegetables you didn't eat!

Phoenix:......... Edgeworth could carry me.

He buried Phoenix head to his left shoulder. "Mr. Wright, I beg you, hold on! "

Maya stunned, didn’t expect with his body who looked thin, Doctor Edgeworth was very strong.

Phoenix: On the other hand, the writer loves you, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: It would seem that way.

Maya: I’ve heard you’re pretty popular, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Why?

Maya: Maybe the “fancy” image resonates with people?

Edgeworth: I would hope it was for my work.

Phoenix: That’s a good one.

"Mrs. Fey, Mr. Butz, you stay behind me! Come on, we have to get out of here!" ordered Doctor Edgeworth. They followed his instructions, and stepped behind Doctor Edgeworth. While half running, Doctor Edgeworth squinting, trying to find a gap to the exit. The fire had spread everywhere, the ceiling of the hospital has collapsed down, making them difficult to move.

Maya: Wouldn’t we just all be dead if the ceiling collapsed?

Phoenix: Yes.

Maya, Doctor Edgeworth, and Larry began to feel shortness of breath, while Phoenix breath begins sounding dashed.

"AGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!AGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Phoenix shouted suddenly, makes all of them more frantic.

Edgeworth: What’s the matter, Wright? You sound as if someone made a single decent point against you in court.

Maya: Do you think cancer cells in your body have civil trials over whether the cancer has possession of your cells or not?

Phoenix: Well, they don't have possession. I’ll take that case.

Maya: You have to be a cancer cell! You’re banned from cancer court!

Phoenix: I think someone called me cancerous online once, does that count?

"Mr. Wright???! Your chest pain again????” asked Doctor Edgeworth.

“J-just…l-let..m-me… d-die… d-death…is…n-not… a-anything…compared…t-to…t-this..h-hurt…. AGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! AGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Phoenix: Wow, that is brutal.

Maya: Yeah, I don’t think the story likes you.

Phoenix: “Death is nothing compared to chest pain from a tumor”. I don’t even think that’s possible.

Edgeworth: In all likelihood, this is just you bluffing so that they go on without you.

Phoenix:... I like that idea. That means it’s not true.

"Hold on, Mr. Wright! Stay with us! We'll get out of here!! "

"Look, Doctor! There is a gap there!" exclaimed Larry, pointing to a window that has not been touched by the fire. While avoiding fire spreading, they ran to the window pointed by Larry.

Phoenix: But, aren't you on the top floor!? You’re just going to fall and die!

Edgeworth: I would hope the fire department is already prepared to assist with the evacuation.

Maya: But what if alternate universe Germany doesn’t have a fire department?

Edgeworth: I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.

But suddenly, Maya tripped over a wood and wedged her foot.

Phoenix: A wood what?

Maya: One of those famous hospital woods! You know! Uh... Tiger! Or something!

Phoenix: You wedged your foot in Tiger Woods?

Maya:... Never mind. That sounds really weird.

"HELP! HELP! My legs were wedged!" cried Maya. With horror Larry and Dr. Edgeworth turned. The fire broke out behind Maya, ready to devour her anytime.

Maya: Anytime now! Chop chop!

Phoenix: I really wish the building would just burn down already.

Maya: I want to be devoured by flames! Corpses don't cry every two minutes!

"Doctor Edgeworth! Quickly takes Nick out of here! I must help Maya!” exclaimed Larry.

"But ............ I can’t leave you alone!" cried Dr. Edgeworth.

"Go, I say! GO! GO! Bring Nick!" exclaimed Larry, then push Dr. Edgeworth toward the window he appointed earlier. Doctor Edgeworth staggered, and thrown forward.

Phoenix: He “thrown forward” at what?

Edgeworth: I’m inclined to believe out the window.

Phoenix: Ah, that would make sense.

"DON’T WASTE TIME, DOCTOR!!!SAVE NICK AND CALL FIREFIGHTERS !!!!!!!! ME AND MAYA WILL BE FINE !! "shouted Larry. Doctor Edgeworth nodded, then climbed out the window with carrying Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Well, fire departments exist. Though they apparently need to be called despite the giant smoking building everyone can see.

Maya: Oh, so alternate universe Germany doesn’t have a GOOD fire department.

Phoenix: Sounds right to me.

Edgeworth: I would argue that the main difference in this alternate universe is that all workers do their jobs poorly.

Larry jumped and kicked the wooden that clamp Maya’s legs. "Can you walk, Maya?" Larry asked anxiously.

"I........uggh ..... seems not, Larry... my legs sprained!" complained Maya.

Maya: I sprained my leg? Is that a thing?

Edgeworth: The only mention of “sprained legs” I am familiar with was in the context of animals.

Maya: So I’m an animal, now!?

Phoenix: Are you guys sure this story likes Maya?

Maya: Well, I don’t like it!

"Don’t worry! I will carry you!" said Larry, then lifted Maya, and carrying Maya on his back. With panting breath, Larry tried to run, break through the fire. A pillar almost collapsed again, swiftly Larry leans to dodge. Maya sounds coughed and began to shortness of breath. Larry slipped, then fell.

Edgeworth: Accurate.

Phoenix: Are you going to say that every time Larry does something stupid?

Edgeworth: As long as it continues to be accurate, yes.

Maya thrown from his back.
Starting shortness of breath, and started coughing too, Larry regulate his breathing deeply and holding Maya again on his back. By limping, he tried to bring Maya to the window he'd seen. Ignoring the excruciating pain all over his body, Larry ran, then desperate to jump over a raging fire to climb up that window.

Maya: Oh, I think I figured out why I’m so bored. Because there’s more “action”.

Phoenix: I… more than feel the same way.

Successfully. By carefully so as not to hit Maya, Larry climbed out through the window, and up in the hospital grounds. Relieved because managed to escape death, carefully Larry laid Maya who had passed out on the grass.

Phoenix: Wait, the grass?

Maya: I thought we were on the top floor.

Phoenix: I thought so, too. Or, at least close. Now I’m all disoriented. Edgeworth, help.

Edgeworth: Wh-why me!?

Maya: Because you’re good at this kind of thing! Help us!

Edgeworth: Urgh, fine. Hmm… it reads that the two climbed “up into the hospital grounds”. Is it possible there is some sort of hospital grounds on the roof?

Phoenix: Well, that doesn’t help anybody. Now they’re just going to fall to their death when the building burns.

Maya: This is fine.

Phoenix: Maya, it’s not fine.

Maya: Death is better than having a brain that works like the ones in this story do.

The cold night air made him shiver.

"Maya," Larry whispered, trying to wake Maya by patting her cheek softly, "Wake up, please ....... Oh, God…………"

Maya coughed for a moment, then opened her eyes slowly.

Maya: Ooh. I can feel the drama from here.

Phoenix: I cried. Did you cry?

Edgeworth: Please. As if you didn't expect one the most overused fakeouts in recent history.

Phoenix: We’re kidding.

Edgeworth: *Penalty* Ngoooh!

Maya: I heard you got that “Ngoooh” from your dad.

Edgeworth: What!? And who is your source!?

???: I heard it from Uncle Badd!

Edgeworth: Gah! Kay! Stop leaking secrets!

???: That’s my whole job!

"Larry .... Where are we?" asked Maya.

"We're in the hospital grounds, we managed to escape death," said Larry half shivering.

Maya: “Larry, what’s your status?”

Phoenix:: “Colonel? I’ve got Maya Fey here. We managed to avoid burning.”

Maya: “Good job. Get her over to the hospital grounds as soon as you can.”

Phoenix: Ugh. I hate escort missions.

Maya: But it’s okay this time. I’m the escort!

Phoenix: No, Crya’s the escort.

Maya: Wait, no! This is the worst possible escort mission!

"Really? Doctor Edgeworth .......... Nick ............ where are they? "Asked Maya.

Larry shook his head. "They managed to get out ahead of us. Come on, Maya, we have to find them .... You still can’t walk? "

Maya tried to get up, then fell back to the ground. "I- I can’t, Larry. My legs i-it hurts,” complains Maya.

"It's okay, Maya, don’t worry, I will carry you again," said Larry, then carrying Maya again in his back. "Now we must find Nick and Doctor Edgeworth soon."

"La-larry.......w-what happened to Nick’s parents, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena? W-what if they were still inside and b-burned?” asked Maya stammered.

Phoenix: We hardly knew ‘em. All of us. None of us know any of these people, except Ema for, like, three days.

Maya: What about your paren-

Phoenix: My who?

Maya: Oh, yeah, they’re made up.

Phoenix: Also, if they're dead, I win the bet once and for all.

Maya: ! Go, Nick’s parents! Stay alive and go insane!

"I don’t know Maya ... oh, I really hope they will be fine. But it would be very dangerous if we went back inside, "said Larry as he stepped up very quickly. His eyes scanning the hospital grounds, trying to match with the dark of night. What a relief to Larry when he saw a figure wearing a pale blue shirt, looked hobbled carrying a man.

Edgeworth: A relief, is it? Show the readers. A sigh, something. It’s Writing 101, for goodness sake.

Maya: Your complaints are always so sophisticated.

Edgeworth: I have perfectly normal complaints, actually. That you think my comments are “sophisticated” says far more about you two.

Maya and Phoenix: Hey!

"That's them! Doctor Edgeworth! Nick!” exclaimed Larry. Doctor Edgeworth turned, then running toward them.

"You okay, Mr. Butz? Mrs. Fey?" asked Doctor Edgeworth.

"I'm fine, but Maya’s legs sprained, but I don’t think so severe. What about Nick?" asked Larry. Phoenix just moaned in pain to answer.

Phoenix: Sprained. Like a cat.

Maya: I don’t wanna be a cat!

Phoenix: A cat isn’t much different from your normal life, really.

Maya: I’ll take that as a compliment! Because I’m cute, right?

Phoenix: Like, how they’re really lazy. Sitting around all day and eating.

Maya: No! I’m like a cat because I’m cute! Period!

Phoenix: Whatever you say. That doesn't make you less lazy.

Maya: I’ll show you lazy! You haven’t seen the half of it! Or cute! That too!

Phoenix: So you’re saying you aren’t cute, then?

Maya: No, I’m already cute, but you haven’t seen the half of it, either!

Phoenix: I think we’ve lost the cat metaphor somewhere in this.

"Have you call the fire department and the police, Doctor?" asked Maya.

"No, not yet. Thank you for reminding, Mrs. Fey,"said Doctor Edgeworth, then he reached into his shirt pocket to retrieve his cell phone, when suddenly BANG !!!!!!!!!! A bullet hit Doctor Edgeworth right on his shoulder, making him drop Phoenix out of his arms. Doctor Edgeworth gripped his shoulders, looked very painful.

Edgeworth: Hmm. That may be a parallel to Von Karma.

Phoenix: Probably not on purpose.

Maya: It’d be neat, though!

Edgeworth: Why shoot me? Is there even a point to any of this?

Phoenix: Drama.

Edgeworth: And in regards to narrative relevance?

Phoenix: Heh.

Maya muffled scream. Larry very shocked. Kristoph appeared from behind the trees, holding a gun.

"You're not going to call anyone before you hand over the phone. Give it to me! Right now!” cried Kristoph.

Phoenix: Not getting caught for whatever’s on that phone is not worth the attempted murder, assault, and arson you just committed in front of, like, six witnesses.

Maya: Yeah, but there’s, like, a LOT of names on that phone.

Phoenix:... How many names could there possibly be?

Maya: A LOT of names.

"No way! Over my dead body, Mr. Gavin!” cried Maya.

"You left me no choice, Mrs. Fey, "said Kristoph cold, then he took a step forward, trying to reach Maya’s pocket. Maya gasped, trying to get away.

Phoenix: You leave me no choice. I am forced to pickpocket you for an item that’s not even yours to begin with and leave you otherwise untouched.

Maya: You’d best say your prayers, Crya!

"Take that, Larry!" cried Maya, then throw the cell phone toward Larry. Larry caught it deftly, and secure it in his pocket.

"Oh, you wanna play games with me? Alright !!!!! "shouted Kristoph, then he took Phoenix who was still slumped on the grass, and carry him. Kristoph then ran with carrying Phoenix.

"HEY !!! WHERE YOU WANT TO CARRY HIM !!!!!!!!!!! "cried Maya.

Edgeworth: This is all very reminiscent of the encounter last chapter.

Maya: But this time he shot you. Do you think in the next loop he’ll shoot me?

Phoenix: Maybe he’ll shoot me.

Edgeworth: Then there would absolutely no chance for you.

Phoenix: Is there even a chance now? It was already really urgent and then I got crushed by pillars.

Edgeworth: Your health is the end goal of the entire story. Killing you would be defying the story itself.


Edgeworth: Regardless of how unrealistic it feasibly could be.

"Come on, we have to pursue him!" exclaimed Doctor Edgeworth, still clutching his bleeding shoulder.

Edgeworth: Just give him the phone! It isn't worth all of this violence! I should at least understand that!

Maya: I think Edgeworth is getting angry again.

Phoenix: Edgeworth, think about… uh… Oldbag’s corpse.

Edgeworth: It concerns me that you think that would make me feel anything positive.

Phoenix: Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't have suggested a person dying was a good thing.

Edgeworth: I was referring to any mention of that woman in any capacity.

"You stay here! I'm going after him! "exclaimed Larry.

"You're crazy, Larry! He'd tear you into two! Let us go after him!"cried Maya.

"You two are injured! You must stay here! "

"NO! Mr. Butz, we'll go with you!" exclaimed Doctor Edgeworth. Larry felt exasperated. The longer they argue, the more harmful to Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Give over the phone! Take a picture of the notes! This is all so unnecessary!

Phoenix: Deep breaths.

Edgeworth: Don't tell me how to breathe!

Phoenix: O-okay. Okay. I’ll leave you to it.

"Fine!! Come on, everybody!” exclaimed Larry, then he, Dr. Edgeworth, and Maya ran after Kristoph. Maya limped behind them.

Maya: So… they are at ground level?

Phoenix: My head hurts.

Maya: Well, you know how it is, Nick! Something about ground floor levels, tele… teleportation… uh...

Eventually they find Kristoph standing in front of a lake. Seeing them come, Kristoph chuckled. His eyes could be seen gleaming creepy, even in the midst of the darkness of night.

Phoenix: Never mind, I won't leave you to this, Edgeworth. Just stay calm.

Edgeworth: Nnnnnnnnngh…

Maya: I wouldn't wanna be the person that wrote this right now.

"You don’t want to give the cell phone. Well, it's okay. But, I'll throw your darling Mr. Wright into this lake. How, Wright? You're going to sink slowly. A pleasant way to die, isn’t it? You're going to die in the same way as Kristina, "whispered Kristoph.

Phoenix: She threw herself into a lake? That’s not pleasant at all!

Maya: I panic when I accidentally get water in my mouth in the shower! That would be terrible!

Edgeworth: Also, she would float.

Phoenix:... Yes. She would. Wow.

"How, Mrs. Fey? Is my cell phone much more valuable than the life of your darling Mr. Wright?

Maya: No.

Phoenix: Especially since the only reason you have the phone is because you found it while robbing a bank to keep me alive.

You don’t want to see me throw him like a balloon into the lake, right? "

Maya: A balloon? Don't balloons float?

Phoenix: So do people.

Edgeworth: So does this writer’s head, considering all the hot air that must be inside it.

Maya: Ooh, I’m writing that line down!

Edgeworth: It’s incredibly context sensitive, but very well.

"Larry... just give the phone…I beg you…...We could not let Nick suffer anymore," Maya whispered. Larry nodded resignedly, and then threw the cell phone. Kristoph catches the cell phone, and smiled triumphantly.

Maya: Finally!

Edgeworth: So this is what they call sanity. I’d almost forgotten.

But suddenly, a man appeared behind Kristoph, and kick Kristoph’s back aloud. Kristoph screams in pain, then fell slowly to the ground, and he release his grip from Phoenix as well as his cell phone.

The man picked up the gun lying on the ground. Apparently he was Mr. Antonio.

Maya: WHY!?

Phoenix: And this is what they call insanity!

Edgeworth: Finally emotionally caught up with the rest of us, you two?

"Don’t you dare to scratch the skin of my son a little bit, coward bastard!!" cried Mr. Antonio, then he pointed the gun toward Kristoph’s foot, determined to shoot him.

Maya: Nick?

Phoenix: I know. How much was the bet?

Maya: A million, billion dollars.

Phoenix: Okay. I’ll give it to you in increments of ten dollars an hour, eight hours a day, every day that you come into the office for that amount of time.

Maya: So I’m getting a pay raise!

Phoenix: Oh, also, you’re fired. You’re just on bet money now.

Maya: Well, then it’s just my normal pay! That’s cheating!

Phoenix: So is lying about the winnings.

Maya: Fine, it was 20 dollars.

Phoenix: Welcome back aboard the Wright and Co. Law Offices, Mrs. Fey.

Maya: “Mrs.”!?

Kristoph rolls to the left, and he missed. Mr. Antonio fired again, and he misses again.

Maya: And then he had a popsicle.

Edgeworth: ...What? What about a popsicle?

Maya: It’s a reference! Keep up with the times!

Edgeworth: I don't know what times to keep up with!

Kristoph’s movement very spry and agile. Kristoph up from the grass, then put his arms around Mr. Antonio’s neck. Mr. Antonio almost choking and suffocation, then Kristoph’s gun out of his hands.


Maya: What?

Phoenix: It’s the first sentence all over again!

Edgeworth: I assume you want me to translate?

Maya: Could you?

Edgeworth: Hm… Well… Antonio was clearly being choked, and he… perhaps dropped his gun? I would need to know what happened to the gun first.

Dr. Edgeworth took a step forward, trying to take the gun, but Kristoph faster.

Edgeworth: It appears I was correct.

Phoenix: I have to learn how to use that logic ability.

Edgeworth: It’s not an ability! It’s common sense and deduction!

"Stand back, all of you, cockroaches!" shouted Kristoph, pulling a shot blindly. Larry, Dr. Edgeworth, and Maya looked down, trying to get away. Mr. Antonio, who is still a little suffocated by Kristoph grip, bite Kristoph’s hands hard. Kristoph screams in pain, then releasing his grip from Mr. Antonio and dropped the gun again.

Without thinking, Doctor Edgeworth leaps forward, took the gun and shot Kristop’s feet.

Phoenix: Kristop.

Maya: Can we Kristop reading this?

Phoenix: Only if management Kristops their tortuous behavior.

Speaker: The management would like to remind you that slander is not tolerated.

Maya: Kristop it already!

Speaker: The management would like to you remind you that you aren't funny.

He managed to shot Kristoph’s knee, making the blonde man fell to his knees slowly to the ground.

Edgeworth: He shot at his foot and hit his knee. Rather poor aim.

Maya: Who is the blonde man?

Phoenix: Kristoph, I guess. I think they’re doing that thing where they stop saying people’s names to make the prose more interesting.

Maya: It didn't work.

Phoenix: Well, that goes without saying, but y’know, I just figured I’d explain.

Doctor Edgeworth stepped in Kristoph’s legs and abdomen, and Kristoph fainted instantly.

Maya: Gross!

Phoenix: Please just be a grammar thing.

Edgeworth: “On” and “in” are very frequently confused in translation from a foreign language.

Maya: That doesn't change that I have to picture it!

Without wasting time, Larry took the fallen Kristoph’s cell phone and put it in his pocket.

Mrs. Samantha, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena emerged from behind the trees.

Maya: Like wood nymphs.

Phoenix: Or cartoon animals.

Maya: Cartoon snakes?

Phoenix: Maybe. Maybe cartoon snakes.

"Mrs. Samantha! Nurse Ema! Nurse Athena! You okay?" asked Maya relief. The three of them nodded slowly.

Maya: Mrs. Samantha has been assimilated. You are all next. Especially you, Nick.

Phoenix: What?

Maya: Obey the overmind!

Phoenix: Ow! What did you jab me in the stomach for?

Maya: I’m injecting assimilation into your bloodstream!

Phoenix: Okay, could you not jab me the next time you want to do a bit?

Maya: Okay. I’ll wait until the bit after next.

Phoenix: Ow...

"Yes, we managed to escape the flames and Mr. Antonio hid us," said nurse Ema. All of them then went to Phoenix whom limp on the grass.

Phoenix: Hid you where!? Behind a tree!?

Edgeworth: Also, strategically, it would have been wiser to use numbers to apprehend Gavin.

Maya: Ah... wisdom! I remember when that mattered!

"Phoenix! Phoenix! Son, are you okay?” cried Mr. Antonio, approaching Phoenix.

"D-dad ......... agggh… my chest ...... !!!!!! Like exploding ....... "Phoenix replied weakly. Mr. Antonio touching Phoenix forehead and immediately grimaced.

Phoenix: This is how it feels when you jab me in the stomach.

Maya: Don't lie! The punishment for lying is more stomach jabs!

Phoenix: Ow! Knock it off!

"Quickly call firefighters and police, Larry!" cried Maya, holding Phoenix’s hands.

Maya: Have we ever just held hands before in real life?

Phoenix: I think you already know that we haven't.

Maya: Yeah, but, I have to be forgetting something, right?

Phoenix: Oh, because why else would be holding hands in this?

Maya: That’s it!

Phoenix: I think you know the answer to that question, too.

Maya:... Yeah...

"Calm down, Nick, you'll be immediately operated after we leave from here."

Larry calls the fire department and the police by his mobile phone.

"Yes, please come quickly. Allianz hospital on fire, and we also catch an assassin who makes a mess and almost killing one patient and doctor at the hospital. We also need an ambulance, one of the patients in critical condition and must do surgery soon! Please hurry! "Larry hung up, and come over to Phoenix.

Phoenix: Almost forgot about the ambulance, huh, Larry?

Edgeworth: Accurate.

Phoenix: Are you sure you want to say this every time?

Edgeworth: Yes.

Phoenix: Every single time? No exceptions?

Edgeworth: Yes, Wright.

After about nearly half an hour of waiting,

Phoenix: I’m dead! I’m just dead!

Maya: It’s kind of cute. The same bad things the writer didn't think through are happening again right at the end.

Edgeworth: I’d liken it to “sad” over “cute”.

finally the fire trucks and police cars came. They were very surprised with the state of hospitals that have turmoil. Firefighters immediately put out the fire, while police interrogated Larry and Maya, while Phoenix is transported in the ambulance to get first aid.

"Assassin, you say? Didn’t he is the owner Gavin Bank?

Maya: Didn't he is the owner? Well, Nick? Didn't he?

Phoenix: He did was the owner Gavin Bank until he does arrest prisoner prison.

Maya: Shame. Gavin does great man.

Edgeworth:... Are you having a stroke?

Phoenix: I think the writer might be have a stroke.

Maya: Darn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phoenix: Was that noise supposed to be a bunch of exclamation points?

Maya: Yeah.

Phoenix: I don't know how I got that right. There wasn’t even any context for that.

Maya: That’s because I’ve been figuring out how to make the noise for three paragraphs!

One of the largest banks in the world? asked the police to Larry.

"Yes, officer. Kristoph Gavin is an assassin. All the money he has is a dirty money from killing people! “said Larry.

Edgeworth: I assume he at least runs a semi-competent bank as well. It’s highly unlikely that a single man could gather enough money from assassinations to maintain an entire corporation.

Maya: No, no, no Gavin Bank is secretly a hit organization! It explains everything!

Edgeworth: I… I suppose....?

"Do you have evidence to support your statement?" asked the policeman again.

Phoenix: Oh, NOW the police need evidence before they arrest the suspect.

Edgeworth: Would you prefer him to be arrested on zero grounds but the testimony of a witness?

Phoenix:... Welcome to my life.

Larry nodded firmly, then handed Kristoph’s phone into the police hands.

"Check this phone, officer. Here’s the proof. All records of the transaction, the client who ordered Mr. Gavin to kill, the targets, the victims, and amount of the salaries written very detail in this cell phone.”

The police checked the phone, then nodded. "Thank you very much for your cooperation, Mr. Butz. Bring Mr. Gavin into the police car!” ordered the police to one of his men. The men nodded, then raised Kristoph who were still unconscious into the police car.

Maya: And so, they Kristopped him once and for all.

Phoenix: Ahh... And only seven casualties.

Maya: Seven? I thought it was six.

Phoenix: Well, stubborn boy’s probably going to die, too. Nobody could conceivably survive all of that while being on the verge of death to begin with. Please. For goodness sake.

Larry and Maya sigh of relief, then ran into the ambulance. Phoenix seemed constantly cry in pain, while Mrs. Samantha incessant sobbing.

Phoenix: Hey, good news.

Maya: I’m loving this break! I haven't cried this whole chapter!

Phoenix: I haven't been called a ‘boy’ this chapter, either. This is nice.

Some paramedics also seemed to be cleaning Dr.Edgeworth’s wound.

Maya went inside the ambulance, and gently stroked Phoenix cheek.

Maya: You shouldn't touch the patient like that.

Edgeworth: I would question why a qualified doctor would even let you touch Wright, but I believe we’ve known the reason since the pepper spray incident.

"Doctor Edgeworth, are you still can operate Nick? You get hurt ... "murmured Maya.

Doctor Edgeworth chuckled. "Of course, Mrs. Fey. My wound is not severe. While the condition of Mr. Wright is very severe.

Phoenix: Just because you don't have it as bad as me doesn’t mean you can operate a scalpel with your broken shoulder.

Edgeworth: I should, of course, understand this. *Sigh*

Medics, you can take all of us to the Rechts der Isar hospital now. I had to operate on this boy. "

Phoenix: Any jokes with the hospital name?

Maya: Maybe in Indonesian.

Phoenix: Oh, the jokes could be in Indonesian, you’re right.

Edgeworth: None appear to be in English, at any rate.

Maya:... I just remembered. Whatever happened to Raymond Skeyne?

Edgeworth: I will say, despite everything, I did not anticipate that this story would completely forget about a character’s existence.

Phoenix: Why not? They did it to Pearls.

Edgeworth: I am willing to forgive Pearl's absence, given the alternate universe. Raymond Skeyne was mentioned and given a name and has still not shown up, despite the climax having already ended.

"This boy? Doctor Edgeworth, how old are you?" asked Maya surprised.

Maya: This stubborn boy.

Phoenix: Agh! I thought I could make it through the chapter!

"28 year old, Mrs. Fey. "

"That means .. You’re just a year older than Nick, Doctor!

Nick will be 27 year old in 4 days!” Maya said with a chuckle.

Phoenix: But you’re not a year older than me.

Edgeworth: No, I am not.

Maya: What if the cancer stunted your aging!? And that’s why your age changed!

Phoenix: That’s not how any of that works.

Doctor Edgeworth smiled shyly, and then all of them went to Rechts der Isar hospital.

Arriving at Rechts der Isar hospital...

Without wasting any more time, Doctor Edgeworth, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena immediately brought Phoenix to the operating room. Phoenix condition is very weak, the fever also was very high. Beside his disease, Phoenix condition gets worse with injured because beaten by Kristoph.

Phoenix: Which is why I would definitely be dead.

Edgeworth: This coming from the walking tank of a man.

Phoenix: I’ll take that as a compliment.

Maya, Mr. Antonio, Mrs. Samantha, and Larry waited outside, while pray ceaselessly. They don’t know that there was a tremendous tension in the operating room.

Maya: Sexual tension?

Phoenix: Okay, now I’m praying, too. I hope that isn't what they mean.

Maya: Ah, maybe we finally get a break from being shipped with each other!

Phoenix: If I get Edgeworth, you have to get Larry.

Maya: Uh… wait, come back! Don't die! That CAN'T happen!

In the operating room of Rechts der Isar hospital, Phoenix operation is in progress ...

"Doctor! Mr. Wright’s vital drop! 50 ... 40!” exclaimed nurse Ema.

Edgeworth: And what are those numbers supposed to represent? Percentage?

Maya: You would know if you were a nurse!

Phoenix: And what, you are?

Maya: No. But I would know if I was a nurse!

Phoenix:... What if the writer is a nurse?

Maya: Woah, that would explain everything!

Phoenix: The weirdly in-depth medical knowledge, the obsession with sickfics… huh.

Edgeworth: Or it could just be a person with Google and a fetish.

Maya: That’s no fun, though!

"Damn! The defibrillator, Ema!Quiiickkkk!!!!! "

Edgeworth: Who said that? Me? It had better not be me.

Phoenix: It was me.

Maya: No, me!

Edgeworth: Fine! It’s me!


"Increase the voltage to 250 V !!"


Phoenix: Are the beeps supposed to represent the heart monitor, or…?

Maya: Maybe it’s supposed to be that sound that plays when someone walks into a store.

Phoenix: Ca-ching?

Maya: No, the beep that plays!

Phoenix: I mean, ca-ching, as in “ca-ching, we’re going to milk this guy for everything we have”.

Maya: That’s… way better than mine, actually.

"It isn’t working, Doctor! He will go to cardiac arrest! Vital down to 30! 20! "

"Raise!!! Raise the voltage more!!!! 500 V!850 V!!!!!!!!We can’t lose him!" exclaimed Doctor Edgeworth, sweat dripping from his forehead.


"Vital back up, Doctor! 20 ... 40! "

"Add, add more, Ema, Athena!"

"Doctor, the tumor moves again !!!"

Edgeworth: Excuse me, it moved???

Maya: Yeah. Like tumors do. Haven’t you ever seen one of those cancer cartoons?

Edgeworth:... What is a cancer cartoon? Actually, never mind.


"Vital steady at number 60! Rose again in number 70! "

Doctor Edgeworth sigh of relief. "Let's finish our job and kill this damn tumor!"

4 days later .......

Phoenix: ...That’s the end... of the scene? For four days???

Maya: Nick, stop sweating! You’ll flood the theater!

Phoenix: Four days… for four days…

Phoenix blinked several times. Last night, his chest felt very painful. Like exploding.

Edgeworth: Not last night. It’s been four days.

Phoenix: Four days.

Maya: What’s wrong with four days?

Phoenix: Four days.

But now his chest felt warm and cozy. Where am I? Everything is white ... it felt so calm ... Do I ....... died?

Maya: Well, do you died?

Phoenix: I hope not. That just means death isn't an escape from the story.

Maya: Oh, no! I hadn't thought about that!

Phoenix turned his head. There’s no one ... Could it be that I've been in heaven? It seems yes ... Could it be that figure who wearing a white shirt is an angel?

Edgeworth: Wait, does this story sincerely believe it will fool us into believing you’re dead?

Phoenix: Well, it did trick us into thinking Raymond Skeyne was going to do anything.

Maya: Who? Wait, I remembered, never mind.

"Happy birthday, happy birthday to you, Phoenix Wright ...." There was a birthday chant directed at him. Phoenix is getting confused. Huh? Are the angels celebrating my birthday in heaven? Is there Jesus too?

Maya: Oh, maybe it’s trying to say that your real life is like heaven!

Phoenix: Not in this, that’s for sure.

Maya: But look at your support group! They all love you!

Phoenix: But I hate most of them.

Maya: Feel the love!

Phoenix squinting, trying to sit on his bed. He rubbed his eyes, then blinked a few times. The longer, his blurred vision became clear.

Looks Maya, Dr. Joaquin, Dr. Edgeworth, nurse Ema, nurse Athena, Mr. and Mrs. DeLite, Larry, Mr. Joerg, Pearl, and his parents, standing in front of him, around his bed, holding a large birthday cake with candles forming number 27 on it.

Phoenix: It can't be my 27th if Edgeworth’s already 28! We were in the same grade!

Maya: Maybe Edgeworth flunked?

Edgeworth: Ha. More likely him than me.

Maya: Maybe you skipped?

Phoenix: Ha. More likely him than me.

"Morning, Nick! Finally you wake up too! Happy 27th birthday, Nick!" cried Maya cheerful, then hugged him.

Maya: “I’ve got your suit ready. And your surprise.” At this rate, anyway.

Phoenix: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Even for ship-bait, that’s a little excessive!

Maya: What do you mean?

Phoenix: My parents are in the room, Maya! Not to mention all these other people!

"Huh?" Phoenix asked, confused. "Today is my birthday?? Isn’t it… yesterday just on 3rd? My birthday is a few days away, right? "

"You sleep for 4 days, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: Maybe if they didn't say “four days later” this would’ve been surprising.

Edgeworth: Hmph. As if you expected more.

And finally you wake up on your birthday. Alles gute zum geburtstag, Herr Wright.

Edgeworth: Happy birthday, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: But it’s not my birthday.

Edgeworth: That was a translation.

Phoenix: Oh! Oh. Thanks for remembering.

Sorry, this is all I can give for your birthday." said Doctor Edgeworth, then put a gift package in Phoenix lap.

Maya: I will be adding this to your tab. Alles gute zum geburslag.

Edgeworth: “Geburtstag”.

Maya: Tomayto, tomahto.

Edgeworth: No. Tomayto, Gerburstag. Geburslag is not a word.

"Sleep for 4 days ?? How can…..? And, uh, thank you very much for the gift, Doctor. No need to bother." Phoenix said with a small smile.

Phoenix: Yes, need to bother! It’s the least you could do after how much you overcharged! What was even different about this surgery than what happens anywhere else!?

Maya: The expensive surroundings make the tumor want to leave so they can swim in the hot tubs, so it’s easier to cut them out!

Phoenix: Oh, so that’s why it moved.

"You've finished the surgery, Nick! That naughty tumor in your lungs is clean now!

Maya: Oh, it’s been so naughty, almost killing you like it did. How naughty.

Phoenix: We should really teach that tumor some manners.

Maya: Naughty tumors and stubborn boys.

We will return to America soon! Happy birthday, Nick! Look, you get many gifts and get well soon cards from your fans and clients!" said Maya while she take bunch of get well soon cards from the surfaces. "Even Winston Payne send get well soon card for you!

Phoenix: Who?

Maya: That prosecutor rookies keep beating even though he has a reputation for beating rookies.

Phoenix: Oh, right! Why does he even care? I’ve met him twice.

He says, 'Get well soon, Mr. Wright, your surgery must succeed, otherwise I can't tease you in court again, hee hee hee'

Phoenix: You can't just rearrange the entire world arbitrarily and then keep Payne exactly the same.

Maya: Well, they changed it so you actually recognize him.

Phoenix: Heh. Good point.

...And, This is the gift from me!” said Maya while put another gift package to Phoenix lap and place a kiss on his cheek.

Phoenix:...Well, shit. Or… a nicer word than that one.

Maya: Maybe it’s a good thing that Pearly doesn't exist in this.

Phoenix could feel his face burning.

Phoenix: Yeah, no sh -- uh, dip.

Maya: Maybe Pearly wrote this, actually.

Phoenix: That would explain why it looks like an eight year old wrote it.

Maya: Hey! That’s rude!

Phoenix: I like how you tried to make it seem like you were defending the writer and not Pearls.

Maya: Yeah...

"Happy birthday, dear son! This is gift from Mom and Dad. We're glad you're fully recovered soon! We love you very much, Phoenix.” Now Mr. Antonio and Mrs. Samantha’s turn to give their gift package.

"Thanks Mom, thank you Dad."

Phoenix: Thanks for missing a bunch of gunshots and nothing else.

Edgeworth: They were simply here for emotional impact after all. Hmph.

Phoenix jerked his head slightly, then he realized that Mr and Mrs. DeLite, Pearl, also Dr. Joaquin in front of him.

Maya: Wait, Pearl!? Pearly exists!?


Maya: Ahh… my head hurts…

Edgeworth: Has Pearls been unsupervised for the entire time this story has been taking place?

Maya: Kind of, a little, uh huh.

Phoenix: Aaaaaagh. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

"Pearls? Mr and Mrs. DeLite? Dr. Joaquin?? What are you doing here?" asked Phoenix surprised.

Maya: Some of them are kidnapping little girls, apparently.

Phoenix: Did everyone just forget about her!? What happened to Pearls!?

Edgeworth: There will certainly be an explanation. Remain calm.

Phoenix: Oh, I can’t wait to see this.

"Sure to visit you, Phoenix, boy! Happy birthday!" replied Dr. Joaquin, ruffled Phoenix hair and handed a red package gift to his lap.

Maya: No, no, we are NOT dropping this now.

Edgeworth: Urgh. Could you?

Phoenix realized Dr. Joaquin’s eyes slightly bruised, and one of his hands were bandaged.

"What's wrong with you, Dr. Joaquin? You apparently were not so healthy."

Dr. Joaquin chuckled. "Yes, Kristoph Gavin a little sadistic when I don’t want to tell him where you are."

Phoenix: So Kristoph, despite being my childhood friend, didn't have my doctor’s trust.

Maya: Heh. He just walks up to Ortega and, like, punches him in the nose, and goes “where is he!?”

Phoenix: With very sadistic and cold, no less.

Mentioned of Kristoph’s name made an electric shock to Phoenix. "Kristoph! Where is he? Is he getting arrested?? Maya, you say he is an assassin! I just remembered!

Phoenix: Um… congrats?

Maya: I’ve heard people lose their memory when they have a near death experience. You did, too!

Phoenix: I don't think that’s the right kind of near-death experience.

Maya! Larry! Mr. DeLite! You three robbed Mr. Gavin money for my operation costs! Why did you do it, Maya? Although Mr. Gavin’s money is not clean money, robbing banks is a crime!" cried Phoenix suddenly, and seemed hysterical.

Phoenix: Pretty well-spoken for someone supposedly in hysterics, but, hey, I’ll take the compliment.

Edgeworth: Larry was never mentioned in the conversation in which the robbery first came to your attention.

Phoenix: Psychic powers, too? I’ll take it.

Maya: Hey! That’s my shtick!

Phoenix: I thought your shtick was being a weirdo.

Maya: Hey! Again!

"Hey, hey, calm, Phoenix, calm down!" said Mr. Antonio, pushing Phoenix to lay back.

"How can I calm down, Dad? My three friends become criminal only for my surgery costs!” said Phoenix.

Phoenix: Two friends. Ron’s not my friend. More importantly, Ron is already a thief.

Maya: Larry probably has at least a few misdemeanors, too!

Edgeworth: And more than his fair share of breaking and entering charges.

"Yes, yes, we know, dear. Larry had told everything to us. And Mom and Dad really don’t know how to repay them! If they are not reckless to do the robbery, of course we've lost you!"said Mrs. Samantha. Phoenix gaped in disbelief.

"Mom, Dad! Maya and Larry commit a crime, and you support it?!"

Phoenix: You should’ve robbed Edgeworth’s house.

Maya: Maya Fey, Ace Thief 2! Overpriced Payback!

Edgeworth: Please do not rob me.

"Mr. Nick! How could you say that after Mystic Maya passing all sorts of trouble just so you can recover!" Pearl exclaimed suddenly, then hit Phoenix cheek.

Phoenix: Is that the first thing she’s said this whole time?

Maya: Yes.

Phoenix: We seriously thought that the story wrote her out because of how little she was mentioned.

Maya: I think this is the worst thing yet.

Phoenix: I agree.

Maya: Also, did Pearl watch us kiss?

Phoenix: Oh, no. She did, didn't she?

Maya: Please don't bring it up, please don't bring it up, I do NOT want to see that conversation when I’m like… whatever this is.

"Ouch, Pearl, it hurts!"

Phoenix: You can say that again.

Edgeworth: Wright. Enough.

Phoenix: I’m a little understandably annoyed, if you’ll please let me have this.

"Maya, Larry, and Mr. DeLite will not need to do a robbery if you had not been stubborn and refuses to obey my commands from the first, Phoenix!" Dr. Joaquin attack him too now.

Phoenix: Oh, come on!

Maya: Well, lesson learned! Never be a stubborn boy again!

Phoenix: Never have Pearls go MIA for no reason again.

Maya: Let’s just try to forget about it, okay, Nick?

Phoenix: You mean like the story did about Pearls?

Edgeworth: I fear this may be projection.

Phoenix: And what do you mean?

Edgeworth: Do you know where Pearls is right now?

Phoenix:... Fine. I’ll shut up.

"So, I'm the bad guy? Why all of you against me?" said Phoenix frowning.

"There, there. What is important now, it's all over, and Mr. Wright will make a full recovery soon. Come on, Mr. Wright, blow out the candle and open the gifts!" said Dessie amused.

Edgeworth: Oh, what a pleasant surprise, it’s my favorite way to address plot problems. Dropping the conversation and never talking about it again.

Maya: We should’ve invited Raymond Skeyne.

Phoenix:... Have we talked about him more than the story did?

Maya: I think so?

Phoenix: I don't even remember who he is. I just remember that he vanished.

Dr. Edgeworth took the matches from his pocket and lit candles on the cake. They sang "Happy Birthday" together, then Phoenix blew out the candles with gusto. When Phoenix is finished, they applauded.

"Now, please open the gifts, Mr. Wright, "said Dr. Edgeworth, smiling a little.

Phoenix started to open the gift one by one. First, he opened a gift from Dr. Edgeworth. "Wow," whispered Phoenix, when seeing gifts from Dr. Edgeworth, a black jacket branded Gucci and Rolex watches. "This is incredible, Doctor! Thank you very much!"

Phoenix: Is that going on my tab, too?

Maya: My wallet feels like crying and it’s not even my money.

Phoenix: Seriously, the only reason he could be that rich is if he overcharges! This is not a generous person!

Edgeworth:... I think I now fully understand your pain in the earlier chapters.

Maya: If he hadn't overcharged, we wouldn’t have had to rob the bank.

Phoenix: You could've gotten a loan somewhere else. Oh, and then paid it off with black jacket branded Gucci and Rolex watches.

"You're welcome, Mr. Wright. I’m glad if you like the gift from me, "said Dr. Edgeworth. Phoenix continued opening other gifts. A sports shoe from Maya,

Phoenix: Why would you ever get me that?

Maya: It’s to send a message!

Phoenix: What, that I should spend more time playing sports instead of my actual job?

Maya: If you don't want to get lung cancer again, sure!

a Bayern Munich jersey, his favorite soccer team from his parents,

Phoenix: That seems like too good of a coincidence.

Edgeworth: Nothing is “too good of a coincidence” in your world, don't even start.

a blue notebook from Dr. Joaquin, a pair of blue socks from Pearl, a cap from nurse Ema, nurse Athena, and Joerg, and a leather jacket from Mr. and Mrs. DeLite.

Phoenix: These will all make wonderful regifts, thank you.

Maya: Where did Pearly even have a chance to buy a pair of socks? She’s nine.

Edgeworth: I assume they visited a store of some kind?

Phoenix: I wish I knew what store. So I’d know never to go there for get well soon presents.

Maya: If I get sick, promise you won't get me a soccer jersey.

Phoenix: I really hope you think a little better of me than that. I’d at least get some Rolex watches. After saving up for three years.

Last, Phoenix opened the gift from Larry and immediately winced.

Phoenix: Any guesses?

Maya: A photo album of just him.

Edgeworth: Well, he would.

Phoenix: Okay, photo album of just him it is.

"Larry," says Phoenix, "What is this?"

"It's adorable, isn’t it? I made it by myself for 3 days, when you were sleeping! I'm sure you'll love it!"

Phoenix lifted the gift from Larry, and soon the room was filled with laughter. Gift from Larry is a tie that has been filled with Larry’s photos.

Phoenix:... What does it mean by “filled with his photos”? It’s a tie.

Maya: The photos are… on the inside… for… uh… You can take them out and use the tie as a pocket…?

Edgeworth: It likely means it was made out of his photographs.

Phoenix: Oh! That’s a better gift than all this other stuff, at any rate.

Maya: Does that count as me guessing it right?

Phoenix: Close enough.

"You can wear it while in the courtroom, Nick! The tie was unbeatable, because I made only one! Tie like this is the only one in the world!"

"The judge will question my sanity if I'm wearing a ridiculous and tacky tie with full of your photos in courtroom, Larry!” said Phoenix, half irritated, half amused. Unexpectedly, Larry immediately bursts into tears.

Edgeworth: Incredibly expectedly.

Maya: What’s with all the Larry hate, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I had the misfortune of seeing him the other day. That’s all.

Maya: It must have had, um... a powerful effect on you.

Edgeworth: It never fails to.

"Nick, you jerk! Jerk! I make it with all my heart! I make it as a symbol of our friendship! I made it so that you will always remember me… But you even call it tacky! You hurt me, Nick!” roared Larry as he sobbed.

"Nick, you make Larry cry! However, if it’s not because of him, you will not be cured!" cried Maya, slapping Phoenix hands

Phoenix: Are you really siding with Larry?

Maya: Well, would you side with stubborn boy?

Phoenix: Probably not, no.

"Ow! Larry, really, I don’t mean to hurt you. Forgive me. This is great, Larry, really! Now, don’t cry. Thank you so much for everything, buddy!” said Phoenix while hugging Larry.

Larry hugged Phoenix back, and wiped his eyes. "Okay, Nick. Then, if I’m accused of killing again, I don’t need to pay if you were my attorney, okay? I already pay you with that tie! "

Phoenix: I don't think he’s ever been that blatant of a cheapskate.

Edgeworth: Really, Wright?

Phoenix: Yes.

Edgeworth: You maintain this opinion even after he refused to pay you his legal fees?

Phoenix: He’s not BLATANTLY a cheapskate. That’s the difference.

"Hey! No way! I also need to eat and have bills to be paid, you know!" said Phoenix annoyed, then hit Larry with his pillow. The room was immediately filled with cheerful laughter.

Maya: Maybe less money will get you to eat better!

Phoenix: Isn't health food more expensive?

Maya: Uh… is it?

Phoenix: Uh… now I’m not sure.

Edgeworth: It is.

Phoenix: Oh, thanks, Edgeworth.

One week later…….

Phoenix: We don't have money to stay in Germany for two weeks.

Maya: We do after you sold your black jacket branded Gucci and Rolex watches.

Phoenix: Thanks for the present, doctor!

Today is the last day Phoenix was in Germany. After doing some tests, and rechecking to ensure that his lungs had been completely clean, Phoenix allowed to return home. Phoenix feel happy and sad. Glad that he had completely healed, and going back home, but also sad because it will be goodbye to Doctor Edgeworth.

Phoenix: I think I’d be perfectly happy not to see him again, to be honest.

Edgeworth: Am I to take that as a personal insult?

Phoenix: Well, would you overcharge people for a medical treatment you monopolized?

Edgeworth: Certainly not.

Phoenix: Then there’s the answer for you.

For him, Dr. Edgeworth is a very pleasant man, and also a meritorious person for him. Doctor Edgeworth, who saved him from the fire, and Doctor Edgeworth, who also throw his illness.

Maya: “Throw his illness”. That’s a new one.

Phoenix: He threw it like he throws his prices. Into the stratosphere.

The day before his return to America, Dr. Edgeworth invites him, Maya, Mrs. Samantha, Mr. Antonio, and Larry walk around Munich. Phoenix constantly being chased by fan girl who asked for his autograph during walking around in Munich, which he gave gladly.

Phoenix: Pearl’s gone again.

Maya: Maybe she can teleport!

Phoenix: What? With what?

Maya: A time machine!

Phoenix: But that’s not what time machines do.

Maya: Time machines always teleport! Think about it! Otherwise you’d just be in the middle of outer space because the Earth’s not there any more!

Phoenix:... Whoa.

After completion helps Phoenix packed his suitcase and belongings, Doctor Edgeworth, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena escorted Phoenix to the airport. Before entering into the plane, Phoenix hugging Dr. Edgeworth.

Maya: Now kiss!

Phoenix: He probably charges by the glob of saliva, let’s not.

Maya: Do you think he’s one of those scam prostitutes that doesn't tell you that he’s a prostitute until after the fact and then says “that’ll be $250,000”?

Edgeworth: What in the world is this conversation even supposed to be about?

"Thank you so much for everything, Doctor Edgeworth. Thank you for saving my life. "

"You're welcome, Mr. Wright. Good to see you make a full recovery. This is not goodbye, this is see you in years, "said Dr. Edgeworth as he hugged Phoenix back.

Phoenix: After “years”, what’s the point, really? We paid him and he operated on me. It’s not like we’re friends.

Maya: Destiny! Uh… fates intertwined! All that poetic stuff.

Phoenix: But this is just some random surgeon in this universe. Some random greedy surgeon.

Phoenix off his arms of Doctor Edgeworth, then hugged nurse Athena and nurse Ema.

"Thank you very much also for everything, nurse Ema, nurse Athena. Thanks for the tasty hospital food.”

"You're welcome, Mr. Wright. You must promise, you’ll write e-mail to us often!" said nurse Ema and nurse Athena simultaneously.

Maya: Our next correspondence will activate your programming. Do not resist.

Phoenix: Could you leave my abdomen out of this?

Maya: The assimilation has already been injected. Do not resist.

Phoenix: Nah, I think I’ll resist.

Maya: More assimilation is required!

Phoenix: Ah! Uh… obey the overmind?

Maya: No assimilation is required.

Phoenix: Somehow, you managed to actually scare me while doing that.

Maya: Should I write a scary movie?

Phoenix: Only if you set up the seats to jab everyone in the stomach.

"I promise."

Phoenix off his arms from nurse Ema and nurse Athena, and Dr. Edgeworth hug him again. Dr. Edgewort patting and stroking Phoenix back gently.

Maya: Are you sure only his back?

Phoenix: What do you me- oh. Ew.

Maya: Oh, I get it. It’s supposed to be a trick! It looked like I was going to get you, but now I get Larry and you get Mr. Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: What do you mean, “get me”?

Maya: That’s not a no!

Edgeworth: I have no interest in romance. That should have been incredibly clear from the outset.

Maya: What about one-night stands?

Edgeworth: No!

Phoenix: Why is a one-night stand any better?

"Take care of yourself and your health, Mr. Wright. Mrs. Fey, Mr. Butz, you have to watch him.”

"Of course, Doctor!" answered Larry and Maya together.

"Phoenix, come on! The plane will take off soon!" said Mrs. Samantha. With a heavy heart, and a little reluctant,

Maya: Why?

Phoenix: Remember, people don't think in this universe. They don't get why Dr. Edgeworth is probably a really bad human being.

Edgeworth: Excuse you.

Phoenix walked into the plane, and sat next to the window. Phoenix waved his hand, which was answered by Dr. Edgeworth, nurse Ema, and nurse Athena from a distance, the longer, they become smaller, and disappeared from Phoenix sight.

"Thank you, Doctor Edgeworth. Thank you for everything. Till the day we meet again.” whispered Phoenix.

Maya: “I can’t wait for the day we finally get to go to town.”

Edgeworth: Must you continue to say things like that?

Maya: I have to. It’s the natural flow of the cosmos!

The plane takes off, and he returned to America.


Maya: "The end"!? Does that mean what I think it means!?

*The lights come up*

Maya: Crya is dead! Yay!

Phoenix: You're way too excited by this.

Edgeworth: Agreed.

Maya: Well, now we're finally done! And that means management has to hold up their end of the bargain!

Speaker: We have made no bargains. Go on.

Maya: You owe us, management! Next time, I want a Steel Samurai fanfiction!

Speaker: We said we'd look. But, personally speaking, I think you may regret asking for this.

Maya: Oh, no.

Phoenix: Well, I'm sure it'll be a while before that happens. Let's get out of here. Edgeworth, grab your vodka.

Edgeworth: Ha, ha, very funny.

*The three walk out of the theater together.*


And that was Maya Fey: Ace Thief, everybody! Thanks for reading! If I find a bad Steel Samurai fanfiction, you bet your ass I'm sporking it.
Have you ever... caught a good guy? Like a, like a real SUPERHERO?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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@Mornal: nice sporking, but I think you spork the part 6 which not updated yet. I remember I read the scene where Maya and Phoenix kissing on lips (not just in cheeks) and Phoenix said he's Maya's boyfriend in Chapter 6. (Honesty, I would love to know Maya and Phoenix reaction if they read that scene)

And for your information, the Maya Fey: Ace Thief writer know that her fics are sporked (yes, the writer is a girl, not a guy) and she messed up some scenes in purpose. She's good friend of mine, and she's not upset about her fic sporked here :)
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

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That was a great spork! I loved the stomach jabbing!
Now... Theres one more thing...
bring back the porcelain doll...
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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xxxshevax wrote:
And for your information, the Maya Fey: Ace Thief writer know that her fics are sporked (yes, the writer is a girl, not a guy) and she messed up some scenes in purpose. She's good friend of mine, and she's not upset about her fic sporked here :)

Really? Well, that's good. I noticed she had an account on these forums and I was like, "Aw man, this is... awks." I'm glad she wasn't too upset!

Reznov877 wrote:
bring back the porcelain doll...

I was the only one who used the porcelain doll in my sporks (outside the sporking of fic itself, of course.) I guess it never really... caught on?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Wandering Monk

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This thread is longer than most novels.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title

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Skittlemask wrote:
xxxshevax wrote:
And for your information, the Maya Fey: Ace Thief writer know that her fics are sporked (yes, the writer is a girl, not a guy) and she messed up some scenes in purpose. She's good friend of mine, and she's not upset about her fic sporked here :)

Really? Well, that's good. I noticed she had an account on these forums and I was like, "Aw man, this is... awks." I'm glad she wasn't too upset!

She found it funny, actually. That's why she messed up and change some scenes in purpose, like Maya kiss Phoenix in cheeks to kiss on lips :redd:
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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You're too slow!

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I was the only one who used the porcelain doll in my sporks (outside the sporking of fic itself, of course.) I guess it never really... caught on?

That's fine.
I found a fic, a birthday one... Its pretty short though. ... thday-cake
I didn't even need to read half of it to know its terrible.
Its by everyone's favorite "BarryLawn"
Phoenix is always WRIGHT!
You could've seen that from MILES away.
I sure have a LOTTA guts for doing this.
Wow, I almost FEYNTED from all these!
Man, That detective sure is a FOOL to be so BRIGHT!
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Endlessly boring people about Franziska

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Thanks for the replies, guys! When I'm less harried (when it's not nano time) I'll give it a go, maybe >.> and ask for help, of course.

Incidentally, what is a good place to post ones own fanfic to?
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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TurtleCat wrote:
Incidentally, what is a good place to post ones own fanfic to?

Here? We've definitely had people spork their own fics here before.

(tfw posted almost exactly 12 hours after question)
Image Image Image Image Image

pfp: www,pixiv,net/en/artworks/66633770
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being meguca is suffering

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Note: Even though this a a Professor Layton Fanfic, I thought it was so bad I needed to post a link to it. PL doesn't have it's own forum, and the fandom is (thankfully) not as bad as it used to be.

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: It is very VERY cringe-worthy. There has never been a fic that has had references to as many cringe-worthy things as this one.

Here is the link to a HORRIBLE PL fic: ... nd-Friends
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Wandering Monk

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I give it 10/10 for good taste in burgers

Besides that though I'd give it two Dahlias if I could,
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