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Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I've felt worse.

Gender: None specified

Location: I'm at soup.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:18 pm

Posts: 1698

Edgeworth's Mother REVEALED? The Truth Will Shock You!
(It's Trucy. I don't get it either.)
"It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up. Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough." -Stanford Pines, Gravity Falls
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Stilted Beauty

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Time travel is the explanation apparently. Still, EEWWWWW
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Stilted Beauty

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It's been almost two months,and two months is too long! Welcome back, everybody, for part three of the Baby Chronicles! The Sporkers and the rating remain unchanged,so let's get straight into it!

What? I want the spoiler tag to work properly. You'll see.

We open up at the Sporking Theatre once again, where our Sporkers are making small talk.

Edgeworth: No, Wright, I still do think it's spelt 'yogurt'.

Phoenix: Tch, what do I have to do to convince you?! It's 'yoghurt', with an h!

Ema:Actually, Mr.Wright, I looked it up. Apparently, in American English, it's spelt without an h, and in British English,with an h.

Apollo: So we've essentially been complaining about the subtle differences in American and British English the whole time?

Ema: Apparently so.

There is an awkward silence for a moment.

Trucy: Well, anyway, um...oh yeah! Do you think we'll find out the baby's gender today?

Speakers: Well...hmm. How should I put this? Yes and no.

Lana: What do you mean?

Speakers: ....You'll see. Anyway,we saw the chits you gave us yesterday,and...

Phoenix: *gulp*

Speakers: Well,Apollo and Lana wrote down 'boy', Edgeworth and Ema wrote down 'girl', Trucy said that she didn't think it was going to be just one baby so she wrote down 'unsure',and Mr.Wright...

Phoenix: (Uh-oh.)

Speakers: I don't know how you thought you were going to get away with this, but you didn't.

Trucy: Huh?

Apollo:What do you mean?

Phoenix: ...

Speakers: Mr.Wright wrote down on one side of the chit 'boy', and on the other he wrote 'girl'.

Phoenix: ...

Trucy: Did you really, Daddy?!

Edgeworth: I can't believe you'd stoop to such levels, Wright!

Speakers: So,regardless of who gets the gender right, Mr.Wright here will be paying. And he shall NOT be taking any home.

Phoenix: (So basically,I'm disqualified.)

Speakers: *sluuuurp* Ah,that's some good coffee. Anyway,now that we've made that clear,let the sporking begin! Roll it!

Chapter 4
Week 12:The First scan and the nursery

Lana: The last chapter was week 8, was it not?

Apollo: It's not a surprise that we're skipping so many weeks all the time.

Ema: Like I said last time, better them than us. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

It was the day of the twelve week scan. Ema had continued to gain weight and she definitely looked pregnant now. Everyone knew she was pregnant now and she revelled in the attention she got from the people around her.

Lana: You shouldn't use your pregnancy to show off, Ema.

Ema: Like I said, that's not me.

"I don't really want to drive, I'm worried about a seatbelt pushing into my stomach." Lana was ready to give them a lift to the hospital.

"Honey, there's a sack of fluid protecting your baby in there."

"So I won't hurt it?"

"Of course not."

Ema was still getting ready. Apollo had been up bright and early – this was the first opportunity he would have to see his child growing inside his girlfriend.


Edgeworth: So here we go. The big reveal, as it were.

Ema: Already a line break? This is sudden, even for this fic.

"Are you sure you don't want me waiting around?" Lana asked as she dropped them off at the hospital.

"No it's fine." Ema assured her. "I'll let you know what happened!" She took Apollo's hand and led him into the hospital.

"Good morning, you must be Miss Ema Skye." The woman showed her to the chair before her.

"That's right." Ema nodded, taking the seat. "And this is my boyfriend, Apollo."

Speakers: No one say a thing about the last part.

Trucy: We weren't going to!

Apollo: (They're still mad over that?)

"Pleased to meet you, take a seat." She pulled a chair round so he could sit beside her.


Ema yelped as the cold gel was poured onto her stomach.

Ema: Oh,that stuff.

Phoenix: Pfft, that stuff probably isn't half as cold as the Borscht Bowl Club.

Apollo: It still looks pretty cold, though.

"I'm sorry about that." The woman smiled as she reached for the scanner. "Your doctor told me you took a look at the baby when you were six weeks, correct?"

"That's right."

Lana: So now it's been twice as long,hmm?

"There we are. Hello…" The woman fell silent.

Everyone: ......

Trucy: ...Hi?

Phoenix: Ssh, Trucy! Here it is!

"Lookie, there's two." Ema and Apollo stared at the screen.

Sure enough, there was not just one moving figure in there, there was two. There didn't look like there was much room in there with two of them.

Trucy: YES! Hooray! *raises hands in the air, like she doesn't even care*

Phoenix: Good job, Trucy! You called it!

Trucy: Does this mean I won!

Phoenix: Oh, yes. I'll make sure you'll get every last penny from them.

Apollo: (I don't like how he looked at me specifically while he was saying that.)

"There was one when I went for the scan!" Ema looked to Apollo, who's eyes were glistening.

"The other one was probably still developing. Mighty cute, huh?" The woman smiled. "Congrats!"

"They're so beautiful!" Apollo squeezed Ema's hand and she smiled at him. "Just like you…"

Apollo: You can't even see them that well.

Edgeworth: It's 'whose', not 'who's'.

"So are they ok? Are their hearts beating and things?" Ema asked excitedly.

"Yep, perfect and strong, I can tell you their gender if you like. Although it will not be with 100 percent certainty."

"Do you want to know?" Apollo looked to Ema.

*suddenly everyone jumps up and stares intensely at the screen*

"Not yet." Ema shook her head.

*there is a collective groan of disappointment from the sporkers*

They could have just stared at that screen together for hours. It was magical, watching those two tiny little figures pushing each other and moving ever so slightly inside Ema.

"Hm…" The nurse mused. "That's interesting…"

Lana: Hmm, what's this now?

"What?" Ema and Apollo turned round and stared hard at the woman.

"Nothing bad. I'm just interested in this here…" She pointed to a few lines near the top of the image. "I think I'd like you to come back in another four to eight weeks if that's ok?"

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Ema asked.

"I'm sure." She assured.

"W-well ok then." They made another appointment for two month's time.


Trucy: Hmm...

Phoenix: What, Trucy? Something nagging your mind?

Trucy: Nothing bad. I'm just interested in this here. *points to the top of the screen*

Phoenix: Oh! I get it! Ha! *slaps knee* Nice one, Trucy!

Apollo: (All she did was imitate the fic. What's so funny about that?)

Trucy: (Really though...there is something here...)

Ema: The second line break? These just keep on coming so fast.

"I can't believe I'm having twins!" Ema hugged him as soon as they got out. "What do you think that shape was though?"

"Looked like a baby's arm or a head to me." Apollo let her go. "You hungry?"

"Yeah!" He took her hand and began to walk towards the city.


Ema: And look, there's the third one! What's with all of these?

Edgeworth: So they're going to ignore the possibility of yet another baby here and just go out to eat?

The following morning Ema was sat in her sister's office, telling her the good news.


"Uh-huh!" Ema smiled brightly.

"Aww I'm so proud of you!" She wrapped her arms around her baby sister. "So what else did she say?"

Apollo: You know, now that I think about it, Lana is getting skimped out over here. She always gets the news later than me.

Lana: I'm not sure why she prioritises you over me anyway.

"She pointed to a shape just above the babies and said she wanted me to go for another scan in a couple of months to investigate it." She rubbed her hand across her stomach unconsciously. "I'm so excited!"

"How did Apollo act?"

Ema: Why is she asking about you?

Apollo: I dunno. I guess she's interested in my reactions.

"He could have just stared at the screen for hours. I think I'll go to some of those classes you told me about, Apollo wants to be more involved."

Edgeworth: They did say something about prenatal classes last time, didn't they?

Trucy: By the way, Polly, it's not healthy to stare at bright screens for so long.

Apollo: Yeah, it really does make you lose sleep. How did you know?

Trucy: Daddy, of course! I was using my new phone a lot, but then Daddy stepped in and told me about the dangers of overusing technology. Now I almost never use my phone!

Phoenix: Heh heh. *starts chugging grape juice*

Apollo: (I doubt his motives were completely sincere myself.)

[The conversation digresses to other things, like prenatal classes, and Lana's children. The scene then ends with Ema feeling another kick in the stomach.]

Two weeks later, Lana was at the door, her four children at her side.

Phoenix: *spits out grape juice* WHAT?!

Edgeworth: Four children?!

Ema: She only mentioned two last time! What were they again?

Lana: Neil and Melanie. I wonder who the other two are.

Speakers: Zzzzzzz...

Apollo: (Is the management..taking a nap?)

"Come on in Lana." Apollo stepped to the side. Ema was sat in the kitchen, munching on a chocolate bar. "Thanks for this you two."

"No problem." Apollo smiled. "It'll be good to get some practice."

"Haha, they won't be any trouble."

"Auntie Em!" Neil ran straight to his aunt. "Are you having a baby too?"

Trucy: And there's little Neil! Aw, he looks so adorable!

Apollo: I guess you could say...Ema's having a baby two.

Lana: ...

Ema: ...

Speakers: Zzzzzzzz....

Phoenix: That joke was not Wright, Apollo. You need to work on that.

Apollo: (Aw, I thought I have that pun Justice.)

Trucy: Why do you look like you're making another dumb joke in your head, Polly?

"What's this…" Lana noticed the spare bedroom had a sign labelled 'baby'. "A nursery? Can I take a look?"

"Sure, go on ahead." Apollo offered.


Edgeworth: Ah, the titular nursery, eh?

Lana: I didn't think you could afford that, Ema.

Ema: Don't look at me. Apollo must've built it.

Apollo had been working hard. Not only was he taking care of Ema, taking care of all the chores and cooking he had also been decorating the spare room ready for the new arrivals. It didn't matter to him that they still had six months to go, he wanted everything to be perfect for the babies when they were born.

Ema: What did I tell you?

Trucy: Wow, Polly, you're a stickler for perfection, aren't you? Why don't you work this hard at the office?

Apollo: Give me a break. This stuff is important.

Phoenix: And our work isn't? *glare]

Apollo: Um...let's move on, shall we?

Lana opened the door and flicked the light. The room had been decorated with a fresh coat of paint and had been stripped of the old bed and ancient built in wardrobe. Across the walls were several pencil markings. Lana inspected one of them and recognised it as a dragonfly, the one beneath it flowers. There were many doodles of all sorts of things.

"What do you think?" Apollo asked.

"Have you drawn all these?" She asked as she ran her hand over one of the images.

"Yep. I'm not done painting yet…I just did the white so I could do my drawings, then I'm going to paint around them." Apollo smiled.

Trucy: Wow, Apollo the artist! Well done, Polly!

Phoenix: I know a friend who dabbles in art, and your doodles put his to shame!

Edgeworth: That's not saying much, Wright.

Apollo: Aw. Eh heh. (I feel red.)

"And he won't let me see!" Ema yelled in from the other room.


"Not until I'm done decorating." Apollo smiled.

Lana: You really do seem to be a stickler for the details, Mr.Justice.

Ema: I don't think your drawings are that great though. At least not so much that you'd hide them from me.

"You didn't strike me as the artsy type." Lana smiled. "Or a handyman."

"I'm not the best in the world but I'm trying my hardest."

"Heck honey, My daughters would love a room like this." She smiled. "Be good for Apollo and Auntie Em, ok kids?"

Apollo: What's with the random heck thrown in?

Lana: Auntie Em...I quite like the sound of that.


Speakers: Zzzzz-hmm? Oh yeah,I'm awake. Continue.

"We will!"

Apollo took one last look at his nursery and smiled.

Trucy: That's adorkable, Polly.

The lights come on.

Edgeworth: Oh? It's already over? That's not that bad.

Phoenix: It was quite mundane, actually. *chugs grape juice*

Lana: I have to agree with you. Not much really happened.

Trucy: I actually enjoyed it! You just have to see past all the bad.

Apollo: Anyway, can we go home now?

Speakers: .....Ngh!

Apollo: Um, hello? Mana-


Apollo: AAAH!

Phoenix: MMMNGH! *tries to spit out grape juice but instead takes it all back in*


Ah,sir! Are you alright?! Um,can we please cu-


Um, we apologise for what just happened.

Phoenix: What even was that?!

Edgeworth: You owe us an explanation, narrator!

Um, I guess I do. The boss, was, er, having a bit of a migraine. Might be due to all the coffee he had. He's being taken to the nearby clinic now, because he may be developing a bit of a, doesn't really matter. But I guess that since he's gone, I'll be taking his place for now.

Trucy: You were right to tell me to avoid coffee, Daddy!

Phoenix: Yes, sweetie. Stay away from it at all costs, okay?

Speakers: Ah,here I am. Comfy place. So I guess we move on to the next chapter now.

Ema: What?! Don't we even get a break??

Apollo: Yeah! How can you say that?!

Speakers: Um, sorry. But those were the boss's orders before he was taken away. Anyway, what does this button-

*smoke suddenly fills the room*


Speakers: Oh. So that's what it does. Um,sorry. A minute, please.

*after a while*

Speakers: Thank goodness, it's over! Please don't tell that to the boss. Um...start!
Chapter 5
Week 16:Birthday kicks

Lana: 'Birthday kicks'?

Ema:So is the baby going to bump me on my birthday?

Trucy: Have we moved four weeks already?

Phoenix: We'll just have to see, won't we?

"Four months pregnant on your birthday huh?" Apollo smiled. "Well, no going out on the town this year. So what would you like to do instead? A party here maybe?" He began to shed his paint coated clothes.

Apollo: Actually, when IS your birthday, Ema?

Ema: Why do you ask?

Apollo: Just curious.

Ema: Well, if you want to give me a present, give it to me anytime. I'm happy to accept. Make sure that it's chocolate flavoured too.

Apollo: (So she only wants snackoos?)

Trucy: ...paint coated clothes? Oh, Polly's finished painting the nursery!

Phoenix: I wonder how it looks now.

"I don't really want a party." Ema yawned as she curled up on her pillow.

"So what do you want?" He knelt down beside the bed and put a hand to his girlfriend's ever swelling tummy as he leant in and kissed her.

"A quiet night in with a hand cooked meal?" Ema suggested.

"If that's all you want…" Apollo seemed surprised.

Ema: Hey, a girl needs her sleep!

Edgeworth: Coincidentally, that is what I do on my birthday. I prefer a peaceful and quiet day more than celebration.

Phoenix: It's true. I've been trying to convince him for years to properly hold a party, but he won't budge.

Trucy: Come on, Uncle Edgeworth! Don't be so shy! I'll perform magic tricks for you if you'd like!

Ema: Actually, when is YOUR birthday, Mr.Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Ngh! It doesn't matter. Can we please move on?!

Ema: Oh, erm, sorry. *blush*

Apollo: (Seems Ema has a bit of a crush on Mr.Edgeworth. I'll be sure to tell Trucy afterwards.)

"You seem shocked." Ema commented as her boyfriend stood back up and continued to shed his clothing. She admired him from behind for a while before adding "Why should everyone else come here and get drunk and whatever else for my birthday when I can't?"

Trucy: Eek!

Speakers: Sorry sorry sorry! I'll speed past it now!

Trucy: Phew. That was a bit too extreme, Polly.

Apollo: Hey! Don't blame me! I didn't do a thing. (And how come the management knows how my butt looks like so well?)

"Touché." Apollo smiled.

"That's all I want I swear." She yawned again. "If it's ok with you, I think I'm going to have an early night."

Edgeworth: I was wondering when the author was going to forget a comma.

Phoenix: They did earlier, but you missed it.

Edgeworth: Ngh! *penalty*

He pulled the covers up so she was warm. She wrapped herself into them.

"Alright. Goodnight Em." He kissed her. "Goodnight babies." He held his hand on her stomach for a few brief moments.

"I think they like it when they hear your voice." Ema whispered. "Goodnight Apollo."

"Night, sleep well." He then switched out the lights and closed the door gently behind him.

Apollo: How can they hear my voice so well?

Trucy: Babies are mysterious things, Apollo...

Apollo: Um, okay?

Ema was almost four months into her pregnancy, although her ever swelling stomach made it look like she was far closer to the end. Although, it was to be expected – she was carrying more than one child in there. She was getting sleepier everyday, she was eating more and more chocolate and yog(h)urts than before too.

Apollo didn't mind when she chose to have an early night. He knew she was feeling the effects of the extra pounds and the unborn babies draining her energy, it did get lonely for him at night though. Still, he would manage.


Lana: Like I said, you shouldn't eat so many sweets, Ema.

Ema: ....Was that the first line break? What an accomplishment!

Apollo: (I notice she changed the subject rather quickly. Why is she so fixated towards line breaks anyway?)
"So, what are the plans for the b-day little sis?" Lana asked as her and Ema wondered through the high street.

Edgeworth: Commas. Please use them.

Apollo: (Is he willingly ignoring the more obvious mistakes?)

"Quiet dinner with Apollo." Ema replied, breaking a chunk off the chocolate bar she had in her bag.

"No parties?"

"Why should everyone else get the pleasure of being drunk when I don't?" Ema reminded her sister and rubbed a hand across her stomach.

Phoenix: Because alcoholism breaks families apart. Right, Trucy?

Trucy: Right!

Apollo: (You're one to speak.)

"I guess so." Lana turned to her sister. "I'm thirsty, fancy a drink?"


"So, you went to your first class with Apollo didn't you?" Lana smiled as she stirred the sugar into her drink.

"Yep!" Ema mumbled through a mouthful of cookie.

"How'd it go?"

Lana: Did I just ask her if she wanted a drink right after I said I was thirsty, and also after she reminded me that she isn't allowed to drink?

Apollo: Yep. Though it might've been water or orange juice or even milk, to go with her cookies.

"It was amazing!" She covered her mouth to stop crumbs. "Apollo was getting really into it, he listened to everything the lady said."

Trucy: *snigger*


[They continue talking about the prenatal classes and what they were taught.]

They drank their drinks and carried on shopping. When they were in a restaurant several hours later ordering dinner Ema began to press gently on her stomach.

"Lana…what does a baby's kick feel like?" She asked shyly.

"Well, it's really hard to describe…why?"

Trucy: How is it hard to describe? Shouldn't it be just... a kick?

"I think one of the babies just kicked me…"

"Come here…" Lana pressed a hand gently to her stomach. "That's a kick alright. Soon they'll be boxing in there." Lana smiled. "Have you felt it before?"

Apollo: I suddenly have a vivid image in my head of those two babies having a boxing match.

Lana: That would interesting fight, to say the least.

"Yes but I didn't know what it was…"

"Well, you can go home to Apollo now and tell him the babies are kicking in there." Lana was smiling even brighter than before. "Jake loved it, he said they were already little trouble causers for us to deal with." She looked to her baby daughter. "He was really excited too."


Ema: So are we going to learn the names of the other two children now?

Edgeworth: Most likely not.

The day of her birthday Ema had only been working for half a day. She hadn't told Apollo about the babies kicking yet.

When she returned home that afternoon she expected to be alone. Instead she was faced by a paint coated Apollo.

Trucy: Ooh,look! Polly's painting the nursery~

Apollo: Please don't say it like that.

"Why aren't you at work?" She asked.

"No cases. Told Phoenix I'd be more useful at home for the day. He told me to give you these."

Phoenix: Just so you know, Apollo, it's more respectful to call me 'Mr.Wright'.

Trucy: And we're an Anything Agency, not a Law Office! We have quite a lot of requests on the daily! So no slacking off, Apollo!

Apollo: sigh

He closed the door to the nursery so she couldn't peak in and crossed the room to the kitchen. He pulled two pink parcels and two cards from the side. "This is from Phoenix." He handed her the bigger parcel. "And this one's from Trucy."

"Aww!" She tore the wrapping from the parcels.

Lana: I do hope that's the right 'aww'.

In Phoenix's parcel was a couple of sets of baby clothes, both plain white with pictures of animals on and a deluxe bar of chocolate from the local chocolate makers. In Trucy's parcel was a photo album labelled 'My baby's first year'. When she opened Trucy's card Trucy had written she would have to put both the babies in the shot. In the very front of the photo album there was a section labelled scan pictures.

Trucy: I wish we had that.

Phoenix: Unfortunately, we are a bit low on cash.

"That's so sweet." Apollo smiled. He watched as Ema found the scan picture from her three month scan and slid it into the first slot in the album.
"I love them, tell Phoenix and Trucy thank you." She kissed him. "I'm going to grab a shower."
"Sure." Apollo held her for a little while before releasing her to go in the shower. As soon as he knew she was in the shower he went back into the nursery.

Trucy: Are we finally going to see the nursery? I w- huh? What are you looking at, daddy?

Phoenix: ...Edgeworth? Are you awake?

Edgeworth: Hmm? Oh yes, I am. I'm just bored by how mundane this whole thing is. Why am I even here, for that matter? I haven't even been in it!

Phoenix: Technically, neither have I.

Edgeworth: But you've been mentioned! Me?! Not even a passing solitary reference that I exist in this....thing!

Speakers: Calm down, Mr.Edgeworth. You are here for a reason. That reason is that you are the Spork Bi-

Edgeworth: Stop! I get it now. *puts head in hands*

Speakers: Umm...Mr.Edgeworth? You're supposed to pay attention to the screen at all times.

Edgeworth: sigh I know. I'm ready now.

Apollo: (Hey, don't dramaticize everything! I'm bored too, but I'm not saying a thing about it.)

He was faced by the finished product, which he had been working on for two hours a night for the last six weeks. He flicked the light off, that room – the nursery was his gift to Ema for her birthday. When he left the room, he remembered to lock the door tight (he'd fitted the lock so Ema wouldn't be able to get in until it was done). He returned to the bedroom to change into more suitable clothes that weren't coated in paint.


Phoenix: If only you could use your talents to help us, Apollo.

Trucy: How does that even work?

Ema could smell Apollo's home cooking and she was trying to resist the urge to turn around, run into the kitchen and eat the food before it was cooked.

When she'd got out of the shower the bed was covered in rose petals, along with a small red piece of folded card wrapped in gold ribbon. On the outside cover it said 'menu for the girl I love' on the front. She untied the ribbon as soon as she got hold of the card.

Inside was the three course menu Apollo was cooking up for her birthday.

Trucy: You know, I'm quite proud of Polly. He's really doing a lot so far. He just needs-

Apollo: To help you. Yeah yeah, I get it.

It started with a spicy squash soup – Ema's favourite starter at a restaurant they frequented before she fell pregnant. Next came one of her favourite types of fish in the world – red snapper. For desert he was making her a chocolate and banana cake. As soon as she'd finished reading said menu she rushed out to hug Apollo.

Several hours later he was almost finished with the starter.

Trucy: Actually, he's a bit slow. I don't think you have to wait hours to make just soup.

Apollo: (I'm not the best cook in the world! Sorry about that!)

"Here we go." He lowered the bowl to the table before her. "Enjoy baby."

Trucy: So is the starter made of babies? No wonder you took so long.

Edgeworth: Just the author forgetting that commas exist.

"Thanks." Ema smiled. "You know…I think I prefer birthdays like this now I have you." She took a sip of her drink before trying the soup. "Being with friends is fun and all, but being with my babies' dad is better." Apollo smiled softly before tucking into his bowl of soup.


Ema: You're having your own soup too?

Apollo: Hey, it took a lot of time. I deserve some too.

"Hey Apollo, when can I have my birthday present?" Ema asked as she joined him on the sofa.

Lana: That's no way to inquire.

"Haha, right now if you want." Apollo smiled, wrapping his arms around her. "Say what was that?" He felt something move inside Ema.

"Lana said the babies are kicking." Ema moved her boyfriend's hand slightly further down so he could feel it better.

"Wow…" Apollo whispered, taking in the fact that he could feel his two children moving inside her.

"My present?" Ema urged.

"Oh right." Apollo stood up and helped her up from the couch. "Ok, hold still for a minute." He found his tie and covered her eyes with it, using it as a blindfold.

Phoenix: Uh oh.

"What are you doing!"

"I don't want you to peek is all, don't worry I'm gonna look after you."

He guided her across the room to the nursery.

Trucy: Finally! Here it is, in all of its glory!

When he got her into the room and removed the blindfold Ema knew she was crying.

The room was decorated in pale pastel shades, depicting flowers and animals on a pale background. It wasn't Apollo's artwork that caught her eye first though, it was the furniture. Two cots had been built up, the instructions still laying in the first and there were wardrobes and drawers for storing clothes. Across each of the two cots were handmade mobiles which Apollo had asked a friend of his to create. He had built up the furniture from flat packs.

Trucy: Wow!

Edgeworth: That...actually looks pretty soothing.

Trucy: Wow!

Phoenix: Yeah, I think you did a good job with it.

Lana: Who's this friend of yours, anyway?

Apollo: Heheh, thanks. (Clay's not even good at this stuff, though.)

Ema: I don't think it's worth crying over, though.

Trucy: Wow!

"Happy birthday!" Apollo laughed as he felt Ema hug him with enough force to push him backwards.

"This is the best present ever!" She squealed.

"There is one other thing…" Apollo reached under one of the cots and pulled out a small package and a card.

Ema: ...A love letter?

Trucy: Wow!

To the girl I love,

I want you to know how proud I am of you. You make me the happiest man alive and I know you'll be the best mom ever to our Babies when they're born. I know everyone else gave you things for the baby put this present is just for you…

Edgeworth: 'Put this present is just for you'? And why is 'babies' capitalised?!

Lana: It's one thing to make a spelling mistake, but to make one- no, two- on a love letter is just....

Trucy: Wow!

Inside the package was a jewellery box with a beautiful gold ring embossed with the words 'To the girl I love – Apollo xx' on the inside. In the middle was set a sparkling gem.

"I'm so proud of you." Apollo whispered in her ear.

"Best birthday ever!" Ema declared.

Apollo: That looks impressive, even by my standards.

Edgeworth: Just 'xx'? No 'o's, I see.

Phoenix: Is x hugs?

Edgeworth: Yes, I think so.

Trucy: No, it's kisses.

Ema: Definitely hugs.

Lana: No, it has to be kisses.

Apollo: (Is this the new yogurt?)

*The lights come on*

Trucy: Oh, it's over!

Ema: Thank goodness. That was quite long.

Lana: I was beginning to fall asleep myself.

Apollo: That was even more mundane.

Edgeworth: I have to agree. Barely anything happened.

Phoenix: Hang on. Aren't we all forgetting something?

Trucy: Oh right, the bets we made!

Speakers: Ah, correct. You, Ms.Trucy Wright, won the bet!

Trucy: Hooray!

Phoenix: Pay her up, everybody.

*everyone but Phoenix pays her up*

Apollo: Why aren't you paying?

Phoenix: ...I'm her guardian. Bye bye!

Trucy: Wait, daddy! You aren't escaping me this time!

Apollo: I'm helping! Come here, Mr.Wright!

Edgeworth: And off they go. I'm on my own way myself.

Ema: Yeah, let's go, sis.

Lana: Yes. So where was that snackoo shop you were talking about earlier?

Speakers: And so our- wait, give me a second. Ah, here we are. It wasn't the same there. Anyway,and so our Sporkers leave the theatre. But will they take another two month break, or are they coming back sooner than they expect? See you next time!

As always, constructive criticism is appreciated. Phew, that was a long one. Coming up next time, is the finale of this sporking! Well, kinda. You'll see.

It was a pain leaving a space after every comma btw but it was worth it to satisfy you all hope you enjoyed,folks.Yeah I didn't leave a space there on purpose.Now I'm satisfied.phew

Last edited by Southern Corn on Mon Apr 10, 2017 4:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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I've felt worse.

Gender: None specified

Location: I'm at soup.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:18 pm

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Apollo: I suddenly have a vivid image in my head of those two babies having a boxing match.

I don't really have anything else to add.
"It's never too late to learn that growing old doesn't have to mean growing up. Stay curious, stay weird, stay kind, and don't let anyone ever tell you you aren't smart or brave or worthy enough." -Stanford Pines, Gravity Falls
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A new dawn.

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Excellent work yet again, SC!

The Management never misses anything - I can't believe Phoenix thought he could get away with it! And yay, Trucy won! I love how Phoenix looks specifically at Apollo at that time...

I wonder what Trucy noticed at the top of the screen. And Lana is taking the fact that she has four children very calmly. Is Godot the Management for the day...?

The next yog(h)urt comes! Hugs or kisses? (I'm tilted towards hugs myself, because I can't see a way in which 'o' could represent a hug.)

Now for a nitpick, because I'm just that kind of person: "everyone jumps ump" - 'up'.

Also, in the sentence ""So, what are the plans for the b-day little sis?" Lana asked as her and Ema wondered through the high street." - Edgeworth only talked about the comma, but what about the 'her and Ema' and 'wondered'? Or maybe they just got tired of sporking all that.

And thanks for the spaces; I found it far easier to read this time.
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Stilted Beauty

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No, Godot isn't the Management. I don't have a specific character in mind for him. Just...some guy,for all I care.

Yeah, x looks like two arms crossing,and o looks like a mouth. That kinda makes sense.

Sorry for the mistakes. I was quite tired (although that's no excuse), and I'll fix them later.

The next part,as said,is coming this month,and it's my favourite yet. I haven't started it,but I'm excited for it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

Gender: Male

Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

Posts: 325 i dunno if i'm too late for this convo....but i stumbled upon page 55 on this thread and i saw people spork the author "kesai stormdog's" fanfics which portray klavier as a monster.

I have been reading her fics for quite a while...and i was less impressed on how she portrayed the characters in her ace attorney fics.
So i don't know if this is the appropriate time and place to rant on this authors fics (and i kinda don't know what "sporking" means exactly so....idk)

So here are my common complaints;

1) Apollo is a freaking Marty Stue. Apollo may be my favourite ace attorney character...but jeez. A marty stue isn't even the right way to describe him....HE'S A FLIPPIN' SAINT! He palys guitar, owns a hog (where does THAT seem familar? Definatley not this guy :rock'n: no way.) Writes a BOOK! and several other stuff i cannot remember to mention.

2) Klavier is a monster. Big surprise. This is common on most of her fics. Sometimes i feel kinda distugsted on her portrayol on klavier and i just assumed she has a huge hate on klema. Back when i hated Nahyuta X Ema (which is what i'm gonna asssume is the same reason for her hating klema which is how it interfered with her OTP) I didn't angrily write fanfiction that was made to attack the ship and make Nahyuta an evil bastard. This was over he top levels of hate she least i'm ASSUMING it's hate (i's a contradiction)

3) Her Writing is amazing. Yeah...this isn't a complaint. I think in the midst of this rant on this author i should giev credit where credit is due...and say that i really enjoy how amazing she writes her stories....the description and language all that. But i'm a little nitpicky on how the word "hissed" is repeatedly gets under my skin a little...but no harm done.

4) Ema and Apollo are a match made in heaven. Like...srsly...that is the vibe i'm getting from her fics...all i can ay about the way she portrays the ship in non anti klema fics is...okay...but in the anti klema's downright irritating. It just adds salt to the wound.

5) I couldn't bring myslef to finish reading all her fics (there is no way i'm at that level of commitment to read through all those fics and finish reading the ones i HAVE read) But what i can tell of the description on most of them....yeah...i can already imagine....wait...why is this a complain again?

6) She labled on of her fics a klema fic...but it was pretty obvs that it was emapollo...because it was obviosuely shown in the fic. "No ema x apollo" my ass!

Now that misunderstand this as an attack on the author. much as i hate ow much she represent=s the characters and just infurate klema shippers such as myself....
But please do not witch hunt this author!
I do not think she is necessarily a bad one...but she is one author that can anger a lot of people....also her fics were made before DD came out and it wasn't confirmed that klavier went to themis and clay happend and Apollo was the adopted son of royalty and helped aid a revolution so i can get she had to make up some of Apollo's backstory as he was blank slate in AJ.

okay...i think i did a bad job with this post in some areas....this is the first time i'm openly stating ym problems with this author.
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Stilted Beauty

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Kesai stormdog is the one who wrote Blackmail,I think. Yeah,your complaints are warranted.

Btw,a sporking is a line by line analysis of a fic. In this case,it's with AA characters. You may want to read some of the sporkings here to get a grasp on what it is.
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um...hi your honour?

Gender: Male

Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

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Southern Corn wrote:
Kesai stormdog is the one who wrote Blackmail,I think. Yeah,your complaints are warranted.

Btw,a sporking is a line by line analysis of a fic. In this case,it's with AA characters. You may want to read some of the sporkings here to get a grasp on what it is.

yeah..she did write blackmail...i read it. i cringed a little.

thanks, i'll keep that in mind and know how to spork.
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Stilted Beauty

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Lucky for you,you can just read my sporking,because funnily enough I'm sporking that exact author now! Yes,this is the finale (sorta) of the Baby Chronicles. Come on and all,for it's all about to end right here! Since this is the finale,I guess it'd be appropriate to let the Sporkers speak their minds.

:apollo: -"So it's finally coming to an end, huh?"
:sassy: -"Ha! Take that, management! No more of this garbage from now!"
:lana: - "I must say, this is quite the pleasant surprise."
:trucy: -"...Am I the only one who liked this?"
:hobohodo: -"Yes, I'm afraid so, Trucy."
:edgeworth: -"I myself am finding this positively mundane. Either way, I shall be rather glad to see this end."

We open up, as usual, in the Sporking Theatre, where our Sporkers are having a heated discussion.

Ema: No, Lana, don't you see? The x is a hug because it looks like two arms crossed, which is what you do when you hug someone. The o is the shape of the mouth when you're kissing someone.

Trucy: Sorry, detective,but I don't see it. The x clearly represents the lips when kissing far better than an o. And the o is clearly the arms rounded over the back of the person being hugged!

Lana: Not the way I'd have put it, but yes, I agree.

Edgeworth: Then pray tell, why is 'xo', in that respective order, known as hugs and kisses?

Lana: That's being rather pedantic, Mr.Edgeworth.

Phoenix: *chugs down grape juice*

Apollo: (Why are they still arguing about this?)

Trucy: Hey, Polly! Come help us! We have to show them who's right!

Apollo: Hey! Don't drag me into this!

Suddenly, a bag of pills falls down from Ema's lab coat.

Ema: Oops! *picks it up*'s this?

Phoenix: *finishes his sip of grape juice* What's that, Ema?

Ema: These?, it's quite embarrassing, really. It's a bag of sleeping pills. I thought I'd left them back home.

Apollo: (Do I want to know what they're for?)

Trucy: Mm. Lemme just...grab that... Interesting. MUNCH

Apollo: You got some popcorn, Trucy? (Was it just me, or did she pick something off the floor?)

Trucy: Yep, three bags. One for me, one for daddy, and one for you, Polly!

Apollo: Oh, really? Thanks. (Must've been my eyes.)

Speakers: AHEM. Guten tag! Is this thing working? Can all of you hear me?

Trucy: Yeah, we can hear you, Mr. Management!

Apollo: ...! I don't think that's the usual management, Trucy.

Ema: Wait...could it be? ....MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

Lana: ?

Edgeworth: ...Prosecutor Gavin, was it?

Speakers: Ah yes, I see some of you have figured me out. Especially you, Herr Forehead. Yes, I am in fact, Prosecutor Klavier Gavin, otherwise known as the lead singer for the Gavinners. Gutten tach, everybody!

Trucy: Oooh!

Apollo: (I knew it.)

Lana: Oh, so is that the glamourous flop you were talking about yesterday, Ema?


Phoenix: Huh? What are you doing here?

Klavier: Well, that is an interesting question, Herr Wright. I shall let Herr Narrator explain it, ja?

Oh! Me, sir? Very well. Ahem. As you know, the current management suffered from caffeine overdose halfway through yesterday's sporking and is currently having a large headache. So, he asked Prosecutor Gavin to substitute for him.

Apollo: But why him?

I don't know, Pollykins. It's the management's wish, and I daren't inquire further.

Apollo: Gah! (I forgot that the narrator had a crush on me!)

Klavier: Ooh, Herr Forehead. I didn't know you inspired such a frothing response among the fräulein masses. Anyway, I have been adequately informed on the Fanfiction and also your sporking of it. Sounds quite interesting to me.

Edgeworth: It really isn't.

Klavier: Ach, you lack imagination, Herr Ruffles. Just think of it! Herr Forehead and the Fraülein detective having a baby together! Imagine the potential!

Apollo: You say this as if that hasn't already happened.

Klavier: Oh, has it now? Anyway, Herr Ruffles-

Edgeworth: Please don't call me that.

Klavier: As I was coming in here, I noticed a lovely girl with a key in her hair.

Trucy: !

Ema: !

Edgeworth: ! What did you-

Klavier: And I contacted Herr Management about it. He seemed rather intrigued. So while you were waiting, I managed to subdue the little fräulein enough. And lo and behold! We did it! Agent Lang, you may come now.

Suddenly, Agent Lang and one of his men come into the room, holding Kay Faraday, who is...handcuffed?!

Trucy: K-Kay?

Edgeworth: Y-you...Agent Lang! What is going on right now?!

Lang: Why, hello, Mr. Prosecutor. Didn't expect to see you here. Apparently, your little friend over here is really wanted by the Management, so I'm just supposed to keep her here until he comes back.

Apollo: I thought he had a headache?

Lang: Well, as soon as the rockstar behind the speakers called him, he said he'd try to get better and come pick her up as soon as possible.

Klavier: Ja, indeed. The doctors say he's getting better, but just needs to stay about half an hour longer.

Kay: Grr....lemme go, wolf-man!

Lang: Ha! Not on your life! Lang Zi says, "Leftovers must be salvaged, for even they can be useful."

Kay: I'm not a leftover, you-

Edgeworth: Prosecutor Gavin, why was Detective Skye not informed of this?

Klavier: Ah, that's simple. That's because the Fräulein Detective knows the girl, from what the management has told me, and he is afraid that he'll let her escape given the chance.

Lana: You know this girl, Ema?


Edgeworth: Nggh! *penalty* (I know for a fact Agent Lang won't let her escape. If only Ema could have...)

Phoenix: Ahem. Gavin. Can we start the fic already?

Klavier: Ah, of course, Herr Wright! Let us start the show, ja? Achtung, baby!

Yes, sir. Roll it!

*Agent Kang and Kay sit down at the edge of the seats,next to Trucy. One of his men is sitting right behind Kay,whose is handcuffed to her seat now. The key to the handcuffs is kept in Lang's pocket*

Edgeworth: (I should've known Agent Lang was involved in this theatre...why else were his men here all the time?)

Apollo: (This is going to be pretty bad for Kay. Trucy doesn't look too happy either.)

Trucy: ...

It feels nice now I'm getting back into the swing of writing stories again! As always please leave a review as I like reading what others think of my work. Thanks!

Edgeworth: ...I see that there was a brief hiatus between chapters. Though I doubt that the author's writing has improved that much.

Chapter 6:Six months: A winter's vengeance

Ema:Six months?!

Lana: I believe it was sixteen weeks earlier.

Edgeworth: So we've moved forward more than two months, then?

Phoenix: That's the biggest time skip yet.

Apollo: I don't see why you're all arguing. Less padding is a good thing in my book when it comes to this fic.

Now Ema was huge – she was self conscious and Apollo loved to tease her about it. He was only playing of course, and she knew it too.

Trucy: Polly, it's rude to make fun of a lady!

Apollo: It wasn't m- Ow! (I think Ema snackoo'd me.)

It was winter now, temperatures were plummeting and Ema was having difficulty finding clothes that would fit over her ever growing baby bump. She was feeling the effects of cold and pregnancy anyway.

"How are you feeling?" He knelt down beside the bed, a mug of warm milk in his hands.

"Tired…" Ema yawned, wrapping herself into the sheets more.

"You've been like this for a while…are you sure you're not sick or something?" Apollo whispered. She had been struggling to find the energy to even move and Apollo had noticed she had been a lot warmer as of late.

Kay: 'Over her ever growing baby bump'? *snort* What is this fic about anyway? You two getting babies?

Ema and Apollo: Yes.

Lang: I don't get it. Is this the kind of crap you have to sit through in this theatre, Mr.

Edgeworth: No. Usually, they're much worse.

"…Think I should go to the doc?" She sneezed.

Apollo: Nah, you just have a high body temperature and find it hard to even move. No biggie.

"Yeah, I don't want you or the babies getting hurt Em." She smiled to herself and lifted her weak arm and wrapped it around his neck. "Sleep well ok." He smiled, kissing her lips gently.

"Night Apollo." She whimpered.

Edgeworth: Not once, not twice, but thrice has the author forgotten to use a comma!

Phoenix: Also, I think they meant to write whispered, not whimpered.

Everyone: ....

Phoenix: What? I just thought I'd point that out.

He left her to sleep in the warm bedroom before returning to the living room where a mug of cocoa awaited him.

"I hope you're ok…" He whispered to himself. "I know you're stubborn and all…I think you know you're sick but you don't want to admit it, do you?"

He didn't want to make her worry so he decided to clear his mind of his worry.


Klavier: Herr Forehead, are you asking yourself whether you're sick or not?

Trucy: Polly, you're supposed to care for Ema, not for yourself!

Kay: So to make your wife happy, you decided to make yourself happy instead? I don't think that's exactly how it works.

Edgeworth: Actually, they aren't married.

Kay: Wait, really?!

Phoenix: Don't tell the management we told you.

Apollo: ...I noticed you haven't said anything about the line breaks, Ema.

Ema: I decided that that would be extremely repetitive. MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

He was asleep on the sofa when he heard her moaning.

Trucy: Oh no!

Lana: I see we have finally come to the big moment.

Apollo: Funny, this quick? I was under the impression we'd be sporking two chapters today.

Klavier: Nein, Herr Forehead. You'll be sporking three instead.

Apollo: Oh, oka- wait, WHAAAAT?!

Edgeworth: NGHHH! *penalty* (Already my bar is halfway gone...)

Phoenix: Why, Gavin?! Why?!

Klavier: Don't blame me, Herr Wright. Management's orders.


Lang: I'm glad I don't have to stay all three chapters.

Trucy: (Why isn't anyone else concerned about Ema?!)

"H-huh?" Apollo woke to the sound again. "E-Ema!" He panicked.

She was in a shivering slump on the bed.

"E-Ema! Ema wake up!" He cried.

"I-it h-hurts so bad!" She whimpered weakly.

"I'm calling the hospital."


Kay: That was fast.

Trucy: Woke up again?! Polly, you don't go back to sleep after hearing that!

Lana: And don't you think she'd have already woken up after moaning so loudly? What, did you think she had a bad dream?!

Phoenix: At least they used whimpered correctly.

Everyone: ...

Phoenix: What? Did I say something wrong?

Edgeworth: Don't worsen the effect, Wright.

Her condition had worsened at the hospital, she was being hooked up to a series of machines to monitor her and her unborn children.

"W-what's happening to m-me?" She cried out.

"You have the flu, it's quite bad too." The nurse said calmly. "We're going to look after you and your babies."

Kay: Oh, so she isn't even going to give birth? It's just some dumb flu? Lame.

Edgeworth: Don't underestimate the power of flu, Kay.

Phoenix: (Oh, right. Edgeworth doesn't especially think of a spring breeze as refreshing, does he?)

Apollo: So that's why there's two more chapters, I guess.

Ema: Scientifically, it looks pretty bad for fic-me.

"M-make it stop!" She sobbed. "P-please don't let anything bad happen to them!"

"We won't. We promise." The nurse assured.

She looked to Apollo, who was crying.

"Why are you crying?" She whimpered as the pain got less.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you, or the babies…"

Trucy: Aw, cheer up, Polly! I'm sure she'll be fine.

Ema: I'll admit, the prospect of seeing you crying has made me a bit happier.

Apollo: (Why does everyone take pleasure in my suffering?!)

"You're going to be the best dad ever." She felt weak as a machine was filtering her blood. She had developed a deadly strain of flu and it was all the hospital could do to ensure her and her children's survival. "I'm strong though…I'll pull through." She tried to force a smile.

"Yeah, yeah of course you will." Apollo smiled, brushing a lock of her brown hair from her eyes.

"Is Lana going to come?"

"Soon, I called her a while ago." He pressed a hand gingerly to her bump. "I hope they are ok."

Lang: This is quite interesting, Mr.Prosecutor. I wish I had some popcorn for this.

Trucy: Oh, you can have mine, Agent Lang! *gives him a few kernels of popcorn*

Lang: Heh. Thanks, little lady.

Apollo: (Is it me or did I see her put something into a kernel?)

"They will be, they're our kids of course. Look at what we've been through…"

She coughed and cried as pain worsened.

"Good morning Miss Skye." Her doctor yawned. "I wasn't expecting to see you for a while, let alone at three in the morning but when I heard about your illness I rushed in."
The doctor was one she had become familiar with in the last two months as she frequented the hospital to have stress levels monitored. Just in case her stress pushed her blood pressure up. "This must be that lovely boyfriend of yours…"

Kay: Wait, they really aren't married?

Phoenix: *through gritted teeth* Don't say more on this, Kay.

Lana: So is this the same doctor from the first chapter?

Edgeworth: Yes, I think so. Even if it's worded rather confusingly.

"Y-yeah…god this is really painful! How long do I have to keep going with this?"

"A while yet I'm afraid." She looked at Ema's chart. "According to this, you were supposed to have your scan this week…no?"


"Well, how about we take a look at them now, check your flu hasn't hurt the poor little things?"

"Will you check what that shape was too?" Apollo asked, suddenly remembering.

"Of course. We will give Ema here a couple of hours to get her strength up after her treatment first however."


Trucy: Oh yeah! We never did find out what that shape was, did we?

Kay: I'm guessing it's another baby.

Apollo: Probably.

Lang: ...Yes...oh really...?

Edgeworth: ! (Agent Lang? Why..?)

Trucy: *whispers* Ssh, Uncle Edgeworth! Don't say a thing!

Edgeworth: Hmm?

Trucy: *continues to whisper* Actually, I was wondering...

It turned out that was a lot easier said than done. Ema was sick of people fussing over her, rather than the unborn children in her womb. She hadn't meant to get sick but it seemed to her like everyone thought she was still more important than the two babies currently growing inside her. Except for Apollo, who hadn't slept in days as he continued to worry sick for his lover and their children.

"Feeling better?" He asked as he took a sip from the orange juice.

Apollo: (At this point, I'm just waiting for Trucy to tell me how unhealthy it is to stay awake for so lon- hey, wait a second!) Trucy!

Trucy: Mm! Huh?

Apollo: What were you murmuring to Mr.Edgeworth over there?!

Trucy: Oh, well, um....nothing!

Apollo: Are you sure?

Edgeworth: That, Mr.Justice, is none of your business.

Apollo: ?! Sorry, sir. (I could've sworn I saw them talking to each other.)

Trucy: ...You know, Polly, it isn't healthy to stay awake for so long.

Apollo: *sigh* Yeah, I had a feeling you might say that.

"Yeah, much better than I have been." Ema laid back and continued to look at the ceiling. That was one painful ordeal, spending days having your blood filtered. Still, she had to admit she was feeling much healthier and her unborn babies were much more settled than they had been.

"You had me worried sick, you know that?"

"I know…I'm sorry. I know I'm stubborn and I should have gone to the doctors after those headaches came back." Ema looked at the window but turned back to Apollo has she felt his hands around her own.

"Yes you ARE stubborn but I love you for it. Just next time I'll say I told you so." Apollo smiled, resting his head gently against her stomach, listening for movement.

"Anything happening in there?" Ema smiled.

"You tell me, you can feel everything they do."

"They love hearing your voice, they do kickboxing inside me when you're not around."

"Aww, they love mommy too, just daddy's a little more special." He teased.

"Shut up!"

Phoenix: How...playful?

Trucy: Daddy, is this how parents talk to each other?

Phoenix: Um...I wouldn't exactly know.

Lana: Actually, that reminds me, Wright. Who's the mother?

Phoenix: Oh, um...she's adopted. Her parents are....both dead.

Apollo: ...? (My bracelet! It reacted!)

Phoenix: Um, so let's move on now.

Apollo: OBJ-

Phoenix: Overruled. *chugs grape juice*

Apollo: !?

"Good morning Miss Skye, you seem much better today." The doctor smiled.

"Yes thanks." She nodded in response.

"I think we should take a look inside you to check the little troopers are doing ok from the flu recovery." Ema shuffled up the bed and lifted the cheap hospital pyjamas to reveal her swelling bump.

This time, there wasn't one, nor two…there were three!

Kay: Called it!

Ema: To be fair, it wasn't exactly hard to see coming.

Edgeworth: 'Yes thanks'? I hate repeating myself, but use your commas, author.

"Stop giving me scans!" Ema protested. "They keep multiplying in there!"

Apollo: That's technically not multiplication, that's add- Ouch! (Snackoo'd again.)

"This must have been the mysterious shape." The doctor giggled. "Well, looks like your boyfriend there needs to build another cot." Apollo smiled looking at the much bigger and better developed babies inside his girlfriend's womb.

Trucy: How did she know about the nursery?

Ema: Maybe we told them.

Edgeworth: Or she deduced that the babies wouldn't be sleeping on the same bed as their parents. Basic logic, really.

"I can tell you what you will have if you'd like?"

"No thanks. We'd like to keep it a surprise." Ema was still recovering from the fact she was carrying triplets rather than twins, so Apollo spoke for her.

Kay: What, their genders? Not the biggest deal if you ask me. Maybe I'll go steal their genders when no one's looking.

Edgeworth: Kay, you can't steal genders.

Kay: How do you know? You've ever tried?

Apollo: (You know, by now, you'd think Agent Lang would've butted in. But he doesn't seem to be listening to what's going on now. Has the fic bored him to sleep already?)

Once the doctor had left visitors flooded into the room.

Edgeworth: C-

Phoenix: Commas, yes. I know.

"Three, geez Apollo, those little swimmers of yours know where to go. Don't they?" Klavier winked. Only to be met by a swift punch from the pregnant detective on the bed.

Klavier: Ach, and I finally appear in this fic, ja?

Trucy: Actually, I think you had a cameo in the first chapter, sort of.

Klavier: Still, a bit disappointing that I've barely appeared, ja, fräulein? And I didn't even call Herr Forehead by his nickname!


Apollo: How did she reach his from the bed? Was he that close to the bed?

Edgeworth: Well, if she was lying down, that is. I think it's safe to assume that she's sitting up at this point.

"Very funny boss." She growled.

Ema: The fop's not my boss. He's just the prosecutor under whose supervision I am. My real boss is technically the chief of police.

Thanks for reading. P.S. Question suggestions for 'When was your?' would be greatly appreciated. Please P.M. them to me or leave them in a review. Thank you!

Edgeworth: Oh, yes I do. When was your English class?

Phoenix: Edgeworth, they're asking SUGGESTIONS for questions. Anyway, who cares?! The first chapter is finally over!

Trucy: Hooray! Wait, why haven't the lights come on?

Klavier: Oh, no, fräulein. It won't be coming on. We're moving onto the next chapter now.

Apollo: What?!

Lana: Why is that, exactly?

Klavier: Oh, I just got word from the management. He's about halfway here. So no more time wasting. Herr Narrator!

Oh, um, yes sir!

Trucy: Darn. I was hoping to get some more popcorn. Just in case...

Chapter 7
Premature Birth

Phoenix: Premature birth? So this is going to be the part where the babies are born?

Apollo: So then, what's going to be the next chapter?

Kay: Well, isn't this fic called the Baby CHRONICLES?

Trucy: So there'll be one more chapter dedicated to their lives! Aw, how cute.

She would be glad once her children were born now. Everything was ready for them, the room ready, some clothes purchased and house baby proofed.

"I wish they'd just come out now…" Ema whispered as she snuggled up beside her boyfriend.

"I know, I know." He soothed.

It was hard to imagine that five weeks ago, he was worried he was going to lose not only the three unborn children in Ema's womb but Ema herself.

Phoenix: Ah, yes. The classic tale of losing the mother along with the children.

He made sure everyday to tell her how much she meant to him and how much she had changed his world every day since she was admitted into the hospital. She had changed his world in a way he thought wasn't even possible. When he was younger he had always said that he'd never learn how to love someone unconditionally – yet that was how he felt about Ema. Better still, she was carrying his children – three tiny lives whom he would adore – three tiny lives he could give a family, parents, something neither he nor Ema had.

Edgeworth: A family AND parents.

Apollo: How does the author know both me AND Ema are orphans?

Phoenix: Duh, from playing the g-

Klavier: Herr Wright, breaking the fourth wall is prohibited. So stay away from it, ja?

Ema wasn't as open with her emotions as Apollo. It had taken her a long time to tell him about what happened to her parents, and about growing up with Lana playing mum for her. She did this to prevent dredging up bad emotions. Yet she too made sure she told Apollo how much she loved him every day and every night before she slept, she made sure to wish her babies a goodnight too.

She sat with an old children's book she had been given by Lana when she was still little. It was a book called the Gruffalo, which Lana had bought back from a trip to England. Ema was reading it aloud, Apollo listening intently too, as she realised her and him talking (in this case reading) soothed the children.

Lana: Did I really play mother for you that much? *laughs*

Ema: Yes you did! *punches her playfully*

"Sorry Apollo, I just need to go to the toilet." She felt the urge to go suddenly. In fact, in the next ten minutes she was up and down constantly.

"I'll call a hospital!" Apollo called into her as she cried out for him.

Apollo: Well, that escalated quickly.

Kay: 'Called into her'? Ew.

She cried out as contractions started.

"Lana! Lana! It's Apollo! It's starting, what do I have to do to keep her calm until the ambulance gets here?" Apollo yelled into the cellphone.

"Tell her to keep breathing! Keep her calm and make sure she breathes deep breaths." Lana was much calmer than Apollo.


Edgeworth: 'Breathes deep breaths' is redundant. A correct sentence would be 'Take deep breaths', or even 'Breathe deeply'.

Phoenix: All this talk about breathing has made me semantically satiated.

"Where is she going?" Apollo asked alarmed as Ema was taken away.

"Sit down Apollo." The kindly doctor assured. "We're taking her to theatre, she needs a caesarean."

Klavier: Oh hoh! Really?

Ema: Why are you so intrigued by this, fop?

Klavier: Oh, not about this. The management is almost here!

Kay: Grr!

Trucy: ! *whispers sharply* Uncle Edgeworth!

Edgeworth: ! Erm...oh, yes. To a theatre? Watching films is not what one should be doing right now!

Phoenix: Edgeworth, we both know that's not the theatre they're talking about.

Edgeworth: OOH! NGGGH! *suddenly grimaces exaggeratedly, and then puts his hand on his head* And thus the....truth was lost...for all eternity.... *suddenly falls back down into his seat with his eyes closed*

Phoenix: ? That's not-

Trucy: Hey, Prosecutor Gavin! Uncle Edgeworth has fainted!

Klavier: What?! Oh dear, I better wake him up now. Hope you don't mind, Herr Ruffles.

*electricity pulses through the seat Edgeworth is sitting in, but he doesn't seem to wake up*

Trucy: Again!

*the same thing happens, but he still doesn't wake up*

Trucy: Again!

*still nothing happens*

Trucy: Once more!

Wait, sir! You're not supposed to-

*suddenly, the lights go out*

Ema: What the-?!

Apollo: I can't see a thing! Hey..! (Where's Trucy?! I can't seem to feel her!)

*suddenly a click is heard, followed by some hushed whispering and then some footsteps*

Phoenix: What's going on?!

Edgeworth: Nggh... (That was most painful..I shouldn't have agreed to that..)

*suddenly, the lights come back on again*

Lana: Oh, thank goodness.

Apollo: Trucy! You're here again!

Trucy: Of course I am, Polly. I never left, remember?

Apollo: ? Well, anyway- wait a minute! Kay!

W-WHAT?! Oh, ahem. Er, everyone's attention is directed to Kay- or, at least, where she was. She appears to have been long gone. Next to her seat is an unconscious Agent Lang, who's handcuffed to his seat. With the same handcuffs that were use for Kay! Behind the seat, his man appears to be utterly confused.

Man: Shifu! Shifu! What happened to you?!

Edgeworth: Urgh...from the looks of it, he appears to be fast asleep. Most likely so,e sort of sleeping pill was forced into his system.

*everyone looks at Ema*

Ema: What? Don't look at me! I'm not even close to the guy! Besides, I've kept the bag in my lab coat this whole time! See? *she takes out the bag*

Apollo: Hm...

Klavier: W-what?! Where did...where did she go?! W-

???: Hey, Gavin.

Klavier: ! Ach. H-Herr Management! Good to see you ag-

???: Where's the girl?

Klavier: Oh, um...funny story, ha?

???: ...Do you know how far away the hospital is from this theatre?

Klavier: Y-yes, sir.

???: You do, then? Good. Then I expect you to tell me why I came all this way just to see one of the top Interpol agents handcuffed to the seat, unconscious, instead of Kay Faraday?

Klavier: No, sir. It's, a,'s a bit funny-

???: So are you saying you played a prank on me?

Klavier: N-no, sir. All I'm saying is- wait. Sir, why do you have a taser in your- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHCCCCCXXCCCCHHHH!

???: ...Take him away.

Klavier: O-ooooh....

???: As for Agent Lang, take him home gently. He's clearly had a rough day, poor guy. Ahem. NARRATOR!

Ah. Yes, sir!


Speakers: Alright, we're back now.

Trucy: ...Poor prosecutor Gavin.

Apollo: Guy didn't really deserve such a harsh punishment.

Ema: I don't even like the fop, but that was overkill!

Edgeworth: Nggh. My body hurts...

Speakers: Anyway, I've been briefed on where you are now and am up to date with you. Continue!

Phoenix: Where were we again, anyway?

"I want to be with her!" Apollo tried to push past.

"Come here." She took his wrist and led him into the room next door to the theatre. "As soon as those babies are born we'll bring them through here on the way to the care unit."

"T-thanks." Apollo whispered.

It seemed like forever, being sat there, twiddling his thumbs. Twenty minutes into the c-section there was a panic outside the door.

Phoenix: Oh, right. The babies are about to be born.

Trucy: Wait, why are they panicking?

Ema: Is fic-me about to die?

"W-what's happening?" Apollo cried out.

"Something's gone wrong with Ema, look we'll make her better, I promise."

"The babies! Where are they? How are they?" He asked, heartbroken and afraid.

"They've been taken right to the unit. They're going to be ok, they just need a little help is all."

He cried.

Alone in that room, he cried.

He cried until the others came to comfort him. They masked their own fear for Ema and the babies to help him.


Trucy: *pats Apollo's back* It'll be alright, Polly. Everyone will come out just fine.

Apollo: You're not my mom.

Phoenix: ...

"I think she's coming to." The doctor smiled. Apollo rushed to his feet to see Ema. Trucy and Phoenix got up to follow him.

"No." Lana put her arm out to stop them. "Let them be alone for a while."


"Trucy…" Lana said sternly, the same way she spoke to her own children.

Phoenix: Neat, we're there too.

Edgeworth: I'm not, unsurprisingly.

Trucy: Aw, I wanna see them!


She was still out when Apollo came and sat down beside her. Without the three children in her stomach she certainly looked a lot slimmer than she had been before. He was still crying.

"I nearly lost you…" Apollo took her hand, certain that he wouldn't hurt her if he did.

"Mmm…" She blinked. "…'Pollo? I'm hungry…" She smiled.

Trucy: Aw, how sweet!

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH What the?! 'I'm hungry'?!

Lana: I've got to say, despite all this fic's faults, they've nailed your character here, Ema.

"Y-you're what?" Apollo smiled. "You've had your babies, I nearly lost you and…you're hungry!" Apollo laughed, still crying.

Ema: Exactly.

Kay: I gotta say, Ema, you've become a bit hungrier since the last time we met.

Ema: Yeah, I gue- KAY!

Edgeworth: ! What are you-

Speakers: YOU!

Kay: I guess you should've listened to that rockstar guy, huh? Catch ya later, bozo! *winks at Trucy*

Speakers: What the-?! Come back here! And you, Ms.Wright!

Trucy: M-me?


Trucy: I-I-

Phoenix: I'll take responsibility for her, management.

Speakers: YOU- say what?

Phoenix: I'm her guardian, after all. I'll take whatever punishment you wish.

Trucy: No, daddy! You shouldn't!

Speakers: Hoh hoh. Very well, then. I'll inform you of your punishment afterwards. Let us continue.

Trucy: shouldn't have..

Phoenix: ...

"Where are the babies?" She tried to sit up but Apollo held her down.

"I think its best you stay lying down, and they're in the care unit." Apollo smiled. "Doc's looking after them." He smiled.

"But I want to see them!" She attempted to sit up once more, only to feel burning pain where the stitches from her caesarean were. "Owww!" She whined.

"The others are outside." Apollo smiled.

"Let them in!" Ema called.

"I'm proud of you." He kissed her as he let go of her hand to open the door.


Edgeworth: That's the wrong it's.

Apollo: Those stitches look painful. So they cut open her stomach, I guess.

"Apollo, Ema? We have something for you!" The doctor was one Apollo and Ema

Ema: What?

had become familiar with over the last five weeks since Ema's illness. When she came in carrying two small children and a nurse behind her carrying the other they felt all the pain and anguish of Ema's pregnancy melt away.


Apollo: That makes a bit more sense.

Ema was handed two little boys, and Apollo a much smaller baby girl. He smiled as the girl's fragile hand reached out towards his face, and felt fresh tears – those of joy trailing along his cheeks. He looked to Ema who, much to his relief was crying too.

Trucy: Aw, they're so adorable!

Edgeworth: I see the placenta has been thoroughly wiped off of them.

Lana: ...Did you edit that bold 'and' in, Management?

Speakers: I was feeling bored, okay?

"If you don't mind however, I'd like to keep you guys in the hospital for a while, we want to check to see if Ema's sickness has affected them in anyway, and keep an eye on Ema herself too." She turned to the nurse. "Let's leave the new family be." The nurse nodded and left.


Ema: this the end of this chapter?

It wasn't that they minded the others fussing over the small babies as much as they did but Ema and Apollo felt very defensive of their new children, and all they wanted to do was spend time alone with them.

They may have decided on names before they were born, but the three perfect little lives before them didn't deserve the name's they'd picked – they deserved better, the best.

Ema: Oh, wait!

Edgeworth: 'Name's' doesn't need an apostrophe-

Phoenix: Quit being a spoilsport, Edgeworth. We're almost done!

Trucy: Hm. What do you suppose the babies would be called?

Apollo: I want one of the boys to be named 'Apollo Jr.'.

Ema: That's lazy. I'd name the girl Lana, and one of the boys Jake.

Lana: Why do I have a feeling that the author is going to go with some random names from somewhere?

The little girl would be named Cadence.

The energetic of the two boys was called Aaron.

The quiet one would be named Xavier.

Lana: *sigh* I was right.

Ema: Did the management edit in the bold 'was' too?

Speakers: What can I say? I'm bored.

Apollo: Aw, c'mon! The energetic one should've totally been called Apollo Junior!

Everyone: ...

A/N – Hope this wasn't too bad, just to cover my backside a little here – I am a 16 year old with no younger siblings...

And the names are relevant later in the story…

Edgeworth: The author was 16 when they wrote this?

Ema: How old were they when they wrote Blackmail?

Speakers: Blackmail was finished about 4 months before they wrote the first chapter of this.

Apollo: What?! They should not be writing stuff like Blackmail at their age!

Trucy: And they're younger than I am!

Anyway, um...that's the end of the second chapter, folks.

Edgeworth: Oh, thank goodness. Only one chapter left.

Speakers: Wait a second. Didn't he tell you..?

Edgeworth: Prosecutor Gavin? He told us we would be doing three chapters today.

Speakers: HA! Clever of him. Yes, we are doing three 'chapters'. Let's start the third, shall we? Haha!

Chapter 8

Apollo: ?

Ema: What's with the name?

Phoenix: Wait a second. Are you serious?

Ok, so I've been a-thinking. And I have come to this decision, I feel this story stopped in a suitable enough place so I will mark it as complete and continue to focus my attention elsewhere.

If I get enough protests, or people just generally telling me it needs to be expanded, I will do so at a later date after I have moved some of my current projects out the way.

Please note, I also have a lot going on with taking care of my sick dad and exams and things, so I do have a lot less time to work on my projects than I would have done a year or so ago.

Please understand, although feel free to protest in a review etc. and I may change my mind.

Thank you kindly and I'm very sorry, EvilWaffleS

Everyone: ...

Trucy: Um, I hope your daddy gets better!

Lana: ...So this was the elusive third chapter of today?

Speakers: Yep. Hope you enjoyed sporking all of that! Haha!

Edgeworth: Well, at least it's over.

Phoenix: I'll drink to that! *chugs grape juice*

Speakers: Oh, by the way, it isn't over. The author wrote two more chapters after this.

Phoenix: *spits out grape juice* WHAT?!

Speakers: And this is your sporking punishment, Mr.Wright. You- and a few others- shall be coming back to tackle the last two chapters of this fic. When do you wish for this to happen?

Phoenix: Oh, um...two years?

Speakers: Sure. See you then!

The lights come on.

Phoenix: What? Um, okay. Fine with me. Come on, Trucy, Apollo. We're going back to the office.

Trucy: I can't believe you got away, daddy!

Apollo: Actually, Trucy, how did you let Kay escape?

Trucy: Um...I plead the fifth on that. Can I do that?

Phoenix: Sure.

Apollo: (Darn. I was so close to finding out what happened.)

Ema: MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH. Well, I'm glad that's over. Come on sis, we gotta go home.

Lana: Sure. Remember next time to leave your sleeping pills behind. *laughs*

Edgeworth: *sigh* And it's all over. Finally. I can barely walk after being electrocuted so much.

And so our Sporkers leave the theatre, even if there are some unanswered questions. How did Trucy let Kay escape? Why did the management let Phoenix get two years until the next part? And does x stand for a hug or a kiss? Absolutely none of these questions will be answered in the next part, and will never be! See you next time!

Whew. That was fun to write. Did you enjoy? Please leave your comments below. Constructive criticism is appreciated. And if you want, you can even try and figure out how the great escape happened! Ahaha!

Coming up in May is another sporking. This time, it's by barrylawn. You know the guy, and you probably know which one. Here's a hint: it's rather asinine. See you in May!

(The actual last two chapters of this shall come out at an undisclosed time. No, it's not two years. Just want to take a break from the Baby Chronicles for now. Phew)

Last edited by Southern Corn on Tue May 09, 2017 6:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

Gender: Male

Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

Posts: 325

yes i enjoyed that so much....
so much so....
that i wish to immediatley spork something... I have a specific thing in mind i wish to spork.... :sahwit:
So i'm guessing that ace attorney characters have to react to fanfics in a theatre?
If that's the do i start? I'll check some other sporkings to get the actual gist...i wonder how it is for a crossover... *wink wink nudge nudge*
Also i'm wondering how you copy and paste from FFN.....
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Stilted Beauty

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Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4719

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

For more knowledge on how to write a sporking,all you really have to see is the first post of this topic. I think it's explained pretty well there,though a few of the rules are a bit outdated. Though you will have to proofread it a few times and check for proper spelling and grammar,first of all.

As for copy-pasting from,all you have to do is look it up. There'll be quite a few suggestions. You can have an add on for Chrome,or just edit the source code of Either way,it's not that hard to do.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

Gender: Male

Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

Posts: 325

thanks, man! I;m working on my first spork now as we speak...guess i'm already having the gist of it.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Stilted Beauty

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Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4719

Haha,good to know! I'll be looking forward to readin' it,as it's been a while since someone else has posted.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

Gender: Male

Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

Posts: 325

thank you! I'll be excited too!
Also mine's also a trollfic.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

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Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

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Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

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Sporking theatre presents: PHOENIX WRIGHT HECKING DIES by Tendo the Gamer

Crossover fic with Ace Attorney and Danganronpa

:hobohodo: Phoenix Wright
:snackood: Apollo Justice
:edgeworth: Miles Edgeworth
:payne: Winston Payne
ImageNagito Komeada Image Kyoko Kirigiri
and.....the Godly of them all....
:sahwit: Frank sah-

MOVE OUTTA THE WAY WIMPY! can still join...but only when you're in the presence of the mightiest...the sexiest...


Phoenix: ( head hurts...everything is spinning...i don't have a clean grasp on what i'm seeing...) Where am i anyway?

Apollo: Mr Wright!? Is that you!?

Phoenix: Apollo!? What in the world are you doing here?

Apollo: Why in the world are you a hobo again?

Phoenix: Not my fault! It was on me when i woke up!

Apollo: You were unconscious, too?

Phoenix: "Too"? You mean....?

Edgeworth: I hope you have been well, Wright. It's good to see a familar face in previousley familiar attire when you wake up in...some sort of abandoned warehouse i'm presuming?

Phoenix: Edgeworth? You too!?

???: Did someone say...hope?

Apollo: Was it just me...or is the sudden voie i'm hearing right now....m\king me run away screaming for the exit?

??? Did someone say....Phoenix Wright?

Phoenix: For some reason THIS voice wants me to the exact opposite and punch him in the face.

Apollo: Why?

Phoenix: The shrill voice just feels...annoying.

Payne: I am NOT annoying! I?

Apollo: Prosecutor....Payne?

Payne: Did you remember me?


Edgeworth: Do i know you?

Payne: he forget me again didn't he?

Nagito: Use it as a find your one true hope!


Nagito: Don't fret...i'm not one to scare people. Unlike you Mr Phoenix Wright..the ultimate defence attorney and you..Mr Miles Edgeworth...the ultimate prosecutior...I ma utterly useless, i am worthless...i have no talent....but i do have...hope. Use all your hardships as a crutch to help you overcome any despair that stands in your way...

Kyoko: Ignore him...he's insane.

Apollo: Who in the world are these people?

Kyoko: My name is Kyoko Kirigiri..the ultimate detective...that's Nagito Komeada...the ultimate lucky student. We are all trapped here by the ultimate despair to kill each other to get out of here....


Kyoko: That's the mastermind's goal after all...she needs this to happen to spread...despair...despair is nothing but mindless utterly is what makes the mastermind....the mastermind...we must not kill each other for our sake.

Payne: Why don't we just use the...exit?

Nagito: Shut up cretin! You are just as worthless as me! You are trash just like me. We cannot escape through else will we overcome...the despair? That is the easy way out....

Payne:'s right there!

Nagito: What if it's...the mastermind's trap?

Payne: Trap...smap...i'm getting out of here!


Payne: Ah! It's a scary talking Teddy Bear!

Monokuma: I am not a teddy bear...i am monokuma...the management of this theatre.

Phoenix: What is a stuffed animal doing here?

Edgeworth: This defies all logic.

Nagito: Monokuma....i was wondering when you are going to rear your hopeless face...Now the killing game will commense as it did back in the days did it...with the killing school life that you put Kyoko and the others through....and the killing school trip that you put me and the others through.

Monokuma: Tough words coming from a non survivor!

Nagito: ....

Monokuma: Aw....did i strike a nerve?


Monokuma: I'll take your broken demeanor and silence as...a yes?

Kyoko: Why don't you cut the crap and start this eternal I can destroy you before the first killing could ever happen!

Monokuma: Killing? Who said anything about killing? There is no killing!

Apollo: Oh thank God....i really don't know what you guys have been through...but i do not want to go through all that horror can only try NOT to imagine.

Monokuma: Instead...all of you will be in this sprok some horrible fanfiction...

Phoenix: Fanfiction!? Are we fictional characters?

Apollo: If that's true...i'll pay to see my dialouge's text window....assuming it's a game...

Monokuma: It IS a game.

All AA chars: WHAT!?

Phoenix: life is as crazy as it is....

Monokuma: 'Cuz it's a game!

Apollo: And you are a killer teddy bear is...

Monokuma: 'Cuz it's a game!

Nagito: My corpse isn't rotting from the suicide i commited is all....

Monokuma: 'Cuz it's a game!!

Kyoko: This is a refrence to THAT speech i'm guessing?

Monokumna: 'Cuz it's a ga- Oh i'm found out for refrencing myself. Ah the joy of being caught...cornered and questioned....i mixed up the order didn't i?

Edgeworth: I'm assuming this...teddy bear will not let us go unless we spork fanfiction.

Phoenix: Are you not surpised?

Monokuma: Correctomendo! Now I'll leave all the hoo ha to you all. This opening act has been dragged out long enough. The main attraction is getting stale if this doesn't end.

Sahwit: Can I come in now?

Monokuma: Shut your trap! I'm not gone yet to control the damn speakers!

Sahwit: Sorry sir....

Monokuma: *whoosh*

Apollo: He just vanished?

Sahwit: Finally...i can do my job!

Payne: Which is...?

Sahwit: Watching the fanfiction and keeping you guys from escaping!

Monokuma: Attention...this is the managment speaking...the fanfiction "Phoenix Wright Hecking dies will now commence"!

Phoenix: I HECkING DIIIE!?

Apollo: No way is that true! Mr Wright has survived countless way would he hecking die!

Nagito: Symbols of hope never die of...this author's sense of humour is clearly messed up. He is probably a messed up person himself.

Kyoko: I could say the same about YOU.

Edgeworth: No need to senselessly attack his person.

Monokuma: Hey! Y'all shaddap! I'mplaing the damn thing right now, so you better be quite...or you'll be sorry...puhuhuhuhu! Nyohohohohooooo! Also this is a all of you shall be greatley ammused!

Phoenix Wright Hecking dies by Tendo the Gamer!

once upon a time there was a bird

then it died of kidney failure

Phoenix: Well we're off to a GREAT start.

Nagito: Didn't I tell you! MESSED UP!

Payne: Stop! You're ,making me wince in pain!

the nearest starbucks

phoenix wright breaks through the starbucks door with a gun and yelled "hECKING GET YOUR HANDSHECKING UP THIS IS A THREATEN" and the cashier said "no" but then got shot in the boob and died painfully

Apollo: Mr Wright? Are you feeling allright? You seem to be a bit...angry?

Edgeworth: This is already pretty stupid.

Sahwit: You didn't notice at the first two sentences?

Kyoko: So you have detective skills too...

Sahwit: No I don't!

Kyoko: It doesn't take detective skills to figure THAT out!

Sahwit: What?

Nagito: Overcome this despair...overcome this will reach will reach hope nagito...a symbol of hope portrayed as a robber? T-that's can keep up Nagito!

Apollo: Everyone is already nuts! I'm scared to go on!

wright ran to the money container

phoenix proceeded to get all the money out

but suddenly

steve harvey broke through the door with a suicide bomber vest and said "surprise motherfrickler" and blew himself and starbucks up, killifying phoenix wright with his last words of "heck"

thus begins the new age of law

Winston: Steve Harvet suicide bombed Phoenix Wright!? Who's Steve Harvey again?

Sahwit: I don't think frickler is a real word.

Apollo: I thought the new age began after the dark age!

Kyoko: There are too many line breaks...actually everything is a one line break here.

Nagito: Just as expected from the ultimate detective!

"my namma jef-heck wrong line"

Everyone: ...

Apollo: What the hell was that about?

Nagito: Whoever that was is probably a fool! What is a "namma" anyway? Is that a name? If's spelt wrongly. This is somehow worse than how i handle my spelling.

"my nameis nagito komaeda and you're watching disney channel"

Nagito: IT'S ME!? Not even trash like me can be that stupid!

Phoenix: Disney channel? Really?

Apollo: Why does "name" and "is" have no spaces between them?

Sahwit: Because it's a trollfic?

Payne: What does that even mean!?

"phoenix wright was murdered by someone today, he was stabbed to death by an exploding bomb and died"

"me and myslave kyoko kirgiri are going to solve this"

Kyoko: I'm your slave!?

Nagito: There is no way in hell that i would want an ultimate as a a partner in an investigation..yes...but a SLAVE!? this is just too much.

Phoenix: Stabbed to death by the bomb? It was a suicide vest! And how can a bomb STAB you.

Apollo: "my" and "slave" have no spaces.

"kyoko say hi"

"your mom's a nigger"

"this is why i'm the main character"

Phoenix: Sick burn.


Nagito: The role of mai-

Payne: Save your breathe. We get it!

remains of starbucks

Nagito showed up at the dead StarBucks with his slave Kyoko

the police were there

but instead of cops they were the God of the planet, ibuki mioda

Nagito: Capitalise God's capitalised?

Monokuma: All thanks to me.... even I have standard you know? And I have -100!

Kyoko: Ibuki is God apparently...and is doing the job of the police....rockstars doing police investigation...i wonder what they come up with next?

Apollo: A rockstar proseucutor?

"the heck do you want" said mioda

"your mom" also said nagito

Nagito: Somebody kill i can escape this shame.

Edgeworth: Oh look. We finally have speech indicators!

Apollo: Is it the first time we mentioned those?

"i have a gun" also also said kyoko before komaeda slapped her


Kyoko: Get of my leg, Nagito!

Nagito: Sorry Kyoko! Want me to sort your launrdey? Polish your shoes?

Kyoko: Can you not apologise for something you haven't done?

"sup cancer tooshies"

Edgeworth: I think i am going to hate the person who said that...."cancer tooshies" is extremely distasteful for my tastes.

suddenly edgeworth showed up on a motorcycle and every man there except nagito went gay for him

Edgeworth: Somebody end my suffering.

Phoenix: What happened to your sports car?! I thought you'd never part with that thing.

Apollo: Maybe the author confused Mr Edgeworth with Mr Gavin?

Payne: And why is everyone gay for him? is he THAT attractive? TELL ME YOUR SECRET SIR!

Edgeworth: Gah! My cravat! Your pulling apart my cravat!

but komaeda resisted, for he was already gay

*everyone looks suspiciously at Nagito*

Nagito: Guys I swear.....

"what the heck peasant why aren't you going gay"

"you cant breakwhats already broken"

"yourmom is black"

Apollo: I'm just speechless right now.

"this is kyoko talking can we specify who's talking"

komaeda: "no"

kyoko then got punched

Kyoko: I am still wrapping my head around the fact I'm the punching bag here.

Payne: you do not put speech marks when you have script directions.

"lol niger"

miles then investigated the place at speeds 50x the speed of the flash

then chiaki nanami appeared and randomly died for the third time

Phoenix: Are you really that fast, Miles?

Edgeworth: No...not at all....

Nagito: Chiaki appeared just to die...what a disappointment.


the judge: "k niggers prepare your panties cause miles edgeworth and his massive peepee are here"

Edgeworth: Don't....say it.

nagito: "holy b emoji"

miles: "fightme"

nagito: "kkk"

kyoko: "boss we must object this guy"

nagito: "miles you're secretly a nerd"

miles: "nagito you're fuhecking gay"

Payne: "Fuhecking" the-

Kyoko: I'm embarrased just by looking at this.

-cues pursit cornered-

they began firing words at eachother

judge: "shush both you nerds"

nagito: "shut we don't even know if you're the ace attorney judge or the OFF judge you furry"

Phoenix: The courtroom doesn't even work like that.

Apollo: Um...isn't shouting all we do?

Nagito: In our class trials we just use words as bullets and fire THEM at each other.

Kyoko: "OFF" judge?

monokuma theatre

monokuma: "follow for a free iphone 4"

Monokuma: WRONG! WRONG! TRIPLE WRONG! WRONG WITH THE SIDE OF WRONG SAUCE!!! Wait...Wrong sauce? Is that tasty?

Payne: UWOOOO! IT'S HIM! Why are you here in the flesh?

Monokuma: The monokuma theatre doesn't work that way!! All i do is spread my beatifull ideals across the globe with the monokuma theatre...I say stuff like "do you know why your friends hate you?" And i give a philisophical speech before ending with something like "Remember...if you have friends that hate you....kill them with fire!"

Apollo: That is demented!!!!

Monokuma: That's my stchick! Don't wear it out!

Kyoko: He's gone...typical.

trial offpause

miles: "i call to the stand spongebob squarepants"

Sahwit: I'm sure you do not call these kind of fictional characters to the stand...

Edgeworth: I know...i'm just as confused as you...

spongebob: "tf do you want nigger"

miles: "give me your underwear and your testimony"

Monokuma: Nyohoho! Miles has an underwear fetish!

Miles: Gah! I do not! Why are you here again so suddenly?

Monkuma: Just to tell y''s closing time.

Apollo: Closing time?

Monokuma: This spork is is going past bedtime....let's call it a day and come back tomorrow! This is the end of part one!

Edgeworth: Are you serious?

Phoenix: Bedtime?

Monokuma: If you do not come tomorrow you'll be sorry...oh wait... you can't leave i trapped you here! Nyohohoho! You'll have to stay then night here until the rest of the sporking is done...

Apollo: Why not finish it now?

Monokuma: I do not want to loose all the beatifull quotes i have lying around.... In case y'all are wondering this spork will not be done all in one go...i need this up and out at the latest...peice by peice....

Payne: But this is a oneshot!

Monokuma: Who cares!? Goodnight! Slep tight! Don't lety the bed bugs bite!

to be continued

sorry for the tbc....i do not want to loose the quotes and images and emoji's when i save.
constructive critiscm will be nice!
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Stilted Beauty

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The Spork itself was great. Once again though,the only thing I'd recommend checking up again on is the spelling and grammar. They're way too frequent,and it comes off as a bit hypocritical when YOU point out the fic's spelling mistakes. Other than that though,it was a good first try.

Also btw,the quotes and emojis and I think even the pictures don't leave when you save,so you're fine on that,lol.
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ah i see thanks. Sorry about the bad spelling and grammar....
I'lkl continue the spork when i get home from school.
i'm glad you enjoyed the sporking.
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Yeah,I particularly liked the part where you pointed out that it's wrong to put quotes with script directions,because that's actually a rather subtle mistake that happens a lot even when you're sporking,

If you'd like, you can PM me with the draft and I can proofread it and fix up the grammar and spelling for you :)
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Well, might as well stop lurking here and actually do something...
Wait, do I need to introduce myself or something? Um, okay then. Hi there, I'm Blinky. Just thought I'd step out of the shadows and maybe spork some fanfics(?) I'm also socially awkward. Did you pick up on that?

I don't really have anything else to say, other than I'm surprised none of my fanfics have showed up here...especially my Maximum Ride/Ace Attorney crossover. That was bad. :nick-sweat:
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Hello,and welcome! Do you plan to do any sporkings any time soon?

Also,the reason why your fics haven't been spooked is because we don't know where they are. Link pls
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Southern Corn wrote:
Yeah,I particularly liked the part where you pointed out that it's wrong to put quotes with script directions,because that's actually a rather subtle mistake that happens a lot even when you're sporking,

If you'd like, you can PM me with the draft and I can proofread it and fix up the grammar and spelling for you :)

Usually they're typos...mistakes i make with the keyboard....i do it a LOT half the time i never notice.
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Southern Corn wrote:
Hello,and welcome! Do you plan to do any sporkings any time soon?

Also,the reason why your fics haven't been spooked is because we don't know where they are. Link pls

I don't exactly have any plans for sporking yet. I'll need to find some spork-worthy stuff first.

And as for my, well here's my profile:

(Granted, I'm sure the reason they haven't been sporked yet is because they're only a few months old at this point. But still, that crossover was quite possibly some of my worst work.)
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Ha,don't worry. We all have that one fic which we think is the worst.

Curse thee,Mayo's rattelsnek advuntre! Curse thee!
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Monokuma: Goood morning everyone! Get your butts ready for another beeeeeeeeeeeeeautiful day! Now come down back downstairs! We have a fanfiction to continue sporking!


Monokuma: I hope all of you guys are ready...this fic is getting insane levels of insanity from this point onward.

Payne: I do not want to be part of this anymore....

Monokuma: Too bad! You gotta go through with this!


Kyoko: What's your goal this time?

Monokuma: Despair...that's all.

Kyoko: That's what you said during the killing school life...

Nagito: This is most likely his way of trying to fuel despair by a different method...

Monokuma: What can I say? Even I have to spice things up from time to time! Now...let us skip the whole hoo ha and get into the meat and potaoes....meat and potatoes? Why am I suddenly craving meat and potatoes? guys made me hungry. You know what? I'm gonna go eat something, you continue from where you left off. Sahwit you better not slack of!

Sahwit: Yes sir!

Apollo: He already left...

Sahwit: Just now!?

Edgeworth: Apparently yes.

Phoenix: Guys, it's about to start.

Kyoko: You guys can tell how excited I am!

Apollo: Where did we leave of anyway?

spongebob: "i was fapping to lolis when suddenly the nearest starbucks exploded"

Apollo: Oh right...THERE.

Edgeworth: Someone take those images out of my mind....NOW.

Phoenix: Let me do it first, Edgworth!

Nagito: You can always ask Monokuma to erase your memories! From what i hear...he's a master at erasing memories.

Kyoko: I know...he did it to me once...i ended up forgetting my life before Hope's Peak and my ultimate ability....

judge: "that's pedophillia"

spongebob: "yea"

Phoenix: Something tells don't just openly admit that.

Sahwit: Fapping or confessign to pedophilia?

Phoenix: I was going for pedophilia...but now that you said it...I think it's safe to say...both.

Payne: I regret ever watching spongebob, now.

judge: "okay take anotherbreak this guys going to jail"

Edgeworth: That seems like the only logical thing that probably has every happened in this fic.

monokuma theatre

monokuma: "go away i'm on break we just did this 5 sentences ago"

*monokuma reappears*

Monokuma: I had to run awahy from my meat and potates becuase of that line! Now I'm REALLY angry!


Monokuma: Never...never ever ever never ever never never ever ever never ever neverrrrr....pass on a monokuma theatre! Even when i'm on break. Care for a monokuma theatre?

Apollo: No?

Monokuma: TOO LATE!

monokuma theatre

Monokuma: Everyone loves the movies! I love the movies! You love the movies! We all love the movies! There isn't a single modern person on earth who doesn't like movies! But...what ever happened to classic theatre? Plays? Anyone? Shakesphere? No one? Okay then. All those previouse theatre's were the must see back in the day. I too would've paid through the nose to see a man cross dress as juliet in a play! But...would you ever want to see the raw material? The actual script? That's what the sporking theatre is for! But with books! Books should get their own theatre too! Not just any books! Fanfiction...the works of art that can be used for hope or despair! Shame we are only looking in to the despair...because there's a lot of hopeful fanfics as their are despair...


Apollo: I...

Monokuma: Love it? Good because you need a refresher from that piece of shit...oops did i spoil the plot twist?

Kyoko: Okay what's next?

judge: "resume"

kyoko: "miles is gay"

Kyoko: If anyone asks....i never existed.

miles: "your mom's gay"

kyoko: "i have proof"

miles: "what"

kyoko: "i call to the stand this bird"

Kyoko: .....

Nagito: Is that the bird that died of kidney failure?

Phoenix: It might be a phoenix...who knows?

Apollo: Symbolism?

nagito: "stop acting important peaseant"

Nagito: I-

Kyoko: Stop apologising for this.

Phoenix: We kid a get the schtick already! You don't have a talent...and you call yourself love hope....and you admire the ultimates of Hope's Peak! Just stop! You're driving us mad!

bird was called to the stand

bird: birb noise

Apollo: If i didn't know any better...that bird just went BRB.

nagito:"are you the suicide bomber who blew up phoenix"

Nagito: What? How dare I to contradict my own facts! I thought i said it was a BOMB THAT STABBED HIM TO DEATH! My alt is STUPID!

Sahwit: Your alt is always stupid.

Payne: Surprised you never figured it out before.

bird: bird noise

nagito: "i haveevidence"

Phoenix: He made his noise correctly this time.

nagito presented miles penis

Edgeworth: Nagito?

Nagito: Yes?

Edgeworth: You'll be better of you don't bother trying to next to me. Your alt is giving me the urge to kill you. Something i refuse to do.

Nagito: I don't mind i'm better of sitting next to you.

Edgeworth: Suit yourself.

bird: "what is this small object"

miles: "heck you"

judge: "next"

Phoenix: BIRDS CAN TALK! Is it a parrot!? Is it Polly?

Apollo: I'm right here!

miles: "i call to the stand guzma"

Edgeworth: Is it safe to assume what category the witnesses are in?

guzma: "your mom"

miles: "your black"

guzma: "no im not"

Apollo: How many times have you guys heard this response a lot in this fic?

Kyoko: Every line.

Phoenix: Every second.

Nagito: Every despair.

Payne: Every fibure of my being.

suddenly,,tumblr artist rushed in and turned guzma black and bi and trans

guzma: "kill me please"

Everyone: You are not alone.

miles: "i call to the stand josuke highawihwwhateverhislastnameis"


Kyoko: What is it this time?

Nagito: He's gonna shit on my favourite anime!

Kyoko: You like Jojo's Bizarre Adventure? Since when?

Nagito: I need to reply to this sooner or later....

Apollo: What does that mean?

Nagito: It means I like the anime.

Apollo: What?

Nagito: Part 4 of Jojo has a murderer as it's antagonist. And they humanitise him...make him a rela person...a person chosen for hope...wanting to settle for the opposite...but he cannot overcome his joy for taking dismembered hands on dates.


osuke: "your mother"

miles: "you're"

josuke: "crazy diamond kill this nibemojibemojier"

Edgeworth: Moji-what?

Nagito: He doesn't say that in the anime.

Apollo: Do we really need to know?

miles then went super saiyan and threw a butter knife at josuke who dodged it and flew into the sun explodingit

Edgeworth: The knife..exploded? How did it get to the sun?

Phoenix: Let it go and move on, Miles.

nagito:"i call to the stand toko heckwaker"

toko: "give me togami's peepee"

Byakuya: Well....that's...pretty acurate.

Kyoko: Byakuya? What are you doing here!?

Nagito: Byakuya Togami? The ultimate affluent proginy?

Byakuya: Why is HE still alive?

Nagito: How did you get in here?

Byakuya: Don't change the subject....

Monokuma: Nyooooooohohohohohoooo! I let him in! I thought it would be funny to see him react to what the fic version of his Yandere has to say.

Byakuya: I am less impressed to say the least. Now...i don't care what you guys are doing in this theatre, nor do I want to know OR care. I wouldn't care less if that gvuy in the grey suit and glasses becomes the inevitable first victim.

Payne: That's too harsh!

Byakuya: Now...if you mind me....wait...why is the door...

Monkuma: I decided to make you my guest of honour! For the remainder of the have to participate.

Byakuya: Let's kill him and get this killing game over with.

Monokuma: You have to read this shitty fanfic before you escape! It's a new way of spreading despair! I thought it would interesting if i did it in a way where nobody died! And you have to read on with everyone!

Byakuya: Fanfictiobn! You mean...we're....

Nagito ...In a game.

Byakuya: I'm guessing i'm missing a lot of important details i?

Monokuma: Chop! Chop! Carry on. You'll have to forget what came before here. Forward is the way to DESPAIR!

Byakuya: I'm already feeling the fun coming on...

nagito presented miles' peepee again

Byakuya: Yep...definatley something i'm looking forward to....

Edgeworth: Don't....

toko: "what is this minascule object"

Edgeworth: Why are people calling it small! I was under the impression it was huge!

Phoenix: Miles...don't tell me.

Edgeworth: Not another word...Wright.

nagito: "miles is basically just togami so"

toko: "goodpoint i'll jack off with it"

Byakuya: My sense of deja vu has just been answered.

miles: "wait where's my dick"

miles then died of bloodloss and dickloss

then he revived because he's miles hecking edgeworth

Phoenix: Why didn't I revive?

Kyoko: I'm assuming the writer's logic revolves around heck.

nagito: "i call to the [ D] black abe lincoln"

black abe lincoln: "what"

nagito: "nvm your name is too long the author doesn't want to write that 5 times over and over"

the guy two sentences above: "k"

Apollo: That was longer to write!!

Payne: He just had to put me through this? Monokuma is seeming a lot like an arrogant jerk.

Monokuma: What was that!?

Payne: UWOOOO!!

Monokuma: Did you just say....what i thought you said?


Monokuma: You said...i'm...Elegance at work?

Payne: What?

Monokuma: Not it? Then you probably said I have the nicest butt on the block? The curviest hips in town? Is that what you said?


Monokuma: Oh...I did, did I? So I'm guessing you said...i was...AN ARROGANT JERK!!

Payne: I'm in for it!!

Monokuma: No your not...your going through some more crap on your own when this is done...even worse than this....can you guess the rating for this fic already? If you guessed will have mopre fun with all 20000000000000000 of the other peices of shit waiting for you.

Payne: Have mercy! Please! I'll clean your toilet! Be your slave! I'll even be an ultimate despair! Don't put me through that!!

Monokuma: Ultimate despair? Well that was easy! Carry on, then.

Payne: What have I gotten myself into.

Bykuya: Kyoko, when he gets out...put him through the hope restoration programme.

Kyoko: Already checked.

judge: "you all are not well on time"

miles: "*yaint"


Apollo: The judge just said....nothing?

Edgeworth: What is "yaint"?

Phoenix: I am getting nothing here....

Byakuya: The asterix is the most annoying part about this....why do I have to be here and not...Toko? The ultimate author?

Kyoko: As painfull it would be to be here...she would be a great deal help in sporking this...she would burn this all the way to hell.

nagito: "okay i call to the stand marth"

marth: "what"

nagito: "are you steve harvey"

marth: "yes"

Phoenix: We don't even need a cross examination to deal with these guys!

Apollo: Court would be less hectic, looney and painfull to sit through if it was that easy...think about it. No one calling you forhead all the time...witnesses don't threaten to kill you....

Phoenix: I won't have to cross examine animals just to get some vital evidence!

nagito: "Which means you're the one who blew up the Starbucks, killing Mr. Wright! Confess your crime, fiend!"

marth: "Never! I'll use the power of my stand, [ N]!"


Apollo: Mr Wright....your a beast!

Phoenix: Am I not?

Nagito: Marth from fire emblem has a stand from jojo! This would be heaven if it weren't in a peice of trash!

miles: "can i go to church pls and forget my life i dont want this"

Edgeworth: The second acurate thing to come out of this fic...

Byakuya: And the most logical.

then nagito and marth shot at each other with guns but kyoko stabbed killer queen and then blew up

Everyone: *facepalm*

nagito: "heck she died"

kyoko: "makigto"

nagito: "nagito"

kyoko: "niggerito, i must say my majestic last words"

Nagito: The majestic last words of a =n ultimate is always the best thing....believe me...i have experience!

nagito: "wat"

kyoko: "dab"

Nagito: Who was i trying to fool?

kyoko dies

nagito: "heck"

Phoenix: From the way you treated kyoko in this doesn't surprise me you reacted so mundanley.

nagito goes super saiyan

Phoenix: Well that's a surprise.

marth: "wat"

nagito then explodes the multiverse

the end

rip phoenix and kyoko

Byakuya: Finally we can get out of here....I will erase this truama from my mind in the hope restoration programme.

Nagito: May I...?

Bayakuya: Bayakuya Togami agrees to the psychopath's will.

Frank Sahwit: Nah uh! There's more.

Apollo: Oh hell....

"Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets." - Ibuki Mioda, 2014


Phoenix: Hey! Wait for me Apollo!

Sahwit: Well that's that! Whee's my paycheck?

Monokuma: Here ya go!

Sahwit: Hoo ha! I can finally go to the Bahamas!

Edgeworth: At least that was the end of it...I need to find a way to erase this from my existance...maybe fic me had the right idea....

Nagito: Welp we're off, see ya!

Payne: Now...I'll be!

Monokuma: Not so fast!

Payne: Gah! He noticed!

Monokuma: You have to experiance despair...remember? IT'S PUNISHMENT TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!!

Payne: P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-punishmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeent!?

Monokuma: How else are you going to experiance the ultimate despair?

Payne: I thought i had to BE the ultimate despair/

Monokuma: Hey! I'm the despair! INCARNATE! You want to be part of despair! You have to experiance it to be one with it!

Payne: I-I....

Monokuma: Now...I prepared my special punishment for the lamest prosecutor...THRILLS CHILL KILLS!!! PUNISHMEEEEEENT!


Byakuya: Prepare the hope restoration programme Kyoko...and set it to X100

Kyoko: Already on it.


his fic gets a dahlia....plane and simple
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Stilted Beauty

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That fic was abysmal. It deserves a Dahlia,even if it is a trollfic.

The spelling and grammar was better than the previous part,though I still spotted a couple of mistakes.
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Southern Corn wrote:
That fic was abysmal. It deserves a Dahlia,even if it is a trollfic.

The spelling and grammar was better than the previous part,though I still spotted a couple of mistakes.

I's a freaking acid trip.
and yet again...i didn't notice a simple mistake i made....smh me.
I hope you enjoyed all the chaos i wrote when sporking it.
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Ohai, Heroman. Good sporkings, friend.

Also, a far more important contribution to make:
Spoiler: AAI-related Shitpost
Edgeworth when he's reading Jakkid fics.

Image Image Image Image Image

pfp: www,pixiv,net/en/artworks/66633770
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ArrowLawn wrote:
Ohai, Heroman. Good sporkings, friend.

Also, a far more important contribution to make:
Spoiler: AAI-related Shitpost
Edgeworth when he's reading Jakkid fics.

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ArrowLawn wrote:
Ohai, Heroman. Good sporkings, friend.

Also, a far more important contribution to make:
Spoiler: AAI-related Shいtpost
Edgeworth when he's reading Jakkid fics.

Next Sporking: iFly Airlines Airport
By iFly Airlines

Get hyped

Last edited by Southern Corn on Mon May 15, 2017 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Already on it!
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I expect the sporkers to be Rhoda,Cammy,Edgeworth,Zinc and the captain of the plane.
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Southern Corn wrote:
I expect the sporkers to be Rhoda,Cammy,Edgeworth,Zinc and the captain of the plane.

So everyone from Turnabout airlines.
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Yep. Plus the Management to be the ghost of Hicks somehow. DO IT

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Oh wait? You expect me to spork it?
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I thought you already were! :o
HeroMan66475 wrote:
Already on it!

Anyway,going to get started on my next sporking,which is thankfully a one off.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

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"already on it" wasn't about sporking it was already on the hype train. Sorry about confusing you.
Re: Let's spork some horrible FanfictionTopic%20Title
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Stilted Beauty

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Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4719

Hey,everyone! Since it's May, I guess I should get started on the next fic! Yep,it's....

miles edgeworth the search for the ass
By barrylawn

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:

Maybe it's just me and my unnatural obsession with barrylawn, but I don't think it's that bad, as far as his fics go. Of course, even with that, I admit it's terrible, but it's short and simple, and I felt it would make for a nice one off.

Now, Sporkers! Introduce yourselves!

:wacky-edgy: - "Nngh! What type of title is that?!"
:nick-sweat: - "I doubt they're exactly referring to donkeys, Edgeworth."
:maya-thought: - "And by barrylawn, too? Talk about the icing on the cake, Nick. A cake made of pure donkey poop."
:gymshoe: - "Pfft! Ahahahaha! Look, Mr.Edgeworth, it's-"
:ka-whip: - "What?! What kind of foolishly foolish fool would foolishly make such a foolish fic with such a foolishly foolish title!?"

Image -"Hee haw!" guess we'll get started now or something. Yeah, let's!

As(s) usual, it all starts in the sporking theatre, where our Sporkers are all seated.

Edgeworth: ....I wish I were back home.

Phoenix: I don't blame you, Edgeworth. What a title.

Maya: And to top it all off, it's written by barrylawn! I thought we were done with him already!

Speakers: We made no promises.

Franziska: crack You foolishly foolish management! What foolish reason did you have for bringing me here?!

Speakers: Ms.von Karma, please refrain from whipping the screen. This is your first and final warning.

Gumshoe: Um, sirs, I don't mean to interrupt, but...why is there a donkey tied to the seat at the end?

Donkey: Hee haw!

Edgeworth: sigh

Phoenix: ...We've been trying to ignore that for a while, detective.

Speakers: Oh, we thought it'd be appropriate to bring it here, considering the fic. We've named him Gerald.

Gumshoe: Oh, wow! Hey there, Gerald! How are- OW! He bit me!

Speakers: Gerald is a recluse, and does not like being touched. We recommend you stay away from him a little.

Franziska: Hmph. How fitting that Scruffy and that donkey are right next to each other.

Gumshoe: You don't say, sir... I better keep my popcorn away from him. I don't want your grubby face all over this, pal!

Maya: Detective Gumshoe, is popcorn really that great to you?

Gumshoe: I can barely afford noodles with my current salary, pal! This is a luxury!

Phoenix: glances at Edgeworth

Edgeworth: Don't look at me, Wright! In order to earn a greater salary, the good detective has to perform better. I can't afford to be lenient on him. It is he who must improve!

Franziska: And Scruffy has to improve in many ways. You got it, Scruffy?! whip crack

Gumshoe: Eeeek! Yes, sir!

Maya: Can we just start the fic now?

Speakers: Sure.



by barrylawn

Edgeworth: groan Already?!

Phoenix: So this is the running joke of this fic, I take it?

Speakers: Very much so.

Franziska: whip crack How dare this author misuse such a word so, as if they were a child?!

Maya: Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if barrylawn turned out to be 16 or so.

Edgeworth: sigh No,Maya. I'm afraid this person is of a different breed. That is, a trollfic author.

Gumshoe: Hey, wait a minute, Mr.Edgeworth! They spelt your name wrong!

Everyone: ...

Gerald: Hee haw!

Edgeworth: ...That much is very apparent, detective.

Franziska: Scruffy! Do you wish to be here for years?! Stop nitpicking on every minor detail, or I will have to use my whip!

Phoenix: (Isn't that what you're doing?)

the phone rang and de man answered it

Maya: Who's this 'de man'? Is he some mysterious figure?

"hey sur theres some ass hanging around gard lake do something" said gumshoe

"rite away" said the man "my name is miles assworth and i am... an ass"

Maya: Oh, it's just you, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: No, that is not me. That is a man by the name of Mr. Assworth, of whom I have no relation with. More importantly, why is Gumshoe asking him to do something about this person in Gourd Lake? As far as I know, Gourd Lake is a public place, and as such no one can be arrested for loitering there-

Phoenix: No, Edgeworth. It's not Gourd Lake, it's 'gard lake'. For all we know, that could be private property.

Edgeworth: Wright, you know was well as I do that the author meant to write Gou-

Phoenix: Then why do you insist that this 'Assworth' guy is a different person than you?

Edgeworth: T-that's...different.

edgeworth went down to the crime scene but the ass was gone

"HEY PAL" shouted gumshoe "o its you sir edgeworth sorry the ass got away"

"very well let us begin the search for the ass" said edgeworth

Maya: Look, it's now Edgeworth again! What the heck?

Franziska: Maybe it is you who is the ass, Scruffy! whip crack

Gumshoe: Yeeeoowwwwcchhh! I'm sorry, sir! I promise not to be an ass anymore!


edgeworth found some shίt on the floor

"hey test this" said edgeworth

Phoenix: W-wh..?!

Edgeworth: WHAAAT?!

Gerald: HAW!

Maya: What do they expect to find from analysing that?!

"ok pal" said forensics "it matches that guy" they pointed to marvin grossberg

"hey bro your under arrest because YOU are the ass" shouted gumshoe and grossber was in prison

Maya: Wait, what?

Phoenix: Grossberg? Why's he under arrest?

Franziska: For defecating on public property, that's why!

Edgeworth: And also for being an 'ass', which as far as I know, is not a crime.

Franziska: It should very well be, Miles Edgeworth! The number of fools I have seen in this country is far too much!

Gumshoe: gulp

however edgeworth taught this case was rushed so he decided to find the truth

Gumshoe: You taught this case, Mr.Edgeworth? What did you teach it?

Edgeworth: I believe they meant to write 'thought', detective.

Maya: I agree! There's no way Mr.Grossberg is the killer!

Franziska: Who is this Mr.Grossberg, anyway?

Maya: He was my sister's boss. He was always really nice to me.

Phoenix: I remember vaguely meeting him during when I was on trial. I only really met him when Mia died, though.

Maya: Wait, you were on trial before, Nick?

Phoenix: Long story. Ask your sister about it.

"hello im miles edgeworth the prosecutor and ass are you the ass" said edgeworth

"no" said marvin "a perfect gentleman like me would never be an ass"

"i see thats enough for me i shall offer my ass" said edgworth preparing his ass "i shall trust u to fill in any holes"

"exellent mah boy" said grossborg

Maya: That sounded a bit dirty.

Phoenix: Wait, now I'm confused. Edgeworth just introduced himself as an ass. Why isn't he being arrested?

Edgeworth: Fic-me referred to myself as an ass, but asked Mr.Grossberg if he was THE ass. Maybe they're two separate things. Either that, or the author is being inconsistent.

Maya: Maybe they're using it like smurf. 'I'm going to smurf a smurf tonight', or something like that.

Franziska: Either way, I think we can all agree that the biggest ass of all is the author.


Maya: Ew.

edgeworth went back to the crime scene when someone jumped on him

"OWWW WHO DO THAT" shouted edgeworth

Phoenix: Ouch. That sounds quite painful, actually.

"me" said kay "i herd you seek the truth so the great theef of truth is here" said kay

???: Did I hear someone call for me?

Gumshoe: ! Is that-

Suddenly, a rather familiar theme plays, and before anyone can say a thing, a girl jumps down! And it's-

Edgeworth: Kay! What are you doing here?

Kay: Thought I heard someone say my name. Anyway, what're you watching? I think I'll have a sit-down. Can you move a bit, Maya?

Maya: Sure!

Kay: Oh, and Gummy, I brought a refill of your popcorn for you!

Gumshoe: Really? Thanks, pal!

Speakers: This will not be forgotten.

Kay: Oh, really? Too bad I don't care. Haha! Anyway, what're we watching?

Phoenix: Well, basically, there's an ass on the loose, and Edgeworth is looking for him. Then he gets some feces analysed and finds it belong to Grossberg, but he doesn't believe he's the ass. Then after the 'assing', you jump on Edgeworth and then bequeath upon your services to him.

Kay: Huh?

Maya: We're just as confused as you are.

"no" said edgeworth

"come on mr edgeworth u can be the great thiefs ass" said kay

Kay: Ass..isant?

Phoenix: I think the author's just immature and thinks that the word 'ass' is hilarious.

Gerald: Hee haw!

Kay: Aah! Why is there a donkey here?

Edgeworth: The management thought it would be hilarious to bring in a literal ass in for the sporking.

Kay: And none of you questioned it!?

Franziska: We're rather used to the management's foolishly foolish ideas by now.

Maya: It's actually kinda scary how accustomed we've become.

"NO" said edgeworth

"ok ill be the great thiefs ass" said kay "so wat we lookin for"

Kay: Wait, but I'M the Great Thief!

Maya: I think they've stolen your position, Kay.

"the ass"

"ok neither of us will be the ass" said kay so edgeworth wasnt an ass any more wich nobody thought was suspciious for some reason

Edgeworth: Even the author knows how asinine this is!

"hey pal" said gumshoe returning "ur not an ass any more wtf"

"no no i assure u detective i have a two part special ass"

Gumshoe: Wait, I'm confused. Who's an ass and who's not again?

"OVERRULED" shouted the voice of sebastian debeste and justine courtney

"wat are u peeple doin here" said cortney

"we are searching for the ass" said edgeworth

"no shut up, we alredy found him dumbass" said debeste

Edgeworth: Oh no, not these two again.

Phoenix: Who are these two?

Edgeworth: A prosecutor and a judge. I' into them before.

Phoenix: I've noticed you've run into a lot of strange people outside the court.

Maya: What did you even do, Mr.Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Hmm, not that much. I only solved the murder of an Interpol agent, a kidnapping, the killing of a detective in my office, taking down the Yatagarasu and the leader of a smuggling ring, exposing a fake presidential assassination, revealing that the prison warden is a murderer, solving an eighteen year old case that my father worked on, arresting the PIC chairman for smuggling and killing, and then solving a real presidential assassination. How about you?

Maya: WHAAAA?! Tell me more, Mr.Edgeworth! Tell me your ways!

Edgeworth: smirk It's all a rather long story. If you want the finer details, ask Franziska-

Kay: Or me!

Gumshoe: Or me, pal!

Gerald: Hee haw!

Franziska: Ahem. Shall we get back to the fic now? I sense that these two have something to say.


"we have made the arrest of grossberg because he got a giant ass only fitting of the ass" said debeste

"OBJECTION" shouted edgeworth "heh heh but i visited him in detention center and we did stuff but I WAS THE ONE WITH THE ASS"

Kay: Wait, why did you say that?!

Maya: Yeah, now you're going to be arrested instead!

Franziska: Knowing that foolish prosecutor, I doubt it.

"AAAAH" shouted debeste

Franziska: See?

Phoenix: Even so, that's a pretty dumb argument.

"OVERRULED" shouted courtney "he didnt tell u he had the ass to lie and make u believe him"

"o rite justine thanks for the ass"

Kay: Ass...istance?

Franziska: Miles Edgeworth! Why are you blindly believing the defendant?! As the judge over there has just said, he could have easily lied to you!

Maya: Yeah, that's Nick's thing!

Everyone: ...

Phoenix: Why did you have to bring me into this?

"aghhhh it cant be true" said edgeworth

"the truth has been lost forever mr edgeworth" said courtney "now die!"

Kay: Whoa, she's going to kill you, Mr.Edgeworth?

Gumshoe: Seems a bit extreme to me, pal.

Phoenix: And also illegal.

"WAITAMINITE" shouted edgeworth "u just admitted dat by winning teh truth was lost! tat means grossberg being the ass isnt the truth... ITS A LIE!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" shouted debeste and they retreated to think of a better plan

Edgeworth: That....what?

Phoenix: What sort of logic is that? And why did she even say that in the first place?

Franziska: Hmph. Just the type of foolish logic I expected from you, Miles Edgeworth! whip crack

Edgeworth: Nghhooh!

"now then getting back to the trail of the ass..." said edgeworth "we didnt find much evidence on the crime scene so lets look there"

they went to guard lake and looked around

Kay: Oh, it's this place again. Ugh.

Maya: Wait, so is it gard lake or guard lake now?

Phoenix: More importantly, why did Edgeworth go back there? His logic is that they didn't find much evidence there, so they're going to search it again?

Edgeworth: Reexamination of the crime scene is always crucial, Wright.

"look mr edgeworth" said gumshoe lifting an ice cream thing off the ground "footprints"

"but according to the diagram the police gave me theres only one person tat cud belong to" said edgeworth

Edgeworth: 'An ice cream thing'? 'Diagram the police gave me'? Neither of these have been established previously, and-

Maya: Never mind that! Whom do these footprints belong to?!

"o you mean" said kay

"right. the ass" said edgeworth "gumshoe get that white stuff for footprints"

Gumshoe: Wait, what white stuff?

Edgeworth: I assume they mean the kit used by forensic scientists for footprint analysis. However, the closest thing to the 'white stuff' the author is referring to is plaster.

they footprinted the footprint

Phoenix: Say what?

and the results matched the evil PHOENIX WRIGHT

Phoenix: Say WHAT?!

Maya: Evil Phoenix Wright?! Nick, you're the villain in this!

Gumshoe: Wait, so you're the ass, pal?!

Franziska: Hmph. It should have been obvious from the beginning.

"PHOENIX WRIGHT" shouted edgeworth "whos that?"

Phoenix: ...Really, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Don't look at me! I'm not the one up there on the screen!

"well the sign says its that guy over there" said kay and she pointedd to a guy in orange

Kay: Sign? Is this guy an attraction or something?

Phoenix: Wait a second.

Maya: Oh, no.

Gumshoe: Hey, it's that guy again! What's he doing here?


Phoenix: Yep, I knew it.

Edgeworth: I assume you know this man, Wright?

Phoenix: Yeah, he's impersonated me before in court.

Edgeworth: In court?!

Franziska: But this foolish fool of a man doesn't even look like you!

Phoenix: That's what I've been saying! But apparently all it takes for someone to impersonate me is spiky hair, a blue suit, and a cardboard badge.

Edgeworth: Cardboard badge?! (What has happened to the courts of this country?!)

Gumshoe: And worst of all, he framed Maggey, pal! Ooh, I hate that guy!

"im mr edgeworths ass" said kay

"funny i dont remember making you my ass" said edgeworth

"yeah IM edgeworths ass" said gumshoe


Maya: Can we just stop commenting on the usage of that word already?

Kay: Hmph. Fine. I see how it is.

Maya: Wait, no. I didn't-

Kay: If you're all gonna be rude to me, then I'm leaving. See ya!

Maya: Wait, Kay!

Edgeworth: ...She's gone.

Gumshoe: Where did she go to, pal?

Speakers: Oh, good riddance. Get back to the fic now.

Phoenix: (Why didn't she take us with her?)

"who u fukas tink ya ar, messin wit teh tigeh. YOUSE WANNA GET NICKT?"

Maya: Nick, I thought the Tiger was from Brooklyn.

Phoenix: Yeah, he spoke like a Brooklyn mobster.

Maya: So why is he speaking with a Jamaican accent?

Phoenix: Who knows. Maybe the Tiger should get into reggae.

"hm this man doesnt seem very helpful" said gumshoe

"yeah lets use that" said edgeworth

he tapped his head and he was in chess land

Maya: Whaa?

Phoenix: What the heck is this, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Hmph. That. The author has embellished a little. By using the background of a chess game, I slowly draw out information from my opponent. It has proven to be quite useful in the last few days.

Franziska: Miles Edgeworth! Do you realise that this has nothing to do with chess in the slightest?! whip crack

Edgeworth: I doOOOnggh! It-it doesn't matter. Can we move on already?

Gumshoe: I prefer checkers myself, pal.

Gerald: Haaw!

"now then lets anal" said edgeworth

-do you have an ass

Maya: Um...

Phoenix: And here I thought we weren't in the kink meme.

"do u have an ass mr wright" said edgeworth

"youse bet ur ass i do" said phoenix

"lets see it"

then the rest of the logic chass happened

Phoenix: So we're just going to skip through that?

Franziska: What a foolish fic. whips the screen; then gets electrocuted mildly AAGH! What was that?!

Speakers: We warned you.

then edgeworth exposed phoenixs ass to the world and there was ice cream on it

"mmm" said gumshoe licking it

"DONT LIK DAT" shouted edgeworth

Maya: Ew. Just ew.

Edgeworth: Detective, I assure you that your instant noodles are far better than...that.

Gumshoe: I know that, Mr.Edgeworth! I would never do th- hey! Gerald!

As the detective says that, Gerald finishes eating Gumshoe's popcorn, bag included.

Gumshoe: No! Gerald! Why did you do this to me?!

Maya: Eew! Gerald! Bad donkey! Bad donkey!

Phoenix: (I guess that would make him a badass.)

"but why is there ice cream on his ass"

"its simple kay" said edgeworth "teh crime the ass commited... WAS ATTACKING THE ICE CREAM STAND"


Phoenix: I thought the crime he committed was just being an ass?

Maya: Why would he attack the ice cream stand, anyway? Did he not want to pay a few dollars for a cone?

"yes i can" said edgeworth "your footprint was found under the ice cream stand"

"yeah pal and there was lots of ice cream gone in a weerd shape" said gumshoe

"ngh that means he succ" said edgeworth

Maya: Succ? Do you mean suck, or succeeded?

Edgeworth: How did his footprint get under the ice cream stand anyway?

"noooo there no proof"

"yes there is because ur dna wud be on it"

the phoenix roared

"admit it mr wright" shouted edgeworth and he pointed at him "YOU ARE THE TRUE ASS"

Franziska: Hmph. There is no 'true ass' in this world. There are many foolishly foolish fools such as him.

phoenix yelled and roare until the lights died, so sebastian who came to arrest him got scared and phoenix made his escape

Phoenix: The lights? But they're outside.

Maya: Maybe he roared so loudly that the sun got scared and went down.

Edgeworth: Maya, that is not how it works.

Maya: Maybe it does in Barry-land!

"DAMMIT" shouted edgeworth "ATFER HIM"

the police went to the wright and co law offices and pulled phoenix out of bed

Phoenix: Huh?

Maya: Since when do you live in your own office, Nick?

Phoenix: What? Huh?

Edgeworth: How did they not know about who Wright was but knew where he lived?

Franziska: And why didn't they just go after his imposter after he ran?

Phoenix: Who? What? Huh?

Gumshoe: Yeah, pal! What sort of alternate universe does this take place in?

Phoenix: Where? Who? Huh? What?

Gerald: Hee haw!

Phoenix: ...


Why is no one pointing out that they arrested me instead of him?!

Edgeworth: I thought that was apparent, Wright.

Phoenix: Huh? Really?

Maya: Yeah, we think it'd be too obvious.

Phoenix: ...Oh.

"UR UNDER ARREST" shotued gumshoe

"WTF WHY" shouted phoenix but they threw him in the detention center and brought him to court

"then the ass was found for eternity" said edgeworth closing the book that this fanfic was written in


Edgeworth: I doubt this fic would be written in any book.

The lights come on.

Phoenix: We're done? Already?

Edgeworth: Fine by me. I'm going home.

Franziska: Ugh, what a travesty.

Gumshoe: Yeah, pal. I can't believe they arrested you in the end!

Phoenix: I guess they did that for irony.

Gerald: Haaw! Hee haw!

Maya: Hey! Management! What's going to happen to Gerald?

Oh. Um...

Speakers: Slaughterhouse on Monday.

Maya: What?! No! You can't do that!

Speakers: Why not?

Maya: Because he's special to us all.

Speakers: ...Alright. We might have something else for him.

Maya: Great! Thank goodness. Keep him safe for me!

Phoenix: Can we leave now, Maya?

Maya: Sure!

And thus our Sporkers leave for the night. See you next time!

Speakers: I was so looking forward to tasting donkey meat too.

Hope you enjoyed. Constructive criticism is appreciated blah blah blah it's past midnight I need sleep bye

Last edited by Southern Corn on Tue May 30, 2017 12:02 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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um...hi your honour?

Gender: Male

Location: YouTube, Deviant art, and Discord

Rank: Medium-in-training

Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2016 3:21 pm

Posts: 325

You could say I was laughing my ass off to the sporking of the fic every step of the way.
Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!Topic%20Title
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Stilted Beauty

Gender: None specified

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:42 am

Posts: 4719

Gla(ss)d you liked it!
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