Court Records

Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Page 18 of 68

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Tue Apr 21, 2015 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I would really love to give it a sporking, but I already have my hands full. (So does Airey, now that I think about it.) Is there anyone else who'd like to give it a try?

If not, I could add it to the list later. There's so much potential for this one.

Author:  luck [ Wed Apr 22, 2015 9:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Out of curiosity, in which fics are you two working currently?

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Wed Apr 22, 2015 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

That... Fic wrote:

*looks at Rubia*
*Twilight Zone theme starts playing*

(Side note: I got unexpectedly busy, so my sporking will be a while yet.)

Edit: I'm working on The Proposal Strategy!

Author:  PoppyCorn [ Wed Apr 22, 2015 5:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

That fic... It's so beautiful. :larry: I hope it gets sporked someday.

I'm still working on sporking "pheenox's revenge", slowly but surely.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Apr 22, 2015 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'm in the middle of Gant's Escaps. I've been held up by classes, though.

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
That... Fic wrote:

*looks at Rubia*
*Twilight Zone theme starts playing*

(Side note: I got unexpectedly busy, so my sporking will be a while yet.)

Edit: I'm working on The Proposal Strategy!

Oh, come now. The only time I'd ever qualify for a romance fic is when dead people come back to life. Only then will the happy couple truly be saved from accidental cases of running into walls... repeatedly.

Author:  Veruni [ Fri May 01, 2015 3:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

PoppyCorn wrote:
That fic... It's so beautiful. :larry: I hope it gets sporked someday.

I'm still working on sporking "pheenox's revenge", slowly but surely.

pheenox's revenge is beautiful.

By the way if anyone is sorely missing the phoenix's turnabout sporks which went down with the backup forums, I saved the pages. I didn't save any of the others except for one which was on the same page. it was phoenix's turnabout which i felt compelled to save what was left of and I'm glad I did. ...

PS I vote for true luvs kiss to get a :dahlia: because she would probably set fire to her own scalp after reading the part about von karma's "plank" lol

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Sun May 03, 2015 1:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Thank you so much for saving that part!
It still hurts to have lost that thread with all its glorious content, but I'm glad for every bit that survived.

Author:  luck [ Sun May 03, 2015 3:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I've found a fic that can only be described with three words and one of them is not to pronounce in front of kids.

Seriously, what's that?

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Sun May 03, 2015 6:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Bah. This is far from the weirdest thing I've read and I want the money I didn't pay back. Really, I am all kinds of disappointed with this fic because as a badfic, it still made some illegitimate sense.

Author:  SPInc [ Sun May 03, 2015 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Recently discovered this topic. It's awesome!
So far the sporkings've been hilarious (the nature of fics being sporked helps too), and I can't wait to read some more!
Kinda sucks the backup forums' thread is now gone...

Author:  Cosmikun [ Tue May 05, 2015 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I found this thread some time ago, and I just want to say that this is amazing! I hope this'll keep on growing!
Talking about growth of this thread, you have found a potential sporker in the making.

The sporks here really have cracked me up. They're a great thing to read in your spare time, really!

I'm also thinking about trekking through FF, PWKM etcetera etcetera to find some really bad fics for you to spork!

Well, keep the fun going guys!

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Tue May 05, 2015 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Delaying my sporking again... sporking a comic is kind of time-consuming for me, and since I'm about to graduate (and have grandparents flying in from Utah for said graduation) I don't really have that kind of time. :larry: I'll probably finish it sometime this month, though, lol.

Author:  SenorJustice-dono [ Wed May 06, 2015 4:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Well, after a nearly ten month hiatus for varying reasons, SenorJustice-dono is back! :phoenix: :thena-hair: Sorry I have not been on here in ages I just had so much to do :larry: This time I will (hopefully) get a spork done. I have decided to come back after reacquainting myself with Ace Attorney. Then I was like "Oh yeah, I remember Court-Records." I still remember that bizarre one I was going to spork about Julius Caesar and how Cicero was a lawyer alongside with Phoenix. Well, here's to hoping you will have one more sporker to the regular roster. Oh, and just so you know, if anyone has a fic that is done in Spanish and would like me to spork it just because you think something bizarre will come up, I could do that too (I am actually fluent in Spanish though). Just look for my sporking of the Roman xover in the span of the next two weeks!

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed May 06, 2015 5:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Welcome back, guys. While people are getting back and getting ready, I'll just post something to keep the thread up and going.


Part 2

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Still four for now. It doesn't piss me off enough for the full five.

Cast: :phoenix: :edgeworth: :maya: :franny:


[It can really get lonely in this theater, now that even the guards have been fired. Well, they were all volunteers in the first place, but that's beside the point...]

Phoenix: ...Yep, it's official. The intro narrator has begun talking to himself.

Maya: Now that I think about it, it must stink being the narrator in this place. You don't even get to crack any jokes; just explain what's going on.

Phoenix: Yeah. He's probably not even getting paid for this job.

Franziska: It's entirely his problem that he hasn't quit already, so the least he can do is suck it up.

Edgeworth: Perhaps it would be more forgiving to believe that he's not being held here against his will...

Speakers: Ah, greetings, everyone! It's another pleasant day at the Sporking Theater!

All: ...

Speakers: Geez, that manager dude said we had to show up this time too, but he's not even here! What gives?

That's not a problem. It just means we've been left in charge to run this show.

Really? Then, how about we just cut out the parts that aren't cool and call it a day?

Oh, come on. If we always take the easy route and cut things short, there's no point in even staying at all! Besides, what's so awful about a little awkwardly misplaced association?

Everything, man.

Exactly! And that makes it all the more amusing!

...Is, like, everything a joke to you or something?

Hmm, I wouldn't say "everything", but there is plenty to-


Franziska: Would you two morons stop bickering amongst yourselves and get to the point!? If you even have one...

Speakers: You've heard the angry whip-happy prosecutor! Go ahead, ladies and gentlemen, we'll be right with you inside the room.


Edgeworth: ...Shouldn't you be saying something about now?

[*gasp* Mr. Miles Edgeworth himself is speaking to me? Wow, I hadn't even guessed it was possi-]

Edgeworth: If you're the narrator, then get to your job!

[Yes, sir. And so, our ever-exuberant sporkers press forth in high spirits to challenge yet another terrible tragedy of fiction!]

Maya: ...Well, you gotta give the narrator points for enthusiasm.

Phoenix: Just leave him be, Maya. He's been through a lot.

Maya: But more than us?

Phoenix: Far from it.


Maya: Hey, at least this chapter title isn't misspelled!

Franziska: That hardly is accountable compared to the utter chaos that this entire piece of work is.

Phoenix: So, is it just me, or is this title a lot creepier than it's probably meant to be?

Edgeworth: It's not just you. Everything about it, down to the incessant capitalization, brings ill omen...

The weding day has come up. Edgworth and Oldbag were gonna get maried with Damon Gant and Matt Engard it was kinda like a double header only with marriage instead of sports.

Maya: Wow, so it's like a double date, but with marriage!

Phoenix: Congrats to the happy couples, I guess...

Edgeworth: I wouldn't use "happy" in such a context, Wright.

Franziska: Has anyone truly yet to question why these marriages take priority over the capture of escaped fugitives!?

Phoenix: It's a romance plot. Of course that's how it always goes.

Maya: Happy weddings deserve all the celebration, ya know!

Edgeworth: Again, I have to disagree with your use of "happy" there...

Franziska: ...I'm speaking to a foolish crowd of foolish fools who've fooled themselves into further tomfoolery.

Gant and Engarde went first they got up to the altar and the dude was like "so do you take each other to be your lawfuly wedded husbad and stuff"

"i do" they said and kissed and the weeding band started playing Another One Bits the Dust by Queen its a good song you should listen to it in this next part of the story.

Phoenix: Say, do we actually get music in here?

Maya: Sometimes, I think.

Speakers: Honestly, I'm surprised we don't more often! At the very least, we should complement the author's taste in music.

Huh? So, uh, are we supposed to put it on or what, dude?

Well, you would do better to make yourself useful, so how about you get to it?

...Fine, here.

The dude came forward adn said "so if any of you have any of objections to this holy matrimoney of Damon Gant and Mat Engarde-"

"OJBECTION" said Edgeworth jumped to his feet "Danon Gant and Matt Engarde? THose guys are udner arrest for KILLING PPL AND PERJURY AND DISTURBING THE PEECE"

Maya: Yeah, you tell them, Mr. fic-Edgeworth!

Phoenix: "Ojbection"? You'd think he'd at least have the decency to get that one word right.

Edgeworth: Yes, let's just set aside that for once, the author is actually progressing the story.

Maya: Huh? That's not a complaint coming from you, Mr. real-Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: We're bound to have come full circle.

Phoenix: (...Wow, I'm actually starting to feel bad for mocking him. Just a bit.)

Franziska: Actually, I'm more surprised this author managed to keep all the last names intact in this particular segment... not that it means much.

"NO THEY FOUND US" whined Egard but Gant was all like "not on my watch" and he did a cool backflip and kicked a bunch of police guys in the head

"GAH" screamed the police "Hes TOO AWESOME TO STOP"

Damon Gant was lookin all badass and he said "yah well they say u have to know your enemy and Im the cheef of police so I already know you guys thats why I beat u"

All: ...

Edgeworth: *aneurysm*

Phoenix: Uh, Edgeworth? You're kinda... drooling.

Maya: Quick, Nick! Change the subject!

Phoenix: Uh, yeah... (But to what!? I have no id-) Yeow!

Franziska: You're so sluggish when it comes to improvisation! Follow after me: "What kind of foolish fool would foolishly let himself be so foolishly kicked in the head!?"

All else: ...


Phoenix: Aaagh! Would you stop that!?

Franziska: If I'm going to publicly humiliate myself by uttering such a line, then at least have the respect to follow up on it!

Edgeworth: I-it's alright, Franziska. I... I should be fine now.

Maya: You sure? We could have her whip Nick a third time.

Phoenix: OBJECTION! Don't I have a say in this!?

Franziska: *pulls it taut* You should know the answer to that by now.

Phoenix: ... *whimper*

"Know youre enemy..." Edgeworth pondered this wise saying "WAIT GUYS I KNOW WAT TO DO" and he pulled out his laptop and did a goggle search on Damon Gant

OK it says here that Damon Gant likes staring at ppl and they also say TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE" said Edgeworth and he stared at Damon and it was realy awkward so Damon said "nuuuu" and ran away

Maya: Woohoo! Justice is served!

All else: ...

Maya: What? I would have done the same.

Phoenix: (What? You mean the staring? It's not like you know how to use computers...)

Speakers: Well, that's simply embarrassing. I'm just a bit let down it was that easy.

Dude, I should be the one who's complaining! I mean, where's my scene of awesomeness?

That's obvious, isn't it? You simply don't have one.


Maya: Yeowch, that's gotta sting.

Phoenix: (Not gonna lie; that was pretty satisfying to hear.)

"hes getting away" said Eggworth and he run after him but he tripped and fell down and Damon and Matt escaped

Speakers: Ah-hahaha! This childish display of flailing reminds me of how Worthy looked when I first brought up his history with forged evidence.

Edgeworth: Grk...

Franziska: Keep yourself together, Miles Edgeworth. Would something that petty really bring you to falter?

Edgeworth: No... Gant isn't the issue here.

Franziska: The embarrassing fall, then? We've seen much worse, though.

Edgeworth: It's not that either...

Franziska: Then, what!?

Maya: ...Maybe "Eggworth"? *grin*

Phoenix: *grin* It sure explains why he'd suddenly trip like that...

Edgeworth: Get that idiotic image out of your minds right now!

Maya, Phoenix: *laughing fit*

Franziska: ...I see. As egregious as that typo is, it's an amusing image, to be honest.

Edgeworth: Why are YOU going along with this!?

"A thousand curses" Edgeworth said swearing oldfashionedly. "HEY WAIT IM LATE 4 THE PROSECUTE CONVENTION" he said cause he just remembered and actually I totaly forgot about it just so you know Edgeworth was supposed to go to the convention in the first episode but I forgot so whatever

Edgeworth: And you, author! Don't bother justifying yourself by reminding us of that pointless plot point we were better off without!

Speakers: Ahahaha! Atta-boy, Worthy! You sure told them!

Edgeworth: Grr...

"Hey guys Im here" said Edgeworth walking in all awkwardly cause he was late OMG DONT U HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPENS

Edgeworth: Stop that self-inserted commentary and get on with it!

Phoenix: (Yeesh, one moment he's having an aneurysm; the next, he's the loudest one here. Overreacting would be an understatement...)

He looked around and saw Fransiska, Godot and Blackquil (A/N: I havent plyed Dual Densities but Blackquill is apparantly this prosecuter dude whos obsessed with samurais and birds so ill try to write him in character) Also David Cameron was there because this was a national emegency

Edgeworth: ...And now you've just crossed the line.

Phoenix: How many has that been now?

Edgeworth: The rest are irrelevant. I'm talking about making one of the worst mistakes in fiction writing, period.

Maya: Including David Cameron?

Phoenix: Or the national emergency that doesn't apply to him?

Franziska: I'd personally opt for my very introduction into this mess.

Edgeworth: ...Try as you might, we can't avoid the most pressing issue here.

Franziska: Bah. Mistaking your subordinate's character is practically the standard set by this trash heap of a fanfic.

Edgeworth: But why include him at all!? If this suggests anything, we're bound to see him again in this same theater for the next session...

Phoenix: Edgeworth, just let it go. When that time comes, he'll deal with it as we always have.

Edgeworth: Ugh...

Maya: ...I still say it's David Cameron.

"Hey dudes" said Cameroon "We have to stop the evil guys"

"No duh" said Franceiska and she whipped some ppl "the question is how are we gonna defeat them"

"Konichuwa" Blackquail interrupted "I have a idea I should work 2gether w/Fransiska-dono bcuz she's really kawaii" but he said the last part under his breathe cause he didnt want ANYONE TO KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABUOT HER (A/N: What do you think u guiys? SHOULD I SHIP FRANZIZKA/BLACKQUILL? Tell me in the reviews)


Franziska: ...Now I understand what you were so worried about, Miles.

Edgeworth: Do you now?

Speakers: Whoa, there! I'm only warning you this once, Ms. von Karma. Whipping the screen is still prohibited.

Franziska: Hmph. You'll be second-guessing yourself to think I would let such trifling things get to me.

Phoenix: (If I recall, the last time you had your whip taken was a pretty traumatizing time for you...)

Maya: ...Wow. It's even sadder to think that we've met someone who actually talks like that.

Phoenix: No, Maya. We don't talk about him, ever.

"OK that sounds good said Cameron "Edgeworth you should work together with Godot and Im gonna teamup with Obama when he gets here."

"Alright lets do this" said Edgeworth

Maya: ...Is it me, or is this fic's spelling actually improving over the course?

All else: It's just you.

Franziska: Honestly, it feels as if these mistakes are being forced in as the author continues.

Phoenix: Huh? You mean you only noticed it now?

Franziska: Did you say something, Phoenix Wright?

Phoenix: ...Um, so, what's with these politicians making it in anyway?

Edgeworth: I'd rather question why I have to go with Godot of all people.

Phoenix: (Would you rather go with Franziska?)

Franziska: Don't fool yourself into thinking you're safe in your thoughts! Your face says everything.

Phoenix: ...At least let me think in peace.

(A/N: Hey guys what did u think? I know that convention was pretty boring but dont worry the next chapter is gonna be awesome and IVE MADE A ORIGINAL CHARACTER FOR THE NEXT CHAP AND HES REALLY SEXY SO STAY TUNED)

All: Oh, no.

Phoenix: Of course... every bad fic just has to have an "original" character to spoil everything.

Edgeworth: Considering how spoiled everything is already, it wouldn't make a difference.

Maya: Well, we could try to have some hope that it WILL make some difference.

Franziska: Impossible, especially with the way the author insists it through this last comment. But at least we're finally done with this chapter.

[The lights flash on once again, and our heroes bathe in the relief of another end.]

Phoenix: I suggest quitting while you're ahead, narrator.

[Oh... I see I'm not wanted.]

Maya: Nick! What was that for!?

Phoenix: This is for the better, Maya. Maybe he'll consider leaving so he can finally stop doing this.

Maya: But then who will be narrating for us?

Speakers: If you must know, the Management can fill that role.

[And everyone gasps... so do I. What's the meaning of this!?]

Franziska: So you've been here all this time!? Why wait until now to speak up!?

Speakers: We have no obligation to tell you our reasons, Ms. Franziska von Karma. The Management is always watching and listening.

Maya: Brr... That's just creepy.

Speakers: As for the narrator, please pay him no mind. In fact, he should not even exist in our discussions. Rest assured, this glitch in the system will be remedied.

All: A glitch!?

Maya: Hey! That's tyranny! You can't just "remedy" him like he's some kind of problem!

Edgeworth: ...Actually, that very well may be the truth.

Maya: Huh!?

Speakers: In any case, we're done for the day, so shoo. Get out of here. This has been a friendly announcement from the Management.

Maya: What was that about, Mr. Edgeworth!?

Edgeworth: We should do as they say and leave. I'll explain outside...

[...And so our fearless sporkers take their leave once again, but just outside the lobby doors, they start an intriguing discussion. Feel free to keep reading on if you wish to join me in speculation. Otherwise, let us meet again next time for more exciting and amusing adventures!]

Phoenix: What's with all the secrecy, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: It may have just been a metaphor, but after considering it, it's become all the more likely.

Maya: You're still not making sense, Mr. Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: I'm talking about the management's "glitch", and it hasn't happened just this time either.

Franziska: Glitch? You don't really mean to take their word literally, do you?

Edgeworth: I'd prefer not to, but I can't overlook the possibility that they did mean it literally. Wright, you recall that one session where the management played around with voice alteration technology, yes?

Phoenix: I can't really forget it. It was a mess all the way through; the fic and the lack of management.

Maya: Huh? When was this?

Franziska: I'd like to know too.

Edgeworth: You two weren't present for that session, so it's natural you wouldn't know. But, in short, they acted the roles of many different characters and people we know.

Maya: Many? Like how many?

Phoenix: Too many.

Edgeworth: Therefore, we can assume they have access to all sorts of audio and voice data. And given that they even have the government backing up their funds, it's no surprise they'd have power to abuse.

Franziska: Tch, I still can't believe the government would support this torture for their viewing pleasure.

Edgeworth: That does bring up many questions, but there's something more important to consider. Just what time period are we set in?

Maya: 2019/2020, right? Well, you two are probably from 2026 or something.

Edgeworth: Obviously, if such physics-breaking technology actually existed to merge different timelines, we wouldn't be trapped in this predicament.

Maya: But the management's the one oppressing us with all that tech.

Edgeworth: Yes, but they shouldn't be able to. It's something only possible in fiction, where there are no physical bounds or laws.

Phoenix: Wait a minute, Edgeworth... You aren't saying what I think you're saying, are you?

Maya: What? What is he saying? I still don't get it.

Edgeworth: It's as you think, Wright. Isn't it possible we've been secluded into a virtual reality?

Franziska: W-what? A virtual reality...?

Maya: You mean like in the movies and fics!?

Edgeworth: ...Yes, like in the movies and fics.

Phoenix: Whoa... I've always had it at the back of my mind, but coming right out with it is kinda... It's a lot to take in.

Franziska: Miles Edgeworth! Do you really claim that my whip is in fact nothing but data in some arbitrary digital medium!? Even after this!?


Phoenix: Oww! (Why me...!?)

Edgeworth: ...Yes. Even after that.

Phoenix: Argh... If everything's virtual, then it sure feels real...

Edgeworth: But sensations don't always indicate reality. In a virtual reality as detailed as this one, it's not unreasonable to assume that any sensations we experience here are not actually affecting us in person.

Phoenix: Does this mean your aneurysm earlier was just a figment of your imagination?

Edgeworth: For your information, Wright, I did not actually have an aneurysm! Why would I still be standing here if I had!?

Maya: I dunno, but Nick's gotten out of worse things.

Edgeworth: Leave that to his dumb luck.

Phoenix: Why does it have to be "dumb" luck? Why can't it just be "good" luck!?

Franziska: Because you're undeniably a fool to think he'd suffer an aneurysm from watching these low-budget disasters.

Phoenix: I... No, forget that. If we're all just trapped in some virtual reality, how do we get out?

Edgeworth: ...I haven't figured out a solution to that problem yet, unfortunately.

Maya: So... if I'm not actually hungry right now even though I sure feel like it, do we still need to eat?

Phoenix: Yeah, I'm pretty sure we do... I mean, that's what the feeling of hunger is supposed to do, right?

Maya: Hmm... then maybe I'll try the super spicy chili dogs from Weinersnitz, just to see if I'll still get a really nasty kick out of it and wake up from some long, deep coma.

Phoenix: ...Don't complain to me later when you don't.

Franziska: *sigh* So in the end, we're back on square one. If this truly is a virtual reality and we're all trapped within it, we've come no closer to solving this conundrum. If anything, it brings up even more questions.

Edgeworth: Whatever the situation actually is, in the end, we don't seem to have an effect from where we are. The only choice we have by this point is the accept anything that comes...

Maya: Wait, I've got it! Maybe the virtual reality is actually only in this theater, which doesn't actually exist!

Phoenix: That's way too hopeful, even for you.

Maya: But think about it: the only place where all these weird things happen is in this theater. That means I probably should just stick with the mildly spicy chili dog...

Phoenix: (Just go with whatever you want to eat! It doesn't have anything to do with the rest of us!)

[And now, our sporkers finally take their leave. They'll be returning soon enough, but until then, we'll be AFS (away from speculation).]

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Wed May 06, 2015 10:51 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Ooh, the plot thickens~!

Author:  Rysiek [ Thu May 28, 2015 12:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I wanted to say, I like this thread. :acro: As to proposing fanfics, maybe someone can Spork Evr1 420 yolos made? It is actually good(and written bad on purpose as I saw the author writing beter than there :beef: ), but it may be fun to spork :gymshoe:
:meekins: :meekins:

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu May 28, 2015 2:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Hey, um, does anyone else wanna spork The Proposal Strategy?

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Fri May 29, 2015 4:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

What happened? You seemed like you were working on it for a while. Do you want to try another fic instead, or are you just too busy lately to publish any? Since I've been swamped with translation work and other things, I've been putting mine on hold, and I'd rather not pick up even more at this time. If I get tired sporking this fic, though, I won't hesitate to jump to another. There's no rule that says we have to spork a fic to its end, after all.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Fri May 29, 2015 12:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I started work on it, but I didn't get much done because I've been super busy and kinda stressed out lately. If I spork something anytime soon (which I might because mocking fanfiction is catharaic), it'll probably be short fish-in-a-barrel fics from the kink meme.
If no one else wants the Proposal Strategy, then I'll finish it eventually. Just no one expect it anytime in the next, say, six months.

Author:  SenorJustice-dono [ Fri May 29, 2015 8:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
What happened? You seemed like you were working on it for a while. Do you want to try another fic instead, or are you just too busy lately to publish any? Since I've been swamped with translation work and other things, I've been putting mine on hold, and I'd rather not pick up even more at this time. If I get tired sporking this fic, though, I won't hesitate to jump to another. There's no rule that says we have to spork a fic to its end, after all.

Hoo boy have I been busy! It's not really a lack of interest but I have been swamped with personal problems and a highly rigorous school that drains my capacity to effectively write one (basically, college level work at the age of sixteen while trying to combat some pretty heavy emotional issues like depression). So now that summer is approaching, I am psyched to finally try and get a spork off the ground to have yet another person on the roster.

Author:  TheGreatSnarkoo [ Tue Jun 02, 2015 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I found this self-insert fic on It's not horrendous, but it seems like good sporking material. ... e-Attorney
Anyone interested in this? If not, I guess I could give it a try.

Author:  TheJettSet27 [ Fri Jun 05, 2015 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Rysiek wrote:
I wanted to say, I like this thread. :acro: As to proposing fanfics, maybe someone can Spork Evr1 420 yolos made? It is actually good(and written bad on purpose as I saw the author writing beter than there :beef: ), but it may be fun to spork :gymshoe:
:meekins: :meekins:

I'm back from the dead. It's been a few months since I've visited the forum and my favorite thread.
I'd like to spork this. And this time, it won't be one that somebody else has done before *glares at past self*

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Sat Jun 06, 2015 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Thank goodness. Here I was hoping the thread wouldn't end up completely in a slump. Even if I won't be around with a sporking for a while, I'll still be around to give people some pointers if they need any help. I ought to fill my role as the Theater critic from time to time... even if no one expects me to in the first place.

Author:  SenorJustice-dono [ Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Thank goodness. Here I was hoping the thread wouldn't end up completely in a slump. Even if I won't be around with a sporking for a while, I'll still be around to give people some pointers if they need any help. I ought to fill my role as the Theater critic from time to time... even if no one expects me to in the first place.

Thanks for the offer, Rubia! :edgey: I was hoping for a second person to help me critique a spork. I do indeed have a spork that I am working (quite slowly though) and I just wanted the opinion of someone who is experienced alongside with a close friend of mine that I know and continuously update him on. If you wish, I could PM you my draft of what I have done so far. Here is the link to the fic I am sporking:

Author:  TheJettSet27 [ Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Today's Sporking: evr1 420 yolos it
(The first two chapters, anyway)

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: . The problem with rating a fanfiction like this is that the fic is written poorly on purpose. Still, I believe it deserves 4 Sahwits. You'll see why.

Today's sporkers:
:phoenix: :apollo: :athena: and :klavier:

We meet our sporkers in the theater, all of them looking somewhat displeased.

Apollo: I wonder what eyesore the management brought us today.

Phoenix: I'm calling that smut is involved. Why else would Klavier and Apollo be here today in the same sporking theater?

Apollo: Hey!

Klavier: Honestly, Herr Forehead, he has a point.

Athena: C'mon guys, cheer up! You never know what could happen!

The lights dim and the fanfiction begins running on the screen.

1. cheli x atena

Phoenix: Oh god. This is going to be like the Damon Gant one, isn't it?

Athena: Is that supposed to be my name?

1 dey de phenboi cheli di killer was gong 2 disneyland 2 c his favrit carater mikey mus, wen he bumpd into athen sycs.

Apollo: It's trying to communicate with us, but I fear it does not understand English.

Phoenix: What is a "phenboi"?

"Exus mi mam" he sad untl he sah how hot che was.

Phoenix: Please no. Not her and him. Anything but that.

Athena: Mr. Wright, who is this "di killer" person?

Phoenix: I'll tell you when we get back to the office. For right now, I don't want you to know.

"is gucci" she said

Apollo: I'm not sure what to say at this point.

Klavier: How about, "This makes no sense?"

Apollo: I thought that was obvious enough.

as che walked off, chely decidd to use hitman skils nd stak her, cue che hot

Athena: Oh no, he's going to stak me! Whatever that means.

Phoenix: I think it means stalk.

Athena: Ah. All I could see was a stack of Athena pancakes.

wile h e was staking her, chely relisd he was bord nd tot che was hot, so he decided best plan

Apollo: I am shocked that the last part of that sentence is readable.

Phoenix: It's even somewhat understandable. Clearly a mistake on the author's part.

a loud "420 yolo" cud be herd as chely ran upto atena and started 2 make out wit her

Athena: That's really gross. I would never do that with someone.

Apollo, under his breath: Not even with your Twisted Samurai?

Athena, angry: I heard that! And it's still no!

Phoenix: At least Prosecutor Blackquill wouldn't shout "420 yolo!"

2 his surpris che started to undres him nd he undresd her

evr1 stard

Apollo: Wow, you two. Undressing each other in front of children. You should be ashamed.

Klavier: At least it's not about us, Herr Forehead.

Athena: *too upset to speak*

censored for graphic safety

Phoenix: At least they spared us the torment of reading an entire smut scene written like that.

Apollo: Be careful with what you say, Mr. Wright. Who knows what management has up their sleeve.

20 years later

atena kild evry1 in rite anyting agesi wit help of chely

Apollo: That escalated quickly.

Phoenix: "rite anyting agesi?" That looks like something 8 year old Trucy would have written.

dey mad 20 babehs

Athena: Yikes. That is too many kids for me to handle.

Klavier: Fräulein, that is too many kids for anyone to handle.

Apollo: I don't know, the Duggars seem to be doing fine.

Klavier: Herr Forehead...did you not see the recent abuse scandal? They aren't doing fine.

dey smo3kd d gud ku$4 lader

The lights come on, and our sporkers think that it's over.

Phoenix: Smoking around children? Athena, you really live life on the edge.

Athena: Grr! This is intolerable! Why couldn't it just be a Klapollo fic?

Apollo: Hey, you're right. Why did they bring Prosecutor Gavin in if the fic had nothing to do with him?

Klavier: I'm as confused as you are, Herr Forehead.

Suddenly, the lights dim again, and a second chapter begins playing on the screen.

2. apole x claver

Phoenix: And the inevitable makes its appearance.

Apollo: God damnit.

1 dey claver saw apole

Apollo: In my defense, it says "apole", not Apollo.

claver had cruch on apole sins dey met dring investgtins

Athena: Aww, how sweet.

Klavier: Is suing for slander appropriate here, Fräulein?

Apollo: Hmm, I don't think so. With some of the things you've said to me, most authors could probably justify their stories.

Athena: What did he say?

Apollo: Stuff like, "Do you share my angst?"

Klavier: When you take things like that out of context-

Athena: You get stuff that makes you sound gay?

"hey apole" sad claver

"hi claver" sad apole

Phoenix: Such masterful dialogue!

dey were gong shopng 4 spuky clodes 4 holween

Apollo: Honestly, Prosecutor Gavin doesn't need to go clothes shopping for a Halloween costume. His everyday wardrobe is terrifying enough.

Klavier: As if you're one to talk...what was it? "Demon lawyer?"

claver was bord cus he cudnt fnd cul clodes

Phoenix: I feel like I'm about to have an aneurysm.

Athena: It will be over soon, Mr. Wright. Cheer up!

he den saw Rambo shrt and wntd 2 be cul hipster

Apollo: He's hipster enough already.

Klavier: Oh, ja? I could say the same thing about your hair.

Apollo: Why is it that you always attack my hair or my forehead? You need better comebacks.

Klavier: And you need a smaller forehead.

claver shouted"420 blaze it yolo" and stardet 2 mak ot wit apole

Phoenix: I missed something. Did Prosecutor Gavin want the Rambo shirt, or did it only serve to inspire him to "mak ot wit apole?"

Apollo: I would hope that nothing ever inspires him to do that.

dey bod conjoned in tong nd lip lok dn mad ot to clavers surpris

Athena: What an artistic description!

Apollo: Kill me now.

Phoenix: But Apollo, dying means you would have to miss more of the fantastic story. Why would you ever want to do that?

Klavier: It seems someone is beating you in the snark section, Herr Forehead.

20 yaers later

Phoenix: Ah, now the author is spelling years wrong. What a beautiful day.

claver nd apole gut maryd nd adopded 20 babehs

Athena: At least the author is abiding by the laws of reproduction.

Apollo: Yeah, but he or she isn't abiding by the laws of sanity.

Phoenix: I have a feeling this author isn't abiding by very much.

dey smo3kd d gud ku$4 lader

Phoenix: Do I need to start randomly drug testing my employees?

Apollo: Mr. Wright, I don't smoke marijuana.

Phoenix: Then how do you know what "ku$4" is?

Apollo: I don't live under a rock.

The lights come back on. The sporkers are free!

Phoenix: It's possible that I need a therapist at this point.

Athena: I'm willing to help, sir!

Apollo: I'm just glad that it's over.

Klavier: That wasn't so bad. At least it wasn't me and Kristoph.

Speakers: One of the later chapters is Kristoph and younger Kristoph. Just thought you would want to know.

Apollo: Hey, wait a minute. Management didn't really talk at all during this sporking.

Athena: Hey, you're right. Is everything okay up there?

Phoenix: Come on, guys. Let's just leave *under his breath* and never, ever come back.

Speakers: Management would like to remind Mr. Wright that he will come to any sporking we choose.

Phoenix: Grr...

End sporking! I had a lot of fun with the first two chapters. I will say the harder part was typing the atrocity that is the story into the quote sections. Oh, and I tried my hardest to incorporate Klavier into the first chapter, but he doesn't but in a lot - weird for him, I know, but I hope it's still somewhat funny!

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Sat Jun 06, 2015 9:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

SenorJustice-dono wrote:
Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:
Thank goodness. Here I was hoping the thread wouldn't end up completely in a slump. Even if I won't be around with a sporking for a while, I'll still be around to give people some pointers if they need any help. I ought to fill my role as the Theater critic from time to time... even if no one expects me to in the first place.

Thanks for the offer, Rubia! :edgey: I was hoping for a second person to help me critique a spork. I do indeed have a spork that I am working (quite slowly though) and I just wanted the opinion of someone who is experienced alongside with a close friend of mine that I know and continuously update him on. If you wish, I could PM you my draft of what I have done so far. Here is the link to the fic I am sporking:

Sure, send me the PM.

@ TheJettSet27
Good job. It's refreshing to see the theater back in business.

You've definitely got the snark down, and the characters aren't too out of character, especially that they've been through this stuff too many times to care anymore. I do wish you expanded on some of their jokes, though. I often felt like there was going to be more to them, but then were cut short. You could also diversify their reactions a bit more, just to add a little more excitement into the group. I sense they tend to react to a particular part of the fic in a similar manner (with the exception of Athena). Finally, just another little thing, but I think Nick would know better to make fun of 8-year-old Trucy when she isn't there. It's part of his charm to poke fun at people in their faces.

My advice: think more "mischievous" when approaching sporks. I try to surprise people with something, no matter how trivial, whenever I write. It may work for yours too.

Author:  TheJettSet27 [ Sun Jun 07, 2015 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Rubia Ryu the Royal wrote:

@ TheJettSet27
Good job. It's refreshing to see the theater back in business.

You've definitely got the snark down, and the characters aren't too out of character, especially that they've been through this stuff too many times to care anymore. I do wish you expanded on some of their jokes, though. I often felt like there was going to be more to them, but then were cut short. You could also diversify their reactions a bit more, just to add a little more excitement into the group. I sense they tend to react to a particular part of the fic in a similar manner (with the exception of Athena). Finally, just another little thing, but I think Nick would know better to make fun of 8-year-old Trucy when she isn't there. It's part of his charm to poke fun at people in their faces.

My advice: think more "mischievous" when approaching sporks. I try to surprise people with something, no matter how trivial, whenever I write. It may work for yours too.

Thank you for the review! The last time I did a fic the same thing happened (people said that they reactions weren't diversified enough). It's possible that I might go back and edit and add some more stuff in - I had a friend surprise me and drop by while I was working, so I had to put it down for a while and come back, which made me come out of my "spork" zone.
And what you said about Phoenix is true. I'll have to fix that. I'm all about making things better if I can. Of course, I'll add an edit line so it didn't look like you were hallucinating or anything... :redd:

Author:  TheGreatSnarkoo [ Mon Jun 08, 2015 2:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Ignore post.
Edit: I found this while browsing Fanfiction. It's fairly old, but I don't think it's been sporked yet. I only skimmed it quickly, so I can't say much about the writing quality. Anyone interested in giving it a go?

Author:  Darth Wiader [ Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I didn't think it'd ever happen but here it is... a long awaited third chapter of TASTE THE RAINBOW! ... HE-RAINBOW

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Hello, I'm new here but I've stalked you really enjoyed your work here and I've decided to join in the fun. I've been thinking of doing the Edgeworth/Gourdy Mpreg fic if nobody has 'claimed' it already.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Darth Wiader wrote:
I didn't think it'd ever happen but here it is... a long awaited third chapter of TASTE THE RAINBOW! ... HE-RAINBOW

Welp, I know what I'm taking after I finish my latest segment. It'll be the last of that fic too, good riddance.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:
Hello, I'm new here but I've stalked you really enjoyed your work here and I've decided to join in the fun. I've been thinking of doing the Edgeworth/Gourdy Mpreg fic if nobody has 'claimed' it already.

I don't believe anyone's working on that, so go ahead. Also, welcome to the Sporking Theater! We hope you enjoy your stay. :sahwit:

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Fri Jun 19, 2015 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

(This is my first sporking so please leave feedback. Thank you and enjoy!)
Today's fic is rated :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
If I had to describe this fic in one word it would be wrong. Everything about this fic is just wrong. A word or two are spelled wrong. The characterization is wrong. But most of all, the basic plot of the story is wrong. It also gets a bonus Sahwit for failing to complete the prompt assigned (which was for Edgeworth to give birth. Yeah. It's that kind of fic.)

This doesn't seem to have a title that I know of so, in true Ace Attorney fashion, I shall dub it:
The Laborious Turnabout

And now for our sporkers:

The Master of Improbability, Phoenix Wright!
:phoenix: …Was that a complement?
And our favorite frilly prosecutor, Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: Just because I wear a cravat does not make me frilly!

(Edgeworth and Phoenix are escorted into theater by a large group of security officers. The two are directed to sit next to each other.)

Edgeworth: Another sporking with just me and Wright, I see.

Phoenix: They don't even give us any description this time…

"See, Goneril? See?" Phoenix rubbed Edgeworth's belly lightly, causing the effeminate man to blush with a scowl. "See, that's gonna be your little brother."


Phoenix: Objection! It’s physically impossible for men get pregnant! And is Goneril supposed to be my child? If so, does that mean that Edgewoth’s baby is mine, too? And why would I name my child Goneril? Is that even a name?

Edgeworth: Actually, Goneril is a villain from Shakespeare’s King Lear. Not that I’m surprised you didn’t know that, Wright.

Phoenix: But why would I name my child after a Shakespearean villain?

Edgeworth: …nghh. (M-my truth bar.)

Edgeworth gazed at the child in Phoenix's arms, still bewildered that he... she... it had even come into existence.

Phoenix: I’m still bewildered that this fic had even come into existence.

Edgeworth: Hmph. Another fic that thinks I call Wright by his first name, I see.

For being the son of a tentacle monster, Goneril was... surprisingly human-looking, despite the obvious forest-green skin.

Edgeworth: …a tentacle monster. We got impregnated by a tentacle monster. No…just no. *Buries hands in face*

The Management would like to remind Mr. Edgeworth that sporkers are required to keep their eyes on the screen.

He had small features, a delicate nose, mouth and ears, but the eyes were big and bright blue like his mother's. Like Wright's.

It was downright disturbing.

Phoenix: I had a son by a tentacle monster and the part you find disturbing is that it looks like me?

Edgeworth vaguely wondered how his own features would translate onto such an-- "Aah!" His thoughts were interrupted when a slimy something sneaked its way up his leg...

Edgeworth: Please tell me management brought barf bags; I’m going to need it.

*bags appear from nowhere and fall into Edgeworth’s lap*

"Gonereil, no. Bad." Phoenix tapped the baby's nose, scowling. "No raping Uncle Edgeworth. When you want to rape someone, you ask first, understand?"


Phoenix: How about no raping, period?

With a nod and a shameful head-bow, Gonereil sucked the tentacle back into its side. That was another bizarre feature -- these babies could extend appendages from anywhere on their body, to be used for different reasons.

Phoenix: Bizarre doesn’t even begin cover it.

Edgeworth: Nonsensical, more like it.

Maya had already gotten a taste of Gourdy secondhand courtesey of Gonoreil, and she didn't even live at the apartment -- poor Phoenix and himself got surprise buttsecks a few times a day.

Edgeworth: Objection! First of all, if Wright knew that Gonoreil like to sexually assault people why would he let Ms. Fey into the apartment? Secondly, why are Wright and I living in an apartment? And finally, Gourdy is a mythological creature. Gourdy does not exist.

And now there was another one on the way. How was he supposed to get--

Edgeworth felt something inside him snap, and suddenly his leg was wet. He stared forward for a moment, eyes wide, before an explanation hit him. "Wright," he mumbled, "my water just broke..."

All: *pale considerably*


Edgeworth: Does ‘ILU’ stand for I love you, author? Why don’t you just say that?

Phoenix: …Did the author call Gourdy a pimp?

*The lights come up*

Phoenix: Is it over? I can't wait to get out of here!

*The lights quickly go down again*

Phoenix: Oh, c'mon! That was only five seconds!

((It ocurred to me that I couldn't write pregnancy. D: oh well))

Edgeworth: Then what exactly caused you to write this fic?

Edgeworth took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before letting it out slowly. Another sharp pain stabbed him in the stomach, shooting up through his chest. He cried out, clutching his stomach. "Oh, God, I am going to die..."

Edgeworth: I wish.

Management would like to remind Mr. Edgeworth that dying is strictly prohibited in the sporking theater.

Edgeworth: Ngh.

"Shh, shhh..." Phoenix sat beside him, gripping his friend's shoulder tightly, as Gonereil gave his uncle a sympathetic grope. "Just breathe," Phoenix said, "rembember the breathing excercizes. Gumshoe is on his way, just hold on a little longer."

Phoenix: Gumshoe? Why am I calling Gumshoe?

"I can't..." Another deep breath, and he swatted Gonereil's tentacle away. The breathing became steady, then... breathe in, breathe out. Happy place... dammit, he didn't have a happy place, and here he was caught, trapped in this misshapen body with that god-damned parasite. Even now he could feel it writhing inside, pushing its way around his body, living off his nutrients...

The thing inside him, he hated it.

Phoenix: No kidding.

Gumshoe arrives. Phoenix carries Edgeworth into the car, while the two bicker about how Phoenix hasn't taken the driver's test.

: Considering how few cases you get, there’s nothing stopping you from taking the test in real life, Wright.

Phoenix: Except for the sporking theater, that is.

Edgeworth: Urk. (Another hit…)

The ride to the hospital was filled with the detective's endless babbling and Edgeworth found himself sick of it barely after it had started.

Edgeworth: Wait, we’re going to the hospital? Does that mean a man getting pregnant is everyday in this universe? And if so, then why didn’t Wright just call for an ambulance?

Endless contratulations and going on about how exciting this was, how he couldn't wait for his own baby to be born (it was difficult to tell Gumshoe was even pregnant -- it was well hidden in that gut of his, lucky bastard.)

Edgeworth: It’s congratulations, with a g.

Phoenix: Wait, poor Gumshoe is pregnant, too? Who’s next, Larry?

Edgeworth: This fic alone is putting enough nightmarish images in my head. I don’t need your help, Wright!

When Phoenix piped in on how excited he was -- how Gonereil would have a little brother-or-sister, how much fun it would be to raise the kids... damn it all, had Wright even looked at his own tentacle baby lately? That thing was nothing to be excited about.

Phoenix: …Yeah, I don’t think either Edgeworth or me would be excited to be raped daily by a baby. (That was a sentence I never thought I would say—before the sporking theater, at least.)

Another contraction assaulted him and he hissed loudly, grimacing. Phoenix squeezed his hand. "What do you want to name it, Edgeworth?"

With a scoff, Edgeworth answered, "Manfred."

There was a pause. "You're naming him after von Karma, pal?"

"What else would I name--" Another contraction, stronger than the last. "--a hellish beast like this?"


Phoenix: Well, I guess by that logic I could nickname it ‘Redd’.

Did someone call for my superflorious presence?

Phoenix: Ahh! No!

Phoenix sucked in a breath, pulling Gonereil close to his chest and covering the child's ears. "That's just the contractions talking, Edgeworth. Just... we'll get to the hospital, and--"

"We're here, pal!"

((Moar to come later~~))

Phoenix: Well, that was a relatively short ride to the hospital. (Shorter than any I have experienced anyways.)

*The lights come up*

Phoenix: Is it over? For real this time?

Edgeworth: Hmph. We best get out of here before they force us into another one, Wright.

*The two rush out of the theater, forgetting the barf bags*

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

@cuteyounggirlplus: A commendable effort for your first sporking. The pacing itself felt a little quick, but it's a pretty short fic anyway, so it's not bad at all. I felt like we were revisiting the classic sporking style in it... though as a result, those two lawyers ended up seeming a little less experienced than I'd expect them. That is, their reactions are a little excitable or overdone. (They're just fine if they're meant to be Phoenix and Edgeworth from the trilogy, since they're counted as separate sporkers. Granted, we haven't heard from them in forever...) Maybe it's just me?

I look forward to reading more from you. And I'm still laughing about "Gourdy the pimp". XD

So, who's up for another round of storytelling with the self-proclaimed Royal Storyteller? My goodness, this one took forever because I tried to squeeze down three whole chapters into one post, but it still ended up so long. If you guys don't mind staying for a long read, bring over a snack or drink, sit back, and enjoy!


Part 3

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Yes, it went down a rating. No, it's not because it became less stupid or better written; it's because the decrease of intentional typos make it slightly more manageable to read.

Cast: :phoenix: :edgeworth: :maya: :franny: :simon:


[There's something peculiar about the atmosphere of the theater today. Something seems a bit off... Could it perhaps be the giant masking tape wrapping up the teleporter sitting in the lobby, reading "Out of Order"?]

Phoenix: Forget that hunk of junk. What's with our fellow prosecutors? They're not saying a word.

Maya: Yeah, that is weird. Maybe they're just impatient? Oh, and where's that hawk?

Phoenix: It probably got fed up with coming since it usually doesn't get an invitation.

Maya: Really? I thought he always did. Poor bird. This is discrimination!

Phoenix: (...Beware Management, bird discrimination is punishable by the rage of teenaged girls... which is pretty frightening, now that I think about it.)

Maya: Hey, narrator! Do you know if they met with the Management beforehand and had some secret deals, and you so happened to overhear something...?

[What? Of course I wouldn't eavesdrop on the Management! I don't have that kind of authority! I'm just the narrator!]

Maya: Phooey.

Phoenix: ...You know it's sad when we have no one but the narrator to talk with.

Maya: He seems like a nice enough guy.

Phoenix: I just wish he wasn't stuck in this Kafkaesque dream along with the rest of us...

[Aw, really? I didn't know you cared.]

Phoenix: Uh, sure... but you'd be a lot more useful if you could, you know, say "we left the theater".

[Oh, uh... Sorry, it doesn't work like that.]

Phoenix: (Darn. I tried.)

Maya: At least while we're here, we still have the snack bar~!

Phoenix: Good idea. Maybe we all just need a drink.

[And so, Phoenix and Maya head off for the bar once again and-]


Franziska: Enough already! Where is the Management!? Isn't it protocol to greet us!?

Edgeworth: Rather than "protocol", I'd suspect it's just tradition that's upholding this place. The lights leading into the hallway are already lit.

Franziska: Hmph! What a waste of time. If they're not here, then I'll just head in myself.

Edgeworth: I suppose that would be for the best...

Blackquill: ...

[The rest of the sporkers take their leave, just as Phoenix and Maya return with a few delectable items.]

Maya: Huh? *munch* Where is everyone?

Phoenix: Looks like they left without us.

Maya: W-what!? You're kidding! They could do that!?

Phoenix: Uh, yeah. I don't recall the Management ever stopping us from moving inside.

Maya: Oh. Aw, Nick, you got my hopes up. I thought you meant they left the place.

Phoenix: Hah, I wish. I doubt the Management would just let us leave.

[The doors now automatically lock with the start of each session, you know.]

Phoenix: See? *sip*

Maya: Hey! Don't get my hopes up and then crush them flat! I'm a sensitive soul!

Phoenix: (Sensitive? That's not the first word I'd use to describe you...)

[Finally, these two join their fellow sporkers in the room, only to be greeted with a few whipcracks for coming late. That's the last delay, though, and the show is on...]

(A/N: Hey guys thanks for all the reviews and I just want 2 say that this chapter has some seriously edgy stuff cuz Simon acts pretty creepy so dont read if you cant handle stuff like that.)


Franziska: Ugh. I rather enjoyed my time away from this monstrosity...

Edgeworth: At least the author seems to have finally acquired a barely adequate grasp on the English language.

Franziska: Don't even joke about that, Miles.

Edgeworth: (I wish I was...)

Blackquill: ...So, am I to expect that I make an appearance in this fanfic?

Edgeworth: The author mentioned your name in the last chapter, so I'd assume you will.

Blackquill: ...Perhaps it was a good idea for Taka to stay with Athena for a while.

Damon Gant was sitting at home drikning some whiskey when his husband Engarde came up to him and sighed.

"Why are you so sad" said Damon lovingly

Maya: Maybe 'cause Mr. Gant is terrible as a husband because he's a drunk?

Phoenix: The last thing we need now is the picture of them in an abusive relationship, Maya.

Blackquill: Dare I even ask why they're in a relationship at all?

Phoenix: Even if you were here last time, you still wouldn't understand, trust me.

Maya: Or the time before, when we all saw the first part.

"I just realized that since were both guys we cant have any babys"

All: ...

Franziska: Such a shame. Why would they even be interested in reproducing after they've been named wanted fugitives?

Phoenix: ...Er, right. (Is she just trying to avoid the obvious now...?)

Maya: Yeah! You'd think they'd have at least gone off the radar for a few years before thinking about settling down with a family.

Edgeworth: Who knows? Perhaps a few years have already past, and I'm no longer interested in chasing them.

Maya: That's probably for the best. *munch* You do have that old lady to-

Edgeworth: Maya, don't talk with your mouth full.

Maya: *gulp* As I was saying, you do have-

Edgeworth: In fact, don't talk any more about that.

Maya: ...Hmph. *nom*

"YOURE RIGHT" Damon screemed "WE MUST DO SOMETHING" and he got on his computar

"OK dude so my computer says that the Govermint is working on a Seahorse Virus that can make males pregnant"

Phoenix: *spit-take*

Maya: A Seahorse Virus!?

Franziska: What in the name of foolishness!?

Phoenix: No, Ms. von Karma, I'm pretty sure it's ALL in the name of "foolishness"...

Maya: How does a virus even make men pregnant?

Edgeworth: No virus could. Males of any species simply don't have the body structure to contain a fetus. If they could, they would no longer be considered "male".

Phoenix: Perhaps it's actually a cover for some sort of secret sex-change program?

Blackquill: Spare us your impossible tales, Wright-dono. The government wouldn't need such a program if such operations are already available to the public.

Maya: Besides, Nick, it's a virus to impregnate men, not genderbend them!

Phoenix: Uh, yeah... ("Genderbend", huh...)

"Rly OK then we have to steal it" said Engarde

"But r u sure yu want to do this IT WILL B DANGERUS"

Engarde smiled badassly "Danger is my midle name"

Franziska: Argh! Will no one stop these fools from their foolish actions!?

Edgeworth: Don't look at me.

Maya: Don't worry, Ms. von Karma. I'm sure fic-Edgeworth will come to save the day again!

Edgeworth: Maya...

Franziska: ...That's far from comforting, considering.

"Im not rly comftorble with this" said Franzizka.

"Dont worry honny" said Simon "This wont take too long" and he hugged her and started kissing her and it was really gross.

"Mmmph" said Fransiska but then Simon GRABBED HER CLOTHES REALLY AWKWARDLY

All: ...

Maya: Suddenly, I'm not very hungry.

Phoenix: I guess that "..." was a scene change, but... wow, the film production really took the "gross" seriously.

Franziska: *wrenches whip* Ugh! All that saliva... Someone get that off the screen already!

Blackquill: ...*twitch*

Edgeworth: ...Hang in there, Blackquill.

"NOOOOO" said Franziska but he was on top of her so she coldnt do anything about it oh and by the way the Simon guy was ACTUALLY


All: ...

Maya: Wow, I wouldn't have guessed. The actor pulled off the disgu-

*whip crack at screen*

Franziska: MANAGEMENT!!

Speakers: ...

Franziska: Do you think you're all so clever!? Do you!?

Phoenix: (Actually, it's the author's fault, but I shouldn't speak up now...)

Franziska: Say something, you moronic mob!

Edgeworth: ...Hmm? (Why aren't they saying anything...?)

"SILENCE" said Blackquill coming through the door and he smaked Simon Keye's head with his katana

Blackquill: Grk...! So I still am involved...

Franziska: It's not much, but that moment is finally over...

Maya: Wow, it's not everyday we'd see Mr. Blackquill with a real katana.

Phoenix: Well, considering that it'd be illegal to carry around a weapon in broad daylight...

Maya: But he's a samurai, isn't he? Samurai always carry swords.

Phoenix: Well... (Thinking about it, how DID he cut my hair?)

"NOWAYNOWAYNOWAY" siad Keyes and he changed into his clown clothes and he looked really scurry like the Joker

Then Blakquill and Keyes had an epic duel and Blackquill kicked him in the shins and Keyes flew backwards screaming "I WILL REETURN

SOMEDAY" and he fell out the window

Phoenix: ...Wow. *sip*

Maya: Wow is right! I've never seen someone fly that far by getting kicked in the shin! He was cart-wheeling and everything!

Phoenix: Kinda disappointing, really. I would have expected something to explode.

Edgeworth: What is there TO explode?

Phoenix: Er... his limbs?

Maya: Ew! Nick!

Edgeworth: ...Figures, coming from you.

Phoenix: Y-yeah, that was bad...

"Are you alright" said Blackquill to Fanziska

"Yah im fine said Franziska "That pervert Simon Keyes wanted 2 take my clothes off"

"Hes not the only one who wants to...if you know what I mean" said Blakequill and Fransizka blushed and they started smooching They

smooched so hard that the whole city was woken up but they didnt even care cuz it was just that sexy

All: ...

Maya: Um... "smooched so hard that the whole city was woken up"?

Phoenix: So, something DID explode?

Franziska: It will soon be my whip exploding on you if you don't shut up already!

Phoenix: Y-yes, ma'am! Sorry! (S-she doesn't mean it literally, right?)

David Cameron was in the Govarment Hospital. He had just used the Seahose Virus to have a babby with his boyfriend Obama.

"Hey wat should we name him" asked Camron and Obama said "i dunno how about Obama Jr. or something" and Cameron said OK.

All: ...

Phoenix: I actually forgot they were in here too.

Maya: Erm... congrats to them, I guess.


"Augh" said Camerin "someone has infiltrated the base"

"it must b Gant and Engarde" said Obama and the two of them got ready to fight, they heard a loud crash behind them and Damon Gant screamed

"allahu akbra" and he threw a bomb and some random doctors died and stuff (A/N: thanks integreas for the idea)

Phoenix: Oh, so that's what they're still here for.

Maya: Wow, that Gant guy turned super terrorist!

Edgeworth: Assuming the author really meant for him to rush in without a disguise, that's simply insulting.

Phoenix: To the security?

Maya: Nah, to the Muslims, right? For shame.

Edgeworth: ...Yes.

Phoenix: What about the security, then?

Edgeworth: Clearly, Obama and Cameron are on their own.

Franziska: To think the virus program was THAT secret...

Blackquill: ...This is why authors should not take on fan requests.

Maya: Aw, but it's more fun that way!

Blackquill: You think this is fun?

Maya: ...Well, maybe not here, specifically.

"NO I SURRENDER" said Obama but Damon shooted his gun and killed him but Obama Jr was watching and his eyes grew really dark like

Booba Fett in Attack of the Clones and he said "I will have revenge later on maybe"

Engarde grabbed hte Seahorse Virus and the two ran off


Maya: Wait... wait wait wait.

Phoenix: What what what?

Maya: So... Obama Jr. was born with a helmet?

Phoenix: ...Uh, safety first, right?

Franziska: Have you two finally snapped?

Edgeworth: Leave them, Franziska. They'll recover eventually.

Franziska: They're not the ones I'm concerned about!

[The lights flicker on.]


All: !?

Phoenix: W-what's that robotic-sounding voice!?

Edgeworth: Unbelievable! So they've not only automated the security system, but even the management!?

Franziska: W-what!? You can't be serious!

Edgeworth: This explains why we haven't heard any comments from the speakers all this time.

Blackquill: Tch... I had expected they were simply absent.

Edgeworth: Same here, but that's no longer the case...

Phoenix: Still, this is a little excessive, isn't it?

Franziska: Please. Everything about this place is excessive.

All: ...

Maya: Well, I was thinking about going to the bathroom.

Phoenix: Yeah, me too.

[After a 5-minute break, the lights soon fade out again. Apparently, Phoenix and Maya had to be teleported back in for delaying too long.]

Phoenix: Did you HAVE to include that detail!?

[Well, I AM the narrator.]


(A/N: this chapter has some realy awesome plot twists so make sure to read the whole thing)

Maya: Well, drat.

Phoenix: I thought that teleporter was out of order! How'd we get back here?

All else: *glare*

Franziska: *readies whip* Did you really think you could abandon us here?

Phoenix: Um... I-it was an experiment for a good cause.

Maya: Y-yeah, what he said...

Both: *whipped* Yeowch!

"I think i know the answer to the mystrey" said Edgeworth looking at his maps He just found out where Damon Gant lived.

Edgeworth: Oh, for the love of... I'm still not out of this!?

Franziska: And why would you be if I'm not?

Maya: It kinda reminds me of those old secret op corps.

Phoenix: Except with Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: ...At least let that old lady be gone. PLEASE let that old lady be-

"Do u know where the bad guys are" asked his wife Olbdag

"yah theyre over in the suburbs lets go kill them" and he grabed his gun and left to go fight crime

Edgeworth: Urgh! *penalty boom*

Franziska: *grin*

Blackquill: ...Hang in there, sir.

Edgeworth: Th-thank you, Blackquill. I'll manage.

Maya: With a gun, apparently.

Edgeworth: ...

Blackquill: Fey-dono...

Maya: Urp. S-sorry.

they arrived at the subrubs when all a of sudden an unfamililiar face greeted them


inhereted ALL OF THEIR EVIL GENES AND TODAY YOU WILL MEEET DEATH" screamed the guy and he shot his gun and killed Oldbag

Phoenix: Oh my... what in the world!?

Maya: Nooo! Not the old bag! Now fic-Edgey won't have a partner anymore!

Edgeworth: ... (Thank goodness.)

Franziska: ..."Gantgarde"...?

(A/N: Trevor Gantgard is my original character that I was talking aboot earlyer if you want to use him in your fanfics you need 2

tell me dont steal him or anything)

Franziska: I could tell that just by looking at him, you... you author!

Phoenix: ("Author" is now an insult?)

Maya: I'd rather go with "fanfic author".

Phoenix: Okay, that's definitely an insult...

"No Oldbaggggggg" Edgeworth said dramaticly but it was too late she died "YOU WONT GET AWAY WITH THIS'

Maya: Aw, he's so crushed.

Phoenix: I dunno... that face he made was pretty hilarious, actually.

Edgeworth: Wright, would you like to put yourself in such a position?

Phoenix: Huh? No, of course not.

Edgeworth: I'm sure Blackquill won't hesitate to stuff that bottle up your nose.

Phoenix: ...O-okay, you got me. (First Franziska, and now Blackquill...)

Later on Edgworth was in his bedroom and he had an emo haircut and he was holding a knife

"oh man im so depresed" he said and cut himself "oh man my life is so hard" and he cut himself again "omfg ppl are allas being so mean to

me nuuuuuu" and he shed a single tear like the indian dude in that old commercial

Phoenix, Maya: *restraining from laughing but failing*

Edgeworth: Franziska, if either of them let out a single laugh, go ahead and whip them.

Franziska: Hmph. Why would you think I'd follow you? I'm sure Simon Blackquill would be glad to oblige.

Blackquill: If you must know, von Karma-dono, I am no one's servant...

Edgeworth: In any case, we mustn't let the culprits escape. That's the obligation of any prosecutor.

Phoenix: (C-culprits? We're not the criminals here!)

but just then he got a text massage

It said "hey Edgeworth it is time for the truth 2 be revealed, I am coming to your house u cannot escape sincerly MANFRED VON


All: W-what!?

Franziska: Even my father is here!?

Edgeworth: No matter what the situation, the very mention of that name is never good news...

"Manfred von kamra?" said Edgeworth and he got scared so he jumped out the window to escape but he fell down and broke his arm

Maya: Oh, ouch.

Phoenix: Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Maya: Well, since he survived a fatal car crash on the highway, this must have been a real nasty fall.

Phoenix: Probably fell 30 stories, even.

Edgeworth: Fic-me certainly has become brain-damaged after that incident.

Blackquill: Ah, that explains a lot.

Franziska: If only the author could have stated it clearly...

"hahahahahahhahahahah" laughed the demonic low voice of vonkarma "you can run but u cant hid"
"MANFRED YOU KILLED MY FAHTER PREPARE TO DIE" Edgeworth yelled like inigo montoyota


All: NO!

Franziska: How dare you, you boorish buffoon with the backside of a baboon!? Erase this! Erase this from all records!

Edgeworth: Even among crack fics, no sane mind would dare pair up THESE two!

Blackquill: This isn't even amusing in the least... only insulting in every manner possible!

Phoenix: Th-the image... the image...!

Maya: Ew, ew, ew! Get it out! Get it out!


All: ...

"that's IMPOSSUBLE" said Edgeworth

"no its not and besides Fransiska CALLS YOU HER LITTLE BROTHELR SO ITS CANON" said Manfred and Edgeworth screemed like the police dude in

my Sherlock fanfic because he was proofed wrong

Franziska: Foolish! Utter nonsense! He was adopted!

Maya: Was that just the Wilhelm scream?

Phoenix: How appropriate.

Edgeworth: ...

"OK you win dad" he said "Wat do you wanna do"

"Lets go defeat Trevor Gangarde" he said and they got ready for the epic battle in the next chapter

All: ...

Phoenix: That was easy.

Maya: Almost too easy...

Edgeworth: ...You're right, Maya. There certainly should have been a battle between the two, so we would be rid of that abomination once and for all.

Phoenix: Uh... you mean the von Karma ripoff?

Edgeworth: No, the ripoff of me.

Phoenix: (...You're that desperate, huh?)

Meanwhile...Blackquil was fighting some criminals at beating them but then Trevor showed up and killed him cause hes just that awsome

"No u cannot die" said Franziska

"But I cant help it I got killed" he said and died

(A/N: I added this part becaus this cute girl at schoool told me I was really annoying and im mad about it so if I cant be happy neither

can Franciska and Edgeworth)

Franziska, Edgeworth: WHAT!?

Franziska: This author is truly despicable! They just write that in because they felt annoyed at school!?

Edgeworth: ...If this truly is a troll, I have to admit they're doing their job well.

Phoenix: ...It must be hard to always be so annoying.

Franziska: Speak for yourself, foolish fool.

Phoenix: Hey! It's not like I go around annoying people on purpose!

Maya: Yeah, that's my job, and I only do it with Nick!

Phoenix: ...At least you're honest.

Blackquill: ...Good riddance. Now I shouldn't return.

Edgeworth: We can only hope the author doesn't forget...

[And the lights... do not come back on just yet. There's one more chapter to go!]

Phoenix: ANOTHER ONE!?

[It's the last one available, though. I've heard the author hasn't returned to it in a while.]

Edgeworth: *sigh* Fine. Let's get through this and be done with it...

(A/N: I dont know if u guys got the message but some courtrecords dot net dudes were talking about my fanfics so im famous also JSYK some chick was complaning in the reviews that she was tramatized so Im gonna tone down the violence in this chapter DONT WORRY IT WILL STIL B AWESOM)


All: ...

Maya: Uh-oh. The authors are starting to become aware.

Phoenix: I-I guess that means this theater is doing well?

Edgeworth: To our utmost dismay, at that...

Maya: But now that I think about it, we've come SOOO far... in a way, it's kinda like an accomplishment!

Phoenix: Maya, there are some accomplishments that aren't good. This is one of them.

so anyway Edgworth and Franciska and Manfred were all together as a family like the Incredibils killing a bunch of evil guys but little did they know that A MAN IN BLACK WAS WATCHING THEM

the man in black turned on his walky talky and said "this is agent 74 Im pretty sure that Edgeworht is a threat to our nation so im gonna kill him bye" and he hung up

i actualy completly forgot what happens next so im gonna continue this part of the story later

Edgeworth: W-what? Now I'M the threat to the nation!?

Phoenix: Aw, you should be glad! Your fake is finally going to be killed!

Edgeworth: If I was going to be killed somehow, then at least leave me with a good name!

Maya: Well, being like "The Incredibles" is pretty incredible, I'd think.

Blackquill: Rather, that the author would admit to "forgetting" about their own story is incredible in its own way...

trevor gantgarde is at school being all sexy and there was this annoying bully and he beat him up with ninja moves

then he looks down at his phone and sees a text message from Damon Gant

"Hey Trevor this is Damon Gant ive decided 2 comit suicide" said the phone

Phoenix: The guilt finally got to him.

Maya: What guilt?

Phoenix: I'm not sure, but I think it's the guilt from starring in this story.

Edgeworth: In that case, why hasn't my character done the same yet?

Franziska: Or mine?

Blackquill: ...*smirk*

Franziska: What are you smirking about?

"NO" said Trevor and he got on his motocycle and went back home

he walks home and damon is in a pile of blood and hes dead and the govement dudes like prosecuter blackquil and bobby fulbright were there trying 2 find out wat happened

Blackquill: W-what!?

Franziska: *smirk*

Edgeworth: This was completely expected. No one seems to stay dead.

Maya: Really? Then, maybe Oldbag actually-

Edgeworth: Except her.

Maya: Hm, I wouldn't count it.

Edgeworth: Actually, Maya, didn't you hear the narrator? This is the last available chapter. She won't be appearing anymore, as long as the author won't return.

Maya: ...! Ooohh... Wow, as expected of you, Mr. Edgeworth!

"yep this was definitly suacide" said blackquill and fulbrit said "hey theres some writing in blood over on the wall it says "red rum""


"aaaahhaaaahhhaahhhhh" screamed booby fulbright at the unxpected plot twist

Phoenix: Uh... yeah, I guess it is a "twist".

Maya: More like a reflection. See? The word was spelled backwards!

Franziska: It's as ridiculous as your theories, Phoenix Wright. Perhaps you were the inspiration for this catastrophic piece?

Phoenix: ...Quit it already. I didn't show up in it at all, so don't put me in it.

Maya: Actually, your name was mentioned once...

Phoenix: But I didn't actually show up, so it doesn't count.

Maya: Well, my name wasn't mentioned at all, so clearly, I win this competition!

Phoenix: (Competition? For what? Pointless appearances?)

"SILENCE" squealed blackquail "if u think this is murder then WHO KILED HIM

"i think i know " said Trveor and he looked at his phone and saw that actually the text message wasnt from damon gant IT WAS SENT BY THE MAN IN BLAKC

Maya: Wow, epic fail. It's like that man in black wasn't even trying.

Phoenix: Then again, we have no idea which "man in black" it is...

Edgeworth: Wright, you're thinking too logically. It's obvious everyone in this story would know who it is.

Phoenix: (Being told by Edgeworth of all people that I'm thinking "too logically". What has the world come to...?)

(A/n: hey guys i dont have a girlfried yet so if you know any good pickup lines plz tell me them in the reviews

Phoenix: ...You don't say?

Maya: How about "I'm an idiot, but I'm desperately trying to be funny"?

Franziska: Not even close. I'd suggest, "Don't even think about taking me to be your boyfriend." It's good advice.

Blackquill: Hah! Knowing this author, he might as well ask, "How do you make a girlfriend?"

Edgeworth: Come now... it'd be a much simpler message: "I have no life."

Phoenix: ...Why do these all sound like the desperate cries of-

Maya: A duck writer? I thought so too!

Phoenix: Uh, what?

Maya: You know, 'cause he's a "quack"?

Phoenix: ...Really? We're going to end on a stupid pun?

Maya: Oh, cut me some slack. It's the end of three whole chapters.

[The lights do come on this time, and everyone sighs in relief and takes their leave.]

Phoenix: Yes! It was torturously long this time, but we made it!

Maya: Whoo-hoo! This calls for another round of sweets!

Phoenix: Huh? Hey, what happend to my share!?

Maya: It's only fair. You took my share of the juice!

Phoenix: Well, I couldn't help it if my mouth got dry after a while...


Phoenix: Yeow! What's the big idea!?

Franziska: Yes, it was torturously long, and I hadn't even gotten to whip you that much. I hope I'm not getting soft.

Phoenix: ...Trust me, you aren't the type to ever get soft.

Blackquill: In any case, we're free to leave. I should fetch Taka from Athena. Hopefully, they haven't caused too much trouble...

Edgeworth: Why would you be concerned about them?

Blackquill: Because the last text message I received from her was about some magic show tonight.

Phoenix: Huh? Oh, shoot! We were stuck in here for longer than I thought! I'm gonna be late! Sorry, guys, I gotta go!

Maya: Oh! Me too! I promised Pearly I'd call her about it!

[Those two rush off together as always, and Franziska and Blackquill take their separate ways. Edgeworth takes one last glance back at the lobby behind him and appears to be deep in thought.]

Edgeworth: ...If it's machinery we're talking about, perhaps those two will be able to help.

[He finally heads off on his own, with a new plan set in motion. Who knows what will happen the next time we meet?]

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Thanks for the review. I do agree that Edgeworth and Phoenix do seem inexperienced. It's probably my inexperience in sporking showing through. I hope I'll do better with the next one.

Part 3 of the spork of Damon Gant escapes Prisoooooon (or whatever its called anyways) was fantastic. (I sort of missed Gant and Engarde as manager, though).

Speaking of which, I have to ask: This has to be a first, right? Is this the first fic that you know of that has referenced their own sporking? I'm convinced this is either the work of a troll or as Franizka would put it "a foolish fool so foolish that he doesn't even know when he's being insulted for his foolishness." Most likely a troll.

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Sat Jun 20, 2015 2:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I don't know if this is the first time, but I do know that the author later edited his (assuming it's a guy) story after it got mentioned here in this thread. I originally thought to throw it out, but then decided I could play with it. In any case, I'm going with "troll" too, especially that the spelling errors from the first three chapters were generally corrected by these chapters, so they were meant to be intentional.

As for Gant and Enguarde... well, I felt that there being five sporkers in total was already getting kinda crowded in there. It's also why I chose to keep the Management as minimally involved this time.

Welp, time to get on some fics I queued.

Author:  luck [ Sat Jun 20, 2015 3:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Yay! The sporking theater is back in session. I'm so happy :acro:

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Why am I back so soon with another one? I think this place needs a little more activity, is all.

Dang, what a blast from the past. It's disappointing I won't have Neni's original sporkings as a reference, though.

Featured fic: TASTE THE RAINBOW Chapter 3

Rating: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
Excessive swearing, overreactions everywhere, and pointlessly graphic/sexual scenes; excess everything, to put it bluntly. The whole thing just feels like it's trying too hard to be funny... and that hasn't changed at all after such a long time.

Cast: :phoenix: :maya: :mia-maya: :edgeworth: :larry2:


[When our visitors return today, the mysterious teleporter seems to have vanished completely, as if it never existed... not that they seem to care.]

Speakers: Gooood morning, sporkers! It's another great day in the Sporking Theater! Did you miss us?

Larry: Dude! What gives? It's been forever since I've been back here! Did you all forget about me or something!?

All else: ...

Larry: Hey, what's up with you guys?

Speakers: As a tribute to times past, we have sent you all a copy of the script for today's feature presentation. I see most of you have been caught up.

Phoenix: I can't believe it. This is...

Edgeworth: Oh, no. Those awful memories are returning to me again...

Maya: Er... Well, guys, I think it's a good opportunity to revisit memory lane! So if you don't mind, I'll just...

Phoenix: Oh, no, you don't! We are taking this trip together whether you... Huh?

Mia: Wow. For Maya to call me here even before the show's begin, it must be one terrifying fic.

Phoenix: (Damn it, Maya.) Well, Mia, if you take a look at the script in hand...

Mia: ...Oh, dear. It's finally back.

Larry: Come on, guys? What's the big deal?

Phoenix: Larry, don't you remember? Ah, forget it. You'll see for yourself when we're watching it again...

Larry: ...W-why are you smirking like that, man? It's creepin' me out.

Phoenix: (Whoops. All this dread is making my smile seem dry...)

Speakers: Well, let's not dawdle! To the viewing room, everyone! I can barely contain my excitement!

[Scene jump, lights dim, aaaand... action!]

Speakers: And just a note: the chapter is titled "The Birthday". Since it wasn't included with the draft, only on the navigation bar, we left it out in the script.

Phoenix: (Then put it in anyway! Is that really so hard?)

After the emotional break down I went through, everything seemed to be fine. Miles and I were a cuple, Larry and Mile became friends, my doors stopped flying open like every FUCKIN day. Dick is just…well…he is just Dikc no words can really explain it.

Phoenix: Uh... Nope. I can't remember what the heck was going on.

Edgeworth: I doubt it'd matter. This passage alone sufficiently describes what horrors await us.

Mia: All I recall is that there was a clear lack of anger management on Phoenix's part.

Phoenix: Considering it's me who's narrating, I think it's obvious just from this...

Larry: Oh, so you're the one talking here. Watch the language, man. We got such a lovely lady here with us!

Phoenix: ...Larry, just when have I ever said any swear words aloud?

Larry: ...Well, I wouldn't know if you ever do when you're alone!

Larry and Miles both had bithday palns for me

Phoenix: I don't like where this is going.

Larry: What? Why not? I'd be thrilled to get palms for my birthday! Well, I wouldn't have a place for them, but...

Phoenix: Read it again, Larry. It's supposed to say "plans".

Larry: ...Sorry, man, but I can't read dyslexic.

Phoenix: (It's just a typo!)


I rooled over in bed and hit my alarm.

"Damn, August 21 already…well I have a big day ahead of me, gotta get up then" I said getting up

Phoenix: Apparently, my birthday is now in August, even though it's obviously not true if you take a look in the Court Record...

Edgeworth: Our ages recorded in there don't take into account birthdays, so they simply stay as thus even after our birthdays have past.

Phoenix: ...Did you really have to argue against that?

Edgeworth: I'm just correcting a point.

Larry: Forget that, Nick. How do you "rule over" your bed?

Phoenix: I... what?

Larry: Uh... N-not that I meant it that way! I mean, whatever you do on your bed isn't my business...

Phoenix: ...What?

I walked into my kitchen and got some coffee, and eat some fruit. I looked over at the time and it was only 8:19 in the morning. Miles and Larry we'rnt coming until 11:30 A.M. I went for a run like usual. L.A. in the morning is kinda nice, not to many people out…not a lot of cars. You do tend tostill have those bums that run after you and try to steal your money…and that's why I run and not walk.

Phoenix: Not a lot of cars? Come on, it's L.A. There are always a lot of cars.

Mia: The logic that goes into that thought is astounding... in the worst sense.

Edgeworth: ...

Speakers: Well, if you're not going to say anything, allow me. *penalty*

Edgeworth: Ugh! W-what? Why me!? It's Wright who's narrating!

Phoenix: Could we please stop associating me with the guy on screen? Please?

By the time I got back to my appartment it was 9:15, I started to get ready, I hopped in a shower and started to hum.

*We are family…humm humm hummmm hum hum* I started to sing

Phoenix: Now that's ridiculous. I wouldn't wake up early just to go jogging for an entire hour.

All else: ...

Phoenix: ...Okay, I can get Mia and Edgeworth, but you too, Larry?

Larry: Dude, what are you saying!? I'm not a late riser!

Phoenix: Yeah, right! When have you ever gone jogging in the morning?

Larry: Of course I have! I'd do whatever I'd have to do to catch Madeline's heart!

Phoenix: ... (So, he rises up early just to chase girls. Figures.)


The sudden bam, It kinda sounded like my front door… I listened closely but didn't hear anything so I went back to singing in the shower.

Phoenix: Uh, I think I'd go check if someone crashed into my door.

Edgeworth: Judging by the opening passage, it's the norm in this fic.

Phoenix: In that case, I'd need a new door every time someone comes over.

*Ahhh be my booty call, my bootycall…laa lllaaaa laa lalala And shake it like its chocolate milk-* singing rediculus songs

Phoenix: Okay, no! I would not sing that in the shower! I don't sing in the shower, period.

Larry: Why not, Nick? I do it all the time.

Phoenix: Because unlike you, Larry, I don't need to impress anyone with my singing.

Larry: Oh, come on! Don't just assume I'd be singing for a girl!

Edgeworth: Then for whom? The neighbor's dog?

Larry: What the heck, Edgey? Who sings for their neighbor's dog!? Is that what you really think of me!? You guys are jerks!

Phoenix: (Edgeworth's the one who said it, not me...)

I then thought I heard foot steps in my apartment. I again listend.


Phoenix: Knowing my luck, they'll probably barge into my bathroom while I'm still washing... which sure is taking a while.

Edgeworth: Be careful with what you start, Wright.

By that time I knew it was all in my head, ok on to the next song…

*Yooooou crank that so-* still singing in the shower

Phoenix: Ugh... Just get out of the shower! I don't need to become a prune!

Mia: Maybe fic-you is too engrossed in his singing to come out?

Phoenix: That's the last reason I'd have to stay in my shower.

"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY" Miles and Larry both yelled together


Phoenix: I knew it. They really came in.

Edgeworth: For the record, Wright, only Larry would dare do this.

Larry: Dude! I wouldn't want to see Nick naked! Who are you kidding!?

Suddenly by the surprise I stepped backward and stepped on my bar of soap and sliped right out of my shower on to the floor right in frount of both of them. One: I was glad I landed on my stomack so my dick was not shown off the everyone. Two: it hurt like a fuck landing on my dick…..ow

Larry: Yeow!

Mia: Oh, my.

Phoenix: ... *twitch*

Edgeworth: ...Hm? (He stepped back on that bar of soap, and yet somehow fell forward out of the shower... No! Don't question it, Miles... It'll just bring-)


Edgeworth: Will you stop doing that!?

Speakers: But it's tradition.

Edgeworth: No, it's my truth bar, so don't touch it!

Phoenix: (...At least you didn't have to see yourself fall on your crotch...)

"Whoa man chill out! HAHAHAHA Just kidding man what the hell are you doing on the floor?" Larry and his smary ass comments

Phoenix: I fell, Larry.

Larry: I saw it too, Nick! You don't need to say it again.

Phoenix: (Well, it's never clear with you...)

"Heey cute ass Wright" At least miles voice made me feel some what better

Phoenix: Objection!

Edgeworth: Ugh... I did not need to be reminded how "I" was in this.

Dear lord, out all the people I have to love and be friends with, it had to be these two…LUCK FICKING ME!

Mia: "Luck ficking"?

Phoenix: I don't even want to know.

"Can I just ask what time is it?" I was scared to ask

"Well I could tell you hun, but umm…you could get mad…" miles reponded

"Well if you must no Phoenix its 10 in the morning, and we are ready to go but it loks like you feel like dicking around and need to get off the floor and get ready for yooooooooour big day that just awaits you!" Larry needs to learn when to shut the hell up

Phoenix: F-forty minutes in the shower!? Was I just singing all that time!?

Mia: Apparently.

"Larry…get…the…HELL…OUT OF MY BATHROOM!" I yealled

"Oh I see how it is, HE can stay but I cant…your sick man…really sick"

"Larry just leave…" miles added in hi beautiful voice

"Alright alright but just so you know-"

Phoenix: No, he's right. Why does Edgeworth have to stay?

Edgeworth: Wright, don't ask questions you know the answer to.

Phoenix: ...


Phoenix: (Easy on the doors. At this rate, I'll have to replace the walls too.)

Ok so Miles and I had some time alone in the bathroom, well he had to help me finish my shower. I got up off the floor but then I relized I left the soap on the floor. I bent over to get it..and that's when it happened. GOD I swear the way he move, rubs on my body, kisses my neck, putts it in. I go into a trip man. I want to curl my toes and bite my lip. I turned around, finished undressing Miles and pushed him into my shower with me. Dispite everything else, my Birthday moaning was great.

All: ...

Mia: ...It's a good thing Maya isn't here.

Larry: *whimper* She's so lucky. I wanna die and fly away like a ghost too...

Phoenix: *wince* (...That should hurt considering I just landed on it...)

Edgeworth: ...Management.

Speakers: Yes, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: Go ahead and penalize me.

Speakers: But you haven't run into a logical fallacy.

Edgeworth: Considering "that" started before I was undressed, I'd think it speaks for itself!

Speakers: Hmm... well, alright.

Edgeworth: *boom* ...Thank you.

After we got out of the shower, we both got dressed and had to fix our hair. Soon after that, we all got into Miles red sports car that I love so mch. They still never told me where we were going.

Phoenix: (This surprise trip better be worth it after what we just saw...)

*Its sumthin about the sunshine baby, see you in whole new light, Dum de de de dad a ohhh its alriiiiight!* we all sang

Phoenix: Argh... (Spare us the teenaged Disney drama music! It's not helping!)

"So are you excited about where we are taking you huh Phoenix? Are ya? Are ya are ya are ya?!" Larry asked

"Whoa chill out Larry, how can he be excited if he doesn't even know where we are going?" miles scolded

"Where are we going? Are we close to being there?" I began to ask all concerned

"Yeah just five more minutes…"

Phoenix: ...It's official. I'm being kidnapped.

Edgeworth: You just realized that?

Mia: Considering one of his kidnappers just raped him in the shower...

All else: Don't remind us!

Mia: ...Sorry. I was just saying it makes sense given the context.

We all started to sing again, and then I saw it…all the stars on the ground, limos, crazy stores, we were in HollyWood. I love HollyWood and I was in shock that we even came here for my birthday.

Phoenix: Great. They've kidnapped me from my home for ransom with Hollywood stars.

Edgeworth: Wright, even if it's coming from you, that doesn't make any sense.

Phoenix: Give me a break, Edgeworth. I can't think straight right now.

Larry: Unless... wait a minute! Don't tell me, Nick actually has a girl in Hollywood!?

Mia: I doubt it, since he and Edgeworth are the couple here.

Larry: ...Whew. Maybe I'll get to pick up a few ladies for myself, then.


"Larry! Calm down son! We had a deal you could come as long as you chill out!" miles once again scolded him

"Opp sorry man total sliped my hair hahaha itas all food" larry was tryig to calm down

Edgeworth: I see we've switched to another dialect now.

Phoenix: Did he say "it's all food"?

Mia: Haha. Maya would probably say the same thing.

Phoenix: But what I mean is, it doesn't make sense.

Larry: Nah, I'm sure fic-me was saying "it's all cold", 'cause he told me to "chill", right?

All else: ...

Phoenix: Not even close.

Edgeworth: Swing and a miss, Larry. In your case, you even spun and keeled over.

Larry: Duuude! I try to make a joke and this is the thanks I get?

"You mean sliped my mind not hair….you know why do I even bother? And yes I am happy just to answer your question. Is this all we are going to be doing?" I was beginning to get snippy with Larry

"No, but for the day yes." Miles told me

Phoenix: What? But, my birthday only lasts one day...

Edgeworth: I don't know, Wright. I honestly don't know.

Larry: Sure seems like a flop for your birthday, man. I mean, where are all the chicks?

Phoenix: (Avoiding us because of you, probably.)

Hours of shopping, trying on clothes, miles buying me anything I want, watching Larry get his Ass beat my a hobo. God my day couldn't get any better.


"Wow that made the rest of my day hahahah what about you huh Wright." Miles….gawd I love him

Larry: ...You guys are the worst friends ever.

Phoenix: Larry, don't say that. You may be annoying, but we wouldn't leave you like this.

Edgeworth: If this ever happens, we'll fetch you out and report your assaulter immediately.

Mia: Now that's true friendship. You should be glad, Harry!

Larry: ...You guys are the best friends ever. *sniff*

Phoenix: (...That said, the chances of Larry getting beaten by a hobo are pretty high, and it'd probably be his fault... yikes.)

We walked the walk of stars and got many picture, funny pictures, nice pictures, scary pictures, and much more. I coulnt help but to think about what we were going to do that night…would we go to a bar, nice resterant, movie, concert…I had no idead.

"OMG! Is that LadyGaga?!" and there he goes again…damn larry

Larry: Woohoo! Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Phoenix: ...Really, Larry?

Larry: What? She's a pretty lady!

Edgeworth: ...Surprisingly, there is actually nothing wrong with this section, aside from the frequent typos.

Mia: Well, that's not going to last.

We all looked, the short colorful hair, weird outfit, and then…she turned around…HOLY SHIT FRANSHESKA!EVERYBODY EVACUATE L.A. WE HAD AN INFECTUS DISEASE! SAVE YOUR SHELVES.

All: What?

Larry: Oh, it's Franzy! Wow, she looks so cute dressed like that!

Edgeworth: ...Franziska is always very conservative with the way she dresses.

Phoenix: Good thing she's not here, or we'd all be in for a whipping...

Edgeworth: In particular, you.

Phoenix: Why me!?

Edgeworth: You're the "narrator" of the fic.

Mia: And she wouldn't be happy that you implied she raids store shelves.

All else: ...

Phoenix: Oh, yeah. It does say "shelves", doesn't it?

"LADYGAGA WHEAR?' francheska turned around

Phoenix: Yes... very grateful she isn't here to see this.

Mia: ...It really does seem like this author has turned her into a shopaholic.

Phoenix: Um... what led you to that?

Mia: That misspelling of "where" seems a little more deliberate than it comes off as.

Phoenix: ...You have a point.

"OH SHIT MAN…..RUN" Miles yelled


Larry: Dude, of all the things to say about her!

Phoenix: Yeah, she's absolutely insane sometimes, but even I would never call her dumb.

Edgeworth: ...The sad truth is that she probably would be able to catch up if she wasn't dressed in those high heels.

Phoenix: Doesn't she usually wear high heels, though?

Edgeworth: It's a different question when those heels are boots.

Phoenix: ...True.

We all laughed and had a god time. It was getting late and closer to the second part of my day, I was excited even though I had no idea what we were dong.

"Ok can you please tell me where we are going" I really wanted to knoe now

Phoenix: I know everyone in this fic basically lost too many brain cells, but couldn't fic-me at least act a little more scared about not knowing where we're going?

Larry: But that's what makes it a surprise, Nick! You're supposed to be excited!

Phoenix: ...When was the last time I felt anything besides apprehension whenever you two have a "surprise" for me?

Edgeworth: ... *chuckle*

Phoenix: Exactly.

"Why would we do that Wright? HUH HUH HUH WHY" and hes is obnoxshus

All: ...

Phoenix: Is this supposed to be you, Edgeworth?

Edgeworth: I'm certain it's supposed to be Larry.

Larry: Nah, man. It can't be me. I always call him "Nick".

Edgeworth: But even fic-me wouldn't be this obnoxious.

Phoenix: You sure about that?

Edgeworth: ...according to the narrator, at least.

"Because I have no Idea where we are in Hollywood, its my birthday, its getting late, and I really just want to know where we are going!" now im pissded

"Calm down babe we are almost there, now just shut up and lay down in the back seat until we get there ok, I will put a new cd on just for you" Miles voice is so calming….he is so cool

Phoenix: How long have we been at Hollywood?

Edgeworth: Who knows? Clearly, the longer we stayed, the angrier you seem to get.

Phoenix: In all fairness, though, I would be pretty upset.

At times I wonder how he can just tell me what to do and I just don't say word. I Do as he says…what the hell man. I did just what he said, I closed my eyes, laid down and just listened to cascada. It only took us like 5 to ten more minutes to get there all though it seemed like a life time. I didn't want to get up just yet as we drove into a parking lot, but I could hear the beat of loud ass music. There were a lot of people and cool flashy light that Larry would not shut up about sense we were down the street.


"Larry shut the hell up dear god that's all you have been talking about for the past 5 fooking minutes" what do I have to do to shut him up gawd of all shit please help me down here

Phoenix: I'm afraid to ask, but down where...?

Edgeworth: Use your imagination, Wright. It's your most potent weapon.

Phoenix: Uh, right... well, I'm imagining we somehow drove into the sewers. I mean, the way the music is echoing in the pipes...

Edgeworth: On second thought, stop. I'm getting another migraine.

Phoenix: (You only have yourself to blame this time.)

"Well sooooorrrrry birthday ass hole! I am just trying to have fun!"

"Will you both knock it off! Both of you need to pull the sticks out of your asses and move on. We are here an I don't want to hear any fighting between you got it!" Miles yelled at bth of usS

We both just looked at each other, agreed to just have fun and got out of the car. We were a huge parking garage, but for some reason I could figure out where we were. Miles does not like bars…all thought that one night for some reason he was really drunk, and larry claims to be to scared to drink, eventhough him and I went to that bar the other week and got drunk, so where could we be?

Phoenix: How did I not notice that we drove into a parking garage? Was I blinded?

Mia: Fits the image of a kidnapping very well, doesn't it?

Phoenix: It's terrifying, Mia. They're probably going to drown me in the sewers and leave me there...

Edgeworth: Don't forget: the sewers were your idea.

Phoenix: Yeah, thanks...

As we were walking through the parking garage, I kept checking my watch, trying to rack my brain to think about what we possible could be doing at 7:23pm in LA for my birthday that all of us would enjoy doing with out breaking eachothers necks….mostly I mean Larrys. HOLY SHIT I KNOW WHERE WE ARE!

Phoenix: Please tell me I really do break their necks and escape.

Larry: Sorry, man, but against the two of us, you're outta luck.

Phoenix: Whose side are you on!?

"Miles, were not at Univeral are we?"

???: Oh, cool!

Phoenix: Please, Mia. We've all outgrown going to amusement parks... Huh?

Maya: What are you talking about, Nick? Amusement parks are for everyone!

Phoenix: ...Where were you when we were suffering?

Maya: Um, away, obviously.

"WAY TO GO WRIGHT! HOW DID YOU KNOW?! Was it the bright lights, people screaming, the money-" Larry babbled

"Well honestly, LARRY, it was the coke can you are carrying for you to get a discount ticket" I was still irritated at him but I promised my man I would behave, plus if it wasn't for him, I would have to carry my own coke can to get it. Lets be honest…I cant afford shit!

Phoenix: Hey! Not to call out Gumshoe, but I'm at least doing better than him!

Edgeworth: Wright, Detective Gumshoe isn't a standard to compare yourself to.

Maya: Besides, the last I checked, Nick, you were in debt.

Phoenix: Ahem, "we" were in debt, Maya, and you're the one who spent too much on food and merchandise.

Maya: They're part of the "necessities"! I told you already!

"Well how do you like it Wright? Did I do good for your birthday surprise I know you have been so excited about? Miles asked as giving me slow kisses

Maya: Whoa... what have I been missing out on?

Phoenix: Everything. And you're not escaping again.

Maya: Hmph! You can't make me!

We all had a blast for the short time we were there, not like there is a lot there, just a lot of walking. We went on the tram ride, Larry got scared of psycho. We went and saw the 3D show, larry got scared. We rode Jurrasic park, Larry got scared. We went on mummy, I got scared…then threw up. Miles and I Bet larry he could run up all the step to the top level of the park before we got there on the moving staires. Larry did it…We thought larry died to be honest, he kinda just stopped talking and layed on the floor.

Phoenix: Exactly why I don't visit amusement parks.

Larry: Geez, man. You gotta get over your fear of heights.

Phoenix: Th-that's not the point! And w-who has a fear of heights!?

All else: ...

Maya: We all know already, Nick. You don't have to hide it.

We left after that and thankfully larry just slept in the car on the way home.

"Do you think he is going to be ok? He hasn't really been himself since the staires" Well there I go getting all concerned

"He should be fine, hes eating and drinking, no reason to put him down yet" I love how miles can try and make a joke, but it always seems to be at the wrong time for me

Phoenix: If there's one thing that's done right, it's that Edgeworth doesn't have a sense of humor.

Edgeworth: ...I don't need one, especially that I'm constantly surrounded by idiots.

Phoenix: Don't look at me. I'm always the straight man.

Edgeworth: Really, now? With the way you always clown around, I could have sworn...

Maya: Mr. Edgeworth's right, Nick. You two are the fan favorite couple, after all. You're always together!

Phoenix, Edgeworth: We meant in comedy!

Maya: Sure...

"Miles im serious, Im not even sure he is breathing"

"Poke him with the selfie stick"

Phoenix: Good idea. Maybe we can let him disappear and revive him later.

Edgeworth: Hmph. And you say YOU have a sense of humor?

Phoenix: (I'm at least funnier than you, Chuckles.)

Maya: Geez, all this time, I didn't really need to run off. It was all just a joke about how gay these two are.

Phoenix: Well, if you think that, why don't you stay for the next time we show?

Maya: Hey, I meant this fic, not any other one.

Well there I go now poking me maybe deads friend body with a damn stick, ummm he didn't budge

Larry: Hey, man! Don't do that! Help me up already!

Edgeworth: I'm pretty sure fic-you is unconscious by this point, so no.

Larry: Doesn't mean I have to stay down...

Phoenix: Larry, you've never been dehydrated before, have you?

Larry: Nope. It's not that bad, is it?

Phoenix: Actually, yes. It's pretty bad.

"Miles he isn't moving, we need to take him to the hospital"

"No he is fine, we will take him back to your place and he can sleep next to you so you can monitor him all night and see that he will be fine"

"Edgeworth, take him to a damn hospital im not kidding"

Phoenix: For once, I can actually agree with fic-me... *shudder*

He rolled his eys, illegally flew accrost all the lanes to get off the exit to go to the ER. We carry him in there and got him checked in to a room. The nurse told us to wait out here until the got him conscious.

"Wait you wont want him conscious!" Miles yeled down the hallagian making innappropiate jokes

Phoenix: Damn it, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth: Spare me your misplaced frustration, Wright. (I have enough of my own as it is.)

"What did we do wrong? It was an innocent joke Miles..I didn't think It would be this big of a deal, I KILLED LARRY!"

"Wright, calm down the nurses are walking over here right now, probably to tell us he is fine and just dehydrated"

Edgeworth: Well, it seems fic-me has regained some level of sense.

Phoenix: Yeah, it just had to take my breakdown.

Edgeworth: No, I'm sure it's not because of that. Remember where we started the fic?

Phoenix: ...I hate it when you're right.

As that was happening I recived a text from Maya wishing me a happy birthday, well I figured I had to call and tell her where we were and walked off with the nurses and I Stepped outside to make my call.

"Hey Phoenix, so how was everything today? Was Larry calm?"

Maya: Why would I ever ask that?

Larry: But it's so sweet that you'd call to ask about me!

Maya: ...Er, yeah. That's why I'm wondering...

"Maya, larry is in the hospital…"

"….what? from what" Maya was scared, I could tell

I procceded to tell her about everything and she started to cry, I kep telling her that he was fine now, miles was taken back to the room with him but she wouldn't stop and I couldn't understand why.

Maya: W-what's going on here?

Larry: It's true love, Maya dear! I'd know true love anywhere when I see it!

Maya: ...Nick! Why aren't you saying anything!?

Phoenix: Hm? Well, I dunno. This is actually a refreshing turn of events.

Maya: Grrr... I'm telling Sis on you!

"Maya, calm down its ok, if anything I should be crying, I almost killed larry!"

"No phoenic, I almost KILLED LARRY"

Maya: What!? Wait, what did fic-me do!?

Edgeworth: ...Hm, so that's it.

Maya: W-what's it?

Phoenix: Oh, so he's not just dehydrated, huh?

Maya: Would you two quit it and tell me!?

Larry: Yeah! What's goin' on!?

Edgeworth: He's been drugged.

Maya, Larry: !?

I wasn't sure what to say…she wasn't there…what the fuck is she talking about..then I think back…

"Maya why would you ask if larry was calm today?"

"Phoenix I don't want to back to jail…that was so scarry and you had the blow up in the court room…I don't want to go back to that!"

Phoenix: Well, that was easy to figure out. Now I'm just wondering how Maya of all people could get her hands on drugs...

Maya: I would never!

Phoenix: Of course you wouldn't. (And you wouldn't have the money to pay for it either.)

"Maya you need to calm down and tell me what you did"

"Well…Larry was telling me all about the plans for your day a couple of days ago…and he mentioned how he didn't want to get on everyones nerves and wanted it to be special for you….Phoenix I cant tell you, your are goung to get mad at me"

"Tel em now!"

Phoenix: Tell "them" or tell "me"?

Maya: "Me", of course! Who the heck is "them"?

Phoenix: The police.

Maya: ...Nick, that's just mean.

"I found ADHD medication aroung in my house and I told him to take one in the morning, it should help. I know it used to help ne..but I was young and I told him that he should take it when hes feeling hyper or something becaue that's how I got it in the first place I think"

I hung up on her and ran in the room where he was, but of course the doctors were questioning everyone about my Larry OD on medication that he carried in a bag that he had no record for.

Phoenix: ...Heh, Maya with ADHD medication.

Maya: Oh, haha, very funny. I don't have ADHD!

Larry: Dude, neither do I. Why can't people just accept that I'm 100% natural?

Edgeworth: Larry, do you even realize what ADHD is?

Larry: Um... it was some sort of pesticide, right?

Edgeworth: ...No, that would be DDT. ADHD is a disorder, one that you don't have, fortunately for all our sakes.

Phoenix: If Larry ever got ADHD, we'd be the ones who need some pesticide...

Larry: Aw, come on. I'm not that much of a pest... sometimes.

"I need to get in there and talk to my friend" I told the doctor

"Not until you answer some questions sonny"

"I don't know about the pills!" oooooh shit…..what did I just do

Maya: Whoa... that sounds so wrong.

Phoenix: Tell me about it. I know when to shut my mouth when I need to.

Maya: Actually, I meant a different kind of "wrong"... like what a druggie would say.

Phoenix: Yeah, that's what I meant.

Larry: Wait, so even Nick's been taking stuff!?

Phoenix: More like everyone.

Edgeworth: That would explain everything... which means it's not the case.

"Phoenix…how did you know about the pills" Larry asked looking to me all disappointed

"Sir he didn't know about the pills all day I swear"

"Then how did he know now?"

"That part I cant answer"

Larry: Oh, I'm up already?

Phoenix: Better yet, why did you come outside just to ask that?

Larry: Why not? It's a good question.

Phoenix: No, the problem is that the doctor isn't allowing me to go in to meet you, and yet you come right out without any complaints. What gives?

Larry: ...Maybe we're cool with each other?

Edgeworth: If anything, it suggests that when he awoke, he wouldn't shut up, so the doctor simply gave in and kept quiet.

Phoenix: Are you saying LARRY coerced the doctor?

Edgeworth: Not me; the author.

Phoenix: ...That's horrifying on another level.

"I texted him while he was on the phone that, that's what the nurses told me when I walked in" Miles jumped in before anyone got arrested

Phoenix: Except those nurses probably wouldn't be too happy.

Larry: Yeah, Edgey! Leave those gorgeous ladies alone. They're just doing their jobs!

Edgeworth: I'd rather point out that it's pointless to text someone when you're already calling them...

Phoenix: Yeah... unless that someone is calling someone else.

Maya: So... does that mean fic-Edgeworth kinda just blew everyone's cover instead of saving them?

Phoenix, Edgeworth: Pretty much.

Edgeworth: Of course, that's not what will happen in the fic because no one is clever enough to pick up on such details.

The doctors finally let me in and left us all alone. I was so mad and relived at the same time, why would he do this, but wow he did this for me, bu What the hell was maya thinking? Larry told us everything that had happened and he was sorry, well hugged and laughed about stupid shit through the day that larry did.

Maya: Welp, it looks like it's happily ever after.

Phoenix: After the stuff we sat through, it's definitely no fairy tale...

Maya: But that just gets me more curious...

Phoenix: If you want to sit through this movie again, you're welcome to do so, but without us.

Maya: ...No, thanks. I'd rather not be here all alone.

"Guys I want to say thanks for such a KILLER birthday!" I started busting up laughing so hard but once I looked at Larry and Miles…I realized I had made and innapropriate joke…

Phoenix: *sigh* It's not like he was in any danger. All he took was some medication.

Maya: It's for ADHD, though.

Phoenix: Doesn't matter if he was up and about in a matter of minutes. If anything, the doctor's the suspicious one.

Edgeworth: Wright, you really need to do something about that habit of yours.

Phoenix: What habit?

Edgeworth: Always digging further into details that don't lead you anywhere.

Phoenix: ...Sorry, Edgeworth, but I'm a defense attorney. It's kinda my job to do that.

Edgeworth: Yes... and it's the very same reason why you're such a killjoy.

Phoenix: ...Edgeworth, am I hearing you right? Did you really just crack a joke?

"Ah shit guys lighten up, just becayse your dying doent meaking not my birthday!"

"Actually Wright, its 1:52 am, its not your birthday…" Miles had to point it out to me…

Phoenix: Gee, thanks. Who's the one picking at details now?

Edgeworth: I didn't say anything of the sort.

Larry: Wait, wait, wait... so am I dying or what?

Edgeworth: Didn't you hear Wright? It doesn't matter.

Larry: ...

Phoenix: In the fic. I meant in the fic.

Larry: ...Why are my friends so mean to me all the time...?

Maya: But that's what makes you guys friends, right?

Larry: Erm... I guess? Uh... now I don't know what to think...

We were released from the ER a couple hours later, and all I could think about was how happy I was that I got to spend the birthday with thses two shitheads, but Maya, she has a whole new can of woopass coming her way….

Maya: Hey! It's not like fic-me did it on purpose! It was just an accident!

Phoenix: Yeah, fic-me needs to learn how to calm down.

Larry: What a hypocrite, right? He's the one who keeps telling fic-me to when he can't.

Phoenix: In fic-you's case, it's understandable, though. And on that thought, why couldn't fic-Edgeworth take some too?

Edgeworth: Oh, so fic-me would end up in the hospital for no good reason?

Phoenix: Yeah, well... fic-you was probably the worst of us all.

Edgeworth: ...To be fair, I'll have to agree with you on that.

Maya: Wait, really? What did fic-Edgeworth do?

All else: Don't ask.

Yeah guess what…ITS to be Fucking continued!

All: No!

Maya: Isn't this a good enough ending!? You finished three parts!

Larry: And I don't wanna see poor Maya getting a can of woopahs... whatever that is, it can't be good!

Phoenix: Why can't this author just give up on this fic?

Edgeworth: That's what we all assumed, but it didn't make a difference.

Phoenix: *sigh* No doubt the Management will be right on the next one.

Speakers: Oh, you know us too well.

[The lights have returned, and the sporkers leave with yet more troubled looks.]

Speakers: Ah, what a great run. No doubt we'll be hitting the high charts at this rate! The Sporking Theater is back in business, baby!

All: ...

Speakers: Oh? No last words before you all leave?

Phoenix: What else is there TO say?

Speakers: ...But it's tradition.

[And without another word, they all flee in a hurry.]

Speakers: ...Perhaps we came off as a little too lax this time around? Should we have resumed the usual stiff upper lip?

[Er, are you speaking to me, sir?[/b]]

Speakers: Well, there's no one else around, is there? We fired all the guards and replaced them with an automatic security system, after all.

[[i]Oh, thank you, sir! Well, it has gotten a little lonely around here, especially with the teleporter out of commission and all...

Speakers: Oh, pish posh. The teleporter was never broken to begin with! It was just a ruse we decided to play in preparation for things to come...

[...You all certainly are a force to be reckoned with, sir. Well, it seems our resident Management has a special surprise next time for all our fans! Please tune in again to find out! This has been the narrator, over and out.]

Author:  Darth Wiader [ Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Question, are you still considering sporking the "Rubina Edgeworth" fic?

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Jun 24, 2015 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I am tempted to, but I'd also enjoy if someone else references me at some point in theirs. :P

If no one else takes it by this weekend, I'll help myself. Someone's gotta look out for the poor Sporking Theater while the rest of us are off. In the meantime, I've got to get busy for one last project... for class. Argh.

By the way, are there no comments or criticisms for my last spork? I kinda rushed through it, so I worry if it didn't work out somehow.

Author:  luck [ Wed Jun 24, 2015 7:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

If you want some criticism, I'd say that Phoenix felt a little Edgeworth-y at times, if that means something. I mean he's a bit too serious. Has he finally crossed the line where he suffers the fic more than he makes fun of it?
But the sporking was still hilarious overall.

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