Court Records

Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!
Page 20 of 67

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Mon Jul 20, 2015 6:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Thanks. It's also why I take a really long time coming up with each one after taking my pick. I may be busier lately, but I can always slip a little time into planning for my next sporking, but all that brainstorming saps away the rest of my energy... and I don't ever seem to get anywhere.

@GreatSnarkoo: Take your time. I'm not in any rush myself.

Author:  Skittlemask [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 6:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

My first sporking, I hope it's at least OK...

Title- A Story of Morals
Rating- :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
This story is a troll fic, I mean it must be. It's relatively short, only clocking in at about 250 words. If it wasn't a troll fic I would've given it a :dahlia: but I'm just going to give it the benefit of the doubt. Anyway this fic has tons of spelling errors, grammatical errors, OOCness, and just dumb things happen in general.
Without further ado, let's meet the sporkers!
Klavier Gavin!
:klavier: "Apparently this is a romance fic that is not between me and my brother. This can't be too bad, ja?"
Ema Skye!
:yummy: "Don't let the management hear you, fop."
Apollo Justice!
:think-think-think: "Am I even in this!? Why am I here? Oh yeah, the management's a bunch of sadists!"
and Miles Edgeworth!
:edgeworth: No need to shout, Justice. No one is happy to be here.

[We begin in our much loved sporking theatre, where Klavier Gavin and Apollo Justice are already seated. They are in deep conversation about today's sporking.]

Apollo: Since the management seems to like to give you scripts, do you know what today's fic is about?

Klavier: Nein. Well… not all the details anyway. I just know it's a romance, and apparently it doesn't involve me and my brother.

Apollo: How do you know that?

Klavier: *shrugs* I was told before I arrived here.

Apollo: (Why don't I ever get to know anything?)

[Ema Skye now enters the theatre with Miles Edgeworth right behind her, the latter especially does not look happy to be at the theatre.]

Edgeworth: I've been here more than anybody. I know better than to even question why but… don't I deserve a break?

Speakers: Aww, but you're our favorite!

Edgeworth: If I am your favorite then shouldn't you at least cut me some slack?

Speakers: …You and I clearly have different definitions of "favorite."

Ema: Mr. Edgeworth, why don't you just sit down and we get this over with quickly?

Speakers: Yeah, cheer up! You're barely in this. If you would like we could find a different fic where you're in it lots! In fact, we have one in mind right now…

Edgeworth: N-No, that's quite all right. *sits down*

Apollo: You seem to be in a worse mood than usual… Are you alright?

Klavier: Herr Forehead is right. It's better to just relax and try to enjoy the show. Ja, Herr Ruffles?

Edgeworth: *glare*

Apollo: Are you sure it's the best idea to be calling the Chief Prosecutor that?

Klavier: Relax, Herr Forehead. I'm just trying to lighten the mood.

Ema: *snort* Well your "lightening up the mood" attempts suck. Let's just get on with the fic.

A Story of Morals
By: Dianer860

Apollo: If the author is writing this, then I have a feeling they don't have any morals.

Klavier: You can't be saying that, you haven't even read it yet!

Apollo: I don't need to. If they enjoy putting us in bad fanfiction, then they don't have any morals.

Edgeworth: At least there aren't any errors yet.

Yo so hiss is me fist fanfiction and its da bomb. I hopez u enjoy!! READ IT & LIKE IT!!!

Edgeworth: I spoke too soon.

Ema: If the whole fic is written like this, then I doubt that it's "da bomb."

Apollo: No author, I will not like it! You can't force any of us to like it!

Ema Skye was eting her sacks. Klavier Gavin was standing across from her.
"GO AWAT FROG!" ema yeled at Kalvier Gay.

Apollo: Was Prosecutor Gavin just standing there watching Ema eat? What were they both doing there?

Edgeworth: Do you really think the author is going to provide us with information like that?

Ema: Couldn't they at least spell "snacks" correctly?

Klavier: …Is no one going to mention that my name was spelt wrong? And that my last name is apparently "Gay?"

Apollo: They probably did that on purpose.

"Ah, fraulien detektiv, I so love it wen u call meh frog."

Klavier: But you just called me a frog, ja?

Ema: No I didn't, fic-me did. Scientifically speaking, that isn't me up there.

Apollo: We don't need science to figure that out, Ema.

Edgeworth: …I'm not even going to comment on the overabundance of capitalization.

All: You just did.

"Well you just called meh a froh, jai?

Apollo: I feel like the fic is mimicking the conversation that you two just had.

Edgeworth: …Do you realize what this means?

Klavier: That the author is psychic?

Ema: Please, like that exists.

Edgeworth: No, the author is capable of writing us in character. If you noticed, nobody's been grossly out of character thus far.

Ema: The fic just started! The author just happened to get something somewhat right. This isn't in character at all.

Klavier: I don't know Fräulein; that line actually sounds like something that you might say.

Apollo: I agree. Well, minus the "go die" part.

Ema: …

Sudemly, the moon fell on Klavier and he dead.

All: …

Klavier: W-What just happened?

Edgeworth: *calmly* I believe the moon just fell on you.

Klavier: But… why?

Ema: Because the author doesn't know science, that's why. They should know that the moon stays where it is because the Earth's gravity is pulling the moon towards it and the orbit is keeping it moving so it'll never fall.

Klavier: I'm pretty sure the author knows that the moon can't fall; they probably just wrote it for the plot.

Edgeworth: This mess has no plot.

Apollo: Well, there goes the "romance" at least. (Good riddance!)

"OH NO KLAVII I LOVE U!" ema was very sad that klavier died bcase she secretly lovd him. So she got a pistol mades of shit and kiled hershelf with her snackoos.

Ema: Fic-me just seriously killed herself because the fop died? See Mr. Edgeworth, I told you this fic can't write us in character!

Edgeworth: I believe you're mistaken there, Ms. Skye.

Ema: W-What?

Edgeworth: The "you" up there did not kill "herself," she instead killed "hershelf."

Ema: …Seriously? Since when do you ma-

Apollo: Does anyone else have a problem with the fact that she took out a pistol made of shit but instead killed hershelf with snackoos? What was the point of the pistol then? And how would you use snackoos to kill someone? *eyes Ema's bag warily*

Klavier: Maybe she choked herself with them? She could've filled her mouth with as many as possible and tried to swallow, ja?

Ema: That's not possible. Your mind would know that you'd get choked and would tense up your throat so you wouldn't be able to swallow. It's like trying to kill yourself by holding your breath, you just can't do it.

Klavier: Then maybe she put the snacks in the gun and used them as bullets?

Edgeworth: I wasn't going to say anything but… we shouldn't be trying to apply logic to this fic.

Klavier: Yeah, it's probably best that way. We would've been fine if someone hadn't started asking a bunch of questions.

Apollo: Well excuse me for actually trying to spork this thing! Maybe I'll just stay quiet from now on.

Speakers: The management would like to remind Apollo Justice that he is to participate in the sporking at all times. If not, then we could have a special sporking just for you.

Apollo: ! I-I'm fine!

Speakers: That's what we thought.

Klavier went to Heaven and Ema went to Hell.

Apollo: But we already determined that Ema didn't die…

Ema: Why did the fop go to heaven and not me?

Klavier: *smirks* Do you really want to know the answer to that, Fräulein?

Ema unwillingly was forced to do innapropiate things with devil.

All: …

Ema: W-What?!?

Apollo: Well that's just… (This is not an image I want in my mind!)

Ema: A-Apollo! Get that look off your face! What are you thinking?!?

Apollo: Please believe me when I say I'm trying my best to get this out of my head!

Edgeworth: Well I believe this is one of the saddest lines I've read thus far.

Ema: Who would write something like that? Who would even think of something like this?

Klavier: …Fräulein.

Ema: What do you want?

Klavier: Let's just all pretend that this didn't happen and agree that there are people who can think up far worse things than we are capable of.

Edgeworth: Yes, this sporking theatre is proof of that. We should not be surprised by what we read here anymore.

Apollo: That's what you say now, but if it were you right now you wouldn't be like that!

Edgeworth: …

Apollo: I've heard things from Mr. Wright about how you-

Edgeworth: That's enough. Let's just move on.

Ema: *grumbles* I still don't like that I'm the one who has to do… that.

Lets just say that it was so bad that even Delilah got scard.

Apollo: Who's Delilah?

Edgeworth: I think they are referring to Dahlia Hawthorne. If she got scared, then it must've been really bad, to put it lightly.

Ema: Great! As if I wasn't through enough torture already!

Klavier: At least it's a good thing that it wasn't described in detail.

Edgeworth: Yes we should be grateful. Things certainly could've been much worse.

Then it was Klavier and Emma;s funeral. Mileys Edgeworthy was there.

Apollo, Klavier: *laughing*

Klavier: Look, Herr Edgeworth! You finally made an appearance!

Apollo: Yeah, Miley.

Edgeworth: *stares at screen*

Ema: You two are so immature.

Edgeworth: …Why do I have a girl's name?

Apollo: They're probably making fun of your masculinity. I mean, you do wear pink.

Edgeworth: It is wine red!

Speakers: Pink.

Edgeworth: And I am plenty masculine!

Ema: I take it this nickname is a new one?

Edgeworth: Y-Yes. I've had my fair share of nicknames, especially in "pretty pretty prosecutor" but not this!

Klavier: If it helps, I doubt the author planned that far ahead just to insult your masculinity. It was probably just a typo.

Apollo: In his first and last name?

Klavier: …Forget I said anything.

Edgeworth kicked Klavier and Ema;s cascets and there skeleetons fell out. Lana Skye wa there and got mad because her sister couldn't rest in piece so she choked Edgeworth.


Ema: W-What is it? And can't you lower your voice!?

Apollo: It says that Ema couldn't rest in piece but the sentence before says that she was already a skeleton! So that means… *points dramatically* that she was already in pieces!

All: …

Apollo: …

All: …

Klavier: …I believe only you would make such a big deal over a typo, ja?

Apollo: Oh c'mon! The sentence practically begged for it!

Ema: Please sit down. You're embarrassing us.

Apollo: *reluctantly sits down* (Whatever, I think I was cool! Trucy would think the same too.)

Ema: Anyway, Lana wouldn't choke Mr. Edgeworth. She wouldn't do something like that!

Edgeworth: And I would have no reason to be disrespectful at a funeral.

Klavier: I don't know, Fräulein. In "Law Plus Chaos" your sister wasn't exactly nice either. Maybe the fans have a certain idea about your sister?

Speakers: The management would like to remind Klavier Gavin that breaking the fourth wall is strictly forbidden.

Ema: *throws snackoos at the speaker* We get it!

Then Edgewotrh drowned and the sun fell ontop of Lana.

All: …

Ema: …What is up with these things falling from the sky? This author must really not know how the solar system works! What's next, Saturn? Maybe Pluto? How about a whole 'nother galaxy!?

Edgeworth: I really believe that you should calm down, Ms. Skye. What I would like to know is how I drowned. Was the funeral outside? If so, and drowning was my cause of death, then what was the point of Lana choking me?

Klavier: Excellent deductions, Herr Edgeworth!

Apollo: Those aren't deductions. (And how come when he does it everyone thinks he's cool, but when I do it I get nothing but insults? What ever happened to "not applying logic" to these fics?)

They both went to Heaven and Edgeworth punched Klavier,

Edgeworth: Why am I so violent in this fic? I wouldn't do those things! Hasn't the author at least some sort of grasp of my person? Never mind, I already know that almost nobody does.

Ema: If both you and my sister are so violent then why are you in Heaven and not me?

Klavier: You're still bitter about that?

Ema: I don't see anyone else getting raped by the devil!

Edgeworth: Now there's a sentence I'd never expect to hear.

Ema was in hell because she connnit suicide.
Moral of the story- dont commit suicide.

All: …

Apollo: …That's it? All of that disaster for this? Couldn't they have picked a more thought- provoking plot instead of making us lose our brain cells?

Edgeworth: I don't think the author would be capable of writing something that like that, Justice.

Apollo: Still! Couldn't they at least try? It's a good intention to want to help suicidal people but this doesn't help anybody! If anything it's insulting.

Klavier: On the bright side, at least this is over. It could've been worse, ja?

Ema: Speak for yourself fop!

Apollo: *stands up*

Speakers: Not so fast!

Edgeworth: I knew it was too soon. *sigh* …Wait a minute. Were you just trying to copy Agent Lang?

Speakers: No… Well, at least not intentionally, I think.

Edgeworth: You "think?"

Speakers: Never mind that! If you'll just wait a moment, a special guest should be joining us shortly!

Edgeworth: Do you mean… that the teleporter is still around?

Speakers: Please! Did you actually think it broke? However, it's not really called a "teleporter" anymore…

Edgeworth: ! What do you mean by that?

Speakers: Oh, you'll see what we mean maybe now, maybe later, maybe never. Who knows! As for now, here comes our guest!

[After a bunch of strange whirring, a bright flash fills the room and a figure appears in the seat next to Klavier. This figure is none other than Hobo Phoenix!]

Phoenix: *looking around* Why… no, how did I get here?

Edgeworth: I expected it to be you; not in this form, however.

Phoenix: Edgeworth, do you know how I got here?

Apollo: Don't tell me you forgot, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix: Forgot what?

Edgeworth: I see. Since you're a younger version of the Wright today, you do not know what your present self knows.

Phoenix: What are you talking about? What "present self?"

Ema: Good question, that's something I would like to know myself! Teleportation or fantasy time travel shouldn't be possible. Even if there was and there are two Mr. Wright's here, then wouldn't that create some sort of-

Edgeworth: There's no point in thinking like that, Ms. Skye. We must accept that this theatre breaks the laws of time and space. I don't like accepting it either, but there really isn't any other explanation. As for Wright, this theatre has a teleporter, or more fitting, a teleporter/time machine.

Phoenix: W-What?

Speakers: We recommend that Phoenix Wright no longer thinks about this and instead gets on with the real reason he's here.

Phoenix: …To spork a bad fic, got it. So what's this one about?

Klavier: Long story short Herr Wright, don't commit suicide.

Phoenix: That's it?

Speakers: We can supply you with a script, if you like.

Phoenix: …Nah, I've got enough information.

[Hobo Phoenix sits back in his seat and eyes the screen warily.]

Phoenix: Really? Even you call me that, narrator?

[I can't help myself.]

Phoenix: Wait… since when does the narrator talk?

Speakers: Narrator, stop talking. Everyone look at the screen.

you have receved 100 out of 100 points. Your rank is.... master detective! Enjoy your bonus sean!

Phoenix: Well, I sure know Gumshoe isn't the detective on this case.

Edgeworth: Yes, in no world would he be considered a "master detective."

Apollo: If fact, is there anyone in that department who is capable of being a master detective?

Ema: *snackoos Apollo* Watch it!

Apollo: (She snackoo'd me.)

Apollo and Trucy was very upset because tracey liked klavier and apollo had a crush ema.

Phoenix: So I assume that Klavier and Ema died?

Klavier: Ja. You're very perceptive, Herr Wright.

Phoenix: Heh, well, it was nothing.

Edgeworth: Yes, very perceptive indeed.

Phoenix: … (Way to ruin everything, Edgeworth.)

So Apollo and Trucy went to the bar and got drunk.

Klavier: Is that how you deal with your sadness, Herr Forehead? Drink all your problems away?

Apollo: Of course not!

Ema: And bring a fifteen year old girl along to a bar? You call yourself a role-model?

Apollo: I never said I was!

Phoenix: *glares*

Apollo: What are you glaring at? Like she's much better off with you! *points at the bottle in Phoenix's hand*

Phoenix: It's grape juice!

Apollo: Sure it is!

[Phoenix and Apollo glare at each other.]

Klavier: Ladies, ladies, relax! Achtung, I didn't mean to start something like this! My bad.

Phoenix: …It's fine, I know this is just a bad fanfic. But… is there a way I can warn my present self to keep an eye out?

Apollo: You should keep an eye on yourself!

Phoenix: I was joking, Apollo. Mostly.

Edgeworth: Did anyone notice that this sentence is error free?

Klavier: Nein. I think everyone was caught up in the argument.

Ema: I noticed.

Pollo got so drunk that he sang- "WE'RE WALKING ON WOODCHIPS!! AH-AH, AND IT'S TIME TO FEEL PAIN!

All: …

Phoenix: Would've been more relatable if they were legos. Those things hurt!

Apollo: Let me get this straight. I get so drunk that I make up a bad parody of "We're Walking on Sunshine" and sing it in front of a bunch of people?

Klavier: Ja. By the way, your singing is terrible.

Apollo: That's not the issue! (And it is not!)

Edgeworth: We don't know if you sang it in front of a lot of people. You could've sang it just to Trucy, or maybe even yourself.

Ema: Regardless, we should keep him away from alcohol. Right, Apollo?

Apollo: …

Wesley Sticker filmed it and shoewd it 2 the judge and apollo got his attorney;s badge taken away.

Phoenix: Now we know that he at least sang it in front of Wesley Stickler.

Edgeworth: He shouldn't get his badge taken away for that. As long as he doesn't drive home in that state, it's not really anybody's business if he drinks.

Phoenix: Says the prosecutor. You guys never get your badge taken away for anything. Even if you forge evidence.

Edgeworth: That's not true.

Phoenix: Manfred von Karma.

Edgeworth: He prosecuted in Germany most of the time, and that… was a special case.

Phoenix: You.

Edgeworth: I never forged evidence! Well, not knowingly anyway.

Phoenix: Updated autopsy report.

Edgeworth: That wasn't forged!

Ema: *whispers to Apollo and Klavier* Should we just leave them alone?

Apollo: *nods* Yeah, I don't want to get involved in that.

Klavier: Nein, I don't want to stay here all day.

Edgeworth: - Wright, you can't bl-

Klavier: Herr Edgeworth, Herr Wright! Are you done?

Phoenix: …

Edgeworth: *sigh* Yes, sorry about that.

Tge end.

Apollo: That's it? What was the point of that bonus scene?

All: To show how you are when you're drunk.

Apollo: …

r and r, i knows my sotrry ws tge best, & u know it yo.

Ema: This still isn't over?

Klavier: This is just the author's note, Fräulein.

Apollo: I can't believe the author thinks this story is the best. It's terrible.

Edgeworth: As all fics in this theatre are.

I guess i just ruined romeo and juliet for everybody (Romeo went to Heaven and juliet went to Hell) LOL

Apollo: I feel that the "LOL" at the end there is very rude.

Phoenix: Wait, did I miss something? Romeo and Juliet?

Edgeworth: Earlier on, Prosecutor Gavin was killed by the moon and Detective Skye killed herself because of it. Klavier went to Heaven and Ema to Hell.

Phoenix: …I'm not surprised.

Ema: So… to be continued… It's not over?

Edgeworth: This fic was written in 2012 and was taken down by the website last year without an update. So, despite what the author's note says, it is over.

Ema: Thank goodness. I wouldn't be able to read anymore. Especially if it added more to that line…

[Ema now stands up and begins walking to the door.]

Ema: I'll see you guys later, I have to inspect this teleporter right away!

[And… she's gone]

Phoenix: Speaking of that, how do I get back home?

Speakers: You'll be leaving right now! Are you ready?

Phoenix: Huh? What was the point of me being here? And I want to see-

[He's cut off by a loud whir and suddenly disappears. Once he's gone, Edgeworth, Klavier, and Apollo walk out of theatre. Now it's just me and the management… Anyway, was there a point to Hobo Phoenix being there? Will the management ever tell us? What did Ema find when she inspected the teleporter? And will these questions ever get answered? Tune in next time for another exciting installment!]

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 6:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Good first spork!

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 8:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I am so proud of this theater and the results it produces. *bounces happily*

Nice job, Skittlemask! Through and through, the sporking was smooth sailing. I didn't find anything in particular that bothered me, and the awkward argument between Hobonick and Edgey was well complemented by the perturbed rest of them.

Of course, given this latest development in sporking technology, I may need to tweak my latest sporking a bit more... so it'll take a bit longer to get here.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Dude, I love your Management. Probably because it reminds me of how I write them, hahaha!
You have an awful lot of commentary, though. I personally like talkative sporkers and mini-rants, but not everyone does. Just keep this in mind in the future. Oh, and watch your characterization. It's passable, but can be a little off sometimes; I can see Hobo Nick calling the updated autopsy report forged evidence, but only if he was teasing, so Edgeworth should have just told him that he wasn't being funny instead of getting defensive... for example, in my opinion. Rubia's right that everyone else reacted to it well, though.
Really good for a first sporking!!

Author:  Skittlemask [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 10:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

@cuteyounggirlplus- Thanks!

@Rubia- Thanks, I'm sort of surprised you found it smooth sailing. When I was writing it I felt things somewhat sounded a bit awkward and I tried to edit it the best I could, but I still felt a couple of lines sounded kind of off, so I'm glad you didn't think that!

@Airey- Yes, I always liked how snarky your management was and I just can't see them any other way, hahaha. I sort of agree about the commentary though, a lot of the jokes I wanted to make I couldn't because I felt I needed Trucy or Maya, and the characters I used just wouldn't say those kind of things. So I sort of went with a different approach that ended up in a lot of commentary that I couldn't cut out because there wouldn't be anything to replace it with, if that makes sense. Lastly, the characterization was different than I expected. I thought Phoenix and Edgeworth would be the easiest to write but they were actually the hardest. And I thought Apollo was going to be the most difficult, but he was surprisingly the easiest and the one I had the most fun writing. I'm not surprised you thought the characterization could've been a bit better, as I sort of felt the same way especially with Hobo Nick.

Thanks for the feedback everyone~! :edgey:

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 10:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I think Apollo's definitely the easiest for we sporkers to write, just as a general rule... he's very much dry sarcasm.
And imitation is the sincerest form of flattery~ thank you!

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Jul 23, 2015 11:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Apollo is so straightforward, he makes everyone else sitting with him twisted in some way. Yes, even Edgeworth - but in his defense, this theater has done its psychological damage.

After reviewing over several people's works, I've started to become a little more lenient on following characterization standards. As long as the character doesn't act too grossly OOC or like a parody of themselves, it should be fine. What I pay more attention to are typos, logical discrepancies, be it in general or relating to our relative timeline, and humor. I'm a big critic of overused gags, so I tend to go for something new when I spork anything. And that includes my food

And while I'm on it, a note to future sporkers: please use the jokes regarding the sporkers' contempt for "wasted time" in this theater more sparingly. By now, it's the most commonly recurring joke used by anyone and has gotten trite.

Author:  ObjectionEarthbound [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 5:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Did something happen to the old backup forums? I wanted to read some old sporkings but all the links are dead :sadshoe: .

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Apparently the license for the backup forums domain expired or something like that, so everything on it was lost, save for the first page on Wayback Machine. Hopefully, the mods will be able to do something about it, but for now, all that's in this thread is all that's left.

Fortunately, Airey saved a copy of the sporking for "Phoenix's Turnabout" in its entirety. Here it is.

I really wish I could have gone back to those old sporkings. There were things I wanted to refer to while writing my own, but I can't remember all that much. It's been a while.

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Tue Jul 28, 2015 8:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I made a thread a while ago about this, but either the old mods didn't see it (I don't remember who they were, so I don't know which of them are still here), or they didn't care. There weren't a lot of replies, but it looked as though teoretically something could be done - if the old mods took action. It was all very frustrating because there is nothing little people like us can do about it. I was and still am very upset over the disappearance of the old thread. There were a lot of important continuity, backgrounds and rules in that thread, plus some really amazing sporks.

Author:  Oliver [ Thu Jul 30, 2015 9:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Hey, the old sporkings aren't available, I was really hoping to read the complete turnabout one, is there any way to read them?

Author:  blahmoomoo [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 4:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Just an FYI: I asked the support of the invisionfree boards if they knew what happened to Court Records 1.0. Looks like somebody deleted the board, whether by the intended root user or by someone who discovered the root user's password, and apparently there isn't any way to recover it because there wasn't a backup system.

It isn't a license thing; invisionfree apparently doesn't delete inactive forums.

Author:  Oliver [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 5:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

blahmoomoo wrote:
Just an FYI: I asked the support of the invisionfree boards if they knew what happened to Court Records 1.0. Looks like somebody deleted the board, whether by the intended root user or by someone who discovered the root user's password, and apparently there isn't any way to recover it because there wasn't a backup system.

It isn't a license thing; invisionfree apparently doesn't delete inactive forums.

So does that mean I can't read the old ones? Dammit!

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 5:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

So basically, we can declare CR 1.0 dead and buried? So many great memories lost. Now if we still want to recover them, we'll have no choice but to check with members of the old thread to see if they still have backups, but that's much too tedious.

That just means we'll have to keep this thread afloat, yeah? It's a much too important trademark of these forums to let disappear into oblivion. And since there are way too many fics out there still available to be sporked, I doubt we'll need to go back to those already sporked anyway.

Another roll call for the record: Who is doing what?

I've picked up that "Rubina" fic at the moment, but am considering that meta-fanfiction I posted all the way back when.

Author:  Pessimistic_Fool [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 8:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Well that's just... I don't even know how to describe what that is.
So many beautiful sporks and info gone forever. Deliberately deleted?
Why would they do such a thing? Just, why? What did we ever do to them? :(

And no, it can not be retreived. Some of the people who wrote those sporks )most of them, actually) are no longer active in this forum. One who is never replied to me about it, but my guess is that they moved on and may feel embarrassed to repost their sporks, if they even still have them.
I know for a fact that our original sporker #1, Neni, no longer has the sporks she's written, exceopt for the one that has already been reposted.
Not to mention that many details were only posted in the comments between sporks, and who would have copied those?

I still have my old sporks, but should I really repost them all when they take up so much space, and would seruiously make the spork thread a mess nobody could keep track of? Especially when one of those sporks upset someone when it was originally posted? Wouldn't that look a little inconsiderate toward that person? :ron:

Is it worth posting fan works at all when all this time and effort will eventually just be thrown away like that?

Author:  Oliver [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 8:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

But I really wanted to see them spork a good fic (complete turnabout) :sob:

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:35 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!


Currently I have a JustiCykesQuill (yes, you read that right) fic in my bookmarks but I'm not sure when I'll get to it. Also, School's coming up so I'll probably be busy for a while.

Can't wait to see the Rubina fic sparked. Long live the Mary Sue!

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 1:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I was thinking about doing that "Phoenix is either a mouse or the size of one" fic I posted a while ago. And of course the Kink Meme Special II at some point, and that weirdly meta one I called dibs on ages ago... I'd forgotten about it...

Author:  Crescent Moon [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 2:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'm still working on that "Undeclared Tenant" story.

Author:  Mayu Igiyooki [ Fri Jul 31, 2015 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

...can't anyone spoiler tag those gigantic posts?

Author:  luck [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 10:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Guys, what do you think about fics that involve rape, incest, an awful lot of nonsensical pairings, some really disturbing things and downright stupidity and aren't Law Plus Chaos? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 12:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'm three paragraphs in and already the fic is bothering me on how it makes no sense. Someone better than me needs to spork this. I do recommend we have Tateyuki Shigaraki join in for this sparking, though.

Author:  billythecactus [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Oh man, luck, that fic...

I submitted a whole bunch of excerpts from it to the AA "bad" fanfic tumblr. I can't wait to see it in crude photoshopped pic glory.

(Unfortunately, I'm not a great sporker by any stretch, so I'll leave that to the pros.)

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 4:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

What's the AA "bad" fanfic tumblr?

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 5:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I'm quitting the JustiCykesQuill fic. It's a slog to read through, much less spork. I'm only halfway through the fic and my sporking is over 14 pages long. Here's the link if anyone wants to attempt to spork, but be warned, it's a doozy: ... Triplicity

Author:  billythecactus [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

AireyVerkhovensky wrote:
What's the AA "bad" fanfic tumblr?

I say "bad" because many of the quotes are taken from either trollfic or are taken EXTREMELY out of context from a fic that isn't really bad.

But I love this blog, I can't tell you how many times I've pretty much cried from laughter. :moe-laugh:

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Mon Aug 03, 2015 5:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Thank you billythecactus! Not only is it hilarious, it's a great way to find sporkable fics, too!

For example, Here's some I found: ... -Detective ... -Are-Twins ... -My-Ladder ... -539788559

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Tue Aug 04, 2015 4:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

The title of today's fic is:
A story of passion
the link for it is here: ... of-passion

Today's fic is rated three out of five sahwits: :sahwit: :sahwit: :sahwit:
The fic is a love story between an OOC Kristoph and an OC so lacking in personality I confused her with Ema until she was named, and that wasn't until the end. This fic has no conflict and very little plot, creepy behaviors and sexual assault are played as romantic, and Klavier shows up in the middle for no other reason other than to add padding. This fic also has various spelling and grammatical errors.

Our sporkers:

(Apollo, Ema and Klavier appear in the sporking theater.)

Ema: Does anybody know what we’re sporking today? I have some scientific investigation to do.

Klavier: We all have our jobs to do, Fraulien…except for Herr Forehead over there.

Apollo: HEY!

Ema: You didn’t answer my question, fop.

Klavier: I don’t know, Fraulien. I stopped getting scripts from Management a long time ago, ja?

Ema: Well, it’s better not be like last time.

Klavier: I hope so, too, ja?

Ema: Why? You’re not the one who committed suicide by using a gun made of feces!

Klavier: Nien, I just got smashed to death by the moon.

Apollo: (Oh, the conversations we have in this theater…)

(The lights turn off and the show starts)

A story of passion

Ema: The title’s not properly capitalized. That’s never a good sign.

(ok this wont fit into the summery but i wrote this for my likes Kristoph Gavin and i told her i would write this)

Apollo: For your what? Your Mother? Your Sister? Your Friend? You can’t just expect us to read your mind.

Klavier: A girl that like my bruder of all people? Nien!

Ema: So there are girls out there the fop won’t sleep with. Fascinating.

On a rainy day in July.

Apollo: That’s not a sentence, author!

There was a had soft brown hair and brown eyes and was a true beauty.


Apollo: Again? What is with this story and leaving out nouns?

But there was on problem.

Klavier: But no off problems, ja?

She was Emo.


Ema: Not. One. Word. Got it?

Klavier and Apollo: *nod silently*

Ema: Good.

She picked a single rose and pricking her finger in the process. She watched the blood drip down onto the green earth til a man grabbed her hand and kissed her finger and bandaged it."

Ema: Has this person ever heard of personal space? Kissing and touching a person without consent is sexual assault, you know.

Are you ok?" a young man of 28 asked the girl. He was a classy man dressed in a purple suit and white shoes to match his blond drill-like hair glasses blue eyes and semi-tan skin."

All: …

Ema: I should have known. It’s a fusion between the fop and his criminal brother.

Klavier: Nien.

Apollo: Wait, if it’s a fusion, shouldn’t the guy be bigger than that? And have extra limbs?

What dose it matter to you?! you wouldn't understand!" the girl said as she ran til her arm was grabbed by the man."L-LET GO!" the Girl screeched but the man wouldn't let go. A while later the girl gave in ans went home with the man. Soon things went slow to fast in there ever growing relationship.

Ema: And now he’s sexually coercing her into a relationship. Lovely.

There was a fiery hot passion they both felt for each other but nothing too extreme.

Apollo: Got to make sure the audience knows this relationship isn’t too passionate. Otherwise they might think the relationship isn’t healthy or something.

They introduced themselves then started canoodling on the couch til they both went to sleep in the same bed after a a few glasses of fine red wine.


Klavier: So, right after they introduced themselves, they started ‘canoodling’? Maybe you should slow down, ja?

Ema: And they’re drunk. This can only end badly.

The next day the man woke up and it was 1 in the afternoon. There were shards of glass and sleeping pill bottles on the floor. The blond couldn't remember much from last-night but he was sure it was fine.

Apollo: Yeah, just ignore the signs of struggle and amnesia, I’m sure it’s just fine.

He reached over to the phone forgetting his younger brother's number but remembered it 30 minutes after. The younger brother was named Klavier Gavin a pop star icon to all girls alike and a rocking prosecutor."

Apollo: Wait? You two unfused? When?

Klavier: And 30 minutes later he remembers my number, ja? That’s a half-hour!

W-WHAT IS IT?!GET OFF THE LINE NOW THE PRISON MIGHT CALL!" Yelled the younger brother between sobs.

Ema: Good. Tell them your brother has sexually assaulted a young woman.

Apollo: Why is Klavier expecting a call from prison anyway?

He was still upset from the incident of last year where his lead Guitarist Daryan Crescend got arrested for smuggling across the border."

Ema: Wait…if Detective Crescend has already been arrested, then why is Gavin not in jail?

Klavier: I don’t think this author has fully grasped that my brother is a dangerous murderer, not the main love interest of a bad romantic novel.


Ema: It’s ‘glimmerous’ not glimmering. And no, he has not nor will he ever will.

Klavier: I guess that girl wasn’t Ema after all. Well, that’s why we give characters names, ja?

The youngest was silent and hung up soon after and started to cry. The brothers were so close but there brotherly love soon was torn apart at the seems after the eldest got his defense attorney badge.

Klavier: Nien, it wasn’t him being a defense attorney badge that tore us apart, it was him being a murderer.

They were the Gavin brothers Kristoph the oldest and Klavier the youngest both were big at law and order and both were German. They never argued when they were kids but up til then it was separated.

Apollo: Mr. Gavin might have been a big shot defense attorney but he doesn’t care nearly as much about the law as Prosecutor Gavin does.

Klavier: Thanks, Herr Forehead.

The girl soon woke up and freaking out cause her locket she had was gone.

Apollo: And now we’re back to the OC again. I almost forgot she existed.

. She forgot she gave it to Kristoph the night before before she crashed out on his bed sleeping from the pills. She saw the necklace around his neck and soon calmed down"Oh! You have it!i remembered never mind Kristoph!^^" the girl said.

Apollo: Did she literally end her sentence with “caret caret”?

" It's ok my Kai darling~" Kristoph said with a loving sigh.

Klavier: Kristoph…loving sigh…Uggh. *shudders*

the Necklace was a burning remembrance of there love.

Apollo: I hope it burns him then.

A few months later they got married. forever they would be known as Kai&Kristoph Gavin attorneys at law and lovers at law. The end

Apollo: And a few months after that, Mr. Gavin got arrested for double homicide. The end.

Ema: Well, that was anticlimactic.

(The lights flicker back on.)

Apollo: That wasn’t as bad as last time.

Klavier: Speak for yourself, Herr Forehead! You didn’t watch your homicidal brother become a creepy love interest in a bad romance fic!

Ema: Eh. I thought it was bad, too but at least it was short.

Klavier: Ja, there’s that, I suppose…

Apollo: Don’t you two have work to do? Let’s get out of here.

(All three promptly get out of their seats and leave.)

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Tue Aug 04, 2015 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I always wonder what possesses these authors to write this... stuff.

Author:  Skittlemask [ Tue Aug 04, 2015 5:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Wow, talk about a plain OC. Anyway, I thought the sporking was pretty good and the only real nitpick that I have is that I felt that Klavier said "ja" just a little too much. Other than that, I thought it was pretty smooth.

cuteyounggirlplus wrote:

Oh god, that fic. I found that one a looong time ago and when I was thinking of something to spork this one came to my mind, but I couldn't find it. If no one minds, I'm thinking of doing this one as my next sporking. So thanks @cuteyounggirlplus for finding it again!

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:40 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I have an idea: Have any of you heard about Turnabout Storm? It's a fairly popular fan video series crossing Ace Attorney with My Little Pony. :eh?: Yeah, unlikely crossover I know. However, it has "an unofficial and highly expanded story adaption" and I was wondering if we should go ahead and spork one of the most popular Ace Attorney crossovers I know of. I can't do it my own as it's 68 chapters long and I have other things in my life going on soon. If anyone thinks this is a good idea or wants to help, just tell me okay?

Oh, and one more thing: One of the "expansions" in the story is the Phoenix/Twilight ship. :ack: Heh heh heh heh….

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Wed Aug 05, 2015 12:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I could probably do a few chapters here and there. What I really wanna know is which sporker(s) is/are the closet brony. Is it Apollo? I vote Apollo. I once wrote a fanfic where Apollo was a fan of My Little Pony: The Next Generation

Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Wed Aug 05, 2015 1:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Based on the existence of that crossover, I'd say it's Nick. Second guess would be Edgey because... he's such a closet fan about kids' shows, ya know? And My Little Pony is appropriate for all ages.

I suppose if I can find the time, I could lend a hand too, but I don't know when that will be. I'll let you guys know then. For now, I'm busy enough with my latest catch.

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Thu Aug 06, 2015 12:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Presenting: Turnabout Storm!

I'm not going to rate this fic until I'm finished, if that ever happens. (This fic is long. Like longer than the video series long.)

Today's sporkers:

(Edgeworth, Phoenix, Maya and Apollo are teleported into their seats.)

Maya: Hey, I wonder what we’ll be sporking today?

Edgeworth: Something terrible no doubt.

Phoenix: Does it really matter?

Apollo: It’s not like Management ever gives us any hints anymore.

Maya: Wow. You’re all kind of downers today.

Apollo: Eh. Let’s just get it over with.

(The lights go down.)

Phoenix Wright - Turnabout Storm!

Phoenix: I’m guessing this fic has something to do with the weather…

Apollo: (Ah, there it is, the great insight of the famous Phoenix Wright…)

Conversation in the Forest.

Maya: So this chapter is just going to be about two people talking in the woods. Boring.

In the dark of the Everfree Forest, a mysterious meeting was taking place…

Apollo: A good hook. Never thought I’d see one of those around here.

Edgeworth: …

Only the silhouettes of two ponies were visible as they faced off in the dimly-lit clearing; from their stance and demeanor, it was clear their discussion would not be a friendly one.


Phoenix: Wait, what?

Apollo: We’re doing a fic about ponies?

Edgeworth: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, to be exact.

All but Edgeworth: …

Edgeworth: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the fourth generation in the long line of animated television shows called “My Little Pony” that were meant to sell the identically named toys made by Hasbro. Created by Lauren Faust, The show…

All but Edgeworth: …

Edgeworth: It was for a case.

Apollo: Right.

“Time for negotiations…” one of the darkened figures broke the tense silence, addressing the other pony in front of him.

Maya: Ooh, this is getting suspenseful.

“Forget it! I’m NOT doing it!” the second pony refused in a very familiar female voice.

Apollo: Not to me.

Edgeworth: You’re not the target audience of this fic, Mr. Justice.

“Do it or ELSE!” the first voice threatened, showing her a large envelope.

Edgeworth: Hm. It appears the one pony is threating another pony with an envelope. Since envelopes by themselves are not usually very threating, it would logically follow that it is the contents of the envelope that are threating. …I think we witnessing blackmail.

Phoenix: I see we have motive already established.

“I don't care about that anymore… ” the familiar voice growled, her wings flared in anger. “Besides, I have a better idea!”


“Enjoy this parting GIFT!” she sneered just before darting up into the sky to kick a hidden cloud, causing it to fire a lightning bolt down into the clearing with a bright flash and earshattering...

Phoenix: Did the pony just a kick a cloud…and lightning came out?

Maya: Duh. What else would come out of clouds?

Apollo: Rain, snow, hail… Lots of things really.
Maya: Sheesh.

Phoenix: That didn’t answer my question.

Edgeworth: For your information, Wright, pegasi have the ability to manipulate the weather.

Phoenix: *raises eyebrow* Wow, you sure seem to know a lot about this show. Was this really necessary for your case, hm?

Edgeworth: ……Shut up, Wright.


The jagged stroke briefly but brilliantly lit up the forest, revealing the second pony to be a cyan-furred pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane…

Edgeworth: *leaps out of his seat* No! Rainbow Dash!

Maya: Wow, you seem really invested for a show you only know about for a case.

Edgeworth: …

(The lights turn back on.)

Maya: That was short.

Edgeworth: …

Phoenix: Um, Edgeworth? You okay?

Edgeworth: …I’m fine…just a bit taken aback, that is all.

Phoenix: If you say so.

(The lights turn back off)

Wright & Co. Law Offices

June 9th, 9:43PM

Mid-evening found Phoenix Wright, attorney-at-law, lounging on his office recliner doing some paperwork when his cellphone rang.

Maya: Wow, Phoenix. I didn’t know you did paperwork in the evening. I always thought you did at the very last minute!
Phoenix: (That’s because I do do it at the very last minute…)

“Wright and Co. Law Offices, ‘defending you like its nuttin’, baby’!” Phoenix recited his slogan to the caller, hoping to be speaking to a prospective client. But as had been so often the case in recent weeks, he was disappointed. “No… sorry… I-I don’t need a vegetable dicer… I’m sure that… ugh…”


Maya: Wow! What a great slogan!

Phoenix: It certainly is…. memorable.

Phoenix turned his phone off and put it back in his pocket, mumbling to himself. “That stupid slogan Maya came up with must be making business this slow. I should really have it revised…” he grumbled. “Scratch that, I NEED to have it revised. What a ridiculous slogan! Who are we trying to attract, grade school students?” he wondered aloud, resolving to do so the next day and wondering how he would break the news to Maya, his teenaged assistant.

Maya: Nick, I’d like to see you try and come up with a slogan if you think my idea is bad.

Edgeworth: Hmph. How about “When we’ve got nothing, we start bluffing!”

Maya: That’s mean.


Maya: Eh. Something less shout-y.

Phoenix: Or: “Wright Anything Agency. We’re the ‘Wright’ choice!”

All: …

Maya: …Gee, Nick, that was terrible.

“I guess it’s a good sign though. The less people in need of an attorney, the less problems there are in the world,” he mused, trying to look on the bright side. “Unfortunately, sunshine and smiles don’t pay the bills.”

Apollo: Unfortunately.

Phoenix stood up and stretched, feeling his shoulders crick. “Guess I can at least call it in early tonight.” No sooner had he resolved to leave when he felt something very powerful strike and grab hold of him, seizing the lawyer in an unseen grasp.

“ARGH!!!” he screamed, trying futilely to break free. “W-what’s going on?!”

Apollo: You’re being attacked.

Another strike hit him, this time on his head. He tried to ward off the invisible attacker, only to find…”I can’t move my body!” Wait, is my hand fading away?!

His vision became darker and darker, the room fading before his eyes. Getting… dizzy… am I… dying?

His strength depleted, he fell unconscious, succumbing to the unknown force.

Maya: No! Not Nick!


June 9th, 9:45PM

“Ughhhhh…” Phoenix let out a groan, just starting to recover from his bizarre experience.

Maya: Oh. He’s not dead then.

Phoenix: ( “Oh. He’s not dead then.” I get attacked in the office and almost die and all you say is “Oh. He’s not dead then.”?)

“Hey! Who the heck are YOU?!” an unfamiliar female voice broke the silence,
ignoring his moan of pain.

Whose voice is that? he wondered to himself, still unable to see.

“For that matter… WHAT the heck are you?” the voice added.

Apollo: A lousy piano player.

Phoenix: Hey!

What am I? What kind of question is that? Does she mean my profession? he thought, more confused than ever.

“I wanted the best attorney in Equestria, not some… porcupine thing!”

Phoenix: Why does everyone compare my hair to a porcupine?

Maya: Because it’s black and spikey.

Phoenix: Yeah…well, it’s more spikey than a porcupine anyway!

Despite his disorientation, the defense attorney couldn’t help but grumble over the insult to his spiky hair. Does my hair REALLY look like a porcupine…? he silently groused, realizing he could move again. My muscles are coming to; I think I can open my eyes… Phoenix slowly did so, only to be greeted by a much different place than his own office.

He was in a wide, multi-level room that looked like it had been hollowed out of the interior of a large tree. The space—a library?—was lined with well-stocked bookshelves seemingly carved directly out of the trunk; on the far end of the room was a loft with a bed small enough to fit a child. “Huh? Where am I?” he asked, not recognizing his surroundings. Suddenly, a small purple horse with a darker-striped mane and a single spiral horn on its forehead entered his view.

Phoenix: Hey, Edgeworth, who is that?

Edgeworth: That’s Twilight Sparkle. She’s the protagionist.

Maya: Cool! Nick, Look, she’s got a similar color scheme to me!

Edgeworth: …Hm, I never noticed that before.

“Hey… you’re a human, aren’t you?” the equine asked in the same unfamiliar voice as before, studying him closely.

“Y-yeah, I’m a human…” he confirmed to the talking horse in front of him… at which moment his common sense finally kicked in. “WAIT! WHAT?!”

Edgeworth: It kicked in faster than usual, I’d say.

Phoenix: Hey!

“A human in Equestria, that’s amazing!” the small horse said, delighted and intrigued.

Phoenix gaped. “Y-YOU’RE A TALKING HORSE!!” he blurted out, completely unable to accept what lay before his eyes.

Edgeworth: And keener observational skills, too!

Phoenix: (What is it, ‘Make Fun of Phoenix Day’?)

“Excuse me! I am not a horse, I happen to be a pony,” the equine corrected him with a slightly offended air.

Apollo: Well, that explains everything, doesn’t it?

“Oh! Okay! A talking PONY! That explains everything!” Phoenix retorted, still freaked out over the creature in front of him. “I must be in a dream… a really REALLY bad dream…” he told himself, clutching his head.

Apollo: … (Why did I have to think the same thing as the Boss did?)

The purple pony seemed almost amused. “I’m pretty sure you’re not, but… let’s conduct an experiment!” With that, she kicked Phoenix in the gut, hard.

“OW!! What was that for?!” Phoenix doubled over, grabbing his stomach and cringing in pain.

“You acknowledge pain; therefore that definitely means you aren’t dreaming,” she concluded with a satisfied grin.

Phoenix gave her a glare. This thing has a really sick sense of humor!

Maya: So does this mean that whenever someone thinks they’re dreaming, I get to kick them?

All but Maya: No!

As the purple pony observed him closely, she noticed his royal blue business suit and red tie. “Wait… are you a defense attorney?” she asked, almost hopefully.

Apollo: Well, you were wanting for the best attorney in Equestria…

(Twilight begins to explain)

“Well I was performing a spell to call upon ‘The Greatest Defense Attorney in Equestria’,” she began to explain, continuing to study him curiously.

“What’s ‘Equestria’?” Phoenix demanded to know, struggling to sit up, his gut still sore.

“The name of this country!” she replied brightly.

Finally, Phoenix had had it. “But I’m not FROM this country!” he shouted at her, pounding his fists down on the wooden floor in frustration.

“I must have left out the ‘Equestria’ part when I cast the spell. I guess I called upon ‘The Greatest Defense Attorney’… period. Go figure, huh?” she offered with an embarrassed air.

Apollo: (I beg to differ.)

Oh cosmos, you flatter me… he thought, deciding that certain honors he could do without. “Well can you please send me back? Like… RIGHT NOW?!”

Maya: Nick! She said she wanted a defense attorney. Don’t be rude to a potential customer!

Phoenix: …But she kidnapped me!

(Much to Phoenix’s vexation, Twilight asks if Phoenix could defend her friend.)

Phoenix: I’m going to end up agreeing to this, aren’t I?

Phoenix rubbed his eyes. “Let me just get my head together; this is a little too much for me!” he replied, sitting up as the pain in his gut receded. “First off, who are you and where am I?”

She answered instantly, though it didn’t mean much to him. “My name is Twilight Sparkle. I’m a disciple of Princess Celestia, the monarch of this land. I am chronicling the Magic of Friendship for her, and… you’re in the town of Ponyville!”

Apollo: Well, you can certainly tell this was intended for children.

Edgeworth: *starts to mumble to himself*

“’Celestia?’ ‘Magic of Friendship’? ‘Ponyville’…?” he quoted, more bewildered than ever. “Wait a minute! Are you saying there are MORE talking ponies?!” he asked her to clarify, trying not to freak out again.

“Mmm-hmm! Almost all of Ponyville’s inhabitants are ponies,” the violet unicorn assured him, which only made Phoenix even more uneasy.

“Oh joy, this just keeps better and better,” he replied sarcastically.

Maya: I dunno, If I got to travel to land of talking ponies. I’d be exicted! Maybe I’d get to ride one!

Just then, Twilight had an idea. “Hey, I know! Be right back!” Trotting off, she went to one of the book shelves and started to browse her books with her… magic?

Edgeworth: Unicorns can use magic by channeling through their horns.

Maya; Ooh! What about channeling spirits?

Edgeworth: No.

Maya: Aw.

A minute later, she returned with something. “Found it! Here you go. You’re new here, so you can read this… uh… ‘detailed’ encyclopedia of the different ponies in Equestria,” she offered, floating a small book with a heart on the front to Phoenix.

Reluctantly, Phoenix took a look at the girlie-looking thing. “Hmmm… wait, it says ‘For Early Ages’ on the cover! This is a children’s book!” he shouted, slamming it down in anger for being treated like a kid with no sense at all… which in this new world, Twilight knew he was.

Phoenix: Even the fic is making fun of me.

“Well you see… this stuff is kind of common knowledge around here,” she explained with a slightly goofy expression on her face.
Though still annoyed, Phoenix read the book—all twelve words of it:

The Filly’s Guide to Ponies

• Earth Ponies founded land
• Unicorns use magic
• Pegasi soar through the air.

“You called this detailed? I read the book cover to back in ten seconds flat!” he told her in an irritated tone, adding the book to his inventory.

Edgeworth: That’s not all there is to know about ponies…

Maya: Well, that’s what you’re here for, right?

(The subject goes back to Twilight’s friend.)

“No it’s not that, it’s my friend… I know she is not guilty but she is going to be punished for a crime she didn’t commit,” the violet unicorn explained, leaving Phoenix relieved that his comment hadn’t offended his only way home.

“What kind of crime is she being accused of?” he asked, the attorney in him now curious.

“Murder…” Twilight said quietly.

Surprise, Surprise, Phoenix thought.

Phoenix: It’s always murder. Even when I’m doing a theft case, it’s murder.

“Murder never happens in Ponyville, or Equestria for that matter, so the punishment is very severe…” she added ominously.

“What is the punishment?” Phoenix asked, holding his breath, knowing what it would be in his world.

“Banishment,” Twilight answered sadly.

The human lawyer relaxed a bit. “Well that isn’t so bad compared to—”

“To the moon… or even to the sun,” she finished, causing Phoenix to gape anew. “I’ve convinced the Princess to go easy on her, but she will have no choice if the verdict ends up being guilty.”

Phoenix: That’s cruel and unusual!

Edgeworth: It’s based on the show. You see, when Nightmare Moon threatened to make the night last forever…

And forget what I just said, sheesh! Being sent to the sun is ‘going easy on someone’? Remind me never to do anything bad in this place! he silently cringed. “So… uh… Twilight, do you know any details of the crime?”

Edgeworth: That being said I doubt they’d banish you for bluffing too much, Wright.

(The two talk some more. Basically Twilight’s friend is in the detention center and you have to be a defense lawyer to visit.)

Phoenix: Sheesh, that’s harsher than our rules!

Maya: Really?

Edgeworth: You don’t have to be a lawyer to visit someone in the detention center; you just have to be one to represent a client.

Maya: Huh. The more you know.

Now fully understanding of her plight, Phoenix decided he could do that much for her, at least. “Okay then… since I’m a Defense Attorney let’s go to this detention center,” he offered, finally getting to his feet.

“Really? So you’ll take the case?!” she asked hopefully, but Phoenix raised his hands to keep her from getting too excited.

Phoenix: Do I have a choice?

“Hey, hey… I haven’t decided on that part yet, I just thought the least I could do is help you get in to speak with your friend,” he clarified, not about to commit to anything.

She gave him a grateful smile. “Thank you for your kindness, Phoenix Wright.”

Phoenix: (If only wasn’t always being taken advantage of.)

That sparked something inside the lawyer’s mind. “Uh… how did you know my name? I haven’t introduced myself yet…”

He caught a momentary flash of panic in the equine’s purple eyes. “Oh! Uh… I did… uh, a quick identification spell,” she explained.

“’Identification spell’?” Phoenix repeated, instantly suspicious.

“Yeah! An identification spell! Anyway, let me prepare a few things, then we can head to the detention center,” she said, trotting off to another room.

Apollo: I don’t even need my bracelet to know she’s lying.

Phoenix watched her leave, his mind still turning. After I get her inside to talk with her friend, I’ll let her off easy and make her send me back home. There is no WAY I’m taking a case this weird! he decided, planning to make sure she sent him home in time for some dinner.

Phoenix: That’s not happening. Is it?

(The lights flicker on.)

Phoenix: I guess will have to wait to see what happens next.

Edgeworth: Are we sporking a fic that’s actually…good?

Apollo: I know, hard to wrap your mind around, huh?

Edgeworth: …I can’t believe it. There must be some sort of trick to it.

Maya: Eh. Whatever you say. I’m just glad we can get out of here.

(Immediately, All four are teleported out.)

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Aug 06, 2015 12:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I think Edgeworth's favorite pony would be Rarity or Twilight Sparkle. Probably Rarity.

Also, can I steal the “When we’ve got nothing, we start bluffing!” joke? :gant:

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Thu Aug 06, 2015 12:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!


Author:  Rubia Ryu the Royal [ Thu Aug 06, 2015 1:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

Oh, wow. I didn't expect you'd be starting on it so soon. I already finished my latest draft, but in this case, it'd be too awkward to slip mine into the thread now, especially that I bring Nick and Edgeworth back in mine (as well as an old favorite). If people are interested in seeing it right away, maybe I could post it elsewhere first, like on one of my tumblr blogs instead? I haven't actually used it in forever.

Out of curiosity, how long did it take you to write this up?

Now for a quick review. All in all, pretty good sporking, but there were a few points I was slightly concerned:

- First, it wouldn't harm playing around with the Management or the narrator, even. The intro and outro are pretty lacking.

- Next, Maya seems a little OOC, actually. She may be this hyperactive usually, but she's too predictable. I like my Mayas rather witty.

- Apollo, meanwhile, is a bit too flat; he gives nothing but snark, aside from the overused "I'm fine" gag. (He's also surprisingly disrespectful to his boss, but I'll let that slide this time.)

- Lastly, though this is purely imo, I would not consider this fic "good". It is decent, especially considering the much poorer quality that we often see here, but I would have pointed out that as of this first chapter, Nick's characterization in the fic is more aggressive than it should be. Also, on a side note, Twilight herself seems too... whiny. The video series did them well enough; this fic is another story altogether.

That said, I can tell I am going to enjoy brony!Edgeworth.

Author:  AireyVerkhovensky [ Thu Aug 06, 2015 1:04 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

I wanna see your sporking, Rubia!

Author:  cuteyounggirlplus [ Thu Aug 06, 2015 1:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Let's spork some horrible Fanfiction!

@Rubia Well, I thought it was good by Sporking Theater standards not actual standards. But I would totally love to see your sporking! You're far better at this than me.

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