Please do not take this too seriously. This is nothing but absolute insanity written to amuse myself. Although I do like to think that this explains Klavier's mindset...

Title: PHAIL AT LIEF
Author: Objection Plz (Kawaii Overdose on FF and MaoAoko on dA)
Rating: K+
Genre: Humor
Status: Complete
Pairing: One-sided KlavMaya, MilesMaya, mentioned Feenris
Summary: And then, in that sad moment, Klavier Gavin realized that he failed at life.



Klavier Gavin had a secret.

It wasn’t a secret that could be seen with a Psyche-Lock. It was a rather silly ordeal to anyone who heard it, but to say it was silly was basically admitting that you didn’t know Klavier at all, though it is fair that they were surprised by the topic. His greatest secret, of all things, was the real reason that he tried to prove that Phoenix Wright was a forger.

In order to understand his secret, we must go back a year before that fateful trial. His former classmate, Franziska Von Karma, was visiting for the holidays, and that is when Klavier learned of Phoenix Wright. At first, he merely shrugged at her statements; Franzy often did have a way of ranting over those who did her “injustice”, but when he heard that he had defeated the freaktastically young prodigy, Klavier was intrigued and came back to America to see what this man was capable of.

And that’s when he saw her.

Fräulein Maya Fey, in her stunning Japanese grab, long black ash hair and deep onyx eyes, and her adorable and hilarious personality. It was love at first sight for the rocker, it was. He would have run straight to her side during that Max Galactica trial and into her arms, given her a diamond encrusted burger as an engagement present and carried her off in a heartbeat, if it wasn’t for one little thing.

The words of the tiny girl, Pearl Fey.

Klavier saw her as well; he would have been quite proud to call her his cousin as well once he and Maya were married, but it was what she said concerning his dear Maya and Mr. Wright.

“Mr. Nick… I know about you… you must be Mystic Maya’s… special someone…!”

Them? A couple? No! It couldn’t be true! But alas, he had no choice but to believe the eight-year-old’s words. Soon he entered the 5 Stages of Love-Lost Sickness: Shock, Denial, Bargaining, Despair, and finally Resentment For He Who Would Take His Woman. Phoenix Wright would not be around Maya long enough to tempt her with his tempty defense attorney ways!

(Unfortunately, Klavier did not stay long enough to witness the trial of Hazakura Temple, or else he would have known that Phoenix currently had a girlfriend and was not dating Maya, but as is the way of the universe, he wasn’t there, he didn’t know, and well, here we are.)

So, when his dear brother Kristoph came claiming that Phoenix was taking over his case, telling him that Mr. Wright was not be to trusted or respected, Klavier was too wrapped up in the possibility of gaining his lovely Maya’s love that the fact that his brother was too well informed and probably had more to do with it than he thought was placed aside and would not resurface for another seven years.

But his lack of thinking things through is another story.

So as well all know, the rock star prosecutor named Phoenix as a forger with no decisive evidence (a bit hypocritical, when you think about it). It was after that trial that he immediately started a search for his spiritual songbird. But alas! She was found not to be in the country.

Klavier mourned and mourned for his missing medium, so much so that his mindset changed, much to the chagrin of our favorite detectives, Ema Skye and Daryan Crescend. Ema had to constantly deal with his teasing (as he used it as a way to vent out his frustration), who began to eat Snackoos to vent out her annoyance with her boss.

And Daryan –poor, poor Daryan. As we know, Klavier’s attitude changed the mindset of his band, making Mr. International Affairs Division 3 believe that he needed to smuggle a cocoon out of the country and sell it to the Chief of Police even though he did not partake in the instant noodle diet and was part of a mega-hit band who had three of their songs make platinum. ‘Twas a sad day indeed for Sharky McPhallic-Hair.

And even then, as Ema began to Snackoo the other policemen and as Daryan turned into the image his hair gives off, Franziska Von Karma found time to try his well being as well. She left angry message after angry message on his cell phone, claiming he was a foolishly foolish prosecutor who sang the foolishly foolish words of foolishly foolish love songs and who had foolishly taken her greatest ambition of defeating Mr. Phoenix Wright away from her perfectly perfect self.

Was it even legal to use the word “fool” so many times in one sentence, he wondered? He would have called back and asked, but the sound of that whip cracking painfully in the back brought up too many unwanted memories, so he allowed the calls to flood his phone.

But then finally, finally! Seven years later, and Klavier’s acolyte amore was returning. He hid at the airport, waiting for her to exit her plane. He had it all figured out! He’d come by casually, ask her if she needed help with her luggage, and then finally confess his eight year old feelings to her. But yet again, as is the way of the universe, the powers that be had different plans as Klavier watched his love exit with another by her side, and only one man would ever dare to wear a suit like that and claim it was magenta.

Finally, it hit him. Maya Fey was no longer just Maya Fey.

She was Maya Edgeworth Fey.

The woman he loved had gone and married someone he had known since childhood! His detectives were turning against him! His old classmate was leaving threatening voice mail! It couldn’t get much worse.

Oh, but it did. It did.

Maya turned to the side; she was unmistakably preggers.

A large part of Klavier died that day.

It was twins, he found out later on; a boy and a girl the happy couple planned to name after their late parents. The rocker constantly went emo about this little tidbit. He could have given her little prosecutor spirit medium babies after all…

But now comes the end of this story, one we know so well: Klavier was defeated by a n00b three times, his best friend went to jail, a former classmate wanted his head on a pike. the love of his life was married without ever even knowing he existed (she was too busy with The Zappy Samurai: Electric Bugaboo to even notice the Gavinners existence, apparently), he got an honest man fired and ruinedhis reputation, he had a hand in oprphaning a little girl, and his older was brother was off his freakin’ nail polish lovin’ rocker.

And then, in that sad moment of clarity, Klavier Gavin realized he failed at life.

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Th-this is EPIC! Pure. Win. 8D

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Once you hit the word 'preggers', the hilarity ensues.

Until then, it's still amusing.

EPIC WIN EITHER WAY!

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This was funny. Because it's so filled with facts, you could believe this to be real.
...
EPIC WIN