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Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title

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WARNING

The following link leads to a little and plotless piece of p0rn.

So be aware that the following story is very short, has no plot and doesn't have anyone behaving even remotely in character.

Oh, and, also, that it's about Lana/Ema.

You have been warned!

Enjoy.

Free as a Jailbird
"Humanity is measured by the soul, not the flesh." ~~ Layla
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title
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Make Kurain Great Again!

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Hmm...

Waitasecond, I know you.

You're the same person who wrote the Lash/Sonja pieces.
I yell "OBJECTION!" in the court sometimes!
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Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title

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Chinese Infantry wrote:
Hmm...

Waitasecond, I know you.

You're the same person who wrote the Lash/Sonja pieces.

Yes, I also wrote some Lash/Sonja.

And I'm probably the only person so far to ever write Lash/Sonja/Lash. Sal
"Humanity is measured by the soul, not the flesh." ~~ Layla
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title
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Make Kurain Great Again!

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Ayup, I even saw the Fanart DemonMads made.

Good stuff, good stuff...
I yell "OBJECTION!" in the court sometimes!
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Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title
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[Watchin' you]

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I feel so....dirty reading that. XD;

Good job.
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title
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;-;

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SUPER HARSH CRITICISM AHEAD

It was... interesting, to say the least.

It wasn't much better then Bright Skyes. Which Bright Skyes wasn't very good either.

Look, I don't want to be 100% negative or anything, but is this honestly the best you can do? You aren't doing much to push the quality in yuri fanfictions. This is why I don't read too many adult fanfictions. They seem to be written with one hand, if you get my drift.

Your writing wasn't terrible (unlike alot of fanfiction authors), it's just lacking substance. It all feels wholly generic.

It wasn't good, it wasn't bad, I was just blah.
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title

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Z3r02007 wrote:
Look, I don't want to be 100% negative or anything, but is this honestly the best you can do?

Probably not. But I must sadly admit I just don't have the patience any more.


Z3r02007 wrote:
They seem to be written with one hand, if you get my drift.

I do.

And you have no idea how much that statement amuses me.


Z3r02007 wrote:
Your writing wasn't terrible (unlike alot of fanfiction authors), it's just lacking substance. It all feels wholly generic.

It wasn't good, it wasn't bad, I was just blah.

Fair enough.

But then, how best to improve?
"Humanity is measured by the soul, not the flesh." ~~ Layla
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title
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To improve? Here's my advice.

Logical progression. Most fanfictions are like ZOMG LET'S HEAV SECHS. Avoid this like a hydrophobic cat does water. Love is a feeling that requires progression and logical steps. Why do these two people want to do the horizontal cha-cha? This will be especially tough with illogical pairings. Ask questions as to why would their sisterly love go farther. Remember the Older sibling/younger sibling instinct. Often ignored in incest pairings is this key instinct. Being an older brother, I could never imagine doing it with my younger sister. It feels wrong, and I know it's wrong. Do a little research on this instinct (ask me questions, if you like; I have an older brother AND younger sister).

It helps to be patient too. I know adult fanfiction is about getting characters in bed as quickly as possible, but SLOW DOWN! Stretch it out over multiple chapters. Chronicle the start of the romance, the slow growth, the confession, the first kiss, the even furthered relationship, THEN they should hop in the good foot and do the bad thing. Talk about afterward, then end the fiction. Add in plenty of character development, and don't make too many jumps in logic. Feelings grow slowly and surely, and the characters should reflect this.

When you actually get to the scene of the characters doing it...

Well, I can't help you there. I'm a virgin and I have no place to talk about the feeling of making love. Watching lesbian porn doesn't count, since they merely cheapen the whole experience to get people to fap quickly. Plus, it's all acting. However, there are people who know about it.

Go on 4chan (/u/ should be especially helpful), and ask. It's anonymous, so they really won't mind, as long as it's mature.

Follow these steps, and maybe your fiction will turn into something beautiful and romantic instead of Sal, if that makes any sense at all.
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title

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Z3r02007 wrote:
Follow these steps, and maybe your fiction will turn into something beautiful and romantic instead of Sal, if that makes any sense at all.

It makes lots of sense.

Unfortunately, I've gone through this particular dance so many times already that it's become really boring for me to go through those motions yet again.

So it seems that what you're looking for is the one thing I'm totally burned out on.

I guess that makes my pr0n-y writing, as they say, "just not for you". Sal
"Humanity is measured by the soul, not the flesh." ~~ Layla
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title
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Can't say I'm not disappointed Anubis.

If you want to keep writing the way you do, fine by me.

But I'm afraid you won't grow, won't evolve. Won't break the norm of

Wanna know my idea adult fanfiction? Here's a glimmer. Take Follow the Fool, then add in a sex scene in the end, one that takes up the entire chapter that they use all night to make each other feel like the mot beautiful woman in the world.

But hell, what do I know? I like the think the notion of sex is still a beautiful thing, and not degraded by smut.

Whatever, man.
Re: Free as a JailbirdTopic%20Title

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Z3r02007 wrote:
Can't say I'm not disappointed Anubis.

If you want to keep writing the way you do, fine by me.

But I'm afraid you won't grow, won't evolve.

In order to grow and evolve I have to go back to what I did years ago and have done so often I almost completely lost interest in it?

Well, possibly.


Quote:
Wanna know my idea adult fanfiction? Here's a glimmer. Take Follow the Fool, then add in a sex scene in the end, one that takes up the entire chapter that they use all night to make each other feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

Fair enough.

However, I've tried to read Follow the Fool and it's just not for me. It's a good story, but it couldn't hold my attention because it doesn't do anything I haven't seen before.

So it would seem that, once again, what would captivate you would utterly bore me. I guess I've just grown cynical.


Quote:
But hell, what do I know? I like the think the notion of sex is still a beautiful thing, and not degraded by smut.

Whatever, man.

Eh?

You appear to be implying that I do not consider sex to be a beautiful thing. This is not true. I consider sex to be lots of things. "Beautiful" is one of them, but, frankly, "a bit silly" ranks pretty highly as well. In this particular case, I suppose I focused far too much on the "enjoyable activity" aspect of sex.

But, whatever.

Clearly we don't agree on certain vital aspects of what we like to see in our fanfiction and I doubt we're going to convince each other.
"Humanity is measured by the soul, not the flesh." ~~ Layla
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