Title: "the painful passage of time"
Author: Me, Gray Godot.
Rating: I need to learn something about ratings.
Genre: Drama. (if this is wrong tell me plz)
Summary: We all wear masks to hide our past, feelings, our pain. And if your beloved ones are not there to tell you: "Everything is gonna be just fine". Fate does.



I hope this time is better than the last one, as my second work in this field I expect from your reviews the true even if it hurts. And some constructive criticism would be good.
Hope you enjoy.

Special thanks:
-Purple Angel for giving me the idea of keep writing.
-General Luigi for telling me the first time I wrote that: "It had potential".
-And last but not least to Vio55 for all the time she spend editing and helping me with this. Thanks for everything Kris!

ENJOY!

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Excellent start. I'll be waiting for more. Writing character focuses (that's what I call stories that look into a certain character's life, thoughts, and feelings) can be difficult depending on the character, and especially when you write that character in first person. But I think you have most of Godot's personality down and some of his tone, which is what gets people to recognize in writing, "Ah, that has to be so-and-so"

I believe I just made no sense. In a nutshell, you're doing well getting into character and all of the conventional (grammar, spelling, etc.) look pretty good. Keep going!

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Thanks Caelestis! You win $1.ooo.ooo for being the first post! XD

Thanks for your kind words and for being the only one who has read my fic (Apart from Vio55 who made the editing).

I made my approach into Godot`s mind carefully cause it`s very difficult to understand him, so I feel happy to hear what you say.

I`ll see if I keep going.

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Again, I feel as though it could use more fleshing out. You did a good job of getting into Godot's character, I'll give you that, though I feel as though there is plenty of room to dig deeper. Melody alone is rarely enough to make beautiful music, just as a few glimpses into a story is rarely enough to impress people.

Still, I'm seeing improvement, and I know that my own skill with fan fiction needed time to develop before it was as respectable as it is today, so it would be hypocritical of me to look down on you for struggling in the same spots as I did. Many of my earlier works were similar in depth to what I've seen of your own works so far, so don't get discouraged.

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Thanks General!

I`m not very sure what did you try to say with "fleshing out" maybe if you explain yourself I could apply that to my next fic.

I`m really glad you posted here! I thought Caelestis would be the only one. Even if it`s not as good as I thought I`m happy that you`re being honest with me.

Thanks for the review! And I hope you answer soon to the Question I made you.

BTW I need some advice about a fic I`m trying to come up with: It`s a fic about
/ and I have no experience in romantic fics, so I thought if I asked for advice to an expert in the subject I would have more luck. If you could give me some tips about how could I write a good fic I would be very thankful.

Thanks again.

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By "fleshing out," I mean add more detail where possible--provided the detail isn't too much of a diversion from the plot. I know adding a lot of extra details, such as striking a desk or taking a sip of coffee, can seem trivial, but they can help add additional life to the characters and make them seem more realistic. If you plan on working with romance stories, detail is going to be key; an emotion as strong as love will have difficulty being properly expressed in the story if you don't provide enough detail or depth. Oftentimes, detail itself can help add depth to a story. To draw another connection to music, think of the plot as the melody, and all the details and depth as the accompaniment and--at times--a countermelody.

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I rather agree with General Luigi that this could more details. You have a good start, but it's going to feel more real to your readers if they can picture everything and almost be there to see this playing out. This actually plays a particularly important part in writing romance in my opinion (You had to know that this was going to get to that point ^_^). You've handled Godot's state of mind pretty well, having him so caught up in revenge that he isn't even considering whether or not what he's doing is truly "right." Nothing matters, but beating "Trite." It might not hurt to have a friend do a grammar check for you as well. Your mistakes aren't atrocious, but they can get in the way. Overall, I'd say it has promise.

Now, you asked me to give you advise on writing romance, for which I am very honored. I only hope that I can actually help. I'll tell you a few general things that I generally keep in mind when I work on a romance based fic. After that, if you have questions then you can either post them here or PM me. Unfortunately, I can't simply give you a prompt on how to write a fic because every writer does so differently and it's impossible for me to know how you intend to write this nor is there a "right way." I can only tell you what I try to keep in mind.

The first point to remember is that you're going to have to pick what person you're going to write in during the story. In this fic, you're in the first person, taking the place of Godot. Now, if you're the most comfortable in the first person, then you can certainly continue to write in it no matter the type of fic, but you should remember that, in that case, you can only descibe the thoughts of one character (And in romance, you always have at least two important characters. There's no romance with only one person. :P) With the third person, you can play the narrator and handle both characters because "you" are not in the story, but the narrator instead. Still, I've seen some good romance fics done in the first person, so you certainly can do so that way. You would simply handle the other character through physical description. "And he walked up to me and took me in his arms." So on and so forth. I've never found mixing them to work well, but you can try if you wish.

The next thing that I find important is not to rush things (Or at least try not to rush things. I think that everyone's fallen victim to that temptation at least once and I'm no exception). I've seen way too many romance fics which have two characters that have never shown any interest in one another end up in each others arms without any real reason or back story. Particularly in the case of something like Phoenix and Franziska, where their relationship is a bit antagonistic, that might be something to watch out for. Unless you intend to have them start off in a relationship, having them kissing early on might be a bad thing. And you will need to provide some back story if you wish to have them in a relationship at the start. Franziska can be rather stubborn and, even if she has feelings for Phoenix, it's unlikely that she's going to want to admit such a thing. Instead though, you can have her slowly start to notice her feelings as things go on until she can no longer deny it, first to herself and later to Phoenix. For example, a physical and/or emotional reaction to Phoenix's accidental touch (which would probably end in her threatening him with her whip :P) or a pleasant feeling while he's nearby which disappears when he leaves. On Phoenix's part, the actual admission of romance is probably a bit easier because he doesn't tend to be quite so hostile to her. He's just more likely to be that any feelings are not returned, although you can write him any way you see fit. My observations are only my opinions which are worth only as much weight as you opt to give them and no more.

The last point I'll advise you to do is be flexible. This applies to all writing, in my opinion. Plan your fic in advance, but if you find while writing that something doesn't work as well as you'd thought or you had another idea which works better, go ahead and write it. You get some real gems that way. :)

Anyway, I hope that this helped. If you want, you can always ask questions if you wish. Again, this is nothing more then my opinion which only has as much weight as you give it. ...I'm feeling a bit self-conscious at the moment. :P Good luck. I look forward to reading your fic.

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Thanks for everything Mia. I`m really thankful for your advices, now that I`m trying to get advices from everywhere to get an idea of how am I gonna write that fic.

It makes me happy the thing that I got Godot`s character really good. So what you with the general are telling is that I need more detail, right? So if I do that and keep having control on the characters mind I would do it just fine. ummm... well.

About the thing of the romantic fics you`re telling me that: for someone like Franny I would need some background, and maybe it`s just me but fo Franny I would need some strong backgrounds to having her admit she`s in love with Nick. I know it be hard to achieve that but I have to try. You are right about Nick, he`s more easy to handle in love situations, instead of someone as stubborn as Franny.

I thank you all for the tips and support on this fic.

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Great work, but the tone seems a bit rushed. Give more details. Great start! Can't wait to see more.

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