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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

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What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Spoiler:
Santa Claus only gets three hoes.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The cape is self-fluttering

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Mr. Bear Jew wrote:
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Spoiler:
Santa Claus only gets three hoes.


LMAO

That was good.
"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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...NAILED IT
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

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My 11-year old brother told me that one. I was like "What?! Who did you hear that from?"

A friend, as just about everyone learns good jokes from them.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The cape is self-fluttering

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Spoiler: NSFW!! Stolen from a site which probably stole it from a t-shirt I saw years ago
So you think your life is bad ?
Just think about how bad the
life of an EGG is.....
You only get laid once...
You only get eaten once...
It takes 4 minutes to get hard...
2 minutes to get soft...
You have to share a box with
11 other guys...
And the only Chick that ever sat
on your face was your
MOTHER ! ! !
NOW... Don't you feel better ?

"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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...NAILED IT
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SHADOW AND TRUCY!!!

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So, this man (lets call him "BOB") dies, and goes to hell (Poor him :sadshoe: ). Anyway, the devil feels nice and tells him, "I'm gonna let you pick from three rooms in hell." He shows Bob the first room, everyone's on their heads, and on concrete. BOB says, "No thankyou." Lucifer shows BOB the second Room, Everyone's on their heads, on a pillow. "While that's better, I still say no thanks," BOB replies. Finally Satan shows him the 3rd room, everyone's in sewage, but their upright, and they have Coffee. BOB tells Satan, "I may not like sewage, but coffee makes it better than the other two rooms." Shortly after entering the room, Lucifer makes an announcement over the Intercom, "OK Coffee breaks over, Back on your Heads."
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Thank's to Maggey for the Sig and Avatar

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Ahh...Coffee...

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Here's a horrible one.

What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

Ouch.
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Click my sig to see my YouTube channel! AA music is found here!
CarChaseCityMan and Arkillian's son, Franzika Von ehmpke5 ,Lida_Rose and angel_of_nature's brother.
"If you don't have any shadows, then you're not standing in the light."
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

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Location: Norcal

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What has nine arms and sucks?
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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What the Devil is going on here?

Gender: Female

Location: Sydney, Australia

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Joined: Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:18 am

Posts: 905

*gets up on stage*

Why did the Lawyer cross-examine the road?
To get to the other lie!

*crickets*
*cough*
~
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

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Mr. Bear Jew wrote:
What has nine arms and sucks?


YOUR MOM!

Nah...an Octopus?
Made by Chesu+Zombee
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Location: The Land of Tea and Crumpets...England.

Rank: Ace Attorney

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YOUR'E SO BUTTERS, YOUR MOM SPREADS YOU ON TOAST!!

And no I don't usually use chav language, but I thought it was kinda funny
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

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Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm

Posts: 4353

Pierre wrote:
Mr. Bear Jew wrote:
What has nine arms and sucks?


YOUR MOM!

Nah...an Octopus?


Spoiler: This one makes more sense if you're an active hard rock listener
Def Leppard

Why? Because the drummer has one arm and they're 1980s butt rock.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

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Posts: 4993

Adrian in black wrote:
Spoiler: NSFW!! Stolen from a site which probably stole it from a t-shirt I saw years ago
So you think your life is bad ?
Just think about how bad the
life of an EGG is.....
You only get laid once...
You only get eaten once...
It takes 4 minutes to get hard...
2 minutes to get soft...
You have to share a box with
11 other guys...
And the only Chick that ever sat
on your face was your
MOTHER ! ! !
NOW... Don't you feel better ?


Pffffff, best joke ever.

Spoiler: Here's another NSFW joke.
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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Life's a Happy Song when there's someone by your side to sing along!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

Gender: Male

Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm

Posts: 4353

What kind of wood will you never want to built your house with?
Spoiler:
Bread sticks


Why does no one like Tutankhamen?
Spoiler:
Because he's a mummy, and he curses up a storm.


Why didn't the witch fail all of her school subject?
Spoiler:
She was great at spelling.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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A.K.A Very Melon

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Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:51 am

Posts: 1047

THIS IS THE BEST JOKE EVER
Spoiler:
Two men walked on a street and the middle one had a hat.

At least my sister says so :eh?:

-SS
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Spoiler: StepMania vids
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Till the landslide brought me down...

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Location: Sydney

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 12:03 pm

Posts: 1198

Spoiler: Even if gumshoe WAS gay, why would he never choose larry?
His name would be Dick Butz

• °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•* • °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•*• °♦ ♥ ♦°
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

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Rank: Ace Attorney

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SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: Even if gumshoe WAS gay, why would he never choose larry?
His name would be Dick Butz


now THATS a joke and a half.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The cape is self-fluttering

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SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: Even if gumshoe WAS gay, why would he never choose larry?
His name would be Dick Butz


Now, now, I've seen enough creative names in this world to know that wouldn't be an issue.

no
really
seriously

Gumshoe/Larry shippers unite! :larry:

edit because failed bbcode is fail
"Descole? You don't mean Mr. I-Like-to-Wreck-Things-with-Mechanical-Monsters-and-Dress-Up-as-Posh-Ladies Descole?" -Emmy Altava

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...NAILED IT
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Painting by Denerop

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Adrian in black wrote:
SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: Even if gumshoe WAS gay, why would he never choose larry?
His name would be Dick Butz


Now, now, I've seen enough creative names in this world to know that wouldn't be an issue.

Adrian in black wrote:

*Giggle*

Adrian in black wrote:

*LOL*

Adrian in black wrote:

*Falls from chair and ROFLs for half an hour*
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Awesome siggy by Auraion
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

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Location: Ithaca, NY

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Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:34 pm

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Keep the streets safe.
Drive on the Sidewalk.

Condoms aren't completely safe.
My friend was wearing one when he got run over by a bus.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Moo.

Gender: Male

Location: I'm Welsh and live in England. Bleh.

Rank: Ace Attorney

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Posts: 1753

SnowWright wrote:
Spoiler: Even if gumshoe WAS gay, why would he never choose larry?
His name would be Dick Butz

...Eww.
Moo.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Gender: Female

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Posts: 7882

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, she's already been told twice.
Imagesee how it withers before my flower of justiceImage

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Rawr

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Joined: Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:11 pm

Posts: 20

How many janitors does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and one that bitches about being underpaid.




Am I doing it rite?
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

Gender: Male

Location: The Land of Tea and Crumpets...England.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:58 pm

Posts: 1564

Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the drowning hippy?
He was too far out, man.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Moo.

Gender: Male

Location: I'm Welsh and live in England. Bleh.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Sat Dec 20, 2008 3:04 pm

Posts: 1753

Meenyman wrote:
Here's a horrible one.

What did the man say when he walked into a bar?

Ouch.

Posted that before. It's quite Marmite.
Moo.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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SMASHING DAY FOR A BARBEQUE.

Gender: Male

Location: The Land of Tea and Crumpets...England.

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:58 pm

Posts: 1564

OOh i have another one

Spoiler: contains swear words for those of you who don't want to see 'em
Girl1: You're such a bitch
Girl2: WHy'd you call me that?
Girl1: I was calling you beautiful! A bitch is a female dog, a dog barks. Bark is on a tree , and tree is nature. Nature is beautiful

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Till the landslide brought me down...

Gender: Female

Location: Sydney

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 12:03 pm

Posts: 1198

Scarred_owl wrote:
OOh i have another one

Spoiler: contains swear words for those of you who don't want to see 'em
Girl1: You're such a bitch
Girl2: WHy'd you call me that?
Girl1: I was calling you beautiful! A bitch is a female dog, a dog barks. Bark is on a tree , and tree is nature. Nature is beautiful

I like that one xD
• °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•* • °♦ ♥ ♦° .*•. ♫~.•*• °♦ ♥ ♦°
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

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omG pEpL DID YOU KNOW THAT CONDOMS AREN'T COMPLETELY SAFE???

I was wearing one and got hit by a BUS teh other day!!!
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

Gender: Male

Location: Scotland

Rank: Ace Attorney

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Posts: 14363

Stop me if you've heard this one...

So a dyslexic walks into a bra....

Wait you've heard this?
Made by Chesu+Zombee
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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The Potatoe's NOT a lie!! *cheers*

Gender: Male

Location: Having fun in the land of potatoes! (Ahh! Potatobadger!)

Rank: Prosecutor

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What did the frying pan say to the pancake?

Spoiler:
"Catch you on the flipside."
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Location: Poland

Rank: Ace Attorney

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I've found this one in a newspaper, and really liked it. :3 I translated it into English, so sorry for any wonky grammar.

The circus has arrived in the town. A man walks into a fortune-teller's tent and wanting to check her powers, he asks her to tell him some facts from his life.
- 'Well, you're married' - says the fortune-teller, looking into her crystal ball - 'and you're the father of two beautiful children.'
- 'So you say!' - the man exclaims with a smug grin. - 'I'm the father of three children!'
- 'So you say.'- replies the fortune-teller.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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kaitouX wrote:
I've found this one in a newspaper, and really liked it. :3 I translated it into English, so sorry for any wonky grammar.

The circus has arrived in the town. A man walks into a fortune-teller's tent and wanting to check her powers, he asks her to tell him some facts from his life.
- 'Well, you're married' - says the fortune-teller, looking into her crystal ball - 'and you're the father of two beautiful children.'
- 'So you say!' - the man exclaims with a smug grin. - 'I'm the father of three children!'
- 'So you say.'- replies the fortune-teller.

I've heard that one, but it was the opposite. XD


How do you make a hormone?

You don't pay her.
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My CR family~ Mother: Naturally Lazy//Father: Phoenix_Apollo//Brothers: JadeRoach and Game Over
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

Gender: Male

Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:37 pm

Posts: 4353

Ben Credable (PI) wrote:
What did the frying pan say to the pancake?

Spoiler:
"Catch you on the flipside."


I laffed.

fatalfeline wrote:
How do you make a hormone?

You don't pay her.


I guffawed.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

Gender: Male

Location: Ithaca, NY

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What's Naomi spelled Backwards?

I moan (why isn't there anyone named Naomi at my school???)

What's Melanie spelled Backwards?

Einalem

Now children, what does that sound like?

No luck with Melanie either :larry:
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Idol of Polar Bears

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Location: Norcal

Rank: Ace Attorney

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VHTaffy wrote:
Einalem

Now children, what does that sound like?


This took me a minute to figure out.

Spoiler:
I nail 'em.

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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"I see", Said the blind man.

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Location: Over there

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Are you a good fisher?


Are you a master baiter?
My bologna has a first name. It's Steve.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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lying is bad

Gender: Male

Location: Ithaca, NY

Rank: Ace Attorney

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:34 pm

Posts: 1916

swifers wrote:
Are you a good fisher?


Are you a master baiter?


That's sick!

Spoiler:
Justis is though

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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Mipeltaja = the real badass

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and doesn't say anything because muffins don't talk.
Billie Jean is not my lover.
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Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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machinimator

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A man and his wife were watching as their nine children played in the playground happily.
"You know," said the man, "I've always loved each and every one of our children. But something has always bothered me."
"What is it?" asks the wife.
"It's little Victor. All the others look so much alike, but Victor just looks different."
"Well, there is something I must confess to you then, because Victor...doesn't have the same father as the others."
"What? You must tell me then - who is Victor's father!?"
The wife gets teary-eyed and tells him "You."

May take a moment to get it.
I'm gone for so long, and the colors got all psychedelic! Woohoo!
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Gettin' Old!

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Location: Scotland

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Katana wrote:
A man and his wife were watching as their nine children played in the playground happily.
"You know," said the man, "I've always loved each and every one of our children. But something has always bothered me."
"What is it?" asks the wife.
"It's little Victor. All the others look so much alike, but Victor just looks different."
"Well, there is something I must confess to you then, because Victor...doesn't have the same father as the others."
"What? You must tell me then - who is Victor's father!?"
The wife gets teary-eyed and tells him "You."

May take a moment to get it.


I don't get it...feel like I'm looking at a riddle.
Made by Chesu+Zombee
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You thought you could be safe in your courts, with your laws and attorneys to protect you. In this world only I am law, my word is fact, my power is absolute.
Re: Jokes?Topic%20Title
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Guy that mostly RPs as a girl.

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Pierre wrote:
Katana wrote:
A man and his wife were watching as their nine children played in the playground happily.
"You know," said the man, "I've always loved each and every one of our children. But something has always bothered me."
"What is it?" asks the wife.
"It's little Victor. All the others look so much alike, but Victor just looks different."
"Well, there is something I must confess to you then, because Victor...doesn't have the same father as the others."
"What? You must tell me then - who is Victor's father!?"
The wife gets teary-eyed and tells him "You."

May take a moment to get it.


I don't get it...feel like I'm looking at a riddle.


Waat, it's effin easy!
The wife has gotten 8 children from another guy and only one from him!
Or were you sarcastically. Or was I wrong?
FUH-RIIIEEEED CHICKIIIIN!!!

Wait- dat an ewg!

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Click on mah drag(on), mah drag(on) is amazing!
...
I don't think I should continue this song.

I'm going to nom nom you!
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