You know, I better state this now.

When it comes to Lucius Carpenter, I can't help but feel that the best way to piss him off, no matter how made of stone he may be, would to call him "Lucy-Boy" at every chance one gets.

Not only does it piss someone off, it actually fits the name. Consider it a "Godot Modification", if you will.

---

I fear him to much.

---

fear meeeeeeee

---

No.

---

hmmm
this isn't right
Fearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

---

:Yes, my daughter is great... much better then all you teens *glare*
:What about then she becomes a teen?
:Oh, well, Then i'll hate her too.
I know it sounds mean but he was just joking XD You can guess who everyone was >>

---

Me

Jennifer, one of my students

The other little bastards

*noise* *noise*

Be careful, I bite!

I suck!

O_O

*blush*

---

XDDDDD I lol'd

---

Calling students "little bastards".....

How stylish.

---

Today in chemistry we took a test involving finding the percent daily values of a dinner.

So I want you to find it for green beans as well.

Why green beans?

For color.

Me

Judge James L. Buckley

I'm just saying it's very important that I get this approved by a Judge of standing.

Get of your knees, Counselor. It's unbecoming.

Yes, sir. As I was sayi-

I'll sign off, I may be opened minded, but I'm not vacant.

---

Me.
Math Teacher.
Principal.

This was about... 4 years ago. I'm in the principal's office. I got in an "altercation" with another student the day before, and a substitute teacher wrote a note about it.

As you can see, I had every right to act the way I did. In fact, I personally think I was quite justifiable with the actions I took!
A student broke your Walkman, so you grabbed a textbook and whacked him in the head with it.
May I ask, was this the student? (Shows ID card)
YEAH!!!
Wait a second, can I see that? *swipes the picture from me*
.....................
Is there a problem?
..... You're free to go.
HUH?
I have no objections to that either.
Waitwaitwaitwaitwait... What's going on!?
What do you mean?
Why are you both letting me go?
Lets just keep this between us, alright?
We're well aware of how much of a pest he is.
...........
Okay, sure!
Excellent! See you later, Wrestle!
Hold on... Math or English text book?
Math, of course!
Good.


I later learned that the student had actually stolen things from both of them, and because they were members of the faculty, they couldn't do anything without risking their jobs, nor could they PROVE he did anything. They saw my actions as "punishment" for his own.

And as most people know, Math text books are among the thickest text books in schools.

---

But they are little bastards.

And I never said I was stylish.
YOU are stylish ;)

---

Not exactly a teacher quote, but still quite funny. (In a "oh my good god you're stupid" kind of way)

Ron - Me
Ini - A certain classmate of mine

- So I was thinking about the more complicated things in life the other day...
- Such as?
- Like, why were books invented?
- ...

---

*Science Teacher shows picture of real human heart on projector screen*

Class:
(teacher): Looks delicious, right?

Was someone actually CRYING? XD!

---

^ Some really stupid squeamish girls were pretty close, yeah.

OMG, that's cool. I can imagine how did they look like when you showed them the ID card...XD


————————————————————————

When I was still in the ESL(English as Second Language) of my university, once my writing teacher decided to teach us something special.

Teacher= Students=
: Today I will tell you some vulgarisms, including four-letter words. I mean, swearing. We call them four-letter words because most of them have four letters.

:....................
: Make it clear, I'm not teaching you how to say something bad to others, but you are here to be a regular student, and it won't be good if you got abused by local students and you are not even aware what they are talking about.

:.....(muttering... and agreed with her)

(smile):And you know, not all four-letter words are bad. Like cake, or work...oh I bet "work" is bad enough.

:XDD

---

Last edited by Komachi on Sun Mar 02, 2008 10:51 pm, edited 3 times in total.

"oh I bet "work" is bad enough" here here speaking of whitch we have a labour politician comming in tomorro...might be fun i see what I can get (must rember to bring notepad)

---

He who sleep with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger.

I had this in my quote at GF for the longest time.

---

That will be fun, good luck~^-^

---

:)

Chemistry Class Moments:

*Phone Rings*
Chem Teacher: Gee, maybe that's the President, calling to tell me about how crazy you all are!
Me: ... That would be very ironic.

---

Well, as I stated before, I was pretty good friends with most of the faculty. I'm pretty sure most other students would've still been punished anyways, but I always found it better to make friends of everyone rather than a select few.

This made me friends with pretty much all the "social groups" in the school... Though that wasn't even my intention...

I might as well start posting these:

While in school, starting in... I believe eleventh grade, I was known as "The Riddler" because I was a fan of riddles (Wow. Creative class...). Once a day (Then once a week after the teacher learned that he couldn't control the classes as long as they knew I had a riddle), I would go up to the front of the class, usually at the end of class, and say a clever riddle... from a game I used to play as a kid... and a book I'd bring.

Anyways, here's ONE of the riddles, and class reaction.

Me, in "Riddler" persona.
English Teacher.
Class.
Next-Door English Teacher.

Alright! Is everyone ready?
YEAH!
Hold on please, Wrestlemania!
Hmm? Problem?
Just a second!
*leaves class*
I wonder what that was all about!
*comes back 2 minutes after leaving, with other English Teacher*
Oh! Hello there, Mr. Godot!
He told me to come here.
Well, I thought you might enjoy this!
Hmph. Alright, lets see then.
Okay then. *tells riddle*
*pays very close attention*
Well? Anyone care to guess?
Is it a trick question?
No. They're never trick questions.
Can you repeat the question?
Which part?
All of it?
Alright... but you ARE timed! *says it again*
...
Problem, Mr. Godot?
You sure it's not a trick question?
YES! Look, can anyone think of the answer?
No........
Alright, fine. Here's the answer. *says answer*
*groans*
.......... I still think it was a trick question.
Why is it a trick question?
I didn't get it! Therefore, it must be a trick!
....... that makes all of them trick questions.
Well, as I stated before, I was pretty good friends with most of the faculty. I'm pretty sure most other students would've still been punished anyways, but I always found it better to make friends of everyone rather than a select few.

This made me friends with pretty much all the "social groups" in the school... Though that wasn't even my intention...

I might as well start posting these:

While in school, starting in... I believe eleventh grade, I was known as "The Riddler" because I was a fan of riddles (Wow. Creative class...). Once a day (Then once a week after the teacher learned that he couldn't control the classes as long as they knew I had a riddle), I would go up to the front of the class, usually at the end of class, and say a clever riddle... from a game I used to play as a kid... and a book I'd bring.

Anyways, here's ONE of the riddles, and class reaction.

Me, in "Riddler" persona.
English Teacher.
Class.
Next-Door English Teacher.

Alright! Is everyone ready?
YEAH!
Hold on please, Wrestlemania!
Hmm? Problem?
Just a second!
*leaves class*
I wonder what that was all about!
*comes back 2 minutes after leaving, with other English Teacher*
Oh! Hello there, Mr. Godot!
He told me to come here.
Well, I thought you might enjoy this!
Hmph. Alright, lets see then.
Okay then. *tells riddle*
*pays very close attention*
:pheonix: Well? Anyone care to guess?
Is it a trick question?
No. They're never trick questions.
Can you repeat the question?
Which part?
All of it?
Alright... but you ARE timed! *says it again*
...
Problem, Mr. Godot?
You sure it's not a trick question?
YES! Look, can anyone think of the answer?
No........
Alright, fine. Here's the answer. *says answer*
*groans*
.......... I still think it was a trick question.
Why is it a trick question?Well, as I stated before, I was pretty good friends with most of the faculty. I'm pretty sure most other students would've still been punished anyways, but I always found it better to make friends of everyone rather than a select few.

This made me friends with pretty much all the "social groups" in the school... Though that wasn't even my intention...

I might as well start posting these:

While in school, starting in... I believe eleventh grade, I was known as "The Riddler" because I was a fan of riddles (Wow. Creative class...). Once a day (Then once a week after the teacher learned that he couldn't control the classes as long as they knew I had a riddle), I would go up to the front of the class, usually at the end of class, and say a clever riddle... from a game I used to play as a kid... and a book I'd bring.

Anyways, here's ONE of the riddles, and class reaction.

Me, in "Riddler" persona.
English Teacher.
Class.
Next-Door English Teacher.

Alright! Is everyone ready?
YEAH!
Hold on please, Wrestlemania!
Hmm? Problem?
Just a second!
*leaves class*
I wonder what that was all about!
*comes back 2 minutes after leaving, with other English Teacher*
Oh! Hello there, Mr. Godot!
He told me to come here.
Well, I thought you might enjoy this!
Hmph. Alright, lets see then.
Okay then. *tells riddle*
*pays very close attention*
:pheonix: Well? Anyone care to guess?
Is it a trick question?
No. They're never trick questions.
Can you repeat the question?
Which part?
All of it?
Alright... but you ARE timed! *says it again*
...
Problem, Mr. Godot?
You sure it's not a trick question?
YES! Look, can anyone think of the answer?
No........
Alright, fine. Here's the answer. *says answer*
*groans*
.......... I still think it was a trick question.
Why is it a trick question?
:godot-object: I didn't get it! Therefore, it must be a trick!
...
Then we can all assume that you would've thought they were ALL trick questions!
NOT FUNNY!!!
YEAH IT IS!!!

---

Last edited by Wrestlemania on Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:11 am, edited 2 times in total.

Two things: 1. Can you tell us riddles? Please please please?

2. What the heck happened with that post?

I'm not sure what you mean by the second "thing".

And I apologize, but I'd prefer not to...

---

This is kind of long, but it's the closest I've ever come to an AA moment in Court. It's from my days in the Manhattan D.A.'s office.

Me.

Assistant District Attorney Dan Dieter.

Witness, Jennifer Blanchard.

Charlotte Swan, Defense Attorney.

Judge Amanda Anderlee.


Do you remember where your husband was the night of the crime?

Of course I remember. Charles and I had dinner together and then finished working the Sunday crossword puzzle. I think we went to bed around 11:00.

And you're sure you're thinking of the night of the 12th? Not the 11th perhaps, or the 13th?

Yes, because it was a Monday. That's when we typically work the crossword.

Good. That's nice. Did your husband ever leave the apartment? Let's say to walk the dog?

We don't have a dog.

To go to the cornerstore to get some ice cream?

He was home all night.

Nothing further.

*whisper* She's lying. Get her Tails.

*whisper* You got it.

Did you know your husband was having an affair?

No.

How did it make you feel when you found out?

I'm human. It hurt. He certainly isn't the first husband to cheat.

*I started to get rough* This wasn't a one night stand, Mrs. Blanchard. This was a four year affair.

Is there really a difference?

He had a baby with her, Mrs. Blanchard......... What did you have for dinner the night of the 12th?

.............Prime Rib.

Did you and your husband have wine with dinner that night?

............................

Mrs. Blanchard?

Yes. Cabernet.

((Here's the fun part))

I'm sorry......

For what?

I can't do this. My husband is......

/ Is what?

*pointing to her husband at the Defense talbe* YOU TRIED TO KILL YOUR OWN SON!!

Objection!

He was not home with me that evening.

What?

I lied about everything.

Chambers, Your Honor.

((9 minute conference.))

Redirect, Your Honor?

It's your funeral, Mrs. Swan.

That was quite a performance, Mrs. Blanchard.

Objection.

....Overruled.

It was the truth.

Of course it was, you wouldn't lie under oath.

I tried.

Your conscience, I know. Tell me, Mrs. Blanchard, do you happen to know a Martha Harlow?

.............

If you didn't hear the question..

She was one of Charles's students.

And?

He had an affair with her.

Objection, where is this going?

Overruled.

An affair? I see. How about Denise Lowell? Do you know her?

She's a member of our Country Club.

And?

Charles had an affair with her too.

You caught the two of them in your bed, isn't that right?

Objection!

Overruled.

I didn't hear an answer.

Yes.

And Cheryl Bennet, Lynn Siegel, Lauren Phelps and Madeleine Broome! He had affairs with all of them, too, didn't he?

OBJECTION! Relevance? *from this point, Dan and I both stood*

Overruled, please answer.

Yes.

And those are just the ones you know about. God only knows how many others there are. Let me ask you something, Mrs. Blanchard, doesn't that make you angry?

...............

Mrs. Blanchard!?!

Yes.

Angry enough to want to get back at him?

Yes.

Angry enough to do anything?

Yes!

Even lie? To have him sent to prison?

Objection!

Overruled. Answer the question.

Yes.

Now truthfully, Mrs. Blanchard, were you home with your husband the night of the murder?

.................Yes.

CHAMBERS!

*sighs with disgust* Sorry, Counselors, but this freak show is over. I'm declaring a mistrial.

It seemed right out of a AA. At least I didn't lose.

---

Duuuude. That's ownage XD

From that I can gather two things:

"Chambers" = "Oh shit! Can I talk to you Your Honor?"

"Mistrial" = everybody but the defendant wins

Great read, all the same. Was this asshat a teacher??

---

Those are great definitions.

No, he's a doctor.

Now, I'm not totally sure he did it.

---

...if I got you right, the Judge was about to declare a Not Guilty verdict at the end?

---

Look what AA has done.

No.

1. America has jury Trials, bench trials are rarer.
2. The jury had been tainted by Mrs. Blanchard's testimony/perjury.
3. Judge Anderlee had grown frustrated with the whole Trial.

---

Ah, I see~Thank you very much for the explanation. ( you can't blame on AA, though...there is no jury system in my own country, too.I totally forgot the fact that now we are in America.)

---

I didn't even trigger this at all, but my teacher raised her fists up to her head level and just went "DAMN! ^_^" for no reason. Here's a video of me interviewing her, as I feel this just isn't funny until you see how she talks and acts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxWiLA6v8-A

---

She wasn't exactly my "teacher", she was more like the producer for the play we were going to preform and she taught us acting skills along the way. But anyway.

Teacher: Okay, so I want Kid 1 and Kid 2 to introduce the play with something funny.
Kid 3: But Kid 1 did it last time! Why won't you pick someone else?
Teacher: Well, we usually have a funny person and a straight person.
Kid 3: lol
Kids 1&2: D:

Kids 1&2 never heard the end of it.

---

So... Kid 1 & 3 were gay?

gotta love chemistry class...

-chem teacher
-Miss L..
-class

*is writing on the chalkboard when the chalk makes high-pitched squeaking noise* "OOH!" *runs to the beginning of the chalkboard and makes the chalk squeaky noise while walking the length of the chalkboard*
*groans*
"Someone is knocking on the wall!"
"What? Oh, okay."
*makes squeaking noise again*
*storms in from the room next door*
"Do you mind?! I'm trying to work"
*points at a girl in the class*
"It was Tina!"
*Tina points back at *
"It was him, I swear!!"
*does the "i'm watching you" motion to Tina"*
"Yeah, that seems like something that she would do..."(jokingly)
*after leaves the room, does the squeaky chalk thing*
*bursts into laughter*

---

Ugh, I have tons. >_>


"You want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in the mud. It's so dirty!" (cue awkward silence)"

"Who here doesn't like trigonometry?"
(A bunch of hands go up)
"Who here even knows what trigonometry is?"
(A bunch of hands go down)
"Ah, I see. I think you don't like trigonometry because it is such a long word. Trig-i-nom-e-try. 5 syllables. We should have a one syllable word. Okay, we won't have 'trigonometry'; we'll call it 'sex'. Who wants to do sex?"
(A couple hands go up)

---

I love that joke!

Me

Don Crist, Defense Attorney

Judge Walter Bradley.


Your Honor, my client has 5 documented personalities.

Points for style, but you've got it backwards. The shrink she once slept with says she has 5 personalities.

He's still a Doctor. She has multiple personalities.

Should we swear them all in seperately?

---

@Lana & Tails
XDDDDDDDDDDD

---