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Jokes? https://forums.court-records.net/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=10471 |
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Author: | antonis [ Sat Sep 26, 2009 1:29 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
The following contains material about Madiline McCann the Fritzil family Jade Goody Shannon Matthews and one or two about the pope so you have been warned. Spoiler: |
Author: | Wocky Kitaki [ Sat Sep 26, 2009 10:33 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" |
Author: | SD-Rim_6 [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 1:00 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Ok here are some lawyer jokes both are kind of long Spoiler: Spoiler: |
Author: | Romeo [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 9:01 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Wocky Kitaki wrote: Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" That was hilarious. Seriously-gotta tewll my friends that. did u come up with it or did u find it on a website or something? |
Author: | Wocky Kitaki [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 2:06 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Scarred_owl wrote: Wocky Kitaki wrote: Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!" That was hilarious. Seriously-gotta tewll my friends that. did u come up with it or did u find it on a website or something? website. |
Author: | Ice-Ice [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 6:48 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Spoiler: Not Appropriate For Young Children |
Author: | PhantomGamer [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 7:21 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Two percussionists walk past a bar... Well, it could happen. How do you know that it's the trombonists' kid on the playground? He can't use the slide and doesn't know how to swing. How many flute players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it'll take her a couple of hours of twisting it back and forth before she gets it just right. How many percussionists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they have a machine for that now. How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb? One, he holds it up and the room revolves around him. What do you get when you cross an oboe player with a football goalpost? A goalpost that can't march. How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn? Put your hand in the bell and miss half the notes. What do you call 1000 saxophones underwater? A good start. What do you have when there is a big group of conductors up to their necks in concrete? Not enough concrete. |
Author: | Ice-Ice [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 10:41 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
There was a horse sitting at a bar. The bartender asked him "Hey, why the long face?" Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Did you hear the one about Helen Keller and her dad? Neither did she. |
Author: | neoswordmaster [ Sun Sep 27, 2009 11:24 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Sorry, blond joke. Kinda adult (not really) Spoiler: |
Author: | Grancko [ Mon Sep 28, 2009 4:59 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Ice-Ice wrote: Spoiler: Not Appropriate For Young Children ...Right.... |
Author: | Ice-Ice [ Wed Sep 30, 2009 1:01 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
I found it funny. Why might you want to stay away from a pig that knows karate? It might give you a pork chop. What do you get when you cross a pelican with a lightning bolt? A big electric bill. |
Author: | Yaragorm [ Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:32 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Spoiler: NSFW?....maybe, I'm not good at judgements... My friend can tell this joke better... |
Author: | Ice-Ice [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 4:17 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a gopher? A tunnel with leaks. This joke has been brought to you by my math homework. |
Author: | Romeo [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:37 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
quick one. There was a world convention where all the lazy people in the world were invited so they could find out who was the most lazy. All the lazy people were lying on the floor, some drifting off. The presenter had an idea. "Would the laziest man here put their hand up, please." He said, and all but one put their hand up. The presenter asked this man why he didn't put his hand up, to which the man replied, "Too much effort..." |
Author: | Ice-Ice [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 3:28 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Now for cheesey knock-knock jokes. 8D Knock-knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry! Knock-knock. Who's there? Me. I keel you. |
Author: | GigaHand [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:23 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup-- MOO! Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting Phoenix. Interrup-- |
Author: | Jean Descole [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 7:07 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
GigaHand wrote: Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup-- MOO! Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting Phoenix. Interrup-- I remember the first joke, but the second one is a hundred times better. |
Author: | Bad Player [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 10:30 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
I wrote this once... Pi was egotistical. He loved himself! He loved himself, and he just couldn't stop loving himself! All he did all day was eat pie after pie after pie... after pie after pie after pie... after pie after pie after pie... He would then usually get water (in a cylindrical glass) and return to eating pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie after pie.... And so he grew fat. None of it went to his legs, all to his body. He didn't grow tall, or round, but wide. He looked like a horizontal stick resting on two vertical sticks, it grew so bad! Finally, after eating 31415926535897932384626433832795 pies, he got sleepy. So as he got up and walked to his bed, he looked into his (circular) mirror on the wall, and saw how fat he was, and was disgusted with himself! Then he fell asleep. When he woke up, he figured he had to do something about this. After pondering for a few minutes, he decided to consult one of his friends, i. i was a fitness nut. All i did was work out and train and anything physical, so he would always be nice and skinny. So pi walked outside, and i was just there, because he could be! Pi immediately said: "Hey, i, I was thinking of losing a lot of weight for no apparent reason! Could you help me?" While i simultaneously said: "Hey, pi, I was thinking of gaining a lot of weight for no apparent reason! Could you help me?" The two friends immediately laughed at each other's idea. "Get real!" Pi scoffed. "Be rational!" i sneered. The end. |
Author: | Jean Descole [ Sun Oct 04, 2009 10:41 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Hahahahaha. Not bad. Not bad at all. I've been out of school too long. I can't remember in which math class they taught the square root of -1. |
Author: | Romeo [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 6:56 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Are Yo momma jokes allowed??? Spoiler: offensive material, yo! |
Author: | SnowWright [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 7:27 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
What would you get if you cross Principal Skinner with Larry? Seymour skinny butz |
Author: | Romeo [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 7:32 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
SnowWright wrote: What would you get if you cross Principal Skinner with Larry? Seymour skinny butz Lol thats a good one right there XD |
Author: | Jean Descole [ Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:36 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Spoiler: cut for offensiveness |
Author: | Pierre [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 1:07 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Adrian in black wrote: Spoiler: cut for offensiveness Wha....why do they have to be gay? |
Author: | neoswordmaster [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:03 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Herr Blondie wrote: Adrian in black wrote: Spoiler: cut for offensiveness Wha....why do they have to be gay? It's part of the joke. If they aren't then the joke makes no sense. |
Author: | Pierre [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:30 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
neoswordmaster wrote: Herr Blondie wrote: Adrian in black wrote: Spoiler: cut for offensiveness Wha....why do they have to be gay? It's part of the joke. If they aren't then the joke makes no sense. How's it part of the joke? Do straight men not fart? |
Author: | GigaHand [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:46 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
They do, but they don't get f***ed up the hole they fart through. |
Author: | Pierre [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:51 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
GigaHand wrote: They do, but they don't get f***ed up the hole they fart through. Exactly therefore the men could be straight and having a farting contest. The fact they are gay doesn't seem to add to the joke however |
Author: | GigaHand [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:55 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
It was only relevant to the punchline. A gay virgin has never had something stuck up there, and this (according to the joke logic) would result in an unstretched anus, thereby producing a pathetic fart as in the joke. Of course, this is messed-up logic, but then again so is a chicken crossing a road. |
Author: | Pierre [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 3:58 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
GigaHand wrote: It was only relevant to the punchline. A gay virgin has never had something stuck up there, and this (according to the joke logic) would result in an unstretched anus, thereby producing a pathetic fart as in the joke. Of course, this is messed-up logic, but then again so is a chicken crossing a road. Ah...I just thought by the use of the term "virgin" it meant he hadn't played the fart game before and so sucked at it |
Author: | Jean Descole [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:18 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
LOL Wow. That was great. That was even funnier than the joke itself. I had better save the rest of my borrowed material for the adult jokes thread, if such a thread is ever created. |
Author: | Andy [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:58 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Q. Why was the snowman happy? A. Because he just bought a snow blower! Spoiler: Dirty joke XD |
Author: | justis76 [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 11:11 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
XD, Lol at the last one. But your dad told you that? O_o |
Author: | Andy [ Wed Oct 07, 2009 11:33 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Yes, yes he did. He has a dirty mind sometimes. ^_^;; |
Author: | SnowWright [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 3:32 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Andy wrote: Yes, yes he did. He has a dirty mind sometimes. ^_^;; lol your dad's funny Scarred_owl wrote: Are Yo momma jokes allowed??? Spoiler: offensive material, yo! Spoiler: Please dont be offended! |
Author: | SnowWright [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 3:35 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
sorry for double posting |
Author: | Jean Descole [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:00 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Spoiler: yo momma?! |
Author: | WittyVitale [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 4:20 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Adrian in black wrote: Spoiler: yo momma?! Ahh, you beat me, I was JUST about to type that one up XD I think that one might be my favorite "yo momma" joke. I do have another joke though. So sorry, but it's a blond joke. I heard it my freshmen year of college. It's been awhile, so I may not have this completely right: Spoiler: blond joke |
Author: | Femme Fatale [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:11 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Yo mamma's so stupid she threw a rock at the ground and MISSED. only one I know. |
Author: | GigaHand [ Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:53 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Jokes? |
Yo momma so stupid she cheat off Larry's test. |
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